Debate Issue 26

issue 26 2010

october odyssey photos

issue 26 2010

diary of an editor

what to do with $28 million

rookie show preview

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this issue of

on the cover Daisy Portrait Melissa Low

editor

Samantha McQueen samantha.mcqueen@aut.ac.nz

printer

designer

all rights reserved.

Nonavee Dale nonavee.dale@aut.ac.nz Deanne Antao

sub editor

Jared Van Huenen

contributors

Mike Atkins | AuSM | Sam Baker Jo Barker | Alicia Crocket Vinny Francesco | Tenani French Andrew Judd | Selena de la Fleur Melissa Low | Rocky Mak Katie Montgomerie | Scott Moyes Veronica Ng Lam | Alexandra Pople Meg Rivera | Heather Rutherford Tamsyn Solomon | Toby Ward Shounak Vilekar

advertising contact Kate Campbell kate.campbell@aut.ac.nz

publisher

PMP Print Ltd.

This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM.

disclaimer

Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, PMP Print or its subsidiaries.

ISSUE 26

5 Editorial 6 Letters 8 Oktoberfest Photos 9 October Odyssey Photos 10 Creative Corner 11 How To / Recipe 12 Sport 13 Prez Sez 14 AuSM / IT / SJS Update 15 Sevens Photos 16 The Teacher’s Debate 17 Where to Find Lions 18 Diary of an Editor 20 20 Million A-Z 21 Exam Rant / Writer’s Block 22 Quiz 23 Mini Website Reviews 24 Columns 25 Agony Aunt / Retail Review 26 Fashion 28 Suggestions / Horoscopes 29 Reviews 34 Micro-celebs

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City Campus Phone 366 4550 Fax 366 4570 Email aut.city@ubsbooks.co.nz

Akoranga Campus Phone 489 6105 Fax 489 7453 Email aut.akoranga@ubsbooks.co.nz 3

R!! and better er A E EY ger umb

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n big y r zine a a u g r a b FO k late Fe ke this m l R E c a V ai IS O t we’ll be banteers to mr visual, emng on 2011! r, bu y of volu ritten o Sam. Bri a e y the arm , either w m with r n o f a over ill need ntribute rainstor s i e w t deba ver! We ant to co start a b d e than o if you w ac.nz an . s one, te@aut a deb

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directory reception

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his is the last issue, and my last editorial, of debate this year.

Weird, right? It doesn’t seem possible that eight months ago, I was sitting down introducing myself to the masses and promising change to the readers of debate, while hoping to win some awards. Well, debate won some stuff and I changed some stuff, but it still doesn’t seem like an entire academic year has passed. But then again, that’s always the case, isn’t it? No matter the year, or what you’re doing within it, you always remark “where has the year gone?”.

Unless you’ve been spending the year literally watching paint dry. It’s not that time has gone abnormally fast, because it’s impossible to speed up (or go back in) time, but nowadays, we’re too busy to sit there and watch the hours disappear in a day. One minute you’re packing away the summer wardrobe because the weather has dipped, and the next you spot Kmart’s tinsel-crazed Christmas display in St Lukes in September, telling you that yes, your year is almost up.

In a handful of days, your exams will be over and all the stress of the last few months will magically disappear. For some of you, it’s the end of a surprisingly quick journey, while for others, it’s a four month holiday until you come back again next year. And trust me, it sounds like forever, but four months goes surprisingly fast. So don’t spend it catching up on TV shows or having a movie marathon; that’s what winter holidays are for. Get out in the sun and see as much of New Zealand as your wallet can take you, because before you know it, lecture rooms will replace the beach and overpriced sushi will replace decadent Christmas food.

As it is the last issue of the year, I should probably say a couple of thank yous. Next year, for the first time in three years, Jared, debate’s wonderful sub-editor, won’t be returning.

Something about having a degree and wanting to get out into the real world. Whatever. But seriously, I’m going to miss you, even though you often said my ideas were crap, dissed my taste in movies and hate banana flavoured milk. You always made me laugh and you did the mailing list every week, which is choice, because that job sucks. Oh, and you’re a good writer too (even if your saving skills aren’t up to scratch). Yours will be big shoes to fill next year.

To each and every single person who has contributed to debate in some form this year, be it a letter of complaint, an article, a pretty picture or a feature – thank you. Without your input each week debate would not be on stands every Monday, and if it was, it would closely resemble a TV guide. So thank you. And please contribute next year, we’re going to have some cool themes and awesome opportunities next year and I want as many people on board as possible. We can brainstorm over the holidays… no?

To my mum, who will cry if she doesn’t a mention in the last editorial of the year, thanks for giving me no sporting or singing talent whatsoever. Without this, I had to turn to sparkly pens and old Farmers’ cardboard to write my thoughts down, which eventually became a paying job. If I ever win lotto, you can have my first million.

But don’t worry, this isn’t goodbye from me just yet. I’ll be back next year to run debate, and hopefully make it even bigger and better than before. I’m gunning for first at next year’s ASPAs, so watch out!

So enjoy this last morsel of goodness while you’re supposed to be studying, and good luck with all your assignments, exams and end-of-year shows. Enjoy summer, be nice to your families, and don’t forget to slip, slop, slap.

Peace out, and all that jazz.

City Campus Level 2, WC Building 921 9805 8am-5 pm Mon-Thurs 8am-3.30pm Fri North Shore Campus Level 2, AS Building 921 9949 8.30am-3pm Mon-Fri Manukau Campus MB107 921 9999 ext 6672 9am-3:30pm Mon-Thurs

management

Sue Higgins General Manager 921 9999 ext 5111 sue.higgins@aut.ac.nz

representation

Veronica Ng Lam AuSM Student President 921 9999 ext 8571 vnglam@aut.ac.nz

advocacy

Nick Buckby Liaison Manager 921 9999 ext 8379 nick.buckby@aut.ac.nz

marketing

Rebecca Williams Marketing Manager 921 9999 ext 8909 rebecca.williams@aut.ac.nz

events

Barry Smith Events Team Leader 921 9999 ext 8931 barry.smith@aut.ac.nz

media

Samantha McQueen Publications Co-ordinator 921 9999 ext 8774 samantha.mcqueen@aut.ac.nz

sports

Melita Martorana Sports Team Leader 921 9999 ext 7259 melita.martorana@aut.ac.nz

vesbar

Zane Chase Vesbar Manager 921 9999 ext 8378 zane.chase@aut.ac.nz For a full list of contact details plus profiles of AuSM staff and student executive visit: www.ausm.org.nz

issue 26 2010

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LETTER OF THE WEEK: Hey debate people..

I’m wondering why you would print such a ridiculously narrow-minded and racist letter such as: “Why would the Queen make a slave (which is what India were before their independence) head of New Zealand, a predominantly white country?”

And to make matters worse, you allow the troll at hand to sign off anonymously. I’m not into being PC, I laugh at racist jokes, and yes I am a supporter of freedom of speech and freedom of opinion. But freedom of being a redneckfuckwit? You guys are stooping a little low by supporting this sort of crap.

In case people have been living in a cave, Sir Anand Satyanand was born in Auckland, raised in Auckland, educated in Auckland, employed in Auckland. He is not a slave. NZ is officially a bicultural country, and in reality a multicultural country. From the interwebs: “He was awarded the New Zealand 1990 Commemoration Medal and made a Distinguished Companion of the New Zealand Order of Merit for public services in 2005.

On being appointed as Governor-General he was made a Principal Companion of the New Zealand Order of Merit in 2006 and a Companion of the Queen’s Service Order in 2007. With the changes to the New Zealand Royal Honours system in 2009, he was redesignated as a Knight Grand Companion of the New Zealand Order of Merit”.

To boot, he has a totally Kiwi accent, and if that’s not enough for the anonymous right-wingers of AUT, he has a ‘real kiwi’ (read: white) wife.

Pretty sure you don’t get much more Kiwi than that.

If people want to write crap like this, let them comment on Youtube videos and the ‘Your Views’ section of the Herald. Let’s keep the Letters page in debate worth reading.

Ta Lance Response from debate: The letters section was established to provide a forum for debate amongst readers. The views expressed in our letters pages do not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM. Re: Anon (In last week’s letters) I found your letter in last week’s Debate really offensive. One is entitled to freedom of speech, but there are consequences for that freedom. Freedom of speech does NOT mean that one can say rude, racist, elitist or anything of the sort and not face the consequences.

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Alot of people try and hide behind freedom of speech, but to quote Maya Angelou, the famous poet, “when someone reveals to you their true colours- believe them”.

I am a 2nd generation Pacific Islander (Niuean), which means I was born and raised in New Zealand. I grew up speaking both languages, and was educated in the New Zealand public school system in West Auckland. I have been working ever since I was 15 (I am now 21) which means I have paid taxes for 6 years now. I have also voted in the last election. Does this not make me a New Zealander? My lineage and history, which is very similar to Anand Satyanand’s Fijian lineage, is the reason why Paul Henry’s remarks made me particularly upset. And to refer to His Excellency as “a slave” is really insulting to someone like me.

I like to consider myself a New Zealander, but not when ‘someone like you’ (to use a generalistic and somewhat bigotted phrasewhen in Rome!) is the definition of a New Zealander. Good riddance to Paul Henry.

P.S Your taste in movies explains it allChopper? Pshhhhh...

I’M SO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two Sundays in a row I have come into AUT to study in the silent study area of level 5 in the AUT library. No biggie as I have done it every single weekend this year. Except these two times I have driven round for half an hour to find a park because a film crew has not only taken up all the AUT car parks with their ‘base camp’, but also placed orange cones and security guards around the entire uni hogging all the surrounding remaining car parks.

Adding salt into the wound, the film crew make a bloody racket in Hikuwai Plaza turning a once silent study area into a bloody annoying noisy can-hardly-study area. Yeah, thanks. A lot.

This is an extremely pressured time for students, with final assignment and exam prep concertinaed into a few short weeks. So perhaps instead of making a buck on the side, AUT, think about those poor sods who have paid their fees to you and wanna do crazy stuff like, I don’t know, use their precious time studying not driving around look for car parks, and just maybe want silent study to be, umm, silent.

Thankskbai Anon Dear Debate, I can’t believe that the end of the year has come so fast!!! It felt like hardly any time at all...

One point I would like to stress to car

drivers over the summer break is to look twice for bikes.

Doubtless, as the weather increases in fine days, more and more cyclists will start to use the roads.

Only yesterday I witnessed another accident involving a car and bicycle. This time, the fault was clearly the driver’s. A small group of cyclists was crossing a restaurant entrance, when the car suddenly hastily turned into the entrance way, without any warning at all. Not only did the male driver break the 3 second indicator rule, he also managed to smash into one of the cyclists, leaving him and his bike on the ground. Fortunately the cyclist seemed to be alright, as his mates helped to make sure he was okay (but his poor bike wasn’t). Later the ambulance and police came to attend the crash scene.

This event has only reminded me of how the real the danger is for cyclists on the road.

They have just as much right to be on the road as cars, but the sad thing is, a lot of drivers choose not to see these cyclists, resulting in accidents like these, with the possibility of the resulting causality to be much more tragic.

I thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts on this matter. And please, Look twice for bikes.

F Dragon Kudos to the genius who decided that opening enrolments in the final week of semester was a good idea. I can think of nothing better I could be doing with my time right now than sitting in front of my computer all day refreshing Arion. Never mind the various reports, presentations and exams I have to study for.

Staring at error messages is my new favourite thing to do. I wish I could do it all year.

Amanda I’m a study abroad student from Northern Europe and I just couldn’t but amaze the things that the person who commented on the immigration debate made (Debate 23/2010).

It’s not easy to leave your home and move to another country. One thing that you still have in the new environment is your culture.

It’s part of your identity. I’m a westener, but Nordic culture is still different from New Zealand culture. It haven’t always been easy for me to be here and if someone would have told me that I have to give up on my own culture and blend in, it would have been really hurtful.

People moving to other countries usually already have quite a broad horizon.

I don’t think that people should be only with their fellow countrymen, on the contrary.

I have tried to make friends with as many kiwis as I could here and not spend time with just other Nordics. That doesn’t mean that I

want to integrate. I want to be Nordic, eat my food, speak my language, sing my songs. I don’t want to stereotype, but many kiwis tend to be quite ignorant about Europe and the diversity of the countries there. So, I would say: be happy and grateful of the many different cultures here and don’t make them integare to a one boring mass. Broaden your horizon, kiwis, and don’t be afraid of the differencies.

-possible future immigrant

Dear Debate, We are guttered this will be the last issue of the year, we have looked foward to each new issue every week this year!

Id like to apologize to lecturer Terry Horne, every Tuesday morning we have paid more attention to Debate then his PEM lectures. =) Cheers to Debate and the Debate crew, catch you next year! (p.s. Daaaaaaam Sonny Bill)

Much unlike Twitter, Chinese and Hong Kong celebrities use tiny Sina Blog (Chinese equivalent of Twitter) to raise public awareness and condemn acts of animal cruelty because many of celebrities either own pets of their own, or are SPCA or SAFE ambassadors, and any BS they pull will be deleted. Though I do get frustrated everytime I post a song as a YouTube link that there is a chance of it being deleted.

Via www.ausm.org.nz Rocky Mak

Hey Samantha, Do you think it would be possible to put suduko puzzles in the DEBATE Mag?? They are a really good brain stretcher not to mention an AMAZING distraction when lectures just DRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAA AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGG GGGGGGG!!!!

Thank yous.

Want to say thank you to Debate for an awesome year covering some topical stuff as well as throwing in the humor as a backdrop to constantly get your giggle skills on. I would like to thank AUSM for the free feeds, excellent service along with excellent choice of variety for even vegetarians as well. I would like to thank Veronica and the Exec team for their hard work at umbrellaing the students from interferring issues like the VSM bill as well as providing leadership for us into the future. Thank you to the AUSM staff who provide the services from the recommendations from the Exec. Thank you to AUT for allowing me to be tested and to come up trumps. Without the both of your groups I would not be here in a good state.

Thank you thank you thank you. Have a great summer and all the best the year to come.

Here’s hoping….. :)

Malcolm

DIARY DUEDATE FIFA JULIAROBERTS ROADTRIPS

issue 26 2010

ROOKIE EXAMS STRESS STUDY PROCRASTINATION

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OCTOBERFEST

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A BASS ODYSSEY: PHOTOS

issue 26 2010

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Shounak Vilekar Beyond the Edges of Bedlam

Tamsyn Solomon Ice Cream In Face

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Alexandra Pople Trinity Blood - Seth Nightroad

How to summarise an entire year of columns in 500 words or less

by Alicia Crocket

“Well it’s time honoured tradition To get enough nutrition, Stay alive until you die And that is the end of you… … Well it’s not an old wives tale, Too much red meat and ale, Will make you pay, get five a day Or that is the end of you” Time Honoured Tradition – The Kaiser Chiefs Could this song sum up my columns for the year any better?

I think not! Seeing as you’re probably all busy stressing about exams, I thought I’d finish with the shortened version of a healthier lifestyle according to Alicia.

No, I’m not going to break into Everybody’s Free from Romeo and Juliet – that would just be too cliché – but here are the condensed key messages.

1)Eating well and being moderately active makes you feel better and gives you more energy to do what you need to do. Life

shouldn’t be about being a certain clothing size; make life about feeling good and being happy with what you’re doing.

2)Food is there to be enjoyed!

It’s important you eat a variety of foods, but base your diet on fruit and vegetables, lean meat and wholegrains. Most people like certain foods because that’s what they’ve always eaten. If you don’t like certain foods, keep trying them – tastes change over time, so if you change what you eat, soon enough you’ll be wondering why you haven’t always liked it.

3)If you’re going to change, do so gradually, and make changes that you can keep up for the rest of your life. There’s no point in going on a “magic silver bullet” diet for two weeks before deciding it’s just too hard to keep up. Do that and you end up back at square one pretty promptly – with additional feelings of failure to contend with! So make sensible changes that you can realistically maintain.

4)Exercise is great, and we should all be active. But being active doesn’t mean slogging it Alicia for Crocket out on theby treadmill an hour every day. Being active can be walking to uni, dancing, playing touch with your mates in the afternoon. Anything you do when you aren’t sitting down can be activity. The best thing you can do is add activity into your everyday routines e.g. taking the stairs rather than the lift.

Over the summer, I challenge you to start thinking about why you eat what you eat. What most people eat is often a symptom of marketing and habit. Don’t worry I’m not going to go all conspiracy theory on your ass.

But the next time you reach for that soft drink, chips or burger perhaps consider whether you’re just eating it because it’s convenient, or because that’s what you always wanted and never got as a kid or whether it’s what everyone else is eating.

Are you actually enjoying what you’re eating?

Serves 5 / Cost: $2.24 per serve with rice, $2.47 with a pita bread, $2.90 with a tortilla / Dairy free, Gluten Free if served on rice

500g beef mince 2 ½ cups seasonal chopped vegetables (carrots, capsicum, mushrooms, finely sliced cabbage etc) 2 tablespoons fresh ginger, grated 3 cloves OR 3 teaspoons garlic, minced ½ - 1 teaspoon minced chilli OR pinch of dried chilli OR cayenne pepper ½ cup fresh coriander, chopped 3 tablespoons peanut butter 2 tablespoons soy sauce

1 teaspoon sesame oil 1 lemon/lime, juiced 2 spring onions, sliced, for garnish (optional)

I’m always on the lookout for new mince recipes. Mince is a super cheap option, but I always seem to fall back on the old favourites: pasta or hamburgers. Don’t get me wrong, I love pasta and hamburgers but sometimes I can get a bit bored with them. So here’s a recipe that I found on food.com that I’ve added into my repertoire of mince dishes. This is super quick to make; I generally serve it with rice or noodles because it’s cheaper, but you can serve it in pita bread with lettuce or in a tortilla.

issue 26 2010

DIRECTIONS

4.Add coriander and lemon/lime 1.Cook beef in fry pan until juice just before you serve browned. Drain off any excess fat 5.Serve on rice or cooked noodles.

2.Add vegetables, ginger, garlic and chilli. Cook until vegetables Or put into a pita bread or tortilla are just cooked but still crisp 3.Whisk together peanut butter, soy sauce, sesame oil and lemon juice and mix into mince and vege mix

Note: If you don’t have fresh coriander you can try adding two teaspoons of coriander paste. If you’re using a coriander/garlic paste half the amount of garlic you use.

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Crowd Ethics

by Scott Moyes

I’m slightly appalled that it’s not even November and I already possess some average looking sunburn lines. Either my English roots are catching up with me or summer is finally upon us.

For many of you, this will mean that Rhythm and Vines is no longer a far and distant prospect.

However there will be some decent sporting fixtures to check out over the break. Whether you intend to be one of the spectators or not, here are a few tips on how to get the most out of the day and avoid being that crowd member that everyone silently wants to stab.

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Sit in the middle of the row. You rock up to the stadium and you think that it will be a wicked idea to get seats on the end of the row. This way you have easy access to the toilets and the food stall. Wrong. Every man and his dog now has to get past you when they want to leave their seat, including the kid that needs the toilet every half hour.

Don’t throw stuff in the Mexican wave. Those awesome guys on the bank have finally got the wave going. Everybody forgets about the sport for a while to see how many laps of the stadium it can do until you have half eaten pies thrown up in the air. Mexican wave or pie? I know which one I’d pick.

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The ‘you fucked up’ chant. Brendan McCullum mis-hits the ball and its gone straight up in the air. Shane Watson is lining up the catch.

He’s got it… he’s got it… oh he’s dropped it! It’d be a real shame to let it go unnoticed. You know what to do.

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Get a decent costume. This one applies for the Wellington Sevens particularly. You don’t want to be that guy wearing a pair of goofy glasses trying to pass it off as a costume. Get some paint and rock out with your cock out. The naughty nurses will love it.

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Don’t streak unless you’re hot. Self-explanatory.

People are going to be pissed if their game is interrupted by scrawny guy with a white ass running across the field.

If you’re going to get a life ban from sports events, make it worth watching.

Make sure your banner is actually funny. If you’re going to piss off everybody behind you by holding up a banner that will obstruct their view, make sure it’s got a chance of getting on TV. My personal favourite of the year: “Who needs a big Willie when you’ve got a great Tongue?” which applies to Willie Mason and Alan Tongue.

Take a friend. “Whoa that was awesome! Did you see that?” No they didn’t.

Don’t wear black. You think you’re being patriotic. You’re actually just screwing yourself as you’ll find when the sun comes out. Opt for the old beige uniforms when going to the cricket. They still sell them and they’re still atrociously sexy.

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Mini-donuts. Those stalls that make the little donuts that pop out of the deep-fryer that they coat with cinnamon and sugar. Get the big packet. They’re so worth it.

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Don’t leave until it’s finished. This one really gets me. If you’re going to pay a small fortune to go and see your team play, stick it out until the final whistle. Even if the result has already been decided, stay to applaud the winners. The best bit in the game usually happens right at the death anyway. Who cares about avoiding the traffic. Auckland traffic is shit at any time of the day.

Get amongst it. Have an awesome break. See you in March.

American sport’s speculations during New Zealand’s summer

by Rocky Mak

Remember when I detailed the Cantopop industry in an earlier issue? Well sports nostalgic fans and historians rejoice!

In the past two weeks, I’ve been receiving a heck of a lot of ‘scarfs’ on my Tiny Sina blog and tweets on Twitter about the hype surrounding NBA 2K11 because Michael Jordan’s finally returns as a history lesson for the Kobe-andLeBron-loving teenagers of today, and show who is still widely regarded as the greatest NBA player of all time.

From Jordan’s 63 point effort against the legendary Celtics, through to his uncharacteristically accurate three point shooting barrage against Portland TrailBlazers in 1992, to the game he played against Utah Jazz with the flu. Then you add the games to the mid-air switch-handed layups, the buzzer beaters, that close-eyed free throw bets against Dikembe Mutombo...

His list of unhuman-like feats must be seen to be believed.

The new NBA season late October will see the Lakers and Celtic rivalry potentially interrupted by the new triumvirate in Miami. This could potentially be Yao Ming’s final season if he fails to stay healthy. Also, we would witness a strange sight of Shaquille O’Neal wearing a Celtics uniform as his career also reaches his closing stages.

In the NFL, there were also two notable history-repeating trades. Randy Moss (shirt number 81) returning to Minnesota Vikings (84) after he was

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held without a catch for the Patriots against Miami Dolphins early October, and Patriots reacted by bringing back Deion Branch from Seattle Seahawks for a second stint. Brach and Tom Brady won two Super Bowls together in 2004 and 2005.

While the weekly Michael Vick highlight fix was halted by his injury and an apparent competition against Kevin Kolb didn’t help with matter, his rehabilitation to society and comeback had been reasonably smooth.

But with the season thus far one of the most unexpected and unpredictable in the last decade, it would be interesting to see how this season plays out leading up to February’s Super Bowl, and whether Brett Favre finally found it too much and finally retire, for good.

On ice, while the NHL season last just as long as the NBA season (82 regular season games), early-season games throws up all sorts of surprises and set the tone for the Christmas shuffle. While Alexander Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby gets set for another season of individual duels, Toronto Maple Leafs is currently the team to beat (as accurate as October 18). It would also be interesting to see how many shutouts (clean sheets) and wins Marty Brodeur of New Jersey Devils can add to his already record-breaking career.

I’m so excited about the American fall and winter, I could have rambled on for pages on end, but I will shut up and let the baseball fans get back to the World Series.

A

s this year draws to an end and I sit here writing my last president’s blurb for the year 2010 it saddens me to know that I will no longer have any more fans to write to (all 10 of you, my friends that I forced included).

Let me start firstly by delving straight into the sad issue of VSM and how this is going to affect us all in the coming years.

Voluntary student membership will come into effect in 2012. This means that 2011 will be a preparatory year for us and also our last year together. The Bill seriously undermines the student voice and will severely harm the services that we provide for you. Many of you have shown your support for us by signing up to online petition through our Save Our Services Campaign as well as promoting it out there in the community.

This year has been a difficult year for student issues on the political spectrum. We have taken some heavy blows this year with government policies. Don’t get me wrong, we have been at the forefront of pushing through what is best for all us students but sometimes the government just refuses to listen. Take the VSM for example, this had a 98 per cent opposition and did National listen to us? NO! And so my dear friends we are forced to press on. The only thing now is that we prepare ourselves for what will come and that is the reality of diminished services, events, freed feed, food grants, representation, advocacy, freebies etc! Whilst it might not be the best news to hear during your exam time, it is still my responsibility to inform you on the changes that will affect all of us. Remember we will be calling upon your support and when that time comes I hope that we will continue our united voice that we demonstrated at the beginning of this year against this Bill!

Lastly I would like to thank you all for allowing me to represent your views within our university. It has been a challenging year, with lots of different changes to our student experience, introduction of new levy charges, academic progress linked to studylink and the list goes on. It has certainly stretched me mentally, emotionally and physically!I have enjoyed meeting the many of you whom I have had the pleasure to have a sit down with and I hope you too have enjoyed our time. It has been an honour to serve as your president and I look forward to doing the same and better for the year 2011.

To my vice-president, Cameron Leslie, you have been awesome and have definitely being a life saver for the many brain dead moments. To my AuSM Executive for 2010 you guys have done well honouring your portfolios across the university, Danielle Schofield (Business and Law Faculty Rep), and sometimes my partner in crime, you have done a superb job with meeting student needs. Karan, Beer, Hao and Paras I wish you well!

To our final year students, I wish you all the very best for your future endeavours; to our returning students, yay! You get to see more of me next year!

Be safe for the Christmas break, wishing you all a prosperous new year!

Veronica Ng Lam AuSM President 921-9999 ext 8571 veronica.nglam@aut.ac.nz issue 26 2010

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auSM update AuSM’s Spectacular Sevens The third annual AUT Sevens tournament organised by AuSM sport team leader Melita Martorana took place on Sunday, October 3 at Hato Petera College.

The weather couldn’t have been better for the event, which included 13 teams from tertiary institutes, Auckland Union and North Harbour Union clubs.

AUT was represented by a strong Titans team, which was coached by AUT senior lecturers Kevin Sheehy and Terry Horne.

The Titans played the best round robin so far winning two games out of three (12-0 against Takapuna RFC 2 and 24-12 against Unitec) to reach cup champs playoff in grand style.

However, after lunch the boys weren’t able to match the skills of Massey RFC 1 who went on to win the tournament. AUT Titans placed eighth overall.

Cup Championship Final: Massey RFC 1 beat College Rifles RFC Plate Championships Final: Waikato University beat Unitec

AuSM wish to thank volunteers, supporters (many students from the Akoranga Hostel), North Shore City Council and the North Harbour Rugby Referees Association who made the event possible.

The AUT Sevens Titans team is currently training every week on Tuesday and Thursday at the North Shore campus behind AL Building (library) and will play at the VSA Sevens on Friday, November 5 (evening games).

If you are interested email melita. martorana@aut.ac.nz for more details.

See AUT Sevens photos next door on page 15!

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it update Wireless at AUT Some changes will be made to the Unisurf wireless network at AUT from the end of October, to include two wireless networks that will be available on campus.

AUT-Unisurf-City/NorthShore/ Manukau (secure) The secure Unisurf service uses WAP2 wireless encryption between the user device (laptop, iPad, smart phone etc) and the network. A Pre-Shared Key (PSK) needs to be entered to connect to the network. This means only AUT students or staff who know the PSK will be able to connect. This is a onetime procedure as the device will remember the PSK. Users will still need to login via the internet login page to get access to the internet.

All new services, such as greater internet access to run iPhone apps, will be on the secure AUT-Unisurf.

AUT-Unisurf-Open (unsecure) Students using older laptops or un-patched Vista laptops may need to connect via AUT-UnisurfOpen.

The AUT-Unisurf-Open wireless network will be available until the end of 2011, after which there is plans to discontinue the service. Please be aware this is an unsecured or public access network. Anyone that gets good signal strength will be able to connect but only AUT students will be able login. This is similar to using a public access hot spot and should be used with caution. It is the user’s responsibility to ensure that their laptop or device is up to date with virus protection, personal firewall and System Updates (eg Microsoft Updates). Internet traffic that is not encrypted with an https:// connection is vulnerable to interception. AUT web based services that contain personal information will use a https:// connection.

AUT strongly recommends students use the secure AUT-Unisurf network as it has greater security and will enable students to access more AUT and internet services in future.

Changes to login page We are also introducing a new login page on all Unisurf networks which will give students the option of logging in using the popup ticker or a timer. The popup ticker is a continuous process,

allowing students to be connected to the wireless network for as long as the browser is open. The timer based system will log students in for a specific period of time from 15 minutes to four hours, after which students will need to login again.

There will no longer be a requirement to allow pop-ups. This means that browsers can be configured to block pop-ups if this is required.

To get more information on how to connect as well as coverage, please visit http://aut.ac.nz/ itsupport or contact the IT service desk on 09 921 9888 or visit us in the open access labs.

-IT Support

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issue 26 2010

15

The teacher’s debate

by Ashleigh Muir

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock for the past few months you’ll know that teachers, of all shapes and forms are protesting their wages, their conditions and the new curriculum reforms.

Mainstream media has, for the most part, remained fairly vague regarding its own opinions and for once, kept coverage objective.

However, I argue that the coverage has been incredible poor. Not once have I seen the arguments for both sides fleshed out, debated or even reasonably discussed.

A substantial portion of us are recent school leavers and have had firsthand experience of the conditions New Zealand’s teaching staff are subjected to. Teachers are under resourced but expected to teach to a certain standard.

I myself spent my high school years on the North Shore at what is publically considered a reasonable school. However, insider knowledge reveals the school is still seriously underfunded, fighting court battles to gain capital that is rightfully theirs and unable to provide adequate technology for a number of technology based departments.

As a self-described media nerd, the media department was almost my second home for the two years I studied the subject. It was a department that was overlooked, even considered a ‘bum subject’ by none other than the principal. Yet, from a student perspective, media studies required serious determination and commitment. On one particular occasion I did not leave school until after 6pm, an hour after students are supposed to leave and half an hour after the HOD of English had vacated the building. I never saw science students doing this.

As much as I loved the media studies department, the equipment we were provided with could only leave you frustrated, in fits of tears and elbowing the group next to you. Due to the lowly status of such a department, they were provided with ONE classroom that could adequately fit around 20 students and a teacher. The problem? Classes were made up of 25-30 students, plus the teacher and six computer work stations – one group of four were supposed to huddle around a computer to edit, blocking out the sound of the other five groups and peering at the tiny screen.

Despite the severe restrictions placed on the teaching staff of this department, they were by far some of the most enthusiastic, innovative and knowledgeable members of the school staff. It is teachers like these that leave me thinking yes, they do need better conditions and better wages.

They after all, hold the future in their hands.

However, I am a firm believer that as we come out of this economic recession, everyone should be doing their part for the greater good of our society. Utopian concept? Well yes, but is it so much to ask? New Zealand’s current overseas debt, according to The Reserve Bank of New Zealand, was sitting at $246,462million in June of this year. That is a huge debt for a country so small! Nevertheless New Zealanders are unconcerned with

16

paying this debt back. Instead there is more concern over how much tax the government is willing to give back to the people, or how much extra we will have to pay due to the GST increase. Or in the case of New Zealand teachers, how much more money can we get out of the government?

Don’t get me wrong, teachers are a vital part of New Zealand society and should be paid what they are worth. But shouldn’t New Zealand’s financial situation as a whole be taken into consideration? Is a debt free society not a goal? Or is that just something for the politicians to worry about, rather than us ordinary people?

Thus far, I have argued for and against increasing the wages of New Zealand teachers and largely focused on secondary school teachers.

However, there is another sub-issue of the teacher’s debate I would like to address; primary school teachers and the new standards.

The National party have recently implemented a National Standards Policy in regard to primary school standards. The plan is to stop children from slipping through the net with low levels of literacy and numeracy and to increase the education of New Zealand.

Children who are struggling can be identified and given special attention to help them gain the skills they need. These children would previously have slipped through the net, been labelled as trouble-makers and eventually dropped out with minimal, if any, qualifications. This is an attempt, on National’s part, to increase the standard of education; to be able to say that child A is at this level and we can do X to get them to the level they need to be at.

Despite this, teachers are complaining over the increase in their workload. Anyone in the teaching profession should surely have a passion for children, the particular subject and the passing on of knowledge. This is not about the teachers. It is about the children and their futures.

The New Zealand Herald quoted Professor John Hattie, a leading educationist, as saying the New Zealand education was among the best in the world, despite the common conception of our education system. Hattie was an advisor to the National party on the new National Standards Policy; an expert, not just a politician with an idea.

Despite our proclaimed high levels of education, the level of our education systems can always be improved. While children continue to slip through the net unnoticed, there is room for improvement. All children should have the opportunity to get the help they need in order to be the best they can be. What if you had fallen through the net and were unable to read or write or unable to attend university?

In an ideal world, teachers would not need to strike, national standards would be welcomed with open arms and the New Zealand education system would be the best in the world. But shouldn’t we be working towards this ideal world realistically, rather than grasping at straws? If New Zealanders could tighten their belts, for the greater good of society, perhaps we could afford to pay our teachers what they deserve and better the conditions they teach in. National standards would come with an increase in resources or funds and teachers would be excited about the prospect of an improved education system.

For now, the debate continues.

Where Can You Find Lions?

by Toby Waud

Painting by Jonathan Barry C.S. Lewis Fan Art: www.narniafans.com

Seeming that my friend (who isn’t even a communication student) wrote an article last week, I decided I should try write something. Damn I forgot what

I was going to say write. As I type, I’m actually trying to remember what I am to write. Shit. Should I write something about the evil Craccum, or even an analysis on Shannon’s article. But while on the toilet seat listening to Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club (see Shanamo, people do listen to old folks music), I came up with an awesome idea, why not write an academic essay for debate. Before you guys skip this article, what I will write about is why lions only come from Kenya. An impossible task, but I will try (Shannon, you better not be laughing). Here goes nothing.

For many aeons people have wonder how the gladiator games in Rome were so freaking awesome. The answer is the lions, which go around eating people (who would not want to watch this? I bet that if the Roman Empire was still around, Fox TV would be screening 24/7 hours worth of blood and guts. Cool stuff, better than our old Paul Henry. In fact, we should feed him to the lions, along with Michael Laws (who breaks the law all the times) and give the audience entertainment. This essay however will prove that lions come from Kenya and nowhere else, full stop.

At the outset, Lewis (1954) states that there is only one lion called Aslan (bugger, spell check wants me to change Aslan to aslant, but I don’t see any similarities), so that means there is only one lion ever to exist. This proves that lions can only found in one place. Damn this paragraph was short (Oh, and here is some useless information, Paul McCartney divorced at the age of 64).

Nextly (not really a word), Forrester (2010) states that people that don’t know about Real Groovy are hermits. Because lions can’t read, nor can they walk down Queen Street without having animal protection hunting them down (oh, and Roman soldiers hunting them down as well), it means they don’t know about Real Groovy, meaning they like to hide in places where people won’t want to go to, such as Kenya. Therefore, because of their hermit nature, the only place suited for lions is Kenya.

After everything elsely (another made up word; seriously, I’m kicking some ass) Tarsus (circa 55-58) tells us that vegetarians are pussies (direct translation: Romans 14:2). What does that have to do with lions? Well...

Onto the conclusion: In conclusion, I’ve wasted your time. This essay had no point at all and the time spent reading this could better used doing some studying (me included). But let’s round this off academically, with a reference list. Enjoy!

Forrester, S. J. (2010). Proof that people actually read debate. debate, issue 25 Lewis, C. S. (1954). The horse and his boy. The Chronicle of Narnia, 5. London: HarperTropy.

Tarsus, P. (Circa 55-58). The Epistle to the Romans. The Bible, 2. Israel: Pauline Publications. *I wonder if debate is desperate for articles that it gets people like me to write crap about even crappier topics (Ed note: we are). Oh, and dad, can you please fix the CD player in the car. I’m sick of listening to Jive Bunny on cassette. Man I hate bunnies. Maybe that’s an essay for another day.

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Become a professional Barista in your school holidays For more info contact nic@fixd.co.nz Fixd Barista Training School Cartoon by Alexandra Pople issue 26 2010

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17

The glamorous* life of an editor

by Samantha McQueen

E

veryone knows the saying “time flies when you’re having fun”, but you probably haven’t heard of the lesser known (but more relevant for students) “time flies when shit’s due in”. Both of these sayings have never been more true to me than this year as editor of this fine publication. And let’s not forget the hair tugging, furiously writing, panic attacks and sometimes even a sneaky tear. In fact, I’m sure my stomach is more ulcer than organ now. But it’s been epic. Until eight months ago, I never knew the effort that went into producing a 36 page masterpiece 26 weeks of the year. The former editor, Ryan Boyd, left me instructions on his departure, but they didn’t even scrape the surface of what I was in for. While there was screeds of information on where to put a comma and what content shouldn’t be removed from the magazine, there was nothing on how to

18

handle blank pages or lack on contributors (like this week, when we had nine blank pages 24 hours before deadline). When I eventually abdicate my throne, I will have a fully fledged novel for my successor, which will be entitled how to produce debate without dying. Look for it on The New York Times bestsellers list and pre-order it on my (fake) website, www.deathbywords.com.

I’ve had a lot of people email me throughout the year asking me questions about how I got the job (found it on Seek), what I study (graduated from Comms last year and work here full-time) and what exactly an editor does. For those who are convinced this job isn’t a full time gig, or if you’re thinking this editor gig could be for you in the future, check out an abridged version of an average week here at debate headquarters (doesn’t include meetings or Orientation issues, when panic turns into hysteria).

Monday Arrive at work just before 9am to discover a small tower of boxes containing the latest issue of debate. Flick through it quickly to make sure there are no printing errors (like this one time when an entire section was missing). Roll up my sleeves and grab a trolley to wheel issue around city campus. Con Kyle from work to drive me to the business block and the tower. Then con him into taking them over to Manukau while Jared goes over to the Shore. Get back to office and check emails. Delete spam asking for my details so they can send me millions of dollars. Wonder what it would be like to have millions of dollars. Save all contributor content into “subbing file”. It’s nowhere near enough for the magazine. Open the internet and simultaneously open Stuff, NZ Herald, Hotmail, and Twitter and have a browse on the latest events. Think of something witty to write for my editorial.

Nothing witty comes to mind, so settle for better-than-crap. Write editorial – varies from 30 minutes to 90 minutes, depending on how inspired I feel. Have lunch at desk while reading Stuff blogs (give Jane Yee and Moata Tamaira’s blogs a read – well worth it). Jared comes back with leftover magazines from week before; I count them all and then get rid of all the empty cardboard boxes that used to have magazines in them. Amend layout for this week’s issue and see how many pages are missing – ranges between three and nine. Chase up people who haven’t submitted their columns or reviews. Make a “to do” list and plan to see a film to make up review numbers. Fire off a few emails and come across the latest viral vid online. Check time – 4.30pm. Edit latecomers’ pieces and then head home to prepare for movie.

Tuesday At work at 8.30am to wheel remaining boxes of magazines to the library and stock up empty stands. Collect spot the difference vouchers, and occasionally 10 or 20 cent pieces. Check emails – still missing content – and sending out email to contributors, usually with words like “please”, “desperate” or “begging” in the subject line. Will usually get two or three awesome contributors who feel bad for the amount of pleases I used in one email, followed up with super professional exclamation marks. Write review about the movie from the night before, while silently raging at how Julia Roberts makes more than $8000 per second.

Edit awesome contributor’s/lifesaver’s pieces. Take a quick stroll around campus to get some fresh air, and have lunch on the run. Do any transcribing of interviews that needs to be done (usually for a profile or a feature) – takes most of the afternoon. Check movie websites for latest film news and watch trailers - write it off as research. Jared arrives and we brainstorm how to fill remaining pages without resorting to ads. 5.15pm, time to go home, but start stressing about the amount of work that needs to be done.

Wednesday Arrive at 9am tired from dreaming about work the night before. Talk to designer about what pages are ready to be designed and placed, and highlight them on planning sheet. Put on earphones and start the mammoth task and writing a 1500 word feature, filled with funny quips and inspirational one liners. Get distracted by the Stuff daily quiz – score, 7/15 – and then challenge Jared and other colleagues to top my score. Jared does, which makes me rage. Blame it on lack of sleep. Start writing again. 912 words, time for lunch. Pop to Forte on Symonds St and treat myself to a chocolate Primo and a packet of chips – the lunch of champions. Draw winners for latest comp in debate; this time it’s 25 double passes to a movie. Painstakingly write all the names on pieces of paper and draw them from an empty Chupa Chups container. Email winners while trying to remember the last time I won anything. Go

issue 26 2010

back to writing feature, crack 1000 words, and then have a surprisingly last minute article for the magazine. Edit that, and then realise no one has put their hand up for this week’s debate page. Tell Jared he has to pick one side, while I’ll attempt the other. It’s going to be a long night.

Check the time, it’s 4pm. Finish feature, print off feature, groan at how many silly errors have been made, edit feature, get Jared to edit feature, put feature in design me (finally!). Try to come up with a convincing argument for my debate side by looking through old Stuff and NZ Herald articles. Realise website of the week needs to be done. Use this as an excuse to do a bit of web surfing. Get shown badgerbadgerbadger. com by Jared. I laugh, then realise I must be tired if I laughed at a song that sings about badgers. Write website review and see how design is going on the magazine. Realise we are still one review short, so put in a CD that was sent to me earlier in the year and write a review from that. Look at the layout, about halfway done. Look at the time, 7pm.

Designer leaves. Jared leaves. I decide to rewrite my entire editorial, because inspiration has suddenly struck. 8pm, time to go home.

Thursday Arrive nice and early at 8.30am and write microceleb questions. Enlist help because sometimes it’s hard to come up with both interesting and funny questions. Not when Paul Henry made those comments though – that was easy. Triple check that everything is in the design folder and there are no missing pages. Go out with camera and try to get six microcelebs. Face about four no’s and four reluctant yes’s. Come back to office dejected, but relieved to have microcelebs. Write up answers and put photos in folder. Email other student editors and see if there is any big news in their universities they want extra exposure on. Write up any last minute pieces. Hover over designer’s shoulder instructing how I want magazine to look. Wish I knew design. Look at the clock – somehow it’s 2pm. Magazine is almost done, but needs to be edited. Spot a few silly errors that have slipped through the cracks.

Export PDFs and get colleagues to check as well. Change more errors.

Re-export the PDFs. Call the printers and let them know it’s coming through. Wait for them to call back to say they’ve got it and it’s good to go. Breathe a sigh of relief. Head home at about 5.30pm, exhausted.

Friday Bounce into work at 9am. Spend a good half an hour replying to old emails and deleting unnecessary emails to reduce my almost full inbox size. Check all deal websites and ponder why I would need a meat vacuum pack. Attend weekly meeting with debate and marketing team to plan for next week’s issue. Browse The New York Times real estate and wedding sections. Think of possible feature ideas for next week.

Realise I’m already worrying about next week’s issue. Have lunch with Kate from work at Burger Fuel. Email In Unison to see how their issue went. Realise they have two weeks to put out their issue. Curse them.

Check Facebook to see how many birthdays I have forgotten this week.

Check Twitter to see who has weekend plans. Start to tidy my desk.

Discover unopened mail from Otago’s Critic and sit down to read their magazine. Laugh profusely at how they wrote a page on “shit things about Dunedin”. Check the time, 4pm. Office is already deserted.

Abandon cleaning desk and shut down computer. Pick up pen and cross off another issue on my board. Walk home.

* If you think this is glamorous after reading through all of this, then this job is for you. One day. When I am no longer here.

19

A

lways fly in a helicopter. Even if it’s just to the dairy. Nothing says class like landing on someone else’s lawn, blowing out the glass in their windows and destroying all their plants.

oats. Boats can cost a lot so I wouldn’t get a massive one. Maybe just a 100 foot launch at around seven or eight million. No need to be greedy.

range. I would buy the colour orange and make other people pay me every time they wanted to use it. This sounds impossible, but that’s only because you’re poor and I have $28 million.

ars. Nobody ever said “Fuck, I’ve got too many cars”. I would have three Lamborghinis, one Ferrari (458) and like a thousand Nissan Sunnys so I could have demolition derbies on the weekend.

ark wherever the fuck I want. I would park on curbs, in the park, on that big piece of concrete below the Sky Tower, and even in other people’s garages. Nobody would argue because I would pay their wages.

B C

D E

esigner clothes. I would wear a designer suit every day, even if I was going fishing.

If my suit got dirty I would bin it.

Lotto has been asking us that question for years now, and for years I’ve been answering it with my own awesome renditions of what I would actually do. I start about 20 per cent of my conversations with “If I was rich, I’d...”. They say that money doesn’t buy you happiness, but you can’t really hear what “they” have to say when you’re in your own private helicopter. Which leads us nicely into a well thought out A-Z of what I would do if I was that bloke from Papakura who picked the right numbers.

by Jared

ating habits. When you’re not rich, you kind of have to eat other people’s food because it’s rude not to. Being rich means you can do whatever you like. I would pay a chef to follow me around in a taxi in case I got hungry.

She would be hot and cook hot dogs well.

F G

riends. Friends are for poor people. If I won $28million, I would ditch all my friends and travel the world in my launch (see B – Boats). iving a shit about the environment.

Caring about the environment is what poor people do to make themselves feel better about being poor. I would litter and ride dolphins, because being rich is awesome!

H

ats. I wouldn’t ever wear hats because my hair would always be perfect and I would pay someone to protect me from the sun.

Exception: beret made of endangered sea turtle shell.

I

nsulting. Normally, poor people hold their tongue because they don’t want to offend anyone and lose some of their poor friends.

If I had $28million, I would insult EVERYONE. They would laugh because I would be paying for lunch.

J

umping Jacks. I would pay whoever makes words to change jumping jacks to “jumping Jareds”. I would also pay the government to fine people for saying “star jumps” instead of “jumping Jareds”.

K L M

ill people richer than me. The only possible downfall of being rich is that other rich people would try and defeat me. I would use some of my $28million to pay for assassins. azy. I would be lazy.

20

N O

HL. I would fly to America and pay whatever it cost to buy the NHL. Then I would cancel it forever. Ice Hockey is always taking up time on ESPN and it’s boring.

ad Men. I would open up an advertising agency and make it exactly like Mad Men. I would play Don Draper and it would be exactly the same except without cameras.

P

Q

uit smoking. I don’t smoke at present, so I would take up smoking, get addicted and then quit smoking, just to show how rich and powerful I was. I would then pay to have a TV campaign made about me and my fight with addiction. It would rate very well.

R S

ig elections. Democracy is povo. I would pay people to vote for whoever I wanted to win. They would do it or I would take their children. ell shares. I would always be on my solid gold BlackBerry talking about selling shares. I would (very loudly) say things like “I’m losing big numbers, Terry, big numbers”.

In reality I would not be losing big numbers, because I would be rich.

T U

erry would be my assistant. He would answer phone calls from me and also fetch things.

nderdog betting. I would ALWAYS bet on the underdog in all sports events, for two reasons. Firstly, because I like Remember the Titans. Secondly, because I would pay the other team to lose.

V W

ampires. I would vanquish all of them and mount Robert Pattinson’s head on my wall as a warning to future vampires.

ipeout. That show Wipeout is awesome.

I would get them to build one at my house and pay my friends to participate while I drank Mojitos like that guy with the mullet from Miami Vice.

X Y Z

. I would ban the letter X for only being in like four words. There’s only room for one lazy shit in my world.

ogit. I would introduce a law where ANYONE who said “yogit” instead of “yo gurt” would have to go to jail until they learnt to say it properly.

ealand. I would rename New Zealand and take away the ‘New’ bit. Just because it sounds cooler. I would probably need to invest my $28million and make a bit more cash before proposing this.

t? a h t o d e h w o h Wow,

T

by Andrew Judd

hat was my reaction to a guy in one of my exams.

This guy turned up to the exam with just a pen. One hour into our two hour exam, he puts his hand up and the nice adjudicator lady wanders over. I hear him whisper “I’ve finished”, pick up his solo pen and leave the room.

Finished! Ha! How do you finish an exam in half the time?! Seriously, who are you people? I went as fast as I could from start to finish and was the last out the door. I’ve got friends like you. Friends that don’t turn up to class, don’t study, don’t care and don’t get less than A+ in anything. All I can say about that is it’s not fair.

I wanted to feel a bit better about myself so I looked around at some different ideas for exam tricks and techniques. I learnt that an exam trick is very different to an exam technique. Did you know there are heaps of YouTube videos that tell you to cheat? Apparently, figuring out how to cheat is a very popular way to prepare for an exam.

I think it’s ironic that people can put their brain to work, learning all sorts of incredible inventions to beat the system. Hours spent in testing recording and editing their tricks… instead of studying. It’s probably all the smart people inventing these techniques. Like the guy in my exam room.

Speaking of exam room, where do adjudicators come from? These fine ladies and gentlemen are nice, professional… and old. Very old. I guess they’re all retired with nothing better to do than play golf and make sure that their next [next, next, next] generation doesn’t cheat. They rush around with their magic cell phone detector. If you get a chance, strike up a conversation with an adjudicator (after the exam; they’re a bit stressed beforehand). You’ll be surprised at the calibre of person you come across.

After the exam, the final few students wander out the door looking like a bunch of zombies. Some feel the incessant need to ask how you went on question 7(iv)(d) and what did you put down for the one about “significantly correlated multifaceted ratings”?

“What?! Was that in the exam? I don’t even know what that means!”

When I walk out of an exam, I can’t remember what day it is, so don’t ask me how I went. I don’t want a debriefing, I just want someone to cheer me up!

A great way to remember that you’re not the dumbest in the world: Funnyexam.com Here you will be greeted with many examples of some of the funniest exam answers that lecturers have submitted.

These are real examples of what markers have to endure (or enjoy). Some are absolutely magic!

My favourite would be: “I feel much better now.”

The Writer’s Block:

A charming monologue on what goes on in my head an hour before the 4pm deadline for articles.

by Meg Rivera

A

fter a fortifying lunch of cold pizza and the last beer in the fridge I buckle down to write myself into history. My cat was firmly situated to my left, watching me and yawning with boredom. There were better things to do, but because she has the opposable thumbs I might as well stick around and get her to do my bidding, his expression said. A lazy yawn later, he was stretched out on my desk.

I was staring blankly at my laptop. Despite what other people say, writer’s block was only charming when you had the garret and faulty heating to match. I had an article due in at four and I was nowhere near inspired. What was I going to write about?

What hadn’t been done, I had asked myself. The last big creative thing I’d done was an interview with Death but after one bad date I had to permanently cross him off my contacts list. My journalism tutor always stressed the importance of keeping in touch with contacts and staying on good terms with them but she did not tell me what to do when you send them into anaphylactic shock because you forgot that gambas meant shrimp and didn’t tell them. Poor Death. We were sitting in the emergency room with my epinephrine shot dangling out of his hip because I had jabbed it in blindly and didn’t know how to take it out without breaking the needle.

So much for a second interview. He gave me the evil eye and coming from him, it was downright frightening.

issue 26 2010

Maybe I could write about unicorns. They’re special right? People like unicorns! Maybe I should write about why they are extinct. Damn Voldemort and his need to stay alive. Everybody knows that unicorn blood has three times the calories of a can of V. That’s probably why he wears big billowy cloaks because I’m telling you, leather jeans can never effectively conceal the ensuing muffin top. Sorry Voldie, but it has to be said.

What about the weather? Or beavers? Or courgettes and how I confused them with aubergines that one time?

Another movie review? Ugh, not again. That would just make me want to watch a movie and when I watch a movie I have to have M&Ms. I devour that shit like crack cocaine and then I will have to invest in a big billowy cloak. So unflattering, what with bikini season just around the corner.

I give up, I said to my cat. He opened one disdainful eye at me, all the disgust in the world peeping through. What would hold the reader’s audience that doesn’t involve me taking clothes off?

I was going to suggest it, but you had to go all Prudey Judy on me, therefore alienating most of your audience, he meowed.

True. But I like to keep my bits and pieces to myself these days. No comment on what comes popping out on the weekend.

Ah fuck. A rant it is. Better make it about public transport, the new bus fares bite back like a bitch.

21

1. Which profession went on strike last week over disputes in pay? a) b) c) d)

Doctors Radiologists Teachers Journalists

11. If you have tinea pedis you suffer from…? a) b) c) d)

Dandruff A yeast infection Head lice Athlete’s foot

2. Which famous New Zealand sports star is officially “off the market” after proposing to his long-term girlfriend?

12. Which music festival is not scheduled for January next year?

a) b) c) d)

a) b) c) d)

Dan Carter Richie McCaw Dean Barker Sonny Bill Williams

3. Which of the following Presidents is not part of the iconic Mount Rushmore? a) b) c) d)

Thomas Jefferson Theodore Roosevelt James Madison George Washington

Big Day Out Laneway No Sleep Til Auckland They’re all playing in January

13. Who is the mayor of New York City? a) b) c) d)

Antonio Villaraigosa Michael Bloomberg Jerry Sanders Eddie Alberto Perez

4. Which state would you find Mount Rushmore?

14. How many issues of debate have there been in 2010?

a) b) c) d)

a) b) c) d)

Utah Wyoming North Dakota South Dakota

5. A member of which 90s band/group has said (s)he would love to perform at the 2012 London Olympics grand opening ceremony? a) b) c) d)

Take That Spice Girls Busted New Kids on the Block

6. What world ranking does New Zealand’s football team the All Whites have? a) b) c) d)

39th 51st 78th 101st

7. Which celebrity has NOT made a cameo on the hit show, Glee? a) b) c) d)

John Stamos Neil Patrick Harris Christina Aguilera Kristin Chenoweth

8. Does the “screw” in screwdriver stand for the orange juice or vodka? a) b)

Orange juice Vodka

9. When was the Hollywood sign erected? a) b) c) d)

1898 1907 1923 1931

23 24 25 26

15. What are the three main ingredients of haggis? a) b) c) d)

Sheep heart, liver and lungs Beef head, heart and stomach Sheep head, lungs and stomach Beef heart, liver and lungs

16. What is the traditional gift for someone celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary? a) b) c) d)

Lace Pearl Ivory Bronze

17. Which of these actors is NOT in Scream 4, out in April next year? a) b) c) d)

Hayden Panettiere Adam Brody Anna Paquin Macaulay Culkin

18. What year was Google founded? a) b) c) d)

1994 1998 2001 2004

19. What is the name of the hospital which Grey’s Anatomy is set in? a) b) c) d)

Mercy West Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital Seattle Grace North Hollywood Medical Center

10. Who is ranked number one in the world in the tennis women’s singles?

20. Who is the general manager of AuSM?

a) b) c) d)

a) b) c) d)

Veronica Ng Lam Sue Higgins Carol Wilder Samantha McQueen 1c 2a 3c 4d 5b 6b 7c 8a 9c 10a 11d 12c 13b 14d 15a 16b 17d 18b 19c 20b

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Caroline Wozniacki Kim Clijsters Serena Williams Venus Williams

Websites to procrastinate on this exam period www.postsecret.com

badgerbadgerbadger.com

I discovered PostSecret last week when one of my ‘Facebook friends’ posted a link to it on their page. The site is a creative outlet for anyone out there who has a secret they are dying to tell someone but can’t tell anyone they know. So what better way to get rid of the burden of a secret than to post it online for everyone to see!

However it’s all anonymous, so no need to worry about it biting you in the bum afterwards. What you do is anonymously mail in your secret on one side of a post card (or postcard sized piece of paper) and voila! PostSecret regularly update their homepage with the post cards they get sent in and even compile the most popular of these into books (have a look on Amazon.) The site is a little difficult to navigate at first but once you get onto their ‘PostSecret Community’ page, you’re away; it’s very comprehensive from then on.

Some of the secrets are quite funny, whereas others are very sad. They range from “Dear Mom and Dad. Late at night I drank from the water jug!

(Oh and I illegally drove the car to the post office to mail this)” to “Your job was so much more important to you than the loss of our baby, that, when we lost another, I didn’t bother to tell you.” Yup, pretty heavy stuff!

But what’s great about PostSecret is that people who feel like they can’t talk to anyone have a creative way of expressing how they feel without hurting those they love.

The internet is full of shit. Ninety per cent of what you look at is absolutely rubbish and most of the word-of-mouth reviews you get from people are almost enough to unfriend someone on FB. “Go and look at this cat playing the piano it’s totez lolololol”. Fuck that.You need some real websites to visit, something that will keep you occupied for hours, not minutes, days not seconds. And on that note, I present badgerbadgerbadger.com.

Listed as one of the top five internet fads of all time, badgerbadgerbadger is the brainchild of legendary flash comedian Jonti Picking – even his name his hilarious.You know it’s quality because after he made it, MTV Europe hired him to make them a similar cartoon called Weebl and Bob, which is an ultimate fail. Badgerbadgerbadger follows the story of 12 badgers, a mushroom and a friendly snake and the relationship between these characters. It’s brilliant.

by Katie Montgomerie

www.lamebook.com

by Samantha McQueen

For the 500 million or so who have joined Facebook, you should head over to lamebook to see just how stupid people can be. I visit this site perhaps once every six months and every time I leave with tears in my eyes and an incredibly sore gut from laughing too much.

The concept of lamebook is simple: all the fails you find on Facebook (bad spelling, inappropriate photos, hilarious statues etc) are captured via the beauty of screen shot and posted on this website. Some of the comments are hilarious, like parents-to-be commenting that they felt their child kick for the first time, either that or fart, or a picture of a birthday cake where the L and the I in Clint make a very different word, or when you miss the g in “grape juice”.

If you’re having a bad day, or just want to laugh at others, head on over to lamebook. But be warned, you may vomit a little in your mouth at how atrocious some of the spelling is (example: “went for a dike ride”).

issue 26 2010

by Jared

Failblog.org

by Jared

You can pretty much lock failblog in as the funniest website on the net. As disheartening as it is hilarious, failblog is a beautiful encapsulation of just how stupid some humans are. With hilarity ranging from a ‘Kids will love it’ sticker on a Human Centipede ad, through to a guy trying to do a double front flip, failblog is the ultimate procrastination station for this exam period. Awesome fails include a guy break dancing and kicking a girl over, a politician who called Ian Cumming who likes to use his last name, and my personal favourite: a girl from The Amazing Race who catapults a watermelon into her own head. Spelling fails, work fails, crashing fails, baby fails and signage fails – failblog has it all.

Jimspancakes.com

by Samantha McQueen

Jim is truly the definition of a “legendary father”. He’s started this website to post pictures of pancakes he’s made for his daughter Allie (who is too cute for words).

It sounds pretty bland, but these aren’t just any pancakes – he makes pancakes in the shape of a dinosaur skeleton, a unicorn jewellery, or a turning carousel.

There’s works of art, which you can eat!

No matter the time of day, I always crave pancakes with maple syrup when I see these photos. Great to take just before a study break, so you’re feeling hungry!

23

by Vinny Francesco

by Selena La Fleur

In my previous column I was writing something about monks that don’t talk. I would have elaborated on this, however my internet was shot at the time. Anyway it is the Carthusian order of monks. These are monks who do not speak, except apparently once a week for a walk in the countryside. They live in a small cell; what they do is meditate, pray, liturgy, eat, fast and write, alongside a communal walk and a communal meal.

Anyway the point is they don’t talk much. “Those who know do not talk, those who talk do not know,” (Tao Te Ching: 56).

The theme of my final column is the esoteric meaning of words.

Just like you have explicit and implicit meaning, you also have exoteric and esoteric meaning. A way that explicit and implicit can be explained, is in the way swans mate. In the beginning, swans, male and female, fight with each other; the explicit meaning is conflict and rage. However inevitably they always end up having sex, just as surely as the giving of a wedding ring is followed by marriage. In this context, love, or lust, or attraction, or something like that, is the implicit meaning behind the fighting ritual.

A really classic example of this is personality. The word personality has a certain connotation; it evokes a certain association. But what about the archaic denotation? Personality comes from the Greek word “persona”. Persona is a mask which is word by actors in a play.

The persona is a part of the act, and the actor is playing the game of convincing the audience he is not acting.

The persona mask is rather like a uniform. A uniform has its logistical purpose, but also almost always comes with a kind of identity. In this case the persona is the actor’s uniform; a mask for the face is rather like a uniform for the body. The persona of a Greek actor and your personality are the same thing. It is just that persona involves an “audience”, while personality involves a “society”. But persona and personality can be used about as inter-changeably as audience and society. Actually the word “persona” is known publicly in an exoteric way to be a kind of idiom cultivation or impersonation.

But it doesn’t have that same “serious business” vibe we give off when we talk about our personality with such pride.

I decided to write this column series for two reasons, which is secretly one reason. One is that I really like language, it is really the only thing I bother giving any devotion towards; in most other matters I’m pretty lazy. Which brings me to my second point. I’m lazy because I selected a topic I knew would not require too much effort for me. One of the reasons I really like language is that it is something no one can ever really posses, it belongs to everyone and at the same time it belongs to no one. On the one hand language means nothing, and on the other hand language means a lot. I reckon if you pay attention to language you pay attention to thought, which leads you to pay attention to the world.

Anyway, best to finish with a quote, because someone has always already said it better than you: “I can go to land of make believe, and I can pretend, but in the end I still have no friends... Your best friend is you, I’m my best friend too; I share the same views and hardly ever argue” (Bloodhound Gang).

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So, this is where we all sit down in a

circle and reflect and evaluate what we have learned about online dating. The perks, the pitfalls, the good, the bad and hopefully the funny. As much as I would love to bore the pants of you while you study, I won’t. The stigma of online dating is still lingering. Many people have a black and white view on it and admitting you use online dating sites to meet people is like having an awkward conversation about vibrators and unsightly nipple hair with your nana.

YOU JUST DON’T TALK ABOUT IT. Well, I got people talking about it and sparked some debate with my peers and I’m satisfied with my short-term experience with meeting people who use online dating sites and it’s safe to say I’d recommend them. However, I must admit something: I think online dating hinders social interaction instead of helping people find relationships and, potentially, love. The chivalry is gone due to technology. In the good old days it was Boy meets Girl, Boy impresses Girl with romantic gestures and long Sunday drives, Girl plays hard to get at first but then gets all giggly and accepts the proposal of marriage, Boy and Girl live happily ever after. Introduce Facebook and other social networking sites and we have Boy adds Girl on Facebook, Boy likes Girl’s statuses several times, Girl masters the art of the ‘downward’ photo to appear hot when she’s wasted in town, Boy and Girl meet up and bonk a few times and continue to update their relationship status to ‘it’s complicated’. There is no excitement of the chase anymore; the romantic spark just flew out of the window.

From my experience, the people I met up were genuine, normal people who have turned to the web for a bit of help in the dating department. They may have taken some time to craft their responses to me and altered their profiles for different people with different interests to theirs but people do that in real life without realising. It isn’t lying; although I’m pretty sure all the married men online say they’re not just there to attract young girls. Luckily, I never got to meet up with them!

Was I crazy for taking the risk of putting myself out there and meeting people online? Hell yes, but as I said in previous columns you’ve got to have your wits about you. Go with your gut feeling; if you think you’re talking to a creep, don’t continue talking to them. And if you know someone wanting to go on a blind date with someone like that, don’t give them shit about it. You never know you might be turning to these sites a few years down the track, when you’re old and shrivelled up looking for that special someone.

For me, it was a bit of a winter-boredom activity to take my mind off studying and assignments. Now, with the seasons changing people are generally happier and out and about more, so I won’t be relying on online dating websites to find some “summer loving”.

Yes, I actually just said that. Over the long break I’ll be thinking of another activity to write about, maybe even more courageous than online dating so stay tuned!

Dear Agony Aunt I am allergic to the soap at AUT. Can I substitute soap and water with that hand sanitizer stuff, even when I go for number two?

From Allergic

Dear Allergic,

The good news is that alcohol-based hand rubs are unlikely to cause contact dermatitis and allergies are rare. However frequent use may cause some dryness of the skin. Using a hypoallergenic moisturiser would be a good idea.

The bad news is that AUT do not supply alcohol based sanitizers in the toilets throughout the university. You can purchase pocket size sanitizer gel from most pharmacies for around $7.

Tips for good hand washing

Frequent hand washing is an essential part of maintaining good personnel hygiene. According to the centre for disease control and prevention (DCP ), the most important thing you can do to keep from getting sick is to wash your hands. Throughout the day you accumulate germs on your hands from many sources, particularly after using the toilet. If you don’t wash your hands you can infect yourself with these germs by simply touching your nose and mouth. You can spread these germs to others by direct skin contact or by touching surfaces that they also touch. Door handles, light switches, computer keyboards and phones are all germ hotspots. It is so easy for germs on your hands to end up in your mouth. Yuck.

Despite the proven benefits of hand washing, many people don’t practice this habit as often as they should and students have been found to be one of the biggest culprits.

Even if you are a good hand washer other people may not be and you could find your self-sharing more than you bargained for with your friends.

Ordinary soap and water are sufficient at removing bacteria and viruses from the skin that are responsible for the spread of diseases. However as you cannot use the soap supplied at AUT , an excellent alternative is to use an alcohol based sanitizer.

Allergies to liquid soaps (usually due to fragrances and preservatives) are common. They sometimes cause a condition called contact dermatitis that makes skin red, sore and dry. Research suggests that alcohol based sanitisers containing more than 60 per cent alcohol are just as good at removing bacteria and viruses as ordinary soap and water.

- Use warm water (not hot or cold) - Use whatever soap you like - Lather both sides of hands and rub vigorously, not forgetting to wash in between fingers, wrists andnails - Rub for approximately 15 – 20 seconds - Rinse with warm water - Dry with clean towel or hand dryer - Using an alcohol hand sanitizer - Apply around ½ teaspoon to the palm of your hand - Rub your hands together, covering all surfaces of our hands until they’re dry To make an appointment to see a nurse or doctor phone Health, Counselling and Wellbeing on 921-9992 (city campus) or 921-9998 (North Shore campus). Alternatively you could call Healthline on 0800 611 611 and speak to a registered nurse.

This Agony Aunt column was brought to you by the team at Health, Counselling and Wellbeing. If you have a question you would like answered email debate@aut.ac.nz and put Agony Aunt as the subject or drop it in to the Health, Counseling and Wellbeing office.

Retail Mystery Shopper Sussing it out for you first.

Whitcoulls (online!) www.whitcoulls.co.nz open 24/7 Price Range: $5.00 - $30

It amused me no end when I opened the Whitcoulls website and realised that their catch phrase is “a little bit wonderful everyday”.

I mean, what does that mean exactly? But I bet most people didn’t even realise they had an online store. Let alone with free delivery and eBooks. It does remind me a lot of Amazon, but of course no second hand books here and a much quicker and cheaper delivery to New Zealans than Amazon. But something that is like Amazon, they sell an eBook reader. It isn’t the Kindle brand, it’s called Kobo (imaginative) but it still looks pretty nice. It can hold 1000 books and is only $249. I might just ask for one for Christmas.

I’d never really considered buying one of the eReaders because I couldn’t get a Kindle sent to New Zealand so I just gave up. But you know, I kind of like the idea of being able to go on holiday over summer and only take an eReader with me that weighs (according to the website) 221 grams. Thinking about that, that is half a block of butter,

and a block of butter is not heavy at all, but needs to stay in the fridge over summer, unlike the eReader. Anyway, I digress. So, now I’m very interested, this would decrease the weight of my luggage for future travels a lot and anything that will help me to fit in more clothes wins hands down. So I start to look through the titles I can get for the Kobo to see if it is really worth it.

They have an eBook section to look at and I click on fiction and they have 53,865 titles. Whoa. I check the non-fiction section 132,870. Double whoa. Ok, this is amazing, I think that I love this site and I really, really, really want a Kobo. I’m just browsing and I notice the little “join us on Facebook” sign, I didn’t even know that they had that, why would you need that? I click on it and am surprised to see that the wall is actually full of comments. Book comments, hehehe. They have 1,179 friends. I think I’m going to join.

Awesome.

This review was written by a graduate in Retailing. If you are interested in retail and why people buy, take a look at papers in the Retail major in the Business School.

You don’t have to be a business student to take the papers, so check out the website today! issue 26 2010

25

Every year, the AUT fashion calendar finishes with what is undoubtedly one of the biggest fashion student events in New Zealand; The Rookie Show. After three years of intensive study, countless hours, thousands of dollars spent, blood, sweat and tears, the graduates of 2010 will showcase their final collections.

In the past, the AUT Rookie Show has served as a career launch pad for many of New Zealand’s best fashion designers, such as Sherie Muijs, Alex Jaeha Kim, and Camille Howie. This year’s Rookie Show collection is also set to be a year full of success stories with one of the most promising graduation classes in recent times. Thirty-three promising students, 33 collections, and 33 amazing, different concepts; if you have any interest in the future of New Zealand fashion and design, this is one show not to miss!

In excited anticipation, I spoke to four standout 2010 Rookies about their collections and approach to fashion, to bring you a sneak preview of what this year’s show will bring:

When did you decide you wanted to study fashion?

I had been part of dance competitions for 10 years and seeing my mum make my dance costumes over many years triggered my interest in fashion and wanting to make my own clothes. I have always wanted to take textiles leading up to form one and two at my primary school and this led onto taking it every year at high school at New Plymouth Girls High.

What was the inspiration behind your collection?

I wanted my collection to be youthful, fun and have lots and energy and attitude. The inspiration behind my collection came from my love for cats and all the personalities they have. I wanted to portray my cat’s attitude through exploration of different fabric textures and colours.

How did this inspiration evolve?

This inspiration started to evolve through the development process in making the collection targeted at a young audience with people wanting to wear clothes that will make them stand out from everyone else. The use of high waist shorts and long cardigans with a slouch feel helped pull off the look.

What are your future goals?

I would like to gain further experience with a footwear designer and learn more in depth about the parts of the shoes and about the making of the shoe. In the future I would like to go abroad to study footwear and hopefully learn skills of a footwear buyer.

When did you decide you wanted to study fashion?

I have known I wanted to be a fashion designer for as long as I knew what a fashion designer did, and have been making clothes for even longer. When I was 16 I started becoming aware of the AUT fashion course and the Rookie Show. It has been my goal ever since to be part of it.

What was the inspiration behind you’re collection?

My first point of inspiration was geometric forms. My goal was to push boundaries with patternmaking and creating challenging forms on the body.

How did this inspiration evolve?

My focus has been on creating edgy, experimental streetwear. My collection juxtaposes rigid geometric forms against soft collapsing forms, and I used colour blocking to accentuate these complicated shapes. The fabrics I used are leathers, chiffons, raincoating, and structured knits, and were chosen for the way they hold the forms I have created.

26

What are your future goals?

Keep creating innovative fashion! I am going to further my knowledge about design, patternmaking and running a successful label, so that I can build up the experience to start my own label.

AUT Rookie Fashion Show

November 11 2010 at 7pm Shed 12, Rhubarb Lane, Wellesley Street, Auckland Tickets on sale from www.ticketmaster.co.nz

When did you decide you wanted to study fashion?

It’s a pretty typical story of a little girl who loves to draw pretty clothes, but the twist is that I was never that sure about fashion and fashion wasn’t what I had imagined it to be - just drawing pretty clothes.

It was a choice made between fine arts and fashion by the end of my seventh form and I decided I wanted to do fashion because it would be more of a challenge and taking a step into a completely new field, as my strength had always been with illustration and painting.

What was the inspiration behind your collection?

For this collection, I explored the idea of interlocking garments together like putting together a puzzle, as I wanted to bring in an element of interaction between consumers and design. It’s a continuation from my risk and adventure project because to me design is about having fun and just play. On a larger scale, it’s a reaction to consumerism where I feel most people are just being spoon fed the product. My question is how can I introduce a system that allows more involvement, thinking and just play with the garments?

The whole interlocking system concept came from the childhood things that I played with, one was the paper dolls and their paper outfits with little tabs to keep in place. It was like a cheap and flat version of Barbie. The other was woodcraft puzzle pieces, where the pieces interlock together into 3D sculptures of dinosaurs, animals etc.

On the visual inspiration side, I looked into my own culture and was particularly inspired by the Chinese opera costume which is about layering pieces together and having them tied into place.

And the fabrics are often heavily patterned or embroided. Though I have departed from a more literal representation of this inspiration, I have the kept some of the shapes and pattern detailing and translated it in a more contemporary way through the collection.

How did this inspiration evolve?

From the initial interlocking ideas, I looked at textile designers Eunsuk Hur’s amazing work, who used interlocking and laser cutting but translated through textiles and the idea of modular pieces. So I began looking into ways of interlocking and incorporating the system into garments.

What are your future goals?

I am still looking at my options as there are just so many possibilities. Even though this project has ended for me but it feels like the concept could be developed so much further. But for the long term I really hope to help create a change in the Chinese design and fashion scene.

When did you decide you wanted to study fashion?

I always knew I wanted to be a part of the fashion industry from a young age, but I didn’t decide to come to AUT until I was 25, which is a little older than most of the other students. I always felt I had an advantage as I had worked in industry prior to applying and I knew I was serious about my decision to come back to a learning environment as a mature student as I had to make a lot of sacrifices to become a student.

What was the inspiration behind your collection?

My inspiration for my final collection evolved naturally from the risk and adventure project from the beginning of the year which looked at soft round shapes in the form of a cocoon, monochromatic tones and encompassing feelings of comfort and belonging.

How did this inspiration evolve?

The inspiration evolved naturally through experimenting with drawing shapes and silhouettes and exploring how those forms could be transferred into clothing for the male form.

issue 26 2010

What are your future goals?

My immediate goal for the coming year will be a move to Melbourne in mid January and hopefully I will be snapped up for an assistant designer’s role for a menswear brand.

Long term I see myself working towards a head designer’s role and hopefully following that creating my own label for an international market.

27

Job-oscopes

by Tenani French

Get ready for it!

The end of C4

Last week C4’s parent company MediaWorks announced the channel would be relaunched as FOUR in 2011. The new channel would have a more mature focus, with emphasis on entertainment. TV3 shows such as America’s Next Top Model and The Simpsons will be jumping ship to FOUR and there will be a new focus on TV3 to make it compete with oldies channel TV ONE. I’ve grown up with C4. I’m pretty sure most people of my generation can remember when it started and remember seeing its name around at gigs and events and Big Day Outs. It’ll be sad to see it go, our only real music and youth TV channel. For some reason New Zealand just can’t seem to keep music television going. There’s no RTR Countdown, no Top of the Pops, no Space, no Alt TV, and soon MTV NZ will become MTV Australia. All we’ve got left is Juice, and that’s a bit rubbish to be honest. RIP C4.

aries (March 21 - April 19)

Your annoying voice and strange body type will work wonders for you this week as a job on the radio presents itself.

taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Uni is winding down and so is your bank balance.Your job for the week is to purchase the rights to the Taco Bell franchise and open one up in Whakatane.

gemini (may 21 - june 21)

Make sure you make loud, offensive gestures in public this week – there’s an opening for a bigoted TV presenter on Breakfast.

cancer (june 22 - july 22)

Like it!

The Stuff.co.nz iPhone App

It’s always nice when New Zealand brands manage to kick it up there with the big boys of the global scene and so seeing the launch of another New Zealand iPhone App is always a positive thing. Stuff.co.nz, one of New Zealand’s leading news websites, has launched its app, joining the ranks of TVNZ and 3 News on the local mobile news app front. It has all the usual newsy stuff as well and a nifty little citizen journalism bit where they hand out assignments to people to send in photos and videos of stuff. Really brings out your inner journalist.

Batteries not included.

After wearing your beaver fur fedora last week, the stars predict that a job in fashion is on the cards. Send some designs to Kmart.

leo (juLY 23 - AUG 22)

A group of cyclists will nearly run you over this week, prompting you to create a new charity promoting pedestrian rights. Nobody will join.

virgo (aug 23 - sept 22)

There aren’t any Fish and Chips shops in the CBD. The stars have identified a niche in the market – will you pursue it?

libra (sept 23 - oct 22)

Seriously?

This week the sky will rain acid! Holy shit! The umbrella industry has never been more promising.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to Telecom... the darn thing breaks down again. It’s past the point of being funny and now I think it’s just sad and annoying. Poor Telecom can’t see to get anything right! Every time I walk past a Telecom store it’s like a ghost town, I can count the number of people I know with TiVo on one hand, and the terms “cool” and “Telecom” haven’t been used in the same sentence since the 90s. Oh well, looks like we’ll be heading over to that other giant log-oh even faster now.

scorpio (oct 24 - nov 21)

XT fails again

Work it!

Gaga becomes a minister

So Lady Gaga’s a bit of a popstar, I’m pretty sure everyone knows that. And she has pretty mainstream appeal, ask anyone on the street and you’re sure to get strongly felt reactions... People seem to love her or hate her. One group which seems to love her (stand by for gross stereotyping...) are the gays. So to give thanks to her gay fans and stick it to the establishment which won’t let them marry Gaga has decided to become a minister so that she can perform gay marriage ceremonies at her concerts. Isn’t that nice?

If there’s something you think the student masses of AUT need to know about, send us an email to debate@aut.ac.nz with Suggestions in the subject line.

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With a bit of research and a lot of creativity, you could potentially unlock a hundred dollar industry this week.

In other economic news, buy low, sell high.

sagittarius (nov 22 - dec 21)

The Sagittarian constellation has shifted, revealing a top-notch business opportunity for you this week: rest home IT technician.

capricorn (dec 22 - jan 19)

Despite Auckland’s usually temperate climate, you will be caught in a blizzard on Thursday. Instead of getting a job, you will die.

aquarius (jan 20 - feb 18)

Your mediocre education and lack lustre study habits will lead to an average job.You will get married to an average partner, have two normal kids and be kind of happy for the rest of your life.

pisces (feb 19 - march 20)

Someone will dial your number by accident this week.

Make sure you have your best phone-answering voice on, that person may own a telemarketing business.

Eat Pray Love

The G.O.O.D Friday series

Directed by Ryan Murphy

Kanye West

Film Review by Samantha McQueen

Track Reviews by Mike Atkins The

Best known for scalpels, songs and Sue Sylvester,

Ryan Murphy (Glee, Nip/Tuck) tries to create an emotionally draining, but spiritually enlightening, feature-length with Eat Pray Love, based on the novel of the same name. A more adequate title would be Salivate, Snooze, Sigh, as Julia Robert’s self-gratification removes any sense of spiritual satisfaction.

For those who haven’t read The New York Times bestseller by Elizabeth Gilbert, Julia Roberts is Liz Gilbert, a semi-successful writer who on the surface has it all – until you see her in the dark of her apartment, tearfully pleading to God to fix what is broken in her life. After leaving her husband (Billy Crudup) and indulging in a fling with a struggling actor (James Franco), Liz packs her bags and heads on a year-long journey to find and forgive herself, which will take place in Italy, India and Indonesia (Bali, to be exact).

While the storyline seems simple, it’s the sub-stories within each country that makes this film too complex for its own good. While we see interactions with an array of people from Italy to Indonesia, only two really deserve a mention; Richard from Texas (Richard Jenkins), a former alcoholic whose back story makes Gilbert look like a whining bitch in comparison, and Felipe (Oscar winner Javier Bardem), a divorcee with a quirky fondness of mix tapes.

Julia Roberts is the biggest star in Hollywood, especially when it comes to chick flicks. She’s starred in iconic romantic comedies like Pretty Woman, Notting Hill and My Best Friend’s Wedding and won an Oscar for her portrayal of Erin Brockovich. She was paid $3 million for the six minutes she was on screen for ensemble flick Valentine’s Day – that is $8,333 per second – and is extremely picky about which films she’ll take on. Eat Pray Love seems like the perfect role on paper; maximum screen time, exotic locations, lots of emotional epiphanies, and the chance to frolic in the water with Javier Bardem. But a spiritual tale is perhaps the most challenging to shoot, and on this occasion it translates to 132 minutes of self-indulgence at its worst.

The film only really hits its stride in Bali, when we meet Felipe and the local medicine man Ketut (Hadi Subiyanto), who led Gilbert on this self-discovery mission in the first place. And when a film only really finds its feet two hours in, you know it’s in trouble.

One of the few redeeming qualities of this film is the cinematography genius of Oscar winning Robert Richardson (The Aviator). Essentially an advertisement for the three countries, Richardson leaves you desperate to head to the nearest airport and board the next plane to anywhere-but-here.

The decadent shots of pasta, pizza and glasses of red wine are enough to leave you wiping dribble from your chin, while the serene surroundings of Bali will surely see an influx of tourists roaming there soon. After all, each city is another character, and one of a few that properly got developed.

It spent 182 weeks on the bestseller’s list and provoked millions of women to question their own lives, but when it comes to the cinematic translation on Eat Pray Love, only one questions comes to mind; why was this film even made in the first place?

issue 26 2010

assumption

is

often

made

that

new

technology evolves in sync with its attendant generation, to such an extent that the customs imposed by the previous generations’ technology is meaningless to each new generation. That assumption drastically underestimates the endurance of cultural customs however. A good example of this is the LP. LPs belong to the age of vinyl. In the age of digital music, 50 minute blocks of 10 songs are neither necessary, nor convenient. However, no one’s come up with an idea that anyone likes better.

About 10 weeks ago, Kanye West promised a new non-album single every Friday, until Christmas (downloadable from his website). It’s a strange thing for a guy who’s about to release a new, actual album to do (My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is released on November 22); yes it’s publicity, but he’s also his own competition.

Then again, perhaps the album is not the custom that this weird-ass experiment is meant to replace. That’s more likely to be a uniquely digital mix tape. Mix tapes are improvised compilations, and this has that feel.

Kanye gives control of most of each track to the guest rappers. And why wouldn’t he when those guest rappers include Pusha T, Common, Kid Cudi, RZA, Raekwon, Lupe Fiasco, Pharrell Williams and several others? Either Kanye is mates with all these people, or he put as much effort into compiling this talent as he did into putting the proper album together. There are more collaborators than there are songs so far. Each song could quite convincingly be by a different, but like-minded, artist.

There’s also no order. Kanye’s not said anything about how they choose which one gets released, which suggests they’re released when they’re ready.

Any order would’ve worked perfectly well. Any order would’ve worked well, which is a big clue that this isn’t an album.

While that’s pretty cool, it dovetails with the collection’s biggest criticism. It all runs together a little bit. Some tracks are definitely freestyles, but they all have the feel of something that was tossed off in a few hours in the studio. The most polished track is a risky collaboration Raekwon and Justin Bieber. It sounds like Bieber never met the other two though. His part is the track that West and The Chef freestyle over, dropping out for his chorus. Bieber puts on a genderless croon that sounds like one of Michael Jackson’s Motown recordings, which deepens the illusion that West and Raekwon are dirtying up something they just found that way. It also makes a moment that could’ve been startlingly different, only slightly jarring.

The other most polished track is also one that shows the weakness of this collection. Power is Jay-Z’s remix of the first single from the proper album. It’s such a strong track that demonstrates Kanye’s usual attention to quality and fills out the original’s minimalistic rhythm with Jigga’s hypermasculine delivery, and a breakdown of random samples. After this, the other tracks seem like messing around. Talented people messing around, but messing around all the same. None of these guys let any gravitas into what they say here.

I began this by implying that this was a bold new model for releasing music. Any criticisms of the music don’t detract from that (it might be helpful to think of this as the EP to Dark Twisted Fantasy’s LP, in that it’s not meant to be as good). For that, at least, it wins my excitement.

29

FIFA 11 (EA Sports)

The Golden Year

Playstation 2

Ou Est Le Swimming Pool

Game Review by Rocky Mak

CD Review by Jared

With the imminent demise of Playstation 2, I was

not hoping much that PS2 will receive as much attention in terms of game play features as the next generation equivalents. But in the case of FIFA 11, I was pleasantly surprised and elated to be proven wrong – PS2 also enjoys full complement of “be a goalkeeper” mode. But I will break the review into two parts: the controls for outfield and general game play and the other section on “be a goalkeeper” mode.

The controls for shooting, free kicks and penalty-taking have been tweaked and made more complex (or complicated, partially due to Pro Evolution Soccer series). They may have been tested for FIFA World Cup 2010 for next generation consoles before rolling out for PS2, but the learning curve is still frustratingly steep at first, so it pays to head to the practice pitch and learn the controls.

But all the modes we know and love are still there. You can still take on Barcelona as Real Madrid in season mode or manager mode and try to earn accomplishment points to buy that Jubilani ball you always wanted, revert the real-life trades you hated (Jerzy Dudek, I need you back in Liverpool, for example) or create that giant striker that dominates the aerial battle to top score the online league. However, with the controls and new game play features and another new tracklist, you can’t expect much in terms of commentary. There isn’t a lot of new material, maybe a few new comments about goalkeeping play, but even the accent gets a bit tiresome. Nevertheless, it will still keep you going for months on end as you create your own experience in an almost open-ended sporting adventure.

As for the new features, EA Sports further evolved “be a pro” mode since FIFA 10. However, when compared with similar game modes in NHL series (worth noting that “goalie mode” was already available, but only for nextgeneration consoles) and “superstar mode” in Madden NFL series, FIFA’s evolution is painstakingly slow. I gave up playing FIFA for Pro Evolution 5 and 6 because FIFA series never catered for goalkeepers properly (though we never were taken seriously since football games started in the arcade anyway).

Yes, the season mode was nice, and having a Clint Brown lookalike as Wellington Phoenix manager had been a blast, but I really want goalkeepers to be recognised. We need specialised trainings and also have unique uniforms and gloves available in fan shop to show for it. Especially with NHL series already has goalie mode for next-generation consoles, frustrations grew for the goalkeeping fraternity. After 20 years, I still had to put up with Mark Paston wearing a generic yellow shirt with generic gloves while playing for Wellington Phoenix, but be a goalkeeper mode finally has enough technical and tactical depth to finally be recognised as a simulation and training tool. It was only made possible by a more sophisticated control system.

There are jokes around next season that we should become the referees (may not be so far-fetched), the physio, or even the corner flag. Unfortunately, when that happens, PS2 would be gone with the Dreamcasts and N64’s as videogaming antiques.

30

The Golden Year is a sadistically ironic title for

Ou Est Le Swimming Pool, who released their 12 track LP only weeks after lead singer Charles Haddon committed suicide after a show in Belgium. With that in mind, The Golden Year has an uncommonly sombre effect for a debut album – despite the super-synth 80s pop tracks within it.

And it is super-synth. The whole 21st century electro-pop movement, headlined by acts like MGMT and Empire of the Sun, has lasted a lot longer than you might have thought – especially considering the poppy, superficial feel that a ton of critics have used to write it off. Swimming Pool, as I’ll refer to them, take the electro and the synth and the multi-layered vocals and rearrange them all in a way that’s interesting at worst – it’s synth pop with a twist.

With Kids of 88 and The Naked and Famous experiencing almost immediate success on these shores, it’s hardly surprising that Swimming Pool’s debut single Dance the Way I Feel had such instant cut-through with Kiwi listeners. And those three bands are all similar in a number of ways, but I’ve got to give it to Swimming Pool for doing everything prescribed to a synthpop band, and then chucking it in a blender.

The first tracks are two of the best on the album. You Started eases us into the kind of lazy days mindset that you need to hit in order to enjoy this brand of pop. It’s soft, with lyrics that actually mean something (an oddity within the synthpop world, it seems). It’s a slightly worrying intro for the fear that the whole album might never get out of first, but The Key, their fourth single and the second track, drops us straight into the MGMT meets Empire of the Sun vibe. It’s catchy and interesting, without being stark, or too weird to stop the two (remaining) band members getting rich. The Key is the best track, but it’s not a one horse race.

What I liked best about Swimming Pool’s take on synthpop is the momentum. Despite the slight genre gap, I couldn’t help but think Hot Chip the whole way through. Even now I can’t work out whether it’s their flow or their accents that make that comparison possible, but there’s something intrinsically antipodean about this album – and the more I think about it the more I want to say Bowie. A stretch, definitely, but it’s got the sort of jovial moodiness that you might associate with Bowie. Couple that with the intoxicating synth beats and it’s a real experience.

The Golden Year is nothing genre defying. It’s a well tested, (proven) successful style but you can’t call it typical. Whether it’s the English style or the contrast of fast and slow, it’s an album that’ll make you think average, good, cool, awesome and back again on multiple listens. For that reason I can see it being a cracker for our upcoming summer.

Doo-Wops & Hooligans

Life As We Know It

Bruno Mars

Directed by Greg Berlanti

CD Review by Samantha McQueen

Film Review by Samantha McQueen

You may only associate the name Bruno Mars with the smash hit love song Just The Way You Are, where he sends women into romantic overdrive with lyrics like “when I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change”. But for all his soulful crooning, he’s actually responsible for some of the biggest songs of the year; he co-wrote B.o.B’s Nothin’ on You and Travie McCoy’s Billionaire, not to mention current expletive-laden hit F**K You by Cee Lo Green.

He’s in demand, which is why his debut album, Doo-Wops & Hooligans is a bit of a disappointment.

The opening track, Grenade, sets a nice tone for the album, with simple piano melodies contrasting with a heavy drum beat that kicks in after the intro. It’s the beat that commands the song, although his verses are short and to the point, they work, especially when you get to the chorus and he belts his broken heart out.

Our First Time, which is about exactly what the title suggests, sounds like early Michael Jackson and Justin Timberlake. Which when you think about it, combined bears a similar resemblance to Mars. The reggae influence is apparent here – like on many other songs on the album – but it works against the staggering notes Mars hits. It’s a pity it contains lyrics like “you’re delicious like an ice-cream on a sunny day”. Seriously, this is the in-demand songwriter everyone’s talking about?

Luckily it’s redeemed with Runaway Baby, the first upbeat song of the album.

With a semi-acapella bridge and sirens wailing in the background, you can picture Bruno and his merry band of followers chasing a girl through the town with Ray Bans, white suits and matching fedoras. It’s fast, it’s edgy, but at only 2.30, it’s over too fast.

Like Just The Way You Are, Bruno Mars works best when he’s talking about love. Marry You is sure to be a hit with the ladies, even if the ever-present drums rear its ugly head again. Still, the clever use of the church bells in the chorus brings a much needed element to what is otherwise just another love song. And while it doesn’t dive into sugary sweet territory, Talking to the Moon certainly does. With soft synths and sweeping notes, this is a ballad through and through.

It’s infinitely better than the appalling The Lazy Song though; even after five listens, I still couldn’t remember one beat or line.

The album’s closer, The Other Side, features Cee Lo Green and B.O.B and their influence makes this song the standout of the album. B.O.B’s rapping is a nice change to the Jason Mraz tunes Mars is belting out and it’s one of the few songs you can actually dance too. It’s a shame more songs didn’t have this feel.

At 35 minutes long, it barely qualifies as a full length, particularly when several songs sound eerily similar. It’s obvious Bruno Mars is talented – he has a voice made for swooning and his collobarative efforts are nothing to underplay – But at the end of the day, it’s too much of the same, which makes for a pretty forgettable album.

issue 26 2010

Director Greg Berlanti is known for his sob fests

(he’s previously worked on Brothers and Sisters, Everwood and Dawson’s Creek) and has struck gold again with the heart-warming, Life As We Know It. Sure, it’s a copyand-paste storyline and Katherine Heigl playing yet another neurotic character, but it’s saved by a believable storyline, a witty script and an adorable little girl.

Heigl (Knocked Up, 27 Dresses) is Holly Berenson, a single woman in Atlanta who runs her own upmarket café, Fraiche, which she plans to expands into a restaurant. Messer (Duhamel) is exactly like the name suggests – an unkempt bachelor working behind-the-camera for the Atlanta Hawks, with no commitment and little ambition. After a disastrous blind date in 2007, the two have a mutual loathing of each other – and a mutual godparent role for their friends Pete and Alison’s baby, Sophie. After an accident leaves Sophie orphaned, Holly and Messer find themselves thrown together in guardianship to take care of the one-year-old Sophie.

From here, the film really hits its stride (and your heart strings) as you see two totally unprepared adults battle their way through the obstacles of parenthood.

From go-to gags like diaper changing and feeding Sophie processed foods, to sadistic jokes about Australian kids group The Wiggles meeting an untimely demise with an AK47, the film manages to nail the comedic elements while bringing a much needed hit of drama to stop their film falling into unrealistic territory. And sure, it’s predictable as hell, but that doesn’t stop it being any less real. Of course Messer, the terminal ladies man, would use Sophie to pick up women in supermarkets, and then sing Radiohead to get Sophie to sleep. And of course Holly would overdo it on the red wine just before a Child Protection Service’s (CPS) agent shows up to inspect their parenting skills, but put her own dreams on hold to look after Sophie. It’s feel-good drama at its most genuine, and watching the three of them with their faces painted like a “real” family is enough to warm the hardest of hearts.

Life As We Know It does not tread into unfamiliar territory for Heigl, who has made a career for herself out of playing characters who are control freaks with a fondness for domesticity (the baking gig reeks of her Grey’s Anatomy days).

However, this is her first “motherly” role and she slips into it well – she had just become a real-life mother shortly before filming this – and will surely win back audiences after the disgrace that was Killers.

The same goes for Duhamel, who starred in the box office blunder When in Rome earlier this year. His character goes through the most change during the one year period, starting off as a serial womaniser and ending as the devoting dad, but also has the best moments with Sophie, which allows for a believable transition. Despite the mismatched pairing, Heigl and Duhamel shine on screen together, but their best work comes from scene stealer Sophie, played jointly by Alexis, Brynn and Brooke Clagett. The facial expressions these girls emulate bring most of the tears in this 112 minute film – both from laughing and from crying.

Life As We Know It is another Heigl rom-com, complete with cookies and neurosis, but it’s a feel-good outing with two likeable leads and only a few clichés (I’m looking at you, airport scene) which is sold even more by a pint-sized star.

31

32

BILLINGMUSTBEATLEAST35%OFTITLESIZE.MUSTUSEINTERNATIONAL OUTDOOR BILLING. INDICATE IN LEGEND. debate and Warner Bros. Pictures are giving you the chance to win one of

25 DOUBLE PASSES to

DUE DATE

From director Todd Phillips, Due Date stars Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galifianakis as two unlikely companions who are thrown together on a road trip that turns out to be as life-changing as it is outrageous. Downey plays Peter Highman, an expectant first-time father whose wife’s due date is a mere five days away. As Peter hurries to catch a flight home from Atlanta to be at her side for the birth, his best intentions go completely awry when a chance encounter with aspiring actor Ethan Tremblay (Galifianakis) forces Peter to hitch a ride with Ethan—on what turns out to be a crosscountry road trip that will ultimately destroy several cars, numerous friendships and Peter’s last nerve.

To win, email debate@aut.ac.nz with “Due Date” in the subject line. issue 26 2010

IN CINEMAS NOVEMBER 4

www.duedatemovie.co.nz

Rating: R16 Contains violence, offensive language, drug use and sex scenes

33

Tagan McMuray

Bachelor of Graphic Design What is your number one studying method?

Keep a diary Leading up to exams, how many times do you check Facebook a day?

A lot What is the biggest misconception about being a university student?

That it’s easy - It’s actually lots of hard work What artists would make it onto your road trip mix tape?

Bit of Michael Jackson, Lady Gaga, Jason Derulo maybe Complete this sentence: This summer will be epic because…

It’s four months off

Stephanie Wright

Bachelor of Graphic Design What is your number one studying method?

I write it all down and stick it up on my wall Leading up to exams, how many times do you check Facebook a day?

Every day What is the biggest misconception about being a university student?

That it’s easy. There’s a lot work involved.You have no life What artists would make it onto your road trip mix tape?

Usher, Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake Complete this sentence: This summer will be epic because…

I’ll be free with no work for four months

Jannika Pott

Bachelor of Communications What is your number one studying method?

Buy a lot of energy drinks and find your favourite spot where you’re not disturbed Leading up to exams, how many times do you check Facebook a day?

I love Facebook so I would say five times a day. I try not to but I love Facebook What is the biggest misconception about being a university student?

They think we’re lazy What artists would make it onto your road trip mix tape?

Fat Freddy’s Drop Complete this sentence: This summer will be epic because…

I’m going on an awesome road trip with people that I’ve met here in New Zealand

Nykey Domingo

Bachelor of Applied Science (Micro Biology) What is your number one studying method?

Just keep making notes Leading up to exams, how many times do you check Facebook a day?

Constantly, but that’s once – I never log off What is the biggest misconception about being a university student?

That we’re lazy and party all the time What artists would make it onto your road trip mix tape?

Metallica, Lamb of God, Killswitch and a little bit of Mariah Carey Complete this sentence: This summer will be epic because… of Big Day Out

34

Jacob Lee

Bachelor of Applied Science What is your number one studying method?

Swat right before the exam – short term memory is the best way to go Leading up to exams, how many times do you check Facebook a day?

At least six I think What is the biggest misconception about being a university student?

I would say that it’s easy but there are some courses that are actually easy What artists would make it onto your road trip mix tape?

Some Snoop Dogg and Nars and some Fugees Complete this sentence: This summer will be epic because…

I’m gonna have a job

Boris Seqeira

Bachelor of Engineering What is your number one studying method?

I actually go over the past exams and make sure I attend all the lectures Leading up to exams, how many times do you check Facebook a day?

Every day. As soon as I go on the computer I go to Facebook What is the biggest misconception about being a university student?

Everyone thinks it’s pretty easy but it’s not What artists would make it onto your road trip mix tape?

AR Rahman Complete this sentence: This summer will be epic because…

I’ll get my driver’s license and my cousin is coming over from Singapore

issue 26 2010

35

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