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issue 11 2011

state of origin 101

the cruel world of torture

celebs are rubbish at naming kids

the rat pack




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issue 11 2011

ISSUE 11 2011 5 Editorial 6 Letters 7 Creative Corner 8 News 11 News Quiz 12 Sport

Scott Moyes tells us why NSW has been losing for the last five years

13 How To/Recipe 14 Pres Sez/AuSM Update 15 I’m Pro Piracy

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Deanne Antao Nonavee Dale

sub-editor Alisha Lewis


Vaughan Alderson | AuSM | Jo Barker | Petra Benton | Jessica Beresford | Jason Burnett| Alicia Crocket | Kimberlee Downs | Jess Etheridge | Brendan Kelly | Ksenia Khor | Rebecca Lee | Ben Matthews | Katie Montgomerie | Scott Moyes | Ashleigh Muir | Veronica Ng Lam | Soo Park | Lonelle Rodriguez | Celia Schoonraad | Tamsyn Solomon | Corrie Taylor | Rosie Tuck | James Wheeler | Danielle Whitburn

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16 Auckland vs. Hamilton 17 The Mob Squad 18 The Cruel World of Torture Alisha Lewis looks at the inhumane methods humans created

20 Baby Boom in Hollywood 21 Human Triviality Brendan Kelly looks at the decline of human intellect

22 Horoscopes on Shuffle 23 The Rat Pack 24 Columns 25 Agony Aunt/Word(s) of the Week 26 Suggestions/Horoscopes 27 What Are You Wearing 27 The Rebirth of Lace 28 Fashion

Petra Benton talks to Tiffany Low about modelling and Australia Fashion Week

29 Reviews 33 Spot the Difference 34 Maori Expo Photos


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t’s that time of the semester where assignments are piling up and exams aren’t too far off either. Stress is mounting and so, quite naturally, we all turn to procrastination. Everyone has their own methods of procrastination and they generally tend to get more creative the closer that due date gets. Facebook and YouTube? Pfft that’s amateur stuff. I mean the people who feel the sudden urge to bake their family, friends and extended family chocolate brownies, or go on a cleaning spree, or start training for next year’s marathon just a day before that final exam. Me? I like to get my entertainment junkie on. And by entertainment junkie I don’t just mean flicking through the entertainment headlines on I’m talking about the hard stuff – hours spent perusing like my life depended on it (convincing myself it would somehow come in handy in my Media Comm exam. I mean, it’s all new media, right?) and picking up as many trashy magazines as possible during my daily Foodtown snack run. But lately, I haven’t been as satisfied. Because every time I turn to a gossip magazine for a little bit of healthy escapism, all I see are pictures of Gwen and Gavin playing with their kids in the park, or JLo pushing a pram or Jessica Alba’s baby bump. Babies. Justin Bieber sings about them, Brad and Angelina have too many of them and Jennifer Aniston’s desperate to have one before her biological clock ticks its last tock. OK, so the Justin Bieber reference may be slightly out of context but you get the gist. Hollywood’s obsessed. The place is teeming with rugrats. Personally I don’t see what the big deal is. I’m not one of those people who start cooing every time someone comes round with a little bundle of joy to brag about. I’m also not one of those people who gush about how all babies are cute. Sure, they are all small and have the whole tiny hands and feet thing going for them, but there’s no denying the fact that some babies just aren’t so easy on the eyes. And these little Hollywood ones are even more annoying because although they’ve only been around for about two and a half seconds, they’re already living the high life. While we bust our asses pulling double shifts at Maccas or wherever just to be able to afford a new pair of winter boots, some little kid on the other side of the world has already accumulated a wardrobe more expensive than everything I own plus my entire life savings (granted, that’s probably not a very difficult feat). And don’t even get me started on the parties. Yes, the parties. Toddler parties that cost tens of thousands of dollars – sometimes even hundreds of thousands of dollars. Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise spent $20,000 on a cupcake party for their daughter Suri. Really? Cup cakes? Just think of the level of epic awesomeness that could have been achieved had that money been given to a poor uni student celebrating their 21st birthday. It’s completely unfair. But then in a weird way I guess it’s also motivation to get back to the books and finish those assignments. Because that’s why we’re all here – to study, get jobs and start making some well needed bling. And all in the hopes that maybe one day we’ll be rich enough to afford a lifestyle as extravagant as Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ four-year-old. How encouraging.

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debate letters policy: Letters need to make it into debate’s mailbox before Wednesday, 3pm each week for the following issue. You must give us your name when submitting letters to be eligible for letter of the week, but you can use a pseudonym for publication if you wish. Any letters longer than 250 words may be subjected to editing. Spelling and grammar will not be corrected. The editor reserves the right to decline without explanation. Most importantly, the views contained on the letters page do not necessarily represent the views of AuSM. Send your letters to or if you want to kick it old school, PO Box 6116, Wellesley St, Auckland.

Letter of the week wins two movie tickets for Event Cinemas!

Response to Music Lover`s Letter (issue 10)

Letter of the week: Dear debate,

First of all, thank you for making it a focus. Just the other week, after one of my classes I heard some students referring to group work as gay... Saying that I was unaffected by it would be a lie and here is why: I am pansexual, or as I prefer, gender-blind. I am out to all of my friends but I will never go out of my way to let people know that. The only people that do not know that are my family. I come from a very distant country where people of “alternative lifestyle” are still being hunted and killed. My hometown has a population of over 2 mln people, but there is only one gay bar that is being run illegally. And don’t get me started on our “God is forgiving” church... My family are good people, but they can hardly be called tolerant. That’s where the wrong use of the word comes in. My parents watch the same TV programs as the young people, and they hear and see exactly the same things, they just perceive it differently. Perhaps, for someone saying something is gay is not derogatory or offensive, but for other people, such as my parents, there is only one meaning to it. It cements their view of homosexuality in general, and images of those Glee Queens are not helping either. World might be more tolerant place nowadays, but I don’t see it. There are only one way how gays are portrayed on TV and silver screen, but not all of us behave and look like fashion-crazymake-up-wearing-pink-colour-lovers. I do not grab something just with the rainbow on it, I do not like something just because it’s gay, but I do consider myself a part of a community thou’ I am not a very participative member...First time I went to an LGBT support group here in Auckland, the members automatically assumed that I was homosexual, and within minutes proceeded to trash bisexuals.I never went back. All that I am saying that there is no unity even within the community, so how come we fight for our equal rights, when we don’t even respect our “own kind”? I apologize for the “all over the place” letter, but I just cannot be eloquent and precise on the matter, when there is so much that I want to say and there is only this much space. Your devoted reader, Alec

I think you have mistaken the point of this article. Although it is there for entertainment, it is fundamentally someone`s opinion, like every other article that appears in debate. Yes, you might disagree with it, but you shouldn’t bash it just because of that. I mentioned at the end of the article (week 9) that some bands have been missed, and that people won’t agree with this list. There are some bands I would have wished to add to the list, but after some thinking decided against it. The bands I choose were well known bands (maybe other than Street Chant) and made sure that there was a band or artist there which a person would like (such as Kanye West for the Hip-hop fans). Maybe I should have added Metallica? Or even Guns n Roses (although Axel Rose has ruin their coolness with his antics)? We cannot please everyone, and the bands you’ve mentioned, Bands of Horses and Sia, are not as well-known as bands such as the Beatles and the Killers. And to be honest, that is just your opinion, and I respect that. But the way you stated it, you were being on a high-horse. It is pretty difficult writing an article and a review each week. I am forced to be open to new music (trust me, I have never heard of Olly Murs until reviewing him). I believe that people should listen to new music, but they should also remember the bands that helped the newer bands get here. The Beatles are an example. They might be an old band (being other half a century old), but their music is still relevant today. Compare Helter Skelter with modern metal, Tomorrow Never Knows with HipHop and dub-step, and even compare “Hey Jude” to “Gives You Hell”. The Beatles is still influencing music today. And also, listen to Street Chant, you might actually like them. Regards, Ben Matthews

Issue 10, 2011: Music Festivals that you must add to your bucket list.

Debate, as much as Glastonbury is a fantastic festival and something that you must partake in, I would not go as far as to say that the festival is the biggest music festival in the world. That title I believe belongs to Summerfest in Milwaukee, USA. 856,000 was the attendance last year which puts Glanstonbury’s attendance to shame. Don’t believe me? milwaukee/98136594.html. Thought you ought to know. Regards, Jess

Hey Debate! I just want to thank you for covering the whole using “gay” as describing something negatively in your last issue! I’m a straight girl with a boyfriend, but I still don’t think it’s necessary to use the word gay to describe something in a negative way. Especially at our age as uni students & especially because we have come a long way from discrimination against sexuality! My boyfriend, being a product of an all boys school where it was just common slang to call anything that was negative, gay, has stopped saying it in that context because of how I’ve explained to him that it is offensive & the fact that it gets used in that way is offensive. I admit, back in high school I use to say it all the time too, thinking it didn’t mean anything, but then after growing up a bit & watching YouTube videos from awesome people like BScott (search his videos on YouTube, he is HILARIOUS! & has great inspirational videos too!) It made me think about what I was saying & what effects it had! Also, thanks again for covering the public transport issue two weeks back! Good to see that the light is still being shined on issues that actually affect us as students! Mack. Dearest Debate,

I have lost my faith in human kind. Call me “OTT”, dramatic, silly, crazy or any other name you can think of but it sincerely pisses me off when people (if you can even call them that) do not give up their seats on public transport (mainly buses) for people who clearly and obviously need them more than you. I don’t know if this stupidity is due to blindness, laziness or lack of emotion but honestly.. stop blaring your music through your headphones (which by the way, no one wants to hear), staring intently at your mobile phone screen waiting for that oh so important text or being so engrossed in your Iphone applications that you are ignorant to those around you. Get off your butt and stand!! Cry me a river if you have a whinge about standing on buses because the reality is, you will probably have to do it at some point in your university career. Not only that but unless I didn’t see your broken leg, I’m pretty sure you could handle standing for two or so stops better than an elderly person could. So the next time you are on public transport and see an elderly person get on, instead of talking on the phone to your imaginary lover or pretending like you didn’t see them, look them in the eye and say “Would you like a seat?” Yours Truly, J-WOW

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Budget Changes to Student Loans Breach Human Rights?

by Vaughan Alderson

Green MP Gareth Hughes has criticised proposed changes to the student loan scheme in last Thursday’s budget announcement, saying they are unlawful and breach human rights. The 2011 Budget will restrict access to loans for students over 55 because most of it is never paid back, according to Prime Minister John Key. Specifically, students over 55 will no longer have access to loans for living costs or course-related costs. “This is age discrimination, plain and simple,” says Green Party tertiary education spokesperson Gareth Hughes. “Everyone should have the same access to education and support no matter what their age.” Opposition to the changes include Greypower and the student union, NZUSA. Both organisations are calling on the government to abandon this “discriminatory policy” so that all New Zealanders have equal access to tertiary education.

“Access to education changes lives and opens doors. Shutting out older students for no other reason than to cut costs is discriminatory and unfair,” says NZUSA co-president David Do. “Students who are in this age bracket are not just doing hobby courses for personal interest. Some might have lost their jobs during the recession and need to retrain to get a new job or go somewhere else,” says Greypower president Roy Reid. 67-year-old student John Probert, who is studying a Master of Arts in social sciences at AUT, went back to his studies after being made redundant six months before turning 65. He says he is very disappointed with the government’s decision. “The reality is it’s important to retrain,” says Probert. “I needed an opportunity to go back. The policy’s a bad one because there are not huge numbers of people up here but we have a hell of a lot to contribute.”

Key said last month student loans might be targeted for financial cutbacks along with other popular schemes such as KiwiSaver, Whanau Ora and Working For Families. Key also said he did not support the earthquake levy promoted by the Greens because he believed it would put more pressure on already financially stretched households and hamper economic growth. Hughes says the government should be very careful about legislating to breach human rights legislation. “It exists outside of legislation, so simply legislating to change the eligibility requirements might not remove the government’s legal obligation to abide by human rights law.” The Human Rights Act and the New Zealand Bill of Rights Act set out that it is unlawful to refuse to provide goods or services to someone on the basis of age.

AUT alumni top NZ’s creative Fashion students talent; off to France to take not in stitches over on the world after-hours access by Vaughan Alderson Two former AUT students have proven themselves among the top of New Zealand’s young creative talent after winning a trip to France to compete in the prestigious Cannes Lions International Festival of Creativity. Pip Perkins, 22, and Jennie Ko, 26, won the France trip after taking out the 2011 Fairfax Media Young Print Lions competition with an image of old Amish men wearing Calvin Klein underwear. This year’s judges, Rob Jack and Toby Talbot of advertising agencies Special Group and DDB respectively, both agreed that the winning entry had “clever insight which gives you real pause for thought and brings to life the message in a unique way”. “The entry from Pip and Jennie titled Reach the Unreachable very cleverly delivered on our brief,” says Jack. “Their demonstration of creative execution within the print medium, we hope, will serve them well on the international stage in Cannes.” “We are very proud of Pip and Jennie at DDB. Their entry was very clever. The juxtaposition of a few conservative Amish men wearing modern popularbrand underwear was a great idea.” says Talbot. As the winners Perkins and Ko receive free flights to France and full registration to the Cannes Lions


by Jessica Beresford International Festival of Creativity, the most prestigious advertising festival in the world. Perkins and Ko both work at DDB Group after being placed in an internship while in their final year of study in 2009. “We wouldn’t have this job if it weren’t for the contacts we made while we were interning here,” says Perkins. “The type of work fits with the agency,” says Ko. “This is the agency we wanted to work at anyway.” The duo fly out next month to Cannes where they will have 24 hours to create a new campaign, this time up against dozens of the world’s top creative teams. “It’s a big challenge. Not knowing what the brief will be is a massive challenge but an exciting one,” said Ko. “In advertising you’re always proving yourself, no matter whether it’s a little tiny ad or a massive award brief, everything’s helping you try to get to that next level,” said Perkins. Both are looking forward to networking and rubbing shoulders with some of the biggest names in the business. Perkins and Ko, along with second-place winners Jono Aidney and Rob McDowell, are all former advertising creativity majors of the Communications degree.

Fashion students can no longer rely on all-nighters to finish their assignments, as after-hours access to their classrooms have been revoked. This affects second and third year students on levels five, six and seven of WM building after 5.30pm, when they were previously allowed in with swipe cards after hours. A series of emails were sent out warning students that after-hours access rules had been broken. The decision was made after machines were damaged and continuous mess was left in the studios. Oliver Church, a third year fashion student, said although some form of punishment was due because it was students making the mess, there could have been other ways to get around the issue without punishing everyone. “A way around it potentially could have been education of property use, of the privileges that we have which is the technology and the gear around us,” he said. Second year fashion student Rachel Mills says some people are really angry about the cancellation because it is hard enough to meet deadlines as it is. “The only time we can use the machines is class time because they are usually full all the other times,” she says. She says it is hard because people work at different paces and it is such a time consuming course.

issue 11 2011

Flatting rights lost on most tenants

by Kimberlee Downs

Bad landlords, bad flatmates and third-world flats. If that sounds familiar, do you know what your rights are as a tenant? A recent poll of students who are flatting showed that less than 30 per cent knew that landlords have to give 90 days notice to end a tenancy agreement without reason. Only 12 of the 23 polled knew they had to give 21 days notice to terminate their tenancy. And only half knew the rules governing rent rises: a landlord has to give 60 days notice and cannot increase the rent within six months of the start of a tenancy agreement. AuSM’s legal advisor Nick Buckby says he is not surprised by the statistics. “People sign all manner of things all the time without reading or understanding them. “Who really reads the fine print on the back of the form you sign when you join a gym? Or even a DVD shop?” He adds that for students, reading the fine print is not a priority. “It is likely that their rights and responsibilities as tenants are simply one of the

myriad of things they won’t engage with until something goes wrong.” The study shows 52 per cent of students who are living in rental properties believed they knew their tenancy rights. But a quarter of the respondents failed to keep a copy of their tenancy contract. Juliet Robinson, the national business development manager at property management company Quinovic, says she cannot see attitudes changing anytime soon. “It’s just a fact of life. People often don’t have a good understanding of their responsibilities. It’s not just about tenancy. I think it’s the nature of the beast.” And Buckby warns that when it comes to renting, such naivety can contribute to students getting a raw end of the deal. “Students often seem to get ripped off when it comes to imaginary or blown-out-ofproportion damage to flats and cleaning costs on vacating,” he says. Robinson says time pressure is a key reason for people signing contracts they do not


understand. But Buckby says students should “take the words of landlords and letting agents with a grain of salt”. “There are enough flats to go around outside a few crunch times, so don’t get rail-roaded into anything,” he said. Information on tenancy rights and responsibilities can be found at: Note: •Students surveyed were aged 18-24 and live in rental accommodation. •23 people responded to the survey. •Participants were given multi-choice options.

HOP is Auckland’s new smartcard for public transport. HOP replaces Go Rider on North Star, Waka Pacific, Go West, Metrolink and link buses. HOP cards with the SNAPPER logo are also the easy way to pay for everyday items like a coffee or sandwich.


In the future you’ll be able to HOP on trains, ferries and all bus services across Auckland.


Go Rider changed to HOP on North Star bus services on 8 May and on Waka Pacific and Go West on 22 May. Metrolink and LINK will change on 6 June. Go Rider cards can no longer be used on these buses from these dates. SNAPPER provides the payment and ticketing service for HOP on NZ Bus services. HOP cards with the SNAPPER logo can be used to pay for everyday items and can be topped up wherever you see a HOP or SNAPPER sign (some stores are ‘pay only’, e.g. SUBWAY® Restaurants). E-money top up charges in retail cost 25 cents. Refunds will not be available on card purchase or card top-up. If you don’t have a Go-Rider card, HOP card purchase is $10. Visit MYHOP.CO.NZ to view HOP retailers and to find out when different operators will start to accept HOP on board.

Midwifery students seek New Life in Rwanda

by Kimberlee Downs

A bar of soap, string, and a clean razor don’t sound like the entire contents of a childbirth tool kit. But in Rwanda this kit is a key part of a new World Vision initiative aimed at providing greater care for pregnant women and their babies – an initiative that may one day see senior AUT students get first-hand midwifery experience in Rwanda. The New Life Project is a six-month training programme that aims to enhance the midwifery skills of healthcare workers including birth attendants, nurses and technicians, in order to provide more skilled care to pregnant women and newborns. Rwanda has a neonatal death rate of 33 per 1000 live births. One in every 35 mothers has a lifetime risk of maternal death. In comparison, UNICEF’s State of the World’s Children report puts New Zealand’s neonatal death rate at three per 1000 live births in 2009, with just one in every 3800 mothers having a lifetime risk of maternal death.

World Vision’s development partners manager Charmian Oh says the project is a “grassroots, phase-one” programme. “It’s about the fundamental basics, like basic hygiene, that have huge impact on the child’s and mother’s health,” she says. As an example, the project will provide childbirth tool kits that include basic equipment. The programme also represents a potential opportunity for AUT’s senior midwifery students

UofA students bullied at graduation; AUT students cartwheel into degrees by Rosie Tuck Sometimes unexpected things happen at graduation ceremonies but AUT University’s approach is to encourage and maintain a happy atmosphere of celebration. At a University of Auckland graduation ceremony a few weeks ago a top student was left feeling “intimidated and bullied” by graduation officials for wearing a yellow rosette. The rosette related to a joint campaign from the Tertiary Education Union (TEU) and the University of Auckland students’ association (AUSA) to persuade the vice-chancellor Stuart McCutcheon to retain important academic conditions in their collective employment agreement. Vernon Tava, who was graduating with a Masters of Law with first class honours, was told by officials he was not allowed to enter the hall wearing it. “I was told the rosette wasn’t appropriate for a meeting of the university council, and that I wouldn’t be crossing the stage and graduating if it was not removed.” However, AUT spokesperson Tiffany White says graduation is an important day for students and students are at the centre of the day. “We want the focus to be on them and we want them to have an exuberant and uplifting experience.” White says sometimes things you weren’t expecting happen at graduation ceremonies “from marriage proposals to cartwheels on stage”.


AUSA president Joe McCory says the threats made by the university officials “present a massive affront to freedom of expression”. “The rosettes weren’t disruptive, but the bullying of graduates by university staff certainly was,” McCory says. University of Auckland spokesperson Bill Williams says the university makes it clear in the information for graduands handbook that students should not wear anything that is not officially approved on or over the regalia. “This is necessary to preserve the dignity of graduation, a major ceremonial occasion which requires a clear dress code.” Williams says while wearing extraneous items, other than bona fide cultural items is discouraged, “we would not force the issue and stop anyone who insisted on wearing them [the rosettes] from graduating”. White says the general rule at AUT is that graduands wear the correct regalia for their qualification, and some students choose to wear items of significance over their graduation robes. “Maori and Pasifika students add wonderful cultural elements to their robes on the day.” She says AUT has never had an issue with students wearing material that was inappropriate or offensive to graduands or parents.

to get hands-on experience in the country. AUT midwifery lecturer Susan Crowther says students are keen to get on board with the project, and are already involved with fundraising. “Our students would be exposed to the degree of absolute poverty and what happens when there isn’t what we call ‘routine’ procedures.” However, Oh says at the moment students will have to wait and see how the initial programme goes before any guarantees can be made. And while Crowther says she “fully supports” the project, she emphasises that it is just a starting point. She says more focus needs to be directed on infrastructure and ensuring people have the knowledge to deal with any medical problems that crop up. At least $US10,000 ($NZ12,800) is needed to deliver the project, which New Zealand midwives and mothers are in the process of fundraising for.

Bus concession crackdown after students cheat system by Corrie Taylor Earlier this month TVNZ revealed pensioners are passing on their SuperGold cards to friends for free train trips. Now it seems students are being targeted for the same reason. Veolia Transport is getting ticket takers on trains to check students’ identification cards when they hand over tertiary concession tickets. This comes after Veolia noticed some students sharing their concession tickets with friends so they too can get cheap rides. Tertiary concession tickets offer a 40 per cent discount off standard ticket prices, a significant difference for money-strapped students. Veolia communications advisor Michelle Roach says the company’s policy has always been to make sure that students have correct identification if they are using tertiary tickets, but Veolia has not been checking this routinely. Manager of customer service at Veolia Transport Nick Orange says: “Busy staff members have sometimes chosen to just clip tickets rather than check IDs, knowing they can’t reach every customer in the short periods between some station stops.” But now students will have to present the correct ID every time they use a tertiary ticket.

“Asking customers to have their tickets and IDs ready is one way we can ensure everyone riding the trains is doing the right thing and paying the right fare,” says Orange. Roach says if students can’t produce the correct identification then they will have to pay the full ticket price. But will checking IDs stop students from sharing their tertiary tickets? Auckland University student Aaron de Raat says it depends on what the consequences are. “If it was something like getting the ticket confiscated then no, but if the consequences weren’t severe enough I’d still be okay with doing it.” AUT student Ollie Rey says it wouldn’t stop her because there is always a chance that you can get away with it. “It wouldn’t be a big deal if they told you to pay the full price; you were going to have to originally anyway.” Ex-AUT student Heather Campbell used to give her tickets to friends all the time and says the ID checking wouldn’t stop her either. “You could easily say you forgot it. How could they possibly police that?”

issue 11 2011

AUT students and staff save lives by holding out their arms

by Ashleigh Muir

AUT students and staff saved 711 lives this month by rolling up their sleeves and donating blood during the AUT blood drive, held on May 10 and 11. Two-hundred-and-thirty-seven units of blood were collected over the two days, up from the last AUT blood drive, but still down from the 2010 semester one drive, which collected 271 units. New Zealand Blood Service donor recruiter Bob Richmond said the drive gives the New Zealand Blood Service confidence they can meet the current demand for blood and blood products. “Our visit proved once again that there is a tremendous spirit of caring around AUT, with many regular donors and 77 brand new donors giving up their valuable time to help those less fortunate that themselves.” AUT volunteer Catherine Selfe said she was pleased with the turn out for this blood drive. “It’s great to see more and more people getting involved and I only hope that AUT continues providing donors, hopefully ones that will continue indefinitely,” she said.

The drive also saw 17 people sign up for the New Zealand Bone Marrow Donor Registry (NZBMDR). NZBMDR donor recruiter Jesse Nankivell was at the blood drive talking to blood donors about joining the registry. “Ancestry plays a very important role in bone marrow donation. The donor and the recipient must be a close genetic match based on what’s known as your ‘tissue type’. “Currently, there are 5000 Maori and 1500 Pacific Island donors on the New Zealand Registry, compared to the nine million European donors on other worldwide registries. This means that Maori and Pacific Island patients have a significantly lower chance of finding a matched donor.” Richmond said the support of the university, AuSM, debate and the volunteers were the driving force behind each blood drive. “Our confidence is not misplaced, and many people will stay alive because of our friends at AUT. From us and from them, thank you.” The next AUT blood drive will be on August 23 and 24.

NZ Music Month helping Kiwi sounds get heard the world over

by Celia Schoonraad

Since its launch in 2001 New Zealand music month has increased awareness in Kiwi music and helped showcase up and coming artists. The month of May ensures there are a lot more gigs on offer and wide range of artists, both past and present, performing. Songstress Annabel Fay says, “it’s great because people who usually wouldn’t be aware of a large number of shows get to go to a lot more”. Auckland based DJ, presenter and all round entertainment personality Nick Dwyer says, “people make more of an effort to go check out New Zealand music which is great, although people should be doing that all year round and not just confined to one month”. Spokesperson for the New Zealand Music Commission Simon Woods says the extensive coverage of local music in May each year helps to drive sales of established artists and provides exposure for new musicians having a positive effect both culturally and commercially. “In the last 10 years New Zealand music month has successfully boosted the coverage of New Zealand music not only locally but internationally too.” According to the New Zealand Music Commission, in 2000 airtime for New Zealand music on commercial radio

stations made up around 10 per cent of programming. By 2005 this figure had increased to nearly 23 per cent. It now it stands at 37 per cent with across the board increases in the month of May. “I’ve always found that during music months with radio play you tend to be that extra bit hungry for fresh New Zealand music,” says Dwyer. Fay says “the music ‘month’ idea is great. I think if there was extreme emphasis all the time then it wouldn’t draw the same amount of attention”. “I think we should support New Zealand music as much as possible without treating it like a special needs child,” says Dwyer. “Support good music regardless and don’t feel like you should support it because it’s New Zealand music and it’s the special month of supporting it.” With an increase in blogging about New Zealand music and international support, Kiwi artists find themselves “travelling to far flung parts of the globe”. “Hopefully a whole load of new people get turned on to new New Zealand music.” “It thrusts a lot of different artists into the spotlight,” says Fay. “It sends a bit more Kiwi music abroad; that is always great when that happens.”

7. What government funded scheme was not affected by Thursday’s budget announcement? a) b) c) d) 4. Which sporting tournament started in Paris on Friday, May 20?

a) Terrence Malick b) Lars von Trier c) JJ Abrams d) Roman Polanski

a) Tour de France b) X Games c) Roland Garros d) 24 Heures du Mans Auto (24 hour car race)

2. What was the position Mildred Baena – the woman who had a secret son with Arnold Schwarzenegger – had on his staff? a) Executive chef at his office b) Receptionist at his office c) Housekeeper and assistant at his family home d) Legal Executive

5. What company makes and distributes the X-Box 360? a) b) c) d)

Sony Nintendo Microsoft Mitsubishi

3. Who is the patron saint of travelling?

6. Which one of these books is not being turned into a film in 2011?

a) b) c) d)

a) The Lincoln Lawyer b) One Day c) Monte Carlo d) They all are

St Christopher St Francis St Mark St Joseph

8. Who originally sang the song Hallelujah? a) Leonard Cohen b) Jeff Buckley c) Rufus Wainwright d) Prince 9. Which New Zealand netball team went against the Queensland Firebirds in Sunday’s trans-Tasman netball league grand final? a) Bay of Plenty Magic b) Northern Mystics c) Southern Sting d) There was not a New Zealand team i n the final 10. Which service stations are being rebranded to New Zealand owned company Z? a) Shell b) Gull c) Mobil d) BP

Answers: B, C, A ,C ,C ,D ,D ,A ,B ,A

1. Which director caused controversry in Cannes last week after saying he was a Nazi?

Student loans Working For Families KiwiSaver Domestic Purposes Benefit


by Scott Moyes The sporting world is notorious for being the worst secret keepers in the history of forever. Honestly, you thought gossip girl was scandalous. Open up your Sunday paper, flick through to the sports section and you’ll find the biggest tabloid you ever did see. Daniel Carter offered $6 million to play in France. Ross Taylor offered $1 million to bash a ball about in India. Chris Sandow offered $500,000 a season to play for the Parramatta Eels (this one still has me stumped). It’s like a playground of gossip that spreads like wildfire. No public display of indecency is left unheralded and no sexual act upon a dog is left unreported. How is it then that New South Wales, after being the whipping boys of Queensland for five straight years, have not yet learnt how to win State of Origin? I think there must be something wrong with the grapevine. You see, State of Origin is touted as the toughest sporting fixture on the planet. Nothing compares to it apparently; just two teams, absolutely hellbent on destroying each other with as little regard to personal safety as possible. For years they couldn’t be split. When one team appeared to have the edge, the other would come back bigger faster and stronger. But somewhere along the line, Queensland found the secret formula of success that New South Wales still can’t seem to figure out. The two teams will line up against each other for the first of three matches on May 25 at Suncorp Statdium in Brisbane. So why will Queensland be gunning for their sixth straight series title and New South Wales be striving not fall behind in the slipstream? In State of Origin, you don’t need a coach; you need a mentor. Queensland have the great Canberra centre, Mal Meninga at the helm. He is considered amongst the best to have ever graced the game. The thing is, if you’ve been selected to represent your state, chances are you’re a decent footballer. You enter the training camp not because you want to learn how to pass a football, but because you want the advice of someone who has walked the walk and talked the talk. Why are Queensland so good? It’s because when they walk into the changing rooms at half time, they see the great Mal Meninga, they feel his aura, and think “I don’t want to let this guy down”. The same cannot be said for New South Wales coach Ricky Stuart, who was a fine player for the same team, but lacks the respect of many within the rugby league community. New South Wales also lack an inspirational captain. What were the boys in blue thinking when they had their captain Kurt Gidley sitting on the interchange bench last year? The captain of a State of Origin football team needs to be an 80 minute player. When shit hits the fan, he’s not sitting on the bench with a disgruntled look on his face. If I were playing


for one of these teams, I’d want to know that my captain is going to lead the way when the going gets tough. Just like the ‘coach’, this is the guy you feel privileged just to be in the same team as. Who is this person for New South Wales? When Kurt Gidley is in the starting 13, then it is him. In the next five years? Look no further than Bulldogs prop, Aiden Tolman. Consistency in selection has been key to Queensland’s success. You know exactly what the team is going to look like months before the series will commence. This is because the selectors have remained loyal to a core group of players that haven’t let them down. Admittedly this is a much easier process to employ for Queensland, considering their pool of talent is much shallower then that of New South Wales. But by doing so, they have a champion team which embraces each other like brothers. Queensland have got great individual players, but what surpasses them is their great team camaraderie. New South Wales need to identify a group of future players, stick with them, and produce a great team, and not just a bunch of good players. In creating that team of the future, they need to have their best players playing in their best positions. This one would seem obvious, yet New South Wales seem to miss the memo every year. Pick the bloke who will best suit the position, not someone out of position who was unlucky not to be selected in his preferred role. If the player is a centre at club level, then he won’t suddenly become an Origin second-rower. Queensland even demonstrated this when they decided to play fullback Karmichael Hunt at five-eight one year. They were demolished. And if anyone can tell me why Michael Jennings was selected over Jamal Idris or even Josh Morris, please let me know. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, New South Wales need to have ruthless bastards in their team. State of Origin is tough. It’s not a game where Jamie Soward can prance about, hiding behind second-rowers in the defense line. They need forwards who are going to ruffle the feathers of Queensland. As much as they are loathed, this includes grubs like Michael Ennis, Paul Gallen, Greg Bird, Dean Young and Anthony Watmough. It’s good to see four of those five blokes in the team. For State of Origin football to survive, New South Wales need to become a force again. The NRL competition is primarily Sydney based, with just three of the 16 teams located in Queensland. New South Wales have a large enough support base; they just need a team worth cheering for. Get amongst it boys.

issue 11 2011

by Alicia Crocket

by Alicia Crocket Do you want to know how to lose weight without dieting? All you need to do is exercise for hours every single day for the rest of your life... People want to believe that there is a quick fix to achieve a healthy weight that won’t require them to change what they’re eating and drinking. The sad reality is that the myth of a quick fix is simply not true. For most people their weight is linked to what they’ve been eating and drinking and how much exercise they’ve been doing for their whole lives. If you want to attain and maintain a healthy weight then you have to change something about the way you’re living and that change has to be something you can maintain permanently. You need to start increasing your physical activity AND improving your diet. Losing weight is all about burning excess energy right? That’s correct, but you also need to think about how much energy you’re putting into your system. Your body does an amazing job of getting everything it needs and a lot that it doesn’t need comes from the food you eat and your drinks. So if you focus only on the activity side of things you might struggle to attain your healthy weight. Some foods and drinks are very energy dense, which means they have lots of calories in a small amount of food. Take your average chocolate bar. If you wanted to burn off a chocolate bar, you’d have to walk up stairs for 30 minutes without any breaks. Imagine a building that takes 30 minutes to walk from the bottom to the top? That’s the building you’re going to have to walk to the top of to burn that chocolate bar you had for afternoon tea. So how can you start to change what you eat and drink? Firstly, start eating and drinking foods and drinks that are less energy dense. These are fruit, vegetables, whole grains, low fat dairy, water and sugar free soft drinks. The best thing to do is to start with one or two small changes, get used to those and then add a couple more into the mix. The first changes I often recommend are changing to sugar free beverages, having fruit for snacks and having half your dinner plate as vegetables. Remember, whatever changes you make to become healthier must be something that you can do for the rest of your life. So start small, make gradual changes that you’re happy with and that allow you enjoy life and build on them. Don’t expect a quick fix; chances are that any benefits of quick fixes will be short lived. It’s just like the Pantene ad, “It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen”.

Serves 5 Dairy free if you don’t add the cheese, Gluten free Cost per serve: $0.86 without rice, $1.00 with brown rice

If this meal was Italian I’d call it a Tuscan style recipe; simple ingredients that make a very satisfying meal. It’s not Tuscan though, it’s a recipe from Ecuador that I found in my Quick and Easy vegetarian cookbook by Troth Wells. This meal is surprisingly tasty and appetising; it freezes well and is also very nice cold for lunches. I serve it here with brown rice but it could just as easily be put into a wrap or served with some chunky warm bread. Ingredients 1 cup (or half a can) of sweet corn kernels (not creamed) 500g pumpkin, cut into small cubes ½ cup frozen peas 4 medium potatoes, washed and diced ½ Tbsp oil 1 onion, finely chopped 2 cloves of garlic OR 2 tsps minced garlic 2 Tbsps tomato paste 1 cup grated cheese ½-1 tsp ground nutmeg Salt and pepper to taste Directions 1. Prepare your vegetables 2. Boil the pumpkin in a little water for about 10-15 minutes or until cooked 3. While pumpkin is cooking heat the oil in a saucepan that has a lid and cook the onion, adding the garlic after 5 minutes 4. Drain and mash pumpkin. If you have leftover roast pumpkin from the night before you can skip this step 5. Add the tomato paste and the potatoes to the onion and add just enough water to cover the potatoes. Boil for 5 minutes before adding the peas, corn and pumpkin 6. Turn the heat to low, cover the pan and cook for 10 minutes 7. Scatter the grated cheese and nutmeg on top before serving


Veronica Ng Lam AuSM President 921 9999 ext 8571 Hey, to all my fellow AUT Titans! I hope all is going well for your studies and early preparations for exams. This week was filled with colour and creativity as the business students began the first phase of their market days. It was exciting to see all the students filling up the quad eager to sell and trade, a little disappointing with the weather changing every five minutes making it almost impossible to keep up a stall! There was a range of food, clothes, accessories, hair products and almost everything that a uni student would spend a little cash on – so make sure you head on down this Wednesday to get something for yourself and help contribute to the business men and women of our future! It was also good to see students from ‘across the road’ enjoying what our first year business students had to offer in their early stages of entrepreneurship, WELL DONE!

Earlier on in the week the AGM (Annual General Meeting) was held in the in the whare kai situated at AUT’s marae. It was fantastic to see the different faces turning up to support AuSM and enjoy the extra bonus of pizza and spot prizes. Don’t forget to look out for the SGM (Special General Meeting) that will be held in the second semester. REMEMBER it is your responsibility to make sure that your student association delivers for you. It is often through this forum where you are given the opportunity to affect change and ensure that as students here at AUT, you receive THE BEST! I wanted also to make a shout out to the Manukau students who attended the student forum that we held out there in partnership with AUT. To those of you who came along and shared your thoughts on the strategic plan as well as feedback for AuSM you guys were amazing and your contribution was well received by us all. More importantly you are now responsible for the changes that are yet to come. Don’t forget we also have provided your campus with a pool table that is free for your use so we hope you enjoy and as your very awesome student association we are very proud to sponsor such things for you. Lastly, students’ lives are going to get tougher over the next few weeks; the assignments will pile, pressures will increase and life as many of us know it will revolve solely around books, classes and assignments. We know how you feel and if you need help in whatever way possible we are here to help you through it. Keep persevering and remember that “age wrinkles the body but quitting wrinkles the soul”. Enjoy your week ahead – blessings ma ia manuia Your fellow student president,


Business and law faculty update

PVC and Dean of the Faculty of Business and Law Dr Geoff Perry is establishing an AUT Business School Student Committee with representation from students across the school. The aim is to create a forum where students can raise issues of importance to them and have input on business school activities and initiatives. This committee will meet at least two times a semester with the Dean and other senior business school staff as appropriate. If you would like to nominate yourself as a club representative to the committee, please request a nomination form from no later than 4pm Monday, May 23. If you are a business and/or law student and have any comments or concerns you would like to share with AuSM rep Andrew Hogg email:, phone (09) 921 9999 ext 8302 or visit room: WC202b.

Celebrating 10 years in style

There is still time to win a Vesbar t-shirt. You have until Friday to fill up your birthday card (available at the bar) with stamps. Collect one stamp for every $5 you spend.

WIN stuff

We have some double passes to The Brother Size at Silo Theatre Thursday, May 26 at 8pm and Monday, May 30 at 7pm. To go in the draw email with your contact details and preferred datee.

AuSM Lodge

We are experiencing high demand for the AuSM Lodge this year so make sure you check it out and book early to avoid disappointment. You can book instantly online To clarify a few FAQs that we have been getting: - Only one member of your group has to be an AUT student to qualify for AUT rates


- When you book the lodge you are renting the whole place not just one bed - Up to 20 people can comfortably sleep in the lodge but we don’t need to know who they all are when you book as long as we have one contact person - The lodge is available to AUT staff and students yearround, including public holidays


Please visit the AuSM website for information on the current affiliated AuSM clubs. You will also find information on starting your own club and contact information if you have any questions. AuSM supports a range of clubs including religious, sporting, cultural, faculty-based and social.


Do you have some suggestions for social sports or activities that we can host on campus during lunchtime? Email and let us know.

Pool comp

There are still spaces available in the Vesbar pool comp, which happens every Wednesday at 12pm. Rock up on the day or email to get involved. We have great prizes up for grabs including a snowboard and paintball session for you and 10 mates.

Winter warmer

Warm up with some hot tomato minestrone soup served with bread at AuSM Free Feeds this week. Don’t forget to let us know what you like, don’t like or want at free feeds. We love to hear your feedback.

Meet Miss World NZ

AUT student Mianette Broekman has just been crowned Miss World NZ and she’ll be at AuSM Free Feed on the City campus this week. Come down and show your support, get a picture and say hi! issue 11 2011

by Jason Burnett

April 14, 2011 will be a day forever remembered by internet users. It marked a day where the government secretly rushed through a bill amending copyright law whereby a three strike system can result in an internet users account being severed for six months and huge monetary fines. This comes after long-term pressure from the music industry who says file sharing has resulting in massive monetary losses to the industry. Needless to say, a lot of us indulge in a bit of illegal downloading (some more than others) and with the passing of the bill, a dark foreboding precedent has been set whereby according to GeekZone, “anyone who provides any form of service of the internet is an ISP: That means libraries, councils, schools, businesses, governments, you name it. If you share your internet connection with your flatmates, you’re probably an ISP too under the new act…think about what this means”. In retaliation to the act, a global “blackout” ensued where internet-users were asked to black out their avatar in opposition of the bill. Even Twitter heavyweight Stephen Fry got in on the act, as did his 173,000 followers all joining the cause. But what about the industry? What about all the money that goes into paying their employees? Paying for equipment, location and maintenance? What about all the money to line the execs’ pockets and host outrageous overindulgent parties? What about payment to the artists who are the creative force behind the downloads? To be fair, the artist receives very little for royalties and only when (if) they hit the big time do they see any real gains. There is long standing proof that labels rip off their artists, with industry superstars,

Radiohead opting to release their album, In Rainbows online where fans can pay as much or as little as they please. Parallel to this, Prince did a similar thing, releasing his album for free online at a personal cost of $3 million in 2007. However, he announced a nationwide tour which sold out and he netted a very nice $9 million in the bank. Fact is, most artists, big or little, make majority of their income from touring. Considering the struggling artist that won’t be picked up by a label, free release music gets their name out there and if their talent is worth anything, they will see a rise in listenership and reap the rewards that result from touring. Add to this a decrease in “record label-produced generic pop music just to make money” bands and artists who come and go with no real input into music history, it would seem a better caliber of music would follow. However, record labels are necessities for artists without any money, as getting signed includes access to a proper studio with a well trained technician as well as marketing and branding. This is where all the money from CD sales goes. However, with the freedom of information the internet allows, they need to find new ways to make money. Google ads are a perfect example, where user information is recorded to allow for specific marketing opportunities. Radiohead had their users enter personal information that could be used for marketing later on – the benefit being ads that the user will want to see, instead of mass marketing hoping to catch a buyer here and there. Internet piracy caught the headlines in 1999 with the success of the original Napster and its 20 million users as of July 2000. The music industry went after them with ruthless

abandon and finally won out, seeing the closure of Napster. But as every empire falls, many rise up where it left off, and peer2peer (P2P) networks such as BearShare, Morpheus and Skype-creator Kazaa, all of whom had lawsuits brought against them, were born. However, the music industry has moved from targeting P2P networks (who base themselves in countries with relaxed copyright laws) to individual sharers, who in most cases are students, stay at home mothers, and other ordinary every day people. While internet piracy does contribute to loss of earnings, the biggest problem is third party piracy, found mostly in developing countries, where illegal hardcopies are sold in their millions to anyone with enough techno savvy to insert a CD and push play. Stanford Graduate School of Business has modeled a response to record labels stating that internet piracy actually decreases third party piracy, where ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ and that internet file sharers are limited to those who invest their time in file sharing and therefore take away from hardcopy piraters. With the rise of the internet, normal business models are floundering the world over, with the music industry especially holding onto old ways. If they invested the billions of dollars spent on prosecuting file sharers into new ways of making money from free music, then the artist (who tours to make money), the listener (who appreciates listening to good music) and the record labels (who are just greedy) can all live together happily into the 21st century and beyond.



by Rebecca Lee

’m sitting at the dining room table with a handful of Hamilton boys standing around me talking loudly about sports and getting pissed. Listening to these boys got me thinking about the differences between Auckland and Hamilton, what are the pros and cons of Auckland living vs. the Tron? I love Auckland, don’t get me wrong, but is Hamilton really as bad as we all make out?


This place has five decent sized bedrooms, A laundry, two large bathrooms, full sized kitchen, two lounges, a deck, a washing line, dining room. I just need to cross the road and I am at the university. The rent is around $105 per person for all expenses. 5/5

I live in a three bedroom (all doubles) apartment with a lounge/kitchen the size of a medium bedroom. We have two small bathrooms, a gym, out of order pool and a laundry which is $3 a load. The place is a seven minute walk to uni (I timed). Rent is $161.25 per person for all expenses. 3/5

This house has space for five cars. No one has to park on the street and if they did, it would be free anyway. The uni itself has over five car parks all FREE. 5/5

We have a free car park under our building but it seems to be always full when people want to use it. Tricky. Parking on the street costs $4 an hour from 8am-6pm, Monday to Saturday. Parking at uni is impossible and it is pretty expensive. 2/5

The university is about 10 minutes drive out of the city, this curbs the lunch time urge to shop. But, it would also encourage me to take the whole day off if I needed to get something in town. Walking distance from the uni and flat are a few bakeries and take away shops, nothing too fancy. 3/5

Uni is in the heart of the city. In between classes I could quite easily get a bite at one of the hundred food courts on and around Queen Street, or pick up a new dress from one of the zillion clothes shops. 5/5

The people are pretty relaxed but also they’re kind of sheltered. I was looking a little “hipster” as I got told (cringe saying that) and I received the STRANGEST looks. 2/5

Everyone is too self absorbed to notice you. That could sound mean, but what I mean is - I could walk around in my pajamas and not too many people would give you a second glance. 5/5


The good thing about Hamilton town is that all the clubs are SO close together. I can wear high heels and my feet feel perfect in the morning. They also have a 24/7 bakery and “Spawn” which have the best food. Bad thing, they are all the same. The same man owns most of the clubs and instead of mixing it up a bit they all play the same music – real bad top 40 “hits” with a slack DJ doing a few fades. May as well call them: “Bar 101”, “Bar 102” etc. In saying that, at least you can walk into a bar and know the lyrics to every song. 3/5

Every club seems to have stairs to get into it. I am a short girl but am only game enough to wear heels on the odd occasion if I’m going to be trekking to the Viaduct. We have a LOT more options for clubbing here… If you want to get hit on by sleazy dudes, you can go to Margies! Consider yourself a bit of a hipster? Cassette’s the place for you. And the one club known all around New Zealand: Waterfront aka Bollywood. There is a bunch of clubs to cater to everyone’s needs. We also have the best gigs come to our city. Think Deadmau5, Katy Perry etc… Did Hamilton get that? Nope. 4/5

Town nights:

I feel that this is a gateway city. The people here want the same party scene and opportunities as Auckland but they still need the farmland and town-feel to keep them sane. It is much more relaxed on the weekend. The time I spent there was having a picnic outside, doing washing and being a housewife. Not too many opportunities compared to Auckland in terms of jobs but still a really lovely place. 3/5

Fast paced city life. There is always something to do and when you live in a shoe-box apartment like me it’s easy to get fidgety and need to go out. The opportunities that Auckland holds are second to none and I don’t think any other city in New Zealand can compare. Sometimes it is a bit much though and you need to escape for the weekend. 4/5

Hamilton: 21/30




Auckland: 23/30

I knew Auckland would win. The apartment may be cramped, the air isn’t as fresh and the parking is pretty ridiculous but I still love it here and never want to leave… except to England, but that’s another story.


issue 11 2011

The Mob Squad: The New Technological Terrorism by Danielle Whitburn

Once read on an American comedy quiz, there are three types of student mentality towards the old cash cow you call your bank statement: 1. Just reach into my wallet and grab a 50. 2. Can’t complain. 3. I dream of bagel. Friends, when I saw my Vodafone bill last month, I’d be lucky to dream of toast. Yes, I know I’m with the old-ripper-offerer network Vodafone. But that still doesn’t excuse the exorbitantly high prices we are charged for sending a few letters detailing all manner of banal things. We text about the quality of the coffee we drink, some nice pair of eyes we saw on the bus, dresses (especially dresses), sly comments in the classroom, and even the widely-abused weather topic. We laugh, we love, we lie, and sometimes we even have borderlinecheating relationships over the trusty old clicker. However, we do pay the price. The part I’ve found the hardest to stomach is, having come back from the land of the cork-hatted cobber, I’ve discovered it didn’t really have to be all that hard. Walking around in the beautifully sun-lined malls, with young men and women smiling and chatting noisily in their Aussie accents, I happened to casually glance with an innocent smile towards the big Vodafone shop, oh-so-eloquently marked with a speech bubble to try and be our fake Paris Vodafone BFF. But then I saw the sign. Wait: Did I just read 300 minutes to any network of my choice, for only $30? Yes, sad-eyed Kiwi, yes you did. Many of the Australians I had met had flash phones. I cast my mind back to the times when they had casually called friends for minutes on end; when checking a Facebook status on the bus, train, or workplace seemed the most natural thing in the world. To my recollection most were not in wonderful jobs; I just thought they were inclined to be materialistic. Innocent Kiwi eyes dreamed of the day. I remembered with melancholy the times when I would go to dial a number, my friend anxiously inquiring: “Do you have free minutes?”, as if there were no other option; the friend was simply looking out for my financial health. The times spent in the payphone to check your account balance, because you knew that ringing on the mobile would waste your last precious prepay minute. The fear allayed when after a long cellphone call, all would be explained: “He’s on a plan”. And finally, the extra-sad moment when an impoverished student had met another on Telecom: upon hearing the first digits, 027, he knew this was a friendship that could not last.

The fear, anxiety, and haplessness caused by the extreme tension upon seeing a Vodafone account bill is not for the faint-hearted. If I were a ridiculous American, I could sue for the added stress caused. We are pushed between a rock and a hard place with our networks. Unless we want to change to 2 degrees (whom I would like to personally thank for introducing some diversity and cost-effectiveness into our phone environment; someone’s gotta start the trend), who no one can afford to text, we are stuck between loses-coverage-at-the-best-moments Telecom and heart-attack Vodafone. The only choice is a plan, or a hippy, phoneless existence. But if you choose a plan, what if you go over the minutes allocated? The sneaky bastards are always trying to shift in some clause in the contract that you’re sure wasn’t there in the signing phase. Alas, what to do? The first tactic in the old action plan is to see what it is that makes Australia’s, and probably most of the world’s, phone services cheaper. The answer is competition. It is the same as everything, and it extends to much more than phones. Our clothes, our technology, our food, even our booze sometimes is not as well priced (although I’m not such a fan of their bars; too many pokies) as our overly tanned neighbours. Australia, because it is a bigger economy, has safeguarded itself a little better than us against the old corporate thieves. With six major networks and a variety of phone retailers, prices had to come down. It is not just the price of phone calls and texts that have come down, either. Struggling to communicate coherently through the barrage of nasal-pitched Australian accents, I had to find myself a phone – and fast. The cheapest available, that did not look heinous, was a little $40 beauty. A quick stroll to JB Hi Fi Auckland, however, will try and sell you this rather primitive specimen for $190. Post-pavlova, a little country enmity does seem to sink in at this stage. The fast breeding of iPhones among my Australian acquaintances was duly founded. So what is a wage-weary student to do? Switch, maybe. Boycott? Who knows. It’s just not fair. As those of you will know that have tried this little number, no you cannot bring a beautiful phone back to our shores to inject a new sim card into (which Aussies don’t even pay for) for free: you must pay around the $150 mark. The companies know. It’s all a conspiracy. Text all your friends. We are in the midst of a new form of terrorism. Osama bin Laden’s replacement lays just an invoice away.


Torture: Inhumane Methods in Today’s “Humane” Society (or, how to make you despise the human race in 1500 words or less) by Alisha Lewis

Last week, after sitting through a lecture that seemed to go on forever, my friend Emma turned to me dramatically and said, “Thank god we’re free. That was torture!”. Taking her statement literally, one might assume that there had been terrible things going on in lecture room WE230. That we had not in fact spent the last hour learning about new media but rather, were held captive by a sadistic lecturer who, instead of teaching us about techno cultural shifts and reconceptualising audiences, was busy stretching people’s limbs, chopping off their ears and slowly cudgelling us to death. That was not the case. It was simply a particularly boring lecture. Our concept of torture differs greatly from the real meaning of the word. Torture for us is having to clean out the bathroom or take our little sister to the new Justin Bieber movie, or simply getting out of bed on Monday mornings. It doesn’t usually involve bondage, brutality and broken limbs. Perhaps we take it so lightly because our notion of torture is generally based on stories of medieval methods, Henry the VIII and scenes from Slumdog Millionaire or the latest James Bond flick. The idea of actual, legitimate torture seems so archaic to most of us. We live in a place where people enforce human rights and abolished the death penalty a long time ago. We no longer fight for freedom of speech, we practise it. This is our reality. But this is not reality for everyone. In many parts of the world, torture is common practise. And it holds a much darker meaning. Torture has been present throughout our recorded history. It crops up in Greek literature and even in the Bible – both dated thousands of years ago. Ancient methods of torture were truly barbaric. They include the breaking wheel (in which a person is attached to a heavy wheel and rolled till their bones are crushed), flaying, slow slicing, disembowelment, crucifixion, impalement, execution by burning, dismemberment, sawing (think medieval Texas Chainsaw Massacre), decapitation and scaphism (you don’t want to know). From stories read, movies watched and topics studied in high school history, it’s evident that torture used to be much more prevalent in society than it is today. Nowadays we have the declaration of human rights, Amnesty International and the United Nations Convention against Torture. It would be safe to assume we’ve come a long way. But when you take a closer look at the facts, and really expose the seedy underbelly of our society for what it is, it seems that maybe we haven’t improved as much as we think. Maybe we’re just better at hiding it. Because contrary to what many people think, torture is actually still currently practised worldwide. During 1997 to 2001, Amnesty International received reports of torture or cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment in more than 150 countries.


These accusations ranged from acts against political prisoners (in 70 countries) to acts against other prisoners and detainees (in 130 countries). It’s pretty startling. When we live in a world where CCTV cameras and intelligence agencies destroy all notions of privacy, how have we been kept in the dark about what’s really been going on? In a (not so surprising) twist, one of the most undercover torturers is the United States. The land of the free and the home of the brave? Yeah, right. A number of incidents involving American torture methods have been made public over recent years. In 2004 the US military was embroiled in a torture scandal after graphic photos of the abuse emerged. The photos showed the torture and sexual abuse of Iraqi prisoners in a US-run prison outside Baghdad. It came as a huge shock to the rest of the world, that one of the most democratic,

issue 11 2011

developed nations in the world would display such brutality and disregard for human integrity. The arrogance and sense of entitlement possessed by the soldiers in the photos fuelled anti-American attitudes around the world. Deputy director of operations for the US military in Iraq, Brigadier General Mark Kimitt, acknowledged this, telling current affairs show 60 Minutes, “If we can’t hold ourselves up as an example of how to treat people with dignity and respect, we can’t ask that other nations do that to our soldiers”. In light of the controversy and global backlash, the US updated the army manual in 2006 so that it banned torture of prisoners for the first time – specifically outlining forced nudity, hooding and other procedures that had come under recent scrutiny. Despite these changers however, it would seem nothing really changed. The torture went underground and unnoticed, manifesting largely in US prisoner detention centre Guantanamo Bay – located at the US Naval Base in Cuba – which is used to hold terrorist suspects. Nearly all of them are non-white Muslims. Prisoners are beaten, tortured and denied contact with family, legal counsel and the outside world. Last month, Wikileaks files on the uses of Guantanamo Bay began appearing online. The New Yorker’s Amy Davidson was one of the

which water is poured over the face of an immobilised captive, creating the sensation of drowning. Some countries have attempted to update their methods of torture. The Brazilian government designed a number of new electrical and mechanical means of torture during the country’s military dictatorship from 1964-1985. Military officials from other Latin American nations were also given training on these new techniques. One of the devices created by the Brazilians is actually used in New Zealand today within the police force. Tasers. Taser stun guns have come under scrutiny lately, particularly in regard to how the police have been using them. Tasers have lead to a number of deaths in other countries, and Amnesty International has been urging the New Zealand police to stop using them. Recent incidents have arisen in which police have used tasers on a victim unnecessarily and for prolonged periods of time. These incidents have been associated with overall harsh treatment of the person taken into police custody. Does this classify as torture? There have been constant debates within New Zealand as to whether police should be allowed to use taser guns. Perhaps there are instances where the device might be useful, but doesn’t this fact ring true for any weapon? Tasers are just like

When we live in a world where CCTV cameras and intelligence agencies destroy all notions of privacy, how have we been kept in the dark about what’s really been going on? many journalists to report on what the files said – and what’s really been going on. Davidson said that Guantanamo had become “a sort of mission creep beyond the post-9/11 goal of using interrogations to hunt down the as Qaeda inner circle and sleeper cells” which turned into a “whisper factory” where the only “intelligence” is the word of one prisoner against the other (under torture or bribery). While the US’ methods have come under the most scrutiny, such tactics are used all over the world. It’s more prevalent in developing nations, where poverty levels are high, value for human life is low and corruption runs rife. Despite this, uses of torture in recent years are prominent in a diverse range of countries from India, Iran and Brazil to the United Kingdom, France and Germany. A lot of time may have passed since the days of medieval torture, but torture methods remain crude and barbaric. In 2007, an FBI report was released, detailing some of the torture methods used at Guantanamo Bay. Detainees were shackled to the floor, naked, in the foetal position for up to 18 hours straight, forced to urinate and defecate on themselves. They were subject to extreme temperatures – the air conditioning would be turned up at a level close to freezing. There were also incidents where interrogators squatted over or urinated on the Qur’an in front of prisoners. Another common method used is water boarding, in

a mild form of the electric chair – the same principle applies, electrocuting people (to an extent) yet one is considered acceptable and the other torture. It’s strange to think the issue is relevant here in New Zealand too. It just goes to show how widespread torture is; it’s an aspect of humanity and it’s doubtful we’ll ever be able to wipe it out for good. Generally, there should just be better laws and ways of policing it. But why will other nations stop when world leaders like the United States continue to use torture, often without good reason? It is blatant hypocrisy, especially considering the US hanged Japanese soldiers after WWII for water boarding US prisoners of war. While the argument generally used by countries is that torture is conducted in the pursuit of vital information, surveys of torture victims reveal that torture “is not aimed primarily at the extraction of information…Its real aim is to break down the victim’s identity”. It seems it’s all about power-tripping and egos – whether it’s a soldier debasing a prisoner or a policeman wielding a taser gun. There’s no need for torture – there never has been. It’s completely unjustified, especially in today’s society. How can we fight for freedom and equality when almost every country in the world is involved in one of the nastiest, ugliest aspects of humanity? As George Orwell said, “the object of torture is torture. The object of power is power”.


Top 15

craziest celebrity baby names: 15. Ireland: Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger

by Alisha Lewis There’s something about celebrity culture that has the world hooked. From glossy interviews in Vanity Fair to the trashy tabloid rumours in gossip magazines, we have to know every detail about these people’s lives. It’s a bit stalkerish really. ‘What’s the real reason behind Kate Hudson’s sudden weight gain?’ ‘Did Jennifer Aniston get a boob job?’ ‘Is Matthew McConaughey having an affair?’ It’s generally pretty predictable stuff: body issues, secret affairs, new romances and mystery illnesses. The usual. But lately, there’s a new craze in Hollywood that everyone’s talking about. A new accessory that it seems every woman just must have. It’s not a handbag. Not a coveted pair of Louboutins. It’s not the new ‘Rachel’ haircut. But it has sent women world-over flocking to newsstands to get their hands on the latest issue of NW or Women’s Day. Babies. Yes, babies. It seems tinsel town is obsessed with them. They’re popping them out all over the place: twins, triplets, surrogates, adopted orphans, secret love children. It’s a bit much really. Just when you think we’re finally done hearing about Miranda Kerr, Alicia Silverstone and Mariah’s latest bundles of joy, we’re sprung with the news that now Kate Hudson, Ivanka Trump and Jessica Alba are up the duff too. When will it end? We’ve also had to resign ourselves to the fact that daytime television is no longer the sordid, gossip filled guilty pleasure that it once was. It’s now the domain of knocked up celebrities discussing water-births and natural nappies and whether one should be a ‘marsupial mom’ or a ‘stroller mom’. It’s getting boring fast. Kate Hudson, I did not turn on Rachel Ray just to hear you gush about how ‘blessed’ you feel and what your favourite brand of onesies is. Bring back the dirt, scandal and good old fashioned gossip we’ve come to expect from our celebrities. There’s only so many times you can read/watch/hear about planning the perfect first birthday party or Suri Cruise’s new haircut. To be fair though, some of this baby momma news is coming with its fair share of scandal. Most recently, it’s been revealed Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child during an affair. Granted this happened 10 years ago but since everyone’s just finding out about it now, it still comes under the secret lovechild category. Other celebrities who have faced similar love child scandals over the past couple of years include David Letterman, Mel B (Scary Spice) and Eddie Murphy. Rapper Lil Wayne even fathered children in 2009. No, they weren’t twins – they were born a couple of months apart to two separate women. Aside from the scandals, celebrities are


also choosing to have children in more unorthodox ways. Celebrities like Jessica Alba, Giselle Bunchden, Ricki Lake and even Owen Wilson and his wife have been advocating homebirths, water births and other non-medical births. Alba’s been promoting the benefits of ‘hypnobirthing’ while Owen Wilson has spoken out about his wife’s successful homebirth. Then there’s the celebs opting for the less painful route – surrogates and adoption. Sandra Bullock stunned the world when she announced she had secretly adopted a child – a baby boy named Louis. Bring into the mix Madonna’s Malawi kids and Brangelina’s ever expanding multi-cultural brood and it seems adoption is fast becoming a popular option in Hollywood. Meanwhile, some are choosing to have someone else have their own kids for them. I can see the appeal. If you’ve got the money to throw around (a cool $40,000), why not have someone else do the hard yards for you? Sarah Jessica Parker is one such celeb who paid a surrogate to give birth to her twin daughters. None of this news will really be new though, because it’s already been splashed over almost every gossip magazine and tabloid publication in existence. The big question though, is why the hell do we care so much? It’s not like they’re doing anything special or glamorous. They’re re-producing. 50 per cent of the world’s population is able to do it, and has being doing it since the start of time. It definitely doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the mechanics of it either – just ask Kate Hudson or your pet bunny rabbits. So then, why are we so interested? One reason could be because having babies makes celebrities seem more normal – they’re raising families, just like us. It makes them more relatable and less super-human. On the other hand, the also do some pretty insane shit. It makes you think they want the attention. They want us to obsess over them and their perfect children. Why else would they dangle their babies over balconies and throw them birthday bashes that cost thousands of dollars. Why else would they give exclusive pictures and interviews of their new baby bliss to People magazine? And most of all, why else would they give their kids such crazy names? Rocket? Satchel? Apple? I’m not just listing random objects, those are actually the names of celebrity babies. I wouldn’t be surprised if the all end up going to the same schools and making fun of those weird kids with normal names like Alice and Tom. It’s all pretty ridiculous and a big waste of time. I don’t know why we care. But by the way, while we’re on the topic, make sure you pick up next week’s issue of Women’s Day. I hear there’s a picture in there of Suri eating an apple. (No, not Gwyneth Paltrow’s Apple, although that would be more exciting).

14. Fifi Trixibell: Bob Geldof and Paula Yates (also parents to Peaches and Pixie) 13. Hopper: Sean Penn and Robin Wright 12. Apple: Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow 11. Pilot Inspektor: Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf 10. Camera: Arthur Ashe and Jeanne Moutoussamy 9. Satchel: Spike Lee and Tonya Lewis Lee 8. Jermajesty: Jermaine Jackson and Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza 7. Rufus Tiger: Roger Taylor (also father to Tiger Lily and Lola Daisy) 6. Rocket: Robert Rodriguez (also father to Racer, Rebel and Rogue. No they aren’t horses) 5. Moon Unit: Frank Zappa (also father to Dweezil and Diva Muffin) 4. Lark Song: Mia Farrow and André Previn 3. Sage Moonblood: Sylvester Stallone and Sasha Czack (also parents to Seargeoh) 2. Moxie CrimeFighter: Penn Jillette (also father to Zolten) 1. Audio Science: Shannyn Sossamon issue 11 2011

The human race: a few sandwiches short of a picnic (but up to date on Idol) by Brendan Kelly “You tweet ‘Oh my god I’m having a sandwich!’, like it’s thrilling, Four seconds later, 19 followers tweet ‘What filling?’ −Bill Bailey on the complete and utter futility of human existence “We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the internet, we know that is not true.” −Robert Wilensky on monkey literature


e humans live a sad and trivial existence. We come into this world as tiny little creatures; this world full of traffic lights, popsicles and traffic light popsicles, a world we struggle to fully deal with at the best of times. We get a little bit bigger, we move around a little bit and then we die. Six billion people populate this planet. The majority of that six billion people consider the dairy down the road an annoyingly long way away. Remember that. Now realise that our planet is just one of hundreds of billions in the universe, separated by unfathomable distances, even further than the dairy on the corner. We hold on to our frames of reference for dear life, like limpets clinging to a slice of interstellar meatloaf. But the fact of the matter is, if there is a grand design, if the universe has some sort of divine purpose, odds are we don’t factor into it all that much. Thank God, Buddha, the World Turtle, Mother Nature, or any other deity of your choice. If a divine plan revolved around a race of Bieber-worshipping, tweeting, American Idolising, moronic apes I would be a little bit worried. But because a perfect entity wouldn’t allow a divine plan to revolve around such a goofish breed, I can only assume the obvious and say that it probably doesn’t. And it seems fairly clear that everybody else in the world has come to this same conclusion, and therefore are trying to live their lives in the most trivial fashion available. I’m talking about Twitter, Facebook, fake tanning, pop idol and anything that contains the phrase ‘“..because your a fearless bastard” (always using the incorrect ‘your’, fuck I hate that). I speak of Lady Gaga and her ridiculous egg and the fact that a wedding dress can get more media coverage than a natural disaster and a civil war combined. My point is this: If there is a divine plan, if there is a God or a Buddha or a Turtle, is he (or she, don’t discriminate, gurl powa) really going to be impressed with ‘lolz just had a dubble down, was sooooo greazy! Gud tho’? I don’t think so. Disclaimer: Here is where I minimise the amount of hate mail I receive with pure, unadulterated logic. If you find what I just said offensive, you are inferring that your deity of choice would in fact be impressed by the above mentioned human race. If you are willing to admit this, then fine. This is sort of like how a human is impressed when they find a potato chip that looks like James Earl Jones, or marvels at the ability of a yak to walk and breathe simultaneously. I assume you are not willing to admit this, in which case your deity’s reputation remains intact and my point is made; you can’t be offended and let’s continue with the really good article thank you very much. High five for logic, end disclaimer. We seem to be stuck in a ditch on the Path of Enlightenment. Yes, friends, a ditch! A ditch fraught with the Disease of Uncertainty, piled high with Syringes of Disheartedness and containing more than enough Sewage Water of Stupidity. And although Twitter, Facebook and Bebo (that’s still hip, right? Ah, to be young again) may seem like the tools to edge our way forward, they are merely metaphorical shovels, digging the ditch ever deeper. Great metaphor. I’m not trying to offend anybody, although it wouldn’t surprise me if I have. Who knew religion was such a touchy subject...? I’m just saying; imagine you were some sort of superior being viewing the human race for the first time. Let’s say you picked one at random; the odds of you getting a Gandhi, an Obama or a motherfucking Stallone are pretty damn slim. Most likely, you’ll end up with an average person. Unfortunately, by the time the divine being is ready to take a look at us, we have deteriorated so badly the average citizen is a 27-year-old illiterate woman named Glenda who has been baked in a sun bed for 45 minutes at 200 degrees celcius. She has no opinion on literature (except that Taylor Lautner wears way too much clothing) or philosophy; she has no interest in the world. She can however tell you every plotline that has ever occurred in Shortland Street and name every wild card from every season of American Idol. Her husband, Igor, is 28 and his life time achievement is having tried every flavour of pop tart, twice. We humans live a trivial existence, even without the blight of buffoonery that social media and American Idol have brought to the world. In the grand scheme of things, we already lead lives that could easily be considered entirely pointless from an outside perspective. And yet with the advent of ceaseless, banal status updates and constant tweets about how you just took a breath and are thinking about repeating the process shortly, we have found a way to make everything just a little bit more menial. Well played, humanity. I’m not saying we all have to be a Gandhi or an Obama. But that doesn’t mean we have to be Homer fucking Simpson.

21. 21.

More predictions from the man with the power – and an active iTunes account by Brendan Kelly I am a firmly spiritual person. Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Canadian Club – I’ve tried them all. And through my spiritual endeavours, I have achieved what can only be considered enlightenment. But I am aware that most of you are not so lucky. And so I continue to go out of my way to provide you with a road map to the truth, aiding you as best I can with the earthly tools available to me – iTunes on shuffle and the innate abilities of a silver tongued wordsmith.

Virgo: Lady Gaga – I Like it Rough

Aquarius: The Monkees – A Little Bit Me, A Little Bit You

You will become the centrepiece of a human centipede. After a horrific few weeks, you will come to the conclusion that it isn’t so bad. Form a gang of other centipedes and wreak havoc at Number One Shoe Warehouse. Call yourselves ‘The Crazy Legs’.

Pisces: Queen - Under Pressure

Events will unfold and you will wind up in a submarine. Make sure you breathe when resurfacing, or maybe not. I can’t remember which one makes your head pop off like the cap on a tube of toothpaste.

Aries: The Smiths – The Boy With the Thorn in His Side

After years of planning and biding your time, you will finally decide to take action. The time is ripe for you to make your move. You will give a rose to the girl you have a crush on. She will react with fury and imbed it in your abdomen. That’s what you get for violating your restraining order.


Taurus: Iron Maiden – The Evil That Men Do

After a beautiful candlelit dinner under the stars (they see everything, you know) your boyfriend Saddam will dump you for smiling at him lopsidedly. You will end up keeping the kitten you had planned to give him for his birthday after he threatens to put it in a sack and lob it into the Waikato.

Gemini: The Cranberries - Animal Instinct

You will be bitten by a radioactive super spider. You will develop hairy fingers and the ability to help people who drop their lunch trays. Twentysix minutes later, you will die. How’s that for a slice of reality, Marvel Comics?

Cancer: The Pixies – Wave of Mutilation Tsunami.

Leo: Bob Dylan – She Belongs To Me

You will quarrel with a friend about the ownership of a ham and mustard sandwich. To settle the matter, you will arrange a midnight duel. Your opponent will be armed with a knife. Proceed to laugh in his face for bringing a knife to a gun fight. You will then realise you didn’t bring a weapon at all. Your corpse will be littered with sandwich crumbs.

The weather will turn sour for the sea voyage you had planned. I predict 12 metre waves and north-west-easterly gusts of up to 1700 cubic metres a second. Best to play it safe. Stay home and indulge in some S&M.

Libra: Jimi Hendrix – Ain’t No Telling

You will observe a mob boss getting whacked. You will be forced to move to Transylvania under a witness protection scheme. You will meet Dracula. Compliment him on his moustache. Magazines and the internet are banned under his tyrannical regime, so you will never get to read this.

Scorpio: The Beatles – We Can Work it Out

You will desperately try to get back together with your exboyfriend Saddam. You will send him a gift of pan fried scallops. He will laugh in your face and head butt a stranger. Man that guy’s a cock.

Sagittarius: Johnny Cash – One Piece at a Time

This week, you will lounge around the house wearing black and sneering at people. To preserve your sanity, you will start a 6000 piece jigsaw puzzle, a panoramic view of the Atlantic Ocean at dusk. You will be awestruck by the untouched beauty of such a scene, and shed a single tear before you reverently lay the first piece on your table, which has been swept clean out of respect for this momentous task. You will get halfway through it before you overdose on heroin, throw up all over it, and then die.

Capricorn: Simon and Garfunkel– I Am a Rock

After an existential crisis, you will come to the conclusion that you are a boulder. You will base your week around this fact, rolling to all your lectures. You will listen to rock music, buy a pet rock, watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and hum the theme song from Rocky. People will still fail to notice you, like you’re a complete unknown. Like a rolling stone.

“Prediction? My prediction? ...paaaain.” −Mr T on horoscopes “So you see, astrology’s nothing to do with astronomy. It’s just do with people thinking about people.” −Douglas Adams on why this article is true And so ends another week of predictions. Well, I say predictions. But that implies that these may not come true, and I would never lie to you. On another note, if you do believe in the psychic abilities of the stars, let me know. Perhaps we could get together over some coffee or wheat grass or candy floss flavoured vodka or whatever it is you people drink. I already know you will, and I know it doesn’t work out. Mercury told me what you haven’t done yet, you lying bitch. issue 10 2011

The Rat Pack:

The 60s Personification of Cool by James Wheeler


ay is music month and debate has been featuring music in the last few issues. The spotlight for this piece will be thrown down centre stage on places like the Copa Cabana, the legendary Sand’s hotel on the Las Vegas strip and other clubs. Today’s students (myself included) are far too young to imagine living in this era. However, take your mind back to what you remember seeing in film or reading in books of the 1960s. Frank Sinatra was king. Jazz and big band music dominated. The saxophones, trumpets, drums and piano joined in harmony on the stage of most clubs and hotels in the heart of Las Vegas. Cocktails were the order of the evening and everywhere you looked people were dressed in formal suits and beautiful dresses. The superstars of the entertainment industry didn’t need elaborate sets, costume changes or an egg to ride in on, they just performed for the crowd, and the crowd loved it. He was the headline act in Vegas and everywhere he went sold out crowds would follow. He wasn’t a rocker; he personified swing, jazz and big band. Performing what are now classic standards such as Mack the Knife, My Funny Valentine, That’s Life and New York New York, Sinatra took the world by storm during this time. On his own he was fantastic, but partnered with four other guys the group became showbiz legends. Of course, this was the Rat Pack. Interestingly enough the group never called themselves this name. They preferred The Clan or The Summit. Rat Pack was a term used by the press to group Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, Peter Lawford and Joey Bishop together and the name stuck. Many would say the Rat Pack owned the time period. Together they performed with a smooth sounding band behind them and became one of the most well renowned groups of all time. Things just don’t happen the way they did back in the 60s anymore. Back then, the Rat Pack all regularly performed on an area known as The Strip just outside of Las Vegas. It’s there where a 7km road of casinos, hotels and other popular venues were home to entertainment’s brightest stars. If they weren’t in L.A. shooting a movie, they were in Vegas headlining at the popular clubs.

The Rat Pack attracted audiences from right around the country in their prime. One classic image taken from the old Sand’s hotel from the 60s had Dean Martin on their marquee as the main attraction that evening. Underneath his name were ‘MAYBE FRANK’ and ‘MAYBE SAMMY’, referring to the fellow Rat Pack members. Often they would show up unannounced to each others shows and perform duets, improvisational comedy, or whatever they felt like at the time, which made the shows spontaneous and delighted the crowds at the same time when they got far more than what they paid. This kind of thing just doesn’t exist in today’s industry. As a group they created a legacy that lives on today in entertainment history. They did more than just sing well. Sinatra had pull in the movie industry and was looking to cast parts for the 1960 film Ocean’s Eleven (you may be shocked to learn the George Clooney one was a remake) where he was signed on to star. Feeling like spending a few months on set with his pals, he filled most of the principle cast with his fellow Rat Pack members for the first of what ended up being several Rat Pack films. A friend of the Rat Pack and former lounge singer Sonny King recalled in an interview that the Rat Pack would “drive the director crazy” on the set of Ocean’s Eleven because they ad-libbed all the time and directed themselves. People like to associate the legendary crooner with the mob. Yes, while Sinatra did have alleged ties to some organised crime, he also did some great things. Back in the 1960s the racial tension between blacks and whites was much more heightened than it is today. Back then life wasn’t as easy and Sammy Davis Jr was feeling the brunt of it. Frank would always stand by his friend and refuse to stay at a hotel or perform at any club unless Sammy Davis Jr got fair and equal treatment. It was a true mark of respect and the start of the relaxed racial tensions that were very intense at the time. The Rat Pack has all passed on now, with Joey Bishop passing away in 2007. There is no doubt their legacy lives on. They personified ‘cool’ with their classy suits (try find a photo of the Rat Pack without a suit!), extraordinary talent and a bond that brought five guys together who collectively made history. Candid photos of the group are rare, footage of the group performing even rarer. One thing is certain though, these guys were years, possibly decades, ahead of their time and I’d be happy to have them headline my show any day, anytime, anywhere. Sinatra’s songs will live on forever because no matter how much time advances there will always be room in the music industry for a smooth sounding band and classic songs with lyrics that tell stories and truth. These songs have a combination of instruments that make you start nodding your head in rhythm or snapping your fingers in approval. Where big band really shone was through voice and performance; something the Rat Pack were masters at. Big band has something other genres don’t have. Perhaps it’s how old fashioned it comes across, the rich history, the unique sound that is easy listening. The genre has actually seen somewhat of a comeback in recent years, suggesting it’s on the rise and not the decline which is encouraging. If a time machine ever came to be, sitting front row centre at a Rat Pack special would not be a bad way to spend an evening.


Has NZ Music Month gone unnoticed? by Ashleigh Muir I hate sitting around home on the weekends with the television on. It is mindless and boring. Don’t get me wrong, I love watching a good film. But I need variation. After spending most of Easter Sunday on the couch, there was no way Easter Monday was going to go the same way. Now on a cold, wet Auckland day there aren’t a whole lot of exciting activities putting their hands up. Winter, is unfortunately rather limiting. As much as staying inside a nice warm house is appealing as the rain pummels down outside, sometimes you just need to brave the cold and get out. So I dragged my boyfriend out into the cold and we went off to Paint the Earth. Paint the Earth is a ceramic painting studio in Albany on the North Shore. It does require some money, but it is worth it. They have everything you need there and the staff are very helpful, especially when you are having a bit of a freak out at the giant blob of paint that is not meant to be there in the middle of your piece. You can book online or turn up and hopefully get a table. They show you exactly what you need to know to get the best out of your design idea. I would recommend having an idea before you go, but don’t be too stubborn about it. Paint the Earth has a huge selection of ceramics to paint. Whether you want a money box or a dinner plate, a bloke’s cup or an espresso cup, they are bound to have it. You can even check on their website for their range of possible creations. Once they have shown you what you need to do, you are free to flick through their collection of stencils, pictures and paints to find exactly what you are after. Failing that you can unleash your inner artist and draw your design on with pencil before painting over the top. Once you have finished your piece, you take it up to the counter and pay for it. They write a quick description and let you know when to pick it up. They will glaze it and fire it in a kiln before you pick up your new ceramic wear. Now, I haven’t picked mine up yet but I am super excited about it! Drawing and painting isn’t normally something I do overly well and doing it on a round cup was bound to end badly, but apart from one explosion of the paint pen I was very happy with the almost-final product. It is important to realise that we are not all Picasso and to come up with a design according to our abilities. If you are like me then keep it simple. I realise I say this in a lot of my columns, but it is very, very true. Simplicity is often striking, effective and leaves the least amount of room for stuff ups. For those of us who stumble our way through art, simple is best. I would much rather a simple piece that I am proud of, that looks good, than something busy that just is not quite right. If you are dragging your other half along, you can make each other a piece instead of making your own. It is nice to have something tangible that was made especially for you by someone special.


by Jess Etheridge As New Zealand Music Month winds down, I try look back on what has happened this month. However, I’m finding it particularly difficult to pinpoint exact events that occurred to celebrate what “great” music Kiwis generate. Of course, debate magazine celebrated with an eclectic opening issue for the month of May - chur debate but otherwise, the only thing I can specifically remember were the intimate shows set up around bars in Auckland. The likes of Che Fu, Anna Coddington and a couple of hipster bands from the South Island hit up smaller, more laid back performance spaces and played to crowds no larger than 50ish people. What happened to the promotion for this celebratory month, set up around a decade ago? Five years ago, maybe more as my memory doesn’t serve me well, we had a huge opening ceremony with Shihad rocking the Aotea Square, which subsequently lead to the entire central spot later being shut for almost two years due to weakened structural issues. Thus we have more grass in the central business district, which is a lovely meeting spot to share lunch with friends, and an area that can host large music events, such as Laneway Festival. No return of Shihad, though. I guess Jon Toogood is off doing his Adults side project and maybe they feel they’re “getting on”, but wouldn’t it have been lovely to come full circle this month and revisit what has been called one of New Zealand’s greatest rock groups of all time? To re-host the very group that lead to that square being shut because they have some of the most enthusiastic fans known? The government’s pledge for continuing support of New Zealand music has seemingly dropped off in the last couple of years. Sure, we’re up to our ears in debt and struggling in one of the toughest financial times in recent history, but how about putting on one great opening number at the beginning of May again? Music is good for the soul, dancing supposedly increases endorphins, which are always good for you - I’m no health expert - and it’s a dignified way of creating some chatter about what this whole month should be about. Am I out of touch? Sure, I dislike most music made by Kiwi bands but I’m fairly patriotic, if the moment’s right. I shed a tear or two at the screeds of tweets I read online from fellow 20-somethings during the illegal file-sharing debate a few weeks ago. God knows I bawled while watching our tiny country come together after February 22, as well as seeing the international aid Christchurch received. An opening ceremony, if you will, for New Zealand Music Month would be a nice token event, as all that’s left are the New Zealand Music Awards and those are always rather predictable and a bit boring. It’s a shame our government can’t get behind a month that has done some good in the past. The good news is at least the month is over now and maybe things will change for next year, but what is the point in having a month dedicated to New Zealand music if we aren’t going to celebrate it?

issue 11 2011

This Agony Aunt column is brought to you by the team at Health, Counselling and Wellbeing. If you have a question you would like answered email and put Agony Aunt as the subject or drop it in to the Health, Counselling and Wellbeing office.

Dear Agony Aunt

Do I need to use condoms when I start taking my sugar pills? All of my friends do but I am not so sure this is right. I don’t want to risk getting pregnant. From Not Sure

Dear Not Sure

You do not need to use condoms during your sugar pills, provided you have taken all of your pills correctly. Remember the pill has stopped your body from releasing an egg (ovulation); if you take your pill according to the rules then ovulation will not occur so you cannot get pregnant, even in your pill free week (when you take your sugar pills). However if you have missed more than two hormone pills within seven days of each other or are late starting your next packet you could be at risk from pregnancy. It is important to remember to start your next packet of pills on time. It is risky to start a packet of pills late particularly if you have had sex in your seven day break (during your sugar pills). This is because during the seven day break your ovaries are not getting any effects from the pill. If you make the seven day break longer then there is a risk you may ovulate. A sperm can live up to seven days inside a woman’s body. If you ovulate because you are late starting your next packet and have had sex during the seven day break it is possible for the man’s sperm to fertilise the egg and start a pregnancy.

Agony Aunt would like this opportunity to remind you of the rules you must follow when taking the combined oral contraceptive pill to keep yourself safe from unplanned pregnancy. If you are taking a progesterone only pill then the rules are different. You can speak to a nurse at Health Counselling and Wellbeing if you are taking this kind of pill and need some advice. Rule one: if you miss one pill, take it as soon as you remember, then take the next pill at the usual time – this may mean taking two hormone pills together. You are still safe from pregnancy if you miss only one pill. Rule two: If you miss any two pills within a week of each other, you must then take seven hormone pills consecutively in a row before you are safe again from pregnancy. This is often known as the seven day rule. You must use condoms or refrain from having sex during this time. If you do have sex or the condoms slips or breaks then you will need an emergency contraceptive pill (morning after pill). You can get these from Health Counselling and Wellbeing, Family Planning or any pharmacy. Rule three: If you vomit or have severe diarrhoea for more than 24 hours you should follow the seven day rule and miss the seven sugar pills if necessary. If you are prescribed antibiotics for other illnesses you should follow the seven day rule while you are taking the antibiotics and for seven days afterwards. Rule four: If you are at all worried or are not sure what to do speak to a nurse or doctor at Health Counselling and Wellbeing. All consultations are completely confidential. You can contact us on (09) 921 9998 (North Shore campus) and (09) 921 9992 (City campus). Alternatively you can contact your local family planning centre on Think carefully before you decide to have sex without using a condom even if you are on the pill. Using condoms will protect you against most sexually transmitted diseases. Unless you are sure you are in an exclusive relationship and are only having sex with each other and no one else it is a good idea to protect yourself and use condoms every time you have sex. Having a sexual health check before you decide to stop using condoms will show your partner how committed you are to the relationship. Sexual health checks are free for under 25 year olds at Health Counselling and Wellbeing.

by Katie Montgomerie

Hello all and welcome back to another week of words. Words are everywhere, in assignments, debate, text messages – hell, you can even speak words (listening to words is optional). Because of the all pervasiveness of words, I thought I might just have to dedicate this week’s Word(s) of the Week to words! When I typed in ‘words’ into I was astounded to see how many definitions there were for that one word! Of course there was some overlap but I had no idea that ‘words’ could be a sexual term, sarcastic, a form of agreement, or an expletive. Here are a few of my favourites...


Words = genitalia

Example: “Stop putting words in my mouth guys!” “Your words tear me up inside” “Use your words wisely” “I like using big words” “I have a way with words”

Now that’s going to give something to think about whenever someone uses the above phrases EVER AGAIN... hmmm. Maybe we should look at another definition of words.


Something you say when you can’t get the exact words you want out of your mouth. Can be used instead of fuck or shit. Example It’s like trying to say: “Whacky flailing inflatable arm failing tube-man” When you try and fail to say this in a coherent sentence you say: “Whacky iflaybdw sdun... WORDS!” I kind of like this one; it’s a swearword that wouldn’t even offend your grandma. Now, you know when you have those annoying friends who always go on and on about their “bad ass sounds/mags/exhaust/ whatever else they put in their stupid cars”? The worst thing is that they expect a response that will justify how crazy they are over their

said automobile. For all of those awkward moments just say:


A sarcastic reply to a comment where you want to seem like you agree but all you can hear is words. Example A: “Hey man have you seen my car yet? That shit’s fly!” B: “No I haven’t seen it.” A: “Well check it, When I roll down the street bumpin’ that UNLV, putting my golds on shine, I gots all them hood rats hollerin’.” B: “Oh. Words.” I can’t say that I totally understood the exchange that just happened there but I can think of plenty of times where I have sat there like a muppet having no idea what is being said around me when the topic is cars. Now I have an appropriate (and sarcastic) fill in words, awesome. That’s all this week, have a good one!


Now that’s what I call

horoscopes ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Volume Eleven Now Watching

How I Met Your Mother season 6, Mondays at 7.30pm on FOUR

A round of applause must go to FOUR for deciding to power through onto season six of this hilarious comedy once season five ended, rather than getting us even further behind our American friends. If you’re a HIMYM newbie, catch up quick, because it’s one of the best sitcoms on TV and deserves much more attention than it’s received over here. You can get seasons one to four for less than $30 each at JB; I powered through them all in just under a month last year. I haven’t seen any of this season yet (tsk tsk to those who have) but I’ve heard there’s some pretty heavy stuff this season which makes it even more awesome. Suit up!

Now Eating

Parnell French Markets, 60 St Georges Bay Road, Parnell

I’m really late off the mark with this amazing market but I’ve been more than making up for it since I discovered it last month. Held every Saturday and Sunday mornings (Sat, 8am-1.30pm; Sun, 9am-1.30pm), a host of stalls pop up selling fresh fruit, vegetables, meat, cheeses, breads and other delectable condiments. In two journeys, I’ve managed to pick up an array of hummus, paella, roast vege salad, crepes (definitely recommend the nutella one) and whitebait fritters. Make sure you take cash as the only eftpos facilities are at the café, and try and go before 11am, as there are a few less people (not many though).

Now Photographing Planking

The way this hit New Zealand’s media is sad – an Australian man died after he fell off a balcony doing this new internet craze – but that hasn’t stopped people whipping out their cameras and taking a photo of them “planking”. It’s literally what it sounds like; you lie horizontally, like a plank, in weird locations and post photos of them on the internet. I’ve seen people plank on office desks, lawnmowers, park benches and even in public restrooms (gross)! If you’re going to partake in this new sensation, remember to plank responsibility.

Now Watching

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

It’ been eight years since we were first introduced to Johnny Depp’s pirate swagger and almost a decade later, his return is welcomed by audiences. Orlando Bloom or Keira Knightley may have left, but there’s Penelope Cruz, who brings sex to everything she plays – the woman is a goddess. Pirates has always been about mythical creatures (this time it’s vicious mermaids), elaborate fights and Johnny Depp’s witticisms, humour and black eyeliner. Get lost on ye pirate ship! If you think you’re on the pulse with what’s happening in Auckland, email with your own Suggestions.

The stars see an F in your assignments if you don’t start them right this minute. And AUT doesn’t even give out Fs. Shit just got real.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Take all sunny days off uni and spend them doing your laundry. Winter’s coming and those sheets aren’t going to wash themselves.

GEMINI (May 21-June 21)

Coke just tastes better out of a glass bottle. Crap horoscope? Yes. Feel like Coke? Yes. Do you have enough money on your card? Yes. The stars win once again.

CANCER (June 22-July 22)

Pluto is prominent in your sign this week, which can only mean that your family is about to exile you. If Pluto can be bumped as a planet, no one is safe in this world.

LEO (July 23-August 22)

Your brain is functioning at the highest level since you started uni. Unfortunately, the stars see you screwing this up with a keg stand before the week is out.

VIRGO (August 23-September 22)

Casually drop a $5 note this week to see if the person behind you gives it back. If they do, shout them McDs as a reward. If they pocket it, follow them home and steal all their left shoes while they’re sleeping. Put them on TradeMe at $5 reserve.

LIBRA (September 23-October 23)

Go to Albert Park and “plank” on the first person you find sleeping on the grass. They’re your future soulmate, honest.

SCORPIO (October 24-November 21)

The stars see a younger man with blue eyes in your future. This could be either a hot boy toy or a positive result on that pregnancy test. Or both. Keep your legs closed this week.

SAGITTARIUS (November22-Dec21)

If you’re reading this, you’ve survived The Rapture. Congratulations!

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19)

Learn all about the Anthropic Principle this week. Including what the Anthropic Principle is. If you get stuck, find a sober Leo to help you.

AQUARIUS (January 20-Febuary 18)

You will make friends with a Virgo this week. At best, they’ll shout you a 3am feed at Maccas on Saturday night. At worst, they’ll steal all your left shoes. Is a cheeseburger worth it?

PISCES (Febuary 19-March 20)

Embrace your inner Aucklander and carry around a coffee cup 24/7 this week. Can’t afford to buy coffee? Embrace another Auckland culture and dig one out from the trash.


issue 11 2011

Nadine Laburada Bachelor of Fashion Design (second year) Top: Kmart Skirt: Glassons Shoes: WildPair Scarf: Sussan Necklace: Forever21

Rachel Mills Bachelor of Business (second year) Jacket: Ruby Skirt: Juliette Hogan Top: Glassons Shoes: The Horse Shop

Tane Vanderboon Bachelor of Business (third year) Shirt: Lower T-shirt: Federation T-shirt: Insight Jeans: Lee

Lace: No longer limited to girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes by Alisha Lewis

The term feminism is a far cry from the term fashionable. Images of bra-burners and angry unshaved masses spring to mind. Yet since the movement took off in the 60s, almost all women – fashion fiends or not – have been struggling for recognition and social equality. While we’ve come far, the battle is ongoing. And as a result, we seem to have developed a chronic fear of all things feminine. This fear has meant years of boyfriend blazers, trousers, shoulder pads and power suits. It caused a surge of cropped hairdos – bowl cuts and bobs. More so, it has also seen many women develop a strong aversion to the words ‘pink’, ‘pastels’, ‘floral’ and ‘lace’. We’ve incorporated this masculine edge, socially synonymous with power, into our everyday lives and so far, it seems to be working. We definitely aren’t the subservient, sexually objectified ‘Mary Sues’ of yesteryear.

So why then, are we now venturing back into a territory we have deliberately avoided for so long? From haute couture to H&M, from Milan to mainstream, lace – the epitome of froufrou and ultrafeminine – has made its way back onto the cat walk and into our wardrobes. Are we taking a huge step back, or is this a deliberate move into the next phase of feminism? For a long time, women who dressed in an obviously feminine way were generally viewed as stereotypical, anti-feminist airheads. Lace in particular developed a pretty bad rep. It seemed to be restricted to bad bridesmaid’s gowns, red light districts and debutante darlings. But now it’s back and like all good coups, its rise to regain fashion credibility has been swift and seamless. From Topshop treasures to Dolce and Gabanna’s lace inspired spring/summer collection, lace has re-emerged as a fashion force. But unlike many other recycled trends, this one’s bringing something new to the table. We’ve been given a groundbreaking chance to flaunt our feminism – without losing our fierceness. The ability to transfer femininity from the boudoir to the boardroom is emerging

with corporate pieces such as Alexander Wang’s lace pinstripe dress and Stella McCartney’s puff shouldered lace jacket. While usually limited to pastels and creamy whites, lace has been revamped and recreated in bolder, harsher tones that allow us to be pretty whilst remaining hardcore. Because no one’s going to mess with you when you’re rocking Derek Lam’s metallic lace shift dress. Everything about lace this season is strong and powerful – it’s thicker, sturdier and more structural that previous seasons which focussed on more delicate stretch-lace. The transition’s been subtle – there’s no bubblegum pink involved – but the message is still clear. We aren’t hiding our femininity beneath boxy blazers and stiff collared shirts anymore. At last, lace is no longer the domain of Miss Manners in a puffy pink frock, or ‘Miss Behave’ in lingerie and thigh highs. But it’s still important to tread carefully. As far as this trend goes, subtlety is key. Stick to a statement garment and accessorise minimally. Or stay simple and let the accessories make the statement. Either way, the re-emergence of lace as a fashion staple shows how far we’ve come. It’s a new era of feminism defined by an old element of fashion. Finally, it’s possible to be feminine – and still be fierce.


head-to-toe outfits – think Michelle Obama), scallop hems, midriff-baring outfits, cut-outs, bare shoulders and glitz! Which designers stood out the most to you, and why? My favourite shows of the week would probably have to be Zimmermann, Alex Perry, Lover, Miss Unkon, Shakuachi, Alice McCall, Dion Lee, Stolen Girlfriends Club and Toni Maticevski. Okay that’s a huge list but I think they all had amazing garments to contribute to RAFW. I loved the long floor-sweeping dresses at Alex Perry and the beautiful lace at Lover, who celebrated their 10 year anniversary. Toni Maticevski had been absent from RAFW for five years but this obviously did not affect how well the garments were presented, and Dion Lee really topped his collection from last year. I’m an enthusiast when it comes to Alice McCall, Stolen Girlfriends Club, Miss Unkon and Shakuachi so my opinion may be slightly biased, although it is pretty evident that the shows were marvelous.

Rosemount Australian Fashion Week (RAFW) took place recently from May 2-6, and amongst those reporting on the shows was AUT student Tiffany Low. Currently in her final year of study in a Bachelor of Business, Low has been modeling successfully on the side over the past year and after trend-reporting for, she has recently been named their fashion editor. Full of talent, beauty and to top it all off a truly lovely person, Petra Benton speaks to Tiffany Low about her work as fashion editor on and all the news from RAFW. Hi Tiffany! You’re writing for website The Downlow; what is it about and what do they ‘do’? I have just been granted the title of fashion editor of Amber Peebles’ website thedownlow. As the website domain name states, the site basically provides the ‘downlow’; inside scoop and latest news on all things relevant! As the fashion editor, my job is to basically record and review fashion shows, trend reports, look books, and latest news on all things involving fashion!

busy backstage. It’s good to be able to have that mindset; the experience of being able to do both is incredible. I’m really lucky to have the opportunity to do both!

You’ve been reporting on Australian Fashion Week, tell us about what you do for this/what it involves? Well I was staying up really late doing assignments and thinking “I can’t take this anymore… wish I was in Sydney attending RAFW” so I’d procrastinate by checking up on Was this your first experience in fashion what was happening every hour or so… So I was reporting? very keen, especially since I’d been preparing Yes it was! Quite exciting and a very good my boss’ itinerary for her trip over. It was cool experience. seeing all the pictures from it though. Next year I will have to be there. So basically I just wrote How did this opportunity arise? reviews and sorted through trends from the Well, it was pretty random to be honest. Amber week and chose my favourite shows – a lot of asked if I’d be keen to write up a few fashion them were amazing so it was quite difficult to pieces on her website, starting with daily reviews choose! I know that I’m going to have a lot of on the 2011 RAFW and I’d already been tracking new outfits this coming spring/summer though! the latest news on it so it just seemed like a feasible idea! What trends have you noticed as being most predominant at Australian Fashion Week so far? You’re also a model; do you feel this experience Well I’ve actually written a few trend reports in the industry helps with fashion reporting? from RAFW on (check Yes I think so, because even as a model I get to them out online!) but mainly I’ve found that see all the garments, fabrics, and trends coming what’s coming through next season will consist through, and I have the knowledge of what it’s of clean white garments, high collars, thigh like working backstage having experienced it high splits, block colours (as in one-coloured first-hand. So everything sort of correlates and I also think, because it’s the industry I’m working in and want to stay in, it’s great to know what’s going on at all times, whether it’s modeling or reporting.

Do you feel there is a significant difference between the aesthetics of Australian and New Zealand designers/fashion? I’ve always thought that Australia had a better dress sense in terms of the fact that they will wear heels and a beautiful dress out and about during the day, whereas New Zealanders tend to dress down in more casual outfits. However, if we’re talking about fashion shows and designers, I think there isn’t that much of a difference. Australians are probably more colourful, I think, and more daring when it comes to their clothing, but New Zealand designers are doing so well at the moment, especially with labels such as Stolen Girlfriends Club, Salasai, Lonely Hearts, Karen Walker etc. It’s really great to see these designers putting themselves out there, doing so well and representing New Zealand. Did you report on any New Zealand designers at Australian Fashion Week? If so, how do you feel they compared to the Australian designers? Yes, on Stolen Girlfriends Club on day four of RAFW, which was beyond amazing. Those boys never fail to disappoint. They were seriously cool and definitely stole the limelight. Definitely one of the best shows of RAFW this year. Any newcomers you’d recommend debate readers keep an eye on? I attended the first Sherie Muijs fashion show on Wednesday morning and the outfits were amazing, so I’d definitely recommend keeping an eye out for her. Is fashion reporting something you will be continuing with, or would like to continue with? Definitely! Since I’m in the fashion industry, it’s just customary – I don’t really need to do any additional work, so it’s just like me being able to do what I normally do, but have an actual say on the matter. There are so many things I want to do and this is just another thing I want to accomplish as well as I can.

How different is it on the other end of the camera – do you prefer it? In a way it is a bit different, but like I mentioned it’s good because I know what goes on behind the cameras, so if a show’s running late for example, I understand that it must be crazy-


issue 11 2011


Directed by Jason Winer Film Review by Ben Matthews


A British comedy based in America – from the sounds of it, you would think it’d be a mess. However, Jason Winer has managed to (semi) pull off Arthur, a remake of the classic Dudley Moore film. The movie is based around slacker millionaire Arthur, played by Russell Brand, who previously featured in Get Him to the Greek. For Arthur to keep his heritance, he has to marry a woman his doesn’t love. The complicated part here is that Arthur has already fallen in love with another woman, Naomi, who works as an illegal tour guide. Throughout the movie there is plenty of cringe worthy material, and Russell Brand plays a brilliant part as a spoilt millionaire that has never had to grow up. However, the interaction between him and his co-stars tend to be weak, and it leaves you wondering if they have anything in common. The only actress which he interacts well with is Helen Mirren, who plays the character Lillian Hobson, Arthur’s nanny. Maybe it’s because American actors cannot pull British humour off, but whenever a Yank tried to be funny they fell flat on their faces. And whatever jokes were funny, most people won’t get simply because it is British humour. This type of humour worked well once with Get Him to the Greek, but it hasn’t worked since. For those who are into British humour or a Russell Brand fan, you will know what to expect. You might not get the same thrill as a proper British movie, but at least it was a good attempt. Without spoiling the ending – for those who are actually interested in watching this movie – the ending leaves a lot to be desired. Hollywood, enough with the remakes.

Burke and Hare

Directed by John Landis Film Review by Rebecca Lee

This black comedy is based on the true story of William Burke and William Hare who were two serial killers from the 19th century. Burke and Hare were living on no income and every scam they tried would fail. They were getting desperate for money. After the buying of bodies became illegal, these two entrepreneurs decided to get into the body dealing business. They would “find” bodies and sell them to a doctor for human research. The story was dramatised obviously but it’s a pretty terrible thing that they were doing. They became quite rich and confident in their dealings but they caught the eye of a few people. These included a high profile gang member and Hare’s wife, all wanting a cut. With two relatively large English comedians in the lead roles I was expecting Burke and Hare to contain more English humour – think Ricky Gervais – but it was very Americanised. The laughs were coming from the creative murders and awkward sex scenes rather than the dialogue itself. In saying this, there were a few witty oneliners of which I laughed at. I wasn’t laughing hysterically but the girl beside me found it HILARIOUS. There is a strong love theme throughout the movie. Burke falls in love with a prostitute turned actress and funds her all female production of Macbeth. I won’t give the story away but, Burke’s a bit of a romantic. Although Burke and Hare is not too graphic, some images throughout the movie had me hiding my eyes; a man’s broken back being forced back into place and severed arteries are images I leave for horror movie nights! The highlight of the movie for me was when Stephen Merchant from Extras showed up near the end, holding a tray for the doctor. He had the goofiest look on his face – it was great. With little to laugh about I probably wouldn’t have paid to go see this but with AuSM shouting it was a good time waster for the afternoon. But if you like dark humour, murders and Isla Fisher then Burke and Hare could be a winner for you.

The Kills

Blood Pressures Album Review by Ksenia Khor


Weather, the London based indie duo released an irresistible blues-rock record which is probably one of their best works so far. From the very first song The Kills plunge you into the druggy atmosphere of film-noir with dodgy shadows and a slight feeling of menace. The band returned to their roots: filthy chipped sound with punk influence enriched with that special pulse and chemistry between Mosshart and Hince. However, now their music is much softer, refined and mature with an experimental psychedelic touch. The album kicks off with dynamic rhythms of Future Starts Slow that makes your heart pound with excitement. It’s followed by Satellite, a moody reggae-influenced song with a haunting chorus which absorbs you even deeper into the dim but oh so seductive world of The Kills. Heart is a Beating Drum is a catchy composition with bluesy beats and rawness which has distinguished the duo since their early albums. Next is the explosive Nail in My Coffin that later gives floor to Jamie Hince’s solo moment on the record: Wild Charms. However, it’s just a prelude to the next song, which I find one of the most successful from this album, DNA in which you can hear the influence of Alison Mosshart’s time spent with The Dead Weather. Next song, Baby Says, sounds like it came straight from the 80s. The Last Goodbye is a melodic piano ballad with heart wrenching vocals that puts you in pensive mood. Starting from Damned if She Do, the album sound becomes dirtier, darker and cheaper as though it comes from the times then the duo called themselves ‘VV’ and ‘Hotel’ in order to distance from their past music experiences. You Don’t Own the Road is another fascinating variation on the garage rock meets blues theme. Finally, Pots and Pans, another bluesy ballad, ends this brilliant album with sharp guitar strumming and quirky lyrics. Even though some songs sound a bit too familiar and predictable, the overall impression from the record isn’t spoilt by that at all. On the contrary, the reference to The Kills early records adds a nostalgic feeling to the album. All in all, Blood Pressures is a great listen and chances are it will leave you begging for more.

The Nevernudes


Creepy Crawlies

Album Review by Ben Matthews

First off I would like to thank AuSM for shouting us to the movies!

There are some albums which you fall in love with right from the first note. Blood Pressures is one of them. After overcoming all the tabloid fuss about Jamie Hince’s relationship with infamous super model Kate Moss and Alison Mosshart’s front woman role in the super band The Dead


For a band that is not terribly well known, there is a mixed response from the music scene. Online, I have heard someone call them the most overrated New Zealand band, while another calls them the best band ever. Their first EP wasn’t all that good to be honest; too noisy and not much melody. By the end of it you were relieved it had ended, so no wonder so many people are mixed about this band. However, for their debut album – Creepy Crawlies – they have tightened the shocks up and recorded a pretty decent album. It is pretty difficult to describe their sound. The best description is that they sound like a mixture between early Nirvana and Rackets, another local Auckland band. The album begins with A Sitcom Family; a grungy song with a Foo Fighter styled harmonised chorus. The tune is pretty catchy, but the noisiness of the song can be a bit distracting. Knulp sounds like either a My Bloody Valentine song or maybe even a very early Smashing Pumpkins (pre-Gish era) song. The tune is catchier than the first song and the noisy guitars are not as distracting either. Oblivion is yet again another catchy song, with a very poppy feel to it and White Teethed Teens sound like Sonic Youth during their “we don’t want to be mainstream even though we are” period. Like most of the songs on this album, it is played in some weird minor key. I think the problem with Nevernudes is that they don’t know what genre they are. I am having a very difficult time trying to describe their music. Their sound is pretty unique, however this can be a disservice. Their music is too catchy that the underground crowd may hate them and too noisy for the mainstream crowd to even take notice. They have recorded a great album, but it will be overshadowed by far better bands, such as Rackets who can balance between being catchy and noisy.

Danny Bhoy

Messenger (Please Do Not Shoot) Live at the ASB Theatre, May 16

Comedy Review by Samantha McQueen (A+)

love you, Danny” over the initial cheers and once he realises he’s not being heckled, he’s flattered. After a 10 minute tangent about why there’s no interval in his 75 minute show (although it’s nearer to 90 minutes once we leave the theatre) and while his set isn’t that flashy, he launches into what he does best: storytelling. Danny doesn’t just stand on stage and tell a good joke, he gives a performance. His anecdotes are full of hand gestures, facial impersonations and theatrics – he stands on almost all of the stage during the course of the show. He’s also prone to getting distracted mid-story and going off on a completely different tangent. His side roads are just as funny as the original story itself – sometimes even more – but just when you think he’s forgotten the point all together, he ties it all back. Danny’s a worldly man; he talks current events, like the recent natural disasters; sport, such as the upcoming rugby and footy world cups (he’s also miffed that Qatar won 2022); history (which includes a hilarious tale of Viking armour) and the favourite of the night – cultural and behavioural differences. He’s only comes here for a couple of weeks each year, but hit the nail on the head with his “Aucklandisms”, like female drinking behaviours, our abundance of luggage shops and our without warning weather. He throws his body into all of them too, which makes you laugh even harder – and at times, that just doesn’t seem possible. He also makes fun of his politely apologetic British, the angry drunk Scottish and the red and white necked Southerners, but the insults on New Zealanders are few and far between. In fact, a challenge to speak Maori after he announces that he can impersonate any language is met with an “I’m not stupid”, which gets audiences roaring like he’s just completely fucked up the Maori alphabet. Danny is a regular to our comedy festivals, but he didn’t grace our shores last year because he was trying to break it in the States. His account of trying to win over Texan southerners in revolving restaurants and his awkward encounter with Matt Damon at David Letterman had as many gasps as there were guffaws, snorts and tears. If Americans don’t “get” Danny’s humour that’s their loss; everyone in the sell out ASB Theatre certainly did.

Hannah Gadsby If comedians were described like crushes, Danny Bhoy would be the boy-next-door. From the moment he steps onto the Auckland stage, he has the audience hooked, with his goofy grin, checked shirt and charming Scottish accent. One over-enthusiastic fan screams “I


Mrs Chuckles Live at the Basement, May 18

Comedy Review by Samantha McQueen (A)

a red bull. She’s a green tea type of gal (she’d like a biscuit, but she’s a borderline diabetic). There’s no warm up act, as Gadsby fears people will wonder what “this shit” is that she’s selling as comedy, but she needn’t worry – Mrs Chuckles, her latest show – is one of the funniest shows of the festival. Not known for peaking early in shows (or in life), Gadsby eases the crowd into laughter with tales from her small town childhood in Smithton, Tasmania. Her social skills were poor right off the mark, but she was still subject to small town gossip; thankfully for us, it was for her impressive throat farts and whistling s’s, both which we were treated to. We also hear about her return back home for her 15th high school reunion, but it was the museum of old shit the town had recently opened that had me struggling to breathe in between fits of laughter. No wonder Gadsby turned to comedy as a career – her town practically handed her a show on a silver platter. Gadsby doesn’t consider herself much of a conversationalist – she’s avoided getting her license for nine years because of the 150 hours of supervised “chit chat” – but her relaxed storytelling and the odd audience interaction makes you wonder whether she’s lying. It does lead into a great segment of her show, where she is the silent head nodder in group situations, and used to walk away from conversations without announcement – even when it was only a two person conversation. She’s a big fan of using examples to relate to the audience, and these impressions that she shows set you off on a new wave of laughter. Female comedians have built up a reputation over the years of having crude sexual material and swearing like sailors to try and play in the same leagues as male comedians. Thankfully, Gadsby doesn’t do any of that. She may be “a little bit lesbian”, but she emphasises that she hates conversations about sexual experiences, which makes for a very awkward encounter with an old crush who is now discovering herself through bondage. Her thing is a morbid fascination with the final words you say before you cark it and what she’s landed on – inspired by two bungy jumps in our very country – rounds off a flawless show. The Basement was only at half capacity for Wednesday’s showing, which is disappointing; Gadsby is one of comedy’s finest talents and the fact that she has boobs and curvy thighs shouldn’t stop audiences experiencing her dead-pan humour.

Unlike a lot of comedians, Hannah Gadsby doesn’t psyche herself up offstage with shots or

issue 11 2011

like when she tries to turn bread into toast using magic, but the crowd don’t seem to mind – in fact, they’re lapping up this discussion-like forum Expecto Patronum that Heidi’s created. Live at Upstairs at The Basement, If you’ve got theories about how the book May 18 Comedy Review by Samantha McQueen (B) should have ended (spoilers: Heidi hates the epilogue) or why Ginny didn’t get to name any Expecto Patronum is basically an hour-long tribute of their children, then Expecto Patronum will hit to Harry Potter, or perhaps more specifically, Alan all the right buttons. Perhaps leave your mum Rickman. If you’re not into awkward humour, are at home though – unless she really likes Alan Rickman. over 40 or don’t like the boy wizard, chances are you won’t find Heidi O’Loughlin very funny. But Mike King & Brendhan for Gen Y kids crushed that they never attended Lovegrove Hogwarts, Expecto Patronum is an offbeat, It’s Black and White alternative and fun way to spend a Wednesday Live at the Comedy Chamber, night. O’Loughlin’s show starts off with an opening May 18 act, a young lass called Edith, who reads out her Comedy Review by Danielle Whitburn (B) fanfiction of her and Harry’s summer romance. With magic dancing, a backyard abortion and a A man peeps his head around the corner of the forbidden romance, it reads a lot like the storyline stage. A bald, shiny head, it reflects the audience’s for Dirty Dancing, but once you realise that, it pretensions: fun and light-hearted, they want to makes it even funnier. be able to see themselves in the show. And a few When Heidi O’Loughlin appears, it’s not as seconds later, they do: a man planks on a stool on herself, but rather, dressed in a full length brown the centre of the stage. fur coat and a yellow beak. She’s not Heidi, she’s Mike King and Brendhan Lovegrove’s show Heidi’s Furby, and she’s the next warm up act. was not really quite what the advertisements It’s awkward and out of place, but that seems promised. It’s not that it was less; it’s that it was to be the theme for tonight’s 10pm show (the different. Having been a long time fan of the Love next warm up act is her reading the New Zealand in the Grove, I was interested to see what kind of Herald to the tune of Huey Lewis’ Duets). collaboration he could come up with involving Once she finally graces the stage just as Heidi, the King of Pork. The result, really, was two she starts off with what most people came to see different shows. – a look back at the books and movies of Harry The thing that attracted me to the show itself Potter. Props play a big part in this quirky show; was that it seemed inherently racist. By racist I there’s a projector with images of the films and do not mean a pig slaughtering of Mike King; I various internet memes and the sorting hat from was enticed rather by the inherent race battles the movie (don’t be fooled by its appearance, that have founded our society, those of European Heidi says), which recites off a 12 line song and basing their identity in relation to Maori, and of then sorts the audience into their houses. The Maori just opposing those Europeans full stop. knock knock joke one girl answers brings a roar of This kind of rivalry exists little these days; we are laughter from the crowd. simply too politically correct. Yet I had hoped our The show doesn’t really hit its comedic stride Town Hall’s comedy chambers would yield such a until Harry Potter is abandoned for something long-awaited battle. more sinister; a look back at Alan Rickman’s Lovegrove’s planking stunt turned into a little interesting career. For someone who only knows yarning, into the same old inappropriateness, and him as Severus Snape and that prick from Love, then a few new tactics washed into the mix. Of Actually, this disturbing look at his mid 90s films– course there was a little audience flirting; there my favourite is Dark Harbor – is bizarrely funny, is always the odd hen’s night lady he proposes to aided by the fact that Heidi has thoughtfully put take home. It is all a part of his charm: this ladytogether a collage of screenshots highlighting killing, foul-mouthing, oh-my-gosh-he-really-didthe different film’s key points. She’s a big Alan say-that swagger stance is an old-time favourite. Rickman fan – she’s even Snape’s wife in her very Our national bacon preserver Mike King was own fanfiction, Heidi O’Loughlin and the Half also one for the entertainment. Spouting out Blood Prince. mouthfuls of I-hope-my-wife’s-not-watching This is Heidi’s third time doing a one hour Kiwi favourites, the main thing that came across show at comedy festivals, so she’s pretty relaxed about our naughtiest comedian was actually that on stage, despite the fact that it is opening night he was intensely relatable. Wandering around the and only three rows of the venue are filled with stage with a smirking stroll, King appeared quite people. There are a few lulls in the one hour show, at ease with the crowd. The stage could have been

Heidi O’Loughlin

his home sitting room, although one gets the feeling that in front of the wife he might have tried that little bit harder. Together, as an award-winning dynamic duo, I believe this show could have been unforgettable. As it stands, showcasing separate comics with essentially separate shows, it certainly emits a few laughs. It’s just that the concept itself is not one that delivers, or one that is new. Sure, the jokes are not the same. Sure, they didn’t perform together. But if they had, one King could’ve made two, just enough glory to decorate Lovegrove’s Billy T crown.

The Bear

Play by Anton Chekhov/Directed by Steve Morrison Live at Victoria Theatre, Devonport, May 9-22 Theatre Review by Ksenia Khor


The Bear is a classic one-act play by a famous Russian playwright Anton Chekhov. Despite being written more than a century ago the play is still relevant nowadays because it explores the theme which will always fascinate people of all generations: love and how strange and bizarre it sometimes can be. The atmosphere of Devonport’s Victoria Theatre really suits the setting of the play: a small town in 19th century Russia. One of the main characters, Popova, a widow, shut herself in her country house in order to escape the world and stay face to face with her grief. However, her solitude is interrupted by Smirnov, a land owner, to whom Popova’s late husband owed a lot of money. He rudely insists the widow returns the money immediately, but she asks for a delay because she’s only able to do this in two days. Smirnov can’t wait for that long and thinks that she just doesn’t want to give him the money and refuses to leave. That is just the beginning of the hilarious comedy about how thin is the line between love and hate. The play – put on by the Outbox Theatre Company – is performed by the extremely talented acting duo of Elena Stejko and Stephen Papps. Their chemistry adds a fantastic vibe and a modern spin to the classical play. It is amazing how just two actors can hold the attention of the audience throughout the whole show. Moreover, you just can’t help laughing while watching them because they brilliantly deliver Chekhov’s genuine wit. All in all, The Bear is a thrilling experience and I highly recommend it. The choice of the play proves that real masterpieces are timeless and can be embraced by people of all generations.



issue 11 2011

Spot the Difference

Correctly identify the five differences in the two photos then and drop your entry circle them into your nearest Au SM office, or the bo of the red debate sta x on the side nds, or post to deba te PO Box 6116 We before 12pm Thurs llesley St day. What’s up fo r grabs? Two “squawk vouchers for Velve burgers” t Burger on Fort St, Auckland CBD. Congratulations to our issue 10 winne r, Simone Emms, Cit y campus.

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May 12, 2011

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issue 11 2011


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