debate ISSUE 13 | JUNE 2015
CREDITS EDITOR Laurien Barks firstname.lastname@example.org SUB-EDITORS Matthew Cattin Amelia Petrovich Julie Cleaver
DESIGNER Ramina Rai email@example.com CONTRIBUTORS Lidya Ke, Julie Cleaver, Kerryn Smith, Amelia Petrovich, Anita Tranter, Matthew Cattin, Conor Leathley, Shivan, Ethan Sills, Jewels, Ali Thair, Tyler Hinde, Logan Gubb, Caterina Atkinson ADVERTISING Harriet Smythe firstname.lastname@example.org
Contributions can be sent to
email@example.com PRINTER Debate is lovingly printed by Soar Print
Debate is a member of
the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM. DISCLAIMER Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, Soar Print or its subsidiaries.
Pg 3 Editor’s Letter
Pg 24 The Top 13 Villains of Dr Who
Pg 4 Vice Prez Sez
Pg 22 My Tainted Religion
Pg 6 Debunking Superstitions
Pg 28 Dark Origins of Disney Stories
Pg 9 I Can Cold Read You Like A Book
Pg 29 Bohemian Gypsy
Pg 10 Palmistry
Pg 30 The Horror!
Pg 12 Imagine
Pg 31 Real World Horror
Pg 17 Cool Shit
Pg 32 Reviews
Pg 18 Be Grateful for B-Grade
Pg 34 Vox Pops
Pg 20 Mirror, Mirror
Pg 37 Recipe
Pg 22 Potions Class
Pg 38 Puzzles
CITY CAMPUS Level 2, WC Building ph: 921 9805 Mon-Thurs: 9am - 5pm Fri: 9am - 4pm NORTH SHORE CAMPUS (Temporary Location) AE112; Office D ph: 921 9949 10:30am - 1:30pm
SOUTH CAMPUS MB107 ph: 921 9999 ext 6672 Mon-Thurs: 9am - 3:30 GOVERNANCE & LEADERSHIP April Pokino firstname.lastname@example.org
MANAGEMENT Tuhi Leef email@example.com
VOLUNTEERS Romulus Swanney firstname.lastname@example.org
STUDENT MEDIA MANAGER Victoria Griffin email@example.com
CLUBS Josh Tupene firstname.lastname@example.org
ADVOCACY Siobhan Daly email@example.com
FA C E B O O K . C O M / A U S M D E B AT E
EVENTS Carl Ewen firstname.lastname@example.org
Despite the fact that they were merely there for supervision and to scout out any razor blades hidden amongst the candy wrappers (I’m kidding. Seriously. This kind of thing doesn’t happen unless you live amongst Norman Bates’ decedents), it didn’t stop the adults from getting amongst the dress up fun. Mum would usually put together something that was simultaneously warm, easy, and fun. Dad would pick the most unlinked and ridiculous garments that inhabited our dress up box, put them on unlikely parts of his body, then give his look some sort of ‘witty’ title that was over our young heads. It was great.
E D I TO R ' S L E T T E R Oh, hey! With ‘Super Spooky, Superstitious’ as the theme for our 13th issue, the team went into creative overdrive to put it together. We’ve got everything from horror films to fortune tellers in this issue, folks, and you’re in for a treat. Speaking of spooky treats (nice segue, Laurien!), having lived my childhood out in the great white northern beauty we all refer to as, Canada, Halloween was a pretty predominant part of my Octobers. Unlike New Zealanders, we North Americans thrive on the prospect of a free handout, overpriced costumes, and an extra excuse to get blackout drunk on an annual basis (though as a 9-12 year old, I only ever took part in two of those three aspects – accepting candy from strangers just wasn’t my thing). Jokes aside, Halloween was actually quite the highlight. I’d have a solid rummage through the dress-up box, find something that was about two sizes bigger than what I needed (so it would fit over my winter jacket, ski pants, and heavy duty winter boots), and try to keep myself from exploding with excitement. Being quite a selfaware child, I would put a bit of thought into the bag that would eventually hold the feast of candy that would keep me fed until July (thanks to Mum’s ‘2-3 small pieces a day’ policy). I mean, if I chose a bag that was too big, people would think I was greedy and unappreciative. But if I chose a bag too small…well I might’ve only had candy until May. And that just wasn’t an acceptable option. Once I had a bag that both reflected my value of humility and provided me with a satisfactory candy-holding ability, it was time to hit the road. Being quite a social occasion, Mum and Dad would often take my brother and I, meet up with a few other friends, and walk their pack of dressed up, slightly frostbitten, and eager-beaver kids around the neighbourhood.
Because we lived in the countryside, houses were few and far between, so we needed a car to get around. We didn’t mind so much because a) farm people don’t get a lot of trick or treaters, so they treat the few that do come around right. I’m talking full sized candy bars, yo! And b) sitting in the car between houses was the perfect time to sample a piece of chocolate and keep your blood sugars up (after the mums involved had inspected your Reese’s peanut butter cup wrapper for any signs of needle punctures. Obviously.). Since trick or treating tends to trickle off around the age of 12, and dress up boy/girl parties become the cool thing to do on October 31st, I knew my time in the field was limited. I made the most of it. If nothing was waiting for me on the other side except loud Shania Twain music and standing in a corner with a cat because partying was scary…well I could do that anytime, so I thought I might as well put my whole heart into trick or treating while I still could. I got out there, smiled my heart out, froze a little bit so that my jacket wouldn’t ruin my costume completely, and made some of my most smile-worthy memories. My brother and I would wake up incredibly early on November 1st, layout all of our candy on the floor, sit across from each other in our jammies, look each other square in the eye, and take part in some of the most important business transactions of our lives. “I’ll give you two tootsie rolls for your licorice” “Done” “I’ll give you four lollipops for two of your peanut butter cups” “You always try and take all my peanut butter cups, Laurien!” “You don’t love them like I do!” “Stop licking all of them! I’ll tell Mum!” “Even Mum can’t get them back now!” (eating them) Bliss. It was the best of times, and I’m a bit disheartened every year on Halloween when no little kids dressed as bunnies and superheroes show up at my house and ask for candy. I guess I’ll have to go scout them out myself… Have a good week everyone, Laurien
If you have some free time over these holiday and want some work, a great place to look is Student Job Search. Don’t worry, it doesn’t cost you anything to get registered, AuSM has got that part covered for you. It’s a good place for part time or even one off jobs when you need that top up of money. Even if you don’t need the money, you can build up your experience and start networking. In saying that, this break might also be a good time for you to clean up your Facebook. What do I mean by this? Nearly every employee will try and find your Facebook to see what you are like. So go through and change all the privacy settings to private, and remove anything you don’t feel is a ‘good’ look. Make sure you pop along to the Student Job Search website and have a look. You may be surprised in what you find. http://www.sjs.co.nz/
VICE PREZ SEZ Kia ora Guys! This week is not a great week, I have two exams. So I know others out there are going through the same thing - exams everywhere! For those of you who have already finished your exams, I hope they went well. For people like me, good luck for those exams to come, and let’s try and think positively: its a long holiday once all our exams are finished. And finally, for the people who don’t have exams and are already finish and get like a 5-6 week holiday…well, that’s the life. But in saying that you probably had an assessment worth like 60 percent so it hasn’t exactly been easy for you.
So a fact about me, is I made my first ever Youtube video not long ago with my best friend Papatuanuku. It was harder then I thought it would be, it was like talking to yourself. Well more like to a camera, but nonetheless it was different. We both studied media with our degrees and it’s something we have been meaning to do for years. So we finally did it. We started off with something small and did the Bean Boozled Challenge! I didn’t have the best of luck, so it didn’t go that well. If you are interested in watching it you can check it out here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ni9ui89lss& feature=youtu.be . Please don’t be shy to say hi or even send me an email at email@example.com if you have any questions or need help with anything.
“Big jobs usually go to the men who prove their ability to outgrow small ones.” Theodore Roosevelt
Debunking Superstitions By Lidya Ke & Juie Cleaver Illustrations by Tyler Hinde Superstitions. Most people have them, even if they don’t realise it. A superstition is a belief in how the supernatural world can influence our lives, so even thinking that you have a pair of lucky underwear is a superstition. Superstitions are usually associated with good or bad luck, like breaking a mirror can cause bad luck; while knocking on wood or wishing on a shooting star can bring good luck. These crazy beliefs have some interesting origins.
The number 13
The reason the number 13 is unlucky dates back to Norse (or Viking) mythology. Apparently, 12 gods were invited to a dinner party and Loki, the evil god of strife, crashed the party, raising the number to 13. The gods tried to kick Loki out and Balder, the favourite of all the gods, was killed in the process. This dislike of the number 13 spread across Europe and the rest of the world. Thirteen’s bad name was also reinforced when Judas crashed the Last Supper, raising the number of people from 12 to 13.
Mirrors are everywhere nowadays, becoming almost unavoidable. However, in ancient Greece, they were rare, and the reflections were seen as representation of a person’s soul. A fragmented reflection from a broken mirror would be believed as damaging to a person’s health and body. The seven years of bad luck may have come from 15th century Venice, Italy. Servants of the wealthy had to be indentured for seven years if they broke their master’s expensive silver-coated glass mirrors while cleaning or moving it, simply because they could not afford to pay for it.
Knocking On Wood The term ‘knock on wood’ can be attributed to several cultures. In ancient pagan times, people believed that nature spirits lived in trees and knocking on them would keep you under their protection, and the belief was adopted by the Celts as well. The Irish believed in sending gratitude to leprechauns by touching wood. The Greeks touch oak trees because they were sacred to Zeus. These beliefs all arose from cultures that recognised, and even worshiped, the importance and role of nature in lives of humans. This belief was incorporated and strengthened in Christianity when Jesus was said to have been crucified on a wooden cross.
Superstitions can, of course, be proved unfounded now in hindsight, because of advancements in technology and science. However, it seems like the more we know, the more we are afraid of the unknown. Airplane travellers have their little rituals, such as touching the outside of the plane before boarding to have a safe flight, even though it won’t stop a plane engine from failing. Some people might refuse to update or upgrade their computers or phones simply because they don’t want to mess up their current ‘luck’ with getting good grades on assignments. I always bang my laptop on my desk at a certain angle to prevent my CPU from overloading. I know it shouldn’t work like that, but it did once, so it has evolved into this belief that it works; a superstition. Superstitions aren’t just a thing of the past now, they are part of culture and they are everywhere.
Bless You A superstition I didn’t realise I personally practiced was saying ‘Bless you’ whenever someone sneezed. Although it seems like just being polite nowadays, it dates back to the 6th century. In Italy there was an outbreak of a fatal disease, which would start with excessive sneezing then eventually led to death. Pope Gregory strongly encouraged the general public to pray for the sick, which eventually evolved to the hurried ‘God bless you’, so one could pray for someone and get away from them as soon as possible, to minimise the chances of catching the sickness.
Black Cats The beliefs around black cats are interesting, as they show just how culturally specific superstitions are. In Ancient Egypt, all coloured cats were sacred. Therefore if a cat crossed your path, it was considered good luck. Also, in England, King Charles I considered black cats to be good luck. Bizarrely, the day after his black cat died, he was arrested with high treason, thus reinforcing the belief that black cats are good luck charms. However, in the middle-ages, black cats lost their superstar status as they started to be associated with the wrong crowd. At this time in Europe, there was mass hysteria around black magic and witches. Old ladies who were accused of witchery were often seen feeding alley cats, so by association, cats became evil and signs of bad luck. Even today that stereotype of the ‘crazy cat lady’ still exists. Also, a folk tale created in the 1560s further ingrained cats associations to witches. In this tale, a black cat crossed the path of two boys and then started attacking them. Out of self-defence, the boys stoned the cat, and it scurried away into a house. The next day, an old witch limped out of the house, and people from then on thought that witches could turn into black cats at night. This stereotype stayed with the Europeans when they migrated to the U.S. Today witches are still associated with black cats in the U.S. and all nations affected by North American popular culture.
by Julie Cleaver | Illustration by Kerryn Smith
From the very moment she walked into the room, my brain started to decode every element of her presentation: teenage girl, long orange hair, lowpitched voice, beanie, intelligent vocabulary, little amount of makeup. I ask her, “I’m getting something about Indie music, is this significant to you?” she looks at me with a perplexed gaze and slowly nods. Hit. “Yes, I thought so. You also enjoy reading books. You probably write some poetry as well, is that right?” Again she nods, too easy. “I’m sensing something else… Although you are very caring of others, you are often nervous in social situations with new people.” Now she looks amazed. “You also have a strong desire to seek approval from others, especially your parents and friends.” Her sad eyes look down. She’s like putty in my hands. “You have a lot of potential to do great things, but you are held back by your need to prove yourself to others.” “Wow, you’re so right… How did you know?” She asks me, completely gob smacked. “It was all in the stars.” This scenario actually happened to me. Now I’m no psychic, I definitely can’t see spirits, and although I’m a gypsy at heart, I can’t get cards to magically tell me what your future holds. However, I am a bookworm who loves to study, and on one of my academic pursuits, I learnt how to cold read. Cold reading requires you to analyze all aspects of a person’s appearance and put together a rough profile about who they are. It’s very easy to appear psychic, as people generally fit into broad categories that are obvious to figure out. So if you want people to think you’re some super interesting spiritual gypsy, I suggest reading on. When cold reading someone, the first major giveaway is a person’s age. Middleaged people are probably experiencing
issues with a partner, children, or money. Teenagers tend to have insecurities with fitting in and self-confidence. Elderly people are likely upset about their friends or family passing, or that their bodies are not as physically able as they used to be. So already you know a lot about a person’s major life problems just by a split second glance.
It’s very easy to appear psychic, as people generally fit into broad categories that are obvious to figure out. To get an even more specific read, you must analyze all clues about a person’s appearance. Do they have a wedding ring, or tan lines showing there used to be one on their finger? Do they walk confidently, look you in the eye, wear bright colours, or laugh nervously? All of these things together can give you a very basic summary of who a person is and what they are going through. Next, you must use what is called ‘Barnum’ statements. These are general statements often used in horoscopes that basically apply to everyone. For example: “You have experienced something very painful in your past.” “You sometimes feel lonely when you are not around loved ones.” “You want to help the world and give back in some way.” “Your lack of confidence is holding you back from what you really want to achieve in life.”
Nine times out of ten these Barnum statements will apply to just about everybody. If you use them in conjunction with the clues you have gathered, people may just think you are a magician. Lastly, I’m going to tell you about fishing. Fishing is when you ask general statements that may or may not apply to a person. For example: “I’m sensing something about a car crash.” “Does the name Jess, John or James have any importance to you?” “You had a problem with your father in your childhood.” These statements either hit or miss. If people think you are legit, they will often ignore the missed statements and remember the hits. Plus, when you phrase them correctly, you can justify the misses. Like if all those extremely common names had no significance to the person, you could say, “Ah yes, didn’t think so…” Or if they didn’t have any issues with their dad you could say, “Yes that’s right. I sensed he was a good man and you both had no problems.” When writing all this out it may sound too obvious or stupid for anyone to believe; but it honestly works. If the subject is open to being psychically analyzed, their brain will naturally want to confirm any statements made about them. This is known as confirmation bias. Also, people absolutely love defining themselves and being defined by others, perhaps because classification gives humans a sense of identity. Now I’m not a total disbeliever of all spiritual things. Who knows, maybe there are some people who are genuinely physic and can predict the future? I can’t disprove that. But what I can prove is that the art of cold reading is a process that can be learnt and perfected. With this knowledge, almost anyone can appear as a magical gypsy fortuneteller, so be careful what and whom you believe…
PALM I STRY by Amelia Petrovich
Just like puffer jackets or adults riding push-scooters, palmistry is one thing that I’ve always been a little unsure about. Sure, the concept is simple enough- the lines on everyone’s hands tell a unique individual story, only to be decoded by mysterious, otherworldly looking eccentrics charging anywhere between five and twenty five dollars a session. But still, I’m not completely sold on how exactly the whole thing goes down. Palmistry and other pseudo-sciences are easy to be skeptical about, though, and I’m aware of that too. We as a society find it simple to trust facts and figures but often scoff at practices that involve intuition or more abstract ways of acquiring knowledge. I’m tempted to say it’s because humans are super logical, but I also kind of feel like we just love pretending to be smarter than other people. If someone rocks up to you at a school fair and is all “I can see from your hand that you have a zest for life, but be careful that your arrogant streak doesn’t lead you into trouble”, you’re probably going to get all sassy on their presumptuous ass in a very ‘you-don’t-know-me-you-don’t-know-my-story’ kind of way. However it’s not so bad that people like you and I may not take palm reading too seriously, because there are people out there right now taking it seriously enough for both us. Last year The Herald published an article on elective palm surgery in order to change people’s fortunes (the “new craze” in Japan at the time apparently). It turns out that some people are so convinced by palmistry that they’ll pay up to $1800 NZD to have their own hands artistically sliced into so that the lines on their palms look more favorable. Skeptical or not, that degree of freaky enthusiasm warrants some further investigation, right? I thought so too. I’m writing this on a Friday and this weekend I’ve decided to set aside an hour or so and get my own palm read so I can make up my mind once and for all.
So here I am once more writing post-palm reading, and I’ve got to say that the experience was enlightening, though not in the way I’d anticipated. The first thing that shocked me, possibly a bit unfairly, was how approachable and matter-of-fact the lady I visited was. I think I was expecting some dreamy eccentric a bit like Professor Trelawney from Harry Potter and that’s not what I got at all. Granted, she was wearing some fabulously floaty clothes and rad headbands, but we chatted like normal people inhabiting the 21st century. She even discussed her deals and discounts with me, a small business owner trying to pay bills and buy groceries just like all of us. She was super cool and chucked in a free gemstone reading for me too, which I mention only because the very first thing she predicted for me was owning a dog at some point in my future. From that point onward my day was made, she could have told me I’d only live until 30 and I still would have been relatively chirpy.
As it turns out though, I have a really favourable looking lifeline. It’s long and deep, extending right down near my wrist, apparently meaning that I have the potential to live to around 94 if I look after myself (yes, 94 was the official prognosis, that exact). I was also told that I have a “philospher’s hand” with a long Jupiter (or index) finger, signs of a knowledge seeker and natural leader. There were a couple of cool crosses indicating my interest in spooky shit as well as a prominent “mount of Venus”, communicating my desire for a steamy love life. To that I think I said something flippant like “who doesn’t?” and she responded by saying that actually not everyone focuses on that kind of thing. I felt a bit skanky then, but I decided to not let it bother me. The main thing that struck me though was that everything she said about my palms matched the little I’d researched about palmistry myself. I’d heard that the mount of Venus indicated affinity for romance or sexual experiences, I knew that people with long Jupiter fingers were supposed to be good at leading. All of this has just made me realize that, regardless of whether or not you believe in its accuracy, palmistry is a language with common symbols and definitions just like any other. It’s pretty cool that people the world over know what an elongated lifeline is supposed to mean, right? Maybe palmistry is less a bunch of impassioned guesswork and more a specific language that a few people like to speak. The overall experience was pretty fun, I literally sat with a total stranger for about half an hour as we both talked about how fabulous I was/would be one day. The biggest thing I’ve come away with though is that telling you things you already know is probably a vital tool for palm readers and fortunetellers alike. I only truly believed my lovely new acquaintance when she told me things about myself that I was already sure of. Yes you’re right, I do like my own space a lot of the time, and yeah I am good at leading a team! The things she said which weren’t so resonant for me felt more like little warning lights of inaccuracy. Essentially, because I felt like I knew myself and my own traits, if I agreed with my own palm reading then it was “uncanny” and “insightful” but if I didn’t the whole thing felt “a little vague” and “kind of off”. Regardless of palmistry being an interesting language and a fun thing to do on a Saturday, our human tendency to champion our own knowledge and opinions kind of means that we’re paying someone to draw on our hands and re-affirm stuff we already think. Who knows though, perhaps palmistry could be handy (hah) for humanity in some ways. Ain’t nobody going to say no to a little bit of positive re-affirmation now and then! If you’re into chatting about yourself and you’re keen to find out if you too have been a lusty wee pest from birth, maybe give it a bit of a shot sometime.
IMAGINE. by Anita Tranter *POTENTIAL TRIGGER - WARNING* Stigma and discrimination is alive and well in New Zealand. You may not have noticed because it is commonplace for us to bag people who are in touch with their sexuality with terms like “slut” or “whore”. Most of us at some stage have probably met some kind of ‘tragic’ person who claimed to be a massage therapist – but behind their backs we have sniggered with insinuations like “We know what kind of ‘massage’ she does!” In this article I have highlighted a few discriminatory scenarios for you to dwell on. I have faith in the imagination of the (extremely intelligent) students who read this magazine to try on somebody else’s metaphorical shoes and reflect on your own life. How we perceive, and pigeon-hole, our fellow human beings equates to how much we still have to learn about getting along in society – strangely, those who are less tolerant of differences are those who need more education. I want you to imagine that you are somebody else in a different time and place. Your circumstances are different, your preferences are different. Your values and opinions change as your circumstances demand different things of you.
Imagine your skin is very dark. You are kidnapped without warning from your home by strange, pale people. If you attempt to ask questions, you are lashed, beaten and starved. They chain you below deck of a ship with many others who have also been kidnapped and have no idea what is going on. After days and nights at sea, regular beatings for the men and rape for the women, some of the weaker people perish. They are not removed until the stink of the rotting flesh has attracted the attention of your captors. Daily, you sit with the cadavers of people you once knew, albeit briefly. In the day, you know they are dead. The stiff, dry curl of their open lips still alludes to the pain of their final days and from time to time a fly lands on their skin. You can see the eyes which will not quite close. More flies buzz around crawling over their faces, into any orifice and over the dead eyes. At night the shadows play tricks across the faces of the dead, making it hard to close your eyes for fear of the dead awakening by some demonic possession that wants your soul. When you arrive on a strange land, you are immediately thrown into labour. From dawn until dusk, seven days a week, you bust your back to earn your keep. Friendships form with other slaves, but you watch as they soon drop dead with exhaustion. Nobody cares how you are treated; nobody acknowledges you as a person. Slaves are seen as farm animals, to be worked like cattle. If you try to get away, you will only be returned to your ‘owner’ to be tortured or worse. If you try to stand up for what you believe in, which is your right to freedom, you face the wrath of an entire country of pale-faced devils who would stand against you.
Slavery is eventually outlawed (hurray!). You are now an American citizen with rights. Well, a second-class citizen with rights (secondary to white people) that’s better than being treated as an animal… isn’t it? The discrimination you receive is simply because your skin is dark. You must sit at the back of the bus, you may live in ‘coloured’ neighbourhoods (only), you cannot, under any circumstances, go into ‘white only’ shops and your children must attend schools which are designated only for coloureds. You advise your children to never walk alone because gangs of local whites have been preying on coloured people. There was one instance where 12 white boys had jumped a 15 year old coloured. He was walking home from work that paid him a quarter of what he’d receive if his skin were paler. They beat him within an inch of his life and left him to die on the road. Another time, some white youths wearing masks pulled up on the back of utility vans, poured oil on a coloured young couple who were newly married and expecting a baby, then set them on fire and drove off into the night. Nobody of importance cared. The police said they were “working on it”, but you know damn well that by the time the reports were filed, they had already forgotten about the incidents. They weren’t working on it at all. Rumours spread that one of the boys in the mask was the son of a detective.
You are now a businessman. There is a co-worker whom you find attractive, not just with looks, but their impeccable work ethic and business prowess, and their sense of humour. Their smile is contagious and you can’t help but feel your heart beat faster when they are near. Oh, and the co-worker is also a man. In this time and place, sodomy and homosexuality are illegal. You know that you have always felt attracted to men. Not because you find women unattractive, they aren’t, it’s just you don’t like them in ‘that’ way. You want to shout it from the top of a mountain that you love this man; it feels so strong that you are certain your heart will explode if you don’t. So when your co-worker exposes his feelings for you, you are beyond over-themoon. You and he share a secret romance, which blossoms and you feel like you’ve met the “one”. You want to marry him and have a family, except the law does not allow men to marry men. You move in together anyway and ignore people’s whispers. You don’t openly flaunt your relationship, but you can’t let go of this amazing person who fits so perfectly with you. Fast forward eight years. One morning as your beloved “hubby” gets up to make you both a coffee. Before he can return, you hear the police raid your flat, arresting you both for homosexuality and sodomy. The newspapers are rife with disgusting accusations, such as: because you are homosexuals, you must also be sick, paedophiles, devil-worshippers and deranged perverts. The neighbours rant their horror to anyone who will listen at having had “homo’s” in their nice neighbourhood! While awaiting trial, your parents don’t bother to call. They are too ashamed. You are unkindly informed that your boyfriend, Mr. wonderful, amazing, funny, kind and loving, has hung himself in his cell. They release you because they no longer have the evidence to convict you, but your life has been utterly ruined. You can’t go home, your family won’t help, you return to work only to be summoned by the director and asked to pack your things and bow out quietly. You go to a bar to drown your sorrows when a bunch of guys recognise you from the papers. They insult you with “sissy, queer, faggot, homo”, then wait for you outside the bar to kick your teeth in when you leave.
You are homeless. You have no address and therefore are unable to obtain any social support. You have no money to buy food, shower or change your clothes. You had a job once, and a family, but they abandoned you when you lost the plot and went to the streets. Once a normal person, then suddenly a schizophrenic, your memory is a blur of doctors and psychiatrists jargon – “stress-induced”, “childhood trauma” and “not responding to treatment” echo inside your brain cavity. You see people stare when you start responding to the voices, but you can’t tell the real voices from the ‘unreal’ ones. After you lost your job because you made those around you uncomfortable, it was difficult to get re-hired. Eventually you make an attempt on your own life - this is how the doctors came into it. You can remember the psychiatric ward with the screams and sobs that accompanied the night, and the repetitive sounds of the day. Eventually they have you dosed up so high you are now ‘sane’ enough to be set free, no matter that you can barely remember your own name. You then begin to wander. You sleep at night and you wander during the day. When the medication wears off, you are more confused than before, but like normal people, you have some days that are clearer than others. On a good day you might beg for change because a hot coffee is such a luxury these days. You know it is a numbers game: for every “no” or “get a job” or every person who pretends you don’t exist, you are one step closer to someone handing out. You would love to get a job, but it’s been so long since you had one, you have no idea where to start, and who would hire a crazy person anyway?
Imagine you have the most amazing job in the world that pays well, offers international travel, and has many job perks, but you cannot tell your family, or even your closest friend. You can’t tell your doctor, and worse, you have to create elaborate lies to keep them from knowing the truth. You feel so torn between feeling happy for yourself and miserable that you can never share the truth of your happiness. Imagine going to work and having no rights. You work a public holiday but are exempt from New Zealand law and don’t receive time-and-a-half or a day in lieu. Your office charges you for pens you use, paper for printing, and use of your desk. Imagine your healthcare job charges you for every pair of gloves you use. They turn a blind eye to indoor smokers despite the smell and obvious ill health effects, and allow staff to come to work drunk, stoned or high on crack. Do you feel safe? Your boss makes you pay a two thousand dollar bond upon starting casual employment so that if you turned down work or came late then you would forfeit the bond money or be fined out of it. Imagine you are an accountant and you are murdered (or raped) while at work and because of being an accountant the police don’t put priority on finding the murderer (or rapist). In fact, if you hadn’t become an accountant, you never would have got yourself murdered (or raped) anyway, so you only have yourself to blame for your fate.
None of the above is legal or morally ethical, and yet this happens to a few thousand people in New Zealand every year. There have been various social stigmas throughout history, but the one that prevails is towards workers in the sex industry. Although the decriminalization of sex work in New Zealand in 2003 has had some benefits for the workers, enabling them to report violence and crime without being arrested, the industry is still poorly regulated by Occupational Health and Safety. Because of the real or perceived social stigma, sex-workers are unable to talk to others to find out about their rights, and are vulnerable to being scammed. The only way to reduce the stigma is to talk about these things. For whatever reason, many women (and some men) may find themselves, at some point in their life, in a position where they have to rely on sex-work to survive or to achieve their goals – mothers, sisters, aunts, daughters, students, someone you know, maybe your neighbour. Do you feel okay with someone calling your mother or sister a whore? Or should they mind their own business and let people do what they want for their own reasons, if they don’t affect anyone else? In case you ever find yourself in a position to consider sex-work, here are some things you should know: • As a casual employee, you are expected to provide your own condoms. • It is illegal to propose sex without a condom in a commercial sex setting. • Bonds or fines are illegal. • You have the right to refuse anyone. • You have the right to report any violence or unwanted sexual behaviour to police. • Contrary to common belief, sexual harassment happens in brothels just like anywhere else. You have the right to complain. • You have the right to negotiate the rate of pay. • You have the right to feel safe at work. • You have the right to stop working without notice and Work and Income NZ (WINZ) has an obligation to financially support your decision. The NZPC (New Zealand Prostitutes Collective, www.nzpc.org.nz) has free sexual health clinics, advice and advocacy, they provide heavily discounted condoms and other supplies. If anybody in the sex industry chooses to share their choice of trade with you, try to be understanding, point them in the direction of those who can help. Don’t be so quick to throw around derogatory names. We have attempted to feel the effect of stigma and discrimination. It is only through knowledge we can gain the power to be different, and to make a difference. There is horror all around you and if you want a scary thrill, just put yourself in another’s shoes.
Student Association Members receive a
FREE Eye Exam
one eye exam every two years - current Student ID required
COMPLETE SPECS from
including standard single vision anti-reflective lenses
DAILY CONTACTS from
$2 a pair
current contact lens prescription required - minimum order 90 pairs
Official Optical Partner of
Aucklands only optometry practice offering first-rate eye care specifically tailored for tertiary students 36 Lorne St. Auckland CBD 09 303 0077 firstname.lastname@example.org www.campuspecs.co.nz
MASKED VILLAIN Lush has got a giveaway for y’all this week. They’re all about feeding the faces behind their Fresh Face Masks with fresh fruits, vegetables, butters, clays, and the world’s finest essential oils. Available online and in stores and retailing at just $16.50. Thought Debate has one here for free…which is always better. Email email@example.com with your name, campus, and what you think is the best smell in the whole world. First person to email will receive a free mask of their choice (as they’re all specialised to specific skin types). Get in quick!
H AU N T E D H OT E L Turns out New Zealand has a few ghostly locations scattered here and there. The Waitomo Caves Hotel is said to be the most haunted hotel in all the land. Guests have reported experiencing the dining room getting cold and hearing laughter. One of the rooms is said to contain a very angry spirit, so you’d be a fool to visit without a method of placation… just in case. If you’re after a solid haunting before you head into dark caves, this hotel is the place for you.
DOUBLE TROUBLE Event cinemas has a double pass up for grabs! Email firstname.lastname@example.org with your favourite villain, what you would do if you met them in person, and you’ll be in to win! It’s so simple, it’s scary.
Be Grateful for B-Grade by Matthew Cattin
Not every director sets out to win an Oscar. In fact, some directors don’t even set out to make a very good film at all. Like the fat kid in school that tries out for the relay team, some directors straight up know their film is going to blow, but they do it anyway, for the love of the craft and possibly the free beer at the wrap party. B-grade films, although often attributed to the straight-toVHS 80s, have been around since the early days of Hollywood. Like the B-side of a record, they were typically created to be something of an opening act for the higher budget films in double features. With low production value, actors you’ve never heard of, and generally a rather hapless plot, most B movies are forgotten before the credits roll. But some… Some B movies are so much more than the combination of their parts, and can be exactly what the doctor ordered.
There are no subtitles to follow, the performances won’t reduce you to embarrassing tears, and you’ll never lose track of the plot – unless of course the amateur screenwriter lost a few of the pages during production. Since the earliest days of cinema, the horror genre has thrived in the B movie setting. Think about it… A few pennies spent on make up – you have yourself a monster. Now hire an actress to run around screaming (preferably with nude breasts swinging to put dicks in seats) and you’ve got yourself a movie. The plot doesn’t even have to be well written if the scares are cheap. It’s a match made in heaven. So where should you begin? Glad you asked. With so many shit films to wade through, to start your B-grade journey in the wrong place would be a grave error.
Evil Dead II (1987) A film I have watched an embarrassing number of times, Evil Dead II is everything one could ever want from a cinema experience, and more. The best film of the trilogy (and better of course than the 2013 reboot) it follows our grim hero, Ash, through a night of blood, insanity, continuity errors and horrible (yet endearing and inventive) special effects. With his chainsaw hand and devilishly handsome chin, Ash (Bruce Campbell) will absolutely win you over. The perfect blend of Jim Carrey and Sylvester Stallone, his unique comedic style is an absolute joy to watch. Where Evil Dead really wins though is in its awareness. It doesn’t try to be anything it’s not, poking fun at the horror genre and never taking itself seriously. If you watch any B movie, make it this one.
Alligator (1980) A classic creature feature, Alligator is exactly as the title suggests. Spawned from the ‘alligators in the sewer’ urban legend, this thoroughly enjoyable croc-schlock is guaranteed to delight. You see, this particular alligator grew to gigantic proportions after dining on the scientifically modified lab mice disposed of in the sewer. Such unique! Many inventive! As the city is terrorized by this Jaws of the underground, sit back and enjoy the toothless dialogue and – ahem – actually rather impressive special effects.
Troll 2 (1990) With an IMDb rating of 2.6, I won’t lie to you, this is one of the most atrocious films ever made. I honestly don’t know where to begin… Now a cult classic, and often branded the worst film of all time, Troll 2 – which is actually about goblins – makes you realise just how good your level one media studies films were. I would estimate that for every line of poorly written dialogue, there would be at least three plot holes. The story – if you can call it that – follows an all-American family on a house swap vacation in Nilbog, which is – spoiler alert goblin spelled backwards. Ingenious. I’ve seen it quite a few times with friends, and it really does get better every time. If you’re up for a laugh, and you have diabolically low standards, a vacation to Nilbog might just be the ticket. Just watch out for them trolls yo, they turn you into vegetable paste and eat your sorry arse – because as everybody knows, the scariest monsters are all vegan.
Braindead (1992) Before Peter Jackson made it with the big leagues, he was a gore-obsessed and incredibly inventive DIY filmmaker. Braindead is the best of his early films – a Kiwi classic – that is bound to test your gag reflex at least once. In fact the video rental in Sweden actually came with complimentary vomit bags. At its core, it’s essentially just another zombie film, but with Jackson’s twisted imagination at the helm, it goes places other gore films could only dream of. Without the digital might of Weta, the effects are of a much simpler design – all physical, gooey, sticky and globby. The acting is exactly as you would expect from an early 90s New Zealand film, but how can that ever be a bad thing? Get on this buzz.
M I R R O R,
by Laurien Barks Breaking a mirror means seven years bad luck. To see a broken reflection means that your soul has been fragmented; it’s not entirely whole. It’s an outdated superstition, sure…but I can’t help but see the dark relevance it has today. I like to think that people inadvertently create reflections of one another. As harmful as it can be, and as much as we’d like to sometimes deny it, how people see us, and the aspects of our character that they project back onto us, has some immense power in how we see ourselves. It can definitely be a positive thing, there are plenty of appreciative and positive human mirrors in my life that help me view myself in the lucky, ‘unfragmented’ way. But it’s not usually those closest to us that we have to worry about. Like mirrors, our ‘regulars’ are handpicked, loved, and chosen for their ability to provide us with an accurate reflection. We can leave the comfort of our home feeling positive; even downright bangin’ on a good day. But then you walk past a shop window that distorts your reflection, or stand under a weirdly lit, foggy bathroom mirror, see a poorly-angled selfie (that’s kind of a mirror, I guess), and all of a sudden you feel icky. They’re mirror’s you’ll probably never look in again, yet they make a significant impact.
It’s offhanded comments and criticising from detached groups of (or individual) strangers that often have the biggest influence. These distorted reflections that often come from ignorance rather than a mean-spirited nature, have a hell of a lot of power when it comes to how we see ourselves, and we’ve all got a hand, whether we like it or not, in making sure that power is wielded responsibly. I could address a number of issues where this applies, but a biggie for me is when it comes down to a literal reflection: our appearance. More accurately: our weight. Eating disorders, of all varieties, have been an interest of mine since I was young. Though I never completely understood them until a few years ago. I feel like eating disorders are a bit like cancer, you’d be hard-pressed to find an individual who hasn’t been affected by them in one way or another. Whether it’s first-hand experience, or watching a loved one go through it. It’s this deep understanding of a range of disorders that’s really made me passionate about bringing awareness to them; attempting to arm people, who have been lucky enough to dodge any association with the disorders, with the empathy that’s needed to prevent, and support recovery.
I’ve seen a lot of progress when it comes to the under eating disorders. Anorexia and bulimia are widely recognized as very real diseases, and I find as a whole, society is dealing with them a lot better than they were when I was growing up. Had I had the kind of awareness when I was a preteen that people have today, I think I would have been a bit more sensitive with my “just eat a burger” theories. Telling someone suffering with a disorder like that to “just eat” is seen as highly insensitive and ignorant these days. More and more of us are learning, and wrapping our heads around the fact that the mental disorder makes it so the sufferers can’t “just eat.” It’s not stubbornness, it’s not a cry for attention - it’s a complicated inability. And it’s not an inability that people necessarily understand, but more and more of us are coming to at least recognize it. So why is it that this kind of growing support and recognition doesn’t carry over to the opposite side of the spectrum? Why is it that I’m still hearing comments thrown around, willy nilly, that being overweight is not a disease, it’s a lifestyle? Binge eating and food addiction are very real, uncontrollable disorders, and I see a lot of damage being done; a lot of undermining and insult being thrown in the direction of this particular kind of eating disorder. Though hearing these kinds of statements makes me quite upset and ranty, I really do know that a lot of these opinions are coming from a place of genuine misunderstanding.
The thing is, an unhealthy relationship with food doesn’t discriminate. It can swing from one side of the spectrum to the other. The thing is, an unhealthy relationship with food doesn’t discriminate. It can swing from one side of the spectrum to the other. It can even set up camp in the middle from time to time. Abnormal or disturbed eating habits, whether they’re of the under, obsessive, or over eating variety, are all imprisoned by the same ugly ‘disorder’ cage. Yet we tend to only view some as diseases - the others are choices. I do know why the word ‘choice’ is thrown around when it comes to this kind of mental illness. Diet and exercise are choices we all have to make for ourselves and our own lifestyle. And for those with a healthy relationship with food, these are cause-and-effect choices. Food addiction is much more easily viewed as a choice than other addictions, because unlike alcoholism and drug abuse, each and every person on the planet has an affiliation with food. Most people in the Western world are affected by beauty standards in one way or another, so we must all try and balance food in a way that suits us. Choices are made by all of us, every day, so it’s easy to assume that decisions we make on a daily basis, couldn’t possibly be anything other than decisions for someone else. But this is incorrect.
As with any addiction, food addiction has the power to become mindless and overwhelmingly ‘needed’. Some people suffer from an inability to stop eating until an entire package of food is empty. Others are triggered and fall into binging episodes, where mass amounts of food are consumed over a short space of time. These examples of chronic overeating are often described as an out-of-body experience, where the person really does feel out of control of their own body. That doesn’t sound like a choice to me, it sounds pretty damn frightening, and like it could easily turn into a cycle of destruction. Without downplaying any other kind of addiction, I have to say that food addicts are often more likely to relapse and continue to harm themselves, because unlike alcohol, gambling, smoking, or drugs, you cannot simply eliminate food from your life. It’s a harmful ‘too much of a good thing scenario’ in which a person is forced to befriend an enemy that has the potential to hurt them again at any given moment. It’s an incredible struggle to overcome that takes a hell of a lot of strength…so it’s no wonder there are times when they feel defeated. However, this defeat is often reflected back on them as ‘laziness’ or an ‘unwillingness to try.’ It’s enough of a struggle on its own to battle it out with an eating disorder of any kind, but when so many people are telling you that it’s your choice? That just seems unbearable to me. While I understand that not everyone who’s deemed ‘unhealthy’ by society is living with an eating disorder – there are people out there who choose to live and thrive at different weights – none of us ever really know when we’re chipping a reflection, or when we’re shattering it completely. Plus it doesn’t matter if they’re making choices, or find themselves with an addiction… it’s never our business to tell anyone they’re not good enough in any way. You’re really not helping people with tough love, or encouraging them to be ‘healthier’ when you’re keyboard warrioring, or otherwise. Most of us wouldn’t dare reflect badly on another person in their presence, but we don’t hesitate to badmouth when they’re not around. I’m constantly hearing offhand comments and people voicing their opinions about another person’s ‘lifestyle choices’. While it might be marginally preferable to say these things out of earshot of the person, it’s still perpetuating a harmful, and inaccurate belief. It’s still saying to people who are unaffected by an eating disorder, it’s okay to assume that overeating is a result of little self-control. Chances are pretty good people undergoing this kind of struggle are exercising an absurd amount of self-control, and a variety of self-control that most of us never even have to think about. So that excuse won’t fly. No excuse will fly. A lack of understanding can be a bit of a weapon sometimes. And, while we can’t all develop a true experience-based comprehension of what another person is dealing with, we can all agree to wrap our heads around the fact that there are things that we won’t ever understand. The right to critique only gains validity when it comes from understanding, and those who do understand this kind of scenario, would bypass that right completely. Think twice before you inadvertently crack someone else’s mirror, it’s never going to be worth the seven unlucky years.
POTIONS CLASS by Amelia Petrovich | Illustrations by Logan Gubb When I was growing up, my mother was the queen of sporadic health kicks and my siblings and I were her perpetual guinea pigs. We endured and survived countless pots of liver cleansing nettle tea, struggled through kilograms of whole wheat pasta and were frequently confused by how much we actually liked carob-coated almonds. However, all three of us drew the line at home made shampoo. I still remember the smell of the stuff, this vinegary rosemary laced liquid that ran over your scalp like a gushing river of weird. At the time, I was adamant that hair care was one thing that should just not mix with healthy living, because surely dousing your tresses in store-bought chemicals was superior. Quite unsurprisingly, my eleven-year-old self was deluded.
Tea Tree Oil This stuff is like liquid gold, I’ve used it for so many things I’ve actually lost count. Tea tree oil can be used diluted with cold water as a cleanser/toning mist for your face. It acts as a natural astringent; therefore it helps tackle things like fungus, acne, insect bites or even head lice. It also smells kind of yummy, which helps.
As it turns out, even though it smells terrible, rosemary and vinegar can do pretty cool things. After a few weeks of begrudgingly using the witchy concoction, my hair was admittedly pretty shiny and nice looking. Vinegar in particular is super good at removing gross build up and residue in your hair, and also for stimulating the capillaries in your scalp and promoting regeneration. Who’d have thought, huh? Vinegar isn’t the only natural remedy to do cool things though; there are a huge array of plant-based lotions and potions you can use for your afflictions and ailments! I mean, lets not go crazy and undermine the triumphs of modern medicine here (I do not recommend sticking to just lemon and honey drinks if you have a crazy bout of pneumonia for example), but knowing a wee bit about how nature can help you out might wind up being pretty helpful someday.
Lavender The scent of lavender is said to be a calming influence for the mind and body. The smell itself reminds me of old people a little bit, but kind, calming, lovely old people who want to sit you down with a cup of tea and solve all your problems. Have some lavender smells wafting around after a long day at uni or work. It’ll do wonders.
Manuka Honey At first I thought this way possibly the most over-hyped commodity in existence, because manuka bushes are everywhere here in New Zealand and yet the honey is astronomically expensive. But as it turns out, the cost is totally worth it. Manuka honey is crammed full of antibacterial goodness. So, if you end up with genuine manuka, having a lemon and honey drink might actually help get rid of your cold!
Arnica Cream This is a cream derived from the arnica flower and is hella useful for treating bruises, swelling or even really sore muscles. If you’re currently frequenting the gym workin’ on them gains, maybe invest in a tube of arnica to make sure you’re taking care of your gorgeous bod.
Aloe Vera This is like the moisturizer to end all moisturizers. It’s fantastic for soothing burns, so have some handy on hot days when for when you’ve accidentally scorched yourself.
Peppermint Tea This is fantastic to have after you’ve eaten, mainly because it feels like brushing your teeth except yummier, but also because it’s said to significantly aid digestion. Peppermint tea also tends to help with anything stomach-related, whether it be aching, cramping or just general nausea. I’m also convinced that any kind of tea is irrefutably good for the soul, so there’s always that too.
Cranberries I’m just going to say it, these babies help get rid of UTIs. If you don’t know what a UTI is, you probably don’t have one right now, so go forth and enjoy life. If you’re in the know however, bear in mind that whenever you’re in need, Ocean Spray Cranberry Juice is available pretty cheap in most supermarkets.
Eucalyptus Pharmacy products like Vicks Vaporub get their inspiration from eucalyptus I reckon, the original fresh-smelling congestion clearer. If you’ve got a blocked nose or clogged up chest, keep a tissue with eucalyptus oil tucked down your sleeve and sniff away a it (yes I’m serious). Or, alternatively, rub a bit on your chest as you go to sleep (well like… rub it on before sleeping. You don’t have to fall asleep rubbing oil on yourself, that’s a bit unsettling).
St Johns Wort This is one I personally have never come across but I’m compelled to include it because it’s important and strangely potent. St Johns Wort (or “hypericum perforatum” in some circles) is commonly used to help treat depression and related conditions like anxiety, loss of appetite or loss of sleep. If you’re keen to hit this up in any way though, its probably a good idea to talk to your doctor as using St Johns Wort often cancels out the effects of any other medications you’re taking… it’s just that badass.
T H E TO P 1 3 VI L L A IN S O F D O CTO R W H O by Ethan Sills Love it or hate it, you cannot deny that Doctor Who has everlasting appeal. Over fifty years since the first episode, the show is one of the longest running science fiction shows ever, and part of its longevity is the cast of recurring villains and monsters that have terrorised the Doctor, his companions and anyone they come across. In honour of our theme, here are thirteen of the scariest, craftiest and downright wickedest foes the Doctor has faced.
The Doctor’s oldest and longest lasting villains, and for good reason. While they may resemble a rubbish bin-plunger hybrid, the Daleks, the mutant descendants of the Kaleds living inside metal containers, constantly find new ways to torment The Doctor. While they can be cartoonish at times, the Daleks are ultimately responsible for a number of the Doctor’s regenerations and demises, as well as existential crises.
Mummy on the Orient Express was a highlight of the uneven eighth season, largely as the titular monster managed to be consistently terrifying. Invisible except for his latest victim, if you see this mummified villain, you have 66 seconds to live and then you’re dead, and not a single person can help you. So good it had to be screened later in the UK.
A race of plastic lifeforms that can impersonate mannequins, linked by a hive mind and come with guns in their hands. They aren’t the most terrifying monsters; indeed, their melodramatic role in the first episode of the reboot nearly put me off the show. However, their original appearance in 1970 as the first monsters in colour caused a debate in the British parliament about what was appropriate for television, and when I first watched the music-less scene of the mannequin army smashing through shop windows, I could see why.
While they have probably the most convoluted plan in the history of the show, one that ultimately failed, the Silence are also amongst the shows creepiest villains. Coming with the ability to make you forget about them the second you look away, these shadowy, electricity-flinging, suited creatures make up for their lack of follow through by being purely creepy.
The Doctor’s second oldest foes, and not quite as frightening as The Daleks. A race of humans who replaced their body parts with metal, eventually losing all emotions, they are largely just run-of-the-mill robots bent on destruction. In the modern era they even lost the cool backstory for a more 21st-century twist. However, Nightmare in Silver, written by my personal god, Neil Gaiman, rebooted them with a new design, merging both types of Cybermen together and making them faster, harder to kill and with extra abilities they finally made them a real threat. The new form continued to grow in the Dark Water/Death in Heaven two-parter, and I actually wouldn’t mind seeing them round more.
In one of the more unique, entertaining but chilling Who episodes, the Boneless are a race of 2-D aliens who are trying to become three dimensional by draining 3D objects. Sounds stupid in theory, but in execution it made for a very different episode in Flatline, another highlight of Season Eight and definitely one of the most interesting monsters ever. Coincidentally, they came from the same man who conjured up The Foretold – fingers crossed he hangs around!
Microscopic beings that are harmless in small numbers, but when they gather in large swarms, they devour a whole human in seconds. Appearing in Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead, these creatures hook onto people’s shadows before killing them and taking control of their corpses. Fairly heavy stuff for a show supposedly aimed at families.
In the 1970s, it was decided that The Doctor needed a villain who he could face as an equal: to quote them, a Moriarty to his Holmes. Thus, they concocted The Master, a renegade Time Lord and childhood friend of our hero. Psychotic after being exposed to a time rift as a child, The Master (or Missy, as he/she is currently known) has been a regular nemesis for eight of The Doctor’s twelve lives. Though his plans fail grandly, his pure craziness and lack of control makes for an excellent enemy, and he/she has gotten more ridiculous but unstable with every appearance.
Probably the creepiest (and best) episode of Who, Midnight sees The Doctor and a small group of people trapped in a shuttle bus, when one of the group becomes possessed. With the power to repeat everything that is said around her, this may not sound frightening, but watch it late at night alone and you will be positively shitting yourself. Haunting performance, moving episode: a must watch for any fan.
While only appearing in a few stories, these fan favourite shape shifters have a certain element of menace to them. Giant pink rubbery creatures that whisper out their threats, they made a grand return in the fiftieth anniversary where they began taking over members of UNIT. They are one of the more frightening looking villains The Doctor has faced, and they had a certain vicious edge under their shapeshifted forms.
This race is a fan favourite villain but one that I’m a bit neutral towards. They are a race of demons with the power to send people back in time and feed off their energy, but turn to stone if anyone looks at them. Their abilities have made for some creepy chase sequences and chilling moments, and are most notable for bringing about the end of The Doctor’s travels with companions Amy and Rory. While they have gotten pretty old pretty fast, watching them for the first time was tense and exciting: hopefully they can be scary again.
The Empty Child
Let’s be honest: the first season of the revived era of Who isn’t the best. While Christopher Eccleston is brilliant, the episodes haven’t aged well, and it’s clear they were still working out a few things. However, a clear highlight is the two-parter The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances: as well as introducing Captain Jack Harkness, the episodes predominantly features a small boy wearing a gas mask walking around asking “Are you my mummy?” in a very sinister British-y way. Atmospheric and chilling, another must watch episode and villain.
I really don’t think there is a greater threat to the future of The Doctor than this man right here. 25
MY TAINTED RELIGION
by Conor Leathley “The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything”- Albert Einstein May 27th, 2015 was a seminal day in the world of soccer football. The sporting equivalent of man landing on the moon. For those who only pay attention during World Cup years, news broke that several high-standing officials of the Fédération Internationalé dé Football Association (aka FIFA) were arrested in Zurich. The officials were charged on up to 47 counts of crime, a count that would make Keyser
Soze blush. Unfortunately, to those passionate about the game, this was not a surprise. It is known that FIFA, the organisation (not the delightful video game) are corrupt. For these arrests, America we praise you. As the Economist wrote; “American extraterritorial jurisdiction is often excessive in its zeal, and overbearing in its methods, but in this instance it deserves the gratitude of football fans everywhere.” Racketeering. Wire fraud. Money Laundering. All of these spanning over two decades. The charges directed at FIFA seem more suited for a Martin Scorsese film. And yet? They are the crimes that have been committed by the supposed gate-keepers of football.
One of the first examples of blatant, incongruous behaviour by FIFA took place in 2010, at the World Cup hosted by South Africa. In his weekly late night show, Last Week Tonight, John Oliver (in 2014) provided a fantastic breakdown of how during the tournament, FIFA is king. They were allowed to create 56 FIFA World Cup courts, which were given the power to hand down sentences that would normally be reserved for the standard court system. Two Zimbabwe men robbed foreign journalists on a Wednesday, were arrested on Thursday, and were given 15-year sentences on Friday, the next day. What about due process? As Oliver pointed out, is it not inherently crazy for an organisation as guilty as FIFA to be the determiners of justice?
AT THE TIME OF WRITING, IT IS BELIEVED THAT OVER 12 0 0 W O R K E R S H AV E DIED WORKING ON SAID PROJECTS, WITH IT BEING BELIEVED THAT OVER 4000 WILL H AV E D I E D BY T H E TIME THE WORLD CUP AC T UA L LY S TA R T S .
Not stopping there, they carried this permeating power over to the most recent World Cup that took place last year in Brazil. As you well may know, Brazil is proper bonkers about soccer, so much so that referees have been known to be decapitated for making a ‘wrong’ call. As a result, alcohol was banned from the Brazilian stadiums during games, which seems appropriate. But seeing as Budweiser is a major sponsor of FIFA (again, covered in John Oliver’s rant last year. It is a must watch), a ‘Budweiser Bill’ was instituted for the duration of the cup, allowing alcohol to be sold. Clearly, alcohol sales are more important than the lives of those present in the stadium.
But perhaps the most egregious example of FIFA’s modus operandi is the country that is hosting the 2022 World Cup, Qatar. Firstly, the size of the country alone is a huge detriment, when factoring in the glut of tourism that the tournament will attract. The previous smallest, Switzerland (which hosted in 1954), is three times the size, and only had to host 16 countries, rather than the 32 that will journey to Qatar. But, you could get by if that was the crux of the problems. Unfortunately, Qatar can reach heats of 50 degree Celsius, putting the players in conditions that could be lethal. However, the reason that this decision is so panned is because of the society that Qatar cultivates. This is the catalyst of terrible decisions made by FIFA. Public floggings. Modern day stoning. Passports are removed from residents, making them prisoners in their own country. These are all acts that FIFA are condoning through association. A country the size of Qatar does not have the built-in infrastructure required, meaning that stadiums were built as a response. At the time of writing, it is believed that over 1200 workers have died working on said projects, with it being believed that over 4000 will have died by the time the World Cup actually starts. No San Andreas Fault line here, just stadium constructions. Above all of this stands Joseph S. Blatter, better known as Sepp, the ubiquitous president of FIFA. For years, the wider public has been aware of the skulduggery of this wolf in sheep’s clothing. For the ostensive progress that was made with the arrests, some of it appeared to be undone only a few days later after Blatter was re-elected, for an unprecedented fifth term. Is it all for naught, if they cannot get the top man, the one who has overseen all of these misdeeds? The elusive white whale, who may continue to survive despite everything crashing down all around him. Not to mention his comments about when he was asked how women’s soccer could be made more popular (per The Guardian); “They could, for example, have tighter shorts. Female players are pretty. At the beginning of the story, I mentioned that the day the arrests were made were a huge moment in football. Well, I am pleased today (3rd of June, 2015) to say that there may have never been a bigger day than today. The evil emperor is gone! Sepp Blatter has resigned as president, amid the allegations that have dogged FIFA since the arrests. But even in the celebrations that this announcement will generate, one must now adopt a macro view: will things change? Now that the architect has left, will the building collapse? Will FIFA finally become the organisation that football fans have craved for near two decades now? Removing the World Cup from Qatar would be a good start. For now, all we can do is hope.
BOHEMIAN GYPSY by Shivan 200 years ago, the emergence of Bohemian style came to be. Artists, writers and intellectuals were usually associated with this Bohemian/Gypsy style of dressing. Free flowing and full of colour, these Bohemians stood out, as they in no way dressed like the majority of people. To this date, Bohemian dress style still tends to stick out from the crowd. This style first appeared after the French Revolution, when the backing of aristocracy slowly faded due to the lack of wealthy customer support for art. These artists were cast into poverty and had no option but to survive cheaply; this meant they would only be able to afford illfitted unfashionable hand-me-down clothes. However, this eventually turned into a kind of lifestyle for this group. This group of people made their lives a living work of art by the way they dressed, the work they did, and the people they associated with. This Bohemian lifestyle eventually became the rebellious forefront during the Victorian era. They supported old techniques of crafts and clothing, which included a medieval style of dressing - with organic dyes and corsets, and eventually distended from materialistic culture. Many people
compared these new artistic outcasts to wandering Gypsies, who were usually shunned from society. Bohemianism was an unnoticed and unchanged lifestyle for many years, however after the incorporation of this style by expensive designers in their collections, the world took notice of this style and Bohemianism went mainstream. Designers like Givenchy and Yves Saint Laurent transformed this inexpensive and laidback style of dressing into a commercial platform. With the use of rich fabrics and textiles, designers catapulted this style, which usually was worn by outcasts, into centre stage at fashion week. Some elements you can incorporate to bring a bit of Gypsy Bohemianism in to your daily look: 1. Try wearing loose natural fabrics like tunics, loose trousers, khaki shirts and more. 2. Open you hair out, get some braids or dreadlocks. 3. This winter, instead of wearing scarves around your neck try wearing them around your head. 4. Add an element of orient, like traditional robes or Kimonos. 5. Layering is a must. 6. A general disregard for tidiness and uniformity of dress, however the lack of tidiness is not a must.
DARK ORIGINS OF DISNEY STORIES
by Shivan Cinderella: In one version of the story, Cinderella, it was said that the glass slipper was not forced on the feet of the step sisters. Instead, the step mother actually cut the heels and toes of the step sisters to ensure the glass slipper fit when Prince Charming arrived. However, after he noticed the pool of blood forming, Prince Charming was certain it wasn’t the step sisters he was looking for. And if that wasn’t enough, as revenge for all her torture, Cinderella orders her Fairy Godmother to unleash an enchanted bird to peck out the eyes of her step sisters. Pocahontas: In the original tale of Pocahontas, Captain John Smith was at least three times the age of Pocahontas. Instead of the two falling in love, Pocahontas was actually captured and kept as ransom with Captain John Smith for several years. She endured all kinds of torture. She was paraded around as a symbol of deterrence, and proved what would happen if native folk did not conform to the British way of civilisation. Little Mermaid: In the original tale it was said the Little Mermaid didn’t get to live happily ever after with her prince, as he had married another. However, the Little Mermaid no longer wanted to live as the land folk, and wished to return to her family in the sea. In the attempts to get Little Mermaid back, her sisters asked for help from Ursula the Sea Witch who gave them a magic knife in return for the sisters’ hair. This knife would be used to kill Prince Eric, and only when the prince’s blood dripped on the legs of the Little Mermaid, would she get her fins and tail back – allowing her to live in the ocean again. Snow White: In the original tale of Snow White, the story is very similar to the story we know of. Snow White, the fairest of all in the land, was poisoned after the Evil Queen gives her a poison apple to eat. However, one part that was left out from the story we know, is when Snow White awakens and marries her King, at the wedding the Evil Queen is made to dance wearing red hot iron shoes as her punishment until she dies.
THE HORROR! We ventured into the deep dark corners of Yahoo Answers to bring you the horrifying questions that are playing on every day peoples’ minds. The real horror, however, is that the askers of these questions, well… they live among us.
“If I go skateboarding without pants on and I fall, could I scrape my penis off?” “I swallowed an ice cube whole, and I haven’t pooped it out. Is it stuck? “Are there birds in Canada?” “How am I sure I’m the real mum of my kid?” “Why does my cat ‘vibrate’?” “Why do crocodiles walk like they just got their nails done or something?” “If Batman’s parents are dead, then how was he born?” “Is it okay to promise my first born to the devil?” “How do I remove my eyeball?” “How can I convince my wife to let our hot maid sleep in between us at night? Please HELP!?” “What is the right age to start teaching my dog about sex?” “Why hasn’t my bro had his first period yet?” “How much Listerine does it take to get drunk?” “I ALWAYS here this song on the radio or when I’m up in the club, but I can’t find what its called…it’s all beats, one part of the song is like this: It will get real low, then slowly start picking back up and it will go faster as it does. It’s like Dun dun dun Dun dun dun Err Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Dundundundundundundundundundun Er er er er er er ER ER ER ER ER ER der der der der derr”
REAL WORLD HORROR
by Amelia Petrovich People say that we’re living in a society of decreased empathy and escalating violence. Horror and tragedy seem to be everywhere; we’re saturated with it in the media, on the streets, at every turn. It’s like that song by Flight of the Concords where Brett sees a guy lying on the street with his head cut off and no one even checks to see if he’s dead or not. This is a societal reality ladies and gentlemen! We’re sick, twisted and messed up, but does this actually bother anyone? No way José. Apparently we’re all calling for more violence and spooky shit, particularly pertaining to our favourite horror stories. Gone are the days of genuine fright and terror at the sight of blood! Hitchcock had to make his famous ‘Psycho’ shower scene black and white so that it didn’t scare anyone too much, but now people are flayed open in Game of Thrones and we all let out a resounding “meh”. But is all of this due to de-sensitisation or is it simply because the horror stories we’re bombarded with just don’t resonate with us anymore? I mean, zombies and chainsaw massacres are all well and good, but are they a concern for us here living our cushy Auckland lives? In the 21st century we don’t worry about supernatural problems, we worry about real problems. Therefore, I present to you a vast array of real, actual horror situations guaranteed to traumatise and disturb even the most sadistic story enthusiast. Brace yourself; these plot lines are not for the faint hearted. Plot #1, “Unripe”- A health-minded young man saunters off to the supermarket to satisfy his avocado craving. Little does he know that every single avocado at Countdown is rock hard and inedible. Plot #2, “Timing is Key”- A friendly, girl-next-door type arrives at work in plenty of time… or does she? When she walks past her boss they ask her where the hell she’s been for the last hour.
Tragically, the clocks went forward the night before and nobody told her. Plot #3, “Mm Whatcha Say?”- Gavin and his friends have shown up to the movies on a Friday night, oblivious to the horrors soon to unfold. As they hand their tickets to the Rialto guy, he tells them to “enjoy the film”. Gavin responds with a perky “yeah man, you too” before he even realises what he’s done. Stacy proudly posts the funniest Facebook status she’s come up with in weeks. One hour later there are still no likes. Plot #5: “Needled”- Richie has been curled up on the couch watching Supernatural for hours on end. He is blissfully unaware of his own foot, tucked up underneath him, the weight of his own lethargic body slowly depriving it of blood flow. When Richie finally decides to move towards the kitchen he is rendered immobile by the worst pins and needles ever. Plot #6: “Maybe You Should Have Gone With Windows”- An optimistic young uni student has almost finished their essay the night before the due date. All of a sudden, the screen flickers and everything goes black. They re-launch the laptop with bated breath only to discover that autosave didn’t work and everything has disappeared. Plot #7: “Cookies No More”- In a post-apocalyptic future, Auckland cookie bar Moustache announces once again that they are closing but this time for good. Plot #8: “Cat-astrophe”- Melanie is torn, her cat Peanut has been cuddled up in her lap all night but now she really needs to go to bed. Does she have the stomach to turf Peanut off the couch and endure his unrelenting wrath for the rest of her life?
Without a doubt the creepiest popup book I have ever seen, The Babadook tells of a dark entity with top hat and cloak which gets under your skin and doesn’t relent until you wish you were dead. “If it’s in a word, or it’s in a look, you can’t get rid of the Babadook.” I don’t think I need to tell y’all that the Babadook starts showing up and getting all up in the house, creepin’ on the family and being a scallywag… But he does, and it’s quite terrifying.
Directed by Jennifer Kent Starring Essie Davis, Noah Wiseman, Daniel Henshall
Reviewed by Matthew Cattin Set in suburban Australia, the film portrays a widowed orderly’s struggle to come to terms with the premature death of her husband while raising their young son Samuel. Still grieving her loss, Amelia seems to be living in a dark vacuum, not helped a whole lot by Samuel’s behavioural problems at school – thanks for nothing, Samuel… Anywho, shit starts to go down when one night, Samuel chooses a bed time book from the shelf that Amelia has apparently never seen before – it’s called The Babadook.
One thing The Babadook does so bloody well is tension. From its first scene, it instils a sense of dread and anxiousness which doesn’t relent until the credits. Rather than relying on cheap jump scares, it builds up a solid foundation of psychological terror by layering concerns in the viewer’s mind; where did the book come from? Is Amelia losing her grip on reality? And what the hang is a Babadook? If you don’t mind Australian accents, the acting is fair dinkum, particularly from the lead Essie Davis who does a marvellous job portraying a woman on the brink of falling apart. I must also make note of the curious Babadook, whom – although lacking in screen time – is a fantastically terrifying creation. I must say it’s so refreshing to discover an original horror villain that relies not on CGI, but on practical effects. Kudos. And then of course, that ending… Initially I just sat there shaking my head, cursing the suddenly rolling credits… But over the next few days, I pondered, and slowly began to make some sense of the outcome. It’s not an easy ending to pin down though, and there are many ways one might interpret the story, so if you need a Hollywood narrative, may I suggest watching something else.
However, this genius thriller is tense, exciting, unsettling and thought provoking, and makes for an excellent watch. Ewan McGregor stars as a ghost writer hired to pen the memoir of former British PM Adam Lang (Pierce Brosnan). Heading out to his house on a secluded island, the writer learns that his predecessor was found washed up on a beach, and that his death has something to do with the original manuscript. While there, Lang is charged with war crimes, only complicating the writer’s position and bringing up more questions.
THE GHOST WRITER
Directed by Roman Polanski Starring Ewan McGregor, Olivia Williams, Pierce Brosnan
Reviewed by Ethan Sills The best thing about this week’s theme is that it gives me an excuse to review one of my favourite movies. I may be using the ‘supernatural, scary’ elements a bit loosely in this case: there is no literal ghost in this movie, and it’s not a traditional horror movie.
I first saw this movie at a preview screening I won in a radio competition. Due to these circumstances, it wasn’t the sort of movie I expected, but I have been in love with it since then. It features the best performances I’ve seen from both McGregor and Brosnan, as well as a stellar supporting turn by Olivia Williams as Lang’s bitter wife, Ruth. The story is complicated but builds over the course of two hours, with several amazing twists in the last act that still fascinate me on repeat viewings. And I think that is what makes a good movie: being able to watch it time and time again without losing interest or appeal. Ghost Writer is a masterful thriller that is always tense, always shocking, always a pleasure to watch no matter how many times I see it. With chilling music, steely grey lighting in every shot and a powerful script, this movie is more intense than any horror movie out there.
However, the film is so wonderfully crafted it’s easy to forget how it ends. The film stars Jack Nicholson in one of his most iconic roles, Jack Torrance. Torrance, his wife Wendy and son Danny, move into the Overlook Hotel as the care staff for the winter. Torrance hopes the time alone will help his writer’s block, but a month passes with him achieving nothing. As time progresses, the supernatural forces in the hotel make themselves more present, and Jack slowly begins to lose control until he finally snaps…
Directed by Stanley Kubrick Starring Jack Nicholson, Shelley Duvall, Danny Lloyd
Reviewed by Ethan Sills One of the problems with waiting a long time to watch classic movies is that it’s quite hard to avoid spoilers. Thanks mostly to The Simpsons, there are few big, well known movies I don’t know the ending too. I thought going into The Shining that the plot would have been ruined – and largely, it was.
It is, I am ashamed to admit, the only Stanley Kubrick movie I have seen, but damn does it make me want to watch them all. I rarely pay attention to shot sizes and the like, but this movie is so beautiful to look at with hundreds of well framed shots that you can’t look away even as the creepiness takes over. Nicholson is incredible as Torrance: with his natural serial killer smile, he was born to play this role and pulls it off perfectly. No other character is really as developed, but the rest of the movie, from the set decoration to the editing is so perfect you can forgive some shaky performances. A true masterpiece that is deserving of the hyperbole, The Shining makes all other horror films pale in comparison. While it may not end perfectly and has a few loose ends, this is still a genius piece of film making and truly embodies all of this week’s themes.
If you are in need a decent breakfast after an exhausting week or big night out, the weekend brunch menu at the Garden Shed Neighbourhood Bistro in Mount Eden is just the ticket. Although the hanging shovels and garden forks above the indoor dining tables kind of resemble something out of a horror movie, the outdoor courtyard to the rear of the building was a nice getaway from the busy street.
THE GARDEN SHED
Neighbourhood Bistro - 470 Mt Eden Road Reviewed by Jewels
Big appetites (or hangover sufferers for that matter) will relish the famous shed board; the home made spicy pork sausages and potato rosti made this big brekkie a winner compared to similar offerings elsewhere. The caramelised winter fruit and blended Canadian maple butter, which came with the buckwheat pancakes, was a refreshing take on yet another traditional breakfast selection; a must try for the sweet tooth’s out there. The detox smoothie was a real highlight. I could easily have downed a second one; topped with coconut, chia, flax seeds and edible summer flowers it was taste sensation (and of course super healthy), I look forward to trying others from the selection. The service was on par with the quality of the food; despite the busy Sunday brunch rush, the staff delivered the feast within a short wait.
HORROR STORIES by Ali Thair
LU C Y
What was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you? My parents won some lotto money and I got a share.
Do you have a lucky charm? Grandma’s engagement ring. Her sister lost it, and I found it.
What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? A man tried to grab me in Fiji. If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? Taken.
What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? I was in a dodgy part of Scotland, and this lady came asking for drugs at our door. She specifically said “Where can we get drugs for sex?” If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? Jaws
HE N RY What was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you? Getting into the course was lucky. My portfolio was incomplete and I took a risk, and it paid off. What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? Being forced to move out of home for no reason. If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? Arachnophobia – them spiders look fucked up.
A N GE
J E R RY
What was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you? Being selected for the top badminton team in year 9.
What was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you? I found a four leaf clover.
What was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you? I went to Disney Land.
What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? A guy was outside Shelly Park School with a gun. There was a school lock down.
What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? Failing exams – the whole anxiety of it all.
What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? I had knee surgery for my ACL. The recovery really got to my head. If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? Jaws
If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? Final Destination
If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? Arachnophobia
J I VAA N What was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you? I won 100 dollars in lotto. What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? I was chased by a lady with a knife. If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? AUT life.
L ARA What was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you? I got off the plane and then saw Austin Butler – Vanessa Hudgens’ boyfriend. The day after, I got accepted into University and had a hectic birthday party. What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? 31st of January was the scariest day. There was a car accident, spun out into a power pole near Beachlands, and it sent my friends to hospital. If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? I remember what you did last summer.
C A MPBEL L What was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you? Winning a 48” TV in a Spark promotion (then I sold it for cash straight after). What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? A car crashed right in front of me in the Coromandel. If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? Jaws – I’m a surfer.
GEORG IA What was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you? I came third in a stamp design competition. What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? A car crashed with my boyfriend and flipped the car, then a week later I got into a car crash with my friend. A bit of a phobia of driving after that. If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? Evil Dwarf Chase
S T E VE N
What was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you? Passing every course in semester one this year.
What was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you? A few near death misses. I was boosting in a car and almost crashed it.
What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? Car crash in 2011 in Mission Bay. I drove into someone else’s car. If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? Arachnophobia
TA I D H GH What was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you? Losing stuff and finding them again. I lost my wallet on the London underground and realised an hour later. It was still back in the same spot.
What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? I was swept out to sea and had to cling onto a bunch of rocks. If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? Jeepers Creepers
S HAZ R E N What was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you? I got a car for free. One of my dad’s mate’s sons gave me his car. No strings attached.
What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? Stuck in a lift for six hours.
What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? First day of university. I came in and was like ‘Who are you people? Someone talk to me!’
If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? Giant Shark vs Mega Octopus
If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? Illusionist
TIM What was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you? I survived a critical head injury. What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? I got held up by a knife after Christmas in the park. He wanted my Nokia 3310… If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? Cat Demons.
Z OE What was the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you? Winning a musician award from Smoke Free Rock quest 2014. What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you? Flying all the way to Singapore alone and getting sick on the plane. If your life was a horror film, what would the title be? Arachnophobia
It’s simple: if you need help or support with anything at all while studying at AUT – don’t hesitate, just ask us. Student Services are FREE and available Monday to Friday on all campuses. Call the Student Centre and tell us what you need (09) 921 9779
A SCARY SPREAD
Yeah, okay, it’s not Halloween, and we agree that this spread is a little Halloweeny (lol, weeny), but why not bust out a horror-themed party in the middle of June? Your friends/mum/cat won’t know what hit them!
BLOODY MARY • • • • • • •
45ml vodka 100ml tomato juice Juice of one lemon ½ tsp Worcester sauce 3 drops Tabasco sauce
RIBS • • • • •
5kg pork ribs 1 tbsp garlic powder 1 tsp ground black pepper 2 tbsp salt 1 cup barbeque sauce
Salt and Pepper ½ tbsp. horseradish (optional…by
1) Place ribs in a large pot with enough
why wouldn’t you go there?)
water to cover. Season with garlic powder,
DIRT CAKE • • • • • • •
½ cup butter, softened 1 package cream cheese, softened ½ cup confectioners’ sugar 2 packages instant vanilla pudding mix 3 ½ cups milk 1 bottle cream (500 ml) 36 Oreo cookies
black pepper and salt. Bring water to a
1) Chop cookies very fine in a food processor.
Salt the rim, mix it all up, chuck it in a
boil, and cook ribs until tender.
2) Mix butter, cream cheese, and sugar in a
glass, garnish with celery, then go to town
2) Preheat oven to 165 degrees C
on that thing!
3) Remove ribs from pot, and place
3) Whip the cream.
them in an average baking dish. Pour
4) Combine pudding mix, milk, and the
barbeque sauce over the ribs. Cover
whipped cream together. Combine the cream
dish with aluminium foil and bake in the
cheese and the pudding mixture.
preheated oven for 1 to 1 ½ hours, or until
5) Layer in a large flower pot (because…it’s
the internal temperature of the pork has
dirt cake. Get it?) Starting with cookies, then
reached 70 degrees C.
the cream mixture, then repeat back and forth finishing with a cookie layer. 6) Chill until ready to serve. 7) Decorate with gummy worms, bugs, graves, whatever. 37
G O O D L U C K C H A R M S AC R O S S T H E WO R L D
Circle all the words in the wordfind, tear this page out & pop it into the box on the side of the red debate stands, and you could win this motherflippinâ€™ sweet prize:
TWO free Burger King cheeseburger vouchers [222 Queen Street] Yipee!
The Ballet Revolución Company & ATA Allstar Artists present
Direct from CUBA with a new production
“Their jumps are astounding, their control is as strong as steel and their free-spirited joy for dance is infectious.” SUNDAY HERALD SUN, AUSTRALIA
with the music of BEYONCÉ • RIHANNA JESSIE J • SIA • BRUNO MARS USHER • J LO • LORDE
17 - 21 JUNE
Live at The Civic, Auckland @aucklandlive #balletrevolucion
Ticketmaster.co.nz or 0800 111 999 Tickets from $69.90 service fees apply