Debate | Issue 14

debate ISSUE 14 | JUNE 2015

CREDITS EDITOR Laurien Barks laurien.barks@aut.ac.nz SUB-EDITORS Matthew Cattin Amelia Petrovich Julie Cleaver DESIGNER Ramina Rai rrai@aut.ac.nz CONTRIBUTORS Matthew Cattin, Nigel Mckenzie-Ryan, Julie Cleaver, Anita Tranter, Matthew Rosenberg, Amelia Petrovich, Renee Wooten, Kieran Bennett, Shivan, Ethan Sills, George Fenwick, Ali Thair, Tyler Hinde, Logan Gubb ADVERTISING Harriet Smythe hsmythe@aut.ac.nz Contributions can be sent to

CONTENTS Pg 3 Editor’s Letter

Pg 22 In Short

Pg 4 Vice Prez Sez

Pg 24 Dat Dad Bod

Pg 6 Stills of San Francisco

Pg 26 Cool Shit

Pg 8 The Neanderthal Lives

Pg 28 Six Degrees of Frump

Pg 11 Things to do in the Holidays

Pg 30 Reviews

Pg 12 Ten Things I Learned from Flatting

Pg 32 Kids So Over Exams

Pg 14 Can Cannaboids Cure Cancer

Pg 33 Recipe

Pg 18 Nothing to Hoot About

Pg 34 Puzzles

debate@aut.ac.nz PRINTER Debate is lovingly printed by Soar Print

Debate is a member of

the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM. DISCLAIMER Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, Soar Print or its subsidiaries.

Pg 20 Letter to My Children

cover illustration by Ramina Rai

DIRECTORY

AUSM.ORG.NZ

CITY CAMPUS Level 2, WC Building ph: 921 9805 Mon-Thurs: 9am - 5pm Fri: 9am - 4pm NORTH SHORE CAMPUS (Temporary Location) AE112; Office D ph: 921 9949 10:30am - 1:30pm

SOUTH CAMPUS MB107 ph: 921 9999 ext 6672 Mon-Thurs: 9am - 3:30 GOVERNANCE & LEADERSHIP April Pokino april.pokino@aut.ac.nz

MANAGEMENT Tuhi Leef tuhi.leef@aut.ac.nz

VOLUNTEERS Romulus Swanney rswanney@aut.ac.nz

STUDENT MEDIA MANAGER Victoria Griffin vgriffin@aut.ac.nz

CLUBS Josh Tupene jtupene@aut.ac.nz

ADVOCACY Siobhan Daly siobhan.daly@aut.ac.nz

FA C E B O O K . C O M / A U S M D E B AT E

EVENTS Carl Ewen carl.ewen@aut.ac.nz

E D I TO R ' S

L E T T E R

Hey All, Well semester break is near upon us (or rather you - the Debate team will still be working away) and that’s a beautiful, beautiful thing. Sure the days will be short, the temperatures low, and the precipitation most likely plentiful, but a break is a break and I’m sure you’ll all find a way to lap up all it has to offer.

Over the holidays (on July 1st to be exact) the seventh anniversary of my living in New Zealand will be making its way around. They say if you make it seven years with someone, you’ll be with ‘em for life…I’m not sure if that goes for countries because Canada put in twice that time and I still ditched it for a newer younger model in the end. But I think New Zealand will be different it treats me right, challenges me, shows me a good time, and doesn’t freeze me out six months of the year. I think I’ve found a keeper in Aotearoa.

While I was at a tender and fragile age when I moved here, and hated the fact that I didn’t have my friends, pets, or cool bedroom furniture with me, the country itself won me over almost instantly. It was one of those ‘I’m home’ moments when it took me five minutes to get down to the beach instead of 48 hours. And those moments kept coming with every weekend road trip, west coast sunset, summer time jeti jump, and jandleclad Kiwi that wandered on by. I’ll always have a soft spot for Canada, it’s an incredible country, and I’m proud as heck to have called it home, but tis ultimately a Kiwi heart beating in this gal.

I think there’s something to be said about a country that can take a mere 268 021 km² and use it to impress you, render you speechless, and become your point of reference and comparison when sight-seeing overseas. You can load up the fam, drive ten or twenty kilometres out of a city in any direction and hit water, rolling hills, picturesque farmland, icy blue lakes (in some cases), or some kind of cute as cheese/chocolate/craft café that makes you feel like you’re sixty and not even mad about it. There’s a small town charm to the overall New Zealand feel, mixed with an intense liveliness that’s incredibly infectious. You can do nothing but walk, snap a picture, or splash around in some waves for a whole day, and feel completely uplifted by the raw life-like energy that comes from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. Yeah, I know how hippy dippy I’m sounding, but at this point I’m so far gone I don’t really care. I’m declaring my love, shouting it from the rooftops, and have zero regrets about it.

I know I’ll kick off from New Zealand at some point, I’m just as mainstream as the rest of the nomadic, wandering, selffinding youths out there – the big beauteous world is calling my name and telling me to explore. But I can’t help but feel quietly confident that’ll I’ll wind up back here in the long haul.

I mean, the wider world is stunning, culture shock is wondrous, and nothing beats a true-blue authentic taco - but in the end, there really is no place like home.

See you next semester, Laurien

3

The Ballet Revolución Company & ATA Allstar Artists present

Direct from CUBA with a new production

“Their jumps are astounding, their control is as strong as steel and their free-spirited joy for dance is infectious.”

SUNDAY HERALD SUN, AUSTRALIA

with the music of BEYONCÉ • RIHANNA JESSIE J • SIA • BRUNO MARS USHER • J LO • LORDE

17 - 21 JUNE

Live at The Civic, Auckland @aucklandlive #balletrevolucion

Ticketmaster.co.nz or 0800 111 999 Tickets from $69.90 service fees apply

PREZ SEZ

I will be sitting there on stage waiting for you to walk across with that big smile on your face! For those of you that are not there yet, don’t worry, your time will come and it will be worth all the hard yards you put in.

Don’t forget AuSM has a lodge you can book out to get away over the break, even if it is only for a night or two! And make sure you have a look on Student job Search if you need a job/money/ experience.

VICE

PREZ

SEZ

Kia ora Guys!

You did it! The last week of semester one is finally here! We have all been counting down the days, and this is our three weeks to do what ever we like! Most of us, like myself, will work - rent still needs to be paid. However instead of study, at night I like to catch up on The Walking Dead. A good way to bring down stress is seeing your friends and family, so make sure you catch up with some important people in your life. I sure will be!

To those students who will be graduating soon: well done! You actually did it. I know at this point you are waiting for results, but don’t worry too much, I am sure you did well!

Fact about me: I have failed a paper. I was very disappointed in myself at the time, but I knew I just had to work even harder to pass it next semester. The thing that hurt me the most is that I didn’t even submit anything to it. I was so busy and full-on at the time with lots of different things happening, I knew that there was no way I could do all four of my papers to the best of my ability. I chose to not submit anything and fail as it was too late to pull out.

The semester after that I did five papers to get back on track, and I passed them all. I learned that if you want something, you have to work hard for it, and sometimes things don’t go to plan, so don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s out of your control.

Please don’t be shy to say hi or send me an email at urshula.ansell@aut.ac.nz if you have any questions or need help with anything.

"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes."- Mahatma Gandhi

We asked, you said!

Things you value most in your Library spaces…

We asked what most mattered to you about Library spaces recently. We want to include your ideas for the redesign of Levels 3 and 4 at the City Campus Library, planned for later this year.

Thank you to the many students who wrote suggestions and comments on the scribble sheets, completed Library day diaries or participated in an exit interview in May. You have given us lots of information to consider.

To keep up with what’s happening, visit our website at: library.aut.ac.nz or our Facebook page.

5

STILLS OF SAN FRANCISCO

by Matthew Cattin

A dozen rainbows flutter proud in the breeze, This cinematic city, and American dream, Fingers of fog reach from frigid seas, Not the handout desired on cold streets, Scratched veins, lost eyes, broken hopes.

Golden gates open broad to the summer skies, Cultures crash upon Alcatraz shores, Colourful Castro’s beautiful smiles, Proudly paid for in beatings and blood, Shy hands, double takes, confident shoes.

“Now that San Francisco’s gone, I guess I’ll just pack it in” – Win Butler

7

THE NEANDERTHAL LIVES

by Nigel Mckenzie-Ryan | Illustration by Logan Gubb If you can read this, you should be proud of yourself.

I’ll be honest, I’m not a big fan of people. They’re a lot like movies, there are some that are cool, there are some that I obsess about and there are a lot that probably shouldn’t exist.

I think this is the main reason I’m six months out of university and still haven’t found full time work (that, and I have a degree that’s as useful as knowing how to basket weave underwater). A few weeks ago, I decided to fulfil a stereotype and signed up for free hospitality course, with the goal of becoming a barista. I’ll develop a taste for coffee and humans, BAM! Efficiency!

The first day of course ignited memories of my university days, in that I came in 10 minutes late and hungover. The initial impression I set for myself matched my own impression of the facility. I had arrived to the second floor of a sad looking office tower hidden in a quasi-industrial side street. If you’ve ever been inside the big AUT tower near the library, imagine that only with an acute air of misery. I noticed it always poured down when I made my morning commute to the tower, but when I left, the heavens opened up as if the glorious lord of flame Zoroaster was telling me something. The class was reclaimed early-2000s office space. The end wall was flanked with shitty computers with mismatched hardware. Rows of long tables and a battered whiteboard dominated one half of the room and a makeshift coffee kitchen hid in a corner. My ‘fellow’ classmates complimented the surroundings nicely, I took a seat on the furthest end of the furthest table.

On the first day, we were taught basic product knowledge. We learned about the different types of booze, hooch and goon.

I honestly learned a lot from this section. Sure, I could have got the same information from a Youtube video featuring a vapid, big breasted blonde that unsurprisingly has over forty million subscribers, but I liked the idea that I was being taught something useful in class for once. The tutor was pretty cool too. She was a confident young-ish woman with approximately four million years in the hospitality industry. She asked the class if we knew what tequila was made of. A large guy in the corner of the class answered ‘I don’t know, but it’s good!’ This unfunny outburst made my eye involuntarily twitch, but I didn’t think anything of it. Fast forward two minutes and the same guy makes another facile outburst. The tutor replied with the aural equivalent of texting ‘k’ and moved on. Then the guy did it again, and again, and agaiinnn. Each comment as unfunny and inane as the last. This man-child unwittingly became my mortal enemy in record time. He was a heavyset troglodyte who resembled WWE Superstar Kane. He wore a leather jacket two sizes too large, on top of a plaid shirt that looked like it was stolen from Ice Cube’s closet in 1995. It was bad enough he was wearing torn off jean shorts, they had the ugliest yellow logo on the right knee.

I wish I knew what the logo was, in case I ever need to get clothes for a ‘dress like a fucking idiot’ fancy dress party. I named him Jacket n’ Jorts. I never spoke to him, for fear that extended exposure would give me brain cancer. When the class dismissed at half past three, I ran home and immediately fell asleep to replenish my critically-low sanity levels.

This man-child unwittingly became my mortal enemy in record time.

The next day, I ‘unwittingly’ spent a long time at the gym and ‘accidentally’ missed two trains, which meant I arrived in class an hour late. How horrific. I must have missed some amazing team building exercise (THANK CHRIST) because everyone was a lot friendlier to each other. Jacket n’ Jorts was unleashing his usual barrage of idiocy, except this time he was being encouraged on by another Neanderthal, Private Pyle. On the opposite side of the classroom, a new player in the game of childish attentionseeking had emerged. A manlet, around 16 years old who I named Perez Hilton, fired comments that were a little less dumb than Jacket n’ Jorts’, but they were still worth a punch in the back of the head. Perez Hilton sat next to Cabbage Lady, a woman who was probably 35 but looked 55. Cabbage lady supported both Jacket n’ Jorts and Perez Hilton’s claims for supremacy, because she laughed at anything… a little too hard. In the back of the room, Plaid Suit Guy sat quietly. Little is known about Plaid Suit Guy. Some say he is a mighty wizard from another dimension, others say he’s a male rights activist whose fedora hath been tipped at many a m’lady. There is rumour that he poked holes in his body and raises bees inside himself. This is all conjecture, but all we know is that his suit is too large. I liked Plaid Suit Guy. He never said anything and neither did I. We had a psychic bond, however this didn’t negate the implications of annoyance.

Two hours in and I was the angriest I had ever been. This wasn’t my first time being annoyed, sure, but it was my first time being THIS annoyed. Jacket n’ Jorts became VERY close to getting a steel chair embedded in his fat skull. The tutor was talking about how whiskey gets its colour, when Jacket n' Jorts got up, walked over to the whiteboard, pointed to a word and asked what it read. The tutor answered, then Jacket n’ Jorts chimed in with a little anecdote about his alcoholic mother.

9

The unintelligent have an amazing ability to escalate to violence. The situation went from DEFCON 5 to DEFCON 2 in a matter of seconds. The tutor told the ex-brothers in obnoxiousness to calm down, but uttering this phrase always has the opposite effect.

One part of my brain said ‘Oh well, that explains a lot of things.’ I could barely hear it, because the other parts were screaming. I was a slight nudge away from literally bursting into flames. All sound ceased, and I thought, “no,” and dreamed of picking up Perez Hilton and throwing him like a lance so hard that he pierced Jacket n’ Jorts’ chest.

Lunch break was called and lives were saved.

I walked for ten minutes, but my rage subsided at a snail’s pace. I went into Subway, hoping they would calm me down. I had never, ever been that angry. I’m a pretty calm guy. It takes a lot for me to lose my shit. I have more hours logged into Dark Souls than I care to admit. I think I was angry because I knew I was angry. I’m in a first world country, I literally have nothing to be angry about (constant government naivety and unchecked, ruthless corporatism not withstanding). When I was paying, the cashier asked me how my day was. I replied ‘Yeah, it’s alright. There’s a guy I wanna punch, and I plan to do it when I get back.’

I freaked him the hell out. I laughed to try and break the tension, only to look more like a serial killer. Thanks for the reality check, Subway Guy. As I walked home, I formulated a game plan. Ignore everyone forever. I’ll use my natural born gifts of being an introverted asshole for good. If anyone tries to converse with me, I’ll just pretend to be deaf. Perfect.

By the time I was ascending the stairs to the house of pain, my anger has subsided. I sat down for the rest of the lesson and took notes while sketching Vegeta on my notebook.

I zoned in and out, in and out, like a meditative state, taking note of my surroundings but slowly bringing myself back to calm. My Zen was broken by something beautiful.

Private Pyle decided to take his friendship with Jacket n’ Jorts to the next level. He started playfully mocking him.

Jacket n’ Jorts started taking offense to this, as he has the self-awareness of a bear eating its young. Jacket n’ Jorts fired back at his comrade. The unintelligent have an amazing ability to escalate to violence. The situation went from DEFCON 5 to DEFCON 2 in a matter of seconds.

The tutor told the ex-brothers in obnoxiousness to calm down, but uttering this phrase always has the opposite effect. Private Pyle pushed Jacket n’ Jorts. The big red button has been pressed. Jacket n’ Jorts swung at Pyle, but missed. Pyle retaliated with quick jab to the nose, however, he was unable to deliver on his promise to ‘one-outs’ his opponent. The tutor and Cabbage Lady rushed to pull off the pugilists. Perez Hilton egged them on and Plaid Suit Guy did his part by quietly leaving. I followed his lead.

The following morning, I went into ‘Shitty Date’ mode.

I put my phone on airplane mode, set Facebook to ‘appear offline’, drew the curtains and slept the day away. I tried something new and it made me want to kill people, so I stopped. No harm, no foul. I’ll learn barista wizardry on my brother-in-law’s coffee machine. Networking will be pretty easy too, I just have to make… urgh… small talk and … oofff… start being a decent human being. Upon reflection, I realised some of my self-talk was a bit arrogant. While in the tower of ignorance, I kept saying to myself ‘What am I doing here? I have a degree!’ Part of me agreed, ‘yeah, you can do better than this.’ While the other half said ‘so what? George W. Bush graduated from Yale!’ These swamp creatures were dumb, yes, but I was in the same class with them. Was I just as bad as them by association, like a corrupt corporate banker sharing a cell with an 18 year old gang banger? Were we all unfortunate beggars with low self-esteem looking for a marginally better life? I actually hope these guys make it, and go on to be happy.

Well, not Jacket n’ Jorts.

- T H I N G S T O D O I N T H E H O L I DAY S -

Your exams are done, you’ve cried your last tear (until next semester), and you’re finally free to do whatever you want to do. Wait…what do you want to do? You haven’t had free time in so long. What do people do for fun? You’re freaking out!

Chill. We got you covered. Here’s a list of a few of the hip and happening things going on over the holidays.

-Auckland Jet Boat tours do some pretty intense jet boat rides around here! If you’ve got a bit of extra time/cash, check out their combo deals and get two adventures in one go.

-Muriwai Beach Horse Treks Limited is offering a 10% discount to all AUT students over the break, so saddle up y’all!

-Ballet Revolución is going to be on from June 17 to 21 at The Civic, Auckland. Tickets are anywhere between $69.90 -$99.90 and are available at Ticketmaster.co.nz.

-Hit up the Warriors home games at Mt Smart Stadium. We recommend definitely hitting up the game on June 27th…because it’s a onesie-themed party. Pyjama up!

-Last Night of the Proms features the best of British musical selection, over 170 performer, and a vast repertoire of classic concert hits.

-The Auckland Art Gallery has a free exhibition all about Billy Apple.

-Starting June 11 (and running all the way to July 19) Aotea Ice Rink will be in full swing once again. Adults can get amongst the winter wonder for just $20!

-Get a group of pals together and play a real life version of Mario Kart over at Extreme Indoor Karts. (Though no red shells are permitted on site, because nothing ends friendships faster).

-Enjoy one of Auckland’s many day walks. Try out the Coast to Coast Walkway, a 16km hike across Auckland from the Waitemata to the Manukau coast.

-Get your bungy on with AJ Hackett at the Auckland Bridge! If you use the online promo code AUTBREAK, you’ll receive an additional $10 discount on all of the already discounted student prices.

-If the bungy wasn’t quite the pant-wetting thrill you were looking for, pop on down to Spookers and let the creepies and the crawlies have a go.

-Butterfly Creek, Rocket Ropes, and Lock n Load Paintball is a three-in-one funday destination for you and the gang. Check out our Cool Shit page for free passes to this particular attraction.

-Jump, the trampoline park, runs a $10 deal for students every Tuesday (though this doesn’t run over the school holidays, you’ll have to go during uni!) There’s a dodge ball court, a free running area, a foam pit (A FOAM PIT!), and group fitness classes available for you to bounce on into!

-St James Theatre Café on 312 Queen Street has some student brekkie deals to keep you fed over the holidays. Just flash your student IDs (and nothing else. Please.), and you’ll have the option to munch on a variety of different discounted breakfast/coffee combos.

-Escapade brings the new global phenomenon of live escape games to New Zealand! Basically, they lock you and your pals in a room, and it’s up to you to solve a mystery, problem solve, and find the answers to escape before the clock times out. Games can cater to different groups for different functions, so gather up the kiddies, lock ‘em in a room, and have a ball! They’re also offering a special discount for AUT students until the end of July - $19 per person for any Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday bookings!

11

TEN THINGS I LEARNED FROM FLATTING

by Julie Cleaver | Illustration by Tyler Hinde

1. Motivate with kindness

I once read a quote by Dwight D. Eisenhower that said, “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he [or she] wants to do it.” By taking a photo of my dirty dishes and sending it to me via Facebook chat along with an angry rant, you are not making me want to do my dishes now or ever.

2. You can’t eat burritos every night

No matter how juicy, satisfying and scrumptious burritos are, after months of non-stop consumption, they get old. If you limit your burrito intake to once every two nights, you’ll appreciate them a whole lot more.

3. Don’t cry over stolen milk

Some people are extremely uptight about sharing. They label their food, monitor their milk and hide their supplies in a special cupboard that no one is to open. Though this may conserve a little bit of food, by not sharing you actually get less in the long run. If you let someone have some of your butter, they will give you a bit of their orange juice, and everyone just ends up getting so much more in the end!

Plus it creates a way nicer and more giving atmosphere.

4. Television is great for bonding

I’m not a massive fan of TV. After studying the media I can’t help but rip every show I see to shreds (if you read my article on The Bachelor, you will know what I mean).

So I usually just avoid TV altogether. But after seeing my flat mates sit down and watch it together every night, I realised that watching television is actually more of a bonding experience than anything else. It’s a daily ritual that brings people together, even if it is just to watch stupid shit. So once in a while I will grit my teeth and try to watch some mindless junk with the rest of the kiddies. Through conversing and watching something together, I find I’m actually able to bond with those around me, which is pretty cool and important.

5. My Mum is a really good cook

Even though growing up I used to complain when she cooked funky stuff, like lentil stew and tofu burgers, my mum is a flippin fantastic cook; seriously, no bias, she’s the best, and I miss having her heartwarming meals daily.

6. Healthy food is not actually more expensive

This is a myth I was surprised to debunk. It’s pretty commonly understood that healthy food is expensive and junk food is cheap, but after doing my own food shopping, I found this belief untrue. Sure if you are going to an organic café in Ponsonby it will cost a bucket load more than getting fast food, but that’s the exception.

In supermarkets, you can buy a whole bag of apples for a couple of bucks, the same cost as a bar of chocolate.

You can also get a whole bag of oats for a quarter of the price of sugary cereal. If you don’t go over the top organic, healthy food will actually save you money.

7. Lead by example

This theory applies to basically every aspect of life. If you want people to love you, first you must love others. If you want people to buy you cake, then buy cake for others. So if you don’t clean up after yourself, you have no permission to tell other people to clean up after themselves. Focus on your own actions and if you’re truly doing the right thing, people will eventually follow- and if they don’t, at least you can have a clear conscience!

8. Buy tissues

Not to cry yourself to sleep with, although this may be necessary… Just kidding, tissues are actually just way nicer on your nose. Being a poor student, you are always trying save money where you can. So instead of buying tissues, I thought I would be able to rely on toilet paper. However, after just getting a gnarly cold and ripping my nose apart with the sandpaper-esque two ply toilet paper, I realised that spending an extra three dollars on tissues would have been a wise decision.

9. It actually costs money to live

Maybe this has always been really obvious to everyone else, but not for me. Don’t get me wrong; I got that food, rent, water, power, and all that jazz costs money, I just could never properly grasp the concept when it wasn’t my hard earned cash paying for it. All that boring adult stuff like bills had always been taken care of for me, so I never even knew how much dedication, work and responsibility it actually took to sustain life. Thus, bringing me to my next point.

10. My parents have done a lot for me

Throughout a lot of my childhood and teenage angst years, I underappreciated my parents. I took them for granted without even realising it. Whereas now, after cooking for myself, paying rent, and buying my own toilet paper (and tissues from now on), I finally understand the sacrifices my parents made for me. It’s hard to even comprehend how much my parents have given to me and this flatting experience has really brought that to my attention.

So thank you Mum and Dad, I am forever in debt to you; but I would love to move back this summer and possibly make that debt even bigger, because moving out sucks compared to being at home! Love your youngest and most awesome child, Julie xo.

13

CAN CANNABINOIDS CURE CANCER?

by Anita Tranter I have always believed there is a government conspiracy around things that linger in the background of our lives, that we are semi-aware of, but there is no researchable information about. It’s not that I’m paranoid, I’m just a realist aware of changing times and changing technology.

I’m not worried about being watched, I obey the law; at most I could be caught farting in my sleep, which is probably far from the terrorism ‘they’ might be looking for (though my partner might disagree!). I have spent the last six years of my life working in healthcare as a nurseaide. I have worked with disabilities, injuries, illness and mental health and I am one of the lucky few to feel extremely passionate about my job. But I have never donated money to any kind of cancer treatment fundraising. I am straight-up and out-spoken about things that matter to me, including cancer, and sometimes maybe even a bitch, but underneath my head-strong, opinionated self, I think at heart I’m quite a good person.

Last year a woman who embodied all the qualities I think make one hell of a woman, a woman I hope I may someday become myself, passed away due to lung cancer. This woman was my Nana. She was 85 and died on her birthday. I was practically inconsolable for about two weeks due to the knowledge that I would never, ever see her beautiful, softly-lined face again, or hear her voice. She was just there! …and then she was gone forever. My Nana was filled with the infinite wisdom that only comes with an abundantly full life, complete with all its hardships, which made her strong, resilient and brave, but soft, loving and approachable at the same time. Death calls on us all eventually, and I could accept that she’d been suffering from lung cancer, and she was old; it was just her time. After a few weeks I felt at peace, as though Nana was there with me, making me strong because she was okay, she was no longer struggling to breathe.

I’ve never been phased by cancer, dying is a part of life and it happens to all of us, one way or another. Working in a hospital I’ve seen more than my share of people with cancer, and I realise that death is inevitable. I have seen cancers through a range in ages, the newly diagnosed, the “frequent-flyers” (patients who are continually in and out of hospital), and I have seen the end stages. I have seen so much death that, sadly, I am pretty accurate at guessing how long a dying person has left before their light extinguishes completely. Still, I refuse to donate to cancer foundations; I will never give money for any cancer-related thing. I’ve always believed that the answer to cancer is there under our noses, but perhaps the right person has not yet come along to view the research with new eyes to find a cure.

Before I go on, I must tell you I am an undergraduate studying nursing.

This article only interprets the research I have read but I don’t make any claim to be qualified about this stuff – I do not study science or medicine, I’m just a nosy bugger at the end of the day.

When I began working in community health last year, no longer working in the hospital wards but instead going out to patient’s homes with district nurses, I began to see another side of palliative care that is not usually perceived in institutionalised palliative care; although both types will be surrounded by their families, children aren’t often seen in the wards, and the bigger picture of one person’s life complexities can often be missed or forgotten in institutionalised healthcare. Going into someone’s home where they are dying is always different. There is usually a lot of family around, either dealing with it very well, or fraught with emotion, though most are somewhere in between. Although it is horrible to see anybody suffering, the thing that strikes me the most about cancer is that it can pop up out of the blue, completely unexpected, and in any stage of life. The other side of palliative care for patients with cancer that I had missed on the wards is the uncertainty of where the families might be after the death of their loved ones. In fact, this is probably the cruellest part of cancer – not the patient experiencing pain and dying, their suffering has an end - but the emotional turmoil caused to the families, whose lives will never be the same again, once that person is gone forever.

Although some patients are old, some are young, too. Some once smoked, some never have. Some flagged the sunscreen while others wore it religiously. The thing I have learned is that cancer does not discriminate. Cancer does not care if you are the breadwinner of a family with young children. Cancer does not care if you are just shy of your 60th wedding anniversary. Cancer does not care if you are a busy mother and your baby is just a few months old. Cancer affects teachers, plumbers, lawyers, academics, nurses, and students.

Cancer may choose you even if you are the President of the Council of Trade Unions. But I tell you again, it is the aftermath that upsets me most of all: How will the husband cope alone with those young children? How do people go about their lives like they once did?

One question for all scenarios is “what happens now?” Unfortunately, I cannot answer that – my job finishes with the lives of my patients. My job does not involve follow up with the family to see how they are getting on. It can be a real emotionally hectic vocation.

I can’t help but consider myself in their positions: How would my husband cope being left with two young children and a tween? How would that affect my darling babies, to grow up without a mother? Would they move on or fall off the track? How would I cope if my husband died young and left me to navigate the adult world on my own with three kids? Short answer: I wouldn’t cope. I would be an absolute train-wreck. It gives me an appreciation for the amazing people and families I do see, who (seem to) take it all in their stride so incredibly well.

We can send technology into space to find out whether there was once water on Mars by simply scanning colour reflections of glass made by asteroids hitting the surface of the planet, we can speak to somebody living on the other side of the world with bugger-all lag, and we can even transplant a face! But we do not know how to cure cancer. How is this not possible in 2015? It infuriates me that the one thing that has plagued humans throughout time (and we know this from fossilized tumours) has not had any significant discoveries this century! I’m actually downright disgusted because of the impact this level of trauma has on families having to live with the aftermath. Does the government need a way to thin the herd? Nope, I don’t think they really care about the number of people. More people = more tax dollars. But cancer is also big money. Treatments and medications, which can involve years of a person’s life, invite big money. Even survivors of cancer may go on to have life-long complications and be on life-long medications.

They may become immunocompromised, which means they are more susceptible to illness and infection, and have a harder time recovering from said illnesses, demanding more medicine, more treatment, more follow-up and yes, more money! So I ask, is it in the interest of these white-collar criminals to never find a cure for cancer?

Currently there are many types of treatments and surgical procedures available for the treatment of cancer. I won’t go into them all, but I will touch on a few widely used treatments that you may have heard of. Radiotherapy is like an x-ray for cancer; it uses extremely high amounts of radiation, targeted carefully at the specific site of the cancer, to zap the cancer cells. Afterwards, the person may experience some side effects, including looking ridiculously sun-burned to a nice lobster-red. Most of the cases I have read about, have had the upside of their cancer’s shrinking at the exposed site – however, in my experience, the downside has almost always been that new cancerous sites have been discovered, something along the lines of “the cancer has spread”. Chemotherapy is another alternative which uses drugs to inhibit cancer cell division. There are a number of unpleasant side-effects, including the inhibition of cell division in healthy cells, nausea, vomiting, weight-loss, hair-loss. Sometimes these treatments are used together, and may be in combination with other types of treatment.

Either of these options may make you feel worse before you get better. If you get better. And this is where the conspiracy creeps in.

I heard an old wives’ tale… Or was it an old Westies’ tale… about marijuana being a cure-all for cancer. I don’t know about that – there are approximately 200 different types of cancers. And doesn’t marijuana cause cancer? I decided to do some digging.

In New Zealand, cannabis and its chemical products are illegal, however over the past few years, many states of America and various other countries have legalized the use of cannabis, usually for medicinal purposes. The fact that it is legal, readily available, and in tablet form (!) means that it is ripe for the researching.

Thanks to all the scholars who have researched the use of cannabinoids as a medicine, I have been able to review the literature available and find out more about the old wives’ tale that marijuana cures cancer. What I found shocked and alarmed me.

Delta-9 Tetrahydrocannabinol is the compound found in the plant, Cannabis Sativa (marijuana), responsible for its psychoactive and mood altering abilities. It seems that scientists have been aware of the therapeutic properties of this drug since at least the mid 90’s. This compound has been isolated and used in clinical trials and is now available in medication form in the US and Canada under the name Dronabinol.

Dronabinol (and its Canadian name, Nabilone) is used to treat symptoms of nausea and vomiting in chemotherapy patients, and encourages appetite in chemotherapy patients and sufferers of HIV/ AIDS, and anorexia nervosa. Further studies have concluded that cannabinoids can be used as effective analgesics (pain killers) for patients with Osteoarthritis, Parkinson’s disease, Fibromyalgia, other chronic pain conditions, and the list goes on. On top of that, it was found that cannabinoid treatment could be used for various mental conditions such as Depression, Schizophrenia, Trichotillomania, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and associated nightmares, as well as reducing spasticity in various neurological conditions such as Multiple Sclerosis.

So we now know that cannabinoids can treat physical and mental pain and afflictions. Once the medication was widely prescribed for pain and nausea related to cancer and cancer treatment, it was discovered that tumours were actually shrinking. There are two types of cannabinoid receptors inside the human body, CB1 and CB2. When activated by cannabinoids, these encourage apoptosis (cell death) of cancer cells by accumulation of ceramide in cells. Ceramide is a fatty substance that makes up the outer membrane of a cell and regulates its lifespan.

Through accumulation of ceramide, the cell is triggered to stop the growth of the cell and essentially die through apoptosis, a type of cellular shrivelling or implosion. You could imagine this process like turning a grape to a raisin; all the insides shrivel up. Not only does this kill the tumour cells, it has been found to decrease metastasis (cancer travel to other parts of the body and taking up residence). In the literature available it is clear that there is still a lot to be learned about cannabinoids and their potential for various treatments, so we are living in a very exciting scientific era.

Why does New Zealand law not allow cannabinoid’s for any medical treatment? Anything to do with this plant and its chemical properties are strictly forbidden, except for Sativex, an oral spray for the treatment of spasticity in Multiple Sclerosis (which is not for any other use except for what it is prescribed for and is only ever prescribed as a last resort when all else available has failed). What is our government doing?! People die, and that is a fact. It happens to us all eventually, good or bad, sooner or later, but if you had the ability to save thousands from death and millions from the struggle with grief, wouldn’t you do everything in your power to do so?

Think about all the people who must carry on without their loved ones. What about the kids who grow up knowing only one parent and missing out completely on the other? There is a massive social and emotional impact caused by the hole that cancer can leave in our lives when it takes a loved one, so why is our government not snatching it up when the results are so extremely promising? Money? The revenue generated by pharmaceutical corporations for cancer treatment must be a hundred times any tax that would be gained if the person was to live. At the risk of sounding like a common peasant, surely human life is worth far more than money?

My theory is that the government is keeping this amazing cureall illegal for its own financial agenda.

Anyway, that is just one person’s opinion. As a sufferer of PTSD I will try just about anything to be rid of it. Unfortunately my doctor was unable to prescribe me any cannabinoid medication as there was none in New Zealand to prescribe, so I took it upon myself to conduct my own empirical “research”. When my doctor was no help, I took to the streets with my head raised high – high enough to spot any shoes hanging on power lines, then hope like hell I was knocking on the right door. After I acquired this substance from a rather burley person with some frightful looking facial art, I set out to do my “experiment”.

During the “observation” part of my “research”, I had a lot to smile about, for example the stars in the sky, how soft my cat is, and fingerless gloves. Actually, pretty much anything would get me smiling, but I wasn’t worried. I contentedly spent the evening snickering away to myself as the hubby mocked me by singing ‘Buffalo Soldier’. I slept better that night than I’d slept any night in the last five years, and the anxiety associated with my PTSD hasn’t been back since! So there you have it. Despite my experience, I don’t encourage you to smoke marijuana (or any substance) as smoke damages the delicate epithelial lining of your airways and can increase your chances of cancer in the mouth, throat and lungs. I also strongly advise against knocking on random doors even if they have shoes strung over their power lines!

Finally, after all the google searches I’ve been doing while writing this article, let’s just hope “they’re” not watching me and I don’t have an “accident”. Or fart in my sleep.

17

It would appear that a menu of burgers, shrimps, and chicken wings isn’t the only unhealthy thing that this restaurant is serving up.

The first thing that springs to mind was a very long piece of string that stretched across the eating area and served as a portal for food orders. Either that or a clothes line. This impressed me.

The second thing that I recall was a rather large collection of photographs on the walls. As I sat there silently sipping my coca cola, a plethora of antiquated imagery provided a timeless backdrop to my salty scenario. Pictures of famous Americans who had visited the store took centre stage like the golf trophies in your Auntie Anne’s cabinet. Their popular faces grinned as they posed next to the Hooters girls. Their sparkly white teeth calmly reassured me that I was living the American Dream. Was Steve Carell in the same boat as myself when he naively popped in for that ice tea way back in ’96? Who can know it.

The recent news that Hooters’ plans to open its doors on our shores has me a little concerned.

NOTHING TO HOOT ABOUT

by Matthew Rosenberg The memories are still vivid. It was August 2014 and I was in Chicago. Fresh from an eleven week stint at a summer camp in Indiana, the Windy City felt gargantuan to say the least.

After visiting the giant bean and not much else, me and my clique found ourselves outside a popular fast food chain.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t Taco Bell. It wasn’t even McDonalds.

No, this was Hooters… next level dining. Being the brave traveller that I am, I decided to go along for the ride and joined my friends for a drink at America’s most controversial sports bar. The facts are a little blurry ten months on (perhaps a few too many lemonades at the time) but I do recall a couple of things.

It would appear that a menu of burgers, shrimps, and chicken wings isn’t the only unhealthy thing that this restaurant is serving up. Although the owl logo provides some ambiguity regarding the name (slang for a women’s bust), everything else about this brand screams objectification.

“It’s the Hooters girls who provide the energy, charisma and engaging conversation that keep guests coming back” the company’s website proclaims. Oh fair enough. I only go to the supermarket for the music.

Tacky? Yes, but I think that it is much more than that. In a society driven by consumerism and greed, it saddens me to once again see sexualisation of women used to sell products.

Perhaps it’s time we looked into this a little deeper instead of putting the real issue on the back burner like we normally do. Right next to the spicy chicken wings. I don’t think that it was ever any little girl’s dream to work at a place like this.

Of course people still have a choice where they eat and work.

But I think that the real problem lies with the normalisation of such things. ‘Oh you hypocrite you ate there yourself’ I hear you cry as you throw gang signs out your window.

Indeed. But I would not wish the regret on anyone. Until Taco Bell hits our fine shores, it looks like it’s still roots and berries for me.

Student Association Members receive a

FREE Eye Exam

one eye exam every two years - current Student ID required

COMPLETE SPECS from

$200

including standard single vision anti-reflective lenses

DAILY CONTACTS from

$2 a pair

current contact lens prescription required - minimum order 90 pairs

Official Optical Partner of

Aucklands only optometry practice offering first-rate eye care specifically tailored for tertiary students 19

36 Lorne St. Auckland CBD 09 303 0077 vision@campuspecs.co.nz www.campuspecs.co.nz

LETTER TO MY CHILDREN

by Amelia Petrovich

Um, hi there.

This is a little bit strange because I’ve spent a lot of my life so far adamant that you won’t exist. Babies squash independence and at age 20 I’m all about that. I’ve never felt like I’d be a decent mum or even an interested one, but lately I’ve been a little enthralled and curious about the chubby waving arms I see on the train or the excited, chattering voices babbling over the fence from next door… …I’m starting to think that I have a few things I need to get off my chest.

Firstly I just need to apologise, your names aren’t going to be as quaint or easy to pronounce as your friends’. I’ve just read that last year in 2014, the most popular two names for babies in New Zealand were Charlotte and Oliver, that doesn’t really fly with me. There’s nothing wrong with them, I just don’t really see the appeal. Number 3 on the girl’s list, Isla, is quite nice though and I even see my own name there at number 6, but I’m sorry to say you’ll probably be a squad of Eli’s, Ivan’s, Calais’ and Dancia’s. You might thank me later in life, maybe names like that will be party conversation starters, but even if they aren’t they’ll be original and beautiful (if not a little hard to learn to spell).

That being said though, maybe when you enter the world, names may need to be a little less sex-bound and genderrigid? I hope so. Right now there’s a lot of chat going on about gender spectrums and fluidity, it really excites me that maybe when you’re growing up you won’t feel the need to behave like a little boy or a little girl, but instead as simply a little you. I promise to never impose pinks or blues on you, and to never shove dolls or cars your way independent of your own desires. When I was small I was given countless baby dolls and oodles of pink stuff, no one seemed to notice that I preferred stuffed dogs and the colour red. I’ll wait for you to tell me what you want.

It’ll always be your choice.

Right now there’s also lots of talk about healthy eating and ethics going down, in my circles at least… I have to say, I’m not sure exactly where I stand on that kind of thing. I’ve been eating less and less meat, reading more and more about vegan lifestyles but I’m still finding it hard to say no to stuff like cheese. Maybe the key to food and health is actually balancing nutrition with your own ethical codes, or maybe the key is to just not overthink it. Either way, we’ll sort it out. I’m really good at mashing bananas and avocados, and that’s all you’re going to be keen on for a wee while anyway, right?

I’m the kind of person who needs a lot of space and freedom. I’m not sure just yet how well that will go down with all of you but, like everything, it will probably be a process of learning and compromise. I hope it doesn’t confuse or hurt you too much. Maybe I’ll teach you -just like I’m learning now in my twenties- that maintaining your own interests as well as caring for others enhances life and makes it more colourful. That’s right, no matter how flighty or volatile I end up being, I’ll always care a whole lot and you’ll always be my faves.

My own mum, your grandma (who wants to be called “Nan” and read you all seven of the Harry Potter books regardless of your own interest in them, by the way) has also told me loads of stories about me, her hideous tantrum-throwing eldest child, so I know I have a whole lot of negative karma coming my way in that regard. I’ll let you be angry and I’ll let you cry sometimes, because not even I will be able to keep you happy constantly. It might not make sense to you at first, but its not constant happiness that lets you grow.

I hope there are just a few tricky, productive times for you and I hope you’ll let me be there to help you deal with those growing pains.

There are other things too of course. I hope you like to read, I hope you’ll want to drink tea with me and I hope that at least one of you is better at maths than I have been (no one wants to still be counting on their fingers at university). But I think I’ve covered all the important stuff.

I know you’ll be cool, if you end up being at all.

And until then, I guess I’ll just look forward to (maybe) meeting you.

Good luck, Amelia. x 21

IN SHORT

MY KEYSTONE EXPERIENCE

by Renee Wootton (1st year engineering student, AUT) Did you know that Keystone Trust scholarships for 2016 are open now and close in August? I would really encourage existing AUT property and construction students and young people looking to begin their studies next year to apply.

Why apply for a Keystone Trust scholarship? I’m in my first year of an engineering degree at AUT and my scholarship has been lifechanging for me so far - why don’t you give it a go too?

The money you get towards your study fees is only a little piece of what’s on offer. What I’m finding most valuable are the opportunities I’m getting to connect my classroom learning with what’s really happening in the industry. Text books and assignments can only get you so far in a field like engineering!

Learning from industry leaders is another incredible opportunity that I know many other students don’t have available to them.

My experience with Keystone has lifted my expectations for the future. While they were a little bit daunting at first, the social networking events Keystone provides have actually been an eyeopener and have made me grow as a person.

I have become a lot more confident in talking to others who are already in the workforce and I’m also getting a good feel for the corporate environment which is incredibly valuable. It’s helped me to understand how things work, how to put my best foot forward, and most importantly, how to succeed and get a job once I’ve graduated.

Everyone associated with the Trust invests in your tertiary journey; it’s like a second family. The Trust is always there to support you and help you out whenever you need it.

Being an undergraduate, I’m relishing the support offered by my peers, alumni students and Keystone trustees, and I can’t wait to be able to give back to other students by supporting future ones.

It’s really easy to check out the scholarships on offer at www.keystonetrust.org.nz and just ask yourself; what have I got to lose? The answer: nothing!

LAUGH TIL YOU CRY

by Laurien Barks

I’m one of those people who becomes a pretty sloppy mess at even the slightest of giggles. My eyes prickle with a titter, well up with a snicker, and weep uncontrollably with anything that meets or surpasses a chortle (when you look up ‘laughter’ in the thesaurus, it looks like a collection of first-time mums recording their babies’ ‘first words’).

So I had a little time on my hands, and figured I’d look into the “why” behind my dew dropped lashes.

According to experts, well, actually… they don’t really know. All they have is hunches, when you get down to the nitty gritty. They suppose that laughing and crying are both similar reactions on a psychological scale, and according to Dr Robert R. Provine of the University of Maryland, “Both occur during states of high emotional arousal, involve lingering effects, and don’t cleanly turn on and off.” So whether we’re in fits of laughter, or grieving sobs, our brains give us the same soggy receipt.

However there’s a reason we so often associate crying with sadness. The natural response to emotion actually counteracts the effects of cortisol and adrenaline (what make us anxious and stressed), and helps us feel a whole lot better.

So whether that cortisol is getting all up in your grill begging to come a-burstin’ through your tear ducts, or hidden in the depths of your innards, a good cry, be it happy or sad, isn’t the worst reflex around.

LEWIS ROAD CREAMERY ABANDONS COW SEMEN CAMPAIGN

KEY REGULARLY REPLACES MINISTERS WITH ANDROIDS

by Kieran Bennett

by Kieran Bennett

A mildly ill advised campaign on behalf of Lewis Road Creamery to promote awareness for prostate cancer, has been dropped.

The campaign, entitled ‘A Fresh Bottle of Cow Semen’, was launched late last month and was quickly met with heavy criticism. After extensive public pressure, Lewis Road Creamery was forced to drop the campaign.

Under intense questioning, Prime Minister John Key has finally admitted to regularly replacing members of his ministerial staff with androids. Shrugging his shoulders and adopting a rueful grin, Mr Key admitted to “at least every third Friday” swapping out his current cabinet for a brand-new fleet of androids.

Several groups spoke out against the campaign, one of the most vocal being the Concerned Mothers Against Offensive Things.

They were quick to condemn the campaign, saying that not only was it offensive towards cows, women, men and the planet in general; it was incredibly misleading. “When people go to the supermarket to grab a fresh bottle of cow semen, that’s what they should get” said CMAOT spokeswoman Angela Smitherson.

She then went on to argue that Lewis Road Creamery was “taking advantage” of people who may not be able to tell the difference between the lactose-based discharge of an udder fit for human consumption, and a bottle of warm cow semen.

Lewis Road Creamery spokeswoman Angela Weeks has defended the campaign however saying that several thousand dollars had been raised for prostate cancer research and milk sales were up 200%. “Frankly, I don’t see how it’s misleading. If we actually filled those bottles with cow semen, our wrists would be very sore”.

True to form, Mr Key was quick to offer platitudes and reassurances, swearing that the androids were exactly the same “loveable bunch” as had been voted in. He then when on to explain that he replaced the cabinet with flesh-wearing machine hybrids due to security concerns. Mr Key was then unable to contain his giggles and explained the real reason was because he “was the Prime Minister”. When confronted on this reason Mr Key asked reporters why they hated New Zealand. Unable to come up with an answer in the face of such sterling logic, questioning was dropped.

The androids, Mr Key swore, were not being used due to his complete lack of faith in the abilities of his team, but rather because “they were some of the tightest shit” he has ever seen.

He also went on to say that he would not cease the practice due to having placed orders for at least 2 years’ worth of androids.

23

by Julie Cleaver Women have had to swallow men’s crap for years.

From the Middle Ages, where corsets crushed their ribs, to now, where ladies mutilate their bodies with plastic surgery, females have always been pressured to do insane things to live up to the ever-changing standard of beauty. Today there is very real pressure from the media telling me to waste time and money smudging chemicals on my face, ruthlessly wax hair off the most sensitive parts of my body, and eat bird sized portions that leave me famished, all to be ‘natural’ and gorgeous.

Of course men are not wholly to blame for making these beauty standards, I just wanted to hook you in at the start (and it worked, didn’t it? You dirty person). Regardless of who is responsible for creating the standards, women have always copped a lot of shit from their existence. So when I heard about the ‘dad bod’ phenomenon, I was beyond outraged.

In case you haven’t heard, the ‘dad bod’ is a new social media trend that claims girls are attracted to men who have healthily chubby bodies. Mackenzie Pearson (a female) first came up with the concept in March this year. According to Pearson, “The dad bod says, ‘I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time.’ It's not an overweight guy, but it isn't one with washboard abs, either.”

Pearson says the reason the dad bod is attractive to females is because it makes us feel more secure as, “we are insecure enough as it is. We don't need a perfectly sculpted guy standing next to us to make us feel worse.” Dad bods are supposed to be nicer to cuddle as well. Also, women like to know what they’re in for, so if a guy has a dad bod at 22, you know what he will look like at 44, and this apparently makes great husband material.

Now don’t get me wrong, in many ways I’m all for the dad bod. Although the media and society scrutinizes women’s bodies a lot more then men’s, there is still heaps of pressure for guys to look a certain way.

Especially now with this whole #GAINS #ZYZZ #PROTIEN thing, I’m sure a lot of men are struggling to feel sexy if they are not as defined as a dictionary. So in some ways, the dad bod craze is great, because it’s making guys feel comfortable with a healthy and natural figure.

Also, as a woman, I agree that a dad bod is a reasonably attractive figure. I like guys who are down to go out for burgers, or to sit at home and eat a whole tub of ice cream with me; not caloriecounting, clean-bulking fanatics. However, all good points aside, the fact that there is no ‘mum bod’ as well highlights the blatant gender privilege that males have in society.

Unlike dad bods, women’s bodies post-birth are shamed. Flabby tummies are considered hideous, having more fat on their bones in general is just plain unacceptable, and stretch marks are so hated they’re basically taboo. Also, because of the fear of looking ‘ugly’, a lot of women I know don’t want to have kids at all. This hatred of natural motherly bodies is so, so wrong.

Plus, the dad bod represents a chill and down to earth person, and surely men want those qualities in a female counterpart as well, right? Guys, I’m talking to you now; wouldn’t you rather have a girl who would sprint into the ocean with you and play around in the waves, without fear of ruining her perfectly straightened hair? Or who would feel confident and sexy first thing in the morning, even before she applied her mask of makeup? Maybe I’m delusional, but I’m sure most cool dudes would agree with me.

Shaming women’s natural bodies is extremely destructive, and we all know it can have horrifying effects on people’s mental health. As long as gals are healthy, happy, and confident, a few random bulges and scars shouldn’t matter in the slightest.

Women’s motherly figures should be praised, just as guys’ dad bods are. So join the revolution! Feel happy with how you look and embrace your dad or mum bod!

25

COOL SHIT

WI N! Event Cinemas has a double pass to giveaway this week to help you fill your upcoming holiday days! Grab a friend, catch a flick, get out of the house, and treat yo’self!

Email lbarks@aut.ac.nz with your all-time favourite movie to be in to win.

!

N I W

PICTURE PERFECT

In a year when nearly 300 Nigerian schoolgirls were kidnapped by Islamic militants Boko Haram, Ebola was rife in Africa and Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 crashed in the Ukraine, an intimate moment between gay lovers in St Petersburg, Russia, was judged as the best press image of 2014.

Jon and Alex posed for winning photographer Mads Nissen for the Danish newspaper Politiken. His work was chosen from 97,912 entries from 131 countries to take out the title as the World Press Photo of The Year 2014.

The competition has now been transformed into a travelling exhibition that has its New Zealand premiere in Auckland.

Debate has four double-passes from the exhibition’s host, Rotary Club of Auckland, to give away.

To enter, email

lbarks@aut.ac.nz one sentence why you’d

love a double pass to this fantastic exhibition.

Mads Nissen, Denmark, Scanpix/Panos Pictures Visit www.worldpressphoto.co.nz for more information.

MANUKA MAKEOVER Manuka Doctor’s Rejuvenating Face Mask is the perfect pick-me-up for your skin in these colder months. Unlike traditional masks that usually sit on the surface of the skin, this mask has a nourishing formulation that disappears, absorbing into the skin, and allowing it to go to work instantly. Retailing at $84.95 and available in selected pharmacies and department stores nationwide, this mask is a lovely treat that your skin will thank you for.

AVEN GE M E We’ve got two free passes to Event Cinemas just sitting here waiting to go to the person who can email us a hand-drawn sketch/cartoon/stickfigure drawing of what a production of “Avengers on Ice” would look like.

Email your art to lbarks@aut.ac.nz

FLUTTER BY BUTTERFLY There’s plenty to see and do at Butterfly Creek – we have the two largest saltwater crocodiles in NZ, our tropical butterfly house, Buttermilk farm, Dinosaur Kingdom and more. www.butterflycreek.co.nz Live the high life at Rocket Ropes with over 50 fun and challenging aerial activities, our Giant Swing, Ripper Zipper and Big Leap. www.rocketropes.co.nz Lock N Load Paintball, NZ’s premier paintball facility with the widest selection of paintball field options in the country.www.locknloadpaintball.co.nz 27

Moving away from the dark and strong looks we are usually used to during winter, this season we have seen a flow of florals, prints and bold colours coming into the winter runways and there are many ways you can incorporate these into your wardrobe.

Winter is the hardest to dress for because there is a fine line between frumpy and being sleek and chic. Everybody says layering is your friend, however it depends how you layer. Try layering with similar shades of colour, because you really don’t want to look like a fruit salad walking into class. As well as this, try layering from your thinnest piece of clothing first, and building up to the thickest. This will help you avoid looking frumpy and bigger than you are. Here are a few tips on layers: 1. Layer with similar shades of colour.

6 DEGREES OF FRUMP

by Shivan If you haven’t noticed it’s been BLOODY COLD! Every morning I open my closet and see a range of summer clothes that one would only dare to wear out in this weather. However, just because winter is in full swing, that doesn’t mean you have to opt to wear dark winter colours. This season the tables were turned and we saw dark clothes being showcased in the spring collection, and more colourful clothes being showcased this fall season.

2. Layers from the thinnest piece of clothing to the thickest.

3. Keep open spaces, i.e. ensure you don’t zip all you jackets and shirts, and allow inside textures and colours to be seen.

4. Try wearing a skirt over pants to keep you warm, yet with a feminine touch.

5. To bring a bit of summer, try incorporating bright solid colours.

6. Invest in a long statement trench coat.

RECIPE

NAAN PIZZA Recipe by The Good Housekeeping Cookery Team

Sometimes one ethnicity just isn’t enough for food inspiration. We live in a multi-cultural society, and gosh darn it, our meals should reflect that. Keeping that in mind, we’re also students who love a good, cheap, wholesome meal without a lot of ‘mucking around’ time in the kitchen.

So this week, we’ve tried to satisfy your oh-so-cultural tastes, while keeping it simple.

Naan Pizza everybody.

Ingredients (for two servings)

Method

• • • • • • •

1) Preheat oven to 220C. Put the naans on a baking sheet, then spread over the onion chutney. Dot over the goat’s cheese, tomatoes and thyme leaves, then season with freshly ground black pepper.

2 plain naans 2 tbsp caramelised red onion chutney 50g soft feta, crumbled 75g cherry tomatoes, quartered 2 fresh thyme sprigs, leaves picked Small handful rocket Extra virgin olive oil, to drizzle (optional)

2) Cook in the oven for 5-10 minutes until the cheese has softened and the pizza is piping hot. Garnish with rocket leaves, drizzle with oil (maybs, if you want it), and serve with green salad.

29

Essentially a modern day Western, the film portrays the plight of Texan welder Llewelyn Moss after he stumbles upon a bag of two million dollars at the scene of a desert drug skirmish between gangs. With everybody at the scene dead or dying, he takes the bag and flees, a decision that changes everything.

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN

Directed by Ethan and Joel Coen Starring Javier Bardem, Josh Brolin, Tommy Lee Jones

Reviewed by Matthew Cattin The first time I sat down and watched No Country for Old Men, I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t enjoy it all that much. My expectations were sky-high, I didn’t ‘get’ the story’s conclusion, and therefore heaped a totally unfounded level of derision on the film. Silly me.

Silly, naïve 17-year-old me.

A few years later, I decided I would revisit the critically acclaimed thriller with my newfound acceptance of films that didn’t follow the classic Hollywood narrative structure, and low-and-behold, the second time around, it had me hypnotised. I’ve seen it several times since, and hot dang, it just keeps on getting better.

Llewelyn immediately finds himself hunted by the ruthless hitman Anton Chigurh, played chillingly by Javier Bardem, and the upright and soon-to-retire Sheriff Ed Tom Bell (Tommy Lee Jones). I like to think of the story as a representation of God, man and the devil; Llewelyn being the flawed man, tempted by the apple, the Sheriff as the inherently good character who wants to make it right, and Chigurh as the unfeeling and inhuman killer, merciless and cold.

An almost unbearably suspenseful cat and mouse thriller, the film had my heart pounding for its two hour duration. Javier Bardem (sporting one of the worst haircuts of all time) absolutely steals the show with an unparalleled performance as the terrifying hitman, putting him, in my estimation, up there with the best screen villains of all time. With great performances in the support roles by Woody Harrelson as a bounty hunter and Kelly MacDonald as Llewelyn’s wife Carla Jean, the casting could not have been more effective.

If you see Coen brothers and immediately think of their distinctive brand of humour, you’ll perhaps want to think again with No Country for Old Men. Adapted from a Cormac McCarthy novel, this shit is darker than a man’s insides.

I must warn you, however, do not make the same mistake I made as a teenager and expect a neatly packaged ending. Go along for the ride, let yourself get caught up in the action, and prepare yourself for something dark, suspenseful and beautifully poetic.

This boosts Sri Penang's ranking on the affordability scale; wine and meals for two won't be likely to surpass 35 dollars.

There's a decent list of entrees to try, so my friend and I did; going for a cheeky plate of spring rolls, then choosing something we'd never heard of; dodol. These ended up being little dessert rolls which were delicious, albeit strange to precede a meal with. The spring rolls were interesting too, arriving as little parcels of meat wrapped in what looked like flax leaf. We learned the hard way that this exterior isn't actually intended for consumption.

SRI PENANG 356 Karangahape Rd

Reviewed by George Fenwick Squeezed in among the eclectic mix of businesses that make up the quirky strip of Karangahape Road between East Street and the motorway overbridge, Sri Penang's modest exterior is greatly surpassed by its illustrious menu. And thirsty students will be happy to hear that it's BYO for one dollar corkage.

The staff were incredibly patient with indecisive patrons like ourselves, smiling cheerily as we embarrassingly took four visits to reach a decision on our main courses. What we chose read beautifully, and came in what were arguably the most generous food servings seen in Auckland since the recession. The chicken laksa arrived in a sizeable broth bowl that wouldn't go amiss on the counter of a soup kitchen; my dining comrade made it about a third of the way through the beautiful spicy noodle soup before declaring he was full. My ginger chicken was superbly cooked, with fresh and crunchy spring onions accentuating the ginger soy sauce, served with a bowl of aromatic steamed rice.

The restaurant was busy, noisy and vibrant, and it's not surprising why; it's authentic, delicious and affordable, making it perfect for your next BYO or birthday dinner (or both).

REVIEWS

Stuck with dowdy identities and a lack of support, Cooper has to use this one and only opportunity to prove there is more to her.

McCarthy is in fine form as Susan, and provides a fairly good character arc for a comedy movie, growing from the awkward, bullied monitor into a fully confident spy: it is probably her best performance in terms of character. It is rare to see growth of any kind in a comedy that is not forced in, but this was a natural and realistic progression. There are also some great supporting turns from Rose Byrne, Miranda Hart and, most surprisingly, Jason Statham, who doesn’t add a lot in terms of plot but has some of the best lines.

SPY Directed by Paul Feig Starring Melissa McCarthy, Jason Statham, Rose Byrne

Reviewed by Ethan Sills Susan Cooper (Melissa McCarthy) is a CIA monitor in love with spy Bradley Fine (Jude Law) whom she guides through on missions.

When the identities of top CIA agents are exposed, Cooper puts her hand up to track down Rayna Boyanov (Rose Byrne), daughter of a terrorist who is threatening to sell a nuclear bomb.

While the jokes are constant and mostly very funny, the plot is fairly lacklustre and really makes little sense. There is also an overabundance of characters, most of whom are cheap stereotypes shoved in for extra jokes. The movie would have been substantially better getting rid of even a quarter of them, or at least giving a few of them more to do.

As a parody, Spy does a great job of riffing on spy-movie tropes and lets Melissa McCarthy truly shine as an intelligent, thoughtful and hilarious character. It is definitely not a perfect film, but if you are looking for something light and funny with a tiny bit of action, this would be perfect.

Unfortunately, season five dropped the ball significantly, struggling to introduce new plotlines while also trying to hold onto as many of their characters as possible.

There were some definite highlights, but there were an equal amount of low points. And the finale highlighted a lot of problems.

Juggling so many stories (Cersei’s comeuppance, Stannis invading the North, Jon’s troubles at the Wall, Dany fleeing on Drogon), it was never going to be perfect. However, instead of handling things with care, the show seemed to shove as much as they could in, with very little set up.

GAME OF THRONES - S5 FINALE

Directed by David Nutter Starring Kit Harrington, Emilia Clarke, Lena Heady Reviewed by Ethan Sills *SPOILER ALERT Ever since I began watching, Game of Thrones has been one of my favourite shows. With a diverse range of characters and storylines, plus high production values and great direction, the show is a sprawling epic, and for four seasons managed to handle its everincreasing cast and ever-changing plotlines well.

There was a lot they did well. Cersei’s walk of shame was uncomfortable to watch but handled excellently; Arya’s act of revenge was chilling but satisfying for fans; and seeing Varys back was always going to make me smile. But there were so many low points: Stannis’ death was random and unnecessary, the conclusion to Dorne was as poorly done as the rest of that storyline, and they failed to make Dany’s cliff hanger threatening at all. Worst of all was the great disservice done to Jon, with the expectation that a few whispers here and there was enough set up for this crucial, gutwrenching scene. It was wonderfully shot, but seemed so forced that I feel betrayed as a viewer – not by the death but by the dropping quality of writing.

Unlike when season four ended with resolutions while still looking to the future, the writers seemed to decide season five would end with as many loose threads as possible, while trying to simply shock everyone. Instead, they jumped the shark by doing too much too quickly and doing little of it well. I will undoubtedly return for the next season, but it will be with less enthusiasm than years past.

31

K I D S S O OV E R E X A M S

by Ali Thair

33

S

PUZ ZLE

A C A L M I N G WO R D F I N D ( T O H E L P K I C K - S TA R T YO U R H O L I DAY )

Tranquility

Waterfalls

Chakra

Chamomile

Morganfreeman

Smiling

Laughter

Saxophonemusic

Massage

Breathing

Solitude

Hugs

Flutemusic

Puppies

Meditation

Purringkittens

Lavender

Sleep

Epiphanes

Sunsets

Circle all the words in the wordfind, tear this page out & pop it into the box on the side of the red debate stands, and you could win this motherflippin’ sweet prize:

Name:

Email:

TWO free Burger King cheeseburger vouchers [222 Queen Street] Yipee!

35

INFORMATION EVENTS DATE

TIME

Saturday 6 June

10:00am to 3:00pm

Devonport Library

Saturday 27 June

10:00am to 2:00pm

Mairangi Bay Shops

Sunday 7 June

5:30pm to 10:00pm

Glenfield Night Markets

Sunday 28 June

7:00am to 12 noon

Takapuna Markets

Sunday 14 June

7:00am to 12 noon

Browns Bay Market

Wednesday 1 July

4:00pm to 7:00pm

Sunnynook and Smales Farm Busway Stations

Thursday 18 June

4:00pm to 7:00pm

Albany and Constellation Busway Stations

Friday 3 July

12 noon to 4:30pm

Upper Harbour Local Board office, Albany

Saturday 20 June

10:00am to 2:00pm

Northcote Library

Saturday 4 July

10:30am to 2:30pm

Greenhithe Village Hall

Saturday 20 June

8:00am to 1:00pm

Beach Haven Market

Sunday 5 July

2:30pm to 7:00pm

Sunnynook Community Centre

Sunday 21 June

10:00am to 3:00pm

LOCATION

Birkenhead Library

DATE

TIME

LOCATION