Your mind is whirring and ticking away as the reality of university finally sets in. Try to line up the whirs and ticks until they become sick beats that will keep you pumped. Aw yiss.
You’re starting to second-guess your goal of becoming a top chef. You’ve burnt everything in the kitchen thus far. Maybe it’s time to look further? Burn everything in the bathroom too. Think big.
Dealing with other students is never fun, but be patient with them. Someday, maybe, one of them will let you into a room you can’t unlock. In the biblical sense.
You’re feeling super emotional, and it’s hard to balance family, uni and work. Chillax. Find a bro to hang with, and watch some ponies, through binoculars, from a clocktower. So relaxing.
A sudden lucky streak! Now’s the time to buy a scratchy, or challenge your vastly more skilful friends to one hell of a paintball match. But maybe I’m only saying that because I wonder how you would look with purple blotches.
Better keep a lock on your diary, or a secret or two about you may slip out - like how your hair is actually two hundred friendly spiders. Or how you gave all two hundred of them cute nicknames.
At some point, some of your friends may start giving you the cold shoulder. Give those suckers the cold elbow.
You feel sociable and adventurous. Get your friends together; maybe go out to a gay bar, a golf course, a collapsing oil rig, or all three. Take pictures!
Stress is drilling into the back of your skull, as your peers and lecturers put pressure on you. But you’ve fooled them! That’s not your real skull! Every hunter knows how to set a good decoy.
No one you know is getting what you mean when you speak. You’re too muffled. Remove the mascot costume, kneel down, and put your hands behind your head. Slowly now.
You’re heading down some rocky roads with your partner, metaphorically speaking, too close to the edge of the cliff. But you are the faithful road cone in this scenario. Pity some bloody students stole you before you could be of any use.
Your savings are depleting as you find yourself buying more and more impulsive stuff. Learn to prioritise. Pogo-stick signed by Hendrix, or a moonhopper by Jean-Paul Gaultier? Can’t have both.
Published on Mar 8, 2012