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issue 03 2012


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Editorial Prez Sez

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AuSM AuSM Update

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Artist of the week Jimin Lee

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AuSM Week in photos

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Sports Fallen from grace

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Column 10 boredom busters for a rainy day

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contents

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Agony Aunt Recipe

on the cover:

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Opinion What is the deal with Lana Del Rey

editor Nigel Moffiet nigel.moffiet@aut.ac.nz

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Feature David Shearer: Future Prime Minister of New Zealand Where are the jobs?! A Rotten System

designer Ceapum Kaushish ckaushis@aut.ac.nz

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Entertainment Horoscopes Social Media highlights The Pigeon

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Humor Badass sea creatures that I like

contributors Hazel Buckingham | Brendan Kelly | Kate Campbell | Jarred Williamson | Kizito Essuman | Laurene Jooste | Melissa Low | Sebastian Mackay | Scott Moyes | Daniel Whitburn | Matthew Cattin | Elesha Edmonds | Rachel Ramsay | Tamsyn Solomon | Kieran Bennett | Morgahna Godwin | Spencer Dowson | Natalie Williams | Dave Buckles | Renee Simpson

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Fashion Oscars experience

advertising contact Kate Campbell kate.campbell@aut.ac.nz

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Column Caffeinated banter Seeking Super Citizen Status

printer PMP Print Ltd.

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Reviews Spot The Difference

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Student Profile

it’s all political Ceapum Kaushish

publisher all rights reserved

debate is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM.

disclaimer Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, PMP Print or its subsidiaries.

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city campus Hikuwai Plaza

north shore campus Awataha Plaza

week 3

12mar - mon bmx jam & free feed 12pm

13mar - tue

Carnival day (food, entertainment, games) 11am vesbar pub quiz 6pm

14mar - WED

2five9 band + free feed 12pm guy cater hypnotist vesbar 7pm

week 3

13mar - tue clubs day 10am free feed 12pm

15mar - thurs pnc live free feed 12pm

free feed 12pm vesbar’s early st. patty’s day FROM 4pm

Outside MB Building week 3

12mar - mon

clubs day 10am free feed 12pm - 1pm

14mar - wed free feed 12pm

16mar - fri

15mar - thurs ausm clubs day 10am

Manukau campus

The information on this timetable was correct at the time of printing but may be subject to change. All Vesbar events are strictly R18

bus to Kora concert leaves at 6.30pm

Sign up at the AuSM Office to get on the bus.

16mar - fri

Kora (featuring soljah & dj infamy 7.30pm (doors open) all week

AuSM dJ sessions (vesbar) 1pm 4pm (except fri)

KORA / LUGER BOA / SOLJAH / BLACK RIVER DRIVE / PNC / pancho brothers / STEVE WRIGLEY / JEREMY ElwOOD / NICK RADO / GUY CATER / DJ CXL / DJ INFAMY / OFF THE WALL / BITCHIN’ BINGO / IPW WRESTLING / BMX JAM / FOAM PARTY / JIMMY HILL BAND / RED BULL DJ SESSIONS / PUB QUIZ / MORE ...


Was it your first week back? Or was it your very very first week?

Well, all the best – may you go forth and devour your course work like a hungry beast, spewing A-pluses all over the place. I also hope you enjoyed our first edition of debate. Ceapum and I strived to create something of purpose for you: • It may have consumed five minutes of your time during some very important “housekeeping” details of a lecture. • It may have provided some lighthearted bathroom entertainment (I have noticed some copies are cleverly tucked away in the loop of the hand towel dispenser). • It may have provided comfort on that horrendously uncomfortable bus ride, reminding yourself that you are a human and not a sardine! • It may have helped you get to sleep at night. Zzzz. • Or (yes, I’m ambitious) it may have caused you think about something and provided some news and entertainment for your week. So let’s get stuck into it. As the city campus undergoes construction on the WG building*, I enjoy walking past slowly to watch the progress. There’s an element of intrigue to a large construction site: the screaming machines, cobwebs of steel tubing and timbre, thousands of tons of concrete and rigging precariously placed together through the vision of a fancy architect. Then slowly, at the end of the day, it all goes silent again. There’re also a few unsung jobs. Notice that construction hoist going up and down all day. That’s a hard job. I know this, as I did that myself for a few weeks during the construction of the new Auckland City Hospital. I was an undergrad in search of a few bucks. First to

editorial

Editorial

arrive, last to leave – up, down, up, down ALL DAY. The small caged hoist sounded like a prison door when it closed – seconds turned to hours, minutes turned to days. It seemed easy enough, and many would comment: “I wish I had your job”. But they didn’t know. Mohammed knew: he was operating the lift next to mine. A job he had performed with pride for more than twenty years. I asked him how he managed to stay sane. He told me not to look at my watch, which was obvious enough. But he also told me something else, a little more unusual (whether or not it was in jest was not so clear to me): “Try not talking to anyone,” he proclaimed. I thought Mohammed had a Zen like quality that I did not posses. After the holidays, I happily left that small cage with enough money in my pocket to by a Marshall amp and flippant dreams of stardom. In this issue of debate, Sebastian Mackay and Hazel Buckingham give us their strong views on the Government’s current direction as it heads down the road of welfare reform. These are difficult times for all as the economy slowly trudges along – and more difficult for some. Jobs are scarce, and many are demanding: “Where are the jobs?” So we remember those with the forgotten jobs, the minimum wage jobs, the no qualification jobs, the solo mothers and scraping the bottom of the barrel jobs. The really hard jobs. Respect to you all. * Check out Te Waha Nui’s website for some great videos documenting the construction of the WG building. The videos were produced by last year’s team of AUT journalism students: http://www.tewahanui.info/twn/index.php

Nigel. 5


AuSM Student President

Hello everyone, I hope you all had a fantastic time at your second AuSM orientation week. We are all settling down with studies now. I attended my first MBA lecture last Monday and it was really fun as we have a lot of experienced people from the industry on the course who were making a lot of contributions during the lecture and it just made me feel like I was in a board meeting other than a lecture hall. To all my fellow students, especially the first year first semester students, please make good use of the University’s Free Learning Development and Success (Te Tari Āwhina) programmes as they are very helpful. Their staff can advise you on many aspects of your academic work like writing essays and assignments, taking notes, giving oral presentations, understanding the culture and expectations of academic study and much more. I have been studying at AUT for the past seven years and I still find those courses useful as I even had to take some during my AUT MBA School Induction programme. AuSM has been entertaining you for the past two weeks on all the AUT campuses as part of our O-Week programme and I am very excited that you are all loving it. We have taken heaps of pictures at the O-Week activities so check them out on our facebook page: HYPERLINK “http:// www.facebook.com/ausm1” www.facebook.com/ausm1. Last week, I had the opportunity to attend the 10th Anniversary dinner of Unitec-Waitakere at the Trust Stadium on Thursday, March 1. It was an outstanding opportunity to meet and greet a lot of dignitaries from the community; political, academic, and corporate world, and last but not least, the student community. It was not over with Unitec as I had to honour another invitation from their student union for their Sounds in the Sun gig on Saturday, March 3. Apparently, Sounds in the Sun turned out to be the ‘Sounds in the Dark’ as the venue was changed from the Unitec Rugby field to Vector Arena in the CBD due to the terrible weather. It was still overwhelmingly successful though after very short notice was given for the change of venue. And guess what made the news spread like wildfire – facebook and text messages. One can never underestimate the power of the social media in today’s life. As part of AuSM’s commitment to build a better community engagement programme, we have established a project called the President’s Community Based Initiative (PCBI). The PCBI programme this month is helping with the Child Cancer Foundation Beads of Courage Day Street Appeal Collection Day on Friday 23rd March and Saturday 24th March 2012. I chose this project because I strongly believe that it will make a huge difference in the lives of our future AUT students and AuSM members who are now battling with cancer. Please my fellow students, I humbly appeal to you to make a donation of time to help the Foundation provide support to children with cancer, their families and the health professionals who care for them. Spending an hour or two in an Auckland community and making street collections could make meaningful difference in the lives of these courageous children. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me directly on (09) 9999 ext 8571 or HYPERLINK “mailto:kessuman@aut.ac.nz” kessuman@aut.ac.nz. To

register for the event please contact the AuSM Volunteer Co-ordinator, Deanna Berry at the AuSM reception, City Campus or email her on HYPERLINK “mailto:dberrry@aut.ac.nz” dberrry@aut.ac.nz. Have a lovely week and make the most of it! AuSM’s bar, Vesbar has now been re-launched and because it is on the site of the university, it is now smoke free. It has been given a facelift and it really looks cosy now so enjoy all the gigs and the activities that are coming up soon. It was also really nice to be part of the activities like the Mini golf, photobooth fun, free feeds, BMX, Giant games etc etc that were run last week. It’s going to be an exciting year for clubs and societies so I also encourage existing affiliated clubs and societies to be applying for grants from AuSM as usual to run some of their activities. If you are part of an external or an internal group and you want to be recognised by AuSM, please come and talk to us. Also, if you are an AUT student and you want to set up a new club to provide other unique services, please come and talk to us as well and let’s see what you’ve got. This week, AuSM will be rolling out fantastic activities like the Free feeds, Red bull sessions, Carnival day, O’Week Challenge, Comedy night w/ Steve Wringley, Jeremy Elwood & Nick Rado ect ect. For more information, please go to the AuSM office at any of the three campuses or visit our website: www.ausm.org.nz Have a great week and I look forward to seeing you all!


KORA on campus

Don’t miss Kora with Soljah and DJ Infamy this Friday! This is the final and biggest gig of AuSM Orientation and tickets are just $5 for AuSM members. Get your tickets from the AuSM office or HYPERLINK “http://www.eventfinder.co.nz” www.eventfinder.co.nz

Student Exec Vacant Positions

Do you want to represent the student voice on campus? There are vacant positions for the 2012 AuSM Student Executive Council. Find out more details at http://bit.ly/2012ausmexec

Volunteer

AuSM are supporting the Child Cancer Foundation’s Beads of Courage collection. We will be out raising donations on 23rd and 24th of March. We would love you to volunteer with us! Check out the event on HYPERLINK “http://www.facebook.com/ausm1” www.facebook. com/ausm1 or email HYPERLINK “mailto:deanna.berry@aut.ac.nz” deanna.berry@aut. ac.nz to register

Feedback

So it’s another AuSM Orientation almost over and we want to know what you thought of it. This year we have had more activities than ever before! Email HYPERLINK “mailto:kate. campbell@aut.ac.nz” kate.campbell@aut.ac.nz with your feedback on AuSM Orientation or any of our services… I have some movie tickets that might just come your way!

Thanks!

We are so excited to have so many AUT students signing up for their free AuSM membership, thanks for joining us. If you haven’t already you can sign up at HYPERLINK “http://www.ausm.org.nz” www.ausm.org.nz for free. Once you’ve signed up come along to an AuSM office and get a sticker on your AUT ID. It gives you access to AuSM extras such as movie screenings, Free Feeds, lockers and cheap gig tickets. more AuSM-ness on pg 10...

supports

The Child Cancer Foundation Friday, March 23rd Saturday 24th March

AuSM volunteers will be out collecting donations in central Auckland locations on Friday 23rd March & Saturday 24th March during the day. We would love your help – to register your interest email Deanna.Berry@aut .ac.nz check out www.ausm.org.nz or join the facebook group (tbc). All volunteers who register will receive a tshirt so please let us know your tshirt size.

E COME SEE US Hikuwai Plaza Exchange Fair Tuesday 20th March AUSM Clubs Day Thursday 15th March (see our stall)

STUDY AND TRAVEL AT THE SAME TIME! Study overseas for a semester on Exchange with AUT’s many University partners around the globe! Crosscredit your grades back to your AUT degree. CALL 09 921 9469

Want to find out more? Come and listen to past Exchange students talk about their experiences at one of the two lunchtime events this month.

EMAIL EXCHANGE@AUT.AC.NZ

INTERNATIONAL STUDENT CENTRE, 56 WAKEFIELD


Jimin Lee Hi, I’m Jimin and I’m a graphic designer/illustrator. I’ve just finished my degree in graphic design last year and I am currently doing my Bachelor of Graphic Design (Hons) at AUT. Faces, hand-done illustration, simplicity, everyday moments, and subtle touches of colour excite me. These interests have defined who I am as a graphic designer. I am a keen observer of my surroundings and I like capturing the ordinary moments as drawings. I love working with pen and watercolour because the permanency of the pen allows me to capture what I see at first sight without making room for correction and adjustment later on. I find patches of watercolour smeared on paper to be beautiful and delicate! Come check out my portfolio.

http://www.behance.net/jiminlee91

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Photos by Annupam Singh

COLUMBIA PICTURES AND METRO-GOLDWYN-MAYER PICTURES PRESENT IN ASSOCIATION WITH RELATIVITY MEDIA AN ORIGINAL FILM/CANNELL STUDIOS PRODUCTION “21 JUMP STREET” BRIE LARSON DAVE FRANCO ROB RIGGLE WITH ICE CUBE MUSIC COSTUME PRODUCTION DIRECTOR OF BY MARK MOTHERSBAUGH DESIGNER LEAH KATZNELSON EDITOR JOEL NEGRON DESIGNER PETER WENHAM PHOTOGRAPHY BARRY PETERSON CSC EXECUTIVE BASED ON THE TELEVISION PRODUCERS JONAH HILL CHANNING TATUM EZRA SWERDLOW TANIA LANDAU SERIES CREATED BY PATRICK HASBURGH & STEPHEN J. CANNELL SCREENPLAY PRODUCED STORY BY MICHAEL BACALL BY NEAL H. MORITZ STEPHEN J. CANNELL BY MICHAEL BACALL & JONAH HILL DIRECTED BY PHIL LORD & CHRISTOPHER MILLER 10


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9 Scott Moyes

If you’re a regular sports-goer, you’ll be quite familiar with the chant “you fucked up”. Quite a descriptive phrase really. Nothing else perfectly sums up a dropped ball or missed opportunity. But naturally there are those who take it a step further and have a habit of being a general air-head off the field too.

Look no further than Black Caps batsmen, Jesse Ryder. After yet another comeback to cricket, Ryder reunited himself with the booze. To his credit, he didn’t punch a window this time and injure his hand, so hats off to you Jess. So he’s been given the old slap on the wrist and a suspension, which won’t really teach him anything. So why not indulge in some of the more idiotic athletes of recent years and show the Black Caps administration that Jesse Ryder is a harmless butterfly.  

1 Tiger Woods

: Fell quicker than a kamikaze pilot. Tiger was flying high as the world’s number one golfer after we heard he had been involved in some sort of ‘car crash’. What unfolded was much juicier. There were affairs and sexual encounters that put Glen Quagmire to shame. Now he’s ditched caddie Steve Williams and hasn’t looked the same player since.

2Andrew Symonds

6Melbourne Storm

3Wendell Sailor

7 Floyd Landis

: This bloke had the cricket world at his feet when he signed a juicy contract with the Indian Premiere League. But after missing Australian team meetings, calling Brendan McCullum a “lump of shit” on the radio and something to do with Harbhajan Singh and a monkey, he was dismissed. His international career ended but he still bobs up here and there minus the dreads. Good job. I don’t understand why professional sportsmen would want them anyway.  

: Ditched the Brisbane Broncos for Rugby Union. He was pretty darn good at it too. Though in 2006 a drugs test came back positive for cocaine and the big Dell suddenly smelt nothing like roses. However, it would seem his reputation has remained in tact and he returned to league with the St George Illawarra Dragons. He’s since retired and become a worse band-wagoner than John Key.  

4Marion Jones

: OK. I cheated a bit here. But so did they. Starting in 2006, the Melbourne Storm played in four consecutive NRL Grand Finals, winning two of them and three minor premierships. However in 2010 it was revealed that the club severely breached the salary cap and were forced to shed a large number of quality players along with the titles they won. However, to the credit of coach Craig Bellamy, the team has bounced back strongly falling one game short of another Grand Final in 2011.   : The Tour de France. Seriously. A month of straight cycling. No wonder these guys have the highest paid pharmacists in the world. Floyd claimed the overall yellow jersey for the race until, you guessed it, the drugs test came back positive.  

8OJ Simpson

: The champion sprinter was plagued with drug allegations for most of her career. She aggressively denied them time and time again. Though in 2007, she admitted to lying the whole time and that she did in fact take steroids before the 2000 Sydney Olympics. At those games she won three gold medals and two bronzes.  

5 Mike Tyson

: Where to start? The boxer was convicted of raping an 18-year-old women in 1992. He was sentenced to 10 years in prison but somehow managed to get released after just three. He made a comeback of sorts in 1995 but ripped off Holyfield’s ear, got banned from fighting in America and filed for bankruptcy. Check him out in the Hangover. You can see his other mistake: the tattoo on his face.  

: From affairs, to drugs, to having your ex-wife and her friend found dead outside your condo. There was even a car pursuit to catch OJ, but the jury found him innocent. Go figure. Now the former running back is serving a 33-year sentence for armed robbery. The guy is in a league of his own.  

9Stephen Fleming

: Possibly the worst of them all. The greatest New Zealand batsmen behind Martin Crowe. Our most capped test player. Was man of the match on debut. Captained the side for yonks and was once caught, while on tour, smoking wacky backy with Matthew Hart and Dion Nash. But Stephen, your TV commercials have put me off Fujitsu Heat Pumps for life. 

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10. Watching paint dry Always used with tones of scorn, mockery or distain, this happy rainy day activity could, given time, become a very interesting experiment. We all know that the paint in the little pots doesn’t look anything like it does once it’s dried, so you can take it upon yourself to re-write all the little sample cards you collected at Bunnings. 9.Watching grass grow Though the practicality of this (with the rain outside) might not be very good. You could, however, make a party of it, set up tents, canopies, have a barbeque area, sleeping bags, the whole shebang! Hell, even invite some friends over. Make it a real occasion. Invite the neighbours. Do it. 8. Clean your room I know. I know. I tried not to say it, but there is no denying the usefulness of this. Those old papers you have lying around from first year or even school? Time to chuck them out, buddy. Your moment has come. Take this time to wipe, vacuum and sort that puppy out so it sparkles. Not only will you have a moment of organisation in your little spot of heaven (as well as floor/cupboard/bookshelf space), but you can use this opportunity to scare the hell out of your mum when she comes to visit. Keep cameras handy for the moment of revelation. Don’t let on anything has changed. 7. Work on your speaking skills by watching infomercials Communication students will probably be the only people who will benefit from this, but it can none-the-less become a time for you to practice your presentation, enthusiasm and … skills. Got that oral presentation coming up at the end of the semester? Take time to study these seasoned hands, copying their every move and smile. If you are really keen, you can either memorise a few rhetorical questions and study up on that use of tone in your voice. (Terms and Conditions: Though implied, an A for your presentation cannot be guaranteed. I take no responsibility… unless it is an A, then I will take all credit for the idea). 6. Read a book (that isn’t a textbook) Now getting down to some legit moments of fun (at least for some of you). Book reading is a dying art. You go to a group of people and only one out of four (two out of four if you’re lucky), reads. Fair enough, some people have such chronic doses of ADHD they can’t sit still. Some don’t necessarily have the patience or brain-power, but once you find a proper book, it’s pretty entertaining. Read a travel book (these are especially comforting if you are stuck inside because of rain, as you can pretend you are actually where they are and you are just having an internal monologue or reading a journal). 5. Exercise Take a moment to get those endorphins going. Do it. It will make you feel better (seriously, ask the science geeks). Pop a few lunges, go old-school and do a jumping jack or two. Do some Zumba if you feel sassy. Whoever you are, there is guaranteed to be an option or two to fit your interests. Always wanted to look like Arnie in the good ol’ days? Start working on that now! Want to flail your legs around like Riverdance? Get a video out or google it on Youtube and start tappin! 4. Play Playstation Get your inner gamer going by working on those thumb muscles of yours (because we all can do with some muscly thumbs). If you are super indie, you can go old-school and dig up your old PS1 or Gameboy from yonderyear and rip out those original Sonic the Hedgehog or Doom games. Re-visit your childhood. If this revisiting takes place, I recommend taking snacks. 3. Movie Marathons As I recently did this myself with a bunch of friends, this is a personal recommendation: Now with all the millions of trilogies, and whatnot, that are out, why not make a ball of it? Classics such as the Die Hard movies, Harry Potter (now that all the movies are finally out), LOTR, or (though this is against my better judgement) Twilight. Get popcorn, get banana-splits for some healthy fruit action, get some crackers and rip out that hummus if you pertain a bit of class. But just do it. Seriously. Especially if they run into the early hours of the morning, you have no idea what craziness might occur. Mystery can be expected. (The only bit of negativity from this little gem that I can see is it takes time… But that is okay, the mid-semester break can be used for this). 2. Cook (Or bake. Your choice) Become a whizz in the kitchen and shock the hell out of your flatmates/friends/family/anyone who is aware of your previous level of cooking ability. This might not work so well for those studying hospitality or those who have reasonable amounts of cooking ability, but you can always take it upon yourself to cook more elaborate cakes or something. Google the weirdest thing you can think of and try make that out of cake. Pics or it didn’t happen though. 1. Crafts Not only is this entertaining and has many sub-categories of which to choose from, but you can also make a solid buck or two out of it – if you are any good that is (this outcome is not guaranteed for all and I will not be liable for non-sales). You can try your hand at a spot of painting (in which case you can then watch it dry! Two birds with one stone!), make some cards for real or imaginary events, try some crochet or knitting, stitch yourself some new snazzy garments. The options are endless.

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column

I went to the doctor and asked to be put on the pill. He said because I have migraines it is not suitable for me. Why not? He didn’t really explain and I feel a bit annoyed. He gave me some other pills that make my periods come at any time and I hate them. - annoyed.

this reason that your doctor has put you on the progesterone only pill (a pill without oestrogen). Unfortunately the progesterone only pill can give you irregular periods and understandably this can be annoying. If you are really not happy with this then there are other Dear Agony Aunt... types of contraception you could consider. Make an appointment Dear Annoyed to see a nurse or doctor at Health I understand that you are annoyed Counselling and Wellbeing or come and speak to a nurse at but your doctor is only trying to keep you safe. Women the Sexual Health ‘drop in’ clinic on a Wednesday morning who have a certain type of migraine are at a high risk of at the city campus (you do not need an appointment) so having a heart attack or stroke if they take the combined you can talk about your options. It is important to find a oral contraceptive pill. These migraines are called contraception method that you feel comfortable and happy focal migraines and are known to cause neurological with. Good luck. symptoms such visual disturbances, pins and needles annoying and uncomfortable, vaginal thrush is not a in hands and fingers and sometimes difficulty speaking. serious condition and will not affect your fertility or cause The oestrogen in the combined pill makes the risk damage to your vagina. of having a heart attack or stroke too high. It is for

Chicken Lo Mein

Cost: $1.50 per serving, Preparation: 20 minutes , Cooking: 20 minutes, Servings: 4

Ingredients:

1 tablespoon oil-sesame or peanut oil 1 lb boneless skinless chicken breast, cut into thin slices 1 clove garlic, minced 2 tablespoons soy sauce or teriyaki sauce 2 teaspoons freshly grated ginger or 1 teaspoon powder 1 3-ounce package chicken flavoured ramen noodle soup 1 1-lb bag frozen mixed oriental vegetables 1/4 cup water

Directions:

Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat until hot. Add chicken and cook, stirring frequently, until no longer pink. Add vegetables and lid. Cook until vegetables are cooked through, about 5 minutes. In the meantime, cook the noodles (without the flavouring packet) according to package directions. Drain. Add soy sauce, garlic, ginger and seasoning packet to water. Mix well. Pour over chicken and vegetables, add noodles and toss to mix. Enjoy.

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Melissa Low In a decade where we seem to embrace a lot of freaky, weird and different artists at the top of the music charts (Katy ‘whipped cream boobs’ Perry, the possibly schizophrenic Nicki Minaj, and Monster Queen Lady Gaga just to name a few), the ever so unemotional Lana Del Rey has been called by many as this year’s ‘it girl’. However, just as many are predicting that Del Rey will fall before she barely starts. Will Lana Del Rey, the selfdescribed “Gangsta Nancy Sinatra” be this year’s face of the music? Or will she just be a pair of forgotten moody lips?

The lovers and the haters The name Lana Del Rey can cause three different types of reactions. There are the lovers that say: “Lana Del Rey’s voice is orgasmic.” Then there are the haters that say: “Oh hi Lana Del Rey, your tone of singing voice makes me want to stab myself in the ears and jump in front of a big fast moving bus.” And then there are the few who are just confused: “Who is this Lana Del Rey person and how come I can’t go online without seeing her name?” This was only just a sample of the hundreds of tweets that were sent about Lana Del Rey on the day she won the BRIT award for International Breakthrough Act, less than a month since her debut album, Born to Die, was released. Whether or not you care about her, her music, her look, and her face seems to have caused a reaction with critics, music junkies and hipsters like marmite spread – you either love her or hate her. So how does one seemingly average 24-year-old New York woman manage to cause so much drama?

Fresh beginnings Lana Del Rey wasn’t always Lana Del Rey, who claimed to have started her musical career singing at Open Mike nights in hipster bars. She was originally born as Elizabeth Grant, a girl who grew up at Lake Placid in New York and attending boarding school in Connecticut. At 19, she attempted to release a mainstream album under the name Lizzy Grant. It’s fair to say the album didn’t really turn a tide in the musical waters, since you didn’t hear of her the first time around. So she went away, did not get collagen injections in her lips (“allegedly”), changed from blonde to ginger, and renamed herself after the Ford Del Rey car – and all of this was achieved thanks to the help of her supposedly very rich father. So does that give people a reason to hate her? Well, for reinventing herself, no. Musical artists are constantly in order to stay relevant, fresh and different from the pack. I’m sure Ke$ha wasn’t

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the trashy homeless looking drunk she always was. Lady Gaga was definitely birthed as a normal child before she was birthed out of a freakish giant egg. Even Katy Perry started out as Katy Hudson, a happy blonde Christian pop artist who re-emerged seven years later as the pin up girl for bi-curious females. So with this argument, Lana Del Rey is not necessarily inauthentic for reinventing herself, she’s just in some new and different packaging (with added duck face lips).

An opulent road to glory But despite that, Lana Del Rey has quite a few reasons to be criticised. For one, she wasn’t some undiscovered Justin Bieber picked out by Usher, but had been financially supported for her album’s recording and marketing by her millionaire father. Don’t think that’s worth criticising? She is essentially an indie version of Rebecca Black. It is all about the argument whether buying your way into the industry is worth the same sort of value as earning and working yourself up the charts. Compare it to being in a sports team at school. It would be like a parent buying their kid a place in the top ranked sports team because they offered to fund everyone’s new uniforms and gear. Rich people who get everything the easy way tend to piss other people off.

In too deep And then there is her newly dubbed title as the “Worst Performance in Saturday Night Live History”. Lana Del Rey’s live two-song performance on

America’s popular comedy show in mid-January (with guest host Daniel ‘Potter’ Radcliff) clearly showed that she never built up the skills to put on a musical performance. While people say that she looked to be suffering from nervousness, she did not have any sort of confidence or stage presence. No dancing (or show of emotion) was really involved, her movement only extending as far as awkward swaying and excessive hair brushing with her super long fingers. In fact, her frequency of hair touching in that performance would equal the amount of hair flipping Justin Bieber has done in his short lifetime. Why SNL thought it was a good idea to allow an inexperienced singer on stage for a dull and dreary performance, I’ll never understand. She has been marketed too far out of her depth and at this stage – she may drown before she gets a good chance to swim. So how should we deal with the phenomenon that is Lana Del Rey? Well, we could wait till she works and earns a solid place in musical stardom, or we can wait until she becomes another ordinary girl 15 minutes from now. Which will happen first? People, take your bets now.

(Writer’s Note: The aim of this piece was to discuss Lana Del Rey’s potential as a musical star, not specifically her music. For an insight into her music, look to the review on Lana Del Rey’s album, Born to Die’, debate issue02, 2012)


David Shearer:

Future Prime Minister of New Zealand? Jarred Williamson

He’s making many political commentators and analysts scratch their heads and ask, “who is this guy and what is his vision?” In fact, they’re giving him a pretty hard time. He’s certainly not your usual politician and he most certainly lacks political polish and oratory ability unlike leadership contender, David Cunliffe. As I write this, I too am interested in this man, David Shearer. He is the newly elected Leader of the Opposition and Labour leader – at least he has been for the past few months. However, in that length of time, surely the man would have gone to great lengths to stamp his identity and cry, “I, David Shearer, am here!”

He’s making many political commentators and analysts scratch their heads and ask, “who is this guy and what is his vision?” In fact, they’re giving him a pretty hard time. He’s certainly not your usual politician and he most certainly lacks political polish and oratory ability unlike leadership contender, David Cunliffe.

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So what do we actually know of David Shearer?

Background: He’s quite clearly different from predecessor Goff in that Shearer is not a career politician who has graced the House of Representatives with his voice for 30 plus years. We do know he has worked with the United Nations in many war torn countries – there was this crazy comparison going around that John Key went overseas and made 50 million and David Shearer went overseas and saved 50 million lives. However, Shearer commented that he did not directly save lives. On TV3 during the ‘leadership race’ between Shearer and Cunliffe, he admitted he’d taken a large pay cut to come back home. A Saint? Well, I think that might be jumping the gun a bit.

Political ideals: This is the part that most people do not understand. There has yet to be a comment or speech that fully outlines what Mr. Shearer believes in politically. He’s admitted to a New Zealand Herald reporter that his first vote as an enrolled voter in his youth went to National and even now some family members vote blue, yet he is now the leader of the Labour party (not such a great admission to make I think). Article after article about Mr. Shearer has always made the comment that he has not yet made firm comments on political issues. For a Labour leader, I am surprised at the lack of comment on the Ports of Auckland strike – no photo opportunities shaking hands with the wharfies. Hence so much head scratching. The lack of stance is interesting to any political nerd (like many people think I am); at present, I would say he is quite centrist. Yes, he’s made opposing comments to assetsales, but lacked passion in his delivery like Goff and Cunliffe. With no speech presented yet as to Labour’s policy direction under Shearer, it’s all the makings of a bit of a ‘political bisexual’ as Sebastian Mackay (debate contributor and Communications student) would put it – his ideas could go either way.


This leads back to my point about the unknown factor to David Shearer: he’s broken so many political rules and norms that he is either crazy or he is playing a new strategy that could be a big hit for him and Labour or the beginning of the end. To his defense, Shearer has said in many interviews that he will go at his own pace and won’t be pushed into things. We also know that he is currently receiving some well-needed media training. I still think that after 3 months a new leader would have made more of an impact than Shearer has in profile, policy and polling.

“he’s broken so many political rules and norms that he is either crazy or he is playing a new strategy that could be a big hit for him and Labour or the beginning of the end.”

A fresh look for Labour Upon his election to leader, Shearer has kept pushing the clichéd terms “Fresh faces” and “Fresh start” in small speeches about the direction Labour would be taking; words sound nice but the policy needs to back this. In a move that skeptics could call symbolic, Shearer has put a lot of Labour’s younger faces on the front bench and in top 10 list rankings, Jacinda Ardern being the big winner and now Labour’s number four. Yes, it could be cheesy, but I liked this move in a way, as it is no secret to New Zealand that future talent and future leaders weren’t able to flourish under the Clark and Goff leaderships. Therefore, Labour has progressed in someway, but still a long way off from challenging National. John Armstrong from the New Zealand Herald has reported that Shearer is due to give a speech potentially outlining policy direction for Labour in the next week or two. I think this is crucial for Shearer; he needs to be firm and show New Zealanders what he believes in and where he believes Labour should be heading. All going well, I could see a slight boost in the polls but if it turns out to be a fizzer, I don’t see Labour going far. I have put in this article’s heading “Future Prime Minister?” because every leader’s goal is to lead a government. Certainly this is Shearer’s goal for 2014. He is at the bottom of Everest in that goal: There is yet to be many political storms of scandal testing a leaders strength, he is yet to face the long and slow climb that is increasing poll results and finally the stamina test of standing up to one of New Zealand’s most popular Prime Minsters, John Key.

Shearer has his work cut out for him. Now is the right opportunity for Labour to renew direction properly and freshen itself up. New Zealand has grown tired of the usual old Labour. Can Shearer be Prime Minister? Well if he comes of the fence and announces political direction and if National really makes a mistake, then yes he has a fair chance. I also have this feeling that Shearer won’t be Labour’s next Prime Minister. I have a feeling that he will be a leader that injects momentum and inspiration for future change, leaving a new leader to take over and take the party to government. That may be in six years, nine years or who knows, but only time will tell. First, we have to find out what Shearer wants.

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A look at the recent

Wondering where that huge chunk of money that disappears from your pay packet each week under the title of ‘tax’ is going?

welfare reforms Hazel Buckingham

Well, as promised during their campaign last year, John Key and the National party are making the first steps at trying to spend it wisely. Settling into their second term, the National party has started to make the changes regarding welfare that they promised back in the lead up to the election. Prime Minister John Key and Social Development Minister Paula Bennett recently announced the first of three stages that the reforms would take. The first step focuses on solo mums and unemployed youth – something that is sure to affect you in some way, whether it is directly or through someone you know. The reaction from the political community was perhaps more entertaining and interesting than the reforms themselves, but first things first, let’s have a look at why our welfare policy needs to be reformed.

Cutting back the benefit A huge 13% of the working age population is currently on the Domestic Purposes Benefit (DPB) and over 220,000 children live in benefit dependent homes. This is a massive amount and John Key went as far as to say in November last year that a 12% of those people who received benefits within the last year weren’t actually entitled to them. More needs to be done to safeguard our money as taxpayers. The new welfare scheme announced by National is expected to get over 30,000 beneficiaries back into the workplace AND save us a whopping $1billion over four years – that’s got to be good right?! With the current welfare system, youth aged 16 and 17 years old that are not in any form of training or job, are entitled to a substantial weekly payment from the government. National isn’t suggesting we take this away from them, just that we control where the money is being spent in a slightly better way. Under the new system, the youth will have their rent and power paid directly by the government, and will be given a living costs card, which cannot be used to buy alcohol or cigarettes. They will then be given $50 cash in hand a week, which can be increased by up to $30 a week if they take part in recommended training courses. This is the highlight of National’s welfare reform – as no longer will our money be wasted away and thrown into bad habits and addictions. It will be used to pay for essential things and encourage youth to upskill.

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Entering the workforce

“12% of those people who received benefits within the last year weren’t actually entitled to them”

“Under the new system, the youth will have their rent and power paid directly by the government, and will be given a living costs card, which cannot be used to buy alcohol or cigarettes. They will then be given $50 cash in hand a week, which can be increased by up to $30 a week if they take part in recommended training courses.”

The second part of this reform focuses on solo mums and getting them back into the workforce. Now a parent will be tested for full time work once their child is fourteen years old and will be tested for part time work when they are five. Having another child while on the DPB will only give you another year before you have to return to work – removing the incentive to have children primarily to gain the benefit. Again, not such a bad idea of National’s as they are monitoring the time-frame a benefit is given out to discourage parents using children as money making machines. However, this is where I put down my blue flag and step into red territory to join Jacinda Ardern with asking the all-important question: WHERE ARE THE JOBS? It’s all very well for the government to be encouraging youth into work – but the work is currently not there. With unemployment nearing an all-time low, and almost 1,000 public sector employees joining the dole queue (re: Air NZ, MFAT, Housing NZ) it can’t be expected that the jobs will just magically appear. It is interesting to compare this reform to Labour’s suggestion – taking the money that would be given to youth on the benefit and giving it to employers to create the much needed apprenticeships in order to both upskill youth and provide the necessary jobs. But John Key remains adamant that although the jobs may not be there now – they will come. Great, more crystal ball gazing from our PM.

Social problems persist

“Having another child while on the DPB will only give you another year before you have to return to work – removing the incentive to have children primarily to gain the benefit.”

Harawira from the Mana party and Turei from the Greens both criticise National’s reforms as well. Turei points out that by pushing solo mothers into work it will have a negative effect on both them and their children. She says the government is ignoring scientific advice showing the early years are crucial in a child’s development and that this policy is more about cost-cutting and pushing a vulnerable sector of society into low paid jobs, than it is about solving unemployment in the long run. Harawira also criticises the government for nannying the youth of today, arguing that they will never learn self-responsibility if they have their money spent for them. For once, I am actually sitting on the political fence.

“It’s all very well for the government to be encouraging youth into work – but the work is currently not there.”

There are both pros and cons to the reforms, and the only thing that our political figures seem to be able to agree on is the fact that something needs to change. Now if they could only put their heads together and come up with a real solution, because everyone seems to be asking it, but no one has even attempted to answer it –

WHERE ARE THE JOBS?!

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The economy is booming, jobs are at an all-time high,

asset sales have brought in billions, the mums and dads of the nation own the driving shares in the power companies and the nation is free from the shackles of debt! I’m lying to you. That is the problem with people like me – writers. You can never tell when we’re lying. You just continue to consume, your student debt grows larger, and the new iPad is released. If you are one of the lucky ones whose parents pay for their education, then the situation isn’t so bleak. You’re on the streets working two jobs, fighting for the small amount of money you can gather. That’s the truth, isn’t it? On second thought, maybe you aren’t the lucky ones. Maybe those with Student allowances are. Regardless, you will continue with your life, oblivious. At the least, you can take comfort in this: writers don’t falsify as much as Politicians do. But let’s face it, the system is broken. We are romanced by stories of our dearly beloved Prime Minister growing up in a state house, a mother who sacrificed everything for him, and look at him now – he worked hard, he saved hard and now he has a $10 million dollar house and is rumoured to be worth $63 million. He told that story more times than I care to count during the election run, when really he may as well have thrown up on the face of every poor person. The media tells us that John Key does work hard and every single one of you can be filthy rich. The teaching is nothing more than a way to make sure you get out of bed every morning and go to the job that you hate in order to keep the economy spinning. Don’t misunderstand. People can make something of themselves; it is possible and it happens, but

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not everyone can be as rich as the Rothschild Corporation or Rupert Murdoch, or the chairman of BMW. If everybody could live the life advertised, then there would be no lower class, and no lower class means no production, and no production means no money. The simple truth is they need you in order to finance their life styles. I will digress for just a minute in order to abolish the ‘he’s using outdated Marxism’ notion with an example. The workers at the ports of our beautiful country unload and load ships and therefore have a large amount of control over our sea trade. If every worker were to become millionaires, they wouldn’t have to work, and there would be no sea trade. If the world that is advertised actually existed, then the same could be said for every occupation. Therefore, poor people equal producers for the rich and the notion of everybody living the ‘New Zealand dream’ is both entirely unpractical and ludicrous. Unfortunately for us, the world that was predicted by Marx and Engels in the Communist Manifesto of 1840 is the world we are living in. The rise of the worker is maybe a dead concept, but “united we stand, divided we fall’, is very much a quote that remains true to this day. As humans, we are divided into the rich and the poor: the workers or beneficiaries and their bosses, those that have and those that do not. This is a simple concept, and it may not seem true. The proof however, lies in history. The unionists are responsible for the establishment of minimum wage and safe working standards. Had unions not existed, companies would legally be allowed to pay as little as they like and employees could work in the most appalling conditions. Minimum wage has granted workers with a (barely) liveable wage and safer working conditions. The result is a fracturing of the constructed blockade that stops the everyday worker from becoming as powerful

as the owner of the business. Low paid workers with no ‘skills’ are bound to the position that they are in. For example, a mother that works at Pak ‘n’ Save on minimum wage with bills and mouths to feed, works hard for the money she earns and works long hours to earn it. She is, however, unable to raise herself or her family out of poverty and break the cycle with the small amount she is legally paid. The same could be said in regards to the new benefit reforms. The government suggests parents with a one-year-old child should drop their child at day care, and get back into work – a minimum wage job being the most likely. The interesting point here is that a mother on minimum wage can make less than a mother on the benefit. Social development minister Paula Bennett (an ex beneficiary), can’t seem to see the wood through the matchsticks. The reforms call

“poor people equal producers for the rich”


for beneficiaries to get off the benefit and into employment. Into minimum wage jobs that don’t exist. In her defence, Bennett said this is part of “breaking the poverty cycle.” But in a country where a wage earner can earn less than a beneficiary, it hardly seems like a step in the right direction.

“People can make something of themselves; it is possible and it happens”

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If wages were increased and benefits were cut accordingly, I would hypothesis that this could be more of an advance to “breaking the poverty cycle”. However, unless we are willing to wake up to the ways of the Government, then it seems that the job of destroying lives should be left to those that know it best.

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Aries

Your mind is whirring and ticking away as the reality of university finally sets in. Try to line up the whirs and ticks until they become sick beats that will keep you pumped. Aw yiss.

Taurus

You’re starting to second-guess your goal of becoming a top chef. You’ve burnt everything in the kitchen thus far. Maybe it’s time to look further? Burn everything in the bathroom too. Think big.

Gemini

Dealing with other students is never fun, but be patient with them. Someday, maybe, one of them will let you into a room you can’t unlock. In the biblical sense.

Cancer

You’re feeling super emotional, and it’s hard to balance family, uni and work. Chillax. Find a bro to hang with, and watch some ponies, through binoculars, from a clocktower. So relaxing.

Leo

A sudden lucky streak! Now’s the time to buy a scratchy, or challenge your vastly more skilful friends to one hell of a paintball match. But maybe I’m only saying that because I wonder how you would look with purple blotches.

Virgo

Better keep a lock on your diary, or a secret or two about you may slip out - like how your hair is actually two hundred friendly spiders. Or how you gave all two hundred of them cute nicknames.

Libra

At some point, some of your friends may start giving you the cold shoulder. Give those suckers the cold elbow.

Scorpio

You feel sociable and adventurous. Get your friends together; maybe go out to a gay bar, a golf course, a collapsing oil rig, or all three. Take pictures!

Sagittarius

Stress is drilling into the back of your skull, as your peers and lecturers put pressure on you. But you’ve fooled them! That’s not your real skull! Every hunter knows how to set a good decoy.

Capricon

No one you know is getting what you mean when you speak. You’re too muffled. Remove the mascot costume, kneel down, and put your hands behind your head. Slowly now.

Aquarius

You’re heading down some rocky roads with your partner, metaphorically speaking, too close to the edge of the cliff. But you are the faithful road cone in this scenario. Pity some bloody students stole you before you could be of any use.

Pisces

Your savings are depleting as you find yourself buying more and more impulsive stuff. Learn to prioritise. Pogo-stick signed by Hendrix, or a moonhopper by Jean-Paul Gaultier? Can’t have both.

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Morgahna Godwin This week in the twitterverse we got the best of live tweets from the Oscar’s,

a just-got-home-from-partying tweet courtesy of Justin Bieber, and a deep thought from Kim Kardashian (always entertaining). I also included the ‘twitisdom’ from various others who always make us feel better about our own lives, either because theirs is so shit or because they penetrate our brains with encouraging thoughts. Whatever. The week started with so much anticipation for the Oscars. I was lucky enough to be at the red carpet and I squealed like a deformed mouse when Bret MacKenzie strutted his stuff. I think W Magazine summed up what we we’re all thinking when he won:

W magazine

Danielle Hayes Whilst staying on the ‘swaaaaag wagon’ one of our very own shared some brilliant swaggyness. I have nothing to say except, if modeling fails, you are totally self sufficient.

@DanniHayes

“Just went through drive thru kfc ordered my order and made the car behind me pay. #swagg.”

Matty McLean On a another note, I have nothing against this ‘One Direction infection’ that seems to be possessing half of New Zealand, but I really didn’t pick Matty McLean as a follower. Each to their own. You go Matty!

@mattymcleanTVNZ 

“apparently @onedirection tickets sold out in a minute. good thing i have fast fingers!”

@wmag

“Really wishing Bret McKenzie would break into “Business Time” #Oscars.”

Kim Kardashian Kim Kardashian showed her money making, brand conscious, word vomit in a comment about Marilyn Monroe’s royalties. She makes a good point, if you forget the whole ‘she’s Kim Kardashian’ thing. Don’t underestimate the Kardashian’s; they come across as oblivious to the world, but be wary because I’m pretty sure they’re in the midst of a Coke a Cola-esque world domination phase. Hide yo kids, hide yo wife (you know how the rest goes).

Ashton Kutcher Major proud-to-be-a-kiwi moment goes here. Think what you like of Ashton Kutcher, but there is no doubting the audience he can reach. And for him to shout out The Naked and Famous, I have nothing but unicorn coated cupcake love for him.

@aplusk

“Young Blood by The Naked And Famous is beyond my favorite song right now.”

Tavi Gevinson

@KimKardashian

And the last twitisdom is from Tavi Gevinson. If you don’t know who she is stop the bus, hold the phone, and do some serious googling. She’s 15 and I envy her brain. Follow her. That is the best advice I can give you.

Incase you live behind an impenetrable Justin Bieber invisible cloak, you may not have been aware that it was his birthday this week. I have nothing against the kid. He’s killing it while we all sit and watch. But I did happen to stumble across this 2am Twitter magic he posted after getting home from his party. Welcome to the world of I-must-not-drunk-tweet.

@tavitulle

“If Marilyn Monroe has no family or children, who makes all of that money off the usage of her HUGE brand? Her name must rake in so much $$$.”

Justin Bieber @justinbieber

“my only note on The Artist was that the opening music sounded like the theme song from Caillou.”

Unfortunately my pop culture brain capacity, unlike Tavi’s, doesn’t support the ‘no dialogue file format’. And I was therefore unable to sustain the focus needed to watch The Artist. Such a shame (that was sarcasm). However, I may have sent a ‘please forgive my sins’ prayer to the intellectual film gods. Whatever.

“swwwaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggggg.”

Morgahna is a woman on a mission. Originally from Waihi Beach, she now lives in New York City. You’ll usually find her breaking into song on the side of the road thinking she’s Jay-Z. Be jealous. Follow her on twitter @Godfasher .

23


News that nobody else will cover ThePigeon.co.nz

It’s the boxing contest we’ve all been waiting for. Sonny Bill Williams will defend his New Zealand heavy weight title against Shane Cameron. But only when the Mountain Warrior breaks an arm and starts receiving the sickness benefit. The boxer and part-time All Black, along with his side-kick Khoder Nasser, have been under pressure to fight an opponent that has actually boxed competitively before. Williams says his next fight will prove doubters wrong. “I’ve ticked all the right boxes, but haters gonna hate. I don’t care what people say about Shane. He’s got pedigree and I’m committed to my boxing… and the Chiefs.” Cameron’s career has been on a downward spiral since being spectacularly demolished by David Tua in 2009. He says he is willing to fracture his forearm and become a beneficiary if it means securing the coveted bout. Fighting before a packed-out Hamilton YMCA crowd will get his life back on track, he argues.

“We’re similar fighters: I only like to stay in the ring for a few minutes, and he’s the same. I never used this arm in fights anyway, and I could do with some extra cash… they don’t call him Money Bill for nothing.” Since his victory over world-renowned Clarence Tillman III, SBW has had to fend off interest from top boxers from Gore and Palmerston North. But having a special someone in his life has helped keep him grounded, he says. “It’s a weird feeling when I’m with her and we are constantly being followed around by Women’s Weekly and the Herald.” But Williams has never been happier. “Having Sally by my side helps keep things in perspective. She’s like a mother-figure to me. He admits he doesn’t mind having his girlfriend Jaime tag along when he’s boxing either. “It’s fun when the three of us hang out, even if Jaime feels like the third wheel sometimes.” The Williams-Cameron bout will be accessible on SKY pay-per-view for just $89.

Disclaimer: The Pigeon delivers satirical news. None of the events reported, quotes or claims, are intended to cause constipation, heartache or incite sexually charged double entendres.

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Brendan Kelly Hello readers, students, professorial types and cleaning staff of AUT;

you strange, insignificant creatures who have picked up this rag-tag assortment of news articles, opinion pieces, Shakespearean sonnets, misogynistic rants by some mentalist from Psychology 301, thinly veiled advertisements for the Apple iPad, and one pseudo-intellectual ramble about aquatic life. Until I master the skill of advertising the Apple iPad (available now, the Apple iPad – simply bring 37 cents and the tongue of a wildebeest to any participating JB Hi-Fi), I will endeavour to bring you a spasmodically timed episode in the on-going saga of undersea life, in so much as I’ll write a few hundred words about a mollusc when I’ve had too much crack to sleep but not enough to kill me. Speaking of smoking a whole bunch of crack, sharks are fucking awesome. The shark is like a sexy French mass-murderer who kills his victims by drowning them in perfume before depositing them on the door-step of their loved ones with a gently wilting rose pressed between their lips. It does its job, that is, being a terrifying demon of the sea, but it does it with style and in a deeply fascinating way. Like most animals, sharks’ bodies are covered by a layer of what scientists call ‘skin’. But because a shark wouldn’t settle for having sub-standard skin, theirs is covered in placoid scales. Each of these scales creates a vortex while they swim, meaning that they are the quietest thing in the water, ideal for sneaking up on little clams and sea-pigs and stuff. Their skin is also rougher than Chris Brown, meaning that it is commonly used for sword-hilts, in particular Japanese Katana and Wakizashi swords, which to me sounds like ninja-talk although that’s probably about four Wikipedia pages away so don’t quote me on it. Even dead sharks don’t stop wanting to kill shit. According to Finding Nemo, which I’m 65 per cent sure is only part-documentary, sharks smell blood and it makes them chase that little blue fish and the other one, and then there’s a diving mask and that. Sharks can in fact detect one part per million of blood in seawater, but they are also drawn to specific chemicals located in the guts of other fish. Because humans are disgusting, sharks are often fooled into hanging around sewage outlets as the same chemicals are found there; this is the equivalent of filling a delicious pie-crust with cicada shells and back-hair, then wafting it towards a famine stricken village in Malawi. But, unlike Paul Henry or that fucking magician with the sideburns on Queen Street, the shark doesn’t rely on just one gimmick to survive. Sharks can detect life. It’s like Skyrim, but more awesome because it’s underwater and because it’s a fucking shark. Oh and it’s real. Underwater creatures occasionally possess a skill called electroreception, allowing them to sense electrical impulses – and because a shark knows a fucking kick-ass

ability when it sees one, they can do that too. Using receptors known as ampullae of Lorenzini, sharks detect impulses given off naturally by living things through movement and muscle tension. They can therefore find hidden prey, and read your meter. The shark can also detect vibrations, and has exceptional vision and hearing. In other words, you can’t ambush a shark. They’ll fuck you up. Sharks have sex. But sometimes they don’t, because sharks do whatever the fuck they want and if they want to break the laws of science and randomly spawn offspring asexually good luck stopping them. Two documented cases exist where sharks have bred through parthenogenesis, which is a long word that means, like Bieber and the Virgin Mary (who says I can’t get hate mail for the first article of the year? Bring it on, hell), no penis was involved. As an aside, this also means that mammals are the only major vertebrate group who are yet to reproduce in this fashion. Give it time; Magic: The Gathering players have to repopulate somehow. Sharks, like cyclists, are the most annoying fucking thing on the road and average a speed of 8 km/hour. Unlike cyclists, I wouldn’t fuck with a shark. When feeding or attacking, a shark can hit 19 km/hour, while some species including the mako and the great white can reach speeds of up to 50 km/ hour, which is possibly the scariest thing I have ever heard in my entire life ever. In saying that, for some reason people still try and keep sharks under lock and key. Aquariums have tried for years to keep sharks alive in captivity and struggled, and some smaller species are often kept in personal aquariums. Unethical dealers occasionally pawn off baby nurse sharks to unsuspecting buyers, which is sort of hilarious because they grow to 14 feet long and weigh 150 kg, adding an extra layer of difficulty to buying a new fish-bowl. Bloodthirsty, vicious and evil. What up humanity! Faked you out there, didn’t I? Although movies and literature have given them a bad name, sharks rarely attack humans unprovoked. Meanwhile, shark finning is a common practice. That’s where hunters remove the fin of a shark with a whitehot iron blade before dumping the unwanted shark carcass into the water. This is because shark fin soup is considered a delicacy in Asia. Yay for opposable thumbs! So, in conclusion, befriend a shark, not a person. They’re less shit. The purpose of this lecture has been to mystify, to educate, to enlighten; to burn up fourteen seconds of Monday morning’s lecture, or the first hour and a half if you’re a fashion design student (complain, bring it on, I love that shit). But mainly, I’d like to dedicate this article to my shark brothers, those underwater homies that can’t speak for themselves. I like to think of myself as the Lorax of AUT, in that I have a big white moustache and I live in a tree stump with an assortment of bears and geese. But I speak for sharks, for the sharks have no tongues. They might do, actually, I didn’t do a whole lot of research. Next week, the water dwelling sea yak. Or possibly a mournful ballad about the plight of the echinoderm. Probably not though. The Apple iPad – yours for just three shrimp eyes and a half-empty packet of raisins!

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Morgahna Godwin www.thisismorgs.com

If you had asked me six months ago where I would be, I would not have been able to give you a straight answer. I would have definitely not told you I’d be in Los Angeles watching the red carpet for the Oscars!

This is how I somehow got to see the red carpet for the Oscars: I had planned to meet with someone at the Oscars for a work opportunity, but things didn’t go to plan (as is often the case). Luckily, I had made a friend who had access to a building that overlooked the red carpet. Sounds like a pretty good alternative right? Walk up, meet your friend and watch the red carpet arrivals. Not so much. Little did I know, security around the Oscars is on par with a secret service lockdown. First of all, the whole block around the Oscars is closed. Streets within a two block radius are lined with security checkpoints. And there are helicopters circling every 30 seconds. And don’t forget the snipers on the roofs.

moment that a picture couldn’t possibly have done justice to. Imagine this: Steven Spielberg, Meryl Streep, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Sandra Bullock all in the same frame just chatting like old friends. It was just a little bit exciting.

So I did as any New Zealander would do, I stood peacefully for a moment and muttered to myself, “challenge accepted”. I then embarked on mission impossible to get through three blocks of security checkpoints, two police checkpoints, and one ‘officials only’ gated area. I thought getting in to a fashion show was hard, this is on a different level. The first few checkpoints were relatively straight forward, but when I got to the ‘officials only’ gate I had to use some genuine story telling. The security guard had to call down another from a different area to check me over and to question me. After I was questioned I was ushered to the building I was meant to go to. Phew, I thought. Not so much. The awkward conversation outside was followed by a story about a guy who had done the same thing as me, but had lied and they chased him down the street. In my head I tried to keep a straight face. Confidence is key. Luckily, the friend I was meeting up with popped out of the building to get me. I was saved and just in time for the red carpet. In terms of fashion, it was a little bit of a spectacle, but that’s to be expected. I loved a lot of the dresses, particularly Gwyneth Paltrow’s Tom Ford ensemble. It was subtly sculptural and had a very sharp look. Total red carpet killer. Unfortunately my camera became overwhelmed with the amount of celebrities it saw and it decided to die just as Gwyneth hit the red carpet. But not before George Clooney, the cast of the Help, and the stunning girls from Bridesmaids. However, there was one stellar

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The Oscars were a total eye opener into the production around a live awards show. It felt really strange to be sitting about 40 meters away from the Kodak theatre watching it on a TV when it was happening so close. But, in saying that, I couldn’t have felt further away. I was literally outside the venue but I felt just as far away as I would have been if I was in New Zealand. I was so happy to see Meryl win. It was beyond exciting and I may have shed a tear or two during her acceptance speech. Also I screamed and clapped like a complete lunatic when Bret Mackenzie won his Oscar. HECK YES KIWIS! You don’t know how soothing it was to hear a New Zealand accent (even if it was on TV). Anyway, if there is anything I have learnt from witnessing the Oscars it is that fame is a business, a very big business. Hollywood is a facade, but a facade most of us would happily be a part of. And celebrities are just people who happen to have really extraordinary lives.


all images are Š M.Godwin 2012

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caffeinated banter Coffee, or “Cooooooofaaaaaaaay” as many choose to address it, is a drink

“consisting of an infusion of the roasted and ground or crushed seeds of the coffee tree” (Collins English Dictionary) or “what Columbians grow and export in an attempt to make the world think that they are not the world’s leading cocaine exporter” (Urban Dictionary).

About 94%* of society are obsessed with coffee, the other 6% of society haven’t tried it yet or have some horrific medical condition that prevents them from consuming liquids. This beverage has been around for centuries and its importance in society’s everyday lives cannot be underestimated. If you still are holding your green tea as you read this, then I have failed in my attempt to influence you on the significance of this beverage. So in order to make your next coffee experience a little richer, let’s head back into the historic depths of the origins of this drug. There are many legendary accounts of the origins of coffee. It has been said that a prophet once consumed a hot, black liquid given to him by an angel and promptly removed 40 knights from their horses and then satisfied 40 virgins in just one day (Who needs Viagra when we have coffee??).

However, many Google results point to the legend of an Ethiopian goat herder, called Kaldi. He noticed his goats would seem to have extra energy and not sleep at night after eating berries from a certain tree. The goat herder told a monk at the local monastery about it. The monk then threw the beans into the fire from which an enticing aroma arose from the embers. He then quickly raked up the embers and dissolved it in hot water. After drinking the drink he noticed that it helped him stay alert during the long evening prayers. Obviously, his monk friends wanted some of what he had and the worldwide addiction was born. Whether or not this was the exact origin of the famous concoction, the next time you take cup in hand, remember Kaldi and those hyperactive goats. Today coffee is the second most traded commodity in the world after oil (clearly the world has a thing for black liquids). The popularity of this beverage spans worldwide and is highly significant economically, politically and socially; with many associating coffee with weight gain, terrorist activity and social humiliation. This is subject matter that I warn you not to shy away from in this New Year. The world is supposed to end in 2012 and I really question the role coffee will play. In the meantime, upgrade to double shot, forget the trim milk, mix in two sugars and be merry.

*Statistics are legit in my mind.

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Super Citizen (noun): people who through their everyday actions genuinely try their hardest to be good people (Ramsay, 2012.) Embarking on a green existence is the natural step one should take after deciding to become a Super Citizen. The decline of our natural environment is something we should all, quite frankly, be very scared of and feel very guilty about. My problem with being green is that it’s ridiculously easy to fall off the wagon. All it takes is a news report about some oil company plunging a drill clumsily through serene Artic waters (sloshing oil everywhere in the process), and I can’t help but slam my box of recyclable paper to the floor and scream manically at the heavens

“WHY THE $*@# DO I BOTHER?!” Normally I retrieve my box, take a deep breath, make a cup of tea and everything turns out fine. However, I think this is a notion that many struggle with – the idea of “well we’ve screwed the planet up so much already, what difference will one squirt of hippie shampoo make?” Ways to make yourself still care:

their fingers round their rubbish for the extra 10 seconds it takes to find a bin, choosing to drop it into the drain instead.

Recycle

For every ton of plastic that is recycled, we save the equivalent of two people’s energy use for a year. Boom. A fine example of one of those encouraging ‘go green’ facts I just discussed.

Thrift

Buying your clothes second hand is not only cheaper but helps eliminate harmful pollutants emitted by the fastfashion industry.

Limit paper use

Share readings and re-sell your textbooks. Paper = rainforests. Think of the orangutans.

Use energy efficient light bulbs

I know they take ages to turn on. But patience is a virtue and it’s all in the name of the survival of our planet as we know it.

Use eco-friendly soaps

When you see the lovely natural bubbles heading down the drain, listen closely and you can hear the voices of a thousand fishies singing your praises.

Consult a list of encouraging ‘go green’ facts. These lists outline how many elephants/other cute things are saved when bottles/ other unsustainable necessities are recycled. These lists remind you are doing a noble thing by scrubbing jars so they can be reused.

Buy a stainless steel drink bottle

Guilt trip yourself by using the mantra “as a human, it’s the least you can do.” When you read reports about how humans affect the environment, you realise that we are the worst thing that ever happened to this planet. As humans, our desire for luxurious lives has disrupted virtually every other organism’s existence and in some cases, it has completely destroyed it. With this on our consciences, we owe it to the earth to use eco-friendly shower cleaner and recyclable plastics.

Ninety-five per cent of energy used by UK phone chargers is wasted – only five per cent is used to charge phones. The rest is used when the charger is plugged into the wall but not switched off at the socket.

So, armed with apt amounts of encouragement and heavy levels of newfound guilt, here are 10 ways you can become a greener student and therefore continue on your path towards Super Citizen Status:

Throw rubbish in the bin

As obvious as it sounds, you only have to stroll down Queen Street to see how many people are still too lazy to clench

Expensive at the time, but will save you hundreds in the long run.

Unplug chargers/appliances when done

Get outside and enjoy nature

It’s really easy to spend all your time inside – get out and rekindle your relationship with the environment. When you relish its beauty first hand, you realise that our planet is far to precious a gift to allow any harm to come to it. As Ghandi puts it –

“There is sufficiency in the world for man’s need but not for man’s greed.” Good old Ghandi - when it comes to the environment, that man always has something wise to say.

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Meanwhile, Katy Perry’s hit, I Kissed a Girl, becomes more edgy and offers the listener a hint of sex appeal, a move which caused Reece’s teenage fans to go mad with desire.

Reece Mastin Rating: B+ Reece Mastin is the series three winner of The X Factor Australia, and the new heartthrob of teenage girls. His debut, self-titled album features his “winner’s single” and ten covers of songs he performed throughout the show. If you’re not familiar with Reece Mastin, he is a 16 year old who lived in England for ten years before moving to Adelaide, and dreams of becoming a rock legend. The reality television factor and his young age may turn you off this album, but I urge you to give it a go, because Reece can actually rock. The album starts with the winner’s single Good Night, a lightweight, pop rock tune about forgetting everything and enjoying your night out. It’s obviously written for the teenage audience, is filled with clichés, and is so catchy you’ll either be humming along or trying not to be sick. If you do find yourself feeling sickly after hearing this, hit the next button, not the off button, because the album picks up with the covers. Reece’s voice is mature beyond his years, and both high energy songs such as Paradise City and softer, more emotional songs such as She Will Be Loved are done brilliantly. The best cover is definitely Aerosmith’s Dream On. Reece nails all the falsettos, and it sounds as haunting as the original version. It is also nice to see a nod to his English roots with a cover of Bee Gee’s Stayin’ Alive. If you haven’t seen the show, then the album will offer some surprises, when Reece covers two songs originally by female artists. Alanis Morissette’s Ironic is turned into a full blown rock song. It jazzes up a classic without losing the original meaning to the song.

What lets the album down is the omission of his first audition song, Come Get Some. This was the song which wowed all four judges and ultimately gave him the boost into the competition and his career, so it is disappointing there is no version featured. This album could have turned into karaoke like many other debut albums from reality television singing shows, or become as cheesy as the Disney Channel. However, Reece Mastin has managed to insert a bit of flair and charm into the songs with his cheekiness and English accent. There is no doubt he can sing and deserved to win the competition. If you can get over the reality television and ten covers fact, this album sure does rock. Renee Simpson

boots but in your heart of hearts, you know they won’t be any good. Unfortunately however, I was lured into believing that Paul McCartney, a man of such musical magnificence, would not be ravaged by the passing of years. Having only recently given up pot, I figured he must still be young at heart. I expected that I would be in for some Beatle-esque piano ballads and classic McCartney bass lines, but come track one, I didn’t even recognise the voice. In fact I was so convinced that it was not McCartney singing, I had to consult Wikipedia to check it wasn’t a guest artist. It is only on a few tracks, particularly his original compositions, in which you can hear the old Paul shining through. Perhaps it was ignorant of me to expect his voice to be the same as it was forty years ago, but in saying that, I did expect to recognise it. If you look at other artists of the era; Mick Jagger, Bob Dylan or John Fogerty, sure their voices aren’t what they used to be but they are still so distinctive as to be instantly recognisable. The album itself, excellently titled Kisses on the Bottom, is largely a covers collection of old classic jazz tunes that McCartney grew up with. It also includes two new McCartney songs which feature guest musicians Eric Clapton and Stevie Wonder who unfortunately don’t provide vocals. Disappointingly, with the exception of just a few songs, most of the tracks tend to start sounding the same and ultimately merge into a long and dull selection of dusty jazz covers.

Paul McCartney – Kisses on the Botton Rating: B+ Twenty first century albums from old-timer music icons always evoke a mixed reaction within me. Perhaps the same feeling you would get hearing that you grandfather is taking up senior soccer. Yes it’s lovely that they are still adventurous at their age and yes it’ll be cute seeing them in their shin pads and

Highlights include the delightful showtuney Ac-Cent-Tchu-ate the Positive and Paul’s original album closer, Only Our Hearts which sounds like a wistful Disney story song. If you are a fan of McCartney’s Beatles or Wings work, don’t be buying this expecting more of the same. It’s long, boring, and almost unrecognisable old Paul trying on a pair of new shoes that don’t seem to fit. Avoid if you don’t wish to tarnish you memory of bowl cuts and grey suits. Matthew Cattin


a lack of character development, and the characters themselves, especially Costa, are not people you would generally want as friends. The story and characters are very thin. As the movie moves on and events become more chaotic, there is no sense that much is really at stake for the characters, who mostly seem happy that their party is a success.

PROJECT X

Dur: 192 mins Dir: Nima Nourizadeh. 

Rating: A Two thousand and eleven was an average year for movies. However, there were more well received Rrated comedies than had been around for a long while. Bridesmaids, The Inbetweeners, Horrible Bosses, and Hangover 2 all raised the stakes for raunchy humour and seemed to try and outdo each other for the attention of audiences. Following on from last year’s slate comes the first of this year’s crop – Project X, from the producing team behind The Hangover. The film tells the story of three high school friends (Thomas, Costa and JB) who decide to throw a party to make names for themselves at their high school. The movie takes the ‘found’ footage approach where for the most part it takes the point of view of Dax, who is charged with filming the night’s events. I will not give away anymore plot but the party spirals out of control as events become more outrageous and unexpected This movie raises the stakes by showing effectively what is seen during the credits of The Hangover, in the snapshots of the forgotten bachelor party that sets the events of both movies in motion. From full frontal nudity, drug use, destruction of property, animal cruelty, to the angriest dwarf you will see on screen this year, Project X follows the chaotic party events in the first person, putting the audience right in the middle of all the action. This immersion is definitely the movies’ greatest strength. The aesthetic of the movie is strongly reminiscent of early Skins seasons. The movie’s greatest weakness comes from

Overall, Project X was a fun time at the cinema, putting you right in the middle of the action. There is no real moralising for the actions of the characters in this movie, which is refreshing; the audience is just along for the ride, and what a ride it is. Dave Buckles

The Witness and the Archive Agamben, Giorgio, Remnants of Auschwitz: The Witness and the Archive, 2002; Zone Books; London. The witness. The archive. The guilt. Before reading Giorgio Agamben’s Remnants of Auschwitz, I have to admit these terms, for me, summoned hazy reflections of the Second World War. Stubbornly opaque, they mirrored the silence that surrounds 1940’s Germany and the Holocaust, a period only partially visible in remade films and documentaries. Sepia-hued and shrouded in secrecy, the outing of, arguably, history’s greatest mistake left more than a little to the imagination. Agamben’s attempt at unfolding the multiple meanings of the Holocaust was

one that sought to clarify what really happened inside those gates. Using Auschwitz as an overarching metaphor for the concentration camp, the site of the travesty, he treads on ground that is both sacred and kept in thoughts, important but dangerous. However, Agamben’s study was a journey that he must have made: to keep what really happened a secret, he argues, would be to fulfill what Nazi Germany had wanted all along: to pretend that that history had never happened. Spread into three main parts, Agamben’s argument is solid; at least, as solid as it can be on such uncertain ground. In typically philosophical tradition, he begins with defining a term in several ways, later integrating it into the argument. His definitions span a vast array of well-known fellow academics, which strengthen his arguments. His research into what material is available on the largely silent subject is also quoted nicely within the piece, offering subjectivity to his study and demonstrating his careful entry into unspoken territory. The greatest merits, in my opinion, of the study are Agamben’s definitions of phenomena otherwise largely ignored. Shame, guilt, and the witness are key exemplaries of this, and he executes their place in the tract beautifully. They are, after all, simultaneous pillars of Holocaust literature and ones that are hardly ever explored - a definite addition to the confusion and silence that surrounds such trauma. Yet these phenomena are also ones worth exploring for their own merits, as, according to Agamben’s argument, they are key parts of our own humanity. They show what it is to be human, what it is to have limitations, and how we can use our knowledge of them to overcome those same limitations. Most importantly for the main subject, the final aspect of the witness offers a key to overcoming the silence and shame imposed by history. A rare look into the inhumanity of humanity, Agamben’s tract illustrates more than just an insight into Auschwitz: it shows us what simple terms frame our lives, our history, and our natures and what they actually might mean. Auschwitz is a portrait of what it means to be inhuman and how our worst features, combined, can turn; a bio-political nightmare-turned-reality that Agamben’s first steps will hopefully help decipher. Danielle Whitburn

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Mighty Ape Website review http://www.mightyape.co.nz/

Design- 3/5 Usability-4/5 Creativity-3/5 Content-5/5

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a total stranger to online shopping. I see it as a daunting, frightening experience designed to take my money and leave me with a hollow feeling rather than the swift convenience that it’s flaunted as. So when I received a $50 dollar Mighty Ape voucher in the mail from my uncle, my initial thoughts were not happiness, but rather dread. But it was a free voucher. I had to spend it. I entered the site with a small amount of hope: Mighty Ape is a New Zealand website, so maybe it won’t be so bad, I thought. And it must be said, I was unbelievably blown away. Setting up an account with them was pretty much painless, the only issue being that I didn’t know my post code because really, who does these days? Having done that, I entered the code of my voucher and was free to purchase their wares to my heart’s content. Seeing as Mighty Ape’s catalogue is geared towards video games, books and other such awesome things, I was there for a while. The website itself was very easy to navigate and even though I had never even set foot in it before (so to speak) I could soon find anything I wanted with ease. Every item they sell is listed under a particular category and within that, sub-categories. While I realise this isn’t exactly new, the part I loved was that the search function allowed me to be as vague or specific as I liked. For example, when I couldn’t remember the name of an author, I typed in the first name under book and two pages later, there it was, along with a whole bunch of other books I hadn’t even considered by the same author. After selecting what I wanted to buy, novices such as myself are assisted by giant orange buttons saying “add to cart”. I then went to pay for it all and soon had my fantastical delights delivered straight to me. I wasn’t looking forward to it. This was where

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my nerve always failed, confused and bewildered by options and hidden clauses, I’d always quit and just go down the road, buying whatever it was in person (or in some cases, go without). So when I simply had to press “buy now”, select an address from a list, enter the voucher for my payment and then relax, I was pleasantly surprised. Two hours later I received an email saying my order was being picked.

out a few weeks ago, doomed to this unfortunate time slot, and is a pretty good yardstick for what you can expect from releases until March. It’s fine –not overwhelmingly bad, but not particularly good in any real way either. Reckoning starts of promisingly from a narrative point of view – the main character of the game (in whatever race, gender or aesthetics you choose him or her to be) is dead.

What stuck out for me was the fact that they asked if there was anything I wasn’t happy with or wanted to change. This is where Mighty Ape outshines other sites; Mighty Ape is an undeniable suck-up and revels in the fact. I received no less than three email updates while my order went through the various stages of being processed and each time I was told that I was basically the best thing they’d ever seen and that by golly they’d love to give me a foot rub. While this did impress me, it is where my one criticism stems – I felt I was being bombarded with extra offers and deals all the time. What I was buying just wasn’t enough. But really, it’s a small complaint, and to be honest a 700 pound gorilla not only sleeps where he likes, but makes as many two for one deals as he likes too.

However, you’ve been bought back to life by a device called the Well of Souls – a giant magical device that is promptly destroyed in the chaos that your reincarnation creates. What makes your revival so important is that you, unlike other beings in the fantasy world, no longer have a fate. Whereas everyone else is tied to one specific destiny, you are free to shape yours as you see fit – a pretty solid premise for an adventure RPG with an emphasis on your choices having dire consequences. From here on out, pretty much everything is a hodge-podge of bland and generic fantasy game staples. Beyond a fairly in-depth character development tree, this is nothing you won’t have seen before. The game looks pretty much identical to World of Warcraft, and its bland quests – both central and side – have a very similar feel to the iconic MMO. Finding people, killing spiders in a cave, collecting items. Like I said, there’s nothing inherently wrong with these (there’s a reason they’re gaming clichés, after all), but amongst the simple, repetitive tasks you find yourself wading through, Reckoning brings nothing particularly new and exciting to the table – with one unusual exception.

Kieran Bennett

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning Xbox 360, Playstation 3, PC Rating: 3/5 It’s sort of an odd time for gaming at the moment. We’re just around the corner from being blasted with a couple of mega hits (most notably Mass Effect 3), but the lull between the annual Christmas release spree and the March release madness is one usually populated with forgettable, uninteresting or just plain bad games. Kingdom of Amalur: Reckoning came

The combat in Reckoning is tight. In fact, it’s almost excellent in places. Having played the game for a couple of hours, I can honestly say that the only times I’ve really enjoyed it was when I was surrounded by a cluster of enemies trying to take me down. Combat evolves at the same pace as your character does, and actually feels more akin to something like Devil May Cry than Skyrim. Regardless of what type of character you’re playing and what kind of weapons you’re using, combat looks excellent and is great fun. It’s just a real pity that this is an RPG, so that the combat isn’t really the central focus. When it first came out, I’d have recommended Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning as a semi-decent way to pass the time during New Zealand’s pathetic attempt at Summer. But now that Uni’s back on, I struggle to really recommend it to anyone too highly. Spencer Dowson


puzzle

Correctly identify the five differences in the two photos then circle them and drop your entry into your nearest AuSM office, or the box on the side of the red debate stands, or post to debate PO Box 6116 Wellesley St before 12pm Thursday. What’s up for grabs? Two “squawk burgers” vouchers for Velvet Burger on Fort St, Auckland CBD.

Name Phone # Email Campus

CONGRATULATIONS! to our issue 2 winner

Nicole Eastwood Akoranga Campus

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Having battled with depression and a crippling period of severe migraines, AUT event management student Natalie Williams, 22, is on a mission to raise awareness around neurological conditions. She is also raising money for the Neurological Foundation of New Zealand by taking part in a 10km run challenge in May. She talks to debate about her experiences. How have you come to look at depression?

“Depression is misunderstood. It’s not always about those who have issues and who are sad all the time, it’s also about being strong for too long. I never told anyone what was going on. I tried to keep it in and tried to fight it and that’s how depression starts, by not letting people in and not telling people what’s happening in your life.” How did depression affect you and your relationships with those around you?

“There were a group of girls from my high school who I would always go out partying with and stuff and when they found out I had depression they didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. These were girls I had been friends with for three to four years and they kind of made it worse for me. When I came to AUT it was really daunting as I literally had no friends, but I eventually meet some friends in class and I was really lucky that the people I met were really accepting of it. I was just straight up with them about my depression and it’s not something that I try to let affect me but I will be low some days and you just have to accept. They were more supportive than ever and they were so accepting of it.” Can you tell us about your experience suffering

from severe migraines?

“February last year, I was I working really hard and overcoming my depression. I was lying in my bed one night and the left side of my body became paralysed. I was rushed into hospital and they had no idea what was wrong with me. I stayed there overnight and got sent home in the morning with having no idea what was wrong. Then it happened again three days later. I was paralysed down my left arm and leg and it lasted for a couple of hours. The second time it happened, it lasted for five hours. I was in summer school and I was doing an assignment when it happened. I had CAT scans, MRIs, x-rays, everything imaginable. They were telling me I had a stroke, I had a heart attack, I had blood clots in my aorta, like all these crazy illnesses. They would lift up my arm and it would literally just flop back down onto the bed. I couldn’t feel it or move it but then the next day I would be fine. But I did have an aftermath for the next couple of days where I felt really tired and droopy and weak and just crap. I finally got diagnosed by a neurologist in Auckland Hospital and was told that I had migraines. I later learned it’s the fourth most disabling illness in the world. It’s up there with heart disease and strokes and all that stuff. I finally changed my diet so I don’t eat dairy or red meat and I don’t have any episodes anymore other than a minor headache.” What is your advice to students who are suffering some form of illness?

I would say go to your GP and make sure that the diagnosis is correct. And you need to be brutally honest with all of your symptoms. I started lying about my symptoms in the beginning and it’s the worst thing I could have done. Definitely student counselling. I did a couple of sessions there and it’s really good. It’s also good to let lecturers and your programme leader know.

www.fundraiseonline.co.nz/NatalieChrisNeuroRace/ debate is looking for some super interesting AUT students to profile. Do you know someone at AUT who we should profile? Is it you? Email debate@aut.ac.nz with your suggestions.

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AuSM MEMBERS - $5.00

OTHER TERTIARY STUDENTS - $15.00 PUBLIC - $30.00 ALL TERTIARY STUDENTS - $30.00 ON THE DOOR PUBLIC - $40.00 ON THE DOOR

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EE K W L

FI N A

Secondhand purchasing finishes Saturday 17th March

Hurry in now for instant cash! UBS is currently buying back your used textbooks

Get 50% of the current RRP of the textbook in cash Just bring in your textbooks and ID and the cash could be yours!!! The small print:

* Books must have been confirmed by AUT for Semester One 2012 to be considered for purchase and must be the correct edition. * All textbooks are limited to pre-determined quantities. Once these limits are reached, additional copies may only be purchased at the discretion of UBS. * Proof of identity (Student ID or Drivers Licence) is required at time of selling your textbooks. * UBS has complete discretion whether it purchases back a textbook and its decision is final. * Other conditions do apply - please ask in store for details.

AUT Akoranga Campus AUT City Campus 90 Akoranga Drive, Northcote 55 Wellesley Street East, Auckland City Tel: 489 6105 Fax: 489 7453 Tel: 366 4550 Fax: 366 4570 Email: aut.akoranga@ubsbooks.co.nz Email: aut.city@ubsbooks.co.nz Web: www.ubsbooks.co.nz Open Monday to Friday or shop securely online 24/7


debate issue 3 2012