debate issue 10 2012

Page 1

issue 10 2012

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COMEDY Review Axis of Awesome 7 Days 6


Artist of the week Ben Journee

MEDIA 10 Social Media Highlights HUMOUR Cattin’s column



Sports Back to Square One: Finding a new Black Caps coach

AuSM 13 Prez sez AuSM update 16



21 22 23

24 25

27 28

Feature NZ Music Month: is it relevant, should we care, and will it affect you? Reasons why I love New Zealand music INTERVIEW Walk with me - Sir T interview Column A tribute to ‘the Father of Loud’ A lesson in the Fangirl 5 Kiwi bands U need to Google search right now INTERVIEW Joseph Harper Rhys Mathewson Fashion Four Eyes Iris Apfel

30 Reviews

Student Profile 34 James Vercoe This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM.

on the cover:

Untitled Ben Journee

editor Nigel Moffiet sub editor Matthew Cattin designer Ceapum Kaushish contributors Matthew Cattin | Scott Moyes | Morgahna Godwin | Alanna Caveney | Renee Simpson | Lachlan Hornell | Nat Morris | Carl Ewen | Sheridan Hill | Sebastian Mackay | Anna Miles | Keiran Bennett | Melissa Low advertising contact Kate Campbell printer PMP Print Ltd. publisher

all rights reserved

debate is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) disclaimer Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, PMP Print or its subsidiaries.


Ridiculous Album Covers

debate letters policy: Letters need to make it into debate’s mailbox before Wednesday, 3pm each week for the following issue. You must give us your name when submitting letters to be eligible for letter of the week, but you can use a pseudonym for publication if you wish. Any letters longer than 250 words may be subjected to editing. The editor reserves the right to decline without explanation. Most importantly, the views contained on the letters page do not necessarily represent the views of AuSM. Send your letters to or if you want to kick it old school, PO Box 6116, Wellesley St, Auckland.

EDITORIAL For a few years now, questions have been raised about the relevance of NZ Music Month. Its initial goal when it started in 2001 was to raise the air play of Kiwi music on commercial radio. That goal has been successful – the NZ On Air music funding scheme says between 1995 and 2010, NZ music content on mainstream radio increased from around two per cent to 20 per cent. In light of this success, NZ Music Month’s goal is officially shifting. The New Zealand Music Commission states for some years now “commercial radio has been playing significantly more local content than they were a decade ago, and the focus of NZ Music Month has changed accordingly. The most noticeable difference is the increase in public participation with launch gigs, official merchandise, and other promotions giving Kiwis a chance to become directly involved.” If you’ve taken interest in the debate around the relevance of NZMM you will be aware of some cynicism that’s been lurking around the event. Some have claimed it’s become nothing more than a marketing campaign that benefits the NZMM brand more than actual Kiwi musicians. For example, clothing retailer Hallensteins does well selling NZMM t-shirts during May. I’ve also read opinion pieces on news sites saying that musicians get a raw deal. Here’s a quote from an article published by Stuff titled ‘Celebrating New Zealand Music Month’ – a strange title given the opinion that follows: “For punters, New Zealand Music Month is about having a wide range of Kiwi musicians

shoved in their faces via our nation’s media who wouldn’t normally get oxygen. For musicians it’s largely about being asked to do a lot of gigs for free under the guise of being patriotic. Hopefully, somewhere in the middle of the Mayhem, we’ll get to have some fun.”


City Campus Level 2, WC Building 921 9805 Mon-Thurs: 8am-5pm Fri8am-4pm

Personally, I’m not fussed, and I think it’s a great event to have – from what I’ve read the initiative has made some great achievements for NZ music.

North Shore Campus Level 2, AS Building 921 9949 Mon-Fri: 8.30am-3pm

However, I must be honest, it’s an event I’ve never been hugely excited about. I largely listen to two stations – Radio Hauraki (although it’s not the same anymore) and bFM. I think Hauraki has always been pretty good on the NZ music stuff – Split Enz, Dobbyn, The Mutton Birds etc. Personally, I come across new Kiwi music by listening to bFM and keeping up to date with their weekly top 10 which is usually dominated by Kiwi musicians, even outside the month of May. This is how I’ve discovered the likes of The Ruby Suns, Lawrence Arabia, and The Phoenix Foundation.

Manukau Campus MB107 921 9999 ext 6672 Mon-Thurs; 9am-3.30pm

Interestingly, I used to regularly listen to the late Channel Z until it changed to Kiwi FM in 2005 and began playing 100 per cent Kiwi music. As much as I love Kiwi music I’m not interested in hearing 100 per cent content. I like to hear it amongst other great acts from the US and the UK or wherever else. This year Kiwi FM announced they would begin playing 40 per cent international content to boost listeners, so it seems other people would agree. New Zealand has grown up a lot over the past 10 years. We now know we have world class quality music. We are up there with the best. Let’s put our artists with the best, let’s keep supporting them and let them stand next to the best. Nigel.

governance & leadership Kizito Essuman AuSM Student President 921 9999 ext 8571


Sue Higgins General Manager 921 9999 ext 5111


Nick Buckby Liaison Manager 921 9999 ext 8379


Kate Campbell Marketing and Communications Manager 921 9999 ext 6537


Carl Ewen Student Life Manager 921 9999 ext 8931

Letter “I understand that those studying ridiculous courses or just studying because they can, deserve to be pressured into paying off their loan or doing something else with their lives. But for those of us studying real degrees a lot of these changes are hard. I am in my last year of my degree, i am a solid good grade student, but i have to rely on the govt to live. not only does leaving home after school mean finding money to live or pay for course studies, but due to the practical placements we have to achieve each year, we are occasionally posted out of town for 6weeks (=finding more money for accommodation, food, travel). increasing the loan repayment is one thing, but with talks of putting interest back on loans, i think they are pushing too far and in the wrong direction. if we want to talk about people wasting round on govt money, let’s talk about hmm...the benefit?? However, I agree with paying back the loans faster, it means we don't have the debt hanging over our heads for too long and also helps to pay the government back faster. Also, I in NO WAY agree with the limit of 4 years student allowance for study. My course is going to take 5 years to complete due to it being specialized and there is no way I can afford to complete it without the allowance due to only being able to work one weekend as my work load for University is so massive. AGAIN Without the allowance I will not be able to pay rent or buy food and budget for fuel. So personally I think they are being a bit harsh there. Some courses take longer than 4 years to complete and I think it unrealistic that they should take the allowance away after 4 years of study. If you have made it to your 5th year of study I say you deserved the allowance as you've shown your capability and your drive to complete the course. That’s my OPINION Niua Ioane Bachelor Tourism Studies Letter of the week wins A movie ticket for Event CinemaS!


Nigel Moffiet Publications Co-ordinator 921 9999 ext 8774


Melita Martorana Sports Team Leader


Zane Chase Vesbar Manager 921 9999 ext 8378 For a full list of contact details plus profiles of AuSM staff & student executive and information on clubs visit:


It’s a rare occurrence for a performance to start off with an apology. But before Axis of Awesome picked up their instruments, they walked on stage and told the audience they were more used to performing in large amphitheatres and sports stadiums, which Auckland’s Town Hall is not. They also said they normally have a more decorated display of fireworks, animatronic dinosaurs and a caged dancing Madonna in the background, but all were unfortunately confiscated by Auckland Customs.

Jeremy Corbett and his boys were at the top of their game at the Comedy Festival’s hilarious 7 Days Live show at the Skycity theater. Dai Henwood, Paul Ego, Rhys Mathewson, Jeremy Elwoods, Jesse Mulligan and Australian guest Lindsay Webb made up the teams in a completely filthy and uncut hour and a half of non-stop laughter. With no cameras around and no young’uns to worry about, absolutely nothing was held sacred – Jeremy Corbett expressing his excitement at the fact early in the show with a King’s Speech inspired explosion of schoolyard expletives. “Bum! Dick! Titties!!! Big titties!!” The rest of the cast seemed equally expressive throwing F-bombs, S-bombs and even the odd C-bomb into the mix.

Fortunately, for Australia’s comedy ‘man-band’, this stuff isn’t needed to get laughs out of the audience. Axis of Awesome brought plenty to the stage with their hilarious songs, playful banter, and their rockstar attitudes. Some of their best songs parody music’s most cliché and annoying quirks. One of their best songs was singing a love song in their “boyband” style - but not just a generic love song. They created the most generic cliché love song one could create for a “non-specific girl”, which includes singing backup breathily and passionately changing the key “to let you know we take it seriously”. And quite fairly, it sounded better and more honest than actual love songs.

Dai opened up early on about a childhood game he called ‘willy shark’. Incredulous that nobody else had played it, he said the game involved a willy, a rubber band (of the small variety according to him), a Popsicle stick and a plastic fin. This confession became a running gag the entire show with the others using any opportunity to sink their teeth into his favourite childhood sport.

Another great original song they had parodied those annoying people who like to pump out loud music from their cars, accurately titled Can you hear the f*cking music coming out of my car? While a song like sounds irritating in concept, the song was surprisingly catchy and made me want to buy the song in order for people to hear loud f*cking music coming out of my car. To which they admitted after their song “I think we’ve taken awareness to a problem and just made it a hell of a lot worse”.

Naturally, Kim Dotcom, Gerry Brownlee, Bear Grylls, Prince William and the Queen’s ‘tightness’ all got a royal beating; the boys dedicating a good five minute banter about Kim Dotcom’s weight and John Bank’s memory of the infamous helicopter flight. Labour MP Jacinda Ardern took the hot seat for Yes Minister, doing well to ward off questions about her looks, Labour’s policies and John Banks - Jesse Mulligan asking if it was possible for any leader of the ACT party to make the previous one look competent.

While someone could compare any musical comedy band to the likes of Tenacious D or our own Flight of the Conchords, Axis of Awesome bring something different through the strength in the personas they take on while on stage. Jordan, the lead vocalist (who looks a lot like Jack Black), has a large personality and attempts to use his “sex appeal” to please the ladies by unbuttoning his shirt and growling like a (“diseased”) wolf. Lee, who plays the guitar, behaves as a cliché dim-witted sidekick, but still manages to be likable in his naïve ways. Both Jordan and Lee would spend most of their banter between songs making fun of keyboardist Benny, the short but most classy of the group, who surprised me in his fluency in German and his resemblance to Chicken Little. The banter that occurs between the three of them does feel a bit too scripted at times, but helps keep the flow between songs easy and very humorous.

None of the audience participation seemed to go smoothly, but the team used the blunders as a basis for more jokes. Pictures drawn by the audience were used in the ‘this is my picture’ segment but the sketcher of the first drawing appeared to have already left the show. The other drew a stoned man defecating on a tree in a park – not something she saw on the news but instead from her office window at work. Consequentially the news story of the picture was not guessed but the boys predicted it wouldn’t beTV3 News’ number one story but “it will probably make number two”. A highlight was Paul Ego’s fantastic impersonation of how Stephen Hawking would fare on Dancing with the Stars, spinning in his wheelie chair saying “I. Feel. So. Free. I. Feel. So. Free.” while Dai shimmied around him. Mathewson was as cheekily provocative as ever, constantly treading the line of good taste while Elwoods rose to every challenge with his quick wit. Mulligan was very laid back but always dead on with his dry commentary and guest Lindsay Webb fit right in perfectly to the mix.

Of course the main highlight of the Axis of Awesome performance (and, from audience reaction, why most people bought tickets) was for their infamous Four Chord Song – the song that can play almost any pop song with four simple chords. While most people may have seen it on Youtube already and think they’ve heard it all, Axis of Awesome kept it new and relevant by throwing in recent releases like Rihanna’s “We Found Love”. Overall, Axis of Awesome didn’t need to apologise in the beginning of their performance. The only thing they should apologise for is the sore ribs I gained from laughing throughout their show. All expectations I had of a good comedy show were blown away by the reality of a fantastic and hilarious comedy show. In fact, I can hear the f*cking music playing inside my head right now. Brilliant.


Melissa Low

If you’ve ever considered seeing the team live or you are a fan of the show, take the next opportunity you get to see them live in action. After seeing them uncensored and unedited, watching the TV show will forever feel like I am missing out. Matthew Cattin Reviews


Considering postgraduate study? Explore your options, meet our staff, find out about scholarships and discover new career prospects. Wednesday 30 May – Arts, Business and Economics, Education, National Institute of Creative Arts and Industries Thursday 31 May – Auckland Bioengineering Institute, Education, Engineering, Law, Liggins Institute, Medical and Health Sciences, Science

Find out more and register:

Ben Journee I’m a 23 year old pictorial design student in my final year at AUT. My studies this year are centering around the idea of movement in illustration for use in the film industry, so I’m working on concept art, character design and storyboarding mainly. I have a hyper obsessive personality, I’m a workaholic and I get bored very easily. This results in me making a shit load of work in one area, getting bored and moving on to something else. Some people may see this as a bad thing but I’m pretty happy. I can see myself being a kind of ‘Jack of all Trades’ and I know the saying ends with ‘Master of None’ but I’m kind of OK with that in a way. Over the years I have made a living from dance, web design, graphic design, illustration, videography and motion graphics but I’m never going to be the best dancer, web designer, graphic designer, illustrator, film maker or motion graphics artist in the world and I don’t want to be. I’m most happy when I’m trying something new a fresh and fun with passionate people. I don’t have a tumblr like all the hip young whipper snappers seem to have now days, so If you want to follow my work you can check out my website or for my video work.


What Was Lost

Hannah and Alan’s Wedding

Sound Vision X Side Project "Motivation"

debate is looking for some super talented artists to profile. Do you know some artists at AUT who we should feature? Is it you? Get in touch with us today. Send in your work at


Morgahna Godwin

In Facebook related banter, if you haven't seen The Edge's 'recreate a movie poster' competition it's pretty hilarious. Check it out: The Edge girls re-create Bridesmaids

Annabel Faye re-creates EASY A

Kanye West

This week Mike and Dom re-create The notebook

Kanye delighted us all with a twitter rant about fashion (or his version of it)

Kanye West @kanyewest

“Just driving through the city and I see a few thing I hate...”

Kanye West @kanyewest

“I hate button up shirts with hoodies”

Kanye West @kanyewest

“I hate sport coats with button up shirts, jeans and dress shoes”

Kanye West @kanyewest

Join the

“I hate long ass sideburns with the line up RnB beard”


Kanye West @kanyewest “I hate khaki cargo shorts”

Kanye West @kanyewest “...all this in 5 blocks”

Kanye West @kanyewest “Detest”


I may or may not have been walking down Fifth Ave in Khaki cargo shorts, a button up shirt and a hoodie. All whilst rocking my “long ass side burns with the line up RnB beard”. Fuck you Kanye. Go pack to Paris. I try. ---If you have nothing better to do I don't suggest you watch this YouTube clip. Perez Hilton asks why his YouTube video was 'age restricted', well Perez… We can almost see your peen.

Music, Dance & Singing

Monday 21st May


AuSM Student Lounge


Perez Hilton @PerezHilton

Dear @YouTube, WHY was this video "agerestricted"? There is no nudity or violation of any policy! Please fix that!

We are looking for a choreographic leader, a team of musicians, and a director of singing.



All are welcome to the meeting even if you are not interested in a leadership role.

This gets me every time. So true.

For more details contact: Deanna at the AuSM office

Dear Noah: We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns

ForeverImmature™ @OINKimmaPIG


This day in history

Matthew Cattin

May 14

On May 14 1984 Mark Zuckerberg, current CEO and co-founder of Facebook, was born in New York City. Mark-berg excelled early in school learning French, Hebrew, Latin and ancient Greek, as well as shining in maths, science and classical studies. It was not surprising that with his family wealth and academic brilliance he found himself at Harvard University, the prestigious breeding ground of the world’s finest academics.

Fun fact of the week

After making the female ranking website Face Mash in his dorm room, Zuckerberg realised the potential in profile-based webpages and dreamed of bigger things. The origins of Facebook as we know it are surrounded in

controversy and lawsuits but Zuckerberg was undoubtedly the prodigy behind the website. It was designed in 2004 exclusively for students in the US but eventually became available for everyone. Nowadays, there are almost a billion members worldwide and Mark Zuckerberg is slowly taking over the world one friend request at a time. After becoming the world’s youngest billionaire in 2008, Mark now has a net worth of US $17.5 billion, which isn’t bad for a 28-year-old drop-out. In 2010, he joined the likes of Bill Gates and George Lucas by giving a moral commitment to give at least half of his wealth over time to charity through ‘The Giving Pledge’ organisation. ‘Like’.

Vinyl records If you stretch your minds back to level one physics, you will recall that every sound is caused by a vibration, whether it be a guitar string, vocal chords, or a fart. Any form of recording device therefore must somehow record these vibrations onto a medium, in this case a circular plastic disc. How anyone figured this out is beyond me, let alone in the mid-19th century when inventors were toying with the idea.

Vinyl records. There is something magic about them. The look and the smell of the cardboard sleeves, the scratch, crackle and pops that emerge from the speaker. There’s something so special about rummaging through the records your parents bought when they were young and in love. I have made it quite a hobby. Despite the invention of the CD, and consequentially MP3 players and such, vinyl is being brought back into fashion by audiophiles and hipsters everywhere. Even though vinyl records are old technology nowadays, I find them fascinating and I think you will too.

Vinyl records have a spiral groove which begins at the edge and works its way to the middle. Within this groove are thousands of micro grooves cut into the vinyl. When a record is playing on a turntable, the stylus (a needleshaped point) which is supported over the record by an arm follows the spiral from the edge to the centre as the record spins. The tiny tip of the stylus vibrates as it moves through the cut grooves and the sound it creates is then amplified out through the speakers, or in earlier days, the horn-shaped gramophone. Amazing. If you have a turntable at home, put a record on but don’t turn on the speakers. If you put your ear up to the stylus, you will hear your record playing very quietly. What you are hearing is the sound of the stylus vibrating in the groove.



After taking steps in the right direction, small as they were, the Black Caps find themselves without a coach, still without much talent and to be honest, without a hope in the world. It’s the same problem New Zealand cricket has faced for a number of years now. John Wright’s refusal to stay on as Black Caps coach is disappointing to say the least. Undoubtedly there were personal reasons for Wright’s decision. You can hype up the fallout with Buchanan all you like but Wright said himself he never saw himself staying on until the 2015 World Cup. But why did New Zealand Cricket invest in such a person that was uninterested in staying on long term? Simple. Who else was there? Wright’s decision is disappointing, but more for the game in New Zealand rather than as a personal error of judgment. Could you really blame him for throwing in the towel? There’s only so many times you can get back up after being knocked to the ground and the Black Caps are flush in that department. A solitary win against South Africa in a T20 match is simply unacceptable, no matter how good the opposition is. In a home series, fans deserve more than watching their team

act as whipping-boys all summer. It’s no wonder we keep scheduling a series against Bangladesh and Zimbabwe; what other test-playing nations are we on par with? It’s a shame because it looked at one stage as though we might be getting back on track. A rare test win in Australia rejuvenated some hope amongst Black Caps fans and the massacre of Zimbabwe gave players such as Martin Guptill the opportunity to spend quality time at the crease to bat their way into form. In the end, it’s not Wright’s ability as a coach that is seeing the Black Caps fail and fail again. Wright just faced the same problem of all the three coaches that have gone before him in recent years; a lack of cattle. The most obvious reasons for New Zealand’s lack of performance comes down to the extremely low number of class batsmen in the country. In my opinion, Ross Taylor, Brendan McCullum and Kane Williamson are the only complete batsmen we have that are capable of protecting their wicket sufficiently while still being able to positively score runs off a bowling attack. Martin Guptill is a classy player, but gets found out far too often in test matches, just as Daniel Vettori has great averages, but relies heavily on unorthodox shot making against an older ball towards the end of an innings. There’s a gulf between these blokes and all other batsmen in the country. You just can’t coach someone to be a good batsman. Ask Chris Martin. You can teach someone correct technique and appropriate shot-selection, but you can’t coach perfect timing and composure under pressure. No matter how many times you re-introduce Matthew Sinclair to the side, he’s still going to get a duck. No matter how many times Jesse Ryder gets called back, he’s still going to try and slog his way out of trouble. The most disappointing thing though is people seemed to believe in John Wright. He’s one of our own and was a fantastic player back in his day. He was a hardworking batsmen and that’s the sort of mentality that needed to be instilled into our own. Under Wright we’ve seen the rise of young players such as Doug Bracewell who has put his hand up as a genuine pace bowler to lead the New Zealand bowling attack positively into the future. It’s disappointing that we can’t seem to stick with a coach that will stay with these young players over a lengthy period of time to help them develop into



John Wright

So here we are again.

“You can teach someone correct technique and appropriate shotselection, but you can’t coach perfect timing and composure under pressure.” players and men. By switching coaches every couple of seasons, each has a new approach that will disrupt their psyche and have them question the correct way to go about their business. So who de we turn to now that the coaching position has been vacated once more? There doesn’t appear to be an obvious answer. One thing that intrigued me though was Stephen Fleming’s name being tossed around. I don’t believe this would be a smart move. While Fleming is one of the best batsmen to have represented our country, he is still extremely young; he’s only 39. Fleming has played with a number of the current cricketers in our squad and it could be difficult to move beyond a team-mate relationship to a playercoach relationship. In my opinion, a coach should be someone everyone has respect for as a figure of authority and I believe this is something that will be hard to achieve with friends such as Daniel Vettori and Jacob Oram. Whoever does step in I believe needs to be prepared for the long-haul and have clear outlines about selection policy. If we’re serious about re-building this team, we need to identify players of the future, stick with them and let them mature. Form comes and goes and if selection policy is based on this alone then we will continue to have extremely inconsistent squads. But there is hope for the new coach. In 2015 the World Cup will be hosted by New Zealand and Australia. If that isn’t something to get up and work hard for, I don’t know what is.

AuSM Student President

FUNRAZOR: GOING BALD FOR CHILD CANCER Kia Ora! It’s now only a couple weeks to go until final exams and the end of semester one for 2012. This year seems to have flown by and though we are only half way through the year I am sure it will not be too long till Christmas smiles to us again with her golden teeth. I hope the Earth would not be self-destroyed by then as claimed by the movie ‘2012’ lol. We are busily preparing for Re-Orientation for you for semester two. More info about acts and performances will be released around exam time. I would like to take this opportunity to welcome all the new clubs that have been affiliated to AuSM. We are here for you and it is part of our vision to build a vibrant environment for all students at AUT and clubs and societies on campus play a major role in that. So if you have something in mind that you think could help address student issues or make life much better for all on campus through club establishment, then come and talk to us. AuSM will help you make it possible. Remember, big things start with little ideas. There is also a wide variety of clubs to join and AuSM affiliated clubs receive financial and resource support so you can get the most out of your membership. I look forward to meeting all the presidents of the current clubs and societies this Tuesday at the WC Student Lounge.

ay Book a holid

AuSM is supporting the campaign against bullying so this Friday, 18th May 2012, we are all wearing pink t-shirts to show our support. Please feel free to join us at the Hikuwai Quad at midday to create a gigantic pink heart for a photo. We also need some volunteers on each campus to help make and hand out candy floss. It’s going to be Monday for Manukau, Tuesday for North Shore and Thursday/ Friday for the City Campus. We will be giving out the candy floss from 11am – 1pm. Please email the Volunteer Coordinator, Deanna Berry on dberrry@aut. for more information. The campaign to help children with cancer and their families is still on. My ‘afro’ is nearly six months old. It has always been my passion to help people especially children fight the big ‘C’ disease. As your student president, I decided to grow my hair for six months starting from December last year to help raise some funds for these courageous kids fighting with cancer. Help me prove to every New Zealand child and their family walking the child cancer journey that they are not alone. Every dollar or contribution you raise or donate goes directly towards supporting these families. If you also want to be part of the team shaving our hair for bucks for these children then please contact me on 0212882876 or Deanna Berry (email above). Lastly, thank you to everyone who attended the AuSM AGM last week. We had a very good turnout for the meeting. Have a lovely blessed week. Your Student President!


online at ww

Think PINK this Friday AuSM is normally decked out from head to toe in red, but on May 18th we will be wearing pink to support the cause against bullying. Join us and wear pink this Friday, at 12pm we will be taking a group photo in the quad so please join us – there will be pink goodies for all who join us! Like Free Pizza? That got your attention! It’s the AuSM AGM today (Monday 14th May) and we invite all AuSM members to join us. It will be in WC202 from 12-1pm and there will be free pizza and drinks for all those who attend. Don’t get burned by Turnitin! AUT takes plagiarism seriously and uses Turnitin software to check that work submitted by students’ is their own. Penalties for plagiarism include failing the assignment or paper and disciplinary action may be taken. Here are some useful tips to avoid getting penalised. Turnitin WILL CATCH YOU if you: 1. Submit the work of another student, or any work that is not your own. 2. Recycle your own work that you’ve previously submitted (even if you’re repeating the same paper!) 3. Are in a group assignment and another member plagiarises/cuts corners, then you could all be penalised! 4. Fail to properly reference material from the internet. 5. Fail to properly reference material from published books/ journals/newspapers, etc. If you have any concerns about plagiarism or anything else you can call the AuSM Advocacy team anytime for free, confidential advice and support. Call 09 921 9999 ext. 8379 (Nick) and ext. 8311 (Heidi). Or check out the AuSM website for more info.

crossword Correctly identify the five differences in the two photos then circle them and drop your entry into your nearest AuSM office, or the box on the side of the red debate stands, or post to debate PO Box 6116 Wellesley St before 12pm Thursday. What’s up for grabs? Two “squawk burgers” vouchers for Velvet Burger on Fort St, Auckland CBD.



1. Thin biscuit (5) 2. Areas (7) 3. Tall story (4) 4. Counting device (6) 5. Perform (3) 6. Duck (5) 11. Short-tailed burrowing rodent (7) 12. Aped (6) 13. Earnings (5) 15. Search and find (5) 16. Professional cook (4) 18. Uncooked (3)

1. Concern (5) 4. Maxim (5) 7. Fruit (3) 8. Responded (7) 9. Chess piece (4) 10. Writer (6) 13. Sagacity (6) 14. Leave out (4) 17. Decorate food (7) 19. Beverage (3) 20. Stitched (5) 21. Travesty (5)

Last Weeks crossword Answers

Name Phone # Email Campus

CONGRATULATIONS! to our issue 7 winner

Laura Head

Northshore Campus


15 May

16 May

Dear Never Happy You sound like someone who thrives on a challenge. Okay so you are a little bored at the moment but you are only in your first year. Take it from me, things are going to get a lot more challenging in your second and third year. Once you get out on placement you will have so many challenging moments you won’t have time to get bored. Be patient, relax and enjoy your successes and you will be happy. If you continue to feel irritable and upset it would be a good idea to book an appointment with a nurse or doctor and get a check-up.

Dear Agony Aunt I am in my first year of a nursing degree, something I have wanted to do since I was in primary school. I should be happy, I’m doing everything I set out to do and 17 May I’m doing well. Why am I so bored and irritable. Am I never going to be satisfied with my life? From Never Happy Dear Never Happy You sound like someone who thrives on a challenge. Okay so you are a little bored at the moment but you are only in your first year. Take it from me, things 18 May are going to get a lot more challenging in your second and third year. Once you get out on placement you will have so many challenging moments you won’t have time to get bored. Be patient, relax and enjoy your successes and you will be happy. If you continue to feel irritable and upset it would be a good idea to book an appointment with a nurse or doctor and get a check-up.

19 May

15 May: Nathan Haines, with Jennifer Zea and DJ Jason Eli 16 May: Cut Off Your Hands, with Cool Rainbows and DJ Arash 17 May: Hollie Smith, with Seth Hapu and DJ Manuel Bundy 18 May: Tiki Taane/Aaron Tokona, with Iva Lamkum and DJ Bobby Brazuka 19 May: Weird Together (Nick D & Dick Johnson), with Boy Crush and DJ Uncle Barnie 22 May: Peter Urlich Sextet, with Nairobi Trio and DJ Phoebe Falconer

20 May

So turn off your Carly Rae Jepson indecision, your Skrillex wobble, your Beastie Boys tribute, your Nickelback ballad (haha, yeah right) and get out and catch some of the spectacular live New Zealand music on offer right on our doorstep.



Yes to all those questions. But this answer is coming from a radio student who loves music, is rarely seen without an iPod, writes music album reviews for debate, writes a music blog every week, follows 46 music artists on Twitter (11 New Zealand artists) and generally thinks the world would be one big shithole if it wasn’t for music. A less obsessed music consumer might not give New Zealand Music Month a second thought. It seems for the past few years May has slipped past us and the month which is dedicated to celebrating New Zealand music is thrown out of our minds, because we are too busy with uni work and socialising to realise what’s going around us. By the last week of May you might click what month it is, chuck on a recent NZ music purchase, which is probably some Six60 or Kimbra album you acquired over summer. Maybe you’ll do a Kiwi throwback and play your old Crowded House CD. Perhaps you’ll tune in to 20 minutes of Kiwi FM and think you are a brilliant NZ music consumer, or watch an old All Blacks Haka and feel national pride. Nice try. New Zealand Music Month is much more than this. The New Zealand Music Commission has dedicated a whole month to unearthing and celebrating home grown tracks. They state on their website: “NZ Music Month was originally started as a radio industry focused week which has over the years morphed into a fully fledged month long celebration of everything musical from New


Zealand.” The Commission realised back in 2000 ordinary Kiwis like us were blasting local roots music, and thought, right, we need to celebrate this. And so, every May has been New Zealand Music Month for the past 12 years, whether or not you’ve noticed. Over the past few weeks I’ve chatted to a few people who seem to think New Zealand Music Month is not a good idea and we are wrong to push all our celebrations into one month, because it marginalises New Zealand music into 31 days and costs the taxpayer. I disagree with this because in my opinion we need a time to celebrate home grown tracks. Until we have New Zealand music constantly featuring, if not dominating, television and radio, and until Kiwi Fm (or something similar) becomes more powerful, and until we reach a point when we are discovering new and varied talent all the time, we need a time dedicated to celebrating past, present, and future New Zealand music. And as for spending tax payer money; wouldn’t you rather see more NZ on Air funding going to talented Kiwi musicians than that pile of shit called The GC? For those sceptics who aren’t yet convinced they should care about New Zealand Music Month, and are still muttering under their breath Kiwi music is rubbish, I went out to find others who are doing something for Kiwi music this May. And stop that muttering, because you are sadly mistaken if you think Kiwi music is rubbish. Guy and Ben are two Kiwi blokes who run a two hour radio show on FlatFM on Tuesday nights. They will


be playing all Kiwi music throughout May. When I asked them why, they said New Zealand’s quality of music is huge so it’s hard not to fill their show with it. They are also looking to play emerging artists and, as they put it, the “random stuff” New Zealand has to offer. When asked about relevance they added, “we have such a diverse and deep musical culture in NZ that we've got to promote it as much as possible to everyone and stop them listening to Rihanna!” For another perspective, I asked Will Frost, a young Christchurch-based musician, for his opinion on the relevance of NZ Music Month. He says May is a time to discover more obscure artists who have something to offer our music industry, and we should care about the month because it is a chance for these acts to make a name for themselves. Will says May will be important to those living in Christchurch following the large earthquakes because it will show the city can still get creative and offer up gigs despite being in a tough situation. So, New Zealand Music Month: is it relevant, should we care, and will it affect you? Yes, but only if you get out there and make it relevant, allow yourself to care, and let it affect you. We need to take New Zealand music to a new level and celebrate it like we celebrate our other national treasures (All Blacks, Peter Jackson, Rachel Hunter etc). To get New Zealand music to a point it can dominate all year, we need to start with May and prove we love our home grown tracks. Get amongst NZ music month; this is your opportunity to take Kiwi music listening to the next level and show your national pride.

If you need some advice to fulfil your New Zealand music month adventure, try these ideas:

Go to a gig in May. Simple enough. Find a list on the NZ Music Month website.

Will Frost a young Christchurchbased musician

Listen to an old Kiwi artist to appreciate our music history. I recommend Split Enz.

Discover a new Kiwi artist trying to break into the market. Listen to their music. Flick them a complimentary tweet. Get your friends together and spend a whole day / night playing ONLY home grown music while you go about your usual business (i.e., drinking). Read my music blog published every Thursday, because all the posts in May are dedicated to a New Zealand artist. Find it via twitter, @Renees_Musings (excuse the blatant self-plugging here).

Go to the movies and watch the Shihad documentary, out May 17, because it looks fucking awesome.







Described as an MC at the top of his game, Sir T is breaking into the NZ hip hop scene with his debut album Walk With Me. It’s an album full of killer beats, hooks and real life stories that introduce the newcomer to his audience. Sir T, who hails from the North Shore, says he hopes to cement himself as an artist with this album and with the backing of some well-respected Kiwi musicians his tracks are making a strong impact. Sir T spoke to debate about the release of his debut album and the inspiration behind his music.

What’s it like breaking into the NZ music scene? “It’s had its moments. There’s some hard times and some easy times, but it’s all been fun. It’s all learning for me and it’s good to be here.” Can you tell me about your journey in music and how you got to where you are today with your debut album Walk With Me? “When I was younger, about 14 or 15, I was hanging around older guys in my neighbourhood and they would compose tracks and beats and I was really into that so it all started then and I’ve been doing it ever since. In 2008 I went solo and released an EP and that’s when Sid [Young Sid of NZ hip hop act, Smashproof] picked it up and gave it to the label and I’ve been with MTC ever since.” How helpful has the support been from Young Sid and the rest of the NZ hip hop community? “Man, it’s been good. Like meeting all the different musicians and actually working with the musicians on my label. There have been a lot of learning curves for me and it’s been a good experience. I just pretty much learn off them. It just keeps me on my toes and betters myself.” What did you listen to growing up? “When I was a real young kid, I was


right into Michael Jackson. We used to thrash Michael Jackson. And then I grew up a bit and got into hip hop and I was really into Bone Thugs. After that, I just listened to anything. I’m into a lot of music.” What are you listening to at the moment? “Rick Ross, Nipsey Hussle, I keep thrashing the odd 2pac as well. Locally, there’s PNC…there are heaps.” You’re one of the few hip hop artists representing the North Shore. What kind of reaction has this had? “I’m from Beachhaven on the North Shore. I used to think ‘man, they don’t like the North Shore in hip hop, they don’t think we can do this, they’re not going to let us in the game’, but yeah it’s all good, bro. I’m not coming out trying to represent it like we’re all this and that. I can’t do anything else except represent where I come from.” Is there a strong hip hop community on the Shore? “Well, it’s nowhere near as strong as South Auckland. But we have our own little community and keep it strong.” Your style of hip hop is more than just money, girls and bling. Can you tell me about the themes you explore in your debut album? “It’s more about my life and my background and pretty much just introduces me to people that have never heard of me. It lets them know a bit about where I come from and anything you need to know about me. Hopefully it establishes me as an artist and people can take me more seriously.” How do you like to write your songs? “It depends on what sort of beat I’m hearing. I put a real life situation to the mood of that beat. So it could be anything from ‘when I grew up I went through this and that’ to me talking about someone else’s situation and what they’ve been through, bad or good. I try to base it around real life situations.”


Along with Young Sid, you worked with a number of other local NZ artists on the album including Tyree, Pieter T and Vince Harder. What was it like working with these guys? “Man, I’m stoked to have them on my album because I never would have thought they would work with me.” Is there any hip hop rivalry in the NZ scene? “Nah, well… not yet [laughs]. I reckon it just works on respect. Respect people for what they’ve done.” A few of your songs are doing well on YouTube. ‘Ready For Whatever’ has close to 38,000 views and climbing. How do you feel about your success? “Yeah, I was shocked to see that. Like the featured artists have helped as well. And yeah, I’m just stoked that we have got that far.” ‘Ready For Whatever’ is the more aggressive track on the album. Can you tell me about that track? “Yeah, when we wrote that we thought ‘let’s make a fight music track’. So yeah, we’ve done that, but it’s still the truth, nothing’s made up on it.” What was it like filming all the videos for your tracks? A new experience? “Sort of yeah, but it was a good experience. I can just learn off other artists and I just watch other artists and take that into account and work on my own performance because you can only get better.” How do you feel about the release of your debut album? “Yeah, I’m glad it’s finally being released, it’s been a long time coming. But I just want to make sure I’m properly prepared for the release as well and it should be good.” Do you have tour dates set for the new album? “There have been talks of a few gigs in May for music month so that should be good. There have been talks of some Australian gigs and I hope it all works out. It’ll be good to go on the road.”

CARL EWEN The first thing that comes to mind when you hear the name ‘Marshall’ is a stack of wall to wall amps lining the back of a stage, with a louder than hell band cranking at the forefront. This is the essence of rock ‘n’ roll, and Jim Marshall is the reason it sounds so loud. Jim Marshall, the founder of Marshall Amplification tragically lost his battle with cancer early last month aged 88 years. He lived out his life as an innovator, inventor and a philanthropist. Born in Acton, West London in 1923, Jim was born into a family that included several musicians as well as boxers. At 13 years of age he was diagnosed with tuberculosis, which forced him to drop out of school, and instead of completing a formal education, spend his teenage years working odd jobs. However, during this time he was able to self-educate in two areas that would define his life – engineering and music. Marshall, known as the Father of Loud, is the man behind one of the most innovative pieces of musical equipment in history. He began his time in the music industry as a drummer and eventually opened a moderately successful music store in West London selling drums and eventually branching out into guitars. His guitar playing customers included the likes of Pete Townsend (The Who) and Ritchie Blackmore (Rainbow and Deep Purple); they often spoke of their need for a specific type of amplifier. It took Marshall six attempts to achieve the trademark ‘Marshall Sound’ but in 1962 Marshall Amplification was official and the world of rock ‘n’ roll was changed forever.

Once this new style of guitar amp was unleashed on the world, it did not take long for the music industry and its musicians to take notice. Soon enough some of the top guitarists of the 1960s were cranking the Marshall sound. Guitarists such as Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Page and Eric Clapton were using Marshall Equipment. To have a stack of Marshall’s vinyl covered cabinets was seen as the epitome of excess and excellence in rock ‘n’ roll music. Although, some of the world’s most famous and decadent musicians in the world chose to exclusively use his amps, Jim Marshall did not live an excessive lifestyle. He lived a simple life, choosing to focus solely on his craft and improving the quality of life for others. He was also well known for his generosity. In 2003, Jim received an OBE from Buckingham Palace for his services to the music industry and to charity. Over the years, he donated millions of pounds to the hospital in London where he was treated for tuberculosis as a child. He also supported a wide range of causes within his local community in Milton Keynes, including the Marshall Milton Keynes Athletic Club and the Willen Hospice. He is known as one of the four forefathers of rock music equipment. The other three members being Les Paul – the inventor of the solidbody electric guitar, Leo Fender – the founder of the Fender Electric Instrument Manufacturing Company and Seth Lover – inventor of Humbucker electric guitar pickups. When the news of the passing of Jim Marshall was publicly announced the outpouring of messages from musicians across the globe: Humour

The legacy of this pioneer of modern rock music will live on for the ages – the heavy metal festival Download, in Donington England, has announced the main stage this year will be named after Jim. A tribute concert has also been planned for the 22nd September at London’s Wembley Arena. “Turning It Up To 11: A Tribute to Jim Marshall” is to celebrate the life of Jim and the 50th Anniversary of the legendary Marshall Amp. Although he is gone the legend of Jim Marshall will live on forever through every person who picks up an electric guitar, plugs it into a Marshall Amp and turns it up to 11!


How the fangirl came to be: In the beginning of the world, when God thought it was a good idea to create humans, there was no such thing as a fangirl. What a nice world it was then, because no one was crazy and everyone got to walk around happily naked in peace and harmony. But one day, Eve (from the Garden of Eden) became obsessed over an apple that was meant to be mind-blowingly amazing; or at least that’s what the talking snake said. God tried to warn them but Eve fell for her desires. And with one bite, the world became different. Fast forward to the present day and not much has changed since Eve and the apple. Many seemingly normal female beings still fall for apples, except now apple means attractive male celebrity, and talking snakes now have marketing degrees.

The power that encompasses the fangirl: What becomes a growing concern is the development and collective rising of the fangirl plague. In simpler times, a fangirl could spend time with a small group of equally crazed fangirl friends, in bedrooms that had become dedicated shrines to their obsession. For society, this was normally okay because as long as the crazies could be contained within a room, it wasn’t much of a bother. But now, thanks to technology (the problem and solution to so many first world issues) fangirl cults have developed to a global scale. Forget swine flu, forget global warming, it’s an international fangirl epidemic. It doesn’t seem to be enough to say that you love a certain male celebrity or to draw hearts saying “Mrs Edward Cullen”


in your notebooks. Now people refer to themselves in a cult following fashion, such as: - Beliebers (a combination of Justin Bieber and ‘believer’), - Directioners (a fangirl of British boyband One Direction), - Mastinators (which sounds like a combination of X Factor Australia’s Reese Mastin and masturbators to be honest.) And whenever you call a fangirl by their cult follower name, it empowers them more than ever, which makes them all the more frightening. Justin Bieber has over 21 million followers on Twitter. 21 Million. That’s almost the entire population of Australia. Or almost five times the population of New Zealand. In other words, should New Zealand’s own army have to face the entire Belieber force, well we’d lose. Thanks to the power of Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr, these crazed obsessed beings now have the ability to come together and become a global force. They can co-ordinate their stalking attempts, create online campaigns bigger than Kony2012, or ambush every Top 40 radio poll. They are also able to voice how needy they are over their personal social network accounts, repeatedly pleading their obsession to follow back on Twitter while saying “I LUVV U SO MUCHH MARRY ME PLZ! COZ UR SO AMAZZNG”. This can be highly irritating for the normal person who doesn’t like to encounter horrible spelling and excessive caps use.

Tips on how to not approach a fangirl: Fangirls are very sensitive when it comes to their fangirlish loves, and because they’re females, they have the tendency


to get over-emotional. Often they will cry, shriek, and flail their arms like hungry needy toddlers in order to touch the object of their desire. Never get yourself in the way of that. It is like a violent mosh pit, but with tears and manicures. It is suggested that when faced with a large group (anything that consists more than five hormonal teenage girls), you do not approach them with criticisms of the male celebrity’s hair, music or sexuality. Fangirls never take criticism of their obsession lightly, and like most hormonal females, you should avoid accidentally pissing them off. Cause you will probably piss them off. Most fangirls also don’t appreciate when you call their male obsession ‘gay’, as it openly lessens the chances of a female fan getting the chance to marry them. Or, in cases of fictional fangirl loves, tell them that Edward Cullen or Jacob Black don’t exist. They are normally satisfied living in their delusional world. And oh look, they just saw a unicorn too. This case applies more to the online world as there are online fangirls that will swarm on individuals that tweet “aha lmao Justin Bieber has no fckn ballz”. The punishment that fangirls would try to inflict on you will be long and arduous, but then again, if you do spell like this, you are asking for it.

What can be done for fangirls?: Well, nothing. The fangirl disease is incurable, except through time, maturity and the slowing of the bandwagon. All that can be done is to wait for their crazy to wear off, and to buy a pair of earplugs.

Seeing as it is New Zealand Music Month, it’s time to expand your knowledge of Kiwi music. Here are five great, underexposed rock bands all hailing from the mighty Aotearoa.




Joseph Harper is performing his third show at this year’s NZ International Comedy Festival and he apologises if his show isn’t funny enough for you. He’s dealing with a wonderful mix of subjects – Billy Pilgrim (a character from a favourite Vonnegut book), velociraptors (those small dinosaurs) and death. It’s a bit of a divergent angle from his past two shows which have been about bicycles – one of which was titled ‘Bikes I’ve Owned Versus Girls I’ve Fallen in Love With’. The Billy T. Award nominated Harper has received some great reviews for his likeable and self-effacing style of comedy. He talks to debate about his latest show.


NIGEL MOFFIET How did you get into comedy? “I studied playwriting. So I wanted an outlet to perform work and have a stage. At the time I saw a current affair show on stand-up comedy and I thought the ones that I saw were just grim and that I could do a better job so I thought I’d try and do that. So I started at the Classic like everyone else and I just wasn’t very good, just huge continual failure, so I stopped and started doing more monologues.” Does it scare you when you get up on stage and it doesn’t go well? “Well it wasn’t awful, I wasn’t that bad. I’ve never found it that scary. I find it harder to talk to people in real life than talk to people on stage. I mostly enjoy it.” Your latest show sounds quite bizarre (Billy Pilgrim or marching toward death with wobbly legs like a velociraptor) can you tell me what audiences can expect? “No one can pronounce velociraptor, it’s a huge mistake. I thought velociraptors would be more in the common vernacular but evidently not. It’s a show that I’ve been working on for about a year now. It’s a show about death and trying to negotiate death and it’s loosely based on Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse-Five which is where Billy Pilgrim comes from. It’s basically just a theatre show of me talking.” How are you exploring the theme of death? “It’s about how you can cope and how you deal with


the fact that everyone and everything is dying. Eventually everything is going to be gone and everything is going to be forgotten, all the great books, all the great movies, everything that is fantastic and that we love is going to be gone. With that knowledge in your head how can you do anything when it’s evident that it’s kind of a waste of time.” How difficult is it to turn this content into comedy? “I’m not sure I’m successful at that, too much of a challenge for me. I’m not sure the show will be funny. I’m not very funny. The show doesn’t have a lot going for it to be honest. I just try my best, try to be affable, maybe I’ve got some good turns of phrase.” Your style is more laidback rather than the boisterous, confrontational humour of other comedians. Can you tell us about your style? “Yeah, it’s extremely unconfrontational. I hate that so much, I’m so afraid of that because everyone would just beat me up. I’m not a big guy, I’m a weakling psychologically and physically. Any heckling and I’ll just fall to pieces.” Have you had much heckling? “When I first started I did this competition, The Raw Stand Up competition, which is national themed to see who is the best newcomer in comedy and I was in the final and I felt like I was doing real good and I was going to win and I got heckled about four minutes into my thing. It was some women yelling ‘take your pants off’. I don’t know if she was just drunk or she was trying to be nice or

she generally wanted me to take my pants off, but it just completely threw me. So even a positive heckle is bad. I like talking to people. If someone wants to talk or ask questions, that’s fine. I prefer a more school-type environment where people are like ‘I’ve got a question, can you answer it?’, rather than yell something out. I don’t think it’s really a heckler kind of show. There’re other comedians who’ll do that stuff better than me.” Are there any comedians who inspire you or who you feed off? “I like Woody Allen. Woody Allen is a big inspiration. I kind of see the show at the moment as being a really shit Woody Allen movie.” One reviewer has said your show could easily be turned into a book or a film. Would you agree with that? “I guess most of it should just be written and read but instead I’m cocksure enough to go on stage and talk to people. Also, I’ve got bad grammar and don’t have the patience for editing.” Your work also sounds very personal, is it difficult revealing your fears and anxieties to a strange crowd? “Sometimes, it depends who’s there. It’s less difficult in front of an audience of strangers than it would be in front of my aunty Susan. But yeah, at times. I always think the best art is fairly personal and I always feel a show can do more than just make people laugh.”

Matthew Cattin What was your first attempt at stand-up like? “Awesome! Not to blow my own horn! I did the Class Comedians Programme which accommodates your first ever gig and it’s just the most supportive room of people for comedy that you could ever have. It’s just amazing fun.” How did you first get into doing comedy? At what point did you realise you could make a career out of it? “Once I did the comedian programme because before that I wanted to be an actor and luckily I found comedy because I am a SHIT actor.” What did you study when you were at uni? Did you do juggle gigs with your uni work? “Yeah I studied a BA in English and Latin. I’ve been gigging pretty steadily for the past six years just as much as I can. University was very much the backup plan and then I just dropped out of the backup plan once I was making enough money from comedy to do it full time.” How many times have you done the comedy festival? And what was it like? “I’ve done it for the past six years running and for the past four years I’ve had a solo show, so this year will be my fourth solo show. I’m looking forward to it! It’s an awesome time. It’s like the Christmas time for comedians but it goes for three weeks and there’s even more alcohol than your regular Christmas.” Do you ever get people coming up to

you saying “Hey… say something funny”? “Yes. Annoyingly large amounts. It’s irritating because nobody expects that of other professions so it’s kind of like ‘why would I give you something for free because you’re on the street? Why don’t you pay to come to a show?’ I just get the feeling like ‘well… can I call you a penis?’ It’s not necessarily funny but it’s entirely accurate.” Have you ever got in trouble over something you thought was hilarious but no one else did? “All the time. I quite like saying things that I think are funny and the audience is like “we are totally not on board with you right now…” What’s your least favourite place in NZ? “Rotorua. I don’t mind the smell, it’s just the fact that I can’t make my slightly charming dick jokes there. That’s the place where my comedy magic just does not work. I’ve died many deaths there.” Do you remember any particularly bad joke bombs? “Yeah the Rotorua ones are the worst. It’s just 15 minutes of absolute silence. And like the band on the Titanic, you’ve just gotta go down playing.” What can the audience expect from your latest shows? “They can expect jokes about… oh… what have I got in this show… that’s a good sign when I am trying to figure out what jokes I have [laughs]. So far

what they can expect is the barriers of good taste to be pushed and sensibilities and also watching me figure out what I think about the world.” Did any of the more experienced NZ comedians take you under their wing when you first started? “Well Jan Maree was kind of the Mother Theresa of comedy for me. Just with more jokes about food than Mother Theresa had. The NZ comedy community is just so supportive. They are just such nice people I have learnt a lot from them.” What was the worst heckle you’ve had to deal with? “I did a kids gig once where I asked the kids if they had any siblings. One kid put his hand in the air and said ‘I had one but it died’. Which is kind of hard to come back from but the gig actually went surprisingly alright!”

Rhys Mathewson VS The World

Do people get aggressive if they aren’t having a good time? “No, not in New Zealand. We are far more likely to heckle if we are having a good time and want to get involved. If something is shit we just sit there quietly and whisper it to our mates.” What is your biggest fear as a comedian? “Biggest fear… I’m more afraid of being hacked than being unfunny. I would rather be originally un-funny than funny in ways that are way too standard and overused.”



Sebastian Mackay

"U.S. troops accidentally burned some Qurans, and President Obama apologized. Afghans nevertheless went on a weeklong rampage, killing innocent Americans in response." -Thomas Friedman-

On March 4 2007, five women, three children and an elderly man were blown up by a 2,000 pound bomb dropped by a US aircraft. Their mud house in Kapisa province, north of Kabul was bombarded because US forces were targeting two insurgents seen entering the house. In 2006 a minimum of 929 Afghan civilians were killed in fighting related to armed conflict. Of these victims, 116 were killed by US and NATO airstrikes and another 114 killed by NATO or US Ground fire. All of this thanks to an independent report composed by the Human Rights Watch. The ever-decreasing media coverage of the Middle East conflict and the lack of coverage what-so-ever in New Zealand media in regards to Iraq’s promises to bomb Iran paints a grim picture of the situation in the Middle East. Facts and statistics lost to the Master Narrative, the document with the purpose of guiding and assisting those involved with explaining the situation in Afghanistan, among other places. This document, aptly titled the Master Narrative was released to the ISAF (International Security Assistance Force) by the NATO Media Operations Centre and is comprised of line after line to feed the media and pesky journalists. “ISAF takes all possible measure to protect innocent civilians and their property. [Italics theirs]” the opening line beneath the “Civilian Casualties / Human Rights” heading provides a stark contrast to the information given by Human Rights Watch. Nevertheless, the document shows that NATO are concerned with achieving one thing, the public’s enthusiasm towards them and their efforts.

The familiar tag lines are beginning to look and feel like worn out clichés from a bad film. The Master Narrative document goes further to say “The ISAF mission is to support the Afghan Authorities and to provide a secure and stable environment to allow for the expansion of governance and development.” This notion of helping is becoming somewhat, if not entirely, lost with pro-war writer and commentator Thomas Friedman. He said America needed to go over to Iraq and knock on every door from Basra to Baghdad, with a big stick and show the Iraq people they were going to burst their “terrorism bubble” and to “suck on this.” What seems to escape Friedman is that not everybody in Iraq is a terrorist. Of course, the Huffington Post saw Friedman open his war promoting mouth even further and declare the war on Iraq a total success, saying that the future now lay in the hands of Iraq’s leaders. Friedman’s comments toward Iraq do serve a purpose in illuminating a greater feeling toward Afghanistan. In fact, you could go as far to say that Friedman’s comments illuminate the entire Middle East misadventure. With the strait of Hormuz heating up and heavy sanctions on Iran’s oil, it seems as though imperialist America can’t quite get enough of the Promised Land. One of the greatest problems with this war advancing into neighbouring nations is the further America pushes, the more resistant the opposing forces are going to become. The best example of this is the Iraq Green Zone that houses such wonders as cineplexes, malls and fast-food outlets. All the while electricity and fresh water have been cut off to civilian Iraqis. Such aggression on the part of the US and NATO can only lead to one thing – resistance. Resistance in the form of suicide bombers, IED’s and roadside ambushes. The resistance of Afghan Militants - or “terrorists” if you’re that way inclinedis only the beginning to a much larger narrative. As we’ve seen since 2001 this war has dominated America, in politics

and foreign policy. During his campaign Romney declared Russia the United State’s biggest enemy, clearly playing on cold war hysteria. All the while the Middle Eastern wars lay nicely out of view of the electorates but not the larger areas of politics. China has announced that should America attack Iran under any circumstance, China will respond. Russia are China’s closest allies, as it seems war hysteria has begun the shift into the cold war narrative once again, with the ‘enemies of the East’ lurking menacingly around the corner. The question has to be asked, is the main threat not coming from the West? America is the one aiming missile defence systems toward Russia with no guarantees on non-hostile usage. One of the most powerful things I’ve read in the Master Narrative is also the most contradictory to the actions of NATO. “Airpower is employed by ISAF under the strictest possible restrictions- if there is any reason to believe there are civilians present a strike will not occur.” Clearly the same sentiments are shared by those holding the guns. The Human Rights Watch report reads that in 2008 “there [was a] return of high civilian deaths from airstrikes.” While it is unfortunate that the statistic is three years out of date, it nevertheless paints a much bloodier picture than NATO would like you to believe. At the time of publication, 173 Afghan civilians had been killed, 119 of which were as a direct result of airstrikes. The most horrifying aspect here may be the most sub-textual. Even though the idea of NATO controlled press releases is certainly disconcerting it isn’t surprising. Intellectuals from across the world have commented on the war and even without the contributions of Noam Chomsky who holds that Al Qaeda are CIA funded and went rogue. The most horrifying and striking aspect here are the facts presented and thoroughly researched by Human Rights Watch. The hundreds of nameless that died in a war they had nothing to do with and the hundreds more that will die in the Middle East in what Alan Greenspan openly stated is a “war over oil”.

Thoman Friedman’s comments illuminate the entire Middle East misadventure.


Anna Miles

Don’t be surprised if you’re walking down High Street and a group of stylish men ask to take your photograph. FOUR EYES is Auckland’s new street style blog and they’re busy snapping regular Aucklanders, in regular Auckland streets. The difference in the photos is the unique outfits in every picture. FOUR EYES has an eye for style that is interesting and fashion forward. FOUR EYES was created in April last year after a Facebook conversation among four friends. The four men, Alex Blanco, Chin Tay, Danny Simmons and Mino Kim saw there was an opportunity to create a diverse street style blog for Aucklanders and that’s exactly what they did. “Fashion and photography were both things that we were all interested in so one day over Facebook chat we decided to start a blog! The blog started as a way of documenting and expressing things we see on the street that we like.” The four guys always have a camera with them, ready to snap any great look that walks by. The posts include a variety of men and women of all ages. Diversity is essential to create interesting points of view and different

interpretations of style.

facebooking and answering emails!”

“Aucklander’s are great because the style on our streets is unique. There is so much character in what some people wear and the way they put their outfits together.”

Alex, Chin, Danny and Mino would like to use their blog and social media skills to move into careers in the fashion industry. “We would love to think that we all had a future in the fashion industry and New Zealand is great place to start. Blogging in New Zealand is finally becoming more recognised as a form of media and a source of opinion that people respect. FOUR EYES has given us the chance to meet some amazing people and be involved in some great projects.”

FOUR EYES captures snaps on the streets then uploads them to a blog where Aucklander’s comment on the photos, ‘Like’ them on Facebook and can click on links to where you can buy the clothes photographed. Social media and interacting with the readers is a big part of the blog’s success. Fashion blogging has been a big deal overseas for some time. Big fashion houses are using blogs for advertising and brand associations. FOUR EYES sees the opportunities that blogging can bring. They believe fashion blogs in New Zealand are increasingly recognised as another media channel where the fashion industry can communicate with their consumers. It is important to FOUR EYES to listen to their follows for feedback. FOUR EYES now has over 2000 followers, but all four men still work full time jobs. Alex works for an airline in marketing, Chin is a dentist, Danny is a graphic designer and Mino is a retail manager.

Alex and Danny both grew up in Auckland and Mino and Chin grew up overseas. Alex, Danny, Mino and Chin all bring different aspects to FOUR EYES, but they all have the same goal for their blog. “Hopefully we highlight some of the homegrown style that people might ordinarily not notice. We hope to inspire people through what we see. Many people tell us that they never realised we had so many cool, well-dressed people on our streets until FOUREYES.”

“We are all multi-taskers; four guys taking photos, editing, writing, tweeting,

All Photos from . Fashion


Thrift Queen Accessories Queen Style Queen

Morgahna Godwin

Photo by: MAC Cosmetics

Iris Apfel is the small blue eyed woman behind the enormous circular glasses we see replicated in every designer collection these days. At 90 years old Apfel is a style veteran that still inspires many to be more than suit jackets and sandals. She continues to break convention by mixing high and low fashion. In the past, Apfel's clothing choices have often been followed by a backlash from the fashion community; however,


thanks to the Advance Style movement she is now seen as a style queen. You've got to love the power of the mainstream. For those that are in touch with fashion blogging, I truly believe that Iris is the original Man Repeller. Leandra Medine coined it first, but Iris wore it first. Born 1921 in Astoria, Queens, Apfel experienced the shift from bourgeois conservative fashion to the Chanel era, or rather the birth of fashion freedom for women. However, the 'little black dress' movement didn't take the concept far enough for Apfel. It lacked colour and eccentricity. She began going to thrift stores and purchasing obscure colorful garments that were often part of an ethnic dress code. She would then pair them with her favorite high end fashion designers, "A Bill Blass jacket over a native


American dancing skirt set off with shaggy goat-fur moon boots." [Apfel for the Telegraph]. Let us not forget the finishing touch to any outfit; her signature oversized spherical glasses. I think I speak for most when I say she has confidence we all envy. Apfel has long been someone I am constantly inspired by. If there is an outlook on life that I wish I could adopt it would be hers. I think Bill Cunningham summed it up best when he said, "You may never wear everything Mrs. Apfel does. But it's the idea that she gives other people the courage to attempt things like that and dare to be themselves. I think that's an important mission in fashion." Amen Bill. If I am privileged enough to reach 90 years of age somebody slap me if I attempt to dress in any shade of grey.

Bruce Webber IRIS and Bill, NYFW


via Into the Goss


‘Dark Shadows’ is coming to cinemas May 10, and Warner Bros. Pictures and Debate are giving you the chance to WIN 1 of 15 inseason double passes to ‘Dark Shadows’.

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To enter the draw; Email your Name, Student I.D # with ‘Dark Shadows’ in the subject line to: M



Shelter Will Frost

Rating: 5 /5 Will Frost is a new, young artist from Christchurch and Shelter, his debut album, was launched as part of New Zealand Music Month. According to Will’s website, Shelter “is a mixture of powerful ballads, folky acoustic sounds and lyrical, wistful songs, which cross effortlessly between a rich full tone and a yodeling falsetto.” Sometimes the internet fakes the truth, but in the case of Will Frost, they have hit the nail on the head. Shelter is a fantastic album. The first song on the album has the most impact and is a wonderful way to start a music career. ‘It’s Time’ is written about rebuilding Christchurch following the devastating earthquakes and it really pulls your heartstrings. With minimal backing instruments, a theme which continues across the album, ‘It’s Time’ is raw and beautiful and reminds you of the struggles in Christchurch. It’s a song which comes from the heart; Will’s website explains he has spent his whole life in Christchurch and you can feel his love for the city in this song. It’s no surprise this song was a finalist in the 2012 Festival of Flowers Song Writing Competition. This raw sound continues throughout the song. Will takes a turn with love, with songs ‘Eternal’ and ‘Clarity’. Despite only being a teenager, Will manages to nail wistful lyrics and packs a lot of emotion into his songs , as seen in my favourite song off the album, ‘One in Five’. The tempo kicks up with the songs ‘Shelter and The Hero’ and ‘His Friends’. They’re placed perfectly to keep the attention of the listener. These songs mix in nicely with the slower songs without losing any impact. What I love about this album is the simplistic nature. There are no huge instrumentals overpowering the lyrical meaning; rather the right amount of accompanying instruments to give it the added effect, with an awesome alto saxophone inclusion in ‘Number Nine’. With this minimalism it would be easy for this album to become repetitive, but effortless mixes of fast and slow, wistful and impacting keep you listening. Will has a unique, distinctive voice which ranges in pitch and pace throughout the album, and more than a few strong notes come through. I think this album is fantastic. And, considering I spend most of my time buried in the rock music styles of Bon Jovi and Foo Fighters, this is a big statement. This is the album I want to put on after a long day, a summery afternoon, a cosy winter night, or indeed, anytime, anyplace, for anyone. It’s slick, it’s professional, it’s comforting, and it’s the sound New Zealand needs to hear more of. Renee Simpson Home of the Home Cook

Rating: 4/5 When I was young, or rather when I was younger than I am now, I used to watch Hell’s Kitchen every Wednesday when it was on. Call it a guilty pleasure, call it a lapse in judgement or taste, whatever you like, I loved that show. I loved Gordon Ramsey and his propensity to rip into whoever was nearest to him over the tiniest flaw. I loved the way the contestants would equally rip into each other. But above everything, I loved the cooking challenges. The creativity, the originality and of course the knowledge that I could no doubt do better that could only come from youthful hubris. This was the genesis of my interest in cooking. Note that I said interest, not burning, all consuming passion, I like cooking, but it’s not my life by any stretch of the imagination. And so thusly, there are times where my culinary knowledge falls dramatically short. I’ve never forgotten how to make scrambled eggs or anything, but sometimes I have a pack of mince and even if you held a gun to my head, I wouldn’t be able to come up with something to do with that mince. is one of many websites that can help in such cases. I realise there are many food and recipe websites out there; however I like this one because, well, it’s not too wanky. Many of the recipes on here assume I’m an average person with an average supermarket, average pantry and average knowledge of food. None of these recipes call for thrice basted Italian fenugreek and goat flavoured compote, just chicken and some curry paste. All of the recipes are written and submitted by other users of the website and so they reflect this,

none of the recipes assume too much knowledge when it comes to cooking and are, on the whole, fairly well written. I say ‘fairly’ as there are some that are, quite frankly, not – but this is rare. While I haven’t tested every single recipe on here, the ones I have used have been very good. I don’t mean this in that they functioned perfectly and all the measurements were spot on, I mean that, in the end, they tasted good. And that’s what’s important. Finding a recipe was actually far easier than I thought it would be, with everything arranged into ingredient categories and menu categories. But what I liked most of all was the fact that I could search by an ingredient I might have and look at all the recipes that had that ingredient. is one of those sites that is easy to navigate, but just requires a slight bit of thought. Though when starving at 8 o’clock at night, this isn’t always the easiest thing to conjure up. is also quite good looking, it’s, in a word, nice. It’s not amazing, but by no means is ugly either. It sports a minimalist colour pallet and sparse design that doesn’t really intrude on the recipes. My only real complaint is that there are ads. I get that things need to be paid for, but maybe if I wasn’t hit with ads for other sites, I might be persuaded to stay on yours and buy something form your site (not really, but the sentiment is there). But really, I’m just being picky. is a good solution to hunger, and one that I found to be quite palatable. Kieran Bennett

You have the power to prevent bullying

Wear Pink 18th Friday May 12pm

Luxor Evolved Developed By: MumboJumbo (PC)

Rating: 3 /5 If you’ve ever played any of the Luxor games, with Luxor Evolved you’re pretty much getting what you expect. Essentially Bejeweled on crack, the Luxor series gives you lines of coloured marbles scrolling across the screen. When you make a matching set of three they disappear; the aim is to destroy them all before they get into the pyramid at the end of the track. Powerups and bonuses are collected by building up combos which add a layer of depth to the fairly basic premise. Dropping the previous Egyptian themes, this reimagining of the series gives off a very Tron: Legacy vibe; the colours, aesthetics, and music all seem heavily influenced by the 2010 movie. Although the electronic music here falls short of Daft Punk’s heights, the synaesthetic blast of sight and sound is comparable. The explosive effects and flashing neon lights, however, can be a bit much to bear at times. I found my eyes hurting at one point after playing for a tad too long which was disheartening. Visually, sometimes the levels are a little too spazztastic to easily see what’s going on, but it’s impressive nonetheless. Compared to the earlier games, Luxor Evolved has a tonne more powerups and unlocks. There are the return of powerups like the fireball and lightning attack, plus the addition of a few new ones too. One of the new inclusions is the freeze bomb, which basically does as described. It freezes a bunch of marbles, leaving you to smash through them to clear some space; It’s a handy pick-up in a pinch. Another new ability, gained by collecting small coloured pieces, turns you into an all-powerful, bat-like spaceship. As you only spend short moments as the bat-ship, you’ll grow to cherish it. Nothing beats getting the bat powerup just as you’re

Join us

about to fail a stage; it’s great fun using lasers to obliterate half the screen of marbles.

in the Quad for


Pink Group Photo Pink Candy Floss

Luxor Evolved also brings into play a couple of nifty novelties not seen in the previous games. One of the small but notable features is the exuberant use of a slow motion sequence; time slows down more often than a fight scene made by Zack Snyder. Like in Watchmen, this feature is pretty awesome. However if it’s overused, then suddenly you’re dealing with Sucker Punch territory. Thankfully, it never gets quite as bad as Sucker Punch, but it does still feel a bit heavy handed. The variety of levels keep things interesting. Survival, bonus, secret, and boss stages are interspersedpink day.indd throughout the classic levels, arranging a total of 65 levels. While this gives the game a fair amount of length, the previous Luxor games have had up to 100 levels, leaving a little to be desired here. On normal difficulty, the game can be finished in around 3 hours. Luckily there are two extra levels of difficulty to keep you going if you’re on the masochistic side. MumboJumbo has taken the Luxor series in a new flashy, seizure-ridden direction. This is great for the most part, but it lacks some finesse. Amongst the banging music tracks, the blinding Tron-like visuals, and the indulgent use of slow-motion, playing for too long should be entirely avoided. The dazzling firework show gets a bit tiresome, physically and visually. However, the game is still very easy to pick up and play, easily curbing those assignment procrastination itches. So why not roll into some marble madness? Lachlan Hornell




See bar manager for more details w ww. vesb ar . c o . n z

Question: Should we celebrate relationship milestones and if so which ones?

Quick tip

If you’re ever unsure of those little milestones just offer to spend the day together. Or if you’re confident enough, talk about whether the other thinks it’s worth celebrating – I know it’s the obvious one but you’d be surprised how many people think you’re not allowed to just ask.

Answer: Yes, they should be celebrated - it’s about celebrating the time that you and your partner have spent together and the time that is hopefully to come, but the celebration should be relevant – giving rings after the first week IS NOT RELEVANT. Also note: Start off small. Think about it this way - if for a one month milestone you give flowers and chocolate, what are you giving in the second month or the third? Be realistic; the best impact will be if you slowly work up to it, if you can beat what you gave last time then the impact will be beaten too. That does not necessarily mean beaten in monetary value but the meaning could be increased. For example, give her a collection of little things with personal significance to your relationship. Also, if it’s less than a year milestone you don’t have to give a gift – perhaps just mention it and appreciate the time the two of you have devoted to each other. Guys –this will keep you in the good books instead of getting the silent treatment. Quote: “Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.”

Going Dutch Quick tip

“for dating purposes and even friend dates, I recommend opting for going Dutch!”

These days with the changing in the courting process, a guy always paying for the girls isn’t really fair and vice versa for those girls paying for the guys on dates, especially in the student world. On a date: Guys, I suggest propose the idea of going Dutch – for those that don’t know the term, going Dutch means you pay your own way. If they’re cool with that then you don’t waste your money and you know they are going on a date with you because they want to and aren’t going just for a free lunch. If they oppose it without good reason isn’t that a bit of a douche move? It isn’t the ‘50s when the man was the only one working or getting a wage. If you’re dating there should be no problem with going Dutch. However, in a committed relationship that can change according to the couple because by then you should be able to tell whether or not you’ll get back what you give out and that’s your call. But for dating purposes and even friend dates, I recommend opting for going Dutch!

If you have opinions, stories, comments hit us up at and we’ll let Chelsea respond. COLUMN

James Vercoe, 20, is majoring in sport science at AUT’s Akoranga campus and is busy juggling his studies as he trains more than 20 hours a week as a track cyclist. With the upcoming London Olympics, James is on constant stand-by and is ready to jump in and fill the gap if called upon by his team. At only 20 years of age, James has already represented Auckland and New Zealand and holds a number of national titles and one NZ record. He talks to debate about his future goals. Over the past six months you’ve represented Auckland and New Zealand in cycling. How did you get into the sport and what journey did you take to compete at that level?

22 to 23 hours per week.”

Is it hard tying in your studies with all your training?

“I started cycling six years ago through a talent testing programme. For the last five years I’ve been racing for Auckland at the nationals. I’ve also raced for New Zealand in 2008, 2010 and 2011. They were all for the Oceania track champs.

“My first and second year have been quite difficult but I have a good support base around me now.”

Can you tell me about the talent testing programme you went through and how that worked?

“Most of my training now is by myself because the rest of the team is overseas. It’s just about making sure that I’m maintaining what I can do and then knowing that if something does happen I can slot into the team and perform to the ability I need to.

“At the time it was called the Peter Snell Institute of Sport. Basically they did a whole lot of testing and from that they picked out people they thought were going to be good at either rowing or cycling.”

What other sporting background did you have before you were picked for cycling?

“I played soccer for my old school at Mt Albert Grammar in third and fourth form. Before that I played rugby.”

What success have you had at competition level cycling?

“I’ve got three New Zealand titles in the team sprint in 2009, 2010 and 2011. And I have one national record in under-19 men’s team sprint. Me and two Commonwealth Games representatives went 0.8 of a second under the old team sprint record time in 2008. I think the record still stands today.”

How often do you train each week?

“I train six days a week, twice a day. It works out to be

There’s a possibility you could go to the Olympics if they call you up. What kind of mind set do you have to be in for that?

What are your future goals and ambitions?

“It’ll be another good eight years until I peak, so midterm goals are to go to the Commonwealth Games in 2014 and then long-term is the Rio Olympics in 2016.”

Have you been mentored well by the more experienced cyclists? “I’ve been quite lucky that I’ve had the current New Zealand team as team mates for a good three to four years. So when they are based in New Zealand I’m training with them all the time.”

You will be watching the Olympics very closely. Is the New Zealand cycling team up there with the best?

“They weren’t but they got a bronze medal in men’s team sprint at the UCI World Championships held in Melbourne early last month. I think that scared a few of the top nations so I think they’ll be in the medals.”

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