Debate | Issue 10 | 2016

DEBATE ISSUE 10 | MAY 2016

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Complimentary Refreshments & Prizes to be won!

AGENDA ITEMS INCLUDE:

2015 Annual Report 2015 Audited Financial Accounts 2016 Constitution

2016

12 noon Tuesday 31 May 2016 Vesbar, AUT University City Campus

All AUT students welcome. Please bring student ID

CREDITS PUBLISHED BY

EDITOR Laurien Barks lbarks@aut.ac.nz SUB - EDITORS Amelia Petrovich Julie Cleaver DESIGNER Ramina Rai rrai@aut.ac.nz CONTRIBUTORS Sheetal Samy, Amelia Petrovich, Chantelle Cullen, Julie Cleaver, Kieran Bennett, Quinn Fyers, Conor Leathley, Ethan Sills, Shivan, Shawn Cleaver, Hayley Stevenson, Caterina Atkinson, Tyler Hinde, Tharindu Jayasinghe ADVERTISING Harriet Smythe hsmythe@aut.ac.nz Contributions can be sent to lbarks@aut.ac.nz

CONTENTS

PRINTER Debate is printed lovingly by Soar Print

Pg 4 Ed’s Letter

Pg 27 You Are Not Broken

Debate is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA)

Pg 5 Horoscopes

Pg 28 Prince Oberyn

Pg 6 Prez Sez

Pg 30 21st Century Gay

This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”).

Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM.

Pg 9 Cos-No Sex Tips

Pg 34 Redefined

Pg 10 Chick Flicks

Pg 36 Comics

Pg 12 Through a Snap Chat Lens

Pg 38 Less Travel Sex than You Think

Pg 14 A Toy Story

Pg 40 Let’s Talk About Sex

Pg 17 Cool Shit

Pg 42 Reviews

Pg 18 Sexceptional Fails

Pg 44 Sexy Recipes

Pg 20 The Soft and Slightly Sad Side of the Sex Industry

Pg 46 Puzzles

DISCLAIMER

Pg 24 Two Fleshy Meatloaves

Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, Soar Print or its subsidiaries.

AUSM.ORG.NZ

C O V E R I L L U S T R AT I O N B Y R A M I N A R A I FA C E B O O K . C O M / A U S M D E B AT E

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EDITOR'S LETTER

breeze and that risk could burn you, your name, and your team to the ground. We do like to gamble; we like to roll the dice, spin the wheel, and have grand time. However, like IRL gamblers, things get ugly real fast when editors get too drunk and cocky.

There’s a difference between irresponsible risks and necessary ones.

See, I was born a redneck, and in my redneck country town, it was necessary to burn a section of your land when the weeds got out of control. It allowed for new things to grow, and the fact that you might burn your fingers a bit was outweighed by the overall benefits.

However, it was a controlled process that got all us town folk excited with enough danger to thrill, but not enough to cause concern. That’s the state I think we should be keeping student mags in. A couple people get burned, but all in all, we have a grand time with plenty of discussion blazing as we make room for new growth.

EDITOR’S LETTER Hey! Welcome to Debate’s sexiest mag of the year! The team’s worked hard to bring you all things sexuality related, and we hope it gives you the thrilling boost you need to push on through to the end of semester.

There’s been a few issues in New Zealand student media this year; controversy that’s made a headline or two. The spotlight has most definitely shone brightest on Massive for their decision to publish a sketchy illustration of a student sex worker back in March, and I’ve been repeatedly asked for my opinion on the matter since. Well if ever there was a place to discuss the necessary risks of student media, it’s a magazine clad in suggestive fruit imagery.

In my experience, opinion, and observations, student magazines are in a league of their own. They’re unlike any other publication out there, and with that comes a unique set of unwritten rules the lot of us editors tend to gravitate toward and abide by. We’re always trying to up our own game; achieve a mag that our students can enjoy, but also one that holds its own against what other mags are putting out there.

And that’s a big ol’ stressful job at times.

Risks are some of the best and worst tools we’ve got in student media. They’re fire starters. Which can be great for sparking new interest, heating up conversations, and igniting passion, but one stray

Where things get ugly, is when student media gets caught up in the ‘shock factor’ hype, takes a jug of gasoline, douses their whole damn farm in it, gets naked, and runs around screeching “Look at me!” with a handful of lit sparklers. You really can’t cry, get defensive, or act surprised when you find yourself being forced to rebuild and clean up the mess you’ve made. You’ve ticked a lot of people off with your irresponsible weed fire, and that’s never a great way to play the game.

The way I see it, there are things that cause offense, and there are things that people may take offense at. One is unacceptable, the other is unavoidable. An illustration of a naked woman’s body is not offensive, despite some folk taking offense to it for varying reasons.

An illustration of a woman being stripped naked against her will is offensive. Full stop. The difference between published risks and published mistakes is the caution and diligence with which they are considered and handled.

So, no…I don’t think student media needs to take less risks and reign in the controversy they’re publishing. I think, on occasion, the people in charge need to screw their moral compasses back in place, and remind themselves that publishing offensive content is not a fun or necessary requirement in the world of publication – it’s just a redneck mistake, and they can do better.

With that, I wish you a great week, enjoy our minx of a mag, and let me know if you’d like to weigh in on the student media risks vs offense discussion – always a pleasure to hear from y’all.

Have a good week, Laurien

HOROSCOPES The stars are getting steamy this week, and fate has never been friskier. Sheetal Samy’s got the scoop.

Ar i es Love and sex are definitely on your mind this month, and your sexual powers are strong. Try to avoid arguments at this time, especially with a loved one. If you are a single, try and take advantage of this time to enjoy dating a hot new partner. Break the sexual frustration Aries, channel that energy into great sex.

Tau r u s This month can be very enjoyable when it comes to love and sex.

You desire a big change in your love life. If you are in a committed relationship, enjoy spending more time in bed with your partner exploring the depth of your passion for each other.

Gemi ni The love life of Gemini has many ups and downs this month.

Sex may be somewhat erratic, and nothing will go according to schedule. You may find yourselves all up in another’s drama while dating and won’t know how to separate yourself without hurting the other person’s feelings. This may make you very sarcastic and irritable.

Cancer Cancer will be in for a wonderful treat this month when it comes to love and affairs of the heart. You can expect a month full of dating and parties. If you are in a relationship, taking that trip or cruise you have been thinking about for so long could be a great idea.

Leo Plenty of sexual adventures and exciting experiences ahead for you. Infatuation with a new person is on the agenda for single Leo, who may discover this new partner while on a date with another person. Leo in a committed relationship should spend time with their special man or woman and enjoy being adored by their partner. Good food, a sensual massage, plus a big dose of sexual passion.

V i r go The full moon on the 21st will be a time of sexual passion for you and a partner. Intellectual pursuits, sometimes combined with sexual pleasure, will interest you if you’re in a committed relationship. Playing sexual games with that special man or woman will be a lot of fun and create a feeling of mutual excitement and desire for each other.

L ib ra You will not have to look for love this month because love will find you instead!

If you’re single, you should refresh your wardrobe and polish your dancing shoes to prepare for many nights on the town. If you’re in a relationship, you will not be able to get enough of your partner.

S co r p io May could be the time of extraordinary sex and passion for you.

You’ll find yourself very mentally alert and sharp during May, but should still be careful of making written and verbal mistakes.

A long distance trip could be a good option for Scorpio and a partner to share an adventure as well as plenty of passion.

S a g it t a r iu s Sagittarius may experience some anxiety and impatience this month, due to sexual frustrations and lack of change. You will feel the urge to spread your sexual wings and fly away to an exciting new territory. Some may walk away from stale relationships that have begun to bore them, instead of investigating new ways to make the union work. Single Sagittarius may flit from one date to another, not feeling a deep connection.

C a p r ico r n In search of more satisfaction, you will feel a deep and irresistible urge to find more meaning in their life, especially during the first half of the month. Not being content with living your life, you’ll want to explore more options for enriching your existence and making life more worthwhile. There is a great chance you will be misunderstood by a partner, causing much heartache for both parties.

Aq u a r iu s The beautiful full moon on the 21st will be a sexually supercharged time for Aquarius. You will have the opportunity to meet a fascinating person with whom you will share some great chemistry. You will meet this person in very unusual circumstances and at first they may not seem all that special. Only time will reveal the treasure you have discovered!

P isces You will enjoy some awesome luck this month. For Pisces, love and sex will bring happiness and a glow to the fish’s famous beautiful complexion. Watch out for overindulging in food, drink, drugs, or sex, and be careful not to overspend. Those in a committed relationship could experience a wonderful and passionate time with that special man or woman.

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PREZ SEZ

PREZ SEZ Kia ora Koutou katoa, I am honoured as your elected President to work at Auckland Student Movement at AUT (AuSM) in an open and diverse student association and university. AuSM exists to provide support, representation, essential services and advocacy to all AUT students. AuSM is here to represent you and make your time at AUT as enjoyable as possible. Part of this is bringing you a place you can belong and feel safe. AuSM is the first student association in Aotearoa New Zealand to get the Rainbow Tick because we respect and value all our student.

I was a proud student member on council when the university got their Rainbow Tick and have seen their influx of encouraging diversity within the university. As an ally of the LGBTQI+

community I am pleased to continue previous presidents’ support for the community. We are lucky to have a great club called OUT@AUT which is a network for staff and students.

We are also a student association with eight different religious clubs, because people’s beliefs are important to us.

You’re always welcome to join or make your own as well! Religious clubs are great for finding a sense of belonging with great support through some of the hardest times going through study - we all know the struggles.

To double that, we have sixteen cultural clubs which help create a space for people to express who they are and where they come from. It also creates a space for those students who want to learn more about themselves. It helps a

Check out www.ausm.org.nz for more info

lot with not feeling alone as it’s an easy way to find someone who could have the same upbringing.

AuSM also supports its students by having student representatives who represent all students. In particular, the Maori affairs officer, Pacific affairs officer and the Diversity affairs officer. We, with the AuSM team, work with AUT to deliver language weeks and Diversity week.

‘Be who you are and say what you feel because those that mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” - Dr Seuss Yours with pride, Urshula Ansell

Daniel Carbungco I love candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach, and most importantly, I’m a good listener.

Kia Ora Everyone! My name is Daniel Carbungco. I’m a second year student studying a Diploma in Culinary of Arts, and I am your guys’ Culture and Society Representative for 2016.

What I want to accomplish in this role is mainly to voice the students as best as I can. I will get the word of our faculty known more throughout the university.

Something about me is that I’m an outgoing, carefree and social person. Always up for a yarn and a beer or two. If you guys see me around, please come up and say hi because I love to meet new people and want to get to know you guys. Maybe we can party it up at Zues or 1885 sometime soon.

As I always say, “It’s not the amount of years in your life, but the amount of life in your years.”

See you around!

Daniel Carbungco

ASHLEY KIRKNESS Kia Orana, I wonder how many of you will actually read this segment. Most of you will probably open this Debate magazine up at the back, where the wordfind is. Then again, who could blame you? Some of the themes can be interesting! Anyway, if you happen to read this section, my name is Ashley Kirkness and I am the Diversity Representative for the AuSM Student Representative Council. You may also recognize me from other roles such as one of the dancers in the AUT Dance and Performance Troupe, an AUT Ambassador, a Uniprep mentor, or you may not recognize me at all, which means you’re missing out!

As the Diversity Representative, it can be hard to get out and amongst all of you lovely people because there are so many different areas of diversity. And, yes you are lovely! So if you are feeling a little neglected, have an amazing idea you want to make happen, or just want someone to eat lunch with (as long as you pay for your own of course #studentlife #cheapfeeds) feel free to contact me on diversityaffairsofficer@aut.ac.nz.

Your university life is what you make it. So if it’s not shaping up to be the way you thought, then do something about it. Don’t whinge from the back of the room, take a stand.

Hwaiting!! (Yes that’s Korean) Ash

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S EX S ELL S

Illustration by Tyler Hinde

Cos-no Sex Tips* *Derived from actual tips from a certain publication, and just as helpful as the real thing Amelia Petrovich

To achieve sex-god/goddess status, you have to truly master his man bits Show his man bits who’s boss. Be dominant, forceful and firm with them. Buy a little collar and lead combo for them. Teach them to sit, play dead and roll over. Good dog!

Think of his shaft like the outer curve of your breast White and wobbly, but still miles better than that stupid inner curve your breast has.

Chew a small piece of mango… and then take him in your mouth Yes, do. Take him in your mouth, then down your esophagus and into your digestive tract. Suddenly this is an episode of The Magic School Bus and it’s his turn to explore the inner workings of the human body- lucky boy! There’s nothing a man likes more than an educational trip with Miss Frizzell.

Mix a few flavours [of lube] to create new combos, like strawberry banana Also try mint chocolate, crisp apple and cherry cola. Hell, just keep mixing lube for as long as you can. Make it a craft, become a lube mixologist, create a name for yourself. You could be famous, we believe in you.

Lick the soft spot in front of his ears Give him a really good grooming. Purr a little; tell him he is your most perfect and beautiful little kitten baby and that he must not stray far from the rest of the litter.

Make two fists around his shaft and twist them in opposite directions as fast as you can I just love Christmas cracker season.

As you’re eating dinner, say something X-rated like “see how I’m devouring this piece of meat?

That’s how I’m going to devour you.”

Lads love a little cannibalism innuendo during supper. Unless of course they’re vegetarian, in which case they will possibly be mystified and offended. Sexy.

Introduce your breasts to your favourite vibrator Beware though, the breasts are a sensitive part of the body.

Introduce the two, but be ready to intervene if you hear any namecalling, jeering or insults from either party.

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Chick Flicks Chantelle Cullen When I google ‘gender equality in films’, Google’s first recommendation was: ‘Do you mean: gender inequality in films?’

Film and TV is definitely one of the most popular and influential mediums of our time. We want equality in casting and workers throughout the industries so everyone is involved in this magical art form. When I talk about the film industry, anything involving it is included; actors, directors, set crew, visual effects artists, red carpets, and awards. Thanks to social media especially, we are always kept up to date on who’s doing what, having a constant stream of influences bombarding our daily lives.

To start off with the bigger and more obvious issue: actors. From the amount they get paid, to how they are portrayed on screen; women are quite often given a significantly less dignified role of a damsel in distress or a sex toy.

The costume and dress differences are very different for men and women obviously, men have a variety from shorts and patterned holiday shirts, to suit and ties, but are always dignified, or portrayed as desired and higher in power. Women get skimpier costumes, and often have a higher angle of camera to make them look smaller, or sexier for a male character. Let us be honest though, most films do have a single strong female role to make up for the other women.

According to the New York Film Academy, 26.2 percent of women actors get partially naked on screen. Whereas only 9.4 percent of men do. The percentage of teenage women depicted with nudity increased by 32.5 percent from 2008 to 2013. As we know from Jennifer Lawrence’s very public complaint: men get paid more than women to act. The highest earning actor is Robert Downey Jr with 80 million dollars for 2015, and the highest earning actress was Jennifer Lawrence with 52 million dollars in 2015. So her statement was correct in this instance, by a significant amount.

Even in the superhero universe, it took seven years before we got a new woman super hero added to the gang of 10 heroes.

Having Scarlett Witch in the latest Marvel superhero movie was great because it was somebody different to Black Widow. The change from a super flexible woman in tight clothes who has a great skill for killing people, to a girl who has powers that are absolutely insane and is still learning to control them is a bit of a fresh breath.

We hear about Quentin Tarantino, Tim Burton and James Cameron, but how many women directors have you heard of? Let alone what movies have they made? Some you may have heard of films such as The Piano (1993) directed by Jane Campion, Whale Rider (2002) by Niki Caro, and the animation, Brave (2012)

by Brenda Chapman. The films that have been made by women directors have very high IMBD ratings, a big plus for girls!

Even in the superhero universe, it took seven years before we got a new woman super hero added to the gang of 10 heroes.

One out of six people working on films are women. Half of the people buying tickets to films are women. 30 percent of speaking roles are women. Half of the population in the world are women. Only two percent of cinematographers are women.

(Stats from a 2013 survey). We cannot say that the film industry is a fair industry, and you cannot tell me that I deliberately chose bad statistics as examples, because other variations of the statistics aren’t much better. One of the best behind the scenes statistics of the larger film production roles was the producer role, with only 25 percent of producers being women. These statistics are from The New York Film Academy (2013).

We have some good new though! In costume design (again, stats from 2013 I am sorry), four of the five nominees are women. Women represented exactly half of the nominees in makeup and hairstyling, and half of the editing nominees!

Men seem to have more influence and power in the film industry. Emma Watson has said that she experiences gender inequality every day in the film industry – having been directed by 17 men and only two women in her career.

“No one has ever asked an actor, ‘you’re playing a strong-minded man.’ We assume that men are strong minded, or have opinions. But a strong-minded woman is a different animal” –Meryl Streep.

We can all definitely agree that Hollywood is a long way from being equal and fair with pay, job sharing, and character roles, but we can start supporting women in the industry. It’s not like women have a lack of talent, just the lack of actual support to bring them to the top.

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THROUGH A SN APC HAT LENS

Amelia Petrovich I have a least favourite Snapchat selfie lens right now and I don’t think I’m being unreasonable.

Popular picture messaging app Snapchat launched their ‘selfie lens’ feature late last year, a feature that let users take pictures and videos with an image overlay (a little like a mask).

Snapchat’s official website says these lenses are a way to “make Snaps even more fun by adding real-time special effects and sounds”, but that’s all they say about them.

Nowhere does it state that these selfie lenses are intended to raise awareness in any particular way, they’re simply there for fun and a bit of a laugh between friends.

That’s fine, but do we know exactly what we’re laughing at?

Some selfie-lenses are straightforward; the

but to me it looks distinctly sad and creepy.

To me, this lens instantly communicates a

Then, no matter your gender, it widens your

degree of sexual abuse.

eyelids and makes them appear puffy and smudged as if you’ve cried so hard that your make up is washing off. To add to the effect, strikingly realistic mascara tear tracks look like they’re running down your whole face. If the colour tint didn’t convince you, then this leaves no room for debate, this is a sad lens.

I’M NOT THE KIND OF PERSON WHO IS EASILY OFFENDED, BUT TO ME THIS FEELS ONE S TEP SHY OF A FILTER FEATURING MASC ARA TEARS AND A BL AC K EYE.

rotating selection often features a dog lens

If not for the lipstick, it’s a picture of a sad person who has cried away their eye makeup. The blatant smudging though is reminiscent of a kiss that perhaps you didn’t want, that perhaps you struggled against, and that perhaps shouldn’t be made fun of by a Snapchat lens.

I’m not the kind of person who is easily offended, but to me this feels one step shy of a filter featuring mascara tears and a black eye. Why did Snapchat need to include the lipstick? If selfie lenses truly are included to “make Snaps even more fun” then surely the organization are doing themselves a disservice with this one. It might be funny to adopt mascara tears for ten seconds, but with one in five New Zealand women experiencing sexual assault at some point in their lives and those aged 16 to 24 among four times more likely to experience assault than age group, this

for example, where users can take pictures

Even with the depressing colours and

seriously isn’t a thing most people want to

with a dog nose and ears. Another popular

mascara tear tracks though; this lense

laugh about.

option, among my friends at least, seems

could be permissible if that’s where it

to be the art-based lenses, where users

stopped. I understand how it could be funny

can transform their portraits into colourful

to overdramatise a scenario on Snapchat,

cubist artworks or make their faces ooze

maybe you just saw that the price of

colour.

avocados had jumped to six dollars each

I’m beginning to wonder, however, if some

and wanted to send someone a picture of

Abuse stats are fairly similar in the U.S where the company is based so I’m almost certain this isn’t what Snapchat aimed to portray, but my gosh does it look horrific and try as I might, I just can’t fathom why

your hammed-up despair.

these visual decisions were made and

of certain people, particularly if their

For me, where this lens comes undone

like a person who is devastated and forced

circumstances are less than “fun”.

is in what it does to your lips. As well as

into stuff they actively fought against.

sort of line should be drawn at caricatures

My least favourite Snapchat lens features this kind of caricature. Firstly, it instantly washes a dull, chilly blue/green colour over the entire frame. Maybe I’m overthinking this tint as an ex-media studies student,

the sad colours, the mascara mess and the vulnerable doe-eyes, you also get given bright red lipstick that has visibly smudged all over your melancholy mouth. Now why

approved. In an instant you’re made to look

I don’t want to laugh at whatever it is that makes you cry away your makeup with smudged lipstick. It’s that simple.

oh why would a person be crying with catastrophically smudged lipstick?

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A Toy Story Laurien Barks Now, I’ve never seen Fifty Shades of Grey, nor have I been inside a sex shop. I’ve yet to be invited to a sexy hen’s party, and while I can, in fact, get quite low with shawty on the dance floor, I’m still pretty damn vanilla. Which means my knowledge of ‘out there’ sex aides is near zip. And to be honest, when I started doing some research into “crazy sex toys” (sorry for my work computer search history, boss…), they freaked me the hell out.

Despite the frightening image search though, I was keen to educate y’all on five of my favourites. But like a nun doing squats in a cucumber field, my forbidden thrills were not without a bit of discomfort.

So, to help make these facts a little easier to swallow for those who, like me, get a little blushy – I’ve settled on a metaphorical approach to help me out.

Buzz Lightrear Not unlike our favourite spaceman, this TwerkingButt Deluxe is out of this world according to the website reviews. Looking to be the very literal substitute for no-show booty calls, this bad boy heats up, can play your favourite twerking playlists, and has massage settings to really get you to infinity and beyond. With a rounded top, sweet sound effects, and a warm core, this 15kg toy may just be the best friend a Woody could have.

Woody Speaking of Woody…Taking the phrase, you’ve got a friend in me, to a whole new level, is this finger vibrator shaped like some kind of friendly pink elephant pal. However, despite the friendly face and jolly blush, this pocket-sized wonder has a nose of thorns, so I reckon being gentle wouldn’t be a wasted effort. It’s pitched as being “small and discreet” so it can be carried in a purse or a pocket for “those urgent playtime requirements”. I guess it’s simply a more convenient and under-the-radar option than a snake in your boot.

Slinky Dog With a hollow centre and “easy to clean reservoir”, it seems this has been designed for the slinkiest of dogs. Always happy to lend a paw, ol’ Slink here is the perfect prezzy for your pent-up pup. I guess it just a great way to get your dog off your leg and into a weird canine sex doll that should really have never been invented. I hate this. I truly hate this.

Mr Potato Head If you’ve ever dreamed of making sweet sweet love to your favourite starchy staple, I reckon this is about as close as you’ll ever get. With It looks like his teeth have been moved to the inside of his throat, his eyebrows down to his lip, and the rest of his features have been fed to Slinky Dog so he truly resembles an oddlywaxed tuber version of the vagina in Teeth.

Yet he also manages to take the shape of a penis – only a true shape-shifting mastermind could pull of this kind of horror.

Rex At first glance, this one looks like it #rekts you if not used properly. However, at second glance, one can see the spikes that gave off an initial harsh and hurtful vibe, are in fact flimsy and just as insecure in their fierceness as our pal Rex. But really, I reckon it’s the softness in this particular glove that is responsible for the high level of endearment and pleasure we associate with it. Just be sure to clean it well when you’re done, or your Rex won’t be the only thing around here that’s green and scaly.

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REAL LIFE

IN REAL LIFE Photo by Caterina Atkinson

COOL SHIT

N! I W

DATE NIGHT GIVEAWAY It’s time to treat your honey to the sweet, sweet loving they deserve (or impress that Tinder cutie you’ve had your eye on) with this enormous package! We’ve got two Rainbows End super passes for you and your boo to get the adrenaline pumping and the endorphins flowing, then you can head on out to the Lone Star Café and Bar for a meal with this $20 off voucher. And should any unexpected expenses arise during your adventures, we’ll give you both a student card to help keep your wallets and full as your hearts. To be in to win this fabulous prize, we want you to Facebook message us your name, campus, and the most romantic thing you’ve ever done/had done for you.

WIN!

SMELL MY FIERCE Introducing Weleda’s new natural light perfume range, Jardin De Vie. With three different fragrances, there’s something for every preference. We thought it most appropriate to introduce Grenade – Sensuality this week, which is a spicy, uniquely sensual and timeless feminine scent that is blended with a carefree fruity orange top note and a mango-like exotic and inspiring sent of davana. Both are entwined with the hypnotic warmth of vanilla which immerses the senses in an imaginative and inspiring journey. These perfumes retail at $39.90 and can be found online at weleda.co.nz, selected online retailers, health stores and pharmacies nationwide.

THAT GLOW THO Winter blues getting you down? Bring back a bit of summer with Oasis Beauty’s Super Tan. This moisturizing gradual tan has a light instant bronzer for pale sensitive skin that needs super hero tanning help.

We’ve got one of these to give away this week to the first person to email lbarks@aut.ac.nz with their name, campus, and a sun pun to be in to win.

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Sexceptional Failures We turned to Facebook to ask y’all about your most embarrassing/horrific/hilarious sex fails, and you did not disappoint!

“Not being arrogant, but I have a ridiculously large “eggplant”. And I’m not just saying that, it is a medical condition that gives me some pretty serious issues.

Anyway, this one evening I had played my cards extremely well and managed to pull two rather adventurous German back-packers to my room in the uni halls. One thing led to another and all three of us ended up hooking up. Obviously this got me rather excited and my eggplant became “hard-boiled”. Now, due to my medical situation, when that amount of blood rushes to one part of my body, I get extremely light headed. On this occasion it hit me harder than I had expected and before I could say “Guten-tag” I passed out on the floor. I never saw those German girls again. Hope I didn’t give New Zealanders a bad name.”

“Me and my ex-partner were having sex on Christmas day once, when her dad walked in, mid coitus and sat down on her bed and started asking us about marriage advice.”

“Me and my bf at the time were always looking for exciting new ways and places to do the dirty deed and when the parents were home, our only option was to retreat to the great outdoors, or in other words, up against a tree behind his house. Thankfully, one of the only good things about my ex was that he owned a spa, and who wouldn’t be tempted to make some waves. The only problem was, because we were young and naïve, we hadn’t realized that the natural lubricant of our love would wash away, therefore resulting in a brutal rip down his foreskin after a badly timed thrust.

Now I felt quite bad after this, as he was clearly on the brink of tears, so I thought I’d make it up to him later on that night and give him a sensational below the belt job, since the word sorry had no effect apparently. To my surprise and utter disgust, what I thought was an early finish by him turned out to be a mouthful of penis blood for me. No wonder he dumped me lol #fail.”

“The last guy I got with from Tinder (lead to me deleting it) was into being tough, which was fine the first time. The second time I was wasted, and the next day I had so many bruises and bite marks it looked like someone had actually tried to murder me. To make matters weirder he seemed to have a bit of a problem ‘finishing the job’ normally, so he asked if he could “quietly masturbate” next to me while I went back to sleep. The next day, I sent him pictures of my wounds and he just said “Ha, shit. Soz.” And then unmatched me!”

“I lost my virginity this week, and I queefed the whole time. Every time we’d change positions I’d let out this earth shattering queef. It wasn’t all bad though, we just burst out laughing every time.”

“I lost a vibrator in my boyfriend’s butt once.

He panicked and started crying. I couldn’t stop laughing.”

“22 and still a mother fucking virgin.”

“So basically in high school I had a boyfriend who lived like an hour away so we only really hung out on Friday nights after school was over for the week and I was always super tired by that stage. One evening I was just keen to get to sleep, but he started getting whiny about “doing stuff” so I sulkily agreed to a cheeky hand job. Next thing I know, I’m waking up next to my boyfriend being like “are you fucking ASLEEP?!” Apparently I had nodded off for a minute or so. I apologised profusely but I still reckon it’s pretty funny.”

“I’m a first year, newly returned from Wellington, and seeing my partner of the time at a friend’s 18th, where we’re staying the night. The night is beautiful, the stars dazzling, the red wine flowing copiously, the fragrance of flowers ensconcing us as I finger her in a treehouse.

When we retired to the bedroom things got a bit, err, passionate and enthused because of the distance and time spent apart. At one stage we got walked in on by the party host’s Dad while my skinny white buttocks thrusted away merrily. But that’s not the embarrassing part. In the morning, I woke up in agony and looked down at the ol’ pal, and my foreskin had completely retracted to the bottom of my penis and was firmly stuck there (by way of comparison; imagine have ones clitoris exposed and rubbing against near-by surfaces and such) but I tried to be cool and staunch until I got home where I discreetly googled my predicament. I discovered that it was a bad case of phimosis, and it was recommended that medical attention be sought within six hours for fear of losing the penis because of lack of circulation, by this stage it had been 24 hours. I weighed up telling my staunchly religious parents and decided against, so I rang a friend and got him to pick me up and drive me to hospital AND THEN when the doctor saw me, I said ‘do I have to try and get hard’ thinking I was being helpful and he dead-panned ‘I’d rather you didn’t’ and oh God what a faux pas. Anyway, he tried to use tweezers, but he ended up having to roughly tug my foreskin back into place and it took about five minutes of him sweating away over my EXTREMELY flaccid and sore member, and that is my tale.”

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The Soft and Slightly Sad Side of the Sex Industry Julie Cleaver She folded her arm behind her back, unhooked her bra, and flung it into the audience. Glancing seductively at a male in the front row, she walked over to him and whispered in his ear “hey there big boy”. He burst into tears and started telling her about his relationship with his mother.

This is the sex industry. After talking to strippers, dancers, escorts and a doctor, I’ve discovered that surprisingly, the industry isn’t all about sex (I know, names can be misleading). A lot of people go to workers for therapy and friendship – often with no strings attached. But why? And at what cost?

One male escort I talked to said he has never had sex with anyone for money – ever. He’s only been paid (and a hefty sum at that) to get coffee with people and chat (!).

And it’s not just females paying for a friendly pair of ears. Sarah is a dancer who said male clients often come to her strip club just wanting a good chinwag. “I believe some are lonely, some are trying to fill a gap within themselves that they don’t quite understand…”

A stripper, who wished to be called Ash, said people come in to converse all the time. “Ninety percent of my regulars come in just to chat… I normally will just sit and talk with them about their lives and what they’ve been up to.”

Dr Pani Farvid conducted her PhD on heterosexual sex and has since examined the sex industry in New Zealand. She said that currently there are trends in society that could lead to loneliness. “A lot of people are working longer hours, living on their own, and getting a partner later in life,” says Dr Farvid.

Despite social media allowing more opportunities to connect, Dr Farvid still believes our fast-paced lifestyles may be sending more men to the sex industry in search of company and intimacy. “The sex industry has shifted in the last five to ten years. Many men are now after the ‘girlfriend experience’ where they have an emotional connection with the women and see them regularly. However this type of sex work requires a lot more emotional labour on top of the sexual labour for the sex worker and could be more draining than traditional ‘sex only’ sex work.”

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Kylie, an exotic dancer and adult entertainer, said men come to her for companionship “surprisingly often”.

“There are a lot of people who just want company, whether they end up booking a girl for a private dance or not. A lot of people use us as a therapist almost, telling us some extremely personal things,” said Kylie.

Ash seconds that by saying, “I sorta play counsellor [by] just listening to their problems and giving advice”.

Lastly, Sarah says she has also acted like a therapist in her line of work.

“I held a sad businessman while he cried to me about how having money doesn’t fill the void in your soul. We drank wine and I hugged him for most of the night and tried to make him [feel] better.”

Dr Farvid’s research shows that men who suffer from social anxieties, a physical disability, or other conditions that make them less confident in themselves and with women tend to visit sex workers for intimate connections. They do this instead of working on some kind of personal development or seeing a therapist that might help them work through their issues.

“Visiting a sex worker and having her take on the role of surrogate girlfriend or therapist is a temporary fix, one that does not necessarily address some of the underlying issues men are dealing with that lead to loneliness,” says Dr Farvid.

Although some of the people seeking temporary girlfriends have unresolved issues, Dr Farvid suggested that many men also do it because they do not wish to deal with the stress of maintaining a normal a relationship. Some men don’t want to put up with emotional baggage, like being there for the bae when she’s upset. They want someone who will pump up their ego, give them great sex, and who they can see as much or as little as they like.

Dr Farvid suggested another reason for this phenomenon may be consumerism. In a neoliberal world where you can literally buy anything you want (except happiness, apparently) purchasing a girlfriend who you only see on your time, who is young and beautiful, and who is sexually proficient has become a convenient and desirable option for some men. In economic terms, buying a boo is seen as a good return for their investment.

“A lot of people use us as a therapist almost, telling us some extremely personal things.”

However, for the workers, being a counsellor on top of their other work can be draining. Sarah said, “Sometimes it’s nice to help, but there are other times when it’s not. Like last week this guy was going on and on about things from his childhood that he still hadn’t let go of, and I could see that he was creating his own negativity by feeding the past, but he was too deep in to stop. Afterwards I felt so drained I couldn’t physically speak to anyone else.”

“They really don’t get paid enough for what they do,” says Dr Farvid.

Sarah agrees, saying the club she works at is not very lucrative. “We don’t get paid at all. We make what the customers give us. We pay the club to be there.”

Ash says for her, the money is infrequent. “I can make 1600 dollars one weekend and then 1000 dollars the next. But then only 400 dollars the weekend after.”

Considering therapy generally costs well over 100 dollars an hour, the amount people make in the industry can be pretty low. Not only do they have to listen and console sad sods, they also have to do it without clothes or whilst also providing sexual favours. It’s a lot of work, and it can definitely take an emotional toll.

However, Sarah said it’s not all bad, and talking can be really rewarding at times. She said she even met one of her best friends through chatting at the club. “We have stayed in touch for years. We write pieces together and, as friends, completely treasure each other.”

Kylie has also had some enjoyable experiences. “Less than a month ago another girl and I were booked for an hour with two guys. They ended up extending over and over to four hours in total just so we could talk. We never ended up dancing or anything. And they were true gentlemen, going downstairs to get us drinks whenever we needed.”

In economic terms, buying a boo is seen as a good return for their investment.

These adorable moments also occur between the workers themselves.

Sarah said, “I remember once, every single girl on stage held hand and danced together because we wanted to express how we were stronger together. We didn’t even care about getting in trouble or the customer’s confusion because we were just too in the moment.”

Kylie says the best thing about working are the girls she is with is “They are honestly like a family and work is like a home away from

home. Yes there will always be some drama but they understand you in a way that people outside of the industry just cannot.”

Warm and fuzzy, overworked and made to be cuddly – the sex industry is definitely an interesting and evolving place. A lot of people, fooled by the faux comfort of social media, appear to be lonelier now than ever before. Humans are literally unable to survive without connection, so it’s no wonder these isolated souls seek refuge in the sex industry.

Someone who they probably won’t ever see again, who they can pay to make the interaction on their terms (in certain cases and to an extent – it’s still mutual and consensual), and who may seem more vulnerable than them (ever imagined speaking to a naked audience?).

Also, it’s important to consider that many of these men may be social people with a lot of friends. However, since males are generally conditioned from an early age to not talk about their feelings – “Rub some dirt on it, son. She’ll be right.” – perhaps sex workers are the only people they feel comfortable talking to. This makes it less of a personal problem and more of a societal one.

Although I feel sorry for these lonely men, the real heroes in this story are the workers. The women I spoke to were all empathetic and compassionate human beings who genuinely enjoy helping people.

However, even though they have good hearts, the work they do is undeniably tough, and I think they deserve more pay for what they do.

As despite common assumption, a lot of strippers aren’t bathing in tubs of cash sipping Moët. They’re often middle class people who are struggling like the rest of us, which is something to consider next time you slip a fiver into someone’s G-string.

Right now, more than connectivity, we need community. More than therapists, we need good, kind, and compassionate people in every field. And more than stereotypes about sex workers, we need understanding. They’re not victims – they’re helping victims.

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Two Fleshy Meatloaves Kieran Bennett I was 19 when I first had sex, it lasted about three minutes and we used one and a half positions. Despite developing a cramp in my foot, ruining a perfectly good towel forever, and emerging bathed in enough sweat to last a lifetime; it was great. But the more I had sex, the more I came to realise that there are many things, key things, I had never been told about. I hadn’t been outright lied to, but there had been lies of omission.

For sure, I knew how it all worked. I didn’t exactly get hot, heavy and naked then placed my nose in between her labia expecting sparks to fly. I did understand the basic, fundamental idea of placing my genitalia inside hers and somehow making sex happen from there. And that, I feel, is the first lie. As children we chuckled at the ‘sexual intercourse’ entry of the dictionary.

Penis into the vagina? How strange. But that oddly clinical description of the beast with two backs remains the closest I’ve ever had to a sexual road map. Movies, television shows and society in general all seemed to give the impression that the actual act was incredibly easy. Now, I’m no nun, I’ve seen porn, I know what a hoo-ha looks like, multiple sets of lips and all. But, I was having sex with my girlfriend, not a 46DD Russian girl named Anna and five

other guys. The circumstances were mildly different. So, when the time came to assume the mantle of manhood, I missed. Multiple times. For all you first timers out there, vaginas are not like penises. Strange, I know.

Now, I’m no nun, I’ve seen porn, I know what a hoo-ha looks like, multiple sets of lips and all.

One of the key differences (amongst others) is that they are much further back than you would expect, and if you thrust to where you would expect it to be, you can and will smash into her clitoris. Some girls like this, but not the first time they’re having sex.

Like any good couple, we spent a good long while exploring each other’s bodies, but this was of no help whatsoever, as human bodies are, quite frankly, confusing and complicated things. No amount of emotional readiness and honesty can really prepare you for the sheer difficulty that comes with the actual act of penetration. It is highly, highly likely that your first time will be incredibly awkward and full of all kinds of flailing, searching and stupid questions. Of course, even if you make it to home base, so to speak, that doesn’t prepare you for the actual act.

Sex in fiction is presented as a loving, romantic, passionate act of two fluid bodies gently and wonderfully becoming one being.

This is absolute horseshit. Pure, passionate, fluid horseshit. If you ever see a film and the two people having sex are sort of arching and gripping the sheets a lot while moaning - rest assured they’re not having sex. They’ve just bought a set of 1000 count sheets and can’t believe the comfort.

Sex is not glamorous. It’s not fluid. It’s not even necessarily passionate and romantic.

It’s kind of dirty and unless you’re actively trying, it doesn’t look good. It looks like two fleshy meatloaves being slapped together.

And the meatloaves are grunting. I mean, it’s great and all, but it’s also gross. There will, of course, be people who will blanch at that idea; sex is supposed to be a loving embrace between two or more consenting adults and whatever peripheral equipment they desire, it can’t be gross. Don’t get me wrong, sex can be incredibly loving and romantic. It can for sure be an indication of your deep commitment to another human being. You do however resemble a writhing, uneven sack of pennies whilst doing it. And no one seems to be willing to open up to that fact.

Much like actual sex, there’s no real easy way to finish this off. Perhaps I’ll finish with this: the chances of you dying whilst having sex with your partner for the first time are pretty low, so don’t worry about it.

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LGBTQI+ Photo by Caterina Atkinson

You Are Not

b roke n Quinn Fyers

In order for my story to make sense, we have to go back to before I was born. My parents belong to a religion known to mainstream Christianity as Unificationism. Much like the Mormons, they believe that the key to world peace is building happy, healthy, perfect families. It’s a new age religion with traditionalist values, and has only been around since about 1954, The Unification church is responsible for mass weddings where thousands of people get married at the same time in the same stadium. That’s right, a whole stadium of people getting married. Don’t believe me? Look it up. My parents and many others took part in a whole matching process that took anywhere between five months to a little over a year before they could find the right match. They met each other in New York and after only five days of getting to know each other, and on July 1st 1982, they were married, or as the Unificationists call it “blessed” alongside 2075 other couples. The thing about my parents is that when they met, neither of them could speak the other’s language.

This was completely normal for the first generation of the church. Now that we’ve seen a glimpse of my parent’s life before I came along, we can get to me.

I was born on the 13th of May, 1996 to my very loving parents. I have five older siblings and two younger ones. The problem with having a lot of siblings is that it makes it that much harder to get a moment alone with your parents to ask developmental questions. Growing up, my parents raised us with strict Unificationist values. Don’t talk to people of the opposite sex, no staying out past sunset, check in as much as possible, no sleep overs or parties, no alcohol unless for traditional religious purposes and the very obvious, no drugs, sex, or rock and roll.

Some parents within the church were more relaxed in their approach to raising their kids, it wasn’t until I was 14 that I learned my family was one of few that believed letting your kids immerse themselves in the outside world would cause them to rebel and abandon the beliefs they’d been born and raised in

I had a bag packed just under my desk, it was all or nothing at this point.

On the 10th of April 2015, I sat in my room, hands shaking, throat tightening, and heart beating fast. I asked my father to come talk to me just seconds before placing myself in my office chair, I typed away at my computer asking my closest group of friends one last time if this was really the right way to do it. I had a bag packed just under my desk, it was all or nothing at this point. I was ready to leave and not look back. My father approached the doorway and asked me what I wanted to talk about. Tears began to well up and my throat closed up, red faced and shaking I barely managed to spit it out “I… I’m gay.” It was just above a whisper and I’d choked. ‘Had he heard me? Should I repeat myself? It’s been 0.4 seconds since I said it, I should definitely repeat myself’ I thought. He stepped into the room and shut the door. He definitely heard me.

The next 12 minutes of my life felt like they were never ending. Up until now I’ve only ever really told the happy version of the story where I only mention the good moments. It’d say something like this, “My dad took it really well, he gave me a little

lecture about how it’s probably a phase and then we hugged and cried”. What I left out was the part where he implied that I was going to hell or that I was sick and needed help. I don’t tell my friends the reason I cried was because he was disgusted with it all. They don’t need to hear that part to understand the moral of the story, but those are part of it.

A few weeks later, my father asked me to move into the church with the missionaries.

I guess in his mind, it was going to help cure me. I stayed there for a couple months. I figured if I let my dad try all he could, he would eventually get over it and realise there is nothing to cure and you cannot fix what isn’t broken. Eventually he let me come back home due to both a slight change in heart and unforeseen circumstances.

We stopped talking to each other about anything personal, our conversations are now limited to “pass the salt”. My father, who once knew me fairly well, now knows nothing about me. The relationship between my parents and I is still rocky. I fight with my father almost daily and while he doesn’t support me and my mother doesn’t understand, I have faith that maybe one day they’ll change their minds.

I would like to say the big step to my coming out story would be my only step, but in all truth, I will always be coming out to new friends I make, people I meet, future co-workers and employers, strangers in the street. I will keep coming out until society changes.

The reason I am telling you my story is because I believe it gets better. My story isn’t finished. If there is one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s that whether you are attracted to people of the same-sex, opposite sex, or not attracted to anyone at all, you are not broken.

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PRINCE OBERYN Conor Leathley The expectations for a hero are rather well defined – we have seen it 1000 times

Tyrion, and his duel against Ser Gregor Clegane aka, the Mountain would have

not the defining trait that would have felt shoehorned in. Due to that, as strange as

over after all. He must be male, preferably white and resolutely heterosexual. No, he doesn’t mess around with that ‘fairy stuff’ because he is a manly man. Legions of baddies fall before their hail of unlimited gunfire, ending with Hitler getting socked in the jaw. Pre (and post) this cavalcade of onomatopoeias, the most beautiful broad in all the land is conquered by the titular hero.

retained their gravitas. But for the rest of his time at Kings Landing, he simply would have been another person awash in the sea of sameness.

it may be to think in a land that contains dragons and White Walkers, a bisexual character may be the most heroic of them all. Ned Stark was too noble and lacked any charisma to ever be a true hero in the style of a Han Solo. The artist formerly known as King Robert Baratheon was a drunk, tired vestige of what once was.

Ser Loras has had not nearly enough screen time. And Jaime Lannister has the physical look of Prince Charming but the sexual inclinations of Cletus the SlackJawed Yokel.

What a load of rubbish. I will be the first to admit that I am somewhat hypocritical because I grew up on, and adore characters like Han Solo and Indiana Jones. But since the success of those characters, that has become the archetype that seemingly every storyteller thinks of when they are brainstorming a hero. So despite a different title and ostensibly a different story, the audience is still getting the exact same kind of hero. Fortunately, the mind of George R.R. Martin does not think like most writers.

What he conceived was a hero in Prince Oberyn Martell of Dorne. He did fit some of the stereotypes (amazing fighter, physically desirable) but relented against others, most uniquely in the fact that he was bisexual.

It was so liberating to watch and support a hero that was not chained to a genre stereotype. If he had been the standard definition, would it have mattered in the grand scheme of things? Probably not.

But his character would have been so much less memorable. Sure, his two best scenes, recounting the first time he saw

It was so liberating to watch and support a hero that was not chained to a genre stereotype.

The best part was that his character is noticeably different from the rest. He did not hide the fact that he is attracted to more than one gender – in fact he relishes it. But he did not do that because he seeks approval from the Lannisters or anyone else, it’s because he was so supremely cool and confident.

It was not rammed down our throats however, so to speak. In his iconic speech to the Mountain he did not say “have they told you who I am? I am the brother of Elia Martell. And do you know why I have come all the way to this stinking shit pile of a city? To sleep with men. And woman, but mainly men. Look at how progressive I am!”

Handling it in the way that they did made it an important part of his character, but

Oberyn Martell had the necessary swagger of a hero – you didn’t fear for his life because he did not. He was not driven by greed or power. He simply wanted what was owed to him. Namely, the life of the Mountain, as he raped and murdered his sister and killed her children. Their battle was the modern day retelling of David and Goliath. When he drove his poisoned spear into the chest of the Mountain, for those brief seconds I really did think that G.R.R.M may finally let the hero be victorious. Of course we all know how that ends. Oberyn’s hubris betrayed him and his brain fluid ended up sprayed all over the arena.

Despite his horrific ending, for his brief time in the story, he challenged the way a hero should be portrayed. So thank you G.R.R.M and show-runners Benioff and Weiss. Thank you for giving us the hero, not the one that we deserved, but the hero we needed.

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21st CENTURY GAY Sexuality in the Modern Age

Ethan Sills “You’re gay? Really?”

“I thought you were, I just never felt comfortable asking.”

“Really? Cause I never would have suspected it if you hadn’t told me!”

I’ve never really enjoyed the process of coming out. Not that it has ever resulted in abuse or the type of extreme reactions you tend to see on television - something that can be rather damaging for a young mind - but it feels pointless at times.

It’s the 21st century; homosexuality has been legal for two decades, we can even get married now, why does it matter what gender you’re attracted to?

Indeed, the general view now seems to be that everything’s fine, no one cares about sexuality anymore, stop complaining already. Yet whenever I do bring it up with friends, whether subtly or bluntly, the majority of the time it becomes something to be discussed. And then it becomes one of

either two things: shock over the fact I ‘never seemed that gay’ or a sort of awkward success story along the lines of ‘Well, I always suspected, but, you know…’

They are reactions that are not exactly helpful. I can’t speak for the entire LGBT+ community, but when you are greeted with that response, it often feels, to me, like you’re revealing you have some sort of disease or condition: “Sorry to tell you guys, but I’ve caught the gay!” Even when people think they are being supportive, those types of reactions can, in a way, make you doubt yourself I’ve never viewed my sexuality as something that defines me, which I think is one reason why it can feel uncomfortable at times to bring up. For such a tiny word, the label ‘gay’ comes with decades of connotations and interpretations behind it.

It’s almost impossible to bring it up in a serious situation without all this influence, whether it be culturally of familial, affecting how people interpret that one little word. And when you get told you either do or don’t come across a certain way, you instantly wonder just how this person is seeing you now or how they have always seen you.

The question I often find myself pondering over is what exactly does it mean to be gay in this day and age? Is it still something that needs to be protected and defended, is it just a casual part of one’s being, or is it something to be worn with pride like a badge of honour; a declaration to make as you walk into a room? And that chain of thinking tends to lead to: is there a right way to be gay?

I’ve never viewed my sexuality as something that defines me, which I think is one reason why it can feel uncomfortable at times to bring up.

When I was in Year 11, I had all these ideas of how I was going to come out and the steps it would take to do so. Those plans were shot down by various adults who told me I was ‘rushing into it’ and that there was the possibility I might change my innocent, foolish teenage mind later. I was told that I was misinterpreting things, and as quickly as it had started, that dream died.

In hindsight, I’m glad I didn’t go all Kurt Hummel, showy song and dance number with it (not that it was going to be a song and dance number, as I’m unable to do either of those things.) At the time it seemed like the right way to go about it, but given how I view it now, I don’t think a, sort of, bold declaration is the type of person I am. Since then, I’ve never seen the need to make a big public statement about it (not going to have a viral coming out video any time soon), and prefer to just let it naturally come out. There have been opportunities, especially around university speeches, but when it comes to the moment to speak, a voice in the back of my head will ask “Is this really what I want to say right now?

Is this really the right way to go about it?”

There are times were I feel almost guilty for not embracing it further. When you look back at the last few decades of queer history, there is a lot that people of this community went through in order to make my life as semi-comfortable as it is today. It feels like you’re taking all that history for granted to not be more active and open about it given how hard people fought for it and how many people, globally, are still suffering because of Draconian discrimination laws.

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There may still be a while to go to reach full equality, but at its core, this is the 21st century and people should be mentally prepared for anyone to be gay, the same way the majority of people automatically assume everyone around them is straight until proven otherwise.

But then it raises the question of what one is supposed to do. At times, I feel like there is a societal pressure to conform, to mould into the stereotypical perception of what a gay man is supposed to be. And not just from a heterosexual point of view: talking to other LGBT+ people, I occasionally get the impression that not taking part in a more active gay lifestyle makes me a lesser person because of it. ‘Community’ gets associated with the LGBT+ label, but it’s such an open word, there is no definitive meaning. I feel a part of this community in my own way, but don’t feel a need to be particularly ‘active’ about it, and I know many people who will see this as not embracing life to the fullest.

Over the course of writing this article, I spoke to a number of LGBT+ friends, acquaintances and relatives to get a broader view on the subject. The most common thing I noticed was that people either preferred they weren’t solely associated with their sexuality, or fully embraced it and saw it as one, if not the, defining part of their identity. The theme of being a part of a minority came up repeatedly, that it was an opportunity to see the world through a different lens. One friend referred to it as being ‘invisible’, of being in a minority but not facing the instant connotations that gender or skin colour can bring up when meeting people. He asked me if I’d like everyone I met to know I’m gay, and though my first response was yes for the ease, we both wondered whether either of us would want to be instantaneously judged based on our sexualities. As with any minority, you’d want to be judged based on yourself, not what someone thinks about your community.

There are friends from high school I still talk to that I’ve never directly mentioned it to, but after all this time I just think ‘What’s the point?’ It feels extremely awkward to slip into a conversation without any context or opening, and unless that opportunity arises, is there a need to mention it?

At times, I feel like there is a societal pressure to conform, to mould into the stereotypical perception of what a gay man is supposed to be.

But then conversations where how I act or speak or what I’m interested in get picked over to determine how obvious or not my sexuality is, shows there is perhaps still a ways to go before the idea of homosexuality and all the other letters is a fully accepted idea. We seem to think that the more present it becomes in pop culture, the more accepted it must be, but even now when actors come out, it is still considered breaking news to some people.

When I intended to do a big coming out, I decided to tell my best friend first. I was nervous, feeling slightly sick, and made a big deal of getting him alone so no one else would overhear.

When I told him, he said “Okay” and continued rearranging something in his bag. I was taken aback at the time, having expected questions or something a bit more emotional in terms of a reaction, but afterwards it felt refreshing that it was simply acknowledged and then moved on without any question.

And really it would be better, I think, if more people were that instantly accepting.

We seem to think that the more present it becomes in pop culture, the more accepted it must be, but even now when actors come out, it is still considered breaking news to some people.

My feeling is that someone’s sexuality shouldn’t be a big deal.

It’s natural, for twenty years in this country it’s been legal, we can get married, so really why does it matter? There may still be a while to go to reach full equality, but at its core, this is the 21st century and people should be mentally prepared for anyone to be gay, the same way the majority of people automatically assume everyone around them is straight until proven otherwise.

I feel that if it shouldn’t matter, as we are often told now in the media, than why go out of my way to inform family members I only see once a year of something that shouldn’t be a problem in the long run.

I remember once, while working at a library, coming across a book where some psychologist was arguing that everyone’s biologically gay and most people just ignore it. While I think that is a bit OTT, there is a point to be made from that. Anyone could be gay. You may not suspect it or see it coming, but most people don’t walk around with giant neon rainbow signs above their heads signifying their sexuality. As a whole, we all need to be more open minded around sexuality, and the more accepting we are, the more equal we will all be.

I think if it’s clear that it was a difficult thing for the person to say, give them the support they require – if you’re the first person they’ve ever told, brushing over it might not be the best. But if someone is simply informing you, my personal belief would be to just let it slide. Give it a tip of the hat in acknowledgement and move on with your day. It’s only a big deal if that person choses it to be, and at the end of the day it shouldn’t change anything.

People interpret and view their sexualities differently, the same way as heterosexuals; those who consider finding a partner their most important thing in the life compared with those who really don’t give two fucks. The only difference is gender, and it’s not that big of a deal.

In my own way, this is me owning my sexuality. Not a coming out letter or anything, simply an acknowledgement, and that’s all there is to it. Just a few years later than I would have intended.

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R EDE F IN ED Shivan

What determines sexuality? Is it something you are born with or is it something you are raised to learn? I think it’s something we learn. Television, movies, social media - I feel like the past generations have imprinted a clear line which divides what is socially acceptable for men and what is socially acceptable for women.

And what is sexy. However, this decade has seen this division start to fade, and I think this is because we are starting to be more accepting of a different idea of masculinity and femininity.

Throughout history, fashion and sex appeal has always gone hand in hand. It has been a pivot for fashion brands to pin sex with everything they could to make fashion marketable. Brands would rather focus on selling sex in their adverts than the quality of the garments. However, this started to shift with designers like McQueen who sold art to consumers in the form of fashion. From this I believe consumers are shifting away from buying clothes for the sex appeal, and more toward looking for the fit, designs, artistic creation and even ethical sourcing of the clothes.

There has definitely been a shift in the way women dress. I personally find layers and a well-fitted suit so much sexier on a woman than a short dress showing a lot of skin. We have created an editorial to help show this change in fashion. As I always say, there is nothing sexier than a woman in suit. We’ve used the designs of Jack Jai, who owns a line of unisex suits which was showcased at the AUT Rookie Show.

The history of fashion has changed a lot. The 1920s saw women who wore corsets on a daily basis and flapper dresses that were seen to provocative, then the 90s shifted to favour shorter clothes, and now we’ve begun to gravitate toward a unisex style of dress.

Shot & Styled by: Yours Truly @gathum (www.gathum.co.nz) Model: Bianca @Red11 H & M by: @MadeupbyRuth Clothes by: Jack Jai (Jack X) Jewellery by: @sans_pareil_blog (www.sanspareilonline.com)

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SEXY PICK UP LINES COMICS BY CATERINA ATKINSON

ADVICE Illustration by Tyler Hinde

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You’ll have less travel sex than you think

Shawn Cleaver “Bro. You are going to have so much sex on your trip.”

My friend’s eyes almost rolled back in his head as he let out a content sigh. As if he was envisioning the sheer avalanche of females that was to engulf me on my upcoming OE. His reasons sounded like a Petri dish for chlamydia: cheap drinks, single travellers who want good times, not long times, (great, as I’m a specialist at neither) and the accent. Foreign babes love the Kiwi accent.

I can safely say after five months of travelling, my friend was full of shit. Turns out getting laid on the road can be trickier than it seems to be in your cocktail-chugging, bikini-clad fantasies. I put it down to the following three complications.

HOSTELS ARE AWFUL PLACES TO HAVE SEX Hostels are a blessing and a curse as far as hooking up goes.

Without a doubt, they’re the best place to meet potential lovers.

They are buzzing with friendly and beautiful people, out to have the time of their life, just like you. However, even if she does fall for your Michael Jackson dance moves, the actual logistics of having sex in a hostel are tough.

Unless you’re a baller motherfucker and you’ve forked out over double for a private room, you have two choices: the bathroom, or the bunk bed.

You’d be lucky to have enough space to fit the both of you in a bathroom cubicle, while ignoring the guy next door who’s still getting acquainted with Vietnamese cuisine. Although it could be a good thing if someone next door was throwing up, to help drown out the noise of your awkward fucking from the people who actually need to use the bathroom.

If subtlety isn’t your main concern, you’ve still got the option of putting on a private sex show for your dorm in the bunk beds.

The unwritten rule of backpacking – don’t do this. Not only is it noisy, it’s just awkward as hell for everyone in the room. I heard one guy cleared a whole dorm because they got sick of listening to him screw.

Alas, sex in a hostel is only a reality for the rich, the gross, and the selfish. Kind of like how sex is normally. But even if you suss out a place to do the deed, you still might be doing it less than you think.

YOUR ACCENT IS NOT SPECIAL The way people talk about the effect the Kiwi accent has on travelling babes makes it sound like it’s an ancient Elvish password, and much like the doors of Moria, legs just swing open if you speak it.

This is complete bullshit. Unfortunately Flight of the Conchords and Lorde have given damaging exposure to our once unique sound. Everyone has heard it before, and it’s no longer exotic. Not to mention everyone thinks we sound Australian, which does not help our cause.

You could argue that if everyone travelling is pudgy and alcoholic, shouldn’t it all cancel each other out? In theory yes, but it’s amazing how many people seem to be in that three week golden period. Many people only manage a few weeks off work for their holiday, and prepare accordingly.

I argue now that world travel has become much more available to the middle-class, accents and simply being from a place far away isn’t as amazing as it once was. Everyone travelling has met someone like you before. It’s not something to rely on, and it surely isn’t this amazing nuclear knicker-dropping bomb some people think it is.

Travelling for a long period of time is an absolute blessing but has its curses. This particular curse makes you the Rebel Wilson of the room; funny, fierce, but only bangable after a bucket of local ethanol.

IF YOU’RE TRAVELLING PROPERLY, YOU’RE OUT OF SHAPE A few travel-buddies of mine came up with a saying “if you’re still in shape, you haven’t been travelling long enough”.

I left for my trip as ripped as I’ve ever been. I was working out every second day for two months, and was the bulkiest I felt I could be. This lasted about three weeks into my travels. I had no answer to the $1 happy hour. The holiday mentality rendered my discipline futile, and my muscles melted away like my triple-scoop Balinese ice-cream. Travelling leaves your body a shell of its former glory.

I’m sure many people have lots of sex when they travel. Maybe they get hotel rooms, or actually like shagging in bathrooms, or just sneak off to the beach and suffer through sand-vag. Maybe they are naturally ripped, or just don’t worry about accents and looks and rely on charm and chemistry.

However I know there must be others who find the whole experience a fraction tacky, who don’t like the idea of everyone watching them bone in a bunk bed, or feel a bit helpless to even try because there really is nowhere suitable to make sweet, sweet, drunken, sloppy, ‘what’s-your-name-again’ love. They know just because you get off a plane, it doesn’t mean the Scandinavian volleyball team is going to claw at you for sounding like Jermaine Clement. Make sure you pack a large dose of reality in your carryon, and don’t let the orgasm distraction take away from your amazing opportunity abroad.

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Let’s Talk About Sex Amelia Petrovich “[School] never discussed what sex could bring to your life, only what it could take from you.” – Rachel, 21 High school is a beautiful, terrible time in a person’s life. It’s your coming of age, your first real blows with the world, and five years of training for what you’ll eventually spend the rest of your life doing. At high school, people who want to learn maths will be coached through quadratics, and aspiring artists will be taught to blend colour. Why then, is it so hard to inform those students interested in sex with the same degree of finesse?

Swept under the rug like an embarrassing secret, consent, sexual health, homosexual sex and sex-positive rhetoric are glossed over for a majority of Kiwi secondary school students, some of whom took to Facebook to vent and voice opinions for Debate about all things sex-ed.

Sex ed? What sex ed?

Some high school graduates like Aishani say they don’t recall having sex education at all.

“Everything took priority over health classes that we had only once every two weeks,” she says.

“All we learned in health class was how and why to say no to drugs, how if some builders seem dodgy you should walk down a safer street instead, and we watched a video about two 13 year olds who were unsure whether they should have sex or not. That was about it.”

Aishani says that any time sex was briefly mentioned, there always seemed to be an underlying message that it was best to “wait ‘till your older’” and of course “don’t get pregnant,” but precious little else.

Consent is sort of a really big deal For Lucciane, the lack of discussion around sexual consent in a high school context is a big concern. When she was at school, it was suggested that one shouldn’t start having sex until they feel ‘ready’, but there was “no focus on each individual’s sexual autonomy past that.”

“Safe relationships, blurred lines when you’ve been drinking, and the importance of being free to change your mind without feeling like you owed them something or are leading them on… this is stuff I learned way too late,” Lucciane says.

Some schools are improving…

Kirana, a current Wellington secondary students, says that her school’s new approach to sexual education is a definite step in the right direction, but that there is still a lot to be improved on. “[Our school] held a well-being day for all year groups from 11 upwards,” says Kirana.

“We had a session on relationships and consent, which was really good because it went in depth about all the different situations [where consent is relevant]. Another session was on contraception, STIs, breast screening, smear tests and all that jazz.”

For Kirana though, this approach to sexual education came just a little too late.

“I thought that consent and all that porn stuff should have been taught way earlier on because for some people it could have been too late to have avoided those situations,” Kirana says.

“I think we really benefitted from that day, and I hope all the younger years got to learn what we learned because I wish I’d known some of the stuff I learned earlier.”

…but some really aren’t Just in case you haven’t entirely abandoned the idea of New Zealand as a forward-thinking society, Paige explains that classes called ‘Postponing Sexual Intercourse’ do in fact exist.

“Basically it was three hours or something of learning why the female body was inappropriate and female sexuality was a sin,” says Paige.

“Literally one of the exercises we had to do was where the instructors played Mariah Carey’s song ‘Touch My Body’ and we had to explain why Mariah was going to hell for saying these inappropriate words.”

Paige describes looking back on these kinds of classes as surreal.

“I was in year 10 at the time and just so uncomfortable and it’s only in later years [I’ve realized] how horrible and probably damaging the lessons we were taught in these classes were,” she says.

Discussing risks too early makes things harder later on Hannah says that her old school got their timing completely wrong when they kicked off the conversation about sexual health.

“They taught STDs when we were way too young where they were considered gross and funny, in turn tainting them with a stigma for the rest of our lives,” says Hannah.

“I have so many friends at 21 [who] I have had to pressure to go get checks because they are either confused about the process, embarrassed, or are scared they might actually have one.”

Sex is actually pretty great For Hannah, it’s also disappointing that Kiwi schools discuss sex so clinically rather than addressing it as a potentially positive act.

“It also pays to be taught the pleasurable side of it - stuff like it is okay to guide your partner, it is okay to masturbate and become self-aware,” Hannah says. “[As] girls we are taught- in heterosexual sex- that our role is passive in the bedroom. We were told to carry a condom in case the boy doesn’t have one, not to go on the pill to protect ourselves.”

What about the rest of us?

Like so many societal flaws however, possibly the most important stories are found upon examining what is left unsaid.

Several New Zealand secondary school students, both current and former, reported a total absence of homosexual intercourse in their college’s curriculum. This would make a lot of sense if the entire world were heterosexual but contrary to popular belief this is not the case. In fact, a lot of Kiwi kids face an uphill battle trying to convince their wizened counterparts that there is no “one hetero-size fits all” in sex.

These are conversations that can, do and will occur regardless of whether secondary education can catch up. A cohesive and logical education system would match what is being taught with the demands and concerns of students, but utopia cannot always exist so easily. Until the time comes where good sense finally peeks over the horizon though, Kiwi kids will continue to do what they’ve always done; complain, kick up a fuss… and teach themselves.

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REVIEWS

DEADPOOL Directed by Tim Miller Starring Ryan Reynolds, Morena Baccarin, T.J. Miller Reviewed by Ethan Sills

ith all the superhero movies bombarding our screens at the moment, it takes a lot for them to feel fresh and new. Enter Deadpool, on paper the complete opposite of what we’ve come to expect: a hard R-rating, graphic violence, swearing, nudity, sex scenes, everything Marvel wouldn’t touch with their longest helicarrier. There are points where the movie is doing stuff purely to celebrate their rating, but they made it work and deliver one of the freshest, most fun superhero movies in a long time.

The plot is nothing to write home about: ex-mercenary Wade Wilson is diagnosed with cancer and undergoes an experimental treatment that goes wrong, unlocking latent mutant powers but disfiguring him in the process. After escaping his tormentors, Wilson becomes Deadpool and sets out to get his revenge and get back his girl.

While the plot is lacking and it can veer into the immature quite frequently, Deadpool is still a fantastically entertaining movie. The jokes, whether they work or not, are constant and flow better than most MCU films. Reynolds is clearly having the time of his life on the movie, and the action is as thrilling as it is brutal.

My one complaint would be that they could have had a bit more guts and gone after more than just the superhero films Reynolds has previously starred in, as there is so much material they could have used. Aside from that little niggle, Deadpool is riotously entertaining through and through, and if you haven’t seen it yet, make sure to catch it when it comes out on DVD.

IN THE FLESH Created by Dominic Mitchell Starring Luke Newberry, Amy Bevan, Harriet Cains Reviewed by Ethan Sills

Zombies are the new vampires when it comes to TV: every year or so, there seems to be new attempt to steal a bit of The Walking Dead’s kudos and launch a new series. In the Flesh is better than most, thanks mostly to its use of the zombie plague as an allegory for acceptance.

The show is set after a zombie plague nearly decimated the world until a cure was found, and now rehabilitated zombies are being brought back into society. The series follows Kieran Walker as he returns to Roarton, a small, very zombie-phobic village that was at the heart of the resistance. Having killed himself after his boyfriend died, Kieran now has to readjust to life when his family and town are unsure what to make of him.

It’s a shame this show didn’t get much attention, cause it is near perfection in acting and storytelling. Though the show was cancelled at the end of its second season, leaving a large cliff hanger, the nine episodes before that are some of the most enjoyable to emerge from British sci-fi in the past few years.

Layered characters, a strong mythology and powerful themes throughout, as well as a brilliant story, In the Flesh is a must watch even for the most zombie-phobic people.

ODYSSEY SENSORY MAZE

P HIL L IP HUG HES: THE OF F ICIAL B IO G R APHY

Lower Basement, Metro Centre Reviewed by Laurien Barks

By Malcolm Knox and Peter Lalor Reviewed by Tharindu Jayasinghe

I didn’t realize how specifically I had imagined the Odyssey Sensory Maze to be until I got there and realized pretty much everything I had imagined was wrong. I was picturing a bright and colourful expedition, with mirrors, cool music, and odd textures. Instead, I was greeted with one of the most terrifying lunch breaks I’ve ever had.

When Phillip Hughes succumbed to a head injury he sustained during a Sheffield Shield game in November 2014, he was a week short of his 26th birthday. This biography celebrates Hughes’ life as a loving family man and friend as well as an immensely talented international cricketer (who started breaking international records at the age of 20).

Since visiting this maze, I’ve learned that I may have been a little bit too sensitive, as apparently toddlers have conquered it without tearing up. But you know what? Those toddlers probably had an adult with them, and you know what I had? My equally terrified little friend. And when you’ve got two people who aren’t fans of the dark, literally blind-sided by pitch black rooms that are brought to life with scary sound effects – it’s gonna be a damn stressful time.

Did I hate all of it? No. I’m aware enough to realize I only had a stressful time because of a fear of the dark and a lack of preparedness to face that fear. Had I been warned, or accompanied by a few extra people who can easily laugh in the face of darkness, I may have had a better time. And because of this fact– I will give a decent star review. One star taken off for the lack of warning of just how scary the maze can be to some audiences (I wouldn’t have been thrilled if I took a sensitive kid in there – the potential for nightmares is real), and one star down for the price. I think it’s a little steep considering you’re done and dusted in about twenty minutes.

Hughes’ upbringing in the small country town of Macksville, NSW is recounted in intimate detail. It describes his meteoric rise from a young age into the stuff of local folklore, racking up an absurd amount of runs in age groups much higher than his.

At a time when Australia’s batting stocks were bountiful, the biography also details Hughes’ struggles with coming to terms with being overlooked by the national selectors time and again. Though perhaps the most heart-wrenching aspects to read are the ones of his aspirations beyond cricket (having his own farm), of him as a boy and of his close relationship with his father; practising with Phillip till dark, driving him at five hour stretches to games in the city, all the while maintaining a banana farm.

I definitely recommend finding yourself a copy and reading his beautiful story for yourself.

All in all, if you’re going to go, take a group, be prepared for incredibly dark rooms, and if you disagree with my review and think I’ve been a lil bub about it all, keep your opinion to yourself. I don’t want to hear it.

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RECIPES

SEXY RECIPES

Grilled Eggplant Provolone • • • • • • • •

1 ½ tbsp balsamic vinegar 3 tbsp olive oil ¼ tsp dried oregano 4 small eggplants, cut in half lengthwise ½ tsp kosher salt Freshly ground black pepper 250g deli-style thick-sliced mild provolone Salsa

Easy Donut Holes • • • • •

1 cup sugar 2 eggs, beaten 1 cup milk 1 tsp vanilla 3 cups flour

• • •

¼ tsp salt 2 tsp baking powder Cinnamon sugar (to taste)

1) Whisk together the vinegar, oil, and oregano and brush on the cut sides of the eggplants. Sprinkle with salt and pepper.

1) Mix together all ingredients (except cinnamon sugar).

2) Preheat a gas grill to high; adjust the heat to medium after 15 minutes. Grill the eggplants cut-side down until browned, about 5 minutes.

3) Roll in sugar and cinnamon while still warm (it’s easy to do this in a clean brown paper lunch bag).

3) Flip the eggplants and top each half with a slice of provolone. Grill 3 minutes more or until the cheese is bubbly. Top with salsa.

2) Drop by teaspoon into hot oil. Fry until brown. Drain.

4) Alternatively, donuts may be dusted with powdered sugar *To make cinnamon sugar, combine ½ cup white sugar with 1 tsp cinnamon.

PEACH Sangria

CHERRY POP TARTS

• • • • •

• • • •

2 large fresh yellow peaches, sliced ¼ cup sugar ¾ cup peach liqueur or peach schnapps 1 bottle white wine 1 litre ginger ale, chilled

• • •

1) Place peach slices in the bottom of a pitcher.

2) In a small saucepan, bring sugar and ½ cup water to a boil. Stir until sugar dissolves completely. Remove from heat and let it cool.

3) Pour the syrup, peach liqueur, and white wine over the peaches. Stir.

4) Place pitcher in the refrigerator and let it sit for at least 2 hours up to overnight.

5) When ready to serve, top the pitcher off with chilled ginger ale and stir gently.

2 ½ cups flour 1 tsp salt 1 tsp sugar 1 cup salted butter, chilled, cut into small pieces ½ tbsp. vanilla ¼ to ½ cup ice water 1 cup cherry jam

1) Process flour, salt, and sugar. Add butter and process until the mixture resembles coarse meal. Add ice water and vanilla. Pulse until dough holds together without being wet or sticky (lol).

2) Divide dough into two balls. Flatten each ball into a disk and wrap in plastic. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour. Preheat oven to 180C. On a floured surface, roll out each chilled disk into a rectangle that is roughly ½ cm thick. Divide the rectangle into 8 even pieces.

4) Sandwich 2 tbsp cherry jam between two pieces of dough and crimp the edges with a fork to seal. Repeat.

5) Cook for 25-30 minutes or until just slightly golden brown.

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SU DOKU LGBTQI+ Terms to Familiarise Yourself With

Aromantic

Fluidity

Transsexual

Androsexual

Bigender Cisnormativity

Genderqueer Heteronormativity

Intersex Heterosexism

Gynesexual Homophobia

Polyamorous Demisexual

Pansexual Skoliosexual

Bicurious Asexual

Passing Questioning

Circle all the words in the wordfind, tear this page out & pop it into the box on the side of the red Debate stands, and you could win a motherflippin’ sweet prize!

Name:

Email:

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