The Networker- March/April 2013 by Attachment & Trauma Network

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You’re Not Alone!

The Networker

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You’re Not Alone!

In this Issue... Self Care ...............................1 Piece of My Mind ................ 4 Wellness .............................. 5 I Loved You Enough............ 6 Wendy Dilemma ................. 7 Upcoming Events ............... 8 There’s an App For That ..... 9 Self Care for Dads ............. 10 Help ATN ........................... 11 ATN News .......................... 11 Book Review...................... 12 Professional Members .......13

March/April 2013

Self Care By Kelly Killian I can “preach this sermon” like nobody’s business, but when it comes to putting this into practice in my own life, I don’t do so well. So if you sigh, roll your eyes, or talk back to this article as you’re reading, I totally understand. One of my husband’s chief complaints about me is that I very rarely take time to relax. Taking care of ourselves is the number one thing we can do for our children. If you have ever been on an airplane, you know that during the safety instructions, the flight attendant tells you that in case of an emergency, put the oxygen mask on yourself, THEN take care of children or other loved ones.

The same goes for our everyday lives. If we are tired, stressed out, running hither and yon, we can’t be good parents to our children. We need time to decompress and relax. Yes, I know that’s easier said than done. With children raging, constantly being on the defensive, meetings with schools, therapists, and other specialists, finding time for yourself seems out of reach and impossible, but it’s truly not. Five minutes here, ten minutes there, thirty minutes someplace else… it can all improve your mental health in immeasurable ways. So, what can you do? There are many things you can fit into your day. (Continued on page 2)

The mission of the Attachment & Trauma Network (ATN) is to: Promote healing of families through support, education and advocacy.

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Window shopping – before I went back to work full time, and was more actively parenting a very challenging child, I used to take “mental health days.” I took the day off from all expected responsibilities. I love shopping, but the money isn’t there, so I would go window shopping and take myself to lunch. If you have a friend you could share this with, it can be a boost to your emotional health, but sometimes the solitary time is even more healing. Go to a store and try on ridiculously expensive things that you can’t possibly afford, but would love to buy. Browse the fabric store and touch the luxurious fabrics. Go to a bookstore and browse the music or books that you enjoy. Whatever it is that will boost your spirit.

Reading – We spend so much time reading books blogs and newsletters to help our children heal, that reading for pleasure can be put on the back burner. Dig into a good book. Choose a subject that you want to read, not have to read. Maybe it’s a murder mystery, or a juicy romance novel. Whatever it is, indulge. Computer – Computers can be very useful, but can also be great time wasters. In this case, that’s not such a bad thing. When you need a mental break, you can play a mindless computer game, check in on Facebook, or scroll through Pinterest. You can also find ATN on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/attachtrauma? fref=ts and Pinterest http://pinterest.com/atninc/ . Check in with your support groups and type out a message to vent your frustrations. Even if you never send the message, sometimes just getting it out is very therapeutic.

Bible study or book study – These are both things that can be done in a group or independently. There are many avenues for Bible study. You can participate in person, online or through self study. There is even a Facebook group offering daily devotions for parents of children with RAD. https://www.facebook.com/ PatchesFamilyFoundation?fref=ts If faith is an important part of your life, these are small ways to connect with others, or to fill your Spirit.

Massage or acupuncture – Both are incredibly relaxing, can release stress from your body and help in healing with various ailments. If money is tight, check to see if there is a school near you that offers discounts. Near me, there is a school that offers a one-hour massage for only $30. It’s worth every penny.

Cooking or baking – If these are things that you enjoy, create a dish just for yourself, or you and your partner. You can even make this part of your date night if it’s something you enjoy doing together. You may not feel like baking cookies for a raging child, but if the act of baking is something you enjoy, go for it. Give your cranky child some cookies and tell him/her that he/she needs some sweetening up. Reward yourself with some fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, or whatever your treat of choice is.

Date night – If you are part of a couple, don’t neglect your relationship! Dates, when you have a child with special needs, can be very difficult, and if money is tight, even more so. If you think your child will sabotage things, do not announce your intentions, or schedule your dates on a regular basis that can be predicted. You can have dates in the house after your child is in bed. Make ice cream sundaes together, rent a movie, plan an inside picnic, play cards or board games. Search the internet if you’re looking for options. There are all kinds of ideas ranging from free to expensive and some require little or no planning. Keeping a relationship with your partner is crucial to your mental health.

Bubble bath – This certainly a luxury for many of us. Having half an hour to yourself is amazing in and of itself, and to take the time to do something so “frivolous?” Absolutely. First and foremost, lock the door!! This is your time. Candles, music, a book or magazine, a glass of wine if you like. Set a timer if you must, to force yourself to slow down. Essential oils can help your mood and body aches and pains. See this website http://everythingessential.me/ to find out the oils that will work best for you. Don’t just use them in the bath either! Use them anytime you need a boost.

Animals – If you are an animal lover, they can be some of the best sources of healing. They give back, and expect nothing in return. Going for a walk with your dog, riding your horse, or stroking a purring cat can fill you up quickly. Animals are great detectors of your emotional health as well. They show up right when you need them, sometimes even before you know it. If you are unable to have a pet in your home, head to an animal shelter. Many shelters will welcome helpers for dog walking, or just petting the animals.

Meditation- Along the same lines of a bubble bath is meditation. Many people in our situation find it difficult to clear your mind and be able to meditate. Do a Google search on guided meditation and you will find many (Continued on page 3)

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meditations that can assist you. Some are videos that you can watch and focus on, while others are audio only and will allow you to just sit back and listen. Give yourself ten or fifteen minutes to just relax.

The Attachment & Trauma Network (ATN) recognizes that each child's history and biology is unique to that child.

Mandalas/Coloring – Do you see the joy of children when they are coloring? It’s such a simple time. A time when there were no worries in life. Some people are very artistic and can create things on their own; beautiful works of art with simple pencils, watercolors, oils or other mediums. Others of us need some help. Mandalas are a wonderful way to let go. Many of them are simple geometric shapes and have no preconceived idea of what colors should go where. Here is one link for pages you can print out and let your creativity go. http://www.coloringcastle.com/ mandala_coloring_pages.html

Because of this, we believe there is no one therapy or parenting method that will benefit every child. What works for one child may not work for another child.

Nature – Walking, gardening, flowers, all of these can be very calming and are quite good for you physical health. Take a walk through or town, or find a hike and bike trail. I have one trail that I love. It has wildflowers, wild berries, birds and the occasional bunny that cross the trail. It’s like a little piece of paradise. I put my MP3 player on and listen to music that I love as I walk. Sometimes I sign up for charity walks to keep myself motivated to keep up my routine.

Many children may benefit from a combination of different therapeutic parenting methods and traumasensitive, attachment-focused treatments.

Music and dancing – Along the lines of music, it’s amazing what it can do for your mental health. Do you love to dance but your partner doesn’t? Push back the furniture, crank up the tunes, and let your inner 80s child loose. It doesn’t matter what kind of music you’re listening to, just that you allow yourself to let loose. Sing at the top of your lungs. Who cares if you’re good? Everyone is good in the privacy of their own home or car.

We encourage parents to research different treatments and parenting methods in order to determine what will work best for their unique children.

50 Things- List 50 things that make you happy. Eating an ice cream cone, saying a prayer, petting the dog, whatever they happen to be.

www.attachtrauma.org

Actually write them down on a piece of paper, then do them and check them off every week or every month, whatever you think you can manage. Make yourself a priority. Hopefully, these things have given you some ideas of how to take some time for yourself and your partner. If you have other suggestions, we’d love for you to share them. Don’t forget to put taking care of yourself on your to-do list. Just don’t let your child see it.

Piece of My Mind Data Night

helping us develop a database that fits ATN’s needs and gives us an infrastructure to capture information on members, donors, and resources well into the future.

Yep, when all else fails – have a Data Night (or two or five) – that’s what several of us at ATN have been doing throughout April. And no, that’s not a typo. I meant DATA Night. In fact, as of Any of you who have undergone a this writing, I’ve been on two Data Nights database conversion at your jobs or for and have three more scheduled. Two of other organizations know that it’s far ATN’s awesome Board members are from simple. There’s a lot to learn, lots joining me on these Data Nights – of records to clean up, lots of hours to Lorraine Schneider and Stephanie put into training and procedures. We Julie Beem Garde. You may have never met had two additional volunteers help us Lorraine before. She’s our valuable ATN Executive Director clean the data before conversion (thanks “behind the scenes” Administrative Shirley & Leslie!) and it will likely take Director who takes care of our financials, us several weeks after conversion to pays our bills, collects the mail. We’d be lost without really be up and running. Lorraine. Many of you (probably all of you) met Then, moving forward we hope to be able to add some Stephanie when you joined or renewed your great modules (many will cost us $$) to interface the membership since she’s our Membership Director. In database with our website to better enable us to handle addition to handling the details of membership, events, take online donations and the ALL Stephanie’s tech savvy skills are used on updating our IMPORTANT: Searchable Resource Database. database and website. Want to help with Data Nights? We’d love to have you. Together, the three of us handle ATN’s administrative We have ongoing clean-up to do and resources to verify. tasks—many of the thankless, mundane jobs other And we need funding to implement the database totally. organizations have paid staff for. But these ladies do This is no small project. But it’s a very important piece more than just handle the tasks, they look for ways to of ATN’s infrastructure and helping us serve children make the systems stronger, simpler and more effective. and families better, faster and with more information. So last summer we acquired a donated license to Oh – and don’t forget to say thanks to Lorraine & Salesforce, one of the nation’s most robust CRMs Stephanie for giving up so many of their evenings with (contact relationship management systems). Then their families for all those Data Nights! Stephanie found out that we could apply for a “Quickstart Grant” through a Salesforce consultant called Exponent Partners. These folks specialize in customizing Salesforce for non-profits. It took two rounds of grant applications, but our determined Stephanie was able to secure us a Quickstart Grant late ATN is looking for volunteers interested in: last year. And April was when we could get everything together to actually do this customization. Managing our Online Store

HELP WANTED!

Helping with our Salesforce Database Communications/E-news/Social Media

So, Stephanie, Lorraine and I have been spending our evenings with two very nice (and patient) consultants from Exponent Partners, who discuss with us things like “fields”, “picklists” and “sort parameters”. They’re

Contact Julie Beem (julieb@attachtrauma.org)

Wellness By Kathleen Benckendorf training, not just aerobic activity.

I recently attended a seminar on wellness, presented by Dr. James Biskup of Bellevue Family Practice, located in the Omaha, Nebraska, metro area. In addition to his medical degree and experience, Dr. Biskup has completed a fellowship in antiaging and hormonal therapy and he is passionate about helping individuals achieve wellness, a state that goes beyond being free of disease. Dr. Biskup was way more entertaining than I can begin to represent in a written article, and he shared much more information than I can reproduce here, but I’d like to share some of the highlights I took away from the presentation.

Hormone balance – Testosterone and progesterone production drop as we age. Progesterone production drops by 75% by the time we’re 50, but many women who go their doctors with complaints of moodiness, fatigue, or low libido come home with a prescription for an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) without having their progesterone levels considered. Low testosterone may lead to obesity, a depressed immune system, sleep apnea, and heart disease. In other words, it may be a good idea to ask your family doctor to check your hormone levels!

Dr. Biskup organized his presentation around six core principles of wellness: sleep, nutrition and detox, exercise and fitness, hormone balance, stress balance, and spirit balance.

Insulin resistance and diabetes are the biggest hormonelinked health problem in the US today, but chronic stress and chronic overproduction of cortisol can mimic insulin resistance with weight gain and other clinical symptoms. Chronic overproduction of cortisol can also lead to the loss of bone density and muscle mass.

Sleep – I knew about melatonin as a natural sleep aid; Dr. Biskup explained that our natural melatonin production drops with age – to about 20% at age 50, and about 12% at age 70. Lower melatonin production also affects cortisol production. In addition, Dr. Biskup mentioned the use of the natural amino acid threonine to reduce racing thoughts.

Those of us chronically exposed to high stress levels may experience “progesterone steal” also known as “pregnenolone steal.” Pregnenolone is used to make progesterone and DHEA in the body. Progesterone is used to make aldosterone and cortisol; DHEA is used to make androstenedione, which in turn is used for the production of testosterone and estrogen. However, the body prioritizes on survival – hence the cortisol production pathway wins out, “stealing” pregnenolone to result in higher production of cortisol at the expense of other functions, such as production of the sex hormones.

Biskup also pointed out that WHEN we sleep is important, not just that we really need to aim for eight hours a night. Growth hormone production surges during sleep, especially from 10 pm to midnight. If you miss that window… you may miss out. And growth hormone fuels our bodies’ repair systems long after we’re no longer growing taller.

Aging starts in the womb. Most doctors are focused more on treating illness than in supporting wellness or preventing aging. Most doctors also have only a few minutes to spend with each patient, and may not have time to listen to a patient’s full story. It’s beyond the scope of this short article to provide definitive solutions or even to offer medical advice. I hope, however, that you can use the topics above, as a starting point for discussion with your own health professional.

Diet and exercise – Biskup had all the usual recommendations – more exercise, fewer carbs, more whole foods. However, he also explained that poor nutrition and lack of sleep can lead to low thyroid function. He explained that the #1 contributor to accelerated aging is the loss of muscle mass. Therefore, exercise programs should include weight or resistance 5

Wendy Dilemma The Wendy Dilemma can be considered the sequel of the popular The Peter Pan Syndrome by Dr. Dan Kiley. The Wendy Dilemma describes women who are very dependent upon their mates in a special way. They mother their mates, treating them like immature children. It is not uncommon in my practice for these women to state, “I feel like I have four children, instead of three, because I have to treat my husband just like one of the kids.”

that she cannot survive emotionally or perhaps financially without him Then, as Wendy begins to become more and more fed up with the situation, she begins to complain. Now, I am a strong believer in voicing one’s dissatisfaction(s) with a relationship. We all bring certain expectations into our relationships. As Dr. Kiley states, “If he doesn’t sooner or later start expressing his love to you in a way that is compatible with your personality and wishes, or if he refuses to participate with you (in practicing love in an adult manner), there is every reason to believe that you will eventually leave him” (p.189). Complaining can be a healthy form of assertiveness, as long as it’s handled appropriately. By that I mean that complaints should not be attempts to engender guilt in one’s mate. “Guilt is a poor motivator…. Research tells us that, under (such) conditions…. The subject resents being coerced into a certain behavior…. He may do what she wants, but he’ll be mad at her for ‘making’ him do it.” (p. 87) Secondly, in voicing complaints, “I” messages should be used to express the complaint. “I feel you’re taking me for granted because we haven’t gone out to eat in six weeks,” etc.

Wendy types attempt to control situations with their men through inappropriate mothering. They are very insecure women who cannot handle anger, either their own or their mates’. Thus, by assuming a maternal role toward their mates, they feel they are shielding themselves from the possible rejection and abandonment that they believe inevitably results from exchanges of anger. Dr. Kiley describes certain conditions that have to exist before a woman is transformed into a Wendy. “She must suffer to some degree from a fear of rejection, perpetuate a negative self image through an inner voice of inferiority, and become so dedicated to her social image that she fails to examine her true personal life” (p. 17). These women are lacking in self-identity. Oft-times they don’t have opinions of their own and are not in touch with their own likes or dislikes, in regard to food or movies.

Then the Wendy woman begins to become very judgmental about the best way to solve the everincreasing problems, shouldering increasing amounts of responsibility for the situation. I see a great number of women using this as their primary coping strategy. They come across as tough, competent individuals. They shoulder an enormous degree of responsibility for their husbands and their children. They fear for their emotional safety and pursue many controlling courses of actions in attempts to minimize their high anxiety level. By this time, their man’s fear of rejection and habitual guilt feelings have usually led him into a passive “yes, dear” stance where he will superficially agree with his spouse to avoid hassle, but then continues his own behavior without changing, much to her frustration. Usually, these men are engaged in a great deal of passive -aggressive behavior, indirectly expressing their pent-up hostility toward their mate.

Wendy women base their security on the approval of others. That is why it is so important for them to present an acceptable social image. But because a person’s likes and dislikes change, and you can’t please anyone all of the time, their feelings of security are built upon a foundation as solid as Louisiana swamp land. Dr. Kiley describes eight typical behaviors of women caught in what he calls “the Wendy trap”. These behaviors tend to develop more or less in the following sequence. First, the woman denies that problems exist. Secondly, she tends to start believing that her mate cannot survive without her, which gets her into making overprotective responses. Her motto at this point seems to be, “He can’t, therefore I have to.” However, in truth it is the Peter Pan’s unwillingness, not his inability, to shoulder the responsibility which is causing problems. Overprotection diminishes each person’s individuality, creating a pathological bond of dependency.

When their mate does not listen to the judgmental approach, the Wendy women will begin to vacillate between being a martyr and punishing her man. The punishment may take the form of spending money on things she really doesn’t want and that the family

Next comes possessiveness. This occurs when the Wendy woman starts feeling dependent upon her mate, feeling

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Upcoming Events in the Attachment/Trauma World

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really can’t afford. She may become hypochondriacal, and expect him to take her to her (many) doctor’s appointments. Another common from of punishment takes is the withholding of sex. Such a woman is at high risk for getting involved in an outside affair where she feels she can obtain the warmth that is missing in her own relationship.

Upcoming Adoption and Attachment & Trauma-related Events. (Look for ATN here): May 1-3 – The Journey of Trauma Recovery, Wisconsin Family Based Services Association Conference, Wisconsin Dells http://wfbsa.com/

Finally, hopefully, the Wendy women will “hit bottom”. When this occurs, she feels that she has exhausted all of her coping strategies. Mothering her man, in all of its forms, is not working. Rather, the situation is continuing to slide downhill. That is when the Wendy woman usually turns to professional counselors for help. From my vantage point, the Wendy woman who has “hit bottom” and realizes it has a good prognosis for making the needed changes.

May 18 – Ties that Bind Adoption Conference, Peachtree City, GA http://ties-that-bind.org/ June 5-8 – National Foster Parent Conference, Long Beach, CA http://www.nfpaonline.org/conference2013 June 27 – Special Screening: My Name is Faith, Lexington, KY. Sponsored by Lexington CASA August 8-10 - NACAC, Toronto, Ontario www.nacac.org

The rest of Dr. Kiley’s book deals with suggestions for helping a Wendy woman turn into a Tinkerbell, or a woman who is willing to grow up and expect both her mate and herself to interact with each other, at least a majority of the time, in a mature manner.

Sept 18-21 – ATTACh, San Antonio, TX www.attach.org Oct 8-9 – Foster Strategies for Change Conference, MFCAA, Kansas City, MO

Dr. Kiley does list eight qualities that define what he calls “the adult love script”, that I will mention. The first of these is the ability to compromise without pity or regret. Tolerance of being inconvenienced at times, without negative feelings because of one’s empathy for one’s partner, is another important quality. Dependability is the third most important quality. “Lovers depend upon each other. They know that if all else fails, the loved one will be there to do whatever he or she can to help” (p. 187). Mature lovers also allow each other the freedom to develop different interests and friends. To me, the most important quality of an adult love relationship is that lovers can freely share their thoughts and feelings without fear of criticism. They are realistic, realizing that all conflicts cannot be resolved and every relationship will have to weather some stormy times. They can be intimate with each other, loving to touch, hug, and express sexual satisfaction towards each other. They can also be playful in their intimacy. Finally, Dr. Kiley lists what he calls “the X factor”. That term describes an unspoken bond, a special feeling of closeness that is difficult to precisely define or identify.

Nov 9th – Hope and Healing: Caring for Kids from Hard Places, Orphan Care Alliance, Louisville, KY Upcoming Screenings of The Boarder: MAY 14TH - BURBANK, CA. 1 showing. Order your tickets at: www.tugg.com/titles/theboarder. Andy Scott Harris will offer a Q & A after the film. MAY 28TH & 29TH CHICAGO, IL. 2 showings, 2 theaters, over 2 nights. More information announced as plans completed. Star Carlton Wilborn and writer Jane Ryan will hold a Q & A after film. And currently in the planning stages: JUNE - DENVER, CO JULY - Across NEBRASKA - OMAHA, LINCOLN, GRAND ISLAND, KEARNEY, NORTH PLATTE & NORFOLK

Again, as in The Peter Pan Syndrome, Dr. Kiley lists in his Appendix several good books for further study on related subjects, books that are fairly easy reading for the lay person.

JULY - CANADA AUGUST - MARYLAND, 2 CITIES.

Beaumont Psychological Services, P.C. 3560 Delaware, Suite 107 Beaumont, Texas 77706  409-8993244

I Loved You Enough… By Erma Bombeck Editor’s Note: As Mother’s Day and Father’s Day loom on the horizon, we tend to dread the days and the drama they bring. We question whether or not we are good parents. We wonder why we would rather spend the day away from our children when we hear “normal” parents praising their children.

I Loved You Enough....

We do what we do because we love our children enough. It may not be in a way they can accept or handle, but it is what we do. This year, cut yourself some slack and read this poem by Erma Bombeck.

to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that would have taken 15 minutes.

to make you take a Milky Way back to the drugstore (with a bite out of it) and tell the clerk, "I stole this yesterday and want to pay for it." I Loved You Enough....

I Loved You Enough.... to let you see anger, disappointment and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I Loved You Enough.... to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.

I Loved You Enough....

I Loved You Enough.... to insist that you save your money and buy a bike for yourself even though we could afford to buy one for you.

to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

I Loved You Enough....

But most of all,

to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I Loved You Enough.... to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it. Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I won them, because in the end, you won, too.

Don’t forget to renew your membership! Individual (parent) memberships are $35 annually; Professional memberships are $75 annually. You have four ways to join: 1.

Join online at www.attachtrauma.org. Click the Join button and use your credit card to renew your membership.

Print the membership form available on the website and mail it to: ATN P.O. Box 164 Jefferson, MD 21755 along with your check or credit card information.

Fax the completed membership form with credit card information to 1-888-656-9806 .

Call Lorraine at 1-888-656-9806 and give her your card information over the phone. Memberships make great gifts. We have a scholarship program, so memberships can also be donated. Scholarships are available for individual memberships. 8

There’s an app for that! Apps are more than just Facebook, Words with Friends, Fruit Ninja or finding the best price on gas. There are actually apps that can help us as parents. I haven’t tried these personally, but they may be of help. These links are for Google Play. If you have an Iphone, you’ll have to do a search in their app store.

on a list item a detail view of diagnostic criteria for the disorder clicked opens. I also added the Global Assessment of Functioning (GAF) score chart and an overview of a five axis diagnosis. Moodlytics - https://play.google.com/store/apps/ details? id=AnantApps.Moodlytics&feature=search_result#? t=W251bGwsMSwyLDEsIkFuYW50QXBwcy5Nb29kbHl 0aWNzIl0.

Easy Mental Fitness App - https:// play.google.com/store/apps/details? id=com.mental_fitness_ltd.easy_mental_fitness&feat ure=search_result#? t=W251bGwsMSwyLDEsImNvbS5tZW50YWxfZml0b mVzc19sdGQuZWFzeV9tZW50YWxfZml0bmVzcyJd

What is Moodlytics? • Moodlytics is a platform comprising of your Moods and its Analytics. It's a Mood Tracker App, which allows you to log your moods and track them periodically through graphs, charts and calendars. In other words its sort of Mood Journal or a Mood Diary.

This app is for anyone wanting to prevent stress, reduce their existing stresses and improve their performance at work and generally. Try the different exercises. If you can do one each day, a bit like going to the gym, you will find that things improve over time but you have to keep up the practice.

eMoods Bipolar Mood Tracker https:// play.google.com/store/apps/details? id=my.tracker&feature=search_result#? t=W251bGwsMSwxLDEsIm15LnRyYWNrZXIiXQ..

Mental Health E-books https://play.google.com/ store/apps/details? id=an.MentalEbook&feature=search_result#? t=W251bGwsMSwxLDEsImFuLk1lbnRhbEVib29rIl0.

Track your daily depressed and elevated moods, symptoms, sleep, and medications and email your doctor a printable chart at the end of each month.

This app shows you a list of the best Mental Health EBooks. You can see the most important information about the E-Books. You are also able to buy the EBooks.

Mood journaling is part of cognitive behavioral therapy and other treatments for bipolar, depression, and other mood and anxiety disorders. Use this app with your doctor.

Borderline Personality Disorder https:// play.google.com/store/apps/details? id=com.imjava.bpdand&feature=search_result#? t=W251bGwsMSwxLDEsImNvbS5pbWphdmEuYnBkY W5kIl0.

This app is for charting daily extremes of moods and other symptoms, and does not log multiple moods and other symptoms per day. Understanding ADHD https://play.google.com/ store/apps/details? id=appinventor.ai_appcreator1970.Understanding_AD HD&feature=search_result#? t=W251bGwsMSwxLDEsImFwcGludmVudG9yLmFpX2 FwcGNyZWF0b3IxOTcwLlVuZGVyc3RhbmRpbmdfQU RIRCJd

Learn about BPD, diagnosis and treatment DSM Reference - https://play.google.com/store/ apps/details? id=air.com.kiddiecatpsych.dsmReference&feature=sea rch_result#? t=W251bGwsMSwxLDEsImFpci5jb20ua2lkZGllY2F0c HN5Y2guZHNtUmVmZXJlbmNlIl0.

Our Understanding ADHD app is a highly informative Book for sufferers of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) and also for those who have friends or family members suffering from this disorder. Written in simple, easy-to-understand language, it explains the symptoms and treatment of ADHD. It greatly enhances your understanding of ADHD and

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is the standard used by mental health professionals for diagnosing disorders. This simple application is a list of diagnostic codes that can be sorted by code or alphabetically by name. It has a search feature that allows the user to search codes and names by partial character string. When the user clicks

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Self Care for Dads

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teaches you how to identify symptoms and care for those with ADHD.

by Marc Deprey

Neurology & Psychology https://play.google.com/ store/apps/details? id=com.focusmedica.md.neurologyandpsychiatry&featu re=search_result#? t=W251bGwsMSwxLDEsImNvbS5mb2N1c21lZGljYS5tZ C5uZXVyb2xvZ3lhbmRwc3ljaGlhdHJ5Il0.

My original idea for this article was to print a one-way ticket to Bali and leave it at that. Self-care for us Dads is probably not all that different from Moms—when in the heat of the battle—keep your head down. What I think the difference might be around the Mother wound—the fact that our kids are suffering from a lack of bonding with a primary caregiver—and that’s supposed to be the birth Mom. Dads have a certain amount of distance from that fray, but we also get to watch our wives get the full blast effect while not being able to be a knight in shining armor—our armor tarnished by many direct and indirect exhales from the fire dragons we call “our children”. For Dads, self care is a lot about exercise and eating right while maintaining a productive mechanism to “bring home the bacon.” But for me self care is about courage and fortitude—I mean finding these within myself so I can model them for others. Another virtue of self-care for Dads is integrity—finding it within so it can feed you, inspire you, guide you, and once again so you can model it for others. Self care for Dads is about accepting your role and surrendering to its demands— plain and simple.

100-plus neurology, psychiatry & other medical terms defined & illustrated using life-like 3D animation. Easily understand complex medical terms through combination of narrated videos and written definitions. Designed for health professionals, students & laypeople alike, the Animated Pocket Dictionary is a crucial resource to be referred to time and again. Medication Log https://play.google.com/store/apps/ details? id=com.theora.MedLog&feature=search_result#? t=W251bGwsMSwxLDEsImNvbS50aGVvcmEuTWVkT G9nIl0. Keep a log of medications your are taking with ease. Exceptionally simple and easy user interface. Recording what medications you are taking has never been this easy. Type in the name of the medication you are taking once, when you take it for the first time, and you will never need to type it again.

For me the whole experience of raising our two kids with RAD has become a spiritual journey. I’m not a religious person (I think of myself as a recovering Catholic) but I do think a lot about ultimate questions, meaning, and enlightenment. So perhaps I can’t speak for all Dads in this way, but it seems to me, if I can’t reframe my experience in this light, fatherhood becomes a overwhelming experience of toil, filled with suffering, disappointment, and meaninglessness. I can’t live like that. But most importantly, I don’t have to live like that. So self care for me includes daily meditation, staying away from sugar, coffee, alcohol, and meaningless entertainment. I find the best thing I can do for myself is a lot of nothing—something I getting better at.

Turn on the NAG ME feature for a medication and it will gently nag if you are missing your regular schedule. No need to tell it when you are supposed to take a medication, or when you want to be reminded. iPharmacy Drug Guide & Pill ID https:// play.google.com/store/apps/details? id=com.sigmaphone.topmedfree&feature=search_resul t#? t=W251bGwsMSwxLDEsImNvbS5zaWdtYXBob25lLnR vcG1lZGZyZWUiXQ.. Better understand your medical treatment, identify your pills, find the lowest price for your medication to lower your health bill. ALL IN ONE 2,000,000+ downloads on iOS and Android devices!

So Dads out there, don’t despair. As we are our partner’s partner, so we are the representative of the generative paternal tradition. We are here to provide for the family and be an exemplar—steadiness, integrity, and wisdom. Treat yourself to some!

There are also many apps to help with sleep, meditation, white noise or depression. You can also search on specific disorders or diagnoses. Check the price and reviews before you download.

How to Help ATN and Yourself FOR FREE!!!! Goodsearch & Goodshop. If you “google” anything or buy anything online and you’re not using Goodsearch, you are really throwing away money that could be going to ATN – at NO COST to you! Goodsearch allows you to designate the charity and then pays about $0.01 per internet search. (Julie Beem tells us that in a year’s time of average searching, you could have donated about $100-150 just by using Goodsearch.) Goodshop donates a percentage of your purchase (1-30%) to the charity of your choice, and it offers coupons to many of the places most people shop online. There are also ways to raise money for free by taking surveys, playing games and more. Check out: http://www.goodsearch.com/

ATN News ATN now has a Pinterest site: http:// pinterest.com/atninc/ . Shellie Linfesty is the volunteer managing our board, which we deeply appreciate. Please follow us on Pinterest to keep up on all things attachment & trauma-related. And join us on Facebook, Twitter & YouTube as well. ATN Advocates—Legislative Group Meeting. Our next meeting is Saturday, May 18 @ 10 am central. It’s virtual!! Contact Toni Hoy (tonihoy@comcast.net) for more info.

Great Graduation Gifts!!! Wall Pepper has partnered ATN to give a portion of their proceeds. Wall Pepper is an innovative photo printing company that makes removable photo murals out of your pictures. Great for dorm rooms, creating collages or temporary exhibits, Wall Pepper is removable and reusable. Designate ATN as your Pepper Partner, and we’ll receive a portion of your purchase. http:// www.pepperyourplace.com/ Buy a Mother’s Day Gift – especially for yourself! Kelly Killian is hosting a Thirty-One fundraiser to benefit ATN, May 1-15. 25% of all items purchased will be donated to ATN! Click here for more information. Invite your friends!

Ken Huey, ATN Board Member @ reception

ATN with My Name is Faith in Florida. ATN co-sponsored, along with CALO, receptions following the two screenings of My Name is Faith in the Sarasota Film Festival. These receptions were a great opportunity for families attending the film to meet the filmmakers and to learn more about ATN and CALO. Both Julie Beem, our Executive Director, and Ken Huey, Board Member and Founder of CALO were there, along with the filmmakers and the Junker family.

Nancy Bostock, ATN Member, helped with the details of the Sarasota Film Festival Reception.

Book Review Lost & Found A Memoir of Mothers by Kate St. Vincent Vogl One quote describes how the connection between birth and adoptive families should be.

This is the story of a woman who receives a phone call she never expected. The woman tells her she is her birth mother. Kate learned she was adopted when she was a girl, and the discovery wasn’t a pleasant one. Her sister found out and screamed it in anger. They had both been adopted.

“Truth be told, though, I don’t see it so much as a family tree anymore. I have a family web, an interconnection, that looks as if it might be so easily broken, but the lines are strong, so strong, and as fine as silk.”

Kate never had any desire to find her birth family, but the obituary of her adoptive mother, lead her birth mother, Val, to her.

However, with many of our children, a relationship with their birth families, or more specifically birth parents, is toxic.

It is an interesting story of how Kate feels as she dissects and evaluates the appearance of Val in her life. Val voluntarily placed Kate for adoption when she became pregnant as a teenager. Kate never suffered any abuse or neglect, so she never knew anything about her birth family.

Kate shares some traits of our kids. She never really bonded with her sister, and she talks about putting up walls and having trust issues. However, she bonds very strongly with her adoptive parents. The book was written 13 years after she met her birth mother, but she will not call her Mom. Mom is reserved for her adoptive mother. Her birthmother is Val. I have admiration for Val for allowing this distinction and respect for Kate’s adoptive mother.

For those of us who have adopted from foster care, we live with the memories our children have of their birth families. Many of our children fantasize and embellish the history to make the birth family the dream family.

This is not an easy read on several levels. It could use a re-write and some editing. That’s the easy part. Some of the emotions that Kate conveys can be difficult for us, as adoptive parents, to handle. It didn’t hit my PTSD as other books have, but it still made me question some things with my children, and look at how I react to those relationships. Sometimes that self-reflection is hard.

For children who have been adopted from overseas, there is a great chance they don’t know their birth family. Kate’s story may give us insight into how our kids feel or have felt as they process feelings about their birth family. Some children want nothing to do with their birth family, while for others it is a fantasy that hangs out there.

I do recommend that parents read this, at least to get some insight into the feelings of our children. — Review by Kelly Killian

Help Wanted: Book Reviewers. If you or your child have read a good book related to adoption, attachment or trauma, write a review (250-400 words), include a link to where you found the book, and email to kelly@attachtrauma.org 12

ATN Professional Member Directory These professionals believe in ATNâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mission and have joined us as Professional Members Heather Blessing, M.A., MFTI Marriage and Family Therapist Registered Intern, IMF 67330 Sacramento Psychotherapy Services, Inc. 3550 Watt Avenue, Suite 140 Sacramento, CA 95821 (916) 979-7693 www.riversidesupport.org Supervised by D. Chadwick Thompson License No. MFC 48044 Matthew Bradley, MSW Beatitude House Waynesville, NC http://www.beatitudehouse.org/ 828-926-5591 Karen Buckwalter Chaddock 205 South 24th Street Quincy, IL 62301 kbuckwalter@chaddock.org 217-222-0034 Gayle Clark, Executive Director Miracle Meadows School Rte 1, Box 565 Pennsboro, WV 26415 http://www.miraclemeadows.org/ 304-782-3630 Beverly Cuevas LICSW, ACSW Attachment Center NW 8011 118th Avenue, NE Kirkland, WA 98033 425-889-8524 425-576-8274 fax bjcuevas@msn.com www.attachmentcenternw.net Lark Eshleman, Ph.D. Chestertown, MD lark@larkeshleman.com http://www.larkeshleman.com/index.php 410-778-4317 Barbara S. Fisher, M.S. Center for Attachment Resources & Enrichment (C.A.R.E.) Decatur, GA 404-371-4045 www.attachmentatlanta.org

Kenneth Frohock LMHC, LRC Attachment Institute of New England 21 Cedar Street, Worcester, MA 01609 508-799-2663 508-753-9779 fax www.attachmentnewengland.com ken@attachmentnewengland.com Sharon Fuller The Attachment Place, LLC Maryland 410-707-5008 sfuller@theattachmentplace.com http://www.theattachmentplace.com/ Robyn Gobbel, LCSW 2525 Wallingwood, Bldg. 1, Suite 213 Austin, TX 78746 512-985-6698 http://www.gobbelcounseling.com/ robyn@gobbelcounseling.com Jennifer Jacobs Kurn Hattin Homes PO Box 127 Westminster, VT 05158 https://kurnhattin.org/ Ken Huey, Ph.D. CALO (Change Academy Lake of the Ozarks) Lake Ozark, MO ken@caloteens.com 573-365-2221 Thomas Jahl, Headmaster Cono Christian School Walker, IA thomasjahl@mac.com http://www.cono.org/ 319-327-1085 Mell La Valley, LMFT, CEGE In-Home Services, Adoption and Attachment Specialist Equine Therapy Post Office Box 2245 Loomis, CA 95650 916-719-2520 mellelaine@comcast.net http://www.melllavalleylmft.com http://www.warriorssoul.org (Continued on page 14)

Direct any updates/changes to this listing to membership@attachtrauma.org. 13

(Continued from page 13)

Denise LeBow 229 Ward Parkway, LL2 Kansas City, MO 64112 816-531-2144 lebowdh@aol.com

Michelle Nigliazzo, JD Nigliazzo Advocacy Center LLC West Plains, Missouri http://www.nigliazzoadvocacycenter.com/ Administrator@NigliazzoAdvocacyCenter.com

Carol Linder-Lozier, LCSW Louisville, KY clozierlcsw@gmail.com http://www.forever-families.com/

Christy Owen Respite Retreat Blairsville, GA http://www.respiteretreat.org/ charliemikeoh@windstream.net

Carolee Malen, LCSW, ACSW Malen & Associates 8112 W. Bluemound Rd Suite 106 Wautatosa, WI 53213 414-302-1759 cmalen2000@yahoo.com http://malenandassociates.us/

Lawrence Smith, LCSW Silver Spring, MD 301-558-1933 lbsmith@md.net Janice Turber, M.Ed. Center for Attachment Resources & Enrichment (C.A.R.E.) Decatur, GA 404-371-4045 www.attachmentatlanta.org

Pamela McCloskey McCloskey Counseling Center 814-357-2400 pgmccloskey@yahoo.com

Don E. Wilhelm United Methodist Family Services 28 Bridgehampton Place Richmond, VA 23229 804-740-2600

Jennie Murdock, LCSW, LMT Lehi, UT Jenniem1951@gmail.com 435-668-3560

ATN Board of Directors Julie Beem, Executive Director Kathleen Benckendorf Denise Best, LMHC Tanya Bowers-Dean Stephanie Garde, JD Ken Huey, Ph.D. Kelly Killian Carol Lozier, LCSW Anna Paravano, MS Jane Samuel, JD Lorraine Schneider Larry Smith, LCSW, LICSW Nancy Spoolstra, Founder