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You’re Not Alone!

You’re Not Alone!

The Networker


You’re Not Alone!

You’re Not Alone!

You’re Not Alone!

You’re Not Alone!

In this Issue...

May/June 2013

What Professionals Need from Parents Professionals Need...............1 Piece of My Mind ................ 4 Hugs Memorial ................... 5 Normal Parents ................... 6 Volunteers Needed.............. 7 There’s an App For That ..... 8 ATN News ........................... 9 Book Review...................... 10 Professional Members ....... 11

The mission of the Attachment & Trauma Network (ATN) is to: Promote healing of families through support, education and advocacy.

By Kelly Killian When we are seeking treatment for our children and we meet someone who is able to help, we tend to do a “verbal vomit” of information that we think the provider needs. However, we are not always giving them the most important information. How do we know what’s important to tell? Three professionals, experienced with traumatized children tell us the information they need in order to help our children. Nicole Fuglsang, M.A., L.P.C., N.C.C. is the Co-Founder and Director of Admissions & Business Development for CALO (Change Academy Lake of the Ozarks) Residential Treatment Center .

Dr. K is a Psychiatrist, whose full information is being withheld, not taking new patients Carol Lozier, MSW, is a clinical social worker in private practice in Louisville, Kentucky. Carol has over 20 years of experience counseling children and families, specializing in adoption and foster care issues. She’s an ATN Board member, author and can be found at What information do you feel is crucial that parents provide to you when you first meet them? Nicole: Many of our initial interactions occur on the phone since we are a specialized facility and work with (Continued on page 2)

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families from all over the country. We gather information from the family through phone interview, a written application, other therapeutic documentation (previous treatment summaries, psychiatric evaluations, psychological evaluations, etc) and a visit to our campus. It is critical that families provided a detailed historical background for their child including any disruptions or traumatic experiences that occurred during the attachment window.

believe their child won't "remember" their life or traumatic events prior to age three. Of course, these memories are available and held by children in their implicit memory.

How important is the history of the rest of the family when receiving a child’s history? Nicole: The family history for both the adoptive and biological families are key to helping us understand each child and family we review for acceptance. Understanding how the child interacts with and responds to all members of the family is very helpful.

Dr. K: Information from multiple sources –parents, grandparents, written reports from school, IEP, latest information from teachers, psychological testing.

Dr. K: Very important.

If a parent finds a piece of information to be helpful, it usually is.

Carol: All pertinent information is necessary and helpful. Even though the child is not genetically related (and thus less prone to some conditions from their adoptive family) a condition may still have had an effect on the child through family dynamics.

Carol: I feel it's critical to know as much as I can about the child's early life: their birth family, their experience in foster care or in an orphanage (including as many details as they know about the foster home or orphanage), the child's interaction with their adoptive family from first meeting until present time, the child's current behavior issues, the child's functioning in school, peer relationships, any medical conditions, current medicines, and their history of any other evaluations or treatment (Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy, and so on).

Is there information that is NOT helpful to receive from parents? Nicole: Not really, I am always open to more information. It is difficult when I do not have enough information from families. I would prefer they provide more and I will sift through it to find what is most helpful. Dr. K: No. Everything goes into the soup. Carol: No, not really. If a parent finds a piece of information to be helpful, it usually is. Parents know their child and family much better than we do!

Is there a piece of information that parents routinely leave out when they are giving you a history?

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Nicole: Parents often do not provide the detail I need with regard to a historical background, responses to previous treatment or therapeutic interventions. Dr. K: Accurate medication history. Dosages, time of treatment. Data from the pharmacy works the best. Carol: I don't usually give them the opportunity to leave anything out because I ask so many questions! Often, I don't think parents realize how important some of the early information is, as sometimes they initially


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How far into the birth family should this extend?

Nicole: We need a copy of each student’s most recent physical and dental exam and well as their immunizations. Any history of exposure to or treatment for TB, Hepatitis, etc. Current medication, past medication history- reasons for discontinuation, reactions.

Nicole: Maternal & paternal history: mother, father, siblings, grandmother, grandfather is usually sufficient.

Dr. K: Adequate dosage/time frame to determine adequate trial, including, did they take the medication regularly.

Is the birth family social history important, if available?

What medical or medication history important to receive from parents?

Dr. K: Parents, grandparents, great – grandparents. Carol: Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings.

Nicole: If available this is helpful.

Carol: Any medical issue is important to understand not only for the physical implication but also for any possible trauma related to the child's treatment of the problem. Medication history is important for a therapist to have on file, even though we are not the person who treats the child with medication.

Dr. K: Yes. Carol: Yes, it is important.

We know it is difficult to open up and share about the very intimate details that occur within each family but it is crucial for a child to get the right treatment.

How helpful is birth family medical history, if it is available? Nicole - Family mental health background is key is providing an accurate assessment.

Is there anything else you would like to add that would be helpful for parents to know when conveying information to other professionals?

Dr. K – Very helpful. Carol - It's very helpful. Even though the child may not have been raised by the birth family at all, they are predisposed to having similar conditions as the birth family.

Nicole: We want the families and professionals we work with to be as open and honest as possible. We know it is difficult to open up and share about the very intimate details that occur within each family but it is crucial for a child to get the right treatment. Dr. K: The child/adolescent voice and perception of problems, medication, feelings regarding medications, goals of meds, med tapers are extremely important, the child being heard and listened to. Carol: I think it's important for parents to know they are the advocate for their child. Even if the professional has many letters after their name, the most important credentials are MOM or DAD. Follow and trust your instincts! Read and be savvy about issues related to adoption and the best ways for early loss and trauma to be treated. If you feel uncomfortable or disagree with the professional, do not just hang in there for months on end hoping it will improve. 3

Piece of My Mind ATN is undergoing changes too. Some we've planned for, and others have been a sad surprise. On May 1 our dear friend, and head moderator of our support groups, Nancy Cozadd, unexpectedly passed away. Nancy was an incredible therapeutic mom and a superwoman at supporting other parents as they learn This May has been a time of great change how to help their traumatized children. for my family. We had one graduate She is sorely missed in our support from college and move across the groups. At the time of her death, we country, truly "leaving the nest". She Julie Beem were in the middle of discussing major was the daughter who spent the most changes (very positive ones) to the time as a child in our home with our ATN Executive Director format of our online support groups that youngest (our traumatized) daughter. would allow for significant growth of the So we've had some emotional days, for groups. Nancy was eagerly working sure. With visiting relatives, moving vans and the usual toward this change, so it's only fitting that we establish a end of school changes of teachers, goodbyes to memorial fund that will go toward funding this change. classmates, our traumatized daughter was on high alert. You can read more about that, and how to donate to it, The positive was that mostly there were just lots of tears, in this newsletter. (Page 5) and not lots of rages-- a major improvement! Another ATN change was our recent conversion to the As therapeutic parents it’s critical that we stay one step Salesforce CRM program. This conversion went well ahead of what is coming up – that we think about (but (special thanks to Stephanie Garde and Lorraine don’t totally stress out over) how events will impact our Schneider), but we're still adjusting to all the great children of trauma. It makes it easier to accept any things this system will do. outburst or regression to remember that changes and transitions are major triggers. New schedules, less Change is inevitable. It's what we do with the change structure, different activities and loss of teachers or that counts. ATN is changing and growing. We're 67% classmates are difficult. Giving your children extra time larger (more members) than this time last year. Our to adjust and actually verbalizing their feelings (or giving advocacy group is gaining momentum and our Learning them words for the emotions) can really help. In our Center is about to release the Essentials Series webinars. case, we started going back to my daughter's trauma So much is happening -- and all of it is focused on therapists for a "tune-up" to give her tools to cope with helping our traumatized children and their families. the many changes. May & June = Change. Yes, if there's a child in your family, the end of the school year is a major time for change in your family. And change is a major trigger for traumatized children, many of whom have endured too many changes (i.e. losses) to count.

ATN P.O. Box 164 Jefferson, MD 21755 1-888-656-9806 4

On May 1, Nancy Cozadd, a long-time ATN supporter and tireless volunteer passed away. Our deepest condolences to her husband Ernie and her four children, whom she loved deeply. We are stunned and saddened by your loss, and by our own loss of such a wonderful friend and advocate for adoption and for traumatized children and families. – ATN Board & Staff.

The Nancy Cozadd {{{HUGS}}} Memorial Fund Through Attachment & Trauma Network, Inc. (ATN) Nancy Cozadd, affectionately known as “Coz” to many at ATN, was a tireless supporter of hundreds of parents raising traumatized children and those with RAD. As ATN’s Head Moderator, she moderated our online support groups with love, efficiency, and wisdom. Nancy gave out an endless supply of cyber-{{{HUGS}}} to parents in crisis. ATN is establishing this on-going memorial fund that will be used toward ATN Support activities, specifically toward the formation and operation of our NEW online support FORUM. At the time of Nancy’s passing, she was working with other ATN volunteers to implement a new online forum that would allow more members to actively participate in online support. We can think of no better way to honor who Nancy was than to continue her legacy of support of traumatized families! You can donate online, over the phone or by mailing a check. Here’s a link to the online donation information: If you have benefited from Nancy’s {{{HUGS}}} and ATN’s online support, please help us keep her legacy going through this new online FORUM!

Nancy Cozadd, third from left, is pictured with other Nancys at ATN’s 2008 Parenting Conference.


Normal Parents Don’t… child's accomplishments and painfully realize just how different their own child is.

Sometimes the biggest thing that can get us through a day is simply knowing that we are not alone. This list has been compiled from our online support group. Only these parents can truly understand what our lives our like.

—know what RAD, OCD, ODD, PTSD, FAS, BPD, IEP all mean. —know their child’s therapist by first name and call them more than family and friends.

“Normal” parents don’t…… — burst into unstoppable tears when the bad guy in the action movie sniff's the good guy's jacket, because for over 10 years the only way they could get their "bad boy" child to separate from them and go to school was to let him take a used (specifically, unwashed, so he could sniff it during the day) article of their clothing with him. Sniff, sniff, sniff....makes me shudder.

— tell other people on the phone "don't worry it's just my child screaming." — wish their daughter would call them Mom and Dad. — wish for Christmas to be just another day. — even know what residential treatment is...

— research which, if any, countries allow parents to affix permanent tracking devices to their child, not for the child's safety, but in order to reduce liability so that an RTC will take him.

— look forward to going to the dentist without having to take kids along; we consider it a spa day.

— expel their own child from their homeschool.

— give a huge sigh of relief when the bus takes the kid away for the day.

— dread holidays...and the last day of school as if it were a torture sentence

— see a book at the library called Forks and Knives and immediately think weapons, instead of food.

— break down sobbing at the smallest kind word from a stranger.

— have the probation officer's number on speed dial on their phone. — know more about complex trauma than the average therapist.

— have reams of documentation on medication and therapy providers to be whipped out on a moments notice.

— understand the joy when our kids make a friend.

— Count or hide the knives.

— know the model number, price, and features of the latest high tech door alarm

— have reinforced bedroom walls, locks outside the kid's bedroom door, or alarms in the house.

— go to the tanning bed to sleep for 10 minutes because it's the only place they can really relax enough to fall asleep.

— have bite marks on any given body part. — know how to wrestle alligators. — call a therapist at 0640 (AM) to get them to talk to their child(ren) so maybe they will get ready for school.

— have their children buy their own vinegar and other cleaning supplies to take care of "accidents" all over the house.

— get called very ugly names by their child(ren), hit, kicked, spit on or things thrown at them.

— manage 5 psychotropic medications for 2 children.

— hear “I wish you were dead or I had never been placed in this home,”

— have their child wave a utility blade at them and the police.

—live scared that they may be hurt during the night while sleeping.

— ever hear police officers say "When I arrived at your house I thought I was on the set of the Exorcist." — have concern over buying their child a cute outfit because it comes with its own belt.

— have springs popping out of chairs and dings in the walls where their child has been "rocking" and banging their head.

— discuss things in a therapy office instead of over dinner.



live in a house with no light bulbs.

cry in the shower, or cry all the way to and from work in the car. (Continued on page 7)

— read the Facebook posts of their friends and their 6

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Normal Parents Do… — think raising children can be somewhat challenging at times…. — spend a week away with their children and call it a vacation. We take a weekend without our children and call it respite. — think Alphabet soup is Campbell's Alphabet Soup. — take it for granted that their child acknowledges them.

Volunteers Needed ATN is powered by VOLUNTEERS. All volunteers should be current ATN members (scholarships are available if needed) and should have a computer with internet access, as all work is done virtually. ATN volunteers are an AWESOME (and fun) bunch, and we're very flexible -- so the work can be done when you're available. Here are the areas where we currently need help : Online Moderators of our Support Forum. When our head moderator, Nancy Cozadd, passed away, she was working with our Support & Membership Directors on converting our email groups to one open online forum. We need volunteers (at least 3-5 people) willing to continue this project, and to moderate the new forum, supporting other parents. Moderators must be ATN members and must be a parent of a traumatized child. Contact Julie Beem or Stephanie Garde to learn more. Learning Center Store Manager. Our Learning Center ( needs someone to develop and manage our store of books, videos and other training/ educational materials about parenting children with attachment & trauma issues. We are using Amazon as our retailer. The Store Manager will work with our Education Director to decide which materials go into the store and researching information. This is a great opportunity for someone interested in postadoptive education and helping parents to learn therapeutic parenting. All work will be done virtually, so you’ll need a computer & internet. Experience with Amazon or an online store isn’t necessary, but is a plus. Contact Anna Paravano to learn more. Salesforce Coordinator. Our Administrative Team needs a volunteer to coordinate our Salesforce CRM system. This system maintains all our data on members, donors, resources and more. Duties will be data entry and data cleanup. If you happen to have experience – great! If not, we’d be happy to train you. Lots of flexibility to do this task in whatever spare time you have! You will get to work directly with our Administrative & Membership Directors. Contact Stephanie Garde to learn more. Communications Manager. Interested in helping us get the word out? We need someone to help standardize our message, produce our e-newsletters (not The Networker newsletter), coordinate with our social media volunteers and work with the Executive Director on all things communication-related. If you have a background in writing, PR, communication or related areas and want to help communicate ATN to the world, we could use your help. Contact Julie Beem to discuss. 7

There’s an app for that Record my call t=W251bGwsMSwxLDEsImNvbS5yZWNvcmQubXkuY2FsbCJd Do you need to take an important call when you’re away from home? This app will allow you to record the call, so you can play it back when you have time to truly listen. Helpful for talking to psychiatrists and therapists, or when you have information you might need to play back or keep a record of. My Medical Records t=W251bGwsMSwxLDEsImNvbS5mcmVlaGVhbHRodHJhY2suZnJlZS5oZWFsdGgudHJhY2siXQ.. With this application or website easily record your medical records and your family's personal health information for free. You'll never have to backup your data because all your personal health records (PHR) are safely stored in the cloud with redundant servers and continuous backups. You can access your medical records from any device including iPhones, tablets, etc. with a web browser at, as well as from this app. Note Recorder t=W251bGwsMSwxLDEsIk5vdGVfUmVjb3JkZXIuYXBrIl0. “Note Recorder” is application and Widget for Writing Note or Recording a record. All Records display in form of list that can be ordered by time or priority. Cozi t=W251bGwsMSwxLDEsImNvbS5jb3ppLmFuZHJvaWRmcmVlIl0. Calm the chaos of family life with the Appy Award Winner for Best Family/Parenting app. Cozi makes your mobile device the ultimate family organizer with a shared calendar, grocery shopping lists, to do lists and a journal the whole family can access on the go. – Use the journal portion to record, behaviors, medications and much more.

The Attachment & Trauma Network (ATN) recognizes that each child's history and biology is unique to that child.

Because of this we believe there is no one therapy or parenting method that will benefit every child. What works for one child may not work for another child. Many children may benefit from a combination of different therapeutic parenting methods and trauma-sensitive, attachment-focused treatments. We encourage parents to research different treatments and parenting methods in order to determine what will work best for their unique children. 8

Upcoming Events in the Attachment/Trauma World Upcoming Screenings of The Boarder: JUNE - DENVER, CO JULY - Across NEBRASKA - OMAHA, LINCOLN, GRAND ISLAND, KEARNEY, NORTH PLATTE & NORFOLK JULY - CANADA AUGUST - MARYLAND, 2 CITIES. ——Upcoming Adoption and Attachment & Trauma-related Events. (Look for ATN here): June 26-29 One Conference: All Together Now—Missouri Adoptive & Foster Families, Lake Ozark, MO June 27 – Special Screening: My Name is Faith, Lexington, KY. Sponsored by Lexington CASA August 8-10 - NACAC, Toronto, Ontario Sept 18-21 – ATTACh, San Antonio, TX Oct 8-9 – Foster Strategies for Change Conference, MFCAA, Kansas City, MO Nov 9th – Hope and Healing: Caring for Kids from Hard Places, Orphan Care Alliance, Louisville, KY

Don’t forget to renew your membership! Individual (parent) memberships are $35 annually; Professional memberships are $75 annually. You have four ways to join: 1.

Join online at Click the Join button and use your credit card to renew your membership.


Print the membership form available on the website and mail it to: ATN P.O. Box 164 Jefferson, MD 21755 along with your check or credit card information.


Fax the completed membership form with credit card information to 1-888-656-9806 .


Call Lorraine at 1-888-656-9806 and give her your card information over the phone. Memberships make great gifts. We have a scholarship program, so memberships can also be donated. Scholarships are available for individual memberships. 9

Book Review by Cindy McMurry The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh The Language of Flowers is a prism into the world of attachment disorders, the difficulties with the foster care system, as well as childhood trauma. The author skillfully weaves the characters and plot in this novel to help us enter a place that we would not be otherwise aware. Victoria is about to age-out of the foster care system, after many foster and group home placements. On her 18th birthday she is discharged from foster care and is expected to find her own way in the world. She is savvy and independent with unconventional survival skills. Victoria reflects on her life as a young girl who experienced abandonment, rejection and loss. In the story her fear of abandonment and rejection overwhelm and frustrate her desire to be in a fulfilling relationship with other people. Victoria has one precious belonging that she keeps throughout her life, a Victorian Flower Dictionary. It plays a central role in the storyline, defining the meaning of each flower. She begins to use flowers as a way to communicate her feelings, bringing healing to herself and others and opening the door to relationships. Throughout the story Victoria struggles to be in relationship with others. I particularly like the way the author dramatizes the dynamics of attachment and conveys the struggle of entering into safe relationships. Other characters bring their own unique insecurities, personalities and life experiences into conflict with the main character. Ms. Diffenbaugh does a lovely job developing the push and pull required by those who’ve survived significant loss and childhood trauma. This book was tender and sweet, but was painful because of my own experience with my child who was part of the foster care system. There were moments that were ironic to the unsuspecting, but perfectly predictable based on my experience parenting a traumatized child. The Language of Flowers is very personal. I find myself cheering for Victoria to overcome her fears and anxiety so that she can have a full and fruitful life. The reader is hopeful that she can face the darkness that is holding her hostage. She does overcome many obstacles. When reading the book, it is apparent that Ms. Diffenbaugh has had a personal experience with attachment, trauma and the foster care system. [She’s an adoptive mom.] I appreciated the author’s sensitive characterization of childhood trauma. Ms. Diffenbaugh tackles the difficulties of forming relationships for those afflicted by attachment disorder as seen through the lens of the foster care system. The author acknowledges that there are inadequacies within the foster care system, but treats the involved parties sensitively. I enjoyed the book immensely. — Cindy McMurry, ATN Member

Do you or your child have a great summer read related to adoption, attachment or trauma? Share it with us by writing a review (250-400 words), including a link to where you found the book, and emailing to 10

ATN Professional Member Directory These professionals believe in ATN’s mission and have joined us as Professional Members Lark Eshleman, Ph.D. Chestertown, MD 410-778-4317

Laurel Abts Abts Family Counseling 11487 S 700 E Draper, UT 84020 801-930-0020 801-305-1395 fax

Kenneth Frohock LMHC, LRC Attachment Institute of New England 21 Cedar Street, Worcester, MA 01609 508-799-2663 508-753-9779 fax

Arthur Becker-Weidman, PhD Center for Family Development 5820 Main Street, Suite 406 Williamsville, NY 14221 716-810-0790

Sharon Fuller The Attachment Place, LLC Maryland 410-707-5008

Heather Blessing, M.A., MFTI Marriage and Family Therapist Registered Intern, IMF 67330 Sacramento Psychotherapy Services, Inc. 3550 Watt Avenue, Suite 140 Sacramento, CA 95821 (916) 979-7693 Supervised by D. Chadwick Thompson License No. MFC 48044

Robyn Gobbel, LCSW 2525 Wallingwood, Bldg. 1, Suite 213 Austin, TX 78746 512-985-6698

Matthew Bradley, MSW Beatitude House Waynesville, NC 828-926-5591

Ken Huey, Ph.D. CALO (Change Academy Lake of the Ozarks) Lake Ozark, MO 573-365-2221

Karen Buckwalter Chaddock 205 South 24th Street Quincy, IL 62301 217-222-0034

Jennifer Jacobs Kurn Hattin Homes PO Box 127 Westminster, VT 05158

Gayle Clark, Executive Director Miracle Meadows School Rte 1, Box 565 Pennsboro, WV 26415 304-782-3630

Thomas Jahl, Headmaster Cono Christian School Walker, IA 319-327-1085

Beverly Cuevas LICSW, ACSW Attachment Center NW 8011 118th Avenue, NE Kirkland, WA 98033 425-889-8524 425-576-8274 fax

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Direct any updates/changes to this listing to 11

(Continued from page 11)

Pamela McCloskey McCloskey Counseling Center 814-357-2400

Mell La Valley, LMFT, CEGE In-Home Services, Adoption and Attachment Specialist Equine Therapy Post Office Box 2245 Loomis, CA 95650 916-719-2520

Jennie Murdock, LCSW, LMT Lehi, UT 435-668-3560 Michelle Nigliazzo, JD Nigliazzo Advocacy Center LLC West Plains, Missouri

Denise LeBow, LCSW, LSCSW 229 Ward Parkway, LL2 Kansas City, MO 64112 816-531-2144

Lawrence Smith, LCSW Silver Spring, MD 301-558-1933

Carol Linder-Lozier, LCSW Louisville, KY

Barbara Swicegood, M.S. Center for Attachment Resources & Enrichment (C.A.R.E.) Decatur, GA 404-371-4045

Beth Lyons, LPCC Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor 111 S. Sherrin Ave. Louisville, KY 40207 502-558-3899

Janice Turber, M.Ed. Center for Attachment Resources & Enrichment (C.A.R.E.) Decatur, GA 404-371-4045

Carolee Malen, LCSW, ACSW Malen & Associates 8112 W. Bluemound Rd Suite 106 Wautatosa, WI 53213 414-302-1759

Don E. Wilhelm United Methodist Family Services 28 Bridgehampton Place Richmond, VA 23229 804-740-2600

ATN Board of Directors Julie Beem, Executive Director Kathleen Benckendorf Denise Best, LMHC Tanya Bowers-Dean Stephanie Garde Ken Huey, Ph.D. Kelly Killian Carol Lozier, LCSW Anna Paravano, MS Jane Samuel Lorraine Schneider Larry Smith, LCSW, LICSW Nancy Spoolstra, Founder


The Networker- May/June, 2013  

ATN's Member Newsletter May/June, 2013