Volume 99, Issue 6 by The Collegian

RELIGION | 09

Digital Wilderness THE

NET NEUTRALITY AND THE RIGHT TO ROAM

THE WALLA WALLA UNIVERSITY

collegian VOLUME 99 | ISSUE 6 | 6 NOVEMBER 2014 |

SNAPSHOTS TRAVEL | 10 | 06

The Internet was quite a daunting subject to tackle as a feature article. It is abstract and invisible and yet, it is everywhere and deeply ingrained in our lifestyles. It’s even more challenging to draw lines in the sand when that sand is constantly shifting.

RICKY

BARBOSA

My father was an early adopter as the Internet exploded more than 20 years ago, and that appreciation for the potential of emerging technology rubbed off on me. I am well traveled online, and acutely aware of all of the positive and negative effects that such connection can have on society and on the individual.

Editor-in-Chief

02 context EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ricky Barbosa ASSISTANT EDITOR Karl Wallenkampf LAYOUT EDITOR Mindy Robinson HEAD COPY EDITOR Andrea Johnson PERSPECTIVE EDITOR Alex Lemnah CONTENT EDITOR Carolyn Green

Opinion | 8 Religion | 9, 13 Feature | 10-12

08 perspective BACKPAGE & CREATIVE CURATOR Abigail Wissink

SCIENCE & TECH WRITER Daniel Hulse

CULTURE WRITER River Davis

SPORTS WRITER & PROMOTION MANAGER Alex Wagner

FASHION WRITER Alyssa Hartwick

TRAVEL & LOCAL WRITER Shannon Pierce

FOOD WRITER Rachel Peterson

COPY EDITORS Tyler Jacobson Kayla Albrecht Rachel Blake

HUMOR WRITER & OFFICE MANAGER Lauren Lewis NEWS WRITERS Savannah Kisling Morgan Sanker RELIGION WRITERS Benjamin Ramey Randy Folkenberg

ADVERTISING MANAGER Shandra Cady

That being said, I have learned over the course of recent years that disconnecting can be an incredibly rewarding experience. There is life outside those virtual walls.

@spencer_eldevik

Vitaliy Krivoruk

Because of this, I recognize the possibility that the Internet will continue to be overrun by advertising and by anonymous hatred. But I can also see the potential for greater things. That the underdogs will win out in time and that we will continue to express freely and innovate fearlessly. And it’s our responsibility to realize that future.

DISTRIBUTION MANAGER Zachary Johnson LAYOUT DESIGNERS Matthew Moran Ian Smith Emily Brinley ASWWU HEAD PHOTO EDITOR Erick Juarez

14 life

If you are interested in contributing to The Collegian, speak with one of our illustrious staff members. The Collegian is enhanced by regularly incorporating a wide range of campus perspectives. Cover Credit: Feature Image by Mindy Robinson, Photo by Vitaliy Krivoruk The Collegian is the official publication of ASWWU. Its views and opinions are not necessarily the official stance of Walla Walla University or its administration, faculty, staff, or students. Questions, letters, and comments can be sent to aswwu.collegian@wallawalla.edu or richard.barbosa@ wallawalla.edu. This issue was completed at 2:38 A.M. on Thursday, November 6, 2014. For information about advertising, please contact Shandra Cady at aswwu.ads@wallawalla.edu.

The Collegian | Volume 99, Issue 6 | 204 S. College Avenue, College Place, WA 99324 | collegian.wallawalla.edu

7 an | 18

heek | 24

CONTEXT 03 NEWS

murdock

given by WWU alumni Carly Leggitt, Christopher Lindsey, and Summer Thresher along with the other schools’ representatives.

conference

Dann and Leggitt will present a poster entitled “Call Doctor Cucumber,” which displays their findings from a two-month trip to the Philippines. In their presentation, they examine the association between sea cucumbers and a reduction of tropical coral disease.

2014

philstar.com

On Friday, November 14th, several Walla Walla University students will attend the Murdock College Science Research Conference held in Vancouver, WA. Students will present their research to other science students and faculty from private colleges and universities across the Pacific Northwest. Most are able to attend this conference through invitation, however, academic

MORGAN

sanker News Writer

Barn Party

institutions not invited are able to request an invitation. Over the course of two days, 34 talks and 250 presentations will be given at the Hilton Hotel in downtown Vancouver. Of the 250 presentations, six will be given by current WWU students, including Liesl Cole, Leah Dann, Daniel Gross, Taylir Schrock, Lydia Kore, and Rebekah Hawkins. Three more vpresentations will be

“Everything takes more time than you would expect! The research itself, data analysis, and even making the poster took longer than I thought it would. But it’s also a whole lot of fun, especially when you get to work with amazing people,” says Dann. Dann believes coral reef health is tremendously important, as reefs provide vital services to humans and contain incredible biodiversity. With reefs declining, looking at all these factors may be helpful in conservation

efforts and in raising awareness. “I think being able to do research has expanded my view of the world,” Dann confirmed. “It has provided me with invaluable skills, made me a more competitive grad school applicant. I have learned so much more than I expected.” When asked what the best part of her research was, Dann commented, “The best part was by far all the scuba diving we did to collect data.” Cole will also present a poster that combines research from the two months Dann and Leggitt spent in the Philippines, and research from students a few years ago. To find out more about the upcoming Murdock conference or how to become involved, contact David Lindsey and/or Jim Nestler for more details.

ops amateur hour Dr. Jim Nestler, Associate Dean of Women Heidi Indermuehle, Associate Dean of Men Scott Rae, and Dr. Anthony Smith judged the program to choose the winner of the $500 prize.

Nov

8 8:00 pm In the WEC

CAROLYN

green

Content Editor Saturday evening, November 1, was the 72nd Annual Omicron Pi Sigma Amateur Hour. The event was held in the Winter Educational Complex, and the chairs and bleachers were packed. Jon Nickell, Associate Dean of Men, and Daniel Hincapie, OPS Spiritual Vice President, hosted the evening’s entertainment, 10 talented acts performed during the two–hour program. Acts ranged from displays of musical talent, both by individuals and groups, to some smooth dance moves, to Cirque du Soleil-style aerial acrobatics.

The $500 grand prize of the evening went to Jordan Stephan and Joseph Ausmus for their song, “A Major Medley,” compiling the stereotypes of some of the most popular majors with the tunes of popular songs. Second place was given to the acapella group Some Kids Who Can Sing (Morgan Sanker, Matthew Moran, Johanna Chevier, Chelsey Bond, David Jacobus, and Chris Heinrich) for their “Grand Mash-up” and third place went to the group HT to the Power of 8 (Karl Asumen, Kristelle Lagabon, Joseph Ausmus, Kevin Ellis, Matthew Moran, Mac Ford, Johnel Lagabon, and Dylan Trapani) for their rendition of the Jackson 5’s “I Want You Back”. OPS kindly donated $0.50 of every admission fee to ASWWU’s fundraiser, To Build A Home.

Vitaliy Krivoruk

CONTEXT NEWS 04

Senate

UPDATE New Business

midterm

Matt Heinrich — Bookstore Manager Emily Tillotson — Diversity Committee Strategic Plan

CAROLYN

Old Business

green

F.L. 1 — ASWWU 2014-15 Budget Approval

LETT

RESULTS

Content Editor

F.L. 2 — ACA Student Care Packages G.L. 6 — Amendment to the ASWWU Bylaws

mlewallpapers.com

Washington State House of Representatives District 5: Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R) 59.9%

Race for the Senate

Votes on Measures Initiative Measure No. 1351 Concerns K-12 education Initiative Measure No. 591 Concerns firearms

House of Representatives

Governors

Initiative Measure No. 594 Concerns background checks for firearm sales and transfers This measure will apply currently used criminal and public safety background checks by licensed dealers to all firearm sales and transfers, including gun show and online sales, with specific exceptions. Advisory Vote No. 8 (Senate Bill 6505) Concerns marijuana excise tax Advisory Vote No. 9 (Engrossed Substitute House Bill 1287) Concerns leasehold excise tax on tribal property

apers.com

CONTEXT

05 NEWS

LETTER FROM THE

PRESIDENT

adventistreview.org

REFLECTIONS ON THE YEAR-END MEETINGS Unity does not entail uniformity: Elder Dan Jackson, chair of the Seventh-day Adventist (SDA) North American Division (NAD) Executive Committee and NAD President, spoke to the importance of diverse perspectives. Throughout my experience at the NAD Year-end Meetings, I was consistently reminded that God calls each of us to fervently pursue the gospel commission. Even as influential and sometimes disagreeing leaders from the NAD gathered to advance the church, an atmosphere of respect rose above it all. Elder Jackson expertly ensured that voices were affirmed and even when contradictions arose, confirmed that God can use dissonance to direct His harmony. Topics on the agenda included the NAD Headquarters relocation, the theology of ordination, the merging of the Review & Herald and Pacific Press, the official NAD sponsorship of Oakwood University, human sexuality, organizational reports, and strategic initiatives. Over 200 delegates congregated to prayerfully consider the direction of our church, enjoy dedicated fellowship, and decide

on the executive direction of the NAD for the coming year. Though usually polarizing and provocative, discussions pertaining to both the theology of ordination and human sexuality proved to be a display of the NAD’s thoughtful and prayerful approach to controversy. Acknowledged as an area of concern, the NAD administration assigned a team of theologians to study the topic of ordination. The Theology of Ordination Biblical Research Committee, comprised of 14 scholars, pursued the ideal biblical understanding of ordination. The committee developed a condensed report of over 200 pages that outlined their majority recommendation on where the Division should stand. The NAD Executive Committee voted strongly in favor: “That we receive the biblical study of ordination prepared by the North American Division Theology of Ordination Study Committee and affirm the conclusion that all people, men and women, may receive ordination as an affirmation of the call

TIMOTHY

barbosa

ASWWU President of God, and that the North American Division support the authorization of each division to consider, through prayer and under the direction of the Holy Spirit, its most appropriate approach to the ordination of women to gospel ministry.”1 This vote approved a recommendation from the NAD to the General Conference, made up of the NAD and 12 other global Divisions. (The General Conference is the level of administration that decides SDA doctrine.) Similar to the deliberately contemplative approach to the question of theology, the NAD voted to commit to further understanding the topic of sexuality in the context of the church and the Bible. In hopes of maintaining a respectful, Christ-like environment for sensitive subjects as these, the NAD adopted a statement of civil discourse. This statement establishes guidelines “to govern … communication according to the high standards of Christian conduct....” I commend the administration of the NAD for encouraging civility and respect from first discussions through final decisions.

loveandglow.com

RIVER

davis Culture Writer

Winter is trying to barge in a little early here in Portland. The downtown hipsters are more than excited because they finally have an excuse to wear their collection of homemade knit scarves and vintage thrift store blazers with suspenders. We are excited because there is less temptation to go enjoy the nice weather instead of studying for pathophysiology quizzes.

Elected President of the NAD in 2010, Elder Jackson introduced strategic initiatives to intentionally identify and counteract institutional shortcomings. Over the last four years, the NAD confronted target issues at the Conference, Union, and Division levels, and I was blessed to be able to hear of progress as a result of intentionality. The six “Building Blocks” addressed Transformational Evangelism, Young Adult Life, Emerging Immigrant Populations, Adventist Learning Community, Women in Pastoral Ministry, and Media/Social Media. Each project had abundant growth to report and offered the potential for so much more. It was invigorating to witness devotion and passion directed to such different needs within our church. Alongside other notable items on the agenda I am pleased to report that, for the first time, the NAD has granted a permanent voice and vote in the NAD Executive Committee to student association presidents from colleges and universities within the NAD. The NAD Executive Committee is the highest organization

in the administration of the worldwide church between sessions of the General Conference. The decision is a recognition and response to the calls and prayers of young adults to be heard within the church. It is not only a pivotal move that grants younger generations a significant role in church leadership, it is also a definitive leap towards informing executive agendas of the diverse cultures, attitudes, aspirations, beliefs, and needs of young adults via responsible representation. As the first young adult representatives, we were called to contribute frequently throughout the meetings — my peers and I were more than happy to oblige. I am truly privileged to be one of the first officially recognized full delegates and have cherished the experience of collaborating to pursue God’s will in achieving the mission of the Seventhday Adventist church. For more extensive coverage of the NAD Year-End Meetings and other information, you can access reports and presentations at www.nadadventist.org.

AND THE SCARVES COME OUT This week we were blessed to be visited by Pastor Benjamin Lundquist from Arizona who put on a fantastic Week of Worship program at the local Pleasant Valley Adventist church. His topic was “Discovering Unshakable Identity In Jesus” and he extended a warm invitation to the nursing folks on our campus to join him in his series of talks. On Thursday night, he brought an abundance of pizza

and worshiped with us in the Hansen Hall lobby. This next weekend is the Juniors’ Nursing Dedication weekend! You are invited to see your favorite nursing students be dedicated, followed by a potluck for families and friends. From our campus to yours, happy barn-partying and scarf-wearing, and may Christmas music not play on your radio until after Thanksgiving!

CONTEXT

SNAPSHOTS 06

Josh McKinney

Vitaliy Krivoruk

Josh McKinney

Vitaliy Krivoruk

Week in

THURSDAY

November 6

W 68°

Anniversary of Jefferson Davis’s election as President of the Confederate States of America in 1861

Erick Juarez

Vitaliy Krivoruk

Mac Ford

simdynasty.com Mac Ford

FORECAST 6 7 FRIDAY W

November 7 59°

Vespers, Actor Richard Galey University Church, 8:00 P.M.

SATURDAY 2

November 8 54°

Sabbath Seminar, Annual Council Report by Carl Cosaert

SUNDAY

November 9

W 59°

Distinguished Faculty Lecture, Linda Emmerson FAC Auditorium, 7:00 A.M.

CTC 105, 10:30 A.M.

Nurses’ Dedication

Sunnyside SDA Church Portland, OR, 4:00 P.M.

UPCOMING EVENTS

Barn Party

WEC Gym, 8:00 P.M.

Barn Party

MONDAY

gsmr.com

supertopo.com

November 8 wikimedia.org

osh McKinney

CONTEXT

07 WEEK IN FORECAST

November 10

W 54°

Pacific Northwest University of Health Sciences Information Session Rigby Hall 220 6:00 P.M.

TUESDAY 2

November 11 54°

Veteran’s Day CommUnity, Chris Bailey University Church 11:00 A.M.

To Build a Brunch November 16

WEDNESDAY 2

November 12 52°

Anniversary of the first ascent of The Nose of El Capitan in the Yosemite Valley in 1958

Thanksgiving Break! November 24-28

PERSPECTIVE OPINION 08

BRAIN ON TECHNOLOGY ALEXANDRA

buley

Contributor

Upon transferring to Walla Walla University this year, I was pleasantly surprised to discover a vibrant campus brimming with love and gratitude. Within the first month, the Holy Spirit continually led me to opportunities and individuals who were actively seeking to center themselves around love and service to others. I found this to be incredibly encouraging considering that our modern society often promotes everything that aims to knock us off our path to God. One such distraction that I feel passionate about is the overconsumption of digital technology in the form of movies, television, video games, and social media outlets such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. While I fully acknowledge all the wonderful contributions modern technology gives to society, my intention in writing this article is to illustrate what happens to us as individuals when we consume too much of a good thing. I would like to introduce you to two terms you may have heard before: consciousness and ego. Although neither are physical parts of the brain, they are closely associated with a general set of divisions within the brain. Our consciousness relates to our “higher brain,” our cerebral cortex, where reasoning, impulse control, abstract thinking, imagination, and the ability to develop language exist. Tapping into this higher thinking allows us to best access our divine connection. The ego, however, is more closely related to our primitive brain, which is made up of the limbic system and is commonly referred to as the reptilian brain.

The limbic system is responsible for our feelings, memories, and judgments, whereas the reptilian brain provides our bodies with the most basic functions such as breathing and heart rate in addition to our natural instincts and survival skills.1 These systems of the brain, along with their individual parts, combine to give us the ability to perceive the world, create our own personal identity, react, and make decisions based on these factors. Issues arise when an imbalance between the systems occurs. The primitive brain is very powerful on its own and can often mislead our higher thinking, thus beginning the battle between the ego and our consciousness. When we overload ourselves with digital technology, whether it is surfing the web, playing video games, or watching movies, we are essentially dimming the lights on our cerebral cortex.2 While we are tuning into these distractions, our heart rate decreases and blood flows away from the major muscles making us feel relaxed so we can focus on the screen before us.3 In other words, we are shifting into a deceptive state of peace, or “mindlessness.” As we increase our screen time, we rely less on the more evolved part of our brain, weakening its functions over time. Our ego, vindictive as it is, seizes this opportunity and takes over. Instead of allowing us to be centered on love, the ego manipulates our perception based on past events and memories that are often painful or no longer relevant, shifting us into survival mode. Once we are in survival mode, it is incredibly difficult to see the world through

“brain scans show that the brains of those addicted to video games, for instance, look remarkably similar to the brain scans of alcoholics.” loving eyes. We then feel defensive, detached, and alone. Furthermore, as we increase our use of digital technology, our brain conditions itself to want more. Researchers refer to this pattern as a “compulsion loop.” Every time we check our phones or laptops and see that we’ve received a text, an email, or a “like,” the reward center in our brain fires and releases the neurotransmitter dopamine.4 Soon the initial hit of dopamine we get from an hour spent on the computer just doesn’t suffice, causing us to spend an extra half hour, hour, and so on. Eventually, we feel compelled to constantly monitor these devices in the event that we might “miss out” on something. When we finally do step away from the screen we are faced with withdrawal symptoms that make us feel irritable and foggy. Over time this entire process can transform into an addiction. In fact, brain scans show that the brains of those addicted to video games, for instance, look remarkably similar to the brain scans of alcoholics. If that is not terrifying enough, Chinese researchers found that the gray mat-

ter, the area of the brain that handles muscle control, sight, speech, and hearing, of those addicted to video games was literally shrinking.5 So, how can we remedy this? The most obvious solution would be to limit our screen time. But more importantly, I think the answer lies in each of us continuing to actively choose love over distraction, every moment of every day. Love is an incredibly powerful gift from our Heavenly Father, and even more incredible is that unlike the battery on your cellphone, it never runs out. Each one of us is blessed with a special purpose in life, a distinct way of expressing love. So I implore you: disconnect as much you as you can, stay in the present, and invest some time in exploring that wonderful gift of love that is uniquely yours.

http://www.brainupfl.org/healthy-brain-basics/how-the-brain-works/ 1

http://francis-moran.com/marketing-strategy/this-is-your-brain-this-is- your-brain-ontechnology-part-i/ 2

Small, Gary and Vorgan, Gigi. (2008). iBrain. New York, NY: HarperCollins 3

ibid.

http://www.newsweek.com/internet-makingus-crazy-what-new-research-says-65593 5

BENJAMIN

ramey

Religion Writer

PERSPECTIVE

Part

OF US

We throw shards of glass Hoping to make edible The explanation of our rhythm Who is the rhyme of our being They speak through pain Acknowledged as their unbelief For it is written, “A message of love, with glass in between.” Separated through sickness Using intentionally blinded eyes Eternal truth as our focus We then reign supreme Follow your way and I’ll follow mine We seek to serve our message The war cry is sung! Prepare! Let them starve, we redeem Truth as a deterrent Held above those it serves Does not something encompass all? A single window, room brightening! Get lost in peace’s charge No more breaking glass canvasses Cry out of despair not hostility Paint the breathing stream Held above those it serves Does not something encompass all? A single window, room brightening! Get lost in peace’s charge No more breaking glass canvasses Cry out of despair not hostility Paint the breathing stream

Depending on what you believe, you could be labeled as one of the 41,000 Christian denominations that exist in the world.1 The Seventh-Day Adventist Church distinguishes itself among these through 28 fundamental beliefs that dictate what we believe as a church. Some of these beliefs are shared by Christianity, like belief in God and eternal salvation. Others are more specific in nature and take definite stances on issues about worship and future world events. The beliefs give Adventists a sense of identity — they carry the traditions of Adventist scholars from our past, representing over a century of wrestling and reordering.

09 RELIGION

the set-in-stone, all-encompassing measuring stick, many that call themselves Adventists should stop doing so. Every person in the church who believes that it is okay to have a beer, that monogamous homosexual relationships are acceptable, or anyone who questions young-earth creationism should be left out of the fold. Obviously we don’t do this, but if we did, there would be many Adventists excluded from membership, which makes things even more complicated — what really makes one an Adventist? I have not found a good answer to this yet, but I believe the true object of religious be-

lief should be to bring people together and promote peace. We’re all on the same journey: learning, growing, and experiencing new things every day. Regardless of our varying stances, something bigger and grander than our personal ideas should hold us together and yet we use those differences as grounds to tear one another apart. Until Adventism decides what is actually fundamental or comes to understand what it is that truly holds us together, it will continue to be confused as to its composition. 1

http://tinyurl.com/ydtjdgp

But is a well structured list of beliefs sufficient to describe who we are as a people? Beliefs can both hold people together or tear them apart. Once we form conclusions based on observable evidence, the beliefs we hold as foundational then inform how we are to interpret incoming evidence. Beliefs take root in the very depths of our being; once we subscribe to them, they become lenses through which we observe everything around us. This is why controversies over what belief is true or worthy to be adhered to strike deeply with so many. They are part of us. We feel disconnected when somebody doesn’t see things the way we do, as if we are both watching the same television set while seeing different movies. In order to bridge that gap we’ve created a core system that dictates what we are supposed to see. And the minute we question the validity of a core belief in our Adventist system, our allegiance to the faith itself is questioned. Under this context one’s integrity as a believer is defined by what one deems sound reasoning and the best interpretation of avalible evidence. One’s personal worth and virtue of character, is disregarded because he or she doesn’t think the way everyone else does. So then, what makes someone an Adventist? If we stick to the 28 fundamental beliefs as

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FEATURE

THE DIGITAL WILDERNESS 10

Digital Wilderness THE

NET NEUTRALITY AND THE RIGHT TO ROAM

et neutrality: a topic of discussion so dull that political satirist John Oliver described it as “boring even by C-span standards.”1 So why would we discuss something so mundane and abstract in a student newspaper? Because it’s important.

RICKY

barbosa Editor-in-Chief

Introduction and Ode to the Beautiful Beast The Internet is a system of interconnected computer networks that spans the whole globe. According to statistics published by Forbes Magazine,2 the number of Internet users in 2014 is reaching 3 billion: that’s 40% of the world’s population. And while it has been around for what seems like a while, the Internet is still what some would call a wilderness. This isn’t to say that there aren’t established presences online, and ones with serious user bases. But what is most interesting about the Internet today and since its genesis is that it is a place to express, create, and conduct business freely. There are certain systems in place to regulate some of the darker areas of the Internet, but for the most part, the law of the land is that any person is able to surf or establish their own website in peace.

The Internet started at different times, depending on who you ask. In 1969, ARPANET was commissioned by the Department of Defense. It connected four college campuses across the United States. By 1976, Queen Elizabeth II had sent an email.3 On March 12, 1989, Tim Berners-Lee published a proposal for a global network, or “web” that would make the sharing

“…people have used the Internet to lead revolutions, to create their own currencies, to make collective art projects, to find their soulmates, and to terrorize countries.” of information possible. This document was the framework upon which the modern Internet was created.4

The World Wide Web has changed very much since its first inception. It began as a forum for academic research and discussion, with the loftiest of dreams in mind for its potential. Now, 25 years later, the Internet has evolved in a myriad of ways. It is certainly still used to share information; it hosts news networks, organizational websites, blogs, an open source encyclopedia that dwarfs any printed volume, enough educational materials to earn a college degree many times over, and even information that was once classified. Information is being generated at such a pace that it’s impossible to consume it all. Some even argue that this amount of information is unhealthy. It is also the world’s largest source of entertainment: the two largest websites on the Internet in terms of data consumption are Netflix and YouTube.5 Further down the top 10 you’ll find Amazon Video, Hulu, and iTunes. I know you don’t need proof of this — you’re probably itching to drop this article and continue binge-watching a show right now. Social media is also growing explosively. According to Pew Research,6 72% of adult Internet users are also users of social media. It seems to be at the cutting edge of the Internet.

FEATURE

11 THE DIGITAL WILDERNESS

TL;DR

If you don’t have the time to read this article in all of its wordy glory, watch these instead.

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Net Neutrality (Explicit)

Tim Berners-Lee: A Magna Carta for the Web – TED

Political satirist and HBO host John Oliver calls for action in his own passionate, hilarious, and expletive-ridden fashion.

The creator of the modern-day Internet makes his own case.

A well-illustrated and extremely informative rundown of just what net neutrality is.

tinyurl.com/k3onnvu

tinyurl.com/mx5uakb

tinyurl.com/nm3fzcl

We all love to stay connected with others on Facebook, but at the same time, it seems like many of us harbor a morbid desire for it to crumble so a better network can rise from its ashes. Outside of the more typical uses, people have used the Internet to lead revolutions, to create their own currencies, to make collective art projects, to find their soulmates, and to terrorize countries. Certainly, the level of freedom we enjoy today has its share of pros and cons. With freedom of expression and anonymity have come acts of hatred and liberation from oppressive regimes. People are inspired and people are jaded. But we have the freedom to choose where the Internet goes from here.

What is Net Neutrality? The Internet we enjoy today is the reality of a neutral net. The Atlantic provides one of the most complete definitions of the term: “Net neutrality is the idea that any network traffic — movies, web pages, MP3s, pictures — can move from one place (our servers) to any other place (readers’ computers or phones) without ‘discrimination.’”7 In other words, all information and content gets treated equally, whether it comes from an Internet giant or from a personal blog. You can picture it like this: you pay a monthly bill to a power company, but the same company has no right to tell you how to use that electricity. Similarly, we pay Internet Service Providers (ISPs) for our Internet connection because the infrastructure does require a fair amount of maintenance. The big ticket issue is whether or not they should have the power to tell you how to use your connection to the Internet.

How Net Neutrality Works – The New York Times

The Big, Bad Wolves Let’s not be too quick to jump on one side of this debate. Internet Service Providers make some legitimate claims. With the rise of Netflix and other heavy bandwidth consumers, ISPs feel that they have the right to charge more in specific areas. They say that such distinctions between websites will make higher-quality service available to those willing to pay for it. There is some ideological opposition to net neutrality too: those with a more libertarian mindset are extremely wary of government regulation when it comes to the Internet. This doesn’t refer to censorship so much as to an invasion of the free market and infringement on the right to competition. They say that not allowing ISPs to charge differently for different connections will drive up the overall price in an extreme way.

The danger here is allowing ISPs to take that first step. It could lead to an Internet that is regulated not by bandwidth usages but by the whims and profits of provider giants. First, premiums are charged for access to Netflix. Soon, ISPs could be blocking the services of its competitors and tacking extra prices on websites it knows will be visited anyway. Furthermore, this gives new startups very little chance to get a foothold. The Internet was founded upon websites created by geeks writing code in their garages, armed only with dreams. If such a system were in place today, we might not have had Facebook or even Google.

FEATURE

THE DIGITAL WILDERNESS 12

THE FATHER OF THE INTERNET Tim Berners-Lee “The future of the Web depends on ordinary people discussing it, taking responsibility for it and challenging those who seek to control the Web for their own purposes. The first step is to answer one simple question: what kind of Web do we want? To a certain extent, we have a duty about the Web which is greater than our duty about the brain, because with the brain we just analyze it. But with the Web, we actually get to engineer it. We can change it."

The Federal Communications Commission The FCC seems to be a valuable ally in the fight for net neutrality. In its own words, “The Internet is a vital platform for innovation, economic growth and free expression in America. And yet, despite two prior FCC attempts, there are no rules on the books to prevent broadband providers from limiting Internet openness by blocking content or discriminating against consumers and entrepreneurs online.”8 We won’t get into the full history of the FCC’s attempts to protect net neutrality, but in 2010, the Federal Communications Commission dropped a major ruling: the Open Internet Order. It insisted that Internet Service Providers must communicate transparently with their customers about rates and services and that they be prohibited from blocking content and from discrimination. This sounds like a huge win, but in 2014, after being challenged in court by Verizon Wireless, the Open Internet Order was struck down by a D.C. district court.9 More recent attempts have further angered

net neutrality activists. In April, the FCC chair suggested a “fast-lane, slow-lane” compromise where those who were willing to pay extra would get premium speeds, but those who didn’t would deal with normal speeds (which could mean just about anything). After backlash both from ISPs and from the general public, this idea was withdrawn. This past week, details of another plan by the FCC to find a compromise were leaked to the press. The idea would be to reestablish the FCC as an authoritative regulatory force, and to divide the internet into open (“wholesale”) and paid (“retail”) parts of the internet.10 Once again, this has drawn heat from both sides of the debate.

The Copyright Struggle The controversy surrounding the issues of copyright and piracy has been heated from the very start, and understandably so. There are those who deal with intellectual and creative theft on a daily basis on the internet, and the piracy market online is massive. Two bills have been presented before Congress to address this, and I’m sure you’ve heard of them: the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and the Protect I. P. Act (PIPA).11 These bills sought to stop the piracy of

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpbOEoRrHyU&list=UU3XTzVzaHQEd30rQbuvCtTQ

http://blogs-images.forbes.com/niallmccarthy/files/2014/08/Internet-Usage.jpg

http://www.pbs.org/opb/nerds2.0.1/timeline/70s.html

http://www.theverge.com/2014/3/12/5499258/tim-berners-lee-asks-for-net-neutrality-on-internets-25th-birthday 4

http://bgr.com/2013/11/11/netflix-youtube-bandwidth-consumption/

http://www.pewinternet.org/fact-sheets/social-networking-fact-sheet/

music, movies, and other goods sold online. While many applauded their intentions, others were terrified by the amount of regulatory power that this would give the government over Internet content. Hosting any kind of content without its proper copyright would qualify a website for a disconnection of Internet service, even if the site were a social media website like Tumblr. A large group of influential websites, including Wired.com, Firefox, Google, Wikipedia, and Tumblr, led an Internet blackout to raise awareness of the bills and the dangers they posed to freedom online. Wikipedia even went so far as to claim “the U.S. Congress is considering legislation that could fatally damage the free and open Internet.” It prompted a historic public backlash. Both bills, which earlier had bipartisan support, suddenly had no chance of passing.

Why All of this Nonsense Matters The battle for and against net neutrality seems like a battle of the titans — the only ones that get to play are high-level government agencies, media conglomerates, and Internet Service Providers. But your say in the matter can be extremely influential, especially because of the

http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2014/04/the-best-writing-onnet-neutrality/361237/ http://www.fcc.gov/document/fact-sheet-protecting-and-promoting-open-internet 9

http://www.fcc.gov/openinternet

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/01/technology/fcc-considering-hybrid-regulatory-approach-to-net-neutrality.html 10

http://www.forbes.com/sites/larrymagid/2012/01/18/what-are-sopa-and-pipaand-why-all-the-fuss/ 11

freedom afforded to us online. As those who spend copious amounts of time connected to the Internet know, they have a lot of power. With the right amount of momentum and volume, the government and the market will be forced to listen. An excellent example of this is a segment of the weekly satirical news show Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. He took on the issue of net neutrality in his typical passionate, hilarious and expletive-ridden fashion. At the end of the show, he encouraged his audience to respond to the FCC. Within the next 24 hours, the show had generated so much traffic that it crashed the FCC website.12 My call to action is not a simple one. There are no important petitions to be signed or rallies to attend. I won’t even push you to write to the Federal Communications Commission. But I do implore you to keep your eyes open — the degradation of freedom and the commercialization of a beautiful wilderness like the Internet is a slow process. Keep yourself informed and be ready to fight for your freedom, even if it’s a little bit abstract.

http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/08/how-john-oliver-is-procuring-latent-activism/376036/ 12

PERSPECTIVE 13 RELIGION

OLD STORY FRESH MEANING I grew up as a pastor’s kid and in a missionary family, with family worships twice a day. Whether I was attending a school or homeschooling, I always had “Bible class.” I went to Sabbath school every week, listened to “The Bible in Living Sound” tapes, read through dozens of Bible story picture books, and now I’m a Theology major. Needless to say, by this point in my life there aren’t many Bible stories I haven’t heard.

RANDY

FOLKENBURG Religion Writer

I’m incredibly grateful that I was able to learn about the Bible from such a young age. But there is one downside: Since I have heard most of the stories before, the Bible doesn’t draw me in as much as it used to. Recently, I’ve recognized that I have this issue and have tried to fix it. I’ve been going back to the classic Bible stories, trying to find a fresh meaning. Sometimes I don’t gain anything new, but more often than not, a new detail in the story emerges or a new application of the story to my life is revealed. Why? Because our ability to understand things changes depending on where we are at in life. Also, let’s just face it, the kids Bible stories do not usually tell the most holistic and complete version of Bible stories. Just this past summer I was reading and thinking about one of these classic Bible stories and something new and profound surfaced. Most of us have heard the story about when God told Moses to speak to the rock so that it would produce water for the children of Israel. In this story, Moses was irritated with the Israelites so he just went ahead and whacked the rock with his staff instead of speaking to it like God had said. Even though water still came out, Moses had disobeyed God. As a result of his disobedience, he would not lead his people into the promised land. I always thought this was a bit of a harsh verdict. Like really, what was the big deal? I can still hear my Sabbath school teacher saying, “You see, kids? God wants us to be obedient to Him even if it doesn’t make sense.” True statement, isn’t it? So that was always my take-away from

this story: obedience even if it doesn’t make sense. That is, it was until this last summer. What made me first start to look for deeper meaning in this story was a theme I had been noticing: There are all sorts of connections between the story of the redemption of the children of Israel and the story of the redemption of mankind. And sure enough, in this story I found the best connection yet! In Exodus 17, before Moses hit the rock out of frustration in Numbers 20, the Israelites had already been stuck without water and God had given the clear instruction to hit the rock. When Moses did this, everything worked out great; lifegiving water came out of the rock. As I thought about this story, words like “water,” “life,” and “rock” quickly reminded me of Jesus. Little lights went on in my head, illuminating phrases like “water of life” and echoing lines from old hymns: “On Christ the solid rock I stand...” Turns out that many times in the Bible, God (Jesus) is referred to as a rock. In fact, 1 Corinthians 10:4 specifically alludes to this story and equates the rock that was struck to Jesus. And doesn’t it make sense? Just

as a rock was struck so that the Israelites could have water to reach the promised land, Jesus — The Rock — was struck so that we don’t have to perish but instead can have eternal life. “By His wounds we are healed” (Isa. 53:5). With this in mind, why did God not want Moses to strike the rock again in Numbers 20? Because striking the rock a second time would destroy the analogy that God was trying to make. Jesus, our Rock, can only be struck once. His single death was enough to bring life to us all. That is why God said not to hit the rock, and that is why God instead said to speak to the rock. Now, when we feel thirsty and in need of a Savior, all we have to do is speak to The Rock and He will give us an endless supply of mercy, of grace, and of love — an endless supply of water.

LIFE

FOOD 14

FATIGUE-FIGHTING

RACHEL

PETERSON Food Writer

I’d love to get feedback from you! If you have any comments or suggestions for recipes you’d like to see featured, send me an email at rachel.peterson@ wallawalla.edu

FOODS I ate plenty of Halloween candy over the weekend. The bank, Les Schwab, work; somehow, everywhere I went seemed to have a candy bowl all too easy to access. A busy schedule makes whatever food is at hand really tempting, especially if it’s candy. I usually carry granola bars to help ward off hunger and avoid sugary snacks, but feeling adventurous, I decided to try something new. Enter energy bites. These are fabulous alternatives to Reese’s or Snickers and help you make it between meals. Unlike candy, these bites are actually good for you: nutritious and delicious. The proteins and carbohydrates they contain will give you enough energy to rival the Energizer Bunny. Okay, maybe not that much energy, but they’ll help you make it from lunch to dinner. I’ve been wanting to try these recipes for a while now, and I could not be happier with the way they turned out. They reminded me of no-bake cookies without the guilt. Also, these recipes are wonderfully simple — I whipped up both in about 15 minutes.

viewfromthefridge.com

Feature

RECIPE: PEANUT BUTTER MOCHA ENERGY BITES

PUMPKIN SPICE ENERGY BITES I N G R E D I E N TS

1 c. old fashioned oats 1/4 c. flax meal 1 tsp. espresso powder (or caffeine-free alternative) 2 tbsp. unsweetened cocoa powder

2 tbsp. shredded coconut pinch of salt 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract 5 tbsp. creamy peanut butter 1/4 c. maple syrup

I N ST R U C T I O N S Combine all of the ingredients in a bowl. Stir until everything is mixed together. Cover and place the mixture in the fridge to chill for 30 minutes. Once chilled, scoop out tablespoon-sized portions and roll into balls. Keep the energy bites in the refrigerator or freeze them and thaw for a few minutes before eating.

Adapted from reciperunner.com

I N G R E D I E N TS 1/2 c. pumpkin puree 1/2 c. almond butter 1/4 c. maple syrup 1 tsp. pumpkin pie spice

1 1/3 c. old-fashioned oats 1/3 c. pumpkin seeds 1/3 c. raisins 2 tbsp. chia seeds

I N ST R U C T I O N S Mix the pumpkin puree, almond butter, maple syrup, and pumpkin pie spice in a bowl. Mix in the oats, pumpkin seeds, raisins, and chia seeds. Refrigerate until the mixture is chilled and easy to work with. Roll the mixture into balls. Preserve and serve like the mocha bites.

Adapted from ohmyveggies.com life-in-the-lofthouse.com

LIFE

15 CULTURE

A LITTLE SHAKEN UP DAVIS Culture Writer I used to think a handshake was as simple as that, but real-life experiences have proved me otherwise. I saw him from across the lobby. A smile broke simultaneously on our faces as we immediately recognized each other in the crowd. As we advanced towards each other with outstretched hands preparing for a good handshake, something devastating happened. The gap between us was closing rapidly, and

Who invented hand-shaking anyway? When did it become a professional thing to grab a stranger’s hand and shake it around while squeezing it as tight as you can? Our culture is very specific regarding methods where personal contact is acceptable. There is a complex social logarithm that we must strictly follow when we meet someone, and, if you mess any part of it up, it’s all over.

the kaleidoscope New discoveries, far and near. Songs, books, art, it’s shared right here.

Situation one: Is it a hug or a handshake?

She was an old acquaintance. Not close enough to be called a good friend, but not distant enough to be ignored. “Oh, hey! How have you been?” We move towards each other to greet. The pressure is on. “Hey, I’m great!” My insides are in turmoil. As I try to read her body language, I receive unclear signals on what her intended method of greeting. Her hand is slightly elevated as if to shake my hand, but also extended outwards as if to give a hug. Time was running out,

so I lifted up my hand and hoped for the best. The result? We awkwardly half-high fived. Who gives a high five as a greeting? Honestly, River. Get it together. Situation two: When do you stop shaking hands?

This may be the most frequent dilemma I face. Most often it occurs when greeting elderly women at church. “Young man, it’s been so long since we’ve seen you here!” She exclaims as she reaches out to shake my hand. I grasp her hand and we share an awkward, floppy handshake. The only problem is that it doesn’t end. “Oh, you know, I’ve been at nursing school in Portland!” I reply, still gently shaking her hand. Her light grip doesn’t release. “Well isn’t that just nice! How do you like the rain?” She kindly responds. Then all of a sudden, the classic social nightmare happens: the hands

stop shaking. We are left holding hands and talking about the weather, and for some reason neither party can figure out how to release the other’s hand. Situation three: “The Big Fail”

This one might be the worst of all. It is a rare case, but it has happened to me once. One of my friends that I haven’t seen in a while comes up to me at a social event. “Dude, what’s up man?” he exclaims. I see that he is casually excited to see me. I combine the friend’s attitude, his lifestyle, and his casual greeting and plug it all into my social logarithm to decide that I should administer a “fist bump” to this friend. I deliver the fist bump just as he is reaching out for a handshake. There is no time to react. He shakes my fist. I am socially devastated. Learn from these mistakes, friends. I believe that the art of shaking hands in our culture only comes from experience, and until then it is a natural form of keeping us humble.

TELESCOPE T-Pain: The autotune king recently appeared on NPR to perform a mini acoustic concert. The only thing different is that he performed Adolescent Space Adventures the set without autotune. T-Pain Outside The Supermarket: This song has been my current stated, “People felt like I was obsession as of late. It is a tiny using it to sound good…But I was little bonus track on the newest just using it to sound different.” instrumental album from Eluvium, David Olson: Check out the surprisingly smooth, but for some reason this little WWU’s very own David Olson just released a soulful renditions of his hit hip-hop song with a long weird name new song called “Wrong.” The tune sports an songs at www.npr.org/event/ just hits me right in the feels. incredibly catchy beat and instantly gets stuck in music/359661053/t-pain-tiny-deskTurn down your lights, close your your head. Go check out the head-bobbing beats of concert blinds, lie on your bed and listen David Olson on his Soundcloud page at www.soundcloud. to this soft electronically-pulsing com/olsoda/wrong! lullaby while you drift off into a spacey slumber.

SCOPE

MICROSCOPE

npr.org

RIVER

by the time I noticed that his hand was about six inches off course, it was too late to save my dignity. He brushed past me and cheerfully shook hands with the gentleman behind me, perhaps another old friend. It was over. I had been socially served. I frantically tried to do something natural with my outstretched hand, and I think I pretended I was stretching or something dumb.

Turns out, I have become the master of awkward handshaking encounters. I have studied this field with an arsenal of first-hand (no pun intended) experiences, and I feel that it is my civil duty to share them so that you might not make the same mistakes.

eluvium.net

soundcloud.com/olsoda

PERSPECTIVE SM/ACA 16

BRANDON

UNTITLED WITH CATS (I’ll be dealing with a heavy topic today, so at any moment that you may need to abandon ship, please calm your soul with pictures of adorable cats.) Motion sickness: something that every traveler has ever experienced and the one thing that can derail a travel experience faster than the stampede for donuts from Roger’s after CommUnity. Coming from a family of travelers, I’ve come into contact, often quite literally, with this horrible mistress. Of course I have always prided myself on my iron stomach; I can take it with the best of them. Reading in the car? Not a problem. Heavy turbulence? Not a problem. About to go over a huge waterfall? Bring it on. Unfortunately, all of the bad karma of gasping for breath from laughing and for lack of fresh air at all the misfortune that has befallen my less ferric-stomached siblings finally caught up with me, and in spectacular fashion. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression: “When it rains, it pours.” I have wrought a new understanding of the phrase. Allow me to paint the picture: I am traveling on the bus from Oxford to London, after having spent a beautiful week with some of my dearest friends in one of the most interesting cities I’ve had the fortune of seeing. Having successfully cooked a quality breakfast of scrambled eggs (mistake #1), my stomach is full and content for the two-odd-hour bus ride in front of

us. My traveling companions and I are sitting in one of those seat configurations you only find in public transportation, with two sets of chairs facing each other across a too-small table, and, being the high-minded, noble man with an abdomen of steel that I am, I opt to sit in one of the rear facing seats (mistake #2). All is well until we are perhaps 30 minutes down the road, and the sweet summer child in the back begins to wail like he’s playing hide-and-seek with Gary Busey. No big deal, I’ll just drown it out as best I can, and get back to my eBook (mistake #3). I’m perhaps 10 minutes in to this Gremlin-punctured reading session when I feel the slightest pang of disturbance that is familiar to everyone who has even attempted to read in a moving vehicle: motion sickness. It’s okay, this isn’t my first rodeo after all, and so I take my usual precautions: I put my book down and attempt to fall asleep. That will make the time pass quicker anyway. I try my best to fall asleep as the poor child proclaims his grievances and manage to drift in and out for about an hour. I wake up finding that I am no longer afflicted with this bout of motion sickness, and that both the sweet cherub and I are feeling considerably better about our lots in life. I decide to make good use of the free Wi-Fi offered on the bus, and reply to an email that had been sitting in my inbox unanswered for too long (my final mistake). I spend

a fair amount of time on my email, chuckling to myself and my seeming wit, when it strikes — hard, fast, and with no warning. This wasn’t my first hoedown; I had danced the devil’s salsa before and seen it performed many times in person. One instance that comes immediately to mind, and the pride before my fall: my family was traveling one of our great Griswold-inspired road trips and my dearest sister Shannon, editor of the travel column, decides she has had enough of the winding roads through the Rocky Mountains and announces to world that her 10-year-old self is about to throw up. Immediately after declaring her intent, she produces a healthy serving of whatever we had had for breakfast with some gastric fluid mixed in good for measure, smack on the floor of our family SUV. A beat after the eruption, there is an answering call from across the bench seat. Something you should about my little brother, Ryan, is that he will stand for no such displays of discomfort. He feels an intrinsic and involuntary need to share in the misery, lest his valiant sister wallow in her regurgitations alone. Pandemonium breaks loose as my father makes every effort to swerve across two lanes, my mother stifles her emergency room nurse instincts and tries to help both of my ailing siblings, as they begin to cry when they realize

pierce Contributor

Student Missionary in Yap

they are sitting in their own sick. I stifle a giggle, as I had elected to sit in the very rear, and was free from the contamination. Siblings and readers alike, know that I have now received my comeuppance. It took over a decade, but the karma has caught up with me. (WARNING: here comes the juicy bit) My morning eggs come sprinting up my esophagus and pool nicely in my mouth. I clasp my hand to my mouth and look around surreptitiously. I think the doomed thought that has crossed everyone’s mind at some point: I’m going to try to swallow it. The thought has hardly even crossed my mind, and the bell rings: round two. This time, my stomach comes out swinging, as the already collected liquid spurts and sprays from between my fingers. As my travel companions do everything they can to put distance between their selves and this sudden puke machine that has appeared in their midst, I sprint to the back of the bus where an unsuspecting toilet stall waits. As I rush into the stall, I whip the door closed behind me, hand cupping what little remains in my mouth and is not over my coat, and turn to face the toilet. If you’ve seen Zack Snyder’s 300 you may have an idea of what happened next. I let loose a volley large enough to block the sun all across that poor little toilet. I had been in the process of

reaching down to open the lid, so as to minimize the damage, but to no avail. In the aftermath of my third bout, I survey the damage I’ve wrought on this innocent stall. It’s a toilet in a public bathroom, so it’s seen more than its fair share of, well, stuff, but I like to imagine it shook its theoretical head, muttering to itself: “I’m too old for this.” I did my best to clean that stall. I honestly did. But after my fourth and fifth salvo, there was little I could do without an industrial sized ShopVac and/or a squad of underpaid janitors. I left the scene of the crime, and looked towards my compatriots. They were doubled up in laughter and doing their futile best to feign concern for my state of well-being. That was not my proudest moment, but life is nothing if not full of humor. I had nothing left inside of my belly, except for laughter. I erupted again, but this time poorly stifled giggles. We got off immediately after and never looked back. My only regret is the poor, poor sod that goes to clean the busses at the end of the day and opens the door to the most disgusting bathroom conditions I have literally ever seen. The next time I travel, I’ll be taking some Dramamine. Or at the very least breath mints and an emergency pair of socks.

ary in Yap

PERSPECTIVE 17 CW/CW

Creative

WRITING

AN END BY DEAN ELLOWAY

wissink

We thought that miles Were in between, When we were really changing.

NBC meteorologist caught urinating during newscast

I wish I was not changing. How could this be the end? Wishing you could be back home with me?

Scattered showers

Now we’re in the same place

Creative Writing

If you’d like to submit your poetry, prose, songs, or any kind of creative writing, email me at abigail.wissink@ wallawalla.edu

WISDOM

To act like we are just fine.

How much time did I spend

ABIGAIL

This week brings the Featured Musicians project to a close with my friend Dean. Mr. Elloway tends to fly a bit under the radar musically, so if you’d like to hear a performance of this song, look out for him at the next Open Mic. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed exploring the work of on-campus musicians with all of you, and if you ever want to get your music featured, feel free to talk to me!

Collegian

That I believed

But tattooed on your face I sit alone.

Are the places you’d much rather be.

You’re next to me,

I deliver my lines,

And now I know.

While the stage is on fire

When our eyes meet,

And this set is collapsing on me.

You look away.

Though I give it my all

“That was taxing.”

I swallow pain and defeat.

I am destined to fall

A voice cries out,

We both know that you’ll nevermore be,

Inside my head.

In love

It says you can’t give up yet.

With me.

No don’t you dare give up yet.

I’d say there’s no one to blame,

How could this be the end?

But lying’s not my forte,

Uber charges Denver man $539 for 18-mile ride home

Washington Redskins suing Native Americans Opposite Day?

How much time did I spend

And I can’t even fool myself these days.

Wishing you could be back home with me?

To want you back is a sin,

Now we’re in the same place

God only knows where I’ve been,

But tattooed on your face

And I pray you won’t see what I’ve fell in.

Are the places that you’d rather be,

I’m meant to do this alone,

Than here,

one day you’ll see how I’ve grown;

With me.

Maybe then I can finally find my home.

Reach for your hand,

I know that you won’t be there,

You shy away.

That thought’s a breath of fresh air.

I understand.

Don’t forget. Don’t regret. Goodbye. Take care.

It is a lie

Swedish study finds milk may not be good for bones or body No vegan diet, no vegan powers. Man robbed Subways because ‘Jared Diet’ didn’t work Five dollar felony

video vimeo.com/aswwu

Wednesday, October 3, 2012 at 3:44 AM Get Involved // 1992 VHS Tape Throwback Thursday!

Eric Weber

LIFE

#THECOLLEGIAN 18

@calebr2

@cody_angevine

My del the sixth w haystack, a be read in Bride.)

The lea colors, eve has been s into think to sleep), e the requis sweaters a arrived!

@ohmymichelle

@spencer_eldevik

@heyhay_rasco

thecollegian

@ohhsmileeitshazel

INSTAGRAM

Though red cup dr How can a sugary,

@swhite436

@superog_93

@alecia_harris3

@jacjacattack32

@edelweisssss

@sheexpectstheworld

@mollyann607

@a_tohmcat

thedieline.com

@a_tohmcat

LIFE

19 HUMOR

LAUREN

lewis Humor Writer

My delightful arthropods, it is the sixth week of Fall Quarter! Holy haystack, already? Inconceivable. (To be read in the voice from Princess Bride.) The leaves have turned strange colors, everyone has a cold, the clock has been set back (tricking our body into thinking we had an extra hour to sleep), eggnog lattes are back, and the requisite uniform of boots and sweaters are all in play. Autumn has arrived! Though I love Starbucks’ seasonal red cup drinks, I ask with reluctance: How can we live in a world where a sugary, whipped albumen and

“I HAVE MEASURED OUT MY LIFE WITH COFFEE SPOONS”

embryo mixed with the birth nectars of a cow, a.k.a. an Eggnog Latte, be so delicious? Seriously, because Starbucks’ marketing is so effective, I crave squash and bark flavored cattle nectars (PSLs) all year! Who thought this was a good idea and why have they not won an esteemed award of honor? This quarter I consider a PSL to fulfill one serving of my daily vegetable needs.

Friends as homework? Finding a wife or husband at WWU is much more important than the quadratic formula or U.S. history. I was under the impression that WWU stood for Western Wedding University and that I would be married within the last weeks of June following graduation. Oh, by the way, congrats to all the newly-engaged couples of WWU. Is it four this month so far? I’m not bitter.

As I drink my burnt custard squeezed and whipped nut juice (Soy Carmel Brulée Mocha) I ponder this second question angrily: How can professors give us midterms when it becomes dark so quickly and Friends will soon be on Netflix? Do they not understand that we could learn valuable relationship lessons from Ross and Rachel? Why haven’t professors assigned watching

I decree our faculty’s ignorance of Princess Consuela Banana Hammock (Phoebe) and Crap Bag (Mike) a cruel and unusual punishment. Students! Let us band together, Starbucks in hand, Uggs on foot, Netflix on smart phones, and rebel! Let us storm the Administration Building, French style, where President McVay will inevitably not be because he will be

catching up on New Girl at home with his Snuggie®. As we pseudovictoriously surge through the Ad Building, keep an eye out for the trembling and crying souls of English students past and present who thought their grammar was once correct before Dr. Bond’s class. The professors of WWU are obviously destructive, oppressing ogres. The other day, Gottschall walked into class with his shoelaces un-tied. Is this his usual thug fashion, or did he take them off to beat a student for coming into class late? Also, where exactly is Professor Buell? Rumor has it that he is contributing to legislative matters in Washington D.C., however its more likely he is buying nerf guns to shoot students or mallets to smash iPhones. Gorilla Glass is no match

thecollegian

SNAPCHAT

for him. Always stretch and practice dodging tactics before U.S. History. Lastly, why is Professor Duncan’s Instagram set to private? What have you to hide, Sir Duncan? How many more bow ties do you really own? I have irately rambled and poked fun long enough. I am not responsible for the comments above; I was under the influence of caffeine when writing this (sips Gingerbread Latte). Maybe E. G. White was right, coffee is equal to black tar heroine and Starbucks is my dope peddler. I could stop drinking coffee anytime if I truly wanted. “Lies, coffee is your friend forever.” Until next week my humanoids, I’ll be at Starbucks if you need me. #embracingmyinnerwhitegirl

Title Game: Whoever is the first to identify the author of my title and email me at lauren. lewis2@wallawalla.edu will receive a baked good. (Hint: From a love song.) Competition Winners: Week 3 Ryan Robinson

LIFE

TRAVEL 20

theyallhateus.com

THE COST OF SHANNON

pierce

Travel Writer While I was abroad, my brother often asked, “Shannon, you’re studying in Europe with cafés that are way better than Starbucks! What are you doing?” I could not deny him. His accusations were true; I visited more Starbucks than any local café with amazing European coffee. In my defense, there was free Wi-Fi. In America, we’re accustomed to easy Internet access. Most establishments have free Wi-Fi, and if they don’t, you have a data plan on your phone. We are spoiled by the luxury that is internet abundance — the ability to contact others is always at our fingertips. Anyone who has been an ACA student or an SM understands why free Wi-Fi is so exciting and important to me. It’s almost like finding money you forgot was in your pocket. For someone traveling abroad, it’s common to communicate by sending postcards, read paper maps, and actually talk to the people that are physically with you. You don’t feel

the need to obsessively check your phone. Two weeks ago I wrote about traveling like an extrovert. Hiding behind a screen in Europe shouldn’t even be considered. That being said, while I was in France the Internet only worked well a few hours out of the day. This meant that when it worked, you couldn’t see anyone because everyone scrambled to get caught up on everyone’s lives. We were all dependent on the Internet to keep in touch with our families, stay updated with our home universities, make friends jealous with jawdropping pictures and stories, check to see if that special person decided to stay in touch, and most importantly, plan surprise birthday parties for the others in the program. It may have been challenging at times to not have a phone or working Internet, but it made for some really fun adventures. As a rule of courtesy, remember that if you are going to use an establishment’s free Wi-Fi, you should buy something from them. It’s always

obvious you’re in there just for the online access so it’s rude if you don’t make a purchase, which is why most places require you to buy something before you get the code. It is rare in Europe to have free Wi-Fi. And even then, ‘free’ means in exchange for supporting their business, the code for the Internet will be printed on your receipt, but you only get an hour to surf before the network slows down. My favorite thing about being abroad was not having the responsibility to respond to texts or emails. We were free to fully take in the abundance of life. I became really close with everyone who was there because we were forced to spend time together. That’s what life is all about — getting to know people, experiencing your surroundings, seeing details in life, and making memories. Most Americans and Europeans are so dependent on phones and laptops that it keeps them busy in public settings, preventing them from making eye contact or small talk.

Shannon Pierce

Now, there are times that getting online is the best thing in the world, because you want to share what’s going on in your life. We’re in the digital age where the Internet is a part of our lives. It keeps our mothers happy because they can see what’s going on, causing them to worry less. There are so many pros and cons that come with the Internet, and so many debates to be held. My only advice is

moderation. When I travel, I couldn’t care less about the Internet and my phone. While there are certain times at night when I like to have the option to text or Facebook someone, during the day my attention is on exploring and nothing beats that experience. So get offline and go explore.

Shannon Pierce Shannon Pierce

LIFE

21 FASHION

GRAY MATTER

Gray dress, gray shoes, gray bag. Maybe gray is the new black? I actually think black will always be the new black but gray just might receive second best. Gray is a nice neutral tone that is not too much and not too little. Gray is easy, effortless, and chic. Choose your favorite piece from my picks and enhance your gray matter.

For the Ladies

theyallhateus.com

SHOPPINGfor

nnon Pierce

hartwick Fashion Writer

Mango, $39.99

Mango, $59.99

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