The Collegian
“That’s the power of butternut squash.” - Matthew Fennell, Columnist Editor for The Collegian
Updates | Service | Religion | Science | Outdoors | Feature | News | Food | Culture | Fashion | Creative Writing
October 4, 2018 | Vol. 103 | Issue 01
Columbus Day or Indigenous Peoples Day? The story behind the name.
Sports p.6
SM Life p.4
Global News p.10
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Editor’s Note
C
Hello WWU students and beyond, It is week four, the poor man’s week five. But take courage, you have almost hit the halfway mark. Thanksgiving break is just five short weeks away, Christmas not far behind. You’ve got this. I love history, and I find that history is often the best teacher… especially if you let yourself learn from it, which is something I don’t think the world has done a great job of recently. So let us, The Collegian, take on that difficult but all-too-important task. As you know, history is not all success stories full of happy endings. It is often riddled with stories of destruction, oppression, slavery, and palm-to-the-face failures.
This week, here at The Collegian, we will be focusing on of the many stories that are frustrating about American history.
I hope the rest of this week goes by smooth and steady or full of drama, whatever you prefer.
But our real goal is to start a conversation, to try and plant a seed. We hope to honor and remember the legacy of indigenous people in America and who they are today. We hope that through this conversation we can acknowledge the pain that white Americans have caused the original inhabitants of this country, this land’s true owners.
Because let’s be real, You know how it be.
Josephine Baird Editor-in-Chief
May we take this new information and move forward into the future with a new sense of understanding and belonging.
Week in Forecast Thurs 10/18 68°/42° National No Beard Day Cross Country Meet @ Dillon, Montana University Senate ASWWU Jeopardy Night
Fri 10/19 70°/43° Last day to withdraw from a class with a 50% refund ASWWU Outdoors Smith/Bend Camping Trip starts Soccer team plays Northwest Christian University
Sat 10/20 71°/46° National Sweetest Day Volleyball team plays @ Northwest Christian University
Sun 10/21 70°/45° National Pumpkin Cheesecake Day Soccer team plays Corban
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Collegian Staff Josephine Baird Editor-in-Chief Angelica Chan Assistant Editor Kyra GreyEyes Layout Editor Amelia Pekar Feature and News Editor Matthew Fennell Columnist Editor Geoffrey Lopes Head Copy Editor
Feature and News Writers Meaghan Ashton Rose Sperl Zachary White
Copy Editors
Jocelyn Griffin Ella Meeks Audrey Tampake
Congressional Debate What: Streaming of debate between Congressional candidates Lisa Brown (D) and Cathy McMorris Rogers (R)
Where: Village Hall When: Wednesday, October 24 at 5 p.m.
Designers Columnists Megan Spracklen Emily Ellis Alex Parkhurst Inez Aguirre Griffin Leek Niqolas Rudd Isaiah Taylor Nicolette Horning Gabriela Hutuleac Tobi Brown Regan Hinshaw
ACA/SM/Service Religion Science Student Culture Student Life Outdoors Sports Food Fashion Creative Writing Humor
Mon 10/22 71°/47°
McKenna Butler Garren Miler Hannah Thiel
Distributor
John Cotter
Office Manager
Mindy Robinson
Tues 10/23 69°/50°
Outdoors Camping Trip Come shred the gnar on your mountain bike or get sendy while rock climbing on October 19-20. Delicious food, a sweet camping spot, and a safe, fun time out in nature will be provided.
Wed 10/24 65°/54°
Thurs 10/25 61°/48°
National Color Day
iPod Day
National Food Day
Sourest Day
Uh, nothing I guess?
CommUnity Guest Speaker: David Lopez
PSNS Campus Visit
PSNS Campus Visit
Faculty/Staff Benefit Fair
WBB at Walla Walla Community College
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Insight into the SM Program By Meghan Spracklen Taking a year off to be a student missionary is a fairly common choice for Walla Walla University students, and our Student Missions program is a part of our campus identity. Despite how common of a choice this is, there’s more to learn about the SM program as a whole and what it can mean to the individual. The current SM program has 55 students serving in 24 countries this year alone. Even with this many students participating in the program, there are some misconceptions about SMs. In an interview with the Associate Chaplain for Missions, Brittni Bryan, she explained the truth behind these misconceptions and gave a more complete picture of the options and impacts of the SM program.1 These responses are from both this interview and the author’s personal experience. Misconception #1: Student missionaries can only fulfill teaching calls, and usually only on islands. There is actually a large variety of calls needing many different skills besides just teaching, and these calls can originate from all over the world, including here in the United States. These calls can be for medical skills, serving as a dean in a dorm, working maintenance and construction, operating social media and videography, managing finances, aviation, agriculture, pastoring, and tech skills, just to name a few. What each student does depends on their individual interests, skills, and willingness to serve. Misconception #2: Student missionaries give more than they get from the communities they are serving. One of the most frequent experiences SMs talk about is how much they learned from the people they lived with and how much they grew while serving. Bryan explains the impact SMs feel this way: “[The relationship between SMs and the communities they are in] expands your worldview by producing a healthy respect for other cultures and just kind of helping you see how people do life in other places, [it] grows you as a Christian.”2 If approached with an open mind and willingness to learn, being an SM can change a person forever and influence their future choices to become more considerate of the world around them. Misconception #3: A student should feel fully prepared before going. No one is prepared to move to another country or community and start serving
in ways they might never have before. A false sense of preparedness will lead to a discouraging surprise once confronted with how unpredictable serving as an SM can be. Homesickness is a real thing that has to be dealt with, and feelings of not fitting in to another community are common. If someone never feels unprepared, they may never experience the growth that can come from exploring outside of their comfort zones and challenging their development. To be effective, an SM must be vulnerable with both the community they are serving and with God, and it is hard to be prepared for what can come from that challenge. Misconception #4: Student missionaries do more harm than good in places that they serve. There are plenty of ways to harm a community. But most of the calls are focused on SMs living within another community, working alongside the people in that community, and learning from other cultures and perspectives. When focused on building relationships and retaining a humble attitude, SMs build communication skills and educate themselves about the world outside Walla Walla, and hopefully share some of their experiences with others. Since most SM calls are close to a year in length, many of the negative impacts that accompany short term missions—such as trips that last two weeks to a few months— don’t play a role and there can be an emphasis on learning, communicating, and sharing strengths between people. Misconception #5: A student mission year stops being impactful when the student returns home. Returning home can be as much of a struggle—and in some cases more—as the year serving was. Growth continues to happen because perspectives have changed and there is a desire to fulfill a purpose that is hard to define. SMs must continue to take everything that they’ve seen and learned, and process it until they can better understand who they are going to be now that they’re returned. SMs can be changed forever, both in their personal growth and in their career paths. Bryan explained that many returned SMs continue on to be leaders and influencers on the WWU campus and to search for more ways to serve. One of the most frustrating things that Bryan hears as the leader of this program is from students saying that they don’t have the time to take a year off to serve. She emphasizes that these years are always going to be worth it in terms of real life
Photo by Meghan Spracken. experience, personal growth, and impact on the future. She says that college needs to be a time to prepare yourself as much as you can to be a follower of Christ throughout your life: “Strategically, take these years to be the best person you can be.” If taking a year to be an SM is a way that you think
could help you grow, then walking into the Chaplain’s Office to ask about the SM program is the best way to start. 1 Bryan, Brittni A. (5 Oct. 2018). Personal interview. 2 Ibid
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Connection Over Conformity By Emily Ellis Often in the pursuit of convincing people of our own opinions, we neglect the power of a listening ear. We enter into situations thinking that our political views, our religion, our way of life, and our worldview are the right way. It is easy to get trapped in the idea that if everyone thought as we did, the world would be a better place. However, in this process we end up forgetting that other people have valid feelings and values, and we often miss opportunities to learn and grow. As I sit down and reflect on a story to illustrate this point, my mind instantly goes back to winter quarter of my sophomore year, during which I had the privilege of taking a world religions class from Dr. Paul Dybdahl. In this class we learned about religions around the world and their differences and similarities to Christianity. One story in particular that Dr. Dybdahl shared with this class remains engraved in my memory, and will serve as a means of communicating my point. The story begins at a university in Thailand where Dr. Dybdahl was teaching for a summer. There at the university, a student from Cambodia was studying theology to
Photo by JJ Harrison.
become a pastor in the SDA church. After class one day, he approached Dr. Dybdahl and struck up a conversation with him. During the conversation, he started to talk about his home country and how different their history would be if the missionaries had used a different name for God when they were trying to convert the country. The language they used to describe God and the Christian life was different and foreign to the natives of Cambodia. This difference created a wall between the Christians and the Cambodians. Christianity was unfamiliar, and the locals felt that they had to give up their heritage in order to embrace Christianity. The student then went on to explain that when he discovered what Christianity was, he was shocked at what he found. Here is why: Buddhists believe in Maitreya, the one who is to come after Buddha, and whose name means “the source of love.” There will be many signs so that people will know who Maitreya is. He will give sight to the blind, heal the sick, and will even have scars on his sides, head, and hands. To this student, there were distinct parallels between the story of Maitreya and the story of Jesus Christ. The student contin-
ued his conversation with Dr. Dybdahl by stating that he wished the missionaries would have learned the story of Maitreya before they shared about Jesus Christ. Then they could have said, “We have come to tell you more about Maitreya.” This would have made the story of Jesus less foreign, and the student concluded that Jesus would have become their God too. Perhaps the missionaries of Cambodia should have taken an approach similar to Paul’s when he was in Athens. In Acts 17, we find this story about how he went about sharing the Gospel with a people who worshipped many gods, a religion that was quite different from Christianity: “They took him and brought him to the Areopagus, and said, ‘May we learn about this new teaching you are presenting? Because what you say sounds strange to us, and we want to know what these things mean.’ Now all the Athenians and the foreigners residing there spent their time on nothing else but telling or hearing something new. “Paul stood in the middle of the Areopagus and said: ‘People of Athens! I see that you are extremely religious in every respect. For as I was passing through and observing the objects of your worship, I even found an altar on which was inscribed: ‘To an Unknown God.’ Therefore, what you worship in ignorance, this I proclaim to you. The God who made the world and everything in it—he is Lord of heaven and earth—does not live in shrines made by hands. Neither is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives everyone life and breath and all things. From one man he has made every nationality to live over the whole earth and has determined their appointed times and the boundaries of where they live. He did this so that they might seek God, and perhaps they might reach out and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.’” 1 Instead of marching into the city of Athens and condemning people for doing what he thought was wrong, he engaged in conversation with them. He reasoned with them and used what they already had in order to point them to God. He respected their culture and beliefs, while at the same time sharing his own beliefs. He made Christianity applicable and relatable to them as opposed to presenting a foreign idea and expecting the people of Athens to immediately conform their ways to his.
It is also important to note how at the end of this chapter, the Bible mentions how there were some Athenians who disagreed with Paul, and so he left. He did not try to push his beliefs on them. He knew that if God wanted to make Himself known to the people of Athens, He would. The seed had been planted and it wasn’t up to Paul, in this case, to grow and harvest that seed. These two stories have obvious connections to the theme of respecting other people’s culture and being missionaries in other countries. It connects with the theme of Columbus Day and learning about indigenous people. However, there is a deeper connection I want to make. One that I hope you might be able to relate to.
I find it easy to read about missionaries, such as the ones I talked about in the first story, and think to myself, “What ignorant people. They should’ve listened to others more and cared more deeply about the native people’s worldview instead of shoving their own worldview on them. If I were to be a missionary, I would do the complete opposite.” As soon as that thought enters my mind, I instantly realize that I am equally as guilty of considering my worldviews, my political opinions, and my religious stance as superior to that of those around me. It is easy to enter into conversations not for the sake of dialogue and education, but to get the other person to conform to your point of view. It is easy to comment on a post that you disagree with because your worldview is obviously superior. It is easy to assume that if everyone believed as you did, the world would be a better place. We are all guilty of this, myself included. I forget the power of simply listening to others and learning from them. If I think my opinion is right, chances are the other person thinks theirs is correct as well, and I need to respect that. “My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness.” 2 If we wish to see change in this world, begin listening. If we wish to spread the Gospel, begin by striving to understanding others. Finally, if we wish to share our views with people, begin by asking to learn about their worldview and being slow to speak. 1 Acts 17:22-27 CSB 2 James 1:19, 20 CSB
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Walla Walla Before Students Came to Town By Alex Parkhurst If you’ve ever been to the Whitman Mission National Historic Site or Frenchtown Historical site, you would know that the Walla Walla Valley used to be full of indigenous people before it contained three colleges full of students. Both sites have extreme historical significance due to the events that took place here more than 100 years ago. The Whitman Mission Site was founded by Marcus and Narcissa Whitman in 1836. They settled here to do missionary work because of Marcus’ newly-founded faith and appointed credentials as a Presbyterian pastor. Marcus and Narcissa opened their mission in Waiilatpu to work with the Cayuse tribe. The Spalding family, who accompanied the Whitmans on their journey west, established a mission close by to work with the Nez Perce people at Lapwai. Once settled, both couples attempted to learn the native tongues of the tribes. Time went on and both the settlers and tribes seemed to be working relatively well with each other despite cultural differences. In 1844, the Whitmans adopted seven children from the Sager family whose parents had died on the journey west. In the following years, the Oregon Trail drew increasing numbers of travelers to Waiilat-
pu for a place to rest and Marcus’ medical skills; these travelers also brought diseases the native people had not previously encountered. A measles epidemic broke out in 1846-1847 at Waiilatpu, affecting both travelers and native people. Marcus Whitman’s medicine was not successful for the Native American’s meanwhile white patients recovered more due to built-up immunity than Whitman’s care. Tensions rose between the missionaries and the native people as rumors of Whitman poisoning the native patients spread. This culminated in the frustrated Cayuse tribe attacking the Waiilatpu mission site, killing Marcus and Narcissa Whitman, as well as 12 others. The remaining survivors were taken hostage; only a few were able to escape. One month after the attack, the Cayuse tribe released the hostages after Peter Skene Ogden, of the Hudson’s Bay Company, offered a ransom. The hostages, including Spaldings’ daughter Eliza, made it to Fort Walla Walla safely on Jan. 8, 1848, and they warned the government of the attacks, urging them to implement new territorial laws. This is a significant historical site because the Whitman mission was the first Christian mission established in the Pacific Northwest. Although the Whitmans failed to establish and maintain a positive relationship with the Native Americans, this
tragedy is the reason that the U.S. was able to officially claim Oregon as a state. In 1855, the U.S. government proposed and signed a treaty with the local tribes of this area to cede over 6.4 million acres of land. Shortly after the treaty was signed, the Battle of Walla Walla took place at Frenchtown National Historic Site in 1855 from the 7th-10th of December. This was the Native Americans’ last fight for the right of their land. This battle has historical significance because it was the longest battle in Washington territory, involving an estimated 350 Oregon Mounted Volunteers and approximately 1,000 Walla Walla, Cayuse, Palouse, and Yakama warriors. About four days after the battle commenced, the volunteers were running low on ammunition when reinforcements arrived from Fort Henrietta. This event ultimately led to the Native Americans’ withdrawal from battle and the disownment of their land from the government. Thirty-seven years after the battle ended in 1855, students started attending the newly founded Walla Walla College, now Walla Walla University. History like this is always fascinating because nowadays we normally don’t think about complex situations that the Native Americans and settlers were put in. It’s always a somber feeling to remember our local history and lament the struggles and
hardships that went on during these time periods. Though it might be discouraging, it is important to reflect on how these incidents came to form Walla Walla Valley as we know it. If you ever want to learn more about the historic small town you now live in, take a day over the weekend and visit the Whitman Mission Site (located at 328 Whitman Mission Rd). Visitors can begin their journey back in time by walking on the self-guided paths to the mission house, the great grave, the Whitman Memorial, and the reconstructed Oregon Trail ruts. I also highly encourage you to visit Frenchtown (located at 8364 Old Highway 12), to relive and imagine the great Battle of Walla Walla at this historic site.
For a more balanced perspective, I also encourage you to visit the Tamástslikt Cultural Institute in Pendleton. It is run by the Confederated Tribes of the Umatilla Indian Reservation, and provides background on what things were like from the Native tribes’ perspective while not limiting their experience and culture to a single event. 1 https://www.nps.gov/nr/travel/cultural_diversity/whitman_mission_national_historic_site.html 2 Jepsen and Norberg, Contested Boundaries: A New Pacific Northwest History (New Jersey: John Wiley & Sons, 2017).
How Do You Define Your Cultural Identity? By Inez Aguirre If you didn’t already know, this past month was Hispanic Heritage Month. I began to reflect on my own Hispanic identity and consider the cultural identity of others on this campus. I reached out to students and asked them the same question—I asked to hear their individual analysis of their own cultural identity. I started asking myself, “What is my cultural identity?” But first, let me share a little of what came to mind when I asked myself this question. How do I define my cultural identity? Interestingly, I find myself repeating that question. Where do I begin? Where do I fit in? Being Mexican-American isn’t the easiest thing; in fact, being in what people call “the middle” is probably one of the most difficult things for me. I find myself sitting back and really analyzing my life in this aspect. My father is Mexican, but he was not born in Mexico. My mother is Mexican-American because her father
was Mexican, but again, she wasn’t born in Mexico. So how do I define myself? How do I define my Hispanic culture, and can I? Do I have the right? Is there only one Hispanic cultural identity? Because I didn’t grow up in what one might call a “typical” Mexican household, I might not be accustomed to some of the “typical” traditions or beliefs. Some could say I add my own spice to it. I might have a birthday party and have a piñata. I might fill that piñata with candy or I might put little toys in instead. Who knows? It’s how I define a part of my culture. There is no contract or document that says I have to put something in it; in fact, I make my culture my own but still follow the universal definition. Each one of us has an identity—no one is the same. Being different isn’t wrong, and being the same isn’t either. Our cultural identity is what we choose to make it. So now, I invite you to take a moment and ask yourself, “How do I define my cultural identity?”
Response 1: Anonymous
Response 2: Anonymous
“I think it’s hard for me to define [my cultural identity] because when people ask me where I am from I say my family is from Mexico. I don’t necessarily say that I am Mexican because even though that makes up a majority of my cultural identity I can’t deny that I was raised in the United States. I personally see my cultural identity as being Mexican, yet I know that my American identity is just as important. It is most obvious when I am with my Mexican family because they constantly point it out. It is a challenge because I know that from the perspective of my Mexican family I will never be completely Mexican, and in the U.S., I will never be American. I also feel a disconnect when I compare certain values and perspectives because my family tends to lean towards the more traditional values they were raised with and I think being raised in an American society I don’t feel bound by the traditional family construct and gender roles.”
“I am a proud SDA Filipino-American who comes from a loud and loving family. Although my family may encounter challenges from time to time, we reach out to each other first, no matter what. Respect, love and hard work were just some of the other values I learned growing up and I believe learning what you value and believe is important in working towards who you and who God wants you to be.” Reponse 3: Anonymous “My cultural identity is fluid, constantly updating with each new set of persons that I meet. From the culture found in my ethnic background, all the way to the culture found in the seats of vespers. It’s the way I think and often times decides how I choose to act. My cultural identity is just as much me as I am it.”
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Breathing Easy By Niq Ruud Some things are harder than others. And while harder things are harder than their easier counterparts, it certainly doesn’t mean that harder things are easier than easier things. Over one’s lifetime, harder things may or may not be few and far between. But when they aren’t far between, they can seem all the harder. Beautiful views can be hard to aquire; I mean, think of all the folks who have spent countless millions on beachfront property. But the amazing thing about a beautiful view is this: not all beautiful views are hard or expensive to come by. With that in mind, let me tell you a story. On a recent weekend here at Walla Walla University, three students, led by someone we’ll call “Min-D,” decided they needed some refreshing mountain air, but at the same time didn’t want to work for it. Somewhat spontaneously, our heroic trio decided to go camping—car camping, to be precise. “We didn’t have to hold off on the camping supplies,” said Min-D, and hold off on the camping supplies they did not. First, a cream-coloured plastic laundry basket full of vibrantly decorated blankets was placed in the car. Then, enough Indian food to feed three people hungry for Indian cuisine. Lastly, two sleeping bags and an ancient map of Puerto Rico were tossed in for good measure; the latter just in case their adventure had the urge to go (kind of) international. As they drove north out of the wet Walla Walla Valley, Min-D already had the perfect spot in mind. She had seen it before; if not in real life, then in a dream. It was perfect, sporting a beautiful view only seconds away from the nearest dirt road—a car camper’s ideal ideal. When the trio arrived to their predestined destination, they immediately remained in the car. This was due, in great part, to the deluge outside. Thoughts like, “Well, I hope I brought the matches,” and “Wow, one of those $5 Walmart tarps would be really cool right now,” were most likely floating through their heads as they sat there. However, since they had come, in part, to go camping, they eventually chose to brave unfavorable conditions in an attempt to start a fire. And so began the classic car camper’s move: rummaging around the car to look for that box of matches you just know you brought along!
After what must have felt like hours, our three heroines came up with a much better solution: Jetboil x Puerto Rico 1.0, which only required a process as simple as one-two-three. Readers: you can do this at home too! First, rip off a piece of the classic 1980s Puerto Rico map, maybe the size of a municipality or two, then turn on your Jetboil’s powerful jet (often used to boil things). Lastly, light that paper municipality on fire and toss it into your perfectly-structured log cabin fire structure! Then guess what? You’ll have a roaring blaze, just like our car-camping friends who decided to go camping with their car! Brilliant! Once the fire was cooking, I’m sure the rain felt a little bit warmer as it trickled down from the clouds on high. However, things got even hotter when the food came out: fire-roasted naan, fire-roasted rice, fire-roasted curry, and—the author’s personal favorite—fire-roasted mango lassi! At one point the clouds parted just enough to allow our trio to peek at something too beautiful to describe: a beautiful view. And it had only cost them a few gallons of $3.49 DX gas! As night drew closer, the group got to talking about mountain lions, which led to a discussion about scary films, and subsequently, as one might imagine, to the topic of scary people. Being that their camping—ahem—parking spot was situated so very close to a main dirt road, each car that passed soon contained said “scary people.” And so, naturally, the trio would casually jog over to their car when they heard the roar of an engine or saw the lights of a headlight, jump inside, and lock the doors so as to negate any scariness that might scare them.
The Fight After the Fight By Isaiah Taylor On Saturday, Oct. 6, Khabib Nurmagomedov defeated Conor McGregor for the lightweight championship. However, the most memorable fight of the night took place immediately afterward, when a brawl broke out. With championship fights across multiple divisions and some very entertaining undercard matches, UFC 229 was an event to behold. Nurmagomedov defeated McGregor by submission in the fourth round, but the real drama began as he turned to the crowd and began shouting at members of McGregor’s team. This shouting match led Nurmagomedov to jump out of the ring and attack McGregor’s team. Later, a video surfaced showing McGregor sitting on the cage wall shouting at members of Nurmagomedov’s team, and then throwing a punch. This led to members of Nurmagomedov’s team jumping into the ring and attacking McGregor. This brawl lasted for around three minutes before UFC security was able to separate everyone, and led to the arrest of three of Nurmagomedov’s teammates. UFC President Dana White issued several statements following the brawl and confirmed that there would be further investigation. Following the brawl, White said he would not place the championship belt on Nurmagomedov; however, there is no word on whether or not the UFC will withhold the title and earnings from the match permanently. This attack-turned-melee is the result of a long-standing grudge against members of
McGregor’s team for an attack on a shuttle carrying fighters and UFC employees. The bus attack was just one of numerous times that McGregor’s actions have sparked violent retaliations. McGregor is known for using racial slurs or derogatory statements as trash-talk ammunition. In a statement shared on Instagram, Nurmagomedov voiced his distrust of UFC for their support of McGregor and his egregious actions, and their hypocritical criticism of Nurmagomedov and his team (the UFC used video footage of McGregor’s bus attack in promotional videos for UFC 229). This incident has brought up many questions about methods used by the UFC and the environment they are cultivating. It is growing more and more common for fighters to get into altercations at weighins because of excessive taunting. Racially charged statements or attacks against religious groups have no place in the sport. Disregarding these things because they boost entertainment value only increases the desire to retaliate. Where should the UFC draw the line? In the week since the match, more statements have come from White that include banning any fighters involved in the brawl. Nurmagomedov still hasn’t been given his purse from the match, and in addition to the UFC response there is still the possibility of criminal charges against Nurmagomedov. McGregor has not pressed charges on his attackers, but rather is excited at the possibility of a rematch. What will happen next?
After so many casual jogs, Min-D and her pals were getting pretty sleepy. They all piled into the back of the car—two of them cuddled with their sleeping bags, the other cuddled with her basket full of blankets—for a good night’s rest. Windows were rolled down so as to avoid the dreaded death by suffocation, and dreams of a coffee shop, maybe two, faded in and out as their collective consciousness did the same. The rain continued to pour, as rain often does, and they vigorously attempted to rest. But, knowing that scary people might be able to unlock a door via a cracked window, sleep was hard to come by—even if the breathing was easy. Have a story or something even better from the out-of-doors you’ve just got to share? Hit up niqolas.ruud@wallawalla.edu and let’s chat.
Khabib Nurmagomedov being restrained by UFC security after jumping into the crowd. Photo by Yahoo! Sports.
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By Meaghan Ashton Hello busy bees, glad to be of service to you! I’m here to bring you information and provide you with some compelling facts. In light of the recent Columbus Day and Indigenous Peoples Day, I wanted to take the chance to explore the connotations of these holidays and how they relate to underlying themes in America. My objective for this article is to provide a brief commentary on the background of Columbus Day, why some states and cities have been adamant about altering the name, and what these choices say about society, so, buckle up. It may have passed you by, but on every second Monday of October we have a holiday to commemorate Christopher Columbus. You’ve all heard of him—the Italian man who is universally regarded as the explorer who pioneered the Americas.1 If you are anything like me, this holiday completely slipped your mind as you groggily moved about your Monday ac-
Photo by Study Breaks Magazine
The Story Behind the Name tivities, but for others around the country, this holiday is a key point of controversy. Controversy is commonplace in America, especially surrounding issues of race and belonging. The fight that revolves around the second Monday of October underlines the betrayal of indigenous people and the ruthless seizure of their homeland. As a reference, the term “indigenous people” refers to First Nations, Native Americans, and people of American Indian descent. So, should I say happy Columbus Day or happy Indigenous Peoples Day? It is often marked on calendars with both titles, though some would say there is a definite preference over one or the other, while other have no preference at all. In elementary school, the majority of us were taught early about Christopher Columbus and his grand expedition across the Atlantic Ocean in hopes of new routes to India and great discoveries. Under the banner of the Catholic monarchs of Spain, he became known as a remarkable naviga-
tor and influential colonist who is portrayed as a great conqueror—a man who single-handedly fathered the Americas. 2,3 History classes and acclaimed textbooks suggest that Columbus was somewhat of a hero, gracefully arriving, peacefully compromising with Native Americans, and establishing what we know to be home today. 4 This is what we are taught because, as we know, history is written by those who are privileged to write it—and in 1492, there were no indigenous historians.5 The historical perspective we’ve been taught implies that there was a harmonious coexistence between the two cultures and insists that the discovery of America was gained rightfully. But hold on; is this not just a bunch of nonsense? A strange man arrived to a new place, completely unknown to him. He claimed the land as his and his people’s, rendering indigenous people as enemies and outcasts. He led a colonization movement that resulted in the death and destruction of many indigenous cultures. So, let me ask you this: how should this day in history be remembered? Should it be celebrated? Critics and historians have indicated that Columbus’ motives were more aimed towards colonization than exploration; he took land that wasn’t his to take. 6, 7 In doing so, he used the Spanish army to remove the indigenous population and their homes. 8, 9 If Columbus Day is nothing more than a celebration of colonization that has murdered, damaged, and disrespected Native cultures, then what are we doing making a holiday out of it? Take a peek at the sides of this national dispute. Around the U.S., there are people who take pride in Columbus Day and there are people who dispose of it entirely. Those who take pride in Columbus Day have made this day the centerpiece for their heritage, such as Italian-Americans. Christopher Columbus was of Italian descent, marking October as a celebrational month in commemoration of immigration for people from Italy. The argument stands that Columbus Day is in remembrance of
the history of immigration, rather than of the man who led the 1492 expedition. 10 In theory, the supporters like the anniversary because it celebrates a time that sparked their immigration, so they prefer to keep the name. However, even on the supporter side, there is still a slight call for changing the name of Columbus Day, though not because of its implications of race, honor, or preservation. Some call for the name to be changed to something like Italian Heritage Day, for example. 11 While Columbus appears to be an indicator of heritage for one group, it is nothing more than a celebration of exploitation and loss for another group. Native Americans and other indigenous groups have long protested observing Columbus Day for three very good reasons: Columbus’s voyage resulted in the colonization of the Americas, sparked the trans-Atlantic slave trade, and caused disease and death. 12 Other critics suggest discarding the name completely and changing it to something more representative of things other than murder and takeover. Doesn’t that seem just? One solution is to follow the example of Alaska, Hawaii, Oregon, South Dakota, Vermont, and others, where Columbus Day is not fully recognized, but still observed in some way. 13, 14 Some states and cities give alternative holidays in place of Columbus Day, such as “Native American Day,” “Discoverers’ Day,” or “Reservation Day.” 15, 16, 17 As the debate on the state and national level has progressed, alternative options have been proposed and granted to the nation as early as the 1970s. 18 The biggest reason for change is that replacing the name would honor the survivors of the colonization movement, rather than glorify their downfall. With this in mind, states and cities stretched across the nation have voted and are in the process of replacing the name of the annual holiday due to the complicated history of Columbus Day. 19 It is interesting to note that although there is debate over the name, a 2015 survey by Pew Research Center claimed that Columbus Day is the most inconsistent-
ly-observed holiday in the U.S. 20 As public awareness has increased and more states get involved, Columbus Day has begun to lose its popularity, with only 25 states currently listing it as an official holiday. 21 Columbus Day was made a federal holiday on 1937 by former President Franklin D. Roosevelt, and yet it is not regularly observed and has become a point of concern. Many states and cities in the nation opt to celebrate Indigenous Peoples Day, in opposition of observing Columbus Day.22, 23 This is a call to see the holiday in a new light, celebrating the lives of indigenous people. The world has advanced and perspectives have evolved, as have our depictions of history. Viewpoints regarding this holiday and how to celebrate it have been changing precisely because of the better understanding of the destruction, enslavement, and pain brought to the indigenous people by colonists. This pattern is all too familiar to America and its history. The way colonists have wrongfully pushed others out, claiming a home that was not theirs as their new empire, is not a new piece of information. Nonetheless, this news has been tolerated for years and years. Christopher Columbus was the man who began the widespread Spanish colonization throughout the New World, but the effects of his voyages still impact people today. It can be described as a story of strife, a narrative of tragedy, or one of fortune for some, but misfortune for others. Unlike Columbus Day, Indigenous Peoples Day recognizes America’s originals—the inhabitants that made up America before the European settlers and colonists arrived. With movements like #AbolishColumbusDay, cities and states across the nation are rejecting Columbus Day and hastily replacing it with Indigenous Peoples Day to demonstrate their intention of equality and aim for social justice in the name of indigenous culture.24 At least this is how it appears on the surface; dig deeper and it turns out that only a small number of states are strictly celebrating Indigenous Peoples Day. 25 Its celebration is a question of social justice, dignity, and
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the worth of the person, with an answer that lies in our individual decision to practice cultural sensitivity and achieve justice for all. You may have just missed the holiday, but the background and reasons behind this dispute are still relevant long after the holiday has passed. Perhaps some are wondering why people are making minor holidays a political matter, adding it to the pile, while others believe change is long overdue. The good news is that public awareness is increasing, and people are actively seeking change. Hurray! Hurrah! Happy Columbus Day, but cheer for Indigenous Peoples Day with me and thousands of others. Make it a day of respect. Make it a day to celebrate cultural diversity. Make it a day of indigenous remembrance. In lieu of the Columbus Day parade, head over to Seattle and enjoy Indigenous Peoples Week, go to Los Angeles and take part in the Life Before Columbus Festival, take a trip to New York City for Rethinking Columbus Day, or celebrate Decolonization Celebration in Oregon. 26 There are alternatives to celebrating a man and a time that devastated millions. Isn’t it fascinating how a little thing like a name can be so brutally honest about the world we are living in? 1 https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2018/oct/9/columbus-day-yes-indigenous-peoples-day-no/ 2 http://insider.foxnews.com/2018/10/09/elizabeth-warren-chooses-not-celebrate-columbus-day-holiday-tucker-carlson-reacts
Photo by Michael Penn digenous-peoples-day/ 10 https://www.dogonews.com/2018/10/1/columbus-day-or-indigenous-peoples-day-you-decide 11 Ibid. 12 https://www.history.com/topics/exploration/columbus-day 13 https://www.dogonews.com/2018/10/1/columbus-day-or-indigenous-peoples-day-you-decide
3 http://www.ccnycampus.org/2018/10/columbus-day-or-indigenous-peoples-day/
14 https://www.history.com/topics/exploration/columbus-day
4 https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2018/oct/9/columbus-day-yes-indigenous-peoples-day-no/
15 https://www.dogonews.com/2018/10/1/columbus-day-or-indigenous-peoples-day-you-decide
5 http://mentalfloss.com/article/505067/10-alternatives-columbus-day-celebrated-around-country
16 http://www.ccnycampus.org/2018/10/columbus-day-or-indigenous-peoples-day/
6 http://www.ccnycampus.org/2018/10/columbus-day-or-indigenous-peoples-day/
17 https://www.history.com/topics/exploration/columbus-day
7 https://www.history.com/topics/exploration/columbus-day 8 https://www.dogonews.com/2018/10/1/columbus-day-or-indigenous-peoples-day-you-decide 9 http://www.ccnycampus.org/2018/10/columbus-day-or-in-
18 Ibid. 19 http://mentalfloss.com/article/505067/10-alternatives-columbus-day-celebrated-around-country 20 https://www.dogonews.com/2018/10/1/columbus-day-or-indigenous-peoples-day-you-decide
21 http://mentalfloss.com/article/505067/10-alternatives-columbus-day-celebrated-around-country 22 https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2018/oct/9/columbus-day-yes-indigenous-peoples-day-no/ 23 http://insider.foxnews.com/2018/10/09/elizabeth-warren-chooses-not-celebrate-columbus-day-holiday-tucker-carlson-reacts 24 http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-hackel-columbus-day-california-settlers-indigeous-peoples-20171009-story.html 25 http://www.ccnycampus.org/2018/10/columbus-day-or-indigenous-peoples-day/ 26 http://mentalfloss.com/article/505067/10-alternatives-columbus-day-celebrated-around-country
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Rise of Far-Right Candidate brings “Flowering of Hate” to Brazil By Zachary White Last weekend, Brazil, the sixth most populous country in the world, held this year’s first round of presidential elections. The result has shocked the world. Congressman Jair Bolsonaro, a former Army captain during the 1964-1985 military dictatorship, received 46 percent of the vote. The runner-up, Workers’ Party candidate Fernando Haddad, trailed behind with 29 percent of the vote. The two will face off for a final election on Oct. 28. 1
“There is a flowering of hate that I have never seen before,” a Brazilian journalist told the Guardian last week following Bolsonaro’s recent success. According to the Brazilian investigative journalism agency Agencia Publica, Bolsonaro sup-
porters have carried out over 50 violent attacks since Sept. 30. The victims are largely women, LGBT people, and journalists. 6 One woman, who was wearing an anti-Bolsonaro T-shirt, was assaulted by Bolsonaro’s supporters who carved a
Bolsonaro is renowned for his outspoken homophobia, misogyny, racism, and authoritarianism. In 2014, Bolsonaro told a congresswoman that he wouldn’t rape her because she was “too ugly” and “didn’t deserve it.” In 2011, he said in an interview that he would rather hear that his son died in a car accident than learn he was gay. Despite these comments, Bolsonaro has earned broad support from Brazil’s growing Evangelical Christian community. 2, 3 The shocking election in Brazil comes after years of political instability. In 2016, left-leaning Workers’ Party president Dilma Rousseff was controversially removed from office in what was widely described as a soft coup by right-wing forces in the country. 4 While Rousseff, a guerilla resistance fighter during the military dictatorship, was imprisoned and tortured by the regime, Bolsonaro praised the military dictatorship. In 2016, Bolsonaro said that the major mistake the dictatorship made was “to torture and not kill.” 5
swastika into her flesh. A photo of her scar has gone viral. 7 As the far-right’s rise in the U.S. since the 2016 election is often described as a mere departure from norms or the product of Russian meddling, the moderate establishment is showing cracks in its hegemony across the globe. While material conditions and politics differ widely from country to country, authoritarian movements within democratic nations like Brazil should be of great interest and concern to the entire world.
1 https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/07/world/americas/ jair-bolsonaro-brazil-election.html 2 https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/jairbolsonaro-who-is-quotes-brazil-president-election-run-offlatest-a8573901.html 3 https://www.usnews.com/news/best-countries/ articles/2018-08-06/brazilian-evangelicals-support-a-trump-like-populist 4 https://www.thenation.com/article/international-tribunal-declares-impeachment-of-brazils-dilma-rousseff-an-illegitimate-coup/ 5 https://www.reuters.com/article/us-brazil-politics-bolsonaro-factbox/factbox-far-right-brazilian-candidate-thrives-on-controversy-idUSKCN1II2T3 6 https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/oct/11/brazil-election-violence-bolsonaro-haddad 7 https://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-45829440
Last month, thousands of women protested Bolsonaro in Cinelandia square, Rio de Janeiro on September 29. Photo by Yahoo News UK.
Find the “Fake News”
Look for the answer in next week’s issue!
Illinois Governor Candidate Removed Mansion’s Toilets to Dodge Taxes, Report Finds FBI Agent Shot by Booby-Trapped Wheelchair
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Alaska Natives Ask Congress to Expand VAWA By Rose Sperl Content warning: rape, sexual assault
overlooked by the federal government, allowing for violence to continue without a fully functioning justice system.
A 10-year-old Native American girl was found dead last month in Kotzebue, Alaska, a week after she was reported missing by her parents. She was last seen playing in a park with her friends. Hours later, a 41-year-old man was arrested and charged with the sexual assault and murder of the girl. This tragedy has sparked more conversation about the shocking amount of violence towards Native American and Alaska Native (AN) women and men. According to the U.S. Justice Department, more than four out of five Native women experience violence in their lifetime and are 10 times more likely to be victims of domestic violence.
In 1994, Congress passed the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) that provided $1.6 billion toward investigations of violent crimes against women. It also put into place the Office on Violence Against Women in the Department of Justice and funded numerous programs to assist victims. 4
On some reservations, women are murdered at 10 times the national average. 1 Equally as disturbing, AN women constitute roughly half of all reported rape victims. 2 Despite these statistics, perpetrators are rarely brought to justice. The complex interrelationship between tribal, state, and federal governments makes reporting an assault very difficult.
Between 1995 and 2010, the annual rate of rape and sexual assault against girls and women older than age 11 declined nearly 60 percent. 6 When the act was reauthorized in 2012, however, the House omitted provisions of the Senate bill that protected Native Americans living on reservations who are victims of domestic violence, discriminating against them racially and leaving them vulnerable to crime.
In 2017, Justin Schneider, a non-Native, kidnapped and molested an AN woman in Anchorage, Alaska. Alaskan Superior Court ruled to give Schneider no jail time and he walked free. 3 Locals were outraged and called for the removal of the court judge. Alaskan law enforcement is often underfunded, thinly spread, and
Ten years later, the American Civil Liberties Union described the VAWA as “one of the most effective pieces of legislation enacted to end domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking.”5 Since the act was originally created, serious domestic violence rates have decreased by 72 percent.
sored the VAWA of 2018 (H.R. 6545) and introduced it to the House. She has included many improvements for the safety of Native American women. For example, the Attorney General would be required to direct U.S. attorneys to prosecute crimes in Native American territory in cases of missing or murdered Native Americans, and provide the tribes and law enforcement with proper training and justice protocols. 7 The bill would provide the necessary funding and resources that tribal governments need to secure justice for victims. Thus far, zero Republican Representatives have signed Rep. Jackson’s bill. If the bill is not passed, the VAWA will be defunded. Not only will this allow continuing violence against Alaska Natives, but it will
also defund many of the federal programs created to help all sexual assault and domestic violence victims.
1 Indian Law Resource Center 2 Indian Law and Order Commission 3 http://www.law.state.ak.us/press/releases/2018/ DAO/092118-Schneider.html 4 www.domesticshelters.org 5 https://www.aclu.org 6 https://www.urban.org/urban-wire/ 7 https://www.congress.gov/bill/115th-congress/housebill/6545
The VAWA is set to expire Dec. 7 of this year. Alaskans are taking action by asking Congress to expand the act to include AN villages and fund tribal courts and victims’ services. Representative Sheila Lee Jackson spon-
Photo by Alaska Native Heritage Center.
Volunteers Needed for Squirrel Census in New York’s Central Park Kanye West Announces His New Name is Tim Maine Investigating Restaurant that Sedated Lobsters with Marijuana
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Tasting Notes: Pop’s Corn By Nicolette Horning You are at the movie theater sitting next to your crush. You two are sharing a large tub of popcorn. You watch your crush out of the corner of your eye, and reach your hand strategically into the tub when the time is right. “Slowly,” you think to yourself. You are not reaching for popcorn. Your hand brushes against your crush’s hand for a fleeting moment. Your heart pounds. The durations of the popcorn touches begin to increase with each reach. Soon, you are holding hands in the popcorn tub. You slip a ring easily onto your crush’s finger, ever-grateful that you ordered extra butter on the popcorn. You are in love. This is forever. What you have just experienced is one of popcorn’s most beautiful properties; that is, its profound ability to facilitate love. Not only can it act as a catalyst in the petri dish that is single life, but it can also save you from humiliation. Popcorn seems to be present in all of my extreme memories—especially in my tween years. I was 12 years old, and stoked out of my mind that mom and dad allowed me to see a movie with my friends without a chaperone. When the day finally came, I strutted into the theater with my oversized sunglasses low on my nose and my sparkly pants glittering in the low light. “One ticket for the 3:00 p.m. showing please,” I ordered impatiently, glancing around for my friends. The gentleman from the other side of the glass practically screamed into the small microphone, “Is that going to be a kid’s ticket, or an adult ticket?” I glared at him then looked at the small card on the counter. It read, “Kids: 12 and younger. Adults: 13 and up.” I looked around and quickly whispered, “Kids. Please.” “What?” asked the gentleman, as he slowly raised his hand to his left ear. “A kids ticket,” I said. My face was hot, and I could hear snickering behind me. Teenagers. I finished my transaction and immediately entered the theater. The coolness of the dark room felt nice against my hot embarrassment. I spotted my friends and bounded up to them. We filled up about half the row—all kids, no adults. We whispered smugly until the credits ended. About 10 minutes into the movie I felt my phone buzz. “Hey Nick, do you want popcorn? –Dad,” it read. I ignored it with one slide of my bejeweled phone. A few moments later I experienced one of the most horrifying moments of my tween years. My friends began to laugh and point. “Look at that guy! How did he even get that?” I looked over. Dad. He had entered
Chiptole Brewer’s Yeast:
Flavor-Fall Popcorn:
• Olive oil/Butter
• Coconut oil/Butter
• Chipotle seasoning
• Cinnamon
• Brewer’s Yeast
• Cardamom
• Salt
• Cloves • Candy Corn ( just kidding, don’t do that; candy corn is gross)
Lemon Truffle: • Olive oil/Butter
• Sugar
• Truffle salt (expensive but worth it; sell whatever you need to sell)
• Your popcorn will taste especially fall-like if you replace your bowl with a hallowed-out pumpkin.
• Regular salt (I would do half and half so that the truffle salt does not overpower it) • Freshly squeezed lemon juice ( just a drizzle here and there)
Method: I firmly believe that the yummiest popcorn is made on the stovetop. If you have never tried making popcorn this way, the procedure is as follows: pour the kernels into the bottom of a large pot. Add olive oil or butter and place the lid on the pot. Be sure to constantly shake the pot around to move the popcorn as it heats. Keep the lid on until it begins to pop. Once it is finished popping, immediately remove the pot from heat and pour the popcorn into a bowl. Add toppings.
Extra-Spooky Mystery Flavor: • Olive oil/Butter • Close your eyes and reach into your spice cabinet. Choose three.
Beginner’s Tip for Proper Popcorn Consumption: Beginner’s Tip for Proper Popcorn Consumption: My dad not only introduced me to popcorn, but he also taught me how to eat it. I had no idea my hands could become shovels. The left hand scoop and the right hand scoop had to be perfectly timed, otherwise you could lose your momentum. Striking the balance between a quick scoop and a large scoop seemed formidable in the beginning, but I was able to rise to the occasion, and have even shared my expertise with those close to me. Due to space limitations I am unable to articulate the technique to its deserved fullness, but a good way to begin your practice is to spend 15-25 minutes prior to eating your popcorn staring at your hands and imagining they are the best shovels in the entire world. Do this rigorously. Enjoy!
proudly carrying a clear garbage-bagsized bag of popcorn. My mouth dropped. He spotted me and attempted a wave while holding onto the bag. The entire thing shook back and forth. No. No, no, no. He began to approach, and I sank into my seat farther with each step he climbed, saying a final goodbye to my social life as I knew it. Suddenly, my friends began to cheer. “Thank you Dr. Horning!” “Wow! You are the best!” “Nicki, your dad is the coolest! Look at all of the popcorn he got!” It was then that one of the most horrifying moments of my life blossomed into something beautiful, by the grace of popcorn. Popcorn was central to my upbringing. I believe that I developed my affinity for the
unparalleled snack as a result of my dad— popcorn will forever be connected to my dad in my mind. In fact, I am incapable of naming a better duo (other than my mother and father, of course). The word “popcorn” is a power word in my house—two syllables of power. If you were to step foot into the Horning Household and whisper the word from the farthest, most reclusive corner of our home, my father, no matter where he was, would immediately drop whatever was occupying him and head for the kitchen to begin popping with happy, shining eyes. There seem to be no transitional thoughts between his previous action and the new mission. The effect is always intense and immediate, similar to that of mentioning “ball” near a collie, or
“avocado toast” in the vicinity of a hipster, or even perhaps, “entitled millennials” near a baby boomer. Minutes after the word was spoken, dad would emerge from the kitchen carrying a massive bowl of popcorn and sporting that familiar grin we all love. Above are a few of my family’s favorite topping combinations that will catapult you straight into Yumtown. (All recipes can work with coconut oil, olive oil, avocado oil or butter. I try to limit my butter consumption for health reasons. Mixing a bit of ghee with olive oil will give it a nice buttery flavor while avoiding the use of hordes of butter.)
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Nike’s N7 Initiative By Gabriela Hutuleac Being healthy is a benefit to all individuals, regardless of age. However, it is absolutely necessary for young people to build their bodies and create the healthy habits of an active lifestyle. With all of the resources now available to people like team sports, community gyms, and workout classes, getting into shape and maintaining physical activity seems like an easy task. Unfortunately, there are portions of our society where many children are missing out on this essential part of a healthy childhood simply due to a lack of access. In our own backyard we see some of the greatest disparities in terms of health and physical education—particularly with Native American youth. With nearly a quarter of the 5.2 million Native Americans in the U.S. living on reservations, access to proper facilities and equipment, sporting and otherwise, is scarce. 1 Because of this scarcity, life expectancy has decreased, and health issues for Native Americans living on reservations have increased. Nike decided to take action with a fund called Nike N7. It was created in 2009 to provide grants to Native Americans and Aboriginal organizations to enable positive experiences in sports and physical activities for Native youth. 2 Committed to providing access to and enabling participation in sports among Native American and Aboriginal youth in the U.S. and Canada, the multinational sports initiative has emerged as a true leader in helping to reverse physical inactivity. Nike N7 and the N7 Fund are aligned with Nike’s Community Impact commitment to get kids moving through sports and play so that
Photo by Nike.
Jeremy Thompson, Professional Lacrosse Player, Iroquois Confederacy. Spencer O’Brien, Professional Snowboarder, Kwakwaka’wakw Tribe. Photo by Nike. they can lead healthier, happier, and more successful lives. The N7 fund has awarded more than $4 million in grants across the U.S. and Canada. 3 Through fashion, Nike has inspired millions of people to support and fund a cause for equality. The N7 collection fea-
tures different contrasting colors of blue, white, and black. With their “Dare to Rise” movement, Nike proves that through fashion, you can take a stand for equality, race, and topics that matter. To show support for causes that matter in our country, you can wear the N7 collection found on Nike. com today.
Photo by Nike.
1 CAF. “Nike N7 Fund.” CAF America, www.cafamerica.org/ story/nike-n7-fund/ 2 “About the N7 Fund.” N7 Fund, n7fund.com/about/ 3 Ibid.
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The Upside-Down Man By Tobi Brown
mind. It was freezing. It was dark. It was purple.
Why he would do something so unusual was unknown, but on a whim, Steve let himself be pulled upside-down...
“Steve! Snap out of it!” Courage sounded close, though Steve still couldn’t see her. Her voice seemed to chase away the swirls as quickly as they came. They cleared until Steve could see her golden exterior again, contrasting against the violet background. “There we are, look at you.” Her smile comforted Steve for a minute and he felt warmth in his blood again. “You did it.”
Steve felt a weight as heavy as an elephant on his head as he fell into the sky. His brain rolled about and his limbs splayed from the unseen force tossing him around. It was only when his eyes shot open that he realized he was standing firmly on the ground. Steve shivered as his eyes darted around the foreign landscape. The first thing he noticed was purple. Violet swirls with gaps of orange surrounded him, reminiscent of an impressionist painting. “Everything was orange once.” Courage spoke softly, but her words still shattered the thick layer of silence. Steve turned his head towards Courage, who was reflecting the violet sky. She began walking forward, beckoning Steve to follow. He lifted his foot instinctively, but something stopped him. “What is this place—ACK!” Steve quickly noticed that no ground was underneath him. He was floating on the clouds like Courage had been, but these clouds were as hard as rock. His eyes widened in terror. “Oh, stop it.” Courage shushed him. “You’re safe.” “And I’m supposed to just trust you?” Steve began hyperventilating. “Why on earth did I take your hand? You said you’d help me up, not transport me into some other dimension! Let alone into the sky and—” Steve was quickly grabbing his knees and curling into a ball. His fingers felt like they could fall off any minute. “—and you, you say I’m safe. You! Of all people! I’m talking to a copper robot, I—” “Hey, I’m not a robot! And I’m especially not copper!” Courage faced Steve with the heat of a thousand suns burning behind her. “I am made of gold!”
Steve thought Courage was too jovial. She sounded like a Kindergarten teacher ready to give him a gold star. “I didn’t do anything except for sit there.” His brows furrowed as he began to feel like a child. “You don’t have to lie to make me feel better.”
“I am not fighting anyone. Not now, not ever.” Steve gestured dramatically. The invisible glass began to quake with every wave of his hand. “Never in a million years would I have thought anyone could ask me to—the gall!” Steve’s heart hardened. He mistook his cowardice as strength. The purple swirls began to mesh together into a gigantic amalgam of red. He continued to
“I’m not lying.” Her finger rose to the sky. “You know what those are? Those are thoughts. They get like that when you’re all muddle-headed.” Steve felt a shiver run down his spine. He got to his feet and pushed up his spectacles, trying to feign confidence. He regained his composure like any proper adult would, and waited for Courage to resume her trek. A little smile appeared under her shiny nose. “So, would you like a tour?” Courage pivoted on her right foot and marched forward. “I—” He sniffed, following closely behind. “I suppose.” “Alright, here we go.” Her arms swung happily. “The whole of this world is called Impossible. Right now, we’re walking over Open.” Thoughts seemed to go on for infinity. Steve’s feet ambled over the hardened clouds and invisible glass. He couldn’t help but look down, gazing over the vast expanse of thoughts. Courage clanked about in front of him with every step she took. An aching thought spread across his mind as a trail of purple fog followed him. The thought used his tongue as a diving board, jumping out into the dense abyss.
“You can’t be made of gold, you’re rusted. That’s impossible.”
“Why am I here?” He kept looking downward as Courage spun around to face him—she seemed unsure.
“Yes, it is, Steve, to answer your question from before.” Courage spun around with her arms open and raised. “This—” she scanned the entire open sky “—is Impossible.”
“Well, you see—” she scratched her head, trying to piece the words together. “I need your help, Steve.”
Steve’s thoughts were rushing around in a frenzy and his head began to hurt. He massaged his temples with his frozen phalanges. Impossible, he thought, trying hard to wrap his mind around it. The purple swirls were looking increasingly menacing. Now thick as fog, the swirls blinded him from seeing anything farther than his own toes. He fell into a trance as the violet screen encased him. It seeped into his
“No, not that kind of fight. It’s more of an inner-type fight and—” she kept talking, but at this point, Steve was not listening. The habit of “doing what everyone told him to” stopped here.
“What? My help?” All of this was quite perplexing. “Yes, there—there’s someone you need to fight, and—” “Fight!” Steve started complaining before he could hear the whole story. “I cannot fight anything. I took karate once, but—”
Illustration by Tobi Brown.
loudly convince himself of how foolish Courage was as the ground began to crack and shatter. Steve’s mind was filled with stubborn pusillanimity. Courage was completely drowned out as she backed away from the massive crater in the ground that Steve had now created. The most passion Steve had ever shown in the public sector now shook the ground beneath him. First his right foot, then his left foot, then his whole body broke through the ground. The rumble of his voice turned into a screech when he lost his balance and plummeted into the winding expanse of deep Open.
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Ask Regan Hi, and welcome to Ask Regan, Walla Walla University’s premiere advice column! Every week, I’ll answer your submitted questions by trying (and sometimes failing) to give the best advice I can. What’s better? It’s totally anonymous! Got a roommate who’s driving you crazy? A special someone you’re not sure how to approach? A giant lake monster that won’t seem to leave you alone every time you go for a swim? Well, you’ve found the right place! Submit your questions and check back here every week to see what marvelous advice I have supplied for you. Disclaimer: I am not a licensed medical professional. Please consult Hugh Laurie or another actor who has played a doctor on TV for advice on that weird rash.
True love is a boomerang, cast from a near radius, rotating in swerving ellipses, yet always orbiting further from the hand which cast it. What do? Sincerely, Inquirer Inquirer, Similarly to the nature of love, boomerangs always return: “The love you give is the love you shall receive,” or whatever mumbo jumbo those romance novels try to convince us of. As is life, though, sometimes a boomerang ends up being thrown into oncoming traffic and hit by a semi, its lifespan consisting of little more than a toss and a splat; an unfortunate end to something once so full of… life? Okay, so not life, necessarily, but for the purpose of this metaphor, let’s roll with that. Occasionally, our hearts are nothing more than boomerangs tossed back and forth; sometimes caught, and sometimes not. Sometimes they swirl around in the air for years, hung up on the breeze, and unable to let go even when we know there’s no real hope—even when it might be better and easier to just let them drop. However, that is easier said than done, and often our hearts ( just like a pesky boomerang) are left in a certain sense of stasis, waiting and waiting for someone to take us out of the air and hold us for a moment. Perhaps this isn’t the answer you were looking for. After all, me waxing poetic about how “yeah, heartbreak is a thing I guess” probably isn’t all that helpful. Perhaps this isn’t the case at all, and I’m looking at your question the wrong way—
maybe instead of something infinitely heartbreaking, it’s something inherently hopeful. Yes, we cast our hearts into the world, but that doesn’t mean that they will never come back to us. To put it in Hallmark terms, maybe it’s more about the journey than the destination (why am I not working for Hallmark already?). I’m not sure of the reason for your submission, Inquirer. Maybe it was nothing more than a ploy to get published in The Collegian, or to laugh at me spinning my wheels and trying to give advice to a very vague and poetic question. Whatever the case may be, I hope that someone is able to read this and gather a tiny amount of comfort or courage—the comfort to know that it’ll be alright, and the courage to act on whatever they may be feeling, regardless of that tiny touch of fear that tells them “don’t even try.” So, back to your question of “what do?” To put it simply: heck if I know. The heart is a mighty fragile thing, and sometimes it’s easier to stay home than to venture out into whatever park you wanna throw it around in. That being said, when we do find the real thing—the best kind of love there is—there’s nothing better than the weightlessness that comes along with it. Something so hopeful, so kind, so easy to exist around. A welcoming wind that carries us through the rest of our lives and makes us want to stay in the clouds for just a minute longer. Just like a boomerang, let your love go, and it will come back to you. My heart goes out to you, Inquirer, and remember: I don’t know anything about boomerangs!
Got a question you’re itching to have answered? Apply some ointment first, and then visit rebrand.ly/askregan to ask for advice!
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Embarrassing Stories From My Youth: “Movie Nights and Driving Frights” By: Regan Hinshaw In lieu of telling an embarrassing story about myself this week (I’m slowly becoming traumatized by the sheer amount of information you all know about me), I’d like to share a story from my childhood about my dad and my brother. To be honest, though, this story is less embarrassing than it is soap opera–esque, but it still begs to be told, and I figure this is the perfect forum in which to do so. I also figure it’s better to ask for forgiveness than for permission—so thanks and apologies, boys! It was a Saturday night in 2007. My family was all in their separate corners, pre-family movie night. I sat in my parents’ room watching the Criterion Classic “Au Pair II” on ABC Family for the fourth time while trying and failing to plop on three-yearold sparkly nail polish from Claire’s. As I watched my movie, enraptured by the story of true and unexpected love, my dad and brother came in to let me know they were going to run out for snacks. These food runs were commonplace on the weekends—we have always been the kind of people who enjoy their movies best when accompanied by a couple of Mike and Ikes and a spicy ginger ale. After taking the orders of Mom and I, they headed out into the night to forage for fast food and cheap dollar store candy. Forty-five minutes later the house phone rang; caller ID showed a call from my dad’s cell. I could hear my mom answer in the living room, where she was quiet for a moment before saying, “You did what?” which was followed by the sound of the garage door opening, signaling the return
of my dad and brother. My mom hung up the phone quickly and made her way outside with what I can only describe as an, “Oh no! There are only three discounted Crockpots left!” power walk. Following my mom out into the garage, we met up with the boys who were now out of the car and standing by the hood. With their hands in their pockets, they stared with big, guilty eyes down at something, and my brother (who was almost the color of the mystery flavored Airhead hanging out of his mouth) looked like he was about to pass out. “Where is it?” my mom asked matter-of-factly. Confused, and being very careful to not mess up my freshly painted nails, I stepped forward to get a better look. Unfortunately, what I saw next only served to further confuse me. The hood of our car was dented, but not in the way you’d typically expect. Whatever had dealt this blow had not been a deer, a tree, or even golf ball sized hail. No, whatever did this was decidedly human, as upon further inspection the dent included what appeared to be shapes of someone’s nose and mouth. The four of us stood in deafening silence for a moment. Well, almost silence—I blew on my fingernails to make them dry faster and my brother sipped distractedly at his cherry Pepsi. Suddenly, my dad spoke into the silence, “Okay, for the record, he’s fine.”
singing along to Springsteen, they didn’t see the man jaywalking across the street just ahead of them. Dressed in all black and hard to see at 9 p.m., the man finally came into my dad’s field of vision a moment too late. Slamming on the brakes, the car stopped just short of the guy, yet still managed to sweep him at the knees. From the inside of the car, my dad and brother watched with mouths agape as the man smashed his full face into the hood of the car and proceeded to lay there for a moment, traffic passing them on either side. Quickly, my dad cut the engine and got out of the car, tripping over himself with apologies. The man—looking no worse for wear, considering he’d technically just been hit by a car—was already upright by the time my dad could get to him. It was at this point that it became obvious that the guy was more than a little inebriated, and together they both paused to look down at the paper bag in his hand, its contents now crushed and leaking onto the pavement. Offering
my dad little more than a few expletives and a clumsy attempt at the middle finger in response to this revelation, the man turned away and continued crossing the street, disappearing into the night. “He didn’t feel a thing,” my dad reassured us back in the garage. “He was more mad about the fact that I broke his bottle than the fact I hit him.” “Okay, you didn’t hit him,” my mom insisted, like any of it mattered at this point. “You grazed him.” “Did you get my candy, though?” I piped up from the other side of the garage, already bored and wanting to make sure I had the important information. Rolling their eyes, the boys grabbed the treats from the car and we all made our way in for movie night. Luckily, the dents in the hood were an easy fix and no one was seriously injured. Well, besides my brother’s fragile psyche, that is.
Verbatim “Frankly, I would like my face to be put on the body of some Hollywood babe.” - Professor Heather Vonderfecht
The facts were these: As my dad and brother made their way back from their food run, car packed with Junior Mints and Sour Punch Straws, they cruised along a semi-busy street at about 30 mph. Having the time of their lives and
“Have you ever looked at the LSAT? One of my friends and I sat down and took it. He’s an English Literature professor. Anyways, one of us is not suited for law school.” - Professor Roy Campbell
Email askregan@gmail.com to be featured in next week’s Verbatim!
As I write this, you’re sitting three seats ahead of me and doodling in your notebook, not paying attention to class at all. Your drawings look nice, and so do you. Just thought you should know.
Missed Connections
at WWU
Signed, Bob Ross Hey, so not to be that guy, but I’m almost positive you stole my pen. I don’t think it was on purpose, but you’re literally just sitting there using it like it’s yours, and it’s not. It’s mine. I know it’s not fancy, but it’s all that’s special to me on this earth. So, for the love of everything that’s good, can I please have it back? Signed, Inkless
I keep running into you in the sushi line and think it would be cool to eat lunch together sometime. Is that super creepy? I don’t know. You seem nice, and, like, you have good taste in food. So, yeah. Let me know.
Signed, Shy
If you have a missed connection you’d like to submit, visit rebrand.ly/wwuconnections to be featured in next week’s issue!