Volume 99, Issue 3 by The Collegian

SNAPSHOTS | 06

rem nant Frag ment? OR

THE WALLA WALLA UNIVERSITY

collegian VOLUME 99 | ISSUE 3 | 16 OCTOBER 2014 |

OPINION TRAVEL | 10| 08

It’s been a busy week on campus! Senators have been elected from all 13 districts, and they will convene for the first time tonight. See who made the cut on page 4. We’ll keep you updated on every piece of legislation they tackle as the year goes on. Last week, we received a contribution that dealt with homosexuality and leadership in the Adventist church. We were thrilled to include their opinion, and this week, one of our religion writers begins a two-part response. Remember, The Collegian is always open to outside contributions, whether it’s an opinion, a news story, or a creative piece! We’re determined to make your voice heard.

Editor-in-Chief

Circle Church

02 context EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ricky Barbosa ASSISTANT EDITOR Karl Wallenkampf LAYOUT EDITOR Mindy Robinson COPY EDITOR Andrea Johnson PERSPECTIVE EDITOR Alex Lemnah CONTEXT EDITOR Carolyn Green

Opinion | 8 Religion | 9 Feature | 10-13

08 perspective AFTERWORDS WRITER Carly Yaeger

SCIENCE & TECH WRITER Daniel Hulse

CREATIVE WRITER & COLUMNIST Abigail Wissink

SPORTS WRITER & PROMOTION MANAGER Alex Wagner

CULTURE WRITER River Davis FASHION WRITER Alyssa Hartwick

TRAVEL & LOCAL WRITER Shannon Pierce

14 life

Alyssa Hartwick

BARBOSA

iamcider.blogspot.com

RICKY

The feature this week deals with an issue that hits close to home but is also quite complex: the changing face of the Adventist church. Is it in decline? Does it have to change to stay relevant? Karl Wallenkampf, our assistant editor, gives us an in-depth look at some of the facts. As youth, it is our responsibility to become actively involved in the process, whether that means upholding traditional values or helping the church evolve in a positive direction. I believe that when such a challenge presents itself, it isn’t a tragedy. It’s the perfect time to learn and to overcome.

If you are interested in contributing to The Collegian, contact our section editors, page writers, or the Editor-In-Chief at aswwu.collegian@wallawalla.edu. The Collegian is boosted by regularly incorporating a wide range of student perspectives. Cover Credit: Feature Image by Mindy Robinson | Photos by Jill Carter and iamcider.blogspot.com

FOOD WRITER Rachel Peterson

COPY EDITORS Tyler Jacobson Kayla Albrecht Rachel Blake

The Collegian is the official publication of ASWWU. Its views and opinions are not necessarily the official stance of Walla Walla University or its administration, faculty, staff, or students. Questions, letters, and comments can be sent to aswwu.collegian@wallawalla.edu or richard.barbosa@ wallawalla.edu. This issue was completed at 3:45 A.M. on Thursday, October 16, 2014.

HUMOR WRITER & OFFICE MANAGER Lauren Lewis

DISTRIBUTION MANAGER Zachary Johnson

For information about advertising, please contact Shandra Cady aswwu.ads@wallawalla.edu.

NEWS WRITERS Savannah Kisling Morgan Sanker

LAYOUT DESIGNERS Matthew Moran Ian Smith Jenna Thomas

RELIGION WRITERS Benjamin Ramey Randy Folkenberg

ASWWU HEAD PHOTO EDITOR Erick Juarez

The Collegian | Volume 99, Issue 3 | 204 S. College Avenue, College Place, WA 99324 | collegian.wallawalla.edu

CONTEXT

the

gathering

is a fresh and different opportunity to experience encouragement, discussion, prayer, and recieve two worship credits.

Leader Anthony Lyder said, “We wanted to create a space outside of the church service for people to come and feel at home. It’s a laid back space where we worship, discuss, pray, and uplift one another in a more hands-on way than is possible in a church service.”

SAVANNAH

kisling News Writer A new worship opportunity called The Gathering is now meeting on Wednesday nights in Conard Chapel from 8:00 to 9:00 p.m. Lead by the Circle Church team, The Gathering

The Gathering focuses on creating community while being unassuming and casual. The time begins with worship music, then moves into prayer, followed by a short discussion time. There may even be some ice-breaker games. “It’s pretty laid-back; there are a few bean bags and blankets available and we almost always have snacks,” said Lyder.

The Gathering is meant to be a place for comfortable discussion about questions many Christians share. Because it focuses on discussion, The Gathering is different from other worship opportunities on campus. Lyder and his team have a few topics planned right now, such as what it means to maintain a relationship with God, what it means to truly love enemies, the purpose of Jesus, and finding identity in Christ. “We thought it would be a cool opportunity to meet new people and form community outside of a church service. If you’ve been to Circle Church, come hang out! And if Pastor Alex’s amazing sermons keep you away from Circle Church, and you haven’t made it on Sabbath, you are welcome as well,” Lyder said. If you are interested in attending The Gathering, it meets Wednesday evenings from 8:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. in Conard Chapel. Come for snacks, discussion, and don’t forget the worship credits! Like Circle Church on Facebook to stay updated on what’s going on at The Gathering.

a time to speak

An intercollegiate Adventist summit will take place at Union College to discuss MORGAN the future of the Adventist Church. Many News Writer Adventist colleges and universities will be sending ambassadors to represent their institutions and voice the concerns of students on their respective campuses.

sanker

Newly released data shows the Adventist church’s growth rate to be 2.5% within North America, second only to the Jehovah’s Witness denomination with a growth rate of 4.31% within the last year. However, Jehovah’s Witness have roughly 7.69 million members worldwide while the Adventist church claims about 17,881,491 members worldwide. This fact shows that although the Adventist church may be considered the second fastest-growing church

NEWS

in the world, its growth rate within North America does not outweigh that of the fastest growing spiritual movements on the globe. “Because of instituting women’s ordination last year, I believe we are taking a huge step forward as a church and denomination. We are growing in ways that in previous years would have not been considered acceptable,” stated Johanna Chevrier. On Thursday, October 9th, a joint hall worship between Foreman and Conard Residences Halls was held to discuss a collegiate perspective on the Adventist Church as it stands today. The RAs present led the meeting by asking those present about what they wanted to see most in the church. Passion itself, became a constant in each individual’s commentary as well as in the pleading of their points. Through this discussion, hungry souls were unified in their realization that they are not alone. “I want to see our church rejuvenate itself from the center out,” Chevrier followed up. While the church is reaching to many places in the world, it must also focus on itself as a foundation. More information is to come once the summit has commenced.

NEWS

0405

ASWWU

2014-2015

Senate

UPDATE Sittner North

DISTRICT 1 Sittner South

DISTRICT 2 Meske

DISTRICT 3 Conard

DISTRICT 4 Foreman

DISTRICT 5 Mountain View/Birch

DISTRICT 6 Hallmark/University Housing

DISTRICT 7

RANDY

folkenberg

MICAH

DEREK

glatts

TYLER

MICHAEL

JEFF

trethewey

JENNA

DISTRICT 8

NATALIE

Off-Campus Female

hall

sherwin

thomas

slusarenko

CHADWICK

BRANDON

RYAN

MATTHEW

ANDREA

LICENNA

SHANNON

+1 MORE

LIZ

young

michelle lily

pierce

pham

RYAN

thornton

king

ford

habenicht

HELO

apply!

ERIC

ANDRA

ARELLA

ERIC

+1 MORE

weber

Portland Campus

DISTRICT 10 DISTRICT 11

james

aung

DISTRICT 9

Faculty

oidjarv

bouit

Off-Campus Male

fischer

aaby

apply!

Staff

DISTRICT 12 Student Missions/ACA

DISTRICT 13

ELTON

narciss aswwu.com

PERSPECTIVE

RELIGION

homosexuality in the bible: folkenberg RANDY

Religion Writer

consistent or situational?

conlibe.wordpress.com

I missed writing for y’all last week. I came down with a fever that put me a bit behind in classes and sleep. In my absence, a fellow student wrote a contribution entitled, “The ‘Problem’ of Homosexuality.” As I read it, I noticed some things I completely agreed with, while other things didn’t sit well with me at all. In response, I will be discussing an overview of the position I believe the Bible takes on homosexual practice. Isn’t the Bible clear? Can’t we just read it and see if homosexuality is right or wrong? Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. The reason being, there are very few passages in the Bible that specifically address homosexuality, and even the ones that do are somewhat vague. Still, for a few thousand years, these few passages have been almost universally interpreted so as to conclude that practicing homosexuality is a sin. Today we are seeing these verses reexamined and different conclusions are being reached. The passage in

Genesis 19, commonly used to argue against homosexuality, is now being looked at as actually referring to men raping other men (which in context makes sense). Passages from Leviticus 18 and 20, which regard homosexuality as a “detestable sin,” are now being sidelined because they are located in close proximity to the Levitical law code, which does not specifically apply to us today. Another example is 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, which seems to clearly identify homosexual practice as sin. But like the other verses, this passage is being brought into question because people are not completely positive as to what the Greek word being used in this instance is referring to. While I could discuss each of the biblical references to homosexuality at length, I don’t see this as necessary. Students of the Bible who conclude that homosexuality is perfectly fine arrive at this conclusion by looking at each passage and saying, “That doesn’t apply to us anymore,” or “The problem was cultural.” The problem

with statements like these is that they are pure speculation, bearing no more weight than the traditional interpretations of these passages. So what do we do? How do we know what these verses were actually referring to? There are two things that I feel we must do. First, we must look beyond these few verses and see what the overall position of the Bible is. Does the Bible seem to gravitate toward homosexuality as being righteous or does it gravitate away from this? After answering this question, should we then interpret these few verses as contrary to the theme of the Bible or as consistent with the Bible? It makes the most sense to interpret these specific verses within the context of the Bible, which, from my studies, seems only to affirm one type of sexual intercourse — sex taking place between a husband and wife. Second, after noting the context of the Bible, we should note the context we are in today. What has changed? Why are many Christians now

affirming homosexuality when they previously had not? As far as I know, over the last 50 years we have not suddenly gained new insight into these few passages, turning their meaning upside down. The primary cause of the change in the interpretation of these passages is that our culture has become relativistic, causing our moral standards and interpretation of the Bible to change: “Whatever you feel, whatever your heart says, that’s ok; run with it.” When put to the test, are these relativistic statements consistent with the desires and commands of God? I would say no. Having a hereditary tendency to drink alcohol doesn’t make it ok to be an alcoholic; growing up with a harsh temper doesn’t excuse lashing out in anger. The underlying concept is the same with homosexuality. Just because someone is sexually inclined or genetically wired a certain way doesn’t make their inclination godly or appropriate. Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end

is the way to death.” I don’t think Solomon could have put it any better. The official position of the Adventist Church on homosexuality upholds the belief that homosexual relationships are contrary to the law and character of God. I believe that the Adventist Church is correct in this interpretation of the Bible, but unfortunately the application of this standard has often encroached upon the greatest standard of all — love. There is a place for each person in the heart of Jesus, which means there should be no place in our churches for the hate and poor treatment that far too many homosexuals have received. Love must shine above all else. The question is, how then should the Adventist Church relate to homosexuals? How should homosexuals relate to the church? How can we, like Christ, uphold the law of God while simultaneously showing unconditional love? Look for my answer to these questions next week!

video vimeo.com/aswwu

Thursdays at 9:37 p.m. This week, we present the new student senators in this patriotic montage, an homage to a familiar Netflix obsession.

CONTEXT

0607

SNAPSHOTS

Snap

SHOTS Vitaliy Krivoruk

Caleb Riston Monica Culler

Monica Culler

Vitaliy Krivoruk

Monica Culler

Caleb Riston

Vitaliy Krivoruk

Jill Carter

Caleb Riston

Monica Culler

Caleb Riston

NEWS

WEEK IN FORECAST

Week in

FORECAST 16 17 THURSDAY

October 16

1 72°

Erik Juarez

Timothy Torres

Arella Aung

Vitaliy Krivoruk

FRIDAY W

October 17 75°

Arella Aung

SATURDAY 2

October 18

Adventist University of Health Sciences in Florida PT Interviews Career Center, 1:00-5:00 P.M.

Adventist University of Health Sciences in Florida PT Interviews Career Center, 9:00 a.m.-12:00 P.M.

DEEP/ReNew

To Build A Home Project and Mission Trip Info Session FAC Auditorium, 6:00 P.M.

ASWWU DEEP Vespers University Church, 8:00 P.M.

CTC 105, 10:00 A.M. Speaker: Gregg Dodds

79°

October 19

277°

Faculty Recital

Conard Chapel, 10:00 A.M.

FAC Auditorium, 3:00 P.M. Chelsea Spence

Sabbath Seminar

WWU Pep Rally

WEC Gym, 7:00 P.M.

WWU Pep Rally

Minute to Win it, ASWWU Social Student Activities Center, 8:00 P.M.

WEC Gym, 7:00 P.M.

UPCOMING EVENTS

Caleb Riston

Surf Trip

October 17-19

Family Weekend

Octobor 20

2 73°

LLU Management Residency & Business Internship Info Session Kretschmar Hall 346, 1:00-5:00 P.M.

October 24-26

bncollege.com

Troy Isaacs

googleusercontent.com

MONDAY

SUNDAY

TUESDAY W

October 21 66°

Hispanic Heritage CommUnity University Church, 11:00 A.M.

Biology Colloquium: Rigby Hall 112, 7:30 A.M.

OPS Weekend

WEDNESDAY 2

October 22 67°

LLU School of Pharmacy Info Session Rigby Hall 220, 6:00 P.M.

November 1

Barn Party November 8

To Build A Brunch November 16

Jill Carter

PERSPECTIVE

0809

OPINION

THE GRAVITY OF GRAVITY iamcider.blogspot.com

ALEX

lemnah Perspective Editor There should come a time in life, perhaps in college, when you stop to consider whether everything you think is true is actually true. Whether you entertain this process once or let it continually unfold in the back of your mind, considering “truth” will inevitably boil down to whether or not you believe in absolutes — whether you believe there is truth that will outlive your existence or whether all truth springs from your own relative pool of reality. In other words, you have to decide if you believe in God or not. My own truth-seeking has led me to an analogy I would like to share with you. It is neither conclusive nor is it entirely fresh. It came from the well of my own opinion, but I hope some of you will find it illuminating. Consider with me the different

perspectives people have on gravity. Some people don’t label it the same way we do, and others don’t believe it exists at all. The French call it pesanteur (heaviness), which is different from our “gravity,” but they both refer to the same phenomenon. There are people who think any name for gravity is silly because they think gravitational forces aren’t real. Let’s say there’s a town — we’ll call it Nothing Hill — in which none of the inhabitants recognize that gravitational forces exist. You might at first think it odd that a group of people wouldn’t recognize such an obvious phenomenon, but if you stop to think about it, it actually makes sense that something so firmly woven into our reality goes unrecognized due to the very nature of its omnipresence. For the sake of the analogy, we will label gravity as an absolute. Whether or not a man recognizes it, it still exists and influences him. Whether or not that same man is living, gravity will remain. as only a theory, it can neither be proven nor can it be disproven — yet we all firmly believe it exists. What about the people in Nothing Hill? Does their disbelief in gravity alter its absoluteness at all? No. In fact, gravity doesn’t exist only

from their perspective. From our viewpoint, the people in Nothing Hill only fail to recognize the ways in which gravity shapes their existence. Their relative relation to an absolute they don’t believe in is still a relation; they just don’t see it.

“For the sake of the analogy, we will label gravity as an absolute. Whether or not a man recognizes it, it still exists and influences him.” Gravity is a fundamental force influencing all people everywhere at all times. It is known by different names and is perceived in different ways. Some people blame it for their broken bones and others praise it for keeping everything together. Even though it can only be a scientific theory, we have all encountered gravity.

What if God is like gravity? For the sake of this exercise, we will assume there is a god and that this God is an absolute like gravity. Do our titles for it matter? Does our belief or disbelief in it change its presence in our lives? Not in the least. The only important thing we could do would be to recognize the truth of God — as much truth as the theory allows — and live aware of its laws.

I am well aware of the fact that I’ve chosen to believe in God just like I’ve chosen to believe in gravity. The times I’ve doubted in a god are like when a fourth-grader tells his teacher that gravity probably isn’t real. What Aristotle calls the Unmoved Mover, I will call the One Absolute. Absolutes exist even if every last human being on this planet ceases to believe so.

You might, at this point, want to point out that believing in gravity is easier than believing in God — that there is more compelling evidence of the former than of the latter. Answering such claims would require different exercises with different purposes. My analogy between gravity and God is meant to address some of the tensions between those who do and those who don’t buy into theory. I will reserve a more thorough investigation of the different theories about God for later. Let me only suggest for now that your ability to read these words and apply your own independent reasoning is perhaps the biggest indication that some things transcend the material world. Either that or you have no free will, no ability to weigh your options, think freely, or make choices.

My choice to believe in absolutes has kept me, quite literally, grounded. Any further considerations of theology, philosophy, art, or science must be founded on this base question. These fields need to be explored, yes, but first you need to decide if you think there are permanent stitches in the fabric of your existence. As you investigate this fabric, keep in mind that there is always more than meets the eye, even when the eye is to a microscope. In some ways, conservative Christians are right when they say the Bible will point to the answers. Here’s how: pick a Bible up off a table and let it drop. Now tell me which forces are acting on it.

PERSPECTIVE

RELIGION

bibleseries.tv

THE TRUTH ABOUT

THE BIBLE BENJAMIN

ramey

Religion Writer This article is the first installment of an ongoing series about the Bible. Before we can dig into any specific stories, we first have to understand what the Bible is, why it was written, and how it affects us today. Without this foundation it will be impossible to have an open discussion. So we’ll start with this basic question: What is the Bible? I’ll run through some basics real quick. The Bible is a library that contains 66 books: 39 Old Testament writings and 27 New Testament. The stories found in them were carried as oral traditions, shared around camp-

fires for generations, until they were finally written down, collected, and revered as scripture. The first five books of the Bible, known as the Pentateuch, were not brought together and transcribed into their final form until during or after the Babylonian exile (586-539 B.C.E.), centuries after some of the events took place.1 Accounts about the life of Jesus weren’t all finished until decades after His death. It then took another 300 years for the church to finally decide which books were worth holding onto and which could be left behind.2 The authors of the Bible didn’t collaborate, but since their messages all had the same moving and transforming idea, they were united under a single binding. Too many Christians have this idea floating around in their head that the Bible just dropped out of sky like a love letter from God with a personal note attached: “For you — From God — P.S. I love you.” This has lead to all kinds of funny interpretations

and destructive ideas. Although we don’t admit it, Christians often distort biblical authority to promote agendas based on personal beliefs about purity and moral absolutes. But that’s okay; you can believe in the Bible and not ride the anti-gay, anti-science train.

The truth about the Bible is that it was written by people over an extremely long period of time and it was people who decided what went in it and what didn’t. The Bible is steeped in concepts and traditions from an ancient and highly religious culture; they were less advanced and could only draw on what they could observe. Each book was written with a specific goal in mind, meant for a specific audience. This is why a book like Revelation reads as an antitheses to roman cultic writings promoting emperor worship. John had an agenda.3 We accept the Bible as inspired because it continually inspires us. The themes of relentless love and generosity depicted in the Bible’s rich stories and poems transcend our existence. The inklings of this grand message took root and over time, a small Middle Eastern tribe began to catch glimpses of an idea: love is better than violence; self-sacrifice is better than selfishness. They wrestled with, abused, and exercised it in some incredibly strange ways. They built their entire cultural identity off of

their journey to understand it. They recognized it as God. They worshiped God, revered Her4 and tried to make sense of reality through their new found consciousness. They used God to learn how to live their lives to the fullest extent. She made covenants with them, gave them direction and a unifying meaning. She communicated with individuals and helped them understand more and more about Herself. The tribe did what they could to share the message with their own people and then with others, but like many

“The themes of relentless love and generosity depicted in the Bible’s rich stories and poems transcend our existence.” well intentioned endeavors, their efforts eventually fell flat. Then there was a moment of clarity: a story was told about God sending Her son to demonstrate what it meant to love and be loved. The message was now complete. Scripture was written through a limited view. When approaching a particular book of the Bible, you are approaching that particular writer, their beliefs, and their encounter with

the Divine. So our questions have to start there, with the person that decided they had something important to say. This is why difficult passages exist and why it’s hard to understand why they said some things and left other important items out. The authors were struggling to understand who God is — the same way we are. If we apply this principal, questions like “Why did God tell the Israelites to kill men, women, and children?” become: “What is the background and historical setting of the event?” “What does the way Israel portayed God tell us about how they viewed Her?” “Why was this story considered important enough to pass on?” “What does this mean for me today?” Become engrossed in the humanity of the Bible; only then will you begin to see the divine implications that lie beneath the surface.

http://tinyurl.com/3pfb7dk

“The New Testament- It’s Background and Message” by Thomas D. Lea and David Alan Black. 2

http://tinyurl.com/l5cjsra

I recognize God’s gender as neutral and prefer to use a feminine pronoun to refer to Her. God is known as the creator and originator of all things, being that women and femine characteristics exist they are rooted in the essence of God just as much as male properties. 4

FEATURE

1011

REMNANT OR FRAGMENT

rem nant Frag ment? OR

KARL

wallenkampf Assistant Editor

Last year, I was studying at the upper counter of the Atlas and overheard two students conversing about the state of Adventism. One was musing negatively about the church’s stance on current issues. The other concurred and replied that it was only once Adventism works out its issues that she would return to church involvement. Given the current context, it seemed to her that returning was unlikely. The conversational tone was similarly concerning: passionate about the issues, ambivalent about the church’s ability to do anything about them. It is within the context of that conversation that I write this article. I only presume to offer a general context: I encourage you to explore whatever tangents arise as you read.

On September 30, 2013, the Office of Archives, Statistics and Research of the Seventh-day Adventist Church announced a worldwide membership of over 18 million.1 The announcement underlined data already available: The World Council of Churches reveals the Adventist goal to take the gospel “to the ends of the earth”2 has been exceptionally successful: with a presence in over 200 countries, it is “probably the most widespread Protestant denomination.”3 Church membership is not the only point of success: the Seventh-day Adventist church runs a total of 7,842 schools, covering primary through graduate education,4 second only to the Catholic Church in the number of parochial schools in the United States.5 With this impressive reach, a 2011 report by USA Today stated that the SDA church is the fastest growing in the United States: 2.5%, even ahead of Mormons (1.7%).6 Pleasant statistics for God’s remnant church if you ask most Adventists but perhaps not good enough for exceptionally missional adherents. However, another set of numbers underly those above, indicating that

the remnant may be fragmenting. In the face of increasing membership, Church leaders have recently noted that one in three members have left the church over the past 50 years.7 The losses have accelerated more recently. In the last 14 years, some 43 members are lost for every 100 gained.8 While the previously-mentioned 2011 study showed amazing growth, in 2013 G.T. Ng, the executive secretary of the Adventist world church, told members of the Annual Council that while numbers are climbing in African and Asian areas, growth plateaus have appeared in Europe and Australia while some Euro-Asia and other European unions have seen losses. Three North American unions have shown plateaus, including the home of Walla Walla University: the North Pacific union.9 The average member’s age in North America is also troubling: while the average age of an American is 35, the average age of an SDA member is between 58 and 62.10 Most troubling in the longterm is an American Valuegenesis 10year study from 1990 to 2000, which showed nearly 50% of surveyed SDA youth had left the church or were nonactive members once they reached their mid-20s.11 Recently, a 2011 book showed that some 60 to 70% of young

people leave the church.12 Left reeling between beneficent and maleficent data, where should the Adventist church stop the gaps?

ICY FINDINGS Perhaps the Barna Group, a research organization which provides customized research to members of many fields, secular and religious,13 can provide some direction. Barna completed a five-year study in 2011 that centered on on why young people, known as Millennials, are leaving Christianity.14 Led by David Kinnaman, the study concluded six main causes for the loss of young members. First, young people think churches are overprotective. Second, teens and twenty-somethings think their experience of Christianity is shallow. Third, youth find church to be antagonistic toward science. Fourth, young people discern a judgmental and simplistic sexual perspective pervasive in the church. Fifth, young people find the exclusivity of Christianity troubling. Sixth, young people notice that churches seem uncomfortable with their doubts.15 Some of the more enlightening statistics the Barna Group provided were that over a third of young Chris-

tians thought that “Christians are too confident they know all the answers” (35%), which is perhaps correlated with another third of young people who feel unable “to ask [their] most pressing life questions in church” (36%). Nearly a quarter felt that faith was irrelevant to their life and interests (24%), and over a quarter (29%) thought the church was missing the boat on current scientific understanding.16 Smaller yet significant percentages of youth thought that Christians demonize outsiders (23%) or that the church ignores real-world problems (22%); others found church boring (31%), while some simply characterized church “like a country club, only for insiders” (22%).17 Barna also identified some trends in unchurched people that might have influenced some young people within Christianity.18 Barna found that some 37% of US adults are either highly or moderately post-Christian,19 a percentage that seems to be persistently climbing throughout culture, but with a clear gradation with the youngest being the most post-Christian. Barna also found people were generally less open to the idea of Church: twenty years ago 65% of non-churchgoers were open to being invited to church by a friend—

FEATURE

11 today that has dropped to 47%.20 Also, Barna found that an increasing number of people in the United States are non-churchgoers (one out of seven in the 1990s, now about one out of four), yet most churchless adults have had a church experience before and have simply stopped attending. Finally, Barna noted a growing indifference to church involvement in general and a reduction in unchurched adults’ valuation of church: 49% of those surveyed could not identify a favorable impact of the Christian community.21 Particularly distasteful to non-churchgoers were violence invoking Christ’s name, mainstream church positions on homosexuality, sexual abuse scandals, and political involvement.22 Similarly, the Twenty-First Century Seventh-day Adventist Connection Study began in 2001 and went to 2012, attempting to understand current trends and provide possible solutions based on a specifically Adventist population of over one thousand young people. The Connection Study began without stated goals, first meeting with young people to ask them what mattered to them so that the researchers could “accurately represent the complexity of today’s relationships between Adventist churches and young adults”23 without preconceived notions. In the deluge of negative and worrisome statistics, perhaps this very understanding of nuance and selfidentification is one that could provide a way for the church to connect with young people and cease the exodus.

SEARCHING FOR SOLUTIONS The Connection Study revealed some positive lights even in the face of the bitter slough. Positively, some 86% of their respondents still identified as Seventh-day Adventists, and the vast majority had been baptized. More than 71% attended church every week, and more than 75% reported they pray at least once a day (though reading the Bible once a day

REMNANT OR FRAGMENT was a habit only held by about 30%). Most in their study were still attending church.24 However, despite the positivity of these findings, the greater preponderance of disappointing statistics as well as the minor downsides the Connection Study found (for instance, respondents who found no church they fit into or knew no benefit in joining one), indicate a need to draw some solutions from the findings. The Connection Study found that the strength of respondents’ devotional lives correlated to their acceptance of Adventist doctrines and lifestyle. They also found that in relation to previous studies, there has been no widespread growth in young people’s devotional lives as a cohort.25 Also, the Connection Study found that Adventist media outlets have abysmally little influence on Millennial Adventists. Many of the Study respondents didn’t know Adventist media existed, even in a culture where Millennials are continuously connected to the internet and media. The SDA Church has an opportunity to grow in this area and carry out research that would better pinpoint why young people are not connecting with current media.26 Also, like in the Barna Study, respondents indicated that they thought the average Adventist church was not friendly to communities who do not identify with traditional gender and sexuality, causing many young adults to feel disconnected from the church. Furthermore, the new culture of young people—which no longer falls into traditional arc of marriage in mid-20s, kids, career, and residence in one area—causes churches difficulty in relating to more transient memberships.27 Likewise, the Barna Group also pointed out to some possible avenues of success in connecting the church to young people. Barna recommends making room for meaningful intergenerational relationships within the church structure: when comparing active Millennials to inactive, 59% of active churchgoers had a close personal

relationship with an adult compared to 31% of those who left. Barna also saw that those present in the church today have a much better sense of how the culture around them interfaces with their faith: twice as many active Millennials as compared to inactive say that the church taught them how Christians can improve society (46% vs. 20%), while 45% of active young people also said they understand their life better through their faith, compared to only 12% of dropouts. Accordingly, Barna noticed that active Millennials had important relationships with older mentors in the church

(65% vs. 17%).28 Another important facet of the discussion is the idea of hierarchy. A. Allan Martin, a former professor at Andrews University who spoke to the Columbia Union Conference Executive Committee in the spring of 2013, mentioned issues inherent in a stiff hierarchy. Rather, “flattened hierarchical structures” are necessary for young adults to integrate with the church and its furtherance.29 Martin discredited a vision for youth ministry that only relied on youth pastors: “Kids are smart enough to know that the youth pas-

authentic self-identification of its respondents the Connection Study provided an example for deeper relationships between older generations, especially administration, and young people. It is clear that many marginalized groups feel left out of the conversation and reject external labels, which are often inappropriate, vague, or polarizing. Also, an ability to change stance based on conversations with others is exactly the kind of healthy ability that the Barna Group found Millennials desired in their church. In attempting to create a uniform stance about issues, the church can quickly

of young people are afraid to ask their most important life questions in church

that specifically led them to better understand how to serve their community: 33% of churchgoing Millennials had served the poor through their church compared to 14% of dropouts, and twice as many active as inactive youth had gone on a trip that had “helped expand their thinking” (29% vs. 16%). Also, more active Millennials had a better understanding of how their passions and talents fit into God’s plan (46%) compared to non-active youth (17%). The most impressive statistics Barna found for active vs. inactive Millennials were those related to a connection with Jesus: 68% of actives believed Jesus spoke to them in a real and relevant way, compared to 25% of their inactive peers. Likewise, many more active Millennials believed the Bible was relevant to their daily lives

the church % think demonizes outsiders

tor gets paid to be their friend.... Not having a significant relationship with another adult makes young adults two times as likely to drop out of church.... Older adults are missing from young people’s lives. They are going to their friends [for moral centering,] not their parents who have dismissed themselves from young people’s lives.”30 Though perhaps the indictment of parents is unfair, it is a natural process for young people to transfer their forum for moral grounding to an arena populated only by their own demographic cohort. Martin notes that splitting churches over various issues, including worship styles, leads to a moribund community with broken intergenerational connections.31 Correlated with findings on hierarchy, it seems that in changing its name to allow for ambiguity and the

lose the diverse and curious Millennial believer—as Tim Floyd, a New Haven youth pastor and teacher at Midland Adventist Academy, found in his research, Millennials “pride themselves in being accepting. They think they can learn something from … differences.”32 With some 85% of Millennials in Floyd’s research responding that they feel they have talent being unused by the church, perhaps allowing young Adventists leeway in deciding how to progress would be appropriate.33 This clearly fits with Barna data concerning relationships with mentors and older generations. Also, the Connection Study stated that there was a high correlation between participants’ parents and their connection to the church. A more church-involved mother made it more likely that the

Twenty years ago, 65 percent of nonchuRchgoers were open to being invited to church by a friend. That number is now

47 percent

FEATURE

1213

REMNANT OR FRAGMENT respondent would feel connected to a local church, believe Ellen White was a prophet, or even the strength of the respondent’s belief in doctrines. Most importantly for this discussion, the more

Thankfully, we have seen progress in how young people express their desire to stay connected. The Generation of Youth for Christ (GYC) began in 2002 and has since shown an impmressive up-

68 percent of Spiritually active millenials believe jesus speaks to them in A relevant way, compared to 25 percent of their inactive Peers

We are a remnant church, but may God help us be a vast remnant 1 http://news.adventist.org/all-news/ news/go/2013-12-19/adventistchurch-membership-passes-18million-member-mark/. 2 Acts 1:8, NIV. 3 http://www.oikoumene.org/ en/church-families/seventh-dayadventist-church. 4 http://www.adventist.org/ information/statistics/article/

go/0/seventh-day-adventist-worldchurch-statistics-2012/. 5 Malcolm Bull and Keith Lockhart, Seeking a Sanctuary: Seventh-day Adventism and the American Dream, 2nd edn. (New York: Harper & Row, 2006), 113. 6 http://usatoday30.usatoday. com/news/religion/201103-18-Adventists_17_ST_N. htm?sms_ss=facebook&at_

a mother was involved in church, the more likely the respondent indicated they would remain a member of the SDA Church.34 Likewise, a more churchinvolved father showed correlation with stronger belief in the Bible’s divine inspiration, as well as greater confidence in personal religious identity.35 By no means can a single article point to failsafe solutions or fully explain an issue. However, some central themes remain: accepting the unique position of every young person, listening with an open and unassuming heart and mind, and allowing Millennials to express what is relevant to them and then ministering to those needs. As the Connection Study stated in their conclusion, “It is our belief that one of the most important needs today is for Adventist Church leaders and members at every level to humbly seek out young adults and listen to them without judgment and without prejudice. We are not talking about an occasional wellpublicized town hall, but a deep commitment to quietly, regularly seeking out young adults and listen to what they have to say.... Our data suggests that many Adventist young adults have not given up completely on the church. Many who appear to have disconnected continue to be connected in a variety of conventional and unconventional ways. Church leaders and members still have the opportunity to reclaim many, but the window of opportunity is limited and will be quickly shut if we do not approach young adults sincerely, genuinely, humbly, and acceptingly.”36

xt=4d8411c34c812859%2C0. 7 http://www.christianitytoday.com/ gleanings/2013/december/seventhday-adventists-assess-why-1-in-3members-leave-sda.html?paging=off. 8 http://news.adventist.org/ all-news/news/go/2013-11-19/at-firstretention-summit-leaders-look-atreality-of-church-exodus/. 9 http://news.adventist.org/

all-news/news/go/2013-10-13/ membership-nears-18-millionsecretary-highlights-regions-ofgrowth-decline/. 10 http://spectrummagazine.org/ blog/2014/10/07/there-hope-adventhope. 11 http://news.adventist.org/en/ all-news/news/go/2010-03-04/whywill-some-adventist-teens-remainin-church-as-adults/.

swelling of young Adventist fervor. The One Project has also sought to enliven both older and younger generations in recognizing the revitalizing power of a Christ-centered church. Likewise, on our campus we have seen the blooming of student-led and student-generated gatherings, with Circle Church and ReNew (to merely name two of many) providing weekly opportunities for youth to express their unique and diverse perspectives on worship. The thirteenth fundamental belief of the Seventh-day Adventist Church concerns the purpose of the remnant church, a label we have often accepted. “The universal church is composed of all who truly believe in Christ, but in the last days, a time of widespread apostasy, a remnant has been called out to keep the commandments of God and the faith of Jesus.”37 Surely, this is a precious identification and worthy mission. Yet, perhaps we must beware that it does not allow us a convenient reply as the young (and old) fall away: “Apostasy is inevitable, there’s nothing we can do.” Let us remember that even though “small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life,”38 it is our duty to show the world, the church, and our youth that a life of godliness and holiness “is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.”39 We are a remnant church, but may God help us be a vast remnant.

12 http://www.columbiaunion. org/article/1281/news/2013-newsarchives/may-16-2013-columbiaunion-leaders-discuss-young-adultattrition#.VDvtZpNdWUp. 13 In the Barna Study, n = 1296 18- to 29-year-olds. Error was +/- 2.7% at 95% confidence level. https:// www.barna.org/about/about-barnagroup#.VD4Ii5NdWUo. 14 http://spectrummagazine.org/

blog/2011/09/29/barna-study-vsted-wilson-six-reasons-youngchristians-leave-church. 15 https://www.barna.org/teensnext-gen-articles/528-six-reasonsyoung-christians-leave-church. 16 Ibid. 17 Ibid. 18 Barna research noted in this paragraph was based on some 21

surveys, each comprising between 277 and 952 respondents. https:// www.barna.org/barna-update/ culture/685-five-trends-among-theunchurched#.VD4JEJNdWUo. 19 Meaning they meet at least nine out of 15 factors, e.g. they do not believe in God, disagree that the Bible is accurate, have not attended a Christian church in the last year, etc.. https://www.barna.org/

FEATURE

REMNANT OR FRAGMENT The Generation of Youth for Christ works “to mobilize existing youth and young adult ministries that are fully committed to the distinctive message and mission of the Adventist Church towards the proclamation of the Three Angels’ Messages” through Biblical training, encouraging Christian fellowship, creating a young SDA network, and encouraging youth to take leadership positions in the church.40 GYC is led by an Executive Committee of diverse young professionals in tandem with an elder yet similarly diverse Board of Directors.41 Begun in 2002, it has grown to some 4700 attendees at their meeting in 2009.42 The upcoming GYC meeting is themed “At the Cross” and will meet December 31 - January 4, 2015 in Phoenix, AZ.43

the one project

The One Project seeks to “celebrate the supremacy of Jesus through the Adventist Church” and thereby “engage, support, and inspire local congregations, pastors and church leaders as the Body of Christ tasked with being His presence in the world.”44 The One Project is led by a diverse Board of pastors and other professionals working for the SDA church, and an even wider breadth of Consultants.45 The One Project began in 2010, and saw some 700 people at its discussion-centered meetings in 2013.46 The upcoming gathering is themed “The Sermon” and will meet February 8-9, 2014 in San Diego, CA.47

The Awakening was the preeminent ancestor of today’s student-led services. It ran for several years out of the Fine Arts Center Auditorium, adjusting boundaries both creatively and spiritually. At its last service on June 2, 2012, its leaders challenged the student body to let the end of the Awakening spark the inception of something new. In its wake we have seen impressive endeavors. One, Circle Church, “Is a movement dedicated to providing community and authentic worship.”48 Circle Church meets weekly at 11:07 AM on Saturday mornings in the Black Box. Circle Church leaders are also the intitiators of The Gathering, which you can read more about on page 3. ReNew, which meets in Conard Chapel every Saturday at 10:00 AM, “Is a movement of WWU students dedicated to supporting and challenging one another to live a vibrant life in Christ.”49 One of The Collegian’s own, Randy Folkenberg, is a forefront leader in ReNew.

Media ministries within the Adventist Church have seen significant recent troubles. The Review & Herald Publishing Association announced earlier this summer that it would be closing its doors and selling extra equipment to the Pacific Press Publishing Association.50 As mentioned earlier in this feature, Adventist media has very little influence on its youth. However, there are some open avenues for development. A WWU alumnus, Jason Satterlund, was responsible for the creation of a web series entitled The Record Keeper. It was to be a passionate and creative retelling of the Great Controversy that picked up funding from the General Conference, but it was pulled just before its release earlier this year. Additionally, a new SDA media website launched recently called TheHaystack. tv “is perfectly illustrated by the haystack. Haystacks are a compilation of many ingredients and often many people’s contribution. We want this site to be a central posting site for Adventists with videos that they want to network and share with other Adventists (or anyone who visits).”

barna-update/culture/608-hpca#. VD4mLZNdWUq. 20 https://www.barna.org/ barna-update/culture/685-fivetrends-among-the-unchurched#. VD4JEJNdWUo. 21 Ibid. 22 Ibid. 23 http://www.cye.org/assets/ resources/icm/Research%20Data/

Adventist%20Connection%20 Survey%20Research%20Report.pdf. 24 Ibid. 25 Ibid. 26 Ibid. 27 Ibid. 28 Ibid. 29 http://www.columbiaunion. org/article/1281/news/2013-newsarchives/may-16-2013-columbia-

union-leaders-discuss-young-adultattrition#.VDvtZpNdWUp. 30 Ibid. 31 Ibid. 32 http://spectrummagazine.org/ blog/2014/10/07/there-hope-adventhope. 33 Ibid. 34 http://www.cye.org/assets/ resources/icm/Research%20Data/

Adventist%20Connection%20 Survey%20Research%20Report.pdf. 35 Ibid. 36 Ibid. 37 http://www.adventist. org/fileadmin/adventist. org/files/articles/officialstatements/28Beliefs-English.pdf. 38 Mathew 7:14, NIV. 39 1 Timothy 2:2-3, NIV.

gyc

STUDENT CHURCHES

MEDIA MINISTRIES

40 http://gycweb.org/about/missionstatement/. 41 http://gycweb.org/about/ leadership/. 42 http://gycweb.org/about/gyc2009/. 43 http://gycweb.org/conference/ information/. 44 https://the1project.org/about/faq. 45 https://the1project.org/about/

board. 46 http://spectrummagazine.org/ blog/2013/02/11/one-project-dayone-report. 47 https://the1project.org/ gatherings/san-diego-2015. 48 ((https://www.facebook.com/ wwucirclechurch/info)) 49 ((https://www.facebook.com/ renewsabbathschool/info))

50 ((http://www.heraldmailmedia. com/news/local/review-andherald-to-close-hagerstown-plant/ article_c8c847d4-f6f8-11e3-abf20017a43b2370.html)) 51 ((http://www.thehaystack.tv/ about-us-with-slider/))

LIFE

CULTURE

RIVER

davis Culture Writer

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THE BAND “DUBSTEP” I questioned the direction of the music industry when dubstep became popular, but later realized that dubstep provided a textbook example of the beauty of music.

Dubstep is one of our culture’s newest genres. Up until now, we had created just about everything when it came to music. In the beginning, we had the original “rock:” rocks pounded together to create a sick beat. That evolved into using sticks and then finally a full drum set. Around 1100, we created medieval music: chants and monastic melodies that followed a single musical line. This eventually became what is called organum: two or three simultaneous lines of music that we contribute to — the first experimentation with harmony. Music evolved and slowly developed through the Renaissance, Baroque, and Classical periods, until one day some scandalous musician wrote a “romantic piece,” ushering in the Romantic period of music. This musical culture boasted broad, sweeping symphonies with complex layers of strings and horns, and symphonic tapestries that created the first real “loud” music. Songs were written with story lines and dramatic ups and downs tailored specifically to the emotional experience of the audience. It was a beautiful time for music, and the songs produced from this era would be treasured for

centuries to come. The turn of the century satisfied the boredom of many composers, and fresh musicians created genres that included beats without a strict cadence. Jazz and big band emerged, spicing up the lives of those living in the Roaring 20s. Blues and rock and roll blew people away as Elvis Presley moved his hips, capturing the hearts of young women all over the world. The searing brass notes of Miles Davis filled the 1950s air as he helped lead the jazz and be-bop movement. Pretty soon the disco ball dropped from the ceiling and 1970s kids tore it up on the dance floor. As we cruised our way through the mega-synth anthems of the 1980s, we were introduced to boy bands and hip-hop. Sometime in the 1990s, it became cool to be “indie” and intentionally without a label. Men with beards and scarves played guitars and glockenspiels, crafting the music that hipsters love. But all of a sudden the bass dropped and the kids went nuts. When I first heard of dubstep, I thought it was a band. “Dude, have you heard of dubstep?”

the kaleidoscope New discoveries, far and near. Songs, books, art, it’s shared right here.

“Shoot, I haven’t! I’ll have to look them up when I get home.” When I typed “dubstep” into my iTunes store, I quickly realized that it was actually a genre. I clicked on a band named Skrillex and prematurely dismissed it as dance music for the first 10 seconds. When the beat increased and the synth abnormally bended to stressful frequencies so high that I thought my ears would explode, the bass dropped. I was speechless. In that moment, I felt it would be appropriate for my chair to ignite with rockets and blast off into space. The thing about dubstep is that it blew every other genre apart. The whirrs and booms and electronic trills didn’t even come close to anything that real instruments sounded like and the cadence didn’t follow a consistent dance beat like its predecessors did. The music became a popular genre to infuse into modern electronic music festivals with scantily clad youth wearing daisies and glowsticks. It’s no wonder our grandparents sit with their record collections of Vivaldi and Brahms and curse the music culture of our day.

But let’s take a second to look at something interesting. What was the purpose of the Romantic movement we examined earlier? To elicit an emotional response — for the audience to feel the music, experience the rise and fall of the notes, and create beauty in expression.

COMPARE FOR YOURSELF: Felix Mendelssohn– “Concerto No. 2 in D Minor for Piano and Orchestra, OP. 40”

Adventure Club – “Fade ft. Zak Waters”

Now, call me crazy, but tell me how this is different from dubstep. Okay, before you forcefully fling your Tschaikovsky records at my face, let me explain myself. It’s not whether dubstep is better than classical or vice versa, it’s about what music really means to our culture. Would it be fair to say genres change, but music never does?

Antonio Vivaldi – “The Four Seasons,” recomposed by Max Richter

The beauty of music is that however it’s displayed, it moves people. Someone who listens to Bassnectar may share the exact same feeling as someone in the 1800s who listened to a live orchestra of Mendelssohn. So, go ahead, dubstep. Blow out our brains with your raunchy beat and headache-inducing bass. Thank you for being a perfect example of music’s timeless beauty.

Porter Robinson – “Spitfire”

TELESCOPE Little Humans: Brandon Stanton, creator of the extremely popular blog Humans of New York just published a book comprised Lowercase Noises: Feeling of photographs and snippets sleepy? This is the music for that give us a view into the you. The man who makes up young minds of children the band Lowercase Noises all around the world. Look quit his fulltime job to Jordan Stephan and Kendrick Rady: for this heartwarming pursue his dream of music, Don’t miss this wonderful and inspiring collection wherever books and just produced the video performance of a medley of revised are sold. album This Is For Our Sins pop songs entitled A Facial Hair Fight. This topic composed of lullabies with of beards hits home for many males on campus, deeper meaning. Go give him especially those of us whose ambitions are greater than a chance, especially if a nap our follicles. Check it out at https://www.youtube.com/ is in your forecast. watch?v=I-Nk1Fetc9A.

SCOPE

MICROSCOPE

LIFE

FOOD

RACHEL

peterson Food Writer I’d love to get feedback from you! Send me an email if you have any comments or suggestions for recipes you’d like to see featured. rachel.peterson@ wallawalla.edu

FALL TREATS: AUTUMN APPLES Apples are one of my favorite fall treats. I simply can’t get enough of them. You’ve heard “an apple a day keeps the doctor away,” right? Just imagine the benefits of eating two apples a day! Seems like an awesome reason to eat lots of them. The weather is getting colder outside and apple pie and baked apples are the perfect comfort foods, especially when eaten with a couple of scoops of ice-cream.

downtownmcminnville.com

Feature

RECIPE: GRANNY’S APPLE PIE Preparation time: 30 minutes Cooking time: 60 minutes Number of servings: 8

This recipe was given to me by one very special lady. Nobody makes a pie like Grandma can. Apple pie this good is always a crowd-pleaser.

I N G R E D I E N TS CRUST: 1 c. vegetable shortening 2 c. flour 1/2 c. water Pinch of salt

FILLING: 5-6 peeled, thinly sliced Golden Delicious apples 3 tbsp. tapioca 1 c. sugar 1 tbsp. cinnamon Juice from half a lemon

I N ST R U C T I O N S Combine all of the pie filling ingredients in a bowl. Mix ingredients until evenly coated and set aside. Next, combine all the crust ingredients. Place the dough ball on a cloth sprinkled with flour so it is easier to roll out. Separate the dough in half. Using a rolling pin, roll out half of the dough to a 12-inch circle, about 1/8 inch thick. Place the rolled-out dough into a 9-inch pie plate. Fill the crust-lined plate will pie filling, mounding up the center as the pie filling will cook down. Roll out the second portion of dough, also to 12 inches. Carefully place on top of the filling. Tuck the excess top crust around and under the edge. Make thumbprints around the edge to seal. Cut slits with a sharp knife in the top of the crest to allow steam to escape. Sprinkle the crust with cinnamon. Bake at 350 degrees for 60 minutes.

“BAKED” APPLE FOR ONE Preparation time: 5 minutes Cooking time: 5 minutes Number of servings: 1

If making apple pie seems a bit too complicated, a bit too time consuming, or you only have one apple, here’s the recipe for you!

I N G R E D I E N TS 1 large apple, cored (peel if desired) 1 1/2 tbsp. brown sugar, white sugar, or Splenda 2 pinches cinnamon

I N ST R U C T I O N S 1. Prep your apple and place in a small bowl so the hole through the core is up. 2. Fill hole with sugar and cinnamon (you can also add or substitute pumpkin pie spice or cloves and add raisins or a drizzle of maple syrup if you’d like). 3. Wrap tightly over the bowl with good quality plastic wrap. It must be air-tight or this won’t work! Cook in the microwave for 5 minutes. 4. The plastic wrap will have made a big bubble as it cooks; this is normal. It works like a steamer to cook the apple fast. When taken from the microwave (WITH POT HOLDERS) it will shrink wrap your apple — it’s kinda fun to watch. Keeping those pot holders on, carefully pull off the plastic wrap with a fork. Be careful of the hot steam. 5. Let the apple cool for five minutes, then serve alone or with ice cream, crumbled cookies, or a bit of evaporated milk. 6. Repeat until you have no apples or your stomach explodes.

r than om/ Recipe from Food.com

PERSPECTIVE

1617

ACA/SM

MaKayla Hample

“MaKayla, you got the position you applied for as the third and fourth grade teacher in Kosrae.” A sentence that brought tears to my eyes last spring as I was helping in the kitchen at the University church for a student mission’s potluck. Could it be true? Me? The girl who is afraid of all bugs, paranoid of all germs, and who has the muscular strength of Betty Spaghetti? No way. God, what are you up to? Roughly five months later, here I sit, in my cozy little apartment in Kosrae thinking about how being a student missionary was probably the best decision I have ever made. I, of course, hold surprise positions that I did not mentally prepare myself for. I thought I was coming here to be the third and fourth grade teacher only. That alone freaked me out because first, I don’t know how to teach. Second, how do you even teach two grades in one classroom? Third, not all subjects have a teacher’s edition. After week two, first and second grade Language Arts and Mathematics were added to my teaching duties, as well as being the PTA secretary and treasurer on top of being the third and fourth grade teacher. Um okay… once again, God, what are you up to?

god, what are you up to?

the students can improve quickly. I have a second grader who has troubles counting past the number 15. Most of my first and second graders can’t recognize the letter G from the letter P. I have a third grader who struggles with reading words that are longer than three letters, as well as one who adds and subtracts using her fingers AND toes. The classroom rules are repeated regularly, reward stars are taken away daily, and my stern teacher voice is used more than I would like it to be. Based on that alone, I find it quite strange how they continue to hug me, give me high fives, leave me secret notes, and tell me they like me each day. I don’t even know how I can fully express to you how much love I have for each of my students. I have yet to dread walking down the stairs of my apartment and into my classroom. Every day is filled with surprises, laughter, discipline, and love.

“I don’t even know how I can fully express to you how much love I have for each of my students.”

My students sure keep me on my feet. Not all of the students are to their correct grade level but it has given me a personal goal to step it up so that

I’ve taught my students a few North Dakota phrases such as “you betcha”, and “uffda.” The vowel sounds are being taught to my first and second graders with the correct way to pronounce the “a” sound, like “bag” as well as a nice clear “o” vowel (North Dakota accents for the win!). My students understand that on Wednesdays we wear pink. They understand that I play to win in

whatever class competition we have going on inside or outside for P.E. Yes, I’m still afraid of most of the bugs here. Yes, I am still suffering of a small case of the germaphobia. Yes, I still have the strength of Betty

MAKAYLA

hample Contributor

Spaghetti. However, because I have put more effort into my relationship with God, my question of “God, what are you up to?” is becoming less of a question and more of a reassurance. It’s the reassurance that He is guiding

me through this year as a student missionary and that I can rely on Him each and every step of the way. He has a purpose for me here in Kosrae. I’m here to be His hands and feet. There is no greater feeling.

thai cuisine

10% off 1 entree

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7.00 Phad Thai or

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LIFE

Creative

WRITING

ABIGAIL

If you’d like to submit your poetry, prose, songs, or any kind of creative writing, email me at abigail.wissink@wallawalla.edu

Collegian

WISDOM Humans wouldn’t last more than 68 days on Mars, finds MIT study.

wissink Creative Writing

A SHORT STORY by weber ERIC

Next to our home was the shop, with its concrete floors and shared family bathroom. There was where I spent my infant years building couch forts where my Barbies got pregnant. In the shop my parents room and mine were connected; their room consisted of a bed, and mine a crib. Then our living room with its multicolored woven carpet, little television perched on an oaken box with my Saturday Veggie Tales stored in the cabinet below. Next was our open kitchen, where I was found tucked under the sink hunched over a bag of dog food. Finally the dining room, where green bean ultimatums were made and little brothers introduced. But all of those memories were long gone. Memories of newbie parents and children, ear infections forthcoming, were moved into the house not but eight yards away. Now the shop was Opa’s, with his piles and piles of whatevers stacked on every type of wrench, hammer, and saw. My dad said I wasn’t allowed to touch anything, but looking back I understand why. Maybe fear that this Jenga of a workspace was one missing Phillips away from collapse caused me to peruse, looking to see what new treasures Opa “found” at yard sales and auctions. I remember Opa’s white pickup truck, with tattered red upholstery, wide-brimmed coffee mug in holder, khaki liquid precariously sloshing around. His breath reeked of coffee; now the smell elicits musings of hot days in Lowes parking lots and the labyrinth aisles of Les Schwab. The most concerning part of his truck was that it didn’t need a key. This brought up a lot of questions in my mind regarding my grandfather’s morality. Did he steal it? Did someone else steal it? Was he too poor to purchase the key? Was he a mobster? But whenever I asked, he replied it doesn’t need it. Then we drove to my middle school where Horst, Ruder, and Honner told my class of 40 we were the worst they’d ever taught. Shortly thereafter, two of them retired and one moved down the hall to teach kindergarten. Then Opa would drive the half hour to pick me up and take me back home. No Dairy Queen or after school Jamba Juices for me; my 5th grade self didn’t have any money and I didn’t feel like owing him, so we went back home. He was an interesting man — listening to talk radio was a hobby of his. Not a happy hobby, because he hated everyone who was talking. “They’re all stupid,” he would rant, me thinking of a Cookie Dough Blizzard, “they’re all idiots,” he continued, taking a corner home a bit faster than necessary, my hand out the window moving up and down with the current of the wind, pretending to be a dragon or a fighter plane, Opa’s voice droning on with the radio, slowly being tuned out.

Longer than we can survive without coffee.

Drunken zombie Santa wakes up in strangers’ St. Paul home. Cool it on the milk, Santa.

HBO to finally offer stand-alone streaming service. There goes my Thanksgiving break.

Converse sues firms over trademark shoe, What the Chuck?!

Kentucky State University president takes pay cut to raise staff salaries. Your move McVay,

Honor student brought pocket knife to school, suspended for one year. Not so sharp after all. Eric Weber

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LIFE

HUMOR

thecollegian

FLY, VIRTUOUS YOUTH! DANCING

LAUREN

lewis Humor Writer I have an announcement! No one likes duck-faced selfies. Yes, I do partake in Snapchating friends and foes and regretfully 50% of my snaps are shameful and degrading duckfaced selfies. However, I challenge you and myself to give the lovely little water fowl a much-needed reprieve. Here are some ideas to inspire us towards more noble creations: The walrus selfie: insert chopsticks under upper lip and gaze fiercly. The Sir Francis Bacon selfie: aquire bacon or stipples, stuff face with greasy food, insert eye piece, place top hat and scowl as if something is shoved up your butt. The Jabba the Hutt selfie: eat four pizzas, a Costco birthday cake, seven Twinkies and embrace the absence of a chin. Please, let us no longer torture the poor ducks with facial misrepresentation any longer. If you have not seen the YouTube video “True Facts about Ducks” go look it up. Maybe they had this ridicule coming.

Raised an Adventist, I inherently believe that dancing is defined by copious amounts of drugs, unwanted babies, and TWSS jokes. Despite my upbringing, I attempted to dance this weekend. While sashaying on the dance floor, I could only think that if our dance moves were slowed down 100 times, we would be doing yoga. Think about it: the shuffle is only an accelerated form of the warrior pose, “berney-ing,” is a faster paced Bikram yoga stance, and the “pop, lock, and drop-it” is an attempt to stretch your calves and hamstrings more efficiently. Though I attend yoga classes more frequently than dances, I still resembled a socially awkward penguin lurching on the dance floor. Thankfully, 50% of the struggling dancers around me were Adventist and unable to move majestically like our public school, prom-attending, heathenishly hustling counterparts. Permitting my dance skills and lack of Footloose-ness, I must liberate my obsession for Kevin Bacon’s buns and revolutionary dance philosophy. P.S. Whoever is the first to identify the author of the quote in my title and email me at lauren.lewis2@ wallawalla.edu will recieve a baked good item. (Hint: if you have attended the UK tour, you are disqualified from this round)

dosmagazine.com

SNAPCHAT

THE MASK

Speaking on behalf of the entire population of WWU, I/we want to stalk you/each other. Hopefully everyone has taken his or her Mask photo. While secluded apartment living has brought perks like no need for worship credit, it has caused my social life to evolve into a loner life. Thankfully, The Mask allows my pseudo-social-stalking existence to continue. However, other methods of finding, speaking to, and being social with people exist, such as Facebook or going outside. However, Facebook is only useful after achieving the first name, last name and social security number pleasantries with new friends, and, let’s be honest, going outside is whacked. Understand, I simply want to stalk all the brunettes of WWU and track all the engineers of Meske with convenience. I want to peruse people who share my pet peeves, such as tiny dogs in sweaters or ear gauges I can stick my toe through. Thankfully, the Mask allows for each of these requests with the “Super Search” option. Much of my Mask stalking is done on the toilet with my iPhone, whom I’ve named Herman. No judgment please — sometimes prolonging a pee is the only way to find peace within a busy day. Herman does not like toilet water and is currently snoozing in a rice bucket while suffering painful flashbacks from his manufacturing days. In conclusion, stalk students and don’t drop iPhones in the toilet.

LIFE

2021

TRAVEL

curbly.com

ARE YOU READY? When it comes to getting ready for a trip, the packing process can be emotional. people will SHANNON Most experience what I like to call the Five Travel Writer Stages of Packing. While you read, you may find parallels with the Five Stages of Grief, and honestly, if grief isn’t part of your packing process, then write to me and give me all of your secrets.

pierce

wants to pack? Even if it’s a trip to somewhere warm (the less clothes the better), packing will probably not get done until a few hours before the trip — I guarantee it. You’ll pull the bags out of the closet, make an excuse to look up the weather, and suddenly you’ve spent a few hours on Facebook. Next thing you know, your buddy texts asking if you want to go get some food. By the time you look at the clock, all you can think is “Oh, shoot.”

The first stage of packing is disbelief and excitement. Your trip is actually happening — joy is just radiating from every pore. If possible, you’d be on your rooftop letting the world know that you were leaving town. However, if that happened, the cops would be called and then things would just get awkward. Once the excitement settles, reality hits like a steamroller: the suitcases aren’t going to pack themselves.

The third stage is frustration. As the departure time gets closer and closer, all you can do is hope that there isn’t anything to be washed or bought. You realize that there hasn’t been any progress since the suitcases were carried out, and you try to charm everyone from your significant other to your cat to do the packing. Even after you pull a few items out of your closet, you realize that there’s no logical way for everything to fit. Where’s Mary Poppins and her magical snapping fingers when you need them?

The second stage is procrastination. Who actually

The fourth stage is misery, pleading, and bargaining. It sounds

creandotuestilo.com

like they should all be a different stage, but they actually happen all at once. This is a dialogue typically heard while packing: “Why won’t you fit? Seriously, you’re the thinnest material made to man.” “I need my Vans, a pair of flats, flip flops, and probably a pair of dress shoes.” “Maybe if I roll everything…” “As long as this can fit in the overhead bin, I don’t care how much it weighs. I can put the heavy things in my carry-on.” “This 50-pound limit is ridiculous! Scale, why must you play with my emotions?!” “Please, I beg of you, please fit into the suitcase.” The fifth stage is worry and acceptance. Everything has been finalized and all you can hope is that you didn’t miss anything important. On the way to the airport or train station and past the point of turning around, you’re mentally checking to see if you have forgotten anything.

en.actu.net

Even though you spent so much time packing clothes, did you remember your phone, headphones, chargers, and laptop? Even if the answer is no, it’s too late, so you accept the mistake and promise to start packing earlier next time. I usually procrastinate when it comes to packing. In fact, I am right now. When this article is printed, I will be in Florida. I’m writing this article while looking at my empty suitcases. Soon, I will be looking up the weather, which will lead to the travel sections of BuzzFeed or Pinterest. My favorite articles to read are all about packing like a pro. They offer many amazing tips on the best way to pack a carry on, or how to pack when going away for college. Here are a few tips that I’ve picked up from my travels: roll EVERYTHING. If you are taking a carry-on such as a backpack, roll everything separately or into four bigger rolls. This saves so much space for extra things like souvenirs or replacement flip flops. If you have conserved space in your baggage, don’t let the empty space make it

seem like more things could fit. Remember weight is also a factor. Make sure you have the necessary items first and if there’s still space pack the extras. I personally put all my books, notebooks, and electronics into my personal item, such as a purse or backpack. Also, make sure to check out the restrictions specific airlines have on baggage; there may be hidden fees, certain weights, or a carry-on limit. The biggest tip I can give you is to make sure you have enough space in your suitcase at the beginning of your trip for extra purchases. A year ago I was in London and Ireland and there was a huge storm during the whole break. We all had to buy more clothing because everything was soaking wet. When we were returning to Geneva, we had to wear at least three layers of heavy clothing, like Irish sheep sweaters, because of the airline restrictions. That was an uncomfortably hot (and itchy) trip back. Learn from me: pack smart and early. So, are you ready? Bon voyage!

LIFE

FASHION

WANT TO SHOW OFF YOUR PERSONAL STYLE?

STYLE PROFILE

Submit an image of your personal style for a chance to be featured as the next style profile candidate to aswwu.collegian@ wallawalla.edu.

ALYSSA

hartwick Fashion Writer

Photos by Alyssa Hartwick

interview

Mason Neil

18, Sophomore, International Comm. This week we have Mason Neil, originally from Hampden, Maine, showing off his look for our second style profile. Mason is all about details—his Swatch watch, hand-made Lego earrings, clear framed glasses, and personalized 3D printed name bracelet prove he knows how to make the minor things major.

shop the look Mason is rocking Golas. Want to as well? Here are my top picks from the British shoe company.

Gola Classics Men’s Spirit Ballistic, $85

Gola Classics Men’s Blade Suede, $90 www.thefootfactory.co.uk

AH: How would you describe your style? MN: I love color and having fun with my clothes but still like to maintain a casual vibe. AH: If you could raid anyone’s closet, whose would it be? MN: Miles McMillan Sweatshirt | East Dane AH: How do you think where you grew up has affected your Pants | American Eagle taste in fashion? Watch | Swatch MN: I grew up on the Northeast coast, where people tend to dress up more formally than Shoes | Gola people on the West coast. As you can tell, my casual outfit Earrings | Custom made using Legos could be considered dressy by some. In general, the Glasses | OGI East coast tends to be more of a classy and Bracelet | Made with Code.com refined culture.

LIFE

SCIENCE

ARE YOU THE RESULT OF PAPAL SIN? D=(C/A)*(2n)*k, or, in plain English: the number of descendants equals (current world population / old world population) * 2 ^ (number of generations), modified by a correction factor k which we are going to ignore for simplicity’s sake by setting it to 1.2

DANIEL

hulse Science Writer This week’s article was inspired by the alt-text of an xkcd comic that mentioned Wikipedia’s list of sexually active popes.1 While reading about the popes and their various escapades, I quickly got curious about one question: How many people today have a pope somewhere in their family tree? What is the probability of a random person on the street having a great-greatgreat-great-great-grandpope? To answer that question, we have to look back and see how many popes produced children and then apply a formula to figure out how many descendants they might have. Note that all of my information regarding the popes was taken from Wikipedia articles and shouldn’t necessarily be taken as gospel truth. The formula for the average number of descendants in a current generation from a single ancestor is

Before we get into that, let’s make sure the formula makes sense by seeing how it works. Basically, the formula rests on the idea that the ratio of the number of people in the year the ancestor lived and the number of people alive currently is equal to the ratio of number of ancestors for a given descendant (represented by 2n), and the number of descendants of the considered ancestor. The reason 2n gives a fairly accurate number of ancestors is based on the way ancestry works — every person has two parents (21), who each had two parents (22), who each had two parents (22) and so on — that’s just how biological family trees work (If you’re not sure about this, try drawing a tree diagram with two branches coming out of each branch below it and compare the number of branches with the number of branches from the trunk — it should follow 2n exactly) Some simple algebra transforms mathematical statement

into the formula above. Now, let’s adapt the formula for our purposes: The WolframAlpha estimates the current population of the world is about 7,130,000,000. (C=7,130,000,000) The old populations of the world are taken from the list at Wolfram Alpha (A=Varies). The number of generations must be estimated — we’ll estimate it assuming a 25 years per generation and a reference date d, which will be the birth-date of the ancestor (n=(2014-d)/25).

Now we need to sort through the list. According to the list, we can point to thirteen who definitely had children. However, not all of these popes are practical for our purposes here. We won’t count St. Peter because he comes from too long ago for the formula to be accurate.† St. Hormisdas is excluded because he was the father of a pope not known to have had children. Adrian II’s wife and daughter were both still living with him when they were killed. All of John XVII’s sons became priests and both of Clement IV’s daughters joined a convent. Both of Pius II’s children died before giving him Calculated grandchildren. Finally, Descendants Sergius III is left out because his son became the celibate Pope †† 554,365,931 John XI. This leaves us with six popes to calculate descendants 30,301,793 for: Innocent VIII, Clement VII, Julius II, 246,206,267 Paul III, Grevory VIII, and Alexander VI.

Pope

Reference Year

Number of Children

Innocent VIII

1457

Clement VII

1531

1**

Julius II

1461

Paul III

1492

131,353,548

Gregory XIII

1548

131,353,548

Alexander VI

1467

7-10

584,770,000

Some Caveats: While the above calculations have an air of precision about them, keep in mind that they are estimations to give us a ballpark for

Daniel Hulse

what the number should be near. In fact, just looking at the numbers should make it apparent that we’re reaching the limits of the descendants formula, which assumes family trees where even the most distant of descendants don’t intermingle. So considering this, the actual number of descendants should be quite a bit lower than what was calculated, possibly even by factors of 2 to 256; it’s hard to tell. Then again, not everyone alive today is in the generation considered by the formula, either, which would increase the number yet again by a factor of 2 to 4. It may also be true that, on average, generations are closer together than 25 years (it certainly was in the past), which could increase the number again by a factor from 2 to 8.

so it is likely that the population has dispersed quite a bit. As a result, let’s make the high estimate for the number of papal offspring 500,000,000 and the low estimate 50,000,000. That puts the range somewhere between 7% and 0.7% of the world’s population. So, in an average crowd of 100 people, between one and seven probably have a papal ancestor, which is pretty neat. Thanks, Randall Monroe, I’ve been nerd-sniped!

So how what would be a good total number of descendants to settle on? Once again, because the descendants are likely to intermingle in the later generations, adding the numbers from each pope probably isn’t going to work very well. Instead, we’re going to use some intuition and judgment to settle on a reasonable number. The actual number of descendants is based on how much the generations of papal offspring moved around and stayed within their own socioeconomic and political groups.

4. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_ Italy

After all, it’s counter-intuitive to think of the number of papal offspring as larger than the population of Italy if none of them moved, or larger than the number of Catholics if none of them changed religions. It’s important to note that that there have been large emigrations from Italy and there are currently large Italian populations in Brazil, Argentina, the US, and others,4

1. http://what-if.xkcd.com/109/ 2. http://www.tamurajones.net/ AvgNumOfNthGenDescendants.xhtml 3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ sexually_active_popes

* Note the Wikipedia disclaimer. ** He actually had one son, Alessandro de’ Medici, who we know had 3 sons. Estimating using Alessandro de’ Medici’s sons is probably going to be much more accurate than using the Pope’s son itself, so that is used for this calculation instead. † Mostly because he didn’t wear a pope hat. †† All population data, both current and historic, was pulled from WolframAlpha.

ulation has result, let’s he number 00 and the That puts een 7% and lation. So, 00 people, bably have retty neat. I’ve been

LIFE

SPORTS

WWU Flickr

2K OKAY?

WHAT FALL CLASSIC IS REALLY ALL ABOUT

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(21-25, 22-25, 25-9, 25-15, 15-10). I had the chance to watch my sister compete for WWVA throughout the tournament, and the exciting atmosphere I remembered from tournament’s past was alive and well all throughout this one.

Whether your memories are of a victory, a Saturday night game, or of that time you somehow got lost wandering around the campus with your teammates, it is hard to walk away from Fall Classic without positive feelings.

tic job at truly revealing what a great school we are during the tournaments. Be it the friendly staff around campus, or the amazing vespers put on every Friday night, prospective students get a chance to see what Walla Walla is really like.

This past weekend, Walla Walla University hosted the 2014 Fall Classic. Academies from across the Northwest, Canada, and California traveled to compete in soccer and volleyball. You may have seen some high school students start to trickle in Wednesday night, possibly as guests into your dorm room. On Thursday, 18 volleyball and 14 soccer teams were ready to go as the games began.

Many current Walla Walla University students had the opportunity to compete in Fall Classic in high school. If you are in that group, take a moment and try to think back to a tournament you played in ... Okay, now a smile should be starting to form on your face. On or off the court, these tournaments bring student athletes together in one way or another, and great memories are formed. Speaking with former players that statement holds true.

This tournament is not only fun for high school students, but also really matters to the University.

Congleton continued, “I love seeing the camaraderie that develops between players and separate teams. We hope that when [students] leave WWU, they will not only have played their hardest, but more importantly become friends with students from other schools.”

Quick results recap: Auburn Adventist won 1st place in soccer, finishing 2-1 over Columbia, and Walla Walla Valley Academy came back from two sets down in volleyball to beat Portland Adventist in the final

Current WWU sophomore Aric Rivera said, “I remember that being able to represent my school to other academies was really cool, and the games were competitive but also friendly.”

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andro de’ Estimating s is probably han using sed for this

a pope hat.

nt and Alpha.

ALEX

wagner Sports Writer

According to Trever Congleton, associate vice president of marketing and enrollment, “One of the very basic reasons that we host this tournament is that we believe it is good for recruiting students to WWU. We are told every year that many students’ most influential visit to WWU happened during tournaments.” Ah, so those good memories that you had at Fall Classic, turns out they were planned thoughts — placed in your mind by the geniuses in the recruiting office. In all seriousness, Walla Walla University does a fantas-

And that really is what it is all about: athletes benefit from playing, and the University from the recruiting. There is nothing better than seeing new friendships develop, and lasting memories form as a result of Fall Classic.

NBA season is approaching which can only mean that it is time to get ready with some video game basketball. NBA 2K15 was released last week. Here are my initial thoughts: For the most part, it is what we would expect from the franchise — beautiful graphics and incredibly smooth gameplay. The game menus finally make sense, and the roster interface is really cool. That was the good news, here is the bad. The online servers were not working. I have checked online and this was a widespread issue that many users encountered. Also, I played a game with the Golden State Warriors and their new coach Steve Kerr, but Kerr was also commentating the game at the same time. Dorris Burke was conducting an interview postgame with a player, until she just randomly slid three quarters of the court away from the player she was interviewing. Scary, I know. If you are just looking for a basketball game to pick up and play with your roommate, 2K is still a great choice. If you are looking for more, possibly a fresh taste, there have been whispers of an EA Sports NBA Live resurgence due out later this month, I recommend waiting and seeing what Live brings to the table.

FLAG FOOTBALL

INTRAMURALS Thursday, October 16 Field 1 6:00 - Walla Walla Wallabies vs. Wrenches & Pee Traps 7:15 Make It Rainbows vs. Pitch Please 8:30 Fire Breathing Rubber Duckies vs. Omaha Omaha Omaha Field 2 6:00 - Madd Dawgs vs. Cookie Monsters 7:15 The Soccer Team vs. Omaha 12 8:30 Free Agent Squad vs. The Systematic Squirrels

Afterwords

I’LL HAVE A GRANDE CUP OF LOVE, PLEASE

CARLY

YAEGER Afterwords Writer

Hello, my name is Carly, and I am a coffee addict. Going to Dutch Bros is a daily occurrence for me. Creating my usual “medium extra hot Cocomo with soy” has become a reflex for the Dutch baristas the moment they see my silver Honda Fit. Nowadays, my punch card gets me a free drink about every other week (I know, I know). The other day, before I could even fully roll down my window, my drink was being passed to me by the very accommodating workers. Within 20 seconds I had entered and exited the drive-through, and was happily sipping my medium cup of joy. A similar experience recently happened at the Plaza Starbucks. I walked up to the counter and before I could even decide between a cinnamon swirl coffee cake and a cheese Danish, my favorite barista was calling out, “180

I was impatiently sitting in the Starbucks drive-through the other day. I was more stressed out and high strung

- Andrea Johnson

“OMG! Have you seen Karl’s dependant clauses?”

- Tyler Jacobson

“Boys out to coffee together? I wonder what they’re gossiping about...”

- Shandra Cady

If you have a quote for Verbatim or a “Have You Ever Wondered?” e-mail me at carly.yaeger@wallawalla.edu. or text me at 208-946-3318.

than usual; my facial expression was anxious and my legs and hands were fidgety. I irritably pulled up to the window with my Gold card ready to pay, only to be greeted with a surprising phenomenon. The excited barista informed me that the driver ahead had noticed my apparently obvious stress and paid not only for a venti sized drink, but also for a pastry of my choice. Immediately, my anxiety melted away and was replaced by humility and gratefulness. A complete stranger, oblivious to my personality, problems, or stresses, reached out to me without any hesitation. They did not ask for anything in return or even wait around to see how thankful I was. They didn’t leave their name with the barista to receive any recognition, nor did they leave a

message to be passed along hoping to be an inspiration. The gratitude I experienced in that moment cannot be compared to many other emotions. That random act of kindness not only affected my attitude then, but continues to affect me whenever I see someone in pain or in need. To be thankful is refreshing and inspiring. No, that doesn’t mean you need to pay for random people’s drinks every time you see a frowning customer in line at Starbucks—but let it remind you that we are all in this together. Though you may not know their problems, that stranger, colleague or friend could probably use a shot of thankfulness.

CollegianCONFIDENTIAL

VERBATIM

“On a scale of 1 to Sassy, how Eric Weber are you?”

For confessions, check out Collegian-Confidential on Tumblr.

“180 degree cinnamon dolce mocha with three pumps of chocolate for Carly!”

“

degree cinnamon dolce mocha with three pumps of chocolate for Carly!” I was surprised and flattered by their precise knowledge of my preferences, but also embarrassed by the other customers’ judgmental looks regarding my high maintenance order. In spite of this, my addiction has recently restored my faith in humanity.

Dear Carly, I like this girl and I have kind of been stalking her a little bit. She seems awesome but I’m too afraid to speak with her. What should I say?

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED...

Dear Anonymous, A) She is human, not an alien with whom you require a foreign consulation. You can talk to her. It’ll be alright, I promise. B) Maybe don’t “stalk” so much as just approach and ask out because you’re normal and she’s normal too.

Why the sun lightens our hair but darkens our skin?

Dear Carly, what do you look for in a guy?

Why we never see the headline “Psychic Wins the Lottery”? Why they sell hot dogs in packages of 10 and buns in packages of 8?

Dear Anonymous, Summed up, I really look for the puppy in the arms.

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