THREADS OF MEMORY

THREADSOFMEMORY

AFFECT,ACQUISITION&ATTACHMENTINCLOTHINGCONSUMPTION

LilyMoskowitz

Barrett,TheHonorsCollege

ArizonaStateUniversity

May2024

Everymorningyouwait, clothes, overachair, formyvanity,mylove,myhope, mybody, tofillyou.

Ihavescarcelyleftsleep, Isaygoodbyetowater andenteryoursleeves, mylegslookforthehollowofyourlegs, andthusembraced byyourunwearyingfidelity Igoouttotreadthefodder, Imoveintopoetry, Ilookthroughwindows,atthings, men,women, actionsandstruggleskeepmakingme whatIam, opposingme, employingmyhands,openingmyeyes, puttingtasteinmymouth,andthus, clothes,

Imakeyouwhatyouare, pushingoutyourelbows, burstingtheseams, andsoyourlifeswellstheimageofmylife.

Youbillowandresoundinthewind asthoughyouweremysoul, atbadmomentsyoucling tomybonesempty, atnightthedark,sleep,people withtheirphantoms yourwingsandmine. Iaskwhetheroneday abulletfromtheenemy willstainyou withmyblood andthenyouwilldiewithme orperhapsitmaynotbe sodramaticbutsimple, andyouwillsicken gradually, clothes, withme, withmybody andtogetherwewillentertheearth. Atthethoughtofthis everydayIgreetyou withreverence, andthenyouembraceme andIforget becauseweareone andwillgoonfacingthewind together, atnight, thestreetsorthestruggle, onebody, maybe, onedaymotionless.

ODETOCLOTHES

PabloNeruda,1957

TranslatedbyW.S.Merwin

TableofContents

I. Preface

II. Abstract

III. Introduction

IV. ClothingisaVerb:Fashion&Affect

V. AvenuesofAcquisition

VI. MechanizedDetachment&Disposability

VII. IndustrialAlienation&Estrangement

VIII. RestoringAura&Autonomy

IX. PrioritizingProvenance

X. AffectiveAnonymity&ImaginedPasts

XI. AffectiveAssociations&EmbeddedMemory

XII. KinshipObjects&MaterialHeritage

XIII. Blemish&AbsentBodies

XIV. Method

XV. Auto-EthnographicStudy

XVI. Reflections

XVII. Conclusion

XVIII. Credits&References

I. PREFACE

JonathanAndersonwritesthat“thereissometimesaverybigdifferencebetweenshoppingandclothing.”

TheAmericanconsumerviewsthefashionobjectfirstandforemostasaproduct Abargain,adeal,a discount.Theaverageshopperunderstandsfashiontobesynonymouswithshopping,asanadvantageous transaction Theshopperaskshowtheycangetthemostoftheirmoney:thelargestquantityofitemsand thehighestexpressionofstatus,beauty,orquality,atthelowestprice

Itisnotoftenthattheaverageconsumerthinksdeeplyaboutwhatitmeanstoputonclothes Theactof gettingdressedisoneofdefaultandauto-pilot,sonaturalandingrainedintherhythmsoftheday-to-day thatittakesextremecircumstancetoconsiderclothingasmorethanmereroutine.Theremustbean importantoccasion,aspecialitygala,alandmarkeventfortheconsumertocontemplatetheconnotations oftheirclothing,ortorealizetheimplicationsembeddedinself-presentation.

Shoppingofcourseoccursoutoflogisticalnecessity–wemustacquirethemeanstocoverourbodiesin ordertotakepartinnormativeWesternsociety.Wemustclotheourskintoconcealthebarenessofour flesh,tohideourscarsandbruisesandrawnessfromvisibility Yetshoppingalsooccursoutof indulgence InAmericanconsumptionhabits,buyingfashionableitemsisoftenpresentedasawantrather thananeed.Thefunctionoffashionisnotreallyfunctionatall.Fashionisinsteadseentoserveasan exerciseofleisure,entertainment,andimpulsivitythatcharacterizesthefashionpurchasetobean unnecessaryindulgence.Forthisreason,thesocio-culturalunderstandingoffashionisoftenconflated withfrivolityandvanity.Engagingwithfashion,orspendingenergyonbeingfashionable,isascribedto thesuperficialandtheprivilegedclasseswithenoughdisposableincomeandtimetodoso

Yetclothingisnotsotrivialanact WhatdesignerJonathanAndersonremindsusinhisdistinction betweenshoppingandclothingisthatfashionholdsthepotentialtofunctionasmorethana thing tobuy andconsume.Thatclothingisalsothewaythatwecomeintobeing.Anaction,apractice,aritual.

Throughhisquippyaphorism,Andersonopensthediscussionofourrelationshiptofashion–andwithit, ourrelationshiptoourownembodiment.Whyshouldwethinkofclothingdifferently?Howcanweview clothingnotasbuying,butinsteadasbeing?

Whenconsideredpurelyinitsrelationtoshopping,thefashiongarmentoperatesasameasurementof socialcurrencyandbodilycapital Theshopperseekslegitimacythroughthemeansoftheirtransactions, searchingforstylesthatcommunicateproductivity,beauty,anddesirability.Theshopperworshipsthe newestnewandthelatesttrend Fashionableobjectsauthenticatetheirowner’sclassstatuswhilestylish productsexpresstheshopper’saccesstoconstantnovelties Clothesareseenasameanstoanever-ending end,inwhichconsumerismworksinfinitelytoachievefortheconsumersomesolidproof:ofeconomic success,ofnormativecomplicity,oflegitimacythroughthefulfillmentofdesire Positioningfashionasa commercialexercise,asacontrivedexchange,asmoneyforthepossessionofgratification,bothgarment andbodyarefossilizedintocommodityobjects.

Wheninstead,fashionisunderstoodasclothing,embodimentunfurlsintoaspaceofsubjectivity.Rather thanstabilizingthefashionobjectasaconsumableproduct,thelensofclothingrecognizesfashionasan exerciseofidentityarticulation,expression,andtransformation Todressbecomesameditativeact One thatmergesgarmentandwearerinajointstateofactualization,onethatimpliesasynergybetweenfabric andflesh Clothing,inoppositiontoshopping,isanongoingprocessofintention,awareness,and architectingtheselfwithintheworld Toclothethebodyistomindfullyinhabitone’sspace Aprocess punctuatedandfraught,teemingoverwithemotion,meaning,andmemory.Approachingfashioninthis way,thegarmentdepartsfromtrend,novelty,orcapital Thefashionobjectisinsteadappreciatedasa vessel,talismanandsouvenir,onedeeplypersonalizedandmarkedthroughthespanofitslifecycle

Toviewfashionoutsideofthecommoditylens–toviewclothingasaverb–isbothuncommonand idealistic.Whethertheconsumerisfashionindifferentorhighlyimmersedinthefashioncycle,thecapital systemensuresthatthissubjectiveapproachtoclothingispushedundertheradar.Thattheknowledge, exploration,andtransformationwovenintothegarmentaretrivializedandreducedtoapackage bought-and-sold.Constructeduponanintricatehierarchyofpoliticsandpower,thecapitaleconomy profitswhenfashionisseensolelyasshopping;whenclothingisunsentimentalandmeaningless, productscanbecyclicallydisposedofandreplacedwithnew Retailexistsoffofthisobscurity The fashionindustrymustgeneraterevenueandrequiresconsumerdetachmentinordertodoso.Masking clothingasshoppingisthereforecrucialtoitsfinancialsuccess Toencouragetheconsumertothink harderaboutthemeaningwovenintoourclothingwouldcausethefashionindustrytolosemomentumas aninstigatorofperpetualnewness.

THREADSOFMEMORYattemptstoreorientthesocialunderstandingoffashionfromacommercial producttoanactofembodimentandenrichment.Myintentionwiththisprojectistobroadenthespace fortakingfashionseriously,fordevelopingaconsumerconsciousness,andforhorizontalizingthe capacityforclothingtoofferpleasureandjoy.

JonathanAndersonisboththecreativedirectorfortheluxuryatelierLoeweandthefounderofhis eponymouslineJWAnderson.Hisdesignsoftenspinwhatisbasicandrecognizableintowhatisstrange andavant-garde,confrontinghead-onthewaythatshoppingandclothingintertwine;hisworkisboth conventionalenoughtobecommerciallyviable,yetinterestingenoughtogenerateintrospectionand allure.Asaresult,hisclothingiseverywhere.Hehasgeneratedacultofwearersthatstraddlethelines betweensatireandaesthetic,commodityandcontemplation

ThisprojectseekstochallengeAnderson Iproposethateventhenon-luxuryconsumercanincorporate theethosofclothingintothenecessityofshopping Thatconsumerscanacquiregarmentsinawaythatis accessibleandrealistic,yetequallymeaningfulinthepursuitofself-discovery,representation,and embodiment Whilethereisnowayforfashiontotranscenditscommercialroleentirely,itisurgentthat webegintoconsiderfashioncritically Thatweredefinefashion’svalueandpotentialinourlives,our spaces,ourbodies:fromtransactiontotransformation.Objecttosubject.Shoppingtoclothing.

II. ABSTRACT

Thecontemporaryfashionindustryisasevereperpetratorofoverproductionandtextilewaste.In ordertoidentifytheconsumerfactorsthatcouldpotentiallymitigatethedisposabilityoffashion items,Iinvestigatetheelementsofobtaining,owning,andwearingclothingthatencourage strongobjectattachmentandpossessivelongevity.Drawinguponthefieldofaffectstudies, consumertheory,andcriticalfashionscholarship,Isuggestthatthemodeofacquisitionby whichafashionitemisobtainedhasthepotentialtoinfluencetheowner’sperceptionofitsvalue anddeterminethedegreeofsentimentalassociationtoagarment.Whilebought-new,or linear acquisition modelslackthesocialandemotionalassociations thatstimulatestrongaffective responsesintheirconsumers,Iproposethatpreviously-owned,or circular acquisition models containelementsofnarrative,history,andmemorythatprovokeheightenedaffective associations.Toexploretherelationshipbetweenmethodofacquisitionanddegreeofobject attachmentinclothingconsumption,Iconductatheoreticalanalysisofthepotentialaffective capacitiesoflinearvs.circularconsumptionmodels.Toapplythesehypothesesinpractice,I furtherperformanauto-ethnographiccasestudycatalogingfifteenfashionpiecesfrommyown wardrobe.AdoptingtheaffectiveanalysismethodologyofTienhovenandSmelik(2021),I documentthemind-bodyexperienceofwearingeachofthesegarmentsandrelatemyaffective responsestothemethodbywhichIobtainedthem.Emphasizingtheparticularlypotentaffects arousedbysecondhandfashionitems,Iproposethatpreviously-ownedclothingpiecesofferan increasedlikelihoodofobjectattachmentandenduringownershipthroughtheirembodimentof nostalgia,sentiment,andvitality.Theimplicationsofthisproject’sfindingsextendtoboth environmentalandindividualbenefits:whileanincreasedengagementwithcircularconsumption wouldmitigatethefashionindustry’excessproduct,thispracticesimultaneouslyoffersa restorationofmeaningfulrelationshipsbetweenconsumersandtheirclothing.Ultimatelythis projectseekstoanalyzetheimpactsofacquisitiononaffectiveattachment,elongatethelifecycle ofclothing,andstimulateamutualdialoguebetweengarmentandwearer.

Asaresultofthecontemporaryfashionindustry’ssevereoverproduction,alternativeconsumer avenuesforclothingacquisitionhaveemergedtomitigateandredirectthesurplusofexcess garments.Exponentialgrowthoftheresalemarket,increasedpopularityofthriftingamongGen Z,andnotableresurgenceofclothingswap-meetsoncollegecampusesdemonstratecircular acquisitiontobeanaccessibleandappealingmethodtoobtainclothingseparatelyfromthelinear retailmodel.Whilebothfashionitems‘bought-new’and‘previouslyused’areshowntotrigger affectiveexperiencesintheirownersorwearers,Isuggestthatthecircularmodeofacquisition imprintsthefashionobjectwithadistinctmemoryandhistoryoforigin:onethatpotentially alterstheconsumer’saffectiveexperienceowningandwearingtheitem.

Drawinguponthefieldsofaffectstudies,consumertheory,andcriticalfashionscholarship,I firstexplaintheroleofaffectinclothingaswellthemethodsofapparelacquisitioncurrently availabletoconsumers.Aftercontextualizingthegeneralizedaffectivecapacitiesoflinearvs. circularacquisitionmodels,Ithentestthesehypothesesthroughanaffectiveanalysisoffifteen itemsfrommyownwardrobe.AdoptedfromTienhovenandSmelik’suseofMark’s Affect-Precept-Conceptaestheticanalysismodel(2021),myauto-ethnographicstudyrelatesthe emotionalandphysicalresponsesbetweenwearerandgarmenttothemodebywhichthefashion objectwasobtained.

Iarguethatthepurchaseofabought-new,orvirgin1 fashionitemwillelicitfeelingsofguilt, shame,anddetachment(negativeorlowaffect)initsconsumer,whilecircularandsecondhand clothingacquisitionwillconverselyevokepride,nostalgia,andattachment(positiveorhigh affect).InformedbyWalterBenjamin’s(1935)notionthatthereplicatedartworkisdepletedof its aura,aswellasJeanBauldrillard’s(1981)theorythat hypercommodity market causesthe commercialproducttoundergoasymbolicde-signification,Isuggestthatthenew mass-manufacturedfashionobjectissterilizedofmeaningandconsequentlyengendersan apatheticrelationshipwithitswearer.Conversely,theelementsofprovenance,historyand heritagethatforegroundtheacquisitionofsecondhandclothingsymbolicallyembedthe consumerinthenarrativeoftheusedgarment’slifecycle:atransformativeprocessthatimbues thefashionitemwithsentimental,ratherthancommodity,valueandinformsthepre-owned item’sincreasedaffectiveattachment.

1Therhetoricaltrendofclassifyingunusedproductsas‘virgin’goodsisinarguablyproblematic. Associatingvirginitywithpossessionnotonlyconflatesthebodywithamaterialproduct,butthis definitionfurtherimpliessexualitytobeonparwithownership.Theimplicationthatanunusedproductis ‘pure’whileausedproductis‘impure’isinherentlymisogynisticonbehalfofitssuggestionthatvalueis constructeduponnewnessorchastity–thattointeractistoblemishortoengageistotaint Iusetheterm ‘virgin’onlyoncehereinordertodrawattentiontothisissue,withthehopesthatfurtherscholarshipon consumertheorymovesawayfromthisharmfuldenomination.

DrawinguponLuciaRuggerone’sseminalstudyonaffectinfashion(2017)–whichassertsthat theextra-cognitiveprocessesinvolvedintheactofgettingdressedcharacterizeclothingasan infinite becoming –Iproposethatfashionitemsacquiredthroughcircularmeansparticularly increaseaffectivecapacityintheirtransformativeconflationofpastandpresentandtheir continuouslineageofinheritance.FemkeDeVries’snotionofclothingas souvenir (2015) furthersupportstheroleofapparelasanaffectivecontainerformemoryandmortality,revival andreflection,introspectionandexperience:factorsmorefrequentlyembodiedbythe scavengingfororinheritanceofthesecondhandgarment.

Initscyclicalpassagefromownertoowner,thegarmentobtainedthroughcircularacquisition additionallystimulatesbodilyaffectthroughitscollectionofmaterialtraceandbiological imprint.EllenSampson’sapplicationofaffecttheorytothefieldofarchivalfashion(2020) identifiesthepresenceofthe absent bodies thathauntpreviouslyownedclothingitemsto functionasasymbolicconfrontationwithtemporalityandspatiality:onethattriggersanostalgic affectandacomparativeconsiderationofselfhoodincontextwiththelackoftheoriginal owner’spresence.Iinterpretthisincreasedemphasisonbody,blemish,andbelonginginthe secondhandgarmenttooperateasevidenceofourembodiedexistencethatheightensthe wearer’saffectiveresponse.Throughtheacquisitionofusedfashions,Iproposethatthe consumerisforcedtoconfronttheaffectivequalitiesinducedbygenerationalinheritanceand historicalartifact.

Incontrast,Itheorizethatfashionitemsacquired‘new’triggeraneffectofalienationbetween thegarment,thewearer,andtheirownbody.SupportedbytheclaimsofRoyte(2005)and Soētsu(2019)thatmass-producedobjectslackahumanpresence,uniformastheyareintheir physicalmateriality,Isuggestthatsuchfashionproductsimposeafixed,packaged objectificationofselfhoodupontheirwearers.IfurtherdrawfromAhmed’stheoryof‘happy objects’(2010)toilluminatetheabsenceofsentimentalaffectivetriggersintheinteractionwith abrandnewgarment.Inmyclaimthatthesterilityofthe‘bought-new’fashionitemrendersa commoditybodyandestrangesthewearerfromanintrospective,interpersonalorimpactful mind-bodyresponsetothegarment,Isuggestthelinearmethodofacquisitiontogenerally garneralowerorlessintenseaffectiveresponseintheconsumer’srelationshiptotheobject.

Ananalysisofapparelacquisitionmethodsbearscriticalrelevancetothestateoftheclimate crisis,asthefastfashionindustryisresponsibleforimmensecarbonemissions,agricultural exploitation,andpollutionoffreshwater(UN,2021).However,theimplicationsofacquisition, specificallyinregardtoaffect,areparticularlypertinenttoanecessarymediationofthefashion industry’sunmanageabletextilewaste.Ifdecreasedattachment(lowornegativeaffect)toa clothingitemleadstoincreaseddisposabilityandincreasedattachment(highorpositiveaffect) toaclothingitemensuresagreaterdegreeofendurance,thenthelinkbetweenacquisitionand

affectcanbeappliedtothepracticeofconsumerpatternsinordertohaltthepaceofapparel disposal.

Throughananalysisofexistingstudiesonfashion,acquisition,andaffectalongsidemyown auto-ethnographicstudyofmywardrobe,Iconsiderthewaysinwhichthemethodofobtaining clothingholdsthepowertodictateandskewtheaffectiveconnection/disconnectionbetweenthe garmentandwearer.Fromtheresultsofmyanalysis,Iconjecturethatthepracticeofcircular clothingacquisitionincreasestheaffectiveintensityinducedbythefashionitem.Asaresult,the consumptionofvintage,secondhand,resale,andheritagefashioninplaceofmass-manufactured orbought-newclothingitemsendorsesanenvironmentalethosofendurance,instillssymbolic attachment,andritualizestheactofdressintoatransformativeprocessofbecoming.

IV. CLOTHINGISAVERB:FASHION&AFFECT

Thebodyoffashionscholarshipislitteredwithlinesandbatteredwithboundaries.Asifour clothinggatesusoffintosectionedamphitheaters–extractingmindfrombody,individualfrom collective,richfrompoor,gayfromstraight,rightfromleft—criticalanalysesoffashiontendto emphasizeclothing’sdefinitivenature:thewaysinwhichourstylesofdresssplinterusapartinto concretefactions.Sociologicalperspectivesonthefunctionoffashionoftenabstractclothing intoasymbolicorrepresentationalmeansthroughwhichwedistinguishdifferencesinculture, class,gender,religionorsexuality.Semioticreadingsoffashionpresentitasametaphorical languagethroughwhichwecommunicate,articulate,andcategorizeidentity(Davis1995). Sensoryhistoriansandconsumertheoristssimmerfashiondowntoitsfleshybits,mappingthe patternsofitstrendcyclesasapurelymaterialproductorconflatingitsmaterialitytoahabitof ritualizedembodiment(Ruggerone2018).

Undertheseframeworks,theactofdressingthebodyisrational,representational,andlinguistic. Motivationsforclothingareputintowords,explained,andintellectualized,ortheyarestripped downtotheirformalelementsassensual,textured,andsolid.Extractingmeaningfromfashion inthiswayconsiderstheconversationbetweenwearerandgarmenttobeone-sided,asiftheact ofclothingstemspurelyfromthelogicalorfunctionalagencyofthedressed.Thesefieldsof fashionscholarshipalsoisolateclothingfromitswearer,oftenposingastarkdifferentiation betweenthestudyofthefashionobjectandthestudyofthefashionconsumer.Muchcritical considerationoffashionadoptsaCartesianschismbetweenmind,body,andgarment;attimes clothingispositionedasareflectionofthemindmanifestedontothebody.Othertimesfashionis suggestedtooperateasanembodiedaffirmationofthesocialzeitgeist.Ultimatelyincanonical fashiondiscourse,theactofselectingagarmentandtheactofwearingagarmentappearto belongtotwoentirelyseparatefieldsofstudy.

Neglectedinthesesociologicalandphilosophicallensesonfashionaretheanti-intellectual, unconsciousandemotionalaspectsofgettingdressed.Toaddressthislack,therealmofaffect studieshasemergedoverthepastdecadeasasupplementtothefieldofcriticalfashiontheory. Affect,aninfamouslyambiguousconcept,constitutesthebody-mindfeelingsthatareimmuneto localization:affectisthefeelingthatemanatesordiffusesfrombodytobody,bodytoobject,or bodytoworld.Itistheatmospherethathangsovertheroom,ortheemotionnotsosimply pinneddownasanisolatedpangofsadness.Affectisthecontextthatstirredthepangaswellas theechoesofthepangthatrippleoutwards.Appliedtofashiontheory,clothingistherefore consideredaphysicalvesselforaffect,operatingasthe“conditionoftheemergenceof emotions”(Mcintyre2019):quiteliterally,thepotentialfortheactofclothingtoarouse affects. Clothingisnotonlythesourcethatelicitsthebodily-emotionalpangbutalsothecontainerfor thepang’sripples.Aglamoroussilkcoat,forinstance,bothtriggersthefeelingofpleasureinits wearerandembodiesthematerialevidenceresultingfromthispleasure,asitscontinuoususe subjectstheobjecttothemarksofdamage.Thoughtheaffectivepowerofapparelisrootedin materiality,itresultsinanexperiencethatisbothbodilyandemotional,physicaland physiological.Anaffectiveanalysisoffashionthereforereorients theconsiderationofwhat bodiesare,orfashionis,intowhatbodiesandfashion do (TienhovenandSmelik2021).Under affectivetheory,“clothesarenotapredeterminedcategory,butapropositionaccordingtowhicha bodyisinvitedtocontinuouslyreinventitself”(Manning2016).Reorientingtheunderstanding ofclothingthroughthisaffectiveperspectivebroadensthecapacityforself-inventionandheralds amoredynamicunderstandingofbodyandworld.

ParticularlyemphasizedbytheaffecttheoriesofSpinoza(1992)andDeleuze(1994)isthe mutualqualityofaffecttotransferbetweenentities,humanornon-human.Tothese philosophers,affectconstitutesafeelingthatmightruboffonitssurroundingsorcollapsea materialsensationintoanemotionalresponse.Criticalfashiontheorystressesaffective experiencetooperateasatwo-wayrelationbetweenbodiesandclothes (Ruggerone2017).Just aswearetouchedbyourclothing,ourclothingistouchedbyus.Underthisdefinition,theactof dressingthebodycatalyzesafluidpassageofenergybetweenfashionobjectanditswearer. Ruggerone’sexplorationofaffectinthefeelingofbeingdressedadoptstheDeleuziannotionof mind-bodyconflation,that–quiteoppositetomuchofsociologicalscholarshiponfashion, whichseekstosplintermindfrombodyandgarmentfromwearer– insteadconteststhe experienceofbeingdressedtoblurthebodyandtheobject(2017).Theirqualitiestransposeonto oneanothersuchthatwearingclothingoperatesasan“encounter” betweenhumanandgarment, and“initiatesaprocessofmutualbecomingwitheitherapositiveoranegativeoutcome” (Ruggerone2017).Justaswewearourclothing,ourclothingwearsus.Manningdescribesthis asthe“body-environmentconstellation”inwhich“bodyingexceedsitsputativelimits”and personhoodisco-createdwiththeshapeofitssurroundings(2016).Aswebecomeourgarments, theybecomeus.Thefabric,shaftedevenjustforafewhourstothebody,isnolessapartofour physicalformthanoureyesorearsorthumbs.Forthedurationoftheirwear,theclothingitem

goeswherewego,isweatheredwiththerestofus.Asweconsumefashion,fashionconsumes us:swallowedintotheswathesofourgarments,wearedigestedandmetabolizedlikeperfect innards.Astheycoverus,wefilltheirlimpforms:amutualcompletionofforms.Fashionas flesh.

Underthetheoryofaffect,theactofgettingdressedthereforebecomesanmergebetweenbody andworldinwhichthewearerconstructsthemselvesupontheshapeandconnotationsoftheir clothing.Thisaffectiveperspectiveonfashionurgesthewearertoapproachthesensoryand psychologicalaspectsofclothingasameanstoknowledgeandrecognition,asanunderstanding oftheinterconnectednessbetweenforms,shapes,subjectsandobjects.Manning,forinstance, asksustoconsidermergingtheschismbetweengarmentandwearer,clothingandclothed:

“Whymustweassumethatthisshapinghidesabody?Whynotinsteadtakethisshapingfor whatitis,astheeventinitself,aneventthatincludesabody-worldco-composition?Whatif insteadofassumingthatthepersonisnottheshape,wewereopentoadifferentconceptof personingthatincludeditsarchitecting?”(2016.)

Ingrainedinthisnotionofclothingasaninstanceof“mutualbecoming”forbothobjectand wearerisanontologicalandtransformativepowerinwhichourgarmentsharnessthecapacityto fashionouridentities.Hartley’sconsumernarcissismtheory(2021)suggestsaunitybetweenself andobjectintheacquisitionofproduct.Hisclaimthat“consumerismfacilitatestheexpansionof theself”bywhich“individualsexpandbeyondtheircorporeallimitsthroughtheprojectionof theselfontoobjects”supportstheargumentthatthepossessionanduseoffashionitemsenable itswearertoenactatransformation,abecoming,oranunfurlingofpersonhood.However,this affectiveentanglement,“thetranspositionofthingintopersonandpersonintothingwhichtake placethroughwearing”subjectsenclothedexistencetoaprongedfate:thewearer’smergewith thefashionobjectresultsineithertheexpressionofauthenticityorthearticulationofalienation (Sampson,2020,Ruggerone).

Iftheclothingobjectsinourwardrobesembodyandelicitmeaningfulaffects,thenthesenseof selfweconstructuponwearingthemwillbeequallymeaningful.Ifwecollectclothingitemsthat containstilted,hollow,orcommodityaffects,ourbodieswillossifyintosimilarlysterilized forms.Inthisway,theconditionsthroughwhichweimbueourclothingwithaffectivepotential impacttheconditionsofourownphysicalandemotionalstate.Anaffectiveanalysisoffashion thereforelendsitselftotheconsiderationofontologicalandepistemologicalhabitsof embodiment.Thisprojectquestionsifthemodeofacquisitionpracticedinordertoobtain fashionitemsdeterminesthenatureofthe‘mutualbecoming’enactedbyclothing:whetherthe bodywillunfurlintomeaningfulprocessesofself-introspectionorstagnateasacut-and-dry transactionofuse.

Ratherthanaone-sidedrelationbetweenthewearerandthefashionobject,the‘mutual becoming’affectedbyclothinginvolvesatwo-sided,conversationaldialogue.Asagarmentis worn,itwhispersinstructionsandaffirmations.Responsive,theweareradjuststheirposture, theirenergy,theirmannerismstoperformaccordingly.Theclothingitemdemandsofitswearer you are working today, you are in character, you will behave properly in this blazer,orit converselymurmurs you are seductive, you are playful, you may indulge in the fluidity of this skirt. Thewearerrepliestotheaffectiveinstructionofthegarmentwithadecisivetreatment: I will keep you in my closet and incorporate you into my life. I will become you, fill you, zip you and repair your holes. You will sustain a side of myself that I may only access in your embrace. Orperhapsthewearerrespondstotheclothingitemwithdismissal: You do not fit my needs. I have exhausted you as you have me. I do not have the will or the way to keep you in use. I will retire you and coax you into disrepair Thefashionitemcancommunicatetoitsweareridentity constructionornegation;itmaysendzingyendorphinstothebrain,thedopamineofgender euphoria(Ifeellikemyselfinthis)orthecortisolofdysphoria(thisisnotme,Iam underdressed,Iamoverdressed,Iamasquarepegstuffedinaroundhole).

Clothingisthereforeacontainerfortheresultingaffect,renderingtheactofdressanallegedly “ordinaryaffect”(Mcintyre2019;Stewart2007):affectiveexperienceisessentiallyinevitable, yetthedegreeorqualityofthekindofaffectisdependentuponthepositionalityandcontextof theclothingact.Awell-fittingpairofjeanscanonedayinvokepleasure,confidence,assurance andthenextdayinvokediscomfort,constriction,insecurity.Confrontationwithaweddinggown maymeritexcitementinoneandshameinanother.Inthiswayaffectiveanalysesofwearingor owningclothingareunstable,inconsistent,andhighlyindividualized.Thesenuancesstemnot onlyfromthedifferingstatesofbeinginthewearer–fromdaytodayorpersontoperson–but alsofromthechangingconditionsofthefashionitemitself,whichmayalterinmaterial appearanceorsymbolicmeaningthroughitscollectingofphysicalmarksofuseandits acquisitionofnewassociationsinthemindofitsowner.Ahmed(2010)affirmsthatthese emotionalassociationscontainedwithinanobjectindicatethepresenceof“stickyaffect”in which

“affectiswhatsticks,orwhatsustainsorpreservestheconnectionbetweenideas,values andobjects.[...]theunfoldingofbodiesintoworlds,andthedramaofcontingency,how wearetouchedbywhatwearenear.”

Resultingfromthe‘stickyaffect’presentinafashionitem,theclothingobjectoraccessoryholds thepowertocontainmemoryandtriggeremotionalresponses.Factorsthatmight‘stick’toan objectandstimulateanaffectiveresponseincludetheconditionsinwhichtheywereacquired, theinstancesinwhichtheywereused,ortheemotionsexperiencedwhileusingit.Affect scholarshipcontextualizestheborderlessnatureoftheaffectiveobjectasmorethanitstangible qualities;“toexperienceanobjectasbeingaffectiveorsensationalistobedirectednotonly towardanobjectbuttowhatis around that object, whichincludeswhatisbehindtheobject,the

conditions of its arrival”(Ahmed2010).Inthisway,anaffectivelensconsiderstheobjectto transcenditsmaterialityandsubsumeameaningbeyonditsphysicalboundaries–absorbingthe atmosphereitexistsinandoperatingasarepresentational/materialvehiclefortheemotionsor energiesthathavecontributedtoitspresentstateofbeing.Aknitcardiganundertheaffective lensisnotmerelymohairandblue,ortatteredandunraveling:itisatapestryteemingwithtraces ofspirit.Threadedwiththecareoftheartisanwhoconstructeditupontheloom,hemmedwith thejoyoftheconsumerwhofoundithangingontherack,etchedwiththevitalityofthewearer whoranandworkedandplayeditintoshreddeddisrepair.Thefashionitemencasesthe emotionalandphysicalinstancesithasenduredandtriggersinitsowneranaffectiveresponseto thereminderoftheseexperiences.

Inthisstudy,Iconcentrateonthemethodsofacquisition,or‘conditionsofarrival,’thatresultin a‘stickyaffect’withinafashionitem.Thoughtheaffectsthatresideinclothingandaccessories canbepositive,negative,orambiguous,Ifocuspredominantlyonthefactorsthatconstructwhat Ahmedcallsa“happyobject”(2010).Thenatureoftheaffectiverelationshipbetweenobjectand ownerdeterminestheitem’slifecycleandultimatefate;apositiveaffectorhighaffect hypotheticallyencouragesconsistencyofuse,andagreaterlikelihoodthattheobjectwillbeheld onto,keptinthecloset,andstowedawayasanobjectofsentiment.Whileitisimpossibleto proposeadefinitiveconclusiononthevariablesthatguaranteethetransformationofa commodityobjectintoa‘happyobject,’oranobjectofpositiveaffect,Isuggestthatthe conditionsofcircularacquisitionoftenembedanapparelitemwithincreasedaffectiveintensity intheinevitablepassageoftheirownership.Inthecircularbusinessmodel,fashionitems transferfromhometohomeorlifetolife,imprintedwiththememory,history,andexperienceof allthathasbeenwornintothem.Secondhandclothingthereforetendstotakeontheaffective connotationof‘happyobjects’inthattheyare“objects..passedaround,accumulatingpositive affectivevalueassocialgoods”(Ahmed2010). If“affectmarksabody’sbelongingtoaworld ofencounters” (SeigworthandGregg2010)thenthesecondhandobjectisconducivetohigh affectinitsguaranteedembodimentofcontinuousencountersbetweenpastandpresent,newand old,disrepairandrevival.

V. AVENUESOFACQUISITION

Criticaltoananalysisofthelinkbetweenaffectandacquisitioninapparelconsumptionisa foundationalunderstandingofthecontemporaryfashionindustry’scurrentinfrastructure. Emphasizedherearethemodesinwhichtheclothingconsumerisabletoobtainproducts,as wellastheratesofclothingdisposalthatanincreasedaffectiveattachmenttothefashionitem couldpotentiallyoffset.

Asof2023,100billiongarmentsareproducedperyear(thredUp).Inaworldof8billionpeople, thisnumberequatesto12.5billiongarmentsperperson:anunfathomablestatisticthat

illuminatestheseveredegreetowhichfashionitemsaremanufacturedwithoutrealistic intentionsforenduringownershiporproductdurability.Thefastfashionbusinessmodel–an industrialtrendofshortenedleadtimesbetweenproductionanddistribution,offshoredlabor,and rapidaccelerationofnewstyleshittingthemarket(Choi2013)–largelycontributestothesehigh outputsofexcess.FastfashiongiantssuchasH&MandZaradominatetheapparelindustrywith theappealofdemocratizedaccesstonoveltytrendsatfinanciallyaffordableprices.Underthis system,theclothingconsumerisencouragedtobuyproductswithaninevitableexpirationdate, orascoinedbyDeVries,a stylistic obsolescence (2015),inwhichtheobject’saestheticelements willgrowundesirablewiththeemergenceofaproductofgreaternovelty.

Resultingfromthefastfashionmodel’soverproduction,UnitedNations’Environmental Programmeestimatestheindustrytogenerate92milliontonsoftextilewasteeachyear(2021). Thisimmensesurplusofproduct,toolargetoentirelydisposeofthroughlandfillorincinerator, hasencouragedtheestablishmentandexpansionofalternativeavenuesforhandlingthewaste. Todisposeoftheirunmanageableconveyorbeltofstalefashionitems,contemporaryconsumers practicemethodsofapparelregenerationandrecirculation,includingdonationtoacharityshop orthriftstore;giftingtoafamilymember,acquaintance,orfriend;tradethroughsocialclothing swap-meets;ortheexponentiallygrowingresalemarket.Thesemethodsofplacingfashionitems backincirculationforthepotentialofnewownership–referredtohereasmodesof circular consumption and acquisition –rapidlyincreaseinpopularityalongsidetheratesof overproductionandoverconsumption,astherebecomemoreandmoreproductstodisplace.In tandemwiththedisposalofsurplusfashion,then,istheemergenceofcommercialavenuesfor circularacquisition.

Thoughclothingtrades,swap-meets,andexchangesgrowinpopularityatuniversitycampuses andcommunityeventsintheWest(Matthews2016)andthefamilialinheritanceoffashionitems remainsaninternationallycommonculturalpractice(Hill),themodeofcircularclothing acquisitionmostfrequentlycitedinconsumerresearchiswithinthesecondhand,vintage,and resalemarket.Annualrevenuereportsrevealthatthesecondhandindustrystandsatanet-worth of$211billionandisprojectedtodoubleto$350billionbytheyear2027(thredUP).Generally consideredasanumbrellatermfortheacquisitionofpreviously-ownedclothing,secondhand fashionencompassesthriftshops,charityshops,resale,vintage,andconsignment.Resurging consumerinterestinvintagefashion–particularlyinvolvingtherevivalofagarmentoverfifteen yearsold,oftenpresentedforsaleasanobjectofcuratorial,archivalorhistoricalvalue–significantlycontributestotheeconomicexpansionofsecondhand.

Yetthegrowthofthesecondhandindustryparticularlyowescredittotheresalemarket.Under theresalemodel,shopperssellunwantedfashionitemstotheresalecompanyandareoftenlured intobuyingusedproductsfromthebusinessinreturn.Inthisway,theresalemarketoffers monetaryprofitstoitsconsumeraswellastheconvenienceof‘clearingout’theabundant

contentsoftheirclosets.Duetoitsappealtotheaverageclothingconsumer,regardlessoftheir lackinginterestinfashionasartifact,resalehasenabledthemassificationofcircularacquisition methods.Onlineresalesites(notableplayersofDepop,Poshmark,1stDibsandTheRealReal)as wellasbrick-and-mortarresalestores(significantsuccessofBuffaloExchange,MySister’s Closet,WhatGoesAroundComesAround)haveskyrocketedintomainstreamclothing consumptionsuchthattheresalemarketstandsasatour-de-forceworth$17billion(thredUp).

Previously-ownedfashiongarmentsandaccessoriesareofferedtoluxuryanddesignerclientele athigh-endconsignmentshopswhilesomemorecasualresaleestablishmentsbuyandsell mall-brandandfast-fashionpieces–makingresaleanacquisitionmethodaccessibletobothends oftheconsumerclassspectrum.Interestingly,GenerationZistheprimarydemographic expandingthecommercialbandwidthofcircularbusinessmodels,suggestingthatasthis consumergroupemergesintotheworkforce,thesecondhandeconomyandsystemwillonly continuetoinflate(Manley2023).

Environmentalethoscertainlyfuelssomeofthemotivationforcircularfashionacquisition.In oppositiontotheecologicalandsocialcasualtiesofthefastfashionindustry, sustainable and slow fashion movementshaveeruptedasadvocatesforconsciousconsumptioninwhichcircular andrecycledfashiontakethefrontline(Pookulangara2013).Buyingjustoneclothingpieceused –throughcircularacquisition–ratherthannew–throughlinearacquisition–“saves88gallons ofwater,saves8.41poundsofCO2emissions,and16.4kWhofenergy”(thredUP2023).If everyconsumergloballyweretoconductthissmallactofreplacingoneconventionalpurchase withanalternativeacquisitionmethod,itwouldresultinthesalvationof2billionpoundsof carbonemissions,23billiongallonsofwater,andtheoffsetof4billionkWhofenergy.Inaction, thesenumbersareequivalenttotaking76millionscarsoffoftheroadforaday,providing46 billiondaysofdrinkingwaterforoneperson,andoffsettingtheenergyittakestowatch37 billionhoursofNetflix(thredUP2023).

Howeverenvironmentallyfriendlythepurchaseofausedfashioniteminplaceofanewfashion itemmaybe,thisstudyinsteadconsiderstheecologicalrepercussionsonthetail-endofthe secondhandgarment’slifecycle.Iquestionwhetherthecircularacquisitionofaclothingpiece influencestheconsumer’saffectiveattachmenttothegarment,andwhethertheaffective experienceofsourcingasecondhandpieceextendsthelongevityofitsownershipordelaysits eventualdisposal.FashiontheoristMariaMackinneyValentínproposesthattheearthlybenefits tosecondhandareincreasinglysupplementedwithontologicalconsumeradvantagestopersonal expressionintheirembodimentofindividuality,singularity,andrarity.Shewritesthat“inthe 2010s,pre-ownedhasbeenconsideredinherentlysustainableinthecontextofclimateconcerns aswellasaestheticallyuniqueinthesymbolicstruggleagainstmass-production”(2017). Althoughtheyexistasalreadydisposedproducts,Isuggestthatsecondhandfashionpieces ironicallyholdthepotentialtomeritlowerlikelihoodsofdisposabilityduetotheunique affectiveexperiencesassociatedwiththeiracquisition.

Inmyanalysisofaffectinrelationtothefashionitem,Iattempttoidentifytheimpactsofthe fashionobject’soriginupontheconsumer’slevelofattachmenttoit.Centeringthisinvestigation aroundlinear/bought-newvs.circular/usedmethodsofacquisition,Iexaminetheconsumer’s emotionalassociationwithagarmentasasymboloftheirexperienceobtainingit–withthe intentiontoapplytheimplicationsofthisrelationshiptothemitigationofclothingdisposability inthecontemporaryfashionindustry.

VI. MECHANIZEDDETACHMENT&DISPOSABILITY

Inmyanalysisoftherelationshipbetweenaffectandacquisitioninapparelconsumption,Ifirst concentrateontheaffectivefactorspresentinaconventional,bought-new,orlinearclothing purchase.Underthelinearconsumptionmodel,thefashionobjectisboughtunusedfromafast fashionretailer,luxurycorporation,departmentstore,orevenindependentdesigner.Whetherthis purchaseisenactedin-personoronline,theitemisexpectedtobepurchasedfreeofanyblemish orwear,andinsomestrainofbrandedpackaging,fromclothingtagstoshippingmaterials.

Althoughthelinearacquisitionofafashionitemcanbeconductedinrelationtoartisanal, hand-crafted,orcustom-madedesigns,Iconcentratehereontheaffectsgeneratedbythemore commonmodeofclothingacquisition:thefashionpurchasefromacorporateconglomeratethat utilizesmass-manufacturingandindustrializationtofabricategarmentsinlargequantities. Primarilypracticedbyfastfashionandluxuryretailers,thismethodofacquisitioninvolveslittle tonocontactwiththepersonwhocreatedtheobject–adisconnectthatIsuggestresultsina detachedorlowaffect.

Ahmed’sworkinaffecttheoryassertsthat“theverytendencytoattributeanaffecttoanobject dependsupon‘closenessofassociation’”(2010).Underthefastfashionbusinessmodelin particular,thestagesoftextileproductionandgarmentfabricationareoftenshuntedto third-partyfactoriesinEasterncountriestoexploitthecheaplaboravailablethere;a phenomenonthatallowstheretailertoremovethemselvesfromboththearduousworkof manufacturingaswellasthelegalculpabilityofinhumaneworkingconditions(Choi2014). Offshoredlaborthuscreatesnotonlyanemotionalbuta physical distance betweenanobject’s maker,seller,andconsumer.Duetothelackofsupply-chaintransparencyinthecontemporary fashionindustry–asprovenintheRemakeAccountabilityReports,whichmeasurethe58top retailgiantsonapublicdiscretionindexofaccountabilityandaveragetheannual‘traceability score’toadisheartening0.9outof8points –itisalsocommonforthe‘bought-new’consumer tohavelittletonoawarenessofwhereorhowtheirgarmentwasmade(Remake2022).Devoid ofassociationwiththedesignerwhoideatedthefashionitem,thepatternmakerwhocutthe blueprintforconstruction,orthesewerwhoassembledthepiece,theconsumerofthe mass-manufactureditemissimultaneouslyremovedfromthe‘closenessofassociation’ necessarytohaveanaffectiveexperiencewhenowningorwearingit.Kremerdescribesthis

apatheticqualityofmassproductionas“theeffectofmakingobjectsanonymous”throughthe castrationof“distinctanduniquetracesoftheirmakers”infavorofthe“impersonaland untouched”(1992).

ConsumertheoristElizabethRoytefurtherarguesthatthespatialandgeographicgapbetweenan object’smakerandownernotonlyincreasesaffectivedetachmentbutalsoexacerbatesthe likelihoodofdisposability:

“Alackofconnectionbetweenthosewhomakegoodsandthosewhousethem contributestotheeasewithwhichweturnourbacksonourpossessions.Itiseasier,for example,tothrowoutanuglyceramicpitchermadeinaTaiwanesefactorythanitisto throwoutanuglyceramicpitchermadebyawell-meaningauntorevenananonymous localcraftsperson.”(Royte2005).

Whilethebought-newfashionobjectcanacquireasocialaffectiveattachmentthroughthe personalinteractionwithitsmaker–suchasRoyte’sanonymous“localcraftsperson”ornew fashionitemspurchasedfromsmall,independentartists–Ifocushereontheaffective detachmentparticulartothe mass-manufactured product acquiredthroughthelinearmodel.Ifit is‘closenessofassociation’thatmeritstheabilityforanitemtocauseaffect,thenthe mass-manufacturedgarmentisthesterilechillofseveranceanddissociation:fromcommunity, fromauthenticity,fromhumanness.Churnedoutbythethousandsandvomitedintocirculation throughmechanizedproductiontechnologies,mass-producedstyleslackthehumantouchand irregularityofcraftsmanshipthatinstillthefashionobjectwithaffectivepower.Sterilizedand lifeless,themass-producedgarmentistheventriloquistdummyforartisanshipandthegummy prostheticfortheritualofdesign.AsnotedbyartcriticYanagiSoētsu,

“Whatmachinesproduceisstandardizedbeauty,calibratedandfixed..Mechanization constitutesakindofaestheticstrangulation.Whenmachinesareincontrol,thebeauty theyproduceisshallowandcold.Itisthehumanhandthatcreatessubtletyandwarmth. Howcouldamachinegivebirthtothesubtlesurfaceelegancethatisthelifebloodoffolk craft,emergingduringforming,trimming,andpaintingbyskillfulandexperienced hands?”(2019)

SimilartoSoētsu’snotionofanobject’s“lifeblood,”philosopherWalterBenjaminarguesthatan authenticartworkcontainsaninherent“aura,”whichhedefinesasa“strangetissueofspaceand time”emblematicoftheobject’simmediacy,uniqueness,or“here-and-now”(Benjamin,2011). Thefashionobject,asanaestheticartwork,shouldhypotheticallyembodythisartistic“aura,” this“lifeblood,”yetitissymbolicallycastratedofsuchenergy–aswellasitsabilitytoaffect–throughthemechanizedreplicationandappropriationofitslikeness.FastfashiongiantZara releases450millionproductsayearandapproximately12,000styles,calculatingoutanaverage

of37,500copiesofthesamedesignincirculationatonetime(SCM2020).Benjaminarguesthat the“technologicalreproduction”oftheartobjectstripsitofitsauraanderodesitsauthenticity, “profoundlymodifying[its]effects”(Benjamin).Theeffects,andsimultaneouslyaffects,ofan artisticauratomoveitsconsumerarenotonlymodifiedinthefast-fashionprocessbut systematicallydehumanizedandestranged.Asanextensionoftheskin,clothingismadeinto existencebyitsverybodilyassociation.Whenclothingisconstructedwithoutthemarkofbody butbythemetallimbsofconveyor-beltcapitalism,theassociationnecessarytogarnerstrong affectiseffectivelyamputated.

Thespiritofthe“here-and-now”inagarmentmightbethehand-stitchedbuttonofawoolen trouseroranylonjumper’scrookedlysewnseam,themeticulousdrapeofahemora pain-stakinglypressedpleat.Yettheseattributesthatmarktheobjectassingular,asorganic,as defective,even,aresmoothedoverinthecalculatedhomogeneityofmassifiedfabrications.In thisway“machines..robworkofitsfreedom,divestitofitsjoy”(Soētsu).Massmanufactured garmentsbought-newarepasteurizedandsanitizedoftheircapacitytosummonaffective responseintheirwearer,coldastheyarewiththelovelesstouchoftheartificiallyintelligent loomandtherigiduniformityoftheircomposition.Lackingfreedomandjoy,themechanized fashionitemisthusimmunizedofintenseemotionaleffectorstrongattachmentinitssolitary existence,itsownership,anditsembodiment.

Thelackofspatialproximity,socialconnection,orartisticaurainthemass-manufactured fashionobjectthereforeincreasestheowner'sdetachmenttotheobjectitself,renderingthe mass-producedgarmentalowcarrierforsentimentalaffect.Acottont-shirtpurchasedfrom Zara,forinstance,carriesnoinherenthistory,community,orpersonalitywithwhichthe consumermayengage.Asaresult,thewearingofsuchagarmentfailstogenerateanarrativefor itswearertoimagine,empathize,ortapinto.Themass-manufacturedfashionobjectpresentsa blankcanvasinwhichpathosissoldseparately;thoughtheitemmaytakeonaffective associationsthroughthedurationofitsownership,itispurchasedpureofalreadyexisting emotionaltriggers.Itsacquisitionalonedoesnotstimulateimmediateattachment,andwithout thispredisposedpropensityforaffectiveexperience,the‘bought-new’garmentbeginsits lifecyclemilesbehindthecircularfashionobjectthathasbeenacquiredwithaffectiveexperience alreadywornintoitsfabric.Ultimately,thefactorsofmechanizationandsterilization,or mass-productionandnewness,contributetoadetachedaffectandincreaseddisposabilityofthe fashionobjectobtainedthroughthelinearacquisitionmodel.

VII. INDUSTRIALALIENATION&ESTRANGEMENT

Thoughthemass-producedfashionobjectoflinearacquisitionisconstructedasavesselof detachmentinitsveryconstruction(withlittlesocialorhumanassociation),itsrelationshipto theconsumersimultaneouslymeritslow,andattimesnegative,affectiveintensitythroughits

moralconnotations.Fortheconsciousconsumerwithsustainableshoppingintentions,the ecologicalconsequencesofabought-neworfast-fashionclothingpurchasecanprovokefeelings ofguilt,shame,orregret.Conductingawardrobestudyinwhich34participantsdocumentedthe emotionalreactionsofnewpurchasesoveraperiodofthreemonths,fashionscholarMagdalena Mcintyreobservedthe“affectivedissonance”thatconsumersoftenunderwentuponpurchasinga newclothingitem(2019).Afterfindingpleasure(positiveaffect)intheinitialacquisitionofthe fashionobject,subjectslaterexpresseddispleasureattheunnecessaryorunethicalnatureoftheir consumption.

Interpretedaslowornegativeaffects,the“conflicting”or“ambiguous”feelingsgeneratedbya compulsivepurchase–asseeninMcintryre’sstudy–arenotspecifictotheeco-cognizant consumer.Eventhefashionindifferentaresusceptibletothenegativeemotionsstirredbythe demandsofthelinearbusinessmodel,whosegreedypaceandrelentlessmarketingtactics pressureitsconsumertoregularlyindulgeinimpulsebuys,unnecessaryspending,andquickly expiringtrendypurchases.The“passiveformoflanguage”demonstratedinthediaryentriesof Mcintryre’sstudyreflectstheconsumer’sresigned“awarenessofsalestechniques”thatcompel themtopurchasefromthelinearbusinessmodelwithoutasenseofagencyorself-initiated desire(Mcintyre2019).Inthisway,thepressuretogeneraterevenueunderthe mass-manufacturingmodelcharacterizesthelinearclothingpurchaseasanexerciseofcapital, estrangestheconsumerfromtheirownsenseofautonomy,andpromptstheshopperto experiencetheaffectsofpassivity,ambivalence,andremorse.

Thefactorofmarketpressureinthelinearproductionandconsumptionmodelfurtherdevelops theaffectofestrangement.Ahmedclaimsthat“webecomealienated—outoflinewithan affectivecommunity—whenwedonotexperiencepleasurefromproximitytoobjectsthatare attributedasbeinggood”(Ahmed2010).Fashionmarketingandmerchandisingrelyheavilyon emotionalassociationinordertosellproducts,capitalizingoffofaffectinordertospurdesirein theconsumertopurchaseaproductthatispresentedtomakethemlook‘good’,orfeel‘good.’ AsfashiontheoristFemkeDeVriessuggests,thecontemporaryconsumerisattractedtoa clothingitemnotforitsfunction,itsaestheticbeauty,ormaterialadornmentbutinsteadforits symbolic value ornament:aconceptthatconflatesthefeelingorexperiencethatissoldalongside theitemasarepresentativesubstitutionforthematerialityoftheobjectitself(2015).Framing thefashionitemasaconduitfor“feelings,fantasies,andfun,”thefashionindustrystrategically profitsoffoftheconsumer’svulnerabilitytoaffectiveexperiencesandpromisesthenew acquisitionofagarmenttoofferpositivebodily-emotionalresponses.As“feelingsareusedto sellfeelings,”thepurchaseanduseofaclothingitemispresentedtousasavesselfor‘good’(de Vries,2015).Wheninstead,thepurchasestirstheaforementionedfeelingsofdiscontentment, guilt,ordissatisfaction,theconsumerissubjectedtoAhmed’sproposedaffectofalienationfrom theirexpectedresult.Inthisway,theappealtopathosinthelinearbusinessmodel’sfashion advertisingpredisposestheconsumerfordisappointmentanddisposaloflacklusterproducts–

illuminating“howthecapacityofclothingtoaffectalsoleadstoawardrobethatisoverflowing withunuseditems”(Mcintyre2019).Acquisitionofnewmass-producedfashionobjects thereforeencouragesviciouscyclesofexcessconsumptionandbrewsnegativeaffectinits consumer.

Furthercontributingtothealienatingaffectoftenarousedbytheacquisitionofamass-produced, bought-newfashionitemistheontologicaldeteriorationofclothingasanidentitysymbol.Often accompanyingtheritualofdressisthepracticeofidentity-articulation,inwhichthewearer cementstheirsenseofselfthroughthevisualembodimentoftheiraestheticaffinities(Davis 1992).Explicitmanifestationsofenclothedidentityincludetheactofdonningacrossnecklace tocommunicatereligiousdenomination,sportinguniversityinsigniatodenoteinstitutional allegiance,ortheuseofuniformstodenoteoccupationalpositioning.Lessliteralstylecodingsof identityindicatecommunityvaluesorpoliticalideologiesthroughthepracticeof conformity/nonconformity,includingtheaestheticfactionsofgoth,punkandgrunge.IfAhmed arguesaffecttostemfrom‘closenessofassociation,’thentheabilityforanindividualto associatetheirownessenceorlikenesswithafashionitemlogicallyincreasesthelikelihoodof strongaffectorattachment.However,themercilessgripoftrendcontinuallydrainsthefashion objectofsymbolicmeaning–drainingtooitsontologicalassociationandaffectiveintensity

Valentínpositsthatthephenomenonofretailconglomeratesincorporatingtheemblemsof counterculturalgroupsintomass-manufacturedcommercialproductshasledtoa signification exhaustion inwhichthesemioticsoffashion’svisualmessaginghavelostconnectionbetween signifierandsignified(2021).Honinginonthecommodificationoftheheavymetalbandt-shirt, Valentinnotesthat“highstreetbrandssuchasK-mart,Primark,Topshop,andH&Mhavesold iconicmetalT-shirtsfrombandssuchasSlayer,AC/DC,Metallica,IronMaiden,Motorhead, andBlackSabbath,”tothecasualtyoftruthfulaestheticcommunication.Whenthemasspublic considerstheiconographyofcounterculturalgroupstobetrendy,andnon-punklistenersare wearingpunkinsignia,theproductlosesits“intrinsicmeaningbecausethevisualsignsare removedfromtheculturethatgeneratedthem”(Valentin2021).WhatValentindubs identity bootlegging rupturestheassociationbetweensign(metalorpunkaesthetics)andsignifier (fondnessoflisteningtometalorpunkmusic),andsimultaneouslyrupturestheclosenessof identityassociationnecessaryforaffectiveresponse.Significationexhaustionisnotuniquetothe commodificationofcounterculture,however;culturalappropriationofethnicandracialdress formsalsofallintothegraveyardoffashionvictims.Lostistheconsumer’sabilitytomake meaningoutoftheirclothingandtheclothingwornbyothers,leavingboththegarmentandits weareravesselalienatedfromtheirownbodiesanddetachedfromtheirownsenseofself.The capacityforthesetrend-orientedproductstoaffecttheirconsumererodesasthemarketis saturatedbyduplicates;theauraisdiminished;theobjectishollowedofmeaning.

ArtistRonAtheycontextualizestheambiguityofcommoditybodies,mourningtheauthenticity ofself-presentationandaestheticcommunicationwithinsubculturalgroups:

“Atonetimeallofthesetrappingshavebeenbroughtonby,stoodfor,somethingor other.Environment,belonging,rebellion,campymorbidity,sexualidentity,desirability, andfetishism…Nothingispure..Identityhasbecometrickyingeneral.Popularculture andfashionhasnoshamethesedays.Isthatarealgangbanger?Dodreadssignify reggae?AreshavedheadsNeo-naziskinheads?Dothosepeoplesportingkink-wear practiceSM?Isthatbutch-lookingdaddyatop?Notnecessarilyandprobablynot. Everythingundergroundhasbeensubverted,orattheveryleastdiluted…Nowthat everythingradicalmeansnothing,I’matacrossroads”(Athey).

SupportingthelinkbetweenindustrializationandalienationisJeanBauldrillard’scritiqueofthe hypercommodity and hypermarket.Heclaimsthatthesublimationofthe‘real’intothereplicated copy–appliedtothefashionmarketintheformoftheauthenticMetallicateevs.theH&M duplicate– haseffectively“suffice[d]torenderbothartificial”(Baudrillard1994).Itisthe artificeofthemass-producedgarmentthatdrainstheobjectofaffectivepotential.Baudrillard furtherarguesthatinthisinstanceofhypercommodity,“alldepthandenergyofrepresentation havevanishedinahallucinatoryresemblance”(Baudrillard1994).This‘depth’and‘energy’are preciselythefactorsthatimbibeanobjectwithaffectiveresonance.Withoutthem,theconsumer oftheobjectisleftwithnexttonothingtoconnectwith,formattachment,orfindpleasurein. Lackingauthenticquality,themassifiedgarmentisaformflattened,acommercialroadkill:just astheclothingpieceobscuresthe‘real’initsproduction/fabrication,thewearerfaltersinfinding asenseof‘real’intheirsenseofself/bodywhentheywearit.Detachedfromauthenticityand meaning,thegarmentismadeacaricaturerightalongsidethebodyinsideofit.

Howevertragicthislossofselfhoodandidentitymaybefortheconsumer’slevelofemotional well-being,stability,andcontentment,theimplicationsofthislossadditionallyproducealossof wardrobestayingpower.Asfashionobjectsdegradeinsignificancetotheowner’ssenseof personhoodorindividualism,theylosetheirpowerof‘association’toharnesssentimental attachment,andwithit,theirpowertorousepositiveaffectiveresponsesofjoy,pleasure, nostalgia,attachment,orcontentment.Estrangedfromthepoignanceofthegarment,the consumerisunconvincedthattheobjectisworthwearingorkeeping.

Finallymarkingtheacquisitionofabought-newmass-producedfashionitemarefeelingsof depersonalization,dissociation,anddehumanization.JustasGermanphilosopherGeorgSimmel arguesthatmodernityandmassproductionerect“aninsuperablebarrier…betweenitselfand whatismostauthenticandessentialinit,”thelinearfashionmodelobstructstheconsumerfrom accessingtheirownhumanness(Ruggerone2018).AsifGoditself,thefashionindustrybirthsits ownspittingimage:itsconsumerfaithfullybearsthesymbolsofcapital(thelogo)upontheir

body,adoggeddevoteeofbrandingandawalkingadvertisement.Entrenchedinlogosand clothedincredence,theconsumerpracticesabrandediconography.Theywalkdownthestreetas head-to-toemarketing,soalienatedfromtheirownsenseofselfthattheymustwraptheirskinin commercialpackaging.Brandedinsignia–beittheLVorthedoubledGucciG’sortheinstantly recognizableNikeSwoosh–thusmarksthebodynotashumanbutasproduct.Itsfabricator,its follower,anditsmessengerallinone.Departedfromtheirhumanness,thewearerofthebrand labelbecomestheconductorofthecommercialagenda.Thebodybecomescapitalitself.

VIII. RESTORINGAURA

Ifthepurchaseofanewfashionitemunderthelinearbusinessmodeloftenarouseslowor negativeaffects,howcanthecontemporaryconsumercreateameaningfulrelationshiptotheir clothing?Howcanthewearerfindattachmentandfulfillmentintheirfashionobjects?Ifthereis nolightattheendofthetunneltoabolishandrestructurethefashionsystem,“howcan mass-produced,anonymous,commodity-likeobjectsacquiresacredstatus?’”(Hartley2021).I suggestthatcircularacquisitionmodelsmorereadilyoffertheconsumertheopportunityto experiencepositiveaffectsandgeneratesocialoremotionalattachmentstotheitemsintheir wardrobe.

Thoughthefashionobjectacquiredthroughcircularmodels–suchasthrift,resale,andvintage–oftenexistsasthesurplusoftheverymass-manufacturingmethodsthatsoalienatetheconsumer fromfindingmeaningintheproduct,fashiontheoristsarguethattheextendedlifecycleofsucha productrevivesitwithrestoredmeaning.Whilethenewmass-producedgarmentispreviously demonstratedtohavedepleteditshumannessoritsaura,secondhanditemsareconversely “foundtoholdasenseofauraorauthenticitybecauseofanimaginedpastthatmaybeactivated inapersonalfashionnarrative”(Valentin2017).Throughthepassageofownership,the secondhandgarmentandtheactofconsumptionitselfacquireasocialhistory,andwithit,a visceralvitality.Despitethefactthat"manyvintageitemswereoriginallymass-produced”the alteredcontextoftheiracquisitionreincarnatesBenjamin’snotionofthe‘here-and-now’and Soētsu’sconceptofthe‘lifeblood.’Inotherwords,theaffectivepotentialofthepiece re-awakensduetothechangedcontextoftheiracquisition:

“re-discoveredasvintage,theargumentisreversedbecausethesesame [mass-manufactured]itemsarecherishedforbeingone-of-a-kindandtherefore unique"(Valentin2017).

Kremerreferstothetransformationofameaninglesstoameaningfulobjectasaprincipleof singularization (1992).Inordertoattributeuniquenesswithamass-manufacturedproduct, Kremerarguesthatitbecomessingularthrough“ageandhistory”or“associationoftheobject,” whichcanoccur“throughapersonalrelationshipwithanobject,sothatthelongevityofthe

owner-objectrelationshipassimilatesorbondstheobjectstotheirowner”(1992).Secondhand fashionintegratesthenarrativeofsingularizationaspromptedbythechangingofhandsand passageofpossession:arevaluationthatrestorestheobjectofitsabilitytofosteran“organic qualityofrenewal”(Kremer1992).Literallyrecycled,regenerated,andrecirculatedintheretail market,thepreviously-ownedclothingpiececonjuresintheshopperasenseoflivelinessand endurance.Justasthisre-significationencouragesa‘bond’ofstayingpowerordurabilityinthe closetoftheowner,itfurtherkindlesanaffectionateattachmentinthebodyofthewearer.

Theactivationofconsumer’sautonomyincircularacquisitionadditionallycontributestothe positiveaffectofsecondhandfashion.ReturningagaintoAhmed’stheoryofaffectthrough “closenessofassociation,”theselectionorpurchaseofasecondhandgarmentrequiresthatthe consumerfillanactive,ratherthanpassiverole(2010).Instarkoppositiontotheadvertisingthat urgestheconsumerofanitembought-newtoadheretoanoveltytrend,theacquisitionofa secondhandpieceforcestheshoppertochooseforthemselveswhatisdesirable. Consumer theoristandfashionhistorianSerenaDyeradvocatesforshoppingasaformofactiveandcritical sensorydiscernment.Shedefendstheexistenceofasensoryedificationprocess,orthe developmentofan“inter-sensoryskillsetacquiredthroughhandling,smellingandviewing goods…totrainthehand,aswellastheeye,tounderstandqualityandworkmanship”(Dyer 697).Appliedtothesecondhandshopper,thisdiscernmentconstitutesthedetectionand dismissalofdefectandtheselectionofitemsthataredesirable.ToDyer,theshopper’sabilityto evaluatetheappealofagarmentconstitutesalearnedskill,suggestingthatsecondhandshopping assessesvaluenotonlyintheproductitself,butinthecapabilityoftheconsumertodistinguish ‘correctly’betweendesirableandundesirable. Successfuldiscernmentandselectionenable affectsofpride,satisfaction,andagencyintheconsumer–feelingsthatbolsterthepositive associationthattheownerhaswiththefoundproduct.Kremer’sanalysisoftheconsumer’s relationshiptothematerialobjectfurtherdefendsthelinkbetweenshopperagencyandstrong affect:“havingastorywhichpointstofate,prowessorshrewdnessissignificantinthepleasure derivedfromacquisitionandtothequalityoraffectofthenarrative”(Kremer1992).

Theaffectiveagencyinvolvedinsecondhandshoppingadditionallyencompassesthefeelingof authoritythattheconsumerwieldsoverthepresentationoftheirownbodies.Incontrasttothe samenessofZara’s375,000clonesofidenticalstyles,thediscoveryofasecondhandpiecebrings itsownerafeelingofrarity,individualization,orspeciality.Ifaffectoccursasatransferenceof essencefromhumantonon-human(Deleuze1992),thenthediscoveryofasecondhandgarment operatesontheprojectionofselfintoobject;thesecondhandconsumermustnotonlysift throughalabyrinthoftimeperiodsandstylestodeterminewhatfeelsfittingtotheirtaste,but additionallydictateforthemselveswhatisworthpurchasing.Thepersonalizationofthequest andspecializationofthehuntforasecondhanditemthusgarnersahigherintensityof gratificationthanthelinearacquisitionmodel’styrannicalrelationshipofdesireandfulfillment. Shoppingsecondhandfashionthereforerequiresasenseofself-understanding,personalization

andindividualizationthatrendersthecircularpurchaseareflectionoftheconsumer’sownskill toscavenge,identifyandselect.

Environmentalethosadditionallycontributestotheimprovedemotionofthesecondhandpiece. Theitem’srelativelylowpriceincomparisontoitsretailvaluealleviatestheremorseof unnecessaryspendingwhiletheecologicaladvantagesofrecycledclothingassuagestheguiltof wastefulhabits.“Huntingforandcollectingvintageclothingthustransgressesguiltandworkson affectivedissonance”inthewaythatitpersonifiestheshopperasanecologicalsavior(Mcintyre 2019).Theshopper’sassociationwiththegarmentisstrengthenedinitsconstructionasevidence oftheirmoralgoodness,amaterialrepresentationofthetreasurethattheyhavesalvagedfrom ruins.Regardlessofhowrealisticthismoralgoodnessmaybe,theecologicalsaviorcomplex informstheconsumer’saffectiveassociationofself-satisfactionintheactofpurchasing.

Apartfromsingularity,autonomy,andintegrity,thefactorsthatIsuggesttoprimarilycontribute tothestimulationofhighpositiveaffectinthepurchase,ownership,andwearingofsecondhand clothingarethatofprovenance/memory,inheritance/lineage,andmaterialblemish/mortality.If affectfunctionsinclothingto“harnessthebody’scapacitiesfortransformationandprovokethe bodytobecomeotherwise” (Ruggerone2018),thenaffectappearsmostpresentinthefashion objectthattransformsrolesandspaces:fromonelifeandoneclosettothatofanother

IX. PRIORITIZINGPROVENANCE

Centraltotheconstructionofaffectintheownershipandembodimentofasecondhandfashion itemisthehistoryandsentimentembeddedinitslifecycle.Similartothevaluesystemthat measurestheesteemoffineartworks,theworthofafashionobjectisincreasinglydeterminedby thehistoryofitspossession,alsoreferredtoasits provenance.DefinedbyOxfordDictionaryas “arecordofownershipofaworkofartoranantique,usedasaguidetoauthenticityorquality” (1stDibs),provenancecastsashimmerofallureanddesirabilityuponthefashionobject specificallyonbehalfofitslineage.Isuggestthattheadditionallayerofsocialassociationthat existsinthefashionobjectacquiredthroughcircularmeans–includingthrifting,resale,vintage, gifting,swap-meets,hand-me-downs,orinheritance–strengthenstheitem’saffinitytogenerate positiveaffectsinitswearer

Paralleltothelinkbetweencommercialvalueandownershipintheartworld,pedigreeplaysa significantroleinthemonetaryworthofagarment.Esteemofpreviousownershipis quantitativelyproventoincreasethenumericalvalueofaclothingitem,beittheassociationwith celebrityornotablefashionhistory.Forinstance,whileahautecoutureGivenchygownfrom 1967retailsat$3,000fromtheonlineresalesite1stDibs,ahautecouturegownfromthesame decadeandateliersoldforoverfiftytimesmorewhenwornbyarecognizablefigureoffame. TheiconicGivenchyensemblewornbyAudreyHepburninthe1961film Breakfast at Tiffany’s soldtothewinningbidof$156,250onauctionin2022(Julien’sAuctions).However,whilethe impactofprovenanceisproventoescalatethequantitativevalue(price)ofagarment,Ipropose thatthisfactoralsostrengthensthequalitativevalue(sentiment)ofthepiece.

Alongsidetheheightenedcommercialmeritofapiecewithimpressiveprovenance,thebuilt-in historyofasecondhanditemamplifiesitssymbolicvalueanditscapacitytostimulateaffective intensity.Fashiontheoristsidentifytheurgeforthecontemporaryclothingconsumertofind somethingnarrativetorelatetointheirpurchases;Valentínclaimsthat “authenticityandrelatedtermssuchasoriginandheritagehavebeenforegroundedas dominatingidealsinrecenttimesandassourcesofstatusandmeaningforconsumers, whoareinterestedintheprovenanceofthegarmenttheybuy”(2017).

Whenafashionitemisparticularlypurchasedbecauseofitspedigree–whetheritbetheallure ofahigh-fashionrunwaypieceorthedesiretoownanobjecttouchedbyone’sfavoriteartistor celebrity– itswearerextractsasenseofmeritorcompetencefromtheirfinding.Onparwiththe satisfactionofatriumphantarcheologicaldig,theprideofthepedigreepurchaseofthiskind summonsastrongpositivefeelingthatisabsorbedintotheobjectitselfasaninstanceof Ahmed’s‘stickyaffect’(2010).Irefertothismotivationalfactorofacquisition–clothingas artifact–hereas prominent provenance.FashionwriterAlexandraHildrethdeemsthis phenomenaasymptomofegoandaformof virtue signaling inwhich“manyconsumer’s apparentobsessionwithapiece’shistoryliesintheirbraggingrightsforobtainingthepiecein

thefirstplace”(2023).Kremersimilarlysuggeststhatthe“narrative”lodgedintheacquisitionof suchacuratedhistoricalpurchase“presentsthecollectorasworthyordeserving”duetothe “knowledgeorrespectfortheobject”thatisnecessaryinordertosourceanitemofthisnature (Kremer1992).Inthisway,thegloryofasecondhandpurchasewithanimpressivehistorytends toappealtotheegooftheshopperandconsequentlyaffixtheobjectwithaffectiveassociations ofawe,admiration,andreverence.

However,thepreviouslyownedgarmentdoesnotrequiresoeliteanassociation,orsocelebrated aprovenance,toappealtotheaffectionsofitsowner.Toreceiveafashionitemfromafamily member,friend,peer,orlovedone–a personal provenance –canarguablyinstilltheobjectwith anevenstrongeraffinityforaffectiveattachment.Kremerassertsthat“themethodof acquisition..appearstoalterthemeaningconferredbyownershipandpossession.Anygift carriesanassociationofaffectionandcaringaswellasvariousotherimplicationsregarding interpersonalrelationships”(1992).Whethergiftedasahand-me-down,inherited,oreven purchasedoffofanacquaintedindividual,thesecondhandgarmentofpersonalprovenanceisa gestureofdeeprootedintimacythatreliesontheowner’semotionalvulnerabilitytomemory.In comparisontotheclothingobjectofprominentprovenance,whichcontractsvaluefromsocialor culturalhistory,theobjectofpersonalprovenanceisvaluedonbehalfofitsindividualhistory

AccordingtoFemkeDeVries’notionofclothingas souvenir,

“theobjectofclothingisnowmainlypurchasedtograsptheexperienceandcarryit aroundintheexpectationofthewearertotransformbyrevivingmemorieseachtimethey dress(deVries2015).

Inwearingagarmentpreviouslyownedbyapersonoftheiraffections(anobjectofpersonal provenance)thewearerisableto‘transform’intoalikenessoftheformerowner’simage. Attachmenttotheitemisconstructedduetotheassociationofmimicry,asclothingoneselfin theshedskinofthelovedonefunctionsasifaseanceinwhichtheoriginalpossessoris temporarilyreincarnated,appropriatedandembodied.Theinheritedobjectsubsumesthe affectivecapacitiesoftalismanandmemorabilia:nostalgia,pleasure,longing,fondness. Emblemsofpersonalprovenanceinthiswayharnessthetendernessembeddedintheirtransition andheraldaffectionatereminiscenceasaresult.Intheactofwearingsuchapiece,thewearer recallsthenatureofitsacquisitionandprojectstheattachmenttheyfeelforthedonorontothe objectitself:"thesouvenirmagicallytransportsustothesceneoforigin”(Kremer1992) Clothingwithpersonalprovenancethereforearousestheemotionstiedtothebestoweruponthe bestowed–aninherentlyintimateresponsethatisconsequentlyconflatedtoanaffectionate attachmentwiththefashionitem.

Thesocialassociationsofpersonalprovenanceareparticularlydemonstratedthroughthe acquisitionmodeofclothingswap-meets.Aformofnon-monetaryexchange,theclothingswap imbuesitsobjectswithatwo-waynarrativeofgivingandreceiving.MatthewsandHodges’

studyonconsumerclothingexchangebehaviorsidentifies socialization asaprimary motivationalfactorfortheparticipationinthismethodofobtainingfashionobjects(2016). Garmentsprocuredthroughthismethodofacquisitionholdpowerfulpertinencetothe associationofcommunity.Ratherthanvisuallymimickingthetrendsoftheirchosenpeergroup orsocialcircle,theclothingswapparticipantmateriallyassemblesthemselveswithinitscultural body.Physicallyincorporatedintothehistoryofthecommunitythroughitsgenealogical exchangeofobjects,theswapperrobestheirownidentityinthematerialessenceoftheirsocial network.Inthiswayboththewearerandthegarmentareboundinafabricofcommunityand attachment,

“Thesocialbondisbindinginsofarasfeelingsaredepositedinthesameobject,which maythenaccumulatevalueashappyorunhappyobjects:agroupmaycometogetherby articulatingloveforthesamethings,andhateforthesamethings,evenifthatloveand hateisnotsimplyfeltbyallthosewhoidentifywiththegroup”(Ahmed2010).

Theclothingpieceofpersonalprovenancethustransformsfromapotentiallymeaningless producttoatouchstoneforfriendship,connection,andsharedtaste.Itbecomesatalismanof interaction.Sewnintoitsacquisitionisstoryandsolidarity.

X. AFFECTIVEANONYMITY&IMAGINEDPASTS

Whilesomeactsofcircularacquisitionentailinteractionandengagementwiththeoriginal owner(personal provenance)oratleastacknowledgementofitspreviouspossessor(prominent provenance),manyinstancesofobtainingausedfashionproductdonotinvolveanylevelof familiaritywiththearticle’shistory.However,theacquisitionofapreviously-ownedgarmentof unknownprovenanceretainsitshighaffectiveintensityintheenticingambiguityandimagined speculationofitsnarrative:aphenomenonIrefertohereas projected provenance.

Afrequentoccurrenceinthriftshoppingandbrowsingonlineresalesitesisadisconnectbetween thedonoroftheunwantedgarmentandthenewheir–anobstacleerectedbytheintermediaryof theretailbusiness.Althoughthisindirectnesscouldpotentiallyelicitanestrangementbetween theconsumerandthesecondhandfashionobject,theambiguityoftheobject’sprevioushistory insteadcastsafilmofmysteryovertheitemandforcestheshoppertoactivatetheirsenseof imagination.Isuggestthatthesenseofmystic,mythology,andnarrativeembodiedinthefashion itemofanonymousprovenancestrengthenstheaffectiveexperienceoftheownerwhenengaging withthearticle.

When,forinstance,ashopperfindsafadeddenimjacketatthethrift,thediscoveryforcesa startlingconfrontationwithtemporalityandpositionality.Theshoppermustwonderwherethe itemhasbeenbefore,whohaswornit,howmuchithasseenanddone.Howmanyarmsithas coveredfromthewind,howmanybodiesithasclothed,howmanydecadesithaswatchedcome

andgoinitscottonembrace.Inthisway,thepreviouslyownedgarmentofprojectedprovenance isavesselforspeculativestorytellingandaharnessforpoignantpathos,tuggingontheemotions ofthewearerinitsmurmurofpastlivesandunspokenlore.Fashiondiscourseinsiststhat “provenancematterswhenanobject’sjourneyisasexcitingasthepieceitself”(1stDibs);the uninformedcontemplationofthis‘journey’generatesafeelingofintrigue,enchantment,and curiosityinthesecondhandconsumerwhohasineffectfactoredthemselvesintothetaleasthe latestinstallment.

Despitethelackofassociationwiththeitem’sformerowner,itsnewoneisgracedwiththeduty toelongateitslifeanddetermineitsfate.Thesecondhandshopperoftentakespleasureinthe theatricalityofthisrole,whichisconsistentlyreferredtoasaninexplicablecastingofdestiny–asifthegarmentwasdestinedtofindtheconsumer,meantforthem,oraresultoftheirown manifestation.JustasBenjamin(1969)framesthepassageofownershipasifapropheticcatalog ofpossession,inwhich “allofanobject’sbackgroundparticipatesinamagicalencyclopedia whosequintessenceisthedestinyoftheobjectitself,”Kremersimilarlyobservesthat

“oftenthenarrativeofacquisitionisonewhichencompassestheacquisitionoftheobject aspartofitsdestiny,andplacesthecollectorasakeyplayerinthesocialandeconomic dramaofthatparticularobject”(1992).

Whilethe‘drama’ofthesecondhandgarment’sserendipitousfortuneinfindingitshomeinspires initsnewownerthepositivefeelingsofindividualmeritandrecognition –asiftheywere entitledorchosentocomeacrossthespecialgarment–thecomparativeanonymityofthe originalownersummonsthefascinationoffillinginthegaps.FashionarchivistEllenSampson (2020)stressestheseductiveallureofthis“unknowing”ofwhoorwhatpreviouslyengagedwith apre-ownedgarment.Openinganimaginativespaceof“fantasyandspeculation,”theused clothingpiecethatlacksanycertainoridentifiablehistorytoitsoriginsoffersafruitful ambiguitytoitsnewinhabitanttofictionalizeanarrativeforitsundisclosedpast.Generatinga mysteriousmythologyofwonder,theusedgarmentinvitesitsheirtoconstructacharacterof theirownmakingtoprecedetheirpossession;inthiswaysecondhandfashionencourages introspectioninitsconsumerandurgesaconsiderationofidentity.Sampsonwritesthatthe unknowing carvesout“spacesintowhichwecanprojectaspectsoftheself.Sothatinthese spacesofunknowingitisnotthepreviousownerwhointermingleswiththegarmentsbutinstead weourselves”(2020).

Purchasingavintagesundressfromthe70’s,forinstance,theshoppermayperhapsfind themselvesgeneratinganimageofidyllictranquilityinwhichthegarmentservedwitnesstoa bohemianlifestyleofGratefulDeadconcertsandpacifistprotests.Theacquisitionofa1950’s pantsuitmightinvitedystopianvisionsofnuclearconformityandsparklingcountertops,an80s bombermightwhisperofteasedhairandbobbysocksanddrive-inmovies.Whattheseimagined

personasenableinthecurrentownerisasenseofwhimsy,nostalgiaandplayfulnessthat illuminatesmoreabouttheirownpreconceivedworldviewsthanitdoestheactualhistoricityof theclothingitem.Inthisway,thefreedomtoimagineconstructstheobjectintheowner’sown imageandelicitsaclosenessofassociationinwhichtheytransferontothegarmentthefruitof theirowndesires.

Thereforecherishednotonlyforwhatitisbutforwhereithasbeen,thesecondhandfashionitem constructssentimentalvalueupontheinsinuationsofitspast.Radiatingwiththemarvelofits provenance–whetheraffirmedorenvisioned–thepreviouslyownedclothingpiecenecessitates theemotionalprocessingofhistory,temporality,andmemory.Piecesof prominent provenance, oftenacquiredthroughavenuesforresale,archival,historicalorvintagefashion,oftenpredicate affectsofrespect,pride,reverence,esteem,andawe.Articlesof personal provenance,suchas thecontentsofhand-me-downs,inheritance,andswap-meets,arepronetonostalgia,connection, affection,endearment,love,andjoy.Lastly,itemsobtainedwithanonymousorigins–often throughthriftshopsoronlineresalesites–attributecuriosity,imagination,wonder,andintrigue tothenarrativeof projected provenance.Ordainedtoassociation,thesecondhandpieceinmy analysisisconsequentlyconstructedasaninevitablechannelforaffectiveattachment.

XI. AFFECTIVEASSOCIATIONS&EMBEDDEDMEMORY

ElaboratingonDrVries’notionofclothingassouvenir,Ipositthatcircularconsumption methodsmorepowerfullytugontheowner’sactivationofassociativememory.Thoughmemory isineffectaformof non-sensuous perception,theoristsframeobjectsofmemoryto“fold pastnessintopresentness”inamaterialconduitforthememory’s“reinvention”and “recomposition”(Manning2016).Inpullingontheaffectionofmemory,thesecondhandfashion objectcreatesanintimaterelationshiptoitsownerandinspiresastrongbody-mindresponse. ThisclaimissupportedbyKremer’sanalysisoftherelationshipbetweenownerandobject, whichtheorizesaconnectionbetweenmemoryandattachment.Curatedorcollected objects–includingthecuratorialselectionofasecondhandgarmentortheaccumulationofclothingthat hasbeenpassedthroughgenerationsorcommunities– inherently“servememory,thereby creatingastrongrelationshipbetweenthecollectorandthecollectedobject(Kremer1992).

Ahmed(2010)furthercontextualizesthepowerofmemorytogenerateaffectivepleasure throughthematerialproduct.Sheframesthetransferenceofmemoryontoanitemasthe constructionofa‘happyobject.’Interactionwithahappyobject,accordingtoAhemd’stheory, summonsanechoofthepleasureexperiencedduringitspossessionoritsprevioususe.She helpfullyallegorizesthisphenomenonthroughtheinvocationofasensoryrecollection:

“wecanrecallthepleasureofgrapesasamemory;wecansimplythinkaboutthegrapes, asathoughtthatisalsoafeeling,evenwhenwedonothavethepossibilityofeatingthe grapes.Wecanjustrecallpleasuretoexperiencepleasure,evenifthesepleasuresdonot

involveexactlythesamesensation,eveniftheimpressionsofmemoryarenotquiteas lively.”(Ahmed2010)

Ifthepleasurablemomentsexperiencedwhilewearingagarmentareconsideredheretobethe ‘grapes,’thenwearingthefashionitemrepresentsthepleasurablereflectionuponthememoryof grape-induceddelight–thememoryofthepleasurewornintothegarment.Imprintedwiththe pleasurablememoryofallthathasbeenwornintoit,thepreviously-ownedgarmentoperatesasa ‘happyobject’andavesselfornostalgiaandreminiscence.Thisnostalgiacanbedirected towardsmanymemoriesassociatedwiththesecondhandclothingitem:theaffectionforthe previousownerwhogaveittothem,orthedelightofsearchingforthepiece.Thejoyoffinding itatathriftstore,ortheimaginedexcitementofthepasteraitwaslivedin.Theprideinsourcing itfromanonlinereseller,orthelongingforthetimesinwhichthegarmentwaspreviouslyworn.

Inordertoactivatememorythroughaninteractionwithanobject,theremustbeanarrativeto recall,astorytoremember,orasignificantaspectoftheitemthatsummonsrecollection.The developmentofnarrativeinanobjectoccursinthecontinuoushistoryofownershiporthe curationandselectionofanitem.Aspectsofselection,curation,ordonorshipincircular acquisitionthus“releaseanarrative,therebyactingasasouvenir”(Kremer,1992).Duetothe entanglementbetweenmemory,narrative,andsentiment,theassociationofanobjectwitha memoryeffectivelystrengthenstheowner’sattachmentleveltotheobject.Kremerarguesthat objectattachmentisa“dynamicprocess”whichincludes“fantasy,creativity,play,and imagination”aswellasanaspectofsentimentthatis“basedonfeelingsoraffection,ora complexemotionalorcognitiveresponsetotheobject”(Kremer1992).Inthiswaymemory, affectiveresponse,andattachmentareintertwinedinthesymbolofpreviously-ownedclothing.

Whileabought-newfashionobjectcanjustaseasilyacquiretheroleofa‘happyobject’or ‘souvenir’throughitsuseandassociationwithpositivememories,thesecondhandpiececomes intoownershipalreadyembeddedwithasocialaccumulationofenergyandexperience.Rather thananemptyvesselofnylonoraflimsycottoncontainer,thepreviouslyownedgarmentexists asadepositoryandarteryformemory.Thesecondhandfashionpiececollectssentimentalvalue intheconnotationsofitspassage:betweenbodies,betweenowners,betweenerasandbetween lives.Provenanceandpassageofownershipthereforeallowthesecondhandfashionobjecttobe inheritedalreadypositionedasa‘happyobject’and‘souvenir’ofhistory,resultinginthe increasedpropensityforanitemofcircularacquisitiontostimulatepositiveaffectandstrong attachment.

XII. KINSHIPOBJECTS&MATERIALHERITAGE

Inthissectionofmyanalysisonacquisitionandaffect,Ifocusontheattachmentthatlinesthe inheritedfashionobject.UndertheframeworkofDavis’theory(1992),inwhichthesocial functionofclothingisexpressionofidentity,dressoftenoperatesasanaffirmationoffamilial andculturalheritage.Theclothingpiecethatispasseddownbetweengenerationsasa

hand-me-downoragestureofaffectioninthiswaycanbeseenastheactualizationofmaterial lineage.Surveyingtheroleoftheinheritedfashionitem,Isuggestthatthismodeofcircular apparelacquisitionconstructstheobjectasatokenofritual,kinship,andself-articulation.These associationsconsequentlyevokehighaffectiveresponseswhenowningandwearingthegarment, andultimatelysolidifythelongevityoftheobjectasasentimentalkeepsake.

Necessarytothesentimentalaffectofaheritageobjectisthenatureofitsacquisition.As previouslydemonstrated,anyobjectthatisgiftedtoanewownermayacquireasocialor personalassociation.Ahmedstatesthatthewellintentionsandaffectionsofthegiverbleedinto thegiftitself;“thingsmighthaveanaffectivelifeasaresultofbeinggivenorbestowedwith affect”(Ahmed2010).However,theobjectpassedwithinfamilystructuresrepresentsa particularlypoignantattachmentinitsreflectionofidentity,positionality,andbelonging. Inheritingapearlnecklacefromone’sgreat-grandmother,therecipientholdstheevidenceof theirancestry.Theinheritanceofaheritageobjectisthematerialtransformationofthepastinto thepresentandaconfirmationofhowtherecipienthascometobe.Baudrillardclaimsthat“we requireavisiblepast,avisiblecontinuum,avisiblemythoforigin,whichreassuresusaboutour end”(1994).Theheritageobjecttangiblycementsone’s‘origins’intoamaterialproof–an assurancethatisintensifiedandescalatedintheheritagegarment,whichcanbephysically integratedupontherecipient’sownbody.Whileitcanbearguedthat“thebiographyofaperson isintimatelyboundupwithobjects”(Ahmed2010),theancestralobjectofclothinginparticular fabricatesadistinctlycorporeal‘bind.’Swathedinthegarmentsoftheirheritage,thewearer’s bodyisbothmateriallyandsymbolicallyconstructedbytheirgenealogy.Thebodyisliterally fashionedbythesubstanceofitsownbirth:aparallelofassociationthatdoublyaffirmsthe identityofthewearerandkindlesanaffectionateattachment.

AsasubgenreofAhmed’snotionofthe‘happyobject,’theitemwhoseownershipshiftswithin thefamilyisclassifiedasa kinship object (2010).Possessionbecomesanactofritual,inwhich thefamilyitselfisritualizedthroughthepassageofthematerialobject.Thestructureofthe family –itssocio-culturaloreveneconomicroots– isliterallycementedbythekinshipobject asproofofitsenduranceovertime.Ahmedsimilarlyarguesthatthe“promise”ofthefamilyis preservedthroughtheinheritanceofobjects,whichallowsthefamilytobeassembled(2010). Thispromiseextendstothepromiseofenduringownership;Mcintyre’saffectiveanalysisof wardrobecasestudiesdemonstratethatthekinshipobjectislesspronetodisposabilitythana fashionobjectunmarkedbysocialassociation.Confessionsofresearchsubjectsshowedthat

"affectivequalitieswereoftengivenasreasonsforkeepinggarments,eveniftheyhadno practicalusevalue.“Idon’twanttothrowclothesaway”,severalauthorswrote. Grandma’sweddingdress,familybabyclothes.."(Mcintyre2019).

Longevityinkinshipobjectsandheritagefashionisattributedbothtothesentimentalvalueof theitemandthestructuraldurabilityimpliedinitsabilitytowithstandtheconditionsoftimeand changingownership.Primarilymotivatingtheowneroffamilialmemorabiliatomaintain possessionoftheobjectisaffectiveattachment;aclaimilluminatedagainbyMcintyre’sfindings thatgettingridofapieceofinheritedacquisitionmarksatraitorousact.Todisposeofakinship objectiseffectively“betrayingthememoryofpastsensationsandexperiences”and“gettingrid ofthemfeltlikegettingridofthememorythatwasstucktoit,orgettingridofaperson” (Mcintyre2019).Additionallyestablishingtheenduranceofakinshipobjectinpossessionisthe logisticalconnotationsofinheritance.Theacquisitionofafashionitemthathasenduredseveral lifecyclesofownershipinevitablyindicatesalevelofdurability,asthephysicalconstructionof thegarment–fromthewayithasbeensewntothematerialfabricationofitstextiles–requires greaterstrengthinordertowithstandthepassageoftimeandownership.Inthisway,clothing procuredthroughthisespeciallypersonalprovenanceisexpectedtolast,notonlyinitsstructural soundnessbutalsoinitssentimentalconnectiontoitswearer

Truetotheirname,generationalgarmentseffectivelygenerateidentitythroughtheprocessof imitation,construction,andnegation.Manningtheorizesthatheritagefashionactivatesthe phenomenonof“sitingoneself”withina“cradleofinheritance,”inwhichtheclothingpieceis theverysiteofself-construction(2016).FashionwritersGiulianaMazzettaandHamutalHayun specificallyemphasizethecomfortingintimacyandaffectivepowerofheritageclothingreceived fromthemother,posingthisactofinheritancetofunctionasaritualizedfemininity.Maternal wardrobesaresuggestedtobe“archivesoftimeandpersonalhistories.”Centeringtheiressay aroundahandfulofparticularlypoignantgarmentsgiventothembytheirmothers,oracquiredin relationtotheiradmirationforfiguresofmotherhood,MazzetaandHyuncharacterizefashionas “feminineinheritance”anda“sharedritualbetweenmotheranddaughter”inwhichbothlineage andpracticesofbodilyassemblage/adornmentarecarriedthroughclothing.Mazzetaand Hayun’sanecdotestestifytothephysicalandemotionallongevityofheritagefashionthrough theirchroniclesoflacenightgownsneverwornbutkepttuckedawayasmemorabilia,ofold dressesrevisitedasawaytoremembertheirmother’s“mythologies.”

Alongwithaffirmingthehighsentimentandenduranceofaninheritedgarment,Mazzetaand Hayundefendtheroleoflineagewearinidentity-construction.Theyremarkuponthecommon childhoodexperienceofwatchingone’smothergetdressed,summoningthearchetypalimageof ayounggirlteeteringasshetriesonhermother’shighheelsandbeamingwithfascinationasshe rummagesthroughhermother’swardrobe.Observinginaweasthemotheradornsherself,the daughtermodelsherownstyleafterhermother’schoreographyofbeauty,body,andfemininity. Inthiswayfashionisritualizedasariteofpassageintowomanhood,andtheinheritedclothing ofthemothertransformsthematerialcommodityintothesymbolicendowmentofbody-legacy oraesthetic-legacy.ThatMazzettaandHayunclaimthismother-daughterconnectionthrough clothingtobe cross-cultural suggestsheritageandlineageweartoofferawidelyaccessibleroute

toadurablewardrobeandanauthenticallyenclothedidentity:“Despitegrowingupindifferent cultures,ourmothers’relationshiptogettingdressedandthewaytheyonboardedustoitshaped ouridentity,actingasanchorsforustogobacktoaswomen”(MazzetaandHayun2023).

WriterTomoeHillsimilarlyspeakstothebindingpowerofheritagedress,particularly demonstratingthehighaffectivecapacityofgenealogicalgarmentsthroughherrhetorical blurringofbody,object,andenvironment.Hillconflatestheactofwearingakimonotothe inhabitationofa“garment-house”andcomparestheembraceofthegarmentitselftothatofa motherandchild:

“HereinthisWesternbedroom,thetanzenishorizontalbutnotbroken,insteadadjusting itsmeaningtoadifferentworld,thewaythemothermustandthedaughterwill.Thisis anotherofthedaughter’searliestmemories:thecontrastoftheseruinsofpaper-thinsilk anddenseblackvelvetagainstherbabyskin,itswideweightedsleevesplayfullyfolded overherbody.Thoughnobodyeverfillsit,thechildregardsitstouchasifitwereits mother,andsothismassofmaterialsendures…Bothsheandhermotheraresilent,aware thatthisritualislove;bindingasbothintimacyandcreation”(Hill).

Hillaffirmstheroleofculturalfashioninbothaffirmingandnegatingidentitythroughher confrontationofthedissonancebetweenWesternandEasterndress.WhileherJapaneseroots castthekimonoasanemblemoffamiliarityandformulation,herdescriptionofthemind-body affectsinwearingthekimonoconverselygestureatrejection,rebellionandassimilation:

“Towearakimono,orevenalessformalyukata,meansthereistimespentinandwith thegarment.Thereisaparticularwaytositandawaytostand,everygestureconsidered butinnate.Noonehastoldherhowtobehavewhenshewearsone,butherbody understands.Thecombativefeelinginher—smallandangryandconfused—isbecause shedoesnotunderstandwhyherbodyunderstands.Sheknowsthissenseisrelegatedto theboundariesofthehome,andthattoviewitoutsideofthatspacebecomesnota bringingtogetherofgirlandculture,butadistancing.Shedoesnotknowhowto contextualizethisgarmentwithherworldoutsideofJapan,outsideofthehouse”(Hill).

Manningsimilarlyinterpretsthekimonoasanobjectofaffect,yetnotthroughitscultural connotationsbutthroughitsrevelationofthewearer’sownbody:arevelationconversely summonedbythebody’sownconcealment.Incontrasttotheclothingthatmoldsoralignswith theshapesofitswearer,thestructureofthekimonoisfixed.Therigidityoflineinitssilhouette –itsgenderlesscut– isnotmadetorevealthebodyitself,orcontourtothewearer’sfigure,but insteadevokeapre-existingshapethatinvitesa“processualunfoldingthatchangesineach singularinstanceofdressing”(Manning2016).Theformofthegarmentitselfisunalteredbythe shapeofthebodythatwearsit,leavingthe‘becoming’ofthekimonotoactonlythroughthe

alterationofthefigurewithin.Consideringthekimonotofunctionasanemblemof“spatial patterning,”Manningtheorizesthestablesilhouetteofthegarmenttocentertheaffective experiencenotaroundthetransformationofthegarmentitselfbutinsteadthatofthewearer (2016).Thekimono’spotentialtoconfrontawidevarietyofnewinnards–ornewbodies— allowsthegarmenttoconstructa“worlding”orienteduponitsun-insidesratherthanits predisposedsilhouette.Ifthekimonooperatesasanindependentvariable,thebodyinsideis dependentandchanging,allowingthekimonotofunctionasifafigureofmeasurementanda foundationallandingsiteforthebodytoreturnto,areliablegarmenthouseforthebody’s awarenessofitsownmetamorphosisincontrasttothekimono’sverystability.Inthisway,the affectivepowerofthekimonostemsbothfromtheheritageofthefamilyandthecontinual heritageoftheindividualrebirthingthemself.

ThroughHillandManning’stheorizingofthekimono,thekinshipobjectisseentoforcea reckoningofculture,heritage,andidentity.Whetherthisreckoningelicitspositiveornegative feelings,itisclearthatarticlesofheritagefashionholdintenseaffectivecapacitiestoconjure mind-bodyresponses.MazzettaandHayun’sarchiveofthematernalwardrobeadditionally supportsthesentimentalattachmentthatoftenfollowsthepieceofinheriteddress.Throughthese anecdotes–alongsideAhmed’stheoryofkinshipobjectsasritualizedpossessionandMcintyre’s casestudiesofaffectiveobjectattachment–themethodofcircularacquisitionthatentails familialinheritanceisseenasacauseofparticularlystrongaffectandsentiment.

XIII. BLEMISH&ABSENTBODIES

Finallyconstructingthepreviouslyowned,orcircularlyacquired,fashiongarmentasastimulant forintenseaffect,association,andattachmentisitsemphasizedmateriality.Incomparisontothe bought-newgarment,whichispureandunblemished,secondhandclothingbearsthepotentialfor blemish,damage,andphysicalmarkingsofuse.Attimes,thesignsofdisrepairintheacquisition ofasecondhandgarmentcansummonnegativeaffectsofdisgust,repulsion,orfearof contamination.Othertimes,materialblemishgesturesatnostalgia,mortality,transience,andthe body’sowncapacitytoexperiencepleasure.Throughitsembodimentofbothtemporalityand spatiality,thesecondhandfashionobjectexistsasatangiblereminderoftheownerorwearer’s ownhumanness.Inthisway,Isuggestthatthematerialityofthepreviously-owneditem generatesparticularlystrongassociationsandaffectivebody-mindresponses.

Throughmarksofuse,thepreviouslyownedgarmentexquisitelyembodiestheelementofaffect emphasizedbySpinozaandDeleuze:thenatureofaffecttotranspirebetweenentities(1992). Theaffectivetransferenceofemotionorexperiencenotonlyfrombodytoobject,butfrom body-to-bodyisconsummatedinthesecondhandgarment’spassageofownership.Physical tracesofourlivedexperiencesareimpressedintotheweaveofourgarments.Clothingcontains thephysiologicalevidencethatwehaverunanddanced,sneezedandstrained,stretchedand

trippedandateanddrankandloved.AcottonT-shirtbecomesthefeltimmediacyofouryears, yellowedwithoursweatorwrinkledwithage.Wornintothepiecesofourwardrobesarethe actionsthatdefineourday-to-daylives.Threadedintobluejeansisthesaltofourlaborandthe stainsofourlawns.Imprinteduponourleatherjacketsarethecurvesofourshouldersandthe sloshofourmorningcoffee.Onbehalfofthisfunctionofclothingtoabsorbtheevidenceofour existence,thepassageofaclothingitemfromoneownertoanotherconstitutesasimultaneous affectivetransferenceofsensoryexperience.

Thesecondhandgarmentisoftenriddledwithsensualtriggers.Stains,yellowing,discoloration, anddistresscarryvisualcuesofwearandpreviousownership.Odorsofmuskorsmokemarkthe usedgarmentasavictimofuseandtarnishment.Unraveling,wrinkling,thecrustyskinoffood spillsandthebrittletextureofsweatcanadditionallycontributetousedclothing’slived-in texture.Attimes,thesensorystimulationofthesecondhandfashionobjectcanelicitnegative affectsofrepulsion,abjection,anddisgust.Kim’stheoryofconsumercontaminationeffect framestheusedobjectasacarrierfordiseaseoratransmitterforcontagion,notingthat “the mostfrequentlychosendeterrentforbothsecondhandpurchasing(55.5%)andrenting(53.3%) [is]concernforhygieneorfreshness”(Kim2021).Similarly,sensoryhistorianWilliamMiller explainshowthematerialimprintofpasthumanactivitydetersusfromengagingwithan affectedobject:“wewillsitonapublictoiletseatwithlessupsetwhenitiscoldthanwhenwe discernthatitiswarmfromthewarmthofaprioruser”(Miller1998).Detectinguseinthe sensoryengagementwithsecondhandclothingherepresentsmaterialityasatriggerforvisceral bodilyreactions.Howeverstrongtheseaffectsofrejectionmaybe,positivebodily-emotional responsestolived-infashionobjectscanskewjustasstrong.

Infact,statisticsprovethattheblemishedgarmentiscommerciallydesirable.ResalesiteThe RealReal’shasreportedthattheconsumerdemandforitemsin“faircondition,”which encompassthosethatshow“significantsignsofwear,”doubledin2023(Chan2024).Charlotte Rogers,founderofresaleshopOldThingLondon,similarlytestifiestothe“drivingdemandfor itemsthataremorevisiblyused”(Chan2024).Theappealofthemateriallydistressedfashion objectholdsrootsinaffecttheory.Ahmedarguesthat“objectsacquirevaluethroughcontact withbodies” (2010).DrawingfromSpinoza’sconflationofgoodnessasimmortalityand consistency,Ahmedclaimsthattheencounterofanobjectwithabodilyhistoryservesasa reminderofourowncapacityforsurvival.Spinozawrites:“wecallathinggoodwhich contributestothepreservationofourbeing,andwecallathingevilifitisanobstacletothe preservationofourbeing”(1992).Inthecontextofthepreviouslyownedgarment,this ‘goodness’isconstructeduponthematerialmarkersontheitem,whichdenoteboththe mortality/transienceoftheabsentbodythatonceworeitandtheenduranceoftheclothingpiece itselfto‘preserve’theirmemory.Therecognitionofitspreviousownershipimprintsamourning uponthenewownerinthefaceoftheformerowner’sabsence,anostalgiathatbegsthegarment tostayintheirpossessionasagesturalperformanceofkeepingthemaliveorpresent.Manning

arguesthat“whatwillremainimmortalisnotthehumanbody,buttheproceduralforcethat bodies,thatarchitects,thatfashions,theproceduralforcethatsitesawarenessinthefieldof relation”(Manning2016).Inotherwords,thesecondhandobjectisthe‘proceduralforce’that ‘sitesawareness’ofthosewhohavecomebeforeus.Thisrecognitionofpastandpreservationof memoryiswhatconstructstheusedgarmentasaconduitforthehistoryoflifeitself:aconcrete conservationofgoodness.

ArchivistandmaterialobjectresearcherEllenSampsonsimilarlypositsthatthe“contactpoints” imprinteduponausedclothingitemelicitanaffectoflongingfortheabsentbodythatoncefilled itsform(Sampson2020).Notingthephysiologicalandpsychologicalimpactsof“wear,gesture, andtrace”thatcharacterizethe“afterlifeofclothing,”Sampsonemphasizesthat“imperfect garmentsmaketheabsentbodiesofthosewhoused,made,andrepairedthempresentforus” (2020).Nostalgiaforthesephantombodiesimbuesinitsnewwearerasenseofremembrance: thegarmentbecomesatalismanoftheirrelationshiptotheabsentbody.Whethertheheirofthe garmenthaspersonallyinteractedwiththegarment’soriginalowner,ishistoricallyfamiliarwith thegarment’soriginalowner,orhasonlytheabilitytoimaginewhatsortoflifeusedtoinhabit thegarment’sgap,thenostalgicaffectofthereincarnatedclothingitemestablishesitsvalueas oneofprofoundsentiment.Thoughherworkanalyzesarchivalfashionanditsaccession,storage, conservation,anddisplay,theaffectofusedescribedbySampsonsimilarlyinformstheaffectof usedgarmentsacquiredthroughcircularconsumptionmodes.

EchoingthemysteryofSampson’spreviouslymentioned unknowing,whichoccursinthe confrontationwithanobjectofanonymousorprojectedprovenance,ClaireWilcoxproposesthe pleasureofsolvingthe‘forensicstain.’AsseniorfashioncuratorattheVictoriaandAlbert Museum,WilcoxnarratestheprocessofarchivingablemishedBalenciagadresswornby MadameWeisweillerinJeanCocteau’s1960sfilm The Testament of Orpheus.Obsessedwith piecingtogetherthe“mysteryofthestain,”Wilcoxwrites:“IfIwereaforensicscientistIcould markexactlywherethecoffeecup(Ijumptoconclusions)waspoised,exactlythetiltatwhich, oncejogged,Mme’shandlostcontrol”(Wilcox).Thefascinationconjuredbythepresenceof materialimprintsofuseandwearinthiswayframethesecondhandfashionobjectasasitefor reconstructinghistoryandcontemplatingpastlives.Inthiswaythematerialityoftheused fashionobjectprovokesreflectiveemotionalresponsesinthosewhoengagewithit.

Inafinalodetothesentimentofstain,AnneSexton’sconfessionalpoemtitled“Clothes” contemplateswhatofherwardrobeshewouldliketobeburiedonceshedies(1974). Consideringtheoptionsofherweddinghat,hermaternityskirt,ortheunderwearofher childhood,Sextonmemorializesherlifetimethroughtheclothingpiecesemblematicofthesocial rolesthatshehasfilledofwife,mother,andchild.Sexton’spiecenotonlyacknowledgesthe definitiveweightthatthegarmentholdsinarticulatingone'splaceintheworld,butadditionally assertstheparticularnostalgiaembeddedinusedclothing.Mappingherexistencethroughthe

itemsthathaveaccompaniedherthroughbirthandmarriage,innocenceandloss,Sextonappeals totheaffectivepotencyofthelived-ingarment.Severallinesofherpiececharacterizethe blemishintheclothingpiecesthatsheconsidersforherburial,particularlyestablishingthe increasedsentimentofworn-infashion.Theitemsdescribedaresignificanttohernotbecauseof theircommercialvalue,butbecauseofthestoriesthatforgedtheirstainsandspotting.Thatthis nostalgicaffectispowerfulenoughforSextontodeemthesegarmentsworthyofimmortality, literally takingthemtothegrave,isatestament tousedclothing’ssenseofendurance,its evidentiaryclaimtoidentity,anditsaffectiveintensity.

Sexton’spieceparticularlydemonstratesthephysicalityofaffectasafusebetweenbody,object, andspace.Sheportraysherpaintingshirttobe“spottedwitheveryyellowkitchenI’vepainted” inthesamewaythatsheframesherkitchento“holdthefamilylaughterandthesoup”(1974). Thegarmentandtheroomarebothsourcesofinhabitation.Eachasetting,housingbodiesand sensoryexperiences.Thekitchensoaksupthesudsofitsownimmersion,takingonthevery qualitiesofitsencasedobjects.Itssolidcountertopsbecomeindistinguishablefromthesavory lingerofthesoupandthericochetingechoesofthelaughter.Inthesamevein,Manningcontests thenotionthat“architectureexistsonlyfortheonewhobeholdsorinhabitsit,”andinstead indicatesablurofenvironmentandinhabitantinwhich“thebody-in-actionandthearchitectural surroundshouldnotbedefinedapartfromeachother”(2016).Thereisatangibleandsymbolic transferencebetweenthebodiesinsideoftheroomandthestructureoftheroomitself.

Collapsingintotheveryatmospherethatithouses,Sexton’skitchenfunctionsasavesselof affect.

Sexton’sdepictionofhert-shirtmerelynarrowstheaffectivecapacityandbreadthofthekitchen. Reducingfurnishingstolimbs,taperingwallsintoasolitaryfigure,softeningmetalandstoneto cottonandlinen,thekitchenandthegarmentareseentoholdthesameaffectivepotential.Justas thekitchencontainsitsmealsandnoises,theshirthousesthephantomgesturesofSexton’s postureswhilepainting.Itbearstheblotchesofherbrushworkandimprintsherkinesthetic rhythmsintoitsform.Therearelayersofaffectivetranslationhere:themeldofshirtintobody, bodyintochair,chairintofloorintothekitchenitself.Whatisheldinthemareonewiththem.In contrasttothenormativehabitto“abstractthesittingbodyfromthedesk,thewalkingbodyfrom thestreet,thesleepingbodyfromthebed,”Manningsuggeststhatreorientingperceptiontomore cohesivelymeldbodyandsurroundingswillconstructafluidandmeaningfulrelationbetween subjectsandobjects(2016).Sexton’spoemasksustodowhatManningexplicitlydemands:

“Nowlookagainandseenottheclothingthat masks amovingbody,butashapeinthe makingthatincludesmovement,thatincludestextile,thatincludesbody,thethree togetheranecologythatisanemergentbodying”(Manning2016).

ThroughSexton’spoignantdepictionofherclothingandthespacesthatshehaslivedinthem, theaffectivepotentialofsensorymarkingsaremadevisceralandimmediate.

Thereforethematerialblemishofthepreviouslyownedgarmentconstructstheitemasasensory retellingofitspastlife.Marksofusecanindicatepreservationofhumanlifeortheprevious owner’spursuitofpleasure.Theycansummonnostalgiaforabsentbodies,beghistorical contemplation,orprovokerepulsionasasymbolofcontamination.Yetthemarkedsecondhand garmentexistsultimatelyasthevelcroofvitality.Clungtothesecondhandgarment,inthe materialsouvenirsofitsuse,areitsowner’sveryaffections:inthiswaytheconsumerofcircular fashionholdsahigherlikelihoodforobjectattachment.

CLOTHES AnneSexton,1974

Putonacleanshirt

beforeyoudie,someRussiansaid. Nothingwithdrool,please, noeggspots,noblood, nosweat,nosperm.

Youwantmeclean,God, soI’lltrytocomply

ThehatIwasmarriedin, willitdo?

White,broad,fakeflowersinatinyarray. It’sold-fashioned,asstylishasabedbug, butitsuitstodieinsomethingnostalgic.

AndI’lltake thematernityskirtofmyninthmonth, awindowforthelove-belly thatleteachbabypopoutlikeandapple, thewaterbreakingintherestaurant, makinganoisyhouseI’dliketodiein.

AndI’lltake mypaintingshirt washedoverandoverofcourse spottedwitheveryyellowkitchenI’ve painted.

God,youdon’tmindifIbringallmy kitchens?

Theyholdthefamilylaughterandthesoup.

Forabra (needwementionit?), thepaddedblackonethatmylover demeaned whenItookitoff. Hesaid,‘Where’ditallgo?‘

ForunderpantsI’llpickwhitecotton, thebriefsofmychildhood, foritwasmymother’sdictum thatnicegirlsworeonlywhitecotton. Ifmymotherhadlivedtoseeit shewouldhaveputaWANTEDsignupin thepostoffice fortheblack,thered,theblueI’veworn. Still,itwouldbeperfectlyfinewithme todielikeanicegirl smellingofCloroxandDuz. Beingsixteen-in-the-pants Iwoulddiefullofquestions.

XIV. METHOD

Movingfromtheorytopractice,Iattempttoqualifyandmeasuretherelationsbetween acquisitionandaffectthroughanauto-ethnographicstudyofmyownwardrobe.Becausethe relationshipbetweenagarmentanditswearerisheavilydependentuponindividualizedcontext andlivedexperience–“thefeelingofbeingdressedisquintessentiallysituational(unpredictable, surprising,queer)”(Ruggerone2017)–affecttheoryasappliedtofashionisincongruouswith definitivegeneralizationsorabsoluteconclusions.Whiletheacquisitionofaclothingitemmight renderoneconsumereuphoricandsecure,thesameactmightconjureanoppositeaffective reactionofdejectionandinsecurityinanother.Inthiswayitisdifficult,ifnotimpossible,to stakeanabsoluteclaimontheconnectionbetweenaffectandacquisitioninregardstoapparel. However,myconductedanalysisofaffectandacquisitioniscentereduponmypersonal interaction,engagement,andembodimentofapparel.Throughanarrowedcasestudy,Iintendto generateobservationsandstimulatefurtherinvestigationregardingthelinkbetweenafashion object’soriginandtheowner’sresultinglevelofattachment/detachment.

AdoptingMark’saffectiveanalysismodel(2018)asappliedbyTienhovenandSmelik(2021)to theexaminationofthefashionobject,Icatalogtheaffectiveexperiencegarneredbyfifteenitems frommyownwardrobe.Mark’saffectivemethodology,constructeduponDeleuzeandGuatarri’s aestheticanalysis(1994)andoriginallydevelopedtoassessworksofcinema,constitutesa three-stepprocessofAffect,Precept,andConcept.TienhovenandSmelik’sadoptionofthis affectiveanalysismethodologyfocusedontwogarments–one,ahautecouturedressbydesigner JanTaminiauandtheotherat-shirtfromfastfashionretailerPrimark– withthegoal“toregister, traceanddescribeprocessesandrelationsinvokedbyaffect”(Tienhoven2021).

Inthefirststageofanalysis,theresearcherdocumentstheinvoluntarybodilyresponsesaroused bytheirinteractionwiththeartwork:“autonomicnervoussystemresponseslikesweating, goosebumps”or“smiling,frowning,cringing,embarrassment”(Tienhoven2021).Theintention ofthisstepistoreducetheconsciousorrepresentationalengagementwiththeobjectandinstead engagewithitsnon-linguisticaffect.SecondinMark’sprocessisthePreceptstage,which TienhovenandSmelikdescribeastheobservationofthesensorystimuliperceivedbythe researcher.To“postpone”assumptions,theresearcheradherestoapurelymaterial comprehensionofthetargetedaffectiveobjectthroughvisual,tactile,olfactoryorevenauditory recognition(Tienhoven2021).InthefinalConceptstage,theresearchersynthesizestheir analysisoftheobjectintoan“elaborationontheideasgeneratedbytheaffectandpreceptphase” (Tienhoven2021).TienhovenandSmelik’sapplicationofthismethodderivedthe“concept”of theirstudyfromadeconstructionofthegarment’sformalelementsandarelationofthese aestheticfactorstotheirrespectiveaffectiveresponsesofpleasure,discomfort,awe,andfear.

MycatalogreplicatestheaffectiveanalysismethodofMark,TienhovenandSmelik,withthe inclusionofoneadditionalfactortoarriveattheultimateconceptstage:thatofacquisition.In ordertoevaluatethedegreeinwhichmethodofacquisitionalterstheconsumer’saffective relationshipwiththefashionitem,InotethemeansbywhichIobtainedtheobjectbefore conductingtheprocessofAffect,Precept,andConcept.DrawinguponMacintyre’s(2019) affectivesurveyofwardrobestudies–inwhich34participantskeptathree-monthdiary inventoryingtheirclosets,transcribingnewpurchases,notingthemotivationsprecedingthe purchaseandtheresultingsfeelingsstirredinthem–Irelatethesourcingofthefashionitemto myemotionalexperienceowning,storing,andwearingit.

IfurtherextendTienhovenandSmelik’saffectiveanalysisoffashionfromadistaltoaproximal engagementwiththestudiedobject.Whilethetworesearchersconducttheirstudythroughthe actoftouchingandlookingattheanalyzedgarment,effectivelybringing“thebodilyand emotionalreactionsoftheresearcherintotheresearch,”(Tienhoven2021)Iintensifythesensory engagementwiththefashionitemthroughtheactofactuallywearingit.Inthiswaythephysical elementofaffectisexaggeratedthroughmaterialembodiment.Bringingtheobjectofresearchat onewiththematerialityoftheresearcher,myadaptedmethodenablesanincreasedprobability forbodilyaffecttooccurinmyapparelanalysis.

FashionwritersMazzettaandHuyun’snarrativecatalogofclothingitemsandaccessoriesthat theyinheritedfromtheirmothersalsoinformsthecriticalemphasisthatIplaceuponprovenance andpedigreeinanalyzingmyaffectiveresponsetothewearableobject.Ahmed’spreviously mentionedtheoryof“stickyaffect,”inwhichanobjectactsasavesselthatretainsthe experiencesofitsowner,suggeststheinheritedorsecondhandgarmentinparticulartooperateas a“happyobject”reminiscentofthepersonwhoworeitpreviously(2010).InthiswayI foregroundpreviousownershipofthefashionitemasaprimaryfactorintheinducingaffect.

Asaworkerinthefashionindustry,IrecognizethebiasthatIbringtobothmyanalysisofaffect andthemethodsthroughwhichIhaveacquiredtheapparelinmywardrobe.Duetoseveralyears ofexperienceworkingintheresaleindustry,significantinterestinfashionhistory,andadvocacy forconsciousconsumerism,mywardrobeisprimarilycomposedofitemsthathavebeen purchasedsecondhand;vintagegarments;clothingpiecesgiftedtome;andfashionobjects acquiredthroughtransactionlessswap-meets.Asaresultofthesebiases,itispossiblethatthe affectiveanalysisofmyclothingmaygarnerhigherlevelsofemotionalresponse,ormore intenseaffects,thanasimilarpracticewouldmeritinafashionindifferentconsumer,ora consumerwhoexclusivelypurchasestheirclothing‘bought-new.’

Mybackgroundinfashionwritingalsoconditionsmetoconsiderclothingasubjectof representationalandlinguisticanalysis,oramirrorofsocialpoliticsandculture.Theconversely non-representationalqualityofaffectivestudyreflectsmyintenttoseparatemyselffromthe

rationalizationandintellectualizationofclothing,andinsteadengagemoredeeplywitha non-rational,sensoryapproachtofashionthroughthisexercise.ToattempttomediatethebiasI holdtowardsmethodsofcircularacquisitionandtomoreextensivelymeasuretheaffectsushered by differing modesofobtainingproduct,Ihaveselectedasamplingoffashiongarmentsand accessoriesthatrepresentarangeofbought-new,inherited,andsecondhandmodelsof consumption.

Thisaffectiveanalysisofmyownwardrobeultimatelymeasuresthemind-bodyfeelingselicited bytheencounterwithmyclothingpiecesinconnectiontotheiroriginsandhistories.After selectingarangeofgarmentsandaccessoriestocatalog,notingthemeansbywhichIobtained them,andconductingMark’sAffect-Precept-Conceptprocess,Iidentifythetrendsofaffective experienceinrelationtotheirmodeofacquisition.

XV. AUTOETHNOGRAPHICAFFECTIVEANALYSIS

1.TOP Acquisition

CIRCULAR.SECONDHAND.IN-PERSON.

IpurchasedthisgarmentsecondhandfromWhatGoesAroundComesAroundinNewYorkCity. ItisfromIsseyMiyake’sF/W2010Ready-to-Wearcollectionandthemostexpensiveiteminmy wardrobe.IsseyMiyakediedwithintheyear.BecauseofthisclothingpieceIhaverenter’s insurance.

Affect

Takingthisgarmentoffthehanger,Ifeelanimmediatetugoffascination.Awe.Wonder.The urgetoplay,torunthelongsilkenextensionsthroughmyfingersandtwirlthemaroundmy wrists.Ifeelaclosenesswiththegarment.PuttingitonInoticeahitchinmybreathinganda flutteringsensationinmychestattheexcitementIfeeltobeabletowearit.Freedom.Impulse. Lackofregulatedmovement.WearingthepieceIamovercomebytheurgetosway,tolean,to moveanddance.Windmillingmyarms,Iwrapthetiesaroundmyneck,flingthemintotheair Init,Ibecomelimitless.

Precept

Firstrecognizedinthetactilesensationofthegarmentonmybodyiscomfort.Thecottonofthe t-shirtbaseisblackandsoftandstretchy.Itrestsagainstmyskinwithasenseofnonchalance, neitherclingingnordraped.Itisclosetomelikealightbreathoracoolcoating.Ifeelthe extensionsofmyarmsinthedraperyofthetiespoolingforthatmyclavicle,aroundmy forearms.Althoughtheyarelongandcumbersome,theyglidesmoothlyandairlyasiffloating. Theydonotfeel‘intheway.’Iregisterthecontrastoftheties,redandcoolgray,withthe blanknessofthegarment’sbody.Thetiesarejustbarelyopaque,andtheyfeellikewater swirlingwithmylimbs.Iamswimminginthegarment.InitIcannotstandstill.

Concept

IMPULSE.Iconflatetheirrationalimpulseofpurchasingthisgarment(afactorofits acquisition)withtheunmediatedimpulseofmovementthatIfeelinwearingit(afactorofits affect).AlthoughIdonotfeelanyregretinbuyingthispiece,Iknowthatitreflectedan impulsivityofconsumptionthatwasatitscorenon-rational.Ididnothavethemoneytobe spendingasmuchasIdidonitspurchase.ImerelyfeltsoattractedtoitthatIgaveintothe affectofpleasureittriggeredinmeuponseeingitinthestore.Mydisappointment,anger,even, thatIspentsomuchofmyhard-earnedwageonthisgarmentonlyfurthersthefeelingthatby wearingit,Iamimmunetoauthority.Whenwearingit,Ifeelasimilarlackofbodilyregulation andasenseoflimitlessness,asifthereisnoendtomymovementsandnoconstrictionstothe contortionsImaymakewithinitsarms.Theelementofconvertibilityinthegarment–theway thatthetiescanbearrangedfrontwardsorswoopedtowardstheback,tiedupasifactual necktiesorknottedaroundthemselves–alsocontributestotheconceptofimpulsethatIhave derivedfromthisanalysis.EachtimeIputthisgarmenton,Itapintoaprimalorextra-coginitive

sortofurgethatinstructsmeinhowIwanttowearitandmoveinsideofit.Theeeriesimilarity ofthesilkenextensionstoarmsadditionallyrepresentsanimpulsetomergebodywithgarment, orthedesiretomimicandreplicatethebeautyofthehumanforminthematerialfashionobject. Thereisfreedomtohavingsomanyarms,toduplicatingtheextremitiesinthisway.Thedeep pleasurethatIfeelwearingthisgarmentstemsfrombothmysourcingofthepieceandthe materialsensationofwearingit.Whilethephysicalelementsofthegarmentareinherently pleasingtome,Iamequallyadmiringofitsrarityanduniqueness.ThatIsourcedthisgarment one-of-a-kind,thatithadalifebeforemewalkingontheIsseyMiyakerunway,instillsitwitha senseofwonderandsacrednessthatincreasesitsaffectofmovement,impulse,and transformation.

2.JEANS

Acquisition

CIRCULAR.VINTAGE.IN-PERSON.

IacquiredtheseLevi’sfromChelseaMarketinNewYorkCitywhenIwas14yearsold.Atthe time,thiswasthemostmoneyIhadeverspentondenim.Ihavenowhadthemforoversix years.Theyweresoldtomeas‘vintage’astheyareastyleof501’sfromthe1990s.

Affect

Familiarity.Comfort.Discomfort.Grounding.Smalltuginmygutofapprehension.Tensefear thattheywillnotfitproperly.Urgetoputmyhandsinthepockets,frontandback.Relief.Limbs settling.

Precept

Lightwashfadedblue.Softcotton.Forgiving.Sturdy.Pliable.Inoticetwosmallbloodspotsat theinsideseamofthecrotch.ThewayImustgivethemanextratugtopullthemupovermy hips.Theycomply.Ienjoythenoiseofthezip-itgoeswithease.Bigsplotchytanstainonthe innerthigh,coffeeprobably.Discolorationontheshinsandtheseat,probablyfromkneelingand putteringaboutingrass.Theyclingtomyinnerthighsandcutstraightagainstmyankles.Pucker attheknees.Itakeatwistedsmallpleasureinthehalfinchofroomatthewaist.Wearingthem andconsideringmyreflection,Iamdrawntothehardlinesoftheseams,theextrafadinglining themwhiteattheedges.Ifeelthedepthofthepocketsandwatchhowfarmyhandisableto disappearuntilonlymywristisvisible.

Concept

MEASUREMENT.Myfirstinstincttoputmyhandsintothepocketsofthegarmentreflectsthe timethatIhaveownedthem,thenaggingthoughtthatIhaveleftsomethingforgotten:anote,a coin,aticketstub,asparedollar.Thestainingonthedenimdoesnotbringmeanykindof displeasure-itonlymarkstheirdebris,thefeelingthattheyareloved.Ihaveneverattemptedto washawaytheblemishes.TheunderlyingtugsoffearthatIfeltuponputtingthemonIattribute tomyawarenessoftimeandtransformation,theapprehensionthatadaywillcomewhentheydo notfitme.IthinkofthetimesthatIworethemandtheyfeltalittletootight,theyearortwo whentheyweretooroomyandsatloweronmyhips.ThehighwaistfitofthepantIassociate withsafety.ThatIamtuckedin.Thereisnothingofmespillingoutorover,whichbrings pleasure.WearingthemdoesnotsummonmemoriesofthetimeIhavespentinthemasmuchas itsummonsthefeelingofputtingthemon.Asifputtingthemontomybodyisaformof measurement,achecktoseehowIhavechangedorbulgedornarrowed.Thisisunhealthy,I suppose,butratherthanrationalizingthisanxietyIseesomethingnostalgicinit;theversionof myselfatsixteen,eighteen,twenty,stillputtingonthesejeansandhopingthattheywillstilldo toserveme.Idonotknowwhoownedthejeansbeforeme.Idonotwonderaboutthemsomuch asIwonderaboutthegirlwhoIwasthelasttimethatIworethem.Ibringthemoutonlyevery onceinawhilewhenIneedsomethingabsolutelyreliable,classic,simple.Theyappeartomeas ifthemarkspennedontothewallofachildhoodhometomeasuregrowth.I'mnotakidbutIam stillseekingawaytomeasuremyself.Mymindgoestotheclassroom,tohighschool,tothe

feelingofsittingatadeskandbeingtoldwhatisexpectedofme.InthejeansIknowwhatto expect:thefeelingofthefabricpressingintomystomachwhenIsitdown,keepingmein.I arriveattheconceptofmeasurement.Modeofacquisitioninfluencesthisconceptnotbecauseof whereIboughtthem,buttheconditionsinwhichtheyenteredmylife.Atanagewhereevery growthrequiredmeasurement.TheattachmentthatIfeeltothemisanattachmenttothe validationthatIcanfindinthemwhenIputthemonandtheystillfit.Agruesome,guilty attachmentthatismoreambivalentthanthecut-and-drypleasureofagarmentthatIlovethefeel ofwearing.JeansIregardwithobligatoryrespect,abitofrepulsion.Theyaregratification, assessment,measurement.

3.SUNDRESS

Acquisition

CIRCULAR.VINTAGE.IN-PERSON.

IpurchasedthisgarmentwhenIworkedatBuffaloExchangeinPhoenix,AZ.Theactitself,of buyingitorfindingit,didnotleavemuchimpactonme.Idonotremembermuchotherthanthat Isawitinthesectionofthestoremarked‘vintage’andithasbeenmineforabouttwoyears.

Affect

Nostalgia.Longing.Tugingut,lumpinthroat.Youthfulness.Playfulness.Joy,joy,joy.

Precept

Thecottonhasasoft,loved,worninfeeltoit.Itisnotcoarsebutsturdy.Theflowersonthe bodicearehand-stitchedinsapphireandaquaandsunnyyellow.Someofthestringshave unspooledfromtheirmooringsandcurloutasif3Dpetalsgrowingoutofthedress.Fromthe busttothejutofmyhipbones,itissmockedinthiswonderfulclosenessthatmakesmefeel huggedin.Thereisabitofdiscolorationatthearmpitsandsomeoddstainsattheback.Myown backisbareandIcanfeeltheaironmyskinandthehaltertiesticklingmyspine.Thehemcuts offmid-shininalineofquaintcrochet.Iammadealiveinthecolorofthered.Ifeellongand lankyandlikeIshouldalwaysbebarefooted.MybreastsaresupportedandIcouldbeamother orachild.Ifeelpleasantlywithinmybody,awareofalloftheshapesIcanmakewithit.

Concept

NOSTALGIA.Thedresssummonsimagesofsunshinespillingonskin.Iamremindedoflate afternoonsinthespringtimeandgrassstainsandfreckledcheeks.Thereisjoyeffusingfromthe fabric,mimickedinthebouquetsofflowerssewnintoitsbust.Itissoulfulandchildlike.Iam pronetocallingitmy‘happydress.’InitIsmelllemonsandseasaltandcitrusperfume.The memorieswornintothegarmentcoatoverthememoryofitsacquisition.Itisahappyobjectby association.IwearitondaysthatImisssimplicityandginghamandItaliancoasts.Wearingit bringsmeapleasurablelongingforloversthatInolongerloveanddaysthatarenolongerso free.Iseemuddiedfeetinthesmallwrinklesofitssilhouette.Itremindsmeofsturdydenimand thesoundofcicadas.Itisanobjectofserenityandsweetmourning.Itconjurestwospecific memories:thefirst,adayinthepark,fullofpleasureandstrawberries.MyhairisupandIam notwearingmakeupandmycurlsfalloutoftheirclipwithoutcare.Ifeelunencumbered.The secondisadayinLiguriainasmallfieldoflemontrees.MyfeetareflatonthegroundandI walktoastonepebbledbeach.Itiscold.Iwalkandthewindblowsmeandthedressintothe water.Ihaveneverwashedthedress,andIliketothinkthatsomeofthesmokeandthesea remaininit.Itisasouvenirofnostalgia.

4.BLAZER

Acquisition

CIRCULAR.GIFTED.

Thisgarmentwasgiftedtomebymyformerboss,DorisRaymond,ascompensationformytime asherapprenticeinLosAngeles.Itisanarchivalpiecefromhercollectionofhistoricalclothing, designedbyThierryMuglercirca1980.

Affect

Unease.Hesitation.Distance.Caution.Rigidity.Stillness.Posture.Relief.Pride.Power. Uponremovingthisgarmentfromitshanger,Inoticeasenseofstillnessandhesitation.A slownesstomymovements,shortenedinhalationsofbreath.Ihandlethegarmentgingerlyand withatendernessoftouch.Thereishesitationtoputitaroundme,asifitismeanttolivesafely onitshanger.Acompletehaltofbreathing:slidingmyarmsintothesleeves,snappingthe buttonsclosed.Somethingstirringinmystomachasmybodyandthegarmentsettleintoplace. AnarrowingofmychinasIconsidermyreflectioninthemirror.Thestraighteningofmy shoulders.Thestrictposturingofmyspine.Pridetighteningmyabdomenandpullinginmy navel.Exhale.

Precept

Inotetheeasewithwhichmyarmsglideintothesleeves,thedelicacyofthesilkmaroonlining. Acautioustexture.Iadmirethebroadpaddingatmyshoulders,thenipittakesatmywaist,the uncompromisingcutofthehipthatextendsoutward.Iseetheseveritywithwhichitsegments mybodyintoparts,accentuatingthefemalenessofmyform.Ifeelthestiffnessofmybodyand thetightnessaroundtheslopeofmytorso.Itisacomfortingsortoftightness,thekindthatis suctioningmeinandexpandingmeout.Itdrawsmygazetothelinesofthepattern:they accentuatethecurveofmybustandtheinflectionbeginningatmybellybutton.Icaressthe crushedblackvelvetlapelsandstrokethedelicatesilkchiffonofthetartanonitsbody,onmy body.Itouchthegarmentthemostatitspeplums.Theyarejustassilkenastherestbuttheyare notsopliable,morerigidintheircutandunrelentingintheirstructure.Theonlybitwithouta satininterior.Unlined.

Concept

DEFINITION.Ideduceconcept–definition–inthisgarmentbothfromitsaestheticelements anditsontologicalassociations.Iseeitsphysicalandrepresentationalqualitiesasmirrorsofmy ownselfimagethatfunctiontoarticulatemysenseofidentity.Irelatethecautionofmy movementsandmyhesitationtoputonthegarmenttomyreverenceforitshistory.Myfearof wearingitstemsbothfromtheunforgivingfabricfromwhichitisconstructedandthe underlyingdoubtthatIdeservetoownsomethingsovaluable.Itisprobablyworthmorethanthe lifeIhavesofargivenit;itisofmuseumquality.ThestillnesswithwhichIputitonandthe slow,deliberatemovementsImustmakewhilewearingitreflecttherespectIholdforthe garment’svalue.ThisadmirationfeelsaninextricablepartofwhoIam.Iworkedfortwomonths withDorisRaymondtodocumentthecontentsofherarchiveanddocumentthevalueofeach garmentforsaleatauction.Inreturn,Iearnedthispiece,onethatIwroteaboutthenandwrite

aboutagainnow.Iamdefinedbymyownershipofthisgarment,asitisatestamenttomyability intheindustryandasymbolofmypassionactualizingitself.Theaffectsofprideandpowerthat fillmewhenwearingthegarmentreflectthegut-feelingthatIamfitted,well-equipped,capable ofcreatingthelifeIenvision.Embodyingmyidealizedself,Iactualizemyperceptionofboth bodyandpersonhood.ThepleasureIfeelinexperiencingthegarmentstemsfromitsfeelingof familiarity.Perfectlytailoredtomyfigure,thepieceisatwinnedcompositionofmyownbody. Amimicryofmyownform.InitIamdefined.Itsvisualcontrastsofgenderfurtherstrengthen thedegreeofassociationandclosenessIfeeltothegarment.Therigidstructurejuxtaposeswith thefragilityofthefabric,gesturingatthecontrastofmasculineandfeminineaesthetics.Bold andunforgivingyetdelicateandgraceful.Iresonatewiththebalancethatthesetwo embodimentsstrikeinthegarment,asIseethemmirroredinmyself.Iamtheromanceofthe maroonandtheangerinittoo.Iammademoredigestiblebytheyellowveinsofbrightnessthat outlinemybiceps,mysternum,mybreast.ThepleasurethatIfindinthesensualityofthe garment’ssilhouettefeelstorepresenttheagencyandvalueIassociatewithmyownsexuality Thepieceisanaffirmationandmanifestationofmyidentity.InitIseenotonlythedefinitionof myphysicalbodybutanechoofthewaythatIdefinemyself:awrestlingofmasculineand feminineelements,aconfrontationofrigidityandtenderness,aconflictingbrushbetweenhead andheart.

5.JACKET

Acquisition

CIRCULAR.GIFTED.

Thisgarmentwasgiventomebymycurrentpartner.Heboughtitoriginallyataresaleshopin Phoenixandhashaditforaboutseveralyears.Ithasbeeninmyownershipforaboutthree months.

Affect

Surprise.Comfort.Protection.Security.Smalltugatthegut.Somethingoflove,orbelonging,or pleasure.Remembrance.Theurgetofingerthetassels.Toswaywithmyarmsintheair,tosplay thetasselsoutlikewings.Toputmyhandsinthepockets.Totuckmyselfinsideofit.

Precept

Removingitfromtheclothingrack,Iamstruckbytheweightofthething.Itissoeagertofall offthehanger,tocomeloose.Asitdoes,itretainsitsshape,mimickingabodythoughitisnot filledbyone.Ismellthescentoftheleather,allskinandahintoftobacco.Itmakesasoundof heavinessasitssleevesandbodyrelaxintooneanother.Thetasselsmakeapleasingfluttering noiseandtheyfallagainstthesurface,leatheronleather.Theclinkofthezipper,thesnapofthe collarasIclickitintoplace.IvisuallytakeindetailsthatIhavenotnoticedbefore:thesmall lacingonthesides.Thefadingofthesuedefloralsisnotgraybutblue,andyellowingatthe edges.Theleatherissupple,wrinkling,malleable.Butteryandstillwithabitofshine.The materialisrigidandthickenoughthattheshoulderstayssquareevenwhenIshrugminedown. Thetasselsarewornattheiredges,theseamsthreatentofray.Inotethesturdinessofthething, thewaythereisnorevelationofmyownfigurewhenIaminsideit.Thebraidingcutsdiagonally fromthearmpittothenavelandthetasselssproutfromtheshoulderseams,theundersidesofthe arms.ThereisstainingatthebackthatrubsrightoffwhenIscrubitwiththepadofmypointer finger.Theinnerliningissilkyonmyskin.

Concept

PROTECTION.Iassociatetheheavinessofthegarmentwithsafety.Ithinkofthereasonwhy thegarmentwasgiventome,asanactofloveanddesireasbodilymimicry.Ihadgivenmy partnermyfather’slettermanjacketandhegavemehisleatherjacketinreturn.Ithinkaboutall ofthegrowinguphemusthavedoneinthisjacket.Ithinkabouttheotherwomenwhomayhave lovedhiminit.Iassociatetheleatherjacket’slargeroomysleeveswithhisarms,whichare equallysturdyandwarm.Wearingitishisembrace.Iassociatemyfeelingofpleasuretothe joyfulmimicryoftakingonhislikenessandabsorbingelementsofhisbeingintheactofloving him.Iwonderhowhestainedit,whathewasdoingthatfrayedthetasselsorleftsplotchesof lightnessonthedarkshelloftheblack.Iassimilatethecalfskinwithhumanskin,withthe embraceofmylover.Wearingit,IfeelpridethatIamabletolovesomeoneandbeloveable. ThereispleasureinthewaythatwearingitsummonsthedesireIfeelforhim,toenvelopehim, toconsumehim,tobeconsumedbyhim.Thereisanunderlyingcurrentofwonder,orfear,or doubt,thatlinesmywearingit,itstemporariness.Agnawingfeelingthatwhenwearenolonger togetherthathewillaskforitback.Thisfeelingcirclesbackonitselfandleavesmewithallthe

morepleasureinbeingabletowearitnow–eventhoughitistemporary,thereisafeelingof savoringitwhileIamableto.Itreasureitstemporality,itstransience.Thereiswonderatthe layerofskin,somanylayers.Ithinkoftheskinofthecow,howitdied,ifitwasworthkilling theanimalformeandmypartnerandwhoeversoldittoBuffaloExchangetobeableto appropriateitsskinasourown.Irespectthegarmentforthis.Thattherehasbeensomesacrifice inordertomakeit.Thesacrificeofflesh,this,offeringofsymbolicskintoone’slover.A donationofbodyinordertoclothemine.Guiltoozesfromthisrealization.Butitiswashedout bythelingeringofthegarment’sweightonmybodyandthejoyofthis.Myattachmenttothe garmentIattributealmostfullytoitsacquisition,asIseeitasabodilyextensionofmypartner,a syntheticorprostheticlikenessofhisbody.Iseeitaswhoheis.Iprotectthegarmentandfeel protectedbyit.

6.SKIRT

CIRCULAR.INHERITED.

Acquisition

Mymothergavemethisskirt.SheboughtitinItalywhenshestudiedthereasauniversity studentinthe1980s.Ihavehaditforseveralyears.

Affect

Myfirst,quiteunexplainableinstinctistosmellit.Itsmellsonlyofmyperfume.Iscrunchthe fabricandfeelitssoftness.

Precept

Firstcompellingmetothegarmentinremovingitfromitshangerareallofthemarksofwear.A blacktulletutuusedtoaccompanytheskirt.Theelasticwaistbandhascompletelydeteriorated andstretched.Irunmyfingerbetweenthewidepleats.Iseethatitislessofaplaidandmoreof ahoundstooth,really.Thetagsays“ConfezionediLusso,MadeinItaly.”Ihavethewaistband cinchedwithasafetypinandithasbeguntowearasmallholeintothefabric,whichissosoft thatitfeelslikeachild’sblanket.Thegarmentisstructurallysosoundbutforthatwaistband.Its hemispeelingcompletelyoffandsmallblackthreadstangleandjumpoutfromthefrayedends. Thehoundstoothprintissmallandorganizedintoevensquares.Steppingintothegarment,Ifeel excitement.Ithangssolowonmyhipsthatitwouldfallallofthewayoffifnotforthepin keepingitinplace.Mytattoopeeksoutfromthetopofthewaistband.Itispermanentandsois thelifeoftheskirt.Neitheraregoinganywhere.Inoticethefallofthepleats,whichbringme pleasureandnostalgiaandpride.Thewaythattheylaybegsformovement.

Concept

KNOWLEDGE.Wearingthegarmentsummonsmemoriesofreflection,ofthejoyinsharingthe experienceoflivingabroadwithmymother.WebothstudiedinFlorence.Ithinkofhercoming tovisitmeandshowingmetheplacesthatshewouldgo,thepiazzasandtrattoriasshewould inhabitwhenshewasmyage.Passingontomeherknowledge.Ithinkofcoming-of-ageand discoveringmyself.Iassociatethepleasureandthenostalgiaofthepleatswithmyown experienceinItaly,whereIlearnedtohandpleatagarment.Thepatternoftheskirtresembles thatofaschoolgirl,disciplinedlinesyettherestlessnessofmovement.Iassociatethelooseness ofthegarmentwithsomekindofopeningofthemind,thebroadeningofthewaistbandwiththe expansionofthebraincomingintoconsciousness.Theunravelingthreadsasthegarment unfurlingtomakeroomfornewlanguagesandcountriesandcobblestones.Theaffectof attachmenttothisgarmentstemsnotonlyfrommyacquisitionofthepiece,butalsofromthe acquisitionofmymother’s–howsheacquireditinaplacethatonedayherdaughterwouldalso cometoknow.How,atthattime,mymotherhadnotconceivedtheideaofhavingadaughteror onedaypassingontoherthisskirt.Wearingthegarment,Idiscovertheknowledgeofmyown.

7.CAMISOLE

Acquisition

CIRCULAR.INHERITED.

MymothergavemethislacecamisolewhenIwasateenager.Iremembershetoldmeitno longerfitheraroundtheshoulders.Thatmyfatherhadboughtitforherwhentheywere traveling.Italy,maybe.Ihavekeptiteversince.

Affect

Familiarity.Ease.Beauty.Delicacy.Sophistication.Takingthecamisoleoffofitshanger,Ido notfeelmuchinmybodybutIfeelalotswellinginmymind.Myfirstimpulseistoputmy handsinsideofit,toseewhereinthelaceIcanseethroughtomyskin.

Precept

Peelingthestrapsoffthehanger,Iscrunchthelacebetweenmyfingers.Inotice,asIalways have,howthematerialisnotitchy.Thissurprisesme.Itislaceallover.Creamy.Ithasnever showndiscolorationthroughtheyearsthatIhavehadit.Iwonderifitwasalwaysthissteady yellowish.Ifitbeganaswhite.Itisprobablythirtyyearsold.Inoticetheflatscallopsofthe hemsandthehorizontalpanelsthatgiveitshapeinthebodice.Unlined.Stretchy.Thereareone ortwosmallsnagsnearthearmpits,attheshoulder.Onetearatthesideseam,bythewaist.I wonderifIputthemthereorifmymotherdid.Theactualpatterninthelaceisfloral,all teardroppetalsandleaveslikelilypads.Onmyfigure,itissnugandwell-fitted.Iampleasedby thewaythatitsuitsmybody,thewayitsupportsandtapersoffjustbelowmybellybutton.Iam mildlyinaweofthewaythatithasalwaysfitmesincemymothergaveittome.Ithasalways hadawayofdoingmybodyjustice.Inoticethewaythatthematerialissheereverywhere exceptforthebust,whichhasanopaquepaneltomaintainthewearer’sprivacy.Iamcold,and mynipplespeekthroughthesplitsinthelacework.ThetagsaysFORME.

Concept

BEAUTY.MymothergavemethisgarmentbeforeIknewhowtobecomebeautifulformyself. Wearingthisgarmentmademefeellikeawomanwhohadrealpajamasthatweren’tbigold t-shirtsbuttheprettydelicatethingsthatrealwomenworewhentheyweregrownanddesirable andknewwhotheywereandwhattheywanted.Thesimplicityofthegarmentandtheintricacy ofthelaceremindmeoftimelessthingsthatwillnevershowage.WearingitnowthatIam grownandknowwhoIamandwhatIwant,nowthatIhavelacyandsilkythingsofmyownto weartobedandfeelbeautiful,Ifeelagreatsurgeofgratitudeformymother.Sheisgoodat beingamom.Shehasraisedthreegirls.IamtheyoungestandIfeelhonoredthatitismethat shehaschosentogiveherprettythings.Ofallherdaughters,Iamthemostinlovewithbeauty.I thinkthatsheknowsthisandIfeelunderstoodbyherknowing,thatsherecognizesmeinthe thingsthatwereoncesobeautifultoher,too.Iattributethesensualityofthegarmentto sophistication.Iattributethelackofitchinthelacetoanindicationofcomfortabilityinoneself. Thereisbothinnocenceanddesireinthisgarment,somethingbeautifullycheekyaboutthe not-quite-whiteandsomethingsuggestiveofgirlhoodandfemininityallatonceinthe combinationofcoveredanduncoveredskin,thesheerandopaquepanels.Wearingitremindsme

ofsittingonthetileofherbathroomandwatchinghertakeoffhermakeupinthenighttime. Seeingherbodyandhearinghercomplainabouttheeffectthatthreepregnancieshashadonher skin,hersuppleness,thesizeofhernipples.Shewasneverafraidformetoseethemthough–the nearinvisiblecellulitemarksnearherlegsthatshewoulduseallsortsoflotionstoeradicate,or thegraysgrowinginatherrootsthatshewouldaskmetocoverupwithpowdersorsprays.I alwaysthoughtshewassobeautiful.Istilldo.IamtwentyoneandIstillliketoraidhercloset. Therearemanylacecamisolesintheworld;theaffectofthisonecomespurelyfromitsoriginal belongingtomymother

8.NECKLACE

Acquisition

CIRCULAR.INHERITED.

ThenecklacewasgiventomebymygrandmotherMary.Mymother’smother.Itwasoriginally mygreat-grandmotherBessie’s:mymother’smother’smother.ShepassedwhenIwasstillan infant.Ihavehadhernecklaceforseveralyears.

Affect

Holdingthejewelrypieceinmyhands,Idonotmove.Iallowittojustrestthere.Iconsiderit. Myheartbeatssteadyandslow.Iamcalm.Ihavenostrongurgesformovement.Imerelylook. Undoingtheclasp,strugglingtofititbehindmyownneckintoitsenclosure,Iamfloored suddenlywiththeimageofmygreat-grandfatherfittingthisveryhardwarepieceintoitsfixing manyyearsago.Iwonderwhohelpedmygreatgrandmotherputiton-ifshediditherself.Ifshe everworeit.Thereisaturninmystomachatthethoughtofthis.Itfeelswrongthatsheisnot heretoaskheraboutit,butthatIhavethisthingaroundmyneckthatwasoncearoundhers.

Precept

FirstIamstruckbytheweightofthething.Itisheavierthanitappearsandmakesthewonderful softclink-rattlenoisethatjewelrydoeswhenitfoldsinonitself.Itisnotcoldorwarmbut somethinginbetween.Theweightiscenteredonthethreebulbouspendantpieces,whichglintin burningpinkandcooltonedlilacclusters.Inoticethewaythatthechainsfeelstrangelysoft,like abutterysortofbronze.Thepressureofitinmypalmiscomforting.Aroundmyneck,thethree bulbedjewelssettleintothedivetofmythroat.Theynuzzlesensuallyintothehollowunderside ofmycollarbonesanddonotslidearoundwhenImove.Theyriseandfallwithmybreathing andthechainshugmyflesh.Again,thereissoothingpressureofthepiecewornonmybody.

Concept

COMFORT.Thepieceiswhollyathingofprideandpleasure.Iamproudtoknowawomanlike mygrandmother,tolearnfromherandhavehersharewithmethethingsthatshehasknownand seenandcollected.Eventhoughitbelongedtomygreat-grandmother,andthoughitwas presumablywornbyher,itremindsmeofmyrelationshipwithmygrandmotherandforthis reasontheobjectbringsmejoy.Itsummonsmemoriesofbeingatmygrandmother’skitchen table,allwoodencurvedcornersanddarkslattedshinywoodfloors.Whitewalls,openwindows. Coldcoffeeinmugs.Ithinkofmygrandmother’slibraryandallofthebooksthatshehasin thoseshelves,theonesthatseemedsotalltomewhenIwassmallandwouldsitintherefor hoursimagininghowlongitwouldtakemetoreadeverybookinthere.HowmuchIwould knowonceIhaddoneit.Ithinkofmymotherwhenshewassmallandwonderifsheeversatin hergrandmother’slibraryandlookedinaweatthefigureofher.Ifsheeversawmy great-grandmotherBessiewearingthisnecklaceandfeltsomuchadmirationandcomfortand lovethatitspilledoutofherchest.Ineverknewmygreat-grandmotherBessie.Iwastooyoung torememberher.Thereisapictureofmeasaninfant,restingonherlapandlaser-focusedonthe necklaceshewears.WhenIwearherjewelryIthinkaboutthatpicture.Iwonderwhatshewas

likeandwhatsortsofthingswewouldhavetalkedabout.InsteadItellheraboutmylifethrough sometraceofherthatlivesinthisamethystobjectthatsenseswhenmyvocalcordsbuzzandmy breathquickens.Shehearsallofmywords.Iamcomforted.Ideducetheconceptofcomfortin thispieceduetowhereithascomefrom:thecomfortinknowingwhohascomebeforeme.

9.PLAIDDRESS

Acquisition

LINEAR.BOUGHT-NEW,FASTFASHION.INPERSON.

IpurchasedthisdressbrandnewfromUrbanOutfittersfiveyearsago.Itwasontheclearance rackandtheonlyoneleftinthestore.Itisoneofthemostconsistentlywornpiecesinmy wardrobe.

Affect

Familiarity.Steadybreathing.Abitofnerves,queasiness.Atuginthegut,atighteningofthe stomach.

Precept

Takingthedressoffofitshanger,itfoldsinonitself.Thefabricfeelssyntheticbeneathmy fingers,likeithasthatcastofpolyesterandthesmoothplasticsortofhandtoit.Itwiddlewith thepuckersofblacklaceonthechest.Iammomentarilyhypnotizedbytheinterlockinglinesof blackandgreen.IdigestthatIamdrawntoplaids.Thatplaidsseemtolinemywardrobe.The tagsays“UrbanOutfitters.MadeinVietnam.”Thereisabitofdispleasureinthefeelingofthe material.Itisneithersilkyorsoft,juststillandsmooth.InoticethedartsinthebustthatIhave nevernoticedbefore.Itisunlined.Itakepleasureintheslitsupthesides,thepanelofblacklace hangingoffofthehem.Thissectioniswhatdrewmetoitinthefirstplace.Thereisa scratchinesstothelace,anitching.Puttingitonmybody,Ifeelputatease.Comfortable.Ifeel elongated.Ilovealongdress,thewayitstretchesmeout.Thewayitdoesnotnipinatmywaist hasalwaysbotheredme,itbothersmenow.Thecutoflaceovermydecolletagefeelsexposing inawaythatairsmeout.Myeyesgotothetrianglecutoutovermysternum,theslittedopening ofthesides,theimageofmykneesandthepartingofmyshins.Castoverintheshadowsofthe lace.IfeelIcanleanback.Ienjoythewaythatthegarmentframesmycollarboneandthereis pleasureinallofitexceptforthewishthatitdidnothangsogapingatmywaist.

Concept

AGENCY.TheconceptIassigntothisdressstemsfromitsroleinmylifeasatalismanof transition.Iassociatethegarmentwithnewmoments.Iwearitasa‘goodluck’dress. EmbodyingthepiecesummonsthetimesthatIhavewornit,allmomentsthatfeltgrandand important.MyfirstdatewiththeboyIreallylikedinhighschool,howwewentskateboarding andIskatedinthedressandapairofrealchunkyDocMartensloafers.ThewaythatIfelloffof theskateboardandscrapedmykneesandmyunderwearshowedinthedressasIhitthe pavement.ThathewasimpressedthatIskatedinthedress.Itwasmyfirsttimeskating.There wasaflutterinmychestandIfeltrebelliousandsexy.Ithinkofwearingitwhenlandingin Florence,withpantsunderneath.Wearingitonmyfirstdayatmynewjob.Theplaidwillnot expireintime.Thebacklacefeelssophisticatedandtheslitsofthegarmentareprovocativebut nottoomuch.Thereisalevelofauthorityandsteadinessintheplaid.Interestingly,thereareno signsofwearinthegarment.Itisimmunetothissortofthing.Itdoesnotappeartobeloved, thoughithasbeenwornthroughsomanyversionsofmyself,somanyinstancesoflove.Its

brandnewacquisitionallowsalloftheassociationsthathaveaccumulatedwithinthegarmentto ariseasfullyandentirelymyown.Thereisagencyhere.Takingcontrolofmyownlife. Decisiveplaid.Prettylace.Newthingsandold.

10.PANT Acquisition

LINEAR.BOUGHT-NEW,FASTFASHION.ONLINE.

IorderedthesepantsonlinefromUrbanOutfitters.AtthetimeIpurchasedthem,Ihadnot boughtanythingfast-fashioninoverayear.Ihavewornthemonlyonce.

Affect

Takingthepantsoffofthehanger,Irecoilabitfromthefeelingofthefabricinmyhand.Mylips turndown.Idonotfindthefeelingofthegarmentappealingorattractive.Thereisaqueasiness inmygutthatisunpleasant.AtugofguiltforbuyingsomethingsowastefulthatIhavegotten nouseof.Discomfort.IwanttotakethemoffassoonasIputthemon.

Precept

Ifinddispleasureintheplasticfeelingofthefakeleather.Iammomentarilypleasedbythecolor ofthegreen.Morefadedthananarmy,toodeepforolive,butnotforestgreeneither.Yeteven theappealfeelssynthetictome.Inoticethewaythattheseamsarecomingundonewithloose threads.Thetortoiseshellofthebutton,soincongruoustothesilverhardwareonthepockets. Thetagreads“UrbanOutfitters,MadeinChina.”Inotetheuneasysoftnesstotheinsideofthe pants,asifamocksuede.Therawhems,sounfinishedandcareless.Onmybodythefabricfeels clammy,likesoggycarpetorscaredskin.Itstickstomeinawaythatmakesmyfleshcrawl.Ido notliketheshineofthematerial,dullandsickly.Theygapatmywaistandpuckpoorlyatthe crotchandcometoohighupandthebulgeofthepocketsshowsthrough.Iamhappytotake themoff.

Concept

GUILT.Iassociatetheshadeofgreenwithsomethingrotten.Iwearthemandrememberthe feelingofwearingthemonatenhourinternationalflight,thewaythattheystucktomyskinand feltsoclaustrophobic.Sweaty.Close.Stuck.Thewaytheymademewanttoclawmywayoutof mybody.IamnotsomuchdetachedtothemasIamputoffbythem.ThedispleasureIfeel whilewearingthemisnotdirectlyfromtheirmethodofacquisition,butratheranill-fitting symptomoftheiracquisition.Iwasnotin-personwhenIdecidedtopurchasethem,andwas thereforedisconnectedfromthematerialexperienceoffeelingthem,oftouchingthemand realizingthattheyfeelwronginallsortsofways.Thebodilyrejectiontotheobjectconstructs themasanobjectofguilt.

11.BRA

LINEAR.BOUGHTNEW.FAST-FASHION,INPERSON.

Acquisition

MygrandmotherhelpedmepickoutthisbrawhenIwas13.Wepurchaseditin-personfroman intimatesstorecalledSoma.

Affect

Pleasure.Dread.Tucking,pushing,spilling.Erectingofthespine.Suckinginatthenavel.A deep,deepbreath.

Precept

Inotethedustylilacofthemesh.Irubthesilkmeshofthebandbetweenthepadsofmy fingertips.Itissmoothandwellmade.Iloosenandtightentheadjustablestraps.Iwonderwhat settingistheoneIlikebest.Theyalwaysloosenbytheendoftheday.Thispissesmeoff withoutfail.Ishiftmygazetothecups,noticingthesatisfactionIfeelinthetranslucenceofthe material.Thewaythatthetoneofmyskinpeeksthrough.Ihavealwayshatedthefluffy constrictionofpaddedbras.Ienjoythebreathability,theairinessoftheunlinedcups.Myeyes followtheswirlsofthelaceapplique,blackleavesandscallopededges.Thepatternisbeautiful andhypnotic.Puttingonthebraisamethodofritual.Circlingthebandaroundmeliketwoarms inanembracearoundmywaist.Fittingthehooksintothetightestclasp–alwaysthetightest–andscootingitaroundmeina360sothatthecupsareinthefront.Wigglingmyarmsoneata timeintothenegativespaceofthestraps.Scoopingoutthebreasts,oneatatime,tofillthecups properly.Andanexhale.Ifeeltheunderwirearoundme,fixingmyformintoplace.Iseethe teardropofmybreasts,theirnaturalshapeaccentedbypetalsandbudsandlines.Ifeelthedigat myribcageandthepressureonmyshoulders,thepressureontheskinthereofcarryingmyown weight.Iamphysicallyencasedandupliftedanditfeelsbothsuffocatingandsoothingatonce.

Concept

COMPROMISE.ConfrontingthisbraIamtakenbackintimetothedaythatIselectedit,like pullingteethfromyears.Myothergrandmotherinvitedmetogobrashoppingasanincentiveto wearbrasmoreoften.Mysmallformofrebellionasateenagerwasrefusingbras-Ipreferredto lettheboobsbe.Ihavealwayshadabigchest.Itissomethingaboutmethatoftenfeelslikeit overshadowstherest,aburdenIneveraskedforanddonotparticularlywantmostofthetime.If mychestwasgoingtocallattentiontoitselfImightaswellsteerintoit,ownitinsomeway.The adultingforcesinmylifeneverlikedthismuchandwanteditsupported,thenipplestuckedaway andstuffedintoamoreacceptableshape.IagreedtogobrashoppingontheconditionthatI wouldpickoneIreallyreallyliked,onethatwasprettyandmademefeelassuch.Ipickedthis bra.Ihavehaditforalmostnineyearsanditisoddthatitstillfits,hasalwaysfit.Thereis freedominit,andnegotiation.Fine,itsays.IwilladapttothesocialstandardbutIwilldosoon myownterms.Inthemesh,Iwillletmyselfbreathe.ThelacesaysIwillbebeautifulbutthe duskylilacsaysIwillnotbeseductive.Iwillbesomethinginbetween.Ifeelgoodinthebra. ButIwillalwaysbehappytotakeitoff,relievedoftheimprisonment.Iwillalwaysscratchat theredmarksithasimprintedinmyskin,scaldingandmarkingmybodyinatolerantmold.Its

materialitybringsmeonlyarelationalpleasure;Ienjoythatitismoreflexiblethanmostbrasin allowingmyfleshtobreatheandmynaturalfiguretorest.Itisdesirebycomparison.Iamdrawn toitinawaythatIamrepelledbytheusualcuppingandpaddingandroundingoffandpushing up.ItscontrastofpleasureandpaininformsitsconceptualizationasCOMPROMISE:between selfandother,bodyandworld,constructionandconstriction.

12.UNDERWEAR

LINEAR.BOUGHTNEW.FAST-FASHION,INPERSON.

Acquisition

IstoletheseunderwearfromBrandyMelville.

Affect

Guilt.Repulsion.Shame.Girlhood.Somethingofrebellion.Queasystirringinmygut.

Precept

Holdingtheunderwearinmyhands,Iregisterthelacyfrillofthewaistband.Thescalloped edgesofwhiteandthecontinuityofthishemthatencirclesitsforminadelicatecircumference.I notethedimpledtextureofthecotton,thegesturalflowerslikepinprickstobreathe.Theysmell cleanlikelinenanddryersheets.Theundersideofthecrotchisrubbedoverwithtexture. Splotchedwithyellowishstains.Hintsofoldblood.Erratic,globular,brownishblotspoolingat theedgesandspottingatthefront.Theyaresoftandmalleable,laxandloosewiththe shapelessnessofakleenex,acrumpledpapertowel.Istepmyfeetintothelegholesoneata timeandtugthemovermythighs,myhips.Theysitlowonmybody,astraightbikinicut.There isnothingsexualaboutthem.Theyaresturdyandfullandpuckeratthecheeks.Ifeelthemcling tomyhipbones,gapatthesmallofmyback.Theyareill-fitting,unflattering,andsafe.

Concept

(IM)PURITY.Myimpulsetohidetheunderwearawayandthetuginmygutofshamemarkthis objectasanexpressionofbodilyfunctionandabjection,thehorrorsooftenascribedtothe femalebody.Thesearemydesignated“periodunderwear”-IwearthemwhenIamsobloated andbleedingthatanythinglesssubstantialthanthisthickcottonundergarmentwouldleaveme feelingvulnerable.Theaffectofembarrassmentthattaintstheitemisonbehalfofitsblemish,its associationwithwhatisnottoleratedinsocialvisibility.Thesplotchesaregrotesque.Iknowthat thispieceofclothingissoiledandsecret,somethingIwouldfeelafraidtohaveanyonesee.They arethepurityofgirlhood–thebikinicut,thefloralmotif,thechastityofcotton–defiledbythe marksofwomanhood–thestainsofsexualityandfertility.Theobjectrepresentsakindof innocencelost,yetIamoddlyconnectedtothewaythattheycontainthegutsofme.Theyhold theinnermostessenceofmybody,mycoreandblood.Theyarethebandageofmylifelineand themenstrualflag.Theyarevaginaldischargeandpeonies.Somethingintheirdiscolorationis comforting.WearingthemIamfreetomakeamess.Tobedirtyandhungryandmisshapen, disgustinganddesirable.TherepulsionthatIfeelinacknowledgingthattheyexistinactuality bringsmeclosertothem,asImonitorandstoreandembodythemwiththeclosenessofattention thatIwouldequallydowithanobjectthatIcherishandtreasure.Inmycloset,Iamsuretobury thematthebackofmyunderweardrawer,justasIammethodicalinmyhabitofpushingthe prettylacythingstothefront.Thereisanawarenessoftheunderwearthatisbothuncomfortable andcomforting;theystraddlethelinesbetweendesireanddisgust,thecrackofthegutandthe liningoftheuterus.Puttingthemonmybodyarousesthefeelingofresignation,thatIhavegiven upanyandallattemptstoavoidunderwearlinesorpresentmybodyasthisseamless,

unblemishedthingofbeauty.Theyareclunkyandobviousandabhorred.Theyarepuritymade impure,andforthistheyaremadesacred.

13.SOCKS

LINEAR.BOUGHTNEW.FAST-FASHION,INPERSON.

Acquisition

Iboughtthesesocksasaten-packfromTargetinthechildren’ssection.Idonotrememberthe particularinstanceofbuyingthem.IpurchasethesamewhitesockseverytimeIwearmy existingpairsintonothingness.

Affect

Pleasure.Satisfaction.Gratification.Pride.Asmalllaugh.Curlofthelipattheabsurdityofthe thing.

Precept

Ipokemyfingerinthegapeoftheholes.Pulltheabsentspacesandwidenthem.Iseethetearat theheelyawninglikeamouth.Ifleshoutthestringsunravelingattheseams.Ifeelthepillsof thecotton,thesoftnesswornintotheribsoftheankles.Itwiddlethenubsofthefabriclike tumors,likemaggots.Smallprotrusionsofgray.Ipickthemoffoneatatime,denudingeach sockfromitslittlebarnacles.Iseethegrayliningtheheels,thesmudgesofindigoshadowingthe toes.Inotetheasymmetryofthepair,oncesotwinnedinwhitenessandnowsosplinteredapart thattheonehasalmostpartedintoatwo.Mutilated,torn,thesecondsocksobatteredithas departedentirelyfromfunction.Theanklepaneltwistsapartfromthecoveringofthefootitself, joinedonlybytheballofthreadslikehairs,likeyarn,likenesting.Limp,pathetic,shapedonly bytheforceofmyownfoot.Pullingonthesocks,oneatatime,Iamcaughtinacomedic struggle.Mytoespokethroughtheholesattheheels,snagontheripsattheballofthefoot.The cottonstrainsovermyskin,myheelprotrudinglikeaskinnedfish.Thesecondsockwillnotgo onalloftheway,caughtatthejunctureofthetwodisparatepanelssoeagertoreleasetheirhold ononeanother.Ifeelchildlike,juvenile,inthedesperationthatittakestotugonthesecotton socks.AsifIamlearningtowearthemforthefirsttime,Iamasyoungastheyareold.

Concept

FULFILLMENT.Iassociatethedysfunctionofthesocks,theircompleteandtotaldisrepair,with anoddsenseofgratification.ThatIhavelivedthemtotheendoftheirlifecycle.Thattheir blue-graytintsencasethesheddingofmyskin,thepressureofmyheelshittingthefloor.Friction andforce.Theechoesofmysteps.Iseethedisintegrationoftheirformasthesolidificationof theirown.Thetreadthatwearsthemdown,thaterodestheirstructure,strengthensmine.Weare equalandopposite,thesesocksandI.Theactivity,thedistancethattheyencaseisboththeir sacrificeandmyvitality.Theyarecallousedasmybigtoeandcharredwiththechargeofmy pace.Icannotthinkofasingularmomentwearingthem,indistinguishableastheyarefrommy otherpairs.Iimaginehowmanytimesthesetwosockshavecometoknowoneanother-iftheir loneinstanceshavebeenballedupwithothermatches,iftheybegantogether,iftheyhavefound theirwayback.Ithinkoftheforcesthathavebroughtthematonewithoneanother,howstrange itwouldbeiftheirfirsttimeencounteringoneanotherwasinthisactofdeath.Meeting,never havingmetbefore,atthecemeteryoftheiruse.ThereisnotmuchinmyownershipthatIhave wornunwearable.Thesocksaretheculminationofmyforce.Theyareproductivityandefficacy,

thetrailofmyfootstepsandthefinaldestinationofmylegs.Idonotmindpartingwiththem; theyhavefulfilledtheirpurposeandcanresteasy.

14. SHOES

CIRCULAR.RESALE.ONLINE.

Acquisition

IpurchasedtheseMaisonMargielaTabiBalletFlatsfromDepopabouttwoyearsago.Ibought themgentlyused,withsomescuffingbutotherwiseintact.

Affect

Zingofpleasuredownmyanklesandthroughmytoes.Reliefatmyarches.Iamsmilinga pleasedlittlesmileandtappingaround,clickingmyheels.

Precept

Holdingtheshoesinmyhands,Ibendtherightonebetweenmypalms.Thesolesareworn completelysmoothwithoutabitoftraction.Thelettersandnumbersetchedintothesoles–the sizeandthelabelandthe‘MadeinItaly’–appearchalkedover,theleatherbottomssoftened intosomethinglikesuede.Theinsolesarefirmandsturdy,whiteleatherwithfootscumblurring overthebrandinganddarkeningtheporesofthemateriallikepepperinthegrains.Thelittle bowsadorningthetoeshavebecomebrittleandwiry.Hardlittleknots.Theshoeitselfisbrown andchocolatey,withjustenoughsheentolooklikeatrueganache.Buttery,suppleleather Wrinkledattheheelsandcreasedatthetoes.Thetoes.Cloven,hoof-like.Ibendthemand separatethematthesplitdownthemiddle.Heretheyarescuffed,scratchedintoalighterbrown. Reddish,almost.Atthebigtoetheleatherhaserodedandtheskinpeelswiththetextureof sandpaper.Slidingthemon,Icannothelpbutwigglemyfeetbackandforth.Myfoursplittoes waveateachother,curlinginonmyheels.Thespreadofmytoesisafamiliar,peculiarfeeling. Comfortableandpleasurable.Therapeutic.Theleathermoldscloselytomyfoot,askin-to-skin hug.Thematerialismalleableenoughtoshowtheoutlineofmytoesunderneathastheywriggle againstthecarpet.IfeeltheutmostawarenessthatthereisagroundthatIamstandingon.My feetlieflatagainstit.EachstepItakeintheshoesremindsmeofthefloorbeneath.Theyrootme toit.TheycurvewithmyarchesandIameerilyawarethatmytoesaretoesandthatfeetmove uponground.

Concept

AWARENESS/MINDFULNESS.Iassociatethescuffedsolesandthecreasedleatherwithmiles. Iwearthemandcanwalkendlessly.Ithinkaboutcitiesandpavementandsoreshins.Thechalky bottomshavecoveredsuchground.Theyhaveshedawayuponrainpuddlesandpackeddirt. Curvedovercobblestoneandslappedtheblacktop.Theblemishoftheshoeissatisfying;the proofthattheyhavebroughtmefromheretothereandbackagain.Theabrasionssummonthe patteroffootstepsonarainyafternooninNewYorkCityandthemuffledstillnessofamuseum inLosAngeles.Ithinkaboutwheretheyhavelivedandwhathasbeenstuckbetweenthetoes:a lipstick,adollarbill,fiveeuros,acigarette.Ithinkaboutthefourweekstheyspentstuffedinside asuitcaseinthebasementofasmalltrattoriainItaly.Iinterprettheflatnessoftheirformwitha senseofsteadiness,stability,calm.Wearingthembringsgroundingandcomfort.Itakesomuch pleasureinthekineticismoftheirshape,theiranatomicalresemblance.Thecloventoe,so phalangicandanimal,startlesmeintorememberingtheobvious.Ihavefeetandtoesjustas

apparentlyasIhavethisapparatustoputthemin.Irecallreadingsomewherethatthisstyleof shoe–thetabi–wasdesignedtotargetthecenterofholisticreflexology.Thatseparatingthetoes ispsychologicallyproventoclearthemind.Thereissuchclarityhereinwearingthem.Iamtall inflatshoesandIwillgoanywhere.Ihavewornthemintotheexactshapeofmyfoot.Theyare mywearablefeet.Thisthoughtisendearing.Ienjoytheirstrangenessandtheiruncannylikeness tomyownextremities.IamfondoftheirmaterialfeeljustasIamfondoftheirsymbolism. Theyarecultandcovetable.Iwantedapairforseveralyearsbeforesavinguptobuymyself theselittleespressoslivers.Ilaughthinkingabouthowmanyoddlookstheyhaveenduredand howmymosttreasuredshoesaremerelyatwinnedreflectionofmyownfeet.

15.VIVIENNEWESTWOODSIGNETRING

Acquisition

CIRCULAR,GIFTED.

Mymothergiftedmethisringformyhighschoolgraduation.Itwaspurchasednewfromthe VivienneWestwoodwebsite.Iweariteveryday.

Affect

Achill.Closeness.Theurgetoclutchittomychestorcloseitinsidemypalmforsafety. Impulsetoprotectit.Keepitfromharm.Pleasure.Assurance.Passion.

Precept

Holdingtheringinmyhand,Inoticeitsmisshapenform.Thewaythatthebanddoesnotforma circlebutalopsidedovularshape.Theflattenedbitontherighthalfofthebandandthestrange divetitpullsovertotheleft.Themetaliscoldagainstmyskin.Inoticethescratchesanddents andthetarnishedbits.TheboldengravingoftheWestwoodinsignia–acrownedsaturn–unblemishedbytime.Itracetheshapeofitwithmynailandfollowtheringofit,aringupona ring.Thestampedetchofthislogoistheonlyportionthathasretaineditsdarkness.Thewhole thingusedtobeadeepcharcoalgunmetal.Thiscoatinghaswornaway,nowentirelysilverbut forthiscrownedplanetetchedonitsfaceandthesmallspotsontheunderbellyofthebandthat remainshadowed.Inoticethewaythatthemetalreflectsthelight.Iputitonandseetheway thatthebandcurvesaroundmyfingerlikeahug,thedeformationofthebandcateredtothegirth ofmyringfinger.Itiscontouredtomybody

Concept

OATH.Theringisthemostwornandlovedfashionpieceinmybelonging.Iassociatethe scrapesofthemetal,nolongerpolishedbutbatteredwiththeactsofwritingandfoldingand washingandbathing,withmypersistenceofself.Itismarkedwiththeenduranceofmyown body,myownhands.Despitethescratchesonitssurface,theflawsinitssilverskin,thering remainsfunctionallysoundandtheintentionofitsmessage–thedisplayoftheWestwood insignia–maintainsitsdefinition.Similartomyownbody,whichhasdimpledandscarredand takenthelaborofthedayuponitssurface,theringhasnotlostitscentralenergy:theimprinted orb.Strongandclear.Thesymbolofpunk.IlookdifferentlythanIdidwhenIreceivedthering. Mybodyhasgottensmallerandharderandsofterandlargeragain,ithasthesuturesandfreckles ofwoundandsun.YetwhoIam,mycentrifugalessence,remainsunignorable.Iseemyown bodyinthisobject.Thepleasure,theemotionIfeelinthisobject,isinpartduetothe sentimentalnatureofitsacquisition–giftedtomebymymother–andinparttothememories thatithastakenoninthedurationofmyownership.Ithasenduredinmywardrobebecauseit remindsmeofwhatIwanttodo,whoIwanttobe,howIenvisionmyselfandmyvalues.Isee inittheimpressionthatmyrelationshipwithfashionhasleftonothers,theimpressionthatmy relationshiptofashionhasleftonme.IseeinitaconduitforwhatIhavelostandgained.When Iwas19,Iboughtmyloveratthetimeamatchingringforher20thbirthday.Herswasnot identical,butinsteadaconvexrenditionoftheconcaveimpressionuponmyown.TheVivienne Westwoodorbonmyringwasanimprint,whilehersfeaturedthestamp.Ihadonlyhadthering

ayear,butwhatitmeanttomehadalreadycementeditselfinmybrainasintrinsictothecoreof mybeing.Itwasthepassionofmylifeupuntilthatpoint–theartofclothing–giventothe passionofmylifemadenew–whatIfeltformylover.Buyingthisringforherwasapromise thatwefittogether.Thatwewerematchingpiecestothispuzzle.Whenwebrokeup,shedidnot returnthering.Icannotseemyownringwithoutthinkingofher.AlthoughIacquiredmine beforeknowingher,theobjecthastakenontheexpressionsofloveandlossendured.Iseethe impressionoftheorbastheimpressionthatsheleftuponmeinourtimelovingoneanother.Itis alwaysthere.IwearitstillasapromisetomyselfthatIwillnotlosesightofmyself-definition.I seethescratchesasthesymptomsoflifeandmourningandlossandgriefandagonythatendure. Theblemishes,thelovemarks,thetracesthathavebeenleftuponthethingarealineageofall myown.Theorbremains,untouchedbythescratchessurroundingit.Ithasbeenstampeddeep enoughintothesurfaceofthesilverthatnothingcantouchit.Thisistheessenceofmyself.It willnotwearaway

XVI.REFLECTIONS

ConsideringtheefficacyoftheAffect-Precept-Conceptaffectiveanalysisadoptedfrom TienhovenandSmelik(2021),Inoticedseveraldiscrepanciesthatmightbealteredinfuture practicesofthismethodforcriticalfashionresearch.

MostprominentlyflawedinthemethodologywastheconsistentoverlapbetweentheAffectand Preceptstages.Bothwhileconductingthestudyandreadingovermyobservations,Ihadgreat difficultyindifferentiatingbetweenbodilyinstinctsandsensoryfeelings.Whileimpulses,urges, andinstinctsaretobeassignedtotheAffectstage,thesensorystimulationofthesefeelingswere oftenblurredintothetactile,visual,olfactory,andauditorysensationsthataretobesolelynoted inthePreceptstage.Noticingtheblurofthesetwostagesofthemethod,Irealizedanotherissue: thatmyattempttodocumenttheimmediacyofmymind-bodyreactionstotheresearchobjects throughstream-of-consciousnessstylewritingspewedoutscatteredfragments,half-baked thoughts,andwildlydisorganizedobservations.Thoughthehaphazardnessoftheseobservations accuratelyconveyedtheflurryofaffectivefeelingsandsensationsspurredbytheclothingitems, thechaossimultaneouslylackedcoherence,clear-cuttakeaways,oreasilydigestiblesequences ofideas.Ihesitatetorevisemywrittenobservationsforclarity,asthiswouldconstitute tamperingwithmydata.Ialsofearthatanyattemptstoreorganize,simplify,orsynthesizethe observationswouldretroactivelyimposetheextra-cognitivenatureofaffectiveexperiencewith over-intellectualizationorreductionistrationalization.

InfutureattemptsattheAffect-Precept-Conceptmethodofaffectiveanalysis,Imighttakebullet pointnotesofmymind-bodyreactionsandformulatethemintosentenceslater.Thisalterationof themethodologymightallowformoretimetoconsiderwhichfeelingsfitinwhichstage,rather thanerodingthepresenceofthefeelingsintheactofcomposingfullsentences.WereIto conductthisverysamestudyasecondtime,Iwouldadditionallyincludeasystematic,clearly defineddistinctionbetweentheobservationsnotedwhileengagingwithversusembodyingthe object.Thisadditionalinfrastructureinthemethodologywouldmoreclearlyemphasizethe differenceindistalandproximalrelationshipbetweenresearcherandsubject.

However,Idofindthatthismethodologyprovidedthebasisforthoroughandprovocative analysisinthepost-practicestage.Accordingtotheresultsofmyauto-ethnographiccasestudy, theconsumerfactorsgeneratingthestrongestmind-bodyreactions,thehighestdegreeof attachment,andthegreatestindicationofsentimentaldurabilitywerefoundtobe: proximity/distance,inheritance/provenance,aesthetic/quality,andassociation/memory.

A. PROXIMITY/DISTANCE

Inmyaffectiveanalysis,Ifoundthatthefactorsofclosenessanddistanceheavilyinfluencedthe affectstimulatedbytheencounterwithafashionobject.Thisrelationshipof affective proximity wasprimarilydemonstratedthroughtheaffectivedifferencesintheactoftouching/looking versuswearing/embodyingthepiece.Forinstance,indocumentingmybody-mindresponsesto theBlazer(Item4),theexperienceofnegativeaffectwhenmerelyapproachingthegarmentwas starklycontrastedbythepositiveaffectexperiencedonceputtingitontothebody.Whilethe spatialdistanceoflookingattheBlazermeritedapprehensionandunease,theclosenessof wearingthegarmentevokedaffectsofprideandpleasure.ThisobservationsupportsAhmed’s theorythataffectivepotentialstrengthensthrough“closenessofassociation”(2010). Embodimentitselfisthusafactorofhighaffect,indicatingthatthemorethataconsumerwears aclothingitem–ratherthanmerelyregardingitsexistenceintheircloset–thestronger likelihoodthattheywillfeelapowerfulpositiveattachmenttotheobject.

Isimilarlyfoundthefactorofphysicaldistance/proximitytoalteraffectiveresponsethroughthe comparisonofclothingitemsacquired in-person versus online.WhileboththePlaidDress(Item 9)andthePant(Item10)wereobtainedthroughthelinearacquisitionmodelofthefastfashion retailer,theiraffectiveresponseswerestarklydifferentiated.ThePlaidDresswaspurchased in-person,andthegenerallypositiveaffectitsummonedcanbeinparttracedtoitsfulfillmentof consumerexpectation;myspatialproximitytothegarmentwhenbuyingitallowedforthe sensoryexperienceoftouchingandfeelingtheitembeforepurchasing.Embodimentthroughthe actoftryingoninthiswayenabledamorepleasurablefulfillmentofmyexpectationsofits materiality.Incontrast,thePantwaspurchasedonline.Thedistancebetweenconsumerand productinthistransactionwasgreatenoughthatmyassumptionsoftheitem’sfeelandfitcould notbeconfirmedbeforebuying.Asaresult,myaffectiveexperienceofwearingthePantwas oneofdissatisfaction,confirmingAhmed’sclaimthattheconsumerbecomes“alienated—outof linewithanaffectivecommunity”whentheydonot“experiencepleasurefromproximityto objectsthatareattributedasbeinggood”(Ahmed2010).Assumedtobe‘good’fromadistance, thepantsweretragicallydispleasurableinproximity,elicitingaffectiveestrangement.Distance thereforecanbeseenasanagentfordeviationintheconsumermodel.Meanwhile,proximityto theclothingobjectintheeventofacquisitionincreasesitsaffectivepotentialforpleasureand longevity.

Iadditionallyfound symbolic proximity toamplifyaffectiveresponse.Alongwithphysical closeness,representationalclosenesstothebodymeritedstrongaffectintheinstancesofthe Blazer(Item4),Bra(Item11),andShoes(Item14).TheBlazer’stailoredfitmimickedtheform ofthefigure,stimulatingapleasurableaffectofsatisfactionandtheconceptofself-definition. Similarly,theBra’sphysicalmeldingtothecurvatureofthebustevokedintenserecognitionof bodyandhighself-awareness.TheShoes’uncannyresemblancetothefootcomparablyaroused

thepotentaffectsofbodilycomfortandergonomicsupport,aswellasanaestheticstrangeness thatelicitedanaffectofjoyanddelight.Thesefindingssuggestthat bodily mimicry ofthe clothingobjectitselfconveysavisualproximityorlikeness,andthus“closenessofassociation,” thatAhmedreckonstosparkaffectiveintensity(2010).

Myfindingsthereforesupporttheclaimthatclose proximity to the body–bothphysicaland tangible–increasesaffectiveintensity.

B. INHERITANCE/PROVENANCE

IntunewithAhmed’stheoryofthe kinship object (2010),acquisitionmoststronglyinformed affectwhenthefashionitemwasinheritedfromalovedoneorfamilymember.Particularly positiveconceptualconstructionswereassignedtothegarmentsthatcarriedassociationswith intimatesocialrelationships.TheJacket(item5),Camisole(Item7),andNecklace(Item8) summonedpleasurableexperiencesofprotection,comfort,andbeautyasderivedfromtheir connectionstolover,mother,andgreat-grandmother.Inthisway,attachmenttoafashionobject canbeattributedtoaffectionateattachmenttoitspreviousowner.Belongingismadedoublein therelationofsubjectandobject.Itemsof heritage fashion and personal provenance therefore carrythesentimentoftheirpastinhabitant,suggestingthatstrongobjectattachmentismore likelyinthismethodofdistinctlycircularacquisition.

Similarly,itemsof prominent provenance andsignificanthistorywereseentoprovoke significantlyhighaffectiveresponses.JustastheTop(Item1)increasedinsentimentalvalueand affectiveappreciationduetoitsassociationwithaprominentfashiondesigner,theBlazer(Item 4)provokedaparticularlyintensepleasureinitscompoundedroleofbothgiftandartifact.Not onlywastheBlazerassociatedwiththefondnessofitsacquisition–asatalismangiventomeby afashionarchivistwhoIconsiderinhighregardandanemblemofpersonalprovenance–butits existenceasavintageartifactfurtheramplifieditsaffectiveawe.Bothitemsrepresentedrarity andspecialtyintheirpastlivesasrunwaypieces.Theirresultingpositivemind-bodyresponses canbetracedtotheirrepresentationof narrative affect.Heretheassociationoftheclothing objectwithacelebratedpastlifedemonstratestheaffectivepotentialofvintageandarchival fashion:bothcircularacquisitionmethodsnecessitatethesentimentofstorytellinginthelayers oftheirlifecycle.

Myfindingsthussuggestthat passage of ownership strengthenstheemotionalassociationand affectiveattachmenttoafashionobject.

C. AESTHETIC/QUALITY

Insomecases,aestheticandmaterialcircumstanceswereseentooverpowermethodof

acquisitionorhistoricalassociationinmotivatingbodily-emotionalresponsestothefashion object.AsseenintheanalysesoftheSunDress(Item3)andtheShoes(Item14),theaffective pleasureofwearingthepiecewasattributedprimarilytoitsvisualandtactileelements.Though underlyingassociationsofmemoryadditionallyinformedtheoverallconceptassignedtoeach piece,theirconstructionandfabricationcontributedsignificantlytothepositiveexperienceof embodiment–theexuberanceoftheSunDress’redhueandthedelightoftheShoe’splayful shape.Conversely,thepoorqualityofthePant(Item10)ledtotheaffectofdissatisfactionand displeasureexperiencedwhenwearingthegarment. Silhouette, fit, material, and style are thereforenottobediscountedinidentifyingthefactorsthatencouragestrongobjectattachment inclothingconsumption.

However,particularlypotentaffectiveresponseswereprovokedbytheclothingitemsthat featuredmarksof physical blemish ordisrepair.Bothlinearandcircularacquisitionmodelswere seentoconstructthecircumstancesfortear,stain,andimprintsofuse.ThoughtheUnderwear (Item12)andSocks(Item13)wereboughtnew,theyaccumulatedextremeimpressionsof materialdeformity.WhilethebloodspotsontheUnderwearelicitedintensefeelingsofshame, thecompletedisfigurementoftheSocksgeneratedsatisfaction.Intheseexamplesmaterial imperfectionscanbeseentogarnerextremesonbothendsoftheaffectivespectrum.Whether positiveornegativeinquality,theheighteneddegreeoftheaffectiveresponsetomarkingofuse indicatesagreaterpotentialforblemishedclothingitemstostimulateanemotionalrelationship tothefashionobject.

Interestingly,thefashionobjectsthatstimulatedthegreatestpositiveaffectinrelationtotheir physicalmarkingsofusewerethoseacquiredthroughcircularconsumermethods.Incontrastto thepotentiallynegativefeelingsinvokedbyitemsboughtnewandwornintodisrepair, secondhandobjectsthatembodiedblemishonbehalfoftheirpastownershipoftenkindled responsesofaffection.SupportingSampson’snotionof wear, tear, and trace (2020),theJacket (Item5)andSkirt(Item6)wereseentogenerateaffectsofnostalgiaintheirembodimentofthe previousowner’sveryexistence.Bothfunctioningasheritageobjects–receivedfrommother andlover,respectively–theseimperfectionsofthesegarmentsrecalledthevitalityoftheloved oneandelicitedfondnessasaresult.Ratherthanarousingaversion,thefadingandunravelingof theseobjectsreflectedthepreviouswearer’scapacitytoexperienceactivityandpleasure, effectivelyandaffectivelytransferringthispleasureupontheitem’srecipient.Intheseinstances thedoubledfactorsofpersonalprovenanceandmaterialblemishelicitedhighpositiveaffect; suggestingthatpassageofownershipandextendedlifecyclebothcontributetostrongaffective attachment.TheJeans(Item2)functionhereasanoutlier,astheyareanemblemofsecondhand acquisitionyetthesentimentalfeelingsevokedfromtheirblemishwasinducednotbythe markingsoftheirpreviousownerbutthroughtheirdegradationovertimeinmyownpossession.

Regardless,myfindingsindicatethat physical markings of use –whethercausedbycircular

acquisitionorownershipovertime–constructthefashionobjectasparticularlypronetointense affectiveresponse.

D. ASSOCIATION/MEMORY

Mostpowerfulingeneratingaffectiveresponsetothefashionobjectwasassociationof memory. SupportingdeVries’notionofclothingassouvenir(2015),theaccumulationofpersonalstories andnarrativesmostfrequentlyforegroundedtheaffectiveexpressionsofjoy,pleasure, contemplation,andnostalgia.Thoughtheeventofobtainingagarmentconstitutesamemoryon itsown,thequalityofmyaffectivereactions–andthespecificmemoriesrecalledintheactof wearing–wereattributedlesstotheinstanceofacquisitionitselfandmoretotheconsequences oftheacquisition’snature.Whilebothboughtnewandpreviouslyuseditemswereseento summonaffectiveresponsesthroughtheirconnectiontomemory,thesecondhandgarment showedahigheraffectivepotentialtoconjurethecompoundedmemoriesofboththecurrentand previousowner

Theincreasedaccumulatedmemoryofthesecondhandgarmentcanbeseenintheinstanceof theSkirt(Item6).BecausetheSkirtcontainsanassociationwithmymother,itspreviousowner, myaffectivereactiontowearingitspawnedfrommyrecollectionofmyownmemorieswearing itintandemwiththememoriesofmymother’sthatIhaveprojectedontoit.Alongwiththe emotionalresponsetomyownexperienceswearingtheSkirt,Iconflatedthegarment’ssentiment withstoriesthatmymotherhastoldmeofherownyouth,forwhichtheskirtrepresentsa materialtalisman.SupportingSampson’snotionof unknowing (2020)andimaginedpasts,my findingssuggestthatthebodiesabsentfromusedfashionitemseffectively summonvisionsof fictionalizedmemoriesofthosewhoworebefore.ThoughIwasnotaliveyetwhenmymother woretheSkirt,myownembodimentofthepiececonjuredcuriosity,wonder,andfascination withthetimesthatshetooexperiencedlifeinitsfabricembrace.Inthiswaymyfindings demonstratethecompoundedpowerofbothimaginedandrealmemoriestocoincideinthe secondhandgarmentandamplifyitsaffinityforaffectiveattachment.

Acquisitionfurtherinformedaccumulationofmemoryandaffectiveassociationintheanalyses oftheJacket(Item5),Camisole(Item7),andNecklace (Item8).Whollyconstructingmy affectiveresponsetotheJacketwerethememoriesassociatedwiththepartnerwhogaveittome. Conflatingthegiverandtheobjectnotonlyrecalledthememoryofthepreviousownerbutfelt asiftoreconstructthem;embodyingmypartner’sjacketfeltasiftomimichisembraceor re-enactthememoryofhisactualarmsaroundme.TheCamisole,meanwhile,stirredmemories ofmymotherperformingritualsofbeauty,ritualsthatthroughtheinheritanceofhergarmentfelt asiftobepassedovertome.Theaffectofadmirationelicitedbymyengagementwiththispiece functionedasanemotionaltransferenceoftheadmirationIfeelforher.Thememoryofher beautyinfusedmyembodimentofhergarmentwithabeautythatIidentifiedinmyselfaswell.

Similarlyre-stagingmemorywastheNecklace(Item8).Asanobjectpreviouslybelongingto mygreat-grandmother,thejewelrypieceinvitedspeculativevisionsofherwearingitdespitethe factthatInevertrulyknewherwhileshewasalive.Whiletheaffectsoflossandgriefenacted bywearingthenecklacewereassociatedwiththelossoftruememoriestorecallofmy great-grandmother,thisencountersimultaneouslyevokedanaffectofcomfortintheabilityto connectwithanemblemfromherlife.MyconflictingaffectiveresponsestotheNecklace displaythecapacityformemorytoimbueafashionitemwithassociationsofmourningand remembrance.Inmyanalysisofclothingobjectsacquiredsecondhand,theaffectiveresponseto theitemthereforeappearedtoactasasublimatedsocialresponsetotheinitialowner,apowerful exhibitofmemoryasattachmentitself.Inthisway,myfindingsdefendthenotionofclothing itemsas“carriersofaffects,evensadones.Connectionswithothers,andemotions,[are]‘stuck’ totheseclothes"(Mcintyre2019).

However,highemotionalpotencyofobjectattachmentalsooccurredfrequentlyinthefashion itemsthathadaccumulatedtheassociationofmemorythroughenduringownership:afactor attributabletobothboughtnewandpreviouslyownedobjects.AligningwithMcintyre’s reflectionthat"particulargarmentswereremindersofacertainphaseoftheowner’slife”(2019), thegarmentsthathadbeeninmypossessionforalongerdurationoftimehadacquireda heightenedsenseofreflectionandnostalgia.DemonstratedintheaffectiveanalysesoftheJeans (Item2),theSunDress(Item3),theBra(Item11),andtheRing(Item15),thestrongestreaction towearingeachgarmentwasrecallingpastinstancesoftheiruse.Affectiveresponsesderived directlyfromtherecollectionofthesememories;previousexperiencesofwarmthandjoyinthe SunDresswerereconstructedinitsembodimentjustastheconflictingfeelingsspawnedbythe Jeansstemmedfromtherepeatedactoftryingthemonasaformofbody-checkingoveryearsof changingappearance.

Encounteringclothingobjectsoflongevity,inotherwords,conjuredemotionalresponses directlyassociatedwiththememoriesofpreviouslywearingthem.Thisaffectivephenomenon consequentlyinformedthestrongattachmentfeltinkeepingthefashionitemsassouvenirsor memorabiliaitemsfromstagesinmyownlife.MyaffectiveresponsetotheRing(Item15) particularlydisplayedthepoweroftemporalityanddurationtoconstructafashionobjectasa materialconduitfortheselfandametaphoricalsymbolofone’sgrowth.“Suchpossessionsare notstaticmemorabilia,thattheydonotmerelycatchamomentfornostalgicreflection;atthe timeoftheirgreatestimportance,suchemotionallysignificantpossessionsappeartoreflectand influencetheindividual’sgrowth,inadynamicprocess”(Kremer1992).

Thesefindingsthereforesuggest longevity of ownership tobeasignificantfactoringenerating highratesofaffectivenostalgia,sentimentalmemory,andcontinuousobjectattachment.

Thefactorsoflinearversuscircularacquisitionwereseentoinfluenceaffectiveresponsetothe degreethatthegarmentbecameassociatedwithintimateoraffectionateexperiences.Itemsof linearacquisition–thePlaidDress(Item9)andPant(Item10)–elicitednegativeaffectsof discomfortmoredirectlyfromtheirsyntheticqualitiesandflawsofqualityratherthanthelackof moralethosunderlyingthefast-fashionpurchase.Whileitemsofcircularacquisitiongenerally resultedinmorecomplex,intense,andpositivebody-emotionalresponses,theobjectacquired brand-newdidinfactdemonstratethepotentialtoskewpositiveornegativedependinguponthe amountofusethattheitemhadundergone.ThenostalgiaofthePlaidDress(Item9)wasdue solelytotheassociationsthatmyownuseofthegarmenthadembeddedinit;apositiveaffect, althoughlessofanaffectionateattachmentthanthatoftheobjectsinheritedbyamother, great-grandmother,orlover.Inthiswaybothfashionobjectsof linear and circular acquisition holdthecapacitytoaccumulatepositiveaffectiveassociations,thoughthelatterprovestomore inevitablygenerateattachmentinitspre-conceived/embeddedconnotationofhistory

Ultimately,themodeofacquisitioninclothingconsumptiondoesappeartoinfluencethe affectivemind-bodyresponsefacilitatedintheactofowningandwearingafashionitem.While both linear (fast-fashion/mass-produced/bought-new)and circular (secondhand/previously owned/inherited)avenuesofobtainingclothingweredemonstratedinmystudytoholdthe powertoprovokestrongobjectattachmentsandaffectiveassociationsofbothpleasureand displeasure,thefashionitemsacquiredthroughcircularmeansweremorelikelytocontaina complexityofaffect.Factorsofheritageandhistory,passageandlongevityofownership,and materialblemishconstructthesecondhandfashionobjectasaparticularlystrongvesselfor affectiveresponseandattachment.Especiallyincasesofinheritanceorgift-giving,themeansof obtainingthefashionobjectisimbuedintothewearer’sassociativepreconceptionofthepiece, constructingitintheimageofa‘happyobject’witha‘stickyaffect’thatretainsoractsasa conduitforthefeelingsoffondnessoraffectionthatthewearerholdsforthepersonwhohas givenittothem(Ahmed2010).Mostinfluentialintherelationshipbetweenaffectand attachmenttoclothing,orthefactormostinfluentialinconstructingthefashionobjectas durable,sentimental,andemotionally/symbolicallyvaluableenoughtokeepinthewardrobe,is thepowerofassociationormemory.Becausethemeansofacquisitionisinfactaninstanceof livedexperience,thememoryaccompanyingthefashionobject’sorigininthelifeofitsowner doesinfactcontributetothisassociation.However,itisclearthatthememoriesthatarelater wornintothegarmentthroughitsuse(memoriespost-acquisition)arecapableofoverridingor over-poweringthememoriesandassociationswiththewaythatitwasobtained.Ultimately,the additionalmemorythatisrequiredandtransferredinthechangingownershipofacircular garmentrendersthesecondhandfashionobjectamorelikelystimulantformemory,association, affect,andattachment.

XVII.CONCLUSION

MypracticeofTienhovenandSmelik’s(2021)affectiveanalysismethodologyindicatesthat thereremainsmuchtobeexploredinthecriticalstudyoffashion,affect,andembodiment–not onlyinexpandingthediscursivespacearoundthistopic,butinbroadeningtheapproachto affectiveinvestigation.Adevelopmentofaffectiveanalysismethodologiesthatgobeyond ethnographicresearchandindividualcasestudywouldsignificantlyenhancethefieldofaffect studiesaswellasstimulatefurtherresearchontheroleofaffectinclothingandconsumption. Whilemuchhasbeenwrittenaboutclothingasaproduct,andfashionasasociologicalsubject, theundertakingofthisprojecthasrevealedagenerallackofscholarshipthatconfrontsclothing asanact,orthatconsidersfashionasitpertainstoasocialunderstandingofspatial-temporal relationshipsbetweenbodiesandobjects.

However,theresultsofmytheoreticalanalysisandauto-ethnographicstudydoappeartooffer bothindustrialandindividualimplications.Primarilyimpliedinmyfindingsisan urgencyfor reformedconsumerhabitsthatprioritizecircularconsumptionmethods–suchasthrifting,resale, vintage,hand-me-downs,andclothingswap-meets– inordertoacquirefashionobjects.My researchsuggeststhat,inplaceofpurchasingnewandmass-producedclothing,theuptakeof circularacquisitionmodeswillenableconsumerstoassociatethemselvesmorecloselywiththe contentsoftheirownwardrobeandformlastingobjectattachmentstotheirbelongings.Thelink betweensecondhandfashionobjectsandincreasedlikelihoodofobjectattachment,positive affectiveexperiences,andpossessivelongevityindicatesthatindividualconsumersholdthe powertoutilizecircularconsumptionforbothecologicalandontologicalbenefits.

Approachingclothingasembodimentratherthantransaction–asanexpressionofpersoning ratherthanpurchasing–willsignificantlyslowtherateofconsumptioninthefashionindustry. Ratherthanimpulsebuying,anaffectivelensonobjectacquisitionentailsthoughtfulintention andconsumerawarenessinthedecisiontopurchase:ashiftthatwouldpotentiallyhaltthespeed andscopeofmassproductionaswellaslimitthedisposabilityoffashionitems.Myresearchin thiswayadvocatesforachangedconsumerconsciousnessthataimstoamelioratethe environmentalconsequencesofthefashionindustrythroughlessenedtextilewasteanddecreased consumerdemand.

Relatingtheimpactsofthesefindingstothefashionindustryitself,thelinkbetweenacquisition, affect,andattachmentindicatesthatthoughthereislessprofitinincreasingtheenduranceof clothingpurchases,thereisanethicalincentivetoincreasesocialization,proximity,andmemory intheapproachtomarketingandconsumption.Myresearchsuggeststhatacorporate-industrial emphasisonstorytellingandnarrativebuildingintheactofsellingclotheswillheraldproduct longevityforenvironmentalandsocialbenefit.Retailorientedstrategiestoencouragethe

extensionoftheitem’slifecycleandstimulateaffectivemeaningcouldinclude:arestorationof in-person/brick-and-mortarinteractionswithfashionobjects,anintegrationofgarmentrecycling programs,theincorporationofuseditemsintoexclusivelybought-newinventory,orthe implementationofcommunitymendandrepairevents.Throughthistransformationincorporate perspectiveonprofitandsale,thefashionretailerwillbenefitinitsnewfoundpositioningasa proponentforlegal,moral,environmental,andsocialwelfare.

Myfindingsfurtherprescribecircularclothingconsumptionasanactofresistancetothecapital economy.Thefashionindustryreliesuponconstantrenewalinordertoexist.Anaffectivelens oncircularconsumption,however,invertsthepowerdynamicsofthissystem–usingthe industry’sexcessivenoveltytoinsteadrenewtheveryexpressionoftheselfthrougharenewed socialapproachtopersons,bodies,worlds.Ratherthanappropriatingtheprepackagedidentities thatrevolvearoundtrend,novelty,andcommercialdesirability,circularconsumptionutilizesthe surplusofthecapitaleconomytoframeclothingasanautonomousact.Aestheticbodily expressionismandatedanddelineatedbywhatwebuy,wear,andconsume;thereisthus empowermentinreclaimingagencywithinconsumerspacestoprioritizefluidity,playtime,and pleasure.Underthislens,clothingemergesanewasa“proceduralarchitecture”thatis “capable ofopeningupafieldofrelationoranemergentecology”to“activatetheconditionsforthe continuedinterplaythatkeepslifeintheprocessofself-invention”(Manning2016).Inother words,circularacquisitionshiftstheactofdressingthebodyfromthedictationoflinearmarket advertisingintotheself-prescriptionofthewearer,whoisabletoadornandinhabittheirbodyon theirownterms.

Notonlywillanemphasisoncircularconsumptionandacquisitionbearenvironmental advantagestothefashionindustry’shighratesoftextiledisposal– asfashionobjectswillbe keptinpossessionratherthandiscarded–buttheconsumerthemselfwillreaptheontological benefitsofclothingasanactofmutualbecoming.Regeneratedorusedgarmentsfostera simultaneoustransformationbetweenthewearer’sbodyandthefashionobject,inwhichthe ownerexperiencesthestagesoftheobject’slifecycleintandemwiththestagesoftheirbody’s own.Agingwiththeobject,ratherthanpurgingandpurchasinginaviciouscycle,theconsumer enactsareciprocalrelationtothecontentsintheirwardrobeinwhichtheiritems’markingof spatialortemporaldifferencesservesasapracticeofself-definition.Undercircularmodesof clothingconsumption,therelationshipbetweenwearerandgarmentishumanizedand personalizedincontrasttothealienationandestrangement ofabought-newfashionpurchase. Thisstudythereforecharacterizesclothingandownershipasactsofritualandactualization.

Inaction,thisrenewedconsumerethostakestheformofintentionalengagementwith secondhandretailers,informedrecirculationofunwantedfashionobjects,andcommunity organizingofclothingswaps.However,theontologicaladvantagestocircularconsumptionwill stemfrommorethanjustgoingtothethrift;theywillstemfromashiftinconsumer

consciousness.Forthecontemporaryclothingconsumertoinitiateanaffectiverelationshipto embodimentandbeginthemutualdialoguebetweenwearerandgarment,theconsumermust reorienttheirunderstandingoffashionfromprofitandcapitaltoappreciationandintimacy.The consumermustseekvalueinlongevityovernovelty,andlineageovertrend.Prioritizing proximity,provenance,andmemoryintheirengagementwithfashionitems,theconsumerwill viewclothingasameansforsocialconnectionratherthansocialcurrency.“Whatisatstakeis notacapitalistcreationofthenewestnew,anewbody,anewobject,buttheactivationofthe forceofrelationthathasasitsgoalthefashioningofanewmodeofexistence”(Manning2016). Foregroundingfashionobjectownershipinsentimental,ratherthancommodityvalue,will thereforeopenupachannelfortransformative,meaningfulembodimentthroughtheactof clothing.

Mostsignificantintheimplicationsofthisstudyisthepotentialforanaffectiveapproachto embodimenttoalterthesocialperceptionofphysicalandmetaphysicalboundaries.Myproposed methodforthinkingabout,purchasing,owning,andwearingclothingencouragesamorefluid understandingofsubject/object,body/world,andself/other.Inblurringthedistinctionbetween wearerandgarment,posingthefashionobjectasavesselformemory,andcharacterizingthe fleshasaharnessforinheritance,thisstudysuggestsabroadenedcomprehensionofboth definitionanddelineation.Iftheaverageconsumercancomprehendtheirownbodybeyondits lines,orseetheinterconnectionbetweenlivingbodiesandmaterialobjects,thisconsciousness cannormalizefluctuatingborders:betweenhumansandearthlyresources,subjectsandobjects, ourselvesandoneanother.

Anaffectivelensonembodimentfurtherendorsesflexibilityinourknowledgesystems,inwhich theperimetersofdifferencearede-emphasized.Whenthewearerbeginstoseethebodyandits surroundings–thebodyanditsenvelope–notasseparateentitiesbutasaconjoinedlandingsite forawareness,theywillbegintounderstandthesynergybetweenbodying,worlding,and personing.Integratingaffectintotheexperienceofconsumerbehaviorandclothingownership willdismantlebinaryandrigidthinking,stimulatinginitsplaceanincreasedappreciationfor divergence,grayareas,andambiguity.Understandingthatthebodydoesnotendattheskin,the consumerwillundergoanextensionofconsciousnessthatincorporatesempathyintotheactof embodiment.Thiswidenedperspectiveondressingandclothingwillsimultaneouslywidenthe inclusivityofthefashionindustry,asthebodiesoftenexcludedfromfashionwillfindthe boundariesthatpoliceandcategorizeembodimenttoinsteadvalueclothingasapracticeof meditation,awareness,andcare.

Certainlymuchremainsambiguous.Thisprojecthasraisedmorequestionsthananswers.The argumentonbehalfofthekinshipobject’ssentimentalvalueistingedwithaglorificationof materialism,askingustoconsidertheconsequencesofapositiverelationshiptomaterialitems. Whatdoesitmeantohaveanaffectionaterelationshiptoobjects?Canthisbeproductiveand

beneficial,orisitdestructiveanddegrading? Asthereisnoethicalconsumptionunderacapital system,ishangingontosentimentalfashionitemsagrossexpressionofmaterialismanda symptomofhoardingculture?Doesretainingownershipofyourgrandmother’spajamasactually denotethehyperrealizationofcapitalisminwhichweareswampedbyuselessobjects?What doesitrevealaboutthestateofparasocialintimacywhenourrelationshipsconsummateinthe symbolofthematerialobject?

Whilethereisclearlymuchtograpplewithintheromanticizationofthefashionobject,thereis furtherambiguityinconsideringthepotentialconsequencesofchangedconsumerbehaviors. Advocacyforsecondhandshoppingbringsmoralcomplicationstothesurfaceregardingthe ethicsandeffectsofthrifting.Itiscriticaltoacknowledgetheethicaldilemmasinvolvedin shoppingsecondhandduetothepotencyofgentrification.Itisequallyimportanttotakeinto accountthepotentialforthefinancialaccessibilityofuseditemstoconverselyincreasethe consumer’sfrequencyof‘impulse/experimental’buys–aconsequencethatwoulddegradethe intentionforcircularconsumptiontomitigateexcessanddisposability.Willincreasedpractices ofsecondhandconsumptionrewritethenarrativeofcommodityidentity,ormerelyencourage excess?

Lastlyproblematizingtheargumentforincorporatingpleasureandintimacyintotheacquisition andownershipofclothingistheinabilityforincrementalreformationtodismantlethesystems thatmarkthefashionindustryasinherentlyclassistandexclusionary.Stressingashifttowards circularconsumptiondoesnotunseattheeconomichierarchyofluxuryfashion,orwhollyenable thoseexcludedfromthefashionsystemtotakepartintheexperienceofpositiveaffective embodiment.Thoughcircularconsumption,consumerconsciousness,andanaffectivelens wouldrestoreagencyandmeaningtotheactofclothingthebody,thismoralizationofthe fashionindustrysimultaneouslyencouragesajustificationofthecapitaleconomy.Myresearch debateswhetherfindingpleasureintheidentityexpressionofclothingcanfunctionasa meaningfulreclamationofpersonhoodundercapitalism,orifdoingsomerelyperpetuates complicitytothehegemonyofthecapitalisticsystem.

Aninterdisciplinaryapproachtoaffect,clothing,andconsumerismultimatelyindicatesan urgencytolocateastateofembodimentandadornmentthatisautonomousfromcommodityand capital.Untilthefashionindustryisdismantledentirely,thecircularacquisitionmodelposesa realisticstrategytoachieveananti-capitalistexpressionofbodyandidentitythroughdress.A strategyofself-affirmationandtransformationwiththebodyitselfasasiteofresistance.

Astrategyinwhichclothingisnotanoun,butaverb.

Credits

PhotosbyEverettMilloy

AdvisingbyBreanneFahs&CoraFox

SpecialthankstoFeministResearchonGender&Sexuality(FROGS)

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