Manchester Mind Managing Thoughts about the Future A4 16-page booklet

Managing Thoughts about the Future

In reality, our worries fall into only two categories: those we can do something about, and those we can’t.

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Managing thoughts about the future Worrying about the future is natural and normal. The future is unknown and so it is normal for our brains to be primed to look for negatives and obstacles; it’s a mechanism that has evolved for human survival.

However, problems can arise when those fears and worries start to take over our lives, stopping us from enjoying the here and now, and leaving us feeling powerless, overwhelmed and stuck. Additionally, when we focus on the negatives, obstacles and challenges about the future, we are also flooding our body with stress hormones, which can start to impact on our physical and mental health.

Circle of Concern and Influence

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Our worries and concerns tend to be wide and varied.

They range from personal concerns such as our future, health, children or finances, to global concerns such as the environment or the economy. Everything we worry about, fits into the large Circle of Concern.

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Only some of our worries fall into the middle circle – the Circle of Influence, whereas the ones over which we have little or no control, are still in the circle of concern.

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By focusing our attention, time and energy on the concerns that fall within our Circle of Influence, we adopt a positive, proactive and empowering approach.

By addressing the concerns that we have influence over, we can also expand our Circle of Influence and minimise our Circle of Concern.

Action plans and goal-setting are helpful for this.

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Circle of Concern

Circle of Concern Circle of Influence

Circle of Concern

Circle of Influence

The Circle of Concern If we over-focus our attention, time and energy on the concerns that we have little or no control over, we are automatically disempowered. Often, we can become focused on our perceived inadequacies about things that we cannot change (“If only I”), or the inadequacies of others (“If only they”), which can leave us feeling helpless and affect our emotional and physical wellbeing.

There are a few ways in which we can tackle this:

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Focusing our energies on our Circle of Influence – and then making an action plan.

Looking at the Circle of Concern and asking, “What can I influence and take responsibility for?” This can be achieved by breaking down our worries and seeing if there are any elements that can move across to our Circle of Influence, e.g. a. C ircle of Concern: Worried about economic climate and personal finances. b. C ircle of Influence: Review personal spending habits to look for places to reduce spending and boost savings. Planning and goal setting are useful here.

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Where the Circle of Concern relates to worrying about someone else’s behaviour, trying to remember that we can’t change other people, but we can change our own behaviour or response. This, in turn, might then elicit a different behaviour or response from the person we are worried about.

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Where the Circle of Concern relates to our thoughts and experiences we may be able to move these over to the Circle of Influence by using CBT techniques or mindfulness.

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Where we have absolutely no control over a concern within our Circle of Concern we need to develop strategies to learn to accept and live with these things. This may be where we need to use relaxation techniques and to be more compassionate towards ourselves.

The appeal for serenity (also known as the ‘serenity prayer’) can be very helpful in focusing our minds on this.

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Using the worry tree can be a useful way to work out whether you are focusing on the Circle of Concern or the Circle of Influence. * Adapted from Covey, S. (1989). The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

London : Simon & Schuster.

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The Worry Tree

Notice the worry and identify it.

Ask yourself “Is there anything I can do about it?”

YES

NO

Is there anything I can do about it right now?

Change the focus of your attention Find a distracting activity to take your mind off your worry.

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YES

NO

Make an action plan.

Even better: Do it!

Make a plan and timetable it in, then…

Focus on your breathing and your body sensations to take your attention away from your busy mind. Notice everything you can feel, smell, and hear.

Let it go.

Doing and being Much of our stress and anxiety consists of thinking and worrying about the past or the future (or both). When this happens, our brain gets into problem-solving mode, analysing our situation, thinking of ways to fix it, imagining all the possible future scenarios, or the ways that an event could have played differently.

This mental activity is sometimes called doing mode. Doing mode is really useful and important; it really can solve many problems, and is useful for issues that fall within our Circle of Influence – or practical things like a broken door.

When we have a problem of any kind, the doing mode of mind kicks in. Imagine that a door in your home is no longer hanging quite right. It’s a struggle to close and you’re afraid that one day, you won’t be able to. If you’re a handy kind of person, you analyse the problem, get out your toolbox and fix it. Or you call someone and arrange for them to come round and fix it instead. There – job done. Doing mode has done its work.

The problem is that we assume we can change everything in this same way. When we realise that we can’t solve a problem right now, the best thing to do is drop it until we are able to solve it. However, doing mode tends to continue to try to fix the problem and, paradoxically, that keeps our feelings of stress going. At the time, worrying might reduce our anxiety, because it makes you feel as if you’re getting something done. But in actual fact, we can end up keeping our worries alive for a lot longer. We can endlessly dwell and worry about something that we can’t change –which is essentially an endless task, because this problem cannot be solved. Both the past, and the future (which is essentially unknown), are problems that largely can’t be solved.

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There is another mode – known as being. This is our direct experience of the world – which is what we experience during the grounding meditation – where we are fully present, aware of our current sensory experience – what we can see, feel, smell, taste.

During this mode, there is less thinking. We don’t have to make an effort to think less – it’s just that there’s no room left in our mind when our attention is fully focused on our direct sensory experience.

We’re not looking to spend our whole lives in being mode. But, if we can decrease the proportion of time spent endlessly trying to solve a problem that can’t be solved, we can reduce our worry, anxiety and stress, and improve our moment to moment experience.

How do we shift the balance from doing to being? Mindfulness meditation is one way that’s being increasingly shown to reduce stress as well as improve mood and decrease time spent ruminating – overthinking.

It’s also important to learn to tolerate uncertainty. People who worry a lot aren’t very good with doubt or unpredictability. That’s understandable. However, predicting the future doesn’t always prevent unpleasant surprises or control the outcome. Focusing on worstcase scenarios doesn’t keep bad things from happening, it just stops us from enjoying the present moment. Instead, it can be useful to learn how to sit with the discomfort of uncertainty and maybe even embrace it. You could tell yourself “it’s okay not to like uncertainty. But I can learn to be with this, however uncomfortable it is.” Although this sounds difficult, it can reduce your discomfort in the long run as you begin to spend less time in the future, and more time in the present.

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“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”

– Mark Twain

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Worry time Training your brain Setting aside worry time can help break the habit of dwelling on worries. This is because you don’t have to suppress your worries but simply postponing them. Gradually, over time, as you get into the habit of postponing your anxious thoughts, you may begin to realise that you have more control than you first expected.

» Get yourself a notebook and keep it with you at all times. » Plan a set time in your day that you will designate as worry time. Make

sure that this is not right before bed, but perhaps before you’re about to do something enjoyable, distracting or that will require your full attention.

» When a worry comes up during the day, as soon as you become aware that

you worrying about something, write it down in note form. Don’t spend hours on it – or try and solve them there and then. Just jot it down.

» Remind yourself that you will have plenty of time to think about it later, so

there’s no need to spend any more time on it right now. You can tell yourself that you’ll be in a better position later when you can give your worry your whole attention, and that right now, there are more important (or pleasant/ enjoyable) things for you to devote your attention to right now. You could use the grounding meditation to bring yourself back to the present moment or simply refocus your attention on the task you were doing when your worry comes up focusing on all your senses

» When it comes to your worry time, set a timer – try 10 minutes to start with.

Settle yourself down where you won’t be disturbed (but avoid the bedroom, for obvious reasons). Take out your notebook and take a look at your list for the day. You might reflect on what you see. Perhaps some of the worries no longer seem as important or relevant. In which case, there is no need to be concerned with them anymore. You might even like to cross them out on your list. You might also like to consider how important they felt at the time you wrote them down, and how important they feel now.

» If there are some worries that still concern you, you can let your mind freely wander, and worry. Perhaps write some notes if that helps.

» You might like to reflect at the end of your worry time on what it felt like

to worry for as much as you wanted. Did you need as much time as you’d planned in? How many worries were still important a few hours later?

» Be strict and keep to your time! » Train the brain to ‘let go’ at the end of the set time. Use a grounding meditation or pick an absorbing activity to refocus your attention. Some people like to throw away their list – perhaps tearing the page out of your notebook, and throwing it away.

Worry time takes practice and repetition, but for some people, it can be a very effective way of helping you manage your worries, and reduce your anxieties.

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Grounding meditation Belly breathing on its own can be a great way to calm the body down when you’re feeling anxious. This mindful exercise uses belly breathing, but also adds in using your body’s five senses to help calm the racing mind, which can often get very carried away. Using our senses in this way can help take us into the present moment.

Alongside the belly breathing as well, this can trigger the body’s very important ‘rest and digest’ system.

Look around you. Find...

Five things you can see

Take an inventory of five different things that you see around you. You might like to say them out loud. For example “I see the cup. I see a car.” Taking stock of what’s going on around you can directly connect you with the present moment.

Four things you can touch

Paying attention to your surroundings and your body – and list four different things that you can feel. It might be the clothes on your skin, or the chair you’re sitting on.

You might like to reach out and touch something and notice how it feels against your hand. Notice how things feel.

Three things you can hear

Listen out and try and notice three different sounds. It could be the sound of traffic outside, the sound of your breathing or the sound of your tummy rumbling.

Say the three things out loud.

Two things you can smell

Notice what smells there might be around you. If there isn’t any particularly strong smell that you can notice, you might just like to list your two favourite smells.

Or you could just note that you can’t smell anything.

One thing you can taste

You might have a taste in your mouth from the last thing you ate or drank. But if you can’t find any taste, again you can just note that “I can’t taste anything right now”.

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“Worry is like a rocking chair … it gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere!”

– Erma Bombeck

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Worry and concern exercise An appeal for serenity “Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”

– Reinhold Niebuhr List your current top worries and concerns

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Now go through the list and mark with a star * those that fall within your ‘Circle of Influence’, even if only partly.

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Action you take right now Looking at the list, what plan can you make to help with the worries that you can do something about? Choose one that you can take action on right now.

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Manchester Mind is an independent local mental health charity which delivers advice, information and support to thousands of young people and adults every year.

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