ACAS Dating Guide for Newcomers

Dating Guide Guide Dating for for Newcomers Newcomers

© 2018 Asian Community AIDS Services All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Dating Guide for Newcomers,” at the address below.

Asian Community AIDS Services

For more information

260 Spadina Ave, Suite #410

please contact:

Toronto, Ontario

416-963-4300

M5T 2E4

info@acas.org

info@acas.org

www.acas.org

Written by: Jessica Lee Contributions from: Mina Heng and anonymous contributors (“Joyna”, “Alice”, and “Victoria”) Design: Ginny Chen ( ginnychen.ca )

Table of Contents

Slang Dictionary 5 Consent 8 Online dating 10 LGBTQ 14 Sex work 22 STI 24 HIV 26 References 27

This resource was written on the traditional territor y of the Anishnaabeg, Haudenosaunee, and Mississaugas of the Credit.

Toronto is situated on the “Dish With One Spoon” territory. It is a treaty that binds all those who live on the land to share and protect the land. All subsequent peoples, settlers, newcomers, and visitors alike, are invited into this treaty in the spirit of peace and friendship. Toronto, originally TkaRonto, is presently home to a diverse population of First Nations, Inuit, and Métis people.

Dating can be a fun way to meet new

people and potential partners. It can also feel scary and confusing. This

guide is written with East and Southeast Asian cis women, trans women, and non-binary newcomers in mind. We

encourage anyone of any ethnocultural background or gender identity to also use this resource as they see best fit.

This guide isn’t intended to get you more dates or find your true love,

but it is intended to help you better

understand dating culture in Canada, slang, consent, and sexual health.

Some will find that it applies to their

dating life, and others might not find that it applies at all! Take what you need, leave what you don’t.

4

Hey baby you up? ??

DT F?! ?!

slang dictionAry &

CHILL

Learning basic slang and phrases can be helpful in figuring out what the heck your date is trying to tell you! The following is a short list of slang words you might hear or come across.

5

Bareback [adj./n./v.]: sex without condoms

Catfish [v./n.]: the act of pretending to be someone else or having different characteristics to get someone to date them, send them money, and/or other goods and services that they can benefit from.

BDSM [n.]: a compound acronym for B/D = bondage/discipline; D/s = Dominance/submission; SM = sadism/masochism.

BDSM involves consensual erotic practices.

Creep/Creepy [adj./n.]: unpleasantly strange person.

DMs [v.]: Direct Message; to send someone a direct message or personal message on social media (like facebook and instagram); often for romantic purposes.

Blow job [n.]: oral sex on a penis.

Synonyms: cunnilingus (usually refers to performing oral on a vulva.)

Booty call [n.]: can be a text or phone call asking for sex. Typically booty calls are very casual and happen late at night. (Note that “butt dial” while having very similar meaning words, is very different from a booty call. A “butt dial” is accidentally calling someone from your pocket or bag. It is not sexual.)

Do you party?/PnP (Party and play): a way of asking if you do drugs, and typically excludes marijuana, and references harder drugs like crystal meth, MDMA, cocaine etc.

DTF: short form for “Down To Fuck”; asking if you would like to have sex with them.

Bottom [n./v.]: someone who prefers to receive penetration; usually referring to anal.

Femme [adj.]: a word that can reference anyone who is feminine. It can be used as an inclusive word for trans, cis women, and some non-binary people. Some people like to use femme instead of “woman” or “girl” or “female” because it can be more inclusive of trans wom6

A casual relationship.

en and non-binary people who are often discriminated against.

Words like femme are helpful especially as a person can be feminine regardless of their genitals. We honour and respect that identifying as female does not depend on someone’s genitals.

Synonyms: friends with benefits (fwb), no strings attached.

Gaslight(ing) [v./n.]: a form of abuse; makes the victim question their sanity, intentionally makes someone doubt their memories or perception of reality; a form of persistent manipulation.

E.g. telling blatant lies, denying they ever said/did something even though you have proof, their actions do not match their words, tells you/others that you are crazy, etc.

Fetish [n.]: a form of sexual desire that can involve specific activities, body parts, objects, behaviours, fabrics, and appearances. It can be consensual or non-consensual.

Get laid: having sex.

Front-Hole [n.]: a widely accepted alternative word to vagina; it is used by some members of the trans community.

It will be used throughout this resource!

Ghost [v.]: sudden stop in communications with someone; not gender specific; not age specific.

Girl-Dick [n.]: a word for genitalia for a trans woman who has not gone through bottom surgery.

FTM or F2M [adj.]: short for female to male. This term is used by a trans person who is transitioning from female to male.

Hook Up: refers to any form of sexual intimacy such as kissing and sex.

Fuck buddy [n.]: a person with whom someone regularly has sex with, without the expectation of a romantic relationship.

7

Koreaboo [n./adj.]: a non-Korean person who has an obsession with Korean culture and behaves in a way that is very stereotypical of Korean culture.

Those studying Korean culture and history are not necessarily koreaboos. A koreaboo can be a person who is aggressively passionate about Korean culture without recognizing the complexities of Korean culture and focus mostly on k-pop, Korean celebrities, and K-drama. See: weeaboo

Open relationship [n.]: this is a kind of relationship where people in the relationship have agreed that they are allowed to go on dates, kiss, have sex with, etc. with other people outside of the relationship.

Poz [adj./n.]: someone who carries HIV in their body.

Rim-job: the act of licking someone’s butthole.

MTF or M2F [adj.]: short for male to female. This term is used by a trans person who is transitioning from male to female.

Sexting: sending someone sexual photographs or messages via mobile phone.

Netflix and chill: it can mean to hang out and watch TV shows as just friends but more often, it is meant if you are interested in having sex with them. It insinuates that you would watch a Netflix show or movie together, and maybe make out or have sex during or after watching the show.

Stealthing (STELL-thing): a form of sexual assault when someone wearing the condom, removes it in the middle of having sex. The other person may not realise. This is a violation of someone’s consent.

One night stand [n.]: a sexual relationship lasting only one night. Generally, people do not maintain a relationship with their one night stand as it can be an awkward interaction.

Top [n./adj.]: someone who prefers to penetrate their partner(s); usually referring to anal sex.

8

passionate about Japanese culture without recognizing complexities of Japanese culture but focusing mostly on anime, manga, and Japanese people.

See: Koreaboo

Vers [n./adj.]: someone who like to penetrate their partner(s) and also likes to be penetrated; usually referring to anal sex.

Weeaboo [n./adj.]: a non-Japanese person who has an obsession with Japanese culture and behaves in a way that is very stereotypical of Japanese culture. Someone studying Japanese culture and history are not necessarily weeaboos. A weeaboo can be a person who is aggressively

Yellow Fever: Asian fetish; usually references a strong sexual preference to East and Southeast Asian people.

9

Consent Consent is agreeing with words or with actions in a clear manner. While we can see consent in many aspects of our lives, this section specifically touches on consent during sex.

10

“I should have known something

would go wrong the moment I found his tweet: “I <3 ASIAN GIRLS!!!!”...

VICTORIA

queer/bisexual/pansexual Chinese Canadian//cis woman

meant I was responding in a way that would read as “enthusiastic” to any onlooker. If he’d used a condom, I probably wouldn’t even consider it a problem—I

...but I was still reveling in my

like being woken up by sex with

new found sexual freedom after

a trusted partner. It seemed like

moving out for university. He was

such a minute detail to change

nerdy, musical, and cute enough,

it to a non-consensual encoun-

and I wanted casual sex—lots of

ter, so I resisted that narrative,

it. He was a well-intentioned guy

telling myself others have gone

who thought he knew more about

through much worse. It wasn’t

sex and consent than he really

until I encountered a comic

did, and who thought he made a

book character months later

good Dom despite never engag-

with a passing resemblance to

ing in kink before. He had his

him—and felt an enormous

first taste of barrier-free sex with

wave of panic and revulsion—

me and was keen for more, even

that I realized our encounter

though we both agreed it was

had impacted me so heavily.

a bad idea. I was between birth

Unconventional triggers are, as

control methods at the time, and

it turns out, still real and valid.

now I wish he’d repay me for all the Plan B from the three short

Coming to terms with the gravity

weeks we spent together. That

of the situation allowed me to

stuff doesn’t come cheap.

develop the self-compassion

I had trouble calling it sexual as-

my hyper-sexuality, consensual

sault, even though I’ve supported

non-consent, and other kinks on

friends in the same situation and

my own terms, while still having

to honour my limits. I can enjoy

presented workshops on sex and

boundaries that I don’t want

consent. Sure, I hadn’t been fully

crossed. We were only missing a

awake—but I wasn’t fully asleep,

thin piece of latex, but that made

either, and my sensitive body

all the difference.

CONSENT is clear,

practice. Practice at home, with your friends, family, at work, at

ongoing, freely given, and can

school, and elsewhere in your

be taken away at any time.

daily life.

During sex, consent is knowing confidently that you and your

Consent requires a constant

partner(s) are all into the kind

communication; asking before,

of sex that you are going to have.

asking during, and asking

Consent is knowing that your

afterwards. Many focus on before

partner(s) feel safe in proceeding

and during and forget to check

with any act of a sexual nature.

in after. Sometimes people need

You can know if someone consents

more time to process and may

to a sexual activity through verbal

only realise afterwards that

communication, body language,

something wasn’t right. Open

and/or observing a situation.

communication, acceptance of wrong-doing, and empathizing

Culturally, it can feel weird to

with your strengths and improv-

express “yes” or enthusiasm to

ing your weaknesses are all

sexual acts. Many of us have

important in making sure we are

been taught that femmes who

accountable.

are sexually confident are promiscuous and therefore not

If someone doesn’t want to kiss/

desirable. Equally, it can also

fuck/cuddle you, it can make us

feel uncomfortable to say “no”

feel a lot of different emotions.

for fear of seeming rude or fear

At the end of the day, you do not

of hurting someone’s feelings.

own your partner’s body. Your

It is important to reflect in these

partner(s) do not own your body.

situations on why femmes will

We must respect and understand

sacrifice their safety to please

this before having sex.

others. Sometimes people who have more power or authority over us will take advantage of our relationship with them. If we try to engage sexually with someone whom we have authority over, it clouds our ability to know clearly if consent is present. Like most things, consent requires a lot of 12

SEXUAL ASSAULT

freeze up and be unable to speak or hit someone. It is not your fault.

is any unwanted touching of a

sexual nature that is defined by the individual. It can make us feel afraid, quiet, confused, angry, lost, and many other very

“You said yes to making out… you led them on”

>>

complicated feelings. Remember

You’re allowed to just want one intimate act and not all intimate acts. No one owes you their body

that your body is yours alone.

because it is theirs and theirs

If someone violates your

alone. Saying yes to one form of

boundaries, it is not your fault.

intimacy doesn’t mean yes for all

There will be resources at the

other forms of intimacy. Each act

end of this book (page 27) if you

requires consent. You didn’t ask

would like support on this topic.

to be assaulted.

VICTIM BLAMING

is a

practice that places the blame for whatever happened entirely on

“Maybe my clothes were too sexy…”

>>

can get assaulted even if they

avoided when anyone discloses

are wearing clothes that cover

that they have been assaulted.

all of their skin. No one asks to be

It makes people less likely to

sexually assaulted.

come forward and share what and supports the perpetrator/ rapist. Here are some common examples of victim blaming:

“We were doing kinky sex/BDSM… maybe I’m just not as into it as I thought I was’

>>

“You should have said no/stop/ ran away/hit them etc:”

>>

certain clothing is “asking for it.”

However, we know that people

the victim. Victim blaming is to be

happened, it minimizes the crime,

Some may say that wearing

This can be true, but in kink and BDSM, consent is still very important. You are allowed to set your own boundaries (e.g. I

They should have asked before

like being slapped with hands,

it got to the point of making you

but I do not like being whipped

feel uncomfortable/violated.

or kicked or punched.) It can be

Sometimes when we’re in a

helpful to set up a “safeword” that

situation where we feel shocked

wouldn’t usually be said during

(e.g. suddenly someone grabs us/

sex. Good safe words are unique,

kisses us) we can freeze up! It is our

not mistaken for other words, and

body and mind trying to figure out

helps to kill the mood if you need

what is going on. It is natural to

something to stop.

13

onLinE Dating Online dating is becoming more and more common as we live in a digital age. From anonymous chat rooms, to matchmaking websites, to dating apps! It is an easy way to meet lots of new people without having to leave your house.

Some will have great experiences and find someone they really connect with. Some will have unexceptional dates. Some will experience strange and potentially dangerous situations.

The following section will cover saying safe in online dating spaces.

14

I really wasn’t the type of person who

would lock eyes with a stranger sitting across the bar...

ALICE queer/bisexual//Korean//cis woman

and hours, discovering new places in the city together. We went to a museum exhibit on our second date. A film screening for our third

... I’m still not. So a few years

date. All this time, we had a lot of

ago, after a particularly painful

fun, and more importantly, I felt

breakup, I resorted to online

safe and comfortable. We moved

dating. Meeting people from the

in together, moved to Canada

comfort of my own home, without

together, and got married.

having to leave my bed! It felt like every homebody’s dream. But

But not every date I had went

what I loved the most was that I

this well. Not every message I

felt more in control of who I got to

received online was pleasant.

talk to and go on dates with, be-

Ranging from fetishization to

cause I could do my research (i.e.

threats, there were so many

read people’s profiles and study

moments that made me feel

up on our potential compatibility)

angry, scared, and discouraged.

before I met them in person. This

If there’s anything I learned from

was very empowering, as I’ve

my online dating experiences,

always found it quite difficult to

it’s that dating should be fun. It

reject or ignore people in real

should feel good! You deserve to

life, mostly in fear of their po-

enjoy yourself when you’re on a

tentially violent reaction. Online,

date, feeling happy and flirty and

ignoring people was made simple

comfortable. So if there’s any-

with the ‘block user’ button.

thing telling you – especially your gut feeling – that something feels

I had just moved to the UK when I

even a little bit wrong, remember

met my current partner on OkCu-

to trust yourself. But if you’re will-

pid. I wanted to meet new people

ing to take some precautions and

to explore what my new home

work up the courage to dive in,

had to offer. On our first date, we

online dating can prove useful,

walked around the city for hours

fun, and rewarding.

While dating, Asian women may connect

with a non-Asian person who seem to be very sexually attracted to only the fact that we are Asian.

Some people will even openly

helpful to disclose on their online

declare that they have an Asian

dating profile that they are trans,

fetish. This means that this

as there have been documented

person is especially attracted to

cases of trans women being hurt

Asian people because of their

or murdered when their date

race. Some people do not mind

did not know about their trans

it when people say they have

identity. Sometimes it can feel like

an Asian fetish. Others are very

the other person is very fixated on

upset when people say this.

your trans identity, your genitals,

Someone may find it frustrating

and your trans-ness in general.

or upsetting as it can feel like

They may ask extremely personal

someone is stereotyping them

questions right at the beginning

to be a certain way. In the media,

about your genitals and your

there is a very common portrayal

identity. They may also be very

of East Asian women as quiet,

rude to you. They may have felt

short, skinny, pale, beautiful,

that you “tricked” them and state

virginal, and submissive. So when

that they “are not gay”. While this

someone says they have “yellow

is disturbing, it can be a reality

fever”, some may find it offensive,

for many trans women and non-

as they may feel that this person

binary people. Your womanhood

is only interested in their fantasy

is as you define it. There are many

of an “Asian”, and not actually the

people and communities, even

individual.

though you may not have met them yet, that agree with you

As an Asian trans woman,

and support your trans identity.

there can even be a double fetish.

Supports can be found at the end

People may view you as exotic, a

of this resource.

kink, or a fantasy. For their own safety, some trans women find it

16

Dating apps are a great way to meet people and are very common in

Canada. People sometimes have great experiences where they meet a very

compatible partner, some people have had less than ideal experiences.

General safety tips: 1.

Meet in a public and neutral place for your first date.

2. Tell a friend that you are going on a date with someone that

you met online. Set up a time

5. Never give out your credit card number or social insurance number.

6. Do not lend significant

amounts money to your date

when your friend can text or

as there is a risk that you may

call you just to check in. Set up

be getting taken advantage of.

a discreet word to indicate that the date is not going well or if

7. Keep an eye on your drink.

That means you watch the

you have a bad feeling about

waiter or bartender hand you

the date.

the drink personally or watch

3. Listen to your intuition. Best

your date receive the drinks

case scenario in listening to

and walk them over to you. If

your intuition is that you get to

you start feeling like you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t

leave a potentially dangerous

control your body, leave your

situation. Worst case scenario,

date, signal to any person

you left a little too early, but

around you to call 911, or call

you can meet them again or

911 yourself.

meet new people later.

4. Prepare

an excuse to leave

when you begin to have any suspicion.

17

LESBIAN GAY BISEXUAL TRANSGENDER QUEER QUESTIONING INTERSEX PANSEXUAL TWO-SPIRITED ASEXUAL AGENDER

18

I did not know the terms “homosexuality”

and “gay” existed until I attended college.

“JOYNA”

much about my sexual orientation; I think it was due to growing

newcomer from China//lesbian

up in a very heteronormative

I did not know the terms “homo-

persists. However, there seems to

sexuality” and “gay” existed until

be more young individuals com-

I attended college. It was during

ing out as LGBTQ+. So, I think our

my college years that I knew I was

society is slowly progressing. For

culture, which unfortunately still

gay, and had my first girlfriend.

instance, I see more information

However, looking back, there

about gender identity and ex-

were early signs that I was not

pression, and sexual orientation

straight. I had a crush on one of

being available. That is why I am

my junior high school teachers.

glad that our society is becom-

I also had feelings towards a

ing more receptive towards the

girl in high school. During those

LGBT+ community, a community I

times, I did not think or question

am proud to be part of.

Having an LGBTQ+ identity as an Asian person can be a point of connection and a source of isolation at the same time. When it is a point of isolation, it can be very difficult to cope and can lead to many harmful behaviours like using substances, participating in sexually risky behaviours (like unprotected sex with a stranger), self harm, and may even lead to suicidal thoughts and/or actions. When we don’t feel supported in our sexual identity, it is important for us to find and create our own support networks, sometimes referred to as chosen families. ‘Chosen family’ in this resource refers to one’s own familial bonds formed with the freedom to choose one’s family outside of the biological family. If you’re feeling alone and isolated because of your LGBTQ+ identity and want help finding your chosen family, or need tools and tips, you can find resources at the end of this booklet.

People will identify however they will and it is important to mirror the same language they choose to identify themselves. Here are some: DEFINITIONS OF SOME SEXUALITIES: Lesbian: a self-identified woman

Intersex: an individual born

who is attracted to women.

with ambiguous genitalia which doctors cannot easily label as

Gay: a self-identified man who is

male or female.

attracted to men; also used as an Pansexual: an individual,

umbrella term for LGBTQ+.

regardless of gender, who is Bisexual: an individual,

attracted to other people,

regardless of gender, who is

regardless of gender.

attracted to men and women.

2-Spirited: an umbrella term used Transgender: an individual,

by Indigenous people in North

regardless of genitals, whose

America. It refers to someone

gender identity and gender

who has both a feminine and

assigned at birth do not

masculine spirit.

correspond.

Asexual: can be shortened to Queer: an umbrella term for

â&#x20AC;&#x153;aceâ&#x20AC;?. Someone who does not

someone who identifies as

experience sexual attraction.

LGBTQ+. In some places queer

This is not the same as romantic

is a negative and hurtful word.

feelings; it is also not a fear of

In most of North America,

sexual experiences.

queer is used as a term for anyone who identifies within the

Agender: A self-identified term for

LGBTQQIP2SAA+ spectrum.

someone who does not identify with the rigid genders of female or

Questioning: an individual

male; also can identify as gender

who is questioning their

non-conforming or gender non-

sexual orientation, sex, gender

binary person.

expression, and/or sexual preference.

20

DEFINITIONS OF SOME GENDER IDENTITIES: Cis/Cisgender (sis-JEN-der)

Genderqueer [adj.]: self identified

[adj.]: a person whose gender

gender expression; refers to

identity and gender assigned at

people who do not identify strictly

birth are the same. If you identify

as male or female but rather a

as a woman, and at birth, you

gender-free individual whose

were told you were a girl, this

identity may continue to evolve

means that you are a cisgender

and change over time.

woman.

Non-binary/NB/gender nonbinary [adj.]: a gender category

Tricky words:

that is not exclusively in the

These tricky words should be

male-female binary. It is a valid

used with discretion. Some will

way someone may identify

find these words very offensive as

and is an accepted gender

these words have historically been

identification. It is an umbrella

used to shame an individualâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

term and can mean different

sexuality. These words are in the

things to different non-binary

process of being reclaimed. This

people. There are many synonyms

means the identities affected by

like genderfluid, genderqueer,

these words are trying to change

agender, androgynous, boi,

the negativity and turn it positive.

bigender, multigender, etc.

It is important to mirror the

Dyke: Refers to a lesbian.

language a person uses. If they

Faggot: Refers to a gay person

identify as genderqueer, they

Tranny: Refers to a trans person.

may not identify as agender. It is important to listen, respect peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s genders, and learn!

Trans/Transgender [adj.]: an umbrella term for people whose gender identity and gender assigned at birth are not the same. If you were born and assigned male at birth but identify as a woman, you may identify as a transgender woman.

21

sexwork SOME TERMS:

sex work anymore but a different

BBBJ: Bare Back Blow Job; oral

actively seek out this relationship

one. Some people (Sugar Babies)

sex without condom.

in the beginning by meeting

GFE: Girlfriend Experience;

restaurants, hotels, and online.

Daddies at high-end clubs, Some pejorative and vulgar-sounding

clients sometimes ask sex workers

terms for sex workers include hooker,

for GFE to experience more

whore, prostitute, prosti, etc. Nicer terms

intimacy. This could mean kissing,

include escort and sex worker.

cuddling, and any sexual act without condom.

PHYSICAL SAFETY

If you are doing in-calls, you

Incall: sex work taking place where you live or stay.

may want to consider having

Outcall: sex work taking place

yourself if something potentially

something that can protect goes wrong. Things that you can

where your client lives (house, apartment) or is staying (hotel).

consider are:

Sugar Daddies: sometimes,

Pepper Spray – This is designated as a Prohibited Weapon in

regular clients may elevate the

Canada even though it is sold

relationship to an exclusive

in stores and online in Canada.

relationship by providing

The loophole is that the pepper

continued financial assistance

spray is packaged as intended

where the sex worker doesn’t

for protection from animals, not

see other clients. This client may

human use and qualified as a pest

then be called a “Sugar Daddy”.

control product under Canada’s

Some people don’t see this as 22

Sex work can be defined in multiple ways, but basically, it’s any form of sex for money. In Canada, a sex worker is sometimes called an escort, which is a nicer-sounding and ambiguous term. The laws surrounding sex work in Canada keep changing so the focus of this section will be on how to stay healthy and safe if you enter sex work!

Pest Control Product Act. Know

some organizations that offer

that you can still be charged with

free trial classes. Check local

a criminal offence for personal

gyms near you.

protection if you carry it with you in a casual setting. Exercise discretion and caution with this product.

SOMETIMES….

Clients will tempt you by offering to pay more for bareback sex. If you regularly get tested and are

Baseball bat – This is totally

on PrEP consistently, you might

legal but you may want to keep

choose to do it. But remember

it hidden so that only you know

that being on PrEP does not

where it is when you need it.

protect you from other STIs.

Have a friend on speed dial –

Clients will inquire if you

You may want to have a friend

“party”. This is a slang for using

who understand what you

drugs like cocaine, ecstasy, or

are doing so that this person

meth. Using drugs may impair

can help you in emergency

your judgment on making safe

situations. Make it a practice to

choices.

have this friend know where and when you are working so they are alert of your whereabouts. Do this especially when you make outcalls.

Enroll in self-defense classes – Educate yourself in how you can best protect yourself. There are 23

sti

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are infections that can be transmitted through sexual activities. Sometimes they are referred to as sexually transmitted diseases (STD) or sexually transmitted and blood borne infections (STBBI).

MEET LOCAL STIS NEAR YOU !

It is important to learn about STIs so you know how to stay safe and healthy. If you have

= BACTERIAL

contracted an STI, it doesn’t

= VIR AL

Chlamydia (klah-MID-ee-ya) & Gonorrhea (gone-oh-REE-ya)

make you a bad person or mean that your sex life is over.

>>

Some of them can be cured easily with antibiotics, while

Chlamydia and gonorrhea are very similar in symptoms and treatment. The main difference

some are treated with daily

is that chlamydia is caused

medication. STIs are common and,

by Chlamydia trachomatis

unfortunately, deeply stigmatized.

bacteria and gonorrhea

You’re not alone! Most people

is caused by Neisseria

will have contracted an STI at

gonorrhoeae.

least once in their lifetime if they are sexually active.

When should you go to a sexual health clinic?

>>

Typically cured with a single dose or 7

>>

Can get treatment at sexual health

days of antibiotics.

clinics, walk-in clinics, and family doctors office. Free testing and

You should go to a sexual health clinic if you have sex. Some

treatment available.

>>

people may visit as frequently as

tested in between partners, especially if you are having

extra fluids that isn’t pee or semen (we call discharge).

every 3 months or every couple of years. It is a good idea to get

Symptoms: hurts when you pee,

Syphilis (SI-fil-iss)

>>

Spread through unprotected sex with an infected person or intimate contact with chancres

unprotected sex.

(KANG-ker or SHANG-ker) on

24

genitals, mouth, or throat. Can also look like a rash or flat warts.

>>

Bacterial infection that is cured

>>

Sometimes it is hard to detect if

with an injectable antibiotic.

you have syphilis because you may not have symptoms, or you may confuse symptoms for something else. It is important to get regular

HIV > Spread through an active fluid exchange between one poz person to a not poz person > No cure as of 2018, however there are many treatments available

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:

testing to know your status.

Herpes (HER-peez)

>>

Spread through direct oral or genital skin contact with an infected partner.

>>

Herpessoresarepainfulandgenerallyshow up on the lips or on the genitals. Not all infected people will develop symptoms.

>>

Can I get STI and HIV testing if I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have OHIP? Yes! At any public health sexual health clinic.

Can I get free STI treatments without OHIP? Yes! Treatment for chlamydia,

Lifetime infection, you will not die from

gonorrhea, and syphilis are free at any

herpes, many people have babies and

public health sexual health clinic. HPV

families and live long healthy lives with

wart removal is covered by OHIP.

herpes infection.

>>

Most people have some strain of

Ok, what about the other ones?

herpes; it is extremely common

Herpes usually does not need

globally.

treatment, but if treatment is required,

HPV or Human Papillomavirus (HYOU-man PAP-il-OH-mah VAI-ris)

>>

Spread through direct genital and anal skin contact and oral sex, can spread through genital to genital rubbing.

>>

Viral infection that often will cure itself.

>>

There are over 100 types (or strains) and at least40thatcancausegenitalwartsand/ or cancer.

>>

There is a vaccine called GARDASILÂŽ9.

Speaktoyourhealthcareproviderformore information.

it is covered by government health plans and may or may not be covered by private insurance.

How often should I get tested for STIs? It depends on how many sexual partners you have. You can go as often as every 3 months, to once a year. It is a good idea to get tested every year even if you have a monogamous and long term partner.

You should get tested immediately if you are experiencing symptoms like it

25

Is there medication to prevent HIV?

hurts when you pee or if you have

>>

warts and/or sores on your genitals or mouth.

Yes! PrEP is Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (pro-fil-LACKS-sis) that is taken daily. It is 99%

HIV 101

effective against contracting

HIV is short for Human Immuno-

HIV and most people who take

deficiency (im-MYU-no de-FISH-

it do not suffer serious side

en-see) Virus. It describes a

effects.

disease where a virus suppresses

Should HIV+ people avoid

your immune system so that it

pregnancy?

is more difficult to stay in good

>>

health. The virus attacks the red blood cells and makes your body

There are medications that poz pregnant people can take to reduce their risks of

weaker when fighting off sickness.

transmission. There are real

If left untreated, it can lead to

life examples of HIV+ people

AIDS (Aquired Immunodeficiency

birthing HIV- babies.

Syndrome). Today, there is treatment

Can cis women become HIV+?

and care for those living with

>>

HIV. We are now finding People living with HIV/AIDS (PHAs) are

Yes, any human exposed to HIV positive blood, semen, precum, vaginal fluids, anal fluids, and

living as long as people who are

breast/chestmilk can potentially

HIV negative. PHAs are having

become HIV positive.

biological children who are HIV negative, and have unprotected sex without transmitting HIV!

Undetectable = Untrasmissible (U=U)

Q&A

and you are taking your medication,

means that if you are HIV positive

Can you get HIV from a bug bite?

>>

you could lower the copies of the

No, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s called HUMAN

virus in your blood enough so that

immunodeficiency virus. The

you cannot transmit HIV. When you

virus infects only humans, and

take your medication as directed,

is transmitted only among

you can get a blood test that shows

humans.

that you have an undetectable viral load. This does not mean that you

Which body fluids can transmit HIV?

>>

are cured of HIV. This means that

Blood, semen, precum, vaginal

a poz person could not transmit

fluids, anal fuilds, and breast/

HIV if they had unprotected sex

chest milk. Saliva, tears, poop,

with an HIV- person. This is only

pee, and sweat are not fluids

applicable for sexual transmission

that can transmit the virus. HIV

and is not applicable for things like

does not spread from skin-to-

pregnancy, chest/breastfeeding, or

skin touching.

26

intravenous drug use.

SOME RESOURCES

Maggie’s – Toronto Sex Workers’ Action Project: maggiestoronto.ca

RESOURCES ON SEXUAL

maggiesinformation@gmail.com

ASSAULT AND RAPE

416-964-0150

Canadian Association of Sexual Assault Centres www.casac.ca/node/61 Toronto Rape Crisis Centre Crisis number: 416-597-8808

MENTAL HEALTH AND ABUSE RESOURCES Assaulted Women’s Helpline GTA: 416-863-0511

www.trccmwar.ca Barbra Schlifer Clinic 416-323-9149 info@schliferclinic.com Ontario Network of Sexual Assault/ Domestic Violence Treatment Centres

Toll Free 1-866-863-0511 Hong Fook Mental Health Association: Mental Health organization that serves East and Southeast Asians 416-493-4242

www.sadvtreatmentcentres.ca RESOURCES ON SEXUALITY

info@hongfook.ca Toronto Distress Centre Distress line: 416-408-4357

East and Southeast Asian LGBTQ+

Distress mobile text number: 741741

info@acas.org

Survivor Support Program:

LGBTQ Youthline

416-595-1716

Youthline.ca

Toll free: 1-800-268-9688

Trans LifeLine: peer support services, hotline, and resources for trans folks

www.torontodistresscentre.com KidsHelpPhone: for those 20 and under 1-800-668-6868

1-877-330-6366 RESOURCES ON SEX WORK Sex Professionals of Canada: English only; provides information and resources on legal action, filing

RESOURCES ON STIS Sexual Health Information Line of Ontario (SHILO) formerly AIDS and Sexual Health Information Line Local number: 416-392-2437

taxes, bad client lists, and more

Toll-free: 1-800-668-2437

www.spoc.ca

Sex & U

Migrant Sex Workers Project:

www.sexandu.ca

Migrantsexworkers.com Butterfly: Asian and Migrant Sex Workers Network: 416-906-3098

(RESOURCES CONTINUES ON THE BACK) >

cswbutterfly@gmail.com www.butterflysw.org

27

RESOURCES ABOUT HIV

Canadian AIDS Treatment

Asian Community AIDS Services

Information Exchange (CATIE):

(ACAS): Treatment.acas.org Alliance South Asian AIDS Prevention (ASAAP): A non-profit organization that serves South, Southeast, and West Asians in HIV prevention, HIV support, LGBTQ education, and sexual health educaiton.

www.catie.ca

More resources can be found on the PDF version of this booklet which can be found through www.acas.org

AIDS Committee of Toronto (ACT): actoronto.org 416-340-2437 ask@actoronto.org

REFERENCES Broeckaert, Logan, and Laurel Challacombe. “Rapid Point-of-Care HIV Testing: A Review of the Evidence.” CATIE - Canada’s Source for HIV and Hepatitis C Information / La Source Canadienne De Renseignements Sur Le VIH Et L’hépatite C, www.catie.ca/en/ pif/spring-2015/rapid-point-care-hiv-testing-review-evidence.

Challacombe, L. “The Epidemiology of HIV in Canada.” CATIE - Canada’s Source for HIV and Hepatitis C Information / La Source Canadienne De Renseignements Sur Le VIH Et L’hépatite C, CATIE, 2018, www.catie.ca/fact-sheets/epidemiology/epidemiology-hivcanada.

“HIV Information.” AIDS Committee of Newfoundland and Labrador, 28 May 2018, acnl.net hiv-information.

Iqbal, M M. “Can We Get AIDS from Mosquito Bites? ” Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports., U.S. National Library of Medicine, Aug. 1999, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/ pubmed/10554479.

Tyler, Jr, Carl W., and Michael B. Gregg. “Recommendations for Prevention of HIV Transmission in Health-Care Settings.” Edited by R. Elliott Churchhill, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, www.cdc.gov/MMWR/preview/MMWRhtml/00023587.htm.

“U=U.” CATIE - Canada’s Source for HIV and Hepatitis C Information / La Source Canadienne De Renseignements Sur Le VIH Et L’hépatite C, CATIE , www.catie. ca/en/positiveside/summer-2017/uu .