ADW ART DEPARTMENT WEEKLY ISSUE 90 VOL. 12
AT THE LAST MINUTE, WE TRY TO PATCH A
Hole in the Plan
MINIBOARD
MUSICAL CHAIRS Up until last week, Boom’s remote learning happened at the kitchen table on paper and maybe a white board. Then his tablet arrived and he started to listen to video conferences and have cat parties. But then Kal’s Chromebook stopped working and he suddenly needed my laptop. If I had to be on the desktop, then Boom had to move with me. Betty now works on paper and maybe a white board at the kitchen table. —MV
GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS YET TO COME NowThis shared a video comedian Julie Nolke made where her future self tries to prepare her for what’s coming—buy stock in Zoom, maybe get a dog, be ready to sit on the couch a lot... And it made me wonder what everyone else would tell themselves if they could go back to the middle of January 2020. —MV
Madeline
Betty
Maybe don’t renew the Empire Pass.
If Kal says cleaning is fun, then I say cleaning is fun.
Definitely don’t get a Bronx Zoo membership.
ABC Mouse YouTube is awesome!
That plan to make ADW your main client? Maybe focus on enjoying every minute of solitude first.
Boom
There are 50 episodes in Transformers Season 2.
Kal
You can build anything with Legos.
Be careful with that charger.
Luis
Corndog. “Remote school” is basically just like school. Get ready to dust off that old Spider-Man game.
Pull the trigger on hiring someone real fast. Don’t grab sharp falling objects. Baby Yoda is going to take a little longer to arrive. You’ll follow the Cardinals.
Boom tells me to bring his plants for the chance to show them off in his Science video conference. He likes low-key lighting.
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D R A HE
T R NA
R E V O
I
“I hate ‘corndog’!” -Betty
“We dance because they’re the best” -Luis
“That does not sound like someone who’s hitting water with his pee” -Madeline
“Yeah I took two. You want me to take one?”
Follow us every day on Twitter @ADDubs issuu.com/artdepartmentweekly soundcloud.com/artdepartmentweekly
-Luis
“I thought they meant us” -Kal
UNOBTAINIUM Chewy Chips Ahoy! apprently are not just my family’s favorite cookie. When we couldn’t find them in any stores (Walmart, CVS, 99-cent shops), we searched online. They were on backorder everywhere. So we ate Chips Ahoy! with rainbow chips. We ate Chips Ahoy! Soft Chunk— the brown package. We ate Fudge Stripes and Oreos and whatever else was available because Madeline couldn’t buy flour and didn’t want to make cookies. Then one day Chewy Chips Ahoy! were in stock and everyone did a happy dance. Thin crust pizza, meanwhile, still NA. —MV
“I don’t understand the point of teaching people to be shitty drivers” -Madeline
“I don’t know that app [hard copy]” -Ryne
“I love ‘corndog’!”
May 5, 2020 • Art
-Betty
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HELPING OTHERS,HELPING MYSELF There was a point early in the quarantine where I started to feel utterly useless, like staying home and following instructions from three different schools wasn’t enough. I had moved past being sad that I obviously wasn’t going to be able to follow moms and tell an amazing visual story of how hard it is to be a mom, but I’d seen one too many news reports about the good things other people were doing. Then a Volunteer Match email arrived and suddenly I was ready to drop off meals for front line workers. Quantum Leap is a vegetarian restaurant on Thompson Street in Manhattan whose owner joined with Love2Yeu and Nailing It for Healthcare to raise money to provide fresh hot meals. While I waited for them to finish preparing and boxing 300 meals for my group, I walked around alone and see the world. I had an hour to myself!
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MAYBE THIS MOTHER’S DAY, DON’T GIVE MOMS A HARD TIME Don’t give anyone a hard time, but seriously back off on moms BY A MOM
When I saw Sara Blakely’s post on LinkedIn about all the plans she had for herself in quarantine, it resonated with me—and apparently more than 30,000 other people. She needed to make her regular post in good lighting with eyeliner and a funny prop—and four kids. She needed to motivate the masses while also managing her own expectations of herself for herself. I just wouldn’t limit the “hang in there” sentiment to only people with small children. Moms of grown children and animals get a hard time, too. In the March 24 issue, Carly said she needs to write a positive Yelp review for her mom for the all meals she made for Carly in quarantine. Now we have a video of Tori’s mom cleaning her room while she’s working. I hope these moms know we’re laughing with them and have mad respect for the way they maintain order in their houses. Every minute of motherhood can be criticized—especially if it doesn’t seem to be coming as naturally as spectators expect. As I was looking for ideas for the issue, I saw this video of a horse struggling to deliver her foal. I have no idea how this was fed to me, but I saw the caption about “so many want to criticize the fact that we helped our mare” and thought, Yup. Natural birth, breast milk, how much to let babies fuss... Moms have the potential to be doing something wrong all the time forever. The next video I saw focused on laughing instead. I’ve only seen one episode of Momsplaining with Kristen Bell (ellentube.com), but she was in quarantine so it’s kind of the only episode I needed to see. She talks to Ashley Graham who gave birth in January. Ashley says she’s so proud of her breasts, describing them as talented and multifaceted. “They’re the star of the show,” Kristen says. But it’s not for everyone and that’s okay. Bottomline: Moms endure some crazy shit physically and mentally. Be nicer.
The author, identifying with the mare and Ashely Graham
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ANIMATED/COMIC BOOK BRACKET
1 Marge Simpson/The Simpsons 16 Lois Griffin/Family Guy 8 Wilma Flintstone/The Flintstones 9 Betty Rubble /The Flintstones 4 Aunt May/Spider-Man 13 Queen Ramonda/Black Panther
BEST FICTIONAL
MOMS
5 Susan Richards/Fantastic Four 12 Frigga/Thor 2 Helen Parr/The Incredibles 15 Bambi’s mother/Bambi 7 Martha Kent/Superman 10 Hippolyta/Wonder Woman 3 Jane Jetson/The Jetsons 14 Perdita/101 Dalmations
ANIMATED/ COMIC BOOK WINNER
6 Lois Lane/Superman 11 Kala/The Lion King TV WINNER 1 Mrs. Gump/Forrest Gump 16 Kiki/Bad Moms 8 Molly Weasley/Harry Potter 9 Lily Potter/Harry Potter
OVERALL WINNER
MOVIE BRACKET
4 Leigh Ann Tuohy/The Blindside 13 Rusty Dennis/Mask 5 Fiona Brewer/About A Boy
MOVIE/ ANIMATED WINNER
12 Dorothy Boyd/Jerry Maguire 2 Sarah Connor/Terminator 15 Beatrix Kiddo/Kill Bill 7 Melanie Parker/One Fine Day 10 Amy/Bad Moms 3 Marge Gunderson/Fargo 14 Carla/Bad Moms 6 Tess Coleman/Fraky Friday 11 Aurora Greenway/Terms of Endearment
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MOVIE WINNER
Elyse Keaton/Family Ties
1
Jessica Huang/Fresh Off The Boat 16 Rainbow Johnson/blackish 8 Claire Dunphy /Modern Family 9
TV COMEDY BRACKET
We’re not saying there’s only one good mom or we should pit women against each other—we just think it’s more fun than reading running text
Carol Brady/The Brady Bunch 4 Peg Bundy/Married With Children 13 Marie Barone/Everybody Loves Raymond 5 Debra Barone/Everybody Loves Raymond 12 Sophia Petrillo/Golden Girls
2
Jill Kargman/Odd Mom Out 15 TV COMEDY WINNER
Moira Schitt/Schitt’s Creek
7
Kitty Forman/That ’70s Show 10 Claire Huxtable/The Cosby Show 3 Estelle Costanza/Seinfeld 14 Henrietta Winslow/Family Matters 6 Mindy Lahiri/The Mindy Project 11
Separating some mom characters from the actresses became a funny problem for us
Tami Taylor/Friday Night Lights
1
Claire Littleton/Lost 16 Catelyn Stark/Game of Thrones 8
TV DRAMA BRACKET
Cersei Lannister /Game of Thrones 9 Joyce Byers/Stranger Things 4 Joyce Summers/Buffy the Vampire Slayer 13 Carmella Soprano/The Sopranos 5 Kristina Braverman/Parenthood 12 Caroline Ingalls/Little House on the Prairie
2
Jane Villanueva/Jane the Virgin 15 TV DRAMA WINNER
Daenerys Targaryen/Game of Thrones
7
Beth Pearson/This Is Us 10 Lorelai Gilmore/Gilmore Girls 3 Betty Draper/Mad Men 14 Skyler White/Breaking Bad 6 Elsa Gardner/Atypical 11
May 5, 2020 • Art
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Art Department Weekly • May 5, 2020
HOLIDAY PLANS Originally, when I was picking closing dates and saw May 5 come up, I did not want anything to do with Cinco de Mayo. And we did a big Star Wars issue last May. So, in my head I was going to plan for Mother’s Day. It would be a big photo story to explore what life is like for different moms in a gritty but beautiful sort of way. But then everything shut down and into the garbage that idea went. I decided I would crank out the 2017 conventions issue. But then my computer didn’t want to work. And I realized we went to three conventions in 2017. And we had a lot of pictures. It would be physically impossible to produce the issue on time. So, pivot... Friday was the first time Betty ever wore her Jyn Erso or Rey costumes (her brothers have worn the gloves, vest, etc. a lot), so they’re not her favorite costumes—these are everyone else’s favorite Star Wars costumes. —MV
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JOIN THE DARK SIDE The other day I saw a meme making a case for why it’s safer to be with the Empire:
• Masks • Respirators • Armor • Work Remotely
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STAR MOMS Amongst the many things Star Wars has done well in 12 films, portraying moms is not one of them. In typical Disney fashion, nearly every major character has a tale of that starts with the loss of their mother. If you are ranking the mothers of Star Wars, you probably have to grade Shmi (Anakin’s mom) highest, as she willingly gives her child away to live a life better than the one she can provide. She ultimately dies at the hands of Tusken Raiders, leading Anakin closer to his dark future. The rest of the Star Wars galaxy is littered with sad tales of lost mothers. Padmé dies from a broken heart and never gets to raise her twins. Lyra Erso is killed by Krennic while her daughter, Jyn, watches. Rey’s nameless mother rescues her daughter by sending her into hiding before she herself is killed. Then there is the interesting case of Leia Organa. Leia is raised by Bail and Breha Organa. We see Breha onscreen once in ROTS holding a baby Leia. Breha is then killed when the Death Star obliterates Alderran. While seemingly a loving mother, we have very little evidence of that onscreen. Leia doesn’t mourn for long before moving on with the mission. In the new trilogy, we see Leia as general and mother. She sent her son Ben to train with Luke. That decision led to Ben becoming Kylo and embracing the dark side. We never get to see a happy family reunion because Leia uses the last of her lifeforce to distract Kylo in his battle with Rey, leading to the ultimate demise of Kylo Ren. In a way she saves Ben’s life while sacrificng her own, which is the ultimate motherly sacrifice. —LV
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COMEBACK Baby Boom dressed as Jedi Master Yoda in 2013. Then an older Boom dressed as Baby Yoda for our “favorite costumes” shoot. He probably won’t be able to pull this off too much farther into the future if his hair keeps growing at its quarantine rate.
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HOLIDAY BARBIES Mattel promised the Princess Leia, R2-D2, and Darth Vader Barbies it released last Star Wars Day would be the first in a series. For 2020, they debuted Rey, C-3PO, a Stormtrooper, and Chewbacca Barbies. You can pre-order each for $99.99. Check out ComicBook.com for the lovely descriptions and fashion illustrations.
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TECH SUPPORT WITH MOM ALL THE OPTIONS I’VE ATTEMPTED IN ORDER TO PUT MY KIDS IN VIRTUAL CLASSROOMS
Acer Chromebook 2020 School provided tablet for 2nd grader arrived after trying iPad and 15” Pro
Lenovo Chromebook 2018 Cannot find its operating system
MacBook Pro 13” 2017 For Luis’ exclusive use
MacBook Pro 15” 2010 Can’t factory reset to Lion, but bootable USB for Yosemite keeps failing
HTC One M8 2015 BlueJeans phone app allows participation in PrimeTime events
MacBook Pro 15” 2006 Removable battery pack exploded
THESE MEMES ARE EVERYTHING. If there was no quarantine, one kid wouldn’t be on a tablet and the other would just walk into his main office to trade a broken laptop for a loaner. If Adobe had not threatened to delete all of my programs, I would not have upgraded to Creative Cloud. If I had not upgraded to Creative Cloud, I would not have upgraded my operating systems. If I had not spent so much time upgrading operating systems on three computers before the Chromebook failed to find its OS, I would not be threatening to punch school staff in the face for being so useless in diagnosing and replacing tech. Yay quarantine!
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MacBook Pro 15” mid 2012 I just upgraded it for CC, but now Kal uses it with the HTC for lectures
iPhone 7 2016 Madeline dug out a hairball to fix charging port as back up to HTC
iPhone 8 Plus 2017 Was used for FaceTime with teachers, still used for speech therapy
iMac late 2012 Back up to 15” in case Madeline needs to use her Wacom Cintiq
PowerMac G4 2003 Burns CDs, but no wifi
PowerMac G3 2000 Reads zip disks, but no wifi
iPhone 8 2018 For Luis’ exclusive use
iPad 2012 Too old to upgrade, cannot download Google apps, good for ABC Mouse
Gateway/Windows XP 2002 Reads hard disks, but no wifi
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
CAN THERE BE ENOUGH WAYS TO SAY THANK YOU? A new roster of Little People The Hill uses Ken Jennings to throw shade
and action figures stars grocery workers, delivery drivers, and more front line jobs. #ThankYouHeroes from Fisher-Price are available for preorder now through May 31 at www.mattel.com/en-us/playroom-thankyouheroes. “The net proceeds ($15) from each sale will go to #FirstRespondersFirst, an effort to support health care first responders started last month by the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health,
It’s just part of culture now
Nurses
If it’s not apparent yet, this is not how parents spend their time, but I thought it was hilarious
behavior change technology company Thrive Global and the CAA Foundation, the philanthropic arm of talent firm the Creative Arts Agency,” according to USA. com. “Mattel’s new toys will eventually be given to children at the child care centers #FirstRespondersFirst is opening (seven have opened so far). The toys can help children cope with the pandemic’s effects by fostering conversations.”
Medical Technicians
Delivery Drivers
Yeah, 0 days without tears here, too
Doctors
I wanted him to be playing “In Your Eyes.”
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FIVE THINGS *
MADELINE DOES AS A MOM IN QUARANTINE
medical care Avoid stitches, cold medicine, ice packs, Salon Paz, wrap fake casts, keeping an eye on the cat’s sinuses
tech support Set up laptop. hustle to get Acer, troubleshoot daily sessions, find workarounds for failing applications, fix G.I. Joes and peed on body pillow
food supply I hate cooking and shopping, but now I’ve started feeding birds so they don’t eat the seeds I planted
cleaning Floors, toilets, bathtubs, laundry, dishes...
preventive care Sewed masks, haircuts for kids and husband, encourage Boom to participate in class discussions, make ADW every two weeks, drink
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