UNSW Blitz Session 1 Week 9+10, 2014

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CONTENTS

Blitz is brought to you by: Editors: Jacob Burkett Krystal Sutherland Designer: Keely Spedding blitz@arc.unsw.edu.au www.arc.unsw.edu.au T (02) 93857715 F (02) 93138626 PO Box 173, Kingsford NSW 2032 Level 1, Blockhouse, Lower Campus

9 7 subjects you wish were at unsw 10 5 things to absolutely never give your mum for Mother’s Day

ABN: 71 121 239 674

Blitz is published fortnightly by Arc @ UNSW. The views expressed herein are not necessarily the views of Arc, unless explicitly stated.

Arc accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained in this issue of Blitz. Any complaints should be made in writing to the Communications and Social Media Coordinator: Mia Fukuyama T (02) 9385 7766 E m.fukuyama@arc.unsw. edu.au PO Box 173, Kingsford NSW 2032

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Ask Yoda

Who to date according to faculty

An open letter to yo mama

10 Rules for PDA on Campus 28 campus life

Blitz Debates: Roundhouse vs The White House

Reviews 39 Vox Pops 34

blitz.arc.unsw.edu.au

EDS’ LETTER

CHAIR’S LETTER

From Jake and Krystal Science tells us the strongest force is a nuclear force, but we here know it’s love, so this issue we play cupid and find you a ‘beneficial’ friend according to faculty. Because face it, you wouldn’t want to be looking for love in Alderaan places…moving on then…

Speaking of force, we got in touch with Yoda via hologram to learn some valuable life lessons. Despite him recommending traits such as care and respect, on p. 19 you’ll find an open letter to ‘yo mama’ for Mother’s Day, because who doesn’t love a mum joke?

We did however listen when he spoke of the need to celebrate at any given opportunity. In this case The White House is turning an impressive threeyears-old and we’ve already figured out the type of students who will be celebrating such an occasion on p. 28.

Being only three, we debate whether The White House is still the Roundhouse’s Padawan on p. 16 while on p. 9 we’ve put together the ultimate list of subjects you wish were taught here at UNSW. The content is strong in this one, so turn thy pages respectfully and don’t put us down for something from the dark side, like a weekly reading.

From Chris Mann It’s that time of the year again folks: the Arc Board elections are taking place in W10. This is your chance to elect three new student Board directors.

The student directors of the Board have the most important role, because they ensure that Arc stays relevant and adapts to meet the changing needs of the student population.

Voting opens at 9am Monday 12 May and closes at 3pm Friday 16 May. These elections are vital as the Board, collectively, decides on the direction of the organisation. That’s why every Arc member has the opportunity to vote for who they want to represent them on the Board for the next two years. So if you want to make sure that Arc keeps improving, make sure you vote!

For photos and statements from all the candidates, check out arc.unsw. edu.au/board-election.

Chris

chair@arc.unsw.edu.au arc.unsw.edu.au/board-blog

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WED 28 MAY

unswroundhou se.com for more info

FROM 12-6PM

cessories* Bring up to 10 items of clothing or ac

28 MAY AY M 19 M se O ou FR dh un Ro e th at off Drop them clean, ironed and in good condition *Clothes must be

De Bortoli

Short Film Festival S1W9 All week 7-9pm

t h e w h i t e h o u s e u n s w . c o m

Contributor Spotlight

Jermy Szal

Sophia Nurse

Simon Anicich

Keziah Gutierrez

WROTE ‘ MISTBORN REVIEW’ ON P.35

WROTE ‘ RECENTLY IN SCIENCE’ ON P.17

WROTE ‘ O VERTIGO! REVIEW’ ON P.35

What do you study?

Bachelor of Media (Communication and Journalism)

What do you study?

Juris Doctor

WROTE ‘ HOW TO GET AN EXTENSION ON YOUR ASSIGNMENT’ ON P.11

What do you study?

Bachelor of Arts (Film and Creative Writing) Which Star Wars character would you date?

Definitely that sexy Twi’lek (blue alien woman) who died in the forest in Episode III. Before she died, of course.

Which Star Wars character would you date?

Definitely Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker but way before he went evil.

Where would you take your tute crush for a romantic rendezvous on campus?

The Roundhouse. Failing that, I’d build her a fort of cardboard boxes.

Where would you take your tute crush for a romantic rendezvous on campus?

I’d take them to sit and talk under the trees near the Village Green.

Best birthday present you’ve ever received?

Probably my Kindle, so I could read my thousands of books in lectures and on the fly.

Best birthday present you’ve ever received?

This year my mum surprised me with an iPad which was really cool.

Have you ever forgotten Mother’s Day? Not since the internet.

Which dead celeb would you most like to hang out with?

Edgar Rice Burroughs, so I could ask him how he managed to write a dozen books without Microsoft Word or a computer... *shudder* What super power do you wish you had?

All of ‘em! Freezing time, invisibility, teleportation, mind-reading, flight, being able to jump into other worlds and universes... I can’t choose!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

A science fiction and fantasy writer.

Have you ever forgotten Mother’s Day? Yes. I know it’s shameful but it was during HSC and I was pretty much mentally drained/unstable.

Which Star Wars character would you date?

Padme Amidala. Move aside Darth Vader, Her Royal Highness Natalie Portman needs a real man!

Where would you take your tute crush for a romantic rendezvous on campus?

The Naked Lady Lawn, so I could pick up a couple of spooning tips mid date.

What do you study?

Bachelor of Arts (Creative Writing and English) Which Star Wars character would you date?

Luke Skywalker. Childhood crush, forever first love!

Where would you take your tute crush for a romantic rendezvous on campus?

A quiet private picnic in the middle of the Village Green.

Best birthday present you’ve ever received?

The shitload of Batman toys I got for my sixth birthday meant I never needed real friends again.

Best birthday present you’ve ever received?

Owl PJs. They were so soft and comfy…and they had owls on them!

Have you ever forgotten Mother’s Day? Fortunately no, I don’t think life would be worth living if I did!

Have you ever forgotten Mother’s Day? Mother’s Day?

Which dead celeb would you most like to hang out with?

John Lennon! I love the Beatles and I would love to talk to him about the world, how to write music and hippies.

Which dead celeb would you most like to hang out with?

I reckon a couple of rums with Hunter S. Thompson would make for an interesting night out on the town.

What super power do you wish you had?

To be invisible. I’d love to be able to spy on famous people and be able to travel the world for free.

What super power do you wish you had?

Telepathy so I could cement my status as the laziest kid on campus.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Ultimately I’d love to work for a fashion or cultural magazine, hopefully in New York City.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

If I got my way I’d Benjamin Button the shit out of life and grow up to be a kid again.

Which dead celeb would you most like to hang out with?

My seven-year-old self wanted to be badass with him in The Fast and the Furious.

What super power do you wish you had?

Time travel. It would be so handy with assignments considering my lazy sloth self.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I want to be like Naruto and live the way of the ninja. Or become an editor for a publishing house like Bloomsbury or Random House.

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BITZ AND PIECES Overheard

Napping. A recent study found that skipping nap time can be totes detrimental. Sure, the study was on babies, but we’re pretty sure it applies to uni students too.

Girl who looks like she’s in approximately Year 11: ‘Anything colder than 27 degrees is jumper weather.’ #UmWut #WinterIsComing

Random Factoid

In 1784 a Japanese seaman, Chunosuke Matsuyama, sent a message in a bottle stating that his ship had wrecked. In 1935 (over 150 years later), the message washed up in the village of Hiraturemura, where Matsuyama was born.

Urban Dictionary

May is National Barbecue Month! Whoever created this holiday had to have been an Aussie. So throw another PRAWN on the barbie. It’s prawn. We all know it.

acquaintance zone n. The acquaintance zone is like the friend zone, only one step further and much more degrading.

Who’s baking a cake for The White House’s birthday party in W10? Super stoked for the lolly bags! Are they doing lolly bags?

They should do lolly bags.

The De Bortoli Short Film Festival is happening in W9 at The White House. Get some. #AllDayEveryDay #CulturedAsShit The Lego Movie hits DVD/ Blu-Ray in May. ‘Everything is awesome! Everything is cool when you’re part of a team!’

Trending

Slow cookers. They’re the ultimate student cooking device.

Pour in cheap ingredients, leave unattended for several hours and hey presto! Cold weather deliciousness. Pick one up at K-Mart for an easy $20.

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FROM

HIT

UP

By Jennifer Nicholson

O SHI T

Trending

Tweet @Shanehasabeard

My mom would wake up early just to cut the crust off my sandwiches for lunch. She knew the crust was my favourite part. She hated me so much.

DOWN

Instagram Pic

@anthonyyx3 The first time I’m early enough to catch a bus to my 9 AM class I see this... #unsw #uni #howdothismanypeoplewakeupsoearly

Yeezy and Kim Kardashian.

After gracing the April cover of Vogue, many are threatening to cancel their subscription.

But they’re getting hitched on 24 May, so congrats?

Tag #blitzunsw on Instagram for your chance to have your photo featured here!

Book Nook Impress your friends by telling them to read... It

9am classes at the Squarehouse when you’re craving a coffee from the coffee cart. Damn you Basser Steps.

It’s been a week since midsemester break and we’re having free time withdrawals.

Stuck waiting ‘til July for some more freedom. This sucks.

It’s been 11 years since the release of Finding Nemo. And there’s still a few more ‘til we can find Dory! Back to our Where’s Wally book.

To S

E R T - ME

Season 3 of Scandal is over!

Cue the tears. Whether you’re team #Olitz or #Olake, we’re all suffering the hiatus.

Photo Credit: blog-image.forbs.com, assets.nydailynews.com,disney.co.uk

Group assignment meetings.

When you come in early to do a group assignment that easily can be done individually. I mean, you guys are nice, but I could’ve slept in.

Finally! Fashion icon and Karl Lagerfeld’s muse, Alexa Chung, decided to debut her first book last year and it’s everything us fashion girls could hope for. She’s fun and quirky about it, much like her personality, with cute sketches and intimate photographs displayed throughout. So in essence it’s a book, but not really a book because there are not too many words... (which, if you’re an Arts or Law student, is a relief). It’s apparently the latest trend, so I’d get on it.

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Tolerating First Years

This class teaches students to push past First Years when the Roundhouse security guard is trying to check their ID, and shutting them down in class when they pipe up with a piece of high school knowledge. The exam will be a competition to find the most creative way to initiate them.

How to Pass Your Course Without Doing Your Readings

This class teaches students the importance of SparkNotes and Wikipedia. It will also examine the best way to phrase the question, ‘Hey [person sitting next to me], what was the reading about this week?’ The tutorial presentation will require students to prove they can understand entire articles just from reading the abstract, and the final exam will cover mild plagiarising without getting caught.

How to Find a Park at UNSW

Students will learn the exact art of cutting other drivers off, how to park partially covering a driveway and altering the parking signs. Extra credit activities include disabling parking meters and forging documents like the university parking sticker and the disabled parking sticker. Tutors will be certified red P-platers with proven road rage.

Dissecting How I Met Your Mother

Aka: How not to be Ted.

7 SUBJECTS WE WISH WERE TAUGHT AT UNSW Sure ‘Heidegger and Metaphysics: Existential Phenomenology’ sounds like something everyone needs to know, but here are seven subjects we reckon would be a little more useful on a daily basis.

By Yeal Brender

How to Fend for Yourself After You Move Out

Splitting a Bill Between Six Broke Housemates

Students will be taught how to wait until the last minute to pay rent, and how to confuse the real estate agent by trying to pay with six different maxed-out credit cards all at the same time.

How to Dump Someone

This class starts with the basics, like teaching simple techniques such as the compliment sandwich: ‘Your beauty humbles me. But the timing isn’t right for us. A woman as perfect as you deserves it all.’ It continues with the intermediate class: making your ex jealous by tonguing someone else in front of them. It then finishes with the dumping master class – how to change your name and disappear completely (only necessary for those with the clingiest of exes).

This class covers washing without dyeing all your clothes a nasty shade of grey and how to light those pesky stoves that need a match.

Also included: locking out your landlord and being conveniently ‘absent’ every time they come by for an inspection, and how to order take-away food on your parents’ credit cards without them knowing.

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5 THINGS TO ABSOLUTELY NEVER GIVE YOUR MUM FOR MOTHER’S DAY

Mother’s Day is fast approaching on Sunday 11 May, but you haven’t bought a gift yet!? Have you got a death wish?

Here’s a handy list of what not to get your mum this year.

By Joy Lu

A MEASURING TAPE BELT

Padawans, greetings I offer you. If it is advice you seek, let go of everything you know you must. For it is only after you lose fear that you lose hate, lose anger and lose suffering. Wise as f**k I am.

Yoda OMG! My whole life I’ve dreamed of escaping the real world and becoming a Jedi!!! :D I practice in my room every day! What is the secret to learning the ways of the Force???

ExcitedPadawan Hmmm. Made that word up just to cool sound, I did. No secret to becoming a Jedi, there is. Lightsabers highly impractical and ineffective in real life, they would be. Pointless, your life is. Question, next.

Yoda Dear Yoda, Could you clarify your opinion on the dark side? Also, if possible, could you provide some meaningless platitudes in incoherent sentence form which give the appearance that you are wise because the writers were probably baked when they made these movies?

Anakin Anger, fear, aggression: the dark side of the Force are they… Do or do not, there is no try… Wars not make one great… Always in motion is the future… Other jibberish.

Yoda Hi Yoda, Yes, uhm, I would like to address an issue with your character: specifically in scene 43 in Episode II: Attack of the Clones, why do you need a cane to walk when you are clearly a freakishly athletic space alien? It, like, totally undermines the integrity of the series and is an embarrassment to the Star Wars franchise.

Roger

DUCT TAPE We’ve all endured hour-long lectures where even the potential of popping to the toilet would elicit further rage. No? Just me? Well regardless, duct tape for your mother’s mouth will always be a bad idea. Always. I shouldn’t have to tell you this.

A COOKING FOR THE CLUELESS DVD Yes, so apparently these exist – and no, you should not get one.

You might be sick of eating the same boring and tasteless meals every day, but it’s never a good idea to tell your mum she’s a bad cook. Be subtle guys: a simple cookbook will suffice. Or even a cardboard cut-out of Jamie Oliver, because apparently his presence can make anyone a better cook.

A REJUVENIQUE ELECTRIC FACE MASK Your mum might be trying to look for the fountain of youth, but unless you want her to achieve it through a serial killer’s mask, then avoid this gift. Waking up to Jason from Friday the 13th making breakfast for you every morning will not be fun for anyone. Girls seem to die first in horror movies and I’d prefer to live past 21 without a serving of maternal filicide.

Plot inconsistencies, there are. Nerd you are. Get a life, you must.

Yoda Yoda, Is Jar Jar Binks the most annoying character in the history of film?

ComicBookGuy Yes. Our casting was horrible. We were looking for characters in Alderaan places. Shit I’m funny. Oh ahhh…break character I did…

Leave me alone, I’m 900-years-old for Force sake!

By Julian Pipolo

AN I.O.U NOTE Your mum went through hours of labour for you and you can’t even spare $20 for some chocolates and – if you’re really stingey – some flowers from your backyard? It’s all about DIY these days, so go on Pinterest and at least make her a card. It’ll only take you half an hour, so you can spend the rest of your time finding an actual present for your mum.

Photo Credit: img2.wikia.nocookie.net

ASK...YODA

Your mum may not have a favourite child (HA!), but if you present her with this, then I hope you’re prepared to eat burnt dinners for the rest of your life. What an ungrateful kid you must be to talk about her weight on Mother’s Day. As my mum would say, ‘Giving birth to a barbequed pig would have been more helpful than you. At least it’s tasty.’ Yeah, she actually said that.

HOW TO GET AN

T MEN EXTEN N G I S SION ON YOUR AS

Assignment due dates are coming up and you’ve been slacking off watching funny cat videos again? Don’t worry! Here are a few ideas on how to get an extension on your assignment.

Blame Your Other Courses

Quote-Apologise-Unquote

It wasn’t your fault! You have a test Monday, a research task due Tuesday and karate lessons Wednesday; there just isn’t enough time for this assignment. Darn those other courses! So you would need that extension because you do not want to rush your assignment so you can do your ‘best’…yeh, that’s totally the reason.

Watch as many soap operas as you can and learn how to cry, pronto! Then, tell your course coordinator that this behaviour of yours is unacceptable, and your reasons do not matter, and that you’ll try harder, and you know you don’t deserve the extension, and wow your hair looks great today. Get on their soft side and tug on those heartstrings.

Make a Petition

On a final note, try to do your assignments early next time. I know it’s tedious and you’d rather watch those cat videos, but the sooner you get it done the sooner you can put it off your mind. Good luck!

Injustice! The assignment obviously calls for MORE TIME! Gather your fellow course mates and unite forces to get your asses an extension. It’s what’s right! And, hey, group work isn’t easy, so you should get at least a Credit for that.

By Keziah Gutierrez

#SOCIAL STALKER

YouTube theartassignment

Instagram @gameofthrones

tumblr A Rational Fear

Artists of UNSW, listen up, because it’s time to get your Art Assignment! A collaboration between Sarah Urist Green (vlogbrother John Green’s wife) and PBS Digital Studios, this project is all about getting you to take on new ideas and get involved with art. So whether you’re a COFA peep or part-time lecture doodler, the Art Assignment is well worth checking out.

Season 4 is already in full bloodbath mode, so you have no excuse for not following the Game of Thrones Insta! With behind the scenes vids and great ‘grams of all your fav actors from the show, it’s one of the best places to go to keep up with who’s still alive. Bonus: their profile picture is Daenerys as a pop vinyl figure. Enough said!

If you’ve ever thought that Australia needs its own Daily Show, the long wait is over. Started

by Aussie funny-man Dan Ilic, A Rational Fear’s tumblr page is a hotspot of political satire and they’re getting ready to bring us 10 weeks of brilliant online comedy. So if you’re growing tired of cheap comedy imports, it’s time to switch on over to A Rational Fear for some savvy home-grown laughs.

By Lachlan Harman

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gradgift.arc.unsw.edu.au

HIRE CAP, GOWN & HOOD $75

PLUS RECIEVE A 10% OFF THE GRAD SHOP VOUCHER

Top of Basser Steps Morven Brown Building, Ground Floor, South-West Corner P: 02 9385 7757 or 02 9385 7671 12

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MODEL STUDENTs

By Briella Brown

HAIR CARE HACKS A braid a day keeps the doctor away No matter where you turn, no matter what you do, it appears that braids have taken over the universe in the hairstyle stakes. How has something that was once reserved for small, doe-eyed youngsters made its way onto the catwalks and red carpets of the world?

The answer, my friends, is that it’s easy, looks good and can be styled in heaps of different ways for many an occasion. Fishtail braids full of volume have been seen on celebrities from LA to London. While the old-school milkmaid braid has been embraced by the likes of Beyoncé, a more chic rockstar braid has been spotted on Cara Delevinge.

Simon Metcalfe

SOCIAL WORK/ CRIMINOLOGY

What I’m wearing:

Cindy Elsayed

ARTS

What I’m wearing:

Shirt: Roger David Pants: Glue Store Shoes: General Pants

Jumper: Vinnies Pants: Nasty Gal Boots: Betts

How would I describe my look?

How would I describe my look?

Really easy going. I basically throw on whatever is clean off the floor.

Hastily put together! I love cool op shop buys and dresses that are warm and comfy for uni.

For a simple way to work yourself into the look, a classic waterfall braid is always a great starting point. If time is of the essence, braiding your fringe into a side braid and then sweeping loose hair up into a bun is always a sure-fire way to make sure you look at least half decent for your 9am tute!

E

To keep your hair lookingAah-mazing HER W S all year round, the styletastic peeps at Schwarzkopf are giving away an awesome prize pack every month!

To win some goodies, email blitz@ arc.unsw.edu.au with HAIR in the sw.edu.au blitz@arc.un subject line and tell us how long it took you to learn how to braid.

BITE US!

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sw.edu.au blitz@arc.un

SHO13W US

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B

CAMPUS CUPID

Medicine

You’ll drive yourself mad if you talk about blood transfusions and weird fungal infections for the rest of your life (or whatever med kids actually talk about) so tread carefully when considering pairing up with a fellow surgeon-to-be. Yet don’t write them off, listen to Doctor Love and let me prescribe you some handy hints when it comes to life partners to be found on campus: Med students can be disguised as the paint-splattered gal who’s studying to be the next Salvador Dali or the guy who makes your coffee at The White House. He’s probably a closet poet. Or a closet secret admirer. Let’s hope for both.

Either way, his or her knowledge of almost everything will replicate that of Yoda. If in fact they physically resemble the 900-yearold green, wrinkly, hairy, fella that is, put this aside – they’ve most likely mastered the Force, which is much more important to any relationship.

Law

Let’s not beat around the courtroom here: you like wigged lovers. But if you can’t find Michael Kirby’s profile on eHarmony, then stop weeping into the pages of a Constitutional Law textbook and look around the Lawbry. I know you’d think future High Court judges would be granted swipe-pass-only access to their own library, but alas, there may be some non-law riff-raff around. Weed them out by choosing the ones with bags under their eyes and empty coffee cups at their feet. Sexy. They may just be Mr. Right, (even if they’re no Mr. Specter) or Mrs. [insert your last name here] (even if Donna from Suits isn’t actually a lawyer.) Keep in mind; they may posses convincing skills that will see you barracking for them when they push to build a Death Star. These crafty kids can target your weaknesses and exploit them like only a long lost father knows how.

Commerce

By Brittney Rigby

I’m imagining less dinner dates, more Wolf of Wall Street style ‘love’ happening for you CEO-types. You need to wear the pants in your relationships, so go for the person you thought said ‘fiscal’ but actually said ‘Pringle.’ Yeah, the philosophy major may be more Confucius than commerce, but you know what they say about opposites. Step outside of the ASB long enough for some Vitamin D to actually hit your skin, and you might just become ill with lovesickness. Despite their limited social skills and future enemies, these people know how to build an empire. Take Jabba the Hutt for instance; no one likes this obese slug, but he’s managed to have the hottest aliens in the universe hand feed him. Again, if they happen to resemble this character, let it slide…actually no don’t. No one is worth that. May the Force (and the stock prices) be with you.

Not so long ago, in a galaxy so close it’s actually this one, the greatest matchmaker in the entire universe (me) set about finding you a hot ass date. I have looked closely at all UNSW’s empires making me the most cunning cupid this world has ever seen. Read ahead to find out who you should date and where you will find them based on faculty. You can thank me later. Or just give me your number.

Arts and Social Sciences

You cheeky buggers, you’re not as concerned about your peers having romantic potential, as you are your lecturers/tutors/Deans/Fred Hilmer. You don’t care about your WAM, but you are sucking up to your tutor for some ‘extra help.’ If that doesn’t go so well for you, head to the Roundhouse because there may just be someone waiting at the pool table for you. This is your cue (geddit, geddit) to start with someone in your classes rather than aiming for the person running it. In fact you’ve enrolled in university to join in on the adventure.

Chewbacca struggled to communicate but look at the experiences he had! These Arts students will have a story or two no doubt and be able to add that much needed spice your life has been craving.

COFA

Just grab a hipster sipping chai on the streets of Paddington. Done. If you think I’m making it sound easier than what it is, then you’re lying. We all need a little left-brained insight into our lives and there’s no one better to offer it than a COFA student. What’s UNSW without COFA? What’s Star Wars without Jar Jar Binks? Ignore the fact he was hated by fans, regretted by producers and flushed out of the rest of the films. The fact is, he brought us all something different, quirky and downright refreshing. If your love life needs revamping, head to Paddington.

Engineering

Let’s be honest here: you need to lower your expectations. The only qualities suitable romantic partners needs are: a) not a shithead and b) willing to binge watch Friends and consume copious volumes of dairy products in bed. So, head to the Library, pick the person choking back laughter because they’re watching TV shows on their laptop instead of studying and invite them back to your place … for some JenAn and Ben & Jerry’s, obviously. Engineers have always found a way to get by without doing as much study as they’re supposed to because when it comes to game day they’re more switched on than Han Solo travelling at light speed. They can turn a junkyard spaceship into the universe’s fastest vehicle but be aware, they won’t let you forget it. Definitely worth a shot if you’re looking for some creativity in the bedroom.

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‘Roundhouse.’ says Jeremy Szal Located at the bottom of campus, the Roundhouse is everyone’s fav student grunge bar, with at least 15 different types of beer and cider on tap, pool tables, gourmet food, arcade games and much more. What’s even better is that it’s cheap. Compared to most other pubs, the faithful Roundie slashes a few buckaroos off the standard price of beer and Happy Hour (every day from 5-6pm) even sees them go as low as $3.

Personally, the biggest clincher for me is the variety of beverages available. With a selection larger than your average bar, there’s a taste to suit (almost) everyone out there. (Ed. Don’t forget all the legends that have graced the Roundhouse’s stage! From The Living End to Parkway Drive to Bullet for My Valentine, the walls of the Roundie are imbued with tunes from some pretty huge names in music.)

With an outdoor seating area, large couches, themed trivia nights, deals on each week and food that’s damned good with (‘notbadmeme.jpg’) size servings you can’t go wrong with the Roundhouse. Invite your mates, crack open a beverage and catch some seriously chilled live music in the BeerGarden. Uni life doesn’t get much better than that.

Roundhouse vs The White House

It’s all about location, location, location on campus and The White House is the perfect hangout for both Upper Campus and Lower Campus peeps.

So even if you just pop in to grab your skinny latte to go, it’s super handy and that’s a major plus. (Ed. Errybody loves easy access.)

What’s more, the white picket fence, skinny wooden stairs and antique inside décor makes The White House feel like a home away from home. Overall, there are only three things you need to know about everyone’s fav campus hangout: A is for alcohol, or more specifically, punch bowls. There’s nothing better than rocking up to The White House on a Friday afternoon and responsibly sharing a delightful bowl of punch.

B is for board games. I don’t know about you, but I love a good game of Jenga. So when I found out I could combine my love of board games with my love of uni, I knew I loved The White House.

C is for caffeine. Long nights and longer assessments lead to lots of caffeine. The White House offers a wonderful coffee with a cute punch card for your wallet (and your tenth coffee is free!)

‘The White House.’ says Alexandra Black 16

blitz mag

YEAH,

SCIENCE!

What a Time to be Alive Want to smash through those piles of readings that lecturers give out just to torture you?

Well now there’s an app for that! Meet Spritz, the latest piece of technology that’s slowly destroying the human brain. Apparently the time consuming part of reading is the actual eye movement across the page. Basically, the app shows text one word at a time, flashing through at a fast pace which you can increase as you master the art of Spritz. Each word has one letter in red, which marks the ‘optimal recognition point’, where our brains understand the word’s meaning. It can be integrated into any mobile device, website or apps. This is shit the Jetsons couldn’t have even imagined! So stop wasting your precious time, moving your eyes back and forth over a page like a pleb, and get Spritzing!

Warning: don’t blink. Blink and you’ll miss _____

By Evette Sanders

Recently in Science...

Why grow your own food when you can print it? The Foodini countertop printer is set to launch later this year, enabling the public to use 3D printers in food preparation. Soon you’ll be able to take semi-liquefied foods and print them into dishes including spaghetti, chocolate handiworks and even the humble hamburger. #HolyShit

Inception might not have been so fantastical after all. A new study on rats found that, during sleep, their brains responded to audio tones the same asleep as they would awake. This confirms that our dreams are directly influenced by peripheral triggers, speculating the idea of ‘dream engineering’.

PhD What is your PhD on and how long have you been working on it?

I’m only a month into my PhD but it follows on from the work I did in my Honours year. The work is on reprogramming HIV to be used in treatment.

Breakdown molecular biology for us.

Molecular biology is Lego for big kids. Only you can’t see the Lego pieces, and you’re never too sure if they fit (actually it’s not much like Lego) but when things start working, it means you’re solving real world problems. It’s inspiring to think that my work could change or save lives.

Wong Andrew Blitz chats to UNSW PhD candidate Andrew Wong about his postgrad research on HIV and how it can be conquered.

By Keziah Gutierrez

What made you want to complete a PhD? Coming out of Honours, I was excited to do more research.

Plus, with the kind of study I’m doing I get to gain skills that are applicable worldwide. The facilities we have access to also influenced my decision. Yeah science!

What are some study treats that are guaranteed to get you through the tougher work?

Pokémon, loud music, vodka and a slice of marshmallow pie.

It turns out that plastic bags can be recycled into fuel.

Researchers have discovered a new method of converting petroleum-based plastic bags into fuel which is usable when mixed with diesel, resulting in a more environmentally-friendly fuel source.

Large scale implementation is not yet available, but we’re hopeful!

By Sophia Nurse

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Are you a good listener?

Do you want to help student welfare at UNSW?

A new after-hours helpline for UNSW students is coming in S2, and we’re now recruiting volunteers!

Open 9pm-7am, Friday-Monday during semester, it’s a confidential and anonymous service staffed by students who listen but don’t judge, and give support but not advice.

Interested in volunteering?

No prior experience is required, but you need to be available a few nights a semester, have a great sense of empathy and learn skills essential for the role.

Compulsory information sessions are being held in the Blockhouse in W9 and W10: TUESDAY 6 MAY (W9) THURSDAY 8 MAY (W9) WEDNESDAY 14 MAY (W10) THURSDAY 15 MAY (W10)

Visit arc.unsw.edu.au/helpline for more details and registration

arc.unsw.edu.au/studentsupport

NEED TO GET RID OF STUFF? We’ll pick it up for FREE

www.randwick.nsw.gov.au/bookmycleanup Or book using our free App myRANDWICK

18

blitz mag

DCS0046 Get rid of stuff_148 x 105__148 x 105_V2.indd 1

19/10/12 4:20 PM

An Open Letter to...

Yo Mama

Dear Yo Mama, Look, over the years you have taken a lot of crap.

You are probably the most ripped off, most chastised and most negatively mentioned person in the entire world.

It’s horrible the way people seem to treat you. What did you ever do to deserve such hate?

Yeah sure, you’re so fat that your bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before you do and yes, you’re so ugly that you make blind children cry. But these are things that I’m sure people in this world have done before, yet still you are the only one that gets blamed for it.

I’d be a horrible liar if I said I’ve never made a joke at your expense.

And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t dress as you for Halloween last year.

But I’m here to beg for forgiveness. You’re actually not that bad.

The truth is, yeah, I have said these things. I don’t remember exactly why. Maybe it was to fit in during an awkward social situation, maybe because at the time I was feeling a little angry with you. But at the end of the day, I do regret saying these things and I am truly sorry.

This week is Mother’s Day and Yo Mama, I just wanted to say: Happy Mother’s Day! ILY!

By Rowan Thambar

Volunteering Spotlight SHACK TUTORING

By Liz Chapman

Got a spare afternoon once a week? Consider yourself the next Robin Williams, ‘Oh captain, my captain’? OK, so it’s definitely not like Dead Poets Society, but I still think Shack Tutoring is pretty great. It’s run in partnership with Maroubra’s Shack Youth Services, where university students offer free tutoring to local disadvantaged high school kids.

I know that everything you learned pre-HSC has probably blurred into a haze at the back of your mind, but I assure you, it’ll all come screaming back to you once prompted. Shack also has a resource cupboard for tutors, with a stack of handy textbooks and exercises, if you want some help in dusting off the cobwebs (I sure did!).

I meet my tutee at the Roundhouse every Monday afternoon. She’s in Year 7 and brings in whatever homework assignments or questions she wants to run by me that week. We practice skills, go through some of the work she was confused by in class and have a good chat about her day.

Admittedly, she makes me feel old when she says, ‘I was born when you were in high school,’ but other than that, she’s a good kid. Personally, I think that tutoring is a really valuable way that we can help out in the local community. Making friends with these kids can begin to give them an idea of what it means to go to uni and maybe make it a lot less intimidating.

Tutoring sessions for semester one are already underway, but if you’re interested in getting involved, email shack.tutoring@arc.unsw. edu.au for details on how to apply.

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ride to school in style

W AT C H U N S W’S B E S T B AT T L E

5PM 14 MAY

a scooter WORTH $2700

PURCHASE ANY KIRIN CIDER OR BEER TO ENTER COMP OPENS 19 MAY

COMP CLOSES 4 JUNE

BEERGARDEN UNSWROUNDHOUSE .COM ROUNDHOUSE ENCOURAGES THE RESPONSIBLE SERVICE OF ALCOHOL. 18+ ONLY. VALID IDENTIFICATION REQUIRED UPON ENTRY.

You must be present in the BeerGarden at the time of the draw to win. Draw is at 7pm.

Roundhouse encourages the Responsible Ser vice of Alcohol. 18+ only. Valid Identification required upon entr y.

BETTER THAN STUDYING

WHAT’S ON UNSW

The White House’s 3rd Birthday!

Happy birthday dear White House, happy birthday to you!

Some of us are birthday people. Others run as fast as they can away from the spotlight. Lucky for all of us, our favourite white-picket-fenced establishment is the former.

Yes people, it’s The White House’s birthday on 12 May and to celebrate, they’re partying all week long (never will we be more grateful for podcasted lectures).

We know you’ve spent an unhealthy amount of time cooped up in the Library or at your desk recently. Put down that pen, shut that laptop and come join us for a study break. This place is just so good at feeding us coffees, yummy snacks, fishbowl cocktails and all forms of deliciousness. Surely it would be wrong not to raise a toast to the fine little hidey-hole it is?

WHAT’S ON UNSW 5 MAY - 16 MAY

WHERE: The White House WHEN: 12-16 May PRICE: However much your wallet

COOL KIDS DO IT DIGITAL

allows/your stress levels necessitate VERDICT: Three is definitely a good age to

be and these guys are bringing it in with styyyyle

UNSWROUNDHOUSE.COM

Follow them on Facebook at facebook.com/ UNSWWhitehouse or drop by on your way out of class to find out more about what’s going on!

By Liz Chapman

De Bortoli Short Film Festival If ever there was a time to procrastinate doing all those assessments flooding in, this week is your best friend.

GET ALL YOUR ROUNDHOUSE TIX ONLINE

NO MORE DOOR SALES

There will be events each day of the week so the party don’t stop! Cocktail classes and a coffee lucky dip will be happening Monday to kick start the week. There will be trivia and a cupcake lucky dip to follow on Tuesday, with birthday cake, karaoke and free canapes on offer Wednesday. Thursday sees you get the chance for a second beer half price if you find a sticker on the bottom of your first purchase, while on Friday it’s The White House’s shout if you check in between 3-4pm.

If you’re feeling like the next Martin Scorsese, a film buff or just someone who appreciates experiencing other students’ prized works, then this is definitely an event you want to attend.

The White House is holding a week long De Bortoli short film festival, from 5-9 May, which is sure to be a hit. Who knows, the entrants one day might be standing up on the podium collecting an Oscar and you can say you supported them from the beginning. (Tell them to include you in their speech!)

E N O A T D

If you’re feeling a little fancy, The White House will also have the finest De Bortoli wine and cheese platters for $20, so you can critique all the films in style. So it’s time to head down to The White House and act like the A-lister or film critic you’ve always wanted to be!

YOHAT I WAN T

WHEN: 7-9pm, May 5-9

Be sure to check out facebook.com/ UNSWWhitehouse for up to date schedules and information.

PRICE: Free

By Nicole-Irene Economos

WHERE: The White House

VERDICT: Get your fancy film critic on!

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21

Happy Hour 5-6pm @ Roundhouse Beverages during Happy Hour are as cheap as chips. Even cheaper than chips in fact, because chips have gotten hella expensive.

SRC Welfare Room

De Bortoli Short Film Festival

All day @ Level 1, Blockhouse, East Wing

7-9pm @ The White House

Study stress sucks arse. Get away from all the hustle and bustle of uni life at the Welfare Room, where you can chill out and refuel.

There are few better combinations on the planet than wine and movies. All through W9, the peeps at De Bortoli are bringing you both. Go to The White House for a mega hit of culture, with vino and short films available erry night.

Poker

Lunch Special

ALL WEEK

MON

MAY 5

Breakfast Special

9am-12pm @ The White House Cookies are the breakfast of champions.

Snag a large coffee and a cookie for only $4.

Law Postgraduate Info Session

9am-5pm @ CBD Campus Find out about postgraduate programs in Law and explore your options with academics and admissions staff.

Lunch Special

12pm onward @ The White House Chicken wings and a beverage for $8.

Daily Mass

12.10pm @ Quad 1049

Bingo

1pm @ BeerGarden, Roundhouse Time to wear your grandad’s clothes, look incredible and kick some arse at bingo.

85 Broads: PwC Communicating with Impact

5pm @ Roundhouse You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away and know when to run.

Happy Hour

5-6pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse Cheap drinks to ease you into the workaday week. You’re welcome.

De Bortoli Short Film Festival

7-9pm @ The White House Catch a selection of short flicks courtesy of De Bortoli.

MAY 6

TUE Breakfast Special

9am-12pm @ The White House Grab a regular coffee and a muffin or banana bread, all for $5.

Business Postgraduate Info Session

9am-5pm @ AGSM Building Find out about postgraduate programs in the Australian School of Business and explore your options with academics and admissions staff.

1-2pm @ Old Main Building Learn how to communicate with impact in a workshop led by PwC.

Enviro Collective Meeting

Women’s Collective Meeting

11am-1pm @ Arc Precinct All those massive carnivorous dinosaurs died out for a reason. Time to embrace your inner veggo and grab yourself a plate of some pure herbivore deliciousness.

1-3pm @ Women’s Room, Blockhouse

Queer Collective Meeting

4-7pm @ Queer Space, Lvl 9, Chemical Sciences Building

10am-12pm @ Activist Space, Blockhouse

VeggieSoc Lunch

BLITZ PICKS MONDAY

12pm onward @ The White House Pizza and beer for $10. There is no greater combination of food and beverage in the world.

Free Pool

12-2pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse ‘Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.’ – Abraham Lincoln

Bicycle Repair Workshop

12-2pm @ Quad East Wing Balcony Learn how to repair your bicycle with volunteer mechanics from Bike-Ology!

WED Breakfast Special

9am-12pm @ The White House Grab an omelette and a hash brown for $7.

Arts Postgraduate Info Session

9am-5pm @ John Niland Scientia Building Find out about postgraduate programs in Arts and Social Sciences and explore your options with academics and admissions staff.

Smoothie Social

12.10pm @ Quad G048

10am @ The COFA Courtyard Healthy, free smoothies to kick start your day!

Intercultural Collective Meeting

Lunch Special

Daily Mass

12.30-1.30pm @ Activists’ Space, Blockhouse

Trivia

12pm onward @ The White House Wine and pasta for $10? Don’t mind if we do.

5pm @ Roundhouse Know stuff about things? Put your knowledge to the test for the chance to win badass prizes.

Daily Mass

Happy Hour

1pm @ Roundhouse Got a talent for improvisational comedy to rival the likes of Liam Neeson? Come along to Theatresports to get a taste for the stage.

5-6pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse

Trivia Night

6-8pm @ The White House Chill out on The White House’s leather couches over a punchbowl while you recall all the meaningless facts Wikipedia has taught you over the years.

De Bortoli Short Film Festival 7-9pm @ The White House

12.10pm @ Quad G048

Theatresports

Women’s Collective Meeting

1-3pm @ Women’s Room, Blockhouse

International Collective Meeting 4-7pm @ Activists’ Space, Blockhouse

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

De Bortoli Short Film Festival

Bicycle Repair Workshop

Arts Postgrad Info Session

7-9 pm @ The White House

12-2pm @ East Wing, Quad Building

9am-5pm @ John Niland Scientia Building

They may be a wine company but nowhere in the rule book does it say they can’t put on a short film festival. Located at The White House you’ll find a range of films while you enjoy a range of beverages and meals at everyone’s favourite waterhole.

MAY 7

Got a flat tyre? Or maybe two perfect tyres but you fear the day when they do in fact become flat and need some advice on how to prevent such a travesty. The Bike-Ology volunteers are here to fix your bike problems and dish out advice on how to prevent them.

Is there anything more scary than graduating and facing the real world? Absolutely not. That’s why postgraduate degrees were put in place. If you’re considering one, head down to this info session to get filled in on everything from applying to scholarships.

BISTRO SPECIAL S1W9

DRINKS SPECIAL S1W9

ROUNDHOUSE ENVY

$7

Daily Mass

Dance Studio

12.10pm @ Quad 1049

All day @ Level 2, Blockhouse Need a place to get your Patrick Swayze on? Just contact Arc reception at reception@arc.unsw.edu.au or call 9385 7700 to make a booking!

Get spiritual at the same time every day, but be sure to check below as there are location changes.

The Roundhouse encourages the Responsible Service of Alcohol *Not available during major events

AMERICAN HOTDOG MEAL

ONLY

$9

UNSW - THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING GOOD GOING DOWN COFA Gallery Crawl

5pm @ COFA Courtyard Crawl to some of the hottest exhibitions in Sydney with a pack of your peeps.

Double Happy Hour

5-7pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse What’s twice as good as one happy hour? Double happy hour of course!

Open Mic Night

7-9pm @ The White House Wanna try out your Australian Idol audition piece before you go before the judge? Whether you’re into singing, yodelling or stand-up, The White House is your oyster. Go on. We double dare you.

De Bortoli Short Film Festival 7-9pm @ The White House

Sydney Comedy Festival Showcase

7.30pm @ Roundhouse COST: $29.50 (+BF) Catch the funniest and freshest acts of Sydney’s biggest annual comedy event and squeeze them into one hilarious night of world-class comedy!

THU

MAY 8

Breakfast Special

9am-12pm @ The White House Pancakes (with Nutella or maple syrup) and a coffee for $6. Yum.

Built Environment, Medicine, Science and Engineering Postgraduate Info Session

9am-5pm @ John Niland Scientia Building Find out about postgraduate programs in Built Environment, Medicine, Science and Engineering and explore your

options with academics and admissions staff.

Lunch Special

12pm onward @ The White House Grab some devil chicken and a beer for $8.50. So good it’s practically evil.

Free Bread Fridays

10am @ COFA Courtyard Free toast to start your morning. The best thing since sliced bread.

White House Lunch Special

Daily Mass

12pm onward @ The White House Grab fish and chips and a draught for $10.

Education Collective Meeting

Free Tea, Cupcakes and Icing Decoration

12.10pm @ Goldstein G02 12-2pm @ Activist Space, Blockhouse

Disability and Welfare Collective Meeting 2-4pm @ Disability and Welfare Room, Blockhouse

Live Music: Heineken Acoustic Sessions

4-6pm @ The White House Catch the dulcet tones of Olivia Jean.

Queer Collective Meeting

4-7pm @ Queer Space, Lvl 9, Chemical Sciences Building

Happy Hour

5-6pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse

MAY 11

Hits and Pits Round Three

4pm-12am @ Roundhouse COST: $92.60 (+BF) The mini-touring festival is back in its original form with punk, ska and acoustic acts that are certain to knock your block off. Catch Strung Out, Face to Face, The Casualties and more!

12-2pm @ Library Walkway Make your mum a pretty cupcake to say thanks for putting up with all your shit.

All thanks to the Arc Street Team!

Daily Mass

12.10pm @ Quad G048

Arc Sports Happy Hour

3pm @ Village Green Spend a lazy Friday afternoon having a crack at some free volleyball thanks to Arc!

Live Music

4-7pm @ Roundhouse

Happy Hour

De Bortoli Short Film Festival 7-9pm @ The White House

FRI

SUN

MAY 9

White House Breakfast Special

9am-12pm @ The White House Egg and bacon roll and a regular coffee for $6.

5-6pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse

Live DJ

6-9pm @ The White House

De Bortoli Short Film Festival 7-9pm @ The White House

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

DON’T MISS

Heineken Acoustic Session

Free Tea, Cupcakes and Icing Decoration

Trivia

4-6pm @ The White House

12-2pm @ Library Walkway

5pm Tue 6 May @ Roundhouse

Soak in The White House’s sweet aromas produced by their cheap beers and warm pizzas all while listening to the acoustic tunes of Olivia Jean. Thursdays are the new Fridays.

Forget to buy a gift for Mother’s Day? Never fear, Arc Street Team has your got back. Make and decorate your own muffin to the extremes you have always dared to. Quick, easy and free. She’ll regain faith in you in no time.

Looking for a place to expel all your trivia knowledge? Every Tuesday, two crazed gentlemen will entertain and bombard you with questions your tutor never asks. With drink vouchers and more to be won, we suggest you don’t miss it.

White House Breakfast Special 9am-12pm @ The White House From pancakes with Nutella to cookies and coffee, The White House will pull you out of your breakfast blues quick smart.

Roundhouse Lunch Special

The White House’s 3rd Birthday

12pm onward @ Roundhouse

All day @ The White House

An epic burger, chips and can o’ drink for only $11? Count us the hell in! Enjoy your meal in the shady BeerGarden while listening to some good tunes. #HellYes

W10 will see The White House bring you daily birthday delights, from cocktail making classes to free canapés. No birthday is complete without cupcakes and karaoke, so make sure you swing by every day to suss out the happy haps!

ALL WEEK

MON

MAY 12

Birthday Art Competition

All week @ The White House Write a poem/create a postcard about The White House for your chance to win a $100 tab. Winner announced on Friday!

Coffee Lucky Dip

8-11am @ The White House Guess which gift box contains a coin and get a free coffee!

White House Breakfast Special

9am-12pm @ The White House The best cure for Mondayitis? A large coffee and a cookie for only $4. Can I get a hell yeah?

White House Lunch Special

12pm onward @ The White House Your Monday lunch is covered with chicken wings and a beer for $8.

Daily Mass

12.10pm @ Quad 1049

Bingo

1pm @ Beer Garden, Roundhouse Clickety click, 66. Legs, 11. 52, chicken vindaloo. Come along to hear some great bingo nicknames and win prizes.

Free Pool

Poker

5pm @ Roundhouse ‘If you’re playing a poker game and you look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.’ – Paul Newman

Happy Hour

5-6pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse

10am @ COFA Courtyard Free smoothies? We vote yes.

Bicycle Repair Workshop

12-2pm @ Quad East Wing Balcony The peeps from Bike-Ology will be on hand to teach you how to fix any problems you have will your wheels.

Daily Mass

Cocktail Madness

6-7pm @ The White House Birthday cocktails, punch and a cocktail making class to celebrate the first day of The White House’s week long birthday celebration.

MAY 13

TUE

Smoothie Social

12-2pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse

Cupcake Lucky Dip

8-11am @ The White House Guess which gift box contains a coin and get a free cupcake! Also, write a birthday comment on The White House’s Facebook and claim a free coffee.

White House Breakfast Special

9am-12pm @ The White House Grab a regular coffee and a muffin or banana bread, all for $5.

Enviro Collective Meeting

10am-12pm @ Activist Space, Blockhouse

Intercultural Collective Meeting 12.30-1.30pm @ Activist Space, Blockhouse

Trivia

5pm @ Roundhouse

1pm @ Roundhouse Give the stars of Whose Line Is It Anyway? a run for their improv money.

Happy Hour

5-6pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse

Women’s Collective Meeting

Trivia Night

6-8pm @ The White House Win prizes by regurgitating all the random facts your mind stores even though it can’t remember the answers to, like, 40% of your exam questions.

Scumbag brain.

MAY 14

White House Breakfast Special

Women’s Collective Meeting

11am-1pm @ Arc Precinct Herbivores rejoice!

Queer Collective Meeting

White House Lunch Special

All Good Things Come in Threes

BLITZ PICKS MONDAY

12pm onward @ The White House Is there a better combination than pizza and draught for $10? We don’t think so.

Daily Mass

Theatresports

9am-12pm @ The White House An omelette and a hash brown for $7 you say? We know what we’re having for breakfast.

4-7pm @ Queer Space, Lvl 9, Chemical Sciences Building

12-2pm @ The White House Buy three main meals, get one free!

12.10pm @ Quad G048

VeggieSoc Lunch

1-3pm @ Women’s Room, Blockhouse

12pm onward @ The White House Wine and pasta for $10. Hump day just got a whole lot more bearable.

All Good Things Come in Threes

12.10pm @ Quad G048

WED

White House Lunch Special

10am-12pm @ The White House Buy three coffees, get one free!

1-3pm @ Women’s Room, Blockhouse

All Good Things Come in Threes 2-4pm @ The White House Buy three beers, get one free!

Bistro Happy Hour

2-4pm @ Roundhouse Grab the already cheap food you love at even cheaper prices. #winning

Cake and Canapés

3pm @ The White House Come to The White House for birthday hour to score yourself a slice of cake and some free canapés.

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

Cocktail Classes

Cupcake Lucky Dip

Cake, Free Canapes and a Big Sing Off

6-7pm @ The White House

8-11am @ The White House

3pm Onwards @ The White House

‘Would you like that shaken or stirred?’ Yes, you’ll be able to deliver this fancy line after The White House’s cocktail class.

If that isn’t motivation enough, you’ll finally learn exactly what’s in a Long Island Ice Tea or you can dare to come up with your own concoction.

Are you one of those people who never win anything? Well here’s your chance to break your unlucky streak. Guess which giftbox contains a coin and win a free cupcake. If that isn’t the easiest way to win I don’t know what is.

To celebrate The White House’s 3rd birthday there will be cake at 3pm and free canapés offered to guests during Birthday Hour. Also, from 6-8pm the Big Sing Off will be taking place. So if you’ve been looking for the opportunity to karaoke here lies your destination.

BISTRO SPECIAL S1W10

DRINKS SPECIAL S1W10

MANGO MADNESS

SAVE THE DATE

$7

COFA Shuttle All day @ Gate 8, High Street Need to pop over to our sister campus for a bit? Whether you’ve got a class there or you want to check out Kudos Gallery, the COFA shuttle will get you there in a jiffy.

All Good Things Come in Threes 4-6pm @ The White House Buy three cocktails, get one free!

International Collective Meeting 4-7pm @ Activist Space, Blockhouse

COFA Gallery Crawl

5pm @ COFA Courtyard Join a pack of peeps and crawl around to a bunch of exhibitions in Sydney.

Double Happy Hour

Big Sing Off Karaoke

6-8pm @ The White House Come sing The White House happy birthday!

All Good Things Come in Threes 6-8pm @ The White House Buy three shots, get one free!

Open Mic Night

7-9pm @ The White House Got a talent for Tuvan throat singing?

Or maybe a new stand-up routine you wanna try out on a friendly crowd? You can try just about anything at The White House’s Open Mic Night.

MAY 15

White House Breakfast Special

9am-12pm @ The White House Pancakes (with Nutella or maple syrup) and a coffee for $6.

ONLY

$9

UNSW - THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING GOOD GOING DOWN White House Lunch Special

9am-12pm @ The White House Grab some devil chicken and a beer for $8.50.

Education Collective Meeting 12-2pm @ Activist Space, Blockhouse

FRI

MAY 16

White House Breakfast Special

9am-12pm @ The White House Egg and bacon roll and a regular coffee for $6.

Free Bread Fridays

12.10pm @ Goldstein G02

10am @ COFA Courtyard Free food to kick off your weekend. #Winning

Make Your Own Salad

White House Lunch Special

Daily Mass

1-3pm @ Science Lawn The peeps from Arc Street Team will be on hand with salad ingredients galore. #GetSome

5-7pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse Double the fun!

THU

The Roundhouse encourages the Responsible Service of Alcohol *Not available during major events

SPICY CHICKEN BURGER MEAL

Disability and Welfare Collective Meeting 2-4pm @ Disability and Welfare Room, Blockhouse

Live Music: Heineken Acoustic Sessions

4-6pm @ The White House Rohin Brown, the guitarist from Angus & Julia Stone, will be dropping by The White House to play some tunes. Don’t miss.

Queer Collective Meeting

4-7pm @ Queer Space, Lvl 9, Chemical Sciences Building

Happy Hour

5-6pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse

Daily Mass

12.10pm @ Quad G048

Arc Sports Happy Hour

Check In Birthday Drinks

3-4pm @ The White House Check in at The White House between 3-4pm and they’ll shout you a birthday drink!

Double Happy Hour

5-7pm @ UniBar, Roundhouse Two is better than one.

5-7pm @ Roundhouse

5-7pm @ Roundhouse

HARRY POTTER TRIVIA Tues 20 May @ Roundhouse

Sure to be one of the most magical trivia nights Hogwarts or Roundhouse has ever seen. Brush up on your Harry Potter knowledge for the chance to win big. #GryffindorForLife

VIVID

Fri 23 May @ Circular Quay

Once a year, Sydney gets its shiny on and transforms into a wonderland of colourful lights. Get your mind blown by Vivid until 9 June.

WEEK TWELVE

3pm @ Village Green Try your hand at tennis for free, courtesy of Arc!

Live Music and DJs

Live Music and DJs

THURSDAY

12pm onward @ The White House Grab fish and chips and a draught for $10. Best way to start the weekend.

WEEK ELEVEN

FLEA MARKETS Tues 27 May @ Arc Precinct

One man’s trash, that’s another man’s come up. Sift through all the vintage threads at the Flea Market to find some totes amaze treasure.

NATIONAL RECONCILIATION WEEK 27 May-3 June

A week to commemorate two important milestones in the reconciliation journey: the anniversaries of the successful 1967 referendum and the High Court Mabo decision.

Live DJ

CLOTHES SWAP

6-9pm @ The White House

FRIDAY

Wed 28 May @ Roundhouse

In need of new clothes but don’t have the dolla dolla bills to spare to buy any? Simply swap your stuff with someone else’s!

DUD PARTY?

Lucky Spot Prize All Day @ The White House Simply buy a beer and if there happens to be a sticker on the bottom of the bottle you will receive it for half price!

Promote your event with What’s On! Go to arc.unsw.edu.au, Halfor email blitz@arc.

Assed unsw.edu.au

Free Drink 3-4pm @ The White House Okay these giveaways are starting to get extremely easy.

Need a drink between lectures? Or wanting to kick start your weekend? Simply check in at The White House between 3-4pm and you’ll be handed a drink free of charge. Too easy!

Olympics

Deadline 12 days before Mon of relevant fortnight

1pm @ COFA Courtyard Give Blitz the thumbs up

facebook.com/blitzmag

AROUND TOWN: WHAT’S ON SYDNEY

CHEAP A$$ SYDNEY 5 May - 16 May | Affordable Events

By Sandy Knupps

WATCH Cheapest Flicks in Sydney WHEN: WHENEVER WHERE: THE RITZ CINEMA COST: $8 FOR Arc STUDENTS These days Event Cinemas will charge you $16 for a screening and $14 for a large popcorn and coke. This is all included with a no comfort guarantee when you find the theatre is more packed than a Roundhouse session party. The Ritz Cinema on the other hand has movies for $8 and you’ll have more than enough room to relax. Bad Neighbours and Godzilla are set for release in May so make sure you pick this venue for your screening.

SHOP

Sydney Comedy Festival Say goodbye to the back to uni blues and laugh your way to a six pack at this year’s Sydney Comedy Festival.

WHEN:

2 April - 17 May

WHERE: Various venues across

Sydney COST: $59 VERDICT: 1200% more fun than what you should be doing

With mid-sem break over, assessments piling up and the mid-year holiday what feels like an eternity away, you could be forgiven for thinking there wasn’t a lot left to laugh about. Fortunately, the Sydney Comedy Festival’s got you covered. With more than 165 shows at student-friendly prices, your wallet, wellbeing and ever-dwindling social life will thank you.

ERE

H WAS

Boasting names like Bob Saget, David O’Doherty, Jim Jefferies, Matt Okine, Mel Buttle and Tom Ballard, there really is something for everyone. Whether you like to chuckle, snort, giggle or cackle, ditch the 895 on Wed 7 May at 7.30pm and join us at the Roundhouse to kick off this year’s Showcase tour.

WHEN: 9-5PM, SATURDAY 17TH WHERE: MARRICKVILLE TOWN HALL COST: A TAD MORE EXPENSIVE THAN YOUR AVERAGE MARKET It’s not often your pop up market is offering designer labels, yet this is what the Round She Goes Fashion Market prides ERE itself on. The award winning, indoor markets AS Hare home to all Wneeds.

E your fashion, accessory and jewellery Featuring 60 R HE stalls WAit’llSbe undoubtedly be a hunting ground for rare pieces you wont find in stores.

PLAY Game Masters

E N O ODA NT

With the funniest and freshest acts of the year, research has shown it to be at least 1200% more fun that your sw.edu.au blitz@arc.un 9am lecture.

BITE US!

Can’t make it? Never fear. The festival runs until 17 May across 22 Sydney venues. Check out what’s on and grab your tickets at sydneycomedyfest.com. Laugh and be merry, peeps!

By Sophie Edwards

Round She Goes Fashion Market

sw.edu.au blitz@arc.un

S! WHEN: E UFORTNIGHT BITALL

T

BITE US!

WHERE: THE POWERHOUSE MUSEUM COST: $12 FOR FULL TIME STUDENTS

Y HAT I WAIN

Blitz has three double passes to the Showcase at the Roundhouse on Wed 7 May to give away. To get your hands on the goods, email us at blitz@arc.unsw.edu.au with COMEDY in the subject line and tell us the lamest joke you’ve ever heard.

sw.edu.au blitz@arc.un

For all those students who spend too much time on their Play Station or Xbox here is an event for you. This interactive exhibition features over 100 playable games from the arcade era to the most recently released. If you’ve ever wondered how they made the leap from Pac-Man to Call of Duty your answer lies here.

W

WIN

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sw.edu.au blitz@arc.un

W US

SHOW US

SHOW US THE

10 RULES FOR PDA ON CAMPUS This should be common sense, but the couple with their tongues down each other’s throats on the Library Lawn in the rain on Wednesday morning reminded me that being all lovey-dovey-relationshippy often prompts your common sense to fly out the window. Here are some rules to keep you from embarrassing yourself.

1. Hand Holding

Totally acceptable. What’s not acceptable is being so intent on keeping those fingers intertwined that you make people swerve or duck to get around you.

An unclogged walkway is more important than your sweet, sweet love, so don’t inconvenience everyone just to get some palm-on-palm action.

2. Making Noises

Um...don’t. Seriously.

6. Hide Your Shame

Boys, if your pants start to feel a little, er, tight, move to a non-public location immediately. If this is impossible, conceal it with the sneaky tucking it into the waistband manoeuvre. Sitting the girl on your lap doesn’t count as concealing it. Sitting her handbag on your lap does, but we can’t guarantee you’ll ever get another date.

7. Heavy Petting

Um…don’t. Please.

8. Location, Location, Location

3. Ass Grabbing

A quick pat or a squeeze nobody notices is acceptable. Hands down back pockets are super annoying for the reasons listed under ‘Hand Holding’.

4. Kissing

Kissing is okay… but anything involving visible tongues or dripping saliva is out. Anything resulting in a hickey is excessive. I give a free pass to couples on their first date having their first kiss, but to everyone else – don’t make us watch your tonsil hockey match. Ain’t nobody bought tickets to dat!

5. Make It Look Good

If we all have to watch you necking your boyfriend, then at least make it a spectacle worth watching.

On campus, there is a day-care centre. There are school children playing sport. There are people with kids. There is no need to violate young minds with your PDA – the world will do that soon enough.

There are also areas where people eat and nobody wants live porn as their lunchtime entertainment.

Well, maybe some people do, but those people should seek an appropriate location to indulge that particular fantasy.

9. Clothing

Do not remove it. Do not rearrange it to get more access to skin. There is to be no unhooking of bras and no sneaky upskirt underwear removal. There is to be no sneaky fingers into the undone fly action.

Stop.

10. Get a Room

When all else fails.

By Yael Brender

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campus life.

Duj’s Life Hacks With the gourmet burger fad taking over Sydney, you’re probably asking yourself – how can I take my next hot date out to a burger place without looking like a complete slob? The answer is, more often than not, right in front of you – skewers!

If you’ve been given one (e.g. Grill’d), it’s meant to be used as an anchor point for your fillings – just pierce one side of the burger, and take a chomp out of the other.

Reposition as required.

BONUS ROUND: If no skewer is given, try my trick – eat in a spiral! Each bite guides all the ingredients into the centre, leaving your last, delicious bite full of quality burger innards, rather than obligatory lettuce-y nonsense.

By Anuj Dhawan

SPOTTED AT THE

WHITE HOUSE’S BIRTHDAY WEEK What are the best part of birthday blowouts? For anyone who said presents, please readjust your materialistic perspective and meet the rest of society at the proper answer: the people.

Having lived through two momentous years, The White House’s third birthday in W10 lends the perfect opportunity to reflect and appreciate the patrons that ensure every week’s a party at UNSW’s most practically named institution. Here we pinpoint and praise those unsung heroes.

The (Sober) Karaoke Goer

Arc Spotlight Arc Street Team

Arc are so determined to make your time at UNSW memorable that there is a team of volunteers hired just to be the friendliest, happiest and most helpful people to grace the campus. The Arc Street Team is constantly setting up free pancake stalls, barbeques, tea parties and more, simply because they give a damn!

If you have the world’s most contagious smile and can point out the positives in even the direst position (e.g. 9am Monday morning lectures allow me to get a caffeine hit for the start of the week), Street Team may just be the place for you.

Recruiting will start up again in S2 so email arcstreetteam@arc.unsw.edu.au for more deets.

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Seen at The White House’s weekly Wednesday open mic night, this song-intoxicated party hat wearer is relatively harmless. Just keep the microphone volume lowered and ensure all Bon Jovi is skillfully eradicated from playlists.

The Smug Yet Uninformed Beverage Enthusiast

Often heard discoursing about the surprising merits of the 2013 Yellowglen over the 2012 McWilliam’s Rose, the palate for such low-brow snobbery does not exist at The White House.

Such underdeveloped drinkers will be kindly redirected to Tuesday’s boutique beers list, where all the civilised people place their orders.

The Groover

In Brief

There’s no better platform to bust out some casual hip thrusts than at The White House.

Thursday’s free live music means that those tapping toes aren’t going to look a beat out of tune. Things get a little bit more seductive after 6pm on a Friday with resident DJ’s forgetting all that house-shit and getting down right fun-kay.

The ‘Work Can Wait For Tomorrow’ Dreamer

Happy hour + cocktails + Monday 3pm = too much temptation, too little restraint. But really, let’s be honest, you’ve just completed a fifth of your university week – if that doesn’t deserve celebrating, then what struggle does?

New tech professors

Two of Down Under’s most badass tech entrepreneurs, Mike Cannon-Brookes and Dr Ori Allon, have been appointed as Adjunct Professors at UNSW’s School of Computer Science and Engineering.

The peeps, who between them run a $3.5 billion company and own a freakin’ basketball team, will be advising the school on ways to act on start-up ideas.

Teens ain’t drinkin’ The Topper

Got a story? They’ve got a better one. If you’ve met the Queen, they’ve had dinner with the whole monarchy. If you’ve gotten a D, they’ve gotten a HD and a Dean’s Award. If you’ve decided to play Innquisitive Trivia at 6pm on a Tuesday, they’ve got the answers. This is one partier you’re never going to be able to steam-roll down, so jump their proverbial bandwagon and make sure you’re on the same team.

The Eater

Seen by the trestle tables with tell-tale food stains on their shirt, The Eater knows no limit to shame or stomach capacity. Leave them be, they’re at peace on the cheap at The White House with daily food and drink combos.

To help The White House celebrate its birthday, come along on any day in W10 to join in the revelry. There will be cocktail making classes, cupcake lucky dips, free canapés, prizes and The White House might even shout you a round to say thanks for stopping by. Check out the What’s On section on p.24-25 for all the in depth deets. And remember, it’s the people we have to celebrate because, for better or for worse, there’s a bit of each type in all of us.

BY Caitlin Reulein

In the last decade, there’s been a pretty bitchin’ change in drinking habits among Aussie teens. UNSW’s National Drug and Alcohol Research Centre found that the percentage of kids aged 14-17 who don’t drink alcohol has increased from almost 33% in 2001 to over 50% in 2010. #badass

What does the Tasmanian tiger say?

Researchers at UNSW and the University of New England have discovered an ancient fox-sized cousin of the Tasmanian tiger that was pretty terrifying. Although only small, the meat-eating marsupial had a high bite force for its size and probably hunted large prey. For the love of god, nobody mess with Skippy.

Microbial arms race

A UNSW-led team of scientists have observed a rapid evolutionary ‘arms race’ between bacteria and the killer viruses they contain. ‘Most antibiotics are failing us quite miserably, which has a lot to do with the rapid evolution that bacteria can undergo,’ says Associate Professor Torsten Thomas. The research is important for understanding how bacteria evolve, so we can kick their lily arses in the future.

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Come along to the Arc @ UNSW Limited

A G M Annual

General

Meeting

2014

5PM THURS

22ND MAY

TUE 20 MAY 7pm REGISTER YOUR TEAM

THEMED PRIZES DRESS UP ENCOURAGED

UNSWROUNDHOUSE.COM @UNSW

All ordinary members of Arc are eligible to attend. (you will need to show your Arc membership sticker at the door)

Those who attend will enjoy a free BBQ & drink*

For agenda & further details:

arc.unsw.edu.au/agm *conditions apply see website for details.

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Don’t Do what Paris Does Appear on Ellen

The soccer mum crowd looked to be enjoying themselves but this was undoubtedly due to the death threat stares DeGeneres would’ve been hounding them with. This is where Paris found her false confidence, and this a poisonous curse you don’t what to be inflicted with.

Hide Behind the Play Button

It’s been well documented that Paris hits a hidden play button then mimes her whole set. This is a dangerous move that can be picked up quite easily by the crowd. If you want to impress you’ll have to be spinnin’ those decks freestyle player, you dig?

Photo Credit: festivalsherpa.com

UNSW DJ COMP

Forget a DJ Name

Paris Hilton recently stated ‘I’m one of the top 5 DJs in the world’. No seriously. This isn’t sarcasm. Google it. Please.

People are going to tell you the reason the Roundhouse is hosting a DJ comp is to showcase student skills, give budding DJs a chance to perform on stage, or even give them media exposure – this is in some ways true, but is ultimately in place to mislead. The real reason is that we intend to dethrone Paris from her top 5 status. Here’s how.

I shouldn’t have to tell you this. It’s arguably the most fun part about being a DJ and Hilton decides to use her name which has already been shamefully tarnished. If you’re looking for some inspiration, use your porn star name (your first pet name is and first street name). For example: DJ Chilli Ocean.

If you think you got what it takes to not be Paris Hilton, head to unswroundhouse.com for details on how to enter and begin the climb to a coveted top 5 status.

By Ari Stark

Did you know …

Laying Down the Law

Plaigarism’s a killer Speaking of co pying, check out Heriberto page sometim Seda’s Wikip e - but don’t edia reference it in as the “Copyc an essay. Know at Zodiac Kille n r” (i.e. that Ja movie), Seda ke Gyllenhaa was sentence l d to 83 years string of mur in prison for ders and atta a cks in New Yo There, you se rk in the early e! Definitive pr ‘90s. oof of the serio of copying. us conseque nces

Nine students were expelled from Victoria’s Deakin University on plagiarism charges in 2012 for buying their essays off of the internet – yeah, people actually do that.

Passing off someone else’s work as your own counts as intellectual theft, and there’s a special level in hell reserved for perpetrators. At this stage of semester some students will be looking for a quick out, and whether that’s lifting a few sentences straight from a textbook or reusing your friend’s essay from last semester, you (and your helpful friend) can go down big time.

UNSW’s brought in the big guns for sleuthing shady students.

Most faculties now request that students submit soft copies of their work through Turnitin, a horrifyingly efficient program that checks your work against previously submitted student work, professional publications and everything on the whole entire internet OMG OMG OMG.

The consequences of being caught plagiarising are severe. As well as the immediate repercussions of failing a course, being suspended or even expelled, in the longer term professional reputations can be ruined; for example law graduates can be knocked back from the bar for plagiarism penalties they received while at university.

So, if you sense troubled waters ahead, contact your lecturer early for an extension or for special consideration. Or you can just do some damn research, insert a footnote and live happily ever after.

May the law be ever in your favour.

HAVING CENTRELINK WOES OR A TENANCY DISPUTE? Give the wise ones at Student Support a shout!

Email advice@arc.unsw.edu.au or call 9385 7700 with your query or to make an appointment.

Antonia Shuttleworth Student Support Intern

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RTS O P S Arc

T O P S T HO R U O YH HAPP

VOLLEYBALL WHEN: 3PM FRI 9 MAY WHERE: VILLAGE GREEN Upper thighs will be on display in W9 when volleyball takes centre stage for Arc Sports Happy Hour. So if you’ve been looking for an excuse to sport those tiny gym shorts that have tragically made their way to the back of your cupboard, look no further.

Everyone from Olympians to beginners are welcome, so it won’t matter whether you live for the game or think spiking is a term only used for rigging someone’s drink.

Come down and witness team spirit at an all time high as as we look for UNSW’s most coveted volleyball-er? Volleyball-ist? Volleyball player…

Fact 1 Most volleyball players jump roughly 300 times per game.

Fact 2 Kingston, North Carolina, is home to the longest ever volleyball game. It went for 75 hours! That’s like… three days!

Fact 3 The word volleyball comes from the Greek term: vollisus balluses, meaning to throw a ball over a high fence to hit an unaware neighbour.*

TENNIS WHEN: 3PM FRI 16 MAY WHERE: VILLAGE GREEN Invented by the French in the 12th century, early tennis was a lot closer to handball. Today it’s all about racquets, short skirts and making comical grunting noises when you hit the ball. Wanna have a crack at the game?

Arc Sports Happy Hour has got you covered, son. To get you in the mood to get your Serena Williams on, we tracked down some badass tennis facts you might not know about.

Fact 1 The fastest ever serve in women’s tennis was performed by Venus Williams in 2007, who recorded a serve of 207.6km/h. Imagine copping that sucker to the eye.

Fact 2 The first women to play in the Wimbledon tournament wore full length dresses. #EffThat Fact 3 The ball is only in play for about 20 minutes of an average two-and-a-halfhour tennis match. Which still isn’t as bad as gridiron, where gameplay lasts for around 12 minutes in a three-hour game.

*Not a true fact. Ran out of facts.

Come along to the Village Green every Friday afternoon at 3pm to try on a new sport for an hour!

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CAPTAIN Q&A

Basketball How’d you find yourself in the UNSW basketball team?

I had played representative basketball throughout my high school years and thought I’d better keep playing or I’d get unfit and star on Embarrassing Bodies. I also thought it’d be a great way to make new friends at university.

What was your first Unigames like?

My first Unigames was in 2010 in Perth. I was one of the only rookies so they gave me a bit of a hard time but they still really looked after me, it was an awesome time.

What are the expectations for this year’s Unigames?

This year our competition is really tough, but hopefully we can bring the team together and have a few good games in Newcastle at the Eastern University Games that will see us qualify for the Australian University Games.

eaker

Marty D

Blitz chats with senior basketballer Marty Deaker about his experiences at Unigames and expectations for the upcoming events.

What’s been the team highlight since you’ve been involved?

I’ve had so many good memories from Perth to Adelaide and the Gold Coast, but I feel like last year’s EUGs in Wollongong was a great memory.

Our team narrowly missed out on the court but our team’s location on the beach in the luxurious suburb of Windang, combined with a great group of basketballers made for a great experience.

How can interested basketballers get involved?

Anyone that wants to get involved in UNSW basketball from social comps to local competitions and Unigames can contact basketballunsw@gmail.com for more info.

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Reviews.

PLAY

DVD

The Govemment Inspector

12 Years a Slave

Divergent

By Simon Stone with Emily Braclay

Directed by Steve McQueen

Directed by Neil Burger

The Government Inspector was a show that was never meant to happen. It was a replacement for The Philadelphia Story, which turned out to be a catastrophe, as it was stripped of all its rights at the last minute. But sometimes good things fall apart so great things can come together: great things like this blasted, blooming, bashful and wonderfully hilarious play.

For a film that just won the Oscar for Best Picture, I definitely had high expectations of 12 Years a Slave. Both my eyes were glued on Hollywood’s newest A-lister, Lupita Nyong’o, who gave the performance of her life (so far – we expect big things from her in the future) to win her the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress.

Divergent is a film based on Veronica Roth’s bestselling series, which follows a girl named Tris Prior who lives in a dystopian world that segregates its citizens into five factions – Dauntless, Amity, Erudite, Candor and Abnegation.

We were in stitches from the very beginning, when we were informed by Robert Menzies that we would in fact not be seeing The Philadelphia Story, at which point he gave us the option to depart. The Belvoir’s stage began to spin and the play commenced.

Each and every single actor in this performance showed incredible versatility and attention to detail. I was particularly drawn to Eryn Jean Norvill; her facial expressions, body language and cheeky nature were captivating. But it didn’t stop there. Zahra Newman showcased her fantastic voice and Greg Stone revealed his acrobatic abilities.

Simon Stone and Emily Barclay, who wrote the play, did an excellent job. It had everything – sarcasm, humor, music, romance, lights and even glitter! Overall, The Government Inspector is a draw-droppingly funny show and certainly not one to be missed.

The Government Inspector is playing at the Belvoir until 18 May. Tickets start from $35 for students. Check out belvoir.com.au for deets!

DISTINCTION Grace mcgeeham

FILM

Note to self: you’ve got to be in a semivulnerable or at least ‘ready to be emotional’ kind of state before you sit down, because it does get intense. It’s very much a good vs. bad guy frame, where you can’t help but recoil at how poor quality of life was back then.

In a pretty awe inspiring depiction, Chiwetel Ejiofor plays African American Solomon Northup, a free man who’s abducted in 1841 and sold into slavery. It’s not just about survival; it’s about living, through terrible adversity, in the hopes of one day experiencing true freedom.

It’s hard to believe a true story like this one took so long to come to fruition, but with Brad Pitt championing the movie, many celebrities jumped on board, with notable cameos from Michael Fassbender, Sarah Paulson, Benedict Cumberbatch, Paul Giamatti and SNL’s Taran Killam.

Let’s just leave my emotions at ‘OMG the feels!’

As a typical fangirl of the book series, I was nervous to see whether Shailene Woodley and Theo James, who play Tris and Four, could pull off the two kick-ass protagonists. They did.

Divergent was filled with a cast of three-dimensional characters that jump off the screen and all the major characters played their roles well.

The humour was subtle but well executed. It provided a good break from the action, which got a little overwhelming at times, as the group of Dauntless initiates literally fight and die for their faction.

What I enjoyed the most about the film was its ability to capture the images I had in my mind of the world and characters so perfectly. Its storytelling was seamless and didn’t suffer from the evil of info dumping.

The movie goes for 2.5 hours, but you won’t HERE AItS will W regret a minute of it. shock you, awe you E S HER E is here WAand A story that should have been told earlier make you cry. Go watch it now.

R E H WAS now. Go watch.

To celebrate the release of the DVD on June 4, Blitz has three copies of 12 Years a Slave to give away. To win, email blitz@arc.unsw. edu.au with 12 YEARS in the subject line and tell us what instrument Solomon Northup was renowned for playing. sw.edu.au blitz@arc.un

BITE US!

Distinction Shailo Rasanayakam

DIStinction US! BITE E US!Lu BITJoy sw.edu.au blitz@arc.un

sw.edu.au blitz@arc.un

WIN

WIN sw.edu.au blitz@arc.un

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SHOW US

SHOW US

SHOW US THE

BOOK

ALBUM

SERIES

Mistborn: The Final Empire

O Vertigo!

Girls Season 3

Written By Brandon Sanderson

Kate Miller-Heidke

Created by Lena Dunham

When a book opens with the sentence ‘Ash fell from the sky’, you know you’re in for a fantastic read. And it just gets better from there.

Unless you lived a deprived childhood with little to no contact with the outside world, I’m going to assume you’ve seen The Little Mermaid. In the film, you might recall that the evil sea hag Ursula steals Ariel’s voice and locks it away in a seashell for her personal entertainment. Well this is exactly what I intend to do with the voice of Miller-Heidke; because damn girl, it’s nothing short of amazing.

Girls is the most real show on television. Its third season continues the story of four women struggling to find their place in the world, told through hilarious laugh-till-you-cry dialogue and a healthy dose of nudity.

With all the stogy ‘literary/smart/proper’ so called ‘literature’ we’re forced to read for class, it’s an absolute blast to read something other than a book about dysfunctional families and unfaithful wives. Instead, we get treated to one of the most innovative fantasy novels ever written. An incredible world shrouded in mystery, violence and magic, The Final Empire flips the fantasy trope where good conquers evil. This is a world where the ‘Dark Lord’ has actually won, leaving half the population enslaved and the other half (nobles, lords and ladies) playing political games in a desperate attempt to stay alive in a dying kingdom.

Evoking themes of steampunk and post-apocalypse, Brandon Sanderson creates one of the most innovative, original and intricate magic systems ever seen in fantasy, putting almost every other author to shame. It’s rich in content and ridiculously fun to read.

If you haven’t read it already, then flush the prescribed ‘serious novel’ you’ve been asked to read down the toilet and pick this up instead.

You will not regret it for a moment.

High DISTINCTION Jeremy Szal

O Vertigo! is the singer’s fourth album and her first since she ditched major label Sony to go down the independent route. Miller-Heidke has crafted an emotional rollercoaster, with the album going from happy make-you-wanna dance tracks to songs so sad you’re gonna want a few boxes of tissues handy. This kind of jumpiness shouldn’t work, but the acapella stylings of Kate ensures it does, and spectacularly so.

In short, O Vertigo! is destined to be one of the great Aussie releases of 2014, so if you’re yet to get on board the Kate Miller-Heidke train, this is the perfect stop.

DISTINCTION Simon Anicich

Although I’m still mourning the loss of the man candy that was Charlie (played by Christopher Abbott), you hardly notice his absence amongst the brilliant cast of young actresses.

Highlights include: Hannah donning a wig and pretending to be a married woman to spice up her sex life. The hilarious (and fabulous) dance number to F**k You by Harry Nilson. Marnie and Ray’s surprise enemies-with-benefits relationship. Hannah describing her copywriting job as ‘a sweat shop factory for puns’ and finally quitting.

Hannah says in the last episode: ‘I want to find a hole in the world in the shape of me and just fill it up.’ Season 3 of Girls does just that.

High distinction Annalise bolt

GO BLITZ YOURSELF Ever worried that you are too critical? Then we want you!

Blitz is always looking for extra reviewers and reporters. Email us at blitz@arc.unsw.edu.au and be rewarded with freebies and invitations that’ll make your time at UNSW so much cooler.

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WORD SEARCH L

E

E

S

R

W

D

E

T

Find as many words as you can in the square.

Each word must be at least four letters long and include the middle letter, plurals allowed.

Each letter can only be used once. Good Luck.

MAZE

Email your words to blitz@arc.unsw.edu.au by 5pm May 16 to win a $20 UNSW Bookshop Voucher.

SUDOKU

Sudoku Puzzle - Hard

1. What US city is nicknamed ‘The Big Peach’?

2. What decade introduced barcode scanners to supermarkets?

3. How long does it take the moon to revolve around the Earth, to the nearest day?

4. How many strikes make up a perfect tenpin bowling game?

5. What does pink kryptonite do to Superman?

6. What is the name of the van the Scooby-Doo gang drives?

Answers on p. 39

CONTACT TRIVIA: Q. True or false: the ‘high five’ action originated in the 17th century? www.sudoku-puzzles.net

JOBS AND OPPS More Puzzles:

www.sudoku-puzzles.net

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Volunteer Opportunities at The Australian University Games

Deadline for Kudos Gallery

Missed out on the football team? If you’re keen to get to Unigames but your physical prowess is letting you down, there are plenty of volunteer positions up for grabs. Australian University Sport has everything from media positions, HR and operation manager jobs available.

If you’ve been working on some art you think the world needs to see, your first step is submitting it to the Kudos Gallery. Only then can you contemplate cutting your ear off. The deadline is 16 May, so work on your final touches then check out arc.unsw.edu.au/cofa for more information and application forms.

If you are interested email aug.volunteer@unisport.com.au or log on to unigames.com.au for more info.

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IN E M R COLOU

STUDENT SURVIVAL KIT Hungry? Tired? In need of entertainment? Blitz has totally got you covered. Each issue, we’re giving away a massive, badass prize pack containing:

Weekend reading material from Bloomsbury.

Seriously tempting study snacks from Byron Bay Cookie Company.

A guarana thrill from Boca Lupo to get you through the day.

Tech cases from STM Bags to protect your Apple goodies.

A $25 gift card from Yogurtland (yum!) to help you woo your tute crush on a date.

And finally, a $50 gift bag of White Glo goodies to keep your pegs pearly white.

If that ain’t the tightest shit you ever seen then get out of our faces. Wanna get your hands on this amazing bag of swag? Simply colour in these Stormtroopers, follow us @blitzunsw on Instagram and post your amazing creation with the hashtag #blitzunsw blitz mag

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EXCLUSIVE MEMBERS COMPETITION THANKS TO PALACE FILMS

Win 1 of 5 Double Passes* to

CHILD’S POSE Hailed internationally by audiences, critics and popular winner of the coveted Golden Bear at the 2013 Berlinale, Calin Peter Netzer‘s CHILD’S POSE is a riveting thriller that centres on the vice-like grip of a mother’s affection for her son, and the repercussions of her actions when his wellbeing is placed in jeopardy.

60-year-old Cornelia (the phenomenal Luminita Gheorghiu) leads a life of privilege, social power and abundant material wealth in contemporary Bucharest, but life is not perfect. More than anything in the world, she longs for her 34 year-old son Barbu (Bogdan Dumitrache) to reciprocate her unreserved affections. Perhaps as a consequence, he can barely tolerate her presence - something the domineering Cornelia blames on Barbu’s live-in girlfriend (who has a child from a previous relationship).

The balance of power irrevocably shifts one cold evening when Barbu is involved in a tragic car accident.

Seeing her chance to regain control, Cornelia commences a frighteningly well-orchestrated campaign to save her son from prison. Unfortunately the germaphobic, foul-mouthed Barbu, boiling with anger yet hopelessly emasculated, refuses to play along…

In Cinemas May 15, 2014 www.childspose.com.au

* In-season double pass TO ENTER EMAIL YOUR STUDENT NUMBER TO comps@arc.unsw.edu.au WITH ‘CHILD’S POSE’ IN THE SUBJECT LINE TO BE IN TO WIN.

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voxpops.

PUB QUIZ ANSWERS: 1. Atlanta 2. 1970s 3. 27 4. 12 5. It turns him temporarily gay 6. The Mystery Machine CONTACT TRIVIA ANSWER: False. The two most popular accounts of its origins includes a baseball game in 1977 and a basketball game in 1978.

By Mary Braddick

Meg (Media Screen and Sound)

Liz (Media Screen and Sound)

Have you ever dated a fellow student?

Hell. No.

Have you ever won a colouring in competition?

No, unfortunately my dreams never came true.

Who’s the hottest Star Wars character?

Chewbacca. I love a hairy man.

Who’s the hottest Star Wars character?

I like the actor Hayden Christensen. Does that count?

Have you ever won a colouring in competition?

Yes! I was legendary. You can even Google my colouring artwork from when I was 12.

Best or worst birthday present you’ve ever received?

My family kidnapped me and forced me to stay with them at a beach house. Too much family time in a confined space.

Moses (Media Screen and Sound) Who’s the hottest Star Wars character?

Darth Maul for sure. Dayuum!

What’s the cheesiest joke you know?

What do you call cheese which is not yours?

Nacho cheese.

Have you ever won a colouring in competition?

I’m winning right now. I’m colouring my life.

Pratyusha (Medical Science)

Thanya (Medical Science)

Have you ever won a colouring in competition?

Um hello, I was the primary school colouring queen.

Have you ever dated a fellow student?

I’m only in my first year, so not just yet. *wink* Who’s the hottest Star Wars character?

R2-D2. Love me a little robot action.

Best or worst birthday present you’ve ever received?

A brand new, expensive, shiny guitar.

Best or worst birthday present you’ve ever received?

A hand drawn portrait of Heath Ledger.

Have you ever dated a fellow student?

None of them are up to scratch.

Jeremy (Commerce/Economics) Who’s the hottest Star Wars character?

I don’t watch Stars Wars, but I will watch Natalie Portman Best or worst birthday present you’ve ever received?

A life-sized poster of Miley Cyrus. I didn’t even get a real present!

Have you ever won a colouring in competition?

No. I always look back with regret on such painful childhood memories.

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39

12 - 16 MAY

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