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LOOKOUT ARAGON...
VOLUME: SHUT | ISSUES : LOTS 53
OCTOBER 19, 1996
THE NEWSPAPER OF NOT THIS SCHOOL
900 ALAMEDA DE LAS GROSS LITTLE DISEASED CREATURES, MAN SATEO, CALI 90210
Coe wins 7th Poetry Slam The Coolest Friend #socool —— In the haze of spotlight beams, beautiful tears, and soul-shaking rhymes, only one man could emerge victorious. Former airline pilot and Aragon vice principal Jim Coe recently won the Bay Area’s iconic “Soul Voices” Slam Poetry contest for the seventh year in a row. “Jim is straight up one of the most passionate slam poets I’ve ever heard,” said noted actor, poet, and rapper Common, host of the event. “I’m sorry I’m so choked up— I’m still crying a bit from his last poem. His ability to make words come alive is just so beautiful. I’ve been touched by the sweet fingers of his voice.” Coe’s ability to exude passion and sentiment through spoken word is legendary among those in the slam poetry community, as well as others who have heard him speak.
“I’ve been touched by the sweet fingers of his voice.” “I have always been impressed by the vigor and passion that characterized the speeches of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I’m not necessarily saying Jim Coe’s oratory ability is better than MLK’s—but I can’t imagine being any more moved by someone talking about something as fundamental as senior snacks, or Great Books,” said Aragon English teacher Rob Thurtle. “Spoken-word poetry is not just a form of expression,” said Jim Coe. “It’s a transcendent opportunity to create something that wasn’t there before. If I can put my heart into each word I speak CONTINUED ON PAGE 2
Teachers party at sleepover play date A er waking up to reality, event organizers formed a new committee, the Katy Perry Commission on Sleeping Teachers (KPCST), to solve the problem. The name was intended to help its teachers stay “Wide Awake.” The committee thought about detention—even Saturday school—as possible punishments, but as experts in sleeping themselves, they weren’t inclined to spend six hours a week staring at the dean’s biceps. The ingenious solution came from teacher Kevin Doyle. In his 51-minute presentation to the committee, he reasoned, “If teachers are bringing sleep to the party, why don’t we just bring the party to the sleep? I mean there is…”
Math geeks Nate Kundin and Lisa Kossiver launch burning books at the essay-grading English teachers. #Symbolism
ALEX FOYUYA
At this point, the Outlook reporter fell asleep and is unable to recall the rest of Doyle’s
Wannabe Gangster #needswag —— “What do teachers actually
do at professional development days?” It turns out, not much. They talk a bit but mostly just yawn, drool, and sleep like
seniors in class. But this all changed last Monday with the first ever teacher-in-service sleepover play date.
sentence. Yes, we sleep too. #sorrynotsorry”
Doyle proposed a sleepover play date in center court. CONTINUED ON PAGE 2
Señor Benjamin Ho wins slam dunk contest Papa Grande Mateo #love —— On March 27, Aragon High School held its first ever staff dunk contest. Spanish teacher Ben Ho, coming into the contest a er a careerhigh 100-point game, won the contest in a landslide. “I just went up there and believed in myself the whole time,” says Ho. “You just have to keep the faith, ¿you know?” Ho’s dunk blew the judges out of the water, and the rest of the contestants were told not to bother trying. A er the announcement, Ho celebrated by doing the Nae Nae with the Don. Ho’s celebration speech was given in English, then Spanish, then French, then German, then Mandarin. He also became the first person to win a dunk contest and a public speaking contest within five minutes. Ho says, “I got the idea for the dunk from a comment on my movie blog. I reviewed “Space Jam” and someone mentioned the dunk to me. I’ve spent months perfecting
it.” Originally, Ho decided to just do the windmill dunk, but his exceptional leaping ability allowed him to do the 360 degree spin as well. The decision to add the mascot was not made until later, as Ho wanted to make the dunk as impressive as possible. He had the Don hold the ball under the basket, and he proceeded to jump over him and to the 360 degree windmill dunk. However, by that point, Ho had improved his vertical to a remarkable 62 inches, setting the new world record in the process. In fact, some analysts believe that he could of dunked over two mascots standing on each other. In addition, Ho had maintenence set the gym’s temperature to exactly 55 degrees, creating his optimal performance climate. “I like to keep it cool,” adds Ho. “If it’s too hot in there, then I’ll start sweating and lose some of my traction, therefore damaging my pristine leaping ability.” However, Ho disproved
that claim as well, showing up to the contest wearing his trademark button-down shirt and khakis. In his celebration speech, Ho announced his retirement
from future dunk contests. He says, “I wanted to go out on top, and I’m so proud of myself and everyone else who helped me get to where I am today.”
Beyonce’s husband made the record-breaking dunk.
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Yoga pants models
Chromebook success
Find out who these sexy models are.
Students’ scores go way up in League of Legends, World of Warcra while in class!
Coolfriend makes another run
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NAIVE BASSOON
Sophomore voters report feeling excited, annoyed. PAGE 1 4