You’re Not That Special & Thank God for That By Nora Walsh Kerr, ’95 Parents everywhere teach their children that they are special and unique. I know I heard it from my own parents and have shared the same message with my own two kids who are now 11 and 7 years old. I’d delight in their developmental milestones, support them in their struggles, and look them in the eye and tell them that they were special. When I look back though, I think, ‘Was this internalized message of ‘specialness’ doing more harm than good?” If you’re really that special then your life experiences, including your sadness, struggles and failures, must be unique to just you. I know that logically to be untrue now, but it took a major transition and disruption in my life to start shifting this deep-seeded thought process that was ingrained in me from my own upbringing.
In 2015, my dad became very ill. He had been living with cancer for years and we got the dreaded message that it had spread and he had 6-12 months to live. At the time, I had two much smaller children, I was in a job that was unfulfilling to say the least, and my anxiety was at an all time high. Logically I knew other people lost parents, found themselves in jobs they disliked, and felt burned out, but I was too deep in my emotions to think logically. I felt isolated, alone, and unique in my misery. Therapy and other lifestyle changes brought healing, but another surprising thing helped and had long-lasting benefits that changed my life course dramatically. In grasping with the reality of my father’s mortality, I felt driven to preserve a piece of him in some way. I fell back into what I knew and always loved, writing. I’ve often journaled—an act that was first stirred in me during my Woodlands days and further nurtured throughout my college years. I majored in creative writing and completed my thesis on family storytelling. During this time of crisis and upheaval, it was time to get back to that. So, for purely selfish reasons, I set out to capture my father’s story. I asked questions I had never bothered asking before. Since I felt stuck in my career, I asked about his work life. Since I felt disconnected, I asked about his relationships with his parents, siblings, and spouse. I was surprised by his responses. He was a successful VP of a large electronics company, but his outward success did not tell his full story. He made some big and expensive mistakes. As a young kid, he often felt bullied and ignored. This was all news to me.
Nora (Walsh) Kerr is a member of the Woodlands Class of 1995 and lives with her husband and 4 | coeur à coeur
two kids on the northwest side of Chicago.
