The Womb and the WomanMystery of the uterus Three months ago, something happened that changed my life, I visited a beautiful forty one year old lady, suffering from cervical cancer, who was given five months to live by her doctors. This developed into a pattern: every other women that I met after her was either suffering from uterus, fallopian tubes, uterine cervix, vagina or breast issues. My inquisitive mind stated ticking loudly. Why was it that, those women who seemed so successful, beautiful, well groomed, rich and famous had these health issues in their lives? Through my search I found that the uterus also called the womb is a child's first home. And, if we break the word Uterus: ‘U’ means ‘you’, ‘Ter’ means ‘three’, ‘Us’ means together. Interesting isn’t it! When two people love each other, they then create another life, which connects them as ‘us’. Incidentally, the uterus in Greek, also means hustera or hysteric, which actually means a wildly emotional and exaggerated reaction, which metaphorically represents fights and reactions in the home front. So if you are having fights at home and you are not feeling comfortable in a space that is supposed to be yours, the emotional turmoil of that results is likely to impact your uterus. What is the uterus? Your uterus is made up of three layers called perimetrium (outermost layer), myometrium (middle layer) and endometrium (innermost layer). The endometrium is made up of blood vessels, which acts as a red carpet for the unborn child. The blood in the endometrium lining symbolizes meshwork of blood relations and identity. These blood 1
relations after the birth will give the child his/her identity like his name, religion, language, his value system, and beliefs. If the conception does not occur, this layer sheds off during menstruation. What emotional conflicts cause aliments of the uterus? Lets understand which conflicts create loss of uterus or problems in the uterus. As the conception of a child involves sexual union of a ova and sperm, the conflicts in this area involve how the woman in question is treated in her intimate sexual relationships, and her relationships with her child, family and extended family. How would you feel if you had to visit a city where every second man did not have a penis or testis? Would they feel like men or behave like men? In the same way can you predict how a woman without a uterus would feel? Would she still feel beautiful? Would she still feel the way a woman should feel? Will it impact her hormones and sex drive? What do you think? No, she does not feel like a woman. The sex hormones will be at the lowest and her sex drive will surely be impacted. The reason you had painful periods: At the onset of puberty, sex hormones are at the peak and children of this age have to be given correct knowledge about the reproductive mechanisms involved. Yet in our society sex education and sexual drive are viewed as embarrassing and a taboo. Her hormones compel her to have a feeling of attraction to the opposite sex. She does not view her body as beautiful but as an embarrassment. Sex is a dirty word that should not be discussed or spoken about. Her period every month only increases her anxiety. Most of the girls do not have correct knowledge about what is really happening to them. She is told that sex and being friendly to a man or a boy is dangerous and not acceptable. She is told that she has to be careful, because 2
she is a good girl and good girls only get pregnant after marriage. This may create painful periods. The reason for pain while having sex Suddenly from being carefree little girl who could do what she wanted to she enters the world of restriction, fear and anxiety. There is so much confusion around her relationships with the opposite sex, which includes her relationship with her brother and father. From a state of openness she moves into the state of secrecy. Interesting fact is that secrecy around body parts starts very early in childhood private parts are given funny names. No wonder so many educated people I know today, seem to know how to operate cell phone better than their own body. Will such a girl feel shocked with her first sexual encounter with her spouse, partner or boyfriend? Can showing your nude body to an utter stranger in arranged marriage be a shock that can translate itself into a disease of the uterus? The answer is yes: this can lead to painful sexual intercourse called Dyspareunia and behavioral issues. Why you probably have vaginal dryness Ironically we ask young women, not to think about sex when nature actually gives abundance of sex hormones to her and similarly we compel the women to satisfy her partner even when she is undergoing or reaching menopause, which lowers secretion of sex hormones, which leads to lack of libido. This all can cause a huge conflict in the girls and womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mind and create massive issues around sexual organs. This in turn can lead to problems in the vagina, which may stem out of the conflict that she is not able to accomplish sexual union. Negative thoughts around sex will cause vaginal dryness. The reason for endometriosis Marriage can jolt the girl out of the fantasy world of getting married to a prince charming into the world of reality. She may 3
have dreams of feeling supported and loved by her extended family. She may want to be treated like a daughter and not as a competitor by her mom in law. She may want to be understood as a friend by her husband. If she does not feel at home in her own house and needs to find her solitude outside her new home then she can develop endometriosis. Sexual problems are wrapped under the covers. The secrets of bedroom are hidden with silence. Support is difficult to seek. If the girl conceives normally than the presumption is that the couple has good sexual life. Having children and good sex life is an assumption. Reality is that many couples struggle with their intimacy issues, these issues leave them feeling rejected and unhappy and unloved. The husband may have a low sex drive, erectile dysfunction or may be having someone else in his life to satisfy this needs or social and intimacy anxiety. Women in such marriages may feel not at home. She can develop endometriosis when her husband refuses to have any sexual relationship with her and she feels guilty about having a sexual urge that she cannot fulfill. Other reasons of endometriosis are connected with the feeling that my home is elsewhere and my family is broken and not connected. 70% of women in our country suffer from endometriosis. Are you surprised? This just means 70% of the women in our country do not feel at home in their own home. Problems with your cervix may be due to these reasons If the woman feels that her husband or partner is having an affair or if her partner is indifferent to her sexual and emotional needs, then she may not feel like a special woman in his life. She may feel that her partner does not see her anymore and that he has lost desire for her. Even if he may compensate love, with designer bags, foreign trips and diamonds nothing can make her feel special. She may learn art of convincing whole world that her bad marriage is not bad, it is a good marriage but actuality lies elsewhere. She may prioritize children and the 4
house over personal matters and desires. She may live in loveless marriage feeling stuck because of the kids and society or rigid religious views and beliefs. If she dares to speak about her problem or does anything to sort out the problem she is asked to be quietened by her own family. These conflicts may then develop into problems connected with uterine cervix. I often wonder, if God knows what girls face behind closed doors of the bedrooms? The girl may convince herself that she loves her man no matter what and so she covers up all the flaws in the marriage with makeup and present the picture of perfection in front of the whole world. The reason for excessive bleeding during your periods Sudden losses in business, finances and work can also cause problems in married life. Jealousy, politics within the family, fight around property issues, share and loss of status may make the man in question feel less like a man and more like a loser. This in turn can cause hormonal stand off, which in turn may cease the production of sex hormones which shifts his sexual needs, creates mood swings, erectile dysfunction and behavioral issues like bipolar, or aggressive depressive behavior. For the lady coping up with such a man can be very challenging. The lady may not only be dealing with his losses, her losses but also dealing with the stress of showing perfection to the whole world when the pack of cards has actually fallen. Some of them go through beating, and strange sexual conditions in such marriages. This can lead to cessation of the periods or excessive bleeding during periods. The reason for an ectopic pregnancy The good girl syndrome is scary. Our law does not have any punishment for rape within marriage. If the man, comes back home drunk, or wants to beat up his wife black and blue, no one saves her. She is told that, this is her destiny. Rape, bad touch is so common that it is almost like an epidemic. I have 5
hardly seen complaints regarding incest. Fathers, brothers, uncles, servants of the house, fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;inâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;laws and brotherâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;inlaws get away with murder. The women or a girl child cannot seek for safety, as the very person where she should be safe does not remain safe anymore. She loses trust, feels vulnerable, shame, guilt, worthlessness and fear of loss. She has no one to speak to; no one understands what she is experiencing. If this happens with in her marriage, her parents are scared to get her back home from the fear of social stigma. She is told by her loved ones to adjust and stay in the horrible, dysfunctional marriage. This is true of all sections of our society, rich and poor, educated and uneducated. Does this woman feel loved, cared for? Do you think she is happy? Even if she cries and screams no one believes her. She is like a book that is too horrifying to read and so should be banned. If she manages to run and seek help the social and the legal systems are enough to make her life hell. All this does not make women feel beautiful, her ovaries shrink like a withered flower, which ceases the production of sex hormones, which in turn impacts her sexuality. She has every chance of developing cysts in her ovaries, each cyst indicates a separate conflict, which in turn takes nine months to fully develop. I have met beautiful, welleducated women having sixty ovarian cysts! What do you think this lady might have faced in her marriage? Any insight? Miscarriages, abortions or intolerance for girl child can also cause these cysts. In short the woman feels denigrated, admonished, rebuked and torn apart. If her husband or partner wants her to perform in bed in a certain way and she cannot oblige him in his fantasies this can lead to her feeling disgusted, nasty or dirty and this can lead to problems in the fallopian tubes. She is unsure about pregnancy. If she has a fear that her baby may be taken way from her she might conceive in the fallopian tube. This kind of pregnancy is called Ectopic pregnancy
In my opinion, the need to the hour is to treat our women well. We need to clean up the conflicts around bad touch, incest, and rape thus creating a society that is woman-friendly. In this new society, she will not treated as a sex object but respected as a mother, sister and partner. The womb is the first home of every human being. If we can create safety around the womb by giving her respect, care, love, understanding, justice then we can create happy and healthy home on this earth.