The Dulwich Hamlet Free Press: Issue 1

THE Dulwich Hamlet FREE PRESS

Issue 1 Summer 2023 : Free

Dulwich Hamlet Supporters’ Trust

The Dulwich Hamlet Free s

Welcome to Dulwich Hamlet, nice to see you

We would like to take the opportunity to highlight what’s important to us. We are committed to creating a diverse and inclusive environment and are proud to welcome everyone, whether you’re a new fan, dinosaur or anyone in between. As we continue to grow, we thought it would be a good idea to highlight what values we stand for as a club and supporters’ trust.

other forms of intolerance and discrimination.

We are committed to educate and challenge the narrative around discrimination and abuse.

We are committed to creating a diverse and welcoming environment for all.

By Tim Scott Trust Board Chair

We warmly welcome anyone who identifies with the values we stand for and who is respectful and tolerant of one another.

We stand for diversity, equality and inclusion.

We accept you for who you are, without regard to race, colour, religion, gender, gender identity or expression, sexual orientation, national origin, genetics, disability or age.

Press

About the Dulwich Hamlet Supporters’ Trust

This paper is published by the Dulwich Hamlet Supporters’ Trust.

This is a free paper, in spirit and cost.

A huge thank you to everyone whose made this paper possible, including…

Liam Asman, Harry Attridge, Matt Arnold, Michelle Chapman, Al Crane, Paula Griffin, Adam Haxell, Danny Lester, Amy Lightfoot, Ryan Matthews, Phillip Mitchell, Mark McGann, Duncan Palmer, Sarah Ponsford, Gavin Powers, Tim Scott, Brad Weilbacher, Alex Wilson and Gen Williams.

Designed and Edited by Paul Hamilton.

‘We are your Friends’ was originallypublished by Kult magazine https://www.kultfc.com/

https://dhst.org/

Trust Board Member

By Adam Haxell

Dulwich Hamlet Supporters’ Trust (DHST) was founded in 2002 as an independent, democratic, and non–profit organisation. Our main focus from that point onwards has been to support the Club, in its location in East Dulwich, and give a voice to our fans and community.

Like any 21–year–old, DHST has seen good times and we have also had the odd challenge or two. From a handful of people when we started, we now have hundreds of members, and our influence and importance on how the Club is run, and who it is run for, has never been greater. As we have grown, so has the Club itself. We are amazed to see how far the impact our values and Club ethos has reached, not just across London but all over the world. Thousands now come regularly, and we meet fans from different countries and walks of life who come to sample the atmosphere and be a part of our community. The football isn’t bad either.

In those 21 years we have been proud to see developments happen at the Club, and to play our own part in them. Perhaps the biggest was the launch of our amazing women’s team, and to see that go from strength to strength, as an integral part of the Club, is enormously rewarding. Everything we as a Trust do now is geared towards the whole Club and the whole fanbase, and this diversity and scope is a key ingredient of the successes we have had.

So, what do we actually do? Well, quite a lot really. From providing governance and scrutiny of the Club and its decisions, to delivering community initiatives and collecting for charities – like our local foodbank or our WrapUp London coat drive. You will almost certainly have seen some of the campaigns we have been a part of, and hopefully you will have been able to speak to a Board member and have your say too. Our principal role will always be to provide a vehicle for fans to have their say – so please do get in touch with us if ever you have a question, comment or request.

Perhaps our most prominent, and creative, role however, is in our running of the club merchandise range – at the iconic Mega Container. The merchandise sold in this shop is designed, procured and sold by us, with profits split between the Trust and Club. This enables the Trust to have a

direct relationship with the fan base, but it also generates revenue for the Trust to invest in the Club in order to give the fan base meaningful influence. The same is true of our ‘100 Club,’ a monthly lottery through which we raise further funds to invest in the Club for the benefit of supporters.

Through this model we have been able to invest nearly £100,000 since 2018 into the Club. This investment makes a real and practical difference, and in recent seasons it has gone straight into improving the fan experience, like when we invested in improved seating within the Tommy Jover Stand.

The main use of our funds, however, continues to be in buying shares to secure greater fan ownership of the Club itself. DHST currently owns a 33.49% stake in the Club, which means that the Trust has a more meaningful influence than ever before, and we have two directors nominated by the Trust to represent fans’ interests on the DHFC board.

None of this has been possible without the support and contributions of fans. Ours is a club that relies on volunteers and goodwill, and as we have seen in recent years at this Club, without hard work and people who care about its future there is never a guarantee that it will have one.

As we look to the future we will need that support and collective effort more than ever. We have a new campaign to get behind for both our teams. We have a new stadium to look forward to, which has finally cleared the many hurdles thrown in its way. We also have an ambition for the club to one day be run by the Trust, as a truly fan owned and administered football club. This will be our biggest challenge, but one we are excited to embark upon.

So, keep coming to the games, sign up to join the Trust if you haven’t already, and please do consider getting more involved if you possibly can. We are a friendly bunch, and there is always something to do, and your help would be massively appreciated. This could be just a shift in the shop all the way to running for the Board and sharing your skills and expertise with us formally – we are open and appreciative of anything you can give!

This is your Trust, working for your Club, run by and for our fans. Here’s to the next 21 years.

The Trust’s Coming of Age

By Philip Mitchell Trust Board Secretary

Back in 2002, things were not great at Champion Hill. Hamlet finished 17th in the Isthmian League’s second tier (called Division One at the time), having been relegated in the previous season from the League in which they’d spent all but three of the previous 94 years.

Two years later, the non–league structure was changed with the introduction of the second level (North and South divisions) of the National League. Hamlet could have stayed in the third tier in non–league football by winning a penalty shoot–out against Wealdstone, but despite leading 4–2 in that shoot–out we contrived to lose it, and were not promoted again for another nine years. Dark days on the pitch for a club with such a history.

Off the pitch, despite the presence of several loud voices behind the goal, notably Mishi Morath’s, the fans had no real campaigning vehicle at this time. Only a fragment of 1% of the shares were in supporters’ hands. Gates averaged 200–300. Minor night matches attracted much smaller crowds still.

Hamlet had moved to the new Champion Hill Stadium in 1992, after a year of playing at Tooting & Mitcham’s ground. In that same year, Northampton Town fans had formed the first Supporters’ Trust. By 2000, the Trust movement was sufficiently advanced for Parliament to encourage the establishment of an organisation (Supporters Direct) to encourage and promote Trusts.

At this low point in the Club’s history, a small group of visionary Hamlet fans did something rather weird and wonderful – they formed a Dulwich Hamlet Supporters’ Trust. Andy Tucker, Lee Shailer, Mick O’Shaughnessy, and others (to whom I apologise for omitting their names) started from nothing, but had a dream. I joined the Board in the first few months.

We did some formal things – agreeing

a Constitution, registering with the Financial Conduct Authority, joining Supporters’ Direct – that seemed rather excessive and pompous for such a small group, but we had long term aspirations. The aims were, as now, to increase supporter influence and shareholding in the Club, to hold the Club’s owners to account, and to help the Club to survive.

It was hard. I remember AGMs where the Trust had to call people in to help us reach a quorum of 10. The Club, not unreasonably at first, thought this new Trust wasn’t significant, and wasn’t a positive development. Some fans thought the same.

In 2004, the Trust Board agreed that we should start a lottery, which we called the 100 Club. That flourished, and made what seemed at the time like loads of money for the Trust, as well as paying attractive prizes. As the Trust’s resources grew, the Board agreed that, if at all possible, we would only pass funds over to the Club in return for shares. (No such deals were to be done for a long time, as it turned out.). The 100 Club continues to flourish, and pays out two prizes (approximately £210 and £125 at present) each month. Many thanks to all 100 Club members (particularly to those who have been members from Day 1). If you’re not yet a 100 Club member, please join.

In the Trust’s early days, a tiny merchandising operation was housed in a garden shed situated where the Souvlaki stall now is. (The shed was quite a conversation piece. A fan posted its photo to a shed fandom site called readersheds.co.uk, run by someone called Uncle Wilco. Honestly. We got emails from sheddies.)

I was selling in the shed when Hamlet lost 6–7 to Tooting in 2006. Total takings that evening were £0 …. but we kept going.

Little by little, the Trust grew in member numbers and in confidence. Merchandise sales increased. We held family events (bouncy

castles and the like), for which we secured external funding. We managed to become a relevant organisation around the Club, and were also well known in Supporters’ Direct as a flourishing non–league Trust. We began to support appropriate charities.

In the meantime, the Club’s ownership changed. The Club only had a short–term lease on the ground, and the new owner of the Club was a property developer. Alarm bells rang, and have been ringing pretty much ever since. There haven’t been many comfortable years, and the Trust has always had to work hard to maintain the right balance between the desire to help the Club and the need to remain independent from it. (The last few years, thankfully, have seen the Trust in a much healthier relationship with the majority shareholder than with his predecessors, making it easier to get that balance right.)

Throughout the Trust’s life, the legal and planning position around the ground has been complex. Many people (lots of thanks to them) have advised on legal and planning issues over that period. Progress has been slow. Key steps forward often exposed other problems. Almost every time that we thought something was clearly understood, another obstructing fact snuck out from under the Greendales astroturf.

Meanwhile, we kept on doing the things that had kept us afloat for so long. Our merchandising position now is stunningly different from the days of the initial shed. We have the excellent Megacontainer as the home for our shop, and we are very successful both at games and online. Much of the credit for our merchandising success goes to Mel Hughes. Profits from the shop (we pay a cut to the Club) are now the Trust’s main source of income. No–one who works in the shop is paid for their efforts – this is vital to the Trust’s finances, and is much appreciated.

Indeed, many people have contributed to the survival and growth of the Trust, some through Board membership, volunteering, or 100 Club membership, and others – perhaps most importantly – by signing up as members year in, year out.

More recently, the Trust has had opportunities to use its financial resources to help the Club, in return for shares. The Trust now owns around 34% of the Club – a remarkable level to reach by its 21st birthday, given the situation when it was born.

Membership numbers are currently around the 550. They fluctuate somewhat, and tend to be at their highest level when the Club faces an existential crisis. Perhaps we should be happy with a lower number, if that’s the result of avoiding crises!

In the Trust’s history to date, survival (of the Trust, but more particularly of the Club) has normally been our most pressing concern. Longer term issues, however, have also been important ever since 2002, and they remain so today. Early in its life, the Trust Board agreed a Mission (why we exist) and Vision (the future state for which we aim) to keep us focused. The Mission and Vision, along with shorter term Objectives, are refreshed regularly.

Checking back, I find that the earliest versions of the Mission and Vision have a great deal in common with the latest document. That says a great deal about the foresight of the founders of the Trust, and also about the importance and validity of our aspirations. DHST knows what it’s here for, and the community can rely on the Trust to take all practicable steps to reach its Vision.

The Trust always needs, welcomes and appreciates help. Above all, please join, every season.

And to DHST – Happy 21st Birthday.

Fan ownership of football clubs

Supporters Direct (“SD”) was set up in 2000 , born out of the Football Task Force established by the Labour government in 1997 to counter the increasing commercialisation of the game in the 1990s with increased TV exposure at Premier League level, rapidly increasing ticket prices and a sense among supporters of alienation from their clubs.

SD’s brief was to promote good governance and enable the development of sustainable clubs based on supporter involvement and community ownership. Supporter groups were encouraged to form democratic supporters’ trusts and SD recommended the ideal model in the form of community benefit societies. As one of these new trusts Dulwich Hamlet Supporters’ Trust was duly incorporated in January 2003.

SD supported some trusts to acquire outright control of their clubs, often rescuing them from insolvency, while in other cases trusts have been able to engage in constructive exchange with club owners and management to further the interests of the club’s supporters via initiatives such as board representation, structured dialogue meetings and the recruitment of dedicated supporter liaison officers.

In 2018, SD merged with the Football Supporters’ Federation to form the Football Supporters’ Association (“FSA”) and the merged entity continues to champion the interests of both individual match going spectators and supporter groups seeking better engagement with their clubs.

Back in the late 1990s, the concept of community ownership was central to the thinking of the task force but, unlike in Germany where the basic club ownership model is one of 50% +1 of the voting rights being controlled by club members, community ownership in the UK remains comparatively rare.

Even today, just three EFL clubs are community owned, namely Exeter City, AFC Wimbledon and Newport County, while there are slightly more supporter controlled clubs at steps 1-3 of the National League system including recent rivals of Dulwich Hamlet such as Bath City, Tonbridge Angels, Lewes and Enfield Town.

FSA publications have emphasised the major benefits of community ownership including the following.

• A club owned by its community has the potential to develop deeper longer term strategic partnerships.

• Community ownership can attract and retain sponsorship, certainly at local level, above and beyond what a privately owned club might expect.

• Community owned clubs offer greater protection of their facilities, which may appeal to partners and funders.

• A proper democratic structure at board level will ensure decisions are taken with the best long term interests of the club at heart.

• Community owned clubs should prioritise

By the Supporters

transparency which should in turn result in greater engagement with the fan base.

• Community owned clubs are likely to operate to more financially responsible standards.

• A greater buy-in and trust from the community can unlock more volunteers and participation.

• If supporters are confident any money they spend will be reinvested in the club, it may enhance matchday spend.

Regrettably the main challenge faced by community owned clubs seeking to operate sustainably is the fact that they are likely to be competing with clubs funded, to varying degrees of recklessness, by owners willing to incur significant trading losses in pursuit of onfield ambition. By way of example, the two clubs promoted from National League South in 2021/22 (Maidstone United and Dorking Wanderers) recorded trading losses of £168k and £4k respectively, the latter benefiting from £376k of sponsorship in that year from an “associated company”.

Aside from furthering the interests of club supporters, the FSA (and previously SD) has played a prominent role in arguing the case for regulatory reform within the game. In 2015 it contributed to the DCMS Expert Working Group on Football Supporter Ownership and Engagement and much of the work undertaken then in due course fed into the Fan Led Review of Football Governance which published its recommendations in November 2021.

Although the government has responded positively to these recommendations there has been no tangible progress towards its key proposal, the appointment of the Independent Regulator for English Football (“IREF”). The proposal is that all clubs within the Premier League, EFL or National League would require an annual licence from the IREF in order to operate. Key features of the licence would be sound governance procedures and evidence of financial sustainability.

Regrettably, it is not proposed to extend that initiative down to step 2 and below, at which level Dulwich Hamlet presently plays. It follows that clubs playing at that level would not be subject to increased scrutiny and, regrettably, there are many examples of poor management practice at step 2 and below. Many clubs’ finances are extremely precarious as a result of overspending while too many owners continue to seek to separate clubs from their grounds, often with a view to redeveloping the ground while leaving the club with no secure home. Indeed it is not so long ago that Dulwich Hamlet experienced similar challenges.

So, much work remains to be done to protect the interests of all clubs but perhapsespecially those who seek to operate sustainably and observe good practice. The FSA continuesto advocate good governance at all levels of the game and Dulwich Hamlet Supporters’ Trust will continue to lend its voice in support.

Pink n Blue n Green

Nice day in Wonderful South London isn’t it? The sun is out, Champion Hill is buzzing, and Londoners are engaging in one of our favourite pastimes, complaining about the weather.

But large areas of Canada have gone up in smoke, India and China are both experiencing terrifying heatwaves and ancient European towns are now frequently swamped by flooding. It’s fair to say that the Climate Change is becoming Climate Emergency faster than most expected, and we here at Dulwich Hamlet need to play our part in dealing with this issue. So we started a Sustainabilty project and here’s a summary of where we’ve got to this year.

Where are we at?

As a football club with social justice at its heart, we recognise the significant and detrimental impact that climate breakdown is having on communities worldwide’.

To tackle the issue, DHST has established a sub- group focused on assessing and improving the environmental sustainability of the club.

The idea to review the club’s impact on the environment first started prior to the pandemic, but due to obvious circumstances it was put on hold until 2022. Ever since, an intrepid team of Supporters Trust Board Members, Club Board Members and interested fans have been meeting to work out how best to make our club

environmentally sustainable and how to involve everyone at the club in that process. So we’ve been looking at understanding the level of support for activities in this space and how best to engage with our supporters, sponsors and local community to achieve the best results.

Areas we are assessing

Club operations - energy use, field maintenance, practice facilities, team travel, waste/recycling, water usage. Key partners - sponsors, food and beverage, community groups. Fan activities/behaviours - including game day activities and their every-day behaviours at home.

Agreed activities

We want to know what supporters think about climate change so we’ve made a survey we’d like you to complete. If you’re a Supporters’ Trust member and/or a season ticket holder you’ve probably already had an email inviting you to take part.That survey will help us to know what supporters understand about, and aspire to, when thinking about Environmental Sustainability and the role that DHFC could and should play.

We are conducting a baseline exercise which allows us to understand the enviromental impacts DHFC currently has. This ‘baseline’ will then be used to identify activities and behaviours around the club which we can alter to reduce our impact.

We will continue to keep you updated as we progress. And we’d encourage you to sign up to Pledgeball – an organisation that enables fan to complete environmentally positive activities that are then captured and scored.

Calls to action

Complete the survey if you have received it, otherwise you can go online and complete it at https://forms.gle/ jRvhxUt

If you are an expert in this space (or you have a passion to help DHFC be more sustainable and want to help) please email us at sustainability@dhst.org.uk.

Words by Amy Lightfoot, Brad Weilbacher and Paul

Hamilton (who also

made the map).

The Isthmian Premier Men’s and London & South East Regional Women’s clubs.

Share your opinions on sustainability with us here

Sustainability Jargon Buster

Climate and football

What is Climate Change?

We have all heard climate change discussed for a long time in conversation and in the media. Climate change is defined as: a longterm shift in global weather patterns or average temperatures. A rise in temperature can lead to extreme weather such as storms, floods, droughts and heatwaves.

Climate ‘cha nge’, ‘breakdown’ or ‘emergency’?

Climate breakdown is a new definition for the effects on the planet as a result of humancaused emissions.

There is much discussion over the phrasing used when talking about the environment. Is it enough to say ‘Climate Change?’ Some feel that this definition fails to communicate the urgency or complexity of this man-made situation. Therefore, ‘Climate Breakdown’ has become a phrase used by the scientific community as an accurate way of defining what is an intricate, decades-long breakdown. Popular with activists and many serious people is “Climate Emergency’.

What is a carbon footprint ?

The amount of carbon dioxide or CO2e released into the atmosphere due to the actions of an individual, activity, business or organisation over a given time period. The concept of a personal carbon footprint was propagated by a 2005 BP marketing campaign conceived by ad agency Ogilvy & Mather. The campaign was intended to divert attention and responsibility away from the fossil fuel industry onto individual consumers. It worked.

What does GHG stand for?

GHG is an abbreviation for greenhouse gasses. GHGs trap heat or longwave radiation in the atmosphere, which can then lead to the rise in temperatures that constitute climate change. The primary greenhouse gas is Carbon, which is often discussed in relation to climate change as it is the main gas over which we humans have control.

Sustainable

If a product or activity is sustainable then it means that it can be maintained over time because the resources that it uses are being replaced at the same rate that they are being used, rather than being depleted. Bear this definition in mind when companies hawk

their products, whether they are clothes or dishwashing tablets- are they actually sustainable, or are the companies just relying on the consumer to not question what they are telling them?

Sustainable business

A business that has no net impact upon the natural world because its activities and products have been designed to be have minimal impact (through design or reductions), use resources from sustainable sources, and any remaining impact is accounted for and offset. Again, it pays to have a critical eye when companies claim they have ‘sustainable business practices’ - many people think that any kind of profit-hoarding business cannot be truly sustainable.

Greenwashing

When a company misleads consumers about the environmental impacts of their products or services for marketing purposes. This can range from misleading consumers through vague or unsubstantiated claims, the use of brand names, identities and colour schemes that imply “green” credentials, through to the subversion or selective sharing of scientific reports and celebrating environmental or climate ‘acheivements’ in such a way as to create a false, positive narrative about a business which is actually making climate change worse. The older sibling of sportswashing.

Climate action

As defined by the UN’s thirteenth Sustainable Development Goal, climate action is: “Take urgent action to combat climate change and its impacts”. SDG 13 has targets, which are to be achieved by 2030. Climate action isn’t restricted to protest, but to any action with the purpose of combating, mitigating or reversing the drivers of climate change and its impacts.

Single-use

An item that is designed to only be used once before being discarded, or that is usually only used once before being discarded because of consumer habits. A good example of a single-use product the pint glasses we serve drinks in here at the Hamlet – we’re working on that.

Circular economy

Most economies extract and then use a resource, in a process described as ‘linear’ - a

resource, is taken, used and then discarded. A circular economy is a system that proposes a ‘closed loop’. This is when the resources are inputted but then retain their value so that a product can be designed, produced, distributed, used and then reused. The idea is find a life after use for products, for example

There is controversy over how corporations use the idea of the circular economy. It’s not unusual that firms suggest publically that the circular economy will fix their business models, relying on solutions which in many cases are unproven at scale.

Carbon offsetting

When a business says “for every X sold we plant a tree”. Souds nice right? However, this is often performative environmentalism, there’s not enough land to plant the volume of trees required to offset the emissions of all the firms claiming to be doing so.

Offsetting projects come with som,e Serious issues about the repurposing of indigenous and existing agricultural lands. In many countries where offsetting planting projects are seen as viable land ownership is often contested with tenure, and human rights, being disregardfed to facilitate these new projects.

On a warming planet, as forest fires become more regular it does seem optimistic to assume that planting more trees is a genuine, long-term solution for carbon storage.

ESG

Environmental, Social and Governance (ESG) criteria are a set of standards that investors use to assess a company based on their environmental and social impacts and their corporate governance. They use this information to determine if the company constitutes an ethical investment. This practice is also known as socially responsible investing, impact investing, or sustainable investing.

Fair Trade

A trading partnership that seeks greater equity in international trade, ensuring that producers in countries of origin (often smallscale farmers) are paid fairly and treated with dignity, respect, equality and fairness. The fair trade label is the mark of a global organisation that is co-owned by more than 1.8 million farmers and workers, and its appearance on products helps consumers to make better purchasing decisions.

Net Zero

Net zero emissions will be reached when the amount of greenhouse gas emissions produced by an entity (be that an individual, a business, an organisation or a country) is equal to the amount removed from the atmosphere. There are two ways to do this, which run concurrently: reducing existing emissions and actively removing greenhouse gases. If we were able to eradicate all emissions completely, gross zero emissions would be achieved. But that is an unrealistic target for most, so net zero is used in recognition that some emissions are inevitable but must be accounted for and offset.

Net zero assumes that reduction and offsetting will both work simultaneously when being delivered by businesses and organisations who have missed most of the targets set for themselves in previous environmental projects

Many firms have built offsetting into their net zero targets, assuming that net zero is acheivable. Firms may be doing this honestly, or it may be a ruse to allow them to operate BAU.

Business as Usual (BAU)

When corporations, organisations and individuals work in such a way as to seemingly ignore climate change, as if it will go away, or it’s someone else’s problem to deal with.

Organic

Defined as “relating to or derived from living matter” or, in the case of food and farming, produced without the use of synthetic fertilisers, pesticides and herbicides.

Scope 1 emissions

Direct emissions from owned or controlled sources within the business, such as any vehicles owned by the company, business travel, or central heating.

Scope 2 emissions

This is the footprint of a business or household’s electricity and gas bills –emissions created indirectly or off-site from the generation of purchased energy

Scope 3 emissions

Seen locally this is about things like employee commuting. But there are also the hard-to-see emissions, mainly because they often occur far away from where products and services are used or delivered. Supply chains for agriculture, food packaging and fashion have huge emissions.

The language of climate change and its many inter-related issues can be can be hard to follow. Here we list some of what we know and provide context to a few contentious uses of terms.

Here’s the best of what we’ve found…

UN Sport for Climate Action

Southampton FC’s ‘Halo Effect’ strategy

Pledgeball: Support your club.

Birmingham County FC, Save today play tomorrow

Football For Future Millwall FC’s ‘Lion Living’ a pledge to sustainability.

Photos on this page by Duncan Palmer, taken on The Hamlet’s 2018 summer away trip to Altona 93.

We a re you r frie nd s

There aren’t many football stadium tours that have a men’s toilet as their centerpiece. This toilet is famous in Germany, we’re told, because of the sheer volume and variety of the football stickers that cover it. It might be the only museum of fan culture in the world that you can take in while having a piss.

Our guide is Jan Stöver, a fan and fanzine writer for Altona 93 in Hamburg. We’re here on an unofficial trip as Dulwich Hamlet fans, on an end-of-season piss-up and pilgrimage.

Supporters of the two clubs formed a friendship (“freundschaft”) after Dulwich fan Mishi Morath visited Altona in 2010. When he got talking to Jan, they remarked on how the two clubs were formed in the same year: 1893. They also later discovered that Dulwich had played Altona on a tour to Germany in 1925, in a match that featured the clubs’ most mythologised players: Dulwich’s Edgar Kail and Altona’s Adolf Jäger.

Since then, fans from each club have regularly visited the other. The clubs’ men’s first teams have also met in recent friendlies, in south London in 2015 and Hamburg in 2018. They’ll play again in a few months, when an Altona team visits Dulwich on 8th July. Sadly, Mishi died in 2019, but the ongoing and genuine affection between both sets of fans is a remarkable legacy.

We’re watching Altona play at the Adolf-Jäger-Kampfbahn, an impressive if crumbling lower-league stadium named after the club’s famous former playmaker. The teams emerge from a tunnel in an unloved all-seater stand, while the majority of Altona’s fans watch from a grassy uncovered terrace on the other side of the pitch.

A small cluster of fans watch on a grass bank behind one goal, while children play football at the other end. It’s a charmingly idiosyncratic ground that would give an EFL safety inspector kittens.

Altona are up against SV Curslack-Neuengamme and have something to play for: they can sneak into the play-offs if they manage to win as long as their rivals, Eimsbütteler TV (or ETV), lose against local giants Hamburger SV’s third team.

Altona race into the lead in the 16th minute, when striker Jerry Wachter scores a volley from a corner. Altona are solid while already relegated Curslack are wretched, accepting an onslaught of goals with a meekness familiar to anyone who’s watched the alsorelegated Dulwich in 2023.

Dulwich’s last official visit to Altona was in 2018, to celebrate the clubs’ 125th anniversary. None of our party were at that game, but we all know about a famous photo taken just off the Große Elbstraße where a historic set of steps were lit up by pyrotechnics held by both groups of fans.

The story goes that the police showed up ready for trouble, thinking it was a provocative display from the left-wing ultras of second-tier club St Pauli. When the police realised it was Altona, they were content to merely move the fans along.

Wanting to mark our own visit in a similar fashion, we ask some Altona fans if we can recreate the moment. However, we’re told that all of Altona’s pyro was burnt a few weeks ago when their reserve team won promotion. Setting off pyrotechnics in this league results in a flat €500 fine, and it’s not worth paying for the little they have left.

Instead, we look for a solution that won’t get the club in trouble. Dulwich play in pink and blue and, thanks to the bizarre American fashion for gender reveal parties, confetti cannons in those colours are cheaply available online. We’ve ordered 28, and have had them delivered to the stadium. Our plan is to set them off at kick off, but no one seems to know where they’ve been stored, so we only get hold of them a few minutes into the first half. We quickly brainstorm a meaningful time in the match to release them.

“We should set them off at 18 minutes and 93 seconds to mark the year both clubs were founded,” we say, before realising that there are only 60 seconds in a minute. We then do some quick maths and decide 19 minutes and 33 seconds is essentially the same thing.

We run to tell Jan our idea so he can get the Altona fans on board. “That’s a wonderful idea”, he deadpans, “but there’s only one problem. Do you remember what happened in Germany in 1933?” We pause. “We’ll set them off at the start of the second half,” we say. After half-time, the players come out, and Jan gives a countdown in German, before switching to English when he sees the panicked faces in front of him. The confetti is launched into the air and the result is both silly and more impressive than it has any right to be.

The game continues. Jan points to one of the opposition’s centre-backs and tells me he used to play for Altona. “You know

that English song, ‘There were 10 German bombers in the air?’” he asks. “We used to sing that about him: ‘There’s only one Hendrik Bombek in the air’”.

The crowd knows that ETV are winning comfortably and any tension evaporates from the game. At full-time Altona have won 6-0, but they have not made the play-offs. An Altona player climbs the perimeter fence and leads the crowd in a call-and-response chant. A fan lets off a red smoke bomb that looks pink against the still-blue sky. A Dulwich scarf is put around his neck, and he’s told to keep it as a gift. We move over to the clubhouse and skank clumsily to German rock songs we’ve never heard before.

I talk to Altona fans and ask them what brings them to the club. Each seems to also be a fan of St Pauli or HSV, Hamburg’s much bigger professional teams, but comes to Altona because they enjoy being part of a club that feels like an integral part of its local community. They say the same things Dulwich fans say, but I start to realise there’s a difference between them and us. They look relaxed and happy. There’s none of the manic desperation you can see behind the eyes of a drunk Dulwich fan. The upper divisions of German football aren’t perfect, but the moonlighting St Pauli and HSV fans mostly enjoy the experience of supporting their clubs.

Dulwich get over 3,000 people at Champion Hill every other Saturday, an enormous crowd for the club’s level. The cliché is that most of those people come for a drink and a chat, and have no interest in watching the game. Like the old joke about all Manchester United fans being from London, it’s based on a nugget of truth that distracts from something more interesting.

Most people who watch Dulwich every week started out watching league clubs. We’re Newcastle fans, Hull fans, Norwich fans, Southampton fans, Rotherham fans and Plymouth fans, and we’re fucking sick of it. Sick of the oil money, sick of being told to sit down, sick of being milked for cash, and sick of having our bottle caps taken away. I realise Altona fans come because they like it. We come because it’s the only way we feel sane.

The night gets later and we feel drunker. We start to drift away, unable to keep up after a day that started at 5am in London. But in the clubhouse the Altona fans continue, drinking and dancing throughout the night, enjoying each other’s company and the football club they share.

Words by Alex Wilson of The Rabble, originally published in Kult magazine

Gleeful chaos at the Adolf-Jäger-Kampfbahn, May 2023. MSSP Sportphoto

Ha m let song s heet s

Delicious Football

(Tune: ‘O Sole Mio’ or the ‘Just One Cornetto’ ad)

We’re Dulwich Hamlet, DHFC, Delicious football, From Tuscany, Our ground lies Beneath the trees, Behind the car-wash And Sainsbury’s

[Repeat with emphasis on ‘And Sainsbury’s]

The Jerk Chicken Song

(Notionally the tune of ‘Annie’s Song’ by John Denver, but really a respectful homage to Sheffield United’s ‘The Chip Butty Song’). You fill up my senses, Like a gallon of Peckham, Like a Camberwell Carrot, On the 176, Like a night in the club house, Like a plate of jerk chicken, Oh Dulwich Hamlet, Come thrill me again (And again! And again!)

Tuscany

Tuscany! Tuscany!

We’re the famous Dulwich Hamlet, And we look like Tuscany

[Repeat]

Florence (or Siena)

(Tune: ‘Rotterdam’ by The Beautiful South)

This could be Florence or Siena, A province north of Rome, Cause Dulwich looks like Tuscany And Tuscany’s our home, Tuscany’s our home

[Repeat]

I’ve got two tickets

(Tune: ‘Teenage Dirtbag’ by Wheatus)

I’ve got two tickets to Dulwich Hamlet baby, Come with me Tuesday, Don’t say maybe, I’m just a bearded hipster baby, Like you, Wooooooo

2018

(Tune: ‘Heartache’ by Bonnie Tyler)

Twenty eighteen, They made us play in Tooting, And then we got promoted, Cause you’ll never kill the DHFC…

[Repeat ad infinitum]

South London is wonderful

Oh south London, Is wonderful, Oh south London

Is wonderful,

It’s full of bear-baiting and Dulwich

Oh south London is wonderful

Oh Altona

Ist wunderbar, Oh Altona

Ist wunderbar,

It’s full of bratwurst and beer, Oh Altona is wunderbar

We hate Tooting and Mitcham

(Tune: ‘Land of Hope and Glory)

We hate Tooting and Mitcham, We hate Leatherhead too (they’re scum), We hate Tooting and Mitcham, But Dulwich we love you, (All together now…)

[Repeat ad infinitum]

Occasional German version: Wir hassen Tooting und Mitcham, Wir hassen Leatherhead auch (sie sind Abschaum) Wir hassen Tooting und Mitcham, Aber Dulwich, wir lieben euch (Alle zusammen!)

Edgar Kail in my heart

(Tune: ‘Sing Hosanna’)

Edgar Kail in my heart, keep me Dulwich, Edgar Kail in my heart, I pray.

Edgar Kail in my heart, keep me Dulwich, Keep me Dulwich till my dying day. No Surrender! No Surrender!

No surrender to the Tooting scum! (Scuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!)

No one knows us

(Tune: ‘Sailing’ by Rod Stewart) We are Dulwich. We are Dulwich. Super Dulwich! From the Hill! We are Dulwich. Super Dulwich!

We are Dulwich, From the Hill!

No-one knows us, No-one knows us!

No-one knows us, We don’t care!

We are Dulwich. Super Dulwich! We are Dulwich, From the Hill!

HHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLL

Fields of Champion Hill

(Tune: ‘Fields of Athenry’)

All round the fields of Champion Hill, Where once they watched the King Edgar play. Ossie Bayram on the wing, Willie Lillington banging them in. Oh the glories round the fields of Champion Hill. Why do we support Dulwich Hamlet?

(Tune: ‘Gangsters’ by the Specials)

Why do we support Dulwich Hamlet?

Cause we’re proud to follow you away. Since you’ve been threatened by Tooting. But we blew, blew them away.

(2… 3… 4…)

Da-da-da-da etc

With a ‘D’ and a ‘U’...

With a D and a U and an L wouble you, And an I and a C and a double H, And an A and an M and an L, E T Super Dulwich Hamlet FC

FC (FC) FC (FC)

18 (93)

The song people always start and then remember half way through they can’t remember the rest

(Tune: ‘Here Comes The Hotstepper’ by Ini Kamoze)

Na, na na na na, na na na na na na na na na na

Here comes the Dulwich (Hamlet!)

The pink-and-blue Dulwich (Hamlet!)

Smoking a cigar (Hamlet!)

Reading Shakespeare (Hamlet!)

Na, na na na na, na na na na na na na na na na

Here comes the Dulwich (Hamlet!)

The pink-and-blue Dulwich (Hamlet!)

Tiny Saxon village (Hamlet!)

Reading Shakespeare (Hamlet!)

When I see you Dulwich

(Tune: ‘Just Can’t Get Enough’ by Depeche Mode)

When I see you Dulwich I go out of my head

I just can’t get enough

I just can’t get enough

When we go to Tooting, Or when we’re at Leatherhead I just can’t get enough

I just can’t get enough

We score a goal

And the Rabble go wild

And I just can’t seem to Get enough of Du du du du du du du du Du du du du du du du du Du du du du du du du du Dulwich Hamlet [refrain].

Optional pre-cursor to the above “When I see you Dulwich”

(Tune: ‘Down in the town of Old Bantry’) It was down in the town of East Dulwich Where most of the fighting was done. It was there that a pink and blue soldier Was shot by an old Tooting gun. As he lay on the battlefield dying, The blood from his wounds, it ran red. He propped himself up on his elbows, And these are the last words he said:

Oh campione

(Tune: Soy de Attaque by Attaque 77)

Oh campione

The one and only, from Champion Hill, They say our days are numbered and we’re heading for a fall, But we’re winning titles and we’re knocking down your wall… oh campione [Repeat]

Transpontine

(‘Fog on the Tyne’ by Lindisfarne)

Transpontine is all mine all mine, Transpontine is all mine (Come on!) [Repeat]

You make me feel pink and blue

(Tune: ‘You Make Me Feel Mighty Real’ by Sylvester)

You make me feel, pink and blue (pink and blue)

You make me feel, pink and blue (pink and blue) You make me feel, pink and blue (pink and blue) [Repeat]

The Dulwich Hamlet won’t be televised

(Tune: ‘The Model’ by Kraftwerk)

We’re Dulwich Hamlet and we’re looking good, We like to score a goal it’s understood, The Dulwich Hamlet won’t be televised, The pink and blue will have you mesmerised

Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh Dulwich Hamlet

Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh Dulwich Hamlet

The pride of south London

(Tune: Rivers of Babylon)

We’re the pride of south London, South London’s number one, You know it’s true, We’re pink and blue, Oh oooooooooh, (moin! moin!) Oh oooooooooh, (moin! moin!) Yeaaaaaaaaah, Yeaaaaaaaaah, [refrain].

Hills! (Stream Of Consciousness Version)

(Tune: Beastie Boys - Girls)

Hills, hills, hills, hills, It’s hills, hills, hills hills, Hills, hills, hills, hills, It’s hills, hills, hills hills, It’s hills!

We’ve got [insert name of local hill] Hills!

We’ve got [insert name of local hill] Hills!

We’ve got [insert name of local hill] Hills!

We’ve got [insert name of local hill] Hills, hills, hills, hills, It’s hills, hills, hills hills, Hills, hills, hills, hills, It’s hills, hills, hills hills, It’s hills!

We’ve got [insert name of local hill] Hills!

We’ve got [insert name of local hill] Hills!

We’ve got [insert name of local hill] Hills!

We’ve got CHAMPION HILL! Hills, hills, hills, hills, It’s hills, hills, hills hills, Hills, hills, hills, hills, It’s hills, hills, hills hills

Boom Boom Boom

(Tune: ‘Boom Boom Boom’ by The Outhere Brothers) I say boom boom boom, Let me hear you say Dulwich Dulwich! [refrain].

Pink and Blue

(warning: demands huge exertion and lung stamina)

(Tune: ‘I feel love’ by Donna Summer)

Ohhhhh, I feel pink, I feel pink, I feel pink, I feel pink, I feel blue… (x3)

Pink and blueeee! (x3)

I wanna be DHFC

(Tune: ‘Anarchy in the UK’ by the Sex Pistols)

I am a Dulwich fan

And I am a Morley’s man (person!)

I know what I want and I know how to get it

I wanna destroy the Leatherhead wall

‘Cos I… wanna be… DHFC

(Add grotesque Johnny Rotten-esque remarks after second run-through)

Antiques Roadshow

(Tune: The Antiques Roadhow)

It’s 3 o’clock on Saturday

We’re here to watch the Hamlet play Dulwich! Dulwich! Dulwich! Dulwich!

Hamlet, Hamlet, Hamlet! Hamlet!

Dulwich, Dulwich, Dulwich, Dulwich! Hamlet, Hamlet, Hamlet! Hamlet!

‘Where did you get that amazing top?’

‘From the Megashed but they’re out of stock’

And it’s Dulwich Dulwich Dulwich Dulwich

Hamlet Hamlet Hamlet Hamlet

Sing up Rabble

(Tune: ‘Lip up, fatty’ by Bad Manners)

Sing up Rabble, now, Sing up Rabble for the Dulwich, The Dulwich, The Dulwich, The Dulwich

[Repeat]

Because we’re Dulwich

(Tune: ‘You’re Gorgeous’ by Babybird)

Because we’re Dulwich

We play in pink and blue

Because we’re Dulwich

We’ll score a goal or two (x2)

Inside bar, outside bar

Inside bar, outside bar

Inside bar outside bar

Cross bar - ha ha!

[Repeat]

Dulwich on a Saturday afternoon

(Tune: ‘Tequila’ by Terrorvision)

Ohhhh Dulwich, you make me happy. With Dulwich, I feel alright.

‘Cause it’s Dulwich on a Saturday afternoon, And it’s Dulwich on a Tuesday night.

Sway (Dean Martin)

When the Dulwich Hamlet start to play At Champion Hill

On a Saturday

We’ll be looking at Toscana views And drinking booze

With the pink and blues

Specific Men’s team songs

Put it on his head

(Tune: t.A.T.U.’s ‘All The Things She Said’)

Put it on his head, put it on his head, put it on his head, Put it on his head, put it on his head, Put it on his head, put it on his head, put it on his head. Put it on his head, put it on his head

This. Is. Dan. Ny. Mills.

(What? What?)

THIS. IS DAN. NY. MIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLS.

Mills, Mills, Mills,

(Tune: ‘Bills, bills bills’ by Destiny’s Child) Mills, Mills Mills, He’s Danny fucking Mills, He does his training drills, Boycotts his leccie bills, He is pink and blue, The ball sticks to him like glue, Da la la da da da, [Repeat]

Hakan Feels Fine

(Tune: ‘I Feel Fine’ by The Beatles) Hakan said to me, you know “We’ll make the National League, you know” He said so.

I’m in love with him and I feel fine.

I’m so glad

That he is pink and blue!

At Champion Hill

Where we score a goal or two.

Specific Women’s team songs

Ryan Dempsey’s peperami

Ryan Dempsey’s peperami*

[repeat while swinging scarves until stadium empties]

*scholars disagree over whether this is ‘peperami’ or in fact ‘pepper army’. It is unlikely we will ever know for sure.

Pepper Army

(Tune: ‘Bella Ciao)

The Pepper Army

We’re here on Sundays

We score a goal and the whole crowd go wild, wild, wild The Pepper Army

We’re here on Sundays

For the girls in pink and blueChana Hinds

(Tune: ‘Hey Jude’ by The Beatles)

Cha, na, na, cha, na, na, na

Cha, na, na, na, Chana Hinds

Spicy Sundays

(Tune: ‘Just Can’t Get Enough’ by Depeche Mode)

Do do do do do do do do, Spicy Sundays… [repeat ad infinitum]

E-I-E-I-E-I-O

E-I-E-I-E-I-O

Up the London and South East Regional Women’s League we go, When we get promotion, This is what we’ll sing, We are Dulwich, We are Dulwich, DJ Monki spins

DJ Monki

(Tune: ‘La Bamba’)

DJ Monki, DJ Monki, She mixes bangers, With Calvin Harris, Her sound’s fucking massive (1… 2… 3… 4…) [Repeat]

Ceylon Hickman

(Tune: The Addams Family theme) She likes to watch the scousers, She’s named after Sri Lanka, She wants to please her Nana, She’s Ceylon Hickman, Do do do do, Hickman! Do do do do, Hickman! Do do do do, Do do do do, Do do do do, Hickman!

Captain Britney Saylor

(Tune: What do we do with the drunken sailor) We’ve got Captain Britney Saylor

We’ve got Captain Britney Saylor

We’ve got Captain Britney Saylor Hamlet’s Midfield Maestro

Brit and Rosie Stone

(Tune: ‘Rockin’ All Over The World’ by Status Quo) And I like it I like it I like it I like it, I liiiiike it, I liiiiike it Here we gooooo, Brit and Rosie Stone

Two Saskias

(Tune: Oops Up Side Your Head by The Gap Band)

We’ve got two Saskias, We’ve got two Saskias. [refrain].

We could show you replica shirts, scarves, hats, t-shirts, sweatshirts, hoodies, badges, books and mugs but you can see them all for yourself in the pink n blue mega-container.

Over there.

If you’re online we can show you replica shirts, scarves, hats, t-shirts, sweatshirts, hoodies, badges, books and mugs on our website.

Over here.

https://dhst.org.uk/

Design a new Hamlet scarf

We don’t care how old or how young you are, or how good you are at drawing – we want your creativity on this page –a scarf design – please.

The design we like the most will be made and sold in the club shop this season. And we’ll pay the winner for your design with two scarves.

When designing your scarf please remember that designs have to be quite simple and made of clear bold shapes, like these…

Do your best in the space provided, take a photo of it and post it to Instagram, sure to tag us @dhstorg

Or bring this page with your design on it to the megacontainer.

DHFCW: Aylesford, Spooky FootbaIl and the magic of the Cup Spooky Spooky

Those of a certain vintage within the Hamlet ranks may think back to the chaos of the Rabble prior to the Saturday afternoon sell-outs and pine for the days where everyone knew everyone, and it wasn’t unusual to see a Shaman leading a conga. The good news is that those days still exist and can be found in the Toilets Opposite stand on a Sunday. Meet the Pepper Army: an anarchic, joyful horde, adding a big slab of weirdness to your wholesome Sunday afternoon, and making that hangover just that little bit less painful.

Whilst it may have been a season of suffering for those watching the men’s team, the women have thankfully provided the complete opposite. Last season began with patchy form but an historic and unexpected run to the 2nd round of the FA Cup provided the perfect conditions for the players and fans to develop a real bond, the crowds to increase at an incredible pace, and the songs, banners and FUN to never stop. Join us as we look back on the Pepper Army’s first year in the field, and revisit the joy of an Aylesford away day.

2 nd October ‘22 – Dulwich Hamlet make a trip to Kent to face Tonbridge Wells Foresters in the 2nd qualifying round of the FA

Cup. Having gone out at this stage against lower-level opposition in the previous season, there are no great expectations, but the Hamlet hammer home a 7-1 win.

9 th October ’22 – a bit of league action. Those in attendance at Champion Hill watch on as DHFC put 7 goals past Aylesford in the league, the Pepper Army and the players joining together at the final whistle, celebrating and dancing. “The Pepper Army, we’re here on Sundays, we score a goal and the whole crowd go wild, wild, wild” (to the tune of Bella Ciao), ringing around the stadium as we, as predicted, go wild, wild, wild.

23rd October ‘22 – back to Champion Hill and back to the FA Cup. Dulwich Hamlet face a potential banana skin in Winchester City Flyers, but see out a comfortable 3-0 win. Lily Price scores twice as she opens her account for the Hamlet. We’re in the FA Cup proper.

13th November ‘22 – we’ve been drawn away to Aylesford in the FA Cup. In the lead up, an unnamed player lets slip to the Pepper Army that one of the Aylesford players had complained to the referee about the noise during the previous fixture. Stupid plans start being hatched.

Match day arrives, a horde of hungover Pepper Army meet early at London Bridge and immediately get on the drink. Hair of the dog that bit you? This must have been a pack of wolves. Well, some of us had seen Havant & Waterlooville tear the men’s team apart the day before.

We make our way from London Bridge to Aylesford, inflatable red peppers taking up half of the train’s carriage space, with visible confusion on the faces of those poor souls on the same train. Just as we’re pulling out of Lewisham, a bedraggled Cap’n Hamlet (he knows who he is), falls into the train from the platform, chugging on milk, having come straight from an all-nighter. He’s definitely going to be fine.

Once in Aylesford, we wander along the side of an A-road for what seems like an eternity before the throng descend on K-Sports, a change to Aylesford’s usual ground, and essentially a caged Astro-turf pitch, more often used for post work knock-abouts than FA Cup games, but it makes for a great atmosphere as around 100 Hamlet faithful squeeze down the one side of the pitch that allows spectators. The cage makes banner erection easy, and the clubhouse does a

Words by Danny Lester Skull and Chillis illustration by Harry Atttridge

Photography by Liam Asman

cracking Guinness, so who am I to complain?

Now, to the match. It starts nervously, with Aylesford slightly edging things, with one of their players, Beeput, looking very dangerous. Within 6 minutes, Beeput has put Aylesford up 1-0, I’m wondering why I brought a trumpet, and maybe this is when most sane fans would start doubting the likelihood of the end of season trip to Wembley. However, the noise levels rise, a toy horn is repeatedly honked, bells ring out, and maybe, just maybe, we’re being annoying enough to change things. The rest of the half is all DHFC, with constant pressure on the Aylesford goal, but their keeper performing heroics. That’s football, I guess. But then…

Brit Saylor has hammered one home! We’re back in this!

As the second half begins, a fog that wouldn’t be out of place in Silent Hill starts to roll in from the fields behind the pitch, the crowd start to sing songs about “spooky ******* football” and fails spectacularly at turning songs by the Cure into footy chants (good effort though).

Oh yeah, the football. An Aylesford defender seems to get lost in the fog, spinning around repeatedly, looking for the ball as

DJ Monki nicks it from her feet (it was there all along) and drills it home! Here we go!

Now we’re winning I’m no longer embarrassed at the prospect of getting my trumpet out and we can begin to taunt Aylesford for their request for quiet at the home game. It’s time for a song, and possibly the only time a Betty Hutton/Bjork hit will make it to the terraces. “Aylesford want quiet (shhh, shhh). Aylesford want still (shhh, shhh). You’re all alone and so peaceful until…Dulwich Hamlet! Your defence…is caving in.”

The party keeps going, but by this point we can barely see the pitch through the fog, “we can’t see the corner flag” being sung from the sidelines, people keeping track of the score primarily through vibes. And then it comes. 1-3, Monki has done it again!

“We’re on the march with Dempsey’s Army, we’re on the way to Wemb-er-lee, and we’ll really shake them up when we win the FA Cup, ‘cos Dulwich are the greatest football team”.

After the game, the players invite the Pepper Army to the pub, and it would be rude to say no, so we join them and celebrate into the night. Dulwich Hamlet have made history, we’re into the 2nd round and this team is something special!

The day of the draw comes, and we’ve got Gillingham, a team from two levels above us, but crucially at home. Messages are hurriedly exchanged, we’re excited and we fancy this! 27th November ‘22 – a record 631 fans are inside Champion Hill.

As the teams walk out a giant Skull and Cross-peppers banner is unfurled from the roof of the Toilets Opposite stand for the first time, flags wave constantly, rattles and scarves are swung above heads and a carnival atmosphere takes over. People are dancing on the terrace. The atmosphere is insane.

The team play incredibly well, for large periods being the better of the two sides, Erin Corrigan scores her first goal for the club (and honestly, it’s goal of the season material. Go watch the highlights). Ultimately, the class of the team from two divisions above comes through and they leave with a tight 1-2 victory, but the women of Dulwich Hamlet are the real winners here. They’ve done themselves proud and shown they can mix it with teams far higher in the pyramid. The Cup run may be over for the year, but Dulwich Hamlet Women are just getting started.

Come join us in the Toilets Opposite this season. We’ll have a right good time.

DHFCW: The First Five Years

This season Dulwich Hamlet’s women’s team enters its fifth season at Champion Hill. The team made their Dulwich debut in July 2019, as the last women’s World Cup was in full swing. Concurrent with the global growth of women’s football, DHFCW have steadily built a following. A small, newly curious faithful tripped to away games in their inaugural season. As Covid restrictions opened up for grassroots football, one DHFCW game notched the highest football attendance in the UK. Today they draw hundreds of fans to home games, and over the last year, the devoted and tuneful marauders of the Pepper Army have added atmosphere and a full complement of songs to every game.

As the 2023 World Cup looms, and manager Ryan Dempsey locks in players for the 23/24 season, we spoke to some regular supporters of DHFCW to discover what drew them in and how the developing women’s football space compares to the established men’s football landscape.

Chloe Rowlatt

How did you end up supporting DHFCW?

I’ve supported DHFCW since the very beginning. I had supported the men’s team for a few years by the time the women’s team came into being and for me, it was never in doubt that I would support the women’s games too!

How does the experience compare to supporting men’s football?

The crowds are (currently) smaller but that makes me shout even louder. I love the supportive atmosphere at DHFCW games and the way the team engage with the fans at the end of every match, dancing to the songs.

How often do you get to games, and how do you like to enjoy them?

I have a season ticket and get to as many games as I can! Most people sat in the stands at the very beginning and just a few of us watched from the Toilets Opposite stand. This season I realised how much support had built as I walked up to TO and people were decorating it with banners and flags! The atmosphere and noise at that match was something else; you really feel that sense of community.

What’s your favourite DHFCW memory?

Witnessing Rosie Stone score the first ever goal felt like a bit of history! I also have to give a shout out to that first match against TRUK in 2022.

Who’s your favourite player and why?

I remember players like Liz Wicks and Raky Arran from that first season. More recently I’ve loved watching Asia Harbour Brown who epitomises a modern day fullback. Chana Hinds and Madi Parsonson have been brilliant and it’s great to see players like Ceylon Hickman going from the reserves to the first team.

What impact has supporting DHFCW had for you?

The sense of acceptance and inclusion you feel at DHFCW games is so wonderful and hard to manufacture.

Alex Wilson

How did you end up supporting DHFCW?

I’ve been watching the DHFC men’s team since 2014. When the Lionesses blew my mind at Euro 2022 I realised I’d been silly in not watching DHFC Women too.

How does the experience compare to supporting men’s football?

It’s different, especially off the pitch. The women’s game is much younger than the men’s game, so a lot of norms around fan culture are still up in the air. That’s really exciting, because you don’t have to fit into a preconceived template of what being a football supporter should be. It reminds me of the earlier days of The Rabble at men’s games, when things were rougher around the edges. What we have on Saturdays now is fun, but Sundays are a bit more creative and feral.

How often do you get to games, and how do you like to enjoy them?

You will find me in the Toilets Opposite as often as possible, often banging a bin.

What’s your favourite DHFCW memory?

Taking over The Den for our last game of last season against Millwall will take some beating. I don’t think anyone expected there to be so many of us, or for us to make so much of a racket for 90 minutes solid.

Who’s your favourite player and why?

Ceylon Andi Hickman will always be the General of The Pepper Army.

What impact has supporting DHFCW had for you?

It is a source of transcendent happiness. There is no better Sunday than a Spicy Sunday.

What are your hopes/expectations for the season?

Promotion would be nice, followed by the sort of bacchanalian binge where no one sleeps for a week.

Anything else you’d like to add?

The Pepper Army is always looking for new recruits and, gentle reader, we need YOU. Come over to the Toilets Opposite and say hello. We’re very nice, even if we look quite hungover.

Alex Fernandes

How does the experience compare to supporting men’s football, at this or other levels?

At Dulwich it’s a much more relaxed affair with its own energy; I would probably use the word ‘wholesome’? The women’s games have their own identity, even though a lot of the fans overlap–there’s a real connection with the players.

How often do you get to games, and how do you like to enjoy them?

I try to make the games as often as possible, especially when I know a few others from the gang are going to be there. I’m proud to be one of the ones screaming my lungs out from the TO. It’s such a lovely bunch of people and definitely one of my top ways to spend a Sunday, and it all feels worth it when, win or lose, the players are dancing and jumping along to our songs.

What’s your favourite DHFCW memory?

The shenanigans at Aylesford away might be my best football memory ever. After the Aylesford captain complained about the noise from the fans during the home game (to the ref!), a few creative souls planned a stunt for the away game. We came up with a version of It’s Oh So Quiet by Björk, and (trust committee member) Danny Lester brought his trumpet along–none of the players were expecting it, it was chaotic and great. Monki took the audio of us chanting about her and made it into a video that she tagged Calvin Harris in.

Emma Warren

Who are you and how did you end up supporting DHFCW?

I’d been coming to Dulwich since I moved to London–two of my siblings were already fans–so when we signed a women’s team I

knew I wanted to support them!

How does the experience compare to supporting men’s football, at this or other levels?

It’s a more chilled out vibe, lots of families. I’m not always the best with crowds so I love having a more relaxed option (compared to the men’s games). You can actually see what’s happening, which is great! How often do you get to games, and how do you like to enjoy them?

I come to home games whenever I’m free, and occasionally away. I started off sitting in the stands, but once we got a bit of a crowd together I joined in on chanting from the Toilets Opposite!

What’s it like going to DHFCW away games?

It’s often an adventure getting there, but it’s like a concentrated version of home games, as it’s often just the die-hards, so it is great for meeting other fans and everyone’s so committed so there can be great vibes.

What’s your favourite DHFCW memory?

Often it’s about the interaction with the players–them coming over at the end of matches once we started singing, occasionally joining in on chants. Millwall at the end of last season was amazing, Luna’s goal and the support and celebration after was incredible, and that photo of the team and fans celebrating the end of the season together really summed up what’s lovely about supporting DHFCW.

Who’s your favourite player and why?

I’m looking forward to seeing Luna (Alves Etienne) develop, Ceylon (Hickman) is such a great player on and off the pitch and of course Madi (Parsonson)’s in the Rabble, so we’ve got a big soft spot there. What impact has supporting DHFCW had for you?

Solidifying great relationships and making new ones with other fans. I feel like there’s so much scope for this team in terms of performance and influence on the women’s game, and I’m excited to be part of it. Do you support any other teams?

Just the men. I’ve had a go at supporting a WSL side but the vibes weren’t even close to as good!

One of the novel joys of supporting women’s football is that, thanks to the malevolent machinations of those who spent a hundred years suppressing it, there are still so many firsts in the game. Countries are developing their domestic programmes and building world-class teams; major clubs are taking their game to new professional heights, as players become household names, and grassroots leagues and clubs stake new claims.

The few top-flight clubs who invested early in women’s football have deservedly become the big players, and helped to lay the groundwork for a full, sustainable pyramid. As the landscape evolves, there are supporters groups to establish, records to break, communities to build. There can be no gatekeeping in this space, no “where were you fifteen years ago” or dullard accusations of “plastic support”. It shouldn’t be new, but it is, and we’re all building it. There is something deeply special about helping it grow from the ground up.

Though the walls have been coming down, it’s only in the last few years that a team like DHFCW has been able to play at a proper club, with its resources and existing fanbase. Their first generation of fans are creating a new, organic culture for an exciting team who dominate on the pitch. If you haven’t been to a Dulwich Hamlet FCW game yet, there’s never been a better time to become part of this beautiful new chapter in Dulwich’s history and the wider story of women’s football.

Words by Gen Williams Photo by Liam Asman

Women in Football

Women in football, whether playing or spectating, have always been on the backfoot. From being banned by the FA until 1970, to the inherently male-dominated environment in the stands to this day, many women feel we are invading a space that is often meant to actively deter us.

The recent years have felt like a breath of fresh air, with certain platforms and communities building momentum behind women in football, and women who love football. Quite notably, we can’t ignore the England Women’s Team winning the Euros and how this introduced a whole new wave of interest in women’s sport. There is still a long way to go but there’s a change in the air for sure.

Make way for ‘Her Game Too’

The viral video campaign, launched in 2021, highlighted the ongoing sexism and misogyny still intertwined in the football sphere, with a number of women across a range of teams sharing experiences they have had with men undermining their right to like football. Initially, the aim was to raise awareness and rally troops behind a just cause. It has since grown, expanding not only into football, but rugby, cricket, and hockey too, demonstrating a wider issue of the inclusion of girls and women in sport.

Ultimately the aim of Her Game Too has grown into making football a safe and welcoming environment for ALL, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, and background. The list of clubs throughout the UK from Premier League down to grassroots is vast, and certainly far too long for this humble Free Press article so I’ll leave you to Google that at your leisure.

So why did we join Her Game Too? Seems like a no brainer, but humour me for the next paragraph.

Her Game Too @ Dulwich Hamlet

Anyone who supports Dulwich Hamlet will instantly recognise the overlapping values of the Her Game Too campaign with our Club Ethos of acceptance for all. We would be doing the club a disservice not to sign ourselves up to this campaign and look at how we can improve the already solid platform of equality we have. So what does this involve? And what have we been doing?

Firstly we appointed a rabble of 5 individuals. Selfproclaimed feminists, football nuts, and all round good eggs that reiterate the common rally cry amongst the HGT Collective; make football accessible for all! Our aim is to improve the experience for women and non binary people at Dulwich Hamlet from matchdays, to online comms, and everything else in between.

It starts in the stands. Calling out nonsense then and there. However, we understand this can be intimidating so you can rest-assured that if you approach a HGT Ambassador on the day to report said nonsense, it will be taken seriously and escalated to the Club who can deal with the issue accordingly. It’s highly likely at least one ambassador will be at all men and women’s Dulwich games and we wear HGT merch and lanyards to differentiate ourselves from the crowd. If you’re unaware about who the ambassadors are, or can’t find one, please report the incident directly to a member of staff - stewards and staff will be in high vis during matchdays. Lastly, you can email us directly at hergametoo@ dulwichhamlet.co.uk

On a lighter note, we have other tactics to banish sexism from Dulwich Hamlet. In March, we hosted our first dedicated HGT fixture with a pre-game social held at the Clubhouse to raise awareness and money for two wonderful women’s charities; Solace for Women, and Housing for Women. We plan to host more meetups and events in the future so keep your eyes peeled on the socials and your inboxes for that.

Want to get involved?

In our eyes, there’s no such thing as “too many ambassadors” and certainly not too many allies. We wish to create an army of like-minded individuals to make this Club an even better place. More hands make light work after all.

If you wish to get involved at any level, if you have any great ideas, or have noticed areas of improvement, you can email hergametoo@dulwichhamlet.co.uk or simply hunt one of us down during the game.

Words by Sarah Ponsford

From left: Ben Clasper, Emma Warren, Kate Smith, Rosie Bailey, Jess Hardyhil and Jack Payne celebrating the Her Game Too day.

Sarah Ponsford, Dulwich’s HGT day organiser

NOT SEEN YOU FOR A BIT

DUNCAN CHAPMAN

Our dearest friend and extremely highly regarded Trust and Club colleague passed away on Tuesday 5 October 2021.  On behalf of the Dulwich Hamlet Supporters’ Trust board and all of our members, we send our deepest condolences to Duncan’s family and friends.

Duncan, a fixture on the terraces for so many years, was elected to the Trust Board in 2017, although he had been providing invaluable help behind the scenes for some time before that. It’s hard to overstate how fortunate we – the Trust board, the Club committee, and every supporter of this club – were to have him.  Duncan’s time on the board coincided with what was, as you will all know, the most difficult and challenging period the Club has faced.  Duncan’s contribution to the survival of the Club during this period of turbulence was enormous; his commitment to the club was unwavering.

Towards the end of 2017, relations between the Club and the owners of Champion Hill deteriorated. The following year saw the Club playing in exile at Tooting and its survival under threat. Duncan worked tirelessly in raising the profile of the Club’s plight. The esteem in which he was held following his long career in parliament opened doors for the club and the Trust, exemplified by the debate led by Helen Hayes MP in the House of Commons on 16 March 2018. The time and care he invested during the 2017/18 season saw him receive a greatly deserved DHFC outstanding contribution award.

Duncan was elected co-Chair of the Trust in July 2018 – the Club’s 125th year.  By September, still in exile and with no prospect of a return to Champion Hill, the club faced imminent insolvency.  Duncan was an instrumental member of a small group working alongside the Club Chairman to seek to broker dialogue between the stadium owners and the Council that might enable the Club to return to East Dulwich, and provide investment to enable the club to survive from week to week. Duncan never sought the limelight and during this difficult and intensely pressurised period, more than ever, his contribution was necessarily made behind the scenes, but it was invaluable. Against the odds, and at the 11th hour, terms to return to Champion Hill were agreed.

CHRIS A SHADE

Duncan was a talisman in this period. His calm head under pressure, wise counsel, astuteness and commitment to collaborative working, enabled the Trust to forge a close working relationship with the Club’s Chairman. This was critical in kickstarting a series of investments and improvements in working relationships, which has seen the Trust invest over £100,000 and acquire over a 29% shareholding in the Club on behalf of fans and the community.  This was something Duncan was rightly extremely proud of –at the heart of everything he did was his steadfast commitment to ensure the Club’s continued existence for the East Dulwich community, now and for future generations.

Duncan continued to take responsibility for liaising with the Council, local MPs and government in relation to the planning application for the new stadium. It was fitting that he became, in 2020, the first member of the Club’s board of directors to be nominated by the Trust, epitomising the closer working relationship between Club and Trust. Not satisfied with this, Duncan spent many a match and non-match day completing safety assessments, working tirelessly on the planning proposals and, as he said himself, dealing with the recurrent blockages in Champion Hill’s antediluvian plumbing systems.

It’s hard to believe that such a generous, kind friend has left us. Wise counsel to many, ale aficionado, curry lover, away day specialist, too often coach monitor, caring and giving to the last – Duncan, we will miss you desperately. You have gone too soon.  We will never forget you.

Tim Scott

I first met Chris in the Rabble on a chilly autumn Tuesday evening but we got to chat better away at Maidstone in early 2019. We laughed at how bad The Hamlet were that day and how equally awful the young Maidstone supporters were. He lived in Maidstone, he passed on some safety tips. This giggling and nattering became regular at every game we saw each other. Chris was funny and loved a laugh.

We stayed in touch through the first lockdown and I saw Chris at the weird Eastbourne game in-between the lockdowns where we drank beer from coffee cups, and talked about how strange the world had become.

As the game finished he had his trip back to Kent to get on with, we hugged, said we’d see each other again soon. Well that didn’t happen did it Chris?

Paul Hamilton

Andy was a top guy, a devoted Husband to Tania and Dad to Alfie. He cherished taking the family to see the Hamlet at Champion Hill, joining in with the chanting and laughing at The Rabble’s banter.

The Zelinger family continue to sponsor a Hamlet player each season and a match for Alfie’s birthday, to honour Andy’s memory and support the club that gave him so much pleasure. Tania and Alfie Zelinger

ANDY ZELINGER PAUL THOMAS

MISHI DULWICH MORATH BERT AND DON MEW

Long before I became a Cat I was born in Dulwich and lived in Mount Adon Park off Lordship Lane. Along the road lived a Mr Bert Mew. He was a policeman in the days when such public servants attracted respect and even caution. He had been a Dulwich Hamlet Junior who did not quite make the grade. However, he became a dedicated servant of the Club as Ground Steward/Manager.

Even though my parents were not into football, for reasons I cannot explain, I loved it and when another friend took me to watch the Hamlet play Wycombe Wanderers in 1955 I was hooked. We lost 2-4. Still got the programme!

Bert Mew’s son, David, with whom, as a kid, I played from time to time, and who, like me would go to Wilson’s Grammar School in Camberwell, was not into football rather like my parents. Despite this in later years his Dad would drag him down to man a turnstile which he did without ever watching a game.

One day, when I was 11 or 12, I plucked up the courage to knock on Mr Mew’s door to ask if I could sell programmes which I did for a year or more getting paid a shilling (5p) and free entry. I went to all the away games as well.

For those who don’t know Mishi or his reputation, he was one of Dulwich’s most famous and passionate fans. He adored the club and everything about it. Even changed his name to include Dulwich. He was one of the founders of the original ‘Rabble’ many years ago, when being antiracist, anti-sexist and pro LGBT was beyond unusual and led to the Rabble having some lively discussions with opposing fans racists and bigots. Welling when their club was a racist stronghold thought they could abuse the Dulwich black players and fans......think again!!

Mishi did as much as anyone to make Dulwich the amazing ‘Community Club’ they are, and he was so proud to collect the awards that Dulwich got ahead of hugely bigger clubs. It’s almost a cliche now that every club claims to be, but without Mishi, I doubt Dulwich would be famous the world over for who and what they have become. Mishi strongly advocated reduced prices for certain groups and there was a lot of opposition initially, but as Liam said. ‘50% of something is better than 100% of nothing’.. and years later we get crowds of 3000 in a relegation season.

I know some older fans dont like the ‘nouveaus’ but Mishi was never one of them. He took such pride that we were getting crowds which matched some league teams.

Mishi was also one of the founders of our supporters team and formed amazing relationships with Altona, PSG and Namur. He was also a huge groundhopper and had visited almost every Czech and German ground and had just started on Hungary.

Mishi was also one of the main leaders who fought to get the current Dulwich ground built against the opposition

BRIAN WEBER

of the local NIMBY’s who claimed that Lordship Lane would collapse. How wrong could they be? Simon Hughes, the MP for Bermondsey, elected on a vicious anti gay racist campaign despite being gay himself turned up at the planning meeting and on trying to speak was quickly told by Mishi to ‘F*** off back to Bermondsey’ which Mr Hughes very quickly did.....

Mishi was also behind the road name campaign for Edgar Kail Way. And of course he was also the writier the Edgar Kail song, one we adapted from an England fans anti IRA song!

He watched every level of Dulwich team home and away and he was so proud when his two nephews played for the junior teams and even prouder when Kalvin played for the first team too, including that horrible defeat to Leatherhead in 2011 in the play offs.

His dream was always to see Dulwich play a league team in the FA Cup, and then when we drew Carlisle at home and the BBC picked it. Sheer joy for Mishi Dulwich Morath. He was of course interviewed on the pitch before the game and he told me before, he would get in an anti-Tooting jibe, and of course he did, reminding everyone of the huge thrashing game...

Mishi was a great poet too, and very often the only working class poet at poetry events. Many of his poems were about the Hamlet, much to the bemusement of most of the attendees.This is why Mishi’s name lives on with a yearly poetry competition in his name from St Anthony’s school, in Dulwich of course.

Before that in 1956 Bert asked me to be a ball boy in the old enclosure at the British Army v French Army game. The British team included such players as Jimmy Armfield and the legendary Duncan Edwards. Bert got me his autograph which has unfortunately vanished at the moment as we downsize.

In the French team was Jus Fontaine who has only recently died and who scored 13 goals in the World Cup in 1958 in just six games. A record which will never be beaten.

Ferenc Morath

The last piece of the jigsaw is getting the new ground, with its new parks, community facilities and a decent percentage of affordable housing. Then Mishi’s ashes can go there and he’ll be raising a glass of coke, no ice, happily forever.

Bert’s brother Don, was also a lifelong fan and attended most games with Bert until old age overtook them. From time to time I used to give lifts to them both when I could and they were both lovely guys.

When the first Trust Board was formed, Brian Weber was the longest-standing fan who stepped up to help.

He was a life-long Hamlet fan (and behind-the-goal chain smoker) who simply wanted to help the Club. For Brian, this often meant selling programmes, but he would pitch in with whatever was required, including helping at the family fun days which we ran in those early years. He was also a founder member of the 100 Club, and was delighted to be one of the earliest winners.

A couple of years before he died Don said that as his nephew was not interested he wanted to leave me his memorabilia. I said that my wife didn’t want my stuff in the house let alone his. However when he sadly died, not too long after Bert, David brought a lot of stuff down to me some of which we sold for charity. I have hung on to the Hamlet stuff for the moment anyway.

Ironically David would eventually watch the Hamlet with me when Don sponsored a game in his brother’s memory which they both would have loved. Bert was also delighted when I mentioned him in my book “Nearly Famous.”

They were both Hamlet through and through and anyone who, like me, is old enough to remember them will do so with great respect, admiration and pleasure.

Phillip Mitchell

Sadly, Brian passed away back in summer 2008. Before Hamlet beat Eastbourne Borough 2-1 in that August, Brian’s ashes were scattered on the pitch - he lived in East Dulwich’s The Gardens, but Champion Hill was his real home. The crowd for that Saturday match was just 215 - Brian would be amazed and delighted to see how far the Club has come, and to know that his efforts with the early Trust contributed to that development.

Bob “the Cat” Bevan MBE

Three acts, one result – the 22/23 men’s season in review

The Bard’s great tragedy “Hamlet, the Prince of Denmark,” with its vivid dramatisation of madness and melancholy, sprawls across five Acts. The slightly lesser tragedy of Dulwich Hamlet’s 2022/23 season, the Wince of Denmark Hill, with its vivid dramatisation of madness and melancholy, played out across a mere three Acts, with a brief comic interlude after the first. Much like the audience for Shakespeare’s protracted Tragicall Hiftorie, we fans experienced the odd thrill and profound insight into the human condition, but also some interminable and harrowing periods of prolix mediocrity.

Sein oder Nichtsein, das war die Frage as the season booted off. Frankly, after the delirium of promotion and the bacchanal on Promotion Roundabout, The Hamlet had laboured in the lower depths of The National Conference South like an indolent chub. But with a host of new ostensibly decent looking players lining up alongside some old favourites, there was a sense of ease and confidence at a sunny Champion Hill as we beat a Braintree Town side who would finish in the play-off places. But then, like Jim Thompson’s Getaway, it all went wrong and headed south, with scarcely a point glommed in the next six games. Inspired by that dismal toll, it was Nichtsein and goodnight sweet prince as Gavin Rose, the great Lion of Champion Hill, was asked to vacate the dugout.

Gavin was The Hamlet’s longest serving manager, a man who had arrived in 2009 to find a club on its uppers, appreciated only by a few hundred jaded fans and the odd scruffy cur. Thirteen years and two promotions later, the Hamlet were playing sexy football in front of crowds that had increased ten or more fold and now eagerly fell upon the fancy Greek street food and artisan booze offered at all corners. All down in significant part to Gavin and his preternatural desire to build our great club on the Hill. But as Chaucer said “at the laste, as every thing hath edne” and that was the edne for Gavid, Goodbye Gavin Rose. You will ever grow in our hearts. You were the ace who put the Hamlet in the South.

So where next? Well to someone few of us had heard of - a decent and well-liked fellow called Paul Barnes. Initially Paul came as the interim manager but then was elevated to the hot-seat permanently; leading in turn to the best fan chant of the season (to the tune of Go West “Paul Barnes no longer interim. Paul Barnes no longer interim, Paul Barnes no longer interim, Paul Barnes, we’re really into him”). Early signs were good. Not just Paul’s level of accessibility, accountability and just plain old decent football management, but also the results

Words by Mark McGann

which propelled us into the top half of the league. However then, as is The Pink and Blues’ wont, the first two months of 2023 saw an arid run of results propel usdown the league to the business end of the relegation zone. O God, God, how weary, stale, flat and unprofitable seemed it to The Rabble. And Paul too was asked to vacate the dugout.

What stripe of paladin then could possibly steady the good ship Toscana, plump up the club’s morale and pitch East Dulwich’s Finest towards the nirvana of mid-table mediocrity? Lumber forward ex-Maidstone gaffer and no-nonsense nonleague enforcer the mighty Hakan Hayrettin. Now “Hakan” is a name historically bestowed on the ancient overlords and emperors of the Anatolian steppe. And to watch Hakan prowling the touchline - shoulders as wide as he is tall, brow furrowed like the lava soil of Lanzarote - was to witness a commanding colossus dedicated to doing the dirty work necessary to keep the Sons of Edgar Kail in the National South.

And, Ali Bongo style, he nearly pulled a dead rabbit out of the hat. At home, in particular, the team played ugly but played to win. And win we did. But away, for some reason, away was a different matter. And by the last match of the season, we needed a win or a draw. But got neither and whimpered and waffled our way to a feeble defeat. That was us done, relegated back into our ancestral homeland of the Isthmian Premier.

So how are we all feeling? Mixed views but on the whole pretty chipper it seems. Hak and his trusty sidekick Terry are staying and most of us feel quietly bullish about that. Plus some of us are beginning to feel an opportunity to revel, revive and rejuvenate in the romance of the Isthmian, a league that derives its name from the alluring isthmus of Corinth where in ancient times a Games was instituted by mighty Sisyphus and dedicated to Poseidon the great god of the sea, earthquakes and (who knew) horses. Compare this with the prosaically titled National Conference South. Pah! Moreover, some of us are pondering too whether the demotion has a distinct (albeit short-lived) upside as the prospect of away-days to Lewes, Hastings (Paul Barnes’ new team) and Margate are pencilled in. Indeed, some of us periretirees might even check out the real-estate while we’re down there, see what you can get for the price of a Horniman Heights semi. Sea views you say?

But promotion, that’s what we want. And yet we’re up against some analogously ambitious teams, among them the wretched Billericay. So no one thinks it’s going to be easy. And ay, there’s the rub.

Hamlet comedy – a beginner’s guide

Paula, Door bitch

As someone who never really “came out” as trans, rather broke out of a shell tougher than an ostrich on steroids I have to admit it was rather a daunting prospect at first to be invited to be “Door Bitch” at the first post pandemic Hamlet Comedy Club. Of course that was the weirdest feeling in itself. The online clubs had kept the comedy flowing through months of politically fluid lockdowns, mendacious promises & false dawns but that was never going to replace the danger of live comedy in front of a hungry audience. But now we were back, albeit socially distanced with the crowds decamped to the outside bar. It also meant a “socially distanced” yours truly, parked at the health club entrance. Still after years on the turnstiles learning to read the game through the cheers of the Rabble... “Oh that’s a corner”, “nasty challenge”, “Oh no we’ve conceded a goal from a corner again”… it meant trying to interpret a joke from the response of the distant audience. Thank (insert relevant deity here) we were back in the inside bar before too long!

Being an obviously transgender woman (that is how my mind works anyway) it’s curious to observe how I’m perceived by the club attendees though thankfully I’ve yet to spot any “TERFs” in the wild. That said my experience of them, both online and the very rare occasion I was confronted by one outside cyberspace, is humour is something they probably had surgically removed at birth. If they do turn up they’ll be the ones sitting stony faced and totally perplexed whilst the rest of the audience collapses in fits. There’s an audience that’s buys into the Dulwich ethos and acts that do too. As DB I’ve chatted & made friends with many big names, personal heroes & heroines, legends indeed. The anticipation and excitement ahead of each months club never wanes.

Thinking of starting a comedy night? One say with actual proper good professional stand ups, at a non league football club in SE22, that runs the first Thursday of every month? Let MC Alexandra Haddow and promoter Matt Arnold teach you how to do just that, via a short quiz.

1 Your first night is coming up and a lot of people leaving a home game have told you they will come, do you?

A Realise that promoting a comedy night at a football match is as much use as flyering for a Car Boot Sale outside a Ten Pin Bowling Ally, and you need to steadily build your own audience.

B Decide the enthusiastic drunk people will definitely remember this chat in 10 days time, and worry no more about it.

2 What should a good poster for a comedy night have?

A All the relevant info, neatly designed with pics of any acts people might recognise from the telly

B Mainly a picture of your dog.

3 You need to persuade comics to perform at your new show, do you?

A Explain what makes Dulwich Hamlet different from most football clubs and, therefore, a lovely place to have a comedy gig.

B Assume that Football Twitter is the real world and Hamlet’s reputation proceeds us.

4 Acts booked! Now what else do you need to acquire before running a gig?

A Microphone, stage, lighting, chairs and a team of lovely and enthusiastic volunteers you would be screwed without.

B Mind-altering substances.

5 A relatively minor comedy industry figure inadvertently puts an inaccurate slur about your latest night on their Instagram stories, how do you react ?

A Not worry about it, the gig sold out anyway, they usually do these days and that’s why it’s best to register for early access mailing list tickets at HamletComedy.co.uk

B Six months on, still lie awake in the early hours plotting revenge, reach a point where you can only ‘get in the mood’ if your partner audibly details lurid fantasies about this individual’s inevitable personal and professional downfall.

6 You are kindly offered the chance to write an article about the night in the club’s newspaper, should you?

A Point out tickets are a bargain £10 for five brilliant acts - past headliners have included Ed Gamble, Mark Thomas, Nish Kumar & Fern Brady and we are @HamletComedy on all the socials. Oh and, did we mention, it’s the first Thursday of the month?

B Abandon 5 drafts due to worries you are sounding a bit pretentious, have a panic attack, realise you are about the miss the deadline, finally submit an ill thought-out quiz format you came up with while having a dump.

Mostly ‘A’s Congratulations, you clearly know what you are doing. Now is there any chance you could hop in a time machine and pop back to East Dulwich in May 2019? There are a couple of people who need your help.

Mostly ‘B’s Congratulations you are us.

“A total delight of a gig on and off stage. The DHFC ultras’ laughter even as I wilfully disrespected their club’s reputation only confirmed what an infuriatingly lovely community the whole enterprise is” Ivo Graham

Paul Hamilton