grey that almost matched his hair and in them Padraic could see a cold, glaring clarity. They were the eyes of a stoic. They said that he had been a Jesuit but had been banished by the order. A staunch nationalist, he absolved the sins of republicans fleeing south during the troubles. When the mass ended Padraic stood at this parent‟s grave and waited for the last of the gossiping parishioners to disperse. He was impatient. He didn‟t have the time. In a day or two he‟d be dead and having never given death any consideration there were questions to be answered. Finally, Mrs Traynor, having seen the congrergation off, pulled a shawl around her shoulders and made for the church gates but as Padraic turned for the rectory he noticed the Shiels‟ lad was walking up the drive. He darted behind one of the great old conifers that stood among the graves and watched as the boy disappeared around the side of the church. Padraic cursed him and waited. He smoked a cigarette and considered his options. It wouldn‟t do to speak in front of the lad. Eventually, reluctant to leave and reluctant to stand in the cold any longer, he decided that he would find the priest and get him to send the boy away. If it came to the confessional then so be it although the thought filled him with dread. When Padraic knocked on the rectory door and entered he heard a scampering movement from within. His mother had tried to get him to mend his ways, to teach him some manners and Padraic wished, as he stood in the rectory doorway with the priest glaring at him and the Shiels‟ boy looking at him curiously that she had managed it. McLoughlin had shed his robes and was wearing a grey sweater and black slacks. He was red in the face, his chest was heaving and the the look he was giving Padraic made him wonder if somehow he owed the priest money. „What?‟ he barked in a thick Ulster accent. South Armagh or close to it. „Eh, father, I was wondering if I might have a word,‟ he replied. He looked at the Shiels‟ boy and then at the priest‟s vestments that lay discarded unceremoniously on the floor. The boy quickly bent down and picked them up. He was flustered. Padraic hadn‟t seen the lad in a few years. He had at one time been friends with his father and he‟d heard talk. „Howa ya Daragh?‟ Padraic said nodding to him. „Paudie,‟ he responded curtly. Padraic remembered him as a child. He had always been slim and preened and effeminate. He had never thought anything of it. „I hear you‟re down in Dublin studying?‟ „That‟s right.‟ „Good on ya.‟ He looked back the priest. „Well,‟ he said, clapping his hands together, „father. I was wondering about having a mass said up at the house for my mother. She‟ll be dead five years next month.‟ The tension in the room eased a little. Padraic had learnt to play the fool and the blindman early on although he was decidely neither one or the other. McLoughlin‟s shoulders relaxed and he uncurled the hand he had clenched into a fist. He stepped towards Padraic and throwing an arm across his shoulders turned him towards the door. He spoke quietly and directly and in a friendly tone. „That should be no bother. Give me a ring next week and we‟ll sort it out. Just at the moment I‟m counselling this young man who‟s considering the priesthood.‟ He motioned towards the Shiels lad. Padraic smiled and nodded and then with as much convicition as he could muster he said: „It‟s a good thing young men are still going into the priesthood in this country. A blessing, I‟ll tell ya. Otherwise, where would we be? Over run with Trocáire cases trying to be priests.‟ He wished them good luck and left. In the car he sighed and leaned against the steering wheel, pressing his face against the cold panel. If McLoughlin suspected for one second that Padraic had realised what was going on it would mean another name added to the list of people who wanted him dead. He felt exhausted. The strain was playing on him. That afternoon, worn out and bitterly tired though he was he couldn‟t sleep. He lay down on the sofa in the sitting room near the stove and began to drift off, but every time he did so he would awake with a start having half dreamt that he had heard a
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