Cameo’s cauldron

… in which Cameo Miller stirs her thoughts and ideas to see what rises to the top.

The Importance of Relationships

By Cameo Miller

Illustration by Bethany Caskey

This article comes out sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas—times when family and friends usually get together. Last year we were all told to severely limit contact with each other and many people did not celebrate these traditional coming together holidays as usual. This year we are told to still be cautious, but it seems that many families and friends are determined to be together for this Thanksgiving and Christmas. Relationships are important, and we have been reminded over the last two years that phone calls and video chats are not at all the same as a hug and physically being together. There always seems to be stories on the news of tragic events with many lives lost. At the time I am writing this, the current death toll from covid is over 777,000 in the US alone. So we are also reminded that these relationships DO need to have priority in our lives as those we care about could be lost to us when we least expect it. We hear so often—to always give your loved ones a kiss and an ‘I love you’ when parting because you never know if it may be the last time you see them alive. So why am I writing about relationships in a magazine for riding instructors? Because we are more than just riding instructors. We have more relationships than just our professional ones. Relationships that help make up the totality of who we are. Because we are people with important relationships in our lives that we need to remember to value and nurture.

The times we spend with each other throughout the year is often much more important than attending a prescribed day to be together. It is all of these times that truly build a relationship into what it is now and what it can become in the future. It is all the times over all the years that build the foundation of a relationship and determine how towering and important it will be. Special get togethers like holidays and birthdays, births and even funerals, and family reunions can be embellishments on the tower we build with others. For some, Thanksgiving and Christmas means that everyone makes a special effort to be together. That even if most of the year people are busy with separate lives, these two days are set aside to be with those who are special to us. That gives these holidays true importance to many. But we also know that, for some people, these large family gatherings are more misery than blessing. For them, the imperative is a burden. For them, we are also reminded that the ‘families’ we create can be as, or even more, important that the ones we are born into.

A thought to consider is that, perhaps, traveling during traditional get together holidays is not best right now—too many people crowding together, too much stress due to delays and high prices, too many expectations from whatever source. Perhaps we should reassess. What if instead of traveling now when society dictates for us to get together—we plan to go another time or other times when everyone can truly enjoy the visit. After all, it should be actually being with those we value that is the truly important part. It’s not the feast of Thanksgiving nor the gifts of Christmas that is truly what is important, but the fact that we can be together with those we love. And gifts don’t have to be purchases. Thoughtful gifts are good, but it can be just as special a gift to sit and listen to someone who needs to vent, to cry with someone over a loss or a fear, to rejoice with them over an accomplishment or a treasured acquisition.

I am not advocating that we get rid of traditional holidays, or that we do or don’t observe them. I am suggesting that days that society has dictated as ‘special’ can be thought of as a decision rather than a mandate. That we need to make it more of a priority to be with those we love however and whenever that works best for us. That it is the being together that builds relationships rather than the predetermined day to do it.

can include, at a minimum: • When the arrangement begins and ends (and methods of terminating it) • Uses of the horse and restrictions • Payment of routine and non-routine expenses • Liability waiver/release and indemnification language (where allowed by law) • Equine Activity Liability Act language (depending on state law) With careful planning and properly drafted contracts, parties to “half-lease”/share boarding arrangements, and the horse, could be happy for a long time. This article does not constitute legal advice. When questions arise based on specific situations, direct them to a knowledgeable attorney. About the Author: Julie Fershtman, one of the nation’s most experienced Equine Law practitioners, is a Shareholder with Foster Swift Collins & Smith, PC, in Michigan. She has successfully litigated equine cases in 18 jurisdictions nationwide and has tried equine cases in 4 states. She is listed in The Best Lawyers in America and received the American Bar Association (ABA) “Excellence in the Advancement of Animal Law Award.” Her speaking engagements span 29 states. Her new 372-page book, Equine Law & Horse Sense, has just been published by the ABA and is available for purchase! For more information, please visit www.equinelaw.net. About the author: Cameo Miller is a Masters-level clinical psychologist and a Level IV ARIA Certified Instructor based in Michigan. She is a member of the ARIA Evaluation Panel and National Riding Instructors Convention Staff.

“The times we spend with each other throughout the year is often much more important than attending a prescribed day to be together. ”

We, in our profession, are lucky because most of us have still been able to be with the animals that we have the closest relationships to. And because most of our activities are outside, or at least with distancing built in, we have an easier time to continue and further our relationships with professional friends and students. That just means it is easier to maintain these relationships, not that it is any less important that we continue to make them priorities too.

The last two years have been a difficult struggle for most everyone. But they may have been instrumental in reminding us about what things are really important and, perhaps, this enforced separation has helped us to more clearly recognize how important some people are in our lives. How important making time to actually have contact with them is. That there are more important things than meeting dictated expectations of others or that things have to be done as they always were in the past. We all get to decide who is important, whether that is biological family, created family, close friends or even acquaintances. So why am I writing about relationships in a magazine for riding instructors? To help all of you remember to make time to be with all who are important to you—because that will be so good for you in the long run.

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About the author: Cameo Miller is a Masters-level clinical psychologist and a Level IV ARIA Certified Instructor based in Michigan. She is a member of the ARIA Evaluation Panel and an ARIA National Test Center Administrator.  Communicate at whisper levels.  Cyber headset fits comfortably under helmet.  Superior comfort for instructor.

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