So Right It’s Wrong

By Lydia Fairchok

A young adult whom I mentor asked me to join her in a social media fast this month. I’m a fan of healthy fasting as a way to improve mental clarity and self-control, so of course I agreed. It didn’t surprise me that it was fairly easy to stay away from my lone social media account; I spend very little time online as it is. What did surprise me was how relieved I was to have a break from equestrian group posts.

Once upon a time as a young horse owner I spent hours reading, writing, and responding to discussion boards about horses and riding. When I gained a professional network and changed how I managed my internet usage, social media groups fell by the wayside. Only a few still surface in my media feed, where I have a strict read-only policy. What I see there over and over again highlights a problem as old as time: Everyone thinks they are right.

Use this bit. Don’t use that bit. Don’t use any bit! This training method is the only one you should use. This training method will hurt your horse and you’re a horrible human being if you use it. I don’t “train” my horse—I am my horse’s partner and I only do things he gives me permission to do. Feed this supplement. Your horse will colic if you feed that supplement. Your horse doesn’t need a supplement, he needs his saddle fit checked. It’s not a saddle issue, he’s just disrespecting you. Go back to ground work. Have you tried chiropractic?

Does this sound familiar to anyone? It’s not limited to discussion threads. Boarding barn aisles, tack stores, and ringside seating are filled with deeply-held convictions and opinions. Sometimes these beliefs are shared in a respectful way with helpful intent, but all too often they are wielded like weapons and used to accuse, tear each other down, and prove that the speaker is right at the expense of everyone else.

The funny thing is, most of the time no one is exclusively right. Apart from issues of animal cruelty or abuse, the exact method of riding, training, and owning a horse isn’t a moral decision. It’s a personal one. And personal decisions have wide latitude for disagreement without any person being incorrect because there is no “correct” answer.

But what about this equipment? And that riding style? Shouldn’t we speak up on behalf of horses who are suffering physical and psychological damage from misguided methods? Maybe. Remember that inasmuch as we have logical, emotional, and ethical reasons for choosing the way we do things, so do the people who are doing the things we hate. Their logic may stem from incorrect or incomplete information. Their emotions may be untampered by facts. Their ethics may be based on a different community standard than ours. Regardless, their thought process has been developed in a manner that is acceptable to them, and they will continue with it until and unless something changes their mind. In case you were wondering, that “something” probably won’t be an accusatory Facebook message or tack room gossip-fest.

Every member of the equestrian community has a duty to address their differences in a way that respects one another and truly promotes the good of the horse. Being an instructor carries with it an additional responsibility to treat these issues with professionalism because your students are observing not only how you handle horses, but how you handle disagreements with others in your industry. They should never witness you (in person or online) disparage a competing barn, a different discipline, or another rider. “They’re a bunch of idiots over there.” “That trainer is a mess.” “People who ride such-and-such discipline are crazy.” I’ve heard far too many comments like these uttered in the hearing of students, particularly youth riders. Addressing issues is appropriate but do it humbly. A statement such as “I prefer to accomplish that task this way, and here’s why” creates a far more educational moment than name-calling or criticizing.

Humility is the key to respecting others’ opinions. When we are so convinced of our beliefs that we discount even the possibility of someone else having an equally valid outlook, we exalt our thinking above everyone else’s. “I can’t be wrong!” this mentality shouts. “If you don’t agree with me, you’re not as smart/informed/enlightened as me!” How is anyone helped by such a mindset? Please don’t misunderstand me—it is good to have a well-rooted stance on moral issues and to exercise our freedom to disagree with someone else’s logic, emotional response, or code of ethics. These things are necessary for strengthening our character and sharpening our intellect. But if we fail to consider other positions on issues that fall beyond the moral umbrella, we take an unrealistic view of our own fallibility and actually atrophy our critical thinking skills.

Next time you are faced with an opinion that differs from your own, think twice before countering. If the exchange is in person, ask questions (kindly) to develop an understanding of the other person’s position. Chances are much higher that they will be open to talking about your thoughts if you first express interest in theirs. If the interaction is online...well, think VERY carefully before getting involved. Social media communications have a penchant for quickly devolving into keyboard skirmishes, and thanks to screen shot capabilities the conversations can be preserved for anyone to see even if you delete your post.

Your horses and students are your most effective mouthpiece—no soapbox required. Invest your best energy in creating horses who are happy to perform their jobs and students who can explain why they do the things they have been taught. If you are passionate about the online arena, focus on creating helpful content for a general audience rather than getting drawn into individual shouting matches. Offer to have a private conversation with those who have legitimate questions so the trolls can’t dogpile your responses. Excuse yourself from (or simply don’t reply to) threads that go the way of first graders fighting over the best color in a box of crayons. Respect for the opinions of others should not only be a common kindness; it is a personal duty and opportunity for growth. You may never change someone’s conduct by listening to their side of the debate and exercising restraint in your replies, but you wouldn’t have changed them by arguing or gossiping, either. Is there ever any harm in placing more importance on being humble than being right? Even if the other person never sees your point of view, you will have given them no cause to resent your side of the issue and you will have practiced good character in the process. Be kind, on and offline. Be humble. It really is the simplest way to change the world.

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