January 2017
By Jenna McKaye The bedroom closet became my refuge from the terror that crept into my life. Desperately, I tried to comfort myself as the tears streamed down my face, soaking my shirt. I was alone, without anyone to help make sense of what became of me. I grew up in Southern California. It was my playground, where I learned to ride horses, play volleyball, and attended school. I was a happy kid, or at least I appeared to be. My Christian education was established through private school and family church attendance every weekend. Sports held my interest more than any desire for boys. Training with a professional baseball player had given me an unusual sporting edge during my years
Pastor Profile Johnny Burke
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playing competitive travel volleyball. There was a feeling of being on top of the world with a serious game face on, but underneath, I was fragile with an innocence that eventually worked against me I was emotionally impacted by the divorce of my parents, despite hating their constant fighting with one another. When my sisters went away to college, I was left alone, struggling to maintain my winning
BEFORE
AFTER
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game face. Then, at 18, I met him. He was a confident man, just a year older, who came to “rescue” me from my dysfunctional home life. He convinced me life would be easier and better if I dropped out of school and moved in with him. I believed him and I followed. The word naïve must have been written on my forehead, because our whole relationship was based on his controlling behavior which
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intensified into our marriage. The years of building up my own confidence soon broke down into fragments that slowly vanished from my life. My game face was replaced by a mask that was devoid of everything that was truly me. During a trip to Tijuana, Mexico, he had a tattoo artist carve his name on my back, like a cattle brand. From inside a souvenir shop in Vegas, I peered through a window and watched him talking to a man who appeared to be a pimp. Whatever occurred during their conversation would cause drastic changes once we returned home. He was always trying to make money,
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