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Gabriella Gauger
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Amie Pistrin-Faust
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Brian Scanlon
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Your connection to fantastic people
Published by: Antihero Entertainment Co.
Editor-in-Chief/Interviews
Alycia Ripley
Design Director Lara Nedeltscheff
Staff Photographer Katie Raimonde
Contributing Writers/Issue #1 Rebecca Gaffney Page 16
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Table of Contents
Issue #1
Beginnings & Inspirations
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Once a 90’s badass, now both a husband and father, Titled Cloud’s Josh Raimonde proves that nice guys can very much win...and rock...on radio stations and in films. Given his fresh perspective on working musicianship, he and his band are the perfect collaborators for visual artists. Indie filmmakers, take note.
Loaded with charisma, vision, and a work ethic that makes Madonna look lazy, Gabriella Gauger transformed her family’s homestead into a concert/event space, a Lodge for vacationers, apartments, a flower farm, and more coolness than could fit in one sentence. 9
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Writer, foodie, Senior Director of Talks for the 92 St Y, and stylish man about Manhattan, Taj Greenlee’s perspective on life, work, and creativity will inspire you and share a bit of his urbane vibe. He’s regularly photographed with more celebrities than at a Met Ball, but his down to earth perspective, hard work, and kind spirit are what make him someone everyone should know.
Shelter’ by Rebecca Gaffney
Media writer Christopher Schobert lends his indie cred and encyclopedic knowledge of pop culture to create a powerful playlist. Having profiled filmmakers and events for various magazines and blogs, we feel it’s time to throw the spotlight directly his way.
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Filmmaker/opera singer Victoria Hutton prioritizes finding humor in art. Although serious about her work (and her film suggestions) this multidisciplinary artist and blonde is having the most fun creating, finding inspiration in her cats, and continuously evolving.
A look through her Instagram is all the introduction you’ll need, but we can’t wait to highlight watercolor tattooist and multidisciplinary visual artist, Thea Duskin. Read her insightful perspective on becoming an artist in the 90’s vs now, and tips for coming into your own.
Creative, thoughtful, and a growing presence within the healing industries, Andrew Orrin Webb’s mission is to promote a healthier and more effective way of living and working. He’s out to relax your life with his Philip Seymour Hoffman laugh, cannabis knowledge, and positive perspective.
From the Editor:
by: Katie Raimonde
An essay of mine called “Antiheroine” once made its way to a surprising number of readers. It centered on a walk I took as an adult around my neighborhood one Halloween and how, (and this will take some explaining,) I felt the character of Michael Myers had been a guardian angel since I first came across the film, Halloween. The essay described my alienation in walking among a demographic with whom I had little in common: how lonely I felt, how angry, frustrated, confused, and wishing I could disappear into the fog. It describes that Halloween walk with my vision of Michael beside me and the sentiment he shared as we returned home. My version of him isn't violent and he doesn't kill anyone. We simply share the same mask. I worked on that essay until readers would understand every allegory, analogy, and metaphor and it introduced me to an audience I'm so grateful for.
That essay re-acquainted me with the word, antihero. A hero who's off-center, complicated, does things his/her/their own way, doesn't settle, prioritizes Plan A without bothering with Plan B, strives for a different kind of life, builds an empire with vision and work ethic. Imperfect, unusual, well-meaning heroes with complications, struggles, and redemption. To me, antiheroes were more interesting, more
vivid, more relatable than basic protagonists. Taylor Swift's song, 'Antihero', was released a month after my essay was completed in a wonderful piece of synchronicity. But yes, it's true.
Hi, I'm the problem, it's me. It's us.
Some reading this may know me as an author of several books, or because of films I've acted in or wrote/directed. I'm a writer/filmmaker who loves people and stories. Like many, my life has been an uphill climb. My decisions were wellconsidered but occasionally malfunctioning. I hold grudges and value accountability. I'm a friendly, angry, soft-spoken, grumpy contradiction and I own that. I've gravitated towards antiheroes throughout my life and there are so many I want to spotlight here. I'm excited to send you their perspectives, stories, suggestions, and vibe. There's someone for everyone within these pages.
I've always LOVED interviews. I was a filmobsessive, a music-lover, and book reader. I loved interesting narratives, memorable quotes, and inspiring behaviors. I still keep old copies of Details, Jane, and Interview because their
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conversations posed such fresh questions. One day it hit me, why not create a magazine that focuses solely on creative people? Why not make this an aspect of my film development company? When I explained my magazine goal many said, you don't have the money, you don't know how it works, you don't have the staff.
And yet...welcome to Issue #1, the theme of which is Beginnings & Inspirations. Every path, journey, and personality has a fascinating arc. At the moment, Antihero is made up of myself, talented designer Lara Nedeltscheff, (also my book cover designer) and Katie Raimonde, our staff photographer, who shot most of our profile photos as well as our cover. I'm thrilled to have San Diego-based writer Rebecca Gaffney contribute an essay that fits perfectly with our theme and encourage you to learn more about her at her IG, @rebeccagaffney.
The titles of our essays, mine being “Tornado Season” and Rebecca's being “Fear's Shelter,” echo like bookends. Although completely unplanned, this immediately invited a feeling of alignment, of right time and right season coalescing. My essay took thirty years to write as I could never find the best format or structure and I was too sad and angry to sit with the memories. I hope “Tornado Season” illustrates the person steering this ship and reiterates themes of Beginnings & Inspirations as I describe where some of mine were born. Perhaps it took this long because Antihero is where it belonged and I think it's where Rebecca's essay belongs, as well.
Antihero will grow as our staff expands, ad partners connect, and opportunities present themselves. Issue #1 has been delivered to you by the smallest of crews...but with large amounts of enthusiasm. I created this to serve as a connective tissue and conduit between interviewees and readers, creatives and
collaborators. Everyone within these pages provides a means of contact. My hope is to alleviate for others the feelings of frustration I once had while tracking down email addresses for producers I'd hoped to work with. We provide the means to reach the people you're discovering, whose work you're reading, or whose photographs are featured. We do not cover events, festivals, openings, or bars/restaurants, only the people who create them. Antihero is for you to read on the subway, your couch, in a doctor's office, or at the beach. Its size and format is intended for you to throw into a tote bag, purse, briefcase, backpack or to read on your phone or tablet. We hope the narratives & information within this issue will inspire you to move forward on your creative path and even collaborate with one of our interviewees in doing so. I grew up reading print magazines so ensuring we could deliver Antihero in physical form was important to me. We want to send a massive thank you to our donors for believing in this magazine's vision, goals, people, and helping us bring it to life. We couldn't have done this without you.
Thanks for reading!
JOSH RAIMONDE THE CATALYST
With songs on rotation at stations such as WBFO’s The Bridge, this ex-wild child writer/musician from Buffalo, NY not only has a new album out with his group, Titled Cloud, but is a natural choice for soundtrack inclusion. With his relaxed vibe and strong interest in providing musical accompaniment for cinematic pursuits, Raimonde is changing what the persona and trajectory of a popular musician looks like, as well as the industry concept that everyone must tour after dropping new work. If you’re an independent filmmaker, you’ll want to give his work a listen.
Photo by: Katie Raimonde
A: Congratulations on the album! I'm laughing to myself because you're the sweetest person but I've heard you were quite the handful in the 90s and I can't envision it!
JR: I was a rowdy, restless punk. I was cooped up as a kid and missed much of 80s culture. I wasn’t allowed to see many movies or listen to much music. When I finally left a very restrictive school for public school, I got into all kinds of trouble. I drank, smoked weed, and stayed out all night. We had fun, but I went from no parties to all parties. I also dealt with anxiety for the first time, so it was a wild cycle. One of my first concerts was Social Distortion and I was hooked on the rock and roll vibe. We all had chains, big jeans, and listened to punk rock with a good amount of Dre and Wu Tang, etc. mixed in.
A: How did your early life inspire the person you've become?
JR: Much time was spent outdoors and reading which led to a tendency to explore, imagine, and create. Just having that time to ruminate and gain perspective was a tremendous advantage. I’ve been making music for a few decades and my current band, Tilted Cloud, is producing tracks that are polished and fully realized. I’m proud of our latest album and summer single, “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff.”
A: Creative people need time to think and be inspired by what's around them. Many kids of 2024 have no idea what to do if entertainment isn't provided. Would you attribute your current skill set to something specific within your education and background?
JR: Growing up in Buffalo, I enjoyed my time at both ECC and Buff State. I wish I could drop back into my film classes as they opened my eyes to the symbolism within a text. I was quite the reader in college which expanded my vocabulary and understanding of how to present an idea in a more interesting way. Our song, ‘Aliens,’ relates to how technology has made us foreign to each other. I might not have been able to present it the way I hoped without a background that taught me to correlate ideas with imagery.
A: How do you handle the time-management schedule of maintaining a day job, having a family, and creating work as a singer/songwriter?
JR: I'm thankful to have my job but fit music in whenever I can. Nothing calms me down after a “tough day at the office” like strumming away on my guitar. I meet with my band on weekends, and after laying down the guitar tracks and vocals to get the gist of the song, my bandmate fills in the rest (he’s also a busy professional) and we go back and forth for weeks tweaking a song. If we could afford to be full-time musicians, the process would be more streamlined but we try to retain high productivity even around work and family.
A: Do you miss playing live?
JR: Not really. Some musicians thrive on touring. My favorite aspect of music production is to share our work digitally for people to listen to at their leisure and write for creative projects, whether a producer wants to use an existing song of ours or commission one to be written just for their film. It's creatively fulfilling and more realistic in terms of working as a musician while maintaining family and work responsibilities.
A: As a creative, what/who are your favorite works and artists?
JR: These make up my go-to's.
Films:
UHF — always a good laugh
Avengers Endgame — a culmination of 10 years of strong storytelling
My Neighbor Totoro — imaginative and magical
Modern Times — impressively funny without words
Big Fish — such good storytelling Albums:
Oasis- Definitely Maybe
Leon Bridges - Coming Home
Green Day - Nimrod
Weezer - Green Album
Tragically Hip - In Violet Light
A: What do you consider some overall inspirations?
The Adirondacks: A yearly tradition since I was eight years old that began as a guys trip with my dad and another dad and son, but later became a trip that included my entire family. It’s so beautiful and peaceful and there are many different areas to explore.
Weird Al: I'd love to collaborate with him on a regular rock song. Not only is he a wonderful person but, little known fact, he has an amazing voice and collaborated not long ago on a Cold War Kids song.
The Walkman: It allowed me to hear songs more clearly as opposed to the radio. I'd replay songs and search for sounds I never noticed before. There’s so much more on a track if you pay closer attention. We add in many elements to our songs and I appreciate underdog riffs and odd instruments that most never hear.
Nintendo: Nothing beat meeting up with that one person who had a game the rest of your friends didn't. It provided a fun sense of community that stuck with me.
A: Now that your new album has been released, do you have a list of future goals?
JR: To share my music with as many people as possible. If I could, I’d make a new song everyday. I’m always striving for the next catchy hook and collaborative idea.
A: Would you say that your music and artistic projects tie into your identity?
JR: My music is definitely an extension of myself. You’ll find good vibes and positive ideas in my lyrics, and I encourage empathy and making a difference in the world. Tilted Cloud's latest single is titled, “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff.” It’s an ode to strong, older women, inspired partly by my mom and grandma, but specifically those women raised in a bygone era who faced adversity with dignity and determination. It originated as a pop song, but kept rocking more and more. Once it moved to post-production, we heard shades of Green Day and The Ramones.
A: Have there been times you felt discouraged and had to re-center/re-inspire yourself?
JR: COVID was extremely difficult for my family. I was very isolated and the uncertainty of the situation was stressful. I listened to podcasts and read books on mindfulness. I also began walking which is not only great physically, but provides time to listen to music and other types of enrichment.
A: Antiheroes rarely settle or ascribe to roles/ideas that don't serve them. What struggles did you face in order to achieve your current status?
JR: At one point, I truly became distracted by the whole 'rat race' of career. I lost touch with songwriting due to being swept away with trying to make a living. I love the idea of a universal basic income. Imagine if everyone were just free to create! I have way more music in me than I possibly could have time to produce.
A: You were one of the first people I thought of to interview because you cover many aspects of antihero life and perspective. What does the concept mean to you?
JR: It’s someone who’s ultimately doing the right thing, but in their own, unique way. I really like Bender from Futurama: he drinks, swears, steals, but will eventually overcome his base instincts and help out...although he would still complain quietly while doing so.
A: You were very proactive in making producers aware of the possibilities your music has for film. Is that a personal accomplishment right now?
JR: Definitely. I’m really excited about ‘Aliens’ being in 'Ombis 2' which will be released in 2025. I love contributing my songs to film, and this song will be over the end credits which is tantamount to leaving the audience with a particular mood and feeling. A future goal would be to write a song to accompany an inspirational film montage where someone is trying to get their life in order.
A: I was just thinking about how Bon Iver's studio is in the middle of a forest. If your recording studio could be anywhere, where would you build it?
JR: Right on the edge of Long Lake, where I could take time in between tracks to sit by the water and unwind.
A: Can you describe your morning routine? What starts your day off on a creative note?
JR: Coffee and sleeping until the last possible minute.
A: What attributes or background would make for a fulfilling collaboration with a fellow musician or a film director?
JR: I’m interested in collaborating with anyone down to earth who has a vision and wants to create quality material. I’m not a good fit for ego-driven behaviors. I’m glad there’s been a reckoning in Hollywood in regards to people difficult to work with. I respect those who are kind and talented and succeed on their own merit, not by stepping on others.
A: Do you specifically tie your social media presence into your brand?
JR: I try to follow and share as many authors and indie artists as possible and engage with those who motivate others. I love hearing about people making a difference. There’s many solid artistic pursuits around and social media is a means through which to hear from your listening audience. I've been getting positive feedback from listeners inspired by my songs 'I Don’t Know You But I Love You' and 'Stay In This Moment.' I like to spread positivity through my presence on X.
A: Now for the direct plug: where can people purchase your music?
JR: You can follow us and share our music for free on Spotify, YouTube, and Amazon Music (or add it to your Instagram or TikTok posts which we love seeing and always notice)! We really appreciate the support.
Contact Josh (& Tilted Cloud) through their social media at @tiltedcloudband for any questions, collaborations, networking, or just saying hello.
GABRIELLA GAUGER
THE BOSS BOHEMIAN
I’m rarely hit over the head by someone’s presence. Gabriella Gauger is an exception. Many moons ago, we met at a casual party thrown by a sculptor/mutual friend. Her aura hit me immediately. She was charismatic, interesting, and although young, very self-possessed. I wanted to stay up on her plans and projects and followed Gabriella through her international journeys, beautiful shared writings, and raucous sense of humor. She once posted a series of vintage-styled ‘derriere’ photos in each locale she’d visit.
She’s funny, capable, down to earth, and a bit magical. Her attention to detail is prevalent within her roles at the Gauger Estate. Her difficult early years remind us that we can build ourselves into our own best creations. Never a little girl lost but a boss lady found, I’m thrilled to introduce you to Gabriella Gauger, founder of the Gauger Estate, builder, developer, event promoter, and badass hostess. (And for those who are curious, Gabriella’s aura is a beautiful red/golden orange.)
A: You wear a great deal of hats. How would you describe your current role/position to our readers?
GG: I struggle to narrow myself to a single title. Director/Co-Owner of the Gauger Estate is probably the most vague...but still descriptive and encapsulating. My brand is most commonly referred to as the Gauger Estate which consists of 3 primary pieces: The G Lodge, The Gauger House, & Fay Flower Farm - but many smaller ones as well. We are located in Hannibal, NY (35 minutes Northwest of Syracuse) and everyone can catch social media photos of the property, events, updates, etc. We always have something going on and encourage people to check everything out!
The G Lodge is what we’re most-famous for—it was my grandfather’s hunting lodge, a place where he would sit around many nights with various characters from neighboring towns playing poker. It was also where our massive family would gather for holidays and reunions. Simply put, it’s a cabin set on 29 acres of mostly swamp wetlands bustling with incredible wildlife. My father and I began throwing music festivals there in 2016 after the construction of the Pavillion, and my grandfather would drive his car up to the stage and nod along to the music with whatever hearing he had left. He passed away in 2019 and the properties went into his Estate. In 2020, with COVID on the rise and nothing else much to do, some friends and I set out to escape city-life and work on the property. In 2021, my father and I officially purchased the lodge alongside the family home. We have since transformed the Lodge into a vacation rental, outdoor event venue, & campground all while keeping the same, cozy, down-home country feel—just with a touch more functionality.
We’re still mid-renovation at The Gauger House which my grandfather built in 1962. The massive 7,200 square foot compound will contain 7 separate units when finished. We started the flower farm out back a few years ago with my grandmother as a namesake.
Currently, my partner Michael and I call this place home alongside long-term tenants and workstay folks. We also proudly host guests in our various shortterm rental units. Running these properties has given me incredible purpose and absorbs all of my time. Continuing my family’s legacy has allowed me to connect with my heritage in a deeper way than I could have imagined.
A: What do you love about your current projects and feel inspired while doing?
GG: At the current moment, we're mid-construction on 2 A Frame cabins at the lodge (glamping,) a tiny house on the pond (hip-camp & work-stays,) a new laundry room (double the size), new bathroom, and expanding our flower and vegetable farms. We’re preparing construction on two new apartment units in the basement of the house: one will be a studio and more permanent home for my partner and I, and the other a 1 bedroom apartment available for long-term rental. What do I love about all of this? The challenge, reinvention, design, life, legacy, and the people in it. We’re building something beautiful and I can’t imagine doing anything else.
5 Favorite Films:
The Brothers Bloom: An ex-boyfriend showed me this film when I was maybe 19 and it’s always been a go-to—it's artsy, has stimulating imagery, and is interesting enough to keep my attention each time.
Labyrinth: starring David Bowie’s crotch
The Princess Bride: A childhood favorite
The Wizard of Oz: When I was six years old, I thought that if I combined my favorite movie with my favorite food, it would make both better. Unfortunately, peanut butter just ruined my sister’s VCR.
Snatch: “Do you like dags?” I love Guy Ritchie.
5 Favorite Albums:
The Felice Brothers: The Felice Brothers
Paolo Nutini: Sunny Side Up
Yes, Darling: Yes, Darling
Amos Lee: Amos Lee
Andrew Duhon: The Moorings
What these albums have in common is that I repeat-listened to them while traveling the country in a few different vehicles with a handful of various lovers.
Overall Inspirations:
Expansive landscapes
Witty conversation
City interactions
Anything new/anything old
A: How did early life inspire the person you've become?
GG: I had a difficult childhood and absent parents. As a family, we’ve all made efforts in varying degrees to repair this over the years. I think part of the reason I’m so drawn towards rebuilding my grandparents' home and properties is because it feels like generational healing, and I’m reconnecting with my grandparents and larger family, living and deceased.
A: Would your earlier self recognize you and your lifestyle/project/brand?
GG: I’ve always been incredibly driven. Whether that was towards shoplifting mascara or founding a small town, I suppose if I want it, I’ll have it eventually. I’ve known I wanted a Bed & Breakfast since I was in high school. A girlfriend of mine and I mapped out a
chicken-scratch business plan for it once. I found it a few years after these projects had begun and it was unreal how in alignment the idea was with its execution.
A: Can you describe your personal brand?
GG: I'm the entirety of my brand. I'm the traveler turned host. After leaving foster care & high school, I went to college and dropped out briefly to travel in Central America before returning to finish a bachelor's degree in sociology. I caught the bug and spent the rest of my 20’s GoGo-ing all over. I’ve been to all 50 states, twice: 5 continents, 20 countries, and I’m not done yet. I want to curate an experience for others which resembles the way I’ve curated my life. I want to travel, see new places, build new things, and meet new people, but now, I do that from the comfort of home with the goal of sharing it with others.
A: What inspires you creatively?
GG: Other people’s spaces, food, ideas: either in person or on IG if I get too tied up with work to get away.
A: Your come-up has been an inspiring story in itself. Tell us how your background helped towards your goals and personal development.
GG: My parents are both from Hannibal, an incredibly small rural town with a negligible population.
They moved my older brother and I to Rochester when we were small. I did my first two years of schooling in the suburb of Webster, then 2nd - 8th grades in Sodus, another rural town. That’s when our parents split and we started to bounce around to different apartments in the Sodus area before
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relocating to Newark. I was getting in trouble at school and wound up in a detention center, a residential home, group home, and foster care. While in foster care, my dad started coming back around and after attending five high schools, I graduated at seventeen and though legally emancipated, moved in with him before heading to college at Buffalo State. I partied a lot and made it to class when I could. College wasn’t like high school where I’d easily had straight A’s. I struggled to carry a C+ average while soaking up all the nightlife and freedom I could wrangle. I blew my student loans on travel & partying but don’t regret a penny. I circled back to earn a bachelors degree after seven years & six different majors. Those experiences shaped me and at the very minimum, life has never bored me.
A: What are some short-term future goals?
GG: Short-term—finish building our studio apartment. I’m looking forward to having a semi-permanent dwelling, kind-of. (I have big house plans coming in five to seven years.)
A: How do you handle time-management and schedule yourself to progress work on projects?
GG: Not well. I’m ADHD as fuq. I work on what I want, whenever I want. I am unlikely to do anything without some spark or innate drive. Sometimes that's anxietydriven, other times, inspiration.
I used to work service industry jobs and LOVED interacting with customers and making them laugh. I work on thirteen projects at once but was blessed to be born both a starter and finisher. I like imagining projects but also seeing them through. I’m sure I get high from the process.
A: Can you describe your morning routine? What starts your day off on a solid and creative note?
GG: Coffee is my only constant. I do not wake up at the same time or do the same thing any number of days in a row. My mornings are pure chaos but also the most peaceful part of my day. I typically wake up before everyone else in the house. I used to be a night owl but am more of a morning person these days.
A: Can you remember a time you felt discouraged and had to re-center/re-inspire yourself?
GG: When my father and I first came together to buy these properties and begin our projects, I couldn't stand him. I thought doing this would bring us closer together, but he made me feel like an employee—not his daughter. I’m his 50/50 business partner and the dream to rehabilitate these spaces was mine. It’s taken time to settle into it, but he and I are in a better place now than we’ve ever been. I wanted to quit many
times—I talked about moving away to Oregon. I busted my ass to show him what I was capable of and feel it worked. I think he sees my capabilities and his early criticisms helped shape my work ethic. I'm far more appreciative and less bitter. Family struggle. Selfstruggle. Relationship struggles, both romantic and platonic. The growth of this business has challenged every piece of me, my relationships, and everything I thought I knew about the world. It’s been incredibly humbling.
A: Now that you've been anointed an antihero(ine), what does the term or concept mean to you?
GG: I don’t take much time to self-reflect. I’m often too busy and caught up in whatever I’m working on or planning out the next trip or project. What an honor to be asked to participate in this! And a wonderful opportunity for me to take some time to reflect and see myself.
A: Has there been a noteworthy moment that made you realize your path felt aligned?
GG: Before I actually started the business, back when my dad and I were just throwing music festivals at the lodge, I was cleaning to get the space ready for a family reunion. While the family was arriving and I was running around cleaning, my grandfather looked at me and said, “You’re a really hard worker.” My grandfather was perhaps the hardest working man I’d ever known. That was the greatest compliment he could have paid me. Hard-work is certainly a family trait, albeit selective.
A: Your personality is a natural for social media. What do you most like to post?
GG: Social media is the window into my life. I enjoy sharing what I’m up to but not the crafting of an inspirational caption. I’m no life coach or guru—this is just what I’m doing today. I receive a lot of incredible feedback from folks saying I inspired them to book that trip, take their pants off, (I used to share photos of my behind on mountain tops) or build that space—that always lights me the hell up and makes me feel good about sharing what I’m doing.
A: Where can people learn more about your work and how to book a stay?
GG: Check out: www.GaugerEstateofMind.com - book one of my spaces for a quick weekend getaway or invite your family out for your wedding. Buy a ticket to one of our upcoming events, swing out to our farm stand or buy one of my hats! (I also have a hobby crochet business I operate in the winter time) I'm @gabigogos on all social media.
TAJ GREENLEE THE SMOOTH (MEDIA) OPERATOR
When I began making lists of people to feature in this magazine, my criteria was: good, kind people who were proactive, hardworking, dynamic, and full of unique energy. There could be no better fit than NYC’s Taj Greenlee. We met in graduate school and I refer to him as my urban fairy godfather because of how he has navigated me through several areas of life and even out of heartbreak. Both his media work and personal narrative arc are fascinating. His debonair but earthy perspective makes him not only a wonderful party guest but an awesome human being. Which is why I couldn’t wait to ask him some questions. And he married his wife Laura on a Thursday, which strikes me as a fantastic and very antihero thing to do.
A: Well, to begin, I couldn't be more excited by how well your professional role aligns with your personality and talents. Can you tell our readers a bit about your current role/job?
TG: Of course! I'm Senior Director of RecanatiKaplan Talks for the 92nd Street Y, New York, NY. We bring the best in film, television, literature, music, science, politics, culture, and religion to our stage for conversations that enrich, entertain, and engage a wide
range of patrons, domestic and internationally. We host long-form moderated conversations, performances, and speaking engagements. I'm always thinking of ways to bring people to our stage who have something interesting to say and about diversifying the featured guests to include new voices. I have a lot of great featured guests who've been first on our stage! That's been a part of my larger strategy in this position—to bring people to our stage who've never been here so we attract an audience who's never been in our seats.
A: How does your social media presence tie into your projects/lifestyle brand?
TG: It's good to let people know the types of folks who participate in our Talks series. I enjoy re-sharing posts that I hope feel informative, inspirational, comedic, and that will brighten your day or get you angry about bullshit and injustice. My main grid posts are usually about family, food (it's a great way to remember and recommend), and work (who doesn't enjoy a photo of a fun celebrity with your favorite neighborhood Taj).
A: What are your current personal projects?
TG: I'm working on my first manuscript of poems. It's wild to get back into poetry after so many years working as a television and live events producer. I'm lucky to have great comrades to share poems with on a regular basis. I love both of these for different reasons. They allow me different ways of thinking and exploring the things I care about: curiosity, creativity, and language. I'm fortunate that I get to be inspired by both everyday life and the most talented in the arts-atlarge.
A: What makes up your morning routine and begins your day on a solid and creative note?
TG: A good walk of 3 or 4 miles while listening to a wide range of podcasts keeps me sane and feeling inspired by the potential to make anything if you work hard enough at it. Saturdays are when I do the bulk of my personal writing. Those days usually begin with a walk as well, but I also wake up in the middle of the night with ideas which I scribble into my phone's notes app.
A: As someone with a hectic schedule and living in a city that never sleeps, how do you handle timemanagement, whether you work on site or remotely?
TG: Most of us only have two hands (some less) so you do what you can with what’s in front of you. My mind never stops, which isn't healthy, but it's the way I get things done. I do work mostly remotely until the day of the event, but hopefully the bulk of the work is done long beforehand. I try to write at least one poem a week that I can share during our session.
Sometimes inspiration gives more insights and sometimes the well is dry. I try to gentle with myself in that respect.
A: It meant so much when I was in A Quiet Place Part 2 and you came to the premiere to celebrate my tiny part! We may discuss movies frequently but I'm not sure I've ever asked for your favorites. What would they be?
Michael Clayton - One of the most compelling
scripts. Tony Gilroy is a legend when it comes to highlighting complex characters with rich internal lives, and knows how to pace a story so you're hooked.
Black Panther - Ryan Coogler and Chadwick Boseman did something spectacular with this project. Many moments of deeply inventive worldbuilding that are exciting, fresh, inspirational and uplifting, while asking those big questions of how do you help a broken world when it can't possibly understand your potential? Or what would Black people be like without colonization?
Or what are thooooooooose?!
Arrival - Still get tingly thinking about the dovetail moment of recognition between past and future for Amy Adams' Dr. Louise Banks. It's a geeky love letter to language, the challenges of saying something important in life and art, and how we can move through love, the pain of it, the deeply unique, but universally understandable power of knowing that things end.
Women Talking - This movie/script blew me away with subtle power, unblinking confrontation of abuse and patriarchy, AND motion toward breaking cycles of violence. It had so much life and hope and reality, even though the specificity of the strict religious community in modern times isn't an experience everyone has had.
A: Michael Clayton is one of my all-time faves. There are two scenes, one with Tom Wilkinson and one with Tilda Swinton where I want to be just like Clooney in the way he handles things. I feel we may have overlap with albums too-- name some favorites?
David Byrne/Grown Backwards – This was probably sent to me during my former job as a TV producer, but its haunting weirdness, hope-claiming, boppy, and heart-full songs just hooked me. 'Glass, Concrete & Stone' 'She Only Sleeps', and 'Lazy' felt like Byrne was riding a wave of creativity and clarity I connected with. I also like that practically no one has listened to this album except John Mulaney and myself.
Adele/21 - Way to break the internet with my hot take but Adele is a favorite. A big voice singing about big feelings with so much control, vulnerability, and mastery of the vocal instrument. 5 stars, no notes!
Pearl Jam/Dave Matthews Band/Counting CrowsBecause I hit puberty and high school during a certain anthropological time, these three bands were huge for me. I lump them together as bands
that defined my teen years (high school/college) but that I no longer follow the same way (although I did get to meet Eddie Vedder when Into the Wild came out and that was huge!). I think there's so much magic in them; it'd be disrespectful to not acknowledge the giant imprint on my mind and the gravitational hold their early albums had on me. Ten, Vs., Vitalogy, Under the Table and Dreaming, Crash, August and Everything After, Recovering the Satellites, This Desert Life. Also they made a lot of great songs, lyrics, and music moments that I knew/ know by heart and gave me a personality every other dude at that time shared.
Lauryn Hill/The Miseducation of Lauryn HillAnother obvious entry, but front to back this collection of songs (her ONLY solo album in 26 years, although there are hints she's releasing new stuff soon!) is perfect. It has all the musical moments that a heart wants, knows, fears, and then some. She's just so fucking cool and smart and I know she's known for not being on time for anything, but I sort of respect the hell out of that as well. (Antihero vibes!)
A: Those albums bring me back to such happy times and places. If I asked for some inspirations that keep you thinking, creating, guessing, and excited, what would those be?
Space – Everything occupying the gaps between planets, stars, asteroids, and comets is super inspiring, full of mystery, and why I love sci-fi because there's so much of it out there, and we're without a clue. (I'm not a “Let's go to Mars with the rich“ because we broke our chances on this beautiful blue ball, but I do think there's something cool about exploring for the sake of enriching and growing the collective awareness.) Also, give me a laser sword or some vaguely humanoid, bipedal, nice aliens who see potential in us to be better, like stat!
The Saturday Afternoon Writing Crew — We started during the summer of pandemic lockdown and have been meeting ever since a few times a month (with trips to Saratoga Springs, Chile, and this coming summer, Chicago, as in-person, face-toface opportunities for camaraderie.) They're a brilliant bunch of writers, poets, teachers, humans, and friends who thrill me each time I open a Word document and read the work they're doing. Completing an idea and bringing it into the world is wild and not easy. To make something is deeply inspiring to me.
A: How did your early life inspire you toward what you are now doing and/or the person you've become?
TG: I was a kid who asked why for a long time, but also started thinking about why when I didn't like the answer I was given. I was mostly an only child, so I had a lot of time to myself. I was always a fan of narrative (in song, in television, comic books, movies) whichever shape was presented, the beginning, middle, and end of it all always grabbed my interest. The childhood me would definitely recognize my lifestyle of being professionally curious throughout my education and career. Reading, listening, viewing, and thinking broadly about culture is the core of what my favorite jobs have consisted of and personal projects.
A: What inspires you creatively?
TG: It's simple, but the idea is where everything begins. Is something being created for everyone or a select group? Is it emotional, intellectual, romantic, philosophical, or born of an absence of opportunity? For my personal projects, I try to ask what is something only I can create? I'm digging deeper into what I think my best writing can reflect and how it can be more honest and clear. For my work, I try to think what is something that will get someone off their couch and into our venue for a live event?
A: Your background always struck me as fascinating and unique. We've known each other for more than 20 years but I'm always finding new and fantastic aspects about how you arrived at this point. Tell us about your early experiences.
TG: I grew up in south central Georgia and upstate of South Carolina. During senior year at Hillcrest high school I attended the Fine Arts Center magnet school in Greenville where I studied vocal performance and classical singing. It was an amazing experience to work with students and educators who wanted to share specifics of art at a higher level than what most high schools offer.
For undergrad, I attended Guildford College where I was a Music and English double major until Junior year. I studied abroad in London where I had an internship with the English National Opera. It was very cool to learn about British culture through an internship that opened my eyes to the different types of education systems London had to offer. I was also a Bonner Scholar at Guilford which meant I had a needbased scholarship which afforded the opportunity to work in the community instead of only on campus for additional financial support (instead of work at the school cafeteria, we could work at or create a soup kitchen, instead of working at the college library, we could teach ESL to immigrant families, for example).
Once I returned from London, I realized I was burned out. I shifted my credits for the Music major to a
Music minor, and then I'd essentially completed the requirements for graduation. I really found my time at Guilford to be rewarding, but I was over-extended the entire time I was there. Since I had a scholarship, I tried to get the most from the experience in the form of a double degree, but that was a mistake. I didn't enjoy college as others did; having more time to live and be a better student would have been life changing.
After graduation I got a position at the Bonner Foundation's national headquarters in Princeton, NJ. There I worked on some of the Foundation's national initiatives to build bridges of communication among the twenty-four colleges the Foundation served. We also tried to create some best practices so the students at one school starting a project could learn from students at another college that might have been through a similar experience.
While living in Princeton, I attended a lot of poetry readings and events hosted by the University. It kept me excited about writing. During that time I applied for graduate school and New York University gave me a really supportive scholarship for their MFA in Creative Writing.
I've been in New York City ever since.
A: How did you happen to begin at the Charlie Rose show? I was so impressed with how calm and collected you were during graduate school and the schedule you could handle.
TG: During grad school I started the internship at Charlie Rose on PBS which lead to my first job and current career. I interned for a year and a half unpaid, but was offered a chance to become a researcher before I graduated. I was joining one of the smartest and most inquisitive television programs in the United States, which was a dream I didn't know I had, but I had been a fan since high school. Working for that program was a wild experience and shaped my understanding of New York City, media, culture, entertainment and audience in a way I would never have expected.
A: How do your projects/brand tie into your identity?
TG: Years ago my identity and work were too entwined and I struggled to define who I was. Now I approach work and think about identity differently. I look for ways to give myself meaning outside of what I do, but with the same amount of energy I put into what I do for income; it's really a challenge.
A: Can you remember a time you felt most discouraged and had to re-center/re-inspire yourself?
TG: Years ago I hit a period of being consistently
underemployed and I had to turn to some friends for support while I regrouped. I took that time to look at who I was, how I got to that position, and what I needed to rebuild my self-esteem so I'd hopefully never be in that situation again.
A: Were there any specific struggles you faced in order to achieve your current roles/projects/ lifestyle?
TG: Because of my natural curiosity, I do ask a lot of questions at work and sometimes we have to push against those answers because things need to evolve. I'm also pushing myself to be more gentle in navigating those requests because we're all humans on this globe trying to do our best.
A: Who do you consider a favorite antihero?
TG: So many! The Mandalorian, Jack Bauer, Batman, Rocket Raccoon, Sherlock Holmes, John Wick, Sasuke Uchiha, Arya Stark, Tyrion Lannister... for me the term means a complex character who knows themselves above all other aspects of the world. They know what they believe, disagree with, find useless, and hold close to heart.
A: And you absolutely fit on that list. Before we head out, how can readers get in touch with and learn more about you?
TG: My handle for socials is @MazelTaj and my professional work can be found on 92ny.org under Events.
FEAR’S SHELTER ON THE PRESSURE OF BEING INTERESTING
by Rebecca Gaffney
San-Diego-based writer, Rebecca Gaffney, has lived a colorful and interesting life, but she asks herself, at what cost? Her essay touches upon the idea that we sometimes have to lose ourselves before we can find anything.
Photo by: Rachel Rango/Eva Stone Photography
“I wanted the freedom to feel my rage.”
– Character of Falka, THE WITCHER
“Authenticity is dangerous and expensive.”
– Tina Fey, LAS CULTURISTAS PODCAST
“Narcissism should really be more fun than this.”
– Character of Oliver Putnam, ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING
Kind reader, you caught me in a pivotal vortex. What I offer is my story: I am an expert in nothing other than my own experience. Full transparency, my discomfort grows as I write, centering on the sour throb in my stomach; I am not gaslighting its roar. To condense 49 years into a few pages requires channeling masochistic energy.
To quote a wise seer, this is a tale of “the dismantling of everything that has kept me static.” Ages ago, my mother valiantly sought to raise an antihero. “Live whatever life you want but be sure to make it interesting.” Her cries for a life less pedestrian echoed the harrowed halls of my childhood and their adult dank alley counterparts. Her wish has been granted, as I have seemingly lacked conventional heroic attributes all these years. But my desire, passion, purpose? That is an ongoing unearthing, partic-
ularly within the confines of her edict.
The thread that has linked the chapters of my voyage is my perpetual state of discontent, balanced with an unshakeable sense of faith in the alchemy of the great beyond. I have wanted something badly but have yet to place my finger on its pulse. Using history as my teacher, I have identified my ongoing choice to divert my focus with people, places, and things that rob my energy of my own interests in exchange for security, avoidance, and the softening of the edges of mental illness. In short, I drink too much bourbon and make poor choices. In long, I am a human in search of a clearly defined North Star towards which to wander.
Over my forties, it has become glaringly obvious that I continually give my power to my past. I replicate the comforts of crap in variants that hint of maturity and growth (mainly to fool myself) but are merely masks for trauma I have yet to heal. We become attached to our pain, and I could not imagine a life (or want to) where it did not join me for three square meals daily.
Allow me to clarify, however: I have lived life on my terms…partly. Since infancy, if something is not authentic for me, I eventually leave, say no, stop. This has been the case for all relationship dynamics, professional pursuits, artistic endeavors. Situations might take time to end, and often there is hurt, resentment, and confusion, but they end. (I have never been big on regret – only life lessons – which makes me a horrible apologizer.)
Yet here I exist, today, sleeping on a friend’s couch, living out of a suitcase, with hair I have chopped myself to reduce the snarls. My feet are my primary means of transportation. I have lost/given up (almost) everything. Every conversation, personal and otherwise, contains an expected act of contrition from both sides of the confessional. I sing the glory of rock bottom, by my own hand (mostly). Yet bizarrely…interestingly…I am a tiny step closer to living my truth.
In despair, do we not discover a certain freedom? With a proverbial throwing of the middle finger at life, we are certain to send people running, which has been my intention. The impact of the pandemic took its time to hit me, like any situation I had previously left, said no to, or stopped. Wisdom emerges from the quiet, and as financial pressures, a wavering identity, and unwanted situations suffocated me, I got hip to the reality that my life was once again a ring around the spectrum of not healing, avoiding reality, distracting myself with people, places, things. I experienced a mental and emotional exhaustion unlike anything previously, and was left to ask:
Why fucking bother? This is not, nor has been, a life I want.
In despair, I made a choice, for me. I exercised my freedom by choosing an ugly road, and, despite its unappealing nature, it felt good to do so (mostly). I warmly accepted depression and anxiety’s invitation to lead the way to fear’s shelter. It is in my diagnosis of Depressive Episode with Short Duration Hypomania where I have resided the past two years, wishing the universe would yank me away for good.
Disturbing, yes. But my choice. Ugly, narcissistic,
selfish, self-involved, debilitating, crippling choice. Rock bottom. But all mine.
My version of interesting.
Choices have consequences. So does truth. I have learned that being interesting is a tempest. In a desire to breathe clean air, storms of all kinds must catch and release the clutter to make way for fresh. But what had the pressure to be interesting yielded ultimately? Where was the convincing argument to be so? The idea of it shackled me mentally, squelched my drive, and extinguished my passion. The underbelly of expectation equaled counterproductive love, and the gravity of my mother’s benchmark created a vulnerability; exhaustion became my Achilles’ heel.
As I slowly emerge from the aftermath of the quall, I appreciate the barren landscape on which to build anew. What has transpired over the past two years has tested the limited view I held on what it means to be human. Amid loss and numbness, I made a promise to myself that, by age 50, my life would be unrecognizable, mainly to me, regardless of the odyssey to get there.
There is beauty in the journey. My “yes” and “no” responses are well appointed, curated with intention, rarely dictated by fear, obligation, or guilt. There are also reminders that I am not finished; I must constantly remind myself that the reward is greater than the cost. Rebecca Emily Michael Gaffney will finally be Rebecca Emily, the human actualized, free from the tethers of surnames, fear, and shame.
Is my story ultimately one of forgiveness? That F-word makes me gag. I want to fully admit my sins, embrace my storms, and absorb my oppor-
tunities. But forgive, particularly me? Uninvite my dining companion?
In my healing, I have learned that it is necessary to let go of ego and not take your bag of bones and blood too seriously; the soul is the thing. But it is frightening territory to burn it all down at 49 and tatteredly emerge as a middle-aged phoenix. I witness my friends and family exploring retirement; I am starting from scratch. But this is how invested I am in my faith in myself; on my deathbed, I want to know I lived.
If I am to dedicate my heart over the past two years to anyone or anything beyond my own nose, it is to friends and family who stuck by me. The importance of bearing witness to someone’s journey by offering patience, support, and calm is a gift that is otherworldly and rare. As I have worked through my profound sadness and blatant anger, those who have separated fact from fiction have nurtured me spiritually in profound ways. It is from their actions and words that I have learned the most.
Facing my deep-rooted fear of knowing who the fuck I am is creating The Unrecognizably Interesting Rebecca Emily.
CHRISTOPHER SCHOBERT THE SCRIBE NEXT DOOR
A media writer from Buffalo, NY and the city’s film liaison for the Toronto Film Festival, Christopher Schobert has encouraged and inspired the city’s Renaissance and cultural revamp. Not only a writer and film correspondent, he’s that rare person everyone just likes and dare we say is coming into his own as a style icon. While at an event, we noticed not one, not two, but three gentlemen wearing his exact shirt, who later told me they first caught wind of it from a writer on Instagram. Suspicious. While in Denver, I saw someone wearing it who claimed the same thing. (While his style screams Brooks Brothers By-Way-Of -The-Brewery, Chris assured us the notorious shirt is indeed from Old Navy.) As he’s always championing artists, events, and culture, we felt it time to put him front and center.
Photo by: Katie Raimonde
A: W know you as a man of many talents and projects. How would you describe what's on your current plate?
CS: I’m the Communications Director for the University at Buffalo Clinical and Translational Science Institute. As a freelancer, I write features and reviews for The Film Stage ( www.thefilmstage.com ), a monthly cinema column for Buffalo Spree magazine, and features for Buffalo Magazine. I love my job at UB, but when I talk about my “work” here, it's about my freelance projects. Readers can check out my Spree column in print or at www.buffalospree.com, and watch for my Film Stage work. Every September I cover the Toronto International Film Festival for Spree and The Film Stage, and that’s my favorite work to share.
5 favorite films:
After Hours: This recently became my favorite Scorsese film. Exhilarating and frustrating, upsetting and funny, in equal measure — just like life itself.
Chungking Express: My No. 1. Romantic, dream-like, life-affirming. My nonsensical X handle,“FilmSwoon,” was inspired by films like Chungking Express. I watch it, and I swoon.
Dead Ringers: My favorite film from my favorite director. I was probably the only 12-year-old in Western New York with an autographed photo of David Cronenberg on their wall, and Dead Ringers was the reason I wrote him a letter.
Mad Max: Fury Road: There have been several films over the years — Goodfellas, The Godfather, Bottle Rocket — that I could re-watch at any moment. Fury Road is endlessly entertaining, always involving, ever-inspiring.
Sid & Nancy: A love story like no other. I saw this just as I was becoming film-obsessed, and its grit and grime knocked me out. Movies can do this?! Wow. At the end of the day, if I’m reaching for a period high school flick, I’m grabbing Dazed and Confused, Heather, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Ghost World, and The Virgin Suicides. Those choices probably say a lot about me — not all good — and I’m fine with that.
5 favorite albums:
Coming Up by Suede
Definitely Maybe by Oasis
Different Class by Pulp Loveless by My Bloody Valentine
The Stone Roses by The Stone Roses
Inspirations:
Britpop
Buffalo and its art/sports/culture/beer
Cinema, in general
Directors named David (Cronenberg and Lynch, specifically)
My kids, Evan and Nora
A: How did your early life inspire the person you've become?
CS: I grew up in a home that respected creativity, and my parents have always been passionate about their interests. Those are traits I certainly share, and they've become even more pronounced as an adult. People who knew me from years ago see me as the “film guy.” However, people I’ve met more recently (often through my kids) tend to see me as the “beer guy,” because I’ve often written about new breweries. I think they're both right. My wife and kids see me as neither of those things, by the way.
A: Would your earlier self recognize you and your lifestyle/projects/brand?
CS: Physically, no. Creatively, yes. My musical favorites are the same as they were when I was a teenager -- Oasis, the Verve, Pulp, Stone Roses – but what I actually listen to on a daily basis is new pop music, the influence of my pop-adoring daughter. I've always claimed that while there's a lot of bad pop, there's really great pop, too. The latest Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo, Billie Eilish, and Dua Lipa albums are stellar. The Charli XCX and Ariana Grande albums are killer. There's literally something every week that grabs us when driving in the car. To slightly misquote the Smiths, has the music world changed or have I changed? Probably a bit of both.
A: What inspires you creatively?
CS: All of the things I love — the music, movies, books, family, friends, the place I call home, the teams I follow. Every idea I’ve ever had has come from this mix of influences.
A: How did your hometown or education play a part in your current work/lifestyle?
CS: I grew up in Western New York (West Seneca/ Orchard Park), and graduated with my bachelor’s and master’s degrees from the University at Buffalo. Working at UB now is very meaningful to me, as my career choice came entirely from my time as a student.
A: What inspired your current projects?
CS: I write a column on new books for The Film Stage and that’s a real joy. I guarantee you'll find great ideas there for books to seek out. The Spree column is a blast, because essentially, for each issue I come up with something film-related in Buffalo that strikes me as interesting or important. And it's through Spree that I’m able to cover the Toronto International Film Festival each year. My Buffalo Magazine writing is all features, and I adore the range of topics; in the last 12 months I’ve written about everything from local interest in LEGO to an organic ice cream shop in Penn Yan.
A: Which leads right into my next question: how do you handle time-management? You're involved with so many projects, how do you make everything work?
CS: Having a job, having writing deadlines, and having children really force you to focus on time management. Basically, I make things work by trying to stay hyper-focused on deadlines, and building in time for rewriting.
A: Can you describe your morning routine?
CS: Having kids means my morning routine revolves around them. Not a bad thing! But that’s a fact. I always eat breakfast, I always drink coffee, I generally take my dog for a walk. I have found I’m more creative and ontask in the a.m. For me, that’s my most fruitful time.
A: Antiheroes often face a more difficult path as they don't tend to settle for lives/roles/ideas that won't serve them. What struggles did you face in order to achieve your current roles/projects?
CS: I don’t think there's anything extraordinary about my struggles, but I do think my path has been…nontraditional. I’ve tried to be open to ideas, accepting of failure, and grateful for opportunities. I have definitely learned that one’s passions can be a key part of your everyday life.
A: What does the term or concept of antihero mean to you? Who do you consider to be a favorite antihero?
CS: For me, an antihero is someone who feels genuinely real. In other words, good and bad, nothing faked. It’s an honor to be described that way, since I think that does summarize who I (feel I) am. A few favorites, both fictional and real: Jarvis Cocker, the Gallagher brothers, Sid Vicious, Mark Renton, Francis Ford Coppola, David Bowie, Lisbeth Salander, Spike Lee, Serge Gainsbourg, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Redmond Barry, George Miller, Jack Nicholson. True antiheroes are both humble about their work and confident in their talents. If you're going to create art of any kind, those sentiments are necessary. That doesn’t mean bragging about achievements, but does mean feeling you're great at what you do, and being proud of that.
A: Agreed. I think self-belief and knowledge of your talents is tantamount. Speaking of talents, have you had specific moments or triumphs that feel special to you?
CS: I’m honored to have had the opportunity to cover 18 (through 2024) Toronto International Film Festivals. I look forward to TIFF every September, and don't take the opportunity for granted. Another highlight was covering the BFI London Film Festival in 2019, and seeing the U.K. premiere of Scorsese’s The Irishman.
A: Like me, you're a huge fan of Toronto. What are some favorite activities, especially tips for people with children who might feel at a loss for ideas?
CS: Toronto is one of my favorite cities in the world. When I'm there solo or with friends it's either for TIFF or a concert. However, I've had the occasion to bring my family, as well. Ripley's Aquarium and the Toronto Zoo are stellar, as is Arcadia Earth. The Hockey Hall of Fame is great for older kids and teens, while the LEGO Discovery Center is for little ones. Recently, my daughter loved spending time on the waterfront, while my son dug CN Tower, both because of the Drake cover and because it's so damn cool. Plus, Toronto has *two* Harry Potter shops. Hard to beat that.
A: In terms of social media and your personal brand, what do you most like to post?
CS: Over time, I’ve posted less and less by design. I love to see what others post but steer clear of online conversations that don’t involve people I know. I’ll share some of my work, and post things related to my children, or photos from breweries I love. I’ll also post from TIFF, so if there is a time to follow me, it might be September!
A: How can readers, fans, future collaborators, or networkers access your work or contact you?
CS: You can see my work in Buffalo Spree and Buffalo Magazine, and online for The Film Stage. I love to hear from people. If my work has connected with you or you'd like to discuss something, please reach out to me. I’m not hard to find. And I can guarantee you I’m never leaving Buffalo.
Read Chris's work every month in Buffalo Spree magazine or these venues: https://x.com/filmswoon www.instagram.com/cschobie/
VICTORIA HUTTON
THE CHANTEUSE
Victoria had read an essay I’d written about my experiences with synesthesia and invited me to be a part of her documentary on the subject. I found her to be a fascinating, grounded, smart, interesting, curious, and always surprising young woman with incredible talent and personal warmth. Not to mention prettiness like that of Tiffany stationary —beautifully nondescript, able to transform, perfect for a a multifaceted artist. Read on to discover her unique path, why her cat could be a CEO, and how you may be a perfect collaborator for her current project.
A: I'm so happy you brought me into your documentary. You have such a creative way of looking at things and I love how proactive you are regarding your projects. Speaking of which, tell us about your current role(s).
VH: Thank you so much! I'm an actor with BAM Management as well as an opera singer, writer, and filmmaker/ photographer.
A: How did your early life inspire the person you've become? Do you think your younger self would recognize this current incarnation?
VH: I began studying voice when I was 12 and exposed to opera for the first time. After I first heard it, I became annoyed I didn't know about it sooner. It felt like this beautiful thing was being stored in the attic as if useless. These singers with resonant, huge voices seemed like superheroes walking among us. I learned that I had this ability too, and was so happy I could connect with such beautiful pieces of music. I credit my mom who encouraged me to read books and spend time in silent thought.
Photo by: Katie Raimonde
Imagination development is what creates any artist. Becoming comfortable by yourself in silence is now challenging because of the world we live in. I’m
entertained by the stories I create and like asking myself what I’m going to create next. My earlier self would definitely recognize me now as I’ve always gravitated towards writing, singing, and performing.
A: What does your morning routine look like?
VH: The second I make any noise that resembles being alive my cat lets me know that he knows I'm awake and I better let him in. I hug him for no less than 3 minutes (but no more than 5) until he's done with me, and I begin my morning routine, which consists of drinking water and going through emails.
And tea, no coffee.
A: We've discussed films but I have a feeling your answers will still surprise me. Which are your five favorites?
L’Argent - Bresson's last film. A progenitor of the French New Wave of cinema and trained as a painter, he believed that in order to evoke emotion in film, you need a well composed image. I've never cried so deeply as when watching it.
The Double Life of Veronique - This is about two women who share the same name and are physical doubles. They've never met, yet are mysteriously
connected. When one dies, the other feels a profound loss. A meditation on the reaches of intuition and spiritual connection that can't be explained by ordinary means.
Scarface- A perfect movie: there isn't any wasted space. Each scene adds something meaningful.
Lawrence of Arabia- I love war films and Peter O' Toole is this strange underdog who puts together an army of mercenaries. It boasts amazing cinematic moments, such as the scene by the well when the man on the camel approaches Lawrence.
Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors- An unforgettable film that makes you feel as if you're actually watching a dream. From time to time, I'll recall how one character sings to himself while walking alone through the forest.
The Shining- Kubrick's perspectives can feel sterile and opposite to emotional directors like Kieslowski, but I like the dark psychology manifesting underneath seemingly normal encounters and the most horrible thing is only seen in passing and never fully explained, as often happens in real life.
It's a grounded fantasy movie.
A: Being an opera singer, your background is very musical: can you list your 5 favorite albums?
Charles Mingus, The Black Saint and the Sinner Lady - I heard of Mingus when studying at the New School and was educated by jazz student friends. Of all the musicians they recommended I liked Mingus the best, perhaps due to my opera background, since he makes a lot of compositions. The saxophones sound as if they're talking.
David Bowie, Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars - David Bowie is a favorite. He mixes pop with unapologetic strangeness.
Mozart performed by John Eliot Gardiner, Le Nozze di Figaro - This is the recording that got me into opera. You know how some people feel celebrities are their friends? That’s me with Mozart. This opera has it all: drama and comedy.
Dino- the Essential Dean Martin - My grandma introduced me to Dean Martin and I genuinely love his music. I think it’s his attitude: he’s so much fun and smiles when he sings.
Francis Poulenc, Piano Solo Music - Poulenc mixes sincerity with dry irony, which I appreciate. Just like Mozart, I feel his pieces bring me into his world, and I understand his attitudes better than if he explained them.
A: In terms of overall inspirations for life, work, and art, what comes to mind?
Polish culture- My family’s culture has had a huge influence on my life and the way I speak.
Robert Bresson - My biggest film influence even though I like humor and he did not.
My cat, Prince- Prince is confident and stubborn, and isn’t shy to go after what he wants. If he wants to jump on top of my doorframe and I won’t help him, he still makes it happen. If he wasn’t a cat I think he'd have been a CEO. It's sad that he has so much ambition and will only ever be a cat. I can be very shy so I learn from him on how to go after what I want, unapologetically.
Mikhail Bulgakov- possibly my favorite writer. He mixes modern issues with ideas from the past to create mysterious and humorous scenes. I haven’t read him in his native Russian language, but think his intentions and sentiments still come across.
Werner Herzog- His documentaries feel respectful to his interviewees and he's fascinated by inspiring and intense people who pursue impossible dreams or possess unique perspectives. I think his is the best sort of documentary film-making.
A: How would you describe your personal brand?
VH: So much opera has become relatively obscure. Opera singers make visible through performance what might have been otherwise forgotten. I’m working on a song from La Serva Padrona, and my character is a servant, and she’s telling her master that he's not allowed to leave his house and to be quiet even though he isn’t saying anything. I find it hilarious. I would say that humor is a large part of what I create. I like having fun and making jokes so I like to sing humorous operas, such as those by Rossini. Same with my films and stories. I like to mix silence and seriousness with humor.
A: What inspires you creatively?
VH: Interesting people, even those I meet once and never forget such as this one guy who was doing homeless outreach in Chicago and left a strong impact on me.
A: Did any specific experiences or education help you towards your goals?
VH: I grew up in Buffalo, NY and for college I went to the New School in NYC's Greenwich Village to attend acting classes and study opera. While there, I met amazing writers like Neil Gordon and friends who I'd never have met otherwise, and who all changed my life in various ways.
A: What are your current projects? What do you feel inspired while doing?
VH: I'm currently working on a documentary about synesthesia, a narrative trilogy about communication errors, more opera singing videos, and possibly a drama/comedy feature film. I'm currently searching for more subjects for the synesthesia documentary so if anyone reading this either has synesthesia or knows someone who does, please contact me. I'm drawn to things I’m curious about like being in abandoned places, or specific talents people have. With opera performance, the fun is in exploring a world someone else created and the chemistry between their genius musical composition and my own personality.
A: Time management is something creatives often wrestle with. How do you make it work for you?
VH: Making lists and blocking off time. I like rules and structure and spend a lot of time alone making my plans, figuring out how to make my ideas happen in real life.
A: Were there any times you felt discouraged and had to re-center/re-inspire yourself?
VH: When younger and unsure of who I was, I wanted so much to do well in my singing classes that I neglected myself. I took a break and re-experienced my love of these arts by returning to what inspired me in the first place. I found teachers who understood me and helped me grow, as opera singing isn't easy. Balancing the voice is like a paradoxical tightrope and it's a part of you, so its a hard thing to do well but like most difficult pursuits, the reward is greater because of it.
innovation is usually met with hesitation, sometimes deserved, sometimes not. In the film world, my favorite antihero is Robert Bresson. It was hard for him to acquire film funding because of how unique his vision was but his films are masterpieces and I’m grateful for them. He reminds me how important it is to stay true to your vision and art, even when others don't believe in you.
A: What are some noteworthy moments/favorite accomplishments you've experienced?
VH: Meeting the Lamberson family via Amazing Fantasy Fest and Valkyrie International Film Festival, Valerian Ruminski from Nickel City Opera, and my voice teacher, John Russell. They've encouraged me to pursue my vision and helped me to meet others who showed belief in me. This encouragement meant a great deal. It also is an honor to be interviewed in this magazine!
A: We're happy to have you! What do you most like to post and what inspires you to read online?
VH: My films, art photography, and opera tracks. I'm inspired by my favorite films, especially the ones that compose film images as if a still painting.
A: Does your social media presence tie into your projects/lifestyle brand?
VH: I think I am just beginning to show my work/ personality more. I haven’t posted my singing performances in a while. I look forward to sharing more of these.
A: I'd love for people to catch your upcoming events and projects. What should they be looking out for?
A: Did you face certain struggles in order to achieve your current roles/projects?
VH: In general, I've struggled with sensitivity to my environment. Even though I love socializing, I also need to spend time alone in order to process my thoughts and impressions.
A: I think you and I have what's called 'outgoing introversion,' meaning we're social people but need downtime to re-charge. Speaking of associations, what does the concept of 'antiheroes' mean to you?
VH: Noteworthy people usually are antiheroes. Any
VH: I'm recording an opera album on cassette tape, to be released in late October! It will include operatic arias and feature duets with local opera singer Robert Gerst (Baritone). I'm also currently filming a feature film with a local sponsorship. Stay tuned for more news through my channels!
Contact and learn more about Victoria at:
IG: @victoriahaleyhutton
You Tube: Victoria Hutton
victoria-hutton.com
ANDREW ORRIN WEBB
THE MEDICINE MAN
From the moment I first met Andy Webb, I was taken with the way he can make a group of strangers feel they’ve known each other for years. A kind-hearted, deep-thinker whose contagious laugh reminds me of Philip Seymour Hoffman’s (RIP,) his healing work takes him throughout the U.S.A and Canada. Both a cannabis entrepreneur (some may remember his Heartcraft Cannabis) and lifestyle writer, he built a joyful life from unhealthy ashes and wants to help you do the same. If you need to relax or get yourself back on track. give Andy’s Q +A a read...and take a deep breath.
A: You've cultivated such a healthy and nurturing outlook on life that completely informs your work. How would you describe your current roles?
AW: I'd say it's best described as Writer/Entrepreneur in the Cannabis, Wellness, and Entertainment Industries. Look for me live in the New York State, Denver, and Vancouver areas but expect my cannabis and wellness products, as well as written content, to find you when you least expect them.
My overall goal is always related to healing. I’m involved in everything from entertainment and event planning to counseling services and product development, but helping to create an environment in which people can heal will always be my guiding principle. At their core, my projects revolve around promoting a perspective that healing is possible and worthwhile, both for individuals and broader communities and cultures. Apathy and diseases of despair have claimed the lives and minds of so many that simply offering examples of healing feels like the highest calling of this era.
A: Can you describe your morning routine? What begins your day on a solid and creative note?
AW: Those first interactions of the day are honestly critical; interactions with yourself, your surroundings, and with others. Ideally I’ve had a decent breakfast, stretch, workout, shower, and smoke before engaging with the stress of work or other people’s drama but I like to retain the flexibility to dive into the day at whatever pace feels right.
A: What inspires you creatively?
AW: Natural beauty has become my muse and lifeline. Each time I escape to nature I feel reunited with myself, with creation, and I remember to reassess priorities. When you grab a glimpse of your whole world from a mountaintop or a distant island everything becomes more clear and manageable; your reasons and purpose for returning to society begin to make sense.
Also: my nephews/nieces/godchildren, my grandfathers Olaf and Orrin, comedian George Carlin, and the Sunshine Coast of British Columbia.
A: What are some favorite films and albums that are both go-to's and sources of inspiration?
Lord of the Rings: It’s three movies, every nerd loves it, and everyone with a short attention span hates it, but my role models were hobbits and wizards. I would not be who I am without Tolkien and I might not have found Tolkien or been compelled to hunt for and devour his every word, if not for Peter Jackson.
Soul: Incredible. Spirituality without religion. Brilliant perspective with beautiful presentation; legitimate wisdom almost unheard of in modern film. I wept the first time I saw the lost souls.
Idiocracy: I think it’s fair to say Mike Judge dabbles in prophecy. Some of the political incorrectness aged poorly but he and the perfect cast get a pass because that’s literally the premise and punchline of the concept behind the film: humans devolving into morons as technology coddles us and our priorities cease to include truth, nuance, and intellectual curiosity. Possibly the most educational comedy of my lifetime.
The Beach: I’ve always loved this movie and am currently living my version of it. Traveling and making connections with people and places that I couldn't have imagined. Finding community, love, pain, perspective, inconsolable joy and melancholy in places at the edge of the world. One of Leo’s most under-appreciated performances.
Network: Eight Academy Award nominations; won best screenplay, actor, actress; the woman who won Best Supporting Actress earned it with one staggering scene. You simply could not fit so much depth, breadth, darkness, clarity, and a jilted romance into one film with modern audiences.
Led Zeppelin - IV
Bob Marley - Exodus
Sublime - 40 oz to Freedom
Incubus - Make Yourself
A: How did your early life inspire you toward the person you've become?
AW: Experiences take a sincere and conscious commitment to exhume and process. I keep my inner child at the wheel as much as possible because he's always been the strongest, most resilient, and faithfully optimistic version of me. It’s fair to say that every bit of my communication skill set traces back to his needs.
A: Would your earlier self recognize you and your brand?
AW: Absolutely. He’s with me and understands the priorities I’ve set in my business and personal life. He loves and appreciates the role he plays in helping others heal.
A: You spend much time in Canada and on the west coast but do you feel your hometown helped towards your goals and personal development?
AW: I spent most of my childhood near Rochester, and Buffalo, New York where I attended Victor Central Schools, Monroe Community College, and SUNY University at Buffalo. All three public institutions shaped who I'd become but it’s fair to say I didn’t grow up or begin my creative career until I left. Simple achievements from earning my history degree to surviving to meeting and working with my creative heroes are a big part of what keeps me going. Progress and healing are hard to denote in real time but catching yourself sitting down with a personal hero, giving advice to someone you admire, or helping a loved one through a difficult situation stands out the most.
A: I always say you never know who you really are until you leave your comfort zone. Can you remember a time you felt discouraged and had to re-center yourself?
AW: A year before the pandemic I was struggling with a combination of old injuries, addictions, and undiagnosed illnesses that had me unable to walk, sleep, or digest food properly. I had no doubt that I would be dead soon if I didn’t completely change my life, mindset, and day to day habits. As the pandemic began I felt free to pursue health and sobriety as my top priority. At that exact moment, many friends and colleagues were diving headfirst into the same addictions, habits, and toxic worldviews that had been killing me.
In a relatively short time span I was healthier than ever but lost another wave of loved ones to despair and pseudo-cults. I'd lost my home, vehicle, and livelihood but never questioned that I was heading in the right direction and making space for what was coming next.
During this time I was facing resurfacing memories I never anticipated having to deal with, calling into question my values and support structure. Dedication to faith and service to others has seen me through a period of homelessness and extreme doubt to a life where I now feel at home around the world. My biggest struggle is with the contrast between intrusive memories and my own expectations. We’re raised with these cultural notions that we’ll be able to focus on our education and careers but in reality most of us face our lives as they unfold and nobody can anticipate what that means until they’re facing it.
A: What do you love about your current projects and feel inspired while doing?
AW: My current chapter has me oriented westward; experiencing natural beauty has proven indispensable in both personal healing and inspiring new projects. My short term goals are focused on traveling, growing, healing, and continuing my writing projects while also keeping my older businesses viable in a quickly changing field. Lately I've back-burnered most of my Cannabis and Wellness projects in order to pursue a range of writing projects for various markets, all geared toward helping readers and viewers reconnect with themselves and reconcile cognitive dissonance between day to day lives and deeper values and priorities. There's a precious moment when you help someone remember who they were at their core before work, family, social, and cultural influences steered them elsewhere. That’s why I’m still alive and get out of bed in the morning.
A: How do you handle time-management and scheduling?
AW: Time management is tricky but I’ve found that both inspiration and productivity come in waves. You have to give yourself the freedom and flexibility to ride and experience those waves as fully as possible. We all have day to day lives to keep up with but if we stay mindful of our priorities it becomes harder to ignore epiphany and opportunity.
A: Now that you've been anointed an antihero, what does the term or concept mean to you?
AW: I'm absolutely in love with the concept of broken, determined antiheroes reshaping their world from V in V for Vendetta to Arya Stark in Game of Thrones, to Korben Dallas in The Fifth Element but my favorite antihero has to be Ricky from Trailer Park Boys, doing his absolute best to provide for his family and capitalize on his vague ambitions through sheer will and determination, even as the world rains down setbacks, reality checks, and hard no’s.
A: You and I actually first met at a Trailer Park Boys theme party! Speaking of social gatherings, what's
your current relationship to social media and connecting with followers?
AW: To be honest, I actually left social media from 2016 to 2020 after experiencing and witnessing attempts to criminalize dissent. When I returned, I committed to engaging only with content I wanted to see more of: posts related to family or positive, creative people promoting nuanced perspectives behind countless technological, logistical, and artistic breakthroughs. I’ve found that when I maintain online interactions within that line of thinking then social media carries a positive influence and delivers a great deal of reach.
I'm always trying to engage in a positive, respectful mindset. That action alone creates countless opportunities to reach new people in a way that’s refreshing and impactful. Some of my most important business relationships and creative endeavors have come from positive interactions with those I'd have never met had it not been for social media.
A: Where can people purchase your work/products or come see you speak?
AW: Look for me live in New York State, Denver, and Vancouver but expect announcements on my social media @andrewowebb regarding all new projects, products, and latest content.
Photo by: Brenda Webb
THEA DUSKIN THE PRODIGAL
I watched Thea Duskin’s incredible talent develop throughout our years in elementary school, transfixed by what she could make come alive on paper, canvas, glass, and now for two decades...directly on skin. While owning a gallery/ tattoo shop in Virginia, she developed her special, organic, watercolor style. (Check out her Instagram, @theaduskin to be fully enthralled by nature and color.) She takes as much time choosing tattoo/body placement as ink colors. Once she affixes her design stencil, she encourages clients to walk through the studio and in front of mirrors until she decides the degree to which the flowers, insects, foliage, or animals have become part of the body’s landscape. Headquartered now in her hometown of Buffalo, NY, she and I spoke about her journey and inspirations as Thea touched up the yellowjacket on my left hand. Between this and the iris on my arm, the elementary school version of me is so excited to have her art now alive on my body.
A: We've known each other for decades, making you a perfect choice for the Beginnings & Inspirations theme. How did you first become cognizant of your unique talent as a child?
TD: I can't recall looking at other kids and thinking our aptitude wasn't the same. I was always in my own world and more interested in what I wanted to do versus what others were doing. I was very interested in making something look on a medium the way it looked in my head. My parents were huge art collectors and my mom was an antique dealer; our entire house was covered in art.
A: Do you recall our teachers telling your mom that you were talented? Did self-recognition come as we made our way through elementary school?
TD: It was more that I worked on my own projects and showed great interest. In my house, there was much positive feedback toward proactive interest, doing it on your own, and finding an artistic outlet.
Like you, I was an only child, so to not just entertain myself but have aptitude in an area my parents understood and enjoyed, was a fun thing and way to relate.
A: What was the 1st medium you remember working on?
TD: I remember my mom taking oil painting classes and bringing materials and canvases home with her. I began doing oil paintings on canvas using her brushes and paint but started working on glass and thought, Oh, I love this even more. I had an early interest in experimental processes. Just freehanding. I always thought, rather naively, that art is something you make up out of your head, that if you can't magic the shit out of the air, then it isn't working. I realized later that all great artists were using references. Whether models or photographs or just plotting it out and using tools of the trade to achieve that prior to cameras, it wasn't always about coming up with something out of thin air.
A: Did you learn specific techniques in school?
TD: You and I had a great art teacher in Judy Haueise at Mount St Joseph's who gave us inventive and atypical projects like dragon scrolls and Russian doll ornaments. She answered questions and had the warm attitude that propels creative
students forward. She had me doing clay Egyptian motifs and in flat relief which was such a cool project. So I didn't learn technique, per se, but a background and set of experiences. Elementary school gave me a confidence and valuable teacher-student relationship.
Unfortunately, my high school experience wasn't productive. The art teacher was more interested in what he wanted to do than in developing the students' crafts. I had no real connection to him, to be charitable. When that's missing, artistic students can flounder. It was a great school for academics and athletics but I wasn't receiving any training more than me just developing my own thing on my own time. The overreaching attitude throughout academia in those years was that art is for fun, what are you going to do with it, really?
A: Which leads straight to my next question. Did you find mentors to help you transition into tattooing and the challenges that came along the way?
TD: Around these parts, it was considered an unrealistic ambition to pursue a career in art. Even my very supportive parents thought I could do this on my own while receiving an academically rigorous academic education. Which is fair. It also came down to frame of reference. My family loved art but we didn't know anyone personally who had a pragmatic art career. There were certainly illustrators working in the world but my family didn't know any so I wasn't aware it was a career option for everyone or even an academic plan of attack. Planning for an art career wasn't simple for teenagers in the 90's; it was more about being pragmatic, troubleshooting, and heading to the most rigorous academic college or university.
A: My guidance situation was nonexistent as well. I'm not sure people realized how vital that process is toward getting artistic students onto the right track. It would have been great to have had a guidance counselor call NYU on my behalf and inquire as to what I should take up or what internship ideas would be productive.
TD: It was more prevalent a dilemma than we realized. I wanted to travel to figure out where I could do what it was I wanted to do. I had very little money so I hitchhiked crosscountry with a friend. I went to Philly to procure a tattoo job but my experience up to that point was basically scratching. I had no equipment. I barely had access to single-needles
because I couldn't make my own. It was a tightly guarded trade. In Philly, my friend had gotten a job as a piercer. Some in the piercing community taught me about sterilization and cleaning practices which was very helpful but the culture between tattooing and piercing is different. Tattooing is a messy job: there's going to be ink spilling, we have very little downtime. It was difficult to begin tattooing in Philly. It was about who you knew and whether a friend could bring you in. Everything was based on a vibe then: does the machine sound like it's working correctly? Nowadays, there are many resources for those looking to learn, such as high-res videos of tattoo needles moving in and out of the skin. Back in those days, you were ready to go when the machine sounded right. Thinking about that now is kind of wild.
A: How was the transition to creating the aesthetic you're known for today?
TD: It wasn't overnight, that's for sure. I always liked painting on people even before tattooing and felt comfortable in my aesthetic. But it's a business where you're catering to what people want or more precisely, what they think they want. To do that while putting your own stamp on it and moving your brand forward is a challenge. I knew I could do what people wanted but back then it was so much heavy black work and doing it with a single needle was brutal. It felt like constant requests for Barb Wire, ass-antlers, cherrycreek flash. It's different now because of smartphones and the ability to photograph or video your work but you still can't hang out with it all night like with art on a canvas and have an infinite ability to rework or consider options. You're highly dependent on the planning stage and on photography so as to remember what you did or might try differently next time.
A: What were the first steps in Virginia towards having your own gallery and tattoo shop?
TD: I got in with a shop in a Virginia strip mall on maybe a turnpike, across from a KFC. Not a very inspiring vibe nor a place people could walk past but I worked with someone whose specialty was scripts with unique flourishes. And people LOVED that. That inspired me to realize I had to find a way to do what people wanted yet put my own spin on it. I typically tried to talk people into letting me re-draw or reinterpret an idea. This provided more experience and confidence to move toward having my own place, which is a really long conversation but the short version is, you become more selective about the work you'll take on. You know what you love doing and if you're going to commit hours of time on a piece, you want it to be something you and they both love. You can always refer clients to someone else who wants to work in that exact style. Tattoos look better when done by people excited by the desired aesthetic.
A: What are some inspirations for your work, vibe, and brand?
TD: Nature is my main inspiration for everything. You can only aspire to make something that captures the beauty of the natural world. I'm definitely inspired by Asian art, art nouveau, and very attracted to poster art and illustration. City Hall (in Buffalo, NY,) is inspiring and architecture in its entirety is something I love. It doesn't necessarily inform my work in a way you can observe, but I feel it's there. Art Deco architecture is my favorite. I don't like winter but the rebirth of spring can feel inspiring.
A: What's your strategy for posting on your social media?
Photo by: Katie Raimonde
TD: I tend to document the creative process, especially if it's one with an interesting development.
Then I find unique ways to photo or video the final tattoo product. I'll also post stories that relate to nature, whether in my backyard or the park. Birds, flowers, small animals, anything in nature that grabs me.
A: Which corresponds to your trademark tattoo and art style, as well.
TD: Exactly. It corresponds and thankfully, doesn't constitute much planning. But if we get talking about the algorithim and how social media doesn't make it simple for business owners and content creators to thrive, we'd run out of tape. I post my work, any events, and try to be authentic. That's all you can do.
A: Many people don't know that your vibe inspired a fashion line. Tell us how that happened.
TD: I knew we were going here. (Laughs.) You and I had a classmate from elementary school I hadn't seen in years and one day I get this random call and request asking if I'd mind if she used my last name for the fashion company she had at the time. She told me the aesthetic was inspired by my childhood home: the size, the ivy growing along the sides, the wild gardens, and the girl she imagined growing up there. That's really all that came of it but my house truly is a great and special house.
A: Do you dress like the girl 'living there' that she designed for?
TD: I'm sure I'm the discount version!
A: I hear music somewhere in the studio right now, which reminds me, what are your favorite albums?
TD: These are more “difficult listening,” really good music but very conceptual.
Dimlite- Grimm Reality
Current 93- I Have A Special Plan for this World
Prince Paul- Psychoanalysis
Negativland- Helter Stupid
A: I can't believe I've never asked about your favorite movies or tv shows.
TD: Well, I love Twin Peaks and a movie called Koyaanisqatsi. I'm a horror buff—I kind of only watch horror movies.
A: Classic horror, psychological, or certain directors?
TD: The Shining is my absolute favorite. It transcends the genre. It's the ultimate betrayal that a parent,the person who is supposed to protect you, is the one threatening to murder you. I'll watch anything to get inspiration from visuals but if something succeeds in making me remember it, those become favorites. Bad dreams are so fleeting and weird and some negative experiences feel like bad dreams.
Same with films.
A: Have you seen Tourist Trap? The surprises, the atmosphere, it shares elements with Psycho. And you have to see The Burning. It gets me every time.
TD: Ok, now you've got to make me a list.
A: There would be quite a few Canadian filmmakers on it.
TD: They share that European sensibility of illuminating the underbelly, the contrast between wholesomeness and its flip side. David Lynch also has that obsession with beauty contrasted with decay and weirdness, like the ear in the grass in Blue Velvet. I appreciate artists who put this amount of thought into what they make.
A: And Canadian films focus on concept because their government helps fund artistic pursuits and companies are more willing to take a risk on a concept, versus here, you basically have to self-produce and they pay to finish up and distribute once you've made it. It's so different. And possibly why Canadian films are so inventive in concept.
TD: European relationship to art is radically different from here. I almost forgot one of my favorite films: The Vanishing. I don't think there was any reason to remake the original Dutch film. You can't really buy the concept of Sandra Bullock being abducted. The attempt at reality has then left the building. It's a well-presented mystery and the protagonist ruins his own life by not letting go of guilt he didn't need to take on. Sometimes things happen and finding a way to move past them is the greatest lesson: learning to let go of what isn't your burden to hold onto. Horror films can be lifeaffirming. The good ones, anyway.
A: Reminds me of Zodiac- the idea that there's more than one way to lose your life to a killer.
TD: We'll be here all day. Have you seen Terror Train?
A: Cult favorite of mine.
TD: The magician, the pacing: it's a great B movie done with an A attitude!
A: You're definitely two sides of the coin—loving dark films but creating organic and beautiful masterpieces of nature.
TD: I'd like to think that if an artist is thoughtful, considerate, and analytic when digesting different forms of art, it only helps your clients. The more you've thought about visuals, meanings, and themes, the faster and better you'll be at bringing a vision to life. Taking in all kinds of art, how it looks, how it's spaced, the colors, the emotions, all of that is relevant. The more thought you give your unique perspective, the better your clients will feel about your collaboration.
You can see Thea's gorgeous work on:
Ig: @theaduskin
FB: Thea Duskin
And for inquiries and schedules (and even film recommendations), please email: submissions@ghostprint.com
TORNADO SEASON AN ESSAY WRITTEN FROM MEMORIES & JOURNAL ENTRIES
by Alycia Ripley
“Did you know Codell, Kansas was hit by a tornado on the same date, May 20th , three consecutive years in 1916, 1917, and 1918? Less than 1% of 100,000 thunderstorms each year produce a tornado. It’s almost impossible, what happened in Codell.”
This was 1993, freshman year of high school, and I posed this question to my good friend, Tamora. She was sketching notes to accompany one of her In Living Color-style comedy routines. Her head was tilted at an angle by which I could only see one arched eyebrow and a large, dark, owl’s eye, so dark they barely showed pupils within her
coffee-colored skin. She was so tiny, 4’10 and a half, that no matter the chair, her feet never touched the ground.
“Sounds like someone needed a butt-whipping in Codell, Kansas.”
“They must have for it to come back three times. Must be something about that date.”
“I’m sure you’ll remember, Cheese.”
There wasn’t anything to remember. I hadn’t been there. I
knew no one in Codell, Kansas. But she had a strange way, Tamora. It was like she could see things both way behind me and way off in my future. Even when I didn’t remember, she already knew.
She nicknamed me Cheese because of a day several girls in our class made me angry. There was nothing unique about this. It happened all the time. My perpetual state of aggravation, anxiety, anger, and regret was due to my misguided choice of school. Tamora felt the same but showed it differently. Nothing shook her pin-straight posture. Her dark hair had been straightened into a curled-under bob. Same with her bangs. She wore pants and a pretty blouse with a vest, usually purple, every day. Small diamond earrings. I was the opposite: tall and long-legged, always walking too fast, skipping two stairs at a time, green eyes flashing with emotion. Eyes like gasoline, boys once called them. While walking together we looked like an exclamation point: me the line, she the dot.
She’d heard a snicker or something stupid thrown my way. I always tensed up and breathed one long breath, imagining I could grow large enough to block out all the light. When I’m like that, I don’t hear much, hence why she tapped my shoulder.
“Do you always smile when you’re angry? The madder you become, the more you smile. You remind me of the Wall of Death, this old carnival ride in the Midwest.”
Tamora went to St. Louis frequently for karate tournaments. You’d never imagine this petite, unblinking human could move so quickly. Everything about Tamora was measured and precise, all right angles and Pythagorean theorems. But nothing would alert you to her speed. Not the way she shuffled down the hall in loafers, barely reaching the shoulders of the other girls. I only caught a glimpse when I cheered her on at a neighborhood karate display designed to attract more students. She was a whirling dervish within the sequences...and so happy. Even when sparring, she looked happy. I’d never seen her happy once at school.
“This ride is dark and quiet. All you hear is wind. You walk around a small structure and hold onto side brackets as the room shakes and whistles. The point is to get out the back door without hitting the Wall of Death.”
“But if you hold onto the walls to move around, how do you not hit that wall?”
“You just can’t touch the wrong thing. If you do, the Wall of Death jumps forward and all you see is a smiling face and flashing lights. That face just keeps coming. I loved it. It’s scary and weird but reminds me of you.”
We became fast friends at fourteen, a year that changed me into something I wouldn’t choose to encounter and I’ve never come back from.
A few people I’d known from elementary school were by then upperclassmen in my high school. I assumed that between our camaraderie and the school’s progressive academics, all would be fine. I’d believed going to a different school than my elementary classmates was the best move because I’d always keep them but find new people, too. I should have known I needed a large class and co-ed environment. I’d done well with the boys in my elementary school. Sure, they were naturally raucous but they meant well and listened to me. I never feared raising my hand and stating all of my opinions. They were often my biggest support system. Eighteen people in a class was my very definition of hell. There were a few good eggs but those eggs were hanging onto a life raft and I wanted to swim away to a school where teenagers were bitchy but fun, amusing, mature, and youthful in all the contradictory ways that made sense. When you force a misaligned situation it brings only misery and regret. I wasn’t meant for a place where, after being excited to wear a pair of pinstripe pants my grandmother worked so hard to buy, (they reminded me of Madonna’s from the Express Yourself video) and the fact that I was good in volleyball, 80% of the class whispered that I was a lesbian. This was both wildly confusing and ironic because I couldn’t wait to hit my 18th birthday and date grown men. I kept a photo of Michael Madsen circa Reservoir Dogs taped to my desk. Few of these girls knew what a lesbian actually was but apparently pinstripe pants and a sharp volleyball spike tipped the scale in my favor. In 2024, this might not sound terrible, but imagine it’s 1993, you’re fourteen and among all new people, and that, along with notes left in your desk, countless sneers and snickers can be heard whenever you walk into a room. Every day, all day. Few will talk to or sit next to you. Eighteen people and nowhere to go. No matter how I ignored it, it felt like being smothered. My mom was furious at their audacity and stu-
pidity. Tamora refused to kiss the asses of those anointing themselves the heads of our class, girls who’d be ridiculed at other schools but thought they were top dogs because no one stopped them. Others may not have initiated cruelty but did nothing to stop it. I grew tired of fighting back aggravation and frustration. Tamora and I soon just hung with the older girls.
Within the first two months, a class road trip changed everything, or at least changed me. I’m not sure bringing a class that already had people transferring, constant turmoil, and horrific notes written about teachers on an overnight trip was the best course of action. Were the intentions good in theory? Of course. Did it work in real-life design? No. Even my parents wished there was some way Tamora and I could stay behind but the trip was tied into our classes and grades. I couldn’t shake the weird feeling I had about it. Tamora agreed with a worried turn of a pendant she wore around her neck.
During the ride, I remember listening to forced conversations, the kind where people desperately perform within obligatory closeness. This was punctuated by a mean, baby-faced girl with a bad perm and Cheetos stuck in her braces screaming about something not at all funny. Tamora and I tossed comedy sketch ideas back and forth as I stared out the window, wondering how in the course of a few months, so much had changed. During my final elementary school trip the boys were so hilarious they could have been recruited to SNL. A few of the girls, too. My sides used to hurt, they were so clever, sarcastic, and quick. Most were still together, having a grand time while I sat in a cramped van with all the wrong people, watching the highway rush by.
“It won’t always feel like this; it can’t.”
“It absolutely will not. Remember Codell, Kansas?” Tamora asked.
Three consecutive years of a tornado. I did remember. I wished a tornado would take our van high into the sky, rip Tamora and I from the window and pull us into its middle vortex, throwing the van miles away while we floated in zero gravity.
The hotel was beige and sterile. When I opened my little suitcase I saw a note that my mom, stepdad, and grand-
mother had written me, promising that Tamora and I would have fun and to just ignore the assholes. I don’t recall much about the trip itinerary except for the museum. My flat shoes clicked along the floor and as Tamora and I shared my Walkman headphones, blasting Chaka Khan, I thought, maybe this will be OK.
I’d later taken the elevator down to get some air and grab logo stickers for my journal from the lobby. There was nothing memorable about a chain hotel sticker but Tamora was taking a shower, my other friend was using the hotel gym, and I was eager to escape the constant swell of voices. I still remember who was in each room. You’d think this information would have faded over time but it stuck around with the rest of it. I took a walk through the parking lot and have asked myself over the years, How long were you gone for, walking around a parking lot to clear your head? Why didn’t you head back sooner?
I recall studying the highway before walking back towards the lobby door. I craved wide, open spaces. They felt like comfort, like home. I wished I could run down that highway, picked up by the wind, flying free, seeing all. Instead, my feet dragged themselves towards the empty elevator and I went up three floors, the stupid hotel sticker in my hand. The doors opened and I heard a staccato series of booms and a mix of running and laughter. Time slowed to such a degree that when I close my eyes, I can still see the braces, plaid, loafers, and school sweatshirts moving by so slowly I could pause each image in the frame. Some of the more problematic girls burst from a room, almost running into me. I remember their mouths, the way a laugh looks in mid-snarl, and saw a small thing behind them, crumpled in the hallway.
I couldn’t understand why Tamora was sitting in a white bathrobe on that dirty hallway carpet, gasping with hampered breath.
“Where’s your inhaler?”
She pointed to the door behind her, her face now gray.
“They locked me out. They got in through the adjoining door.” “Don’t talk,” I said as I fumbled for the key card within the fanny pack I’d been wearing around my waist. I looked both ways; there was no one around, just the hum of
televisions within our blocked-off set of rooms. I opened the door and pulled her by her shoulders to against the bed, locating her inhaler on a side table. With the square piece of plastic hitched in her mouth, she puffed the air and medicine. It was better when I didn’t understand what had happened. Before, I was oblivious to what people will allow themselves to become. In the pre-Internet age, bullying wasn’t anonymous or bleak. It was immediate and feral. In the same way I’ll never forget who was in each room, I’ll never forget the names and faces who found it funny, once they knew our roommate jumped into our shower for an hour and Tamora chose to use a friend’s down the hall, to go in through an adjoining room and lock her out. She knew with a sickening feeling that a joke was on her when she failed to open the door they’d barricaded shut. She tried a few karate kicks to open it, thinking they just used the chain lock. They laughed at her from inside. An asthmatic attack came over her as others opened their doors to watch.
Did they do it knowing I’d just walked away? Perhaps. I’m more certain that something changed inside me as she recounted this story. There was a forcible click inside my head, the same as when you’re sitting in an office chair and the bottom of your skull jerks back.
“You’re angry smiling.”
“Take a deep breath.”
“Wall of death,” she said.
“Keep breathing,” I answered, my insides as frozen as the smile dragging my lips into place.
The year never much improved. I couldn’t shake the heavy feeling of wilting from the inside. I started spending lunch and study halls with Tamora and upperclassmen. The older girls got a kick out of how she could imitate anyone and anything.
I completed my transfer papers. Although Tamora was transferring to a different school, we’d still see each other. Each time I wanted to fight one of the cowards she’d remind me the benefits of not doing so.
“You start throwing fists and you’ll be labeled a disciplinary problem. Don’t get your mind and nerves wrapped up.”
“I can’t let them get away with this all year.”
“They aren’t getting away with anything, Cheese. That’s why I wish you wouldn’t transfer.”
“What are you talking about? I hate it here and you’re leaving.”
“Not everything is about the now. Leaving sets a bad precedent for yourself. You won’t become who you need to become if you let dummies run you out. You won’t have the drive or the ability to shut it out. You worked hard to get a scholarship. You can see your friends and boys anytime. If you want to go into the entertainment industry, you can’t allow inconsequential people to ever get the best of you.”
“They aren’t running me out if I want to leave.”
“Fight without running away. Make them see the Wall of Death smile.”
“Sounds like a fun high school experience.”
For thirty years, I’ve carried that memory of her, crumpled and gray, in the hotel hallway. It’s the only time I’ve felt helpless and useless. I’m grateful that none of the people I’ve met in the past few decades reminded me of the casual cruelty that comes so easily to some. I trusted in her belief that there was a reason for me to stay, a reason that might not become apparent for a long time. I didn’t transfer. No one ran me out. That concept was important not to me, but to Tamora. After she transferred, we remained close. She had a wonderful sophomore year in a place she belonged.
The following June, we rode our bikes through the park. She was making me laugh to such a degree I could barely balance on the seat. We sat at a picnic table, watching joggers run past.
“Cheese, I want to talk about something. Remember the tornadoes of Codell, Kansas? That memory you always have of flying like a bird? And how you love Buddy Holly and the 1950’s but remember standing near a movie theater, staring at a tornado?” “Of course, but I have no idea why.”
“Maybe we come back after we die until we get things right. Who says we have to return as humans each time? I think you were something else once and part of you remembers it. Maybe you’re who people call when wrongs need righting. Maybe everything that makes you, you, was the tornado that repeatedly hit Codell, Kansas. Maybe it was your personality and soul flying inside the wind. And in the 1950’s you were a teenager facing down a tornado in order to see yourself, how solitary and determined you move. You were that girl so you could watch yourself caught up in anger and pain. You were both the wind and the girl, staring at each other. You got caught up in the wind and were lost.”
“Well, now I’m neither.”
“Now you’re both. You’re wind inside a body. We’ve got to set you on course to take care of things without getting pulled in. Don’t destroy yourself in order to win.”
“I hope that makes sense someday.”
“It’s the same thing as Codell, Kansas. Tear it down without running yourself down.”
I thought, Is this girl actually fifteen years old and saying these things? Are her eyes really this black and staring through me? Is she even really here?
“Even if you’re right, in this life I’m just a kid and it’s still me against them, all the time.”
“You have all the time in the world. Codell, Kansas took three tries. Everyone tells young people to let things go and rise above them. But your superpower is that you don’t forget anything. You won’t let anything go. Make these people remember what they are and who they were.”
It felt important, this conversation in Delaware Park, watching joggers run past.
“Codell, Kansas.”
“That’s right.”
“An Oklahoma movie theater in the 50’s.”
“Become what you’re here to become. You’re a retributive person. Own that but no running, no transferring, no self-destruction. You’re the Wall of Death whirling through, and I know someday you’ll make it all the way back to the plains. Back to Tornado Alley and open fields. If you learn this lesson, you’ll go home. And I’ll be cheering you on.”
We rode through the rest of the park. We made plans to see a movie and I couldn’t wait to see her next karate tournament and show her my new contact lenses.
Tamora died one week later on July 7th, 1994. I hid under the dining room table and wouldn’t come out. I’m not sure I ever recovered from the loss of her. No one at school spoke her name again. Many re-wrote the narrative as if they hadn’t mocked, ridiculed, and alienated that 4’10, soft-spoken, African-American girl. Tamora’s family moved to Florida after the accident but I’ve been haunted, knowing I never found a way to make people atone for ruining one of her last living years.
But Tamora was right. There’s always another time, another chance. And that chance is when you learn to blow them down without getting caught in your own damn wind. It took me a very long time but I’ve learned that lesson. Finally.
Codell, Kansas. 1916, 1917, 1918. Flying like a bird. Oklahoma, 1955. Both versions of myself. The wind remembers, after all. The wind waits.
Ig: @talentedmsripley
IN EVERY ISSUE
In every issue of Antihero, we’ll pose one question to each interviewee and contributor, setting a common ground from which to illuminate each unique perspective. Asking someone their ‘why’ is the best way to learn how they think, feel, and see the world.
Since this issue corresponds with back to school vibes, we re-visit the archetypal characters of John Hughes’ seminal, The Breakfast Club and see where our contributors might agree, blend, differ, or relate, even though no one is currently serving detention.
Which character or characters from 1984’s The Breakfast Club feel most relatable?
Chris Schobert: I’m Ally Sheedy’s Allison. Outwardly, I’m more Claire, but...that’s covering my inner Allison. The Breakfast Club is actually...not a favorite of mine. I adore the concept and casting, but there are elements I’ve never fully bought into — for one, why does Allison need a makeover? That dangerous archetype influenced teen cinema for decades to follow. (Let’s call it She’s All That-ization syndrome.) The film itself has always depressed me a bit, perhaps because I see many of my worst traits in the characters! Yet it’s undeniably entertaining, very well-written, and any film that uses “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” so eloquently has my respect. I’ve found that the older I get, the more I identify with Vernon … and that is a scary thought.
Victoria Hutton: I’m most like Claire, Molly Ringwald’s character. I related to her when John Bender was trying to make her feel bad. He thinks she’s stuck up and she felt so misunderstood and hurt. I’m also a bit like Allison because of her desire to reach out to others in the purse dump scene, I found that scene touching. Maybe it’s because I’m a Gemini sun and Scorpio moon so maybe I’m a Claire sun and an Allison moon?
Andrew Orrin Webb: Andrew’s character reminds us that we’re all a blend of all the archetypes in the film but I always considered myself a cross of a rebel (John Bender) and a nerd (Brian Johnson) but where Bender resorted to intimidation in the same ways he faced at home, I always saw kindness and authenticity as acts of rebellion that can be equally jarring to those used to the opposite. As a history nerd I was never able to pinpoint the exact moment that cruelty and selfishness became normal, but that was the moment kindness became the coolest act of rebellion.
Katie Raimonde: I watched this for the 1st time with my mom and thought, I can’t believe she’s letting me watch this, because of the scene where they gather in the circle. I remember hoping that in high school I’d be like Claire (popular and rich with a handsome boy that resembled John Bender). Unfortunately, I was more like Allison Reynolds. Most people thought I was weird which stemmed from being bullied terribly in elementary school, so in that way I also related to Brian Johnson because I did contemplate not being here. Thankfully, things changed. I came into my own with friends, good times, and a great boyfriend who became my husband. The movie’s amazing theme song, ‘Don’t You Forget About Me’ is an anthem for our generation.
Alycia Ripley: There’s Brian Johnson in me, the observant kid who writes the letter that concludes the film, but I relate mostly to John Bender. (I dressed as the ‘girly’ version of him with the plaid, denim, and fingerless gloves once for Halloween.) I share his humor that hides vulnerabilities, the ability to reach the heart of the matter, and the way he grows larger before your eyes (Judd Nelson wasn’t all that tall and neither am I) when the situation calls for it. Someone once described me as a mirror that people see themselves in, for better or worse. That reminds me of John. He’s the catalyst for the film’s honesty and I understood and related to his need to make the group see its behaviors and perspectives more clearly. And...we both toss our hair.
Josh Raimonde: “I’m most like Andrew, Emilio Estevez’s character. I played sports and hung out with popular people but had underlying issues and insecurities. He puts on an act, trying to be a popular athlete but there’s more to him and as the film progresses he learns to be more accepting of others and allows himself to be fully seen by the other students. He’s spot on when he says, “We’re all bizarre; some of us are just better at hiding it.” Most people won’t truly know who they are in high school because the pressures to be another kind of person are so great. It takes time to figure it out. The Breakfast Club is one of those movies I missed the 1st time around but love catching on the big screen when theaters re-release it.”
Gabi Gauger: With an unstable home, I found myself to be a combination of Bender & Allison throughout middle school. I talked back, got in fights, smoked cigarettes, and stole eyeliner. While in the care of New York State in High School, I’d have related more to Claire & Brian. I was on the Dean’s List, in the marching band, and even crowned Homecoming Princess. I was concerned with getting good grades, how I looked, and what others thought of me. In college, I melded the childhood versions of myself with that of ‘Sporto’ Andrew. I started playing softball and even managed a team for a few seasons. I can even see pieces of myself in Vernon & Carl as I consider mistakes I’ve made navigating adulthood and as a new business owner. I haven’t always been humble, considerate, and kind. At times, the stress of this incredible work responsibility has gotten the best of me and I can struggle with a temper. But as a child of the 90’s, can I say that I was appalled that Claire’s character, after being badgered and harassed by all the characters for the entire movie, decided to seduce Bender after he made her CRY? WUT!
Rebecca Gaffney: I was 10 when I first watched it. From what I remember, I was enthralled. I identified as a hybrid of Allison, Bender, Brian, and Claire in personality, style, and upbringing. I was an overly good kid, so the idea of detention was magical and alluring; I always wanted to be a bad girl. And for as much as I understood about sex at the time (I already knew I was queer), I knew I’d have fun messing around with Emilio Estevez and Ally Sheedy. The Breakfast Club was always the John Hughes film with which I resonated most. I’m an only child; its conversation around the loneliness of maturing struck a chord. I also was someone who felt like I was friends with everyone and no one; the different masks each character wore were eerily familiar.
Thea Duskin: I guess I’m the weird girl, Allison, but the makeover at the end always pissed me off. Like, she’s revealed to be a dateable basic bitch at the end and like, that’s her redemption? It was wildly different from my high school experience at a school where Bender wouldn’t have gotten detention, he’d have just been kicked out.
Taj Greenlee: Well, there weren’t any black leads so, how about I just say, Jules from Pulp Fiction, instead? :)
Manifesto
We spotlight those doing great things, who use creativity in any and all industries, maneuver uphill battles, pave new roads, and remain proactive and interesting while doing so. We believe that kindness and coolness need not be mutually exclusive. We refuse to live life on default settings. We feel that being exhausted from doing what we love is the best kind of tired. We believe that, while we can be sarcastic and not always patient, living by the Golden Rule just makes sense. We believe equally in empathy and counting to ten but also in accountability and the creed of FAFO.
We believe in retro aesthetics but never its constraints.
We’re heroic but never basic and rarely predictable.
We’re learning that life moves quickly and want to leave something great behind.
We’re difficult to quantify or put into a box; rather, we build life outside the box.
We believe that everyone cannot and should not live the same life path.
We believe in travel, adventure, and everyday magic.
We believe that settling for mediocrity is unnecessary.
We love thank you notes and a discreet middle finger, in equal measure.
We believe in style, attitude, and edge but never at the expense of courtesy.
We believe in imagination, hard work, and persistence.
We’re more Han Solo than Luke Skywalker.
Axel Foley, Ellen Ripley, and Dirty Harry are a few of our fictional spirit animals.
We’re Chief Martin Brody at the end of ‘Jaws’ when he discovered who we knew him to be the entire time.
We are also...the shark. (If that makes sense.)
We’re willing to sacrifice what most wouldn’t, in order to live a life most won’t. We love dynamic people. And want to spread the word.
Happy Fall & thanks for reading.
