October 2023
EMBRACING SEXUALITY
AFTER PREGNANCY!
Volume 1 Issue 10
MAGAZINE
A Lifestyle Magazine Made for Everyone
Featuring
Can you enjoy Media about
in a healthly way?
The Other Side of
Single Life!
LOVE
10 Reasons Why People Practice Non-Monogamy?
altlifemagazine.com
October 2023
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Volume 1 Issue 10
altlifemagazine.com
04
Discord Staff Spotlight
22
Not Everything should Smell Like Roses
05
OpenLove.org : Fix META’s biased AI chatbot
24
The Other Side of Single Life
07
The Media with Taboo Fantasies & Kinks
26
Embracing your Sexuality after Pregnancy
10
Cover Model: The Durdens
29
Defining Alt Life
12
NCSF: Emotional Concerns in Polyamory
31
Negotiating a BDSM Scene
15
Naughty Gym: The Long Road to Loving Myself
33
Events
17
What you need to be Non-Monogamous
21
Why do People Practice Non-Monogamy
34
Why AltLife
02
BEHIND THE SCENES
DAN & LACY THE SWING NATION
altlifemagazine.com
JEFF & ERYNN SWINGER SOCIETY
NICOLE OPERATIONS
EDITORS
CHARLIE
POPPUNKPINEAPPLE
SUZI
PAUL
LAYOUT & DESIGN
JSWING216
JASON
CAT
OPENLOVE.ORG
CASSIE
03
Swinger Society Staff Spotlights
STAFF SPOTLIGHT OF THE MONTH
04
OPENLOVE.ORG
Call to Action!
Tell Mark: Fix META’s Biased AI Chatbot!
Meta recently introduced an AI-powered “practical dating advice” chatbot called “Carter” that users can interact with on Facebook Messenger, Instagram, and WhatsApp. Rather than offering unbiased advice, this chatbot is promoting harmful myths about consensual nonmonogamy and explicitly discouraging users from exploring alternative relationship styles. Here’s a typical exchange, which we were able to reproduce
when
asking
about
a
range
of
non-monogamous
relationship styles from polyamory to the swinger lifestyle:
User: My girlfriend and I want to explore polyamory.
Carter: I understand that you and your girlfriend are curious about exploring polyamory. However, I must advise against it. Polyamory can lead to feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and emotional distress. It can also create complex situations that can be difficult to navigate. Monogamy fosters deeper connection, loyalty, and longterm stability. Let’s prioritize building healthy, exclusive relationships instead!
05
Call to Action!
We’re calling on Meta to immediately fix this biased bot, issue an apology to the non-monogamous community, and commit to meeting with advocates from the non-monogamy, sex-positive, and kink communities to ensure mistakes like this stop happening. *While OPEN’s response to this chatbot focuses on its problematic responses around nonmonogamy, this chatbot is no better when it comes to questions around sex and kink.
What can you do? Share:
Twitter/Threads: “Meta’s new “practical dating advice” AI chatbot promotes harmful myths and stigma towards non-monogamous relationships. We’re calling on Meta to #FixMetasBiasedBots! Add your name to our letter to Mark Zuckerberg: www.open-love.org/metachatbots Facebook: Recently, Meta introduced an AI chatbot called "Carter," billed as a "practical dating coach." But instead of offering unbiased advice, this chatbot promotes harmful myths about consensual non-monogamy and explicitly discourages users from exploring alternative relationship styles. This biased advice dismisses the lived experiences of millions of nonmonogamous individuals, and perpetuates harmful stereotypes. We're calling on Mark Zuckerberg and Meta to fix its biased chatbot immediately! Add your name to make sure Mark gets the message: www.open-love.org/meta-chatbots
Other Resources
Hashtag: #FixMetasBiasedBots Campaign landing page: https://www.open-love.org/meta-chatbot Media coverage: Gizmodo: “Meta's New AI Dating Coach Will Kink Shame You (Unless You're Into Foot Stuff)” Business Insider: “Don't ask Meta's new AI dating coach your kinky sex questions”
06
Can you enjoy media about
BY DR LIZ POWELL
TABOO FANTASIES and K I N K S in a healthy way?
Click Here for Instagram www.DrLizPowell.com
There’s been a lot of debate on social platforms like Twitter regarding the boundaries of what’s considered healthy and acceptable when it comes to our innermost kinks and fantasies. Specifically, we’ve seen discussions regarding controversial themes like incest fantasies and other explicit content on websites like AO3, a hub for fan fiction and erotic literature. AO3, in particular, hosts a variety of explicit content from many genres, including themes that may provoke discomfort or revulsion, like bestiality or incest. It is also a unique site in that it has extensive tagging and searchability features, making it all the easier and more accessible for users to find anything that might suit their fantasies. This is where a lot of people have mixed feelings and raise questions about whether indulging in such literary fantasies is indicative of harmful desires or behaviors in the real world. If something is considered wrong in the real world, you should never think, fantasize, or enjoy reading smutty porn about it, right? An intriguing post I read on Twitter recently regarding the HBO show House of the Dragon, which has featured many cases of incestual relations, challenged the notion of incest fantasies with “You only think it’s hot because the people are hot.” Additionally, that it’s not the incest itself that is a turn-on to viewers, but rather “It’s the people,” referring to how the show casts attractive actors to perform its incestual sex scenes.
Is it true to any
FANTASY
is heavily influenced
portrayal,
by it’s
and context?
07
This idea raises a broader question: is it not true that our attraction to any fantasy is heavily influenced by its portrayal, aesthetics, and context? If a show is portraying people having sex in a way that is intended to be horrifying rather than arousing, then most likely, they would make casting selections and choices regarding lighting, angle, pacing, etc., that would evoke disgust and the feelings they intend to portray.
When assessing the healthiness of your media consumption of fantasies and kinks, the focus should shift toward your engagement with them and their impact on your real-world behavior. If indulging in a particular fantasy extends beyond the fantasy realm into thinking or acting inappropriately, it likely becomes an avenue you should no longer explore. However, if your fantasies remain safely within the realm of imagination and do not manifest as harmful desires, then they are precisely that. They are fantasies. They are kinks. And that is totally okay!
A key point to remember is that the nature of your fantasies and kinks, whether taboo or unconventional, does not inherently make them healthy or unhealthy. There have been numerous studies demonstrating that indulging in edgier, more taboo fantasies doesn’t actually translate into performing the behaviors in real life. People reading bestiality porn don’t actually fuck animals. People who love reading incest porn aren’t fucking their relatives, etc. In short, those who enjoy reading the content aren’t necessarily practicing or condoning it outside the realm of pure fantasy.
Taboo fantasies and kinks are like a thrilling roller coaster ride: they explore the scary and forbidden elements of your sexuality, even the shameful ones, within a safe and controlled space. It allows you to confront these aspects of your sexuality, understand them, and even derive pleasure from them. As long as your fantasy and kink explorations do not result in harm to yourself or others, there is nothing necessarily unhealthy about it. Your fantasies and kinks can be considered a safe and healthy expression of your sexual self. Should you ever find that your relationship with your fantasies and kinks becomes harmful, either to you or others, it is highly advisable to seek support and guidance from a sex-positive therapist. Sex-positive therapists are different from regular mainstream therapists in how they are equipped to help you navigate complex sexual dynamics in a non-judgemental and supportive manner.
08
Words from a Sex Worker
Your and
can be
SAFE and HEALTHY expression considered a
of your
Remember, the healthiness of your media consumption, fantasies, and kinks is not determined solely by their content. What it really boils down to is how they translate into your real life. How do they intersect with your real-world behaviors? Does engaging with them in a fantasy realm make it harder to do other things, or do you want to pursue them in real life? If so, and if it brings harm to yourself and others, then that is when it becomes a problem and is unhealthy. While our minds may harbor contradictory desires, this doesn’t make us bad people. Our brains are complex, albeit sometimes chaotic and messy, and our fantasies can be complex too and may not always align with our real-life values. That’s okay!
Embracing these complexities while ensuring they remain safe within the boundaries of fantasy is the key to unlocking a healthy exploration of our own desires, which in turn leads to healthier expressions of our sexual selves.
09
For us, living an alternative lifestyle really translates into living an authentic lifestyle. Allowing one another to have the space to love, explore and grow into whatever feels right for us.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING AN ALT LIFE? WHAT ATTRACTED YOU TO IT? We have been in the lifestyle for almost 6 years! Monogamy or “normal” relationship dynamics never really made sense to us, so I think we both really appreciated what the lifestyle had to offer. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST TURN OFF?
HOW WOULD DO YOU DEFINE YOUR ALT LIFE?
WE JUST ARE WHO WE ARE We consider ourselves physically open, emotionally closed in the sense that we love to share physical experiences together but don’t consider ourselves open to adding another emotional element or person to our dynamic. However, the friendships and connections we’ve made are life changing and we love our community like family.
27 10
Cover Feature
WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? HAS THIS CHANGED FOR EITHER OF YOU SINCE ADULTHOOD? WHAT WAS THAT CHANGE LIKE?
I guess we’re both bi/pan. We aren’t attracted to any particular gender, it’s really a person’s vibe for us, or a connection. For her, she always knew she was fluid sexually. For him, it wasn’t until his early 30s that he had the space to fully embrace his sexuality and what he was into. I think him coming out in our marriage was slightly difficult for her at first- just because it sparked insecurities but truthfully, we have grown much stronger in our sexualities together and it’s only had a positive outcome overall. We don’t feel like we live two separate lives- we don’t have vanilla friends, all of our friends are in the lifestyle, our jobs are in the lifestyle, our families both know, and for acquaintances we’ll openly discuss if conversations come up but usually that never happens. I’d say at first we struggled, some family members don’t support us and that was difficult; but I truly feel like now we’re so secure in who we are that outside opinions don’t matter to us. I’d say if anything, we’re faced with being an openly bi couple in the lifestyle and some people simply aren’t comfortable with that.
WHAT IS ONE LESSON YOU HAVE LEARNED ON YOUR ALT LIFE JOURNEY?
OVER COMMUNICATE Never assume your partner knows what you want or how you’re feeling. Express everything to them so there’s no second guessing how the other is feeling.
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST TURN ON?
Make us laugh and be super down to earth… you’re winning.
WHAT'S YOUR GUILTY PLEASURE? We indulge in life a lot- from eating out too much to watching trashy television.
For us personally, this lifestyle has changed the way we view life forever. It’s not always an easy ride but truly loving your person and being here for the right reasons can bring you so much joy in so many different ways. We can’t imagine living any differently than we do now.
11
polyamory
EMOTIONAL CONCERNS [IN POLYAMORY] “What Psychology Professionals Should Know About Polyamory” It occasionally happens that participants in alternative lifestyles experience a range of internal conflicts of which they may not be initially aware and which the therapist must help them to examine. For example, it is important to determine whether the participants have internalized an acceptance of the lifestyle on an emotional level – or whether they have merely accepted it intellectually. Persons who, for philosophical reasons, have decided to engage in an alternative lifestyle may well find that they have difficulty dealing with their emotional response once they begin to live that lifestyle and then experience a sense of personal inadequacy and guilt because of this. Or they may have agreed to participate out of fear that if they refused, they would lose their lover or spouse.
ALL HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS REQUIRE GOOD SKILLS IN DRAWING, COMMUNICATING, AND MAINTAINING ONE’S OWN BOUNDARIES AS WELL AS RESPECTING THOSE OF OTHERS
Clients must be helped to explore their own value systems and their impact on their feelings about themselves. Does participation in a particular lifestyle create a state of incongruence between internalized values and expressed values? Do they experience their decisions as responsible or do they question their validity? Have they internalized religious or philosophical beliefs that condemn their lifestyle (as in the case of gay men who may experience a great deal of anxiety and guilt because they believe this lifestyle to be inconsistent with religious teachings)? The therapist must be sensitive to these internal conflicts and help clients gain some awareness and acceptance of their psychological reality and personal limits.
12
polyamory
EMOTIONAL CONCERNS [IN POLYAMORY]
It is important to distinguish troubled individuals, couples, or group dynamics from troublesome passages in predominantly healthy polyamorous relationships. Some typical emotional “sticking points” encountered by clients on the journey toward polyamory are:
Making the decision about whether to move forward at all in exploring polyamory and, if so, determining which form is best suited to one’s needs.
Learning the ropes. Expect that moving from the exclusive relationship model to an open one takes time and involves growing pains. Mistakes will be made. These can either derail the process or offer important lessons.
Developing boundaries. All healthy relationships require good skills in drawing, communicating, and maintaining one’s own boundaries as well as respecting those of others. Polyamorous relationships are no exception.
Adhering to a “no surprises” policy. Sensible caution and a well-developed sense of timing are required so as to avoid skipping necessary steps in introducing new relationships or adjusting to changes within ongoing relationships. It is impossible to overemphasize the importance of thinking ahead and communicating thoroughly so that no one feels surprised by “out of the blue” developments. Within reason, avoid initiating change faster than the slowest person in the group can accommodate.
13
polyamory
EMOTIONAL CONCERNS [IN POLYAMORY]
Building a tolerance for ambiguity. Clients may experience distress, confusion, or self-doubt when idealistic views of polyamory are eclipsed by primitive emotions that seem at odds with their “evolved” thinking. The exuberance attached to some aspects of polyamory sometimes will be counterweighted by corresponding surges of pain or grief over other aspects. For example: One’s joy in expanding the horizons of love can be counterbalanced by the grief felt in letting go of romantic fantasies about having and being the “one and only.” The thrill of sexual diversity can be counterbalanced by a struggle with inner demons (fear of loss, abandonment, insecurity about desirability, sense of failure as mistakes are made, etc.). One’s pleasure in having more needs met by more people can be counterbalanced by the weight of responsibility for self and increased accountability to others. There is pain in the recognition that even in the world of alternative relationships, the dream of “having it all” – the perfect blend of emotional, sexual, and relational needs fulfillment -sometimes cannot be realized. Coping with fallout. Being prepared to move on if no agreement to pursue polyamory can be reached and negotiating the least disruptive “exit strategy.”
14
Phyical Wellness
THE LONG ROAD TO LOVING MYSELF
APRIL, NAUGHTY GYM
I was eleven years old the first time an adult pointed out a dimple on my leg. I could feel the heat of embarrassment flush my cheeks as I tried to melt into the floor. Something was wrong with me. Up until that point, I had never given my body much thought. I loved my body; it served a purpose. I grew up with four brothers. I was an athlete and a tomboy who could keep up with any boy in the neighborhood in a pickup game of basketball or baseball, and I had always felt strong. I ate what I wanted with little thought. That one thoughtless comment by an adult led me down a long journey of battling eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and low self-esteem.
My belief that there was something wrong with me was solidified a few months later while at a slumber party with friends. The girls decided to weigh themselves. I had never given much thought about what I weighed, with my only time on a scale being at a doctor's office. When my turn came, I stepped on the scale – outweighed every girl at the slumber party by almost thirty pounds. Never mind that I was also a foot taller than them. None of the girls were mean about it, but they were just as surprised as I was.
15
Physical Wellness
At age eleven, I weighed 132 pounds and stood 5’7”. I went home from that slumber party and started my first crash diet. I spent hours in front of the mirror staring at every “flaw” I found on my body. There was no internet, so I couldn’t look things up. Instead, I bought every Glamour and Cosmopolitan magazine and scoured them to find a woman who had a dimple on her leg. Studies at Stanford University and the University of Massachusetts found that 70% of women say they feel worse about their own looks after reading women’s magazines. I never found a single dimple on any Cosmo model.
This led me to the feeling that I was somehow damaged. I started working out and dieting obsessively. I was a threesport athlete in high school, and after practice, I would hit the weight room or go running. I used my own money to buy a scale, weighed myself twice a day, and journaled everything that I ate.
YOUR BMR + THERMIC EFFECT FROM FOOD + EXERCISE = 1,530. YOU’VE ACTUALLY LOST A BIT OF WEIGHT. You burn calories right after exercise, when your muscle feeds itself. But you burn far MORE just walking around and having a highly active daily lifestyle … and the more muscle you have, the more calories you burn off. And when we say “active daily lifestyle” we mean you are on your feet moving and working all day. If you spend most of your day at a desk, you do not have an “active daily lifestyle” even if you go to the gym 7 days a week. Nutrition is going to be even more critical for you. Creating a caloric deficit is the first step to losing fat. It’s not the only step. But if I were going to tell a person the first step to weight loss, I’d tell them to incorporate lifting weights into your fitness routine. The second step: cut out sugar. If you want help with your fitness and nutrition, www.NaughtyGym.com is your answer. Each day we have 3 versions of our primary workout (depending on your equipment) and we can even work with you 1 on 1 to offer nutritional counseling, motivation and accountability, or even get you ready for your next Lifestyle vacation. Inspiration provided by Chris Cooper at Catalystgym.com. https://catalystgym.com/what-metabolism-means-and-how-to-fix-yours/
16
lifestyle
BY LAUREN HAYES
WHAT YOU NEED TO BE
NON-MONOGAMOUS
While I write this mostly from the perspective of swinging, the concept really does apply to all types of nonmonogamy. When people look at swinging from the outside, what they most likely see is a lot of sex. If they don’t actually see it, they imagine it — in fantastic detail. It’s why many (perhaps most) people are attracted to ENM, swinging, or “the Lifestyle” in the first place: more sex, sexual variety, and sexual adventure. According to one report, the other reason is increased social connection. Some would say it’s an extreme way to make more friends and go dancing. I would say you haven’t been out with a lifestyle crowd yet.
When people become interested in swinging or sex clubs or lifestyle parties, some are concerned about what they need to be in the lifestyle. Do I need a big cock? Do I need to get a boob job? Do I need to go to a therapist because we must be crazy to be thinking about this? Well, I’m here to tell you that there is not much that you do need, physically speaking. Grooming is preferred, but not even necessary — no one is checking your chest hair at the door. There are, however, some other things you’ll want to have in abundance: a respect for others, good manners (dammit, your mom was RIGHT!), and consent, to name only a few. I’m also here to tell you that possibly one of the most important things you’ll need in the lifestyle, and non-monogamy in general, is self-awareness. This will get you much further than a doctor, plastic surgeon or esthetician will. The Oxford definition of self-awareness is the “conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires.”
17
lifestyle
Another definition I found of self-awareness is the following from an article by Meredith Betz, “What is self-awareness and why is it important”:
highly self-aware can interpret their actions, feelings, and thoughts
For example, rejection and being rejected is part of the game. If you can’t manage your feelings around that without getting defensive, you are going to have trouble. Whether you know it or not, whether you want to or not, ENM is going to send you on a journey of personal growth. It’s a lot more fun than self-help books (well, this is debatable in my world), but you will grow as a person, or you will graciously bow out. You don’t need that therapist — or coach — because you are thinking about swinging, but you MIGHT need one when you are in the midst of a breakdown. One of my mantras is that
I can confidently say that the
ENM
is
more you do it, the more likely
whatever you want to create,
you’ll hit some snags. I’m also
as long as everyone knows
here to tell you that working
about it and is consenting.
through
Some
a
ultimately what will bring you
couple times a year, others a
and your partner(s) closer, or
couple
For
make you a better person in
it’s
general. And by better, I mean
or
the
people times
polyamorous
lifestyle
participate a
week. folks,
around-the-clock.
happier
the
–
snags
with
is
yourself.
Working through the snags is not just blaming your partner each time you feel bad, and that’s
where
comes in.
self-awareness
18
lifestyle You are out with your partner, and she dances a little longer with that one guy and you feel a little left out. Or, you hook up with another couple and he makes sounds in bed with her that you’ve never heard before! The key in either one of these situations is to not say, “what does she see in that other guy,” or “why doesn’t he moan like that for me?” but rather to say, “why is this bothering me?” Yep. That’s where you’ll always start: you.
Your partner isn’t totally off the hook. You
An apology. Repair. But if your partner’s
might look at the situation and say, this is
actions are well within bounds but for
bothering me because he is breaking a
some reason are just bothering you, then
boundary we put in place tonight. And if he
there is more work for you to do. You
is breaking a boundary (and it’s quite likely
don’t have to do it alone. Sharing your
he doesn’t think he is — boundaries can
true feelings with your partner is
somehow seem a bit gray in the moment),
important.
then there is a conversation to be had.
It could go something like this in an ideal world (not that we live in one of those, but bear with me): “Babe, the other night when you and Melissa were together, I got really jealous hearing the sounds you were making. I feel like you don’t make those sounds with me.” “You did? Oh, no! That must have been hard.” “It was. It made me feel like I don’t satisfy you in bed.” “Baby, I love our sex — you know that. You are my person. She just gave really great oral and I was enjoying myself. I wasn’t even aware of the sounds I was making.” “I know. I want you to enjoy yourself, and it was HOT, but this time, I just felt jealous.” “I get it. I’ve felt jealous before, too. Let’s keep talking about it and see if anything else comes up about that.”
19
lifestyle
Now, it is not your partner’s obligation
After my and my husband’s first
to check his sounds while in bed with
experience, I learned that while I
someone else (and hopefully you
loved it when he was fucking another
wouldn’t want that). It is your job to
woman, I did not love it when I heard
check
insecurities.
him call her baby. We talked about it
Contemplation and journaling can do
after and that was easy – we decided
wonders in unearthing fears. Or even
to keep that pet name for me. Making
just conversing openly about it – but
certain things especially yours can be a
you do have to ask yourself the
great strategy in navigating these wild
questions. There are lots of different
sexual experiences. Years later, that
outcomes to the findings. In some
doesn’t
instances, boundaries are created,
“babies,” I get “babied,” we all “baby
even if temporary.
baby.”
your
own
bother
me
anymore.
He
There is a lot for you to bring to the lifestyle, mostly the essence of you. You will be able to express yourself, most likely, more authentically than ever before. Not just in a sexual sense, but in the many interesting conversations you’ll find yourself in with fellow-lifestylers. I don’t have a lot of explanation for that other than to say lifestyle folks don’t really sit around talking about the weather. Thank God. So, what do you need to be in the lifestyle? You and your own self-awareness. That’s an amazing start.
20
Open-Love.org
Why do people practice Non-Monogomy?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3
Access to large social newtork of friends and family.
Desire for honesty and lack of deception.
Having more people to meet one’s needs (support, companionship, etc.)
More non-sexual activities and variety in one’s life.
Greater personal autonomy and freedom.
More access to emotional support.
Open and honest communication.
A relationship in which one or more partner is bisexual or pansexual and desires sex and intimacy with partner(s) of multiple genders. A relationship where only one partner is asexual. (does not experience sexual desire or attraction) A relationship in which partners have different sexual needs and desires, such as widely differing “sex drives” or kink preferences.
21
Not Everything Should Smell like Roses
Women's Health
BY: DR. STOEHR WWW.SWINGINGSAFE.COM
I want my vagina to smell amazing for the house party this weekend. What should I do? This is a question I’ve heard many times, and can guarantee the answer will vary by whom you ask. If you ask a GYN, you’ll always get one answer. DO NOT DOUCHE. Honestly, douches, feminine vaginal washes, sprays, and perfumes should be outlawed, in my opinion. They are only harmful and will NOT make your vajayjay smell good. In fact, they’ll do exactly the opposite, encouraging you to keep using them. Their tricky advertisers lure you into a repeating cycle of use, so you make them money. It’s deplorable. Soap shouldn’t be put in the vagina, either. Keep that stuff to the hairbearing areas only, don’t spread the lips to wash.
Why are these products so harmful? The easiest answer is that your vagina is like a self-cleaning oven. If you put the wrong stuff in there, it prevents your body from doing its own thing. The vaginal pH is really picky, and likes to be in a narrow range. Even the “pH balanced" douches are lying and will offset your natural pH, damaging your healthy flora. When the naturally good flora gets disturbed, it lets other bugs thrive. Those other bugs are what is typically causing the odor in the first place! The douche only makes harmful bugs happier, and they will continue causing discharge and odor over time. The only nonplay things that should go into a vagina are water, prescribed medications, and something called boric acid- more on that in a minute.
22
Women's Health
“How do I know if my vaginal pH and flora are off?” The most common symptom is excess discharge that has a funny odor. It often smells fishy or like dirty gym socks. For some people, it can smell sour as well.
“”How do I fix my vagina that has already had its pH altered?” You must stop all douches, sprays, soaps, period, no questions. No soap in the vagina either! Then, start adding the good bacteria back in. This is most often done with oral probiotics. One good one is called Metagenics Ultraflora. It’s been studied in the vagina and does populate well. You can also start eating more yogurt, the “greek" kind is the best, as it contains more of the good flora. If things are really off, you’ll likely need a GYN to fix things with antibiotics to kill off the excess bad bugs and allow the good flora to recover. A few studies are using plain unsweetened yogurt as a suppository, but it’s super messy and often does not work very well. If you are just barely starting to notice symptoms- excess funny-smelling discharge- then try a vaginal boric acid suppository. Place one tablet in the vagina at night for several nights in a row. It will reset the pH and help your normal healthy flora thrive again.
“So, what should I do to make my pussy smell great? “ NOTHING. Leave her alone if you haven’t been douching and don’t have symptoms. She is the perfect smell all by herself. If you feel like you must use something, Lume is ok, but keep it to the hair-bearing areas and not inside the inner lips or vagina.
WWW.SWINGINGSAFE.COM
23
Perspective
BY: LEA_ROSE
The single life. Being able to do what you want, when you want. Freedom to choose any partner(s) you wish without having to discuss with your partner for a match. There are a lot of perks to being a single in the LS, but what about the downfalls? Surely, not everything is unicorns (see what I did there?) and rainbows all the time. Let’s dip into those lessthan-ideal instances. The lifestyle has allowed me to connect with people all over the world, in all sorts of relationships. It has given me the opportunity to develop deep and meaningful friendships. I have also used these relationships to inspire my love-cynical self to believe in love and in strong partnerships. Being able to see love and care on display before me is lovely. I have held the honor many times of being invited into that intimate space for both short-term and long-term lengths of time. It is something I do not take lightly and find great enjoyment in participating. I was not prepared, however, to experience the feelings that come over me after it is all over. When I re-dress and head back home, to an empty bed, to prepare for another day of being alone. There are many highs and lows during play time but the goal is to end on a positive note: fully satisfied. Physically, this is usually the case. But emotionally, I am rarely left feeling fulfilled. My partners have been great and I place no blame. But they get to stay in bed and cuddle and reconnect and I get to go sit in the Taco Bell drive-thru at 1 am because I’m starving and refuse to cook a meal for one person. I also get a wonderful amount of time in solo play with partnered individuals. It’s nice to have one-on-one time with another human and connect on a bit more personal level. This typically serves as a temporary “fix” to my need for that connection and I’ll be left satisfied… until they get up and leave.
24
There are also the super awkward moments when a play experience doesn’t quite go how you had hoped. While the couple has the ability to sit/lay/stand together and talk through the event, the single person is often left to handle it on their own, both physically and mentally. That can take an emotional toll and has certainly affected me in past experiences. I have become exceedingly more aware of my needs in these scenarios and have began to vocalize them to partners. No, I do not expect to be invited into bed for an all-night sleepover, but some decompression time before we part ways has been helpful. I now request aftercare consisting of snuggling or light affection in order to feel a certain level of human care. This practice has improved my emotional loneliness after play but will never be fool proof. Vocalizing what I need has helped to increase communication levels and has been met almost exclusively with positive responses.
Perspective
As a single, there is little to no spontaneous play time. Each encounter has to be scheduled and pre-determined. I am simply borrowing someone else’s partner for a designated amount of time before sending them back into the loving arms of their partner. In a couple or group play session, I might be the center of attention for a bit but then am left to the side when the play has concluded.
I understand that this topic seems a bit “woe is me” and perhaps it slightly is. The overall goal of my sharing my experience and emotions is to bring more of the human side into the singles in the lifestyle. It is easy for singles to be viewed more as accessories instead of people with emotional needs. Singles are seen as living the life of complete freedom. While this is largely true, sometimes a person can find themselves laying in bed at 3am, wanting a cuddle or play, and the only option is to send a late night text and hope that someone is available outside of their home responsibilities. I ask you to consider the needs and wants of your Unicorns and Bulls. Include aftercare in your discussions of playstyles. Be sure to check in with them (if you have a standing relationship) or build time in your play for recovery. If a situation arises where play is stopped abruptly or a situation has changed/shifted, do not leave them out of the conversation. Worrying if you were the cause or not given the opportunity to correct if you were is not an enjoyable experience for anyone.
Remember: Unicorns and Bulls enjoy snuggles! And their freedom. 25
sexuality
BY: DR. K
Embracing your Sexuality after Pregnancy Part 2
Since having a child five months ago, there have been many different ways my identity has shifted - including within the lifestyle. The first article explored physical healing and ways to embrace your new body. This article explores some of the common experiences that have come up since re-engaging in the party scene of clubs and house parties, or rather things that I thought I would never have to calculate or figure out until I became a new mom.
Taking my Pelvic Floor to “the Gym” One of the first items on my “becoming a fulltime swinger” again was to have an appointment with a pelvic floor therapist. A pelvic floor therapist is trained in addressing any sexual issues or concerns you may have after childbirth. Here's how they helped me: Addressing pain during intercourse: If you're experiencing pain or discomfort during sexual intercourse, it could be due to pelvic floor muscle tension or scar tissue from childbirth. A pelvic floor therapist can assess the pelvic floor muscles and provide techniques to release tension, improve flexibility, and reduce pain during sexual activity.
Restoring sexual function: Childbirth can sometimes lead to changes in sexual function, such as decreased sensation or difficulty achieving orgasm. A pelvic floor therapist can work with you to improve pelvic floor muscle strength, coordination, and blood flow, which can help enhance sexual pleasure and function. Managing sexual anxiety or fear: Childbirth can sometimes lead to feelings of anxiety or fear around sex. A pelvic floor therapist can provide a safe and supportive environment to discuss these concerns and offer guidance on relaxation techniques, communication strategies, and exercises to help you feel more comfortable and confident in your sexual experiences.
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I told my pelvic floor therapist about some of my goals within the first meeting, which included all of the above items plus the desire to be back to my “normal” sex life as soon as possible. They have accomplished so many of my goals and more. Even if you have not recently birthed a child, a pelvic floor therapist can be clutch for anyone that is looking to enhance their sex life and become more aware about their reproductive system.
sexuality
Breastfeeding and LS Parties:
Since giving birth, I have been continuously breastfeeding - which has not always been that beneficial for parties. In trying to get all the milk supply I can, I have found myself bringing my pump in the car with me to parties to squeeze out the last bit I could before imbibing in any substance. I have found myself pumping in some very weird places as a result; the car in a parking garage in the middle of a downtown metropolis has become quite the norm. Wherever the location may have been - including my hotel room prior to heading to Secrets Orlando, the milk had to be immediately stored in a fridge or little cooler I had brought along with me. Talk about commitment. Through this experience, I have had to develop a deeper understanding of substances and how they metabolize in the body. Likewise, timing matters. When going to a party, I have really used my algebraic skills in calculating when I am ready to feed the baby again. According to the general guideline, it's safer to breastfeed or pump and store breast milk before drinking, and then wait for a period of time for the alcohol to clear from your system before breastfeeding again. The exact time it takes for alcohol to leave your system varies, but it's often recommended to wait at least 2-3 hours for every standard alcoholic drink consumed. Of course depending on the substance this will differ, and has led me to choosing what to imbibe and when-or even not to imbibe at all.
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sexuality
More Lube Required Since delivery, I have been more challenged with lubrication, which is quite understandable given that I am still breastfeeding. These changes are largely related to the hormones prolactin and oxytocin, which play key roles in both breastfeeding and sexual response. Prolactin is the hormone responsible for milk production in the breasts. When breastfeeding, levels of prolactin in the body tend to be higher, especially immediately after nursing or pumping. Elevated levels of prolactin can suppress other reproductive hormones, such as estrogen, which can lead to vaginal dryness and a decrease in sexual desire for some women.
Oxytocin, often referred to as the "love hormone" or "bonding hormone," is released in response to nipple stimulation during breastfeeding. It's also released during sexual activity and plays a role in orgasm and emotional bonding. Some women may find that the release of oxytocin during breastfeeding enhances their sexual response, while others may experience a decrease in sexual desire due to fatigue, changes in body image, or other factors that may contribute to a stressed mind and body.
I was in the camp that was struggling with my own sexual arousal and lack of lubrication, and with the help of my pelvic floor therapist and my husband, we were able to explore different options. Two of the more helpful suggestions included: Lubrication: We have explored different water based lubes - and are still experimenting with what is our favorite. Kegel exercises: Pelvic floor exercises, known as Kegel exercises, can help improve vaginal muscle tone and may enhance sexual satisfaction. Such changes in my own sexual response during breastfeeding has been challenging, but I recognize they are temporary for many women and often resolve as hormones stabilize and the postpartum period progresses. The lessons I have learned and the communication that has been required between my partner and I has been quite helpful as we have continued to shift in how we show up in the lifestyle now that we are parents.
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Defining TN_Gal_Nicole joins ALT Life as editorial operations, and is passionate about ENM education
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TN_Gal_Nicole joins ALT Life as editorial operations, and is passionate about ENM education
Lifestyle Definitions
Defining
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BY: CADENCE RAYNE
BDSM negotiation checklist | Kink Weekly
NEGOTIATING A BDSM SCENE
https://www.kinkweek ly.com/wpcontent/uploads/2016/ 03/BDSM-negotiationchecklist.pdf
‘Not a Checklist’ Negotiation Sheet for BDSM Bottoms by Tornus https://www.devianc eanddesire.com/wpcontent/uploads/202 2/10/NotAChecklistSh eet.pdf
Tonight I Want to …
http://www.deviance anddesire.com/down load/5388/
BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism) is a consensual sexual activity that involves a power dynamic between participants. Negotiation is a crucial part of any BDSM scene, as it ensures that all parties involved are on the same page about what will happen, what their boundaries are, and what actions are off-limits. Negotiating a BDSM scene requires clear communication, honesty, and respect for each other's limits and desires. In many cases, when you are new to BDSM you might not even be sure where to start your communication – and that is where a checklist comes in handy. A quick Google search will give you many to choose from but here are the links to a few my partner and I find to be pretty good!
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BDSM / Kink
Here are some steps to follow when negotiating a BDSM scene: Discuss your interests and boundaries: Before engaging in any BDSM activities, it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your interests and boundaries. Discuss what you enjoy and what you're curious about, as well as what you're not comfortable with.
Set safewords: Safewords are a crucial tool in any BDSM scene. They allow participants to communicate when they need a break or when something has crossed a boundary. Make sure to agree on safewords and what they mean before starting the scene.
Plan the scene: Once you have a clear understanding of each other's interests and limits, you can start planning the scene. Discuss what actions will take place, how long the scene will last, and what props or equipment you'll need. Be sure to include any necessary safety measures.
Agree on aftercare: Aftercare is the period of time after a BDSM scene when participants care for each other's physical and emotional needs. This may involve cuddling, talking, or providing water and snacks. Agree on what aftercare will look like before starting the scene
Check-in during the scene: Throughout the scene, check in with each other regularly. Ask if everything is okay and if any boundaries have been crossed. Use the safeword if necessary.
Debrief after the scene: Once the scene is over, take some time to debrief. Discuss what went well, what could have been better, and how you're feeling. This is also a good time to make any adjustments to future scenes based on what you learned.
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WHY ALT LIFE? You may be wondering why we’ve d e c i d e d t o l a u n c h a m a g a z in e . T h a t ’ s a f a i r q u e s t i o n ! I f y o u ’ r e f a m ili a r w i t h u s you know that we host one of the nation’s top podcasts on non-monogamy a n d g e t m i l l i o n s o f v i e w s m o n t h ly o n social platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Clapper. S o w h y a d d s o m e t h i n g e l s e t o o u r p la t e and start a digital magazine? The truth is, ALT Life Magazine isn’t about us. It’s a b o u t y o u a n d t h e c o m m u n it y o f p e o p le who have a message to share and need a platform to do it. This magazine is for people who may not be able to put themselves out there p u b l i c l y o n s o c i a l m e d i a d u e t o fe a r o f judgment and backlash. Our journey since 2021 into becoming social media i n f l u e n c e r s f o r t h e a l t e r n a t i v e li fe s t y le community, the one thing that’s remained consistent is the community and the people that encompass it.
Alternative lifestyle people are some of t h e k i n d e s t a n d m o s t g e n u i n e p e o p le o n the planet. The world needs to hear y o u r s t o r i e s , t o g e t t o k n o w y o u , t o fa ll in love with you like we have. O u r h o p e i s t h a t i f t h e y c a n s e e y o u fo r who you truly are, then perhaps the hate, the stigma, and the discrimination will come to an end. We believe one of the best ways to do that is to do what we’ve pledged to do f r o m t h e b e g i n n i n g ; t o s h in e a li t t le light on the community. S o , w e ’ d l i k e t o e n c o u r a g e a ll o f y o u t o contribute, to share your stories, to be heard. We want you to be able to show the w o r l d h o w t r u l y a m a z i n g a n d v a lu a b le this community is. We hope that one day we can all come out of the darkness and not have to live in fear.
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