ALOUD. For Teen Cancer Patients & Survivors
Green Monster Smoothie Pg.4 Survivor’s Guilt Pgs.9-11 Invaluable Gifts Pg.15
Fall, 2016
Table of Contents 3 4 5 6 7
Letter From the Editor
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Real Talk: You Are Enough
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Survivor’s Guilt
Green Monster Smoothie Recipe Trick-or-Treat Alternative Giving Thanks Your Family and Your Cancer
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Life after Cancer: Finding Beauty
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Homecoming of the Non-football Variety
16 18 19
Remembering Lost Ones
Invaluable Gifts
Entertainment Giveaway
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Letter from the editor This Fall issue wraps up our year, and what a wonderful year it has been for us. I usually write the “Letter From the Editor” last, as I like to use the inspiration from all of the other articles to inspire me to write something that is on theme with the rest of the issue. I am still writing this article last, but I am going to stray a little from the theme and just write. This past week I have decided to listen to less music on my commute to work, and listen to more motivational videos. I work on each issue the season before so that it’s ready to print, but this summer I really hadn’t done much work on the fall issue because I’ve been busy with school and work, and I felt like I needed to change something. We are what we listen to, so I decided to change that. I feel really inspired to continue on with my dreams and aspirations, and this change is something I plan to continue. I just wanted to share that we are all capable of change, and at first it feels a little strange to do something different, but then that new change becomes a habit. I’m working on my goals for the magazine for 2017, and with each year we get better and better. I am very hopeful that if I work hard, we will be successful and this magazine will be in the hands of everyone who needs it. What are your goals? What are you striving for? It doesn’t have to be something huge like, winning a Nobel Peace Prize or going to the Moon, even though those are awesome goals to have. We shouldn’t feel the need to compare our goals to someone else’s because we don’t know where they are in their journey. Right now I’m watching the Olympics and I’m thinking, “Some of those people are younger than me and look at the amazing things they’re doing with their life. Why am I so behind?” But, then I have to remember that those people have been working their whole lives to get to where they are. It took many years and a lot of work, and that’s what it’s going to take me. I just started working on my dream, and with hard work and dedication, I will reach that level of greatness too. In the words of Aerosmith, “Dream on, dream until your dreams come true.”
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If you woke up this morning thinking to yourself, “Hmm, I really wish I had the recipe of the most awesome green smoothie ever”, then look no further. Even if you didn’t have that thought, keep reading because it is a delicious recipe. Our favorite nutritionist, Ashley Hurst, came up with this awesome recipe for a Green Monster Smoothie, which is a perfect snack for a night in while watching your favorite horror flicks. It’s also good if you just want a delicious smoothie in general, but since Halloween is upon us, it seems pretty perfect.
Green Monster Smoothie: -2 cups spinach leaves -2 cups filtered water -1.5 cups frozen mango -1.5 cups frozen pineapple -1 frozen banana -1 lemon (squeezed) Blend the ingredients and enjoy! Photo Credit: Wellness By Design
Check out more amazing recipes by Wellness By Design by following them on Instagram: wellness_bydesign
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Trick-or-Treat Alternative: Halloween Fright Fest Movie Marathon Halloween: The day most past trick-or-treaters remember as “free candy” day, is quickly approaching. Trick-or-treating while wearing our favorite Halloween costume brings back fond memories for many people. However at some point, there may be a reason why you can’t trick-or-treat like if you’re “too old” (that’s a different age for different people), if you’re actively doing treatment, or maybe your parents just don’t want you taking candy from strangers. Whatever the reason may be, we are going to give you tips on how to have the best trick-or-treat alternative: Halloween Fright Fest Movie Marathon (we’re still working on the title).
How to have an amazing Halloween fright fest marathon: 1
Call some friends over and host a scary movie marathon
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Pop some popcorn
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Get some candy
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Try out the Green Monster Smoothie recipe
Have fun & enjoy! Tweet us the movies you’ll be watching @aloudmag 5
Giving Thanks: What are You Thankful for This Year?
Thanksgiving is around the corner, and that means the season to reflect about what we have to be thankful for is here. What do you have to be thankful for? One thing is that you’re here on this Earth right now. Yes, you may be struggling with your health, at school, at home, but some how you are still here.
When you’re going through tough times, it can be easy to forget the little things that you have accomplished, and the things that have made you smile. It can be hard to see the beauty that surrounds you, but if you look hard enough, you’ll find it even in the most unlikely places and scenarios. We are thankful for all of our accomplishments this year, and for the people who believe in our publication. We are thankful to be able to create a magazine that could help such an amazing group of people. Most of all, we are thankful for you, our readers, that inspire us and motivate us to create new and relevant content.
Here at Aloud. Magazine, we’re thankful for a lot of opportunities and accomplishments that we’ve had this year. We published 3 consecutive magazine issues, donated 20 bags filled with goodies for teen cancer patients to a local hospital, interviewed an amazing teen who is making a difference in the lives of children in hospiThat leaves us with one question: tals across the country, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. What are you thankful for?
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Your Family and Your Cancer: Your Story Becomes Part of Their Story
“It’s a family thing. (Cancer) affects everyone around that individual.” -Roger
Landry
Cancer is one of the most devastating things a person can go through. It affects a person physically and mentally. Cancer patients need a good support system to keep them in high spirits, and that’s usually where their family members come in.
living our lives, and we forget that our family has been affected too. They love us, and it is hard for them to see us in pain. They feel pain too because they feel helpless because they can’t fix us and make us better. So, while we may be feeling physical pain, we need to remember to be comFamily can be related by blood, marriage, passionate because the people who love or they can be friends. They are the peous the most are also in pain with us. ple who stay the night with you in the hospital, visit you so you’re not bored when I’ve mentioned this time and time again, you have to stay home, and call you to tell but it still rings true; when one person has you what’s going on at school. They make cancer, the whole family has cancer. you feel normal in a world full of people Our story becomes intertwined with who treat you differently as soon as they theirs. Just remember when you’re sitting find out about your health history. They around the table for Thanksgiving, or are simply, the best. opening presents, hanging out with family, Sometimes we get consumed with our- that those people are invested in you and selves when we’re going through treat- your life. ment, or even post-treatment when we’re 7
Real Talk: You Are Enough
As human beings, we compare ourselves to other people. A little comparison is probably healthy, but sometimes we can really go overboard. We start having selfdeprecating thoughts like, “He has more muscles than me. She’s way skinnier than I’ll ever be. Why am I so stupid? Everyone else is so much better at everything than me. I’m just a loser.” These thoughts are unhealthy, and they don’t benefit you at all. You’re just harming yourself by thinking these lies, because that’s what they are; Lies. You are enough . You are strong enough. You are pretty enough. You are smart enough . You are amazing enough to make your dreams come true. In fact, I lied. You aren’t just enough . You are more than enough. You are perfect just the way you are.
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Survivor’s Guilt
Definition of survivor guilt according to dictionary.com: Feelings of guilt for having survived a catastrophe in which others died 9
Survivor’s guilt is common among survivors of traumatic events, and yes, cancer can be a traumatic event for some people. That being said, not all cancer survivors experience survivor’s guilt. Having cancer is an individual experience, and we all experience and process that experience differently, and some people can develop survivor’s guilt months, or even years after having cancer. When we begin our cancer journey, however long or short it is, we are concerned with our health and getting better. As we meet people who also have cancer, we learn their stories and the inherent comparisons begin in our minds. If we are responding better to treatment than they are, we feel guilty.
more, and I should have done more, but that’s part of the survivor’s guilt that I deal with. I often wonder why I lived when they didn’t. Why me, and not them? Then, I find myself rationalizing by remembering people respond to treatments differently, but that doesn’t really help. There are some things that do help me cope with the guilt I feel. This magazine is one of them. Since I was 15 and still on chemotherapy, I had a dream of creating a magazine for teen cancer patients and survivors. Creating these issues is one of the most fulfilling things in my life. I think if I help even one person, I will make those I have lost proud. I am also passionate about volunteering. I volunteer for one of the organizations that I was a member of when I was a cancer patient. I feel so fortunate that I am able to give back in that way and I have also volunteered with another organization I was a member of. These are some of the things that help me feel better, but there are also other ways to cope.
“I feel like I could have done more, and I should have done more”
This guy I met in the hospital, who I have mentioned before, started chemotherapy for the same type of cancer I had, Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, and was still doing chemotherapy months after I completed treatment. I remember vividly the last time I saw him, and I felt so bad for him and I thought it was just so unfair. I also felt guilty at the funeral of my classmate who passed due to cancer, because I thought her parents wouldn’t want to see me because I survived when their daughter didn’t.
Some people like talking about it. Verbally telling somebody, even your pet dog, about your feelings of guilt can help you feel better. Getting those emotions and thoughts that have been bottled up in I feel pangs of sorrow just writing about your mind out in the open can be really this because I feel like I could have done 10
soothing for the soul. Others prefer to write about it, instead of talking about it. Some people are more private, and they don’t feel comfortable talking to people about their emotions, and if you’re one of those people I encourage you to get a journal and write it out. The important thing is to get those thoughts out of your mind and out into the universe so you can begin to process why you’re feeling this way or that way. Then there’s those who choose to get something positive out of it. These are the people who volunteer, create non-profits, or find some other way to help out and give back. This can be fulfilling because you’re helping other people so that’s benefiting them and you also get that satisfaction of knowing your actions are making a difference in someone else’s life. It’s a very rewarding way to cope with survivor’s guilt. I can only speak for myself when I say that I feel like I’ve been given the gift of life, however long it may be, and if I didn’t give back it would be like I just took that gift and left. By volunteering, I feel like I’m returning the favor, but I also receive the warmth of being surrounded by so many inspirational people. I can only speak for myself when I say that I feel like I’ve been given the gift of life, however long it may be, and if I didn’t give back it would be like I just took that gift and left. By volunteering, I feel like I’m returning the favor, but I also receive the warmth of being surrounded by so many inspirational people.
If I didn’t have cancer when I was 14, I don’t think I would be up tonight, writing this article, for a magazine that I’m hopeful will one day be in hospitals across the country. I don’t think I would have met some of the most amazing people in the world, and I am positive I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I don’t think of my survivor’s guilt as a negative thing. I think it propels me to keep moving forward, even when I’m tired or feeling discouraged . I don’t know if I’d have the motivation to achieve my dreams if I didn’t feel some type of guilt. Again, this is just my experience and everyone is different. These are just things I have learned about myself over the past 10 years of my posttreatment life. I encourage you to spend time with yourself if you are dealing with survivor’s guilt, and try to figure out where that stems from. Then, I encourage you to find a healthy way of dealing with it. I speak from experience when I tell people that you can’t run from your problems. I ran from mine for many years, and it caught up with me. I felt guilty for being a survivor, but as I work on myself and my goals it gets better every day. So the good news is survivor’s guilt usually fades with time. It is important to acknowledge and accept the feelings of guilt – and allow yourself to move beyond them. You shouldn’t let that gilt hinder you, or make you feel like you stole something from someone else by living. You are deserving of life, and you have every right to enjoy your life. 11
Life After Cancer - Finding Beauty
Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams. -Ashley Smith
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As young cancer patients and survivors, we learn young how cruel and ugly the world and life can be. Not just for ourselves, but those around us.
world. I knew I had a passion to help people, and I couldn’t let my fears keep me from doing what I felt I was destined to do. I wasn’t going to let my fear define me, so instead I used it to motivate me to try When I was on the floor in the hospital, I harder. remember seeing younger children, who were around 4 or 5 maybe, and thinking I am so glad I decided to make that jump that life can be so mean. What did those because I have found and heard so many kids do to deserve cancer? How would amazing stories of people accomplishing their life be affected by this? Some of us amazing things, and I wouldn’t have if I also meet people and create bonds and kept doing what I had always done. There friendships with them, only to have them are so many emotionally strong people taken away from us. It can be a long and who surround us every day. People who tiring road, and it can keep you down if have suffered great heartache and they you let it. still want to radiate positivity in the world. That’s what I find beautiful. I think that’s why I distanced myself from anyone and anything that reminded me of Beauty is different things to different peocancer. I didn’t want to deal with the pain ple. To some people it’s nature, their famiof seeing other people struggle with their ly, their friends, and there are some peotreatment, and I didn’t want to get close ple who find beauty and happiness in a to someone who could leave me. I dealt simple piece of chocolate. If we take a with it too many times before, and I didn’t moment and look around we will find that know if I was strong enough to go through we are surrounded by beauty. Even in a that again. It was very overwhelming for sterile hospital, there are people who have me because I didn’t know how to help devoted their lives to helping people like them, or myself. nurses, doctors, social workers, child life specialists, and countless other people I was a positive person before cancer, but who fulfill roles that keep those places during cancer I lost my sparkle. My sunrunning. shine. It was so hard to be happy because I was surrounded by what I perceived as It is hard to change your mindset, especialsadness. I think that’s because I was sad, ly when you have seen and experienced so all I saw were what was going wrong, some hard things at a such a young and impressionable age. But you do have the instead of what was going right. power to change your thoughts. Next time One day, it clicked to me that I was looking you feel like you’re surrounded by negativat the world all wrong. Yes, there’s a lot of ity in a seemingly unfair world, take a suffering that happens in the world, but breath and look around and try to find there’s also a lot of happiness in the something beautiful. 13
Homecoming: Of the non-football variety With homecoming season upon us, thoughts of football games, dances, and mums (it’s a Texas thing) come to mind. Everyone is moving at a fast pace trying to pick the perfect dress, secure the perfect date, all to prepare for one of the most anticipated events of the school year. But that’s not the “homecoming” we’re discussing in this article. We are talking about “homecoming: of the non-football variety.”
to make us believe that we should get the proper time to adjust to these new changes that were just thrust upon us, and that people be aware that we need that time. But life doesn’t stop. Everyone else eventually returns to their life, back to normal, while we’re here trying to figure out what to do next.
At a time when most people would assume you should be happy because you are no longer in the hospital, your head is When a patient is first diagnosed with spinning like you’re a quarterback trying cancer, there are a host of factors that go to find an open wide receiver (I think this into that person’s treatment plan, and football metaphor is going a little far). It’s whether or not they will be admitted that hard to adjust to this new life you were same day into the hospital. For those who given, but my hope for you is that you do are admitted that same day and immedi- adjust. It’s difficult to have treatment, be ately begin treatment, it can be like being it chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, and blindsided by a giant linebacker (yeah, other types of treatment. Just take it one we’re keeping the football theme going). day at a time. It can be frustrating when Even those who go home to later return to you feel like people don’t understand, but the hospital can be overwhelmed by a not everyone does or will. We can’t expect host of tests, scans, and x-rays. people to know what we’re going through if they’ve never been through it themHopefully, we eventually get discharged selves, and even then, everyone experifrom the hospital, and we get to go home. ences things differently. It’s like a sigh of relief, and you get to be outside and feel the warm sun on your Try your best to be patient with yourself and with others, and eventually you’ll hit skin, and smell fresh air. It’s amazing. that sweet spot in life that’s like catching a Then, life begins. 30 yard pass and running into the end I don’t know if it’s just naivety that tends zone (yeah, I went there). 14
“Invaluable gifts are the things we take for granted the most: someone’s time, someone’s effort, someone’s love.”
During the holiday season, it can be so easy to get wrapped up in who is buying you what, how expensive your presents are, how much cash you can get, and so on. I’d like to challenge you to try to think of the invaluable gifts you’ve been given this year, and also the ones you have given to others. You may be thinking to yourself, “What does she mean by ‘invaluable’?” Well, let me explain. Invaluable gifts are the things we take for granted the most: someone’s time, someone’s effort, someone’s love. Those are the things that really matter in life. It’s about who shows up and proves to you that they are with you 100% and will do their very best to help you. Anyone can buy a gift from a store and stick it in a bag, and anyone can hand you money, but those people who you can call at 2 in the morning who will listen to you complain for 2 hours because you’re stressed out about what’s going on in your life right now, those are the people who are showing up. It’s easy to take those people for granted, but you shouldn’t because they are hard to come by. Even if you don’t receive a physical gift from someone this year, I encourage you to send a thank you note to those people who have given you some of those invaluable gifts this year. It may seem “lame” to actually write a note, but people really do enjoy hand written notes. It’s also a great reminder for them that you appreciate the support they continue to give you. Happy writing! 15
“The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.” -Marcus Tullius Cicero
Remembering a Loved One this Season “Never take life for granted because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed”, is a sentiment that most of us have grown accustomed to hearing. I don’t know if we really begin to understand what that means until we lose someone we love. A big part of living life is dealing with losing others. The older we get, the more likely we are to experience loss. Sadly, some of us lose friends early to cancer, accidents,
and other things, and we learn at a young age that life can often seem unfair and unpredictable. Thus far in my life, I’ve been to numerous funerals, often not realizing the gravity of the situation. However, there’s one funeral that stuck with me the most , which is that of my high school classmate Kourtney, who passed our sophomore year of high school to AML. 16
I was 16, and I think that’s the first time I truly went through the grieving process, and it’s something I work on every day. I wrote her a note that I delivered to her site a few days afterward. I wished I could have done more, said more, and just been more present for her. I felt guilty for not being there for her. I still feel guilty to some extent, but it gets better. When I’m feeling down or like I’m not doing enough to help teen cancer patients and survivors (a promise I made her and another friend I lost to cancer, which I intend to keep), I visit her and talk to her and I feel better. Grieving is an individual process. Talking to Kourtney and writing notes are a couple things that help me cope with the loss I feel when I am reminded about all of the pain and suffering that has been endured by young people whose lives have been affected by cancer.
Would they have gone to college? These are all questions I’ll never have the answers to. I make sure I remember them every day because that’s what helps me. It keeps me motivated to keep moving forward. I know it can be hard to remember those that you have lost, but it can be so helpful for you to remember them. I think it honors them and the difference their life has made, no matter how brief. If you have some free time this season, you could write a letter to someone you have lost. In the letter you can tell them about what has happened in your life since they passed, what you wish they would have or could have accomplished, or anything else you can think of. It’s an exercise that can help you process your emotions and get those thoughts out of your mind and on paper. You can keep it for yourself or you can deliver it to them where they are rested.
When I’m surrounded by family and friends during the holidays, I think about them and I wonder what their life would So, light a candle and smile, and let the be like if they were still here. Would they memories of them be fuel for your fire. have gotten married and had a family?
Ways to cope with grief
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Entertainment: Movie Releases Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life is a movie that’s based off of the best selling book by James Patterson and Chris Tebbetts. Imaginative quiet teenager Rafe Katchadorian is tired of his middle school's obsession with the rules at the expense of any and all creativity. Desperate to shake things up, Rafe and his best friends have come up with a plan: break every single rule in the school and let the students run wild. Written by CBS Films Release Date: October 7, 2016 Photo Credit: CBS Films
Moana is an animated movie by Disney. According to IMBD, A young woman uses her navigational talents to set sail for a fabled island. Joining her on the adventure is her hero, the legendary demi-god Maui. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson plays the voice of Maui, so we are really excited about this movie! Release Date: November 23, 2016 Photo Credit: Disney
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, is the latest installment of the Star Wars saga. According to IMDB, Jyn Erso, a Rebellion soldier and criminal, is about to experience her biggest challenge yet when Mon Mothma sets her out on a mission to steal the plans for the Death Star. With help from the Rebels, a master swordsman, and non-allied forces, Jyn will be in for something bigger than she thinks. Release Date: December 16, 2016 Photo Credit: Lucasfilm
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Giveaway
Photo Credit: Little, Brown and Company; Reprint edition
Enter for a chance to win a paperback copy of Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life! Email us at courtney@aloudmag.com with the subject line “Middle School� for a chance to win! The winner will be announced on 1/1/17.
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“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have life itself.� - Walter Anderson
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