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CRYING

Ella Ziegler


CRYING Notes on Crying

Ella Ziegler


Artistic Research Project supported by International Residency Program SIGRIDS STUE, Gellerup / Aarhus curated by Grete Aargard, 2017


She lies on her back and cries. Tears run out of her eyes and into her ears. Sie liegt auf dem Rücken und weint. Tränen fließen aus ihren Augen in ihre Ohren. Weinend liege ich auf dem Rücken. Die Tränen fließen in kühlen Rinnsalen aus den Augenwinkeln in meine Ohren. 1:22 am / Two men run, a woman cries - a dog barks. 1:22 nachts / Zwei Männer rennen, eine Frau weint - ein Hund bellt. The night, a dimensionless black from which sounds ring out. Die Nacht, ein raumloses Schwarz, aus dem Geräusche erklingen. I try to write down the barking of a dog. Ich versuche das Bellen des Hundes zu notieren. I try to write down the crying of a man. 
 After the undertaker rang the bell, the woman opened the door. She greets the undertaker, wipes the tears from her cheeks and apologises for her uncomposed state. Nachdem der Bestatter an der Tür klingelt öffnet die Frau die Tür. Sie begrüßt den Bestatter, wischt sich die Tränen von ihren Wangen und entschuldigt sie sich für ihre ungefasste Verfassung. 
 Men in black suits follow the four men who carry the coffin to the grave. The stillness is accompanied by the loud, exaggerated weeping of the women standing away from the grave.


Männer in schwarzen Anzügen folgen den vier Männern die den Sarg zum Grab tragen. Weinende Frauen stehen abseits des Grabes. The loud wailing and weeping of the women (who were far from the grave at the funeral,) was exaggerated and dramatic. Das laute Jammern und Weinen der Frauen, die bei der Beerdigung abseits des Grabes stehen, klingt übertrieben. Danish undertakers on a Muslim funeral Dänischer Bestatter über muslimische Bestattung

The tussle becomes an argument. Feet kick shins. Tears fill (the) eyes but do not flow. Das Gerangel wird zum Streit. Füße kicken gegen das Schienbein. Tränen stehen in den Augen. Keine Träne fließt. Sozialarbeiterin über Workshop mit arabischen Kinder She only feels the pain after the fight. Erst nach dem Kampf spürt sie die Schmerzen. Dänische Boxathletin über Boxkampf After the fight the trainer watches the crying athlete in the changing room. Nach dem Boxkampf beobachtet der Trainer den Athleten wie er in der Umkleidekabine weint. Dänischer Boxtrainer We drove more than two hours through the forest until we arrived at the village where our friends lived. When we arrived in the village, we unexpectedly joined the funeral of our friends’


grandfather. The catholic priest oversaw the ceremony in the church and in the graveyard. The atmosphere at the grave was moderate and restrained. Only after the priest left did people start to cry. The Danish couple drove more than two hours through the Brazilian forest until they arrived in the village where their friends are living. When they arrived in the village, they unexpectedly joined the funeral of a relative of their friend. The catholic priest oversaw the ceremony in the graveyard. The atmosphere in the graveyard was moderate and restrained. Then the priest said goodbye to our friend’s family and left. After he left the people in the graveyard started to cry. Filmemacher und Künstlerin


He is watching a music video which shows an older woman singing Arabic songs. He says the singing woman in the YouTube video looks like his mother who died in the war in Iraq. The singer in the You Tube video looks like his mother who died in the war in Iraq. By following the female voice singing Arabic songs I end up in the man’s office watching the Youtube video of an older woman singing Arabic songs. The singer in the You Tube video looks like his mother who died in the war in Iraq. I enter the shop of a man who sells clothes and material with shiny embroidered glitter from his home country Afghanistan. Under his left eye there is a light blue glitter.


For a moment the glitter shines like a tear on his cheek. The glitter shines like a tear on his cheek. Shopkeeper aus Afghanistan in Gellerup

I enter the greengrocer where I do my daily shopping. For a moment I mistake the Vietnamese shopkeeper for his wife because he is wearing her glasses. Ich betrete den Lebensmittelladen, in dem ich nahezu täglich einkaufe. An der Kasse steht der vietnamesische Ladenbesitzer. Er erinnert mich an seine Frau, da er ihre Brille trägt. Ostberlin
 
 The prophet was sitting on the edge of the grave, crying until the ground was wet. Koran / Mohamed

The star shines/twinkels in the stream of tears when I look into the light. Im Tränenfluss glitzert der Stern, den ich sehe, wenn ich ins Licht schaue. With the right pointing finger, he strokes a line from the corner of his eye down his cheek. He strokes a line from the corner of his eye down his cheek. I often laugh and I like it. I often do not know why I laugh. Ich lache viel und gerne. Der Grund meines Lachens ist für mich oft nicht nachvollziehbar.



His face changed suddenly. His chin and lower lip tremble. He laughs about her new glasses. She spits at him.
 
 It always starts with the same feeling in the throat. The feud between the families started generations ago. One part of the family feels superior, the other inferior. The reason for the family feud is incomprehensible. The feelings of humiliation are passed on from one generation to the next. Die Familienfehde begann vor Generationen. Teil der Familie fühlt sich überlegen, der andere Teil fühlt sich unterlegen. Der Grund für die Familienfehde ist nicht mehr nachvollziehbar. Das Gefühle der Erniedrigung überträgt sich von einer Generation auf die nächste. The feud between the families started generations ago and the feelings of superiority and inferiority are passed on from one generation to the next. A girl shows her boyfriend her grazes. Das Mädchen zeigt ihrem Freund ihre Schrammen. The man asked the woman once more if she thinks men don’t cry.
 He apologized for crying as his tears disappeared into his beard.



He apologizes for crying as his tears disappear into his beard.
 I hear the woman’s sobs. I can’t see her tears because she is wearing a veil.
 Ich höre das Schluchzen der verschleierten Frau. Da sie einen Schleier trägt, kann ich ihre Tränen nicht sehen. I hear the sobbing of the veiled woman. A woman with two different eyes. I like one better than the other. Eine Frau mit zwei unterschiedlichen Augen. Eines gefällt mir besser als das andere. He gets sand out of my eyes with his little fingers. Mit seinen kleinen Fingern holt er den Sand aus meinem Augenwinkel. With his little fingers he gets sand out of my eye. With his left hand he grabs a stone and throws it at the girl’s head. I approach an old woman standing on the pavement. She rummages in her white handbag. I pass her by and imagine her taking a pistol from her handbag and shooting me in the back. Ich nähere mich einer alten Frau, die auf dem Gehsteig steht. Sie kramt in ihrer weißen Handtasche. Ich gehe an ihr vorbei. Dabei stelle ich mir vor, wie sie eine Pistole aus ihrer Handtasche nimmt und damit von hinten auf mich schießt.



I approach an old woman standing on the pavement. She rummages in her white handbag. While passing her I imagine her taking a pistol from her handbag and shooting me in the back. After I cry I smoke a joint. Then I feel better. His breast is humming. He cried without stopping until his beard was soaked. My grandmother lived with us until she died. After her death, my mother invited neighbours and friends to our house. Lots of people came who mourn the death of her, wailing loudly. I watched them cry. In the neighbourhood an old woman died, who was looked after for months by her daughter and family. After the death of the woman, the relatives and neighbours accept the grieving family’s invitation. The women present mourn the death of their neighbour, wailing loudly. The granddaughter of the deceased woman watches them. In der Nachbarschaft ist eine alte Frau verstorben, die über Monate von ihrer Tochter und Familie gepflegt wurde. Nach dem Tod der Frau folgen die Angehörigen und Nachbarn der Einladung der trauernden Familie. Mit lautem Jammern beweinen die anwesenden Frauen den Tod der Nachbarin. Die Enkelin der verstorbenen Frau beobachtet die Weinenden. The 3 year old child refused to enter the graveyard.


After the child was born it cried until it was put on the mothers breast. The mother wondered why the newborn baby did not cry. The crying woman drinks water. Die weinende Frau trinkt Wasser. What is the baby trying to say with its first cry after birth? The Arabic woman was flanked by her crying mother and grandmother when she was in labour. The pain of the labour was so great that the woman giving birth was not able to cry. The woman in labour was not able to cry. In the tram, I ask a somewhat neglected and depressed-looking young woman, what was the best way Ostbahnhof. While she tells me where to change, I see orangey red tomato ketchup around her mouth. The real corners of the woman’s mouth hang down but the ketchup lips laugh. In der Straßenbahn frage ich eine etwas verwahrlost und deprimiert aussehende junge Frau, wie ich am besten zum Ostbahnhof komme. Während sie mir erklärt, wo ich umsteigen muss, entdecke ich um ihren Mund die Reste orangeroter Tomatensoße. Die echten Mundwinkel der Frau hängen nach unten. Die Soßenmundwinkel lachen. The boy watches the crying boy in the playground and says, “The boy is crying but he is not sad.”


The whole family arrives at the hospital to see the newborn baby. The grandmother and the mother of the woman who gave birth were hoping to hold the child but the midwife gave the child first to the grandfather. As soon the baby lay in the grandfather’s arms, a soft and gentle smile appears on his face. As soon the baby lay in the grandfather’s arms, a soft and gentle smile appears on his face. After he burst into tears the situation opened up into a discussion. After a long fight she starts crying. Her crying voice sounds like chanting. Nach einem langen Streit fängt sie an zu weinen. Ihre weinende Stimme klingt wie Gesang. He cries as he plays the piano. When she cries, she always says it is because of the death of her father. The only way she shows weakness is with tears. The only way she shows power is with tears. She shows power and weakness with tears. He shows weakness with tears. He shows power with tears.


“When a respected person of the community dies, everybody and everything cries.” As he said this, he touched the table and the repaired plastic chair next to him. Wenn eine angesehene Person in der Gemeinde stirbt dann weinen alle Menschen und Dinge. Während er das sagte berührte er den Tisch und den reparierten Plastikstuhl neben sich. The repaired plastic chair started to cry. Tears protect your eyes from flames. Tränen schützen deine Augen vor den Flammen. While the family watches a romantic film, the mother always starts crying. Her sons would tease her for crying. Her sons would tease their mother for crying. His laughing changes into crying and his crying changes into laughing. The sound of his voice changes imperceptibly. Laughing changes into crying and crying changes into laughing. The sound of his voice changes imperceptibly. If 50 year old men had to do military service, no one would have to do it. If 50 year old were drafted into military, no one would go. The guerilla mainly recruits young men because they have nothing to lose – no wife or children.


The Arabic man told me he would never show tears. Not even to his wife. Der arabische Mann sagte mir, er würde niemals Tränen zeigen. Nicht einmal seiner Frau. Nobody knows if he is crying because of Allah’s presence and grace or because of the sad verses. The men of the community are complaining about the fact, that the imam is sometimes crying while his recitations, the women don’t complain. The imam is crying while his recitations. The imam’s trembling voice gets thinner and tears flow over his cheeks while his recitations. While the recitation the trembling voice of the imam gets thinner and tears flow over his cheeks into his beard. When the mother realised that her son was going to fight for IS, she cried. While the young Imam, (who recently started praying at the mosque,) recites the verses from the Quran, his beautiful voice gets thinner and tears flow over his cheeks. He always tries to hide his tears because he knows the men feel distracted by (it.) his emotions.


Während der junge Imam (der kürzlich in der Moschee angefangen hat zu beten), die Verse aus dem Koran rezitiert, wird seine summende Stimme dünner und Tränen laufen über seine Wangen. Er versucht seine Tränen zu verbergen. The men don’t like it when the Imam cries. The women like it when the Imam cries. During the Somali civil war, we fled with the whole family to Ethiopia. For my 90-year-old father, the flight was a great physical and emotional strain. We lived for a few months in a refugee camp in Mogadishu where my father died. During the preparations for my father’s funeral, three Ethiopian women asked me how much I would pay them to weep at the funeral. Während des somalischen Bürgerkrieges flüchten wir mit der ganzen Familie nach Äthiopien. Für meinen 90-jähriger Vater war die Flucht eine große körperliche und emotionale Strapaze. Wir lebten für einige Monate in einer Flüchtlingsunterkunft in Mogadishu wo mein Vater starb. Während den Vorbereitungen für die Bestattung meines Vaters fragten mich drei äthiopische Frauen wieviel ich ihnen bezahlen würde, wenn sie bei der Beerdigungsfeier weinen. The moment of silence before the crying begins/starts. Die Stille bevor das Weinen beginnt. The boy only starts crying when his mother looks at him. Erst als die Mutter den Jungen anschaut fängt er an zu weinen.


The arrested man, who was involved in a gang war, cried at the police station because his arrest brings great disgrace on his family. Die Polizei nahm einen Jungendlichen fest, da er in einen Bandenkrieg verwickelt war. Der Jugendliche weinte auf dem Polizeirevier, da er große Angst hatte, seine Ehre zu verlieren und von seiner Familie verstoßen zu werden, da seine Festnahme große Schande über seine Familie bringt. After the policeman rang the bell the shouting stopped. The loud word battle ended with the opening of the door. The shouting behind the door stopped as soon the door opened. The cries behind the door suddenly ended as the door opened. Das Geschrei hinter der Tür endete plötzlich als sich die Tür öffnete. At the police station she tried to soften up the policeman by crying loudly. Auf der Polizeiwache versuchte sie durch lautes Weinen den Polizisten zu erweichen. He looked at the city and cried. Er schaute auf die Stadt und weinte. At the funeral, the woman unexpectedly threw herself on the coffin of her deceased 28-year-old son and burst into tears. This moment of mourning seemed to last forever. Die Frau warf sich bei der Beerdigung auf den Sarg ihres verstorbenen 28-jährigen Sohnes und brach in Tränen aus. Dieser Moment der Trauer scheint unendlich lange. The silent gazing touch of our views is unbearable.


Die stille Berührung unserer streifenden Blicke ist unerträglich. The most difficult thing is to find words of farewell at the grave of a person who has neither friends nor relatives. Am schwierigsten ist es am Grab einer Person, die weder Freunde noch Angehörige hatte, Worte des Abschieds zu finden. After the baptism started, the child’s father began to cry. He surprised himself. The reason was incomprehensible to him. Nach dem Taufgespräch begann der Vater des Kindes zu weinen. Er wunderte sich über sich selbst. Der Grund war für ihn nicht nachvollziehbar. During the baptism the fathers tears flow over his cheeks and trop onto the childs head. She expected to cry when her husband died but she didn’t. She still wonders why she could not cry after her husband’s death. Sie wundert sich immer noch warum sie nach dem Tod ihres Mannes nicht weinen konnte. The children wondered why the father’s voice trembled as he read to them and tears ran down his cheeks. Die Kinder wunderten sich, weshalb die Stimme des Vaters beim Vorlesen zitterte und Tränen über seine Wangen flossen. Her tears splash/drip on the trophy which was handed over after the tennis match. Ihre Tränen tropfen in die Trophäe, die nach dem Tennisspiel überreicht wurde.


I cried when I was born. Nach meiner Geburt habe ich geschrien. The crying child fell into an exhausted sleep. Das weinende Kind schlief erschöpft ein. She uses her father’s death as an excuse to cry. The real reason was, that their relationship was unhappy. Sie benutzte den Tod ihres Vaters als Vorwand zu weinen. Der eigentliche Grund war die Unzufriedenheit in ihrer Beziehung. The sharp edges of the newly cut fingernails leave red scratches on the light dry skin. Die scharfen Kanten der frisch geschnittenen Fingernägel hinterlassen rote Kratzer auf der trockenen hellen Haut. As she sang tears flowed from the corners of her eyes drawing lines in her make-up. Während sie ein Lied sang floßen Tränen aus ihren Augenwinkeln und zeichneten Linien in ihr Make-up. My mother is 82 years old. Every time I visit her, we talk about how she imagines her funeral. Our ideas are very different. I want us to say goodbye in an intimate family setting. She has different ideas. Meine Mutter ist 82 Jahre alt. Jedes Mal, wenn ich sie besuche, reden wir darüber, wie sie sich ihr Begräbnis vorstellt. Unsere Ideen sind sehr unterschiedlich. Ich möchte mich von ihr in familiärer Umgebung verabschieden. Sie hat andere Ideen.


She doesn’t want her cousin coming to her mother’s funeral because he got drunk at her dad’s funeral. Sie will nicht, dass ihr Cousin zur Beerdigung ihrer Mutter kommt, weil er sich bei der Beerdigung ihres Vaters betrunken hat. She remembers her cousin’s red nose who got drunk at her father’s funeral. Sie erinnert sich an die rote Nase ihres cousins, der sich bei der Beerdigung ihres Vaters betrunken hat. Because he lost his right hand, he took the stone in his left hand and threw it at the girl’s head. Weil er seine rechte Hand verlor, griff er mit seiner linken Hand nach dem Stein und warf ihn gegen den Kopf des Mädchens. She laughs about his new haircut. He spits at her and laughs at her glasses. Sie lacht über seine neue Frisur. Er spunkt sie an und lacht über ihre Brille. The dispute between the families started generations ago. Der Streit zwischen den Familien begann vor vielen Generationen. The sleeping woman presses her eyes shut. Die Schlafende kneift ihre Augen zu. She draws white snowflakes on (the) white paper. Sie zeichnet weiße Schneeflocken auf das weiße Papier.


Does the tree feel the snow? Does the soil feel the tears? Fühlt der Baum den Schnee? Fühlt die Erde die Tränen? He says, “there’s curry in the corner of my eye.” Er sagt: “In deinem Augenwinkel ist Curry.” His tears erase the words as he writes. Beim Schreiben löschen seine Tränen die geschreibenen Worte. Seine Tränen löschen beim Schreiben die geschriebenen Worte aus.


Crying 2017 Ella Ziegler  

Notes on Crying

Crying 2017 Ella Ziegler  

Notes on Crying

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