Being a ‘Cool Dad’ by Alexander Proud

Being a ‘Cool Dad’ by Alexander Proud

Lately Alex Proud has started to wonder if he will be a cool dad. As his kids get older. Alex Proud is terrified by what wised-up, mini-adults his children are becoming overnight. The cynical teenage years are just round the corner.

Alex Proud sees two kinds of cool dads. There are normal-ish dads who are reasonably disciplined but happen to be good looking or fun or cool. “I’d speculate that David Beckham is that kind of dad”, says Alex Proud.

Then, says Alex Proud, “There are the kind of dads who want to be cool by being cool with their kids. They want to hang out with their friends, get drunk with them, even take drugs with them.” And this kind of ‘cool’ dad is not cool at all.

But Alex Proud says he can see why people fall into the ‘cool’ parenting trap. “When you see your kids having fun it’s tempting to join in, plus being their mate, the good guy, is easier than being the disciplinarian; the bad guy.

Even without parenthood, there is a cult of endless youth that sucks you in. Alex Proud says: “You want to feel young, so you try to keep up with the 20 year olds, go to the cool bars they’re all talking about, listen to bands you don’t really like and feel are a bit too loud and if that makes you happy. Do that but don’t extend that to your own children.”

“It’s no good for you and it’s no good for them if you’re hanging out with them like a big kid.” says Alex Proud. “and what’s more they don’t want you there.”

Here, says Alex Proud, is a short summary of why you shouldn’t try to be a ‘cool’ dad.

Alex Proud is a Dad, not a friend.

To start with, Alex Proud reminds us. You’re a parent, not a friend. As a dad you need to be respected, not necessarily liked. Alex Proud says: “If you set out to be respected, you might be liked, but if you set out only to be liked, you will never be respected”. Alex Proud suggests if you want to be friends with your children, perhaps wait until they’re in their 40s, not still in their teens.

Here’s a few specifics to help you navigate the teenage danger zone from Alex Proud

Don’t over-share Alex Proud advises: “If you have a story about a stripper, a wild night, a threesome or a rave on acid? Save it for your old friends”. And if your son says: “So dad, have you ever taken drugs?” Your reaction should not be full disclosure says Alex Proud.

Your son is curious, but he’s also pushing boundaries and he doesn’t want to highfive you about your hedonistic past, he’s looking for a safety net and a hard back stop. Alex Proud suggests that you afford your children the same courtesy your father afforded you and give them the PG version of your past.

Alex Proud Says: Don’t Talk About Sex We are not talking about the birds and the bees. Tell them all the facts and don’t make sex taboo, but also don’t make it the details something you bond over.

“Let’s be honest, your kids don’t want to know you have sex, and they don’t want you to be cool with them having sex.” Alex Proud advocates a pragmatic don’t ask-anddon’t-tell approach. Don’t embarrass them or yourself by trying to be ‘down’ with their sex life.

Don’t Hang out with Your Kids Online What works in the real world also works in the virtual world. Alex Proud advises you to keep your distance because being friends with your kids’ mates on social media is just a bit creepy once they’re over the age of 10. Let them talk about who they fancy without getting involved.

Dress Your Age, or at least Don’t Dress Half Your Age There are exceptions to this rule. Some people have incredible natural style and can literally wear anything they want. Alex Proud says: “If you naturally wear the latest, youngest, trendiest clothes and look amazing, then keep showing up as yourself.

But… if you’ve suddenly decided to set aside your suits and brogues in order to wear what the kids wear then for the love of God, grow up and face the man in the mirror (to quote Michael Jackson).”

Finally, whatever you do, says Alex Proud, once your kids are old enough to go to festivals on their own, let them. Learn to appreciate theatre, culture, art and if you still want to get to Glastonbury for the first time in your 50s, go with your old college mates, and pay for the most luxury accommodation option you can afford so you don’t put your back out.

When it comes down to it, be gracious enough to see that you have had your fun 30 years ago and now it’s time to let your teenagers have theirs. Get stuck into your work, or whatever consumes most of your life now, says Alex Proud It’s not about you anymore, so stop cramping their style. The way to be a cool dad, is to be a cool adult.