Alay 2017 - Waling Waling

ALAY presents

Waling Waling

Welcome to Alay’s Waling Waling.

The two national flowers of the Philippines are the Sampaguita, a fairly common flower, and the Waling Waling, which is rarely seen. The Sampaguita was borrowed from other countries and was the first national flower of the Philippines but the Waling Waling is unique to the islands.

We strive to keep tradition and remember our roots while also moving forward. Because the Waling Waling was endangered, a measure was passed to make the Waling Waling a national flower in order to preserve and protect its existence. This national symbol is an essential part of our Pilipinx identity. As we discover more about ourselves, we must continue to update the symbols that represent us. We constantly change, but our roots and values that we preserve keep us grounded.

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Acknowledgements Alay would like to thank Commitee on Ethnic Programming (CEP), CAO/Provost Fund, Core Council, Dave Bossie, Community Printers, Scott Leiserson, Student Media Council, Filipino Student Associaton (FSA) Our advisors, Susan Watrous and Arlan Mendiola Irish Tee-Sy for Alay’s logo and FSA core photos and E.F. Tongson for Alay’s Waling-Waling cover.

Our Mission Statement Alay, meaning “dedication” or “offering” in Tagalog, is an annual student publication comprised of student original written and visual artwork.

Our mission is to provide the FSA community and their allies a safe space to cultivate creativity, self-expression and share their culture, identity, and heritage.

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Staff Coordinators Raphael Agcaoili Therese Auza Aiko Vapor Interns Cely Cabreros Fran Tongson Staff Carmelle Catamura Jason Chan Jhaynehl Fortaleza Danielle Del Rosario Caleb Garello Yvonne Gutierrez Danielle Howard Kai Huang Irish Tee-Sy

Copyright © 2017 Alay/Filipino Student Association (FSA) All rights revert back to authors upon publication.

Submissions for next year’s anthology can be submitted to alay.ucsc@gmail.com

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Index

A

Jonathan Acorda 14, 91 Raphael Agcaoili 78, 89 Francim Aguilar 3, 41 Sarah Alcantara 4, 12, 19 Joshua Aldon 87 Shania Anderson 66-67 Therese Auza 35,58,59

B

Kimberly Balmorez 6 Patrick Basco 77 Jayann Bella 48,51-53

J

Claudia Jose 10

N

L

O

Jessica La 39,42-43,45-46, 49,50,56,57 Rodney Landaverde 9 Calvin Lee 73 Thomas Linker 64 Peter Ly 25

G

Sam Garcia 54 Caleb Garello 6,8 14,17,63,74 Cely Cabreros 8 Allyson Gayoso 80,81 Jason Chan 47,55 Danelle Go 68 Kevin Chung 75, 76,84-85 Yvonne Gutierrez 69,72, 87 73,82,83-84,86,88-89 PauloJiniro Claudio 91

C

D

Danielle Del Rosario 63,64-65,70 Alecxis Delos Santos 8

H

M

Emily Nguyen 20

Carmella Ongtengco 68

P

Jacquelene Pham 33,44

S

Veena San Felipe 60-61

T

Irish Tee-Sy 40 E.F. Tongson 74, 92 Gordon Tse 24,76,83

V

Regina Velarde 15 Jemerson Macalino 26,27 Jerrell Macaraeg 77,82 Zach Marquez 69,71,75,90 Giselle Miclat 11 Amir Williams 28-31, Aaron Miranda 79,86 34,36-38 Jasmin Morgia 20

W

Danielle Howard 23

1

Poetry &

Prose

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Near Extinction Francim Aguilar Whose land is this I fall upon Can I claim it as my own?

Whose right is it laid upon To say if this is my home?

She’s beautiful and gorgeous and everything she needs to be. Everyone wants her, exploits her, steals her, takes her as their own. Her identity is masked by the ones who shaped it, whether she likes it or not. Who is she, you may ask? I am not sure anymore. Who am I, she asks? I dont know, anymore.

I lay my roots down in the soil, Whose own people protest is their own So rip and tear, they steal to make toil And stare, and pillage to make me feel alone.

She is everything, and she is nothing all at once. Only miracles and stubbornness can remind them of her existence. “What can we do?”, one asks. “No”, another says, “what shall we do?”

They ponder about my death If damage to my heart and soul is unfixable And blame my flaws and scars on Claims that are so superficial She is saved, but only for an instance. The people are forced to see the truth that she can only be protected and rescued from extinction if the real problem is recognized. All along it was not her that was the issue, all along it was not the people who had the right to say where she belonged. But only as time passed did she finally believe it, when the people finally showed it and entrusted it to her.

The last of my kind A brave soul sees Pain and insolence defines blindsight So, open, their eyes, and finally, society perceives What is this you ask?

I am the Waling-waling

3

The Bones of My People Sarah Alcantara

The bones of my people Have carried generations of pain Due to the manual labor That have calloused our hands and cemented our feet And steadied the trickle of sweat dripping down our brows

However, The bones of my people Have carried generations of solidarity Due to the sense of community that emerges From the struggles that my people Have been constantly facing

The bones of my people Have carried generations of suppression Due to the society that taught us Feelings and emotions equated femininity Thus making our fathers, our brothers Emotionally stunted, cold, distant And forcing our mothers, our sisters To grow up early And not merely take, but rather Gratefully accept all that is thrown their way Whether or not they asked for it

The bones of my people Will carry generations of hope Hope for the ones who see, feel, live Through the injustice That have burdened each of our backs The bones of my people Will carry generations of triumph For this time, it is our turn to conquer

The bones of my people Have carried generations of selfdoubt Due to the ones who told us We weren’t beautiful Because of our dark skin, The hairs on our bodies, The flatness of our noses The erasure of our sense of self Left us in a puzzle And self-discovery has never been easy

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Man of Many Worlds Anonymous Enlighten me, from the things you have learned When you have come back from new ventures That you bought a new patch, to your jacket Made of skin That you’ve spawned many children Literal or not From the semen you’ve left on indigenous grounds Literal or not When you return to me, and you say you have Tasted the fruit of the gods I say You have tasted the luck of accessibility

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His Hands

Kimberly Balmorez

His hands, a symbol of the work he’s done.

Creator born of another.

Forgotten stories left in his homeland, but he takes his hands to do the work his unborn children could not yet do.

Pick of the crop, he was never chosen to live the American dream but he lived anyway.

He lived for the hands that would soon write on paper, to draft their stories that would carry on our family’s name.

Although there was change, they were spoken with compassion.

Those changes were to make ends meet, to not be the last chosen but to be the first destined.

What’s in a Name?

Caleb Garello

I guess what I’m saying Is we take what’s given Without our opinion Being factored in And that’s a factor in Who we are Or make ourselves to be I’m just trying to see How my identity Fits in five different letters Which I will forever Be known as

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Bad Religion

Anonymous

i press my lips shut in hopes my blabbing mouth would not create chaos again it’s hard but i keep to myself instead, i just stare in hopes that all my secrets would come out of hiding and spill out from my black irises you stare at me back and i do not know what you mean as i go over the words you say, like practice a mantra in hopes that i find something that i have long yearned for instead, i just say bye i break my gaze from you and our bridges burn like empty promises the connection is lost again and when you leave my doorstep i continue this cycle until the next time i feel that you care as if the thought of me was only once every full moon but all i ever wanted was to look into the sun instead and move on from this — keep your distance

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brown love n self care

Cely Cabreros

lemme run coconut oil through your hair to familiarize ourselves with the slip and sensitivity of the nurture on our hands spreading to our thighs and chests be a part of my self preservation /cb

Eyes of poetry

Anonymous

Oh your eyes of poetry Bold, pure, and honest Each blink A stanza, a piece Each piece A fragment of you Oh your eyes of poetry Beautiful, but too lonely

Untitled

Alecxis Delos Santos

i am nothing except everything i am

S I N G U LA R

Caleb Garello

How underated is the feeling of being alone Not needing to worry while clutching the phone Freedom of thought uninfluenced by another Motivated by self more than anything other Though it may be cold on a winter night Only I know to hold myself just right

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Big Sweaters

Rodney Landaverde

Wear big sweaters.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, big sweaters would be it. The longterm benefits of big sweaters have been proven by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the kitchen and bedroom of your home. You will eventually move out and will no longer have them. There’s no going back when you’re set with new ones.

They are the originals and you will miss them.

Do one thing every day that defines who you are.

Laugh.

Remember the present. Forget the future. Worry about what’s going on right now.

Keep your old photos. Throw away your old shoes. If something no longer has a purpose, discard it. You don’t need it.

Communicate.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t agree with others. Everybody has their own thoughts towards things. Just don’t disrespect anyone because of what you believe in.

Get plenty of phone numbers.

Maybe your socks match, maybe they don’t. Maybe you love wearing them this way, maybe you didn’t even notice. Whatever you do, it’s okay. Life is too short to worry about the small things.

Sing, even if it means not reaching the high note.

Do not read your best friends text messages. That is personal.

Get to know your neighbor. You’ll never know when they will move out. They will never get to know you and you will never get a goodbye.

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YOUR world peaceful.

Live in Canada, but don’t live in Antarctica.

Accept certain inalienable truths. Time doesn’t wait for anybody. Death will come.

Money doesn’t last forever.

Respect those who raised you.

Be careful what you put in your mouth. Not everything that looks good is good.

Looks are foolish, but you are not.

But trust me on the big sweaters!

You Like Me

Claudia Jose

I’ve been trying to get your attention But it seems like I don’t exist Just like a zit I just won’t quit Until you tell me that you like me I text you every day just to say hey but you always seem high and you never reply I try to look for you everywhere at school just to hear you make a sound but you’re never around I hate when you call me baby girl Cuz it makes me feel like I mean the world to you I’ve been trying to get your attention For as long as I could remember but it feels like we’re on a roller coaster Just like a zit I just won’t quit Until you tell me that you like me

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5/11

Giselle Miclat

The moment your eyes slowly meet my gaze Waking The crooked of your smile Mesmerizing The affect of your lips pressed against mine-Breathtaking Our hands intertwined Swinging You and I in a crowded room Spinning The steadiness of your heart Beating The touch of your hand Tracing The sincerity of your words Vindicating You ask what’s on my mind Wondering It’s so evident, yet you’re so Unknowing That You are Everything

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Untitled Sarah Alcantara In the darkest hour of the night I feel your body next to mine And I wonder why The universe felt compelled To make our lives intertwine Maybe the universe was there For the start of each of our creations It watched us grow and develop and mold Into who we are Made notes of our passions, Little quirks and habits And thought, “they are meant to be together.�

So the universe carried out its brilliant plan And made sure to let us coexist In the same generation, the same lifetime And as I lie here-With my legs tangled in yours, My head pressed against your chest, The steady beat of your heart Lulling me to the sense of peace and calm That only you can bring me--I fall asleep to the thought That everything happens for a reason: I was meant to love you And I was meant to be loved by you

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I Love You and I Hate You and I’m Exhausted of Feeling Like This

Anonymous

I love you like how the sun Screams in agony As different shades of red pours out Eventually hiding himself away After his short lived time With the moon is Once Again Over I hate you like how my body Trembles with excitement With my cheeks numb and stretched Due to the constant smiles You bring to me Every Single Day I love you like how the waves Roar in anguish Once they have collided with the shore Desperately trying to cling Unto every single atom Only to be pulled back Again And Again I hate you like how my mind Turns into a tangled mess After you have given me Endless amount of praise and attention Leaving me to suffocate In your (fleeting) Love And Affection 13

DONE.

Caleb Garello

First love is a trip, And you fell right out Onto the next one, Without any doubt.

I had loved you once, Back when you loved me, And then you loved him Almost suddenly.

I don’t hate you now, And I never did.

What it really is: I hate that you hid.

The fact that you left Without a regret Is the reason why I’d rather forget.

I’ll wait a second For a new lover, One that won’t leave me Or find another.

I Hate Spring

Jonathan Edwin Acorda

My world is falling apart I feel it in my heart I feel I’m going insane I think I can’t maintain I feel the windy breeze I think I gotta sneeze ACHOO

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Untitled

Regina Velarde

1. those who have a soft heart they create the most beautiful art. hearts easily bruised, broken and battered tattered from excessive use. visibly wounded, like veterans of war. yet willing to schedule another tour. despite persistence of bleeding for the small chance of fleeting warmth.

---2. love is looking at her when she’s not pretty when out of her purse spills a bottle of pills you know she takes, but don’t talk about. it’s staying in the room even when she shouts at you to leave. when she begins to weave a blanket of contradictions which she stays under to hide her shame. love is carpool karaoke splitting main dishes you order steak she gets the fish and not yell at her when she eats your steak. smiling because when you wake, you have another day to love all over again.

--------

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Bulong sa hangin

Anonymous

Bumubulong ang hangin Na ang pag-ibig kong ito’y aminin Ngunit ako ay takot masaktan Sa damdamin na ‘di ko maintindihan Isinigaw ko ito sa hangin Upang ito’y kanyang tangayin Isinigaw ko ito sa malayong malayo Upang hindi marinig ng iyong puso Isinigaw ko ito sa buwan Akala’y malilimutan ng tuluyan Isinigaw ko ito kasabay ng buhos ng ulan Dapat damdaming ito’y bitawan Bumubulong ang hangin Na ang pag-ibig kong ito’y aminin Ngunit ako’y takot masaktan Sa damdamin na ‘di ko maintindihan Kaya ibubulong ko nalang sa hangin ang pag-ibig kong ito Sa parehong hangin na nagdala sa akin patungo sa’yo

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Out

Caleb Garello

I’m falling out of love And back into like.

You’ve done nothing wrong, I’m just expanding my sight.

You’re still in my heart, In your own little space.

But at this point in time, I’ve got my own pace.

Maybe down the line We’d come together as two, But as of right now, There’s me and there’s you.

No us at the moment, But don’t rule it out.

Remember, if you need me, You can give me a shout, And I’ll be at your side To give you my care.

So, while I do me, Just wait right there.

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Bird of no flight

Anonymous

I was a bird Who sang lonely songs In an open cage Sang songs Of the world outside it For I was a bird Of no flight What good could a wingless bird be?

If my heart was forged to fly Then why am I not taught How to scale these heights If my soul was born to love freedom Tell me, How do I not embrace the fears that come with it For the gravity of my dreams Keep me close to the ground But the stars of it, Make me foolishly reach for the corners of the night The validation that my soul desires Is enough to light the day And yet Scorch my entire sky But since my dreams have compensated For the absence of my wings I let them consume me And like Icarus to the Sun I let these flames That burn In the vacancy of my wings Slowly, break me

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04.17.16

Sarah Alcantara

Jonah was thrown into the sea Forced into the roaring thunders and the wailing waves And at the face of the brink of death He was saved Taking refuge in a whale In just a few days with never ending repentance He was spitted out All his shortcomings forgiven And he was reborn Placed back into the world, into the mess he came from With the ability to start new I’d like to be Jonah But spare me from his savior I want the ocean to swallow me whole I want to repent and be forgiven but I don’t want to be reborn For I know I will fall into the same cycle, continue to disappoint And I’m too exhausted to try when I know I’ll keep failing So throw me into the depth of the sea Let the salt water engulf my entire body Let me sink to the very bottom Under the filth and the stains and the blood of the earth Let me rest in the darkness Free from the mistakes I have made

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Discovering Common Ground

Jasmin Marie Morgia

All my life, I have realized I have been in a bubble, letting people tell me what is right and how things should be from what I should be interested in all the way to who I should have friendships and relationships with. As an only child, first generation, Asian womyn, I face battles of understanding who I am as an individual because I have had to do many things by myself. What I know is what others have shown and taught me and I question if what I am doing is an act of my own decision or not. Yes, I cannot change these characteristics about me and I am influenced heavily by others but I know rooted in me there is more depth and substance to my soul. I have struggled being a FilAm, having to speak the language of my colonizers when I am dying to know what it is like to be a Pilipinx.

Everything I know about my heritage is being passed down but I am aching and yearning underneath to have my own experience first-hand. I want to understand my family’s struggles so that I can pay tribute to their sacrifices. I long to be immersed in the culture and the land so that I can feel confident that I embody my background and my being. This melting pot that I am in is confusing and frustrating.

Becoming a leader for the Filipino Student Association, I would have never thought I would have so many doors open up to me, including going on a trip to Israel through the David Project. I was excited to be offered the opportunity to experience another culture and learn about new ideas and people but I felt interrogated and judged for even considering going. “Why would you think about going to the Middle East during these extreme times?” “Oh, you’re going with students from other universities? It’s probably just a joy ride trip.” “Are you converting to Judaism?” The doubt in me was undeniable for I would be going to an unfamiliar place, stepping way out of my comfort zone, and facing questions about my intentions but I knew it was time to take a leap of faith and add something different to my being.

I have found something in Israel that I know will be forever resonated in me: the idea that even in a diverse place, you will always be able to find a sense of connection if you search deep enough. The fast paced, technology driven atmosphere of Tel Aviv had a familiar feeling of the city life at home, the market places in Jerusalem felt similar to farmer’s markets and flea markets here, and when meditating under the stars by the Dead Sea, I knew these were the same stars I would see when I would leave back to the states halfway around the world. Within 10 days, I built bridges and a community that I would have never imagined and discovered otherwise.

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I was able to be exposed to a whole new mindset that just speaking your truth, no matter how you think it ought to be, is the right thing to do because it is yours to embrace. I did not believe I had an authentic cultural impact until now. All this time I was aiming to be a perfect representation of who I thought I was supposed to be when I actually do have my own journey to live and others are genuinely interested in hearing my thoughts, feelings, and interpretation of being Pilipinx.

This different outlook on life has helped me be more assured that by critically thinking, learning, and respecting my heritage and others, I am paying homage to all those who came before me in history. I will one day visit the homeland and be grounded in my motivations to share traditions as well as be an ally for others. This has been a profound experience that has resonated in me finding who I am, being proud of all endeavors, and that discovering commonalities is a way to unify our world.

It’s Kinda Funny (based on a true story) @angryflowergirl

It’s kinda funny that somewhere, someone out there is going through the same everything as you. Someone is brushing their teeth when you are too. Someone is in the middle of a text with the exact words that you already sent. Someone went to the same concert as you but on the other side of the state. Nearly every experience or tidbit this person has, if you were to hear it, you’d say, “Me too!”, “Same!”, or “I did too!” Somewhere, someone out there has the same passions, mentality, and Spotify playlists as you. We think we’re unique -- or so we thought!

Somewhere, someone out there understands you and you don’t even need to say a word.

We are all a product of parenting, genes, environment, friends, influences, etc. but somewhere, someone – maybe your mirror image, maybe an extension of you, or maybe even your other half -- is out there.

Is it fate? We’ll see. :’-)

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206 AM

Anonymous

I slept on my living room floor for two and a half months after the ordeal. I slept on my living room floor because I didn’t find comfort anywhere else.

My bed disgusted me. My room disgusted me.

I could not dare to allow myself to close my eyes in the same room that I lost you; to close my eyes in the same room that I had invited you into, to close my eyes in the same room that once felt the euphoria of love and the audacity of trust, to close my eyes in the same room that hid a bottle of bleach and suspended a cheap leather belt.

I slept on my living room floor because my body and mind assimilated with the absence of comfort and self-worth.

I closed my eyes hating the world and hating myself.

I looked away and estranged all existing relationships, and willingly left who I was without remorse.

Everything between November-February is grey. I don’t remember a thing about who I was or how I may have looked to the passer byer.

I can only remember droopy eyes and a disdain for tomorrow.

I don’t know what happened in January that made me okay with moving to the couch, and I don’t know what happened in March that made me okay with moving back into my room, but it happened.

I remember telling myself to love myself as much as I loved you, I remember telling myself that the person that saw me as art is and only will be within myself, and that validation is an internal source that people will open their eyes to at varying paces.

I think I am almost there.

My eyes look and feel like the glistening orbs of happiness that I’m finding and am learning to keep, regardless of the miseries they remember.

Sometimes they will tickle my cheeks with tears and other times they will crinkle and bulge in frustration, but they no longer churn and simmer for you.

Even if I am not actively looking, I know someday they will find the discipline and optimism that will match theirs because they are big and wise enough to recognize the fidelity that you lacked.

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Depression

Danielle Howard

It’s not that I don’t want to be happy, Because I do.

I desperately want to be.

And even with my best efforts, I can’t seem to bring myself to be that way-- being happy.

I feel suffocated. Like I can’t breathe.

I feel like everything around me is moving.

Everything is always moving.

One minute everything is speeding past, the next it’s all slowed down.

Friends...family...they all tell me to think more positively.

They tell me that I should start getting out more and doing things that make me happy.

But they don’t get it.

I’m trying. I am truly trying to find my way-- to become this happy human being.

But I just can’t and when I try to explain myself to them-- they stop caring.

It’s as if I’m a burden to those around me.

So I keep everything on the inside and I isolate myself from everything and everyone.

I sleep more because sleeping is better than being awake.

And when I’m awake, it’s difficult to get out of bed in the morning.

The time comes where I do get out of bed.

And I plaster on a fake smile because it’s too difficult having to explain why I’m sad to everyone around me.

So I smile and laugh and play along during the day.

But when 3 am hits, I’m alone and overthinking.

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I feel ashamed for being sad. For being a burden to those who love me.

For not even knowing why I’m sad to begin with.

The days repeat themselves.

One minute I can barely get out of bed.

The next morning, I’m out of bed and I’m in the shower getting ready for the day.

But then the tears are rushing down my face and I start to sob oh so quietly.

The tears are being washed away with the water on my cheeks and still nobody can hear me.

Then I get out and continue on with the rest of my day as if I’m perfectly okay.

So I love these two different lives, one for the public eye and one for me late at night.

It’s easier to live two different lives than to admit that I have a problem.

And that...that right there is the problem.

We cannot do anything until we realize that the problem is real.

That just because we cannot see these hidden diseases, doesn’t make them any less real than the ones with the flu or bloody noses.

They’re diseases that affect the lives of millions each day.

It’s the people that barely speak.

It’s the people that are always tired.

It’s the people that are over sensitive or over emotional.

Depression is this bad thing inside of me that I cannot escape.

Letting Go

Gordon Tse

I hate that you can but I can’t.

You’ve got a new plan and I’m not in it.

It was bound that everything we built would always tumble and fall, And every time I look in the mirror, I know I’m at fault.

I need to get you out of me.

Set fire to all the pictures and memories we said would last forever.

On the wall of this bathroom stall I lean, a drunk fool unseen.

Swallow these pills, down one, down two, down three.

Don’t worry.

I’m hurt but I’ve learned from these scars.

The love lost, but loss still remains.

Breaking the heart with never-ending pain.

Now I wake up and smoke to put my mind on pause, Wear that fake smile, And live my life without cause.

Maybe one day I’ll be at peace under my own sheets, Even if we’ll be in two separate beds, I could still count your heartbeats.

In hopes that mine will somehow match the rhythm of yours, To the time when you loved me and I loved you before.

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Barbados

Peter Ly

So this was a sunset that I saw down the street from my house in Barbados while studying abroad last fall. It was the second to last day before I had to leave...I am still salty and sad I left. There was still much that needed to be done. Let me tell you one thing I have learned; once you get a grip/ vibe and are all settled in, time has essentially run out and you have to go back. It’s like playing a video game where you struggled through story mode but finally got all the nice weapons and want to go back through another run in the story mode. HAH TOO BAD. IT’S THE BOSS BATTLE. You beat the boss and BOOM, it’s over saying “Congratulations, you beat the game!”. Then you stare at the end credits and realize you should get back to reality and get a grip on things. It’s sad getting back to the grind of things. Before I left for Barbados, there was always a constant grind that I was in. Class, gym, work and responsibilities.

There was not a whole lot of time for me to waste away by myself. There was always something that needed to be done. In Barbados, I had the same grind, but I didn’t feel rushed.

I did things at my own pace, got to be myself a little more, and be more daring than usual.

It was the first time I actually felt like I was on a vacation, on my own accord and free will. It was a much needed time away to rewire and make adjustments to myself. I left the paradise of Barbados where I decompressed and let my mind stretch by doing new things and meeting new people who I plan to visit someday, one day. Pekka, Aleksi from Finland, Logan from Canada, and among others that will be in my heart because in the interest of time. They know who they are though <3. But seeing that sunset now reminds me that everything will be alright in the end, just like Weezer’s 9th album title. Despite the reality check of coming home, I came back with a little more pep in my step and with them island vibes yah know? There’s not need to be so uptight and full of angst everyone! It will all sort itself out if we just keep doing our thing everyone! Everything Will Be Alright In The End. I am just taking it day by day and appreciating what I have around me. Godspeed to all of you to the paths you take. Be patient about it, it will come. Enjoy the sights around you as well, sometimes we get caught up in our work and we don’t realize that we got it good, you’ll be at peace with yourself that way. If you made it this far, I’m going to think you enjoyed my spoken word and/or you have enough resilience to read through my jumbled thoughts. If not, sorry! No matter, I wish you the best! See you all randomly in a wild encounter in the strange game of Life! So yeah, go travel and go on an adventure. It’s good for you. P.S. Special shout out to the boys at Scenic and Jeff from Berkeley. WE THE BEST HOUSE. LET’S GET IT BOYS. Litty McTitty.

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ART

Jemerson Macalino

Art..

Gives voice to those unheard, Speaks for those who are silenced, Educate those who are unaware, Bring justice to those who have struggled, Art..

Provides an overflowing emotion through a never ending imagination, Sparks a conversation without the use of any words nor explanation, Judges no one regardless of their applied pigmentation, Embraces everyone without fear nor hesitation, Art..

Question those who wonder, Awaken those who are in slumber, Inspire those who fonder, Empower those who are both younger and older, Art..

Transforms, Educates, Inspires, & Motivates.

Without..

Restriction.. & Limitation.

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Jemerson Macalino

27

Gravity

Amir Williams

28

Light

Amir Williams

29

Phases

Amir Williams

30

Heartless

Amir Williams

31

Art

32

Jacquelene Pham 33

Amir Williams

34

Therese Auza

35

Amir Williams

36

Amir Williams

37

Amir Williams

38

Broken

Jessica La

39

Lost in Translation

Irish Tee-Sy

40

Near Extinction

Francim Aguilar

41

Decadence

Jessica La

42

Delicate

Jessica La

43

Jacquelene Pham

44

Eye Phone 4

Jessica La

45

Ornithophobia

Jessica La

46

Native Roots

Jason Chan

47

Lumad

Jayann Bella

48

Serenity

Jessica La 49

Alive

Jessica La

50

yay area

Jayann Bella

51

Kyber Shade

52

Jayann Bella

53

Sam Garcia

54

resilience

Jason Chan

55

American Hero

Jessica La

56

Motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s touch

Jessica La

57

pressure

Therese Auza

58

Therese Auza

59

Veenna San Felipe

60

Veenna San Felipe

61

Photography

62

Lolo & his brother

Danielle Del Rosario

Caleb Garello 63

towards the future

Thomas Linker

Danielle Del Rosario

64

Danielle Del Rosario

Danielle Del Rosario

65

Shania Anderson

66

Shania Anderson

67

Hoover power plant

DOWN BELOW

Carmella Ongtengco

Danelle Go 68

hwy 15

Zach Marquez

the windy city

Yvonne Gutierrez

69

Danielle Del Rosario

70

Zach Marquez

71

Emily Nguyen

NorCal

Yvonne Gutierrez 72

Save Me

Calvin Lee

SoCal

Yvonne Gutierrez 73

good intentions

E.F Tongson

i didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know content until i found it

Caleb Garello

74

thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a big fly

Kevin Chung

Zach Marquez

75

the ocean stirs the heart

Gordon Tse

shadows

Kevin Chung

76

“March 3, 2017: It was Friday and we found out our classes got cancelled. So we grabbed a box of donuts and watched the relaxing ocean waves for a good hour and just talked about life. Moments like these made me realize how fortunate we are to be living in Santa Cruz. Just kidding our classes didn’t get cancelled we just didn’t go.”

Patrick Basco

Jerell Macaraeg

77

pink skies

Raphael Agcaoili

78

the sky below

Aaron Miranda

the earnest squiggle

Aaron Miranda

79

A SKY IN MY EYE

80

Allyson Gayoso

81

Jerell Macaraeg

Yvonne Gutierrez 82

Serenity

Gordon Tse

The Last Bookstore

Yvonne Gutierrez 83

Yvonne Gutierrez

flume

Kevin Chung 84

the fam

Kevin Chung

bridge

Kevin Chung

85

rendezvous

Aaron Miranda

Yvonne Gutierrez

86

glory daze

Joshua Aldon

carey lee

Kevin Chung

87

I Ainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Gonna Stop Lovin You, Beach

Yvonne Gutierrez

88

Yvonne Gutierrez

Raphael Agcaoili

89

Zach Marquez

90

PauloJiniro Claudio

Jonathan Acorda

91

NOT Your asian girl

E.F Tongson

92

Filipino Student Association Core 93

Academics Know History. Know Self. No Histo-

ry. No Self ” are wise words that I live by from Jose Rizal, a Philippine national hero. Throughout my time coordinating Pilipino Historical Dialogue and facilitating a 5 unit class here at UCSC, I’ve learned the importance of bayanihan (community), resilience and empowerment. I have seen students who knew nothing about their cultures to grow into an intelligent student with great amount of knowledge of the Philippine culture. Little things like seeing students learn each day is what motivates me to educating and empowering people which is a form of activism.

Teaching FSA core new things and hearing ideas from them allowed me to broaden my skills and knowledge. I’ve definitely gotten close with folks in core and I’m blessed to have worked with such amazing individuals to create the FSA community into more a more political space. This year being apart of FSA core has taught me how to be more aware and care about the issues especially in today’s political climate. I will never forget the bonds and moments I’ve made with my FSA family.

Jennifer Santos

94

Being on core this year has definitely

My culture has always been a strong

helped me grow in terms of defining myself with history and identity. Being a coordinator for Pilipino Historical Dialogue I got to research all kinds of untold stories about our past that got brushed away and forgotten. A lot of the Pilipinx history is actually thrown out because of centuries of colonization that happened in the Philippines and the continued misrepresentation happening in America about Pilipinx-American history; yet, Pilipinxs make up the second largest immigrant group in America. These kinds of untold stories should be shared and embraced by all those who identify as Pilipinx-American so that we can educate others and spread the power of knowledge to everyone about our culture. We use this knowledge of history and culture to not discourage ourselves but empower ourselves to be prideful of the past and embrace the strides and accomplishments we made in our history. This is how we stay resilient by knowing our history, being empowered, and keeping those traditions and stories alive. Having this knowledge can really help define who we are and know where our identity comes from. I learned this about myself that by having a good understanding about the past truly affects who we are today and our identity. There is always something to be learned about Pilipinx history and it continues to make me stronger in knowing who I am as a person and how I can share it to others by empowering them to learn more about theirselves and their identity.

part of my identity. Yet, it’s so easy to stray away from your culture when you’re in college. Especially if you’re in a college literally in a forest. You’re finally away from home and all of a sudden, you start to miss the simple things like your mom’s chicken adobo or going to church with your whole family on Sunday. You start to miss a lot of things that, growing up, was always a part of your identity.

College made me realize that home isn’t so much a place, but who you welcome into your life and surround yourself with. I found a piece of home within the people of FSA. Not only because they look like me and cook chicken adobo for me, but they made me feel as if the forest could be home for a city girl like me. I’m moving forward not only in this aspect of my life, but also professionally as a student.

Being in an institution of higher education allows me to be educated AND to educate. As one of the Academics coordinator of FSA, I can 100% say that I’ve grown not only as a leader within UCSC, but as a student of color. I’m constantly reading and learning about my history and issues that Pilipinx-Americans face so that I can share this knowledge with students within the FSA space. This experience has shaped me in a way that I never expected- and for that, I’m truly grateful.

Anabell Gimena

Nick Heimann

95

Activities

96

Advancing my Pilipinx identity is very

Getting the chance to be a part of FSA

easy when you are surrounded by individuals that care about our community and its constant progression. My fellow core members inspire me to think outside the box and come up with new ways to make FSA better than it was the day before. Same with our culture, they make it very for me to stay intact with my roots and take pride of my identity and who I am. Being a member in FSA Core has taught me the importance of being proud of who I am and what I stand for as a member of the Pilipinx community.

Core as a Co-Activities Coordinator (with my super awesome Co -P@TR!CK) has had a huge impact on my college career. It taught me many skills such as time management, public speaking, thinking on my toes, effective communication, and much more that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll definitely take with me in my future endeavors.

Being a part of the FSA space has really helped me learn more about my identity, discover more about who I am, and has helped me get in touch with my Pilipinx roots. Planning events and activities that brought our community together in a safe and fun space really meant so much to me. Seeing the friendships made, the lessons learned, the history shared, and the FSA family growing and strengthening made every moment so precious and so memorable. For years now, FSA has been my home away from home and a space that constantly challenges me and inspires me to be a better version of myself each day. I encourage everyone to take a leap of faith, take initiative, and take that next step to be a leader in this space, because itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be such a special part of your college career.

Patrick Basco

Danelle Go

97

A Step Forward Beginning: I began my journey into

higher education through A Step Forward. From that experience I began to find my identity as a Pilipina, and was truly able to start understanding how powerful this identity is. I also found a community, a family, really, that is genuinely loving and supporting.

Maintain: In three years I have faced the most difficult challenges of my life.

But I am so fortunate and appreciative to have gone through it. I have grown and learned more than I would have if it were not for the people and the opportunities given to me in FSA. I never realized it before, but the path Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve taken in college and within FSA was exactly what I needed.

Continue: FSA is more than a student organization. It is a space truly devoted to giving. Everyone in FSA wants to give, they want to give their time, their support, their love, their presence, and their knowledge. And that is exactly what I want to continue doing.

Abigail Bernardino

98

My name is Alecxis, 3rd year, Inten-

sive Psychology major, self-proclaimed music hoe, avocado enthusiast, I think statistics is the sexiest form of math, and I hate being conventional (like having to conform to a 300 word blurb).

A love letter to FSA: Roses are red Isang Bagsak Without FSA, my college experience would be wack But on a more serious note, I wouldn’t be where I am today without the guidance of this space. Every single person I’ve encountered has taught me something (good or bad) that I will take with me wherever I go, and this community has definitely been very valuable in my growth as a human being. It’s brought me back down to the ground and reminded me of my roots when I felt like I strayed. It’s taught me that we move faster if we go together when I felt like going alone. It’s taught me that we deserve to be here, that people fought for this space, when I felt like leaving. So I owe a serious amount of gratitude to this community for helping shape me during some of the most pivotal years of my life.

Massive shoutout to ASF18 one time. One for my mentors who treated me like the roof and raised me. Also one for the 2nd years: I appreciate you all so much and I’m so proud of you. You give me hope for the future. And one for the 3rd years: there are no words except I love y’all because we’re honestly truly iconic. xoxo

Alecxis Delos Santos

99

Co-Chairs Being a core member

this year and having the opportunity to serve this wonderful community has been an absolute pleasure. It has been a journey full of risks, uncertainties, but also passion and progress. Being someone who does not identify as Pilipinx but having the outlook of an ally to this wonderful community, I can not even begin to comprehend the amount of resilience this community has shown throughout the year.

Despite the setbacks we have faced this year from the state of the nation and what has happened globally, we have faced them together as a collective, and that is what makes this space so special. The needs of FSA have definitely changed from when I began as a first year but it says a lot about the adaptability and care we have to make this place really what we call home. This ability to recognize change not as a fear but an opportunity to continue serving those that need it has driven my influences and time as a core member.

Being a core member this year and being involved with FSA has also strengthened my ties with my cultural roots back home. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been more accepting of learning my culture and being proud of who I actually am and I have my experiences within FSA to thank for that. FSA has been a really special place for my personal growth throughout my four years in undergrad, and I know this space will continue to be that home for those that need it for many years to come. The future is bright. Thank you for all that you do for this community. Much love <3

Gordon Tse

100

Through my time

in FSA I have been able to find a family that genuinely understands me, accepts me for who I am and has helped shaped me and my identity as a Filipina-American, and who has empowered me and believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. When I was a first year, I had mentors who took care of me, helped me grow, who’d take me out and showed me the ropes during a pivotal time in my life and they never asked for anything in return. Whenever I’d ask how I could repay them, they’d always tell me “don’t pay us back, pay it forward.” That is why I have continued to be a part of this space and have been motivated to run for core positions. I want to give back. Without this space I wouldn’t have the perspective I have today about my culture and identity outside of the food and the traditions my parents taught me. It was difficult to feel connected to my culture not being Filipina enough or not being American enough, but being a part of core and this community I have found others who understand me and who have shared their perspectives that I may not have until now.

Arleah Aguilar

101

Haluan

102

Being a Haluan coordinator with only two years of dance experience was hard. I

constantly had doubts about my inexperience as a dancer and if I was fit to lead this team. But this year has taught me that it was never really about my own dancing but about creating a safe and fun space for others to learn and expand their dance horizon. I could never have done this without my co-coordinators Nathaniel Souryasack and Ajani Thompson so shout out to them! We had many obstacles but in the end we finished strong and I’m so happy that we did it together. I couldn’t have wished for anybody else but you two. To my team, I hope I was able to make your experience on Haluan, whether you were new or returning, a fun and worthwhile experience. This experience has taught me so many life lessons and has given me memories and friendships that I will have forever.

Jonathan Wang

We have found that we stay the most connected in our team name: Haluan. The

Delano Grape Strikes resonate most with us and we admire the solidarity that was found between the Pilipinx and Latinx community to fight for a higher cause. Because “haluan” means “of mixed nature” we have found that our team’s several backgrounds allow us to ground ourselves in our goal to find commonalities through difference. Through this we hope to create a safe space where people can share their passions for dance and create community.

Ajani Thompson

Haluan teaches me new things every single year, and it was humbling and and honor

to be able to help lead an aspect that has such a huge impact on my life. There’s no way I would be the person I am today without interacting and dancing with my halufam (alum and present). I owe my college experience to what Haluan and FSA has taught me.

Nathaniel Souryasack

103

Historian C

ore has allowed me to see the importance of standing in solidarity with issues that impact communities that go even beyond our own. I have been able to grow and see that small movements make a big difference when it comes to seeking out change. The passion of the members within this community is what helped me further fuel my own desire to understand the Pilipino culture.

Samantha Garcia

104

Media Relations I

came into this space thinking if I were to do leadership positions, it'd be something about coordinating powerful and impactful events for the community. And I did (KAMP cos of 20152016, wya). As much I felt satisfied seeing the end result of the community coming together, damn -- hyping events up really got me UP. I wanted to give the student organizer in me a rest that I gave Media Relations a try because I truly did want to make FSA look cooler than it actually is. I saw these other PCNs/PASAs/ etc. getting geofilters and high res pictures, so I was like "Okay, if I get Media Relations, I gotta #modernize this org." You can budget and plan an amazing event, but you have to market it well. So I hope I did a good job?

To an extent, I may have seemed LOUD and callous via memes/pic captions, but I hope you saw it as a refreshing perspective of advertising.

Being able to express yourself and say things, even if theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re hard to hear or to make fun of problematic opinions by satirizing them, is important because itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a unique way for us to learn about why these things are wrong.

I'd like to thank everyone who participated in More Th>n Just, my memes, and zany vids.

I'd also like to humbly thank core's fun/caring support this year, letting me control all the social media, and letting me exercise my creativity.

In fact, I'm surprised I didn't get fired! <3 Your favorite pixel pusher,

Irish Tee-Sy

105

Isang Himig B ecoming one of the Isang Himig Co-Coordinators has be-

come one of the most fulfilling and enriching things in my life.

Throughout the year, I always thought about what can I do to make things good for this team.

I always put effort into trying to maximize efficiency during practice, making sure we had venues booked, making sure we had music to learn, and just always being sure of things. This whole year I’ve been thinking at 1000 mph trying to ensure that my team would always be happy and that their time in IH wouldn’t feel wasted. But now that the year’s coming to an end, I’m able to slow down a little bit and think about how this team has grown. I’ve seen everyone on my team: Florenze, Neilson, JQ, Austin, Sam, Jasmine, Dom, Shena, Terry, Caleb, Isabela (ee-sah-bell-ah), Sabrina, Caramel (Carmela), Brandon, Boa, Naylan, Ligaya, Sandy, Aiko, Ray(mond), Lizzette, Ktran, Percy, Luke, Gabriel, and Leandra, all grow in some way musically or personally. My IH staff, Kim and Alex, have helped me so much with everything that I struggled with (logistics). My Interns, Claudia and Nick, re-ignited the passion I was losing for IH. I wish nothing but the best for both of them. And finally my co, Riofa, I can write a whole book about our year, but just know that I’m so happy you’re there to bring me back down to earth and keep me grounded when I’m always thinking too big. I might seem resentful toward it, but I truly appreciate everything you do for me.

Justin Ng

106

Kuya-ate mentorship program I

am so incredibly proud and blessed to have served as the KAMP CUIP this school year. Ever since I got involved in this space, I knew in the back of my head that I had to give back especially after all that it has given me. KAMP gave me a kapatid my first year who graciously took me in when I had a difficult and complex housing situation and had nowhere else to go (s/o to Ellie Cao), KAMP gave me bayanihan which led to such amazing housemates and friends (s/o to 102 and 1057 <3), and KAMP gave me ang bahay of FSA, outlets to freely express and explore my interests and Fil-I-Am identity. As an only child, first-generation student, coming to an unfamiliar place and not knowing anyone was a scary thought. I knew I wanted to get involved in the Filipino Student Association when I got here to UCSC because I had been strongly committed to the Pilipinx community back in my hometown and I wanted to continue exploring and learning about my heritage and culture in college. After attending the first couple events at the beginning of the year, I was so impressed with how the people in this space were so open and genuinely welcoming to new and different people. Being in KAMP has allowed me for the first time to have siblings and continuous support of others as well as the ability to build the confidence and self-esteem to bloom into a servant leader. Stretching from co-coordinating PDT to where I am now, I would not wish for anything else because being in this space has absolutely gratified my college experience and KAMP CUIP has granted me the opportunity to fully practice student agency and value the importance of student initiated, led, and run programs. Despite the rough patches and struggles I have had to face, I am so grateful that I can be a part of this legacy of success towards higher education which is such a humbling and rewarding feeling. Thank you so much for everything FSA, s/o to my coâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and this entire community I call family, much love to you all.

Jasmin Marie Morgia

107

B

efore I came to UC Santa Cruz, the words “kuya” and “ate” felt foreign on my tongue, I had no idea what tsinelas were, and I never learned Tagalog, Ilocano, or Pangasinan. I never actively disregarded my heritage, but as a second-generation Pilipina-American, I always struggled to keep in touch.

This pretty much took a 180 once I stepped foot at UCSC. For pretty much the first time, I actively engaged with people outside my family who shared my values and my culture. I realized what a bubble I was living in, and how tragic it would be if I became the generation that lost touch with her Pinay heritage. Y’all pretty much know the rest of the story… I became KAMP Co because I want to help others who, like me, were in limbo with their identity and to keep our beautiful culture alive! To Caleb Garello, thank you for always surrounding this community with your warmth and positive personality. To Jasmin Marie Morgia, your hard work is not unseen and your perseverance to serve your community is obvious by the impact you leave. To Isabela Pante, you are beautiful beyond words and have a work-ethic to match. Without you Co’s, KAMP wouldn’t be where it is today, pushing boundaries and breaking tradition! To Arleah Aguilar, thank you for being the first friendly face I had at UCSC, and your endless advice.

To Mariel Mastrili and Brandee Calagui, y’all were my very first friends at UCSC and I will never forget ASF19 because of the impact you’ve left on me. To my fellow second-years, keep it lit and stay retained I love you all.

Finally, to my dad. Thank you for building the foundation for the woman I am today, your endless knowledge and advice, and loving me unconditionally.

Michaela Serafica

108

For those of you who

know me, HELLO!! For those of you who don’t, I am Isabela Pante! Starting this year off as a FSA core member has been bittersweet. I was new to core and I was so shy. I had an inner struggle of meeting new people and was very kept to myself.

However, as this year progressed, this coordinating position lifted a barrier of me being shy and encouraged me to get to know the community as a whole and build relationships with many individuals. As I immersed myself into this space and grew with my co’s, I realized that I have the potential of making an impact in this space, and on this campus. In order to grow, you must submerge yourself into something you love, pick up people that fall, and learn from your lessons.

I felt like I grew so much this whole year, and it wouldn’t have been possible without my co’s, my family, and my friends. Understanding where my family came from, how we came to the states, and hearing their stories as immigrants has inspired me in ways that I cannot describe. If it weren’t for my parents’ resilience to come to the states, I would not be the person I am today contributing to FSA.

Isabela Pante

Being in core this year was honestly a great honor because I was able to serve a community that really brought me up and took care of me while at UCSC. I have learned much from the mentors, peers, and friends I have met in this space and I wouldn’t be the same if it wasn’t for them. Although there were struggles at times, I feel like core allowed me to grow in a more personal and professional way that I could not have experienced from anything else on campus. By surrounding myself with others who have similar experiences and identities, I was able to truly understand who I am. I am so glad I was able to consistently be part of FSA over my three years at Santa Cruz because it gave me the best possible college experience. I would shoutout everyone that contributed to my life up to this point, but that would be way too many people to mention! Y’all know who you are!!

Caleb Garello

109

Pilipino Cultural Celebration Co-Chairs FSA, Core, and the PCC

Cast is always changing every year; Whether that change be in leadership, in the theme, in the community members and their experiences, or in education of Philippine history, traditions, culture, and how itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s adapting; the organization is constantly growing.

I realized I have grown and learned so much not just through being PCC Co-Chair this year, but through each PCC I have been a part of through the years that got me to where I am today. PCC really caters to the needs of the community, whether it be through the theme, its many forms of creative self expression and collaboration, or its sense of family and belonging. I will definitely miss being a part of its unique experience, and hope to come back as an alumnus watching it continue to make change, cater to the community around it, empower hundreds more, and foster growth in others.

Jonathan Acorda

110

Kasama I love Kasama, with

a burning passion because I love to dance and I love the sense of family it can bring. The way you can dance with someone else and have it feel like it is just you two, trying to feel the music and let it out. I feel like that is what keeping in touch with your culture should be like. Just feeling it out, letting it flow through you so you can understand it, having someone there to help you explore it. To be honest it was kind of hard keeping in touch with being Filipinx this year. I mean, yea you have FSA, but then you stack classes on top of that and then you stack family there too. After a while it gets kinda hectic and hard to keep track of things.

However, through the small moments when going to Core and talking about what FSA as a whole will do next, or just hanging out with friends making jokes only Filipinx’s will understand, I am often reminded of what it is like to be Filipinx. It gives me a clear picture of what we are trying to accomplish and who we can accomplish it with. For me that is: trying to build a sense of community that is welcoming to all, a place where you are not afraid and we are doing that with the people right next to us; our friends, family, Core, future and old members, and our allies. After all, is that not what Kasama stands for? To “come together”? <3

Jenes Macatlang

111

Pagkakaisa Dance Troupe

Becoming PDT coordinator, I was thrown

into position where I didn’t know any of my responsibilities I had to uphold. In this space I learned a lot about myself: what I’m capable of, what to work on, what I know, what I don’t know, and what I could do better. I’m thankful that I was brought into this space because it taught me not just about myself but my culture and where I come from. I found myself in a vortex of trying to learn so many different things of the home land through researching traditional dance. Traditional dance tells us stories of how life is back in the Philippines in an entertaining and fun way. I hope that the dances this year portrayed this and that the audience learned something through just watching what our ancestors danced and taught years ago. Telling stories through is such a great way to pass on culture and I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to do so this year.

Abigail Usita

112

I felt like being in core has opened

my eyes in terms of my cultural identity. It has opened my eyes in terms of how involved I wanted to become with my culture, as well as giving me an outlet to share my experiences with others in the same way I had when I was first introduced to the space. These experiences will stay with me even after my college career, and I thank FSA and the rest of core for that.

Isaiah Solomon

People Power

I remember when Regina and I first

brought up using mental health as the theme for PCC. We were sitting outside Taqueria Santa Cruz just talking about life, not even thinking about possible themes when the idea came to us. It seemed so radical at first but when we got the yes from PCC Core to do it, we were so overwhelmed with the possibilities.

As a person who has been struggling with anxiety for years, the thought of bringing light to my own experiences was terrifying. We had no clue what to do with this theme since it’s unprecedented nor did we expect how big of a toll it would actually take on ourselves and our own mental health. We really had no guidelines or format to follow, just us, PCC core, and Arlan (who was basically our third co this year). Now that the shows coming to an end (and it will be over once this is published) I’m starting to realize how dope it was that we chose this theme. We really wanted to normalize this topic and create a safe space where people felt safe talking about their own struggles and experiences and slowly but surely, it happened. I cannot express how thankful I am for everyone who felt comfortable enough to share their stories with me and I really hope our show did this theme justice. I just want to say thank you to my co, Regina. We’ve literally been through so much together and you really are one of the best people I’ve ever met. To PCC Core, thank you all for your patience and flexibility this past year. I’m really proud of our show and I hope y’all are too. And lastly, to my friends who have shown me what unconditional love and support looks like throughout this entire year. Y’all really got me through this and I am forever grateful for you all and this experience.

Mariel Mastrili

Choosing the theme mental illness for PCC

with Mariel was a hard decision, because it deviated from the past productions which focused primarily on historical events and tradition.

Doing this production allowed me to realize moving forward and staying true to our culture is possible and necessary. Being in core has taught me to let go of my assumptions and take risks, work with others and be empathetic, and push myself. It’s shown me to value my culture, and my community and strengthened my sense of self. I hope for others in core, it has and will continue to do the same for them :)

Regina Velarde

113

Tech crew B

eing in FSA Core has been an experience that I will remember during my time in UC Santa Cruz.

Throughout the year I’ve seen a lot of people work hard in expressing our culture, as Pilipinos. Before Core, I came up on ASF and there I saw many friendly faces that opened up a comfortable space to me. Through this space, I was able to meet a lot of passionate people that educate and inform others of our culture. Just like those people, I want to aspire others to keep touch and informed of their culture. Being part of Core, I believe that I am able to aspire others through “Bayanihan”, which is “community” in Tagalog. Through Core, I was able to learn that FSA embodies every meaning of “Bayanihan”.

John Domingo

B eing in core has

been one of the wildest rides I’ve been on since enrolling in UC Santa Cruz.

Through all the twists and turns this year, I think that working with everyone else in core has strengthened my Filipino pride. Before core, the only tagalog I really understood were the foods. Since I’m half-Filipino, I definitely felt embarrassed that I didn’t know much about my own heritage, including the struggles of Filipinos as people of color. But participating as a member of core has changed my perspective about all of that. The word “bayanihan” means “community” in tagalog. If I’ve learned one thing during my time as a coordinator, its that FSA is what bayanihan is all about.

Ryan Bautista

114

I want to thank everyone who

ALAY

contributed to this beloved publication, to those who supported Alay along the way, and to those reading this book. I want to thank Alay and this space for attracting this young first year who just wanted to make art and build confidence in herself. I want to thank FSA for helping me believe in myself and my capability when I didn’t even have that confidence for myself. To those who are still or may not be here anymore, their impact keeps me going. From here on out I will continuously grow and change in ways I don’t know, but my growth will always be rooted to my experiences within Alay and the FSA core space and I am grateful for that. And to my co’s, Raph and Aiko, we’ve grown so much together and I couldn’t be more proud of y’all. I have so many memories to share but so little space for words. I love A.R.T! Therese Auza

Co-coordinating Alay this year honestly gave me a purpose and passion for things outside

of school. I never realized how much pouring a lot of time and effort into something that you care about can give you a sense of fulfillment until I came into this position. In my first two years of college, I never really had a direction, I felt lost at times with nothing to really put my mind into. But coming into this year with fsa core, really granted me the opportunity to be more responsible and mature. I’ve really grown and molded into what it means to be a leader in this space. It also retained me in so many ways emotionally, academically, and culturally.

Working alongside my two coordinators Therese and Aiko, also helped keep me grounded, all while supporting me and reminding me to keep going. I will never forget the love and hard work that we all put into Alay. I’m very grateful for you two!

Raphael Agcaoili

Being a part of Alay and creating a publication that is so special, important, and im-

pactful to the Pilipinx community is incredibly humbling. Coming into college, I never thought I’d able to connect and stay in touch with my Pilipinx culture, history, and roots and this space did that and more for me. Self expression has always been a huge part of my life and I am forever grateful that FSA core and Alay let me continue to pursue that through a leadership position that also allowed me to give back to the community. I have learned so much in this position while working with my talented, wonderful, and patient co-coordinators, Raph and Therese. I remember how nervous we were at the beginning of this year but we did it! We’ve grown so much in this short amount of time and I’m so honored to work with such amazing people. I love you two so much #ART!! Thank you to those who believed in me, have been there for me, and guided me throughout this journey, I wouldn’t have made it to where I am without y’all.

Aiko Vapor 115

STAff

We could not have done this anthology without our staff! Literally, we could have not. Thank you for putting in so much time to this piece of work, and adding so much of your own creativity into it. We dedicate this page to you, with quotes that resonate with you and your unique personalities.

A.R.T

“Chuck it in the fuck it bucket.” -anonymous

Yvonne Gutierrez “Venmo @eftongson.” -Filipino proverb

E.F Tongson

“push me to the edge / all my friends are dead” - kakashi/lil uzi vert

Kai Huang “When all the hard times outweigh the good, and all your words are misunderstood, when the day seems lost from the start, you must follow your heart.” - Dallas Green

Caleb Garello

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”

Jason Chan “Destiny is for losers. It’s just a stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen.” - Blair Waldorf

Danielle Howard

“Eleanor was right. She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn’t supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something.” -Rainbow Rowell

Carmelle Catamura

“kinks: kind heart, good intentions.”

Irish Tee-Sy

“Really anythings gold if you paint it that way.” - k.flay

Danielle Del Rosario

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