ADDICTION CAUGHT IN CYBERSPACE

WRITER: STEVEN C. VANGELDER, DRAD, LMHC, CAP, ICADC

Internet addiction? Haven’t the psychobabblists come up with enough labels? Well, try these statistics on for size and compare them to the symptoms common to other addictions.

60% of Internet users say they use the Internet to “escape reality for a while.”

82% say they stay on the Internet longer than anticipated.

40% admit they are unable to stay away from the Internet for four days in a row.

More than 80% admit they conceal nonessential Internet use from family and friends.

6% of relationships suffer because of Internet use.

69% of U.S residents are regular users of the Internet. That number is estimated to increase by 25 percent every three months and 1 out of 8 people meet the criteria for Internet addiction.

While sharing common properties of addiction, there are unique properties of the Internet that separate it from other addictions. Perhaps the most alluring and unique aspect of the Internet is its anonymity. Other areas of uniqueness include ease of access, social acceptability (unlike with drugs or alcohol), affordability, separation from real-life, and freedom (such as realizing and exploring fantasies).

When it comes to men and women, Internet usage varies. Women prefer the Internet for social interaction and shopping. Social interactions women enjoy may include instant messaging, chat rooms, emailing, posting on social media sites, and texting. In my counseling practice, I have found texting to be the single most destructive activity with couples.

Women also love to shop, and when you can buy things and have them brought to your door without leaving your house, a shopping addiction can easily form and get out of control. Add the gambling nature of eBay and women can find themselves with a house full of objects and a depleted credit card. The smartphone has also added an entirely new dimension to the frequency and volume of “logging on.”

Men’s preferential Internet uses are pornography, gambling, and gaming. Sixty-two percent of those meeting the criteria for Internet addiction log on to pornography websites on an average of four hours a week. About 70 percent of all Internet pornography is accessed during the workday, presumably by those who cannot refrain from logging in. The ease, availability, and anonymity of the Internet have taken pornography to an entirely new level. Nevertheless, 60 percent of men who download pornography say they would not go to a strip club, rent an adult video, or otherwise talk with strangers in sexually explicit ways.

Interactive games are also highly addictive as the user is allowed to be someone tough, smart, physically attractive, or even magical in the game. And male gambling may include virtual casinos where real or imaginary dollars may be won or lost. Day trading in stocks pretty much boils down to online gambling, and online auctions on cars, tools, and other items are gambling with the prize being becoming the winning bidder.

Both men and women may fall into an area of compulsive Internet misuse referred to as cyber-relationships. This progressive phenomenon may get more powerful as the relationship develops, and for those who are married or with a significant other, the phenomenon is, again, unique. The relationship may begin simply with two people cyberchatting. Cyber-chatting may then develop into cyber-flirting, where the individuals may act a little bit naughty but believe it to be just fun. Beyond fun, this relationship may develop into what is referred to as a cyberaffair with ongoing intimate exchanges between the couple. Cyber-sex may then follow where the pair has progressed to exchanges of highly sexually explicit interaction.

Again, the Internet may place the users in a unique situation of denial and misunderstanding. Many people who engage in flirting or having affairs on the Internet truly believe what they are doing is “not really cheating” because there is no face-to-face contact or physical touching. This sincere belief of innocence may persist until there are serious marital or relationship problems. Only then may the participants realize how out of control the relationship has become. Discovered cyberaffairs often lead to relationship tension, accuse/deny confrontations, decreasing intimacy, loss of affection and sexual contact, and ongoing blame and resentment.

Since complete abstinence from computers and smartphones is not very feasible in today’s world, men and women are cautioned to be aware of the addictive nature of electronic technology, its uniqueness, and its genderspecific traps. For those who fall victim to an Internet addiction, psychotherapy with an addiction professional who

SOURCE: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/ internet_cybersex_addiction.htm understands the treatment of this phenomenon may be highly helpful in learning how to kick the destructive habit.