THE IMPORTANCE OF LOVING YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY

WRITTEN BY: MARIANNA NICHOLS

The results are in, and they are extremely concerning. According to a 2011 survey published in Glamour magazine, a staggering 97% of women feel bad about their looks, regardless of their body type, weight, or age. Men were not included in this survey, but they shouldn’t be too far behind in the “I hate/ must change…” marathon. It appears that lifestyle trends and the media have done a great job planting the self-doubt seed in every less-than-perfect individual across the globe, and every trait or behavior outside their commands is considered a flaw —a defect that needs “fixing.”

If you fall into that 97percent struggling to get rid of one or more undesirable traits, take a step back and think why. Do you feel inferior to current beauty standards? Do you want to impress a special someone or make others like you?

Either way, you are off on the wrong foot. When change is dictated by external factors other than the individual’s own will to change, it becomes a burden. In other words, if you are trying to modify your appearance or behavior to meet someone else’s criteria, you are setting yourself up for failure.

Change is a good thing, even when it leads to learning from your mistakes. However, you cannot wait for the transition to be completed in order to love yourself. Sure, you will feel better and more confident once you have achieved a positive outcome, like losing those 15 pounds or kicking a bad habit, but viewing your attempt as something to be over with will drain your motivation. Instead, think of it as an enhancement process —a personal upgrade. Each day that you focus on your goal is a step toward a better version of yourself.

When you don’t love yourself, no change will ever be enough. While you might think that losing the extra weight or renewing your wardrobe will earn you much-needed self-esteem, things are not always that simple. Obsessing over your flaws to the point that you can’t appreciate your strong traits and enjoy life means that, no matter how much you achieve, your mind will always be on the lookout for the next defect to correct. On the contrary, if you already feel good about yourself, any change can be welcomed as an improvement without your happiness depending on it.

Another important thing to keep in mind is that people often have a skewed selfimage. This means that you tend to be a less objective — and often far harsher —judge of yourself than others. As a result, while other people may see delicious curves on your body, all you can see is weight to be lost. This self-induced distortion of reality can lead to extreme measures, such as crash diets that can damage your health or unnecessary cosmetic interventions. In not-sorare cases, it can also spark feelings of unhappiness, self-hatred and, eventually, depression.

Perfection is the ultimate illusion —everyone has weak spots. Some people manage to conceal them by focusing on their positive characteristics, while others linger in a constant struggle for change. Believe it or not, if you can accept your flaws and love yourself unconditionally, others will love you too. Leave the nagging and self-loathing behind and make the most out of your positive side.