EMOTION MOVING ON FROM UNREQUITED LOVE

Although falling in love can lead to profound happiness and satisfaction, it can also be a source of extreme misery if the object of your affection does not reciprocate your feelings. Unrequited love can leave you with low self-esteem and can even cause depression. In addition, your feelings may be marginalized or viewed as inauthentic by some people, especially those who have never been in unrequited love. These four steps will help you to work through your feelings and eventually let go in a way that is both effective and healthy.

1. Acknowledge that you are not to blame.

There are two things to remember about why it is not your fault that your love is unrequited. First, you cannot consciously choose who you will find romantically attractive; therefore, you are not to blame for unluckily falling for someone who does not return your feelings. Similarly, it is also important to accept that neither you nor the object of your affections should be blamed when your love is not reciprocated. It is vital that you do not surmise you are unattractive, unworthy, or updateable just because one person does not love you. In fact, many different things determine whether (and to what extent) you fall in love with someone. For example, complicated and uncontrollable biological factors such as immune system function and neurotransmitters can influence your chemistry with another person. So, while the person you love may not feel sexually or romantically attracted to you, it is likely many other people will. If you can start to view your unrequited love as less of a personal slight, it will be easier to move on from your sadness.

2. Spend less time around the person you love.

When you love someone, it is natural to crave their company and feel deeply sad when they are out of reach. However, in the case of unrequited love, repeated exposure will only serve to strengthen your frustrating attraction by fueling your addiction to the feelings of lust and excitement that you experience. If you really want to move on from unrequited love, then it is vital to put some distance between yourself and the other person. You can avoid the awkwardness of having to announce that you are taking this action by simply backing off in a way that is understated and gradual. If possible, avoid events where you would expect to see the person, and do not contact them to chat. Seeing plenty of other people will also help you during this time, as it will keep you distracted. Call good friends and arrange lunch dates, movie nights, and so on. If, at some point, you find that you have genuinely moved past your romantic feelings, you can consider rekindling a purely platonic friendship with the person you used to love. lunch nd so on. If, at u find that t you have ly romantic can consideer latonic friendshhip used to love. w to o on ng in unnrequited love ng and a sense of is mean on our life. Most raal times ever fall in love alize and s of s, er loved r take u ing cused on

3. Do not allow yourself to believe you are dependent on the person you love.

Although being in unrequited love comes with longing and a sense of incompleteness, this does not mean your happiness depends on this other person’s love or presence in your life. Most people fall in love several times during a lifetime. Even if you never fall in love again it is important to realize you can still have a satisfying, full, and exciting life. To facilitate the process of moving on from your current feelings, try to focus on all of the other things that make you feel good. Appreciate your other loved ones, indulge in your hobbies (or take up new ones), and remember you will be happy again in the future. Staying busy and keeping your attention focused elsewhere will make it easier to move on from your sadness.

4. Remember being single has its rewards. Being in a loving relationship has wonderful benefits, but single people have other advantages to enjoy, as well. Indeed, many people who have been part of a couple for a long time can begin to miss the single life. If you are not in a relationship, your life is entirely your own. You can schedule events in a way that suits you; your living space is yours to decorate and organize how you want; and you can experience the fun of dating many new people. As you reflect on your life and relationships, do not overlook the very specific benefits of letting go of the particular person who does not return your love. Focus on his or her flaws and on your incompatibilities. Realize that some elements of being in a relationship with this person may have made you unhappy or may have even restricted your freedom in intolerable ways.