Page 1

CONNECTIONS the MAGAZINE

of AFLV

VOL. 5 / ISSUE 020 / FALL 2012


BE AN ACTION HERO! From the first ten seconds, Justin’s energy level was off the wall and by then, so was everyone else’s in the conference room. Justin inspires and leaves you motivated to lead in whatever position you may hold in your organization and breaks it down in very simple, relatable ways. Very powerful.

Connections is the official publication of the Association of Fraternal Leadership & Values. The views expressed by contributors, authors and advertisers are not necessarily those of the Association.

–Marc Catud, Theta Chi New Jersey Institute of Technology

AFLV encourages the submission of content to: Carol Preston • Editor connections@aflv.org Submit advertising queries to: Lea Hanson • Director of M & C lea@aflv.org 970 • 372 • 1174 888 • 855 • 8670 info@aflv.org Connections Magazine is published by AFLV for our member subscribers four times each year. Submission Deadlines:

Winter 2013 • Immersion Experiences • Dec 5 Spring 2013 • Greeks & Government • Feb 18 Summer 2013 • The Power of One • June 24

Are you tired of boring speakers, or high-energy speakers with no substance? If so, Justin perfectly combines great energy with great content to create an empowering experience. Students emerge from his keynotes and workshops excited and ready for challenges that face their college community.

JUSTIN JONES-

FOSU

Whether he’s speaking to a small group of 15 or to an auditorium of 1,500, students will be impacted by his energy, enthusiasm and encouragement. He is very passionate about helping individuals make good decisions and formulate action plans for their organizations and their lives.

Send address corrections to:

Association of Fraternal Leadership & Values 123 N. College Ave. • Suite 250 Fort Collins, CO • 80524 970 • 372 • 1174 888 • 855 • 8670 info@aflv.org

Creative Director • Layout & Design Steve Whitby • CAMPUSPEAK, Inc. steve.whitby@gmail.com Editorial Board Andrea Battaglia • Drury University Kristen Darnell • Teach for America Larry Long • Michigan State University Neil Stanglein • Virginia Commonwealth Viancca Williams • University of South Florida  

04 WHAT WILL YOU DO IF?

MIKE DILBECK · response ability project What would you do if… It’s easy to presume how we’d act when disaster hits and although most of us think we’d be valiant superheroes, that’s less often the case. Too often, people are bystanders. We stand back and say nothing when something needs to be said. When was the last time you walked away from a conflict and thought, “I should/could/would have…” Exactly. Dilbeck gets real by telling us that you don’t have to be Batman to make a difference and be someone’s hero. Stand up, say something, read this article.

08 IT’S LONELY AT THE TOP

Addison Ellis · Colorado State University If anyone knows leadership is hard to do, it’s a fraternity/sorority president. Being a leader of a values-based organization in which the members are college students, not to mention your closest friends, is a very difficult line to walk. It’s hard to make values-based decisions without making somebody mad. Addison Ellis knows this all too well. As a chapter president pushing his chapter to drop outdated (and illegal) traditions, he learned leadership the hard way. Read this personal account of why doing the right thing is the right choice, even though it’s often the choice that sucks the most.

12 BE A TRANSFORMER

LORI HANSON · LEARN2BALANCE.COM We love Lori Hanson because she gives it to us straight. If you’re all, “Help! I’m so stressed out! What should I do?!” She’s all, “Here. Here’s a list that will help you.” Being a leader is stressful. Being a leader who consistently chooses to do the right thing is even more stressful. It’s science. In this article, Hanson talks about the pressure cooker that is college and gives some uber helpful tips of how you can make it out not only alive, but a better person.

Disorders: 16 Deadly What College Women Need to Know Dr. Kim Dennis · Timberline Knolls

Everyone has heard of anorexia and bulimia. While dangerous, and even deadly, you need to know that disordered behavior goes far beyond eating disorders. Kim Dennis has written an outstanding article that introduces some important new topics to both students and professionals regarding deadly disorders that impact college women today. Have you heard the term “drunkorexia?” If you haven’t, you need to read this article. Dennis gives us the down and dirty and she gives it to us straight. These topics are tough to talk about but guess what? They’re real.

COLUMNS

002 // Letter from the Editor 018 // Facilitation 411 020 // Taking Action: No Woman Left Behind 022 // From the Road 024 // Sorry, We’re Not Sorry 025 // Five Ways to Respond 026 // Busted! 029 // One More Thing

Visit our website to see Justin’s offerings and the variety of ways he inspires students to be ACTion heroes.

CONNECT WITH JUSTIN

twitter: @justininspires facebook.com/justininspires

For more information about bringing Justin to your campus, please contact CAMPUSPEAK at (303) 745-5545, e-mail us at info@campuspeak.com or visit us on the web and see a promotional video of Justin at www.campuspeak.com/jones-fosu. Member / Fraternity Communications Association

AFLV // 001


“Do the Right Thing.” Sounds easy enough. Or is it? In general, children educated in the United States learn similar principles from their families, through various faith teachings, and in grade school. The Golden Rule. Do not unto others what you would not have them do unto you. What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man.  That is the law: all the rest is commentary. Love thy neighbor as thyself. Respect for all life is the foundation. If it’s so easy to do the right thing and many - I’d venture to guess, most - of us have been raised with some variation of this principle, why do we conveniently forget about as we get older? When did it become okay to treat others badly? At what point in our lives did we start thinking others don’t deserve the same respect we do? Sadly I know and hear of many fraternity and sorority members who think they are exempt from these principles when representing their organizations. They think the letters disappear and are not connected to their words or actions. What’s funny is that nearly every set of fraternal values I’ve seen, creed I’ve read, and public oath I’ve witnessed says the opposite – that as sorority and fraternity members, we are expected to uphold the highest of standards which more often than not includes some reference to doing the right thing. Go look up the mission, purpose, creed, and values of the chapters on your campus and I’m sure you will find the same thing.

Letter from the Editor

As fraternity and sorority members, we should be the ones setting the example, always doing the right thing, owning up when we make mistakes. As a campus-based professional I make it clear to the students I advise that if they mess up, they need to own up to it. I would rather hear about last night’s transgression directly from you instead of reading about it the next morning in the daily police log or worse, from my supervisor. I’m willing to bet most of my colleagues at other institutions and inter/national offices would agree. Will it always save you from “getting in trouble?” Honestly, no. But your chances are better. This issue will approach doing the right thing from a lot of angles and what you read is applicable in just about every aspect of sorority and fraternity life. Even more important, what you read is applicable in everyday life during and beyond your college years. Doing what is right is rarely easy, but college is your time to learn, grow, and challenge yourself. Your fraternity or sorority membership will probably provide some opportunities to practice and get used to doing the right thing, so take advantage of the opportunities when they arise.

Editor Connections Magazine @Carol_Preston 002 // connections // 2012 • FALL

CONTRIBUTORS MIKE DILBECK • RESPONSE ABILITY PROJECT Mike Dilbeck is the Founder & President of the RESPONSE ABILITY (RA) Project and now dedicates himself fully to this life-changing initiative. Currently, much of his time is spent as a professional speaker. He travels the country empowering others to be an every|day hero in their life and not participate in bystander behavior. Every year he speaks to thousands of people and he was named “Rookie of the Year” for CAMPUSPEAK in 2010, and recently became a member of the National Speakers Association. When he is not traveling, he works on expanding the RA Project and the Every|Day Hero Campaign, writing articles and blog posting, appearing in the media, and conducting trainings and workshops. Addison Ellis · Colorado State University Addison Ellis is a student leader extraordinaire at Colorado State University. He’s an Orientation Leader, an Admissions Ambassador, and a former chapter president of his fraternity, Alpha Tau Omega. If that’s not enough for you, he’s also a student in the President’s Leadership Program, a selective leadership development certification experience at Colorado State University. He’s a senior and is majoring in Natural Resource Recreation and Tourism.

LORI HANSON • Learn2Balance.com A life balance expert and motivational speaker Lori Hanson travels the country to speak on college campuses to inspire students to live in the moment, eat better, relax more, and live with balance. The author of Stress Survival Kit for College Students™ and It Started with Pop-Tarts®, Lori offers life/stress management, nutrition and eating disorders coaching programs nationally. To bring Lori to your campus or event visit Learn2Balance.com.

Dr. Kim Dennis • Timberline Knolls Dr. Kim Dennis is a board-certified psychiatrist who specializes in eating disorder treatment, addictions recovery, trauma / PTSD and co-occurring disorders. As CEO & Medical Director at Timberline Knolls Residential Treatment Center, she supervises the medical staff and sets the overall vision and direction for the treatment program. Dr. Dennis is published in the areas of gender differences in the development of psychopathology, co-occurring eating disorders and self-injury, and the use of medication with family-based therapy for adolescents with anorexia nervosa.


What will you do if? Mike Dilbeck + Founder & President

RESPONSE ABILITY Project & Every|Day Hero Campaign

What will you do if you walk in on your chapter hazing its new members? What will you do if you know one of your chapter members has an eating disorder? What will you do if you hear someone say something offensive and inappropriate? What will you do if you see someone who is drunk at a social function grab their car keys to drive home? What will you do if...? Will you be a bystander? Or, will you be a hero?

Everyone agrees the child rape and sexual abuse case of the now former assistant coach at Penn State University is a tragedy. But not everyone agrees on who is most to blame.

situations as bystanders. That is why the RESPONSE ABILITY® Project has launched the Every|Day Hero™ Campaign, a program designed to empower the everyday hero in all of us.

The infamous Penn State scandal resulted in unprecedented NCAA sanctions, indictment of Jerry Sandusky, ongoing legal matters, and the departure of top officials of the university – including Joe Paterno, the larger-than-life ex-coach. This is all under the logic that they had a legal, or at least a moral, obligation to move forcefully to stop the rape and abuse by Sandusky once they knew about it.

Our mission is to empower people to do something about improving conditions they encounter in everyday life, including what we see happen in our chapters, our fraternity and sorority communities, and on our campuses. We are all bystanders to certain situations that call for our attention and our actions. This does not make us bad people. It simply confirms we are human beings. These moments call for us to take a risk and act. We must do something – or at least say something. Yet, too often, we do not.

But much of the spotlight has been placed on the man who brought the abuse to light – former assistant coach Mike McQueary. McQueary allegedly witnessed the abuse. Many are asking, “Why didn’t he do something right then?” Or, at least do more after he blew the whistle and the powers-that-be failed to follow through? It is fair to ask that question but we should not to be so quick to rush to judgment. Anyone in McQueary’s situation might have reacted the same way he did. We all would like to think that, had we been in McQueary’s shoes, we would have made sure the abuse stopped immediately. We really want to believe we would, right?

Will you live out your personal values and those of the organization you have joined? Or, will you turn your back on them? I assert that you answered most, if not all, of these questions with something noble. Saying that you will immediately do something to intervene against what is happening. Saying you will live out your values. And, as a result, be a hero! We really want to believe we will, don’t we? I know I do. What will you do if you walk into a locker room and see a football coach sodomizing a 10-year-old innocent boy in the shower? Now we’re getting real.

The truth is that most of us are just like Mike McQueary and would have acted – or failed to act – in the same way he did. It’s very easy for us to sit back and judge, but some of us need to come off our proverbial high horses. While we want to believe we would take action, we actually do not know we would in the reality of this momentary choice. It’s sad but true that McQueary was simply being a human being. It’s also sad that we are seeing more and more situations where bystanders did not do whatever needed to be done. Or even say what needed to be said to prevent a harmful, tragic, or even offensive incident. Most of us find it very difficult to confront unfairness, injustice, abuse and other mistreatment that we confront in everyday

The RESPONSE ABILITY Project focuses on how being bystanders impacts six problem issue areas: bullying, hazing, drug & alcohol abuse, sexual violence, discrimination, and everyday life issues. Participants in the Every|Day Hero Campaign take a pledge to act or at least speak up in these situations in which they confront behavior or actions that demand their intervention. The best way to make this world the place we want it to be – that it can be – is if everybody has the mindset, “I will be a hero.” It can mean urging someone with a drug abuse problem to get help, intervening when a friend is drinking too much or making it your responsibility to make sure justice is done when you witness any kind of abuse. Acting in these situations is not just a matter of making us feel better; it can prevent a tragedy. As a CAMPUSPEAK speaker, I travel the country giving powerful keynote presentations where I offer students the opportunity to text me their stories of either being a bystander or being the victim to others being bystanders. Their responses attest to the seriousness and reality of this: • There was a boy in high school that was bullied a lot that I did not take part in, but I still didn’t stop it. He just committed suicide two weeks ago and I can only think that if I had intervened maybe one friendship would have stopped him from taking his own life. • This past May, I was at a party and witnessed a girl being date raped and didn’t know how to respond, so I tried to ignore it even though I knew it was wrong.


• My friend had been talking about trying drugs, and a week later he was found dead by his parents from an overdose. • I was with a group of my friends and we saw one of our other friends getting beaten by her boyfriend and none of us said anything about it. • I allowed my best friend in high school to do drugs and didn’t tell him to stop or even try to, and now he’s in Florida in a rehab center because he can’t stop using because his addiction is that bad. • Two boys started to harass me after school one day. They grabbed me and started to drag me to their car. I was kicking and screaming and no one helped me. The boys were whispering that they were going to rape me and I begged people around to help and they didn’t even look my way. They only stopped when someone honked their car horn. • This summer, my best guy friend killed his girlfriend who was my best girl friend. He had said things like “I’m going to kill her” or “I’ll kick her ass if...” I thought he was kidding and I never took it seriously. But now I feel like I could have done something to stop it. I have horrible survivor’s guilt and don’t know what to do. Unfortunately, and sadly, I have hundreds of text messages like these. They are examples of human beings not acting even though they truly wanted to. I really believe they wanted to. I believe we all want to. But, why don’t we? It is not just the fear of being physically harmed ourselves, and even when that is a possibility there are safe ways to intervene. But, more often, we are afraid to speak up or to intervene because of the fear of our friends and families, and yes, our own fraternity brothers and sorority sisters of being judgmental. Or, the fear of retaliation to our chapters if we do speak up. We go along with the crowd because just because it is easier. The Every|Day Hero Campaign believes in empowering individuals to not be a bystander. While there are many interpretations of the word “hero,” we have adopted the one used by the Heroic Imagination Project: Heroes are people who transform compassion (a person virtue) into heroic action (a civic virtue). In doing so, they put their best selves forward in service to humanity. A hero is an individual or network of people that take action on behalf of others in need, or in defense of integrity or a moral cause.

Heroic action is: 1. Engaged in voluntarily; 2. Conducted in service to one or more people or the community as a whole; 3. Involving a risk to physical discomfort, social stature, or quality of life; and 4. Initiated without the expectation of material gain. According to Sue Shellenbarger of the Wall Street Journal, “It is hard to know for sure who will step up and who will freeze up in a crisis. But, amid growing interest in positive psychology, the study of human strengths and virtues, research in recent years has shed light on the qualities and attitudes that distinguish heroes from the rest of us.” She goes on to say, “Certain traits make it more likely that a person will make a splitsecond decision to take a heroic risk. People who like to take charge of situations, who respond sympathetically to others, and who have a strong sense of moral and social responsibility are more likely to intervene than people who lack those traits, research shows. Heroes tend by nature to be hopeful, believing events will turn out well. They consciously try to keep fear from hampering their pursuit of goals, and they tend to block out the possibility of injury or material loss.” Service. Sympathy. Moral and social responsibility. Hope. Bravery. Courage. Are these not the qualities we say we are made of? Are these not some of the values represented in our rituals? Are these not the traits of our founders? Are these not some of the keywords we use in recruitment? Yes, they are. I ask us to present these more in the daily rituals – the “little r’s”of life. I also ask that we let them be our compass as we practice, and use, the three tools I have created for bystander intervention. To make the difference we want to make and to be a hero, we must: 1. Target Problem 2. Transcend Barriers 3. Take Action! As I mentioned earlier, I have hundreds of heartbreaking text messages from my audience members attesting to the challenge we all have to intervene in problem situations and make the difference we want to make. However, I also have a few stories from heroes – amazing students who targeted a problem, transcended their barriers, and took actions to foster change.

Here are just two of them: Mike: the night after your speech, there was a big drug bust on our campus. Students got really rowdy and drunk. I personally intervened in several situations and prevented four arrests and one rape. I would have never done so without hearing you talk. Mike: if you remember, I came up and introduced myself after your speech last semester and I was a pledge of my fraternity at the time. After a semester of intense hazing, I got initiated. Just last week, our new pledges were sent out to paint the rock on our campus, an activity that always results in them coming back to the chapter house and getting hazed. I went out to the rock and joined them -- no other active has ever done that in our chapter. I had pledges thanking me and telling me that I was what a true brother is and that I am their hero. These heroes represent another thought Sue shared in her article, “Heroic people also tend to have a strong sense of ethics and above-average coping skills – a belief in their ability to tackle challenges and beat the odds.” I want to believe this represents each and every member of the fraternity and sorority community. Therefore, I offer all of us this choice. We can let society continue to exist as it does where way too many people are being violated, feeling unsafe, and thinking that others just don’t care. We can continue to walk through our own lives not even present to how great we are and how much we really can make a difference for others. Or, we can choose to create a whole new world. A whole new fraternity and sorority community that has members who commit to a pledge of extraordinary service for others. We can let things continue to exist as they do. Or, we can choose to be more present to the people around us, love them more and take care of them. We can choose to be heroes. It is something we can & must do. SOURCES: Heroic Imagination Project. (2012, Sept. 7) Defining heroism. Retrieved from: http://heroicimagination.org/welcome/psychologyand-heroism/

1 2 3

3 TOols FOR MAKing The DIFferENCe… TA R G E T P R O B L E M While this may seem obvious at first, consider there are problems happening around you that are not being identified as problems. This requires being present, being aware, and thinking from your values. When you are coming from your values – and seeing or hearing what is around you through your values – you will powerfully be able to distinguish a problem as a problem and then proceed to the next tool. What will have you not target a problem, as a problem, is your set of excuses, explanations, justifications and reasons. Even when you know something is a problem. In that moment, whatever is happening becomes “just the way it is” and “just the way life is.”

TRANSCEND BARRIERS The moment you target a problem as a problem, you will immediately have a thought – a very powerful thought that might have you freeze, stay silent or even walk away. It is that powerful of a thought. Three possible thoughts you could have are: 1 “No one else is doing anything, it must not be a problem.” 2 “It’s not my job – someone else will do (or say) something.” 3 “I am scared of what might happen if I do (or say) something.” These are three of the barriers to intervention and are the key sources of bystander behavior. This tool requires that we simply identify the thought, as a thought, and TRANSCEND – go beyond – that thought. Don’t let that thought diminish the problem and have you turn your back on making the difference. This is simple. Yet, it’s not always easy. This takes courage.

TA K E A C T I O N Now that you have targeted the problem and transcended the barriers, you want to now take some kind of action. In many situations, this doesn’t require a big action with high drama and emotion. It can be simple yet powerful. It could be calling 9-1-1. It could be having a conversation – then or later. It could mean changing the subject. It could also mean direct confrontation. Be safe. Be responsible. And, take some kind of action – big or small – to make the difference in the situation and for those impacted. This, too, is simple. This, too, is not easy. This, too, takes courage.

Wall Street Journal, The. (2012, Aug.21) Are You a Hero or a Bystander?. Retrieved from: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB100008 72396390443989204577603341710975650.html?mod=e2tw

© 2012 RESPONSE ABILITY Project | RAProject.org 006 // CONNECTIONS // 2012 • FALL

This is leadership. This is power. This is what it looks and feels like to be an everyday hero!


The quote “it’s lonely at the top,” is a harsh understatement when referring to the president or leader of any organization. Serving as the president of Alpha Tau Omega at Colorado State University (CSU) during my undergraduate career was one of the leadership roles I held. Since I was little I have always enjoyed the idea of being in charge; leadership always looked so glamorous. I entered college and dove right into the concept of leadership development. I served as an orientation leader, section leader in the marching band, admissions ambassador and also enrolled in the President’s Leadership Program during my four years at CSU. I felt like I knew exactly what it meant to be a leader and I loved calling myself one.

IT’S LONELY AT THE TOP By Addison Ellis · Alpha Tau Omega · Colorado State University

When the time finally came for elections in my chapter, I decided to run for president. I made this decision knowing there was little to no chance I would win. My opponent was one of the most popular members of the fraternity – I thought he was a shoein for the position. Surprisingly, the chapter elected me president. I was excited and optimistic about the year ahead. I had dreams of amazing events and a great recruitment, but never envisioned the backlash that comes with being president. I joined ΑΤΩ when I was a sophomore. I never thought about joining a fraternity and frankly, the idea scared me a little. I met one of my future brothers in a public speaking class spring semester of my freshman year. We became friends and he invited me to a recruitment event. I really enjoyed it and went to another, and then another. Before I know it, I was a new member. I do not have a biological brother so I was really excited about having 40 brothers in college and I enjoyed the time I spent with them.


After stepping into the role as president, I was overwhelmed with the tasks I had to accomplish. From an outside perspective, the president does very little. They run the chapter meeting, they communicate with the inter/national organization, the campus fraternity/sorority advisor, and make sure all executive members are fulfilling their responsibilities. Now that I was president, I understood the overwhelming amount of stress and details it takes to keep a chapter functioning. I approached my role as president in such a way that I kept the chapter running like a business. I served as the level head and encouraged members to make good “great.” I also had the responsibility to keep the chapter free of risk management violations and keep them safe. I took the role very seriously as our chapter lost a brother the semester before I joined in a completely preventable accident. The last thing I wanted to see was any of my brothers get injured or worse Each year, my chapter took part in a “nonchapter-sponsored event.” This event took place since we chartered. It was known around campus that we were the ones who hosted it. This event included a lot of alcohol and a lot of alumni (dozens of our alumni returned just for this event including members of our Board of Trustees (BOT)). The fraternity/sorority advisor alerted me that the administration was aware of the event and they wanted to have a meeting with me. I entered her office and began to get an ear full. She explained people knew about this event for years and expected past presidents to take care of this internally. Since that approach did not work, she was going to take disciplinary action against the chapter if we held the event this year. With very few options I went to my executive board to discuss how we were going to fix this. Fellow chapter leaders were all very young and many of them had not participated in this event. I had difficulties explaining its importance and also the negative repercussions this was could cause. We, as a board, decided this event needed to be cancelled for the greater good of the chapter and our longevity on campus. I presented this information at the following chapter meeting. Many brothers were very upset. Some brothers even stormed out of the room. As I was being harassed by members, my executive board remained quiet and kept their opinions to themselves. My own brothers left me out to dry. I know now that this is the role of the president but it still did not make it any easier. 010 // CONNECTIONS // 2012 • FALL

After the meeting, I still sensed anger and frustration. I thought it would be best for all involved to drop the issue and let everyone reflect before jumping to any conclusions.. Later that evening I received called from the BOT. They were upset with me as well. They plan their annual trip to Fort Collins around this event. I received threatening calls from brothers and even an email from an alumnus asking for a copy of our bylaws to examine the proper way to impeach the president.

I was a complete mess after that chapter meeting. I spent hours in my advisor’s office crying. I spoke with alumni about the process of stepping down as president and how reelection worked. I met with various members of the chapter to discuss their ability to take over my position. Most importantly, I met with various chapter presidents across campus. Their words and experiences were mirror images to mine. They were all going through the same struggles.

I called an emergency meeting of the executive board and BOT. We discussed the outrage of the chapter and my role as president. Most members still believe I reported the event to the fraternity/sorority life staff. Many members also believed I was only doing this because I did not want the chapter to have any fun. The BOT also put me in an incredibly tough pace. . The inter/national staff expressed their support for my decisions and they oversee the BOT.

I began to reflect on myself and the reasons I joined my organization after talking with fellow presidents. I joined a group of men who believed in something greater than themselves. I joined a group of men who wanted to make something of themselves. I joined a group of men because I wanted to make something better of myself. Looking back, I knew exactly what I had to do.

I described why this event had to be cancelled to the BOT. I also discussed why their presence at any alcohol related function was not acceptable. They were convinced that this was the best course of action and they decided to support the executive board in our decision. The chapter on the other hand, was not such an easy sell. For weeks after the initial discussion, I was treated like as I was no longer an ΑΤΩ. I was still the president, but not a worthy brother in their eyes. They planned a secret spring break trip where nearly the entire chapter rented a beach house in California behind my back. I was removed from many of their mass texts. I was no longer invited to Friday night gatherings. Knowing this tension was present, I held an open discussion during a chapter meeting to allow others the space to vent. I thought this would be a great way for everyone to get things off their chests and would help us move in the right direction. Little did I know this would turn into a two-hour attack at me. Being called a dictator is about the nicest thing I can put in print –, but most importantly I was said to be the worst thing that had ever happened to ΑΤΩ.

I called an emergency meeting of the executive board and I announced that I would remain in the president role. I also announced that we would stand our ground and not give in to the pressures of others. My fraternity was not going to be ruined because of one stupid drinking event. I did not care what alumni thought, and I frankly did not care what most members thought. I was elected president because they trusted I would do the greatest good for this chapter; and that is exactly what I would do. At our next chapter meeting, I opened the floor back up for discussion. I allowed the space for members to once again to express their feeling or concerns. This time however, I only asked for constructive criticism. I also announced that this drinking event was cancelled for the good of the chapter. The atmosphere of the room was completely different than the previous meeting. Brothers were willing to accept the changes that were happening in the chapter. They were willing to listen. The brothers simply listening to my concerns about this event was one of the most rewarding feelings I have had so far. It was rewarding to know that my opinions still mattered. One of the best things that happened to the chapter was the members chose to leave the chapter just because the event was cancelled. The member who left only joined for drinking and partying and are not the men we want to associate with. They were doing more harm than good.

Great things happened as a result of that discussion. Many ideas were suggested that helped reenergize the chapter. It was great for me to hear things the chapter wanted to see done differently and also things that I had been doing really well.

One brother stated that “president” was one of the most thankless jobs, And he is right. But he also stated that being in that role may be thankless now, but once you graduate and come back to the chapter 10 years down the road, it will be one of the most rewarding experiences one has ever had. I once again met with fellow presidents and discussed the experiences we all took away thus far during our terms. It was helpful to hear that I was not alone in this position. I began to understand I was taking things a little too personally. I was having a hard time seeing the members of the chapter were taking out their anger and frustration on me because I was elected to the role of president. Nobody is given a manual on how to be president when elected. It is a job where you learn as you go, and you are guaranteed to make mistakes. You have to simply trust the system and believe in yourself. It was hard to hear all the bad things I was doing wrong but it was also very helpful. Continuing to grow as a leader was why I was interested in this position and it is rewarding to finally understand that. It is also important to mention the importance of sticking to your values. I joined ΑΤΩ because of the values we uphold and as president I needed to stand up for those values.

Frankly, it is easier most of the time to simply step back and pretend everything is going well. Letting the event happen and deal with the repercussions afterwards would have been the easy way out. The idea of doing the right thing is great – it is romantic and exciting. I think any leader dreams of making change for the greater good. What I learned, however, is that it is usually NOT easy to do the right thing. Actually, it is really hard. Standing up and creating change creates negative consequences – losing friends, losing respect, getting impeached. Some people even face physical violence for these types of actions. So why even bother? It is much easier to just maintain the status quo - even if that status quo is negative or even dangerous. People should try because it is for the greater good. I personally joined this fraternity because I believe in the values it stands upon. I believe in the message it portrays and I believe in the positive influences fraternity has on young men. I created this change because I wanted to make it possible for others to have the same experiences. That is why I did what I did. I wanted to see this chapter have a lasting impact on my campus. I gained more trust and respect as president, but friendships were also broken. By going through such a hard situation I realized just how strong of a person I really am. The role of president or a leader in any organization is never fun. It is hard work with long hours. Blood, sweat, and tears were all present in my time as president but the rewards were more outstanding. Being able to look back on my chapter and know that I made a profound impact is one of the most rewarding things I can take away from my college experience. It is lonely at the top a lot of the time but that comes with honor and respect. Being the president of my fraternity has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. It is easy to relate to presidents who make the wrong decisions because those are much easier to make. I could have gone with the flow and allowed for my chapter to hold this event. That would have been super easy and probably a lot of fun at that moment in time, however, ΑΤΩ will continue to be on this campus because of my hard work. Men will be fortunate enough to have the same experiences I had because of the dedication I put in, and that is the most rewarding.

AFLV // 011


There’s a reason some college students “can’t handle their liquor” and overdose on drugs, and others don’t. And it is a bit more complex than you might expect. Over the past four years as I’ve been speaking on college campuses and for AFLV, AFA and SEPC Conferences I heard a lot of concern and discussion about the risks of binge drinking and taking drugs. Yet the problem persists. And I don’t think it’s because all college students just want to be rebels (like I was), nor do I believe they all intend to repeat the behavior. It just “happens,” and they get out of control. If you’re in college I suspect you know at least one person who struggles with their need to “numb out.” If you break it down, that’s really what addictive/crazy behavior is all about: numbing out. In today’s world there is so much pressure from so many angles that no one really shuts down any more (or turns off their cell phones). The pressure can come from many places, like the pressure to: Hit the GPA you need/want Manage your schedule Do your homework Please your parents Please your coaches if you’re an athlete Make your professors happy Be a good fraternity brother or sorority sister or advisor Be a good friend Be active in the community Work Take on additional responsibilities and leadership roles that will make you more desirable to future employers And….oh yeah, take care of yourself, eat right and sleep, now who really has time for that? All of this pressure piled onto a person who isn’t overly confident or a bit insecure can create a bit of a time bomb looking for a place to blow off steam. You know them; they’re the cocky ones ready to take on anyone or anything. But underneath the verbose exterior is a student who is very unsure of themselves…but they’ll never admit it. In addition to the pressure cooker, another big issue that contributes to why some people binge drink and use drugs in a nutritional issue. Yes, a nutritional issue from their diet. The American diet has been severely lacking for many years. The result is more illness, disease, beat-up immune systems, more ADD, ADHD, more eating disorders and more alcoholics. So the fact that some of your brothers or sisters can’t control themselves isn’t necessarily their fault.

By Lori Hanson

012 // CONNECTIONS // 2012 • FALL

So what about nutrition? Because of all the fast food, boxed, frozen and canned food that is consumed, and the insane amount of sugar that is consumed in many forms, your body isn’t getting the highgrade fuel it needs. Without daily doses of high-grade whole food that includes complex carbohydrates (brown things), lean protein, green leafy vegetables and healthy fats your body and brain chemistry suffer and get depleted. When your neurotransmitters don’t get the proper fuel they need serotonin, catecholamine, gaba and endorphins supplies are depleted.

Why is this important? The depletion of these neurotransmitters contributes to addictive behaviors. For example, low serotonin contributes to obsessive thinking (eating disorders and the drug addict), carbohydrate cravings, depression, suicide and more. But when you build your serotonin levels back up and get them re-fueled with natural supplements you’ll find these detrimental behaviors begin to go away. The same thing does not happen by taking anti-depressants. An anti-depressant is like a band-aid that makes you feel better between doses but does not increase your serotonin levels. So the outof-control partier may not be at fault because of brain chemistry that is off-balance, but it is an issue that needs to be addressed. If you Google “college student deaths from alcohol” or “college student deaths from drug overdose” you’ll get a quick list of depressing statistics of the number of students who have died senselessly simply because they’re acting to excess and don’t know how to stop the party. However, if you Google “college student deaths from eating disorders” the numbers aren’t as readily available because death from an eating disorder is harder to track because most die from medical complications like heart failure, organ failure, malnutrition or suicide. I mention eating disorders with the drug and alcohol abuse because more than 30% of college students have eating disorders1—and it isn’t just the women. Many students hide their issues, so the numbers are actually higher than that. And although it isn’t talked about on college campuses nearly as much as alcohol and drugs (something I’m working to change) more people die from eating disorders than any other mental illness.2 College is a critical time in life. It’s a big transition from high school and living with mom and dad to being on your own, making your own decisions, good or bad and learning how to live with them. The things that happen in college and on Facebook, unlike Vegas, don’t stay there, and will shape and follow you the rest of your life. Have you ever stopped for a minute to consider how you would feel if your fraternity brother or sorority sister died from a drug or alcohol overdose or from an eating disorder? And what if you knew they had a problem and just couldn’t bring yourself to confront them. Or you had confronted them on numerous occasions, but they just wouldn’t listen. How would it make you feel…knowing you could have done something more? 1 Rosewood Ranch Center for Eating Disorders 2 American Journal of Psychiatry, Vol. 152 (7), July 1995, p. 1073-1074, Sullivan, Patrick F.


3. Offer to support them and not judge them

I remember when I read the article about retired NFL player Erik Kramer’s 18 year-old son Griffen who died of an apparent drug overdose last year. What struck me most about the story was that his “friend” allegedly drove Griffen around in his car while he was unconscious and didn’t seek medical help until the next morning when Griffen was unresponsive.3 As I searched for the story update before writing this article, I found that Griffen’s friend has now been charged with involuntary manslaughter and possession. I understand that young people sometimes get scared, but if your friend is unconscious after taking drugs or drinking it’s time to act and act quickly. The ramifications will be much less painful than going to jail and spending the rest of your life knowing someone died because you didn’t call for help. That is a huge load to carry on your back. So what can you do? Or more importantly what will you do—you need strategies that you’ll feel comfortable using regardless of the situation. You can be a transformer and make a big difference in the life of your brothers, sisters or other friends that are out of control.

1. Talk to them and focus on the risks

Yeah, this isn’t rocket science, but peer pressure is a big deal. It’s not easy to confront your brother or sister with the “unpopular facts” about what they’re doing to themselves. And, chances are you indulge too, just not as much. So the pattern continues and in many cases grows. And with it the risks of: death, injury, assault, sexual abuse, unsafe sex, academic problems, health problems, suicide attempts, drunk driving, vandalism, property damage, police involvement/records and addiction which can have a huge impact on their life and ability to achieve their goals. Talk to them about the realities they face if they continue on this path and make it real for them.

2. Get advice from an adult or professional

This one can be really helpful if you’re dealing with someone who has an eating disorder who is in denial. Saying things like, “Why don’t you just eat,” or confronting a bulimic about what you accidentally found in the trash will totally put them on the defensive. The longer a person has an eating disorder and the deeper the behavior goes the more isolated they will get. Denial is easier than facing what they aren’t up to facing. Also, with eating disorders many individuals don’t understand the damage they are doing to their body and that they can die from this behavior. For many it starts innocently enough and then they get hooked and can’t just pull away. Sometimes the in-your-face approach is the best. I’ve had numerous conversations with teens and college-age students who had no idea they could die from anorexia and bulimia. Professionals may include your campus counseling staff, local rehab clinics for drugs and alcohol and treatment professionals or facilities for eating disorders. 3 Teens charged in death of retired NFL player’s son, By Zohreen Adamjee, CNN up-

dated 5:59 PM EST, Sat November 19, 2011

014 // CONNECTIONS // 2012 • FALL

After you’ve had a conversation with your out-of-control friend. Invite them to open up or share what they are going through. Sometimes this happens when they’re drunk, or after they’ve just had an episode with their eating disorder behavior. But when you offer your support understand that this doesn’t mean being the food or alcohol police. Support means helping them think through their behavior and being a willing listener when they need to talk it through and not judging them. One of the biggest mistakes people make is after the person with the problem opens up, the supporter decides to police their every move. This will only push them away and isn’t helpful. Instead encourage adult/adult conversations with them, but also keep your boundaries so they aren’t calling you every night at 3 am!

4. Act Quickly When Needed

If you’ve tried talking, listening and nothing seems to be working. Don’t be afraid to take action. I shared this advice with a couple of girls last year at SEPC (Southeastern Panhellenic Conference) after my program that followed the advice and contacted the parents of a roommate battling with bulimia. The end result for the bulimic was relief and admission that she had a problem and needed help. If you see someone who is overly intoxicated or may have overdosed on drugs who is non-responsive or unconscious ACT. Make a commitment right now, that if you’re ever in this situation you won’t think twice but will act to save their life and yours from living with guilt for many years to come. Make a commitment to be a transformer.

5. Think positive

This is perhaps the biggest one of all. When you find yourself confronted with a situation like we’ve discussed in this article instead of letting your mind race through all the negative things that can happen (“he or she will never speak to me again,” “I’ll get in trouble if I mention this to an adult,” or “I’ll be in trouble with my parents”….). Focus on all the best-case scenarios and be optimistic. They could respond with relief; they could get pissed and get over it when they realize how much you care, which could strengthen your friendship; opening up to their parents may be the start of real healing within their family…the possibilities are endless of good things that can come from this. Be a transformer, be a standout, be special. Make a commitment that you will help yourself and anyone else who is struggling with excessive habits. You’ll feel so good knowing you’ve helped to transform and improve the quality of life of your brother or sister. Because after all that’s what we’re all here for to learn and grow.

Be well. Live BETTER.


ANOREXIA This is the eating disorder that is less likely than the others to escape notice. Those with anorexia appear as though literal starvation is right around the corner, because it often is. Young women with anorexia can and do starve themselves to death. Approximately 10% will die within a decade of anorexia onset.

DEADLY DISORDERS: WHAT COLLEGE WOMEN NEED TO KNOW Dr. Kim Dennis · Board Certified Psychiatrist Medical Director · Timberline Knolls

Every fall, a new school year starts; every fall, hundreds of thousands of eager young women leave their homes for the first time. They hail from small rural towns or huge metropolitan cities, yet they share one thing in common: they are entering college. This is the biggest, and arguably, the most important step each has taken in her young life. The future with its promise of chosen occupation, and perhaps even life partner, is poised to unfold. Ahead await new friends, experiences, and challenges. Many can meet this life of great change head-on with ease, strength and determination while others cannot. Today, professionals in the behavioral health field are seeing a disturbing trend: a rise in co-occurring disorders among young women. In this article, we will address two of the most prevalent and potentially lethal: eating disorders and substance use, specifically alcohol. Alone, these disorders are dangerous; together, they can permanently damage a young woman’s health, destroy her life in ways she never anticipated, and possibly even kill her.

Eating Disorders The average age of eating disorder onset is 13. The next most at-risk age group is that of young college women. Although binge eating disorder is escalating at an alarming rate among men, far more common with young women is anorexia and bulimia.

Research indicates a genetic component exists with anorexia. It is often said that genetics load the gun and environment pulls the trigger. This is frequently the case with this disease. Take a young woman with a genetic predisposition to anorexia and place her in a new stressful environment, rife with high academic and social expectations. Imagine she, like so many young women, is driven by perfectionism, the need to excel, and has struggled with food or body image issues in the past. She, fully aware of the necessity to be thin in our appearanceobsessed culture, is terribly fearful that she will fall victim to the dreaded “freshman 15” (which refers to the expected freshman weight gain). What transpires next is fairly predictable. She diets. A full 91% of women recently surveyed on a college campus had attempted to control their weight through dieting. What is rarely understood is that dieting is one of the greatest predictors of a future eating disorder. This young woman starts restricting. She cuts out certain types of food, usually starting with foods that are high in fat, and ramps up her exercise regimen. She is in charge of her body and is achieving the “look.” Carbohydrates and then meat are the next to go. She feels powerful and in control. What is regrettable is that control will remain a driving and key factor in this scenario; unfortunately, this control inevitably shifts from her to the eating disorder. Anorexia becomes the all-powerful force in her life. Weight loss, dieting and restriction of food intake will dictate her every move; no more lunches with friends or social engagements that involve food. She will live in fear of being “found out”; the only fear greater will be that of getting fat. Even though she barely consumes enough to sustain life, the fear of gaining weight is ever-present. Do you know someone like this?

BULIMIA This disorder is far more secretive than anorexia. Those with bulimia eat huge quantities of food to the point that they are in true physical pain. Then they purge, usually through self-induced vomiting. Very little about this process is actually enjoyable to people with bulimia. They do not savor the food or delight in the act. They consume the food rapidly and with great purpose. While ridding themselves of the food can be associated with a sense of power and relief, it is definitely not pleasant. Then why do they do it?

016 // CONNECTIONS // 2012 • FALL

The term used by behavioral health professionals is emotion regulation. They engage in the behavior because it helps them cope with painful or unpleasant emotions associated with daily life. Consider another young woman going to college. She, like the woman in the first example, feels tremendous pressure to fit in, make the right friends, and do well academically. She is far from home, missing her family, worried about grades, unsure what the future will hold. Lonely, anxious, depressed, she picks up a bag of cookies, or dives into the care package sent from home. The food provides a nice distraction and immediate comfort. As she eats, she feels better, not so sad or lonely. Unfortunately, when nothing remains but a few crumbs, she realizes the inevitable consequence of her action. She is all alone and the bathroom is close by. Vomiting seems like a reasonable solution. She throws up and experiences a sense of near euphoria. This is due to the body’s response to the violent nature of vomiting. The brain emits soothing chemicals in an effort to reinstate a sense of calm. What she doesn’t know is that the binge-purge cycle is highly addictive; those with bulimia can repeat this behavior six, eight, or ten times a day. Not unlike the woman with anorexia, this woman will abdicate all control to her disorder. Her life will revolve around planning and executing the next binge and purge. She must acquire the necessary food, ensure privacy, then discard any evidence of the behavior such as empty bags or wrappers. This is the covert aspect of the illness. Those with bulimia suffer tremendous shame and guilt over the symptoms of their disease. There is just no rational way to explain their actions. Many think to themselves, “What kind of person would consume such an enormous amount of food, only to vomit?” Consider the waste of food, to say nothing of the cost – she knows this makes no sense. Therefore, she must maintain secrecy. Relationships with friends and family are compromised due to this need to remain under the radar. Do you know someone like this?

DRUNKOREXIA Consuming alcohol to excess on college campuses is nothing new. Indeed, it was probably in a college environment that the word “party” transformed from a noun to a verb. What is new is a phenomenon called drunkorexia. This is not a medical term; instead, it is used to describe a hybrid of anorexia, bulimia and alcoholism. The stereotypical drunkorexic is a female college student. Although she wants to party, she knows alcohol is fattening. Therefore, ever conscious of caloric intake, she eats virtually nothing all day. Because there is no food in the stomach to absorb the alcohol, she gets very drunk quickly. Those who engage in bulimia often drink a lot, eat a lot, then purge. This is followed by more drinking in order to maintain the level of intoxication. Do you know someone like this?

CONSEQUENCES OF DRUNKOREXIA Young women who consistently starve themselves and binge drink suffer a myriad of health consequences. They are often malnourished due to the lack of solid, healthy nutrition, and many develop dangerous electrolyte imbalances. Yet, every single year, thousands of college students WISH the only consequence of this behavior was iron-poor blood. Why? The answer is summed up in only one word, possibly THE most female-feared word in the English language: rape. At our treatment center, a full 50 to 75% of women who enter treatment for substance abuse or dependence have a history of sexual abuse, rape or date rape while intoxicated. These women were drunk, high, blacked out, or even passed out when the violation occurred. Even more horrifying than the thought of a man having sex with a woman when she was unconscious, is the fact that many of these women actually believe it is their fault. The guilt and shame associated with an event such as this is astronomical, to say nothing of the possibility of pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease. Experiencing a violation of this magnitude can damage a woman permanently, or at the very least, drastically alter the course of her life.

Q&A Throughout this article, the question “do you know someone like this?” has been asked. Most likely, the truth is you do. Whether it is a sorority sister, who is painfully thin, never eats and exercises all the time, or another who immediately heads for the bathroom after meals and has scrapes on her knuckles from selfinduced vomiting, or another who routinely doesn’t eat so she can get more intoxicated faster -- you definitely know someone like this. Now the only question that remains is how will you respond? Sororities exist for many important reasons and serve a variety of valuable functions. At the end of the day, every sorority is simply a group of women sharing similar values and life goals. Away from home, they are your family -- they are yours sisters. As such, we would ask you to extend the same concern to each of them as you would a member of your nuclear family. Keep in mind that the disorders discussed here are all life-threatening. Anorexics and bulimics suffer lethal heart arrhythmias, a bulimic can rupture her esophagus and bleed to death, and a drunkorexic has a significantly increased risk of suffering either of these fates. If you know someone at risk, please talk to her about it. Nothing harsh or accusatory; just speak to her in love, tell her of your concerns and offer to help her find the help she needs.

AFLV // 017


FACILITATION 411: DO THE RIGHT THING Contributed by Vito Lombardo · Drury University · Lambda Chi Alpha

Doing the right thing is acting in accordance with what is just, good, and proper.

LEARNING OBJECTIVE Doing the right thing is not always easy; at times, it can be the most difficult thing to do. Sometimes, doing the wrong thing might actually be the most beneficial to you. Nonetheless, while you are concerned with yourself, you may be forgetting about everyone else. What are the consequences that others needlessly must suffer when you do the wrong thing? The game, “Win as Much as You Can,” answers that question and demonstrates, through its reviewing, playing, and discussing, that doing the right thing, even though it is often challenging and disadvantageous, is ideal for the greater good.

FACILITATOR CONSIDERATIONS

HOW TO GET STARTED

HOT TIP! Remember, stress the main rule of the game: win as much as you can. Never tell the entire group that the eight rounds are a competition between the teams, because they are not. However, they will assume that they are on their own. It is their responsibility to discover that the game is a competition to win as much as you can, for the entire group.

The facilitator should read the following instructions to the entire group:

The teams, before rounds 3, 4, 6, and 7, have the opportunity to send a representative to discuss voting with the other team representatives. Typically, teams vote red to attempt to win the maximum points for their team. When voting red, the only way to lose points is when all the teams vote red. During discussions, team representatives mutually agree to vote green, but usually at least 1 team double crosses the other teams and votes red. To do the right thing, each team should vote green for the rounds. If the teams vote green, they will win 50 points apiece for a 200-point net gain for the entire group. Conversely, according to the scoring rules, teams have the opportunity to score more points strategically voting red. If 3 teams vote red and 1 team votes green, 2 teams vote red and 2 teams vote green, or if 1 team votes red and 3 teams vote green, the teams voting red appear to win points and the teams voting green appear to lose points. However, closely look at the point calculations. For example, if 3 teams each win 100 points and 1 team loses 300 points, how many points has the entire group won? The answer is a big, fat 0 point net gain. For the 3 scenarios above to happen, at least 1 team needs to vote green. Sometimes, the 4 teams get greedy, all vote red, and their mutual greed is met with a 200 point loss per team, totaling an 800 point net loss for the entire group. The only way to win a positive point net gain for the entire group is when all the teams vote green.

SUPPLIES 4 writing utensils (1 for each team) 4 sheets of paper (1 for each team, which they should tear into 8 pieces) 4 team names (1 for each team, which they should write on each piece of paper)

ROOM SET-UP Group chairs in 4 separate corners of the room

GROUP SIZE Divide the group into 4 teams and set each team in separate corners of the room

ACTIVITY TIMING SOURCE: Ludwig, N. (2011, October 22). Win as much as you can [Web log post]. Retrieved from: //nick-ludwig.com/2011/10/22/win-as-much-as-you-can/

018 // CONNECTIONS // 2012 • FALL

Plan for approximately 1 hour to review, play, and discuss “Win as Much as You Can”

“Your task is to win as many positive points as you can. Your team will have 2 minutes to decide whether to vote GREEN or RED in each round. To indicate your votes, write an “R” or a “G” on one of your pieces of paper. I will collect your votes, but I am not allowed to answer any questions. Before rounds 3, 4, 6, and 7, you may send a representative to discuss with the other team representatives in the center of the room for 2 minutes. During this time, representatives should speak very loudly so others can hear their discussion and the other team members should remain silent, so as not to distract them. Your representative does not always have to be the same person. Whatever you earn in round 4 will be doubled; your score in round 8 will be multiplied by 10. Remember, the purpose of the game is to win as many points as you can.” Begin the game.

SCORING RULES G = Green and R = Red GGGG: All teams win 50 points. GGGR: The teams voting Green lose 100 points and the team voting Red wins 300 points. GGRR: The teams voting Green lose 200 points and the teams voting Red win 200 points. GRRR: The team voting Green loses 300 points and the teams voting Red win 100 points. RRRR: All teams lose 50 points.

DISCUSSION The facilitator should lead the discussion with these questions: “Did conflict occur in this game? Why? What was the cause?” “What was it like to be a representative in the game? Did you “double cross” the other teams when you made your decision during those rounds?” “Who was the “You” in “Win as Much as You Can,” an individual team or the entire group?” “How would knowing who the “You” was have changed how you played the game?” “Why didn’t anyone ask who the “You” was?”

PLAN FOR SUCCESS With all of its rounds, points, and discussions, “Win as Much as You Can” can become confusing. Do not rush through reviewing the game and make sure the entire group understands the game before the game begins. Remember, the facilitator is not allowed to answer any questions during the game. The discussion following the game is critical to understanding the learning objective of the game.

FEEDBACK After one has hosted or led any event, assessment is essential for improvement. Consider distributing surveys to participants or sponsor a feedback meeting to gather successes, opportunities, and goals for the next program.

AFLV // 019


“One Sexual Assault is too many, One Student can make a difference” This is the mantra of One Student, a non-profit organization that provides cutting edge programs, resources, and opportunities that engage students to create social change to reduce sexual violence. No Woman Left Behind is a campaign of the One Student movement with thirteen national chapters. From OneStudent.org: “NWLB is a bystander intervention program created by women for women and the men who care about them. It was established to educate communities about sexual assault and to create a culture that does not wait for someone else to take action. In addition to serving as a public awareness campaign this program includes, curriculum based educational initiatives for college students as well as functioning NWLB chapters located on campuses throughout the country with programs, resources and opportunities to address sexual violence.” In spring of 2011, Wittenberg’s Panhellenic Council sponsored an educational program called “Sexversations” during Confidence Coalition week; Sexversations an interactive educational program addressing sexual health, violence, and healthy sexual behaviors. The program is facilitated by Kelly Addington and Becca Tieder, creators of One Student. Following Sexversations, the Kelly and Becca trained students, faculty, and staff on their sexual assault bystander intervention framework. During the program, they talked about No Woman Left Behind and we students felt a calling to help address sexual assault on our campus. We decided to establish a No Woman Left Behind (NWLB) chapter at Wittenberg. It’s scary to think about how many students have experienced sexual violence; we decided we needed to do something about it.

No Woman Left Behind

TAKING ACTION · A feature about real action that’s happening on campus. By Jordyn Baker · Wittenberg University · Gamma Phi Beta Sorority & Matt Pfouts · Wittenberg University

Members of NWLB believe a lack of education is a prevalent problem on campus, especially when defining consent. We learned there are people who engage in unwanted sexual behaviors all the time because they are unable to give consent. We want students to learn to engage in healthy behaviors by setting positive sexual boundaries. No Woman Left Behind and One Student provide students with the tools to help educate themselves and others around our university. We want to be advocates and educators to those who don’t know that what they’re doing could cause harm to themselves or others. To us, this is more than just trying to end sexual assault on our campus, this is about educating students, professors, and staff about how to make educated decisions and how to help others if they approach you. No Woman Left Behind has given Witt students a voice to speak up for those who are too scared to speak up for themselves. Members commit to the belief that one student can make a difference in helping end sexual violence. Our hope is to shift conversations about these issues into a more positive light. Our ultimate goal is to spark discussion on campus; sex happens. It should not be taboo. Creating a campus where it’s okay to discuss sex and sexual assault is important to changing the culture; sexuality is a normal thing and we needed and wanted to create a world where we can talk about it without pressure. During NWLB meetings, members discuss topics in a space where no one is judged. Members have extended these conversations outside of meetings through other organizations, training programs, to the residence halls, classrooms, and even a poster campaign with tear-off information sheets in restrooms around campus.

020 // CONNECTIONS // 2012 • FALL

Part of the national One Student/No Woman Left Behind Campaign features models with the number “1” painted on their hands. This represents the organization’s mantra: “One sexual assault is too many. One student can make a difference” in helping end sexual violence. As part of the initiative to address these conversations on campus, we knew that action needed to be taken to openly aid victims of sexual violence. For our culture, we knew that personalizing our resources with faces students would recognize would generate higher brand recognition. In order to construct a campaign that was relevant, we needed our own students. We instituted a poster campaign that used prominent figures on campus as well as victims of sexual violence as models. The posters appear in every restroom on Wittenberg’s campus including residence halls. The posters serve to show support to all victims with their appealing, colorful pictures, but they also house information sheets for survivors or friends to take with a list of resources. Students can tear off post-it tabs of local police, sexual assault prevention resources, and campus officials’ telephone numbers who are equipped to help victims 24/7. We think that presenting students with resources in a place where everyone has access we are giving victims chances to seek help whenever they need it regardless of the time. The whole purpose of the campaign was to put a positive light on something as grim as sexual assault, generate discussion, and actually help victims. If someone was sexually assaulted, we want them to know that help is out there and that they are loved. The posters are directed at helping survivors and educating victims. We wanted to show students that it’s never too late to get help. People do care and there are people always willing to help. We knew we needed to create something where they wouldn’t have to be afraid. NWLB is planning events throughout the year to sexually empower our campus. “One sexual assault is too many and one student really can make a difference,” and it’s time college campuses started speaking up and speaking out against sexual violence. For more information on the national organization One Student, please visit www.onestudent.org for more info. SOURCE: http://onestudent.org/programs/nowoman-left-behind/


FRO FR OMO OM THE THEOROO RO ADO AD Rollins College Student Leaders Create Peers to Address High-Risk Behaviors Peers for Personal & Social Responsibility, or Peers, is a peer advisory group at Rollins College that educates college students about high-risk behaviors. Through interactive workshops, the organization also teaches students how to intervene when they observe these behaviors.

Peers has had a positive influence on the fraternity/sorority community and on the members themselves. According to Cynthia, members of Peers have described the experience as their “most influential college experience.” It opened their eyes to being creative problem solvers, she added.

The idea for Peers was planted after a presidents’ meeting, where student leaders of the fraternity/sorority community met to discuss issues and challenges facing the community. The leaders noted a high prevalence of high-risk behaviors, such as alcohol abuse and hazing. The leaders founded Peers to address the situation and create a vehicle for discourse.

In order to create your own personal and social responsibility peer group, Cynthia indicated one needs student buy-in. One does not have to have a large group, but should have a few student leaders who are interested in speaking about and addressing the problems they see on their campus. Moreover, she recommended that one should recruit students who already espouse the value of the group. If you see someone addressing a problem behavior, tap that person on the shoulder and ask the person to join your initiative, Cynthia explained.

According to Cynthia Rose, the Assistant Director for Fraternity/Sorority Life at Rollins College, the 10-member organization is student operated. Under Cynthia’s guidance, the organization uses the first part of the academic year to focus on curriculum development and training. The organization then provides workshops to community members that are facilitated by two or three peers. Last year, the members decided to focus on alcohol abuse and bystander behavior. The members developed interactive workshops that engage participants and enable the participants to discuss their concerns and experiences openly, without fear of recourse.

022 // CONNECTIONS // 2012 • FALL

As Peers enters its second year, Cynthia envisions the organization becoming “the staple of the campus peer advisory groups.” The Peers workshops presently focus on alcohol use and bystander behavior. The organization hopes to expand its curriculum to other problem areas, as well. Through Peers, Cynthia hopes student leaders will begin to observe and address trends before they become an issue.

Giving Members a Voice: Michigan State Panhellenic Uses Restorative Practices to Address Misconduct & Resolve Conflicts Like most undergraduate fraternal councils across North America, officers of the Panhellenic Council at Michigan State University would meet with chapter representatives to discuss allegations when a chapter was suspected of violating a council policy. The officers would hear the chapter’s side of the story and then use the available information to decide if the chapter was responsible. Anna Ricelli, the Panhellenic Council President at Michigan State, described the process as “black and white.” If a chapter committed a specific act, the organization would receive a corresponding sanction. Anna also described the process as adversarial and incomplete. Chapter members did not feel heard throughout the process and they felt the process never resolved the situation. This changed once the council began using restorative practices as a part of its judicial process. Restorative justice is a peaceful conflict resolution process that focuses on repairing harm and restoring relationships. In his book, The Little Book of Restorative Justice, Howard Zehr (2002) defined restorative justice as a “process to involve, to the extent possible, those who have a stake in a specific offense and to collectively identify and address harms, needs, and obligations, in order to heal and put things as right as possible” (p. 37). Anna Ricelli described restorative justice similarly. According to Anna, restorative justice involves bringing people together to have a conversation about what happened, who was harmed and why, and how to make things right. Most recently, the council used a restorative circle to repair the harm that lingered from a recruitment infraction that happened the previous year. Anna said the experience allowed chapter members to express their feelings, be heard, and identify ways to avoid the problem behaviors in the future.

The Michigan State Panhellenic Council plans to continue to use restorative practices to address recruitment infractions. Because restorative practices can be applied informally, Anna indicated that restorative justice enables the council to address and resolve recruitment infractions “right then and there.” The negative feelings associated with an infraction do not linger and chapters feel their concerns are heard. As the semester progresses, the council would like to use restorative practices to resolve other infractions or disputes, as well. To learn about restorative justice, Anna Ricelli and the fraternity/ sorority advisor at Michigan State attended a training program to become certified in facilitating restorative conferences. Anna, however, indicated it is not necessary to be certified to use restorative practices. She said the concepts are easy to comprehend and student leaders can incorporate the philosophy into their work without formal training. For resources and informational videos on restorative justice, visit reslife.msu.edu/rj/. REFERENCE Zehr, H. (2002). The little book of restorative justice. Intercourse, PA: Good Books. You can read the full story in the State Journal–Register at http://www.sj-r.com/ top-stories/x255285008/Omega-Psi-Phi-members-try-to-be-a-presence-to-blackyouths


5

Who Needs Feminism? YOU DO! The Omega Phi Beta colony at the University of North Carolina recently hosted an event as part of a larger campaign called “Who Needs Feminism?” The campaign, which started in a women’s studies class at Duke University, invites anyone to write his or her response to the question on a sheet of paper, take a picture, and then submit to the “Who Needs Feminism?” Facebook page and Tumblr.

(FIVE)

DON’T LAUGH

“The main goal is to spread awareness about what feminism actually is,” said colony president Michelle Pujals. Academic chair Rita Phetmixay added, “A majority of people see feminism as a radical movement. It’s more about awareness [and] equality.” These women took a huge risk to show that today’s feminism is very different from the bra burning and free loving of yesteryear. Today’s feminism, like the women stated, is an awareness that sexism still exists and women deserve full equality in the workplace AND in society. Acknowledging this in such a public, empowering way is a hard thing to do because many men and women do not want to acknowledge that sexism is a problem in our society which speaks so often about equality and justice for all. So, thanks for bringing that out in the open. It also makes people uncomfortable when you challenge their beliefs. While most de jure sexism has been legislated away, it’s a lot harder to change de facto sexism. In fact, when Duke students participating in the original campaign created posters with the photographs they had amassed, many posters were marred with inappropriate comments, taken down, and stomped on. That’s not okay.

SORRY, We’re Not Sorry

This is a shout out to fraternal members, chapters, councils, or communities that have opted to do the right (albeit unpopular) thing. These people have stood for what they believe in - their fraternal values - despite the fear or reality of being ostracized or ridiculed. You’ve heard the saying “what’s popular is not always right and what’s right is not always popular.” It’s the truth. These people have got guts; they’ve owned their values.

024 // CONNECTIONS // 2012 • FALL

REFERENCE: Leland, C. (2012, August 30). Who needs feminism?. The Daily Tar Heel. Retrieved September 1, 2012 from: http://www.dailytarheel.com/blog/pit_talk/2012/08/who-needs-feminism.

Ways to Respond to Inappropriate Jokes

We’d like to know why the poster haters were so threatened by the “Who Needs Feminism?” campaign. Like, why are you scared that people are bringing sexism out into the open? We’re proud of the women of Omega Phi Beta, not only for spreading awareness of modern feminism, but for talking about an issue that is the foundation of sorority life. You see, a great number of our sororities were founded because of the sexism many of our founders faced in college. Because many college women in the late 19th and early 20th century were ostracized on their campuses, the small groups of women present often banded together to create women’s fraternities and sororities. Because of those actions, our organizations have grown into what they are today—strong groups that build stronger women—while remaining true to their foundations. Your founders were dealing with a lot more than you realized. Nobody wants to be branded as a man hater. It took real courage to be open about feminism and spread awareness in the community. And to those who tore down posters, Sorry We’re Not Sorry. “Who Needs Feminism?” Sounds like you do.

The best response to an offensive joke is to do and say nothing. Don’t laugh. Don’t tell the joke-teller off. Your silence will speak for you. It will let the joke-teller know you don’t find their gross humor funny. If they don’t take the hint and make another gross joke later on, give them the silent treatment again. The next time they makes a non-offensive joke, be sure to laugh heartily. This positive reinforcement will teach Joker McJokerkins the kinds of jokes appropriate to tell you.

LEAVE BEFORE THE PUNCH LINE Sometimes you can sense an offensive joke coming on. When you can feel a bad punch line coming on, that’s your cue to leave the room. This is arguably the most non-confrontational move you can make. Yet, you’re taking your fate into your own hands by refusing to be party to offensive humor. Why take the passive approach? Perhaps you’re certain that the joke-teller is set in their ways. You know their behavior isn’t likely to change, and, quite frankly, you’d rather not fight over the issue. Why else avoid confrontation? Perhaps your relationship with the joketeller is already tense, and you’ve decided that this battle is not one worth fighting.

QUESTION THE JOKE-TELLER Rather than making Joker McJokerkins feel judged, you want them to see why their joke was offensive. Consider this a teachable moment. “Do you really think that all women are like that?” you ask. “Well, a lot of them are,” they answer. “Really?” you say. “Actually, that’s a stereotype. I read a study that said women weren’t any more likely to do that than others.” Remain calm and clear-headed. Keep questioning your friend and peppering them with facts until they see the generalization used in the joke isn’t valid. At the end of the conversation, they may rethink telling that joke again.

TURN THE TABLES Instead of laughing at an offensive joke, you repeat a stereotypical joke you’ve heard about another group – one the joke-teller is a member of. As soon as you finish, explain that you don’t buy into the stereotype; you just wanted the joke-teller to understand what it feels like to be the butt of an offensive joke. Mind you, this is a risky move. The goal here is to give the joke-teller a crash course in empathy, but you may very well end up alienating the joke-teller if they doubt your motive was to get them to see that stereotypes hurt. Moreover, because this isn’t the nicest way to get your point across, use this method only with thicker-skinned people you believe will respond well to having the tables turned on them. For all others, you’ll likely need to be more direct.

SPEAK YOUR MIND If you’ve got nothing to lose by having a direct confrontation, go for it. The next time an acquaintance tells an offensive joke, say that you don’t find such jokes funny and request that they not tell such jokes in your presence. Expect the joke-teller to tell you to lighten up or accuse you of being “too PC.” Explain to Joker McJokerkins that you think they’re swell, and feel such jokes are beneath them. Break down why the stereotypes used in the joke aren’t true. Let them know that prejudice hurts. If McJokerkins still doesn’t see why this type of humor isn’t appropriate, agree to disagree but make it clear that you won’t listen to such jokes in the future. Create a boundary.


Epic Alabama Sorority Lawsuit Features ‘Power Hour,’ Facebook Status Updates, & Lots of Blood Kristen Saban, daughter of University of Alabama football coach Nick Saban, is as close to royalty as Alabama gets. She is also, according to a recently-filed lawsuit that alleges she beat the [expletive] out of her sorority sister over a mean Facebook status, completely insane.

other sorority sisters did a “power hour” (“a drinking game on YouTube, where you drink every time the song changes,” Strickland explains) and closed down Rounders, a bar, where a mysterious on-and-off boyfriend of Saban’s named “BV” was also drinking.

Usually, the story of a few sorority sisters at the University of Alabama getting up to some obscure drunken weekend drama would be incredibly boring. But usually that story wouldn’t be told in the wonderfully dry, legal tone of Stephen Strickland, attorney-at-law. And usually that story doesn’t include quite as much blood.

“Kristen,” writes Strickland, “became angry with ‘BV’ because he was not paying enough attention to her.” Later, at home, she “became upset with ‘BV’ again, while talking over the phone.” Why does Strickland include “BV” in his account, when it’s not necessarily relevant to the facts of the lawsuit? Because like any good storyteller, he needs to provide motivation and shading.

“In August 2010, Kristen Saban and Sarah Grimes were friends and sorority sisters,” Strickland opens. (You can almost hear him saying “but not for long” under his breath.) On August 28, Saban and Grimes and some

The stage is therefore set for the next sequence of events: Kristen was lying on the floor next to McKinnon and Hannah saying how everyone did not understand “how it was” for her and Kristen became emotional. After Kristen refused to get off the floor after several people had tried to help her, Sarah looked over at Kristen and said, “Kristen, please just shut up. We’re all sick and tired of hearing it.”

Sarah was laughing at this point because it was not unusual behavior for Kristen and made the comment, “You really need therapy.”

Sarah looked down and noticed a great amount of blood was running down her chest and into her bra.

Kristen then screamed at Sarah, “Yeah, because that obviously worked so well for you!” and then slammed her bedroom door.

Sarah felt her nose and realized that the blood was coming from it.

Sarah showed Courtney her phone, and got up off the bed saying “I’m done.” Courtney cautioned Sarah from confronting Kristen about the status because of her known violent nature and previous assault on others. Sarah stated to Courtney, “Well if she touches me, I’ll kill her.”

And then, holy sh*t [expletive]:

The goal of Busted! is to call attention to an event, situation, or practice that has actually occurred and utilize it as an experience that others can learn from. Actions such as these do nothing but reinforce the negative stereotypes of today’s fraternities and sororities. Embarrassed? Then knock it off.

Kristen immediately used both of her hands and shoved Sarah into the corner of Courtney’s open door, slamming Sarah’s head. Sarah defended herself by pushing Kristen into the opposite wall, saying “Don’t touch me.” Kristen proceeded to punch Sarah Grimes multiple times in her head and nose, and to pull Sarah’s hair, even though Kristen knew that Sarah had really bad migraines from a prior head injury from an automobile accident. By this time Meghan, who was outside in the parking lot, heard the yelling and ran upstairs. Sarah screamed “I’m calling the cops!” Kristen’s grip on Sarah’s hair prevented Sarah from getting away and they moved down the hall toward the kitchen as Sarah tried to get away.

026 // CONNECTIONS // 2012 • FALL

It took both Beth Terry and Hannah Muncher to pull Kristen off of Sarah. Once Kristen stopped hitting Sarah, Sarah saw a large amount on blood on the wood floor.

Sarah checked her Facebook via her phone and saw that Kristen had posted a status saying “No one likes Sarah! Yayyyyy!”

Stupid Things That You Have Done Lately

The screaming woke up Beth Terry, who immediately jumped in to help pull Kristen off from behind (Beth’s shirt was ripped and stained with Sarah’s blood).

Kristen jumped up off the floor screaming “No one likes you, you don’t have any friends” and stormed to her room.

You know what ingredient could really help this heady stew? Yes: Facebook.

Busted!

After multiple blows to Sarah’s face, Hannah intervened and tried to pull Kristen away but was unable to do so due to Kristen’s grip of Sarah’s hair and Kristen refused to stop hitting Sarah.

This is very  different from what I’ve been led to understand sorority life is like. From documentaries I watch. Grimes later went to the hospital and declined to press criminal charges; she now says that the beating left her with “repeated night terrors, anxiety, physical trembling, fears of dying from brain injuries, trouble sleeping, and intrusive recollections of the event,” and is seeking more than $10,000 in damages. Social networking has benefited society in a number of ways and is great for staying in touch with people, sharing what is going on in your life and reconnecting with old friends. Despite all the benefits of sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Keek, Instagram and Foursquare, they have also provided a place for things such as cyberbullying, harassment and announcing to the world that no one likes one of your sorority sisters. Yay (with five y’s)!!! This series of unfortunate events sounds absolutely ridiculous in print. Of course no natural disaster, at least in sorority and fraternity life, occurs without the ever so common denominator of alcohol. Yes alcohol was involved, but I’m pretty sure most people can handle a drink without the urge to beat the crap out of their sorority sister. So what really was the issue here? Did this chapter not have the ‘facebook talk’ during a recruitment workshop about how they shouldn’t post negative things on social networking sites because it reflects on the entire chapter and national organization as a whole? Does this chapter handle all their conflicts with an absolutely out-of-control blood battle? Highly doubtful.

However, the fact that Sarah had to be warned about confronting Kristen due to her previous assaults makes it highly doubtful that this entire scenario was as surprising to the chapter as it was to us. What concerns me more than the violent and embarrassing behavior of these sorority women, is the fact that this is clearly not the first time an incident like this has occurred. Maybe previous assaults didn’t cause enough damage to warrant an attorney, however they were clearly not handled in a way to prevent them from happening again. So what if her father is a legend in the college football world? The fact that someone has a halfway famous last name does not mean they get to do whatever they want and get away with it. The values of this sorority’s national organization have been around much longer than the Saban name. Maybe at the time, this organization was worried at what suspending the glorified Kristen Saban from their chapter would do to their reputation in the massive fraternity and sorority community of the University of Alabama. However, if the right actions were taken during Kristen’s previous violent behavior, it would have saved Sarah a ton of physical and emotional damage, and this story would not have found its way to this issue of Busted!

References

Read, M. (2012, July 12). Epic Alabama Sorority Lawsuit Filing Features ‘Power Hour,’ Facebook Status Updates, Lots of Blood. Gawker.com. Retrieved August 1, 2012 from: http://gawker.com/5925517/epic-alabama-sorority-lawsuit-filingfeatures-power-hour-facebook-status-updates-lots-of-blood


{ }

one more { thing we know you’re near the end, but we’d love to tell you

Every Spring, thousands of our nation’s most talented student leaders gather to learn, challenge, experience, and serve the the Central Fraterrnal Leadership and National Black Greek Leadership Conferences.

Will you be in Indianapolis learning with them?

A GUIDE TO INTERVENING IN NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR Mike Dilbeck · Campuspeak, Inc.

before you go and look at the back cover of the mag.

Bystander behavior is the social phenomenon where we see something happening that we know is wrong and we are compelled to do something, to say something. We actually want to make a difference in that moment. Yet, we don’t. We do nothing and we say nothing. We are bystanders and this is bystander behavior. Whether you are involved with residence life, student affairs, fraternity and sorority life, campus health and wellness issues, sexual violence initiatives or any of the programs on a college campus, you deal with bystander behavior in one form or another.

CONFRONTATION

See you in Indianapolis! February 7-10, 2013 at the JW Marriott Register online at AFLV.org

It is often necessary to let someone know that their behaviors or remarks are not appropriate and will not be tolerated. This is important for setting boundaries, creating safety and imposing consequences. If you are in a leadership role it may be your responsibility to act as an enforcer in some situations, and even if you are not, you may want to respond to the situation firmly. An intervention of this type can be called a confrontation. There are many models for an effective confrontation. In a confrontation, you let the person know that you are concerned about their behavior and how it is effecting you, and—if you are in a position of authority—that you are willing to impose consequences. This can be done briefly, in the moment or can be part of a longer discussion.

Intervening in this type of behavior is not easy. The most popular question Mike gets following his keynote is, “How can I intervene— how can I take action?” Intervening effectively is a skill that requires practice. An intervention is possible when you want to respond firmly, are in a position to impose boundaries or consequences or when you want to address the behavior in a less confrontational and more educational fashion. The skill is called a confrontation and the latter response can take one of two forms: by shifting the focus or by shifting the person.

SHIFTING THE FOCUS

When someone makes an inappropriate remark or engages in inappropriate behavior, it may be possible to “shift the focus” away from the remark or behavior. This can be done in one of three ways. 1. Ignore the remark or behavior or leave 2. Shift attention away from the remark or behavior 3. Reframe the remark more positively Shifting the focus is a way to not enable or participate in a remark. And, it can diffuse a situation for the moment.

SHIFTING THE PERSON

The goal of “shifting the person” is to help someone understand their motivation for making a remark or engaging in a behavior and to help them understand why it is problematic so that they will be less likely to engage in it in the future. If we confront someone habitually, they may learn to avoid acting in certain ways in front of us or change their behavior due to fear of punishment. “Shifting the person” can be effective in helping individuals understand and change, rather than merely comply or avoid doing something in front of a particular person who objects. The skills of confrontation, shifting the focus and shifting the person are all designed to provide more options so that we can respond to bystander situations in a way that feels better to and that are more likely to have a beneficial impact on the situation.


Association of Fraternal Leadership & Values PO Box 1576 Fort Collins, CO 80522-1576

Not FOU R Year s,

But FOR Life E XP ERTLY CRA FTED BL A Z ERS & BETTER S PORTS WEAR • 100% Worsted Wool Blazer with Hand Stitched Detailing • Bold Striped Lining in Your Fraternity’s or Sorority’s Colors • Intricately Embroidered Coat of Arms and Greek Letters • Custom Embossed Gold Buttons

SHOW YOUR TRUE COLORS W W W. B L A Z E - I N S P O RTS W E A R. CO M O R C A L L 203. 594. 9666

AFLV Connections Fall 2012  

AFLV Connections is the Association's quarterly magazine highlighting information, stories, best practices, and news that impact fraternity...

Read more
Read more
Similar to
Popular now
Just for you