Best Before (Feature Magazine)

“Best before mm/dd/yyyy ”

The best of a good can only be drawn out before a certain day. Just like these goods, the most meaningful part worth grand memorials for our families and friends of our time on this earth is before we pass. Death makes sure that there is indeed a worthy life to mourn, and that a life be remembered and honored Dearest reader, as you read through the succeeding pages, let your heart fill not only with the sorrows for a life's end, but the gratefulness for a life lived.

Death is Never the End: Dealing with the Loss of A Loved One

by DEREK BARRANTES

“End? No, the journey doesn't end here Death is just another path; one that we all must take The gray rain curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass And then you see it White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise ”

These encouraging words said by the wizard Gandalf to bring hope and comfort to his hobbit companion in Peter Jackson’s film adaptation of The Lord of the Rings are words that ring true not only for the residents of Middle Earth, but also for the people of this world.

Death is an inevitable part of everyone’s life, but no matter how prepared one may be for it, it will always be a sorrowful and difficult time for those left behind, as they mourn the departure of their beloved.. But it is in times like these when Gandalf’s words should be heeded, for death is indeed not the end, not for the person who passed nor for those they left behind While it may be hard to deal with the death of a loved one, it is not impossible to overcome, for there are a number of ways in which one may be able to cope with this loss and handle the grief that comes with it

Accept Your Feelings

Coping with the death of a loved one is a difficult experience, and it is one that comes with a variety of emotions Whether you’re experiencing sadness, anger, confusion, or a mix of many emotions, it’s important that you acknowledge these feelings and recognize when you are feeling this way For one to heal, they must first recognize their pain

Running away from your true feelings or trying to suppress your grief will only make it harder for you and it may even lead to complications like depression or other mental health issues Remember that no one, not even yourself, should force you into feeling a certain way or tell you when and how to move on. Only you will know how you feel, so it’s important that you take your time in processing your thoughts and feelings

watching a movie you ve been meaning to watch, reading your favorite book, or listening to your favorite songs. Doing what you love can help bring you comfort in difficult times, and this can actually be very helpful in the grieving process

It would also be advised that you refrain from making any major changes in your life (like moving to a new house or changing jobs) during the early stages of your grieving so as to maintain some security in your life and refraining from complicating your situation even more.

Additionally, you should also be mindful of your physical health as a healthy body allows for a healthy mind Keep track of your sleeping and eating habits by getting enough rest and maintaining a good diet; exercise frequently to keep in shape; and refrain from doing anything that may be bad for your health like taking harmful substances Keeping your body healthy combats the fatigue and stress brought on by the grieving process, and it can even help you cope emotionally

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

Although there are plenty of ways in which you can help yourself while grieving for your loss, there is only so much that you can do alone As the saying goes, no man is an island, and that certainly rings true even in this situation Don’t be afraid to reach out to family and friends, and spend time with them Remember that it is in times like these when you can lean on those you hold dear and find comfort in their company. Do not hesitate to accept their assistance if offered, and if they don’t know how they can help, be honest with them about how you feel and whatever it is you need whether it’s a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to, or a friend to be with

If you feel like you don’t know anyone whom you can comfortably talk to, you can always opt to join a bereavement support group or consult mental health professionals like grief counselors and therapists These serve as good alternatives that still allow you to share your feelings and what you need, as well as receive advice and companionship

If you are religious, try to seek comfort in your beliefs and practices like prayer or meditation, as these can provide the solace that you may need when grieving If you feel like your faith has begun to waver as a result of your loss, you can opt to consult other members of your religious community like those within the clergy for assistance

Hold On Before You Can Let Go

As you do what you can to deal with your loss, you must remember that there will come a time when you must finally come to terms with the sad truth and accept that your loved one is truly gone It may be daunting or even scary to think about, but until you’re ready to let go, you must first hold on to the memory of your loved one and honor it in whatever way you think is best.

For instance, you could do an activity that your loved one enjoyed doing when they were alive or involve yourself in a cause that they felt strongly about Doing the things that your loved one was passionate about is a great way to remember them If you want to do something more creative, you can consider doing something like making a scrapbook compiling photos and mementos of them, or writing a letter addressed to them where you can say whatever it is you wish to tell them You can also choose to dedicate something to them like a garden or a poem you composed If they inspired you to become a better person, you can honor them by continuing to live out the est pa when you are able to keep the memory and legacy of your loved ones alive.

Though you may find ways that would help you cope with the death of a loved one, it is important to remember that it takes time, effort, and patience to be able to heal from this experience. For some even, the grieving process never really ends and it’s just a matter of making sure that the grief doesn’t consume them Regardless of whether or not you are able to fully overcome your grief, there is one thing that remains the same: while your loved one may no longer be with you on this Earth, they will certainly continue to live on in your heart and in the things that you do to remember them

As acceptance marks the end of the grieving process, so too must I leave you with these wise words spoken by Gandalf at the end of The Lord of the Rings, “Well, here at last, dear friends, on the shores of the Sea comes the end of our fellowship in Middle earth Go in peace! I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil ”

hISTORY TO DIE FOR

by ROBERT JOEL BAUTISTA

Did you know? Pre colonial Filipinos actually used to bury the dead twice

Over the course of human history, death was interpreted by the different societies of the time Of course, over the years the way we have honored the dead has changed due to our culture, values, and spiritual beliefs However, one thing has not changed every society, every culture has their own unique way of burying the dead.

Mourning in Mesopotamia

The Sumer Civilization is the earliest recorded civilization in Mesopotamia, spanning from 4500 BC to 1900BC Ordinary people were interred beneath the family home or close by it so that the grave could be frequently cared for If a person was not properly buried, they might be a ghost and haunt the living Furthermore, they held that the gods' realm was not the proper location for the souls of the deceased, but rather Ereshkigal's netherworld It was believed that if one were burned, their soul would ascend towards the heavens toward the realm of the gods, where a human soul would not feel at home One's soul descended to the underworld among other human souls, which was considerably more appropriate

Expiring in Egypt

As we all know, mummification is Egypt’s chosen process to bury the dead. However, did you know that your social status could also be denoted by the state of your mummification? The higher the social rank, the higher the quality your mummification was. Once the body is to be buried, Priests carry out a complex procedure in order to ensure that the deceased could experience the afterlife with all of their senses Purification, anointing, chanting prayers and spells were all part of this process Following this, the deceased were given clothing and food where mourners would join in on the dinner held in their honor

Ancient Greece's Achilles Heel

Ancient Greece is known for its famous mythology of the Underworld According to Greek mythology, the Underworld is reigned by Hades and his wife Persephone Women relatives of the deceased would be the ones responsible for the incredibly elaborate rituals that the Greeks would do The first step of this ritual is the laying out of the body or prothesis wherein the body would be washed, anointed with oil, and then dressed. Much like today, this is how most people mourn and pay their respects After the prothesis, the deceased would be brought to the cemetery or a funeral pyre (basically burning the body) through a procession The procession consisted of pallbearers or carriages pulling the deceased through the streets The Greeks also made sure to remember the deceased family member as they believed that the dead must be remembered for their souls to continue being in the afterlife.

Mayan Misery

The Maya religion believes in reincarnation which is why both burial and cremation were viable ways to honor the dead in Maya society. If buried, a piece of corn would be put in the deceased’s mouth If cremated, the ashes would be put in pots or idols that were specifically designed to hold the remains, much like its modern day counterpart the urn Of course, the tombs of people once again dictated the deceased's social status Many Mayan rulers had tombs filled with gold, pottery, masks, and other status symbols during the time Sadly, inequality existed and still exists up to this date.

Rome's Rainbow Bridge

During this era, the process of burying a body is through a funeral procession or rather parade that would begin in the city and end outside of the cemetery. No one could be buried inside Rome itself, presumably because of health reasons The corpse would then be buried in a tomb or cremated for its ashes to be kept in an urn

Medieval Murders

The age in which humanity suffered plagues, wars, and famines Well, Europe did With the boom of Christianity all over Europe, most people lived according to Catholic and Christian tradition. They were spending their entire lives receiving the judgment of God Similar to the Philippines of today, people attended mass to pay respects, to say goodbye, and to give the soul of the deceased back to God The deceased person's body is washed in water by the family after death. This is yet another representation of the soul's purification and release from sin. Afterwards, the family winds a cloth or shroud around the body This is how you get anything ready for burial Family and friends sit vigil with the body once it is placed in the casket They recite prayers, sing, and bid each other farewell. As a method to remember the deceased, Mass is celebrated both over the body and in church for the privileged

Pulling the Plug in the Philippines

Of course, our rites and practices are based in Catholic liturgy and scripture The traditional way is burying the body in a coffin in the cemetery After death and embalming, the family will hold a wake orlamay for people, friends, family members, and even coworkers, to pay their respects to the dead This wake lasts up to 7 days or can be extended to 9 if the family is waiting on a person from out of the country After the wake is over, the coffin is closed, and a procession from their house or the funeral home to the local church This procession is headed by the family walking behind the casket and then the others following either by foot or in cars and jeepneys Once the deceased arrives at the church, a typical Catholic funeral service will begin After the mass, the casket will then be delivered and lowered to its final resting place

Now, how about the future? Well, recent trends see a rise again in cremation as it is seen as an environmentally friendly way to honor the dead Furthermore, something called water cremation which uses alkaline hydrolysis to break down the body is starting to gain more notice and attention. Again, this popularity owes itself as people look for more sustainable ways to bury the dead Lastly, Green Burials Bodies are either not embalmed at all or wrapped in non toxic material and are buried in caskets that are also made of biodegradable materials This allows the body and the casket to decompose more quickly and easily to the ground versus the traditional metal coffin and embalmed body

However you may choose to honor and bury your dead loved ones, always make sure to love them as if they were alive and to remember your memories with them It will always be okay to grieve in the way you see fit, especially if you’re close to them Always remember that you are allowed and valid to move on but not forget Never Forget.

My Deepest Sympathy

… Meals?

by LYANNA BERNARDO

What is a funeral without food? Okay, hear me out, I know the question seems insensitive but have you ever attended a funeral without the presence of lugaw and other family favorite pika pika such as sky flakes and mani? I didn’t think so!

Sympathy meals have been around longer than I have been alive and breathing We all know for a fact how deeply food is embedded into the society and culture of Filipinos but for it to be so apparent that it is even present in funerals? A very strange inclusion, if you ask me Ever since I started writing feature articles for the magazine Best Before, some aspects of funerals and death started to intrigue me more than usual.

For instance, wondering how the notion of funerals even started or how grief and death have changed throughout the years, especially during the digital age. Most of my queries had pretty obvious answers but the one question I found myself so affixed and engrossed in is the existence of food in funerals Has it always been a necessity? How is it connected to religion and belief systems? When did it become a part of Philippine culture and tradition? I just had to find out.

Step 1: Re opening the Casket

Despite the urge to dive right into the impending question, I had to do a background of the study re opening the casket, if you will. No, it wasn’t always biscuits and cold beverages; sympathy meals started off more gruesome than I initially thought

According to an article in the Wine History Project, Sympathy meals started off in New Guinea where the dead’s loved ones would participate in a ritual called Endo Cannibalism As the name states, loved ones consume the body of the dead to emphasize how the body is merely just a physical vessel for human life wherein through consumption, their spirit can finally be free and return to their descendants. In a non literal sense, the modern day version of this practice is the Catholic Communion where mass attendees consume the body and blood of Christ

Fortunately, Endo Cannibalism did not stay in the sympathy meal business for long According to the same article, ancient Turkey provided goat stew and fermented beverages at King Midas’ funeral which were to be consumed by the funeral attendees Throughout the years, sympathy meals started to focus more on the living than merely being offered for the sole purpose of honoring the dead In the Middle Ages, whenever a lord died, an Averil was held During an Averil, all other surrounding lords are required to celebrate the crowning of the new heir and feast on arval, a type of sweet bread Now that I knew how sympathy meals began and changed with the times, I now had to research how the practice reached the Philippines

Step 2: Resting Place

One word, colonization. Yes, the Catholic faith played a huge role in deepening the roots Sympathy meals had on Filipino culture but would we honestly have Catholicism in the Philippines without Spanish colonization?

According to an article by Joincake, the Philippines’ pre Spanish colonial era had its own idea of funerals The way their loved ones were buried depended on their location and tribe Examples of these are how the Manobos buried the dead in trees and how the Ifugaos buried the dead in caves sitting on a chari

After colonization, a more uniform burial process was formed, the one much of the world uses up to this date The practice of a wake or lamay became the new norm The lamay is a vigil that would last seven to nine days long and would take place either at the loved one's home or in a funeral parlor

Wakes were at the top of every Filipino’s list No matter where you are or how far you may be, you had to attend a wake out of respect and love Funerals served as a gathering place for family members to catch up and celebrate the memory of the dead. They do this through singing, gambling, playing card games, and ultimately eating Food and drinks became a customary part of Filipino funerals with the iconic pika pikas being served by the bereaved

Step 3: The Remembering

It is astounding how intricate and diverse sympathy meals have grown and transitioned Its journey goes to show just how important history is to remember, may it be in life or in death

Although Endo Cannibalism seemed interesting as a concept, I am glad we transitioned to a more modern and safe approach to sympathy meals.

After much reflection, I believe I can now answer the question with confidence and ease Sympathy meals exist because of our human need to find meaning in all things We try to find meaning in the stars through astronomy, find meaning in our lives through educational establishments, and find meaning in death through funerals and sympathy meals

Throughout the years, sympathy meals represented the passing on of a spirit, the celebration of a new beginning, and today a source of comfort and warmth to the loved ones left to mourn I have the habit of overlooking the smallest of details in most situations I am in Sadly, I overlooked the importance of sympathy meals in most of the funerals and wakes I attended and saw. So the next time you enter a wake, don’t forget to thank the bereaved for the courtesy of sympathy meals and hopefully be the warmth and comfort they are looking for

I leave you with each other

by JULIA CRUZ

There is no grief like the death of a loved one no less of a family member Grief comes over us, and we cope in ways as different as we are from each other, with each other some could eat to their gut’s content, become workaholics, or turn into hyper rational stoics. Despite the glaring differences in these ways of coping, our experiences of grief overlap with each others’ through the old and lasting traditions that time and religion have forged For most of the world, we ride through grief in a funeral, standing in front of a box, shoulder to shoulder with our dearest kindred.

The film “This is Where I Leave You”, adapted from Jonathan Tropper’s novel, reflects onto the big screen this shared experience

After the death of the Altman family’s patriarch, the Altmans leading grown up, peaceful and busy lives away from each other scattered all around the country, flock to their childhood home Hillary Altman, played by Jane Fonda, the matriarch, conveyed to her children their atheist father’s dying wish: for the family to sit Shiva Shiva is a Jewish ritual wherein the family of the departed stay together under one roof for seven days, without leaving the house unless for prayer

With the assortment of personalities in the Altman family, how would these characters mourn? Did the death of the family’s father figure bring them together, or pull them apart?

Adults Apart, Children Together

The film starts in the workplace of Judd Altman, played by Jason Bateman once the young son of Hillary and Mort, now working hard with a boss to answer to, bills to pay and a wife to come home to. This adult life of his wedges a distance between him and his siblings and parents, abstaining from the practice of keeping in touch He rushes back to his childhood home upon news of his father’s passing

The film quickly shifts this adult “I got it together” perception of Judd when around his siblings and mom Sneaking out the window to sit on the rooftops with sister Wendy, played by Tina Fey, to talk about crushes and love lives Duping mom to escape and drink with siblings. Intoxicating himself with brothers Paul and Philipp, played by Corey Stoll and Adam Driver respectively, during a Jewish ceremony for his father Through these moments, the Altman family had the chance to reconnect with one another, and share in their grief for their beloved father

Yielding to our more child like tendencies around our siblings and letting loose around this special company are experiences many of us relate to Especially in grief when we care more for the memories of our loved ones rather than our stoic image, many viewers can resonate with the satisfaction of the Altmans’ revived family connections

In these ways, the characters played by this star studded cast seem human and relatable. However, in attempting a relatable story, they have done so with not much imagination The premise of the film is fairly generic, and so are the scenes that propel this theme Furthermore, the characters felt like they were staple personalities, rather than fully conceived individuals Without zeroing in on the unique aspects of these characters, generic scenes felt even flatter While heart strings were pulled, these moments felt very familiar and obvious

Wars of Words

Letting loose and keeping in closer touch with their child like tendencies, the siblings’ time together was not without its conflicts The Altman siblings, with their clashing traits, moved on to adulthood from their childhood with lingering and unresolved conflicts

Arguments of all kinds violent, verbal, petty and physical were generously scattered throughout the movie, in between its wholesome and warm moments Fist fights over dad’s will, walking out of dinner at the mention of past flings and making a scene at the family gathering were just a few examples of the siblings’ conflicts

With a lot of characters whose personalities were not fully fleshed out, these arguments added confusion to the plot, and gave its viewers a fair deal of disorientation. Granted, the erratic facets of the movie could be a reflection of their own dynamic as family, the volatility looked more like a cliche of “peace then fighting then peace” especially with the lack of context into the characters’ personalities The nail to the coffin of this hackneyed cliche was when the 7 day shiva ends: all the siblings return to their adult lives, with no tangible nor obvious development in their individual characters

Riding the Casket

The movie wielded the death of the father more as a vehicle rather than the centerpiece of the plot. It was a lingering fact that allows for the plot of ups and downs to take place Most of the heartwarming moments had little relevance to the father and his death This was the case for most quarrels that ensued from among the siblings As it turns out, this was also the case for Shiva Hillary, the mother of the Altmans, had surprised her children sitting shiva was not at all the dying wish of the Altman patriarch Rather, it was the utmost yearning of the mom who needed her children to be together at this time. To end the movie, there was one final physical fight between the siblings To distract attention from them, Hillary kisses the old woman living next door. Shiva was her opportunity to let her children know about this relationship of hers

All of these are further proof that the death of the father was never the centerpiece of the movie It was central to the movie in that it was a catalyst for the plot, but the plot never revolved around it Yet, without the father’s passing, there would have been no plot.

With the child like and unrestrained conditions of the children, and the non stop quarrels of the Altman family so much in the movie transpired While these seemed confusing for the lack of context into the characters’ individual personalities, there was one definite aftermath behind all these events the family turned closer than ever

Such is almost always the case when the death of a loved one comes upon us Confusion is wreaked in our lives the days start to overwhelm us, and the road to restoring the grip over our days and feelings seem long

In these moments however, we can trust in the family and friends that mourn with us Just like in the movie, a stronger family connection comes out of the other side of this mourning

Grief’s Manifestations in the Digital Age

by ADI LUGUE

My sister and I were patiently waiting for our parents to claim our train tickets on a cold morning in Barcelona The day started quite gloomily, with the rain forcing us to cancel plans and then being informed that a close relative, the sister of my lolo, was struggling in the hospital somewhere in New Jersey News that she might not make it through the following week had reached us, and it was in our plans to fly straight to the US to visit her, in the case that she passes soon

The trip to the States wouldn’t have helped as she died that same day. She had no one with her in the hospital room and it disturbs me to this day that we couldn’t even say our last goodbyes Not even a short post, specially made by me, containing my bottled up sentiments and to commemorate how much of a strong woman she was because I was never really the type, nor did I feel like it was appropriate. And when it came to already accepting and announcing her passing to the rest of the family and my social circle, I found that I struggled a lot

With death comes memories, and with memories comes commemoration. Throughout the pandemic, especially in 2020, it wasn’t uncommon to see commemoration or announcement posts of the passing of a loved one Mourning also comes with death. This next level feeling of grief manifests itself as a sign that we are starting to realize the loss, and oftentimes, we don’t know how to address it. We don’t know who to go to or even start to talk about it with others The grief started manifesting for me when I’d find myself crying at random times of the day, realizing that yet again, Super Ninang died and I didn’t get to tell her I loved her I then felt that I could go to social media to look for the help and support I thought I needed

It is in our culture today to resort to social media to communicate and inform others, most especially those our age about things that go on in life may they be exciting or just for the sake of casual updates. The modernization of our society has allowed us to express different emotions in different outlets Platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are a few of the most famous for this generation With the pandemic limiting us to online interactions, even announcements such as the passing of loved ones are to be found though this has been something that has been going on since the rise of social media

Candid photos or portraits are often accompanied by sweet words that the bereaved can only hope the departed can read it from up above It is here that we can see the true love people hold for each other, even in times of absence But why do these people post about it publicly for people to see?

Elizabeth Gulino from Refinery29 wrote, “I wanted to not only feel like I was doing something tangible to recognize and acknowledge the death of someone I loved, but to invite others to grieve along with me, too ” , on the topic of the passing of her grandfather The digital world is something people of all ages take part in, all looking for different things With social media being a place where millions, or even billions of people, can interact with each other, support systems can be found anywhere and everywhere Grief, a feeling that was hard for her to experience alone, became something that brought together a community full of shared experiences and sweet memories.

In an article by INPUT, where a different opinion regarding social media as an outlet for grief, a featured source talks about an experience they had with the death of a close friend Rather than letting the public leave their expressions of support, signifying that they are indeed grieving with them, they edited the post to not allow people to leave comments The post was simply for others to view, but for [the featured source] to express

“I turned the comments off, because the post was for me I don’t need to tell the world everything I didn’t want people to ask questions. I didn’t want to answer questions I still have questions ”

I would agree, thinking that there are instances where we experience grief but would just like for it to pass without the kind words of others. Perhaps some sort of pity and curiosity is laced into the comments and encouraging short speeches people and even strangers leave on your post to view for another time These inquiries from curious bystanders, although with no intention to be rude due to them prying, are often draining to address because simply, it’s not a topic that you should get into It hinders the healing process and acts as a potential overspread of information.

With all this in mind, posting grief or any feeling ay have online can have its good sides and unately, its unavoidable bad sides too This nd is something that I constantly keep myself when I have the urge to air my onal laundry online But, I also keep in mind here are things worth talking about this l person which I once had the joy of seeing ften Even if we are no longer gifted with esence of these people who have passed, stories and memories don’t have to ear with them There is liberty as to what n show online, whenever we want After all, r accounts and we decide what to do with so, I leave you with this,

While some things are better left said, some things should never be left spoken ”

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