reportage

a fairly current affair Elliot Hoskin sums up 2014’s political shenanigans

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eeing as the last issue of On Dit is about as close as you’re going to get to a yearbook, I figured I’d write you a handy list of the top 10 things that have been defining moments in Australian politics in 2014, so when you’re an old rich white guy in 30 years you can be like, ‘Hey, I did use to care about thing like that!’ So without further ado, here they are presented with handy Seinfeld-inspired titles.

10: The Security Measures

I honestly can’t remember a time in my life when I heard the word (acronym I guess) ASIO. The rise of the Islamic State, and Australia’s subsequent involvement in military action against, has allowed for a greater climate of fear in regards to ‘home-grown’ terrorism. Consequently the government has put in efforts to give ASIO unprecedented powers in Australia, such as the power to use 800 federal police to seize a single plastic, decorative machete. Not even print media will be safe from their all-seeing eyes, #HeyASIO.

9: The NBN

Well I still don’t have it; neither does our uni as far as I’m aware. But don’t panic, it’s coming sooner, cheaper and providing far less of the service than any moment prior to you reading this, so there’s always that. Expect to never hear the end of it, and for it to feature in the On Dits of 2015, 16, 17, 18…

8: The Cigars

Ah, the humble cigar. Thanks to Monopoly, it has become one of the greatest symbols of opulence the world over. Someone smoking a cigar is really doing well

for themselves, they worked hard and probably earned it. However, if you are, say, the federal treasurer and you’re in charge of helping to allocate wealth within the country, it’s sure a poor look to be seen smoking one just days after announcing a budget that has been shown to affect those with the least the most…

7: The Sovereign Borders

The other key military action by Australia this year you sure didn’t hear about. Or at least you sure weren’t meant to. Or they sure weren’t going to tell you. You might tell the people smugglers. It’s bizarre that the government talks a bunch about what they’re doing in Iraq but don’t say anything about the waters just outside of Australia under the guise of operational security. What they sure have told us though is the boats have been stopped, so I guess Abbott’s a man of his word in that regard.

6: The Death in Custody

Reza Berati, an asylum seeker under duty of care of the Australian government died from head injuries at the Nauru detention centre. The Government’s response was slow, muddled and had a lot of back-tracked facts. This was a very dark day and sadly the Government has still failed to show a response that sees the conditions for asylum seeker detainees improve.

5: The Opposition

Shhhhh. If you listen very closely you may hear the tiny scratching of Australia’s federal opposition party. Apart from standing firmly in opposition to the budget, Bill Shorten and the Australian Labor Party have sure