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per cent of women still won’t have a bar of it. It can be thrilling for a man when a woman makes herself available in this way. Some men seek anal sex because it gives them a sense of domination. To some, it is the ultimate degradation of a woman. That attitude seems to be the minority, however. Most anal pornography depicts the woman enjoying the act, and being sexually aroused. Studies show that men often conclude that women who are willing to try anal are more sexually adventurous and relaxed, and this is arousing. Sexpert Emily Morse attributes the appeal of anal sex to its novelty. ‘For many men, anal sex is seen as a “gift” from their partners – something rare, and special,’ she says. Why is anal such a gift? Sure, it’s unusual, but why is anal such a sacrifice for women? The answer is, of course, the pain. I conducted an informal survey of my female friends, and many cited the fear of pain as their main motivation for not trying anal sex. They’re not wrong; it can certainly hurt. Even the most seasoned and enthusiastic advocates for anal sex admit that the pain can be intense. There are a few reasons for the pain. After all, you are inserting a
thick object into a passage that is used to much softer things moving in the other direction. If you don’t feel completely relaxed and comfortable with your partner, then chances are there is going to be pain. And if there’s pain, you need to stop. Contrary to popular belief, the pain won’t stop when you get used to it. If you try to push past the pain, you are probably going to do some damage. And that is not an Emergency Room visit you want to have to make. The fact is that anal sex requires preparation. And I mean a lot of preparation. You want to make sure the area is clean, you want to make sure the area is clear (anal accidents can be icky), industrial grade lubricant is required, and you need to be completely and utterly relaxed. And the pain may STILL be unbearable. So why, with all the pain and effort, is anal sex on the rise? Why have 24 per cent more women tried it than two decades ago? There are certainly women that enjoy it. But many women who claim to love anal sex are often met with disbelief because of the prevalent fear of pain. It’s hard not to conclude that women must feel some pressure to do it. After all, there’s been a growing trend of woman hurting themselves in the pursuit of an ideal in the last 20 years. Eating disorders and body image
issues have increased worldwide significantly, body waxing has become more popular despite the pain, and women are demonstrably more anxious than they used to be. More and more women may feel that they need to push through the discomfort and pain of anal in order to selflessly please their sexual partners. But for me, and many other women out there, sex isn’t about sacrificing something for my partner. It isn’t a “gift” from me to him. It’s an incredibly intimate, primal act. It can hurt, yes, but for it not to work we need to communicate and prepare in a way vaginal intercourse doesn’t demand. It’s sex for sex’s sake, and that, my friends, is incredibly arousing. Anal sex doesn’t work when you feel pressured. It isn’t fun if you’re gritting your teeth and bearing it. It takes work, and it takes time. And if you aren’t with a sexual partner that is prepared to take the time, then you aren’t with a partner that’s worth the effort. The next time someone whispers those four little words to you, just remember: what happens next is up to you.