Cara Eve Swain
36
What social situations are challenging without a partner? What advice do you have for other single folks?
They/Them/Theirs
Rather than social situations, home life is more challenging without a partner. Particularly when my child is at his father’s. For other single parents who experience this, I recommend surrounding yourself with friends who love you.
Occupation: Social Work Graduate
How do you spend your free time?
Pronouns: She/her/hers and (Zepf Center), Single Mom
Dating preference: Nonbinary/
Pansexual
Three words to describe you:
Driven. Opinionated. Independent.
What’s your definition of “single”?
Not in a mutually agreed upon exclusive sexual partnership.
How long have you been single?
As of July 23, 2019, it will have been one year that I have been single. It is the longest stint in the last 11 years that I have been without an exclusive sexual partner. I have been ENJOYING being single for the last seven months since December 2018.
Are you “looking for love”?
My thoughts on looking for love is that people, myself included, are looking for one person to fulfill every emotional need that they have, and that is impossible. I have found a lot of love in my life and am always looking for more.
What’s your favorite thing about being single? I can come and go as I please and do whatever I feel like.
WHAT’S YOUR EXCUSE?
I haven’t had much free time as the last two years I was in graduate school full-time. If I am home with my son, video games and cartoons, teaching him to ride his bike, playing with the dogs, you know… Home life. If he isn’t home… same.
How does your free time as a single person compare to your free time during past relationships? This is an interesting question, as my child takes up a lot of my time. The time that I have to myself, though, is definitely spent differently! I do what I want, when I want, as opposed to having scheduled events. My life used to revolve around the other person. For example, I can watch The Golden Girls all day in bed with the dogs and still decide I want to go out at 11pm, rather than having set plans. I like that type of freedom.
Have you ever been in love?
I have been in love— with many people for many different reasons. I am in love with people right now. I can’t count how many times… Currently, I am in love with at LEAST ten people. All for different reasons and in different ways.
What does “love” mean to you?
I think we limit ourselves when we think of love strictly in romantic or sexually exclusive terms. Love means a lot of things, but most of all, giving someone the support and room they need to grow.
Is there a stigma associated with being single? Oh for sure. General
societal norms are still very much rooted in Judeo Christian beliefs regarding sex and marriage. People are thought to be “unworthy” or “less than” others if they are single. Especially if they have children.
When did your last relationship end, and why? It ended on July 23, 2018, after a year of on
and off, because he finally admitted he didn’t love me and was doing all of the right things for the wrong reasons.
When does “dating” become something serious? When you spend time with
my child and me, in our home or yours.
What’s one thing everyone should ask themselves about relationships? What is your “why”? Why this person?
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How I feel about people (if I am in love with them or not) is how I feel and it is ok if they don’t return the feeling. I can still feel how I want.
Do your parents ever ask you when you’re going to “settle down”? My mother asked me that once earlier this year. I was a little frustrated by it because she just doesn’t want me to be a single parent anymore. She thinks my son should have a live-in-male role model, but he has a dad. I don’t need to give him another one. If I am in a relationship, it’ll be for me. Not for my child.
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What’s the most important thing you’ve learned about yourself while being single?
July 31 • August 13
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