Inspiration from ACE Interrupters in Great Britain
Lily – Supermum Single mother of four children, Barnardo’s volunteer This abstract image was designed especially for Lily. The tree represents her personal growth – the heart symbolises Lily while the leaves on the tree are for each of her children.
At first Lily ignored the calls on her phone. She assumed they were spam, but her mystery caller turned out to be the local radio station telling her she had won a Mum of the Year hero award. It was a defining moment for Lily, a single mother of four who had battled for years to convince social services she was a competent parent. On winning the award, she initially felt “a little bit fraudulent” – a reaction rooted in her own insecurities. “Part of me wanted to take it to social services and put it on their desk,” she says teasingly, “just to prove a point.” Sitting in a quiet café, Lily laughs at the memory. In fact, she laughs a lot for someone who has been through several adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) as well as a large dose of adult trauma. At 37, Lily is fresh-faced, vivacious and outwardly confident. She is a prime example of someone who has dug deep and found the strength to overcome multiple obstacles in her path. Her lifestory demonstrates that ACEs need not define your destiny. Lily grew up in an unhappy household, abused by her parents, until she came home one day, aged 15, to find the locks had been changed and all of her possessions were strewn across the garden. “I pretty much moved out from there.” Later she faced custody battles with an abusive partner, societal prejudice and an ongoing struggle to find a diagnosis for her son’s complex additional needs. “I have four children with three different dads,” she says. “Instantly people go, ‘Oh right, okay, there we are.’ But it wasn’t like I slept around or they weren’t long-term relationships. They didn’t work out for lots of reasons.” The story of Lily’s ACEs begins with her parents’ dysfunctional “… I can’t tell you where it all relationship. She was the third of four children. Growing up, stemmed from but they had their she was feisty and suffered physical abuse at the hands of issues with regards to abuse within the relationship …” her father, while her mother inflicted emotional abuse. “They had their own problems,” she says. “I can’t tell you where it all stemmed from but they had their issues with regards to abuse within the relationship.” In one incident, Lily upset her father and was sent to bed in disgrace with no dinner. “He woke me up in the early hours and stuffed a sock in my mouth and beat me with a trainer,” she says, her words speeding up as she recounts the memory. When Lily was 12, her mother announced she was leaving home. “Her words were, ‘I’ve done my time now, I’ve brought you all up, it’s time for me to do time for myself,’ and she left.” Lily’s father was away in the Falklands with the RAF so the family was temporarily looked after by her grandmother – “She didn’t stay very long; she wasn’t a maternal person either.” When Lily’s father returned, he started a relationship with an 18-year old whom he later married. Lily’s two older brothers had already moved out, but she and her younger sister remained at home with their new stepmother. “I was about 15 – it sounds a bit like a Cinderella story – I had my chores and that was my place, as well as being at school and looking after my sister.” Lily’s stepmother – who was only five years older – was emotionally manipulative and found fault with everything she did. 13
