1 WHY SHOULD
I
LEARN TO
SPEAK BETTER? I’M NOT IN SALES.
SHORT ANSWER: “EVERYTHING IS SALES.”
“Do
you even know how smart I am in Spanish?
A quote from Modern Family actress Sofia Vergara, pointing out during an argument that English is not her native language. She needs to translate everything from Spanish to English in her head. This makes her less effective in heated conversations. This book is not about speaking in different languages, but the quote does capture the essence of this entire chapter: why it is of the utmost importance that each of us spends time and energy on learning and improving our speaking skills and taking away every possible barrier that stops our audience from understanding and embracing an idea.
We are fluent in our own business language (also referred to as nerd language), but fail to translate it into plain English for outsiders (e.g. board, IT, sales,…) due to our curse of knowledge. This makes us sound like a genius in our community, but we are perceived by others as difficult to work with, unclear or even unfit for the job due to an ineffective presentation. The world is full of people who are very good at what they do. People who work hard and are an expert in their trade. Technically they excel, but still run around frustrated:
Management doesn’t see the added value of the project.
We are already at meeting five for simple budget approval.
Marketing doesn’t understand how important it is that they clean up their data.
Our product is the best, but we aren’t getting any investment money.
…
Change projects are in a rut, promotions are missed, budgets aren’t approved, and knowledge is lost. All because these messages weren’t properly presented. They weren’t properly sold to the audience.
2
IS
IT SOMETHING YOU CAN LEARN OR IS IT JUST A GIFT SOME PEOPLE HAVE?
SHORT ANSWER: “IT’S NOT A GIFT, IT’S A CHOICE.”
Ididn’t grow up with musicality. Few people in my environment played an instrument. I didn’t get further than playing ‘cuckoo’ on the recorder in my first year of high school. So, when I recently decided to sign up for piano lessons, I soon heard people saying: “You are too old to learn.” “The theory alone is going to be a struggle.” We are now two years on, and I’m reading scores, gave my first class concert in front of 150 people and play quite a few pieces. In all honesty, I didn’t expect it myself. I’m amazed how quickly you can learn something if you really want to. With the right mindset, you can master a skill. The same goes for speaking. Your level of mastery will depend on your ambition, effort, experience and interest. As my piano teacher said, “Marnick, you might not become the next Elton John, but you will be able to play ‘Candle in the wind’.”
Once you master something, it is fun to get compliments about it. When I translate people’s stories back to them or show them what their talk could become, they immediately tell me how impressive they find it. “Can’t you do the presentation for me?” “Can you do it again, so I can record it?” Everybody loves compliments, but those compliments are often followed by, “Speaking is really a gift, something you are born with. It’s a real talent to talk like this.” I understand where this comes from. As kids, we all heard that you need a knack for languages or maths to really excel at them. To me it’s not about being born with a talent, but about interest and exposure too. A friend of mine was applauded for his knack for maths, but people ignored the fact that both his parents were engineers. People see me as a speaking talent, but don’t know that my grandfather was an incredible speaker. Another friend of mine was seen as a promising athlete, but no one considered the fact that her dad had been a successful soccer player.
It’s a gift, something you are born with, is a limiting thought. You are saying to yourself that the chances you will master this skill are non-existent. You are giving the other person a compliment, while at the same time closing the door for yourself to ever receive a compliment for your speaking. Think back to my analyst friend from chapter one and how he
5 HOW DO I AVOID USING FILLER WORDS?
SHORT ANSWER: “SLEEP AND LEARN TO THINK IN SILENCE.”
Uhm, actually, like, you know, all right,... and many other filler words are stranger to no one. Even the most experienced speakers are victim to these little buggers. The good news is that you can easily get rid of them if you are aware of the five reasons that they currently pop up during your talks. I call them, ‘the five killers for avoiding those annoying fillers.’
1. YOUR BRAIN NEEDS TIME
A filler word is nothing more than your brain filling up the time it needs to think. Your brain is looking for a word, how to jump to the next point or isn’t entirely sure what comes next, so it needs a moment to reflect. When you are running a combination of inexperience and nerves, silence appears to be your enemy. Silence gives you an awkward feeling and a fraction of a second seems a lifetime. Maybe the audience is thinking that you have no clue what you are doing, or they lose interest the moment you stop talking. We are automatically going to try to fill up these silences. Welcome filler words. To avoid them you need to counterintuitively embrace that silence.
2. EMBRACE THE SILENCE
They say a couple has a ‘good’ relationship if they have strong communication. They say a couple has a ‘great’ relationship if they can be in each other’s presence in silence without feeling awkward or needing to fill it up. The same applies to speaking. Silence is power; it helps to emphasise a point, creates anticipation, allows the audience to process information and gives you a chance to think about your next move. Embrace the silence. We all lose our train of thought sometimes, and need to process information or doubt our next words, even if you have ticked all the boxes of this chapter. Leave that silence; your audience will be grateful. I have trained myself to think in silence, to not fill up every second with little words or sounds. Not so long ago, at the end of an eight-hour workshop, I asked what had stood out most. One man raised his hand and said, “That you didn’t say ‘uhm’ once during the whole time you talked.”
8 HOW DO I MANAGE MY ENERGY, EVEN ON A BAD DAY?
SHORT ANSWER: “EMOTION IS A CHOICE.”
If you are reading this book in chronological order, I asked you to do a little exercise in chapter 2 on page 31. If you haven’t done it yet or haven’t read that chapter, I recommend doing the exercise before you continue reading.
What did you notice? What was the big difference between the two recordings and what did your observer say?
Chances are you will have a similar response to my clients when I have them do the same exercise in a workshop. The story I asked you to tell was short and had no specific requirements. Just 1–2 minutes about anything. The brief is very simple, but for most people the execution during the first recording lacks structure, energy, emotion and is pretty colourless. A person staring into a camera like a deer in the headlights and mostly worrying about ‘what’ they are saying. “Am I making sense?” “Was it too long, too short?” “How long did I talk?” “Was there structure?” All in their head, focused on the content and how they are perceived by the observer. Which is a completely normal reaction, but at the same time, remarkable, because there is no pressure, no set topic, there are no requirements, and nobody will ever see this video if you don’t share it. The reason? You are focused on yourself, on the content and on your reputation. You are not focused on a potential audience and delivering the story for others to enjoy.
That is why I ask my clients and you to do some crazy exercises with me that get you moving, out of your head and get the right juices flowing. I hope you went all out and had some good fun. During workshops, this is the moment other departments hear the screaming, cheering, laughing and clapping and ask their manager, “Why don’t we get a workshop like that?” After these fun exercises the second recording follows, same 1–2 minutes max, same story or something else, it doesn’t really matter. “How did you experience the second recording? Was there a difference?”
10 HOW CAN I CAPTURE THE AUDIENCE’S ATTENTION?
SHORT ANSWER: “MAKE IT RECOGNISABLE, SIMPLE, TANGIBLE.”
Why do you love certain presentations and others don’t seem to capture your interest? We are all perfectly capable of deciding if something is attention worthy or not, but defining it isn’t as easy. It’s like you know you are drinking a great wine, you can say something basic about the taste or colour, but miss the expertise to really identify what makes this wine so much better than others. The same goes for the stories we hear. We know what we like and dislike, but can’t quite put our finger on it. After this chapter you will be able to. There are six core elements to any great story when it comes to content. Six key elements that capture people’s attention and make your message stick, no matter whether you are talking to somebody at a coffee machine, pitching your product in a meeting or speaking on the big stage. Incorporate these elements, combine them with the structure and way of speaking covered in this book and you will have everything you need for an engaging experience.
I divide these elements into two groups, with three elements per group.
◼ How people CAPTURE your story = recognition, simplicity, tangibility
◼ How people REMEMBER your story = narrative, place, emotion
They serve not as a structure or technique, but as a guide to understanding what makes great stories so captivating and, at the same time, as a checklist to see if you have ticked all the boxes with your story. Later in this book, I will offer you the tools to realise these elements yourself, through structure, linking and creative sauce. See these elements as the flavours you eventually want your audience to taste, where your preparation is the collecting of ingredients that facilitate these flavours and your structure, the recipe to follow. So, let us cook. The first step in mastering these elements is knowing them, what they represent and being able to detect them in other presentations. That you are able, like a sommelier with wine, to listen to a talk and define why it is working so well with the audience.
12
HOW DO I STRUCTURE MY PRESENTATION?
SHORT ANSWER: “USING THE UNIVERSAL 4-STEP-STRUCTURE.”
How to structure a story is one of the most frequently asked questions. When people think about story structure they often think about beginning, middle, end; hero journeys and transformation moments. They think about starting with your main idea, adding an anecdote and closing with a final thought. The internet is packed with models on how to build the perfect story. The good news is they pretty much all say the same thing, because there is a universal story structure* that everybody uses. They might name the elements differently, but they are saying the same thing. Once you know and master this structure, no story you tell in a meeting, at an event or at the coffee machine will ever be the same. This structure allows me to have audiences throw different elements, ideas and challenges at me while I’m on stage and I present this content back to them as a powerful story or business pitch, on the spot, right there on stage. What takes inexperienced speakers a couple of hours to come up with takes me a couple of seconds due to having this structure in the back of my mind when I’m listening to the audience. Artificial intelligence is fast, but with this structure along with your GAV preparation, you will be faster and more impactful.
*I’m talking about structuring business content. The structure for movies is also universal, but different. Every great movie in history is built up in the same way. The hero is living a dull, normal life. There is a rise of evil, a big event. A hero is called for, but our potential hero denies being the one who is being called to step up. The hero gets pushed on an adventure and reluctantly picks up the mantle. There is a transformation through which the hero starts to realise he has a calling, a purpose and is the hero. He changes, defeats evil and everything goes back to normal. Only the hero has changed and can’t go back to normal. He must move on to a different life, world, planet,…If you don’t believe me, watch The Matrix, Alice in Wonderland, Lord of The Rings, Star Wars, Harry Potter and basically any other very well known movie – it’s this structure. That is movie structure. I will be talking about presentation structure.
Scan the qr-code to watch the video:
14 HOW DO I INTERACT WITH MY AUDIENCE AND POSE GOOD QUESTIONS?
SHORT ANSWER: “DO EVERYTHING FOR A REASON.”
“Are there any questions? No questions? Then my story must have been clear. In case you still have any, I will be around for the rest of the day.”
This is something I hear at every conference or internal corporate event. I understand where it comes from; you want to trigger a response, share your expertise, get some feedback from the audience, but an audience not posing any questions doesn’t necessarily mean your story wasn’t interesting. It could just be that people don’t have questions or they are still in awe of your performance. Most of the time, the lack of questions is due to one of these causes:
◼ The distance between you and the audience is still too big. The audience doesn’t feel confident enough due to the room size, the screen (webinar), the size of the audience or the nature of the subject to talk themselves. Remember, people fear public humiliation and speaking up in a big room, risking asking a dumb question,… all add to the fear of interacting.
Solution = Downsize the physical and figurative distance between you and the audience by moving closer to the audience, asking specific people for their input on the topic or facilitating a Q&A through an app, chat or host. The smaller the distance, the lower the effort, the safer and more anonymous the interaction is for the audience, the more likely they are to engage with you, online and offline.
◼ The company or country culture plays a role. You will notice that in some companies or countries interaction will come more naturally. I know that in the Netherlands, they will challenge many points, while in Denmark I am happy to get a nod. After the presentation, the Dutch will congratulate you, the Danish will ask their questions. Belgians, Germans, Danes,... like to interact afterwards, Americans, Dutch,…will challenge you on the spot.
Solution = Lower the physical or figurative distance between you and the audience. Pose strong questions to the audience during your
16
HOW DO I STAY IN CONTROL WHEN BEING CHALLENGED BY MY AUDIENCE?
THE SHORT ANSWER IS: “STICK TO THE FACTS AND YOUR GOAL.”
Big stage, small meeting, online, offline – an audience will not always agree with you. The better your preparation and adaptation of the previous chapters, the less probable it will be that you get challenged. But if you do get confronted with somebody giving you a hard time, interrupting your story or hijacking your meeting, there are techniques to stay in control and even turn these people into fans. The biggest heckler can become your biggest supporter if you play your cards right.
In comedy, heckling mostly comes from people who try to get a piece of your spotlight, feel insecure or who are just drunk. Safe behind their keyboard, online trolls bring others down just to feel good about themselves. People who stand out are easy targets. In an online or offline business context, I assume excessive use of alcohol will not be the reason for somebody speaking up. In most cases, they are projecting a 4/10 on the speaker, don’t agree with your world view or feel they will be disadvantaged by what you are saying. The good news is that in almost all these cases, you can stay in control and keep your story on track.
Which is important, because speaking on big stages and being challenged can quickly sidetrack your entire presentation and make you lose credibility and the rest of the audience if you spend too much time, energy and attention on one person. While speaking in online or offline meetings, not knowing how to deal with challengers can also result in that same loss of credibility and attention or the complete loss of control over the goal and outcome of that meeting. It could even be that another person achieves their goal in your meeting on your time if you don’t tighten the reins. Let’s not go there – and become a frustrated speaker –but let’s instead be one who knows exactly how to navigate the calm and the rough speaking seas.
20 HOW DO I HOST AN EVENT
OR MEETING?
THE SHORT ANSWER IS: “BY NOT BEING A MONKEY.”
Your speaking is starting to stand out at events or within your organisation. This will sooner or later lead to the question, “Would you be willing to host our next event/webinar/meeting?” A very nice compliment to get, because hosting an event, interacting with the audience, watching over the flow of the entire event, giving speakers the right energy,… is a whole different ball game versus speaking for 30 minutes and walking off stage. It’s a big responsibility and therefore not for everybody.
Is hosting then the logical next step in your successful speaking journey? Not at all. You should only host an event when you get energy out of it. Some speakers avoid it, and others love it so much that they turn it into their profession. You can only discover where you stand by doing it a couple of times. That you will get the question to host once your speaking becomes noticeable, I am sure of. This was no different for me. Once I started performing, I became the usual suspect for hosting internal events at my previous jobs and later in my Stand Up Company speaking career. I said ‘yes’ to the hosting question many years ago and that led to leading hundreds of internal meetings, webinars and small events to hosting TV shows, huge live streams and even a full stadium.
If you also got the question, you always dreamed of becoming a host, or you just want to test the water, use the following ten insights that I gathered over all those years to give yourself a head start. The audience and the speakers will be grateful, because hosting is not being a monkey that reads speaker names off a card.
“A host is not a monkey that just reads speaker names off a card. It’s the person that makes or breaks your event.”
The host or MC (master of ceremony), as it is also referred to, will often be seen as an inferior part of an event versus big name speakers and the
D/2025/45/72 – ISBN 978 94 209 3630 8 – NUR 800
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