I love playing with him: dressing up as a dinosaur, Hi! Hi! weeee! throwing the ball to him, and this is my little dog, Flea!
Hop!
coloring with our feet, and building a fort under the bed to gather all our toys.
If I had my way, I’d never ever stop playing with him!
That’s why I hate it and find it really unfair when Dad comes in and says, “ Time for bed!”
Everything started one fall evening. Without warning, Dad came up to my playmat (there was a battle going on between dragons, ogres, and dinosaurs). He yawned and said, “Tim, put away your toys. It’s time to go to bed.”
What??? Just when I was really enjoying myself?
A little flame began to burn inside my tummy, and it rose little by little to my hands, my arms, my face, and my mouth. I shouted, “ I don’t want to go!”
Grunt!
”
But Dad was unshakable and repeated “ Time for bed.
Boooooom!
The volcano exploded; I didn’t have time to think about it.
I threw myself onto my mat, hurling all my toys into the air. “ It’s really not fair,” I thought. I was really angry!
I beat my hands and feet on the floor and cried a flood of tears.
After that, it was the same story every night! I had to find a solution.
AAAARGH!!!
I tried changing into one of my dragons, breathing out all my anger and flying away, so I wouldn’t have to go to bed.
. . . Sob . . .
Sob
I tried crying so much with anger that my tears would flood the whole house and wash away my bed so I wouldn’t have to go to sleep.
I tried hiding inside a closet so that I could go on playing inside. I wrote a very clear note and put it on the outside. It said:
“ I’m having fun, don’t disturb me!”
I tried making an hourglass with Mom so that Dad can tell me a little before it’s time to stop playing and let me get used to the idea.
I tried suggesting that Mom and Dad come to my bed and tell me my favorite story about dragons. Actually, I love storytime so much that I can’t wait to put away my toys so we can be together!
Dragons
I’ll admit that I still feel a little angry in my tummy when I have to stop playing, but I don’t shout like a gorilla anymore. Mom and Dad have realized how much I like playing, and I know they’ll stay with me for a little while after I put my toys away. Now going to bed is my favorite time!
Do you sometimes become an angry gorilla?
Check out my ideas and you’ll make difficult situations fun.
S.O.S. Parents
ADVICE FROM THE THERAPIST
Anger is an important emotion in reaction to a desire or wish that is not fulfilled. It is a protest against another person’s action that we don’t agree with. It is a defensive reaction and hides children’s need for help: They do not know how to make others understand or listen to them. Thus, it is functional for development: Children that become angry are expressing themselves and their identity as a person. But how can we legitimize this self-expression without it being transformed into destructive behaviors?
ACCEPT:
Bear in mind that children that cease to get angry have given up listening to what they feel and desire. They could become adults with little initiative. Therefore, however frustrating and exhausting it may be, accept anger as an important expression of self— something to modulate and not eliminate. While your child is stomping their feet, think to yourself, “They’re trying to tell me ‘I’m here too!’” And they have every right to do so.
CONTROL YOURSELF:
The most difficult step is to control your own frustration, anger, or shame and the sense of inadequacy that your child’s displays of rage may produce in you, especially if they are in public. Think about what provokes such anger, recognize it, and breathe deeply before you act. If you react angrily in turn and try to avoid frustration by imposing your authority, you will trigger a dangerous test of strength.
