Where The Strong Ones Are

Made by Grubby with Power of Women

Where The Strong Ones Are Photo Inspo : Alexis Garner / alexis_snaps on IG

I had the privilege of photographing this beautiful woman.

Her name is Karen Antrobus.

A single mother, who has Osteoarthritis and COPD.

Every night, it’s a struggle for her to sleep, due to the symptoms of her illnesses, causing her to not get the sleep that her body needs, contributing even further to the pain and fatigue she feels in the morning.

Her medication takes away the sharp pain that her osteoarthritis induces, not the ache that is a result of her bones breaking down. This leaves her in a constant pain that is seemingly forever there. The medication for her COPD clears out the build-up in her lungs, but it doesn’t help her breathe the oxygen that she needs.

Getting on buses is a struggle, going shopping is a struggle, making a simple tea is a struggle.

Only half of her problems are solved, and only half of her needs are met.

She takes care of her children, to the best of her ability, considering her health problems and financial issues that concur due to living in our lowincome area.

For her children, she pushes herself every day, making meals, buying dinners, washing clothes and helping them with their emotional issues.

They help her whenever they can, but she refuses, as she wants to take care of her children, and she doesn’t like the idea of them having to take care of her, even though it comes at a price.

In her younger years, her dad wasn’t present often, as he served in the army, and her mum wasn’t present, because she was a horrible woman.

Being the oldest, Karen was expected to take care of her three sisters, like a mother. She was also expected to take care of her mother, like a mother.

She has dyslexia, but back when she was in school, the educational system, didn’t know what that was, or believe in it, so they called her stupid, and told her she’d “get nowhere in life”. Being a strong, determined, and independent woman, she didn’t accept that. She taught herself how to read, and passed her GCSE’s, therefore, when she was a young woman, she got a job in accounting, supporting her motto of, “hard work pays off”.

In her job of accounting, Karen wasn’t safe. She was sexually abused by a man. A man that her manager didn’t bat an eye about when she mentioned how he’s being odd towards her. A man who found out where she lived. A man who knocked on her door, and her “mother” let in, allowing the sexual assault to happen.

She left the job, despite how much she excelled in it, despite how much she loved it, as she had no help around her. No-one to help her deal with the trauma she suffered. Noone to ensure her safety.

As a result, she left home, and cut off her family. She married a man, who cheated on her while she was pregnant with their beautiful baby girl. Due to his infidelity, she left the man, and met another, with the illusion that her, and her beautiful toddler were finally able to be secure and happy. With that in mind, she married him, giving her daughter a supposed father, and her, a supposed loving husband.

During this time, she was working long, long hours in her self-employed milk round, hours so long that she barely got a few hours of sleep. She was looked down upon, as she “wasn’t a milkman”.

Furthermore, the money she earned wasn’t even hers, as her abusive husband kept it for himself. Yet she was expected to feed his kids with nothing, causing her to work another job.

Leaving him, she raised her daughter alone, while also being a carer for her friend’s daughter, who was disabled.

This “friend” wasn’t a good mother and made Karen an unofficial parent to her child. She eventually cut her off, due to wanting to focus on her own life and daughter and had to sadly part with her friend’s daughter completely, who felt like her own.

Smoking is her only outlet, it’s the thing that can distract her from her health problems. And before you think, “it may be one of the causes of her health problems... she should stop”, it was advised by a doctor that she doesn’t stop, as her lungs will not recover, and if anything, it will make them worse.

Sometimes, she must go without cigarettes, her only source of physical relief from her health issues, due to lack of money. Money she can’t earn, due to her disabilities, and society’s prejudice and laziness towards accommodating to those who are disabled in need of work. Another sacrifice she makes for her children.

Through-out her life, she has experienced so much pain and stress, and has never had rest from it. And she probably never will. All because she’s a woman. If she was a man, do you think her life would have unfolded in the same way? How would it have been? Would she have needed as much rest as she desperately needs now?

Would her manager have listened to her? Would people have taken her seriously in her career, allowing her to be successful? Would she have been more secure in her financial situation? If she was a man, would her life be easier?

As her last daughter, seeing people raise awareness on rest and feminism and being a part of it, makes me feel like I can take back my mother’s power, that she lost along the way. Spreading awareness on women’s issues, and how they contribute towards not being able to rest, is how we will progress.

My mum wouldn’t want you to feel sorry for her, as she doesn’t look down on her life, and she doesn’t dwell on what’s happened, but what could be: a trait that she kindly passed down to me. She’d want you to support me, and other women, men, and people, in speaking up for women, and those with disabilities, so that their needs are looked after in the way they should be. So that the government can make changes, so that we, as a society, can make changes.

I want to grow up in a world, where I can be assured that my mum won’t have to worry for my safety, health, and happiness, on top of everything else. Her greatest achievement, and source of true happiness, are her children. So, as one of her greatest achievements, I will continue to make her proud and happy, by promoting causes like this.

I told parts of her story, to put into perspective how women’s lives can be, because of an oppressive society, that we constantly must adapt to. To put into perspective how neglectful society is towards disabled needs.

Be better.

Thank you, mama. I love you and dedicate this to you.