Writers: Billy Jones,
Christian, Cora Green, Dean Jordan, Ethan Rhodes, Francesca Ghizzoni, Lillian Jones, Morgan Walker, Simon “Hyde” Heinle Designers: Adrianna Garris, Alexia Latto, Beto Berlanga, Kaylin Wilkes, Luella Benkert, Mariah Dhali, Max Allen, Sorelle Jackson, Trinity Holderried Editors: Morgan Walker (Editor in Chief) & Alexia Latto 999999999
This issue took way longer than any of us wanted it to. Deadlines were missed, enemies were made, households were split and at one point, I considered blowing up the Nine Pin o ce with everyone and everything inside it.
But somehow, despite my terrible time management, we pulled it together to bring you this beautiful piece of print.
But let us not dwell on the past, only live in the moment. Practice gratitude and all that jazz.
Inside, you’ll find interviews, album reviews, hand-drawn comics, a choose your own adventure game and genreless things I don’t know how to sum up here. Shout out the Nine Pin People.
Enjoy it.
Please. I beg.
Love and Light,
Morgan (editor-in-chief)
In the previous issue’s cover story, “Five Neat Ways to Impregnate Yourself,” I found myself evermore incredulous as I read about the wide range of methods for self-impregnation that scientists have developed in the last year or so. So much so that I decided to try a few of them out. I won’t bother you with the messy details, rather I’d like to focus in on one method which I found, to my utter surprise - never imagining it would prove to be the most efficacious of the bunch - ultimately led to my self-impregnation.
The method in question is colloquially referred to as “Monkey-Fisting,” although in your article you never addressed it by this name, but with the more formal designation: I.M.#23-v.4 (meaning the fourth variation on the 23rd method for Insemination). Personally, I find this somewhat disingenuous and underhand, given that no one refers to it as I.M.#23-v.4, but then if you were to address the method by its common name, who would you attribute it to?
Unlike many of the methods mentioned in the story, which were initially developed in labs and underwent rigorous testing to meet FDA guidelines before being released to the public, Monkey-Fisting developed organically in a bottom-up manner –it sprang from the people themselves, from their need. It was the answer to a new problem, a band-aid slapped over society’s newest malady.
(See cover story of the December 22’ issue, titled, “Fifteen Awesome Ways to Chop Off Your Penis”).
In my experience with MonkeyFisting, I’ve found that the number one thing to getting it right is grip strength. That fist must stay balled. Otherwise, it’s the simplest thing. The only real trick to it is getting your hands on some high quality splooge.
Anyways, to get to the point, and to answer the question posed in the previous issue’s editorial column: It is possible for science (understood as the general pursuit of knowledge through rational means, not to be mistaken with capital “S” Science FarquarStemmons Jr., the breakout rookie running back for the Indianapolis Colts) to go too far. At least, that’s what I believe now after the last month spent Monkey-Fisting myself.
As or the declining birthrates, I think it’s pretty clear now, what with all the evidence that’s accumulated: our society’s ceaseless pursuit for “Awesome Body Modifications” i.e., what the kids gratingly refer to as “aw-bawmods” paired with EsteeLauder’s now notorious shock-and-awe marketing campaign launched two summers ago, “Small Penis Century,” has created a perfect storm of genital mutilation which has left the Unites States a country of eunuchs.
The government doesn’t want you to know this, they want to claim it’s all due to a fungal infection that’s inhibitingintrauterine
semen retention. They want you Monkey-Fisting yourself from noon to night.
They never want you to think about it, just do it.
Just do it and don’t think.
That’s the government’s position and, apparently, that’s the position of this E.B. – a fact which I find reprehensible.
BUT GUESS WHAT? HERE’S SOMETHING THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW:
Billy Jones
When going to shows or markets in Austin, you may have walked past a tent adorned with second hand clothing to talk about his process making these pieces and his experience with being a visual designer in the music scene. He was able to give insight to his creative mind and what big plans he has in store as he becomes more involved in the Austin scene!
screen printed with catchy phrases such as, “music is sex”, “you were in my dream last night”, “What would Fiona Apple do?” and much more. The person behind these prints is Colin Nations! I had the pleasure of sitting down with Colin
How did you get started with printing clothes?
I’m a design student at UT. I didn’t go into the program expecting that to be what I do, but I’ve worked a lot of retail jobs, so I got really into fashion and UT has good screen printing equipment. It seemed like what the universe was hinting at me to do! I have all of these connections in fashion and for pop-up markets and then I have access to textile screenprint equipment that’s thousands of dollars… so it just happened and I’ve been doing it for about a year! I wouldn’t be able to even do it if not for going to UT. They lowkey are tired of me being in the design lab… last night I printed from 7:30 to 10 at night because I have to go in when there’s no one there.
What is your process of making printed pieces?
The design step is always the shortest, which is kind of funny. It always starts with some type of emotional impulse that needs to be released. Sometimes it’s very happy like one of my first designs, the really long poem. Anytime I have that emotional wave in my body I translate it into clothing! If it’s something that I feel I can’t say to the person I want to say it to – I’ll wear it. I’m communicating these feelings with everyone, but I’m also communicating it to the person I want to communicate it to… but they don’t know that… but maybe they think it’s about them. Sometimes it’ll be more negative. I just printed shirts last night that say “desire” [on the front] and “suffering” [on the back]. So yeah, basically it always comes from an intimate emotion that I want to convey and then I just type it, print it, maybe tweak it a little bit. Generally, I don’t like to overthink things, I’ll design something day of, print it day of. Some days I’ll go into print and not know what I’m going to print! I just let my brain do what it wants to do.
I’m not trying to do complex, multi-layer graphics. It’s more interesting to me to be communicating things that clothes typically don’t communicate. Clothing is an interesting platform of expressing your identity so being able to have really intimate messaging is very interesting.
Where do you get the inspiration for your pieces?
My most important inspiration is my emotions – as a Pisces, there are things going on in my brain that you can not comprehend. As for my fashion influences, Comme de Garcons is my number one designer because they do a lot of poem prints. Also a lot of Japanese designers, like Undercover. I would say most of it though is my emotional afflictions. I’m the Fiona Apple of clothing.
What is your experience like selling at shows?
It’s fun, I like it! I like when I make money at shows, I love when I see people wearing my clothes at shows! Even when a show is kind of dead, at the end of the day that’s a community event. These are people who are spending money on clothes made by someone living in physical proximity to them as opposed to ordering offline. In the digital age, I think it’s important to have a community of people physically close to you, that you could walk to. Like girl, what if North Korea gets us and the phone services are down… what are we gonna do next? If you don’t know your neighbors… you’re done for… sorry girl. Is there a specific show you really felt that community aspect at?
There’s so many I could name, but I think that the co-op scene is such an important scene right now. There’s so many queer people in that scene. There’s so many local performers, artists, DJs, and bookers – literally everything! If there’s some type of art, there’s some type of person doing that in that scene. I would say the 21st St. shows are really good for that sense of community. Anything co-op connected is going to get a good group of people – for the most part. The Three-For-Thursday shows at Empire are really lovely as well. How do you think visual design impacts the music scene?
Visual design no matter what you’re doing – if it’s music, if it’s fashion, literally anything – if visual design isn’t something you put thought into then to me, you’re just not putting 100% into your project as a whole. Some times there’s really good shows that have really bad flyers and like… how many people don’t go to this just because they didn’t present the information well or it doesn’t catch your eye?
[I chimed in about how I’ve never been to a ******** **** show simply because the flyers are ugly]
I was at a market, the person who does the flyers for it also does the flyers for ******* **** and they’re not good… and I’m never gonna go to the shows when they look like that!
I think that there’s an interesting intersection with different genres having different visual identities. I just made another flier for All My Friends Are DJs and it’s inspired by ‘90s Detroit techno vinyl sticker covers. I like how certain sub-genres of techno or even music in general have their own distinct visuals. It lets people know what they’re getting into. If I see a spiky ass font on the flier, I know not to show up to the event.
So, you’ve started booking events, how was Sexual Summer?
Oh my god, it was so sexual! It was so much fun! That was my first real party that I’ve booked and I was so happy with the results. I remember it was an hour in and maybe two people had come and I was like… damn. But then, you know, it got lit. I heard rumors that people were climbing over the trees to get into the backyard and a police drone flew over. We got a nasty ass email from one of our neighbors, it was like “pot smoking, public urination, blah blah blah.” Then I’m throwing that show on October 11th [All My Friends Are DJs], it will be my first time DJing as well! Beyond that I want to keep booking! I’m here to book the girls and the gays, get ‘em behind the DJ booth! Let’s be messy, let’s be trashy. As long as the cops don’t come and everyone survives the night, let’s do whatever we want.
It would’ve been an evil twilight had I gone to Empire on the 13th. Some show was playing, but the last time I patronized Empire, a vicious brute with a beard frisked me down. Some places are worth getting molested to gain entrance—not Empire.
Anyway, Dean and I went to 21st Co-op, ostensibly to write about the artists performing. I was promised drag queens, yet I remain bereft of that performance. I’m not sure if they were even there. Dean had never been to 21st Co-op—how lucky he was—but he wished to visit. It was on the list of places hosting sets this Valentine’s Day. I didn’t know any of the bands playing, and I still don’t know what they were called. If anyone knows, shoot Morgan a text. Dean and I listened to a couple of songs. It was two people—one on the keyboard and the other with a lovely singing voice.
The singer proclaimed, “This next song is about my ex. I’m over it, but every time I sing this song, I hate them again.” So perhaps they should reevaluate their recovery from the previous relationship—or maybe just stop singing that song. Not to say it was bad. The next song was described as a “grinding song,” though the tempo led me to believe it was actually for beginner twerkers, like myself.
After a couple of songs, Dean and I required some fresh air from that above-ground dungeon. We stalked into the courtyard and spotted a table where someone was performing tarot readings. Palm readings as well? I couldn’t read the font on the pricing sign—I lost my reading glasses in Houston a couple of weeks ago. We figured Dean should appeal to the psychic’s palm reading, extispicy, or whatever,
since he was cursed in Japan during Hatsumōde. However, the person in line before us took an inordinate amount of time to process their revelation, so we abandoned this quest for Dean’s soul. He remains cursed by powers from far over the sea.
Upon returning to the stage room, another band was setting up. I don’t know them either. The lead guitarist looked mean. The lead singer looked like she would be a patient math tutor. As they set up, I looked out the window. A person wearing a white gown and a white veil, hunched over, darted across the front lawn. I thought,
“If there are inexplicable circumstances, we must consult
The band played. The lead singer was lovely. The guitarist could shred to a palatable degree. Who were they?! I don’t know. Buy their merch, whoever they are. Can we get an editor’s note on that?
Anyway, we weren’t paying much attention. Two reasons!
Number one: A gentleman dressed like Crocodile Dundee sauntered across our view.
Number two: Dean and I were having an argument.
He had had enough of the co-op after two hours. As for me, I was reluctant to attend the event at first but now reluctant to leave. I think I was enjoying the specters in white veils and the Crocodile Dundees roaming the premises. Leaving the performance behind, we found ourselves on the balcony, looking down at the masses, where we passed a murder of crows disguised as sophomores when a young lady scurried before us.
“Where’s the bathroom? Is this the bathroom?”
“Uh, somewhere over there.”
“Okay, thanks.”
“Um, actually, this is the line for it,” chimed in one of the crows.
Fishing, Lucky Strikes and alternative rock music is all anyone needs these days. And that’s exactly what Amelia’s Best Friend provides! The band played this past “Three For Thursday” in October – a monthly event presented by Cristina Mauri (Moonbby6) at Empire Control Room & Garage. The group was accompanied on the chaotic lineup with emo band Sinema, experimental rap group Haha Laughing, out of state artists Polo Perks and Blaketheman1000, and of course DJs Mason Jones with Moonbby6 herself. I had the pleasure of being able to chat with Amelia’s Best Friend before their set began. The interview quickly turned into a casual conversation with the five friendly folks!
Who is Amelia?
Travis: Amelia is the friend we’ve made along the way.
Ethan: My mom thinks that Amelia is my girlfriend… she doesn’t actually exist. I’ve told her that a few times, but she still thinks it’s a real person. I came up with the name years ago just because it’s cool. I don’t even know anybody named Amelia.
Lilly (interviewer): My best friend’s name is Amelia so…
Travis: Wait so you’re Amelia’s Best Friend.
Ethan: All of the songs are dedicated to her.
Clay: Our first ever interview is from Amelia’s Best Friend.
Logan: I don’t know if we can play anymore.
Travis: Our mission is complete.
Lilly: Sorry I ended it!
You seem to all be in multiple bands, how do you balance that?
Brandon: A lot of us are all in the same bands, and we [him and Logan] live together so we have a studio at our house.
Logan: It works when practicing for one project can bleed into the next one whenever you’re ready, because everyone’s already around.
Travis: Then it becomes kind of a priority of what band has shows coming up next.
Clay: Recording is part of it too… we’re working on an album this winter, so everything else is kind of getting put on hold, because of this. Other than shows, if we get good show offers we’ll take those with the other projects. Us all being in the same projects helps, because we can say “Hey we shouldn’t work on this right now ,because we need to work on this”. It works out because we’re all in them I think, but it’s also really tough. We talk about it all time like – this fucking sucks, but it’s fun!
How do you think Amelia’s Best Friend differentiates from your other projects?
Travis: Well Ethan writes all the songs so it’s automatically going to be a little different.
Logan: Everyone’s got their own writing styles that they contribute to each band.
Ethan: Sometimes, Brandon for example, will write something for Dress Warm and then in the back of his head, he’ll be like “Huh, maybe this fits for this other band a little bit better.” So there’s some songs that get created based off of that.
Clay: Each band started not with most of us. One of our other bands, Motorsports, started with just us three [Clay, Logan and Travis], they were in Dress Warm together [Brandon and Logan] and Ethan started Amelia’s by himself, and then brought us into play one show. Then we ended up writing a bunch of songs and going “oh this is fun we should do this!” I ended up kind of joining Dress Warm, he [Travis] ended up kind of joining Dress Warm, we all ended up joining Amelia’s.
Ethan: It all spiderwebs in this way–
Travis: It became incestuous.
Lilly: I’ve found that most of the Austin music scene is just incest – it’s bandcest!
Clay: They all started with very separate ideas. We didn’t even know him [Brandon] when he started Motorsports, Ethan started Amelia’s not even living in Austin. We started Motorsports living in Dallas.
Did you ever imagine you’d be on the same lineup as Polo Perks and Blaketheman1000?
Travis: A shaman once told me this might be a possibility. Brandon: It’s crazy, I got recommended a Polo Perks song on Spotify before we got his show and then I found out we were playing with him and it was like oh shit.
Clay: I found out who they were when we got offered this show.
Ethan: I just do whatever Cristina tells me to do and she told us to play this show, I said okay I’m down and then I found out who was playing after. Like okay fuck yeah. Sinema’s playing it too which is awesome.
Ethan: I go fishing every day! Nah, but I try really hard. My routine recently is Saturdays, I’ll get up and go fishing. I got heckled a couple weeks ago by some disc golf players – they straight up bullied me. Some grown ass men playing with frisbees.
Clay: They were like “What do you need three poles for?!”
Ethan: Yeah, I have three different set ups that I use, all with different purposes, and they were making fun of me because I had too many rods. Like dude – I bet you have 50 fucking little frisbees in your backpack so.
Brandon: I’ve been fishing three times, I’ve never caught a fish in my life.
Ethan: We’re gonna change that soon.
Travis: Oh Lucky Strikes, one hundred fucking percent. Don’t smoke anything else! Fuck that Marlboro and American Spirit bullshit.
Clay: I think it’s worth noting that Logan bought a pack of Lucky Strikes today and was like “God damn it, I’m at the bottom of the barrel, these are the shittiest cigarettes ever!” and then he got here and said “I’m drinking a Busch Light and smoking a Lucky Strike, holy shit, tonight’s gonna be awesome. I’m drinking the worst beer and smoking the worst cigarette.” Ethan: It’s the fucking biweekly pay meme. By week two it’s ice soup and Lucky Strikes.
Brandon: I had to quit smoking cigarettes for health reasons. There’s no direct correlation, but my lung collapsed a couple months ago. I smoke cowboy killers, Marlboro, it’s the only way to go. Fuck Lucky Strikes.
If you see something awesome, take a picture of it and post it.
Everybody cares what you’re doing and everybody cares what you’re thinking about so you might as well just post it and tell everybody what’s going on because everybody’s dying to know.
Have fun.
Can we be for real, real quick. I just started posting random stuff and then posting pictures of each one of us doing something stupid. And I don’t know, we like playing the music and we like writing shit ,but it’s more fun to be stupid on Instagram than to think that you’re hot shit or something. You know everybody runs their Instagram differently, but in my head it’s like – who posts 10 times in a row and then a grid post, so I’m just gonna do it because nobody else is doing it. So I guess that’s number two. Do whatever the fuck you want and be different.
While Polo Perks isn’t a local artist, he played Moonbby’s “Three For Thursday” in October and is an official SXSW artist. I only got to see a tiny bit of his set in October and later saw him stage dive during Sinema so that was cool. He makes silly music and I fuck with that. I definitely want to see him in March. I hope he plays “SKRAMZ”.
Firstly, I just wanna say art is subjective, my opinion is not fact nor should it be taken as such.
The EP is short and sweet with it only being 7 minutes long across 4 songs all of which have samples from emo / Midwest emo songs. I love hip hop but have never personally been a fan of emo or any of its offshoots, though I did like the mashup of the two. It’s hard to describe the sound of this EP because emo rap really doesn’t accurately describe it. I think with emo rap people think of GothBoiClique but this is refreshingly different. I do feel that besides that it’s a little uneventful and lacks originality. The EP cover is a remake of the American Pie poster and the songs are named in accordance with their samples. However, unoriginal and uneventful doesn’t automatically mean bad. The overall sound and production quality are great plus the beats are stimulating. They seem like they’d be great live, which I think is a problem for a lot of studio recordings. It’s hard to enjoy a song in a more one dimensional format.
Upcoming Electronic/Alternative artist that used to make more ambient, ethereal, and shoe-gaze oriented music, but is now experimenting with harsh simulating beats that utilize emotion.
The song is a single from a electronic project that is currently being created inside a garage in san marcos. Jaryn remains the producer and singer of his own music.
