TABLE OF
CONTENTS
V. Complaining
VII. Dreamkeeper
IV. Inner Child
XIV. Play Big
XVIII. Worry
XXIV. Body
XXVIII. Support
XXX. Blessings
XXXI. Divine Purpose
XXXII. Force vs. Faith
XXXVII. Healing
XXXVIII. Remembering
02
Introduction
We've gathered to share our life stories and experiences, reflecting on what impacts our mental, spiritual, and physical health. As women, we face diverse struggles and life experiences.
Together, this book offers a look into our collective journey of growth.
M e n t a l
CHAPTER V
Complaining
BY HOPE
There is a classic gospel song about complaining which has inspired me to complain less for my mental and spiritual wellbeing. There is an increased propensity to voice dissatisfaction and grievances and it’s done with such ease because at our fingertips we have mobile phones, apps and social media to direct our misgivings.
Channeling the impulse in ways that are productive and transformative, is my desire. To help me, I went to the bible to understand what God says about complaining and can you believe, he actually has something to say about it!
1 Peter 4:9 [NKJV]
Be hospitable to one another without grumbling.
Philippians 2: 14-15 [NKJV]
14 Do all things without complaining and disputing 15 that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world. Paul weighs in specifically that we are to do (Capital) A, (Capital) L, (Capital) L, ALL things without complaining and arguing. This is a high calling. I need the power of the Holy Spirit to help me resist when I feel the pull of expressing a warranted grievance. So instead of complaining I am trying to follow the suggestions of God. I am here to report, it is a consistent challenge so in order to meet it, I have employed a four-step process:
STEP 1: Pray
STEP 2: Give thanksgiving (not just a holiday)
STEP 3: Build up someone else
STEP 4: Encourage myself
As I encourage myself, I want to encourage you to resist
the urge to get sucked into this culture of complaining. No matter the season you are in, resolve yourself in knowing, his word is for all seasons. So comfort yourself in God's word then apply the four steps. When we do this, we will shine as lights in the world. Lights that guide others toward Christ. #complainless
CHAPTER IX
Dreamkeeper
BY SHANTELL
I consider myself a dreamkeeper but I once failed to spot a really important dream of a really important person - one of my sons. He called me while away at college to inform me that he no longer wanted to pursue a pre-med degree but instead, wanted to become a college professor. My immediate response was, “absolutely not, we sent you to that out of state school when you had a scholarship right down the street, because you said it was your best chance of getting into medical school and you will not get off that track!
He had been an honor student throughout high school, then arrived at his dream college and hit a wall after two years.
He wanted to be a doctor ever since he was in 7th grade. The entire family supported him along this path with summer camps, weekend activities and pre-college programs so that he had the exposure needed to prepare him for his dream school and beyond. As I listened to him on that call, it was this narrative I cleaved to, not his dream. I was not aware during the call, that for the first time ever in his life, he was not at the top of the heap. He had always been the big fish in a small pond, and now he was feeling the discomfort of being the small fish in a big pond. That was the single moment I deeply regret as his mother. I was not his dream keeper.
The thing about dreams is they shift. I know that, and I've always known that. But somehow, at that moment in time, I didn't support his new dream. At that moment, I thought a high-five was in order for keeping my kid on track, but shortly thereafter, I realized it was likely the event that took him off track.
I missed the boat as a parent. So, not only did I miss the moment to be a dreamkeeper, I also missed an opportunity to help him realize his new dream. I hope you don’t miss the opportunity to be a dreamkeeper when the opportunity presents itself because being a dreamkeeper means you are trusted and that undoubtedly took some pre-work.
CHAPTER IX
Inner Child
BY TEKI
During Lent, instead of the traditional practice of giving something up, I chose to focus on healing—a personal repair project of sorts. The subject of this project was my inner child, who had been quietly calling out to me during moments of stillness. My approach to reconnect with the younger me involved daily conversations, powered by affirmations. As a humorous twist and a minor inconvenience to my husband, I scribbled these affirmations on our bathroom mirror. Each morning, I recited the following seven affirmations to my inner child:
1. I love you
2. I'm listening
3. You didn't deserve what happened
4. I'm sorry
5. I forgive you
6. Thank you
7. You did everything you could
This ritual was my way of acknowledging that the scars from childhood traumas can linger into adulthood, influencing our behaviors and choices. I recognized how my younger self shaped my relationships, my approach to parenting, and the decisions I've made. She has always been with me.
The forty-day journey of Lent provided a pathway for me to start shedding the burdens of the past and view life through a fresher lens. By the end of Lent, not only had the affirmations
become second nature, but the exasperated expressions of my husband, navigating the mirror, brought me some giggles.
Most importantly, I found myself genuinely smiling at the young girl reflected in the mirror, now clearly recognized by the woman I've become.
CHAPTER XIV
Play Big
BY TONYA
I've made a personal commitment—to Play Big. For too long, fear has held me back from embracing the call I believe God has placed upon my life. But not anymore. Lent marked a turning point—a time to step boldly into the purpose and destiny that awaited me.
You see, I've come to realize that I've been allowing obstacles to hinder my progress. Whether it's the demands of my full-time job, the responsibilities of being a wife and mother, or simply my own self-doubt, I've been my own worst enemy. But no more. I refuse to let fear and selfimposed limitations dictate my path.
The journey towards embracing boldness over caution is a constant push and pull. It's about breaking free from the boundaries I've set for myself and embracing the limitless potential that lies within. Deep down, I know I'm capable of achieving far more than I give myself credit for. And I'm fortunate to have a supportive network of friends and loved ones who cheer me on, offering both encouragement and constructive feedback along the way. In moments of doubt, I find solace and strength in the words of scripture.
Joshua 1:9 [NIV]
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. These words serve as a powerful reminder that God is always by my side, guiding and supporting me as I step into the unknown.
Yes, stepping into the unknown can be daunting. But I take comfort in the knowledge that God is already there, waiting for me. This is my opportunity to step out in faith, to play bigger and be more courageous than ever before. And in doing so, I hope to inspire you to do the same—to chase after the great things that life has in store and to embrace the fullness of your own potential.
CHAPTER XVIII Worry
BY RENELL
I worry about everything. I cover it really well using my coping mechanisms among these strategies, immersing myself in scriptural passages about worry, which has proven beneficial. It helps until there’s something new to worry about. Here is the most recent one I’ve been relying on:
Matthew 11:29-30
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Despite understanding that worry undermines my spiritual well-being and contradicts my faith, given my reliance on
God - the struggle remains. It’s a constant companion. My worries extend to my family, my friends, my children’s friends - oh and I excel at concocting dramatic narratives to accompany the worry. Here is a memorable one - my son went for a hiking trip during Spring Break and to mitigate my own irrational fears, the family policy requires keeping the Find Me app active during such excursions. He, as does everyone in the family, understands, this is the only thing that keeps my parental paranoia modulated. And by modulated, I mean checking his location at least fifty times in the span of five minutes because the location dot was not moving. In that five minute window, I had him tumbling down a ravine and being attacked by a bear. Neither of which was the reality - he was sitting down, enjoying the serenity of the view.
I recognize the importance of redirecting my energy so sometimes my scripture reading is complemented with
with meditating or relaxing and walking helps too.
Essentially, I expend a lot of energy shifting my focus from worry to faith. Mental calisthenics. I worry, then pray or recite a scripture to keep it at bay. If I am “giving it to God”
I am not sure why I always run and get it back!
P h y s i c a l
CHAPTER XXIV
My Body
BY DANIELLE
I felt like I was in a cocoon, one that seems to have mirrored the length of time that stretched from my divorce to the pandemic. As with all cocoons, eventually we break open but inside, I healed and learned. Here I sit again, in a season of transition, not fully cocooned but reflective.
The realtor of my rented home came by to do a quick check of the property, and due to a miscommunication, I was not expecting his visit, but after seeing his credentials, I gave him access. He walked around, took pictures, made notes and then said to me, “Wow, I can't believe you've been renting this house for three years. You've taken such good
care of this home. It's in really good shape.” And I began to, of course, feel very good about myself and just walk in all kinds of judgment. Like, how in the world can people rent homes and just tear people's stuff up? Because I've been so grateful to have this refuge, that came with wonderful landlords.
So as I am preparing for another move [this is where the transition comes in] packing, going up and down three flights of stairs, huffing and puffing, I began to think about how I have not taken care of the body I own, the way I have taken care of this rented home. And so while I can comfort
myself with excuses to justify the time I took to focus on the inner emotional healing, the bottom line is- I've been slacking on this body. I was led to a familiar scripture:
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 [ESV]
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not
your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
After reading it, I had to stop right then and there and ask for forgiveness for even having a moment of judgment of those who may be neglectful of someone else’s property because here I am being very neglectful with the care of my own body. God has been so gracious and so good to me in so many areas of my life - blessing, healing and taking care of me. I was reminded by something I heard that captured a truth that I now live with - we are all going to die one day and we should not want to be the cause of the imminent departure because of the choices we are making in caring for this temple. So I hope if anyone needs a little bit of encouragement, a little kick in the butt, a little bit of a reminder about caring for your temple, let this be an encouragement, an admonishment and a knowing that God is able to strengthen us in that health journey.
S p i r i t u a l
CHAPTER XXVIII Support
BY JASMIN
I hail from a huge “girl family” where the notion of support was not just a concept, but a living, breathing part of our everyday lives. Being there for each other wasn't just expected; it was ingrained in our way of being. We took good care of and helped each other no matter the situation. I am teaching my children to do the same. When I left the family nest in New York City and relocated for a new life in North Carolina, it meant leaving behind the comfort and immediacy of my support system. Starting from scratch in building new connections and trust was a challenge. For years, I fell into the trap of trying to be a Super Woman, juggling the roles of mother, wife, and ‘boss,’
all while striving to ensure my family's well-being. The demands of making sure my family was taken care of required introspection after a few years because I realized the reciprocation I had grown used to in my girl family, was not immediately evident in my new environment. That was the day I realized being supported and giving support are not one in the same. This realization marked a turning point for me.
In response, I cultivated a new circle of support that extended beyond my husband and children to include relatives and friends living nearby. This effort to rebuild connections became a cornerstone of my adjustment and contentment in North Carolina, echoing the familial bonds that had shaped me.
As a caregiver both by nature and profession, support of others is second nature to me. I am deeply committed to the welfare of my family, friends, and community. I
recognize that true support is active, genuine, unconditional, and mutual. Now, I find myself in a place where I can loudly offer my support to others, always ready to be the most enthusiastic supporter in any room. This reflects the inherent joy and light I'm meant to share, because there's a profound satisfaction in making others feel uplifted and supported.
Several biblical passages serve as my supply of strength and inspiration, enabling me to pour into others:
Matthew 5:16 [NIV]
In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
Proverbs 16:24 [NIV]
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Galatians 6:9 [NIV]
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time
we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Proverbs 31:25-26 [NLT]
She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.
Psalm 46:5 [NIV]
God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.
I encourage you to boldly live near the sunshine so you can provide light for others!
CHAPTER XXX
Blessings
BY SHANTELL
Inspiration has its foundation in many areas- fire-branding social media influencer, a 90’s artist or the word of God. It runs the gamut. I woke up one morning and along with my errand list saw a reminder of a concert featuring a singer from my youth, and so in lieu of attending the concert that I could not schedule into my already busy calendar, I listened to a playlist of her songs. One of her songs has an inspiring line in it about blessings. So as I rode around doing my errands, I was no longer disturbed by all the things I had to do but felt blessed that I got to do them. Simply, I have a car to drive, resources to purchase food and supplies and importantly a home to go back to. Be it song lyrics or the word of God, he uses it all!
Deuteronomy 28: 1-2
Now it shall come to pass, if you diligently obey the voice of the Lord your God, to observe carefully all His commandments which I command you today, that the Lord your God will set you high above all nations of the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the Lord your God
Proof God uses everybody, even a 90s hiphop artist, whom I am still fond of, despite my inability to dance like I once did, to her songs. Strangely enough, she can still dance to her songs, but I guess it is her day job!
CHAPTER XXXI
Divine Purpose
BY RACHAEL
In the quiet reflection of a recent church service, our minister shared a sermon that illuminated the concept of divine purpose with newfound clarity. It's divine, inherently, because it originates from The Divine Himself. This insight transformed my understanding, turning the familiar phrase into something profoundly more meaningful - God's Purpose. There's a scripture that deeply resonates with me, especially when I feel myself drifting from his path for my life:
Matthew 6:33 [KJV]
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
This scripture speaks to vision, direction, and discernment. It assures us that all we need lies within God's grasp, sheltered under His guidance. If we pause, realign ourselves with Him, the path to our divine purpose becomes clear.
So here I am in my own season of vision-casting, birthing new ideas for the future and I am inspired to bring order to my offering. For me, usually vision-casting starts with vision-boarding. This is my human attempt to predict my future!In the past, I've done this without consciously placing God at the core of my dreams. This approach, I've realized, needs to change. Acknowledging the importance of seeking Him first ensures that my divine purpose is woven into every dream and goal. My journey through life, with all its lessons and milestones, and my evolving understanding of womanhood, constantly draws me closer to my divine purpose.
Most days, I feel a deep sense of rightness in what I do, an assurance that I am aligned with that purpose. And on the days filled with hope and searching, I remain grounded in the knowledge of where my guidance, direction, and protection come from. This understanding is the foundation of my vision for the future, a testament to the journey towards God's Purpose.
CHAPTER XXXII
Force vs. Faith
BY LOREN
My Story
I’ve always PUSHED through life because that’s what I was taught as a child and the behavior I modeled from my father. My father was an immigrant from Argentina. He came to this country at 21 years old because he won on a game show (no joke). Upon winning, he gave the money to his oldest sister to move to the United States and then she made money to send for him, then they both made money to send for my Abuela and their youngest sister. As a child, I watched my father work hard for “the American Dream.” With his broken English, tan skin, and thick accent, he worked extra hard to learn the language, gain citizenship, and become a white collar businessman.
Having come to this country from a life of poverty, political unrest, minimal education, and a mostly fatherless childhood, this had my sincerest respect. His father died of arteriosclerosis when he was only 10 years old. I watched my dad struggle in life, as if he never quite healed from his father’s death but he forced his way through life like a stressed-out workhorse. Never stopping to smell the roses. My dad was an intense character, but to his credit and ambition, I had a good middle class upbringing in the suburbs of Chicago. I knew the value of HARD WORK, and while it was unspoken, typical of an immigrant parent, nothing but excellence was expected of me as the oldest of his three kids. I wasn’t the most talented or smartest, that was my brother the boy-genius, but I was the hardest working and always made exceptional grades and had the social skills to adapt and be included by any group. For the most part I lived a fairly normal life until, when I
east expected it, into my first year of college, my mother started to behave strangely. In ways that were very out of character and it was becoming really scary. She was always on-the-ball and gradually started forgetting important things and acting irresponsibly until she was incapable of basic things. It was terribly confusing, until she was diagnosed with stage 4 inoperable brain cancer. She was diagnosed and passed away the exact same day a year later, it was like she planned both for when I was home from college. It broke me and it took years to recover.
Forcing Through Life
Like many who have endured trauma and grief, I lived with heaviness for a long time. I already knew it all too well from how my father represented the world but being motherless, and my father’s inability to cope without her, took things to a whole new level of nightmare. At 20 years old I was illequipted with no support system and two younger siblings. My father’s family members turned their back because
they didn’t want to be burdened by our troubles. Thrust into adulthood too early, from my previously very sheltered life, I had become a riches to rags story. I had no where to go in the world. I had to depend on only ME for comfort, security, stability, food, shelter…. And other people DEPENDING on ME.
I very naturally assumed a leadership role by taking care of my father, making parental decisions for my siblings, and later, becoming a leader in business and as a proud mom. In my own personal transformation, with a lot of SELFAWARENESS, I recognized through it all, that depending always on oneself isn’t healthy and is exhausting but it was the only way I knew to be. I tried to CONTROL everything in my world because if you were always 5 steps ahead and you organized the people around you, it reduced failure and lessened any surprises that I couldn’t handle. The PERFECTIONISM that I had strived to create was at times truly SELF-DESTRUCTIVE because it was intensely UNKIND
TO MYSELF and never allowed me to live in JOY and AUTHENTICITY.
Over time, I’ve worked hard to develop myself and I'm very PROUD of my LEARNINGS and TRANSFORMATION. The more people I meet, the more I realize that many have stories of grief and challenge. As a result, I’m on a path of MENTORSHIP to give back to help others on their journey.
Living with Faith
The biggest thing that I have learned is that loving my IMPERFECT SELF and LIVING IN JOY comes from TRUSTING and having FAITH that there are POWERS, higher than myself, that have my back and something GREATER is in store for me.
I never understood the concept of FAITH, it was somewhat foreign to me, as I didn’t grow up with a Christian upbringing. But through many modalities of religion and
science-based teachings and studies of metaphysics, I started to have faith and trust that GOD, the universe, angels, my mother and others that had passed away in my life, were around me to protect me and to give me guidance. I wasn’t alone and I never was. I stopped always relying on MYSELF to PUSH towards the RESULTS and OUTCOMES, but instead, started to THANK my spiritual guides for looking after me and for looking out for my greatest good (which often would be better than I could see for myself.) I MEDITATED regularly and PRAYED, asking for SIGNS and GUIDANCE. And when I did consistently, my life started to shift in the most profound ways. I realized that life was about the ENERGY and INTENTION that I projected to people, and that as long as I was spreading good will, I had the ability to transform the reactions and behaviors of others in positive ways. I no longer fought life, but instead embraced adversity and trusted that my guides and God were showing me a path that I needed to experience. I just had to OPEN MY HEART and pay attention to messages and
the INTUITIVE VOICES in your head that is really God
giving you direction if you will listen.
You often hear the cliche “life is too short” and it is especially when you have a strong hold on it to control each day. However, there is a beautiful FLOW and RICHNESS in your world to be achieved when you live in LOVE, FAITH and JOY which I learned, so profoundly, begins with the KINDNESS, GRACE, and LOVE that…. you hold for YOURSELF.
CHAPTER XXXVII Healing
BY SHEILA
Healing from betrayal evolved into a journey of regaining my mental health in the midst of an emotional roller coaster. The first step was the choice to acknowledge my emotions as I sought support from trusted friends, then gradually rebuilding trust in myself and others.
Healing, particularly from the deep wounds of betrayal, is filled with the ups and downs that come through random realizations but it was truly acknowledging those emotions head-on, and saying it out loud, that accelerated my healing. This chapter of my life, more than any other, has seen the benefits found in the bonds of friendship. It’s
conversations with them that helped me navigate the complex process of making myself whole again.
My girlfriends have been my partners in this journey of selfdiscovery, celebrating each step forward and reminding me of the importance of caring for my well-being. Their empathy and understanding soothed my soul, reminding me that I was not alone in my struggle. Each story of pain, resilience, and triumph shared among us shed light on the universality of our struggles and our desire for healing.
Long conversations, late nights and girlfriend getaways were instrumental in gradually rebuilding that trust in myself and others.
This journey has also come with an unexpected benefitrediscovery of my spirituality. It is God who is the progenitor of my healing. Together, we have explored how faith in God can be a source of strength and comfort, which has reinforced the possibility of my renewal.
Healing has also been about embracing self-care and seeking out activities that bring me joy. Whether it's a quiet afternoon spent in nature, a shared meal filled with laughter, or a moment of silent prayer, these experiences have been vital in my healing process. Perhaps the most profound lesson has been the understanding and practice of forgiveness because it has provided a pivotal step towards inner peace and selfacceptance.
Healing, as I have come to appreciate, is not a solitary journey but a collaborative endeavor, enriched and made possible by the love and support of trusted friends. In this circle of healing, I have found not just the path to recovery but the true essence of friendship and the infinite power of shared healing.
My reawakened connection with God, trusted friendships and self-care activities that bring me joy have all been instrumental in my healing. But forgiveness remains the biggest lesson because it helps to not only forgive the betrayer but to forgive my inner child, who has needed my healing the most.
Acknowledgement + Friendship + God + Selfcare + Forgiveness = Healing
CHAPTER XXXVIII
Remembering
BY VANESSA
Oftentimes when we are standing in the gap for our loved ones as a parent, spouse, child or sibling, we tend to minimize the strength it requires to do this. In order to remain focused and fend off distractions from the enemy, it requires us to be ‘suited up.’ As we are serving the multitude of people in our lives, as women tend to do, we have to remember ourselves. Our strength begins with remembering who God is.
I truly believe one of the weapons Satan uses against us is attempting to snatch away our memory of God's goodness. God has ushered us through the upheavals of life and in doing so, has protected our hearts and minds. When we fail
to remember, a sense of anxiety creeps in and we have to fight against that enemy. As a reminder:
James 1:17-18 [NIV]
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
Philippians 4:8 [NIV]
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things.
If we give ourselves the gift of God's living word to remember how good he has been, not just in our own lives, but in the lives of our loved ones, and those that preceded us, we won’t get pulled into the disappointment that comes with forgetfulness. To combat my own forgetfulness, I am
intentionally beginning my mornings by reading The Bible.
Some mornings are under the covers, one eye open, half reading and sleeping, but that act somehow provides the strength I need- for myself and as I stand in the gap for others.
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