October 24, 2013

October 24th, 2013 34st.com

october 24 LOL

3 highbrow

2013

21

the round–up, open letter, overheards, (dis)approval matrix, dispatch from running club

5 EGO

ego of the week, scary spots on campus, 10 costume ideas

LOL

LOL

LOL

8 MUSIC

meet the penn musician, what your posters say about you, reviews

12 feature

mütter museum: club dead

14 film & TV

b-roll, philly film festival reviews, netflix pick of the week

17 FOOD & dRINK

dates (the fruit), BYO rowdiness rankings, what to do with BYO leftovers

LOL

LOL

19 arts

laurel hill cemetery, DIY halloween makeup, artist profile

22 lowbrow

FROMtheEDITOR

FREAK Have you ever been dragged through a hot, European city, sneakers laced up, father and camera in tow, compelled by fear of intellectual immaturity to enter every museum, read every information–packed plaque, just to walk out sure that the only naturalism you took note of was the passed–out German dude on the divan?

I have.

In the office this week we’ve been relying heavily on the adjective “spooky.” If I know our staff, I bet it’s because we’ve all watched "Hocus Pocus" once a week since October hit. Coincidentally, spooky is also how I’d describe the Mutter Museum (“Club Dead” pg. 10) and the other sites like it — those good tourists attractions, the ones you’re too voyeuristic to avoid. In a banal sense, they’re so much more fun than Fine Art.

In gearing up for Halloween, I’d like to pay homage to the freaky.,freak–a–leek, super– freaky–yow. I’m talking Madame Tussauds (not art, abnormality), sculptures in graveyards not great halls, fake wounds that look bloody, pussy, septic—cocktails in dirty cauldrons whose bottoms you can’t see.

I am not one of those people (“Open Letter,” pg. 3) but I’m getting the collywobbles and I kinda like it. Halloween is one week away. My horoscope says “Things are up in the air in a big way!” Dear Sagittarius: just how weird are we talking?

Come get

~spoooooooooky~

find the campus location, lowbrow sits down with fuck–up frosh

24 backpage

beyond the dining guide

Writers' Meeting. Tonight @ 6:30 4015 'Nut, Second Floor

34th Street Magazine Nina Wolpow, Editor–in–Chief Sam Brodey, Managing Editor Alex Hosenball, Online Managing Editor Chloe Bower, Design Editor Sarah Tse, Photo Editor Olivia Fingerhood, Assistant Design Margot Halpern, Assistant Design Zacchiaus McKee, Highbrow Alex Sternlicht, Highbrow Faryn Pearl, Ego Mariam Mahbob, Ego Marley Coyne, Food and Drink 2

3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E O C T O B E R 24 , 2 01 3

Ryan Zahalka, Food and Drink Michelle Ma, Film and TV Michael Shostek, Film and TV Isabel Oliveres, Features Patrick Ford-Matz, Features Ariela Osuna, Music Cassandra Kyriazis, Music Gina DeCagna, Arts Madeleine Wattenbarger, Arts Zach Tomasavic, Lowbrow Michael Kandel, Lowbrow Gabe Morales, Print Copy Randi Kramer, Print Copy

Emma Soren, Online Copy Emily Marcus, Online Copy Patrick Del Valle, Social Media

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Nina Wolpow, Editor-–in–Chief, at wolpow@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581.

Cover design: Chloe Bower

Visit our web site: www.34st.com

Contributors: Byrne Fahey, Sofia Demopolos, Elie Sokoloff, Conor Cook, Rosa Escandon, Daniel Siegel, Katherine Hartman, Jennifer Yu, Carolyn Grace, Katie Antonsson, Johnathan Wilson, Morgan Pearlman, David Ney, Paul DiNapoli, Jessi Yackey

"It's called Raige Pubining." ©2013 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

HIGHBROW

Dispatch: Penn Running Club 6:45 a.m.: Alarm goes off for running club morning practice. Why am I doing this again? Snoozed.

6:56 a.m.: Receive text, “Hey do you still want to go later?” Um, not a chance. Not even my M&T roommate is up before 8.

3:50 p.m.: Stomach grumbles. I haven’t eaten lunch and I instinctively walk to Chipotle.

4:07 p.m.: “You want chicken and steak?” Bitch, I might. I might also want cheese, corn, white rice, pinto beans, salsa and guac. Yes, I know it’s extra.

4:30 p.m.: Sporting a serious food baby as I walk back to the Quad.

5:30 p.m.: Grab unopened shoebox from under my bed. Neon orange Nike Frees, purchased two months ago, still haven’t been worn. Snapchat photo to running club friend captioned, “Getting cold feet.” I crack myself up.

5:43 p.m.: Lululemon leggings, Nike Frees, “2011 L.A. Half–Marathon” T–shirt. Can you say sceney?

5:50 p.m.: Meet friend at Upper Quad Gate. “I think they said it’s only five miles today.” Only? I pray I don’t birth my food baby all over the ground.

5:56 p.m.: Arrive at Pottruck. So many skinny

bitches. Whatever, I had Chipotle, and you didn’t.

5:58 p.m.: Introduce myself to a cute French sophomore. Try to gauge his sexuality but his tights aren't helping. Nice package though.

5:59 p.m.: “Your name eez Elie, like ze lady who sang at ze royal wedding?” Frenchie is definitely gay.

6:02 p.m.: We start jogging at a leisurely pace. Ok, I’ve got this.

6:05 p.m.: Why are we speeding up? People do this voluntarily? Who are they? Why do they exist?

6:08 p.m.: Starting to lose the pack. “Go. On. Without. Me,” I sputter between breaths.

6:12 p.m.: Wheezing sets in and I self–diagnose myself with severe asthma. Beyoncé is not helping me through this one. I’m sorry Queen Bey, this girl is not running the world.

6:14 p.m.: Fuck it, I’m walking.

6:15 p.m.: Call PennRide, but they won’t pick me up at this hour. Where is my tuition going if not this? Amy Gutmann’s peacoat collection?

6:21 p.m.: Check email as I walk through College Green. One new message—Weight Watchers promotional sales. The irony.

THEROUNDUP Ah yes, life at Penn goes on, ducklings. Mask and Wig had its show. Highbrow didn’t go. The Adderall popped as midterms loomed.

Highbrow didn’t partake.

Backpacks gotshut checked Never fear, dear readers, the government maystill have down,atbut Van Pelt. Highbrow go out to the library.

As sandsshit through the us Highbrow is still heredoesn’t churning gossip and making work. Tell hourglass, this is the gossip of our lives. we’re your national anthem.

Thingsnews: wentthe really far down whenCall oneitabroad junior Good Germans have under it no easier. fratocracy, but it broke into friends’ apartment while visitingatthem in Australia. appears therehis was an invasion of Penn’s frattiest Oktoberfest in Germany this weekend.

Apparently, guy, fullyJack cladDaniels, in lederhoApparently, after drinking one one too THEOS many Kangaroo sen blackout, jumped on to a table andand started dumping the and boycompletely returned to his accommodations, drunk without a giant liters of beer on his After bothtostrangers key. However, never fear,head. he put hiscompletely Ivy Leaguesoaking education use, and Penn kids sitting nearbythe with his beer showers, himself homeboy responded punching a hole through glass and hoisting up.

After to beingtheir cussed out in various withbroken “It’s okay I’m in finding apartment coveredlanguages in blood and glassguys, the next THEOS.” We’ll let thatassumed speak forthey itself.had been burgled. Nope, just day, the homeowners On to Penn domestic there were multiple reasons to another kid. Quaker Whoevertraditionsm, said laws without morals are useless? shriek the annual albeit in only oneoflanguage.

Amidst OZ at really claimedEcon theirScream, territory on the streets West Philly the clothed a group of only enthusiastic took to the this fully weekend.

In studiers, a move that we can describestudents as stupid, Highlower quad one in nothing butarrested their birthday suits. dangling, brow hears junior got outside of his Junk own party afterthe nudists through study break, allowing the freshmen to feast peeing ran in front of the a cop.

Good thing he zipped up before fifty on more than doughnuts.

We wonder… what’s the opportunity cost of people watched him get handcuffed. There’s a yellow brick road streaking versus studying? for you, Dorothy.

In a Round Up first, is bringing you gossipnumber from anofunAfter consuming whatHighbrow we assume to be an inhuman likely culprit: the International Affairs Association.

Fly away, Owls, pumpkin spice lattes, sources tell us that one Tridelt overdosed Highbrow has a new pet.

At yet another infamous Charles BYO, on something much more G–rated than X… caffeine. Plaza In need aofcertain IAA member consumed one too many, and found himself seekDecaffeination, Detoxification and De–stressing the tridelt ing some good ol’ MERT loving.

Unfortunately, the MERT cyclists removed herself from Penn's notorious caffeine scene and returned do not travel outknew that far. noD’s fear!were A Penn professor was there! The prohome.

Who theBut, three so therapeutic? fessor randomly appeared at Charles Plaza (possibly prompted by BYO You can’t put a price on social relevance… or can you? Sources FOMO), picked up the poor drunk child, and returned him to campus, say that the brothers of ZBT were having serious Beige Block where he could be properly MERTed. But that’s not all! The remaining FOMO and took matters into their own hands, or should we say International Alcohol Associates proceeded to vomit and get kicked out wallets? bidding wardown, brokeprompting out over one particular house, the of every As caba they hailed someone to rent a Zipcar, brothers dropped Zillions, Billions and Trillions for a space on The shuttling pukey frosh from Charles to campus. It’ll be an international Block. Well, actually just a casual $16K. But still, that’s no chump change. Let’s just call it the pursuit of jappiness.

over heard PENN at

Frat bro on Locust: See, if it didn’t have this logo, you might think I got it in Times Square.

But now you can tell it’s obviously from Bloomingdales.

Senior boy: I made out with her for a while, and then I told her I was gay, and then I threw up.

Girl in Houston: There are so many people doing what they love.

But I actually want to get employed after I graduate.

Girl in Copa: Guys, I just really think I’m going to have to give up breakfast.

Professor: Okay, everyone has an erotic desire for James Dean.

AN

OPEN LETTER TO Dear “People–Who–Get–Way–Into– Halloween,” I admire you. I truly do. With Halloween quickly approaching, I see you getting into your stride. Drinking your pumpkin spice lattes, eating your pumpkin spice pastries, living your pumpkin spice lives. But I swear to the dark lord Satan himself, if you ask me what I’m being for Halloween one more time, I will go all smashing pumpkins, and I’m not talking about the super cool alt–rock band.

You want to know what I’m being for Halloween? Drunk. Call me a party pooper, or “not in the holiday spirit,” but I have had the exact same costume every year since I was seven: nothing. Okay, that’s not entirely true. I went to a party freshman year where they wouldn’t let me in unless I was in costume. I think I put on ears and some face paint. I was a cat or something, I don’t know.

My point is, you’ve had your costume planned since January, and if I put as much effort into anything as you put into it, I’d probably be able to figure out how to get people to stop asking me what I’m being for Halloween. It’s not that I don’t want to join in the fun or go to parties or have something to make small talk about with acquaintances during the last week of October, it’s that I literally just do not care at all. It might make me sounds Scrooge–ish (wrong holiday, I know), but it’s how I feel.

Truthfully, I wish I could be like you. I want to find innovative ways to make costumes out of paper mâché. I want to find that perfect item at Urban Outfitters to complete my hipster Disney princess look. But I just can’t be bothered to try.

I only end up thinking about the work I could be doing or, even, the TV I would rather be watching instead.

So I’ll probably go out with you on Halloween if you ask, just don’t expect me to be all that into it. Normally I’m a pretty fun person, I swear, but after all the “what are you supposed to be”'s I’m going to get on Halloween, I’ll probably be pretty cranky. It can be my costume.

Sincerely, Haunted by Halloweeners

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HIGHBROW

(dis)approval matrix

The semester is halfway over and you’ve certainly given us a lot to talk about, kiddies. Let’s take a look back at this semester so far.

classy Kate Taylor spends six months researching sex at Penn. She should have just read Miss Cassandra.

HipCityVeg opens. .

Everyone pretends to enjoy vegetarian.

600 people expected to attend OWLS brunch.

awful

Four people got MERTed at the International Affairs Association BYO. If only it was as an affair they could remember.

Girl wakes up to find Pikapp poo in her bed. If only he were in THEOS.

Shake Shack opens.

Everyone actually enjoys eating meat.

Ashton and Mila visit campus. We’re all alright.

30 people actually attend OWLS brunch.

Guy at Oktoberfest justifies dumping beer on strangers’ heads with the justification, “It’s ok, I’m in THEOS.”

Drunken freshman gets arrested at Commons. A classier story we’ve never heard.

amazing

OZ and APES host the first ever freshman girl BYO. Revolutionary.

The THEOS sophomores' listserv gets leaked. Come on guys, you're making it too easy for us.

AXO got an eyeful when the smallest man on campus streaked through their chapter meeting.

Pizza clutching at Oktoberfest.

Abroad junior blacks back in hugging a whole pizza.

ratchet

Miss Cassandra wants your questions.

Grace Church is a multi-ethnic community of rich and poor, undergrads and PhDs, blue-collars and no-collars, Americans and internationals, all united by the good message of Jesus.

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Ask away, weirdos. She doesn't judge. @34st.com

EGO

SPOOKIEST PLACES ON CAMPUS:

You don’t need to go to the Eastern State Penitentiary to fill your fright quota. Grab a friend and take a tour of Penn’s own scary sites this Halloween. Paranormal activity not guaranteed.

Top Floor of DRL Walking the halls of the top floor of DRL after sunset has a distinctly high–school–horror–movie feel to it. Without the friendly faces of engineers, there’s no one to hear you scream …or to calculate the speed at which it reached them.

Spooky Score: 4/10

Biopond

Basement of Gregory

Caverns of the Quad

Nevermind the fact that about 60% of horror movies involve a lake in some way or another— for some reason, Penn decided to play God and create its own little slice of nature. Wasn’t the whole point of Frankenstein to warn us against doing things like that? Besides, we hear that at night the biopond becomes a biohome for bats.

Spooky Score: 8/10

The only thing more obscure than Gregory College House is the basement of Gregory College House. A broken– down foosball table, some dingy mattresses and two tables are all that can be found in this “study” space. Does any studying actually go on here? It looks more like the set of the next “Saw” movie.

Spooky Score: 7/10

Hidden beneath the Quad is an extensive series of tunnels with 20–foot–high ceilings stretching from the Lower Quad gate to McClelland. Nobody knows what lies at the end of this underground maze, but according to labyrinths past, it’s probably a minotaur, a sphinx or David Bowie.

Spooky Score: 10/10

Abandoned House Next to Kelly Writer’s House It’s so inconspicuous, sitting there right across from Commons with its dilapidated, peeling exterior. What is its purpose?

You’ve never seen anyone go inside and you’ve definitely never seen anyone leave. Sometimes, as you eat your fiesta mac and cheese, you can’t help but wonder: does it even exist?

Maybe it’s a good thing Penn’s tearing it down.

Spooky Score: 5/10

the l l a s ’ t Wha

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Check us out at our new store!

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ST

FILM

EGO

nicole grabowski ego thePAY weeK: DOof YOU PER VIEW?

How Penn Students Watch Movies Borrow from Library

Nicole Grabowski is Penn’s very own BVOC Vagina Campus).

When this full–time feminist 24.6% is not Film polled you to find out how you are (Big getting yourOnSunday afternoon fighting the patriarchy, she’s brushing up on her witchcraft and reading tea leaves.

Don't Watch Movies

T

Free Streaming

movie fixes. Here’s what we learned. BY ANTHONY KHAYKIN

Street: Who areweyou what hough all and know the do you do on campus?

Internet is for porn Nicole Grabowski: I’d Q), like the to (thanks Avenue think of myself as a full time bedroom is no longer the only feminist on campus: I’m the edarea being ceded to digital terriucation director for the Vagina tory. For everyoutreach girl withchair daddy’s Monologues, for AmEx, window browsing on Abuse and Sexual Assault PreFifth Avenue has been replaced vention (ASAP), I am co–prowith online And gramming chairshopping. for the Penn FYEs everywhere have virtuConsortium of Undergraduate ally been(PCUW) renderedand useless (pun Women I work at intended) with the existence of the Women’s Center under viothe multifarious lence prevention.iTunes store.

Things are no different here Street: favorite at Penn,What’s where your the Rave gets word vagina, that’s nearlyfor half the traffi c not for vathe gina? midnight screenings of blockNG: lovelike“cunt.”

I was rebusterI hits Twilight as Hulu claiming “cunt” last year, and so does the day after the newest Iepisode think it’sofpart very powerful…

30 Rock airs. This as part reclaiming a word that makes sense. We Penn students has been used against women so are too busy procrastinating often and is still one of the most on Penn InTouch and designtaboo words of the English laning funny lacrosse pinniesBut, for guage in terms of vulgarity. the clubs we’re involved in to also, vagina just doesn’t cover all leave the comfort our beds to what’s down there.ofThere’s a lot

of otherHugo things going onAnd down stems from the that fact that I grew watch in theaters. we Ityou guess then Penn stuthere other than the vagina. up with three brothers—I was fit this mold of overworked Ivy dents would prefer to get their Cunt’s little more encompassnot into barbieswith or any Leagueastudents well, with only totally RomCom fix online free ing… and it’s badass. of that stuff. It was a really cool about 17% of Penn undergrads streaming websites like SideReel way to show the tomboy, maswatching movies at the Rave ev- and Ch131 rather than pay for Street: What’s your vagina’s culine side of me. ery semester. services provided by Netflix and name?

But how about the other steRedbox?What was your drag NG: Mine for a while was Prin- Street: reotype, the one that says all colWhile 75% of us watch movcess Katana, who is one of the king persona? lege students are poor?

The free ies online, nearly Montgomery.

50% pay for Mortal Kombat characters. She’s NG: Dick–olas of information made He’s it. I ahear — a amovement warrior princess. jokeyHorrible guy, butBosses also kind possible by the interweb makes of new releasetreats on iTunes — isnice. hysclassy… a woman terical, but is Street: Who’s your female role Whose recommendations do you take? model?

Street: My PennCard looks it worth the NG: like…

50 I want to say Hilary Rod1.5 salads at 47.7% Other ham Clinton.40% I think she really NG: It’s actually my fifth one.

Sweetgreen 40 Friendhair in a bun and it embodies resilience in the face I had Amy it would Studies controversy, either with the startedCinema falling out, and I’mcost clear-if have 30 Major 26.2% 25% 25% Monica Lewinksy scandal with ly sweaty because I just moved I had seen it Professor or TA her20husband or with the Libya in. It was also two keratin treatin theaters?

Street crisis when she was secretary of ments ago, so I actually had a Ramen noo10 surveyed were state.

It’s a quality I really respect fro.*Students It’s a mess. allowed to choose more dles aren’t than one option. and 0hope that I have. that bad, I Street: What’s your spirit aniguess.

Street: What’s your manliest mal? entertainment accessible and The average Penn student feature?

NG: The smirking emoji.

Or inexpensive to anyone with an (who is anything but average, if NG: I actually performed in the the ghost.

AirPennNet account.

Wouldn’t QSA drag show as a drag king! you ask Amy Gutmann) watch-

Street: What 47.7%are you planning on wearing for Halloween?

16.9% NG: Me and my friend, we’re going to be Carmen San Diego and Waldo, and we’re just9.2% going to sit in my house, drink and text our friends asking where we 1.5% are. I was also thinking of reprising my Ms. Frizzle outfit.

Theaters Paid Online Services

Why do could you go the movies?

Street: If you putto a curse on someone, what would 3.1% 6.3%the curse be and why would you Other curse them?

It's a way to hang out with friends NG: I25% think part of the coolest It's a good study break thing about being an40.6% activist is It makes you feel relaxed and happy being able to create and provide 25% spaces for people who have had Required for Class their stories silenced, because I think stories are really one of a family–sized serving, and I’m our most powerful weapons for like, “Do you mean family of change as activists. So I would one?” Because I eat that in one es seven movies, more or less, really want to reverse the ta- sitting. every semester. Simple arithmeble—I would be cursing anyone tic proves thatsomeone’s it’s $40 cheaper who silenced story, Street: Give us two truths and to watch said movies on aNetfl so when they try to tell storyix a lie. than at the Rave, and an addifor themselves, they wouldn’t be NG: I have two tattoos, I like antional lessthey on would iTunesmake (cost able to.$20 Either gel hair pasta and I can finish a popcorn andwhen Mikethey andtried Ikes aoffunny sound Don Memo’s Margarita (Rest in nottalk, included in sound these at calculato or just no all.

Piece) in six seconds. tions). The low cost of watchStreet: What’s youronguilty pleaing seven movies iTunes for Street: The second one? >> Total amount of sure? less than 30 bucks is worth the NG: Yeah! I hate angel hair pasta. money spent in movie NG: adult that dystopian many Young conveniences online I’m not a fan. I don’t know why, theaters* by Penn novels.

I always tell us: myself paid services afford not I’m be- but I need a thick noodle. It students each semester reading them to get little needs ing interrupted by my incessant to be supportive. brothers read, but that’s the bufferingtoand commercials, the biggest lie. Ito justcomputer really likeviruses them! Street: There are two types of immunity No shame. and most importantly, not hav- people at Penn… ing to wait 54 minutes after NG: Those who want to fuck the Street: What’s your secret tal- patriarchy and those who just >> Total amount of watching 72 minutes of a movie ent? want to fuck.spent watching money on Megavideo.

NG: I know most of Beyonce’s online, if all people who Not to mention, it’s videos. a small choreography for her Street: What’s one lesson Penn paid for online services price to payI when you Ilook at That’s what do before go to should know about sexual asused iTunes* the bigI picture the combined sleep. feel like—everyone has a sault and women’s issues? savings of activity, the 47.7% Penn NG: I think the biggest part of “me time” and of I could students who payconvoluted for their online give one of those re- tackling rape culture is dismanservices like rather goingbut to the sponses “I than do yoga,” in tling the idea that the victim actuality…

I just dance in my movie theater is somewhere be- asked for it. Just respect everyunderwear. tween $196,136 and $295,344, body’s bodilyamount autonomy, >> Total of and, depending on whether they use honestly, justspent treat everybody money watchinglike Street: are what you eat, a human being. A lot of educaNetflixIforyou iTunes, respectively. online, if all people who what be?is: we won't tion can turn into “we need to Moralwould of theyou story paid for online services NG: teach menNetflix* not to rape.” But we judgeThe if youHawaiian just stay inBarbeque bed.

Chips from Trader Joe’s. I always justused need to teach everybody to get them, and I’m like, “Okay, respect each other’s boundaries *A simple random sample you’re going to space them out.” and*$12.50/ticket to treat eachatother like huthe Rave of 100 Penn undergrads were I just think Trader Joe’s is rude man*$3.99 to rent movie on to iTunes beings.

Let’sa go back that surveyed to collect data about as fuck because they think that’s concept, *$7.99/month on Netflix you know? their film viewing habits.

BY THE NUMBERS

$153,701

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

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EGO

Top 10 Halloween Costumes for 2013

1

Miley Cyrus There’s a Miley™ for every taste! Feeling cute and cuddly? Try a pre–nude–latex VMA Dancing Bear Miley™! Thirsty for adventure and a little bit more?

Why not be a Terry Richardson–approved, Arizona Ice Tea–lovin’ Raunchy Miley™? Or, for the ironic hipsters out there, a Disney Channel Miley™ will do just fine.

2 3 4 5 6 7

"Breaking Bad"/"Game of Thrones" Probably the scariest two costumes this Halloween.

Sure, on the outside they’ll look pretty generic with their oversized hazmat suits and white wigs. But you know, lurking underneath their pop–culture–loving facades, they hide the truly scariest thing of all: spoilers.

Bear Urban Outfitters, or Penn’s Number One Place to Buy Gifts for Friends or Anything That is Slightly Outside the Penn Zeitgeist, is selling bear “coat” costumes this year, and convenience is the only reason that this is on the list.

8

Tom Cruise from "Risky Business" Specific? Sure. Slightly obsolete? Yeah, kinda. Tom Cruise, really? We know! But this costume literally happens every year. Maybe it’s a documented scientific phenomenon or something.

9

Sexy Kitten Okay, look ladies: you’re going to say that this year, things are going to be different. You’re going to actually spend some time and effort on making a costume that’s not only tasteful, but clever, too. But then midterms will happen and suddenly time will just get away from you. And that’s when you’ll grab the cat ears and the black eyeliner and be a stupid fucking sexy kitten.

10

Throwback to 2012: PSY Hey, he released one single this year, right?

Right?

Out–of–Work Government Employee A “Government shut me down… Will Party 4 Food” sign is all the lazy Halloweener needs to be topical this year. Combine it with the Urban Outfitters bear coat and at least you can be an unemployed Smokey the Bear.

“Gravity” Astronaut Hopefully you will come up with a costume more Oscar-worthy than a fishbowl would be. Bonus: this costume lends itself to a ton of awful pickup lines. Like, “are your pants from Mars, because your booty is out of this world” awful.

Blue Ivy/North West/Another Celebrity Baby Battle of the babies! Honestly, we think Blue Ivy will be the most popular celebritot, because how the hell can you dress like North West? Wear a compass and call it a day?

HIPCITYVEG

is going to college now open at 214 S. 40TH ST

“What Does the Fox Say?” Fox RING–DING–DING–DING– DINGERINGEDING!

O C T O B E R 24 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

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MUSIC

COLLEGE HOOKUPS: MUSIC POSTER EDITION

Typical college scenario: a few extra drinks at Smoke’s and raging hormones find you at a stranger’s place staring at a stranger’s posters. It turns out that Bob Marley poster—and those other poster fair staples­—mean more than you think...

BY ARIELA OSUNA AND CASSANDRA KYRIAZIS

Bob Marley

Rihanna

Radiohead

Beatles

Let’s take a wild guess: this person travels with eye drops in her pocket at all times and you’ve been welcomed into a typical Radian apartment with a very particular aroma.

All this hook up is trying to do is get naked and smoke a little ganj. Or she just like reggae. It’s probably the first one, though.

This potential hookup is explicitly trying to get your pants off—for darker purposes than usual. Idolizing the queen of S&M and quasi–naked Instagrams suggests an especially experimental attitude between the sheets of his twin XL.

It might be a good idea to head out the door—you’ve stumbled into the bed of a serious music snob. Expect criticisms on form and technique and a specially–tailored playlist of “legitimate” music (i.e. “Kid A” or “In Rainbows”) to soundtrack your tryst. Things will get weird.

Congratulations—you’ve met the most generic dude at Smoke’s. When you tell this story to your friends the next day, adjectives like “nice” and “harmless” will come out of your mouth when describing the guy who treated you to a night that was basically just five minutes of missionary.

Why go to Italy when Italy is right here in Philly?

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MUSIC

MEET THE PENN MUSICIAN—WES SPIRO

Gospel music fanatic, a cappella performer, cover artist, budding musician and advocate for independent Penn performers: all terms that could describe Elmo senior Wes Spiro.

BY CASSANDRA KYRIAZIS

“The men in my family, going back generations, have always just been musicians, and that’s been kind of passed down to me,” Wes Spiro explains about his affinity for music. Growing up, Wes never had any formal singing training, but he often played music with his father, a professional folk guitar player, and began to develop his own voice and sound through this constant exposure. And he watched a whole lot of “Sister Act” movies. “There’s this scene where Lauryn Hill sits at the piano and sings ‘His Eyes on the Sparrow,’ and

African–American a cappella group, at his freshman year convocation. “They stepped out on stage and just started snapping, and they sang Cece Winans [a famous gospel singer], I think; I was just so floored by it, and I decided that was something that I had to try.”

Since that night, Wes has been exploring a number of musical avenues. From performing with The Inspiration (which he did from freshman year until this past semester) to posting covers on YouTube to experimenting with his own

“The more you put yourself out there, the more you find other kids that are also talented.” that’s my favorite scene in any movie ever. And from there I just became obsessed with this black gospel tradition.”

This obsession found a productive outlet when Wes saw a performance by The Inspiration, a predominantly

sound, he’s finally on his way to discovering who he is as a musician. An important place where that develops, though, is his effort to create more open spaces for independent musicians to perform at Penn. “I feel like a lot of big–

named events at Penn are kind of like ‘featuring this a cappella group’ or ‘featuring this dance group.’ There’s a sort of negative stigma with your event if you have an individual performer that’s not associated with a Penn performing group.” To remedy this, Wes worked with St. Elmo to start the Speakeasy, a benefit event where only Penn–independent acts can perform. “It’s kind of a niche on campus,” he says. “A lot of people feel comfortable performing there that don’t feel comfortable performing other places.” A third Speakeasy happened on Oct. 16, and, ultimately, that kind of place where individual artist can come out of the woodwork is what Spiro thinks music should be all about. “The more you put yourself out there in your videos and public performances, the more you find other kids that are also talented, and I just hope that in the future there’s more collaborations between these

kids, including myself.” As for Wes, his music has been evolving from the singer– songwriter variety to a more big band–based, jazzy sound; a number of songs are in the works, but he’s still “waiting for the right people that could really do something special with his music.” Until he finds those people, though, you’ll have to catch him at future campus performances and on YouTube.

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9

MUSIC

ALBUM REVIEWS

Katy Perry—“Prism”

It’s hard out here for a DJ. With the music sphere flooded with DJs, it’s hard to set one“Birthday” and “This Is How self apart from the masses.

We Do” are just damn good However, Ryan Hemsworth pieces of pop music. succeeds in doing so in his deKATIE ANTONNSON but solo album. “Against the Wall” effortlessly combines the lyrical offerings of Lofty305 with hard–hitting base and riffs any raver could bounce to. The quick–hitting opener of “Happiness and Dreams Forever” will pull anyone in, as will the smoothness of “Yaeko Mitamura Is Lonely.”

Katy Perry is definitely our first lady of pop and she proves her merit once again on “Prism.” The album is filled with the kinds of punchy pop pieces we've come to expect from her, but “Prism,” more than her previous albums, showcases her impressive pipes. Perry’s finally letting the world see that she’s actually talented and not just a gimmick. The first half of the hour–long album is significantly more exciting than the second, where it begins to feel like she produced 15 to 20 extra minutes of ballads, but it’s much easier to forgive when unexpected songs like

Grade: B+ Download: “This Is How We Do” Sounds best when: Taylor Swift’s just a little too whiny for you.

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BEST COAST–“FADE AWAY” The superficial lyrics and undercooked refrains on Best Coast’s new seven–song EP render this supposed “mini– album” almost immediately forgettable, making it’s title, “Fade Away,” seem appropriate. With painfully simple lyrics like “sick of you being mean / I didn’t do anything” and “life is short but so am I,” the tracks blend together due not only to their simi-

larly boring instrumentation, but also to their equally two– dimensional rhetoric. Moving farther away from indie rock and closer to pop, the EP’s repetitive, lazy guitar riffs will probably cause fans yearning for the lo–fi sound of past Best Coast efforts to fade away.

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F E AT U R E

F E AT U R E

Whoever said "dead men tell no tales" obviously never visited the Mütter Museum. Though filled with all things ghoulish and deformed, the Mütter's got a long and lively history of schooling students on matters of mortality. Today, Penn and the Mütter collaborate to tackle science's "gravest" undertakings. | By Naomi Shavin

The boy has shown little interest in the Mütter Museum. Mostly, he has made loops around his mother, with his sweatshirt wrapped over his face.

Above him, in the museum’s balconied upper viewing area, patrons study mounted skeletons and brain tissue samples on slides in the glass cases that line the walls. Down the wide staircase is the main lower gallery, where most of the museum’s famed content is on display. The boy makes his circles near the base of the staircase. Finally, before a display of an oversized colon, he finds something he can appreciate: “This guy has an overgrown whoopee cushion!”

“Overgrown” is an understatement.

The colon measures nearly nine feet in length.

Weekday mornings at the Mütter Museum of Medical History are hushed, but the boy’s humor is hardly out of place. Families and couples creep along the displays, whispering—occasionally loud enough that a joke can be overheard about extreme constipation due to corset wearing, or about the height of the tallest skeleton or about the Soap Lady, whose body fat decomposed in a way that left her embalmed.

“It’s like Human Centipede,” a teenage boy says of a set of Siamese twins.

“How did they get a two–month old fetus… skeleton? And why does it look so angry? Why does it look evil?”

His friend murmurs about the babies’ vile appearances, which is oddly appropriate since the study of abnormalities of physiological development is called teratology, which comes from the Greek teras logos, the study of monsters.

This etymology is posted above a wall of preserved, abnormal fetuses—an ex-

1 2 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E O C T O B E R 24 , 2 01 3

hibit that made the young boy with the sweatshirt visibly uncomfortable when his mother lingered over its contents.

Another mother who visited the display with her children whispered, “Can you imagine?”

“Kids get freaked out,” a young Allied Barton security guard tells me.

“The little boys like it more than the little girls. Sometimes the parents say, ‘you can go sit in the lobby.’”

Children may get freaked out in the Mütter Museum, but according to Penn senior Julio Cesar Albarracin, parents can be found in the lobby, too.

Julio visited the museum this summer on a tour arranged for the Summer Undergraduate Minority Research Program he participated in. An administrator of the program opted to come along for the visit. As a mother of young children, she couldn’t make it past an exhibit on pregnancy that featured skeletons of both mother and her baby.

Julio and his fellow researchers, many of whom are pre–med, were predictably less appalled by the Mütter’s representations of the human body.

Their biggest shock of the day was more likely the age of their docents: Philadelphia high school students who were members of the Karabots Junior Fellows Program. One of the program’s tasks calls for each student to learn and speak about one exhibit in the museum so that, as a group, the fellows can give an informed tour. Julio was impressed with the high schoolers, some of whom became involved because they dreamt of being trauma surgeons.

Of course, not every parent wants his or her child to deal in the macabre and

medical. Sarah Tse, a junior majoring in biology and photo editor for 34th Street Magazine, interns at the Mütter.

She admits that she hasn’t disclosed the full extent of her work with her parents, for fear they’d be “upset or grossed out.” Her fears may not be unfounded: knowing that your daughter spends her afternoons taking tissue samples from jarred fetuses would unsettle many parents. Sarah first visited the Museum her sophomore year and remembers longing to stay when her friends were “freaked out and eager to leave.” At the time, she was going on her second year working in a research lab at Penn and wanted to try something different.

“It was literally an epiphany one day,” she remembers, “when it occurred to me, ‘I wonder if they take undergrad interns?’” They did and she was hired.

“In the beginning, I shadowed the collections manager, but now that I have a better idea of what I’m doing, he can just tell me what needs to be done, and I do it.” Sometimes what needs to be done is to change the preservative fluid of the fetuses from the jars they float in.

Student education, particularly of the hands–on, vocational variety, has been a priority at the Mütter since before the museum was founded. When Doctor Thomas Dent Mütter died in 1858, he left his extensive collection of medical equipment and specimens to the College of Physicians of Philadelphia, hoping his trove would contribute to improving and reforming medical education. Mütter was a medical pioneer. Known for his operations on cleft lip and palate, clubfoot, mutilating injuries and congenital anomalies, he could be considered an early plastic

surgeon. Mütter’s lifework, though, has been eclipsed by his grisly collection.

His reputation is his museum.

While the Mütter has retained its educational purpose, much has changed since it came into being. In 1858, the Civil War hadn’t started; recently, the museum hosted an exhibit on Civil War medicine. The Mütter’s core demographic has seen major changes as well—physicians and medical students no longer make up the majority of visitors. “From our surveys, our core demographic is 18–35, 18–40,” says Anna Dhody, the Museum’s curator.

“We’ve never said ‘family friendly,’” Dhody says. “We say disturbingly informative.”

According to Marcy Engleman, Museum Educator, visitors tend to fall into two camps: “Some people are going to come in and be completely grossed out,” Engleman admits. “Some people are going to come in and be completely amazed.” Visitors often excuse themselves, she says, “because it’s just too intense for them. For other people, they can’t get enough. They love it and keep coming back, and they want to see more and they want to ask tons of questions.” Engleman loves the enthusiasm, but she says that she understands both sides.

Engleman’s perspective suggests that, whether appalled or awestruck, any visitor can stand to learn from the exhibits. “One of the things that I take away,” Engleman says, “and I think that a lot of people have taken away from this is, ‘Thank goodness I’m born the way that I am. Thank goodness that I was born normal.’ When you look at all of the possibilities of what could go wrong during the birthing process or trauma that could happen to your body dur-

ing the course of living, the fact that we look the way that we look is amazing.”

“If I were the maternal sort,” Sarah muses, “I’d definitely bring my kids at a young age. I think it fosters a healthy attitude about death.”

With such an extraordinary array of unique physical specimens, it’s natural that the museum would also attract professionals with a background in forensic anthropology. Janet M. Monge, an adjunct professor of anthropology at Penn, is as a forensic anthropologist who taught Anna Dhody when she was an intern in the Physical Anthropology section of the Penn Museum.

Monge views the Penn Museum and the Mütter Museum as “two locations [whose] brain is in the same place.”

“Brain” is a loaded word for Monge.

In 2008, she transported 30 of the 139 skulls in the Mütter’s Hyrtl collection to Penn to be scanned and added to the Open Research Scan Archive (formerly the Penn Cranial CT Database). This archive, created by Monge and her colleagues, aims to collect as many scans of human skulls as possible to provide open source cranium data for interdisciplinary analysis. A deeper, more complex understanding of human skulls from across the world is critical to creating a comparative base that historians, anthropologists and medical professionals can use as a reference in their work.

Working with human skulls was nothing new for Professor Monge, who has done extensive research on the Morton skull collection housed in the Penn museum. The scanning of the Hyrtl collection skulls, though, was not as much a research driven endeavor as it was an educational one, a means to continuously develop innovative

online learning tools. This collection is unique in its geographic range—the Hyrtl skulls come from from Central and Eastern Europe, two areas that the Morton collection didn’t survey. Moreover it is unique to the Mütter collection in that the skulls each come with a personal narrative that explains who they were and how they died. There is an intimacy in knowing, for instance, that a skull came from a soldier who committed suicide by gunshot to the heart after his tour of duty ended.

The Mütter strikes a pragmatic tone in dealing with death. “We’re very didactic,” Dhody explains. “We’re looking at the specimen through the filter of, ‘This is what it is. This is what causes it. This is how we might treat it.

This is how it was treated, maybe, back then.’ You’re not gonna see a skeleton with tuberculosis and say, ‘Look at this suffering individual, how much pain must they have gone through.’” No, she insists, “It’s very diagnostic. We don’t sugarcoat anything.”

The museum staff members may not wax poetic, but they’re known for their dark senses of humor. “It’s been a really unusual environment to work in,” Engleman admits. “You should hear our lunch discussions—they would probably gross out the normal person, but we love it,” she says. “I look forward to coming to work in the morning. I look forward to my lunch break because we have the best conversations.”

Sarah agrees. “A great part about working at the Mütter is that all my coworkers have similar tastes and sensibilities regarding death and disease and things like that. For example, our lunch break conversations often revolve around real murder cases, or shows like ‘Hannibal.’”

Photos courtesy of the Mutter Museum

Of the staff’s own coping mechanisms and jokes, Engleman explains, “We’re never insensitive, and we’re never disrespectful, which is really important to us. We have learned, through working here, to respect the dead and learn the lessons we can learn from them.” She adds, though, “working in a place like this could be real scary when you think about things that could happen to the body, so having a sense of humor gets you through the day.” Of course, some need humor just to get through an afternoon.

In the afternoons, the museum gets crowded. Visitors laugh nervously, express discomfort and, of course, make their dark jokes.

“Your appendix!” a woman says. Her friend laughs.

A phrase designed to characterize the museum is hung by the main door and reappears throughout the museum, though it is rarely heard aloud. It is a creed, a command: “EXPLORE WHAT IT MEANS TO BE HUMAN.” The place where an appreciation of our own mortality meets the inclination to make light of a tragedy, to carry on and to survive—that’s probably a good place to start.

Naomi Shavin is a senior from Atlanta, GA, majoring in English with a focus in creative writing.

O C T O B E R 24 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 3

FILM

B–ROLL: WES ANDERSON, THE PUPPET AUTEUR We get it, Wes Anderson, you’re quirky. Your movies have a distinctive style. You pull talent from both the most obscure and most recognizable places and you’re a sucker for chase scenes set to wacky music. I like you, Wes. I like that style; I like your actors, and I even like the use of pastels from time to time. I like the trailer for your newest offering, “The Grand Budapest Hotel.”

Unfortunately, in some ways, I also hate it.

The trailer for “Grand Budapest” is pure, unadulterated Wes Anderson. Uncomfortable

zooms? Check. Colorful characters played by the usual suspects? Check. Ridiculous chase accompanied by twee instrumentals and bizarre, almost stop–motion visuals? Check, check and check. “Grand Budapest” simply ticks every box on the Wes Anderson laundry list, leading to an important question: how auteur is too auteur?

For those unversed in pretentious film jargon, auteur theory focuses conceptually around a director and the directing method that distinguishes him or her—think of the melan-

cholic–yet–whimsical overtones of a Tim Burton movie or the flashy, stylistic scenes of a Tarantino flick. Wes Anderson, along with his fellow auteur compatriots, play up their quirks behind the camera, producing a clearly identifable product that certain audiences adore. Of course, these directors don’t have malevolent intentions; they just want to see their work on–screen, and acting as an auteur just happens to work for them. But maybe it’s time to change?

Again, the “Grand Budapest” trailer looks fantastic—

CONTINUOUS CRAB LEGS

a–murder–myster y–chase farce headed by Voldemort himself, Ralph Fiennes. Yet, by playing up the Anderson clichés in the trailer, the editors have robbed it of some worth. No matter how entertaining, the trailer has become a pastiche of Anderson works, a candy–coated, quirky–character–filled wonderland sure to include plenty of zooms and ribaldry. Truly, I do not take issue with Anderson as an auteur, but rather the appropriation of his work in this way.

Trailers like this belabor the work of the auteur, hammer-

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ing in the eccentric aesthetic of auteurs like Anderson to the point where it becomes downright satirical.

Wes, we get it, and I think you get it, too. This trailer must be representative of the film as a whole, yet your editors have taken the liberty of making sure that everyone and their mother knows it’s one of your movies. I’m sorry they did this to you. The public at large should know that you’re a culture, not a costume. I mean, an auteur, not a manic– pixie­–director–man.

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PHILLY FILM FESTIVAL REVIEWS “BEFORE SNOWFALL” In the opening moments of “Before Snowfall,” a sixteen–year–old boy is wrapped in plastic and tossed into a fuel can in order to evade border security. After crossing to the other side, he asks for directions to Istanbul, where he believes his sister might be.

Why? The answer is presented with a straight face that betrays no grimace, no hesitancy: “I will find her and kill her.”

Through a series of flashbacks, the circumstances that have necessitated the boy’s journey are revealed.

Siyar’s sister has run away from their Kurdish village and her arranged marriage, leaving their entire family wracked with shame. Siyar must kill her in order to restore honor to their family. Honor, we learn, is very much a life–or–death matter to Siyar.

Siyar travels from sweeping mountains to streets littered with pickpockets to a suburban neighborhood.

He meets a precocious boy with glasses too wide for his face, a smuggler who promises anything as long as he can pay and a girl who steals his wallet, smiles to him on a train and kisses him on a snowy day in Germany.

They all have very different ideas of honor.

As the film picks up momentum and Siyar’s journey begins to spiral out of control, his gait strengthens.

Grade: A Runtime: 105 mins.

See if you liked: “Hotel Rwanda”

He laughs. He questions.

He demonstrates a goodness that has no place in circumstances as dangerous as his. It is in these quiet, tender moments—when the viewer watches Siyar grow up and grow out of the rigid conceptions of morality he has always held—that the film excels.

There is no antagonist in “Before Snowfall.” There is no one to root against as the miles fly by and Siyar draws ever closer to a murder he knows he must commit but finds himself questioning anyway. Even as the film barrels into its gut–wrenching ending—the final gunshots, the inevitable twist of a knife, the crimson staining the snow—there is no one to blame. There are only people placed in desperate situations, reacting the only way they know how to.

JENNIFER YU

“THE SUSPECT” A black man with a gun robs the local bank in a small Minnesota town.

Shortly after, the cops also find a black man, covered in dirt, walking along the side of the road. He claims to be looking at a nearby property. There are no black residents in the town. The cops have found their criminal, right?

This is just a small part of the premise of “The Suspect,” one that serves as the perfect setup to a psychological thriller. Just when you think you’ve gotten a little bit of a handle on the plot or one of the characters, there’s another twist. This film is neither for the faint of heart nor weak of stomach, nor is it for someone looking to have a relaxing, mindless, hour–and–a–half study break. This is a movie for those who like to think and be challenged.

Watching it is a totally active film– going experience: your mind will be working like you’re in class and your heart will be racing like you’re at the gym.

“The Suspect” is a crime mystery, thrilling and exciting, with a strong cast led by Mekhi Phifer (“8 Mile” and “ER”). But it is also a strikingly poi-

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Grade: A Runtime: 98 min.

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gnant film about racial profiling and bias. It is the combination of the genre and the topic that make it so powerful and entertaining. No matter how open– minded and liberal you are, no

matter how much education and knowledge you have, no matter the color of your skin—you have some biases and “The Suspect” will throw them in your face.

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SPECIAL PRICES FOR PENN STUDENTS SPECIAL SPECIAL PRICES PRICES PRICES FOR FOR FOR PENN PENN PENN STUDENTS STUDENTS STUDENTS STUDENTS 1 6 3SPECIAL Lens Options per pair Lens Lens Lens Options Options Options perper per pair pair pair 4SPECIAL T H S T R E E T M A GPRICES A Z I N E O C T O BFOR E R 24 , 2PENN 01 3 Lens Options per pair Eye Exam EyeEye Eye Exam Exam Exam Standard Polycarbonate................................$40 Eye Exam Standard Standard Standard Polycarbonate................................$40 Polycarbonate................................$40 Polycarbonate................................$40 Standard Polycarbonate................................$40 Comprehensive Eye Exam......................... $42 Comprehensive Comprehensive Comprehensive Eye Eye Exam.........................

Eye Exam......................... $42 $42 $42 Standard Plastic Scratch Coating..................$15 Comprehensive EyeExam.........................

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motives behind the killings. She may be unlikable to her fellow detectives, but her determination to solve the case and unapologetic way about life make Stella a very likable character.

However, her lesser–known co–star Jamie Dornan steals the show with his breakout performance as serial killer Paul Spector. Dornan manages to exhibit the frequently brooding Spector’s emotions solely through his eyes and facial expressions, which is an incredible feat. Attempting to balance his life with his wife and children and his career as a bereavement counselor with his violent and sexual tendencies towards women paints Spector as a character that has rarely been explored on television before. This type of character has appeared on other shows, but has never been observed in the holistic manner that “The Fall” views Spector.

Despite being in a British show, many actors in the cast will be familiar to American viewers. Anderson is well– known for starring as Dana Scully on “The X–Files” and Dornan had a recurring role as Sheriff Graham in the first season of “Once Upon a Time.”

Other recognizable faces include Archie Panjabi from “The Good Wife” as a pathologist and Michael McElhatton and Ian McElhinney, both from “Game of Thrones,” as a detective and police chairman, respectively.

Although the show is centered on a serial killer, it is very short on thrills—a slow–paced look at psychological depths and the connections between people. Spanning only five hour–long episodes, this show serves both binges and tempered watching well. But don’t worry when you reach the end of the last episode—season two has already been ordered and is expected to air next year.

DANIEL SIEGEL

FOOD & DRINK

Dates—the fruit—can be intimidating, but with a little magic, they can become a delicious snack you’ll want to call back.

1

The Facelift: mascapone/ marzipan fillings Let’s be real, dates aren’t the most attractive looking fruit.

But give your date a full–body makeover with sweet fillings like mascarpone or marzipan.

Cut a small slit in each date, use a teaspoon to fill the hole and set them in the oven at 400•.

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The Naughty Snowman: coconut on the outside, almond on the inside Roll heated dates in shredded coconut to add texture and to hide otherwise unattractive wrinkles. The combination of coconut and almond is an unusual must–try—sneak a toasted almond into the date’s pitted center and you’re nuttier.

We f*ck on the first date.

And by f*ck, we mean, "provide writing opportunities."

Make an incision and push an almond incisde. Spread dates on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and sprinkle with parmesean cheese. Like the Facelifts, these go in the oven at 400• and come out when you're ready for them.

Milton Hershey’s Wet Dream: chocolate Chocolate. Lots of chocolate.

Absolutely smother your date in melted chocolate. You want to have twice as much chocolate as you have date—so much chocolate that there’s no way to eat it without getting chocolate all over your hands.

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INSANE

FOOD & DRINK

Charles Plaza All hail king Charles.

Banana Leaf It’s bananas (sorry).

La Viola Is Franzia Italian?

Salento The lesser La Viola.

La Fontana Della Citta The lesser Salento.

Beijing The best worst thing on campus.

THE OFFICIAL SCALE OF BYO ROWDINESS

There are the BYOs you go to with your parents and drink a glass of wine or two as they crack jokes about your “crazy college ways.” Then there are BYOs where you stand on the table with your shoes off, alternately take handle pulls and make out with one of the waiters. Plan accordingly.

Tres Jalapeños Three times as hot. Or not.

Tampopo For venturing past 41st. Barely.

TAME

Noord Not–so–scandalous Scandanavian.

Audrey Claire GNO or GTFO.

BYO EDITION

Marigold Kitchen No menu, no Bankers, no problem.

No one goes to rowdy BYOs for the food, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make the most of what you get. Should you find yourself with an unexpected bedfellow come morning, these revamped leftovers are good enough to share.

& Every topping you could imagine.

Blended to Perfection.

CHECK OUT OUR PENN SPECIALS FOR JUST $4/$5/$6: The Ben Franklin: Vanilla ice cream/yogurt, blended

with peppermint patties, Nutella, & chocolate chip cookie dough, topped with hot fudge

Strawberry Shortcake: Vanilla ice cream/yogurt, strawberries, sugar cookie dough, & topped with whipped cream The Hangover Cure: Butter pecan ice cream,

blended with maple syrup & bacon bits, topped with Golden Grahams

Locust Walk: Chocolate ice cream/yogurt, bananas, chocolate chip cookie dough, & Nutella Mom’s PB&J Crunch: Vanilla yogurt, peanut butter

Where: Salento What: Meatballs and leftover dinner rolls Remake: Italy does France. Mix an egg with 1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract and 1/4 cup milk, and coat the leftover bread. Cook on a skillet until both sides are lightly brown for easy French toast. Reheat and chop up the meatballs as a sausage substitute.

Where: Charles Plaza What: White rice Remake: Toss the half–rate moo shu chicken that’s only passable when masked by Franzia’s Sunset Blush. Crack an egg over white rice, and stir over low heat until the egg begins to solidify. Season with salt and hot sauce.

cookie dough, Cap’n Crunch, strawberries, & peanut butter

The Upper Quad: Vanilla ice cream/yogurt, Oreo, Golden Grahams, & chocolate syrup

The Penn Alum Special: Chocolate ice cream/yogurt,

peanut butter, pretzels, & topped with Oreo crumbs

FREE DELIVERY AVAILABLE* Monday Night Football Specials 6pm-9:30pm Thursday Night Football Specials 6pm-9:30pm Wednesdays 5pm-8pm Sunday Football Specials 5pm-10pm * Minimum $15 per order (cash or credit). Email orders to: ScoopDeVilleDelivers@gmail.com

Where: Tres Jalapeños What: Sopapilla Remake: Glaze with butter and microwave. Top with fresh fruit and syrup (if you’re so inclined). At its best, breakfast should be synonymous with dessert, anyway.

1315 Walnut Street | ScoopDeVille.com | 215-988-9992

If all else fails, Greek Lady delivers.

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ARTS

DIY: HORROR MAKEUP

Use household ingredients for some last–minute zombifying.

You’ll Need: 1. Chocolate syrup 2. Foundation 3. Chapstick 4. Small brush 5. Red food coloring 6. Eye shadow

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Start with a thick layer of foundation.

For a zombie or corpse–like look, use a slightly lighter or yellower shade than your natural skin color. A thick layer will keep the fake blood from staining your skin, so make sure you apply it where the blood will be added later.

4

Add eye shadow to create bruising around the cut. Blacks will come off as more graphic and less realistic; blues, purples and browns will give you a more grotesque look. Yellows and greens can also be used for a zombified or long­–dead look.

ROSA ESCANDON

5

2

Use the chapstick to create gore.

Start applying small lumps in a rough circle or oval, and then smudge the chapstick down so it both adheres and bends into your skin.

3

Add another layer of foundation over the chapstick. This can be a lighter layer. Though a thicker layer of the foundation will make it less sticky, the exposed chapstick will look like puss.

6

With a small brush, add blood to the middle of the chapstick circle. Let Mix the fake blood. Take chocolate sauce it drip. Add more blood as needed. and add red food dye as you stir. The more dye you use, the more cartoonish the blood will look. The more chocolate sauce you use, the more the blood will look dried or congealed. This ok! blood is safe to eat—and acedboogcafe f n o delicious.

Join nd us /white

Props to anyone who shows up "corpse-like."

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O C T O B E R 24 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 9

ARTS

Ariella Freund Check out an online interview and 34-second video with Ariella Freund at 34st.com.

"Dancing with other people is very powerful. Moving cohesively and 'feeling' the other dancers around you is very important. It’s amazing to have a group of girls around you who value and love dancing as much as you do."

IF YOU RODE A BIKE, YOU’D BE THERE BY NOW. roll past rush hour and actually enjoy your morning.

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LAUREL HILL CEMETERY: PHILADELPHIA'S MORBID MUSEUM

GET THE DEETS: OCTOBER AT LAUREL HILL CEMETERY In the spirit of Halloween, Laurel Hill hosts living visitors for special events.

“Hot Spots and Storied Plots” narrates the vivid history of the cemetery, packed with marble masterpieces, breathtaking views and legendary tales. Friday, Oct. 25, 10 a.m., $8.

“Soul Crawl: Haunted History Halloween” is a guided flashlight tour through the cemetary. Friday, Oct. 25, 7 p.m. & Wednesday, Oct. 30, 6 p.m.

Laurel Hill Cemetery is located at 3822 Ridge Avenue.

Laurel Hill's elegant outdoor sculpture and picturesque landscape is a North Philadelphia horticultural gem. Unfortunately, those who reside within it can’t experience the beauty of their surroundings. They can’t experience anything anymore: Laurel Hill is a cemetery and an art site.

Laurel Hill Cemetery’s founder, John Jay Smith, conceived the cemetery with three important factors in mind: it should be in an aesthetically pleasing location well outside the center of Philadelphia, have no religious affiliation and provide permanent burial space in a serene setting.

During Philadelphia’s 19th century industrialization and population growth, Laurel Hill’s location offered urban calm. Terraced above the Schuylkill River in the neighborhood of East Falls, the area established both a secular resting place for the dead and a scenic sanctuary for the living. Laurel Hill is the second largest garden or ru-

ral cemetery in the country, home to over 33,000 monuments and 11,000 family lots. It was designated a National Historical Landmark in 1998 and has since presented itself as not only a cemetery, but also as a 78–acre landscape of art and history, hosting regular events open to the public.

The cemetery contains several notable pieces of sculpture. Most well–known is a monument to William Warner, carved by Alexander Milne Calder, the grandfather of influential American sculptor Alexander Calder. The monument depicts a woman lifting the lid of William Warner’s coffin so that his soul will be released to the heavens.

High on a hill in the southwest corner, isolated from the other monuments, sits a statue of a young woman holding her infant twins. The piece was carved by Polish sculptor Henry Dmoghowski– Saunders, the husband and father of the woman and children. The monument overlooks the spot on

the Schuylkill River where the babies drowned in 1855. The mother died two years later.

The burial ground is normally quiet, creating a feeling of intimacy rather than distance despite how vast the space is. In the heart of a bustling city, the cemetery is a respite from the chaos.

This fall, Laurel Hill serves as the inspiration and focus of several visual art and literary programs. The Manayunk–Roxborough Art Center, for example, is presenting “Images & Impressions of Laurel Hill,” a series of three Sunday afternoon events featuring painters, photographers, writers and poets. Whether artists are capturing the ornately carved monuments through a lens, portraying the space’s natural beauty through an painting or reciting poetry inspired by walks around the graves, each of them encapsulates the uniqueness of this remarkable cemetary.

CAROLYN GRACE

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O C T O B E R 24 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 2 1

LOWBROW

Ready for a CHALLENGE? Lowbrow's exploring all of Penn's nooks and crannies.

Can you identify these secret campus locations? Send your guesses and general thoughts to lowbrow@34st.com.

Answers: 1: Smokey Joe's 2: Morris Aboretum 3: CVS 4: OWL's BRUNCH

1

2

Lowbrow sit–down: Freshman Fuck–up Judy McIlwain Lowbrow delivers the exclusive scoop that no one else wanted.

When College freshman Judy McIlwain first came to Penn, she was excited, ambitious and eager for a fresh start on a college campus, seeing it as a chance to escape her high school reputation as a “real fucking weirdo.” In the two months that have passed since, however, she has discovered that she doesn’t have what it takes to survive at an Ivy League institution and, if anything, has only further solidified her old high school reputation.

“I spend most of my time at Commons,” Judy explained.

“It’s nice because they have those little corners where the lights don’t really work. I can sit on a stool in the dark and watch everybody hurry down Locust because they actually have places to be. It’s almost like I have places to be.”

Judy hoped to be a Biological Basis of Behavior major upon her arrival at Penn, but she quickly discovered that she was a huge fuck–up. She was equally overwhelmed by her writing seminar. Her justificatory essay sequence, in the words of her instructor, was “unreadable, I mean worse than usual. That Judy’s a real fuck–up.”

In addition to her academic failings, Judy also “really fucked up” at all of her a cappella try

outs. “We had to ask her to finish her audition outside,” said Dischord senior, and Judy’s sister, Blythe McIlwain. “None of us could stand it.”

To deal with the bitter reality of rejection, Judy has taken to self–medicating with Commons ice cream. Explaining her rather unconventional flavor of choice, Judy said that “rainbow is really just vanilla with different colored dyes in it. The dyes sometimes mix together and turn greyish–brown, so almost no one ever eats it except for me.

I like to mush it all up, that way no color wins.”

To pass the hours spent developing an intimate relationship with a fluorescent dessert bowl, Judy often hums the “Pitch Perfect” soundtrack to herself. Said one Commons worker, “I would feel bad for her if she wasn’t always smacking her lips with that ice cream, not like putting your lips together… but really smacking them. I try to avoid the dark corners at Commons because she’s always there.”

Judy’s Sansom Place roommate, Tara, who spoke to us on the condition of anonymity, has also noticed Judy’s desire for poor lighting. “One time I came in our room and she was unscrewing all the lightbulbs in our

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Q&A WITH JUDY

room. I said ‘Judy, what the hell have you done?’ She said, ‘Shh, it’s better this way,’” said Tara.

Between her explanatory essay sequence, bottomless dessert bowl and a cappella–of–one, Judy keeps herself busy. “Everything’s coming up Judy!” she exclaimed between smacks to her mouth, before retreating into the creamy, ephemeral ecstasy of month–old, untouched ice cream from Commons.

At press time, Judy was keeping her plans for the evening open. “What’s today, a Tuesday?” she asked. “I’ll probably just get Chinese food and sit in bed.” It was a Saturday.

Lowbrow: So Judy, where are you from?

Fuck–up: I grew up in a swamp.

LB: Wow. What was that like?

FU: Caught a lot of toads.

Also scrapbooked sometimes.

LB: Interesting. How do you like Penn so far?

FU: Some parts have very poor lighting, which I enjoy.

LB: Let’s move on from that. Did your parents come for parents weekend?

FU: Yeah, but they only visited my sister. I was a–hidin’. Sometimes I like to do that in the bushes.

LB: You hide in bushes?

FU: Yup. Sometimes I’ll just peep all day on Locust Walk.

“Peepin’ time”—that’s the name of a little diddy I hum to myself. I’d sing it for you, but I have an audition later and I want to save my voice.

LB: Oh, an audition? For which group?

FU: All the a cappella groups.

LB: Which ones in particu-

lar? Like Dischord?

FU: What’s that?

LB: Moving on. So what’s a typical day in the life like?

FU: Well, I usually wake up and— LB: Do you sometimes not wake up?

FU: What’s today?

LB: It’s Saturday.

FU: Yep, I definitely woke up today.

LB: Right. So Halloween is around the corner— FU: What?! Which corner?!

LB: It’s an expression…

FU: (laughs uncontrollably) OH!! I get it! Nice one! (smacks face) LB: Let’s just get this over with. So do you have any plans for Halloween?

FU: Gonna buy a lot of toilet paper.

LB: So you’re gonna be a mummy or something?

FU: I’m gonna spin with it.

LB: Damn it, Judy.

FU: Hold on, my Chinese delivery is at the door.

Don’t try to sneak out. It’s easy to do, with all this poor lighting.

LOWBROW

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O C T O B E R 24 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 2 3

COME FOR THE FOOD, STAY FOR THE...

Going out to dinner isn't just about the food: take in some extras from this week's Dining Guide restaurants.

QUIZZO Quizzo host Irish John at Victoria Freehouse takes pleasure shitting on English, Irish and Americans alike while putting up some of the funniest and most interesting quizzo questions east of the Schuylkill.

Bonus: the friendly British waitstaff are as generous with their profanity as they are with their smiles.

VIEW

The bar at Pizzeria Vetri puts you face–to–face with the pizzaioli as they carefully assemble your meal. Though less exciting than the spectacles of a teppanyaki chef, the pizzaioli’s practiced movements are pleasantly hypnotic.

NOSTALGIA

Gennaro’s Tomato Pie aims

to transport you back to the 40s.

Propaganda posters from World War II line the walls and patrons eat their pies in antique chairs from the original Lombardi’s Pizza in New York City.

MUSIC Boot and Saddle doubles as a legit music venue, hosting musicians almost all nights a week. In the next week alone, they’ll be hosting dubstep DJs, alt rock bands and British ska– reggae–punk.

BEER 700 varieties of beer at The Corner Foodery is a lot. To put it in perspective, the average junior could drink a different flavor of beer everyday until graduation and still have enough untasted varieties left to console him through his miserable summer internship.

PATIO A narrow corridor in the back wall of Little Nonna’s opens up into an extensive 40–seat outdoor patio. Strategically placed in a large nook at the center of the city block, the patio lets diners enjoy some fresh air without the racket of 13th Street.

SPORTS Huge fans of soccer themselves, the owners and staff at St Declan’s encourage the “footballer’s pub” culture with huge TVs, endless channels of soccer and an enthusiastic waitstaff always ready to discuss that “ludicrous display last night.”