22 West Magazine - June 2020

Issue 86.05 June 1, 2020 www.22westmedia.com

MAGAZINE

BEST OF THE WEST 2019-2020 Highlights

Contents Culture 4

Safer in the Kitchen

6

Asian Dating

Braving the market three times a week.

They don’t see color, so I must be invisible.

Music 9

Gone Country An interview with Lucy from Dog Party.

Entertainment 12

Books for the Quarantined Soul

13

Ad Astra Doesn’t Add Up

13

Comeback of the Year

It doesn’t have to be all bad.

Brad Pitt and the space baboons.

How corona supports the drive-in cinemas.

Arts 14

“I think this might just be my masterpiece”

15

Contact Lens

Poetry.

A Short Story.

Grunion

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18

Gay Monsters

20

Zoom Tips and Tricks

Why is no one talking about this?

A must read for every virutal student.

Issue 86.05

June 1, 2020 www.22WestMedia.com

Magazine Staff

Letter from the Editor The spring 2020 semester has shaped up to be likely the wildest any of us have experienced in our times in the education system. I found myself reflecting almost obsessively about our connectivity, and how this semester would have looked without the virtual classes brought to you by Zoom, the countless orders brought to your doors by Amazon and indeed how those in previous pandemics fared before WiFi and Google. On this thought alone I am thankful that, if I had to be living during any pandemic, it is this one; despite the vaguely nefarious notions I’ve been feeling by becoming exceedingly over-reliant on big tech the last couple months, without them we never would have been able to continue delivering our content to CSULB. Our final issue for the 2019-2020 academic school year features “Best of the West” pieces our amazing staff, interns and volunteers have contributed; they serve as a remembrance for our current readers of the magazine as well as an introduction to the incoming freshmen and transfer students. Congrats! As next year’s editor in chief, the variety of personal essays, interviews, poetry, short fiction and satire in this issue also highlight my high hopes and vision for the magazine to expand and become more inclusive with our content. And, although I don’t want my time collaborating with those graduating to end, I am immensely proud of every student who made it through this semester as well as those finding themselves at Long Beach in the fall.

Want to contribute? Email us! editorinchief@22westmedia.com

Tara Thomas, Editor-in-Chief editorinchief@22westmedia.com Joel Vaughn, Managing Editor managingeditor@22westmedia.com Marissa Espiritu, Art Director artdirector@22westmedia.com Bria Manning, Lead Copy Editor Enacio Diaz, Distribution Manager Kaleen Luu, Staff Writing Intern Erin Haworth, Staff Writing Intern Janna Wolf, Staff Writing Intern Melissa Zuniga, Staff Writing Intern

Contributors Brian Campise, Artist Eric Cota, Writer Brandon Kheang, Photographer Nyla Manuel, Writer Andy Nguyen, Photographer Stephanie Quintanar, Writer Gerell Wilson, Artist

Cover Design Marissa Espiritu, Art Director

Disclaimer and Publication Information: 22 West Magazine is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of their individual authors, not the magazine, ASI nor LBSU. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, LBSU students will have precedence. Please include name and major for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters may or may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. 22 West Magazine will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials, and illustration, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. 22 West Magazine assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are available in the Associated Students business office.

Contact Us Phone: (562) 985-4867 Mail: 1212 Bellflower Blvd. Suite 112 Long Beach, CA 90815

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Culture

Safer in the Kitchen Cooking in the time of Corona.

By Bria Manning Art by Marissa Espiritu

On Friday the thirteenth of March, I had my last meal dining in at a restaurant. It was for my friend Andrew’s birthday and it was sushi. Andrew and another friend, also named Andrew, ordered a 15-course meal each as I sheepishly snacked on gyozas and garlic edamame; I’m not a fan of seafood.

But three bottles of hot sake in and I found myself shoveling Oliver’s baked salmon rolls in my mouth. This is the only way to experience food, I thought to myself as I reached into a food coma-induced nirvana: with your loved ones, venturing your palette out a little more. The head chef John came out to our table to personally greet the Andrews, who were regulars, to ask how everybody enjoyed their food and inquire about family members. Just a couple days after, dining in became shut down for the foreseeable future.

Since that evening, our government has told us what to do but not how to behave, as anyone who has frequented a grocery store in the last month should know.

I’ve bared witness to the entire spectrum of apocalyptic behavior:

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unnecessary hoarding of toilet paper on one end, the parading on Instagram stories of clearly not adhering to social distancing rules on another. The absence of the simple pleasures we had taken for granted — like going out to eat, for instance — has been an odd thing. By now we’ve all pretty much adjusted to it, but the absence of one thing doesn’t necessarily equate to it’s complete obsolescence. I may not be able to share food with friends in our favorite milieu, but that doesn’t mean that food cannot transcend this virus.

I came to this realization on a cozy and wet evening after opening my Discord app, where my friends and I have been in nearconstant convene since quarantine began, and sent a picture of my dinner: an arugula spring salad with garlic and aioli on wheat sourdough toast and chicken gnocchi soup.

Richard replied with a picture of his steak (cooked well done, which immediately ensued a debate) and one of the Andrews replied with homemade tacos doused in house salsa. It was during this intimate pastime that had become regular for us that I felt a jolting pang of how much we thoroughly all missed each other.

“We are so starved for touch that we’re sending pictures of our meals as our way of reaching out for human connection,” I replied on our chat. Oliver thankfully

steered this random turn of glumness away by responding with a picture of his dinner: a McPick Two. (Just two 10-piece chicken McNuggets standing forlornly side by side.)

I’ve never had the time to cook much in my adult life, busy always being a full-time something, and the thought of standing around a stove waiting for something to cook had been tedious to me. When quarantine began, I started with small potatoes (literally). I wanted to recreate the potatoes from mine and my boyfriend’s favorite breakfast spot, a place in the Haight in San Francisco: chunkily chopped, with rosemary and garlic, just marginally over-cooked. I began cooking them almost every morning: for my mom before she went off to her front line duty of being a nurse; for my boyfriend before he helped me repaint my room. It took me a few weeks before I realized what I had taken for a corny cliché was actually true: cooking is a love language. What better

Cooking is a love language. time to develop and express that than now?

I have been throwing whatever vaguely unsure feelings I’ve had into anything remotely food related. I’ve become prone to behaving like a suburban mom, hoarding recipes on categorized boards on Pinterest. I spend nearly every waking moment at home in my kitchen. I’ve begun to bake unnecessary amounts of sweets — mostly pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and sweet potato muffins — which may be a tad concerning.

A bit more questionable: the daily tendency to drag myself out of bed and straight into the kitchen with my laptop, notebooks, pens, highlighters and whatever books I’m reading at the moment, and plopping myself at the kitchen table. From this point on for

the rest of the day, I am unable to extract myself from the kitchen. I work and drink coffee until I take a break to exercise, which I’ve also taken to doing — you guessed it — in the kitchen; I hook my resistance bands onto everything, keep my yoga mat by my feet and, in between these daily recurrences — which I will invariably partake in tomorrow, and the next day, and every day until quarantine ends — I cook. In short: I have become the type of woman I never thought I would, finding comfort in the domestic delights I had no patience for pre-Covid.

Maybe this is because, if my mind wanders, I’ll burn the onions I was supposed to sauté or overcook the meat (which should never be completely well done, Richard!) Maybe it’s because when you watch someone you love bite into something you made for them, the satisfaction of sharing that prandial pleasure with them is enough to put a pause on the world around. For now, all I can do is haunt my local farmers market six feet apart and get into the heated debate of how to properly prepare a dish with my friends. But at least I know that when this is all over, we’ll have recipes to share and argue about in person, proving that food, amongst other things, was one of the driving forces behind keeping us connected while we were apart.

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Dating as an Asian Woman They don’t see color, so I must be invisible.

By Kaleen Luu

6Art by Brian Campise

I’m sitting in a restaurant when my date tells me, “Wow, your English is really good.” Sigh.

Dating is awful. Period.

In a time when it’s so easy to connect with others through social media and with an unprecedented access to a multitude of dedicated dating apps, you’d think that dating has become simpler.

My mother is the kind of person to tell me I’m not allowed to date until I’m 30 but at the same time complain to me at dinner time that I’m still single.

How contrite am I to say it’s anything but.

Dating is still awful. Surprise!

Dating is awful when I get an opening line like, “Where are you from?”

And I answer, “Los Angeles.”

Dating is awful when they follow up with, “No, I mean, where are you REALLY from?”

And I go, “I was born in Fountain Valley.”

Dating is awful when they reply with an eye roll gif and they say, “I mean, where are your parents from?”

And I say, “I’m Vietnamese, and hello to you too.”

I didn’t realize people forgoed basic human manners and just jumped the gun to asking about my race.

I don’t mind people asking. But then again, people who ask that question immediately almost always start talking about how they visited my home country and it all goes downhill from there.

Yes, it’s wonderful you visited Vietnam. But really, who told you it was a good idea to say, “I love Vietnamese women, they are such great cooks and make great housewives”?

It seriously makes me cringe thinking about it — yes, these are actual things people say.

“I hope you won’t eat my dog though,” they’ll say as if it’s a funny joke. Darling, the only joke here is that you think I won’t hit the unmatch and block button.

Sometimes this unpleasant exchange doesn’t happen until I’m already sitting across from them somewhere, when my guard is down.

“I like that Asian girls are submissive.”

I have to keep a smile plastered on my face while they talk over me and cut me off when the server asks what I want to eat. I keep nodding and smiling politely, but only because this person knows where I live and maybe if I bore them enough I can escape after this night and never talk to them again.

I’m sure that since the beginning of time, dating leaves much to be desired. I know plenty of people say I’m looking for love in the wrong places, but I don’t buy that. There are so many people out there that I wouldn’t be able to meet otherwise if I didn’t expand my circle online.

However, dating as an Asian woman online… that’s a scary world to navigate.

I feel as if trying to find qualities I want in a partner has largely been reduced to just trying to find someone who isn’t ignorant. I’m scared to call people out for even being mildly racist because I don’t want to be perceived as someone who can’t take a joke. I’m ashamed to say I let a lot of inappropriate comments slide because I didn’t want to be “difficult.”

As Taylor Swift sang in “The Story of Us”: “This is looking like a contest / Of who can act like they care less,” dating is a careful dance of

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Culture

texting strategically, along with endless hours of scrolling profiles on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, what have you, hoping that you’ll strike up a match with someone who has — sorry to say it — personality.

I’m wary of the profiles that say, “I love Asian girls.” Tired of the, “So where are you really from?”

So yes, dating is awful.

Dating is awful when I’m almost 23 and my mother hovers around me like a helicopter.

My mother tells me I’m not allowed to go out unless she has my friend’s phone number and my friend’s parent’s phone number, so then I have to sneak out like a teenager.

I used to only date within my race because, growing up, my mother would say that I needed to find a nice Vietnamese man. It would be hard for them to understand our customs and how would I expect my parents to communicate with their family if they weren’t the same as us?

Well, she also told me I had to become a doctor, but as you can see, that’s not happening.

My mother is the kind of person to tell me I’m not allowed to date until I’m 30 but at the same time complain to me at dinner time that I’m still single. She tells me to focus on school but then tells me I need to stop slouching and need to put on some makeup.

She cringes when she sees me in my Crocs, ready for school.

“Can’t you put in some effort?”

But fine, I’ll forgive my mother for her fear I’ll bring someone home who isn’t Vietnamese.

I understand her. I hope she can forgive me for dating behind her back. I can’t admit to her that I’ve been on dozens of terrible dates, it would break her heart.

So why is dating so awful and why do I still continue to do it, despite my grievances?

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Dating is awful when I get texts at 2 a.m. asking me to come over. I say that I’m sorry, I’m not interested and they say, “Come on, it’ll be fun.”

And they send me a winking emoji and it shifts a guilty burden onto my conscience. It makes me think of the familial pressures and, while it’s nice to be desired, is it so much to ask to be understood? I want to date and have fun just as much as any other young adult, but my mother’s voice echoes in my mind. It’s selfish of me to not think of my elders.

For a long time, I struggled with thinking, “Maybe this is what I deserve for going behind my mother’s back,” when I’m in bed scrolling through the mundane messages from men, but I think it’s more than that. I think it’s fair to say that I should be able to date without fielding mildly racial remarks.

Dating is awful when I don’t know if my date sitting across from me actually likes me for my hobbies, interests, personality or he’s just seeing me as a cute little submissive Asian girl he can parade to his friends.

So why do I continue to date? Because I have hope.

So why do I continue to date?

Because I have hope.

I have hope that someday I will be able to sit across from someone and I’ll be able to order what I want and not what they decided for me, and I have hope that instead of using my race as their opening act for their comedy bit, they’ll respect me as I am and appreciate me for more than just where I’m from.

It’ll be then, that I’m finally being seen.

Music

Gone Country 22 West Live Sessions with Lucy from Dog Party.

Interview by Stephanie Quintanar Photos by Brandon Kheang & Andy Nguyen Lucy Giles is a trailblazing musician from the sister duo band Dog Party who, between school and other responsibilities, tours the country on weekends. On weekdays, it’s time for her to be a marketing and art student, but Giles can balance all her responsibilities well.

Q: Where did the name Dog Party come from?

A: My sister and I started the band when we were 8 and 10 years old and I was just obsessed with dogs — so obsessed with dogs. I told my

sister that the band has to have the word dog in it. And she was like, “OK.” So, she started listing off all these names. And she said, “Dog Party.”

That’s it! That’s how we named the band.

Q: What are some of your musical influences that you bring to the band?

A: When I was young, my dad always played cool rock-and-roll music around the house. And one band that really stuck out to me was the White Stripes, because they were a two piece with a female drummer.

That band was a huge inspiration to me for

“...country is three chords and the truth. Everybody can relate to it in one way or another.”

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Music Entertainment the beginning years, and then I got into punk rock. Towards the end of high school, I got really into The Beatles and Elvis, which then just leads you to all these other places.

Q: If you can collaborate with any artist, dead or alive, who would that be?

A: Loretta Lynn. She’s still alive and she is one of my biggest influences — just one of my favorite people on the face of the planet. She’s like a saint, and her legacy for what she did with country music in general and women in music is just so extraordinary.

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Q: What is your favorite show that you’ve ever played?

A: In 2016 Dog Party went on a US tour with Green Day. That was a promo tour for their new record, Revolution Radio. That was just the most fun show ever, because that was the closest show to my hometown of Sacramento. A lot of my family and friends came to see us play and it was intimate. That was one of my favorite shows, hands down.

Q: Do you have anything that you’re doing outside of music?

A: Music consumes most of my life. I am always listening to music and writing melodies.

One of my other passions is art, from painting to drawing.

Q: What are some of the things you do on the road for fun?

A: Finding Old Spaghetti Factory chains. I love to go there with my family and friends. So, when I’m on tour, I just want a home cooked meal. And it’s very good. It reminds me of home.

Q: What’s your favorite musical instrument?

A: A pedal steel is my favorite instrument to listen to. It sounds like a wounded hound dog, just like a baby crying. It really just gets you in the heart.

Q: Is there any particular song that you enjoyed playing, which means a lot to you?

A: I would say for the regular Dog Party sets, we have a song called “Operator” and I harmonize with my sister. And that’s my very favorite thing to do, is harmonize with her. The crowd loves it every time. And then I’d say for playing acoustically is “Nothing Ever Hurt As Much” because it’s such a sad song. I wrote a bunch of songs about the topic of why I got my heart broken pretty bad. [...] “Nothing Ever Hurt As Much” was definitely a very personal song to me. [It] was about what it’s like to watch someone else fall out of love with you, and it’s happening right in front of your eyes. There’s nothing that you can do about it.

Q: How has your sound changed over these 13 years as a musician?

A: It is definitely interesting because the first record that we ever put out was in fifth grade when we recorded it. We have six records out and it’s interesting to see a recorded documentation of me growing up. In the beginning, I was more like a spunky kid with some attitude, but then when I started getting older, the subject matter of the songs had changed to a more mature tone.

Q: I would like to know how you balance your work life and your student life?

A: It’s something that I’ve always had to do since I started the band at age eight, so I was always going to school and doing stuff with the band. Definitely caused us to only really be able to tour in the summertime. So, we toured really heavily in the summer. But yeah, sometimes we have important shows that make us fly out during the semester and I just have to stay on top of my work and make it happen. So, I do.

Q: How did you get into old country music?

A: Since I was super into punk rock and rockand-roll growing up, there’s always that mentality like, oh, I hate country music, I hate country music.

Growing up, I was never really into country music.

I remember at seventeen, I heard Hank Williams for the first time and Ernest Tubb, Loretta Lynn [...] And I didn’t want to like it at first, I was very hesitant, but I could not just stop listening to it.

It was like the hypnotizing pedal steel just luring me in. And basically, I just got really into country music and started researching it. Trying to find out everything that I could about it. One thing that country music is often described as, which I wholeheartedly believe, is that country is three chords and the truth. Everybody can relate to it in one way or another. I strongly feel this way, and country music can just hit you in the heart.

You know, and I love it a lot.

Q: Do you plan to play country more music?

A: Yeah, I’ve been into country music since I was 17. And right when I got into it, I tried writing a country song, but I just couldn’t do it. My writing style is kind of specific, and it’s always been rockand-roll. That’s just kind of what flows out of me, but I pushed myself to write some country songs.

I nailed it — “Nothing Ever Hurt As Much” is a song that I could envision Loretta Lynn playing in the 60s and potentially being a hit. I just feel like it’s really on par and I purposefully did that type of composition because I studied the song structure.

Q: What would you tell people that have a biased notion of what country music is?

A: What I would say is just listen to Hank Williams — he’s the king. Country music is pure, and it’s hard not to find yourself tapping your toe.

You can find Dog Party on all streaming services Spotify, iTunes and Apple music.

“...my very favorite thing to do, is harmonize with [my sister]. The crowd loves it every time.”

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Entertainment

Books for the Quarantined Soul It doesn’t have to be all bad.

By Bria Manning

Art and design by Alex Merto Published by Farrar, Straus and Giroux

Design by Chip Kidd Published by Vintage International

Photograph by Dennis Frates/Alamy Stock Photo Published by Melville House Publishing

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“The Cactus League” by Emily Nemens The debut novel from the editor of “The Paris Review” comes at a muchneeded time, what with the Major League Baseball season being postponed this year. For those of you who need their baseball fix, Nemens’s novel is an appropriate substitute to fill that void. Nemens writes with striking accuracy of the spring training scene in Scottsdale, Arizona and loosely intertwines each individual character (each of whom is an “inning,” rather than a chapter) together to tie in the plot, primarily centered on star left fielder of the fictional Los Angeles Lions, Jason Goodyear. Spring training may have been cut short this year, but the emotion for baseball shines through so apparently from every character, and indeed even from Nemens herself.

“1Q84” by Haruki Murakami This one is for the heavier readers, the ones constantly telling themselves that they’d like to read a big, long book next. It’s no secret that Murakami is a literary genius; he is one of the most heralded modern writers of our time, as well as a personal favorite of mine. And although he has an impressive list of works, none can compare to “1Q84,” which he wrote in 2009. Explaining the extensive and complex plot would give too much away, but if you’re ready to read 928 pages of distorted versions of reality experienced by two old childhood friends who find themselves wrapped up in a nefarious commune through means of assassination and literature, then this perfectly specific dystopian novel will be well worth to pass your time with.

“How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy” by Jenny Odell Fiction is not the only genre that will help with transporting your mind elsewhere, so I had to throw in nonfiction as well. Though marketed as a selfhelp book, Odell’s book reads more like a collection of essays to me, centered around one central theme: how to do nothing. Odell, who is not a writer but an artist and Stanford professor, writes about the many distractions of life: social media, our addiction to accessibility and society’s demand for us to always be productive, just to name a few. During this unique time in our lives where we actually have the time to quite literally do nothing — and get away with it, for the most part — this book is an appropriate read to understanding the benefits of doing nothing as well as easing the guilt and burden of being unproductive from our always optimizing minds.

Photo by Francois Duhamel - © Twentieth Century Fox

Ad Astra Doesn’t Add Up Brad Pitt and the space baboons

By Janna Wolf An Applebee’s restaurant on the moon and a human base on Mars: the new movie from James Grey pictures the future of space travel, as one expects from a science fiction film.

Optically, “Ad Astra” is fun to watch and not just because of Brad Pitt. There are spectacular scenes in space, such as when the main character, astronaut Roy McBride, drops off a space antenna and falls towards Earth, wildly rotating on its own axis.

Even with these scenes, it is the plot and the storytelling that make this movie so It is a well-known conflict controversial. and one cannot help but McBride is on a mission to contact his father, Clifford McBride, who went on a wonder why it has to take mission to find intelligent life in the orbit place in space. around Neptune. When it comes to the big showdown between father and son, all that matters is their relationship: the worship of a son and the betrayal of a father. It is a well-known conflict and one cannot help but wonder why it has to take place in space. If those two had met at a lonely place on earth, the outcome would probably have been the same.

On the other hand, there wouldn’t be dramatic scenes like the moon rover chase or the attack of space baboons if the story was set on Earth. In those scenes, McBride stays calm, no matter how spectacular it gets. The contrast between action and stillness is the base of the storytelling. All is kept minimalistic–with less camera settings, less music and less talking. At the same time it varies greatly in the narrative speed. Some moments you want to press stop, because you don’t realize what’s happened. For example: Was he just really attacked by gigantic space baboons?! The next moment you would like to fast-forward. So his father cheated him, can it keep going now?

At this point it is worth mentioning that Brad Pitt’s acting is great, subtle, emotional and still very personal, but in the end it runs out on that.

Some people will hate the movie, some people will love it, but before you consider watching it you should ask yourself: Does it have to be action all the time? Should there be no open questions at the end of a story? Is straight storytelling and constant narrative speed important for me? If you just answered yes three times, you should Was he just really attacked stay away from the movie. Even if there is by gigantic space baboons?! still the question of what happened to those malignant, mesh-eating space baboons.

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Entertainment

Comeback of the Year Why drive-ins are popular again.

By Janna Wolf Art by Marissa Espiritu Drive-in cinemas always make me think of the movie “Grease.” Specifically this one scene when Sandy runs away — “You think I’m gonna stay here with you in this sin wagon?” — leaving Danny behind — “You just can’t walk out of a drive-in” – who starts singing dramatically while walking through all the cars. Naturally I was kind of disappointed that no one was singing nor walking around when I first visited a drive-in cinema. In fairness, it must be said that this was forbidden because of COVID-19. The virus was the reason why I went to the drive-in in the first place: it’s the only cinema still open. Obviously I was not the only one with this idea; the line of cars blocked a traffic circle and several streets.

“In the current situation it is good to do something new,” said Vera, a drive-in virgin like most of the visitors these days. Under normal circumstances she probably would have watched the movie in a cozy armchair rather than in an actual movie theater. The coronavirus alone is to blame for this comeback of the year.

Jasmin has been working for the cinema for three months now and could observe how the number of visitors increased strongly during quarantine. She thinks it’s good that the cinema remains open and not only for the sake of her own job: “This way people have something to

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do, especially the children.” The workers at the cinema do their best to create a virus-safe environment for everyone. They check the ticket through the closed window and strictly control the lines in front of the restrooms. The snack bar

The virus was the reason why I went to the drive-in in the first place: it’s the only cinema still open. is closed. “A lot of people are pleased that the distance is so well maintained,” Jasmin said.

Heading to the drive-in cinema in these times is going out without actually socializing, with the advantage that you can still wear your sweatpants. You can also bring your own snacks and talk as much as you want to during the movie without anyone complaining. There is a nice big screen, although it is strongly recommended to clean the windshield of your car before going. The movie sound can be received over the radio, which works really well.

Sometime during the movie I tried to peek at what my neighbors

were doing, but I couldn’t see them because of their dark windows. It would be a lot more fun if everyone had driven a convertible like they did in “Grease.” I, however, just felt sorry for every person that had a place behind a truck.

Finding a good place is a huge struggle at a drive-in. Honking replaces the social contact here and after you scream at a few people through closed windows, you are actually relieved that you don’t have to meet them in person. “It is an experience,” said Marion, another corona-driven visitor. She would recommend it to anyone who wants to escape quarantine.

Jasmin is hoping that the drive-in trend continues even after corona. I will definitely try it again — just to see how it is when you don’t

Heading to the drive-in cinema in these times is going out without actually socializing, with the advantage that you can still wear your sweatpants. have to fear a report from the police just because you smuggled in three people in your trunk — in the distant future, when going to a drive-in can actually be a social event again. And who knows?

Maybe some cute, dark-haired and beautiful singing guy will walk past me…

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Arts Poetry

“I think this might just be my masterpiece” or Did you know it’s okay to punch cryptofacist or I’m White Claw drunk, and I’m going to

By Joel Vaughn

sock that klanning klown in a Orange Kounty bar since he’s smoking a cigar and spotting off [neighbor] with a hard R. Crossfaded confidence in Godwin’s Law after toking on that raw and downing Claws.

I’m just here to chew bubblegum and read Carrie to scare me before that clown became more Steve than Stephen King if you ask me.

Oh, those alt. right white knights thinking they’re so bright for pretending not to be blights. Best be pissing pants with fright.

Art by Gerell Wilson

ACAB, ACAB you moderate corncob.

All the way back to Nixon, Goldwater, and all the R.s forgetting harder Rs from then on.

Tell it to the dark web of intellectual conmen, before they all become hasbeens, that it’s nothing more than twee and kawaii to punch nazis, since so much more is necessary.

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Fiction

Contact Lens Getting a new perspective on life.

Story by Nyla Manuel Art by Gerell Wilson

It’s dark and I’ve been floating in a liquid that’s not water. I’m sealed tight in a small circular container next to my brother, Right. I can’t see him at the moment but I know he’s there. I know this because the container, which we’ve decided to call our home, comes in two’s. If one of us were to fall down the sink or split in half, then our job would be done. But I had a good feeling that wouldn’t happen because I had read our client’s file. You see, before my brother and I are delivered to assist, we are given a file to see what the heck the customer who purchased us is all about.

Our client’s name is Nia Washington. She’s 13 years old, about 5 feet, 6 inches tall, brown curly hair and has a slim frame. Nia is an only child, loves to read and is the top student in her class. Impressive to say the least, I know she’ll take care of us.

At about 6 a.m., our home is picked up and placed on a low, hard surface. Immediately after, I felt the roof of my room being unscrewed as she struggled to open it. Moments later, I saw the light. That light was soon covered by Nia as she looked at me. She wore our co-worker, or competition, Glasses. Why Glasses are our competition is another story for another time, but let’s just say Glasses thinks she knows everything because she’s old-fashioned and have been around longer than us contacts, but who cares? I’ve always told her we have

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Arts

Contact Lens

the same purpose but Glasses doesn’t like to see eye to eye with anyone.

Anyway, Nia removed Glasses and folded her down right next to me. Glasses whispered, “Congratulations, I couldn’t make her happy but maybe you and Right will.” Before I responded, Nia dipped her bright pink nail inside and scooped me out. She filled my tummy with a liquid that’s not water. Nia fidgeted around trying to balance me on her index finger. After the fifth attempt, she then placed me softly onto a big white ball with a dark brown dot in the middle of it. She did the same for Right.

Nia was new to us and we were new to her, but Right and I were trained. For example, I was able to see what’s going on in our client’s world through the flashing lights that went off every four seconds when those furry things flapped together. I can also withstand getting wrinkled when I’m dry and tired. Not to mention, I’m able to bear the pain when a long piece of string invades my space until it’s removed. But Nia, on the other hand, took a while to get adjusted because she poked me around until she felt comfortable.

Afterward, she looked in the mirror and saw that everything was clear.

Our day together began. We went from the bathroom to the living room, living room to the car, car to the outside of a building where a whole bunch of young people were.

I mean there were so many of them that ran through the halls, threw balls, slammed lockers and stared at us.

Everyone stared at us. They stared at Nia. She kept walking though, all the way into a classroom where she sat down in her seat.

Middle row, brown desk, a history book and on top lay two Jeff Kiney novels. In front of her sat a boy who slowly looked back at her more than once. He was amazed, although I’m not quite sure what about. I mean, Nia was a smart girl and all but there had to be something different that he noticed.

Something that suggested those wide-eyed, slight smiles everyone gave us.

Nia and the boy whispered and wrote notes to each other all throughout class, but she liked it. I could tell because one moment I’d face the direction of the board behind the teacher then back down at the desk, back up at the boy then back down at the desk, again and again. Her cheeks rose higher and it pushed me upward.

Glasses had known Right and I would make Nia happy and we did.

Thirty days have passed since we’ve been with Nia and I’ve only seen Glasses in sight at night. Surprisingly, she doesn’t seem too mad that Right and I have taken the day shift while she sleeps in her case. Nia’s been going from home to school, school to the library, library to piano class, piano class to the movies with the boy, movies with the boy to shopping with her new friends; she grew a lot. But Right and I can never get too attached because we only help people see their way through.

Did I forget to mention? As a contact, I can never get too comfortable since I don’t last that long and neither does Right. After being used for a while, both of us get discarded and a new set of siblings come in to continue the job. Sad right?

Well, that’s the life of a contact lens.

By the way, my name is Left.

Disclaimer: The Grunion is a work of satire. It in no way reflects the views of 22 West Magazine or Associated Students, Inc. blah blah legal shit...

Gay Monsters There are literally queer and Latinx monsters and no one is talking about it.

By Staff Contributor Homo

I

n a society trying to push the limits of conventional norms and gender identity, the prevalence and representation of queer figures is extremely relevant.

An example of representation comes from the iconic Godzilla universe, with various queer and minority monsters inhabiting the dangerous and adventurous landscape of Monster Island. Perhaps the most prolific and stark example of a LGBTQ+ monster is Destroyah.

Standing at an impressive 120 meters, the purple, gigantuous beast boasts abilities that extend beyond his sheer body strength. DNA absorption, a chest beam and body duplication are just a few of the dangerous tools in Destroyah’s arsenal.

What isn’t commonly known, however, is Destroyah’s identity. As a male-identifying gay monster, Destroyah is notorious on Monster Island for his quick wit, tasteful purple color palette and brutal lack of empathy. This lack of empathy is evident in his trademark “callous disregard for human casualties,” which differs from many of his counterparts who genuinely don’t understand the importance and fragility of sentience.

Destroyah’s distinction as a calculated and sociopathic being has boosted his prowess over other monsters, both in areas of combat and social hierarchy. In fact, his powerful Courtesy of IDW Publishing nature has caught the affection of other monsters, including well-known bisexual, Mexican monster. Rodan.

Rodan, who self-identifies as mostly bisexual, has had an on-and-off, fickle relationship with Destroyah. Despite Rodan’s Catholic affiliation, he is very proud of his sexuality, often times

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mentioning in passing conversations that he is “a total bisexual.” According to recent statistics present in the Monster Island Times, 30% of the population are convinced that Rodan is totally doing this for attention, with the remaining numbers concluding that Destroyah needs to “tone it down,” with comments online claiming “he wasn’t nearly this flamboyant before the spotlight was on him.”

With Monster Island being a notably conservative constituency, the LGBTQ+ conversation is not always met with warm, accepting and open mantis-like claws.

Notorious for her traditional views, Mothra has made her opinions on same-sex relationships well known.

“It’s just not natural,” Mothra said. “I get the whole monster immigration Courtesy of Shogakukan Inc. argument but--son of a bitch, how many times do I have to zap these assholes-I’m skeptical about the whole island supporting it.”

This controversy is just one example of LGBTQ+ issues arising in various monster kingdoms across planets and universes alike.

Just last month the petite poisonous dinosaur from the “Jurassic Park” universe made headlines after coming out as a lesbian. While she was met with mostly positive reception, a few of her codinosaurs from the first movie weren’t as warm, with the Brontosaurus monarch claiming her coming out was a “PR stunt to appeal to the left.” What’s more concerning is a recent attack from the Jurassic Park Incel Society that was released as an Op-Ed in the Jurassic Daily, titled “You can’t eat a human with a rainbow scarf on.”

With more visibility and acceptance becoming the norm, the monster kingdom might just go from “ROAR” to “YAS.”

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Zoom Tips and Tricks You Actually Need A must read for every virtual student.

By A. A. Ron

Art by Mer-itha

As the semester draws to a close, we are faced with the questions of what fall of 2020 will look like. Will we be able to return to our classrooms or will online instruction continue? In the event that this pandemic steals another semester from us, I’ve gathered three tips and tricks that us students can actually use to survive being stuck in Zoom classes all day.

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1 2 3

Are you looking for a quick escape but your professor mandates cameras on?

An easy and hassle-free way of giving yourself some relief is to use your pet’s greatest talents: looking cute. Just set the camera toward your dog, cat, reptile, or bird and instantly be forgotten about by everyone in class. Note: this may not work if your pet is a tarantula or insect of any sort.

Setting fun backgrounds on Zoom has become an easy way for students to bring some levity to the classroom setting, but did you know you can set videos as your background? While you can use this to watch your favorite movie with the class, why not take it one step further and use it to get out of being in class at all.

Just record a 1-2 minute loop of yourself looking attentive and taking notes, then voila! You got yourself a free ticket out of class anytime you want.

Does the prospect of a three hour class have you wanting to start day drinking but you don’t want to raise suspicions with your professor?. You may consider using the classic water bottle trick, but it’s 2020 baby, time to get sustainable.

For ease of use I would suggest your favorite mug. It’s easy to refill throughout the class, and it’s ideal for any time of day (especially morning classes).

Now that you’ve had this wisdom imparted on you, go forth and Zoom to your heart’s content!

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