WORK LIKE BALANCE & LIFE WORK BALANCE

WORK LIKE BALANCE & LIFE WORK BALANCE

Developing an Identity that is Independent of What You Produce

By Natalie Comfort

I’ve always internalized the phrase that more is better: higher grades, longer work hours, being a part of more organizations and having positions with more responsibilities. Doing more means you are better. And conversely, doing less means you are worse. It sounds absurd and shallow when you say it in a general sense, but hardly anyone would disagree when you apply it specifically. An A is better than a B. Being in two clubs is better than one. Making more money is better than making less. Coming in first is better than coming in second. Those who perform above average in any area get praised. What they contribute is appreciated.

But once you step onto the hamster wheel of letting what you produce define who you are, it is nearly impossible to get off. The momentum builds up, and before you know you can’t stop unless you want to be catapulted off at a violent speed into the nearest wall. The hardest part is accepting that having more accomplishments will lead to more external validation, but it doesn’t always translate into a fulfilling life. And what is the cost? Should more achievements really get in the way of your happiness?

Where does the mentality of more is better come from? Well, a better question would be where does it not come from? People will always appreciate you for what you accomplish, especially if what you are doing positively reflects on them. People can dislike your opinions or your expression of self, but no one will dislike traditional accomplishments. It’s not polarizing; it’s a reliable source of external approval. It is always recognized as “good.” It’s also impersonal. If someone values what you do, it’s not as meaningful as them valuing who you are.

An achievement is just a snapshot in time, not a window into who you are. Everyone seeing an accomplishment will only see an external result not how an individual got there. Which is probably the more significant part. Finding a work-life balance in life requires you to be honest about what makes you happy and what you value. If you let your achievements define how you feel about yourself or who you are to others, you’ll probably find that you feel as if you are never doing enough.

When you measure your own worth based on your achievements, you will always find yourself falling short. There is always the chance of you doing more or people who are better than you. It puts you on a treadmill to always do more and feel not enough. Improvement is healthy, but it being positively motivated to do better while still being accepting of where you are will make the difference between being at peace and constantly feeling like you are failing.

Most importantly, external accomplishments don’t really affect your internal experience of living. It won’t make you happier, at least not permanently. Continually being satisfied with the work you have done requires you to look at the qualities that are inherent that allowed you to accomplish those things. In valuing our accomplishments over everything, we begin to devalue ourselves.

To be honest, there are a lot of simpler ways of bringing fulfillment in your life, like taking good care of yourself and spending time with loved ones. Oftentimes, trying to constantly accomplish more directly gets in the way of those two things. We sacrifice sleep, and healthy eating habits and decline social outings to get more work done. We tell ourselves it is worth it, that in the future, we will be happy that we gave up our health and mental stability and let our relationships atrophy for whatever label, title or achievement we are currently chasing. Then the second we cross the finish line, we degrade all the work we have gone through in the past and push ourselves toward the next benchmark.

I mean, would you judge others based on what they can accomplish, rather than who they are? I doubt any of your friends or family’s most loved characteristics are the scores they got on exams, a sporting trophy or how much money they have. When it comes to other people, we recognize that outside appearances are the least important part of who they are. It is more important to live in a way that reflects your values. It doesn’t make sense to hold yourself to standards that you would never hold others to.

Those who love and care about us, care about who we are not what we produce. They care about making sure that we are healthy, happy and doing what is best for ourselves. They don’t push us to continually give more of ourselves when we are physically or psychologically exhausted. Even when it might be unbeneficial to them, they encourage us to rest and take care of ourselves. Therefore, if we care for ourselves, we should think twice about pushing ourselves to our limits over and over again.

Don’t get me wrong, I think that it is good to take pride in actualizing your potential and improving yourself. It is fun to get better at things, even if they are little silly things, like making a favorite. I’m just saying that the landmark of some significant measure of accomplishment shouldn’t become more important than your health and happiness. And it definitely shouldn’t become your identity. The process is the experience you will carry with you for the rest of your life, while external results are what others celebrate. At the end of day, the people who celebrate what you achieve, often won’t be there to help you through what you experienced.