Assignment 1 Helicopter parenting refers to a style of parenting that is over focused on the children; Parents take too much responsibility for their children’s experiences, especially their successes and failures. There are certain levels of parenting that is still watchful, yet gives space to their children; however; during helicopter parenting, parents have their noses’ in their child’s businesses. Helicopter parents typically apply to children in high school or college, but it can occur at any age. As a child, a parent could choose their friends, teachers, coaches, and even their activities. Normal parents can become helicopter parents for any reason, but there are four reasons that stand out above the rest; fear of dire consequences, feelings of anxiety, overcompensation, and peer pressure from other parents. No parent ever has had bad intentions for their child, and the same goes for the helicopter parents, however, by being helicopter parents, children may face decreased confidence, loss of coping skills, increased anxiety, a sense of entitlement, and undeveloped life skills.
Assignment 2 Helicopter parenting •
Style of parenting that is over focused on the children and that takes too much responsibility on the child’s life, especially their successes and failures
Causes •
Fear of dire consequences o If a child does not achieve something, it could be disastrous to a parent, especially if if could have been avoided with parental involvement.
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Feelings of anxiety
o Worries about the world can push parents to take more control of a child’s life to protect them. •
Overcompensation o Parents who felt unloved or neglected as a child can overcompensate with their own children.
•
Peer pressure from other parents o When parents see other helicopter parenting, they feel like bad parents if they don’t do the same.
Effects •
Decreased confidence and self-esteem o Kids feel parents don’t trust them.
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Undeveloped coping skills o Child feels less competent in dealing with stresses in their own lives.
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Increased anxiety o Studies show child has higher levels of anxiety and depression.
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Sense of entitlement o Child can be accustomed to having their own way.
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Undeveloped life skills o Prevent children from mastering common skills on their own.
Who is a Helicopter Parent? •
Typically high school and college parents
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Takes a forbearing role in their child’s life
How to not be a Helicopter Parent •
Allow child to: struggle be disappointed feel failure
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Allow child to do physically and mentally challenging tasks
•
Keep an eye on the child, but ALSO the adult they will become
Helicopter Parenting Draft (with annotations) A style of parenting that is over focused on the children and take too much responsibility in their child’s life, especially their successes and failures. The term “helicopter parent” was first used by Dr. Haim Ginott in 1969 in his book Parents and Teenagers, by teenagers who were describing their parents. They described them as helicopters that would hover around them and watching their every move. Over 40 years later, the term would become popular enough to become a dictionary entry. Other terms for this concept are “lawnmowers parenting,” “cosseting parenting,” “bulldoze parenting.” • Address the result right away • Add more of a problem—what happened? Helicopter parents seem to be normal parents from the outside, but their minds are always working in order to be watchful over their children. They generally are parents of high school and college students who do tasks for the child that they are capable of doing alone. In general, a helicopter parent is one who has a hand in everything their child does. • Add hook o What’s going on? o Establish context • Find/add what gives you credibility to talk about this There are many reasons to why normal parents become helicopter parents: A fear of dire consequences, feelings of anxiety, overcompensation, and peer pressure from other parents. A fear of dire consequences is when a child does not achieve something, and the parent could have helped avoid it. The failure can be disastrous to the parent.
Feelings of anxiety occur when worries about the world push parents to take control of the child’s life, in order to protect them. Parents who felt unloved and/or neglected as children can overcompensate with their own child. When parents see other parents being helicopter parents, they feel like bad parents when they don’t do the same. • All 4 causes are listed here These issues can cause serious consequences on the child, including: decreased confidence, undeveloped coping skills, increased anxiety, a sense of entitlement, and most important undeveloped life skills. When kids feel like parents don’t trust them, they begin losing confidence in themselves and lose self esteem. A child, who has their parent deal with everything for them, will feel less competent in dealing with stresses in their own lives. Studies have shown that children who constantly have their parents hovering around them have higher levels of anxiety and depression than non-helicopter children. Children who have their parents deal with everything will become accustomed to having things their way. When a parent deals with everything and does simple and trivial things for them, the child will never master basic life skills on their own. • All 5 effects are listed here Every single one of these effects has severe effects on the children. It will not help them in life. It is understandable that it is difficult to find a medium between being a loving and caring parent, without inhibiting their ability to learn important life skills. Deborah Gilboa M.D. states, “As parents, we have a very difficult job. We need to keep one eye on our children now--their stressors, strengths, emotions--and one eye on the adults we are trying to raise. Getting them from here to there involves some suffering, for our kids as well as for us.” In simple terms, children have to be allowed to struggle, be disappointed, and when failure occurs, helping them work through it, instead of making sure everything is perfect for the child. Children have to be allowed to do the tasks that are physically and mentally suitable, yet challenging for them.
Helicopter parenting can cause serious issues for children; parents need to find the perfect amount of love AND attention to mold them into the child they can be and achieve the successes they are destined for. • Solution o Add effects Written with a voice of authority o We are the authority Post-boc reasoning o Chronological sequence with causality Propose a solution o Otherwise reader is simply informed What a normal parent would do opposed to a helicopter parent Add own experience Thesis can hold solution or use solution as your conclusion
Helicopter Parents are Not Ready for Lift-Off The term “helicopter parent” was first used by Dr. Haim Ginott in 1969 in his book Parents and Teenagers, by teenagers who were describing their parents. They described them as helicopters that would hover around them and watching their every move. Helicopter parenting is a style of parenting that is over focused on the children and that take too much responsibility in their child’s life, especially their successes and failures. “Turbo-charged parents still running their university-aged children's schedules, laundry and vacations could be doing more harm than good with a study on Wednesday showing these students were more likely to be depressed and dissatisfied with life” (Goldsmith). Helicopter parenting can yield many positive results, however, the bad outweighs the good as students with helicopter parents are more likely to be depressed, have lower levels of confidence, fail to master basic life skills, and even feel separation from their parents. Helicopter parenting can be beneficial, but it’s on very basic terms that it helps the student. A regular parent is one that helps a child in times of need and looks after them, but also allows them to be independent. An article in the Boston Globe states, “Some researchers have begun to argue that late adolescence and young adulthood are such minefields today - emotional, social, sexual, logistical, psychological - that there are valid reasons for parents to remain deeply involved in their children's lives even after the kids are, technically speaking, adults” (Aucoin). Contrary to Aucoin’s thought, I believe that this simply constitutes of being a regular parent, not a helicopter parent, making this arugment less valid. There are many reasons why normal parents feel that it is necessary to become helicopter parents. The first is a fear of dire consequences, which is when a child does not achieve something, and parental involvement could have helped avoid it. Feelings of anxiety can occur when worries from the world force parents to take control of their child’s life, in order to “protect” them. Some parents may do it as overcompensation; if the parents themselves felt unloved or neglected as children. Peer pressure can force parents to become helicopter parents because they feel bad when other parents are doing it and they are not. These issues can cause serious consequences.
Studies have found that children of helicopter parents tend to be more depressed and have higher feelings of anxiety. A study showed that, “Of the 297 students – ages 18 to 23 – who agreed to complete an online survey, 41 percent said their mothers expect them to call or text their whereabouts; and 34 percent said their mothers worried if there was no immediate response to a call or text. Mothers managed the bank accounts of 29 percent of respondents. About 41 percent of those surveyed said their mothers did their laundry” (Averill). When you have a parent that has so much involvement in your life, it makes the child feel like they don’t have to do anything, however, it can also make the child feel as if their parent does not trust them, or believe in the complete an activity. This can increase self-doubt, almost placing the child in a useless state. If a parent starts to convey that the child is incapable of performing certain acts, the child will soon begin to feel the same, which leads to lower levels of self-confidence. Confidence in your own ability is what pushes people to do whatever they want to do. If you think you can do something, go for it, because the only person that can stop you is yourself; which is exactly what happens from helicopter parenting. Once a parent makes the child feel like they are incapable of doing something, the child begins to believe that they can’t do it. When children as young as 3 and 4 are being placed in tutoring to get into the best schools (Grenier, Goldsmith), what would they feel when they come of age; I would feel that my parents didn’t believe that I could achieve these things on my own. This would make me think that I couldn’t achieve anything without help, lowering my belief that I could do things on my own. And when someone feels that they can’t do anything, they will begin to feel that they don’t need to do anything. Helicopter parenting can result in children not learning to master basic life skills. “Parents who always tie shoes, clear plates, pack lunches, launder clothes, and monitor school progress, even after children are mentally and physically capable of doing the task, prevent their children from mastering these skill themselves” (Bayless). There is no proven fact that shows children will not learn to do these things. But take into context, if someone did your math homework for you every day of your life, would you be able to do any of that math on your own? The answer is no, how can someone do something that they never learned to do. Children do not learn how to cope because they never have anything they need to cope for. If they do something wrong, their parent will bail them out, they get a bad grade, and the parent will
contact their teacher. When it comes time that the children have to deal with a failure on their own, they won’t be able to, because of the lack of practice doing so. Helicopter parenting can create a bridge between parent and child. I know this for a fact, because there is a small gap between my mother and me. I understand that my parents want me to succeed, especially my mother, however, the more and more they get on my case about doing well, and going to a good school, I feel a sense of separation. Not only does my mother’s helicopter parenting give me a sense of separation, I feel somewhat depressed about the relationship between my mother and me. There are certain things that I want to do on my own, but my mother does not allow me to do them, which give me lower levels of confidence, not only in myself, but also the confidence my mother has on me. In conclusion, helicopter parenting can create negative effects on children, especially depression and anxiety, lower levels of confidence, lack of mastering basic skills, and create gaps between parents and children. Helicopter parents seem to be normal parents from the outside, but their minds are always working in order to be watchful of their children. They generally are the parents of high school and college students who do tasks for the child that they are capable of doing alone. In general, a helicopter parent is one who has a hand in everything that their child does. Deborah Gilboa M.D. states, “As parents, we have a very difficult job. We need to keep one eye on our children now--their stressors, strengths, emotions--and one eye on the adults we are trying to raise. Getting them from here to there involves some suffering, for our kids as well as for us.” In simple terms, children have to be allowed to struggle, be disappointed, and when failure occurs, helping them work through it, instead of making sure everything is perfect for the child. Children have to be allowed to do the tasks that are physically and mentally suitable, yet challenging for them. Helicopter parenting can cause serious issues for children; parents need to find the perfect amount of love AND attention to mold them into the child they can be and achieve the successes they are destined for.
Works Cited
Aucoin, Don. For some, helicopter parenting delivers benefits. Boston.com, Mar 2009. Web. 23 Feb 2014. Averill, Andrew. Helicopter parenting college students: Study shows ill effects. The Christian Monitor Society, Feb 2013. Web. 23 Feb 2014. Bayless, Kate. What is Helicopter Parenting?. Parents. Web. 23 Feb 2014. Blau, Liza. How Helicopter Parents Affect Their Children. Globalpost. Web. 23 Feb 2014. Goldsmith, Belinda. Helicopter Parents Can Make Their College Aged Children Depressed: Study. Huffpost Healthy, Feb 2013. Web. 23 Feb 2014.